Pendejo Time - its already over

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

ok bye bye now goodbye!!!!! bye bye for me to you bye bye adios byue bye now goodbye!!!! i go to heaven now i get hit by peterbilt bye Support the Show.

What the fuck is up? WITZOW! Wicca, wicca, wicca, wicca, wicca! Yeah, this is my high energy note for the night. I'm fucking done, dude. Gone. Yeah, man. That's all I got.

You people want me to put... You people want me to fucking throw it all on the line, don't you? Leave it all out on the field i i feel like shit i was just telling you uh i went yeah you look awful yeah man i look you look like shit i look like a roadie for some 41 uh no i like went to this taco joint and uh they like fucked my order up and uh the lady was like oh you can just keep these tacos because like it's happened before they fuck my order up and they like make you give the tacos back but she's like oh you can just keep them we'll remake your order so i said okay so uh they gave me my tacos and i was like oh cool i have dinner tonight and then i have like

lunch tomorrow and then i just ate all six like i i didn't even think about it like i did it on the way home which i do all the time i've mentioned this on the show before yeah i just eat in my fucking i just eat in my car like i don't know why. And so I got home and I was like, dude, I feel like shit. I kind of did it in a fugue state where I reached into the bag and I was like, oh, I just ate six tacos in the seven-minute drive it took to get to my house. And lately, because I haven't been to the gym in a while and work's been super busy in school. It's done now, but I just haven't been and I'm about to move and just a bunch of shit going on and anyway like I stepped on the scale like when I got home today and I was like yeah um that's bad and then I went and ate like six tacos like I'm just kind of like

I'm not like I was at like 193 and I'm like right at 200 again. And I'm like, that's awesome. Because it took me like two weeks to gain seven pounds. It'll take me like a fucking month to get back down to where I am. I have no idea where I am right now. At one point I dipped down to 191, which for me yeah is like that was bad and i think i'm probably i'm back up a decent amount but that's just from the last few days because i kind of realized i could i can kind of eat whatever i want right now yeah but uh yeah like you said because there's a whataburger like on the road that i live on like

one minute from like it is yeah i could walk to it right now and i went to the drive-thru and i got uh i got a double cheeseburger with fries and, you know, Dr. Pepper and a small shake. And, uh, well, I finished it on the way home. And I live on the

I live, I live down the road. It's the same road. Yeah. I mean, I ate some of it in the parking lot, but when I got home, I had gotten this meal for the purpose of me going home after work and sitting at the dinner table.

And having a meal. Yeah. Yeah. It was fucking... Yeah. I don't know. Ever since I got my first like since i've been driving like i just don't have any i just poor impulse control so like i'll go pick up food and i'll be like all right so it's only like a four minute drive to your house so

like just hold off and i'll have like and i'll be like down the road um uh i live down the road and i'm like i'll get like the first stoplight and i'll be like all right what's one french fry and then by the time i park my car and turn the engine off i've like sucked the dr pepper down there are no fries like I have like eaten the little crumbs out of the bag. Like I've eaten the burger or whatever the fuck. And I'm sitting there in the car and I'm like, dude, I'm a piece. Like I have an apartment. I don't live out of my fucking car.

That's why like most of the trash in my car is like Red Bull cans, bang cans, and like fast food bags. And like in clothes. Like it looks like I live. People have asked me, do you live out of this motherfucker, dude? Because you just keep talking about an apartment. And haven't seen that yet but i have seen the car like i've gone to pick up friends from the bus stop when they come into austin when i lived there and um like they'd be like oh man um you got a place right and i'm like yeah why they're like

because there's like clothes back here and there's like a pillow back here. And there's like food back here. And there's like condom wrappers back here and there's cigarettes back here and there's a beer back here. So it looks like you live back here. And I'm like, no, I just, I'm like a piece of shit. Yeah. I went to a gas station. This was yesterday. It was right before work. I was running kind of late to work.

And it sort of hit me. I had to go to the bathroom. So I was in Arlington. I just sort of pulled into the first place I saw. It was around Cooper Street Like UTA area And um So it's just like Chevron I think And so

They've got one of those bathrooms Where like clearly you're not supposed to use it It's like a closet or whatever But I was kind of in a hurry I was like Fuck it Can I use the bathroom or whatever and so he handed me a stick with the key on it i was like all right i'm sure whatever i look and there's

three bathrooms all right one of them is employees only and the door handle has been ripped off. Like, not like the end of the doorknob. I mean, the whole mechanism. Yeah, there's not a lock. Yeah. There's not. It's not just the hole. There's like pieces of the door missing where it was ripped out or like hit with a sledgehammer. Like it was kicked out or like hit with a sledgehammer like it was kicked in yeah like the it looks it literally looked like a crackhead like grabbed it and ripped the door

which i respect yeah anyway and then there's a ladies restroom which says just do not use and i i was like all right i trust it and so i use the men's restroom and i managed to get it open and there's like not a light bulb in there there's not a light switch and there's not a working light there's like a backup light that i have to wave my hand for constantly yeah but somebody has stolen the light cover and like the light switch and so for some reason i'm ignoring all these red flags and i'm like yeah i'll take a dump here not that big of a deal and so uh i asked the guy i was like do you have a way to turn the light on in here and he was like no why just use the switch and i was like well you know and he didn't know somebody apparently someone had stolen it like since that morning anyway so i finally you know take care of business or whatever someone has stolen the toilet, like the top of the tank also.

That was fun. Anyway, wrap up. I go to the trash can to throw away my paper towels. And this is where it gets interesting. Because there's not anything in there other than used condoms. And this is not. How many are we talking? Well, like I said, it was mostly dark in there because there was a backup light.

But like the light switches off okay at this point i've read you know taking a shit or whatever i don't really need the light and so i just see like a glimmer in there i'm curious and i sort of poke my head closer to the trash can see the light glistening off and it's just i don't want to say this thing was full okay but it also wasn't empty yeah like this thing probably had maybe 20 25 condoms in it like a condom doesn't take up that much space no at least not the ones that i've used but like these are stacked right these are stacked on top of each other yeah with nothing clearly nothing else in there but condoms and i'm just wondering like is this related to the door ripping off incident

or like the light being smashed the other bathroom being like you need a hazmat to go in there yeah and did somebody get like I don't know 10 good rounds in at once or is this

a place where either this guy who owns the place jacks off in there every morning at once or is this a place where either this guy who owns the place jacks off in there every morning into a condom or do people just come here to fuck because I didn't check to see

hey also another thing I didn't see condom wrappers just see condoms what do you unwrap them you put the wrapper in your pocket do you have a different is there a different receptacle that you missed are you using so many comms at once that you can put all the wrappers in where i don't see them yeah and then stack all the condoms on top of that so i can't see what brand it is i'm telling you man you might have seen like the dump of like a human trafficking operate like yeah there's a chance and i took a

shit in there and like flushed away a place where somebody like where somebody is like against their will like not having a good one you know it's funny too he like I almost – every time I use the toilet that's not my own or like maybe at a friend's house, I'll like put a bunch of toilet paper on the toilet seat so my ass doesn't get germs on it. Yeah. Which I know is probably stupid but like – I just hate sitting in people's piss. That's why I do it. I didn't do that that time. You sat in piss?

No. Oh, you didn't do it at the fuck house? I just sat on old man dick probably. We were at a Golden Corral one time. It was the one we'd been going to for years and years. I was probably like 14 or 15, so I had an idea of what I was looking at. But this was like the church crowd golden corral which makes this whole thing like even stranger but um we

would go there after church and i would just fucking demolish this was when golden crow i don't know now i've been in forever it's pretty fucking cheap i would just demolish like six seven plates of food get really sick go home smoke weed and uh so i go in there because i have to shit because i've just eaten like 12 000 calories worth of food and uh i go into the handicap stall because that's where i like to shit because it's the most room and there is a load on the seat like a like a man's cum load like and it's not like, because I stand up over it. You know, like I'm unbuttoning my pants and I'm like, dude, gross. Somebody like blew their nose.

But I was like, ah, it's very, very, very viscous and white. Like that is not even yellow or like green or like a pale. It just looked like bust and so of course i'm disgusted and uh like i go like i don't i'm like i'm not gonna use this restroom this is nasty that was only one it was like the one stall and everything else was urinals uh but i was like i'm gonna be like a a good samaritan so i go up to the and I think I shouldn't have done what all I did was like hey man uh you guys should check the men's bathroom out to one of the guys that worked there he was like why and I was like oh man um I'm not gonna do it but there's

like uh there's like some stuff on the toilet seat he was like like like poop and i was like no man you just got to go in there to like look at it and he was like like i don't know i didn't see the guy after there's really no resolution or like funny end of the story he just was like he just i could tell that either this is a recurring thing and he's like god damn it's the fucking beat off guy again. Like he looked like he was familiar with like what had happened. But like I like I I was thinking to myself like who what kind of sick fuck? Because like I said, it was mostly like old boomers and churchgoers.

And we were there on a Sunday. This was a fresh one, too. So I'm like, what kind of sick fuck goes to baptist church sermon eats like two steaks 10 pizzas 22 chicken nuggets it's golden corral you can have fucking chinese food and you can have fucking indian food and then you can have a fucking hamburger you can have it all and then it's like dude you know what i need right now i need to jack off at this buffet in the bathroom. That's what I need to do in this moment.

And then I'm not even going to clean my shit up. I'm just going to bust one off on the rim and fucking leave. Whoever, again, a truly deranged, unhinged individual. And I hope he's in jail. Actually, no. I hope he's doing good. Actually no I hope he's doing good. Well I am. I got a podcast. Yeah. That's hilarious.

I've been getting back into that recently. Beating off? No. That stuff is boring, man. Yeah. I'll tell you what I like. I like knowledge.

I like science. I like learning about eagles. Did you know that there's a hundred types of Eagles Just in Texas Yeah there's the Eagles the band The Eagles the football team There's the That guy that fights in the UFC

Habib There's Jason's Eagle I hate you dude Bald one of my favorite I hate you dude Bald One of my favorite Harpy Are they considered eagles?

Harpy eagles? I thought you meant like the mythical creature Like the woman flying No Harpy eagles live in Like the Amazon shit, I think. Yeah. Sounds about right.

I I Yeah, you used to you used to fuck Eagles, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, the problem is that eagles have

talent, so it really is more of an art form than like a real play. You know, people get mad whenever an eagle pick up a little... A little poodle or something.

Yeah, but really they're just getting some pussy, don't bring it back. Yeah. Imagine, you know, at the end of the Lord of the Rings where like Frodo and all all of them get, like, picked up by the big-ass eagles and carry off. Mm-hmm. Big foot of the foot. Yeah, what if they all just got carried off to a mountain and just spit-roasted one by one? Yeah. They all just get fucked in the ass to death.

There's, like, a post-credits scene, like, in the Marvel movies. This is Frodo, like, doggy doggy styling one of these fucking uh Griffin creatures yeah that would be a great that would be a really good sequel to that epic franchise cause it would cost like

500 million dollars just for the CGI for that one scene who directed those Peter Peter Griffin Peter Griffin. Peter Griffin. Peter Jackson, I think.

Peter, yeah. He's like, he's like, all right, I'm going to need about $328 million more. The production company's like, why? He's like, well,

I heard this podcast and they gave me, I got to thinking, what if Frodo and gandalf and fucking i don't know smog even whoever what if like they get you know they all like come back in the end kind of like an ensemble dance and they all just fuck the shit out of the bird things producers like what like yeah think about it producers are like, what?

Like, yeah, think about it. Yeah. That would be silly. Yeah, I don't think anybody would watch that. Yeah, that would be a bad movie. Probably get really bad ratings on Rotten Tomatoes. It's like 98% certified fresh. The day it comes out breaks

box office records just two and a half to three hours of it not a little scene yeah yeah that'd be so crazy it reminds me of the like uh i remember there were like so like there's a couple accounts that will like retweet like they have a lot of like hundreds of thousands of followers like justin wang is one of them and a couple they'll retweet me every now and then and wow dude no listen wow that is crazy they end up i hate when you i don't like it when you do. You know I hate when you do. Guys. Guys. He just got...

Jake just got a retweet from a 100,000 follower account. I'm gonna fuck you in the street. Wow. Oh, this will be great for marketing. Fucking hate you. My growth statistics are... Wow. Do you even know what growth statistics are?

Yes. What is it? I'm not telling you. Fuck you. You're using it for evil. The... Alright. There's a corner of that website

where Nazi and furry communities cross over. Yeah. And people draw wolves in full-on Schutztoffel outfits, and they have big, juicy asses. I don't know what post it was. But anyway, you go down a rabbit hole, and I don't know what post it was but anyway like now you go down a rabbit hole and like I don't know

I got a mental image of what you were describing the Lord of the Rings sequel we're working on now with the podcast money and it reminded me of like going down rabbit holes in these accounts just looking at the meat and just like what is don't say jacking off or like don't say saving the photos to my phone. Don't say anything like that.

No, that's what you said. No, I said don't say that. I said you don't. It's just something we're not supposed to talk about. No, it's something that did not happen. So it's okay to talk about it then? I didn't do it. I was preemptively...

Well, you brought it up. It's not something I would have brought up, but you brought it on the table. You were smiling. I saw the gears turning, motherfucker. No, it was something that you were... I saw you get a stupid little smile on your fucking face.

I don't know. I was merely being an attentive listener. Oh, you were, because I saw you go like, mmm. Right. You're right, but just wondering what goes wrong in the human psyche.

That's just got to be molestation, right? That's just got to be what that is. I don't know. You're the expert on it. I am, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say that that's what it is. Not when you do it, though, right? the expert on it. I am. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that that's what it is. Okay.

But uh... Not when you do it though, right? When I do what? I can't draw. No, I didn't say you were drawing. I'm just looking at him. No, that's not what you were saying. What was I saying, man? Let's hear it. No, I wasn't

saying anything. I was just confirming what you were saying. Thomas has a it no i wasn't i wasn't saying anything i was just i was just thomas has a little smile in the corner of his mind just creeping up on the corner of his face right now i was just i'm merely i'm a i'm an unbiased journalist um and i i like to confirm my facts before I reveal them. But yeah, I always thought it was cool the ones with Tarzan where he gets to fuck the monkeys. I thought you were going to say Jane, and I was like, all right. You're talking about a guy fucking monkeys.

No, they've got some fan art out there where he's having sex with a bunch fucking a bitch. No, they've got some fan art out there where he's having sex with a bunch of gorillas. And then also there is a lot of people who see Scar from Lion King as a sort of

twisted uncle figure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, it's you know, like, because like what you were saying earlier about twisted uncles no no you brought this up remember uh no actually yeah you know what i remember bringing it up and saying that you should seek help because you like stuff so much no that's not something i said that No, I said that about you.

Because you told me in confidence. Since we're airing each other's laundry out here. That you like to crank on your shit to scar pornography. I don't recall that discussion. Well, it happened. But you have a bad memory. You don't remember a lot of things. Really?

Name one thing I don't remember. You don't remember the scar thing I just told one thing i don't remember you don't remember the scar thing i just told you about really because you just told me about it so why wouldn't i remember a lie that you'd fabricated no i just merely moments before no because you kid you're out your element i'm just treading water here i haven't even started swimming yeah now i uh i always thought that kind of thing was you know degenerate and i never even really checked it out i don't even know what it's about i don't like i i i'm sure i know you're i i know you're you know a lot more about it than i do yeah i i want i i want there to be like a like a journalist

maybe there is that like takes a deeper dive into that community because I would you know it's interesting are you looking at it on your phone right now

is that what you're I was texting okay just pull some up and look at it for a bit you know dude I'm kind of busy right now so thomas likes to uh get on his phone during the show no dude i'm literally like kind of

so busy right now and i also needed to charge my phone let's see um which which which one did you want me to look at uh look at scar and uh pumbaa let's see let me go messages jake okay it's already there already here i'm pulling it up no that's not true. It's not. Scar and Pumbaa. People really like me online. Scar and Pumbaa doing the nasty. Doing the nasty. Let's tell it. Didn't you send me a cool video right before the podcast started?

Yeah, I did. Let's see. let me find it it is uh of a certain porn star his name is jason luv love yeah that is so funny that is it is pretty funny he's got another one where it's him just fishing out on like a Miami like dock. Like a lot of boats there. And like in lake houses. Is he like rock solid too in that one? He is completely nude out on the side of this boat with a full on boner fishing. he uh that guy has like a a really like a like a tiktok that he does where he just like people send him questions about like his most embarrassing moments on set

and all the stories are about like uh like just white women who've thrown up on his nut sack like it's always the same story but but a different context or scene or whatever. That's every story he tells. It still gets me pretty good every time. Yeah, I bet it gets you really good. Alright, man. No, but he does a bunch of promos for dick pills and stuff.

But he does all of them with his boxers pulled down stroking it as he's talking. It's hilarious. You love to watch that kind of stuff, though. No, dude, I love to because it's really funny. No, you like to watch it because you like that kind of stuff. That's who you are at your core.

But you come around. There's a punchline there that I'm homosexual. Yeah. Well, that's not true at all. It is true. No, it's actually false. It's myth busted. Man, you know what?

I love episodes like this where we just, you accuse me of being into cartoon stuff and we call each other gay for like a reason. This is the free one. This is a free one. And if it wasn't, there wouldn't be a whole lot more effort put into it. But if you are listening to this and you do want really classically trained fucking expertise, you should go to patreon.com. Shut the fuck up. Slash. Nobody cares.

Thomas is a piece of shit, and I hope he gets fucking AIDS. That's why I do podcasts. Hey, you guys want us to do a bit? Everybody's doing bits nowadays. What if I killed Jake with my bare hands? And made everybody watch. What if i beat him to a fucking pulp look man okay you can't kill me but it's a ten thousand dollar patreon so you just be i just beat the dog shit out of me for like five like really bad like i'm broken ribs like shattered like you just

fucking we hit the tier and like somehow i cannot land a bunch i do not i do not you're sitting still like tied up in a chair and i cannot hit you like in a way that hurts it's like the punches you have when you're having dreams like they don't i'm just i'm throwing haymakers dude and everything is bouncing off my head they're just barely even like in the right direction just i cannot punch i'm like ah oh man uh i i i keep having like different

ideas yeah when you see guys oh stop saving me it's not even it's only funny to me when it's, like, not... Yeah, well, there's, like... Like, not funny.

It's not even clever. There's no effort. There's no... Yeah. Yeah, you have different thoughts about what? Sucking fucking cocks? No, see, that's funny. But, like, having ideas about guys.

Yeah. I just had an idea about a guy fuck yeah that's that's good stuff somebody uh had said that uh we need a third microphone and the episodes are boring um so to that guy i say uh thanks because i'm gonna take what you said into account uh and i will try to make them funnier from now on yeah and i won't do exactly what i've been doing which is sometimes forgetting that we have to do this and then uh what like eating a bunch of tacos beforehand and then just trying to like not yeah

the thing is uh neither of us would be that good by ourselves, but also if we got a third person, we'd have to split the money more. And so, even though it's not even that much, it's... It's good, dude. It fucking pays for my, you know... For your new big boob surgery $700 yeah I got my new I got my new

$500 titties my wife should be telling they look like hamburgers they look like somebody sewed two butterball turkeys on my chest oh man yeah my wife was riding me It looked like somebody sewed two butterball turkeys on my chest. Oh, man.

Yeah. My wife was riding me with it, and she had her $500 titties on. She bent down so I could suck water, but not my fucking eye clean out. It rolled out like a goddamn... Left a fucking dent in my head. That goddamn Taiwanese doctor just put a bowling ball in her chest cavity. Put some goddamn Fort Sumner cannonballs in the fucking, up in the titty area. Got nipples pointing two different ways like my old cousin. Two different ways, like my old cousin.

Yeah, no, I don't want to have another host. I think it would... You just don't want to share me. Yeah, that's really what it is. But, bro, I got fucking gypped. but uh bro i got fucking gypped uh i tried to watch this documentary on sasquatch on hulu it's not about sasquatch at all it's about fucking like drugs and shit i was pissed what is it called sasquatch but it's about like weed. Yeah, yuck. Did you call the police? I called SWAT.

No, I was mad as mad as I was. Can you imagine how fast we'd find Sasquatch if we sent the Navy Seals after him? I would that to be the only thing the Navy Seals and the Green Beret are allowed

to do is find Bigfoot there's a bunch of conspiracy theories that like in the Arctic there's a secret war between like Green Berets Navy Seals like Marsauk like all the big big big heavy hitters DevGru or whatever and like

ice alien people it's all insane rambling but I like to read about it on the forum sometimes and like ice alien people. It's all insane rambling but I like to read about it on the forum sometimes. My hair, because it's blonde right now, it looks like I have the worst wig on. Yeah, it looks like

a high school one act wig. Yeah. It looks like you're about to peel that off and announce that you have cancer. I think I'm just going to shave my head.

I think that's the next move. I'm going to look so funny bald. Dude, you're going to look so racist. I know. I already look really racist. I look super racist. And I am. But no, I'm just kidding. I'm not. This is a free one. I'm not racist. I look super racist. And I am. But no, I'm just kidding. I'm not.

This is a free one. I'm not racist. I'm actually a super compassionate guy. That's not. I'm making it sound worse. Yeah. We're not really up to any funny business. Yeah, no, I know.

It's today's climate, man. It's just the way the world is, man. Man, we need to have... Yeah, we should have an episode on cancel culture. Man, that would really bring the house down. I think no one's done that. I think we would be the first podcast to do it. It's hard for me to say that phrase without thinking about just driving a fucking

crowbar through my skull I heard that lady what was her name Ellery I don't fucking know she was like she made a thread about cancel culture and how it was good and it was actually like it's called consequence culture

and then she got fired from her job because someone retweeted a bunch of soft A N words from 2010. Was that the one my boy Mike Christine was? Yeah, that blonde white chick from L.A. Yeah, that was funny. Yeah, and she made it. The end of that thread was like, just letting everyone know, I did get fired. But I still believe that she was like, I had everyone know i did get fired but i still believe that

she was like i i i had to accept the consequences for my actions i don't have a job anymore um but you know that's just no her her tweet that you got her brought down did you it was like 2013 it was like i thought it was just the n-word no it was like making pad thai no cat oh you're right that's fair that's actually that's pretty funny i thought it was just the n-word but i do remember like the last tweet of that thread her just being like like doubling down on it yeah it's okay and i'm like dude if i it's just it's just at this point it's stupid to like I don't think anybody cares anymore

I think people care a lot but I think like I don't want to go down this route really at all I'd rather talk about literally anything else it's just gay to waste your ah it's...

Can we talk about this? I was joking about... I know, I know, and then I went down the... What do you like to eat? Did you know there's not any whales left? No, there's one left. It's you. Ah! Ah! No, there's one left. It's you. Start eating the... No!

No! Oh, man. No! I really want dude I'm telling you man we gotta reach out to sponsors I wanna get some like fucking alpha brain shit on this show yeah some of that like pre-workout

yeah I really wanna start we should start selling used underwear look man I don't think anybody would buy mine but I'm pretty sure some guys would buy yours We should start selling used underwear Look man I don't think anybody would buy mine But I'm pretty sure some guys would buy yours 100% Yeah I could make like $20,000 in a month

Easy dude In fact I don't know why you don't Because I don't I mean I don't like doing laundry that often So I have to I don't own that many pairs often. So I have to... I don't own that many pairs.

I hate buying underwear. So I'm like... Yeah. You know. See, last time I went and got underwear, I was like, oh, I'm going to treat myself. I bought a bunch of Calvin Klein's.

But the thing is, those suck to work in. Yeah. Like, you want... For me, I like those, like... Not the basic frugal limbs. but, like, the nice ones. Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.

Like, they're, like, a snugger kind of fit, or they're looser? Which one? They just, the elastic lasts a little bit longer, and it's, like, it's, like, a little bit thicker. I don't like stuff too snug because I got big thighs. I see what you're saying. And my, like most, I can't get the cheap boxers or boxer briefs anymore because like my thighs will just blow out the elastic first time I wear them and they like ride up.

Turn into a thong at the end of the day. Yeah. I'm shaking like crazy on the job site. I'm dropping it low, letting my cheeks hang out. I'm putting my fingers up in there. I'm covered in glitter. One of your nuts just falls out. Yeah, it's a rough situation.

Yeah. Everybody likes to see that stuff, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. Anyway, guys, thanks for... Thanks for listening. Thanks for tuning in for another 20 minutes now,

because I thought it was... Fuck me. It would be very funny to just pivot to, like, four-minute episodes like this one. Yeah. This is our newest episode. Ten seconds.

Catch us for the next one. Bye. Goodbye. Bye. Sorry, man. You're on your own for that one. I was working on my voices. Bye. I'll be in the store

Goodbye Ashley gets really mad at me Goodbye I go now I go goodbye I go goodbye for you too Bye bye I say bye now I say bye to you Adios Bye bye for you too. Bye-bye. I say bye now.

I say bye to you. Adios. Bye-bye for you to me. I hear no more. I say goodbye. Goodbye. I have to go. Oh, no.

I must say goodbye. You should say that when it's quitting time at the job site. Hey, everybody. Thank you for having me today. It's goodbye time. I go for me. I no hear no more. Hey, everybody. Thank you for having me today. It's goodbye time. I go for me. I know you no more. I say goodbye.

I see you boy later. Like one guy just squeezes a hammer really tight. I just hear like six chains so I started at the same time. Hey, I'm sorry. It's been very fun

but I have to go. It's goodbye for fun, but I have to go. Bye from me. Okay. Okay, I say goodbye now. I say bye to you from me. I have to go for me to say goodbye. I was here today, but it's no longer time for me to come over here to me for you. Okay, goodbye.

Okay, goodbye from me to you. Okay, I say goodbye now. You stand there and do that for like two and a half more hours. Trucks are all gone. You're like, I still, but I have to go soon. I've been here. I say, I say goodbye, but I mean, it's goodbye for me.

Thank you. Okay. Okay, goodbye okay goodbye okay i go now it's time i go home i go home in my house for me thank you Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Adios. Bye, my friend. I said goodbye. Say goodbye to me, please. Okay. Okay.

Okay, goodbye. Go up to each guy on the crew and just say goodbye to each one of them like that. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Okay. Okay, goodbye. Going up to each guy on the crew and just saying goodbye to each one of them like that. Goodbye. Goodbye. Okay. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. He's ruining all their sacred moments.

Okay, I had lunch now. The guy's like over in the corner like he's just got divorced. He's just smoking a cigarette like he's it's his lunch break He doesn't want to be talked to he doesn't want anybody to ask how he's doing How are you doing? How are you? Are you okay? Can I have a cup of heke?

Can I have a pinch for you to me? Can I see wintergreen? Oh do you have, is that welfare bear for me? Is it the wintergreen for, can I have a little pinch? Listen. I love to smoke. Smoke cigarette. I know you might be having tough time right now.

But what I need from you is cigarette. Maybe a pinch. I said, okay Thank you Do you want goodbye? He's beating the fuck out of you. Thank you Oh, man. Oh, man. My tooth. Each one of my tooth.

You hurt my head. You hurt my head so bad. You hurt so bad. Why you do this to me? Oh, no, Larry. Why you hurt me so bad? You hurt my neck My neck Ok goodbye Oh no my hands it hurts so bad Ok you beat me up goodbye

Thank you I'm sorry Police come and say goodbye The police are here I must go goodbye ok I die now oh no I'm bleeding out goodbye oh no I go heaven I go Jesus

I go heaven I go Jesus I go see Jesus I go heaven now bye bye I go now bye bye ok goodbye ok goodbye Okay. It fucking hurts.

Okay. Next time you have a girl over, you guys fuck, and she starts to act like she's going to spend the night. You're like, Okay. Okay, goodbye now. Goodbye. I should spend the night. You're like, okay. Okay, goodbye now. Goodbye.

I should hit the door. Uber's here. Goodbye. You go. You go bye now. Goodbye. I see you later. I promise.

Goodbye. Here's your purse. Yeah. Here's your cell phone and your purse and your keys. And your hair ties and your sweater and your shirt and your shoes and your underwear okay goodbye my penis in Nogia that's okay

it's okay in a word I have tough time I have tough time with my penis. I've been going through a lot lately. The room is cold. I know where my socks are.

Something bad happened to me. Something bad happened to Jake. And I think about it. Not me, Jake. Not me. Not me. Not me. I'm doing very good mentally, but Jake thinks things have happened to him. I think about my friend Jake doing sex. But it's because I go free.

I think about we making the money together. I think about money doing sex. Yes. I like to think about $40,000 I can't wait to make $43,000 a year before taxes I'm thinking of a guy

like Jordan Belfort he's like fucking that model on like the that bed the whole room is filled with money but instead he's got like $500 on the bed In 20s Just like carefully laid out Okay goodbye

Okay listen Listen to me Whenever I go to We did that for like 12 minutes i know i look at my audacity it was for like we started it's like 35 minutes i say i said okay i say that you know what let's run it out it's 14 minutes and i know what work i don't want to do this no more. Even though the money keeps going up and that's good. I don't want to do this no more. I don't even dislike

the conversations. It's not even that I don't like to see my friend Thomas. I just want to watch TV. I like to watch TV and check off. I like to watch TV and I like to check TV and jack off. I like to watch the TV and I like to jack off my penis. Admittedly, there are some days where I consider lying

and saying I have something to do. But lately, I don't do that. But we still have been making episodes a day late. I forget my laptop. Sometimes I have to go take my girlfriend to the airport. Sometimes I take my girlfriend to the airport. This is now, it was like Consuela from Family Guy, but now it's entering like Italian child. Okay, goodbye.

Okay. Arrivederci. I say bye now. Like at your dad's funeral. And you're like, you go up there all stoic. You've clearly been crying. You're like,

ugh. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye, daddy. Goodbye, daddy. You're in heaven now. You might be in hell, actually. You're dead. You're dead as fuck, daddy.

I do not miss you. You're dead like bones. You're dead like a little dust in the wind. How does the song go? Goodbye, dust in the wind. We are dust in it. Okay, thank you. Goodbye.

Bye-bye now. Candle in the dust. All we are is candle in goodbye now okay okay goodbye goodbye

okay I think from the perspective of a listener, you're like, all right, five minutes? Wow. Seven minutes? Man, that's... Nine minutes? Okay, it's funny again, because, wow, that's nine... Thirteen minutes. All right. And then, you know, you're getting ready to wrap up,

and you're like, dude, i think that's all i can take and then like we get in a stretch like this you know where we're not doing it and then you know you're just sort of at this point you're not paying attention as much you know you're just you're driving maybe and then okay goodbye now i'm trying to imagine some guy who listens to the pod getting pulled over. That probably happens about five times a day. Yes. Rolling the window down and

forgetting to turn it down. Officer's like, Okay, goodbye. Could you turn that down, please? Yeah, I'm trying. Hold on. Okay, goodbye. I go haven now. Dude now whenever i got pulled over in like 2019 whenever my i got arrested dude i was listening to palmas like disco playlists yeah

and it was like african disco playing and the cop walked up to the car faster than I could turn it off. See, it was just blaring this like bongo drums. And I just rolled down the window. I was like, oh, yeah, this is not looking good for me. I was wearing like a floral shirt that had like bees on it. Yeah. It's like two sizes too big. You clearly have drugs in your arms. And I was also wearing those Dickies shorts that go to your shins.

Yeah. Yeah, it was a good time. You look like Kevin Smith. Yeah. I look like Billie Eilish. Yeah. Okay. Okay, cool.

Okay. I say hello. That's another ten minutes. That's another 10 minutes right there we got it i kill time hello anyway yeah man Anyway. Yeah. Man. Wait.

Welcome to the Jackoff Hour with DJ Easy Dick. That was a weird interlude or whatever. Was that the intro to the album? You know what I'm talking about? The, uh, on Doggy Style by Snoop Dogg.

Uh... I think it was, uh, the song was, it was like, it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none. Okay. I'm not... The intro to it was like we're now back with the jack off our with g with dj easy dick that rocks i did not know i don't i don't recognize that at all let me find it and i'll play it into my mic

we should play at the beginning of every episode. And just get sued into fucking dust. Lately, Nick has been playing Rush just on the podcast. Oh, a cum town? This is when he doesn't want to talk. He'll play like, I think I know what you're talking about.

It's like a minute and a half of a riff. Like a guitar riff or whatever. Let's see. It ain't no fun. I spelled it wrong. I spelled it wrong. I spelled it UT and then IR. Nice.

It's hard to type when it's not landscape. It ain't no fun if the homies can't This is DJ ZD Right now something new

By Snoop Doggy Dogg This one goes out to the ladies From Africa It's a big bow wow wow Cause we gonna make it a little mystery here tonight This is DJ ZD On the station that steps you across your fetish Yeah. That's awesome. We're now back with

Jack Off Hour with DJ Easy Dick. I've been saying that in my car a lot. Probably should Dick. I've been saying that in my car a lot. Probably should stop. I was playing guitar and I was doing like different. I just, I was getting the Arthur Morgan thing back and just singing like Alice in Chains. Yeah.

Anything like that I can do when I'm bored like that or i'm like all right what accents do i have in the chamber i don't have very many i don't have many impressions like two or three that are like not passable but just not terrible and then i'm like what songs did i learn when i was 10 years old on guitar and then i'll just do the like, I posted one on Twitter that was that song Rooster, but I did it as Meatwad. People really like that one. Yeah, I bet. Listen, man, I... People love you on Twitter. You should start bringing that up more often.

Yeah, I was getting some exposure from some high-level accounts, and they were actually loving a lot of my impression work. from some high-level accounts and they were actually loving a lot of my my impression work if you could see the glare everybody hates me today you know I got hit by a car goodbye I say go by now oh no no I didn't got hit by a car. No, I didn't get hit by a car. I just wanted attention. I say goodbye. As you're flying to the air. I see the truck coming. I say goodbye for me to you. I no move.

I no longer wish to leave. My rear dual have no way of paying. No more paying. Anyway. I have no way of paying. No more paying. Anyway. I see city bus. I know that's my best chance for lawsuit. I was recently laid off. From the steel mill.

And I do not wish to live any longer. My wife she fuck. Everybody. Everybody. You alright? Yeah I thought I heard Something in my house Coming under the floorboards man I'll deal with it later

No it was like a tapping Oh you got ghosts in there man well it's fine honestly if there was a ghost in my house I'd probably just seduce it and I'd make out with it hello ghost I'd be

I don't know you look like you're pretty good at that man Thomas I don't know. You look like you're pretty good at that, man. Thomas, what you in the corner doing with that ghost? I said, man, I've been kissing. Man, Thomas, what you doing in the corner with that ghost? Man, what in the goddamn hell you doing in the corner with that freaky ass specter? What you doing with that phantom?

Boy, I tell you. I'm getting freaky with the poltergeist. I'm telling you, there's a uh, there's a phantom in my room. I said, boy, if you don't stop smacking that sexual ghost across its ass welcome to the ghost

hour i'm giving me a piece of that ghost ass i'm the one and only ghost buster i all right whatever By the way, was that supposed to... I'm trying to dissect that voice. Mine was more silly. Okay, goodbye. I say goodbye now. I say goodbye, ghost. Okay, you die. You no more harm me.

Go back to ground. Go back to ground. Go back to hell, ghost. See, I've been laughing hard at yours the whole time, but I don't even know what voice I'm doing. I was just doing a high-pitched voice. I can promise you that yours is like little Mexican child. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is mine just in my head sounds something every every once in a while you'll do like an inflection like you'll do

an accent on one syllable that doesn't exist in the It makes it funnier Anyway Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks

Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks

Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks

Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks

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Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks

Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks

Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks Folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks, folks Aloha. Hello, listeners. Hello, listeners.

You come give me money. You give me. I make chicks on Q2D. I don't want to work anymore. So please subscribe to the Patreon. Slash. Pindejo time. Pindejo time. Pindejo time.

That's P. E. E. E. N. N. N. P. E. N. I. S. N.

I. Dejo. Dejo time. Okay, goodbye now. We cut it close. We did it close. We did it just perfect, Thomas. Goodbye. Goodbye.