Pendejo Time - I am sleepy

Episode Date: October 15, 2026

JAKE SHOWSJake will be doing a midwest weekend run in November (20th-22nd) Links below. Omaha, Nebraska 11/20Emmetsburg, Iowa 11/21Lincoln, Nebraska 11/22THOMAS SHOWSee Thomas in the Big Applle with Caleb Pitts and Tommy Bayer PENDEJO TIME LIVE SHOW IN NOLA 1/28Kick off 2027 with a bang and see the boys in NOLAPENDEJO TIME LIVE SHOW IN PHILLY 2/20https://www.eventbrite.com/e/pendejo-time-live-in-philly-tickets-2003206119428?aff=oddtdtcreatorSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Thumbtack presents home overwhelm. Everywhere I go in my house, it feels like an unfinished project is heckling me. The uneven grout on the kitchen backslash stares me down. Do I have to find a specialist to fix that tiling mess? The ripped carpet by the basement door snags my shoe. Do I whip out all the carpet or just replace that section? What do I... Wait.

What if I just use Thumbtack? I can find top-rated pros for over 500 home categories and projects. Easily compare prices and read reviews on Thumbtack. Download the app today. I got two lawn chairs. I got a patio with a bunch of cigarette butts and cockroach husks on it, and we're bringing the bitches over. We got bitches and money.

Yeah, I'm counting up $147 I made in tips on a dinner rush Friday at a failing restaurant. And my boys coming over, and he's bringing five room temperature tall boys. and a bag of cocaine that probably got fentanyl in it. So bring all the bitches you know, because we've got... Yeah, I got five bitches ten money on the way. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be the worst party of all time.

And you fucking... If you're not there, then you fucking are going to be a loser. You're going to be like, damn, I missed out on hanging out in the nastiest apartment with people who don't know how to read. You're going to be mad about that. Yeah. You're going to be real, man

You're going to miss out on this dog That doesn't belong to anybody It isn't taken care of by anybody Right Yeah, nobody claims it It's fed, generally speaking Mm-hmm Otherwise not really taking care of

Yeah, he's fed but you can see his ribs Breathes like a man breathes Mm-hmm, yeah It's got a bite force of a Nile crocodile And nobody really trains it understands it. Somebody throw on March Madness so I can start punching holes in the wall

and getting mad at people until they leave. Anyway, you were... I was walking past a guy with a massive pit boy yesterday that was just... He was just sitting there letting it chew up a giant traffic cone. Yeah. He was clearly getting quite riled up. Yeah.

On the sidewalk, and people were just walking right by this easily. 100 pound dog I think it was a it was a just a just a fucking huge dog I mean it might have been like a kind of chorso mix or something like that

because now that I think about it pit bulls aren't usually like bigger than Hank um weight wise yeah yeah stockier yeah yeah yeah maybe not as tall as Hank Hank is a really tall dog but I mean it was maybe like

a 120 pound dog geez just I mean neck like probably like an 18 inch neck on this dog i think i told you i always like i do get a little like self-conscious about being a pet owner and you know it's a living thing that like relies on you for food and companionship so i'm always like am i a good you know pet owner and then i told you when i was walking down your net when i went for walks when i stayed with you while we were doing shows man everybody had a pit bull that had diarrhea everybody i'm this is not a job joke like an embellishment or whatever

like... Not a racial thing either white people and the white girls or the scruffy little white dogs Yeah of course Classic stuff everything off leash

Everything's off leash and they all had liquid diarrhea and I remember thinking like Okay I saw the first dog spray brown mud on the concrete right in front of me And I was like okay This guy doesn't take care of his dog And then I made it past that coffee shop That we always go to

And there was a guy out there and he had this like ex-el bully and it was just spraying diarrhea on the tree. And I was like, okay, so like this dog has diarrhea. And then I saw it happen like two more times in the week that I was there. And I was like, okay, like I'm doing pretty good. My dog never has diarrhea. I don't know what you're feeding your dogs like leftover like dim sum that you ordered. Also they just will grab shit off the street and eat it like.

Yeah. Phil, Caleb's dog, it multiple times has grabbed a big pile of human poop and just swallowed it. I talked to Caleb and his wife about that. Because their dog is the same. It's a very similar breed to Hank, but I think he's mixed with something shorter. I don't know. Yeah.

I was complaining about Hank to Caleb and Jana, and they were like, I was like, when did he chill out? And they were like, oh, he really hasn't. And I was like, we were just talking about how crazy the, because he's like a hound mixed too. I was like, has he chilled out? And they're like, I mean, and he was under the table just kind of sleeping and he was like

yeah I mean when he's exhausted like when he doesn't have anything left to give he'll go to sleep and I'm like yeah that's most creatures and I'm like what about during the day and they're like oh intolerable just like an intolerable beast I mean I think Phil is definitely better than a few years ago but yeah this was like two years ago also like I think a whole floor there apartment was being renovated

or something when they first got him and it was just like worst case scenario for them Yeah. But yeah, shout out to them for taking good care of a dog that is very sweet, but almost anybody in the entire world would give that dog back to the pan. That's what I was talking to his wife about. I was like, me and Ashley, like, when we first got Hank, we were like, we have to rehome him again.

Like, we can't do it. He ate two couches inside three weeks, cost us like $900. and then vet bills for that. That was just couch money. And then when he was a puppy, he was taking human man-sized shits everywhere. Like you'd go into the living room and there would be like a log.

It wouldn't coil up like a, because he's tall. So he has to squat a certain way. So his poop does not coil like a dog's poop. It's just one long, like toilet log that's just in your house. Also, he eats his poop sometimes And so we were like, yeah, we can't be having that But then we were like, well, he's already been re-homed like four times for being an asshole

So we have to fucking tighten up And take care of this fucking half German Shepherd half coon hound And we still got him And he's a good actually, I can't call him a good boy He is very funny He's like a friend that breaks shit Or that like starts fights at the bar You're like, but like

But if you need him to like replace your car motor, he'll do it for like two beers and a cigarette. That's kind of how he is, but in dog form. You know what I mean? Like he's not worth a fuck at all. But when you need a good laugh for like a good hang, Hank's always there. You know what I mean? He'll watch movies with you. Yeah, like a high school friend that you can't be around all the time, but you'd still say he's a good guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just a little too rowdy for me. He's, he's in his party boy era though. Yeah, he's in his fuck boy era. Mm-hmm. He's like a devil-may-care type, like, ruggedly hound dog? Yeah. Dog.

Yeah. Girls probably want to kiss him. Ruggedly dogish hound. You got a really ruggedly dogish hound. I don't know if you've noticed that he's got kind of a very masculine feature. Otis right now is Eden got a new desk chair, which is by. You know, there's nothing, it's nice, it's comfortable, but it is like, it's a pretty regular desk chair in terms of those.

Right. If you're thinking of a desk chair is just one of those off Amazon or whatever. And Otis has now claimed it to be his chair. And if somebody is sitting in it, he'll kind of go up to you and be like, hey, it's kind of where I like to sit. And he sleeps in it at night. He doesn't like to sleep in the bedroom anymore. He likes to sleep in a swim.

quivel desk chair now. Mm-hmm. And I think that he thinks that we can sleep in it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll be like, all right, everybody, come sleep in this fucking tiny chair. Yeah, yeah, Hank does that too sometimes.

Like, meow. All right, come here. Meow. And it's like, a human can barely fit in that chair. It's a small chair to begin with. But he's also started basking on the couch.

The other day he I had a bunch of microphone wires out Like coiled up And he was like sleeping in the coiled up Microphone cords Oh nice very sweet Like ooh I love podcasting

Ooh Hank will drag his dog bed in the living room And then just stare at you And he'll lay down in it And like he'll lay down in such a way Where there's like he's on the edge And I think he's like Come on time for bed

And I'm like I'm not laying in that dog bed with you man you suck on that thing like a bottle. I remember. Lily we have on quite a bit of gabapentin so her ear doesn't hurt too bad. So she's just high as fuck all the time. Sleeping and having a good ass time and is very confused whenever you,

if you're near her and then suddenly you aren't, she's like, wait. Was it Otis or Lily? I woke up, scared the fuck out of me and then they like teleported out the door. That was Otis. He's very, when he stands, when he's just looking into your eyes,

it can be really jarring because it's like, he seems kind of human when he does it. Yeah, yeah. And he's very expressive, like, you know what he's saying when he looks at you. Like, whenever I'm getting his dinner ready in the evening or whatever, there's a lot of steps

because I'm also getting the wet food measured out for the next day. Yeah. You know, so I can put it in the fridge and Eden can just set it out in the morning. And so there's a lot of steps and I have to measure out all this medicine and stuff. It takes at least 30 minutes even if I'm really on it. But if I look at my phone or something or I start unloading the dishwasher during the process,

he'll just be sitting right next to me on the floor and he'll just look up at me. So what's the deal where you're not doing dinner tonight or did you get distracted by your phone or something? Yeah, yeah. I guess I'm not that higher priority for you right now. I guess whether I get to eat or not is trivial to you. Yeah, he was, I remember I was like falling asleep and I was like just having those like sporadic random thoughts. They're not dreams, you know, it's just those sporadic random thoughts before sleep like leopard. Oh my God, bucket water park, 255,000 wild horses.

And then, you know, you drift off into sleep. but right before I drifted off I felt this presence in the room and like this pressure on my chest and he was just like making biscuits like right on my heart he was just like fucking like kneading my like my chest muscle

and I like open my eyes and then he just literally I know he's old dude but he jumped from the bed clear across the whole bedroom and out the door in like one leap I didn't even know his old ass was capable of it but he was I was like

what the fuck I'm being watched and I felt this Like, you know what's funny is I was like, I remember being like half asleep before open my eyes and I was like, why is, is Thomas like doing a prank like rubbing me? Like I didn't because at that point, I'd only met Otis like six or seven times and he had warmed up to me before Lily but he was still kind of skittish around me. So I was like, I was like, is Thomas? I was literally about to be like Thomas, bro, why are you rubbing my fucking nipples dog? Like, get the fuck. And then I opened it.

It's just this old ass cat that's like he's literally like circling my nipple. Just is bonding with your body. Yeah, just... Really realizing that it belongs to a person. Right. It's warm. Yeah, it's just exploring my body without my consent. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, Odie, and then he just fucking bowling, like, just went straight out the fucking door. Yeah, I remember first getting to know him, I would be asleep, and I would just feel... You know, a cat's tongue does not feel like a dog's tongue at all if it hurts. No, no, no, yeah. It's like a lizard.

He would just lick me right at the tip of my nose while I was fully asleep, and it would freak me the fuck out. Yeah. Getting licked in your sleep. Mm-hmm. And it just feels like really coarse sandpaper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't feel normal at all.

I dated a girl who, like, had a cat named Dad, and she didn't take good care of the cat. It was always sick. And I remember she had an air... This was an air mattress girlfriend situation. Classic. Classic, yeah. and remember the cat

This is the same girl that had German That I woke up and I was covered in German Cockroaches at her place I woke up and her cat was just like Going to town on my toes dude Just absolutely sucking on them Kind of biting them a little bit Like licking on them and I was like

Hey get out of here And we had only been dating for like a month And she's like don't yell at my cat I was like not licking my toes like Hmm salt This motherfucker was like gumming my shit. He was like, like, getting out from my big toe, like it was a fucking morsel.

And I was like, dude, get me out of this fucking, I got to stop. You know what? I think I got to get out of the house. I think we should date for one more year. Yeah, anyway, rest in peace. I think, I don't know, I don't know if the cat lived or not. But he always had some kind of bizarre ailment. Like, one of his eyes would be huge.

And she would be like, I don't really know what's going on with. them. And I was like, I don't think a cat's eye is supposed to be big and red. And she'd be like, yeah, I mean, he gets like this sometimes. And I was like, okay. Whatever is supposed to. A lot of girls are like, well, I'm a

girl, so I'm not like capable of like, um, of evil. You know what I mean? Like, there's no way a girl could torture an animal by not thinking about it. So. Yeah, I'm a girl.

So I can't really like ever not be a perfect nurturer of a creature. It's just sort of in my nature. Never mind that the cat, you know, routinely gets into clonopin and search for lean or whatever. That never happened, but I'm sure it happened to somebody. I remember a very close friend of mine who I don't talk to anymore. I ran into him in New York.

He had a, what are they called? I don't know how he got this fucking thing. Death Walker? The scorpions that are like, it's over. You know what I mean? Like he had, yeah, I think that's what they're called.

Death stalker. That's way cooler. He had a death stalker that he had gotten from a family friend that had like a lot of bizarre insects. Like he had a lot of, do you remember the whiptails?

They would spit like vinegar at you, vinegar roon. I don't like saying that word because it sounds crazy, but that's the name of the, of the bug, also known as a whip spider or a whip scorpion.

Yeah, we'll call it a whip spider. How about that? Yeah, vinegaroon is pretty much done. But anyway, they had one of those too. And if you've never seen a vinegar run or a whip spider, you need to Google it and then fucking... Well, let's just say whip spider. That's cool with me.

Okay, I'll stop it. If you've never seen a vinegaroon, then you can look at it and behold God's mistake. They're fucked up creatures. Anyway, he had a death stalker. and it got out of its enclosure and it was just like in his room for a couple days and he was like yeah I can't really hang out in here

until I find the scorpion and I was like ah it's a scorpion they don't hurt that bad and he was like nah it's one of the ones that pretty much like you hallucinate and then your heart stops and I was like why the fuck do you have that and he was like I was gonna ask you like have you ever met like a

like a weird animal guy like they usually they don't have like a snake they'll have like a nine foot reticulated python they're never mentally well people and not to say that I'm oftentimes very tan guys. Snake guys are some of the tannest people. Yeah, some of the tannest guys of all time.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, anyway. I remember one time being in a line of pets smart and there was a guy who looked a lot like Rich Piana and his, for like a better term, Bimbo wife, were just talking to be nonstop

about snakes for what it felt like hours. and they were very nice to me and everything and they were kind of trying to get me in on like getting a snake and I am you know I was just asking I think I started the conversation I think I was asking but because I think they had like a little rock python

yeah yeah I think the guy had a python on him right right right yeah like I think he was just carrying around a snake and I asked about it yeah and you know I'm a guy who's generally interested in the world around him so I asked but they kind of seemed like, oh, this guy really wants to get in on spending $20,000 on a snake that's white in a particular way or something. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not my thing at all. They really misjudged me. You know, if I was going to have a pet that could kill me, frankly, I would have a lake of some kind of... Eel. Well, I would have some sort of crocodilian situation going on. but I would want them to be in a very natural environment. Yeah.

I would love to have a swamp of my own. Yeah, I think you would be a good swamp. Like you've got some land. Maybe you've got one of those like natural swimming pools, but next to it is the swamp. You know what I mean? Dying by saltwater crocodile on land that I own. Yeah.

That's the American dream. Where it's not endemic at all to the fucking moon. No, no. I get killed by a black Cayman. You transferred from Amazon. Nope. You're going to hang out. in Parker County, Texas

For a lot of the year It's too cold for you to be here Have you ever eaten gar? I don't think I have You know what's weird I was looking more into gar recently I didn't realize it was a fish Yeah

Yeah it's people mistake them for reptiles Because of their The Gator Gar specifically But they're fish And I always was told they were like A trash type thing You know like I mean they're not any more trash

than like a catfish I mean, if you're from the South and you're eating food. Like, they're pretty important, I think, for the ecosystem. Correct, yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah. But I never did anything evil to agar or anything of that nature. I was always very afraid of them growing up. Yeah. I thought, I know they don't kill people, but they would kill me.

As a child, I was like, they're going to kill me, actually. My Mexican... My Mexican... Everybody's going to kill me. My Mexican neighbors used to do these carp cookouts where they would have an engine hoist and they would raise the beam up on the engine hoist real high and then they would dig a hole in the ground and they would dig this big fire in their backyard

and a hole in the ground and then they would hang a gar or a carp up like a big fucker and then they would just kind of slow roast it over the fire and then just get pissed drunk over the course of like eight hours. Is there a lot of meat on a gar? No. No, not at all.

It's mostly fun. So like this long, slender animal? Well, so the back, The back fillet is where you get most of it. The rest, you've got to pick the small rib bones out. But I remember they, like, brought some over across the fence to me and my dad. My dad was like, now this is their culture. They eat fucking creatures.

That, you know. Getting the bones out of fish is maybe one of the worst parts of life. Yeah, it's no good. It's textually not something I like at all. It's not a moral thing or anything. I don't. It's like bad design. Mm-hmm.

I don't think you're supposed to like, outside of like sock-eye salmon or like a fat bass where they're like easy to like dress, I guess. I don't know if field dress is the right term for a fish, but where it's easy, like you lop the head off, you separate the ribs and you've got two filets for like any type of tree. I don't think that's field dressing. I know what you mean, though. You know, I'm using the term incorrectly, yeah, but to gut and filet a fish, whatever the fuck term it is. It's pretty simple.

I learned how to do it with catfish. But there's nothing like catching a catfish with dog food. And then some old guy that your dad maybe got molested by or at the very least punched him in his head a whole bunch. It's like, now what you're going to want to do is cut this fucker's head clean off. You're going to want to cut this fucker's head clean off while it's still moving. And then you're going to want to pull its guts completely out of a tough. ass. And you're like, okay, well, I've been reading Hatchet, so I think I know a thing or two

about what's going to happen here. And then you fundamentally in that moment realized that you are not nearly as country as everybody else in your life. I've had a couple moments like that. I'm sure you maybe have had two where you've been with extended family or perhaps, I know some of your family is still not super country, but usually what it happens with me is my East Texas family where you go to hang out with them and they're like, we go. We got squirrel and we got catfish. And you're like, I didn't really want to care to eat any of that. So I think I'm going to roll 15 minutes down to the one water burger in town and get food poisoning there.

But I don't really want to eat fucking. What is a marsh hen? Is that a... Is that like a slang for something? Marsh hen. Marsh hen. It's short for Martian. It's...

They kill and eat Andromedans. Oh, this is some type of duck type creature from Mars. You can't really eat them. This is a species of concern, and you're not allowed to eat them anymore. You are allowed to eat them. I allow it. I'm the game warden of all of Texas, and I say you can kill everything in God's Green Earth, every little thing that critters and crawls on the ground.

you may eat its flesh. I think I want to be Judge Holden for Halloween, but I need to find a way to gain 600 pounds of muscle and fat in about two weeks. So if you guys know anything, it would help me with that. I'm losing weight rapidly at a pace that is alarming, but not without cause.

I understand what's happening to me. but I would like to be Judge Holden. I'm pale enough. I need to be bald and I need to be about 500 pounds of muscle. So I'm going to start working on that post-taste, I suppose. Nah, no, you're about to be Judge Fulton with all this damn laundry. You need to do, Jake. About to be Fudge holding the way I be eating ice cream and getting fatted than fucking thinking about killing myself.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm about to be fuck I'm about to be Judge swollen I'm going Judge swollen

because my feet are swelling up I got congestive heart failure Man I've been not I've been getting a lot of Sometimes I think my phone Would like just to trigger me Fucked colon Fucked colon

Pud Meridian We met a man out of the woods in the desert sitting on a rock balled pecker harder than a fucking pecker harder than an auction's spines had sex with all of us and showed us how to make gunpowder what a great book what a wonderful author anyway i just wish people would actually finish it nobody has actually finished that book that's the crazy part i feel that way about broom of the system no one ever finishes david foster wallace's books they all just pretend to have and it's not projection of my part you know most people pretend to have read a book within the last two years.

Sad. I'm sick of it. Oh, man. Sorry, I'm a bit low energy. Just, you know, in a kind of a somber mood, you know, I don't really, uh, been having a bit of a, you know, sometimes in life, uh, you get kind of taken over by a deep malay, by a deep melancholy that envelops you and you, and you think, well, you, you know, and you think, well, you. I should have, you know, I should have done this. I should have done that, whatever the fuck. I wanted to go to a roller coaster park.

Mm-hmm. And then I saw that that gentleman was launched. I want to say something. And I'm not trying to make a joke about this. I'm being dead fucking serious. As a man lost his life, six flags over Georgia. Okay? If I'm ejected from a roller coaster and you as a part of a news outlet,

or maybe even the theme park itself, post photos of me with my ass completely out falling to my death. I have people in my life that I trust that would roll up on that theme park and no rush in that motherfucker. This is no Billy badass stuff. If I die with my ass out, you keep that shit out of the press. You understand me? I want to make something very clear

because they were like, local beloved community member falls to death and I was like, oh, it's terrible. Rollercoaster accidents are sad. And then I saw the pictures and, you know, he had been flipped upside down and his pants had fallen down and his whole ass was out. And I was like, yeah, don't post that. Don't post, I mean, don't post videos of me falling to my death, first of all. But if I'm falling to my death and my ass is out and there's like wrinkles in my ass and hair, maybe just keep that, keep that in the fucking SD card. You know what I mean? There's no need.

I, they were like posting videos of it and, you know, we live in a deeply, voyeuristic, macab place now where we're like, some guy died, let's see the last moments of this beloved community member. I don't care. And he died with his whole ass out. And I don't want to die before my time at all. I'd like to go in a bed,

high on morphine surrounded by my loved ones, which is a rare thing. Not a lot of people get that. But if I die with my ass out, I need some of y'all do avenge me. I don't care what the circumstances are. If I'm, you know, at the club, I take my pants off and then some guy shoots me because I got my ass out.

Hey, you know, that's the way she goes. Sometimes you better blow that club up. I'm trusting the Pendejos to stand up for what's right. Yep. There's pictures of me dead with my pecker, my balls, and my ass out. You need to find out to go to TMZ headquarters, show them what time it is. Boom time. Three booms.

You know what I mean? Yeah, probably, thankfully, it probably won't be on the news when either of us die. For sure. I am being a bit narcissistic and assuming that my ass and my death would be notable for the news. But then again, it might. Every death is notable because I write it down every time it happens. I think it would make the Pasadena news, maybe. I think I'm like one of the only people that came out of there that didn't.

I might have any modicum of success. Actually, that's not true. A very famous basketball player came out of there. What's his name? Kendrick Perkins, I do believe. Oh, nice. Yeah, he came out of there. He's now very fat.

Is he? Yes. Yeah, Kendrick Perkins. Oh, that's cool. Did he want to make sure, no, is it not Kendrick Perkins? That's incorrect. Hold on, let me make sure that I'm fucking the game up. Laporte NBA player.

Laporte, Texas, NBA player. Sorry, one second. I needed Kendrick Perkins. That's okay. No, just give me a second. Just give me one goddamn second. Well, apparently I made this completely up. I thought Kendrick Perkins went to school where I went to school.

As it turns out, he was born in Niederland, and he went to school not anywhere near me at all, but he is from Texas. Oh, no, he went to Ozen and Beaumont. That's how I know him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, never mind. That's not too far from where I was at. Well, that's pretty interesting.

It's not interesting at all. Did you guys know that Kendrick Perkins was born in a part of Texas that was kind of around the general area where Jake was born or resided at some point? No, come on now. That's not nice. Speaker of the house, Jim Wright was from Weatherford. Oh, that's cool. From Pester.

The only famous guy ever was the guy who wrote the Conan the Barbarian novels. Oh, really? That's cool. I think you told me about this. Yeah, yeah. I think you're ever talking about this. Yeah. Now, guys, if you're listening to this and you're from Pister, go out there and be famous.

Do your thing. You don't have to live in my shadow, okay? Yeah. Believe it or not, it can be done even bigger than I've done it. I found out Woody Harrison was born in Pasadena, and I'm like, that makes sense. He's got a very Pasadena thing about him Where, you know, It just stumbled into something

But he probably should have just Gotten eaten by Dean Coral or something. You know what I mean? Like that's just kind of what happens to a lot of guys A lot of older Gen X guys around that time Walking around just got eaten by the Candyman Uh, Dean Coral. Um, anyway.

Dean Coral is a nice name. He should have never settled for that nickname. well he did run a candy factory and have sex for children so it's kind of like a name you're you're probably going to get stuck with if you're that if you're like that you know if you've got those things speaking of we got an ad read oh yeah speaking of uh dean coral speaking of dean coral what did i just send you okay yeah so speaking of dean coral there's a lot of things in life that you can bet on nope never mind there's a lot of things in life Fuck There's a lot of things in life That are worth watching And there's a lot of cool And awesome markers that you can place on life

Thomas, why don't you hit us With a little bit of information On what we're talking about to... Guys, I'm about to hear something That's going to frankly be music to your ears Yeah Prize picks is bringing out their best offer yet New Yearers who sign up

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Let's break down the main card fighters and make our stat, projections. Starting with Mandel Nalo versus Nate Landware. Nalo's projection for total fight time is set at nine and a half minutes. Nalo brings explosive power. I mean, he's coming the whole round. I mean, you think that he's done exploding and it's just more power. So I'm picking less than nine and a half minutes because these lightweights are going to push

for a finish. Does everyone have their checkbooks out? Next up is Mark Andre Berriolt versus Kyle Deccouse Barrioles Stat projection is set of 45.5 significant strikes

Power Bar loves to throw volume in front of the Canadian fans so I'm taking more than 45.5 significant strikes for Ham. Moving on to the for ham. Moving on to the featherweight action we have Louis Jordane versus Timothy Coomba.

Kuwamba's projection Oh, Mr. Corwamba! Mr. Corwamba, Mr. Carawamba, here use my monies. Timothy Caramba, do you want to have me make a lot of money? Please, hear your projection is there 52 and a half significant strike? He liked to let loose on the fee, so I'm picking more than 52.5 significant strike. All right. Then we have a high-stakes women's flyweight clash.

A little something for the dames. Aaron Blanchfield versus Jadman Jesuitavicious There you go That's all it is man Now our prize picks Has Blanchfield's projection

At 2.5 takedons landed Blanchfield is an elite Female grappler Who will look to take it to the canvas So I'm looking at more than 2.5 Women's Takedowns landed All eyes are on the main event of the night Joaquin Buckley versus Mike Millot

Buckley's projection is set at 58.5 significant strikes, and Milott's projection is set at 1.5 takedowns landed. Jake, I thought you'd never ask. Joaquin Buckley brings pure knockout violence and relentless pressure. So I'm taking more than 58.5 significant strikes for Buckley. That's going to be an absolute... Let's spit it up. That's going to be an absolute banger of them. And speaking of how great the apps is,

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The Price Picks app is better than ever. So pull up. Download the app today and use code P-E-N-D-E-J-O to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. I love the man I've become. Download the app today and use code P-E-N-D-J-O to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Price picks, run your game, dog. Anyway. All right, guys.

Well, I feel good about that. Let's get on to the episode. Yeah, guys. So speaking of what we were talking about, the candy man. So Jake, I don't think I'd heard of this serial killer before you brought him up. I think you brought him up on the show before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's a southeast Texas-based gentleman.

Yeah, from Pasadena, Texas. His house was not too far from where I grew up. He had a couple accomplices. One of them ended up shooting him in the fucking head and killing him. but he groomed a couple guys who he was going to kill and they ended up working for him and they would lure boys in with weed and booze and then Dean Cor would put them on these kind of torture racks

and psychologically and physically torture them to death over the course of, you know, a couple days. And, you know, back then stuff like that, I'm not saying it was good, I'm not saying it was bad, just saying it, you know, it happened. And he was kind of a, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna go out on a long, limb and I'm just going to say he was not well liked in the neighborhood, Dean Coral.

And so one day, one of the guys was like, hey Dean, I'm about tired of killing all these boys and Dean was like, we'll do something about it then. And so the guy took a revolver and shot Dean right in the fucking forehead. And from my understanding, Dean didn't immediately die. He was like, damn, I got shot in the fucking forehead. And then he shot him about five more times and killed his ass dead and then went to prison for a long time because he partook in some brutality that I shall not repeat on the show. You know, it's funny. I was thinking, well, it's weird there's never been a serial killer in the DFW area.

Guys, turns out there is a whole bunch of them. Yeah. Even currently. In 2024, a guy was convicted. A guy was, a death penalty was given to this guy. They found three bodies burning at once in a dumps. and Eulis, and then he casually mentioned he had killed a bunch of other people in his life leading up to this, and basically nobody had said anything about it.

He'd killed his girlfriend and his roommate years before, and nobody ever really did anything. Let me see those specifically, because Fort Worth, you know, Dallas, this is one of the biggest metroplexes. Of course there's going to be serial killers. Let's see about Weatherford. Weatherford serial killer, Thomas Maxwell White. Um, no. Yeah. Okay.

Um, okay, guys, well, it does seem there's been some murders, um, even some double murders, but,

uh, I don't know, nothing that impressive. Um, let's see. A guy just did. In the 80s, there was an execution-style

double murder of two Weatherford high school students on 10, tent-up road. Yeah. Um, which, uh, Tintop, um, we all remember Tintop Road. Tintop Road will you go to get it made?

Tintop Road where you go to get it paid. There was a serial killer named Daniel, Danny Paul Bible, which is a very funny name to have. My name is Danny Bible. My name's Danny Bible. I'm addicted to the Bible and also killing women with guns. My name is Danny, Danny Bible. If you get caught as a serial killer in Mother for Texas, even now, it's like, all right, buddy, you weren't cut out for this. It's like one of the last places you can definitely still do that.

Yeah, I feel like I could probably hide out at Paster for a while for anybody knew what was going on. Yeah, especially, you know, I've thought about this before. If you just have like a fake construction company. Yeah. And you just go out and you just have fields, you could just dig mass graves and bury people. Nobody would like give them fuck at all.

That's what the Texas killing fields were. They were like, I'm working on something. And then they just kind of like buried the bodies out there. And by where I grew up near Bay Area when I was a kid. What was I going to say? This is a riveting one. I'm like moving. A killing fields.

I'm not familiar with that. That's an interesting one. Texas killing fields are an interesting one. That one also took place right around the corner of. from where I grew up. Guys, it turns out a bunch of people have been killed. You know, I remember growing up in the newspaper one time, they were like, hey, we found a woman's body in a field.

Anybody know what that's about? Yeah. And I don't think they did anything about that. At my alma mater, they found a dismembered lady of the evening and behind the apartment complexes and it was a stain on the university's reputation for a short while. And then, as it turns out, a bunch of the,

it was a Jesuit college, a bunch of the brothers that lived on campus in this big building that they had built for all of the priests to live in in part of retirement, well, pretty much all of the, a lot of those guys had been jacking off kids. And so that kind of story got kind of outshined a little bit

where when people were like, yeah brother so-and-so yeah i mean he was you know he was you know touching on me like a damn bongo drum back in the 70s well your brother josiah he treated my body like a great big helium balloon just take a big sucks out of me

repeatedly and going ah and going i want to what's that fucking jacob colier fellow who sings all the songs and he's like oh ah oh the guy who can play like a million instruments

but not make a good song. Yeah, I want to hit him with a fucking goddamn Tomahawk missile, dude. I want one to go directly and do his fucking... I hate that Mark Rebellé guy. I'm gonna keep it a back stack with you, brother. You're gonna keep it a back?

Yeah, I'm gonna keep it back with you, dude. I don't like to play the... This guy is hiding something game because it's just not fair, but like there's something... There's something off about that, gentleman. to me.

You know what I mean? No, for sure. I mean, yeah. For one, the only person I know, I know who has been rocking heavily with Reggie Watts

throughout these past few years. Number two, he's always like, man, I don't like to get political, but I need to say something about this. And he just has the worst opinion I've ever heard in my entire life. It's like nobody's happy with what he says.

I've never seen any, but he'll be like, guys, I just want to clear something up. And then he always makes whatever situation is way worse. He finds an angle that nobody, I don't know if it's his contrarian nature or what. I don't really like that many happy-go-lucky guys like that. Right, yeah, yeah.

If you're making keyboard songs in Central Park and you're like, get the fuck up, it's time to go. Get the fuck up, it's time to go. Yeah, it's time to go, man. It's time to go to a great big. Yeah, it's time to go to fucking prison. It's time to go to a fucking prison. It's time to go to a,

a great big ditch 10 miles long as far as the eye can see and it's filled with men just like you. Your eyes should be filled with sadness when I see you man. Yeah, yeah. You know the world we live in? You can still be cool. You still have a good time but it needs to be in spite of everything. Yeah. It's like

Metallica is under fire because it's so funny. Metallica is like, we don't do this political bullshit. We don't come up here. You guys came here as Metallica fans to hear Metallica and it's like I liked you guys better. when you were alcoholics.

Because when you were alcoholics, you'd write lyrics like, Crack of dawn, all is gone except the will to be. Some will see there'll be blinded eyes to see for whom the best. And he wrote for justice for all. Like ride the lightning.

Make his fight on the hill in the early day. Constant chill leave inside. It's like about war and the redundancy and brutality of it. And then everybody stops drinking alcohol, Metallica and all the songs are about there's a spooky ass creature and he's only your bit

like it just fucking like I bet Madalika was my dad's favorite band so I know fucking every Metallica album front to back and so I got to watch the evolution of my father

get increasingly disappointed over the years I learned how to play guitar listening to kill them all Seeking Destroy great song you know what I mean like the album just an incredible

incredible album and every album after that is like war is fucking hell and politicians they just send you young men to the fucking meat grinder for nothing. And then they were like, I guess we've got to quit drinking.

And then they released the black album. And the black album is like, spooky green ghost. Spooky green ghost. Spooky green ghost inside of your spirit. Sad but true, spooky green ghost. Like it's, I was like,

like it's not, like, or inner sandman. Oh, M.J. Yeah. Oh, M.G is spooky green ghost. Bada, ba, bough, boom, boom. Or like fucking intersandman. Texting. Scary pictures on my phone.

Look in there pictures on my phone. Take the charges of your phone with the eye message. Yeah, yeah. Download app that says Twitter. It's like when Kiss would be like, we're fucking evil, man. And you'd be like, all right. And they'd be like, we're evil. We got makeup on.

We're evil as fuck. Okay, all right, well, let's hear it, and the songs are like, rock and roll with your friends, rock and roll with your friends, drinking beer in the rock and roll town and everybody. It's like, well, this doesn't sound very evil at all. This just sounds like a good time. I mean, I don't think you guys need to be doing all this.

Also, I think, I don't want to make any comments about Mr. Jean Simmons, But I remember my dad was watching Howard Stern and Gene Simmons was like, I've had six with over 5,000 women. And I was like, nah, I don't buy that. I buy like, I'd probably believe like 500. Where do you find the time? You know what I mean?

Like, where do you find that? Probably never had a job. Fucking lazy bum. Yeah, I didn't consider that. I guess if your first job... These guys have never had jobs. Like, whenever they go to go on the radio, they're like, fuck, I got work today.

Yeah, I was thinking about. about that with the Rolling Stones where it's like, I watch them, I watch footage of their concerts now with like Angus Young and Keith Richards and Mick. And it's like, this is, they got famous when they were like 19. You know, this is like, yeah.

Saw her today at the reception. Glass of wine in her hand. You know, you can't always get what you want. You know, or like, jumping jack flash. These motherfuckers were like 20. They never flipped a damn pizza. So I guess,

you probably have a lot of time to do questionable sexual stuff when your only job has been fucking the Rolling Stones. You know what I mean? It's like with red hot chili peppers. It's like their only job was blood sugar sex magic. Which I guess an album like that should have been a hint that Anthony Keats is perhaps. Hey, what's the name of your album called? Blood Sugar Sex Magic.

What's the number one song of that album? Breaking the Girl. Okay. All right. Well, I'm just going to assume that you're doing pretty good and you're not doing nothing weird. No, no, we're not doing nothing weird, man. Sorry, I just wonder, what's breaking the girl about? It's just kind of about destroying somebody.

Okay, cool. And I want to make sure 100% that you're like a good guy, right? You're not doing nothing weird? Nope. I don't got a girlfriend in junior high. Whatever you've heard. Look, you know, like the early 2000s, mid-2000s, those were a different day. Danny, California is a different time, you know?

Yeah, I mean. Yeah, yeah. Out in them? Man, I fucking, let me tell you something. Scar tissue that I wish you saw and then standing in line to see the show. I like that stuff.

There are songs you like when you're in fifth grade before you've kind of cultivated your own taste. And I think red-out chili peppers from me, that's what they make music for. It's like, you make music for fifth group. Chippetau, Supertow. Young Kentucky girl with a push-up bra.

Mom and Paul sucking out. Yeah. Leave your side of porn in their nation. Dream of eating lots of rations. Dream of eating lots of rations. Anyway. Lots of pizza with some cheese and salt. Lots of pizza with.

Pepperoni and it's tasting. falling all over myself to eat y'or uh to go to the cart and get some milk cause with the drinking food is a yummy or goo ooo with the drink of the food is a yummy ooh Drinking food, it's a yummy, ooh. So I spoke with a big jaw, eating lots of candy because I'm very small. I'm a boy. I eat a lollipop. Make me feel good to tell mama and pop because drinking lots of yummy milk and soup.

Anyway. With the cold of root beer tooth. Root beer tooth. pizza pasta sauce take a piece of candy eat the malls two cups of

orange juice with two cups of milk and spilling on you and with two big scoops of ice cream glooping yeah

with two big scoops of that ice cream ooh yeah with two beats ice cream it's tasty yeah Bear straw Apple ball

Take big picture of the picture of the mall Apple ball Dunkin Donas Apple wall Apple watch looking like basketball What kind of fruit are you eating there Appleball? Yeah it's just like

Apple ball this fruit is delicious to Apple ball It's a fruit that could be That's the last thing They pitched Steve Jobs Before he died from Garrett Cancer.

Yo, so it's called the Apple Ball. It's like a basketball you could play phone on. They're shaking him awake. They're shaking the fuck out of him. Wake up, sir. Stephen! St. Rise!

Steve. This is him, Tim Cook. And the other guy, Tim Cook and... Steve. It was, Niac. Yeah, there we go. I was thinking of Sergey Brin, who I think might be the Google man. Google!

Did you ever, you ever know anybody that had a Zoom, or was that too before your time? Too before my time. I was born in the, uh, I came into technology around the iPod shuffle. Oh, okay. I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody, everybody that I knew that had a Zoom ended up being some kind of, I don't know how to say this, sexual beast. I used to want an iPod

Classics so bad But then now when I see people Like paying 400 bucks For the old iPod classics I'm like All right You guys are actually really babies Yeah baby man

I just want music without phone Like if it has texting on it Then I can't listen to music Yeah Yeah Yeah You know what I just want to say something

That was a voice that Christa would do during one of his jokes I want to just say I want to retract that. I kind of meant to do a different voice. And as I did it, I realized I did that because I've been watching Christalia do the shirtless selfie videos. Oh, those are so good, bro. Those are so good.

Yeah. So you guys are mad because of the not joke part and not because of the joke part. So that's the joke. That's not the joke. when I say that he needs to be killed with a harpoon within six minutes of this recording coming out I mean that

I say that you know I say that as somebody who just did a 15 minute prize picks ad you know yeah yeah yeah but we've got to have something we've got to have something that brings us together guys yeah I love when he tries to do

Jim face to his own phone it's a there's there's not a lot of guys that are doing that that that are moving like that where he'll be like uh yeah i mean if we're being honest they do dress like hoars and then he like looks into the camera and he's like well the thing too is like half of his takes are not even bad it's just i don't think he accounted for the possibility of himself not aging well right yeah yeah yeah he's never been a bad looking guy in terms of like if he was a regular guy

Yeah, he'd be like a guy. Like as a regular guy, he's not a bad looking guy. But as a famous guy, he's not a particularly awesome looking guy. And then also, you know, the Snapchat stuff. You've got to kind of do it. Well, the Snapchat stuff. And then he has the one million brand new tattoos. Yeah, that's never good.

And his body is completely gray. Oh, yeah. I never bought that he was sober. I just don't believe certain people when they say that. No, I believe that he's not drinking. alcohol, I believe that he's taking a bunch of medicine. Okay. That is probably prescribed to him. I bet he takes

a bunch of like clonopin and shit like that. Yeah, I think that about like the Trump family. Well, they're like, we don't drink alcohol, but they have like oxy on hand and clonies and stuff. Yeah, yeah. I believe that. Man, I think my wife is making chili. Oh, okay. Yeah, I can smell the chili. You'd made some fucking awesome.

like kind of Korean bowls last night. Nice. We had, it was like over rice or whatever, but it was just like, it was like this Chinese egg plant and these peppers and all this stuff cooked down

with this like, this like beef stuff. Yeah. We did it over rice and then she fried an egg and then threw that on top mixed it around with some chariotrach or whatever. Oh, that fucker.

God damn. I was like, man. Let me get it. Let me get a bite. I said, Ooh, we. That's some yummy food you made. Thank you. Oh, I think that I found myself a Korean. Oh, I think I'm Korean just like country China.

I would want to eat something fine, yeah. Oh, I think I'm Korean just like country China. My name's Greg Abbott. I have a vagina. Do you think his shit works? I bet it works like a gas pump, man. 24-7. Just spraying it. Yeah, yeah.

Just spraying it. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's... I would love to put a gas pump into Greg Abbott's asshole while he's asleep and just start pumping gas into it. See if he takes off. See if anything happens.

Yeah, just see what... Realistically, I think you just kill... I think you take a man's life when you do that realistically. Yeah, yeah. But who knows, maybe he would enjoy it or have a good time, generally speaking. Yeah, yeah. If I was rich as fuck, I would have a wheelchair that emitted so many fumes.

I would have like a four-cylinder wheelchair. Yeah, with like a turbo on it, like a little four, like an S-R-T-4 Dodge Neon with the fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, the fucking, did you, that video of him chopping brisket at Buckees was like one of those, like, I love when you see a video of a guy evil or not just done with life he's done being alive and he's got all these other obligations

as a politician and stuff but the way that they were like first brisket on the board and he was just like slamming the butcher knife into the he's just imagining it's his own leg and it's his own heart and he was just and I'm just like God that guy does not want to be here that guy would rather fucking

kill himself that guy wants to be like and I think he wants to be in like an alien spaceship, just, like Magneto. Creating order from there. Yeah, he doesn't want anything to do with us. I don't think he really, like,

I don't know, I feel like he does have some level of, like, ideals or whatever. Right, yeah. In an old Texas way. Yeah. Where, like, those guys do kind of believe in something. Right. But I think mostly he's just really good at this, unfortunately.

Yeah, his political calculus is, he's a good guy. I mean, he's a bad person, but he's good at this. You don't get to really say that about anybody anymore. Like, everybody's so bad at this. Yeah. But, like, this last generation, like, say what you want about Nancy Pelosi, but she got rich as fuck off. Like, she did it. Right, yeah, yeah.

The damage is done. She's, Mitch McConnell already ran this shit. Yeah, yeah, it's over. Yeah, it's over. Oh, yeah, now he's 90 and falling over. Yeah, we get that. Yeah. He's literally going to die in office.

In power. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to be a 100-year-old turtle. It's like when people were like, yeah, good to finally see Henry Kissinger. He's a hundred died happily, faced no consequences. Consequences. He killed 2.5 million people. Yeah.

It meant nothing to him. Barack Obama was like, now we may not disagree, but, you know, I think that a lot of the country. And it's like, yeah, all right. Well, you're gonna go and you're gonna... Dick Cheney died just having been painted by George Bush a bunch of times or whatever, you know. Carl Rove is really that motherfucker. Carl Rove is the...

He's the blueprint. He's... Yeah, true. Yeah, he's the Stephen Miller proto. He's just feeding in lines from the back of the class. Yeah, respect. I mean, you know... Dennis Hastert just died, which is like,

what a prolific piece of shit. pedophile and yeah nothing really happened to him or whatever I think I've kind of given up on anything good happening in terms of justice and the rest of my life is mostly going to be spent trying to get paper which I know makes me a bad person but you know I mean you gotta get paper regardless I'm I feel like yeah I try to be optimistic but also I do have to get I have to get as much money as I can because it seems like the economy is not doing very well oh yeah I'm very scared at all

and all the retired people I know are trying to get jobs again like all the people I know who would be retiring are not going to now. One of my uncles is like back working at a mechanic shop after being retired for like four years.

He's just a master tech somewhere at some like performance shop in Houston because he just, his social security wasn't paying enough. Everybody want to look at my eye and everybody want to suck on my eye down. Thanks everybody for listening.

Sorry, This was a little slow. I've been a little out of it. So I appreciate you guys for listening. Thanks for listening to the end. If you got through this one, not everybody's, not everything's a champion.

But we've got a lot of shows coming up, me between Thomas and I solo and then a couple of shows next year for Pendejo time. Thomas, if you want to hit him with that Colomis plug. Yeah, October 30th at Life World and Bushwick. Um, please come if you are normal. And, um, that'll be a lot of fun. And, uh, please come if you are not.

Please come if you are normal. And please come to our shows. If you're normal. Beginning of next year. Yeah. Um, and thank you guys and take care. Yeah. I've got, um, a bunch of shows.

November 20th to the 22nd. I will be in Omaha, Honda, Nebraska, Emmittsburg, Iowa, and then Lincoln, Nebraska. I'll link those tickets in bio. I'm going on tour with some friends, doing a little weekender. And then, yeah, January 28th, 7 to 9 p.m., New Orleans at Sports Drink. That's the first weekend of Marty Gras. So bring your best boots, bring your best jacket, bring your best jokes.

We're going to have a great time, and then we're going to be in Philly again. If we sell the show out, they're going to give us a second show. We sold the first one out, so get your tickets to that motherfucker so we can maybe have a second show planned. and then maybe come back to Chicago, we'll see. People keep asking this about Minneapolis and Boston. Nobody in Boston will talk to me on my phone. Minneapolis, we should talk to Tommy Bay or about. Oh, yeah, we should talk to Tommy.

Yeah, all right. We'll work on something for Minneapolis. I know a lot of y'all been asking, and I would love to go there. But all right, for now, peace. Peace.