Pendejo Time - Hello

Episode Date: August 8, 2025

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello to our fans. Hello to our fans. And to our fans, we say, um, fuck. This episode is sponsored by Hymns. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit Hems.com slash PT. That's Hym.com slash PT for your free online visit. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Feature products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verified for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required see website for details restrictions and important safety information uh if you're having a little bit of freaking trouble maybe stay in solid or maybe you're having a little bit of anxiety performance anxiety that's okay it happens to the best of us it

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due to your increased firmness. Yes. And it's a great way to support the show. Yes, absolutely. And yeah, go ahead to Hems.com slash PT for your free online. visit that's him.com slash pt for your free online visit okay doke hello to our fans are amazing fans hello hello hi hi to our free fans you don't have money you don't have any money

yeah why don't you guys why don't you guys subscribe to the show it's kind of at this point it's kind of like on you guys it's not like it's also it's on us so because if we don't have money by now and we're still asking for money low key that does look very broke of us because there's two of us and there's thousands of these other people right and it's kind of like yeah um it's like

it's not like we're giving the money back correct once you give that is one thing that people do usually misunderstand it's not like a high yield savings account once you give the money to us it is gone yes 100%

yes yes I yeah because if you're trying to withdraw from the Pado Time Patreon we get a lot of questions about that a lot of harsh emails where they say hey I put 500

bucks in over the course of say four years and I'm only getting back this last month when I asked for a full refund and those hours are gone you can't once you that's a huge problem in the podcasting industry

is people usually listen to podcasts and subscribe to patrons as an investment you give us money and then you probably are like wow these guys are doing well for themselves we're not yeah we're not doing well we're not good with the money you give us we don't do a good job with it yeah people we have a lot of problems like we'll give it all the one guy or yeah we'll have a charge will come up and the charge is all our money and it's for something that we don't get anything out of have a lot of those probably three times a year all of our money is gone that is like not even

joking partially true where like uh we'll get like a charge for like four hundred and twelve dollars and i'll be like thomas and you'll be like this is something that the business needs to stay alive and i'm like oh that's i guess that's fine like no big deal i i trust you on that i'm not really like a money or laws guy you're the money-in-law's guy um which is great it's like there's there's you there's a bunch of things where it used to be you paid a random guy $400 a year to be technically a business in a state that you technically operated and even though you're in two different states and um but now instead of paying a random guy you pay a random website and that's due to the age of the internet that is the world that we've

now dreamed up is where we've cut through all the middlemen and replaced them with you guessed at the interwebs. Yeah, and I don't, I want to say something. I'm not good with money, and I don't have any advice to give anybody. A couple people, someone recently was like, hey man, you seems like you really turned your life around, and, you know, I used to have some troubles with drugs and alcohol, and I just wanted to ask you, like, how you did it. You know, and I did appreciate that message.

It was nice for someone to look to me for inspiration. But I want to tell you right now that, uh, uh, uh, uh, mostly all the money that I get that I should save for like a house or I should put in the market,

I literally spend on, um, um, like nicotine and, uh, car parts, okay? And then in terms of like losing weight and feeling,

I want you to understand that you, for me, motivation was not a kind. I didn't do it to love myself. I did it out of sheer, um, like self-hatred. you know what i mean i didn't make my life better because i wanted to be better i made my life

better because i hated who i was you know what i mean like i hated being uh like a fat guy that didn't have a job that ate like six day old pizza and spent all of his roommates utility money on pills and cocaine if you're doing that um stop taking in any motivational material in your life like take away all of the motivational stuff and just understand that um you are making people really mad at you and you're making people really upset and they'll patch in the shoulder and they'll go up nah man i i'll spot you on uh i'll spot you on that for the 18th time and you in your head you go god he's such a nice guy um you stink really bad and i'm not i'm not trying to make you talk you don't kill yourself that's not the point of this lecture the point is to to be better

but it not in a you can't you cannot be nice to yourself anymore being fat and eating pizza all day and taking pills and alcohol, that's being as literally as nice to yourself as humanly possible. That's the nicest thing you can do for yourself is to make yourself feel awesome, literally all the time. Now it's time to be hard on yourself. Now it's time to whip yourself, like the guy from DeFinchy Code. You've got to be really hard on yourself. You have to basically, just short of dying, torture yourself, and then... Right.

Just like the guy from the Finchie Code. Yes, the Finchie Code. You heard that. Just like the guy from the Finchie Code. My favorite movie, the Finchie Code. And you're probably thinking, wow, that's really harsh. Yes, correct. Like I said, you've been too nice.

People are like, oh, well, you know, drugs and alcohol and pizza and fucking burgers, that's not good for you. That's fucking horseshit. All those things are so good for you that they ruin your whole life. Now it's time to stuff that's probably bad for you in the state you're in. You can't run five miles yet. I couldn't. I tried to run one mile when I was almost 300 pounds

and I quite literally almost had a heat stroke. And I threw up and I pooped a little bit in my fucking end ones. I'll tell you man, I did cardio today. You know how you have to pedal

to get the machine to turn on? As soon as the machine turned on I got off the bike. Talking about the elliptical, the assault bike. The regular stationer bike. Oh, just the regular stationer platform. As soon as it turned on,

I think that's enough for me. That's awesome. That's so sick I love that And I did two exercises And I went home Yeah man I've been hitting it pretty hard

Again lately too Get back in the squat rack I'm letting you guys know Those numbers are not great Struggling to squat 225 And that's fine As a grown man You know what I mean

That's okay It just means I'm a huge pussy And we'll get I switched up my stance Recently on squats Yeah Maybe the first time in my life that my knees have not sounded like shotguns on the way up.

You're going toes out like wider stance? No, I'm going further in. You're going knees further in? Knees further in. Toes pointed. Sort of even. Okay, okay. And back straight.

Okay, back straight, okay. Turns out I had my feet probably through, I was kind of sumo squatting. Oh, my feet kind of like an old sheriff. Yeah. I'd have to do that because my legs are real long, and I can't, like, if I go inward, like, my knees get, yeah, they pop. They sound all fucked up. Yep. Not that I'm doing anything impressive under there.

I'm just not exploding my knees right now. Right. And I might come back. I want to say that right now because. Tomorrow. Because on the next episode, I might say, hey, guys, make sure to keep your feet really far apart when you squat because they explode. They do blow up. They get real red.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, I've been, uh, I've been, like, actually tracking, like, numbers again because I was just, like, I was just going to the gym to try and, like, get the feel for it again. I'm like, oh, you know, and, uh, it doesn't, getting nostalgic for an, for a type of shape you were in fairly recently is really, it's such an awesome feeling. You know what I mean? It's such, I, this is definitely another one of those, like, weird male body just more.

of you episodes, which is totally fine. But I'll just be like on an incline press. And I'm like, yeah, I used to be able to do way more than this. And I used to feel awesome. And I used to like, you know, be able to like run five miles. I had a pretty good mile time. And then, yeah, I do what you do where I'll reminisce so much about how in shape I used to be that I'll convince myself that actually I'm still in that kind of shape and I need to go home and rest. And then maybe tomorrow I'll have a better showing.

I was just really down on myself. You know what I mean? yeah i feel like i'm going to keep getting stronger but my body's going to keep getting worse correct yes that's a good one too today i was uh i was jiggling bad i had me a tank top on you could see my huge nipples very vividly through it from a distance and you could see i think my belly button through the shirt

oh like the pit like the belly button pit oh baby that's a good and it was going side to side I was walking. Oh, yes. I love that. That's awesome. On your belly button is moving. Oh, that's a really good feeling.

Confidence-wise. Just the shirt-crigger? Yeah. My workday ended with people who were fighting right next to the computer that I have to use the clock out. So I had to sort of doing, oops, sorry, I got to clock out, go home, walk to the gym. Uh, feel horrible. Got a headache from eating too many chips, which as shows you how many chips I've actually

been eating is my tolerance was really low. low for chips and I ate a big bag and I felt the high I got that initial high from it was like a it was a kettle chips and it was like a Dijon there's like a honey Dijon flavor yeah ended up being really good and I bought a they didn't have any normal size bags so I bought a big bag because there were no medium bags just tiny bags are big or huge I said okay huge And I thought, oh, I'll share it with my coworkers. And then they had like five chips, and I had the rest. So, and then I got a headache.

Did 15 seconds of light cardio, two different kinds of cable pulls. Walked home and ate a bunch of cherries. And I've been eating a lot of cherries to help with the water in them. And they're sweet and red. So getting my red in You gotta get your red in I ate probably 20 cherries before bed last night Because I needed to get the antioxidants from them

Actually use the antioxidants from cherries To help me heal my muscles Which is really smart Dude I eat like I eat like five Granny Smith apples a day And I just thought that that's fine Because it's fruit They're like 100 calories dude

It's so fucked up I was like dude no I'm eating like a whole goddamn Bushal of apples like a goddamn frontiersman And they're fine I don't really give, I'm not, I'm not going to start being, like, skinny enough to start counting fruit. I know a banana is, like, 120 calories. Hey, I'll still eat three of those a day. It's not really that big of a deal when compared to the other things that I still put into my body.

For sure. I'm, like, cutting weight, because I think I'm going to have another fight, maybe in October. That's good. Yeah, 30, 31, just getting in there again. No, I wasn't. I was saying. it's always good you need to be fighting as much as possible all the time with my schedule and everything i got going on yeah yeah yeah um yeah so i have to be

a hundred and sixty five pounds soon uh which sucks ass that really fucking sucks if you don't mind asking how far what do you got i'm 181 right now okay um and i have to lose that But the thing is, is that 165 is where I would start. I would compete at 155. So the last 10 would just be water. So I have to get to 165. Okay, because I was going to say, 165, you want to hit that? You know, once, I was going to say,

it looks like to like 5 or 10 pounds and you're good. No. No, that's going to be. That's going to suck ass, man. It's going to suck. You should probably get on pills. Yeah, I was thinking about pills. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whereas, you know, steroids. Yeah. Well, because, like, I can't, I did compete one. at 170 and the guy I thought was just fucking huge and I realized like at 170 like I'm a pretty decent shape but I'm still a little jiggly but the guys are not jiggly the 175 guys are fucking made of stone so if I have if I want to compete it like what is probably the best weight for me I can be 0% jiggly I got to be pretty lean and for me that's 155 and at 6-1 is dog shit it's ass cheeks yeah but yeah I would probably fight around like 210

Yeah, I'm probably a natural light heavyweight. Probably natural 210, 511. Yeah. Well, I'm a, hey, coach, I'm letting you know ahead of time. I am a natural light heavy weight. I'm 511. I'm 210 pounds. Yeah, I'm cutting down to, I'm cutting to 205.

I walk around about 210, 215. Yeah. Yeah. You're on the phone telling them that. They're like, oh, you must walk around pretty lean. and you're like, no. No, I'd say, yeah, 20 to 25% body fat, probably. Yeah.

Yeah, I would say probably, like, I'm like a pear right now. I am pretty pear-shaped currently. Yeah. Do you guys have any, like, size 40, Muay shorts? Yeah. I'm going to need a... I like to get them a little bit baggy, and then I'll wear a belt during the match.

A leather belt. You don't fall down. With a cowboy boy. Could I wear a pair of jeans during this fight? Dude, the fucking... And a shirt. I wear the pool shirt during my fight. Yeah, the fat guy, like the fat guy underarmor shirt.

You know the fucking the Polish fight league where they fight in a circle of like hay bales and they all have skin tight jeans on and they are covered in swastika tattoos? Have you seen that one? Yeah, yeah. It's called like XFL or something. They're all Polish and Ukrainian Nazis, and they all wear the, like, British chav, like, skin-tight, like acid-washed jeans. And then the huge Ugs, because over there, ugs are a white guy's shoe, and then they're absolutely juice to the gills. The jeans look like leggings, and then their backs are just covered in SS bolts.

And they beat the fuck out of each other, dude. It's really awesome. I wanted to get involved in something like that, but I don't think I'm hard enough. I think those men would probably have their way with me if I'm being quite. honest i honestly feel like i could beat up pretty much all of them and that's coming i mean this coming from someone who hasn't really ever done serious fighting or like a real martial art or like been in been in a fight with someone his own size um mostly fought like uh little mexican guys um or um or big fat guys

So, I mean, really, I don't really like to usually like to fight ripped guys because I feel like it's weird to go after a guy because of his body. Talking to Dana White on the phone, it's just got recruited. Is there any way I could fight guys that aren't ripped? I don't like to fight guys that are super ripped. It makes me look really fat in comparison. I feel like if you're going to brand me a star, you need to find other guys who, um, Just kind of drive a truck around all day and sort of hop out and look at stuff when they need to. Maybe like a Walmart employee who's got a mean, mean glare.

Maybe just a mean looking guy who's not really scary. Can I come out to wheels on the bus so the other guy would feel bad about hitting me, Dana? That's just my thing. I would like to come out to that or maybe one, two, tie your shoe. So the other guy thinks maybe I have some sort of impediment. Also, yeah, if he could be disabled in some mental or physical way, that would be a great first opponent for me. Thank you.

Is there a way I could, I know it's the UFC, can I wear a luchador mask? I hate the way I look. And if there's a way you could blur my body on TV. They just blur your nipples. And I know this is bold to say it. If I lose the match, I'm willing to be killed. Yeah, you can kill me, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.

I'm actually willing to be killed before the match also. Yeah, I know you're paying, like, you're doing this social media thing where you're getting influencers. Just straight up, I just want to let you know off rip I am willing to die before after the match. Not really a huge deal for me. And it could be pretty much in any way you or the guys want. It can be quick or slow. I'm willing to fight until I die. Which would be fast, by the way.

I'm willing to fight to my death in the ring. whether it's with a handgun or even if it's from the other I would prefer it also if they don't maybe the first round if we take it a little bit easy get a feel for it um make sure our hands don't hurt yeah right right if my hands start to hurt I'm not going to finish the match I have carpal tunnel also if I get tired I want to have I know so so Dana it's a minute break on the stool I was wondering if for this I could do maybe a half an hour break on a couch that you have on the other end of the ring

or maybe I can watch some TV or masturbate Yeah or like maybe in my car With the AC on music going Ripping a vape Kind of looking at my phone for a little bit Yes Are we allowed to fart during the match Or will my opponent pass gas maybe

If it's really stinky I'm probably going to lift my hands out of guard And start going to pee-U And waving my hand around Am I allowed to be red? It's something that's kind of stipulated in my contract that I can be red. I can be a red guy if I want.

I can be painted red. I know that Pine Tar is banned in baseball for pitchers. I didn't know if covering my body in it to become insanely sticky would be against the rules in UFC. So maybe the guy could punch me a couple times and then he can't move his arms. You know, guys, grease, to make it harder to get submissions. You put Pine Tar to make it easier.

It's just like, the guy's like trying to let you out of the arm bar, but you're just straight like super glued to his fucking dick and nuts. This is just a technique for me. This is just something, a little something for daddy to make sure I will get the big belt at the end. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I,

I accidentally put peanut butter all over my hands. I hope the other fighter doesn't try to lick it off. Have you seen, I don't know if this is real or not. Have you seen the video, the footage of when Surreal Gahn fought Francis, and they're on the ground, and very clearly, Surreal Gons, like, Dick is moving, like, up and down in his shorts. Like, it's hard, like, he's flexing. You know what I mean? Like, you know, when you have a, you have a, you have boner, and you can make your pee-pee go up and down?

It's very clearly that's happening in his shorts. It's not, like, Francis's hands are nowhere near it. It's not like a leg, and it's not his cup. You can see the cup is like moved And his dick is clearly just kind of hard And Cyril Gons is? Yeah, zero Gons penis is hard And it's moving around in his shorts

Quite a bit Yeah And honestly dude It was pretty low down in the shorts So I know he's got a thick one It's probably got veins on it too Probably from being on steroids Yeah probably

Oh you think like the dick moving around Maybe it could be in from stards From what I've heard just In general Being on him you just But you just get them a lot. Oh, interesting. I didn't hear that.

I heard the opposite. I think it depends on what you're on. That's true, yeah, yeah. But I've heard, you know, you just get a good breeze going through your basketball shorts. Sometimes it'll happen. One of the guys that I train with, I'm sure we've talked about it on the show before, but like when somebody says something to you that's very fucked up, but they say it in a way that they think that you would just immediately,

agree with them and the nature of the conversation, the sentiment, so on and so forth. He was like, yeah, man, when they first put me on TRT, I guess they just got the dosages wrong or something, man, because, man, like two weeks into my, three weeks into my, like, second cycle, I was at the grocery store, bro, and dude, every girl that passed by, I was just in my head, like, I'm going to fuck that. You know how it is, though, bro. And I was like, no. I know.

And he was like, yeah, man, I would come home and I would just have to jet. fucking, I was jacking off, like, maybe five, six times just, just, like, in a row, you know, and every time I'd see anybody at the store, I'd see this grinds, couldn't stop thinking about. Oh, and I was like, no, I don't think that's normal. I think maybe they made your, I think they gave you too much evil juice, which is essentially what it is, is evil juice, and you should probably get a lower amount on that. But he said it with such a degree of comfortability that I was like, oh, you know what I mean? I don't think about that type of stuff, and if I jack off, it's pure.

for utility at this point Fat guy going on TRC and being like Oh man Every time I saw a hot dog I had to sing about Put mustard on it

Eating a fuck out hot dog Man Every time I'm looking at candy Shit Bro Every time I see A fuck of ice cream Sunday

I fucking start Drewing Dude yeah I started thinking I'm taking the lid off Yeah ice cream And eating the fucking

shit out of ice cream Fuck of the shit out of it Oh my God Yeah man It's eating black Twizzers in a fucking parking lot Yeah.

It's red. Oh, shit, man. I was eating fucking raisins. Yeah. Isn't that what Burt Kreischer did and he had to stop? I think I remember him saying that Joe got him on, like, hooked him up with his, like, TRT guy, and he just didn't go to the gym, and he got, like, really high blood pressure and just turned him red. So he had to stop, which is fucking swagged out that you're, like, a 48-year-old guy and you don't understand, like, the...

You have all the money in the world. and he's just like not smart enough to just go to the gym I think he does go to the gym I think he just also drinks and insane amount probably yeah but hey hey I mean look

if he wants to if he wants to come on and talk about it you know there's always a open sure I would open for him basically any of the people that I make fun of on here I don't have any real principles I would do in just about anything to be a part of whatever they got going on

and and if that does happened. I will renounce anything I've ever said on here pretty much immediately. I just want to let you guys, the listeners know, like if, you know, I will not remember where I came from, you know, blow up, you know, I will not remain humble. I will not like get back to my community. It's 100% balls to the wall, you know, flying close to the sun and just seeing what happens. I don't know about you, Tom, but that's just kind of, that's just me. It's kind of guy I am. You know what I mean? um i will turn pester texas into a parking lot whenever i become successful

um you're all going down and i'm going to get back on the fucking baseball team and i'm going to be good this time wait for your for pony league or for the school for the school i'm going to get rich as fucking and join my uh alma mater uh high school baseball team again but i'm going to donate so much money this time i'm going to be

varsity Billy Madison and this time I'm gonna be so fucking good that all these kids will respect me clearly 38 years and I will not get kicked off

for trying to self-vike it in this time because I'm not going to try to do that at the school again so that I can get money for a concert oh man

hey so we got this new guy on the team real strong guy you know, not very athletic, though, pretty slow. He does take a lot of breaks, and he is 39 years old. His name's Thomas White. He's going to be playing center field. Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself, man?

How's it going, guys? Thomas here. I know I look very athletic, 511, 350. Coming in with a lot of wisdom that you normally seen a coach. um from years of childhood baseball um don't really follow the sport anymore right um don't really have tv but i'm really interested in dumping a big load of knowledge into you guys and seeing where i can yep and i will be your new starting pitcher and finishing pitcher and i'll be the new designated hitter and as well as pitcher if i feel like it i will sub in

to, um, I will sub in to be a second base, which I also like playing. Beautiful. In those situations, we will have somebody to act as an interim pitcher. Sometimes I will pitch from second base. Mm-hmm. I am that good. And I will warn you guys, I'm really good at this. I can throw, um, right now just a fastball.

And I think that's, yeah, about 40 miles an hour. If you're my catcher, I need you to be good. Yeah, 100%. I don't call plays. I'll run a six-man. I'll do what I've got to do. And if I call a play and I don't see you running in that outfield, yeah, get ready to be in the bench because all my homers are planned.

Beautiful. There are times when I want the other team to score six, seven points in an inning. And I want us to go home lost. confused and when that happens I want every one of y'all fucking dead on the bus I'm gonna put

the exhaust system does this make sense to everybody I want y'all fucking dead by the end of the season and I want myself dead in out on this field dead I'm running the carbon monoxide through the cabin of the van

look and I'm not that sounds discouraging but I'm trying to motivate you every single one of you could have died on the way here today. And instead, you'll be dead in my arms at the end of this season. Holding, you'll be dead in my arms, and alive in your arms will be a championship trophy.

And this will be the greatest, I'm going to make a prediction by, probably by 20, by this year, Pista will probably be a 4A school. Yep, that's right. Speaking of second base and pitching, guys, if you didn't hear us, the first time around. We got another one for you. Hems can solve snoring or blanket stealing, but when it comes to performance, they've got you covered. Take control of ED with personalized treatments made with proven ingredients prescribed by licensed providers 100% online. Listen, dudes and doodettes. In all seriousness, I know, all advertisers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's a lot

of bad things in the world and whether or not you got a mental block or something physical going on it's never cool uh you know to not be able to fuck when the time comes to throw down like a real thick piped demon uh straight up man it sucks yeah with you especially with your lover with your lover like uh whenever whenever he or she or they or them is like oh no it's okay kind of like how i said earlier it's not okay in their mind they're like i got i got I want it. I want to have sex. And I know all you guys are at home thinking,

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actual price would have been on product and subscription plan featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required see a website for details restrictions and important safety information I love my dick

I love I love my penis with ems do you think I'm gonna I'm gonna shift gears a little bit here because I was thinking about this earlier we're shifting gears so I know you were both

you know raised in the church we talked about it a bunch did you guys when you guys talked about Job was it like a heartwarming thing to you guys I was talking I was talking to Ashley

about how like I think everybody had a different experience but in my Sunday school thing Job Job's story was like a whole like told in such a way

from like the adventure teen Bible for cool and theological teens was like yo Job's life is straight up not good and Job would cry out and say like hey this is fucking this is not chill uh and god would continue to punish joe but

that is good it's good to be punished every single day forever to prove your worthiness to god um and uh i always thought like off off jump dude i thought that was just straight up horseshit i would renounce god immediately and i did if even one percent of that stupid shit happened to me but it was like in Sunday school it was this like thing of like when a severely disabled guy on Facebook gets a job working the grease fryer and like he could barely stand up and they make a big viral video out of it it's like this guy fucking works 10 hours a day and he doesn't even fucking know what year it is you know what I mean like I don't it never felt like an inspiring story to me at all because his whole life falls the fuck apart he kills his whole

goddamn family and covers him in boils and then uh And then he's like, what about now? You still love me? And Job's like, yeah. I was like, that shit fucking sucks. I didn't get anything out of that story. I wanted what you thought about it because it was like a big thing for us. Yeah, I thought, uh, I think it was a little bit broader of an angle where it was, like, kind of, um,

kind of about, like, how, like, a lot of life does suck or whatever, but that there's, some beauty in loss to be gathered like a bittersweet thing one sermon that I remember regarding it that was kind of

I did think was interesting was it was basically about how it was like a reexamination of that whole book or whatever

yeah and um it was about how at the end the numbers of the cattle and the the oxen and the sheep and all that are doubled in the end right he gets all he gets everything back and doubled but um but he he receives the same amount of children again yes and it was like uh uh as sort of a less and on like to be gleaned was like comfort in the loss of children like they don't disappear when they die or whatever

so I thought that was interesting but but it doesn't really apply to my life at all so no I just like yeah I just was like I never really

that one specifically I don't know why I was just like entered my mind but I was like Maybe it's my Puritan brain, but I kind of do enjoy stories of horrible sacrifice. Great suffering. Redemption. That's kind of how I feel when I, uh, it's probably how it's, you know, it's like watching

dirty jobs with Mike Rowe or something on. Yeah, no, I feel you. Middle school. Um, yeah, I mean. I don't like suffering and I don't think it has a greater purpose at all. Uh, I think it's just to be looked at within the perspective of the whole. cycle the whole thing of life you know you can't look at life without the bad parts so it's like oh what is is there something beautiful about the the pain that can never fully be removed i don't think

there's a as much a beauty in preventable pain like i don't think there's a beauty and like yeah oh do you just oh this fucking dumb ass was drunk driving and killed a lady i don't think there's really like a I never hear about that I'm like oh well that's probably kind of nice in a way you know what I mean but in you know natural

death and stuff there is a there is like an odd you know obviously extremely painful but like there is something to that to be

recognized or whatever in grief and in suffering and I know that this sort of analysis is what people come to hear me talk about is other than my addiction to snacks

candy and me hurting myself and being fat as fuck Job just eats a bunch of candy. If people want to hear biblical analysis that I remember vaguely from 15 years

ago. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, we've talked about the shit on the show before.

I was just like, thinking back to some of the, like, more popular Sunday school narratives and stories and lessons and that one was like,

sometimes I feel like the messages that like at the end that Sundays are like the youth group teacher would be like, NC, and that's why it always pays off to love

and honor God. And I was like, you just told a story about a guy who lost literally everything. and uh and then he still loved god and his life was pretty much still kind of bad uh not just job you know what i mean like uh and i'm not necessarily like when people like well you don't love god so your life is good you love god because you have to i'm like didn't yeah sign sign me out

i'm i'm i'm all i'm done nope i think as a kid i really liked treats and soda and if i didn't get to have treats in soda, then I was pretty pissed off. And so the mere idea of, like, uh, worshiping something because it is required of me and I don't get anything out of it or listening to something, no. Not a chance, pal. I listened to my mom because she would buy me a soda if I was good. Or she would give me a piece of candy and my little fucking fat belly would jiggle around. Or she'd give me a burger.

If you tell me if I listen to God and I obey him, I might just have a shitty life. I'm going over to the devil, bud. The devil's got this shit. on lock he fucking uh you get to wear a big ass black cloak with like a red hood and uh you get to hang out with like

uh like bartenders and stuff and then like people that shave their heads and they have cool dice they've got like 18 side of dye and they you know the girls wear boosters and the fucking guys wear have staffs and shit that's the type of life i'm trying to live there i remember seeing a tweet some time that changed my perspective on things It was like

If there's no point to life Then Then why don't you just walk in your mama room And snap that bitch's neck right now If nothing matters I'm not saying that nothing matters I'm saying like I don't

I don't like the idea of Worshiping anything With like You gotta give me your reward man I'm a dog Like I have to be I have to feel Um, yeah, there's this little thing called Everlasting Life, ever heard of it?

Yeah. No, that's not good enough for me. I need everlasting fucking cheeseburger, dude. I need everlasting fucking gobstopper. It's a, yeah, that's freaking American heaven. Yeah, is where they, in American heaven, they have the old McDonald's fries. Oh, the ones with beef tallow. Dude, I had, dude, I had some French fries last night that Loki brought me back.

Yeah, where were they from? They were from this place called Blue Collar Burger. which is sort of like a local chain. Uh-huh. And it only cost me, I think, about $20 for this regular cheeseburger meal. It was pretty dang good. They were out of root beer. I tried to splurge and have a little root beer, no root beer.

Ooh. So I had a Diet Cola. Mm-hmm. But people weren't really that into Dr. Pepper here either. That's crazy. Yeah, you can't find. Sometimes I want to have a diet Dr. Pepper. You can't find it.

Usually I can find some sort of regular Dr. Pepper, but I haven't really been doing the full calorie sodas unless it's like a really a special occasion. You know what I mean? Like if I saw a big red in the store here, I would get it. You know, we're like, yeah, there's no big red up here basically either, but. You guys have big blue? Nope, there's no big.

anything, basically. Big apple. Big apple, yeah. But I don't want to complain too much about soda distribution, because I know that's a touchy subject. I feel like there's a ton of Mountain Dew flavors up here, though, just chilling in the stores. You guys got all them fancy-ass sodas, like the Japanese and Chinese ones,

and the, like, the Italian ones and stuff. Yeah. If you, if you, the Japanese sodas and stuff, you go to Dyso, you can find those. Yeah, yeah. Cool ass and motherfucking shit, boy. Yeah. Or like Kmart, they have all those Asian sodas there. That's the secret to Lut.

That's the fucking reward at the end of the tunnel. You get a nice melon cream soda. Ooh, Hachie Mama. Oh, yay. Yeah, daddy likey. Oh, man. You don't like that? No, I don't.

Was that Japanese, or what was that? I just say that sometimes. Oh, okay. I'll say Daddy Likey. And then Hachi Mama? Yeah, I say Hachimama a lot, actually. That's pretty sick. I said Daddy Likey at work the other day, kind of just forgetting that you can't.

That I'm kind of forgetting that I'm the only white guy. And I said Daddy Likeie. Yeah, yeah. About a, I think about like a sonic opening or something like that. Ooh, Daddy Likey. Uh, father is pleased. Father's pleasures. Father is most pleased at the sonic slushy drink opening.

Hi, can I, uh, hey, yeah, thank you. Yeah, one second. Can I get six count chicken nugget? And then can I get a father's pleasures box, please? That'll be a, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, do you want something to be? Yeah, can I actually two father's pleasures boxes, please? Thank you.

Yeah. going to have the daddy burger two daddy burgers with a father fry the father's pleasure's box comes with one crunchy taco two crunchy tacos one cinnamon twist that's one big one

32 ounce mountain dew a double stacker double-decker hamburger with five tablespoons of mayonnaise and six delicious full russet potatoes uncooked. Oh, could I get the rest of potatoes cooked?

Absolutely not. The father's pleasure's box cannot be modified in any way. Okay. Yeah, actually, you can. Just kidding. Okay. So I guess to cook the potatoes,

what would that be about 45 minutes? Yeah, and we only have one potato cooker per potato. It's going to take about seven hours for that. Okay. That's fine. That's why I get here first thing in the morning. As you can see, you guys can start cooking my potatoes.

Yeah. And the Father's Pleasures box is about $715. Oh, my God. I only brought about $700. I thought that would cover it. That's okay. Could you guys start cooking the potatoes, then I'll try and go earn the money to buy the box?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's what figured you would do. It's go work two more hours to get the Father's Pleasures box. You know what? Could I get 30 of those? Could you just start making, I guess. How many potatoes does it come with? Six raw russet potatoes, but they can be cooked.

Okay, so if you could just, start cooking 180 potatoes and I'll just get a month's worth right now. Yeah, no problem. That'll be, I think, it'll be $2,100, no. That'll be $21,000

for $30. It's normally $500, but we've got a $30 for $2,100. Deal going on, right? It doesn't really make, it sounds really fucked up. Losing crazy amounts of money and getting sued all the time for our father's pleasures

boxes. Yeah, so here at Nobu we've got this is, people aren't even believing this deal is real. We've got a $5 stake deal going right now or if you come in on any weekday between 2 and

2 and 10 p.m. You can get a 16 ounce sirloin for $5. This deal is so good We're actually losing money on it A lot of money Are you sure?

16 ounce sirloin Is Is that Yep For $5 Or we can do a 24 ounce ribby For $10

Okay awesome We make a lot of money on that though Okay Our cows are made Our cows are raising a really fucked up way Oh, don't worry, we abuse our cows We kill the cows with a shotgun

We We straight up Hit our cows And kill them like that Oh no, no, no, no, no, no I'm sorry, yeah, yeah For sure 100% We beat and scare our cows

Like we beat them really Somebody in like a Texas roadhouse Hey, I'm sorry I hate to be a burden But these cows didn't have a good life Did they? I just Oh, no, no, we killed them.

Okay, well, I mean, they all die, but did they die bad? It's kind of like a... They died pretty bad because they thought they were going to have a good life, and then we killed them, actually. Oh, okay, you tricked them. Yeah, so you have some grass-fed cows. These are mostly scraps-fed cows, so they actually are fed human waste until they die.

And you are beating them, correct? Yeah, and we keep them underground. You're beating them in the cows that never see the sun. And we keep them in chicken-like cages. The meat is just terrible. It's very sour, scared. It's hard to tell the difference between the meat and the bone. It's our most...

It's a very sour meat. It goes bad as soon as you kill the cow. mostly because they're underground and rotting and poorly fed and beaten and scared most of their lives uh yeah it's just kind of weird whenever the meat companies or whatever

like our cows have a fucking kick ass life it's like yeah well they do get killed and hung upside down at the end of it's like I'm not gonna you know yeah yeah my daughter had an awesome life until I killed her

and you gotta give me some point for that. My daughter, I was a great father until I killed my daughter and hung her upside down in a cold room. To get...

No, no, it's okay. I shocked her to get all the blood out. So we could eat her. So we could eat her. Jesus. Yeah, that's why, like, we had our debate

about this. I don't... I feel like maybe you could, like, you know, range whatever the fuck, grass-fed, range, whatever. But, yeah, I mean...

Also, I've learned, I watched one of those documentaries He's like a lot of companies that say that stuff They have like one chicken That's cage free And they have like one cow that's grass fed And then they just fucking beat the brakes off everybody And treat them like trash

It's like a marketing gimmick Like a legal loophole But Yeah there's no I think correct way Vegans are right Yeah I mean it makes sense to just not eat as much meat also Which is kind of what I've been doing

And it's pretty easy to do where I just, I eat red meat like once or twice a week now, which is what the doctor says to do also. Really? To just not eat that much red meat. Oh, I thought, like, because I'll eat it like once or twice a month just because of my stomach, but, um, yeah, I don't fucking.

That's good. See, I mean, you're already, you're already, like, doing more than I am. Well, I like, I do eat a lot of chicken because it's like, it's just the gym food. You know what I mean? I eat a fish. A lot of chicken, too, and fish. feel that bad about eating fish i mean either fish are like bugs to me uh like i i should i should eat less fish but i'm not going to right now i'm i'm there's levels to my

conscience and i right yeah it's just i already i eat a bunch of lentils and chickpeas already yeah me too dude actually's been making a fuck time of that stuff because i i don't uh can not afford to be alive. Yeah, it's like it's getting really hard to afford being alive. Yeah, sometimes I mean, I did have a burger last night, though,

which was yummy. You got to go freaking mode, man. I did that for a while. We're just like eating, yeah, like rice, beans, lentils. Boiled and unseasoned, like some sort of fucking blacksmith or an executioner's meal,

whatever the fuck. Were you doing that for health reasons or just because you didn't have much money? This was like a long, like the brokest, brokest I'd ever been and I was like fired for my job. And my job was where I was getting on my food. I was stealing it from this pizza place. Yeah, just broke. Just dead, dead broke. And I, but you know what's funny?

Never, ever, ever missing an opportunity to be really annoying, especially that area in my life. I was like, yeah, I'm doing this vegan thing. Like, you know, just, I'm just doing this vegan thing, you know. Like lots of lentils, you know, just trying to get my protein in other ways. And also at that time, also doing a vast amount of cocaine. So not really having any sort of ethical code or like, you know, rule set, moral compass or whatever. I think if you're a vegan and you do cocaine, you should just eat meat and not do cocaine. I don't want to get on that on the record, too.

That's the most violent drug of all time. You can't really be doing that. and also have, like, a moral thing going on. I mean, I guess you can, you know what I mean? But you should know that it kills a lot of people. And I, when I did it, it was fine. But you're not allowed to do it. And I don't do it because I'm actually just annoying to be around.

Yeah, I get really annoying. As is. And it only gets worse. Enhanced. I have to know which substances accelerate me being annoying and which ones make me slightly less. annoying. Right, right.

Me on a little bit of beer, I'm actually pretty chill. Uh-huh. And honestly, I've realized more recently that whenever I drink more, I'm not actually that annoying. I'm just kind of a little bit. I'm silly. Yeah. You don't want to be silly all the time, but, you know, it's not, I don't actually

really embarrass myself. In fact, sometimes you can't tell that I, uh, sometimes I get obliterated and nobody knows and I mean within it not not like at work or anything you know what I mean like sometimes at like a wedding or something and the next day I'm like oh man I drank too much and everybody's like I mean probably drink the same as everybody else

actually when you were coming down when you still live in Fort Worth and we were doing in my old department doing those shows there I always could tell when you were drunk because we would just start talking about we would be like talking about fighting for like two hours like just thought like we would like watch UFC or something and then we would just be like talking about like

Taekwondo or whatever the fuck just like classic drunk fucking eat like fat idiot conversations where you're like yeah spinning back kicks probably was my kick when I was flexible and my legs worked and like side kick yeah you know that was probably mine too

pretty good at fighting other homeschooled guys. Not a big deal. Yeah. I think mine is fun to be around and then diminishing returns around beer 13.

Then it's just stuff about like the just the bad stuff. Then it's just like I'm not a mean drunk at all, but very much like I get depressed drunk for sure. Like yeah, it's all for nothing. This is...

I'll get real sleepy past a certain one. Yeah, you do. Yeah. And then I might sometimes, I don't really, if I'm, if I'm at 13 or later at this point in my life, that's got to be like a once a year thing for me. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough to do otherwise. Because I'm trying to even think of the last time I was around there and probably actually. Two weeks ago. Yeah, probably earlier this year actually. I was about to say, I think it was a few months ago. But I remember you telling me you were like, yeah, I can't stop going to the corner bar and just drinking like $15, $18 beers. Yeah, that was financially ruining me when I first moved here.

It was like, oh, I could take the subway and drink with my friends and it's fun and it's like not even a big deal. And I was like, oh, I don't have a job. Oh, I can't do that. I can't do this at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is really irresponsible and dangerous. Yeah. But it feels awesome.

Being drunk in New York is kind of a vibe. do you really do feel like you're on top of the world yeah it's just good yeah you're waiting for the subway to come and you're like yeah it all came to is have the fucking master of new york city yeah yeah i remember i got the world in my palm pissing your pants yeah after fucking after funny moms we were coming back to adams and i i had one of those i was like 10 beers deep vibing with the boys heart of manhattan it's nothing like it i was like you're died in my mind. My second thought was

you're a 20-year-old man. It's about, that's, yeah, that's, you know, you're just having fun, man, that's it. And then I went to go get a beer run, and then it hit me again, I was like, bodega, heart of man, skylights, city of dreams, streets paved

with gold, streets paved with fucking desire, streets paved with yearning. And I was like, no, it's just, you're going to a beer run, and that's it. You know, life's effectively over already. You were gone for like 30 minutes. I got lost, dude. I got real scared.

I was so fucked up and I got super lost. I think you came out and got me. Was that Adam? I don't remember. I got you. I came out and got you. Oh, yeah.

But you were like right there. You were like right next to the apartment. Oh, by lost, I mean I was like 20 feet from Adam's apartment. But it's like my brain did it like a soft wipe. And I don't remember. I didn't remember anything about how to get back to this place. In that area, all the apartments looked at, like they're all just the same looking. And I was like they're one of these apartments.

It's one of these. Yeah. Any who's a weasel Wheezer-wise a weezer Who gives a fuck? Yeah Yeah Then I'm freaking

When you start hanging out with Adam Fuland And you'll start Fucking working And a book And comedy scene It starts paying Fucking dividends, man

I've got to say My life is fucking awesome I make $20 a week Doing stand-up I haven't gotten paid For a stand-up show Since I've gotten paid for two stand-up shows this year

and I've made a total of $35 from them Beautiful Shout out to No $30 Thank you to my friends Abraham and Tommy For paying me Money out of I think their pockets

One thing I think you and we should start doing is messaging Biggish comedians that we know And just be like, hey man I feel like I deserve Basically to go on the road with you and I feel like I deserve money and fame and time. So basically I think you should take me on the road with you and then basically let me do your spots and you open for me

and then you should give me the money that was promised to you. Maybe give me your bus too. Maybe just kind of like all of your connections and all of your money and then I bury you somewhere maybe in the Pine Barrens or something and then you have a bad life and I have a good one. Yeah, so I don't really have anything filmed that's good. and I've talked shit about you publicly a lot and I don't really like traveling or doing stand-up

but I do need $200 this weekend if there's any way I could bomb in front of your crowd and then not really do a good job warming it up for you making it harder actually I want to make it harder I've always wanted to go to Charlotte with you and then argue about money after

Yeah, hey Jeff Dye Yeah Did you see Jeff Dye's video Where he's like Comedy's punk rock And it's hip hop We used to be able to say Anything we wanted

He, she's in days You guys need to shut the fuck up And give us the respect That we deserve It's one of the most awesome Most awesome videos of all time He's being dead serious And when I first watched it

I was like God Man this guy has an awesome life And he's an awesome guy He was wearing a purple t-shirt And a black leather jacket on it too So you know he fucking mint business he was not fucking awesome i'm not super familiar with him but i know the face yeah he's got he's got a very hurtable body uh i don't like him at all

are pliable pliable bendable jeff pliable he's a malleable so jeff i'm more like jeff bend jeff bend jeff fuck jeff pussy hello me i'm with jeff bozzy hey guys it's that time of of the fucking episode again. I have an online friend his alias is Jeff Pussy.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Jeff, that's what I was doing it from. Jeff Delicious. What happened to him? He's still around. He's still around? That's good. We were mutuals for a while, but I think maybe

the other account got... Anyway, I'll send it to you. Yeah. Thanks you guys for listening. I appreciate you guys. Always hanging out with us, enjoying more free content. Please go on to YouTube and check

out the episode that we did with Lemon Party. That was a really great episode. People are responding well to it and they're laughing at it and they're commenting and they're saying that it was good. We're getting all the ha-haz.

Getting the he he's ha-haz, tihis, and ho-hoes. So head on over to YouTube.com, Padeo Time Worldwide. Check out that and the other episodes. Please do. If you're not subscribed to the Patreon, why not just subscribe? It would make my life

like a lot easier and it would cost you $5 and you would get lots of content from it. Some of it's good, some of it's bad, some of it's okay. Some of it's really good, but, you know, sometimes, you know what I mean? And $5 isn't that much money. Neither is $10. If you have $10, you can fucking give us that money too.

And you get videos. Some of the videos are awesome and amazing and so funny. Some of them are fine. Some of them are really bad, too. Some of the audio and video are basically unwatchable and unlistenable. And we say things that if you clip that stuff is we are really fucked. yeah yeah um and you guys love doing that to me usually which is um and and but if you guys want to frame us and blackmail us and stuff you have to go back and watch the episodes and you have to pay us

i will let you frame and blackmail me but i need to be making 70 000 a year off podcasting so if you're willing to do that if you're willing to make that happen you can say that i did just about anything but no murder and no pedophilia and no rape. But you can say I robbed you or whatever the fuck. I am okay with you guys doing that to Jake, though. If it benefits me indirectly. If it benefits Thomas,

maybe, yeah, maybe do some of that stuff to somebody else that's not me. Don't do it to me. I don't. I'm very, I'm under a lot of stress. The doctor says I'm under a lot of stress, so I can't be accused of pedophilia. He's under a lot of stress because he knows that it happened. No. Okay. Okay. No. I'm under

a lot of stress because I've been doing good. and I'm very well-behaved I've never done anything Okay, that's not true I got to stop all right Please subscribe to the show Check out to YouTube Follow us on Instagram

Padeo Time Worldwide Follow me on Instagram Jake roads in a bunch of ones And then listen to drunk uncle I don't have anything to plug Oh, buy tickets Yeah, buy tickets to our shows Me and Thomas are on the road

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