Pendejo Time - Hump Day

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

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gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember to use promo code P-E-N-D-E-J-O at checkout to save 20% on your first order. That's P-E-N-D-E-J-O at checkout to save 20% on your first order. Happy, happy Wednesday. It's hump-day. Happy, happy Wednesday. But really, it's Thursday. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, people know it. People get it now, you know, four or five years in. It's Wednesday. Record, Thursday, drop. You know what I mean? That's the way. Except sometimes.

Yeah, except sometimes when I forget to drop the episode and fuck everything up. This is something that maybe the old heads will remember. That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh. I like it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. and um that's by this shake your groove thing by who's that cool in the gang uh i want to say i don't know perhaps maybe yes let's say that let's say cool and shake shake shake shake shake shake shake shake shake your groove thing but nowadays if it were gen z which is far less likely

it would probably be it would be check your mood swing check your mood swing right right check your mood ring yeah because they have because they wear those

and they have clean your air right clean your piercings clean your piercings Check your phones, ding. Check your phone ding. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And that's just kind of the stuff that, uh, that zoomers do. I feel like, uh, we- Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake your phone thing. Jake your phone thing or check your phone thing? Check. Oh, okay. Did you have a phone? Mm-hmm.

Okay, yeah, I do. I do. Yeah, yeah. 100%. Jake, Jake, Jake. Jake, Jake, Jake. Jake. I don't feel like you,

do you even listen to Cool? No, I don't really fuck with Cool in the gang like that. It's not listening to them. Cool in the gang. Is it the guy who did it? Yeah. Shake your, well,

it's not shake your groove thing. It's shake your booty. Uh, just so you know. Shake your boobs. Dang. No, wait. No, that's Casey and the Sunshine Band. Get the actual.

Well, they're featured. So it's like one of the earliest examples, I guess, of a FT dot KC in the Sunshine Band featuring Kool in the gang. Okay, so was that wrong? I don't know. KC. was this for cool and some cool and crazy gang? This black belongs to the cool and crazy game. Oh, that's the way I like it. Yeah, that's the way.

Casey, nowadays, be clonopin and then another medicine, so to the sea instead. Clonopin and chicken. Clonopin and, Clonopin and fuck. Coffee, coffee and entice. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.

You know, we make it work. It does it. It's not always a perfect fit, but we always do make a good joke in the end. Yeah, so we always know the right thing. It's always worth whatever we have to jam in to make that happen. It's like Winston Churchill said, he was white. A lot of those dudes that were really crushing it back then were a fucking alabaster, man. Holland Oat, Steely Dan, the Bee Gees, motherfucking.

Who's like this, who's the guy that everybody always brings up they thought was black but had a white voice? Um, the, the guy who was saying, um, Um, yeah. Oh, I can't remember. I don't know. One of those fucking sexy as, he was one of those like yacht rock type, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think, uh, songs your grandparents. The one who's like, uh, what, what you want to do for, let Bobby Caldwell.

Yeah, Bobby Caldwell, yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. Do you think people? were like more like Bobby sang well he did

he did he did you think people were fingering like in the 70s or 60s and 70s or is that like I think maybe something new

that people started I think definitely in the lesbian community I mean what the hell else would they be up to that's true yeah yeah

yeah I mean they got like three moves tops I mean granted so do I I don't really I want to make I agree

I agree with you. That is very funny. But I don't, I can't really, I can't be flexing. I think I've got about max four. So I'm not really doing much better in that department. But,

yeah, you are great. It just seems stupid to me, I guess. And that's just me being honest. Yeah, having more than four moves. It seems like a dumb thing to,

no, it seems like a dumb thing to do. What finger? No, uh, lesbian sex. I wouldn't know. Oh,

oh, okay. Oh, okay. Like stupid? Like you just, gay sex seems smarter. honestly because you it's inventive because you have two

you have two horrible penises you have to figure what the hell to do with and usually they just don't use one of them don't use I mean that's not that I don't feel like that is that smart either because you're just pretending one of them is not there

it's not efficient yeah yeah of course I think gay sex would make more sense if you could fuck if both of the guys were fucking each other in the butt at the same time. Correct. And I guess that's just me. You're thinking in the future. You're like in 2082.

You're going away in the future. It's like that's like the least romantic sex I can imagine is this guy. It's you're locked in like an insect. But like a love bug. But yeah. No, I mean, I think lesbians mostly just talk to each other. Yeah. that's what I've heard

they move in really fast too I heard about that that's one thing that I that I learned from the grapevine is that they'll date for like a month and then they'll move in together which like yeah but I mean I did that too so I can't really

yeah yeah I mean I actually yeah but I'm like I mean if it works it's cool but up here I meet a lot more couples where they've been dating for like 12 years and haven't moved in together or made any step towards anything like any type of permanence they'll be like yeah we've been thinking about doing like a picnic like I'll meet a guy who like it's like oh how long have you guys been together and it'll be like oh like nine years or so and it'll be like oh have you thought about like you know moving in together or anything it's like no no I just don't think I'm ready

and it's like two like 40 year olds dude honestly though like keep keep in mind you can also you can live that's you can absolutely do that I'm not telling you to do something you don't want to do it's just it is funny I mean that's what people live in big cities to have the freedom to do you can yes when you live in New York City, you can, you can just kind of be a, you just kind of don't have to have that many responsibilities if you don't want. I mean, if you live out in the country, there's nothing to do except start a family or a business. Mm-hmm.

And then resent whatever it is that you establish forever. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Man, my, I actually is the first girlfriend I ever lived with, but I had long, term. I've only ever really been like a long-term girlfriend guy except for like, you know, little pockets of time. And the way it used to be for me, like 100% like you said, like my girlfriend, maybe like a year in. One of them, you know, they'd be like, so like I found this really nice apartment. And I would be like, oh, that's awesome. Like when you, you get thinking about

moving. And she was like, well, you know, like for us. And I was like, oh, I'm not doing, I'm not doing that. Because at the time, dude, I was married to the game. And the game was living with six guys and mostly eating like cheese sticks for every single meal and fucking moving one of the mattresses from the bedrooms into the living room

and sleeping on that all of us sleeping on that like the fucking like the Charlie Bucket family for like a few days while we all like got zonked out on pills that was and I never and people would be like oh are you and so and so are going to move in together and I'd be like

no I've got some stuff going on right now like I'm just trying to like you know I got some career paths thing and we would I would say that while she was next to me at a party and both of us knew the thing that I was my career path that I was working on was like eating a lot of fucking cheese sticks and tequitos and like playing with my balls and getting high as fucking watching uh ed and Eddie every literally every day and at that time the idea of moving in with a girlfriend instead of doing that sounded like absolute shit so I completely get it if you're if you're in New York City

And you're, like, 38, and you have had a girlfriend for 10 years, and you don't want to move in with her? Don't. Sometimes, I mean, being able to bark in the wind, like a wild dog. Some men just can't, like, they become worse men if they're not allowed to bark. You know what I mean? Like, they become bad. They become unmanageable or whatever the fuck. You know, I've got to live together.

Who gives a fuck, you know? Yeah. I mean, shit, dude. You look at a lot of great writers. and a lot of the great poets. A lot of them were actually bachelors. Yeah, a lot of them work. A lot of filmmakers.

Yeah, some of the best. You know, if you're like, in case I want to write the next Great American novel randomly, you know, I need to kind of have my freedom, which is, you know, mostly to get fired every three months and throw up in the car when I'm driving it. I just need to have that, you know what I mean? Like, because I, one of these days I might write a really good book.

I've never written, even a bad one, by the way. I want to let that know. I've never, I've never written anything longer than about 10 pages, if I think, if I'm being honest with myself. What happened? Yeah. And my favorite is, uh, whenever guys are like way past a college stage and they're like, yeah, it's just. I guess I'm just kind of in like a tough period of my life

You know what I mean In that period they're talking about It's like 26 Yeah It's like You think this is like You think this is a part of your life That's like gonna be bad

It gets way worse Like yeah Do you think You think you're gonna be like 40 And you're gonna be like Wow It's good now

I mean, not that it's going to be bad when you're 40 But like however it is when you're 26 or whatever Like Yeah, yeah I'm not going to I'm not that productive right now Because I'm You know, I'm just kind of Right now is when I

I think for right now I'm going to be depressed And not get anything done And that should clear up But that should clear up on its own Yeah, by the time I'm my condition I hope it improves that condition of course being I'm I'm fat and I'm losing my hair I love Chinese takeaway I don't want to do anything else I have I gave myself acne again from sauces um and that's a part of my life I'm trying to get through right now

honestly like I don't even want to be mean because like you know like getting your life together There's really, it's, it's, it actually is hard. Like, it's really hard and, like, all the stuff that you've gotten comfortable with, even the uncomfortable things, like, you know, having crumbs all the time in your skin and in your bed and probably living with bugs and, like, not really eating, either not eating for three days or eating, like, 10,000 calories every meal. And having somewhere between, like, 10 to 15 beers a night, like, it's hard to let that go.

Yeah, okay. I will say, though, most people are not doing that at all. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Who need to get their lives together. Most people are not addicted to opiates. They're not extreme alcoholics. Right, right, right. So when you say it's hard to get your life together,

yeah, it's hard to get your life awesome from that point. But a guy who's just like vaping. Yeah, yeah. And, like, has a job but doesn't like it. Okay, I see what you mean. You know, I'm saying. If that is your rock bottom Oh yeah, okay

You know what I mean? A lot of guys are having a very normal life And they think that it Is a Is a worse than average one Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah I see what you mean. Yeah, go work at a fast food restaurant

And talk to the guy Who's in his 50s. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he was working He was working at a different fast food place in his 20s, and he was thinking, God,

I'm ready for this to all get better, you know? Once his cloud is out of my head and I'm feeling good about myself, man, I'm going to stop, I'm going to stop making onion rings for a living. Yeah. Forbes 500,

here I come. Yeah, yeah. Forbes 500. Jesus Christ, I have a fucking brain trauma. I thought it's Fortune 500. Forbes 5. Forbes 30,

Yeah, fucking Forbes 500 under 500. I made the list. 95. Yeah, here we go. Oh, yeah. I'm the fucking Richard 270-year-old guy in the world. I got $50. Yeah.

It took me 282 years to make $1,000. I'm so old I trade in dragon coins. I'm 400 10 years old I'm the richest 410 year old on the planet I'm worth 50,000 dragon coins I've got 100 florins and I got some old shekel

And I've got seven dragon coins Oh fuck I think like when Guys are like A guy who has millions of shekels but thinks that it's like a made-up currency. It's like, oh, well, this has no monetary value in the world. I'll just keep it in a big treasure chest.

Yeah, this is money from a book. This is from the fiddler on the roof. When guys are like, I love, when it's like a thing now where guys are like, I want to die in a war. Like I see, I'll see, like, there'll be like a picture of like a snowy embankment like on one of those aesthetic fucking Twitter or Instagram posts and like dude 80% of the comments are like I would love to bleed out here after like you know surging like the masculine urge to bleed

out here after trying to take the the governor's mansion and it's like you don't want to die in a war man you don't want to die in a war you have you live in a climate controlled environment you go to school like you have like you don't want to die in a war man I guarantee you put that guy in a fucking trench somewhere

he's getting fucking mortar fire every goddamn day for fucking three weeks he would be like I have no fuck war this shit's gay I don't want to bleed out in a snowy embankment anymore I've got my it's fucking you don't want that to happen yeah but it's probably just a part of his phone is showing

you know that stuff No, yes, 100% Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, you know, a lot of us lately have been learning about molasses. Mm-hmm. A lot of us have been watching the sugar cane refinement process and learning about the different kinds of molasses.

You know, you get your first round. That's the, you were light molasses. Mm-hmm. You know, you can use as a sweetener and all that. Yeah, yeah. Well, then it goes all the way down to black strap molasses. molasses. Okay.

As you know, not to be used with sweet stuff. It's the thick, dark stuff only for its, you know, usually for its medicinal properties or maybe as a barbecue thing. Most people on their, who have a phone nowadays are seeing all this molasses refinement stuff. Mm-hmm. And it's making them go crazy. So I bet if I'm watching this much stuff about molasses and, you know, And if I'm watching all these cornbread and cinnamon roll videos also people trying different exotic cornbreads and cinnamon rolls and people making honey butter and putting them on cornbread and eating it out of a big cast iron pan, then a lot of guys are probably also seeing war.

Yes. And they want a sense of purpose and all that. Me, I want a big plate of cornbread. Yeah, cornbread. Yeah, I want an old motorcycle with some sweet molasses poured over it. Mm-hmm, yeah. I think it's... Not black strap.

No. We used to pour, you know, we used to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and now we pour down on ourselves watching videos of black strap. Mm-hmm. You pour, oh, so you're pouring on yourself as you're consuming the media. I get it. Okay. That's good.

But yeah, you were saying about the youth, the young men. Oh, no, I just, like, David, like, I know what you mean because, like, my phone will start to show me, like, more old car stuff. And I'm like, oh, I'll get the itching, like, I'll go back on Marketplace. But I'm well, I'm aware enough to, like, no, I'm like, oh, the phone, you know what I mean? It's showing me shit. if you get like jaco willing to joining the army like if you watch a bunch of like because back before phones like the cable commercials of the army would be the godsmack like

I stand alone if you're like over the 25 like that was you would be watching fucking SpongeBob or you'd be watching Spike TV with your mom or your dad and then the fucking commercial would come on of the guy climbing the mountain and he gets up in the mountain and fucking God smack is like I'm the fucking and then they're like coming out of the helicopter go go go well we don't have cable anymore

no one fucking watches cable we just have phone and you skip ads so my theory is because recruitment's been in the shitter since pretty much like the 90s when everybody kind of called to 2000s

when everybody kind of realized that the war isn't for freedom the war isn't for anything other than just kind of like keeping the third world developing forever and then like rape and heroin pretty much it so you have to get the recruitment up another way so they come up with this ingenious idea of just pumping videos all day of guys like on the podcast and it's like yeah you know you know you get it when you're become when you're in the green berets you know when you're in the fucking green berets dude you can have tattoos and you got a long hair and you don't got to listen to anybody and you can fucking ride a dirt bike in the desert and you can chase down the fucking bad guys every day every all i was doing every day was getting my dogs

I attacked the Taliban and I was fucking smoking crank and I was riding a dirt bike. That's the fucking, you watch enough of that shit and you're like, I want to fucking, I don't want to join the army necessarily, but I do want to be the most badass outlaw special forces guy. But you've got to join the army to eventually get to that. I think that all of that stuff is like guerrilla recruitment. I mean, like, all that, like, I want to die in a war stuff. Like, that's just, that's not like a young man lacking purpose. in the modern world all these guys all this fucking stupid like midwit horseshit these guys come up with

I think a lot of it is just the phone is showing you war propaganda and you're 20 years old and you've never had a piece of pussy in your life you've probably maybe never even kissed a girl and so all of that kind of compounds and you're like I think I do want to maybe be a war criminal I think that sounds nice so you you know you go to your nearest recruitment center and you join the army or Marines or whatever the fuck And maybe some of those guys do mean it You know what I mean? Like there are some guys who just want to go

They want to fly in an airplane 5,000 miles and go kill people Basically in America's playground Where you can, they're not real over there to us You can kill them You can kill them in their whole families And it's like a It's not real to us

It doesn't matter to us Their deaths are not, you know They don't matter to us or whatever And then you get to have a podcast I think that's what's happening Which is stupid Do you worry that our mess Esculinity drives other men to war when they hear us?

On this show? Yeah. I think our show probably drives men to pursue their goals because if we can do it, then literally anyone can. But I don't want those goals to be being in the Green Berets are killing people. If those are your goals, listen to a different show. I don't think that... Well, I'm going to push back a little bit.

I don't think we're at a face where we need to tell listeners to turn away. Okay. And I think if Green Berets and Army Rangers want to listen to our show to help get them through the struggles that they have with how annoying they are, you know, if any veterans of the United States Army ever need to listen to us to help, you know, if any veterans, if any veterans of the United States Army ever need to listen to us to help, you know, You know, be more normal at softball games and stuff. We are always here. Yeah. We are always here to help veterans acclimate back to normal society. I would say rule number one, being a veteran, if you're listening to this, is stop freaking out.

Yeah. Stop freaking out, especially in public. It's a really bad look for you. And everybody usually laughs when that happens. They think it's a lawyer. They think it's a lawyer. because he's scared of war and he was too scared to ever do anything over there

his mind was fragmented he was turned incompetent he was turned into a worm now he's sweating in the Walmart parking lot because he thinks that he thinks that all the other vehicles here are terrorists

he thinks yeah if you're a veteran it's time to calm down. Uh-huh. Yeah. The way that me and Thomas

talk to each other, I'm speaking now to the guys with real PTSD. And none of you guys that were in the Army, but maybe you were sharpening pencils or driving a truck. If you've got serious problems

and you killed a lot of people, um, listen to the way that Thomas and I talk, that's how people talk. You know what I mean? That's how two guys have a normal conversation. I know that you probably like to yell and get scared and cry,

uh, because your spirit has been corroded by this fucking sins that you committed. But that's okay, man. You're only going to go to hell forever. And that, I'm going to hell too, but for different stuff. I'm mostly going to hell for having too much fun. You're going to hell for a completely different reason.

Being categorically, kind of spiritually evil. But that's okay, except that you're going to be tortured forever by the devil. And then accept your annihilation and then just go to the softball game, man. You don't got to scream at people. You don't got to start crying or hyperventilating when you hear like a, the start, carding gun, you know what I mean? Just fucking just, yeah, just relax. Take some CBD or something.

Whatever you said bean just now, maybe we want beans. Dude, I've been fucking craving like a nice plate of black-eyed peas because I fucking love like a good... I've had black-eyed peas in years. I think the last time had it was a Cracker Bell problem. Yes, dude. I, dude, black-eyed peas with a big thick slice of like fresh out the fucking oven cornbread, dude.

Oh! And you fucking dip the cornbread in the black eyed pea juice. Jesus. I love being a fat southern fucking idiot, dude. It's because black eyed peas are like, it's a pretty healthy food. But I love the, in a classic southern fashion, you just, you put about a pound of salt in one pot of black eyed peas with like bacon grease and little chunks of bacon, or at least the way that my family did it.

You start with a black eyepie and then you put like jambalaya stock in there. And then just a bunch of butter and, like, a bunch of bacon and a bunch of, like, little pieces of sausage. And then you get this kind of, like, gray slop that's with meat and just a buck ton of sodium. And then you eat that with about a pan of cornbread. And you go, mm-hmm. And you become fat as shit over time due to caloric surpluses. Fuck, I'm hungry now, dude. I've been dieting.

I'm at, like, this nasty caloric deficit all the fucking time. Granky fucking pisses me off I meant like 17, 1800 a day fucking sucks sucks ass it's like nothing

dude there's nothing you know what I mean that's like one I'm on 1 200 that is crazy are you trying to become like a ballerina um well yeah

no that's just for me that's maintenance I'm the size of a bug yeah yeah it's crazy I just have a slow metabolism so for me You know, to stay, stay under 250 or so, I got to be around 1,200 a day.

And I use it for, I have three sodas, at 3.20 ounce big reds, and then, and then a corn dog. And that's what I, I only get to eat, I only get to eat one corn dog a day. Otherwise, I can't drink anything. Yeah, that's about it. they say to get your liquid calories in first thing in the morning though you've heard of adkins you've heard of the um the keto diet now here thomas's ballpark diet dude for a while oh my god for a while i was having i would like i was trying to make

a breakfast at home yeah and i guess i think i would have like yogurt and granola or something but I wouldn't have enough to get full and then I would go and I would get like a breakfast sandwich and a big muffin to have my breakfast like that would complete breakfast for me but it would end up being like a like a 2,000 calorie breakfast

of course yeah yeah yeah because those muffins are like 600 calories yeah yeah it was like I was getting a big lemon poppy seed muffin for my breakfast dessert from my breakfast dessert I don't know in my mind A muffin is like exactly 53 calories

You know what I mean? Like it shouldn't It's like I'm like The muffins that I'm eating though They're like six 700 Bigger than a fist Oh yeah one of the big nasty These are bakery muffins

Yeah yeah yeah I did it today But I only had I had half of my sandwich in the muffin I had the other half for lunch. And then the lunch that I brought I had for a second lunch, which was later. Similar. Similar to, like, if I go to a sporting event and I pregame by drinking six beers

before the baseball game and then I drink nine beers at the baseball game, I only drank nine beers that day because the pregame beers don't count. To me, if I fuck the game up in the morning by eating a piece of chocolate bread and then like a super sugary coffee, straight up does not compute. that my body basically just neutralized that. Or if you're meeting friends at a bar. Yeah. And you get there first.

Oh, of course. Those don't count. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. If you have two shots of whiskey and like a tall boy while you just kind of like nervously sit in the corner and like do impressions to yourself, those do not count towards the drink total. I just the other day considered the fact that I can get there first.

Because I was meeting up with a friend and I was like. he was like, yeah, let's meet up here. And then I got off work and I just walked over there. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, well, I'm in this area. What are I doing? I was like, oh, I could just walk in. It's not like the, like you're not welcome.

Right. Yeah. So I was like, oh, I could just. My buddy. I guess I could just drink by myself. And it was really nice. Yeah, it's awesome. I really liked it.

And I thought, and I honestly thought, man, I should do this more often. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I shouldn't really. I shouldn't really do that more often. As a hobby, just going to a bar by myself. Yeah, of course. That's a great hobby.

Dude, I was talking with, I was recording with a buddy of mine own. The moment where you decide to call into work is one of the most beautiful, like, exhilarating. It's like being at the very peak of a roller coaster, man. The drinks are flowing. It's like 12. You know you've got to shift at four And you're at the bar, day drinking with the boys And they're like shots

You're like, I got work, man And they're like, oh dude, come on, just one You don't got to be no word till three, four And you're like, ah, yeah, good point. You take that first one and then two and a half hours go by And you've had about 15 beers, about four or five shots And you got to be at work in 30 minutes And you make that mental note.

You make that mental decision, that moral decision of like I'm going to call my boss and tell him that my fucking grandma got died dude she fucking died again like that and that call to the boss is just such a oh I love it if I could bottle that and sell it I wouldn't you know nobody would need to drink that just that like I'm a piece of shit but I love it the sun is fucking the warmth of the sun is hitting my eyes my eyes are closed the warmth of the sun is warming my eyeballs I'm just fucking torn up and I call so it's an online cannabis company check it out they're revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges from sleepless nice to get this thomas

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and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember to use promo code P-E-N-D-E-J-O at checkout to save 20% on your first order. That's P-E-N-D-E-J-O at checkout to save 20% on your first order. I told my boss at Taco Bell and I told him, hey, man, grandpa fucking had a stroke and a heart attack. And I got to go. I'm not going to be there. Yeah, I didn't start doing that until a few months ago, actually. I'd, like, never just, like, stayed out late and then called out.

Really? It took you this long? That's impressive, man. I mean, I, well, there was one time where I woke up and I had been supposed to be back home, but I was like three hours away. And that time I did. But, um, that was my opinion. No, man, I've come off, like, I remember coming into my night shift warehouse. job and I'd slept like an hour and I was not feeling well and I put in like 13 14 hour shift

and that was maybe the worst I've ever felt I felt like dying but a few months ago I realized there's so many moving pieces at my job that I'm not really that like I am replaceable yes but most of the crews I've worked with it's been like Like, maybe even like two or three people, like at times. So that, if somebody's gone more than like every six months, like it's, you got to get out of there. You know what I mean? Like it's noticeable. Yeah.

But if it's a big outfit, then, you know, every, you still got to do it sparingly. Uh-huh. But, uh, yeah. The last time I did it, um, I, uh, my boss was like, like, hey, do you have a, you call it out sick? Do you have a sick note? And I was like, no. No, no. I'm one of those. And she was like, okay. So you, I was like, it's, yeah. It's just, you know, it's all right. Yeah. She was like, you know, just a heads up. You've used up all the sick time you have ever accrued. Ever. Yeah. You have zero hours of sick time. Yeah. And I said, all right. Well, um. I'll stop doing that then. I mean, I'm transparent. I'll be like, yeah, I mean, did you want me to, sorry, you know.

Yeah, what do you want me to do? Do my job and not call into work. What are you talking about? Also, the way my job is scheduled, if I call in sick to work, it's like, oh, sorry, I was hung over on a Saturday. Right. Which is actually makes me normal. Now, ever once in a while, you can call out. hungover on a Wednesday or a Tuesday or even a Thursday or Friday or, you know, Sunday or

whatever. And that shows that you're taking initiative. Yeah, you're consistent. That shows that your head is not in the same place as other people's because you are going out and you're drinking Japanese liquor with a bunch of strangers and blowing half of your disposable money in one night on a weeknight and in a way that you might not even enjoy it means you're willing to throw away

pretty much everything you have planned at a moment's notice just to get food poisoning from Chinese meats yep you know what I mean or from you know eating old pizza or

splitting an old pizza with some people that you don't like You can do so many amazing things. Yeah. I think it's like the first time, like the first time I had the realization that you can just like lie. Because like my mom, like I got my first job like right after I turned 18 and it was a Joe's Crabcheck,

which I've talked to link the bat on here. I really hated that job. I don't know if you guys ever thought maybe if you thought to yourself, oh my God, I bet it's awesome to work. as a server at Joe's Crab Shack. I bet they, I bet it's such a great place to work. And I bet that like they love doing the hokey-pokey and the macarena and the cotton eye Joe.

And I bet they love putting bibs on grown men. And I bet they love serving old crab to people. I didn't like that job. But I had kind of grown up. My mom was like, she literally like, like I said, like teenage mother. So she had that mindset of like, no matter what, you never call in. ever.

You know if you're sick because if you lose your job, literally your life is over and you can be homeless. And I was like, fuck, and that really stuck with me. And then,

like six months into working at Joe's Crab Shack, I sat in a shed with my buddy Chad and we shot June bugs with airsoft guns and then burned them

with blow torches until about six or seven in the morning. and smoked a lot of weed and ate a lot of street press Xanax and drank about 35 natural lights and smoked like six packs of cigarettes and ate probably about three pizzas. And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to lose my job

and I'm going to be homeless. And then I thought, and then I had the light bulb, that really kind of shitty red light bulb that said, lying. Have you ever tried lying? And I was like, no, it's bad. And then my brain was like, if you don't lie, you're not going to have any more money. So you should lie.

And then I was like, I don't know. What if it doesn't work? And then my brain goes, if it doesn't work, the same outcome will happen if you don't lie, which is fired and having no money and more rent. It can't pay it. So the first time I called my boss and I was like, yeah, my mom got a really bad car accident. and I've got to go to Houston. And he was like, oh, that's, I'm really sorry to hear that, man. Take as much time as you need.

And that first one, ooh, I've been chasing that dragon ever since. That first, like, oh. As it turns out, well-meaning people will believe you if you lie to them about a family tragedy. Because they just assume that you are a good person and you wouldn't lie about something like that. But they've assumed incorrectly, or at least that guy did at that time of my life all those years ago. Assumed incorrectly. that I wouldn't lie about something so horrific. I will.

If backed into a corner, you know, I'm an animal after all, backed into a corner and I need to keep my job, but I chose having a much better time than serving crawfish to 500-pound races, guys. I'm choosing the fun, and I'm choosing to lie every goddamn time. I'm an American, you know what I mean? Oh, God, boss, something bad just happened to me. My dog's dick just broke

Oh shit My dog's dick just broke I'm gonna have to fix it The doctor said I'm the only one Who could do the surgery Boss do you mind if I take off I gotta sew my dog's dick back together He's a

He's a little dachshund He's got a human cock Oh man what happened he was banging the shit out of the couch with his big ass dick and he was fucking the shit out of it and he used his big red um humanoid weenie uh-huh and it snapped like a fucking twig and blood squirted it all over the apartment and i tried to put my mouth over the wound to help stop the blood and i was able to clot it finally um had to swallow most was blood and spit it back into his mouth. Sorry, man.

So I've got a surgery scheduled right now with Dr. Dogg. Oh, the indie band. Oh, yes. You've heard of him. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. The indie band from... Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dr. Dogg. Well, Dr. Donald.

Dr. Donald dog. Oh, okay, yeah, the doctor's sorry. Sorry, I got confused, yeah. Right. And we're going to get the surgery to get his dick better. Okay. And basically what we're hoping for is that we can actually give my dog through surgery and even bigger dick.

I asked him, I said, is there any way we could make it more human-like and bigger with the surgery? Just so it's easier for me to see if something's wrong with it. it you know because i don't know what a dog's weenie is even supposed to look like i just know what mine is supposed to look like you know what i mean right right right yeah and so we even though he just broke it we had them circumcise it too just get the rest of the blood out listen man and make it bigger and whatever ball situation dogs have we changed it to the humans hey listen man you know i know that you probably that you think of me is that this like tough you know like hard boss you know what i mean like no questions do your job work

every day work every day for me don't ever stop working for me but i'm i'm just like you man you know i you know when i was how old are you uh i'm 41 when i was 41 you know i was like living like a young bachelor you know and dude i had like everything in my fingertips and you know i i'll be honest with you, a lot of, you probably wouldn't think this about me because of how adult I am now, but like, you know, my dog's penis fell off too, you know, and it's totally fine. I went, yeah, yeah, yeah, completely just dissolved and fell off like a, uh, like a piece of beef jerky, you know, and, uh, so I just, you know, you can talk to me, man, you

can talk to me about anything, you talk to me about your dog's penis falling off, you have to suck it, you know what I mean? You can, you can tell me all about that stuff, man. Yeah. I've got a lot of other stuff going really wrong in my life, and I needed to tell you about it. All I need help. Oh, okay.

Yeah. How much time do you need off? What are we talking? You know, like... I just need your time personally. I need you to take time off, too, to help me. Just like, yeah, how many sick days do you need, man? No, I need it.

I'm going to need some of yours, too. I'm going to need you to help. I need to be nursed. Yeah. Help. I need something to take care of my wounds. Emotional and physical. I got bit by a dog on the back of my neck and also on my ass.

I got a bunch of bite marks on the back of my neck from a dog and also a bunch of fuck marks in my ass from a dog. I call on your boss on the phone. You're like, yeah, man, I got attacked by a dog. And he's like, oh, my God, dude, you okay? you're like yeah mostly he got like the back of my neck and like my ass cheeks and then he like to blow my lower back and the inside of my thighs and then my balls he like he scraped my heels with his claws on accident but you know the backs of your ankles yeah he was getting in those really good man he got me really good i was pretty scared the tail kept slapping me in the face

yeah it was really scary there for a second man yeah yeah yeah Yeah, a dog slapped me in the face of this tail in an asshole. Come on, man. Come on, brother. Just give me a little bit. Just help me out. Well, Mr. Jake, I'm the CEO here at Apple. And I'm prepared to give you as much time off as you need.

Because you're our best typer. the best typer we've got thanks for me yeah I appreciate you're the fastest typeer we got here at Apple we couldn't be we couldn't be finishing all these essays without you

so however much time off what we'll give you we just need a reason we just need a reason for it yeah it's kind of hard to talk about these days man but you know it's uh i'm sorry um i guess i'll just come clean you know i uh of course yeah um i've got

i've got a lot of um i've got a lot of bite dog bite marks on the um on my inner thighs and um the inside of my ass and uh i got uh i got a claw marks um on my neck and uh it's just uh something that happens from time to time you know what i mean uh kind of wake up with it you know i totally understand that happens to me and my husband a lot oh beautiful you guys are gay we're both gay

i love that yes i'm tim cook the CEO of apple and I think I'm gay if I recall correctly I'm pretty sure that he is I'm pretty sure that I am I think the other guys Because I don't Because of how I smile

No I think it was a big deal When I became a CEO that I was gay I think they had a bunch of articles About how I was going to make The first gay phone He's only worth $2 billion get your fucking

introducing the gay iPad the guy pad yeah instead of an apple with a bite out of it it's just a guy's penis with a chunk out of it

I mean he probably didn't have the same I mean he didn't have the same stake in Apple as those founders he wasn't a founder I thought Tim Cook was not the no it was Steve Wozniak and

and and named Steve Jobs and one other guy, I think. But it was mostly Steve and and Tim, right? I don't fucking know. Who gives it? I don't. I mean, Tim got brought in. I mean,

I'm trying to try to read about it as you try to remember and I'm realizing I have no fucking idea what the story about this company is. I know that I want everyone to die. That's one of the things I do know. there was one guy who in the beginning helped them out with this stuff and sold his steak back to them for like a few hundred bucks or something I think

oh yeah I've thought about that a lot like if I ever if I ever like missed out on being a billionaire by like some weird thing and then I wasn't able to cash that in somehow I would I would probably kill like my whole family or something you know what I mean like I refuse to accept that That would never happen to me. I also don't know how to invest in the market. Somebody from Chase called me, and they were like, would you like to speak to a financial advisor? And I was like, dude, the last time I tried to put money in the market, literally the economy, like, tanked.

I think I have bad luck. Like, if I put my money in the market, the economy crashes or, like, takes a dip or whatever, and I lose, like, a lot of money immediately. And they're like, well, it's a long game. And I'm like, I think personally my money is so cursed that if I left my money in there, the economy would completely die like over the course of like maybe six months it would crash to where the dollars

worth absolutely nothing and I don't want to do that to people this is why I don't really play the market I'm just not very lucky and I like to spend all of my money yeah I don't think either of us are probably going to

have that kind of thing happen right yeah of course yeah yeah yeah I think if we become wealthy, it'll probably be for even sillier reasons, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, riding something. Maybe slip and fall lawsuit or something like that. Oh, you're talking about like actual real, like no dreams. You're talking, yeah, like getting hit by a truck and you don't die, but you're like, you know, stuck in the chair your whole life.

Yeah, in terms of us getting really wealthy, either we find a way to exploit other comedians. um which is pretty easy to do um pretty easy to do that yeah yeah like if you want to build an empire comedy is a trade to do it in because um the money doesn't really make sense and uh well for a while it was dried up i think yeah i think that's why it's yeah all the veteran comedians are like no offense but like it's like okay you guys stuck around all right Right? That makes sense. But I don't know veteran comedians have ever been a super crazy bunch. Yeah, if I was going to try and exploit some people, I mean, you want to find people who want to be famous or, you know, want something out of the world.

Yeah. But you also need people who are really gullible. And nobody really wants to sing for Motown. anymore so you're going to have to get a little creative with it. Ben posted some email he got from like the Church of Scientology about being in one of

like their movies and the pay was like $600 a day every day for like the course of the shoot which was like three months. I did the math and I was like you know what's 600 times 30 I think it's 18

grand or is that, yeah, that's 18 grand. I would probably be in a Scientology movie for like $70,000. $600 times 30 or is that a, how stupid am I? 30. $600 times 30? Yeah, it's $18.000. Then you're doing six times three.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, there's something like that per month to be in a Scientology movie. I'm going to be in that movie. I'm sorry. If you're a Scientologist and you're high up there, I don't want you to reach out and actually offer me anything like this because I don't know if I'd be able to say no. But that's a crazy good deal, man.

And apparently they do that a lot. Like they have a whole roster because they produce their own in-house like propaganda movies because they have a fuck ton of money. Yeah, I probably, I could do something like that. You know what I mean? Who gives a fuck? What am I going to say that an alien came here? on a plane and drop people's souls

and do a volcano, whatever the fuck. You know what I mean? Who gives you shit? Psychology's evil. Tom Cruise is cool. David Miskich's wife is still super alive. She's super good at breathing normally every day. Yeah, fuck it.

Who gives us a shit? Suck a fucking ding-down. Yeah. David Miss Cabbage. Mm-hmm. David. Um, no, you go ahead. I think you got something.

I was just going to say, David eats cabbage, and he goes, I don't know about this. Yeah, it's not very good. Maybe if it was kimchi or some sauerkraut, but otherwise, it's just eating cabbage like the head. It's very bitter. Yeah. He's having Jap Chay. What's that?

Jepchay is, if you ever get Korean food, it's whenever they bring out, like, all the little pickled vegetables and all that. Oh, okay, okay. beginning, you know, I think that's referred to collectively as Jap Chay. But let me double check that. Because if I were to misrepresent Korean culture after correctly representing

everything else I say on here, that would be really wrong. Yeah, that's not Jepchay. Yeah, sure. Yeah, it's not what I was Oh, no. Fuck it. Wait, I think it might have been a spelling thing.

Okay. Nope. No, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about as it turns out. If anybody knows, Jeff says a savory and slightly sweet dish of stir fry, glass noodles, and vegetables. I was talking about, like, the course in a Korean meal that's just like the

the pickled stuff but yeah maybe there's not I'll look that up later maybe we can put it in the notes anyway I know most of our bases

in Korea so it's going to lose us some subs yeah that's okay if you could be another nationality what would you be

Irish Irish yeah for sure 100% another white country you guys hear that I don't want to be anything else

I mean, I know that, like, I'm not saying that in a way that's, I mean, it's kind of, it's pretty boss, like, globally speaking, like you're pretty, I'm not saying it's good. I'm just simply saying, like, if I'm, you know, if somebody was like, would you rather come back as a different race in national, I'm like, I would love to be from a place that's a little bit more not the United States, but I don't, don't act crazy. I don't want to be fucking What? I don't want to be like I don't want to be one of the guys from like Chechnya that like

his hair line starts a centimeter above his eyebrow and he's really strong but like in terms of life like upward mobility is not there's not much there for him except joining a separatist movement or like

or basically like wrestling wild animals I don't want to be any I don't want anything like that so those guys are out that pretty much takes care of of about, I want to say, 800 million people globally in that pocket and that area, I want to say. I don't want to be, no offense, I don't want to get into it, don't ask me for anyone. I don't want to be Indian or Southeast Asian.

Southeast Asian would be cool, but a lot of fucked up shit happens over there, and they've got a lot of fucked up creatures in the jungle. So I'm going to say no on Southeast Asian. I don't want to be Indian. Again, we've talked about it. So, Pakistani. Yeah, I don't want to be Pakistani because they have beef. Bangladesh? Don't want to be Bangladeshi.

Don't want to be Sri Lankan. Nepalese? Don't want to be Nepalese because they got like the Dalai Lama and the CIAs over there, all over there that shit. You don't want to be involved in that. Yeah, you don't want to be in a country where the CIA's had influence. Right, yeah. Better go to Ireland. Mm-hmm.

I'm actually like, I'm actually kind of like in my mind. Like, I wonder how much influence they've had over there. I mean, I can't be a crazy amount. And I know because I just made that up and it's assumed it's true. Yeah. But yeah. I are a, wait, C, I, A, you can't spell, it both has an I and a A, just a C is different, which is like an R with the accent. Do you know that?

C, R, I, A guy. Hmm. Do you know that? I think he listens to the show. I mean, this is good, but the Flesh Simulator guy that makes the conspiracy videos. But he's always in, like, I think he does them in the back of, like, a U-Haul. It's like he has the CIA and IRA next to each other. I see, and there's two eyes, and one R, and the R stands for Republican,

and the C stands for Canamara, which is an IRA. Irish area in the country. I've always wanted to do like a conspiracy thing, but none of them are completely real. None of them are... But I think... I would worry that I would, like, create, like, a Q situation.

Because I think people are kind of willing to believe just about anything if you make it look good enough. You know what I mean? Like, we have... We have to, like, really address, like, fucking Kim Trails and shit. Like, there are...

politicians, we have to talk about them seriously. You know what I mean? Like, we have to take stuff like that seriously. So if I was, as a joke to do like a, maybe like a Nathan for you style, but a conspiracy thing where I put a lot of work into like drawing these threads and making up like as a joke, I think maybe you could do like accidentally do like a Q situation, which I think would be pretty sad. But maybe I start a cult. Who fucking knows? quarter intelligence agency and is finding people who

who have like a 25 IQ or lower and and making them a spies quarter intelligence agents I've been given my first mission I must go to Latin America it would be nonverbal people yeah

It would be all like It would be all like Conjoined twins Yeah It's like Like it would just be Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Oh fucking God damn it Oh fuck What do we got going on Pete Buttigieg pulling at zero percent

with the black community for 2020. That is so funny, dude. I'm enjoying that. That is so funny. I'm liking that. I like, I like how you can, you can have as many focus groups as you want. Yep. Um, you can grow your beard out. Mm-hmm. You can go on flagrant too. And it's all, yeah, everybody just looks at them and hears him talking and they go, eh, eh. Yeah. Nobody even knows or cares about 2020 has nothing to do with Bernie. Has nothing to do with Bernie. Yeah. It's just, it's just like a,

it's like whenever you're using your phone, like whenever you're using somebody's TV and the TV starts like trying to talk to you, like they have Cortana or whatever on the TV and you're like, why is this voice here? Yeah, no. Like why am I, can I just go about my life without hearing this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's funny as fuck that he went on Flagrant 2, which is like, you know, it's the, that's the wankster, the king of wankster's podcast. it's the big one and that did nothing for him in any

what you could what could be considered as culturally cool demographic I think he's big with like Gen X like musical theater gay guys and then like

the kind of English teacher woman that like has really bony hands and has a lot of gums but not but like small teeth even with gay guys

I don't know if he's that big I'm talking about a very specific Subset gay guy that has For a woman Swagless gay guy I'm not talking about the cool Fucking like You know in the mix

I'm not talking about the cool ones either But I think When gay guys see other gay guys Doing well I don't know Pete's not doing good Pete I think is unemployed I think Pete's fucked

You know what I mean I don't think he's got much going on I think he's probably like a very wealthy consultant I mean he's a yeah But he's employed in the same way that D.C. consultants are where it's like, what's your job? And it's like, I don't know. But I make like $2 million a year. I'm sure that's the case. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's doing just fine.

And if he needs a job, I mean, I can ask around here, maybe find him some moving stuff. Oh, man. Yeah, whenever people are just rich and they're like, oh, yeah, don't have anything, don't have a job right now. It's always kind of, you know, it's like, shut. Shut up. It's like, yeah, it's just kind of hard. Like, don't know what to do with myself. Okay. Okay.

Do you want me to fucking feel bad for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, kind of stressful because it's like, how long can my savings actually last? And it's like, I always know how long my savings can last. Two weeks. Yeah. Because I put money in there and I immediately take it out.

How many times rent is it? Okay. Two? Okay. That's not too bad. So I can live for two months. So I can live for two months As long as I don't eat.

Okay. No medical, nothing. You can't, nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It is funny that there's just nothing. There's nobody.

Pete has no swag. He's only liked by the most swagless fucking progressives of all time. You know, Hamilton types. You know, Bernie's 900 years old. I think they're throwing a lot. coin behind Gavin Newsom because he's like a handsome guy that's just straight up evil and I think maybe you need an evil guy to beat an evil guy that's maybe the thinking you know what I mean an evil guy who's hated by Democrats and Republicans yes hated and looks like the devil

I don't know I've never heard anybody say anything positive nothing I've never heard anybody when I was in California I remember like Republicans were calling him gay that he like He would just, like, post videos of him just throwing away homeless people's stuff. And then the Democrats were like, hey, we're the, you're in California. Like, what do you do? And he's like, I don't know. And he's like, bye. Dude, my face.

I have to go, I have to go put on more hair gel. He puts on hair gel and then a mask to go throw away homeless guy's food. Like he has a mask, like a COVID mask. And he's just like, yeah, this is got a cold. If that's what you want to do, fine. I'm just saying, no, who are, just figure out somebody to appeal to. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because the Republicans are like, it's too late.

You're not doing enough. It's like, well, true. He's not doing, if you're not doing anything about it, yes. Obviously not ideal. But he's like, yeah, I got these cans of food I just found here under the bridge. We're throwing this shit away and we're killing these fucking people. It's like, oh, all right. Jesus Christ

All right Gavin, all right All right Yeah Well like I don't They think I can't be president Well wait till I win

Dancing with the Stars Yeah Yeah They're well they're doing this thing With them now Where they're like He was a Chad He's a Chad

And J.D. Vance is a pudgy Because I think I've been seeing this Like the last two weeks I've been seeing this Like JD versus Gavin thing

playing out on the political side of the internet and I think that's probably where it'll end up and they'll just post a picture of J.D. Vance is like a fat, pudgy, kind of swagless, sexless, redundant blob of protoplasm. And then there'll be a picture of Gavin Newsom and it's, you know, he's got like the cheekbones and stuff and I'm like, if the country continues to get dumb in the way that it's getting dumb now, I think it might work. If you just kind of of abandon any hope for like a better future the material conditions of anyone's life's increasing and people kind of having like a hope and if you maybe just want to continue down the path of profound stupidity then a then an entire campaign of like this guy's fat he got no pussy

this guy has awesome hair and he gets fucking crazy pussy and he kills homeless dogs like Hey, he gets crazy He kills his fucking crazy lady with shotguns And he don't give a fucking He don't take out the trash He kills his mom He fucking retarded He's shit pants

Picture of Gavin Newsom He ain't got no running mate He's no vice president No, just him Just him and a piece of ham Sponsored by Saudi Arabia Who gives this fuck? bunch of by Riyadh, who fucking cares.

Are you going to vote for J.D. Vance? Are you going to vote for fucking Gavin Newsom who gets fucking... He's a guy who's got a fucking butter in his pocket is melting. He's got a big fucking bunch of bars of soap and fucking... In a fucking pillowcase. He's hitting bitches with it. He fucks and comes and he kills all the dogs that don't have a house. Yeah.

He fucking comes. He gets girls pregnant all the fucking time. He can't start doing it. Yeah. And if there's a cat that lives outside, he's... he's kicking it across the sea JD Vance wearing a fucking dry ass to Gavin Newsom fucking human

blood getting him pregnant Got shit everywhere He's like putting that in the chat GBT's like the campaign Like 2027 Yeah Gavin News yeah A fucking Jay Vance Fucked Jay Vance in the fucking

butt hole There's poop all over the house All over the fucking White House Make it a brown house poop shit house Yeah, with an orange wipe Okay, guys I got the perfect campaign

For 2028 Gavin Newsom Are you ready? Yeah Okay, the way we win is JD Vance is a wig on He's got a skirt on And Gavin Newsom is pounding his butt so much As they've got poop all over the house

It becomes a brown house Yeah Gavin Newsom I was president of California whole fucking place burnt down I didn't do shit I didn't say nothing On the debate stage I didn't just say nothing

When everybody's house burnt down I said I don't give a fuck I'm gonna go put hair gel on Throw away homeless people shit Every homeless encampment in the city I said on fire Even while the state was on fire I made more of it

I didn't do anything about I'd let everybody be fucking homeless I let everybody destroy the fucking everything. A whole bunch of people overdosing and it's slashed people's next in the fucking street and I don't care.

I'm the governor of the cleanest and most wealthy state in the country and I let all the homeless people die of age and getting fucked by dogs. I turned San Francisco into an actual hellscape and then it became weird to say anything about it because you don't want to say anything about the homeless people but it's like,

holy shit, that fucking crazy. They're so fucking crazy. It's where we And they're like, what the fuck are they doing? Some of them have... They're not like that in most places. The West girls are fucking crazy. Who is giving them all these fucking baseball pads?

Because if you sell baseball pads, don't sell them to homeless people. This is Christ. And who the fuck is selling them barbed wire? Why do you? Why do they... Where do you buy barbed wire? If you're homeless. In Portland, Oregon.

Yeah. Dude, the fucking... The first time. we were in Portland, one of them motherfuckers legitimately had a shalele, like the Irish club with the leather ball at the end that's like nodded. It was like walking some dude down with

it in Chinatown. I thought I was going to get cigarettes. And I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I was like, wait, hold on. How is this shit impossible? And if I'm a wheked pleasant and every homeless person gets a shi-wee and one pound of Fentano. I'm gonna put Fentineau in the head,

you'll make you get real fucked out. Make you dick hard. Oh, my name's not Gavin Nusham. All right. I got to go to fucking band practice. If you listen to this, that means that you don't... Maybe you don't pay for the premium episodes. Please, we're trying to hit 1,000 paid subscribers.

So if you've got a little bit of money to spare, head on over to patreon.com slash per day how time and toss us $1, $5, $10, whatever you could spare, man. That helps us keep promoting new video stuff, new sketch stuff. I've got a sketch. I promise it's in fucking post-production. and I don't, I got to fucking edit it to make it look awesome. It's been taking me fucking forever.

I'm trying to color correct it, and it looks fucking, I'm trying to get it to look good. I don't know why I give so much of a fucking shit. Ben films all of this fucking shit on the iPhone. I don't know why I fucking care so much about the fucking goddamn color correction and using the fucking 6K camera. Anyway, yeah, patreon.com slash Padeo Time. Go check that shit out, please. And, yeah, run those numbers up.

Follow us on Instagram, Padeo Time worldwide. Follow me on Instagram, Jake Rhodes, and a bunch of ones. check out drunk uncle the band Go to linktree.com slash Pendejo time If you are in Milwaukee Chicago, Detroit, September 25th, 26 and 27th

respectively Please get those tickets Please please please Milwaukee Please if you're specifically If you're in anywhere near Or Madison or Milwaukee I actually forget where the show is

Madison I think Milwaukee It's in Milwaukee for sure If you're anywhere near that cock sucker Go and hang out at a morphic brewing Please get tickets If you're in Chicago get tickets you, Detroit, get tickets. Have a good time.

Sexy motherfucker. I've got a bunch of Austin dates, September 7th, September 11th, September 18th, all at the Velvita Room. If you want to have a date night and you want to come hang out, you know, fucking see me, maybe get a hat or a shirt and fucking drink some beers. Let's do that. Those shows are all, I think. One's on Sunday, September 7th, and the other one, the other two are on Thursdays.

Okay. Thomas, you got anything to plug? No, not right now, but tap in with the tour. Swag. Tap in, guys. Peace. Bye. Bye.