Pendejo Time - hope-o pipo

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

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Hey, my friend Thomas. You hit that too hard. You hit that really well, dude. Welcome back, everybody, to your latest edition of Pendejo Time with Jake and Thomas. I don't know if there's a way to check our Spotify stats There is and I'm going to find it You don't have to log in but I do I probably should have checked it before the show It's whatever

I do like that that person The person posted that their number one podcast Was our show and their most listened to artist Was Taylor Swift That's pimp honestly That is like that their number one podcast was our show and their most listened to artist was Taylor Swift. That's pimp, honestly. And not only was it, they were like top.05%. How much Taylor Swift are you listening to where you're cracking those numbers?

I got that number for Jerry Reed to put that in perspective. That's insane, dude. Yeah, shout out to that guy. We got a great show for you today. We got a good show. Oh, I guess we should plug. I'll plug it at the end.

Fuck it. We have a live show. I guess people should come to that, I guess. See, what you're doing is you're plugging it right now, so go ahead and finish. We got a live show December 10th, motherfuckers. We don't care if you listen to the whole thing. You got to go to this shit.

Austin, Texas, Creek in the Cape. $15 online. At the door, it's $20. I read the fine print. $21 and up. If you're underage, get out of there. We hate kids. We don't.

Yeah. If you have a fake ID, I'm going to fuck you. If you got kids, leave them at home. This is not family friendly. No, we're getting fucking have a fake ID, I'm going to fuck you. If you got kids, leave them at home. This is not family friendly. Oh, no. We're getting fucking rated R, dude. I'm going to speak my mind. Yeah.

We're going to be screening the new Batman movie. Right. We got the first. It's got Robert Pattinson. Correct. There you go, baby. Robert Penn. Robert Penicillin.

Robert Penis. It's got Rob Penisis It's got Rob Penis It's got Rob Penis, Rob Zombie They're calling it the Rob Brothers That's the name Yeah Do you mind if we keep this up? This is the Rob Brothers

You got Rob Zombie, Rob Penis You said? Rob Penis, Rob Zombie, Rob Deerdeck. And Rob Denzel Washington. Okay. So, it's the Batman movie. It's the Batman movie. And it's got the Joker.

You know who the Joker is, right? Of course, yeah. Classic. Jack Nickinson. Hi. All right, that's fine. Yeah, Jack Nickinson. Hi. All right, that's fine. Yeah, Jack Nickinson. And then you got...

Who else, Jake? You know the movie. You got... You got Christian Bale. That's the real guy. Christian Christian Bale. Christian Christian Bale. That's a Christian Christian Bale. Christian Christian Bale. You got fucking Michael Michael Kitt.

Michael Kitt. Michael Kitt. Michael Kitt. Michael Kitt. You got Val Val Gill. Val Gill. Gil Gil Gilmore Girls. Val Gilmore Girls.

This is a good one, dude. We are both parked in our garages at this moment. The car is running, and the tension is high. I fucked myself, dude. Thanksgiving, I ate so much. End of the weekend, I ate leftovers. We made so much food. I've just been showing end of the weekend I ate leftovers we made so much food and I uh like I've just been like showing up to the gym like I'm sure you've had days where you're like I'm here like don't nobody like ask to like go hard like I'm not doing fucking like I was like doing they

were having like like mountain climbers and shit and doing like you know and I was like doing, they were like mountain climbers and shit and doing like, you know, and I'm like just dialing it in. And, but when I go to like update my caloric, I'm such a fucking like phony man. I go to update, like have an app on my phone that tracks like how much of shit I burn and intake or whatever. Yeah. And it's like, how vigorous was your exercise? And I'm like, oh, I put 110 into that just to get the maximum number of like, yeah, it's like,

Oh, it looks like I'm supposed to eat a pizza tonight or I'll lose like 20 pounds. Damn. Which I know, like, I know that that's, it's,

I've, I've gained weight just from doing like the last week. I'm like showing up to the gym. I'm doing like jump rope, but I'm like, Hey, I like to tell myself i'm like yeah that's all water weight yeah that's uh it's just baby fat you know like i'm 20 i'm

gonna be 28 soon it's just baby fat yeah it's just baby fat dude it's like most 90 of men's weight is either baby fat water weight or filling out you know right yeah i'm like you're like yeah dude i'm i'm 35 i'm finally starting to fill out and they're like oh nice what are you up to uh six foot 235 that's like my normal that's where i'm supposed to be 55 290 uh i'm just really starting to fill out dude um all seriousness i checked my i was like like a scab in my nose the air's been dry here and i was like looking at it i have uh i've never had nose hairs in my life dude i have i have a couple now and it's very funny to me to think like

at 28 am i hitting like like a second i know it's not it's it's literally biologics no i had none dude not one i guess it's probably like a facial hair thing yeah i can't grow a beard either yeah but like it would i mean yeah i i know they just all the hair on your body just gets like you hit like 40 and it becomes it goes from like oh yeah i can grow a full beard to like oh i have hair on like my eyelids and On your shoulders and shit. Dude, that's my favorite. The old guy at the gym in the tank top who has, like, a patch of shoulder, like, a thick, like, patch of shoulder hair. That shit, I'm like, dude, I can't wait until I get that shit. My dad has more. I'm getting the, like, long, stringy hairs on my shoulders and, like, the outside of my arms.

That's sick. But I don't have super hairy arms. Like, most of it's sun bleached. I don't have super hairy arms like most of it's sun bleached i don't and so it looks like i'm growing pubes on like my my arms it's not great ashley wants to get me 23 and me to figure like i'm because i am genuinely curious it's like they're like yeah it's good news jake you're 95 human yeah it's just like 95 then Then the other 5% is like 3 question marks And red bold letters I've always wanted to know Because my dad, same thing

We're just like hairless Mostly, like my dad just can grow a mustache Kind of And he's like 50 something And like My granddad, like same thing You could be part Native American or something Yeah, because we're all, like, from the South.

That's it. Yeah. Like, you know, that's, I'm not. And then before that, like, I don't have any mystery meat, like, mystery ingredient in me. It's like, I'm way trashed. Why did you say you don't have any mystery meat in you? The word mystery came to my mind. Yeah, I know about all the meat in my...

But, like, I thought of mystery meat as, like, the thing that, like... Yeah, I don't know. Do you have any mystery meat? Your girl kind of spooky. She'd be getting mystery meat, dude. Yeah. The doctor's like, well, everything looks good test-wise. You got a little bit of mystery meat, but that's normal around your age.

And you're like, what? Is that like a muffin top or something? Nah, man, just some meat you don't know about. We ran blood work. You got, you know, testosterone's looking good. White blood cell count's really high. That's great. Viral stuff.

You got a little bit of mystery meat. It's not bad. A man your age should have a little bit of mystery meat uh it's not it's not bad a man your age should have a little bit of mystery meat um but you're gonna want to you're gonna want to lower your your intake anyway yeah i think uh i think it's got to be like native america it'd be very funny if i'm like eight percent like chinese that would be funny to you yeah it would be i think it would be great and you could go on a spiritual quest to find your heritage if i was if i if we hit ten thousand dollars a month i will personally ship jacob to china without telling him it'll be like curious george and i'm gonna have to come through in a banana suit i'm not gonna save them though banana i'm gonna i'm gonna sell you to the

wiggers or wait no they're the ones in the camps yeah yeah i'm gonna sell you i'm gonna sell you to the regular chinese people there's the regular normal chinese guys yeah i i don't know man i've always i always wanted to know because i it's like 23 and me uh as far as i know is it's not like that accurate because no yeah it's my sister so my sister got results right yeah and they change every few months oh really interesting yeah it said i was italian for like two weeks and now i'm like mediterranean and like whatever it's called is it levantian where it's like it's like hebrew and like lebanon and all that like yeah fertile crescent i always think it's leviathan in my head i'm like i think it's got a little bit of leviathan in me i'm a little bit of a sea creature i'm more sort of a sea

monster yeah but it's because it said i had like zero percent native american but like my great granddad or whatever was like half cherokee this was like i know he was he wasn't lying for clout as like a farmer in lubbock or whatever you know like he's he's doing woke shit in like 1902 yeah like yeah i'm i'm you know i've got i got i got savage blood in me i can you know yeah i would i would love to find out that i'm just you know like the the usual suspects for like dudes from the south like british german irish and then like 12 west african not an insignificant percentage but not enough it's like i would just like a ghana ghanian i don't know if the ghana Gano. People don't realize this, but Thomas Jefferson was the first light skin.

That is, man, you're preaching, dude. That is so true. Yeah, they have so much carbonation in Topo Chico. I think they're adding more slowly to scare me. Yeah, they load it the fuck up, dude. They put another bubble in there every time to freak me out. That shit is so refreshing. More than any...

The coldest bottle of water on planet Earth. They got to do that... Bozo alert. Bozo alert. You've been diagnosed with brain cancer. Bozo Alert. You've been diagnosed with brain cancer. Bozo Alert. Dude, we need to give me a soundboard so I don't have to actually do this show anymore. No, I don't want to do that because I'm, I mean, we already get too many fucking, oh,

you guys are, you guys are ripping off podcasts. I don't want to do this. We just, we did a whole episode. Really? You think it's wrong to rip somebody off to make money? You're never going to make it in the fashion industry that way. Yeah, you're right, dude. Jake wants to start selling women's clothing.

Well, I mean, I look good in it, you know. You look good. You look good. You're shapely. Dude, we're both shaped like 50s housewives. Yeah, we're very boxy, and we just have white. Very boxy. Dude, I have to hit shoulders every day

or i am so pear-shaped yeah like i am just i i have that like like fucking morphined up 1890s housewife build dude i'm built like a hot pocket bro i'm just yeah you you are just like rectangle shaped which is yeah i respect i like not in a bad way you're not like real thin or anything you're like you're not probably a normal size guy i just don't i here's my hips dude i have birthing hips and i don't know how much to get like the uh whatever like the aesthetic v taper i would have to have the kind of lats that you can like like do like flying squirrel suit shit on like just be one of those guys that's like yeah even when i had like a

pretty good like lats and shoulders or whatever which i mean i got the foundation but you know i'll tell you folks we're we're struggling here it's okay yeah you know life life goes on it's even then i had just like i had like just a big fat woman's ass like like a horse's ass yeah i would i'd be like oh i'm gonna hit legs and i'm gonna have i'm gonna look like chris bumstead you know and i'm like oh what should i eat like just fried chicken probably like fried chicken and dr pepper and that's how i get that v taper bro dude i had chicken wings from twin peaks last night them good motherfuckers them good motherfuckers yeah dude i had some of them good motherfuckers i had some good motherfuckers dude uh man this episode rocks i think that my life i know that we live in hell on earth for plenty of reasons, but a big one is Dr. Pepper, Shiner Bach, Red Bull, not sugar-free,

the full-blown shit, chicken wings, brisket should make you shredded and leaned out, and then going to the gym and broccoli and just boiled chicken and rice should make you fat. If we lived in a just world, and rice should make you fat. Like, if we lived in, like, a just world, you, like, if you eat a big pizza every day for a year, you would just be Adonis.

Like, we live in hell. Everything that's good for you sucks. Ass. And everything that's bad for you rocks. And I know there are a lot of bodybuilders that listen to the show. There's a lot ifbb pros yeah a lot of olympic athletes and they're like you just don't have the willpower no you live in a fucking fantasy world you you've adapted to hell hey props man i don't want to live in hell i want to live in a world where i i jack off you know a normal amount say 15 times a day and And I eat hot dogs.

Dude, jacking off sucks. It really does, dude. I was talking, yeah, it's dog shit. I don't enjoy it. No. It's something you enjoy when you're 15 years old. You're past a certain age. Dude, if you're 30-something and you're still enjoying cranking it out, respect.

If you don't feel if you don't feel bad after cool me it's not for me i'm not saying it hasn't been done i'm just saying you know i don't know how you feel me personally it's a utility thing i do it like i drink a glass of water or eat like a light lunch like i do it just to keep myself an even keel i don't i'll just walk around with my shit like rock hard nice like i mean it's you know it is a utility so i'm not a menace one of my favorite sub genres of of like tiktok and then just videos is the the hotep guys that are like hey brother if you be watching you know that stuff dude hotep jesus went on rogan that no i'm pretty sure i gotta watch that i dude those guys one of my like deep hotep we're talking like

hardcore there was a guy who i followed he had a youtube channel too his shit was the best it was like three and a half hour videos it's like you're semen all right that's your life juice okay and that's your chi like the chinese been known that if you beat off you you know like that's bad for your male energy and it's like it makes you like a some chinese word for ghoul or demon or whatever i i looked it up to make sure it wasn't just like a fake tweet I saw. And I'm just looking at the Google results here. So the clips I'm seeing is, Science is sexist with Hotep Jesus.

Joe Rogan, Hotep Jesus on the Soyboy movement. And Africans were in the Americas before Columbus. Also, getting a Porsche is not hard. I want to watch that one. I don't normally tune in for those we'll do a little bit of homework that'll be a little primo primo for me for us to talk just

upload that as the premium yeah next week dude that would be so sick we need to start doing that just like people are like man I can't wait for all my favorite podcasts and it's like this one nice I just listened to Comptown what's's this one? And we just straight up, like, screen record it. Just rip it and upload it, yeah. I like that he's having guys like that on. And then people on the internet that don't like him are like, he's a danger. Like, people are like, he's a danger like people are like he's he's a dangerous man it's a dangerous show and it's like the guy um like smoked so much dmt and weed and he like

does like kicks like that's that's who he is he's like not like a like he's not an academic or a journalist he's kind of just like you know you see that picture he posted it was like good times hard times it was the political compass and it was like you know whatever and he was like we're in the lower left quadrant the green quadrant and it was like weak men or whatever which is supposed to be like anarcho like left libertarian communist or whatever absolute gibberish and then like people were like he is his mind he you know he's he it's the it's the fascist pipeline i'm like dude the guy like he's open about it too he's like i i'm an idiot it's like if you take if you take him

seriously on either side like if you're a fucking like a well-meaning like lib journalist and you're like he's the most dangerous podcaster. Well, anybody who wakes up at, like, this isn't knocking them, all right? This is from somebody who does this. Anyone who wakes up at, like, 5 in the morning or earlier is either, so, you either have a job where you have to do it, which, that's a lot of people. You either have a job where you have to do it, which that's a lot of people, or you're insanely productive, super smart, or you have so much brain damage that you have to get up that early to compensate for it.

Right, yeah. I hit at least two of these categories, and I can't reveal which. I like the idea that—I'm going to lay my cards out on the table. If this show sold to Spotify for $100 million, for the rest of my life, I would not wake up before 1 p.m. Are you fucking kidding me? I think I would go more Joe Rogan route, but... You think so? I think I would if I was still...

Assuming I'm sober this entire time. I would have to. Okay, fair. Because the level of self-control I would if I was still – assuming I'm sober this entire time. I would have to. Okay, okay, fair. Because the level of self-control I would need, I would have to be asleep before everybody. Like 7.30 p.m.? Yeah, like an old man's sleep. I mean like 4 p.m. I would have to wake up at like 2 a.m. and go to sleep at 4 p.m.

No, you're right. No, that's a good point because it's like i was thinking about it it's like yeah he does that like jocko willink like uh tim kennedy thing the billionaire tier one mindset where it's like up at four blah blah blah i'm like dude if i had like 250 million bones in the bank i'm not up before one but you do make a good point i feel like if i didn't commit myself to that lifestyle i would be sitting at home looking at my bank statement like, dude, I could totally do Percocet again. Like, it's not a big deal. Like, what's the worst that could happen?

That's also why, like, okay, from an earnings perspective, if we were making crazy money, like, I don't know how good we would be at keeping it. Facts, yeah. Yeah, like... You and me would be sending each other pictures of like... You'd be like, dude, you know... That kind of money I wouldn't blow through because I really love things that cost like $400. Right.

So it would take me a while. I would basically have to buy a bunch of property to keep like farm equipment that I'd bought with no idea how to fix. Yeah. And you would buy, you would, yeah, you would buy like a yacht and then I'd be like,

how are you going to, do you transport or whatever? And you're like, I do not know. It's in front of my apartment. Straight up. Yeah. I got five months on this lease and I don't want to break it.

So there's just like, there's like a bunch of, there's like a 250 foot yacht taking up 80 of the parking spots of this complex the the problem i think that i would run into with like like patreon like podcast is is that it's never it reloads like that's how i feel about like like my friend you know like the friends that we have are online or personal or otherwise where like they do make really good money doing it. I'm like, dude, if you just don't spend money for like three months, you could buy a Huracan. And then I say that to a friend of mine, you know, and they're like, yeah, but like I don't.

You know what, man? I hope. They're like, hey, I hope the show takes off, but I need you to understand something. Don't do whatever in your mind the gear is turning. Like, hey, if we make $100,000 a month ever, impossible. But if it were to happen, don't spend like a lot of money for three months and then just go buy like a Bugatti. Like just why not, you know?

And it's like, well, there's a bunch of reasons why you wouldn't do that first of all are you gonna take it in bumper to bumper traffic like you're not i'm i would never take that car to the track because i'm lazy it would just like it would like we it would be filled with trash like we talked about before it would sit in front of my complex the windows would get smashed out every day you know the tires gone the side mirror's gone like the complex i live in dude i would go outside and that thing would just like it would like be deleted from this reality there would be nothing left except like one door handle you know some homeless guy took only like the what's it called catalytic converter out of it like he didn't even steal it he just cut that out yeah yeah i dude like i i

think you're on the right you're on the right track mentally with it because so what we need to do is we stop spending money we devote ourselves to the dave ramsey principle all right nothing on credit everything cash all right we live below our means and soon we'll be buying like joe rogan's podcast like we'll buy the rights to it we'll buy them all right all right it's like uh you ever watch you ever watch dodgeball yeah dodgeball yeah i have yeah you want to end up like the you want to be the ben stiller guy or you want to be one of the other guys in dodgeball, yeah, I have. You want to end up like the – you want to be the Ben Stiller guy or you want to be one of the other guys in dodgeball? You know?

We're like Jordan Belfort. There was a – this guy that I'm like – we were like friends in high school, so we're like still friends on Facebook or whatever, and he shares a lot of those like grind set videos. I like clicked on one and I was watching it. You know, this guy cracked me the fuck up. The guy was like, hey, I'm here to tell you right now,

if you're making less than $20,000 a month, you're barely scraping by. If you're making less than $20,000, you really can't put anything into savings. You can't do the things you want to do. If you're making less than $20,000 a month, you're doing something wrong. I understand from a content standpoint that making those types of absurd claims, like, generates bad press and shares, ironic shares, which is good for the brand.

Like, saying shit like that works. However, I'm on track to make like, I think like this year, like 50 grand a year, like this year or whatever. And I'm like, dude, fuck, dude, I'm fucking, I don't know what you know about money. Okay. I have like 2000 in savings. I'm like, do you, I'm sorry. I don't have time. Look, Jake, I thought you were a member of the proletariat here.

And, you know, I don't know if I can keep doing this. I thought we were going to rise up against the bourgeoisie, but now, you know, I just don't know where you stand. You know, because to be making $15, $16 an hour, you've got to be sacrificing some part of your soul. Right. That's why me, good old Thomas here, I'll always be making just dog shit money no matter what. You can bet on that. But you know why? It's not because I dropped out of college it's not because i've

squandered many of the gifts our great our great universe has given to me it's not because i'm generally you know irresponsible in many ways it may never be fully repaired it's because uh i'm a hustler right for the people that's true no matter how much they try and bring me up i'm going to take myself down a notch because i'm humble and i know that and god knows that it'd be funny if like you know this time next year show's doing really good and i come to your place to do the video episode and you're like you're you're in the you're in there on the porch like in that lawn chair and you're smoking like like a philly but without no wheat just to just like you'd smoke the al Capone's just like that's my I wanted the cigarette I got one of these it's 99 cents

but there's like a hundred and fifty thousand dollar like cyclone rebuild like in the yeah in the driveway you're drinking like a flat blackberry polar that has been sitting outside for like two or three days. And you're like, I just don't like want to get like a new one. You know, I think that's the secret. Like if we if we want to hold on to any anything, we've got to like, you know, first get to the point we're talking to. We're fantasizing about. you know, first to get to the point we're talking, we're fantasizing about.

And then second of all, I think you and me have to like, live like we actually, the show doesn't exist. Like before the show happened, just like, hey man, like, I guess we can record, but if I don't pick up a shift at the bar, like I might have to like move my shit outside. Like I might have to like live in my car my car you know uh as members as true members i think we need to fake it till we make it i'm going up to austin

in what like 10 days yeah nine days we're going to the we're going to the tom ford store in austin y'all got one of those? I don't fucking know. Alright, then we're not doing the show there. We're high dollar individuals now. I'm not doing a show in a city that doesn't have a Balenciaga outlet. I messaged the owner of Creek like, hey look, unless you can talk

to somebody at one of the malls and have them build a Ford store like in eight days, I don't think Thomas can make it. He just doesn't. We just click on our ticket link and it's gone. Yeah.

We've been wiped from Patreon. We just don't have a show anymore. Hey, I got something for you. If you want to start a show and you want to be a successful podcast trillionaire like me and Thomas, you're going to want to first and you want to be a successful podcast trillionaire like me and thomas you're going to want to first make sure that you have a wallet that's good

and uh if you've got a wallet that's made of like duct tape or leather or you know suede or something you're going to want to throw that shit in the fucking garbage disposal at bozo bozo dozo and you're going to hit the switch on that motherfucker and And you're going to get yourself a fucking Ridge Wallet. Don't do that. That's going to mess up your garbage disposal long term. Do whatever you want, man. Garbage disposal. You can put anything down there.

Grease, hands, bones, teeth. You're going to get yourself a fucking Ridge Wallet. Ridge Wallet is the premier front pocket wallet. All right? It's got a money clip, plus room for cash, and it holds up to 12 cards. Wow. It's got plenty of colors and styles. over 30 carbon fiber burnt titanium aluminum and they got over 40 000 five star reviews okay thomas hit him with some extra facts the ridge wallet also has has RFID blocking technology for all those digital pickpocketers out there. Isn't that something awesome, Jake?

That is one of the many things that I love about the Ridge Wallet. Dude, hey, I love the Ridge Wallet because they let you test drive it for 45 days. Wow. And you can send it back for a full refund if you don't love it. But you're not going to do that because you're going to fucking love it. And if you're wondering, hey, are you just reading off facts about the Ridgewallet without sending us a fucking coupon code? Check it out. We got one.

Ridge.com slash Pendejo, P-E-N-D-E-J-O, for 10% off everything in the fucking store. They don't have just wallets. They've got knives, duffel bags, phone cases. Okay? fucking store they don't have just wallace they've got knives duffel bags phone cases okay if you're if you do you know like gun running ridge.com if you can get your knife there your duffel bag there for your money and your guns you can get are you a registered sex offender well the real world doesn't even check to see if you are one you can still get one from them. Isn't that nice? And you can use our code for 10% off. Yeah, if you're a registered... Yeah, I'm a registered sex offender.

I'm a registered check... Registered wallet. Registered checks defender. We're firing on all cylinders. Yeah, that's one thing that the RFID technology does not help with. Yeah, you know. But it can't block everything. You're going to want to wander on.

You're going to waddle your fat fucking ass over to Ridge.com. You're going to want to gallop on. You're going to want to gallop on over to Ridge.com. Hop on your horse and head over to Ridge.com. That's P-N-D-E-J-O. Brought to you by the Ridge Wallet. Fuck it. All right.

Wow, what a fantastic product. That is a great product. I'm glad that I have one. Wow. I'm glad that we are doing this show. Yeah. I, dude, I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it.

And you just might ride it. Slide up inside it. That's how the song goes. Ooh. Ooh. I want baby girl. Baby girl, I'm worried about tax season Because I don't know I don't know how much money I'm gonna owe

I want to see your pussy You move to Mexico and become like a Like a Corazon type You know But you don't learn Spanish It's just like And you're like, I want to look.

I want to see your pussy. Yeah. Well, Jake is falling asleep here, which is really irresponsible of him to do in the middle of the show. Dude, of the two of us, I've definitely done that on the show more than once.

It's been something that i've known for um yeah it's something you need to work on personally uh yeah i like it when we're doing the show and i'm thinking to myself you know i'm just gonna throw my laptop, you know, out the window, you know. This isn't even like... What, you got something to hide on there? Oh, yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah. See, you need to speak professionally, sir.

Because... You think this is how you're gonna handle yourself in meetings? No. Put a damn suit on. Shut the fuck up. Jackass. Pull your pants up.

Put a belt on. You're not walking around grandma's house like that. Come on. Get out. You want a cookie? Yeah, people are saying Thomas knocked you out of the park with his new grandma impression. You know, you got, some people like to do ethnic accents. Wah, bozo alert. We've never done that.

Some people like to do celebrity impressions. Wah, bozo alert. We like to do impressions of grandma. Somebody get my purse. Somebody bring me a Xanax for Grandma. Where's my penicillin? Where's my Oxycontin 30s? I can't find my nebulizer.

Do you have any Perkis for Grandma? Percocet? Molly Percocet? I can't find my nebulizer. Can you? Do you have any Perkies for grandma? Perk? Percocet? Molly Percocet? Oh, it's so good to see my sweet little tummy tummy. Question for you, Thomas. Did you bring grand... I don't know why I sound like a baseball announcer from like 1922.

Babe Ruth Brown, I'm your grandmama. Do you have any Percocet for grandmama? Do you have any Parkinson's for grandmama? That's how he's. What made people talk like that? I mean, there's like the middle. Was it that bootlegger whiskey or something? There's like the mid-Atlantic accent. It's like, I do give a damn.

Like movie. And then there's like any baseball clip from like, before, like, 1970, they're like, Here comes Joe Maggiott here that sets out of the park, and it's gone, and he's a finger, you know. Like, I know that, like, media pretty strongly influences how people talk or whatever. I mean, I feel like even since, like, the mid-2000s, people talk different. I've brought this up on the show before, but I know people who've moved to Austin

that we went to the same high school. They came later. I've been here. They move here. They're here for six months. A lot of people in Austin do the California vowel shift. They do the So california vowel shift they do like the socal thing i'll meet a dude who i went to high school with maybe a grade older a grade

younger than me and then like we'll meet i'm like oh fuck hey what's up and they're like oh dude what's going on and i'm like um not much man obviously i don't bring it up i'm like dude didn't you wear like cart and Wranglers? You used to be like a... And you moved here and you started wearing a Rostock. Whoa! Hey, what's up, bro? Hey, dude.

Hey, how you doing, dude? This has been like chilling out mostly. Austin's like... You've been here 10 years? City's lit. Bro, just keeping it vibes. It's litty. It's litty here, bro.

Litty like a titty, bro. Litty like a titty. I'm smoking on it. It's Litty. It's Litty here, bro. Litty like a titty, bro. Litty like a titty. I'm smoking on it. Shitty, brother. I think this is all because of Trevor Wallace. Steve will do it. Dude, that is a very good point because I think about, like, obviously. Bro, it's just like how cool guys talk, bro.

It's just how cool chill party people are. We party. We do coke and shit. Dude, we smash mad girls every fucking night bro every night and like I'm 36 and so like

it's becoming like dude it's like a problem for me bro cause I get so much tang dude

like have you ever like dude we were taking key bumps last night bro and like bro I fucked this girl and she was like 19 and a half bro i was like shit risky business bro hey by the way uh purple mattress 30 off uh dude admitting to being a pedophile on your show and then immediately plugging like a

purple yeah you know uh them girls down there and uh in austin bro they get crazy did chris do that chris i thought you were saying a genuine thing that happened no no no it's just like those guys do so i um one of those podcasts i forget the actual like which one it was but they interviewed kamaru usman and i like because i watched the the he's the welterweight champion of the ufc because i watched that like it recommended me other clips and so i was like ah fuck it like i'll click on one of these and uh they were talking about like hooker nights and they were like yeah like every time you go to vegas man gotta have a hooker night and then one of the other like co-hosts was like yeah man man, like, I've been having, like, real bad problems with that. Like, I can't go to Vegas and not do hook or night.

And everybody's like, yeah, man, we get wild with the hook or nights together, don't we? And I was like, okay, like, I understand that the audience here, I'm not trying to be, like,

fucking, like, on my high horse. But if you, you can't be like, dude, the waves in Maui, crazy. By the way, I love trafficked women. Like, that. Bro, it's like, it's like you got to show, like, dude, the waves in Maui, crazy. By the way, I love trafficked women. Like that. Bro, it's like,

it's like you got a show like support, bro. It's like you go to your friend's show or something. It's like Vegas. Yeah. It's like, I would probably smash like mad snow bunnies. And it's like,

bro, it's like, we're all white, but like, we call them snow bunnies. Yeah. Like, bro,

like snow hose. Like they'd be on my tip. Like, dude, that's, ah, dude, snow hoe, dude. That is such a snow hoe all the way, bro, like, snow hoes, like, they'd be on my tip. Dude, that's, ah, dude, snow hoe, dude. That is such a. Bro, snow hoe all the way, bro. Like, Santa, thank you. Santa, thank you.

Like, I'm a little elf, and I'm in that, like, igloo, bro. Like, bro, like. My North Pole. It's like, bro, you might need to send some coal my way this year because i've been like bro i've been like selling and like trafficking women bro did so like it's a problem low-key for me because like the like the dda and shit is like on my ass bro whatever makes me like a human's been eroded entirely um like whatever like you know so we're animals right but we have like a will and like a conscience but that stuff's just kind of like gone to me like whatever makes you a human

being like bro bro you ever gotten your dick sucked on molly and then and ecstasy bro bro i took molly and i like woke up covered in like bro it was like i think it was my friends like blood dude and i just like felt like the way like bro we were on the beach dude like catching mad waves i just felt like the i like saw myself like staring bro into like the abyss you know like who i could have been like this bro it's like this endless chasm bro like i could see like my mom and like my family in there and they were like bro bro it's like this endless chasm bro like i could see like my mom and like my family in there and they were like bro like chill dude like this is not what we like planned for you dude like you grew up in kentucky dude you grew like we rode four wheelers your dad owns

like every construction company in arkansas like you don't talk like this in the day bro like you take acid and shit it's all like respect dude in the day like you pop tin xanax and you kill like nine women it's like not like it's just kind of i woke up in a hellcat the other day like real talk the fucking like again the age demographic like they have to like those guys but it's funny that that those like some of the shows are like ran and operated and owned by like teenagers and dudes in their super early 20s 2021 or whatever but a significant number of them are guys that are like yeah you know like you young you young bucks man i mean i wish i had that kind of money when i

was 22 because when you're 39 and you're trying to like, like, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, choke a woman in like a fit of coke rage. It's like, bro, like, yeah.

It's, it's, uh, half the podcast is like, uh, no, yeah, like,

yeah, no, dude, yeah, we've been, I need to start doing that anytime you're telling a story. You're like,

yeah, and like, he, dude, he like broke into the house and like, mom like locked him out or whatever and he just, he just kept kicking and I'm like, dude, he, like, broke into the house, and, like, mom, like, locked him out or whatever, and he just kept kicking, and I'm like, dude.

And then just silent for, dude, real talk. Real talk. That shit's, like, fucking cranked out the wall, bro. Like, awesome real shit. Dude, I love the combining Ave from, like, Atlanta rappers from 2005 and then like this SoCal thing is awesome to me like when Portnoy interviews those kids and they're like dude

low key like no cap brother like you know like wipe me down like bro it's like fucking I was like dropping the soap and shit on the way here bro like mad bars dude dude I was dropping the soap and shit on the way here, bro. Like mad bars, dude.

I was dropping bars like soap, dude. Obviously, if you're an old guy having a midlife crisis televised on YouTube, of course you're like, bro, dude, I totally get that. I understand. Because as a 48-year-old grown man with warrants out for my arrest for sexual misconduct. So I feel like to your original point, there's that. And then, of course, there like the the like east coast vocal fry which i think i've heard people do that shit that i also like i don't know them but i remember a time when they didn't talk like that like i do remember what do you mean the vocal fry thing i

thought only women could have that no it's very funny when you meet a dude that does it that shit rocks i don't what is it like no it. That shit rocks. What is it? No, it's the same thing. It's just the voice is a handful of octaves lower. I guess it's very similar to the SoCal thing, but it's more nasally. It's like, yeah, like, you know. I mean, like like Austin's cool but it's just not

what it used to be and it's like the guy moved here like a year ago and you're like oh you're like the gayest guy and that's okay nowadays

that is okay nowadays you know back in the day 2015 not okay nowadays you can swing whichever side of the pendulum you want you know it's all right back in the day 2018 around these campgrounds used to be forbading any type of homosexual

touching of any sort but me and duke worked it out a little bit. Long as you keep it in the tent, ain't no problem. Long as you can get up on your horse in the morning, we shouldn't have any issues. So we should add a third accent. You got the California thing, the New York vocal fry. Me and you just start with the way that you're posted about the mechanic. Let's just start because I totally understood what you were saying. Let's start turning up the Southern stuff

and see if we can force it into the Zeitgeist to where a guy from, I don't know... You do Arthur Morgan, I just do Boom Hour. Yeah. I'm like, well, man, I was like, shit, dude, I was down by... This morning I was down at the store, right? And I was like, shit, I don't even know. Because I was trying to get one, right, and I was like, shit, I don't even know.

Because it was, I was trying to get one of those Kleenex. Shit, man, I don't even blow my nose that much, man. I can't be causing that much shit. Kleenex is for cleaning and cumming. That's about it. I bought, I don't know, tip on that. Shit. Somebody would have.

Shoot, man, I don't know. The thing is, can you like, Cajun gibberish becoming, like, an accent? If Louisiana were to somehow. Something that, like, TikTok girls do. Yes, yeah, yeah. Girl, you just, like, had, like, an IG thoughts, like, I've been selling an A. I'm Tommy T to the goddamn, when you do the Bulgarian. It's, like, Charlie D'Amelio or whatever.

I don't know their names. If you're trying to get a big old booty with a day on doing a Bulgarian squat up and a day on instead of playing a fin that's the future

of of technology it's just an 11 year old girl in a bikini being like oh no

I told you I'll sell shit man I don't know what I tell ya and then all the comments are like hello goddess what may I bring you tonight

the uh the idea that like if they're you know like obviously like california new york or major cultural powerhouse specifically cities in those states but if somehow shreveport louisiana were to become a cultural mecca and yeah you just i i can only imagine that happening by like some nuclear waste yeah tragedy happening every place on this in this country is leveled except for fucking texarkana and shreveport louisiana if i heard okay guess I would be dead, but if I heard that happening and I was in one of those places, and they're like, yeah, you're in the stronghold, it's just Orange, Texas.

And if you want, you can go up to, like, I don't know, Amarillo or whatever. Lake Charles is the only. I would just kill myself, I think. In a world born anew 150 years after nuclear war destroys every place but viter orange lake charles and texarkana the the new you give it a you give it 500 years and culture re-establishes itself movies are big again there's tv like we completely rebuild but everybody like the a listers in a big dramatic movie fucking like you know darkly lit room and they're like

yeah some guy who looks like timothy chalamet comes up and he's like yeah well i don't know I was thinking about it. I was like, oh, this here, I want it. I told him, I said, I really do thank you so much. 2,600 Leo DiCaprio is like, I put a damn goddamn what is going on with it. Oh, she may have gone out of control. Dude, the thin, wiry, like, that accent, obviously just the gibberish, but when it's like Ed Ogeron, the dude from Louisiana,

like the deep one is very, very smoker deep is common. But a rarer one is one that's sort of right up in here. Those were always the best baseball coaches. Like the white boozy voice? Yes. I've been here. I've got to win. Those were always the best baseball coaches.

Like the white boozy voice? Yes. I remember when I played Pony League, you have the big, tall, beer belly coach who's like, you filled the ball. You play with your becker. And then there was a shorter coach that I guess, I don't know, there was always two. The shorter one always talked like that, at least in my experience. He was like, you're going to be filled the ball.

You're going to be playing with your damn becker on the outfield. And you're like, can you run that by me? I'm 13, man. I need you to run that by me a little slower. Can you field a damn ball or are you going to play with your background on the field? You're like, oh, can I field a damn ball or am I going to play with my pecker on the field? Yeah. It's like, dude, the high-pitched one is so fun

because those guys also are like, there's like your dad's friend who your dad's like, yeah, back in the day, anybody look at that motherfucker wrong, he'd just, you know, run him over, stab him or something. And you're like, that guy, 5'5", 15 soaking wet? Yeah, yeah. He always has a nickname like Rattlesnake. Spunky. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He always has a nickname like Rattlesnake. Spunky.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Well, you know, Spunky used to. I mean, he's from Oklahoma, but he had to leave. And you're like, why? I don't know. Ask Spunky. I had to go today.

I had to go to Oklahoma. Greg's in the facility. I want to do it all day. There was this guy I met when I worked in a lumberyard who was an Aryan Brotherhood guy, it turned out. Swag. Which I confronted him about briefly and then realized that I was 18 years old. Out of your element. Yeah, he was...

Anyway, his street name was Scrappy. Yeah, that sounds about right. And whenever he told me, I was taken aback. And I still to this day don't accept that a grown man in prison was like, yeah, I'm scrappy. I'm scrappy. That's me. Yeah, I'm kind of a scrapper. Well, like, if he talked like that, he's most definitely.

No, I mean, he talked like just a man who was always like he had murdered somebody and then like gone to a lumber yard for his job. He just got done. He just killed somebody. He was explaining to me how basically how it worked. Because he had like 17 felonies, with respect. with respect yeah he was like he was i was like how are you like out and he was like he was like well yeah he caught me for 14 of them at the same time so i remember but it was just for like minor shit like robbing literally like tobacco stores but he would do it like five times a day which leads me to believe he would be he was like yeah i would

just basically like go in the morning and rob like five liquor stores and then go and sell them to like the arab guys and i was like i i get that i respect that how long did you get away with this and he was like ah like seven years i was like did you have like a secret plan like he was like i just went literally went in there and took like 15 cartons of cigarettes like five times a day. And I would just make like several thousand dollars a day doing this. And I was like, okay, so I think I'm more on your side now than I was. Not in the white supremacy thing. But, you know.

It's not a man racket. I mean, honestly. It's not. And he was like, well, I just never took cash. I mean, honestly, and he was like, well, I just never took cash. I would just take like a shit ton of liquor and throw the biggest parties ever and then sell the cigarettes for money. And I was like, man, I really don't want to like you. I need you to understand.

I do not want to be your friend still, and I don't want to respect you at all, but I sort of do now because he didn't wear a mask or anything he just literally was just going in and seeing how long he could do that and he only went to prison for like three years i was gonna bring up that like i've met i've been in similar situations with dudes just share like when i would go to this like quote-unquote illegal like gambling like it was just slot machines and tables and i would play hold them it was like a south houston area you meet guys you meet plenty of guys like that and i was always like just common sense i was like oh the three the three strike law like i would always think

and it's just it's literally just being like white and like from the south and like in a small town i thought that was only in california i thought that was everywhere no i don't think that's everywhere man let me see here i think it's everywhere you might be right i thought it was i don't know if the three strikes thing is still a thing uh three strikes yeah it yeah everywhere the united' official offender laws were first implemented in March 1924. Yeah. Wait. Three strikes and it's life? Yeah.

Three strikes law focuses on incest penalties. Basically, this means if you're convicted first, you get three strikes law. Wait, but if you're convicted of three felonies at one time. Yeah, you get 25. So three mandatory sentences for a third conviction for a third-degree felony. It doesn't matter if it's consecutive or overtime. It ranges from 25 years to life in jail and up to $10,000 in fines. The point that I'm trying to make is this. Wait, so you can do great for years, maybe even two or three years.

And then rack up three in a day. But here's the thing. That is on Google, and I always thought that to be true, okay? And I've met guys who were like older guys, you know, that would be playing poker and we would be drunk and get to bullshitting and I'd be like, I'm in college or whatever. And I'm like, I wish I would have gone. And you're like, well, what did you do?

And they're like, well, you know, small town Arkansas ain't a lot to do. So you get into one of two things. You get into work construction early. You move out. You go to military't a lot to do. If you get into one of two things, get into work construction early, you move out and you go to military, you go to college, or you start, you know, shooting up liquor stores and smoking ice and stuff like that. And you're like, oh, okay. You find out a little bit more, it's like, yeah, I mean, you know,

between 1988 and 2002, you rack up eight or nine felonies, and you're like, I thought that if you had three, it was curtains. And they're like, I mean, I mean, you know, supposed to be, but I mean, world's an amazing place, by the grace of God, I only did 19 years in federal penitentiary. And I think, like, I really just think it's like,

I'm sure that is the case on paper, but well also the judges you know it depends i feel like you have to fuck up pretty bad unless it's like if you were selling crack in the 80s or something i mean or if you had any type right no it's also if you're just like a like a not white uh obviously your chances are not as good. If you're a white good old boy and you have a white good old boy judge and a white good old boy prosecutor and a white good old boy criminal defense attorney well all those motherfuckers are going to get together and talk

except for the judge I guess and they're going to talk about sentencing and it's like oh well what'd Keith do? Keith in his lifted duly ran a pregnant lady over she exploded and then he crashed it into the liquor store so we're thinking you know what plea deal three and a half years you know he's only done it eight times before this so he's getting better you know it's spacing out i think it's

probably like that it's just like you know just good it's cracker country, I guess. If you're doing crimes there and you're rocking with the brotherhood. Living the dream. Well, I think anyone who commits even a misdemeanor should be killed on the spot. I've never done anything wrong in my life. Me neither. And there's no proof that I've done anything ever. I'll tell you what I like.

It's this Topo Chico. I hope it doesn't keep me up. It's got a lot of caffeine, man. It's got a lot of caffeine. It's got too many bubbles. I think I've mentioned this on the podcast before about 50 minutes ago. Did I talk about this to you or did I just say it in my head? No, you just spoke about it maybe 45 minutes ago. I just talk about this to you or did I just think of it in my head? No, you just spoke about it maybe 45 minutes ago.

I just spoke about it? Okay. Alright guys, I got a thing with the bubbles in these. I need about 200 less bubbles in Topo Chico. Why? Because sometimes I've got to drive after I drink one of these. I don't want to be about to burp the whole time because it scares me.

Something to think about. I know we have a lot of listeners who are the owners of Topo Chico. I'm going to tell you one thing, and I don't mean this with any disrespect. Tone it down with the fucking bubbles, all right? I mean that. I think Coca-Cola recently bought that company. They bought them, did they? Yeah, they did, yeah. You know what that is to me jake that is horse shit this is a family-owned mexican

probably company tommy topo and and elizabeth you know whatever dude i don't give a fuck anymore who gives a fuck it says montereerey Mexico on the bottle you know Coca-Cola you're running the rest of Mexico leave the Topo alone that's what I gotta say because it's so easy for them to make it they just don't put the they don't put the syrup in there

you know what the world needs? a little bit of Hopo yeah you're buying up all the Topo for the chico but you won't leave and then you're sending the people you're sending the popo after the people why because you won't stopo and go oh under a steeple and pray for the sin you've committed here. Yeah, and when you lose all hope, Bo, and you get put in a chokehold by Victor

Olapido, whoever he plays for now, pretty good shooter on NBA 2K14. I fucking hate him. Jake, have you played any NBA 2K14. I fucking hate it. Jake, have you played any NBA 2K14 recently? We're staying topical today because I know it's been trending in the news. Everybody's talking about NBA 2K14.

Did you see what happened? No. We got to check up on that. It could be the biggest news flash that people haven't paid attention to yet. It could be the biggest newsflash that people haven't paid attention to yet. So one of the – like my main guy that I bought Coke from back in the day. What was his full name? I think – I don't know what happened to him.

But anyway. There's not that many things that happen to Coke dealers. He was a big time one too. That's one thing. There's a lot of variants of the things that can happen to coke dealers he was a big that's one okay you know yeah that's one thing he was there's a lot of variants of the things that can happen there's two big ones that happen a lot there's two big ones that happen uh you know it's not like man i wonder what my eagle scout friend is doing yeah i wonder which he's probably he's probably either an engineer or just a regular gay guy now yeah um but you know it's like man i wonder what my old ecstasy dealer is doing yeah probably something good he's probably he's probably doing um there's no way he's not he's building houses

with jimmy carter probably yeah he's not either doing a 10 year bid or 6 feet under. There's no way that either of those things Anyway Either those or he works for a moving company now. Right. Out of nowhere. And he's close to one of those too. Yeah. The guys who have illicit funds love to be like, yeah, well, I'm getting clean

money now. I work for a moving company. I make $200 a day. And it's like, that's great man you have a hellcat yeah yeah yes dude you have a hellcat and you work for a moving i'm getting legit now um i'm getting legit i'm getting paid under the table by my friend craig and he pays me 125 a day um i'm gonna so like when you got clean income like that nobody really asks questions about the l series like if you if you got if you make 125 a day the irs and atf dea like they really don't like it's still a little bit of a risk but like i'm good because like the hellcat and like you know the condo like that's

just you know you got clean money you make after taxes 386 a week anyway yeah and like i'm part-time right now because i gotta focus on my creativity you know i'm rapping shit again but it's like they see i'm getting clean money because i'm like i'm doing the moving company thing i got my mixtape popping again iris gonna come see that and they're like damn damn he's he's back with it he's so you know ten thousand dollar a month rent you know that's fine the the 2k14 there was i went to pick up one time and this guy got into his own stash like 50 percent of the time too much and went like tony montana mode where he was just sort of intense he wasn't like mean he just was like hey bag it and dip and i had like a couple guys like that

but this dude sometimes if he was like that and you were over there um he would be playing 2k14 on uh not online but like with one of the other people in the house and would be like you know like rage smack like controller you know and i rage, smack, like controller, you know, and I brought some friends over there, and we all bought them. We were kind of like drinking, and it wasn't a party. It was just like, oh, I'm over here. There's other people over there already, and they were all playing 2K14, and he like was mowing through everybody.

I guess he was having a good one. I don't play that game at all. I had never before. I think I played it like once or twice before, and he's like, Jake, hop on, and I'm like once twice before and he's like jake hop on and i'm like no and he's like bro just hop on the fucking game and i'm like no man i'm not good like you're just gonna like he's like oh sorry like i'll just add another w like whatever and uh i don't know like beginner's luck like i learned the controls like he showed me them and i was just like spamming the three button and they were just

going they were like they were just going in like just like i was just like i didn't know what to do i didn't know how to pass so i would just like hail mary like not hail mary but like throw the ball and just like and like it's he's beating me but it's close and every time i get like a lucky three he's like you know like freaking out and like a part of me is like but i'm competitive and i'm i'm coked up and i'm a little drunk so i'm like there's a rational voice in my head that's like hey man um all you do is buy coke from this guy he's not even really like your friend i mean he kind of is uh also uh if you accidentally beat this guy after he ran the game for like four hours and the whole time was railing big fat lines, something might – it probably won't. But like I had this like – there was this like thing going through my head where I was like, oh, he's just going to like – like if I shoot one more.

like if i shoot one more you know and so like like anyway he like games over whatever and he was like you played 2k before and i'm like no and he's like nah nah you play 2k and i'm like i don't play this game i i think he like needed me to have played before yeah where it like was you just said yes. I should have. But I was like, no, bro, like, it's just beginner's luck. And he's like, all right, we're going to have to play more. Like, you play online? And I'm like, no. I was like, no. And he's like, all right, well, like, I think, like, I think it's, like,

parties, like, we got to get some people out of here. Like, I appreciate, like, I was just, like, I don't know why in that moment I was like, oh, yeah, just, like, you know, this guy who, like, sometimes does, like, an eight ball in 30 minutes and you kind of know from like two people like just see if you can beat him in a game that he like dedicates his leisure to like that's his thing you know I don't know it was like very you have moments in your life where you're like is something really tragic gonna happen to me for the dumbest reason. Like, you know, just the stupidest thing that's ever happened to anybody. Like, you hear about – there was a – I remember there was a news story from my hometown where a guy got stabbed to death because he showed up to a party with, like, a half-drank thing of, like –

Like, the stabbing was over. He didn't bring enough beer, and the fistfight ensued. But it was, like, a six-pack of, like the stabbing was over he didn't bring enough beer and the fist fight ensued but it was like a six pack of like keystone tall boys or whatever and the guy like they got into a fist fight and a dude just pulled a knife out of his boot and stabbed him to death and then like it was a thing and like throughout like everybody talked about it and it's like was that really the reason it's like yeah man like he showed up and they were like oh you didn't bring enough beer or whatever he's like ah it's fine and they like got into a fist fight and that guy just died and i was like i don't want if i'm the guy who the guy you didn't bring enough beer or whatever. And he's like, ah, it's fine. And they, like, got into a fist fight and that guy just died. And I was like, I don't want – if I want to die – The guy who didn't bring enough beer died?

Yeah. He got stabbed to death. Yeah, I hate when that happens. I hate when I show up to a party with, like, the beer I found in my car and then I get stabbed to death. Yeah, like, it's like your friend's, like, wedding party or whatever. And you're like, hey, I brought a bottle of wine. And you're like hey i brought a bottle of wine and they're like you brought one bottle of wine you fucking bitch it's half drank and it's hot yeah yeah and they're like you can drink that and you're like yeah it's fine

somebody just kills you we talked about this when we were doing the fucking when you were over here but i honestly was just like i had a tear there where I was broke and couldn't afford beer. So I would just show up in a jacket in like middle of the summer. Just like, yeah, you know, it's just kind of balmy outside. It's just a little chilly outside. And, you know, I figured I'd get my jacket and I'm like, I mean, whatever, dude, it's 100 degrees outside. It's nighttime. But I would fill it with beer and, you know, because I was broke.

And I'd be like, oh, man, dude, my dog that you know that i have like he's sick i gotta leave and i'm like oh whatever and then you know one time i'm trying to leave and i'm just like clinking on the way out they're like what's going on man i'm like oh i just like just take it home like the liquor that i brought and they're like you didn't bring uh, nothing. And I'm like, I'm going to take this. And if it's like weird, I guess we'll just have to like punch each other until whoever went. Like I'm going to try to get out of the door with it. Like I just like – I was like – this was like peak bum Jake

where I was like, you caught me? I'm not going to put this back though. I don't know what happens now. You know, like I guess, you know. Well, you know, that's just how you got it. You got to roll the dice sometimes. You got to roll on your swag pill. Hey, check it out, dude.

Peace. Peace.