Pendejo Time - JT and Jake 11: Back To School, FT. Ronaldo Mercado (AUDIO ONLY)

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

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You're going to make me look like a moron here. So what, but are you going to ACC? Yeah, ACC. I actually go to school the same place I got to grill out when I was 21 because they took over the Highland Mall. Beautiful. Yeah. What are you thinking of like, are you going to like transfer to like a four year? Are you just trying to get some courses out of the way?

I don't know. At first I was going back to school or like try to go back to school to get a real job. Like I was like, I'll go and be like an attorney or a doctor or something. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I found out my wife was pregnant. And now like we're about to have a baby. And I was like, I don't want to go school. I'll hang out with a baby.

No way. Stay-at-home pop. Yeah. Sponsor me. I need someone to bless me. Dude, if you get it to be a stay-home parent, you get the state-home parent drugs. Yeah. Yeah, like, I think about how so much of like early pharmacological research, like most of mental health, was doctors trying to find a way for women, like post-World War II to not kill their children.

So they were inventing shit like laudnum, which is a syrup that's just kind of. cocaine and heroin. It's like a liquid speedball. And then they had quailudes. Like so much of the best drugs were like, well, we've got all these boys coming back from World War II. And can you believe it? They're killing a lot of their own wives and children.

Scientists are just like us. So we've got to figure out a way to calm everybody down. There's this stuff called heroin. It's illegal. But if you put it in a type of syrup, makes the wife not talk so much and the husband doesn't kill her. Wives keeps talking. I'm just enjoying my heroin so much.

And then they make it all illegal. up, baby. They fucking, they like illegalize all of it. I'm like, dude, take me back. Is that how they started Valium?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was for housewives, right? Yeah, yeah, Mommy's little helper. That's so sick. Yeah, oh, so sick.

Your mom's just fucking strung out on pills. You go, I need my help. That's so fun. Also, like, the idea of, like,

I was, I, like, made a joke about it. Like, somebody got, well, I was just posted on Twitter, but, like, people,

you know, men used to go to war. men used to go to war and I'm like yeah we we went to war and we came back and we beat everybody so bad that they had to invent mental health like before World War I like there was no such thing as like OCD Johnny got the shakes bad now before World War I it was like there was no such thing as like like the idea of a good husband and father was just non-existent

like your dad threw you down the stairs and never spoke a word to you and that was just the idea of depression is like oh he has melancholy like there was no and then after World War II like we came came home and we're like choke slamming our kids so bad that they're like so OCD is real. Yeah, yeah, like a pre-World War I dad. It was a good dad. He just hits my mom in the body. Like he doesn't, you know what I was like? Yeah, yeah, no face shots. Beets his shit out of you and then cries in front of you while praying. Uh-huh. He's crying and praying. And they've, he was forever known as a gentle man.

Yeah, yeah. He's a very gentle man. He has a soft heart. He had a good father, you know. He only choked the dog one time. He was never Hey everybody You guys know JT And you remember Rinalo Ronaldo Mercado Very fucking meetings

They're going to join us today For this episode Of Pendejo time There's a lot going on On the world And I have been not Paying attention as much You know what sucks

Is like less than a hundred years ago There could be a guy That would be like Hey I have a bar And I'm going to make a A Falcon fight in Armadillo And we could all just go watch that And pay a few bucks

Yeah yeah Now if I told you Oh I'm gonna have some armadillos fight like a little like a bunch of chihuahuas or something i'd go to jail or prison that makes me sick dude that makes me sick oh how'd you get the armadillos angry i'll make them angry okay you you need some armadillos angry i'll make them angry you get the hawk in there i'll get the dillas angry you want to bring that bag oh i would love i my cousins all bought their land all their property all across the south with uh cockfighting money are you serious oh yeah the only i've seen a cockfight

is at my cousin's trailer that's shit like they were like so they had they had they weren't just cock fighting for the fuck of it. They had an enterprise. They, this was like, this is, um, you know, this is like some, some, like Mississippi Delta businessman ideology. Like, listen, we're going to take these birds here. We're going to play them up until the roof. Once we get some winners, we're going to make them babies. And we're going to get all the way down to Jeffco, all right? We're talking Wilco, down to Jeffco. Everyone's going to be playing with the Kelly birds.

Down to Mexico. Yeah. When I went to Mexico City for the first time, I posted in the Reddit, the subgroup there, like the subreddit, I was like, oh, where can I see, chicken fighting. It was like a dozen people being like, you racist, how dare you? I was like, I don't know, I'm Southern. I want to see it for Southern reasons. I, like, is that nicotine? Yeah. Can I get one?

Don't, where is Miguel Vic? Yeah. Would you go see a dog fight? Well, so I was about to say, I remember when the dog fight thing, like, when the Michael Vic thing broke out and like, people were, were like, oh my God, it's horrendous. It's like, I lived in South Houston, and I, one of the, one of the neighbors I had for like a year would do

two things that I thought was so sick. He would, they would cook an entire, like, 300-pound pig in the ground. Sick. Which I found out that Latinos loved to cook animals in the dirt. Yeah. And then they would have pit bulls fight each other. Yeah. And you would just watch them fight each other in the backyard.

And I remember being like, yeah, I mean, like, ethically speaking, I guess neither of these things are great. No. But I have had pig cooked in the ground. Delicious. I did see two dogs fight. Pretty cool. Pretty cool, huh? It was cool.

Pretty cool. Yeah. There's an ancient part of your DNA. There's an ancient party or DNA that says that you got to make those dogs fight each other. It wasn't just like 100 years ago that making animals fight each other was even like anyone could even imagine that could be wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, okay, so I'm sorry, the ancient DNA that flows through my brain that's like get them dillas in a hawk and a cage, make them fight each other. That's stronger than some liberal telling me, oh, that's your buddy.

It's not my buddy. It's the same thing that made that like that daycare lady make fight. make those kids fight each other. Yes. Oh, dude, I used, I remember talking about this in the show, like, a long time ago. Like, me, so this was, like, 2008 or 2009. UFC is, like, on Spike TV and, like, you know, they're doing like, Anderson Silva's on his rise or whatever.

Like, it's kind of blowing up. So me and my buddy, who was two years older than me, we trained at the same boxing gym in South Houston, and we would, like, do the thing that you do when you're young. Like, we'd all get out together and smoke weed and drink beer, and then we would fight in the backyard with boxing gloves just classic like boy stuff or whatever guy stuff and then my little brother who's like eight years younger than me he like wants to play and so he was like 10 dude it started off as my me and my little brother and this friend of mine just all kind of play fighting in the backyard and then my brother brings over two of his friends and then

by the summer that started in the winter we had like an entire kid fight club we were running like and we were trying to do like our own version of the ultimate fight where I was one coach and he was the other coach. We were trying to see. We had full gear. I was responsible with M.M.A. glove, shing guards, head gear. And we would have these kids beat the fucking shit out of each other, dude.

And then me and my buddy would fight, and it was like, who the coach. And the kids had a great time. And then one of the dads found out and, like, comes over there, comes over to my house. Head gear. Shing guards on. He was so pissed, dude. He was like, because we were, we were filming it. And, you know, we were trying to have.

I would do numbers these days. Dude, look at this dog. He'll throw this dog in the fight any day, man. Randy would fucking kill some dudes. Oh, not even close. He's so scared of everything. So is Hank. I remember the dad was like,

you haven't, my son's not going on YouTube. You know, it's illegal. I was like, it never occurred to me at 15, 16 years old that what I was doing was like profoundly illegal. I was having a good time.

Like, I was like, yeah, you know, I buy the kids pizza. And then me and my friend beat the fuck out of each other. And then we pick one from each team

and then we get the kids to fight. Pretty much like a youth pastor. Yeah. I ain't going to molest your kids. Yeah. They're not getting touched over here. I mean, they're just getting CTE a little bit, but like, pick your poison. Molested or the kid learns.

Hey, listen, ain't none of these kids going to be scientists. Right. Yeah. And these kids ever go into a scientist. They're going to work the fields. They're going to work these oils. Son, do you realize this is unsanctioned? You didn't even speak to the city about this.

Yeah, yeah. He was not too happy. But I get it. It's like, you know, you peek over the fence like fucking, like Tim the toolman, Taylor, neighbor style and it's like you see a trampoline you see a shed and then you just see like a fight club circle of human bodies and in the middle of that circle is two fourth graders and they're just throwing bombs and i was like dude these kids are having a blast and you know the kid fight club eventually the kfc's what we called it the kid fight club did fall apart but we had some good times and uh i unfortunately lost that

tournament my uh i was dealing with a bunch of stinkers i think my buddy got the he got to pick first so he picked the two Latino kids and the one black kid Oh, yeah. Curtains. You had a bunch of honks? Well, I had trailer trash. Trailer trash is tough. Trailer trash can fight.

A bunch of Bryce Mitchells. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he eked out of victory. And also, he could just wop my ass. So whenever we did the coach fight, he beat the fuck out of me. Oh, the coaches had to fight. That would me. Well, because that's how the ultimate fighter works.

It's like a reality show. And like the coaches at the end are usually, not always, but usually they'll have a fight on like a paper review. So me and him fought and he beat the fuck out of me. But I was like, I remember thinking. like in my mind like I was like a sophomore in high school I was like I'm contributing to the community you've seen Austin Powers yeah in Austin I just saw for the first time right out the gate there's that guy that was in UFC that like was a Christian that was like murdered his girlfriend oh yeah yeah that guy's in Austin Powers the tiny little Hawaiian guy you're that guy he was in the UFC

TV show thing or the the the sad air version of short round yeah Asian Austin Powers is like Asian um second in command or whatever like be and tried to eat his girlfriend or something crazy. And then went to prison and then immediately killed his cellmate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember War Machine. Yeah, War Machine was another guy that did other not awesome stuff. I forget that you can look up the actor's name, but yeah, I remember reading that about him.

I was like, I love that character. He made me laugh so hard. I never seen that. So I only knew him as the guy that, like, killed his cellmate from the U.S. Yeah. Because wasn't he a character in the UFC show, too? He was in the UFC early days. So he was also, he trained to that because early FC is the best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like, hey, we got this morbidly obese guy that says he's a karate master and then we got this Dutch kidboxer. The best wrestler that ever lived in the world. Joe son. Joe son. Yes. Joe son. Yeah, yeah. He did a lot of not cool stuff and then went to prison. 1990 kidnapping and sexual assault conviction.

Wrong. Yeah, I had never seen Austin Powers. My wife's buddies were in town. They're like, oh, you guys got to watch it. They put it on him. He was like, oh, that guy murdered his cellmate. I know that guy. Love to ruin a vibe. Love to be a professional vibe ruiner. my buddy was like have you ever noticed that like

English guys are all very like horny like they're always wanting to fuck and we're like what are you talking about he's like you ever seen Austin Powers I swear to God he's like you know that guy's like always fucking you were like yeah you know Austin Powers that real guy

that real life guy Does your friend have a railroad spike hanging out of his head like that's so dumb that is profoundly stupid There was like an entire generation of people that like Russians were super humans though because of the Rocky movie

yeah that's true That were like, oh, Russians actually, they make their athletes in labs. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, oh, yeah, no, I saw that also in Rocky. Yeah, in test tubes. Yeah, yeah. Well, because, like, they, dude, one of my favorite things, like, you'll hear Rogan talk about this sometimes where it's like, you know, because during the Cold War, like, the best wrestling teams and the Olympics were always the U.S. and Russia. And he'll be like, yeah, you know, the Russians were pretty good, but they were, they had to cheat to beat just, you know, a classic corn fed, you know, Christian American because they, they were.

That's grit. That's just, we're naturally like that. And I was like, Joe, do you think Americans weren't taking steroids? Do you think we weren't making guys in labs too? Oh, yeah. There's a steroid. It's called patriotism. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, my steroid, loving my fucking country. Loving God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they'll always talk about like. I got the power of Jesus and anabellic steroids on my side. So what stack are you running? Yeah, Tren, Winnie, and then the love of the Lord. It's Jesus putting a little needle in your ass.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. I remember every time I hear anybody, you'll hear guys sometimes, yeah, just be like, oh, well, you know, Soviets here are all on steroids or whatever. Like, you're like,

what do you think, do you really think we just ate corn and then lifted weights and went to the Olympics? No. No, we also invented democracy. Oh, you missed a step, buddy. You missed the most important step.

Yeah, Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex, I like, they always talk about Lexi Corelian, the guy who wrote his PhD thesis on the biomechanics of the German suplex. Do you know about this? Oh, he's like a monster scary looking down. So he's now a Russian politician, but he was the best, arguably the best wrestler that ever lived. And he looks like a monster.

He looks like a monster. And really smart guy. So he was wrestled for the Soviet Union. And after he retired from wrestling, he went to college and got his master's or his PhD forget in biology. And his thesis, his book that you have to write when you get your PhD is was on the biomechanics, how anatomically how to throw a guy over your head and slam him on his head, which is, I love that. Like, what do you, what do you study?

I studied political science. What about you? I study picking a guy up and throwing him on his head and killing him. I'm writing a 300-page book on that, actually. It's actually really complicated. You know, it's funny is if you ask me like, hey, do you understand physics or math? I'd say, I know how high I got to jump if I want to jump in a water, right? It's called folk physics, bud.

I know how fast I got to be running to clear a fence that's caught behind me can't. Hood physics. I'm sorry, I've read the pedagogy of the oppressed, buddy. I know exactly what exists in my mind already. Yeah, I know how to jump. Yeah, yeah. I love picture of like pro wrestling, like the academies where they're teaching them how to do like pro wrestling. Yeah, yeah.

They're showing him like that guy's book. Oh, yeah. I make sure you read up on this. Well, those places are like, dude, the professional wrestling, like, like a, academy, like the funnels, like, they're, they're like, first of all, they're rife with, like, sexual abuse or whatever, whatever, but also, they're mostly where you go to, like, get a bunch of fervent weirdos, get a bunch of autistic weirdos into wrestling, you go there to get addicted to oxy and, like, get on steroids and then just, like,

when over those guys hit, like, 55, and, like, they'll be like, oh, I've been having a lot of heart problems, I have to retire, and people will be like, oh, my God. God, like, oh, he's so young, and it's like, you can't do oxy and testosterone every day for 40 years. And then, like, it's not a mystery or whatever. Like, your heart's going to give up. People will be like, well, what could have cost it? I'm always like, what? You don't think the heroin had anything to do with it or the, you know.

I live such a healthy life. Yeah, they're so jacked. I'm so strong. I'm so much stronger than you. You think I'm unhealthy? I could kill you with my hands. Yeah, yeah. Who's unhealthy now?

Who's the unhealthy? Yeah, looking at a guy like the great colleagues, like, a seven foot five, like Indian giant. He's clearly just like a deformed man. Yeah, yeah. But like Vince McMahon looks at him and goes, that's money. Money. Like he literally,

she's like a walking dollar sign. I can't believe all that shit came out about him. And like, he never really faced any consequences. He never will. I know. And it's like, dude, some of those text messages were like,

you are a slave. I'm going to, I'm going to sell you to the, I forget what wrestler that like, basically this girl was like a, you know. I'm going to sell you to cane. You know where he lives.

Hell. You're going to be in hell forever. Wasn't Vince pooping on people? Yeah, he used to. You like shit play. If you said, hey, buddy, you're going to lose your job if you don't let me poop on you. I'd be like, I'm going to do a job, man. And, like, I agree those people are victims, but at some point, you have to be like, no, you can't poop on you.

You can't piss your shit on me, man. No, I think I just won't wrestle anymore. I'm not going to let you poop on me. Yeah, well, it's like, it's either you get, like, you get poop. on or you're just to work at Home Depot or you're going to like uh you're going to like a little like shitty expo center yeah like signed 14 like adult autistic men in the audience that like are going to try to grope you after the show anyways and you're making like four dollars every show if i was a low level wrestler and vince McMahon was like hey dude i got to poop on you if you

want to make it. I'd be like, uh, jokes on you. I'm going evangelical. I'm writing a book called free me from the doo-do. I'm doing a church tour preaching out against the demonic activity in the W.W.E. That's how you win, buddy. Yeah. That's how you win. I remember at our church, uh, they used to, I think we talked about this. They would have strongmen come and like lift up like a thousand pound cross or like, or like, tear a phone book in half and then the preacher would come up and be like, he got that strength from God. And it's like, as a kid, you're like, oh, I believe this. And you get older and you're like, this is a deeply tortured guy.

Like, like, he fell off at WWE because he like beat his family too much. And the only way he could make money was like deadlifting a big cross and like Southern Baptist churches in Kentucky. Letting a pastor punch him in the stomach on stage. Line up. Everyone can punch me in the stomach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I worked with this guy, um, puppet the psycho dwarf. I worked with this guy, John, the guy that eats people and tortures people.

That was his ring name. Anyway, sorry, continue. He was, uh, he's, like, headlining this, uh, bar show off this, like, service road in the middle of Missouri. It's, like, shitty. Like, it looked like Roadhouse. Yeah. The fucking, from the movie. Uh, but he was like, yeah, he would do, like, the micro wrestling shit.

And he was also on jackass. Remember that jackass scene where, like, uh, There's like a bar fight and it's all the EMTs, all the cops. Everybody's a midget. Everyone's a midget. That's so funny. One of my favorite bits of all times. Right.

He was the one that instigated that fight. He's, that's his. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. He's, he's, done the stuff of the jackass guys. He did, like, all the micro wrestling and shit. Mm-hmm. But he's, uh, so he, like, did a, I'm like a year into comedy or something, like, 21 years old. And, uh, he, he does his hour.

It's all Brad Williams's act. Like, literally his whole, his whole headlining set is just Brad Williams's act. And then his big closer. was like he was asking who has cash in the audience he's like if you have cash you can just staple it to my body anywhere you want he's like if you have a five you can go like fucking put it on my arms or whatever you got a 10 staple that to my chest

and then his big finale he was like he was trying to find $20 he's like this anybody in the audience have $20 and this fucking this trucker that looked like a like methed out Jerry Garcia like fucking he pulled out like $2.20s and he got the bartenders it was like a mother daughter duo They were both wearing like skin tight leopard print dresses

I fucking love this country Dude had them both come up onto the stage and then he like had them get down on their knees and then like the daughter He like pushed her over and like started humping her from behind and shit Oh Jesus Christ and then and then had both of them Staple $20 bills to either side of his nut sack and that was like that's his big closing What an amazing you know you can like he's dead now Oh okay I'm so sorry for your loss oh my god

He by the way he died tragically He's so funny if he broke down crying. Fucking puppet. Yeah. Like, as a kid, I was really into wrestling, and then I found out it was, like, fake. And then, you know, that's how I got into, like, mixed martial arts or whatever. But then, like, I was talking to Brent about this

because he's, like, as I got older, I was like, it's not, like, everything is scripted, but, like, I was a part of me that was disappointed when I was like, oh, you mean those guys really aren't jumping 50 feet onto a bunch of thumbtacks? And then, like, you get older and you talk to a real wrestling fan. They're like, no, they do that. No, they're actually, do it.

That's real. The outcome is predetermined, but they're actually hitting each other with sledgehamers. Again, it's like, when Chris and Juan did all that stuff, people were like, well, what? Oh, man, what could have led to it? And it's like, I mean, there's like 10 gigabytes, 10 terabytes of videos of him literally getting hit in the head with hammers. His finishing move was a flying headbutt.

Literally, he would jump from a top rope and land on his head. And people are like, I wonder what happened. I don't know what that. But, which is like, but again, like, that's what you end up like, like puppet or whatever. If you, thank God for podcasts. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, thank God for podcasts and thank God Mick Foley can like scrape together 30 minutes of stories and go on the road and fucking sign books for people and shit. Like, because that's like literally it's that's like you're, you either like die in like a roadside bar,

people stapling money to you. Yeah, yeah, stabbing you and shit. Yeah. Or you're on a podcast going like, yeah, Vince tried to shit on me. Yeah. It's always interesting to see the guys that like came out like CTE wise like kind

of unscated. Like the Undertaker is. still kind of... He's... He's... He's... He talks normal. Stone Cole

is still pretty, like, normal. And then, but then every now and then you'll see an interview with, like, one of the, like, kind of mid-card guys,

and he's like, I gotta get a little bill, got to lay land, got land out in Missouri, and out of when I got to go hunting. And then Rogan's like, Rogan and Tony Inchcliff are like, incredible,

wow. You seen the way the Stockton boys talk now? Yeah, it's tough. It is brutal. Nick, the Dia's brothers? Yeah, the, have you seen the way they talk now? Mm-mm.

I think I'm just thinking of Nick, but when like, it's exactly how you're describing, where it's like his face is so swollen from the years of pain. Yeah. It's like, yeah, you could kill me. You could beat me to death. I was talking to J.T. about this, but when Rogan and Tony had Rick Flair on, I listened to the whole thing. And it was like 50% of that episode, dude, was Rick Flair almost admitting to having sex. with an underage teenage girl and Tony just being like

so didn't Andre the Giant and you drink 30 bottles of wine in one night and Rickler go oh that's right yeah we were in we were in Louis we had we had a girl with us I didn't ask how old she was he got his verbatim he looks at

Rogan and he goes we should put ads out in the newspaper we put ads out on the newspaper come me pretty boy Rick Flare and I'll tell you something Joe I was not chicken ID. Oh, that's, yeah. And then Rogan goes, oh, oh.

And then Rick Flair starts singing that old, that's not Beach Boys, but the old song, Pretty little girl in a high school sweater. And then Tony goes, Tony, like, you can see his eyes kind of go up and he goes, now you were on the road in 1982, and that's where you met Triple H. And he would go, oh, yeah, I remember.

Yeah, Helmsley. Yeah, you know, he used to dress like an American patriot. And that was like pretty much the entire episode of Rickfur being like, I almost had sex with a 12 year old. And then Tony having to be like, now you can do a backflip still, right? You can do a backflip. Rogan being like, yeah, you got to be pretty athletic at 80 to do backflip. It's like how fucking, how insane of like an interview to be like, hey, talking to his handler before like, hey, just don't bring up women. Could you just not, you guys can talk about lifting weights, steroids, cocaine, but just don't get him on his, don't get him talking about.

kids, please. Please. It's crazy. I grew up homeschooled. My parents are like, wrestling's evil, Harry Potter's evil. And I grew up and be like, yo, mom and dad clocked it. Clocked it. Wow.

Is Harry Potter evil? Demons. Demons. Creeft. Oh, shit. I guess you're right. It's like a hack joke at this point. But like, yeah, J.K. Rowling being like inventing languages and spells and entire world

building and different creatures and families and phylums and like different plants and inventing like, you know, the first wizard, and then, like, she has an Indian girl in her book, and her name is, like, Patika Paduca. And you're, and then, isn't the girl's name actually Chong? No, Cho Chang. Cho Chang. That's hilarious. The only Asian girl in the whole book, and her name's Cho Chang. And, uh, and then the, dude, she rules. Yeah, dude, first draft ass name.

There's two Indian twin sisters, and their names are Parmi and Patel. Hilarious. And then, of course, the classic. When, like, when they go to deposit all of Harry's money that his family left him when he died, the entire bank is ran by hook-nosed, sharp-teeth creatures. What does that suggest, Jake? I don't understand. Mexicans.

Mexicans, yeah. The banks are ran by Mexicans. I'm like, how did you even fucking, you mean to tell me, you came up with, like, an entire, like, system of morality. Like, you have, there's parts of the book where they're, like, a wizard philosophy, but you just drew a blank. when you're like, this Mexican wizard is Speedy Gonzalez. We've got Sleepy Hernandez.

Speedy Gonzalez. Isn't the fat kid name like Pudge too? Oh, there's a couple fat kids. No, the fat brother, Dudley. Dudley. Yeah, yeah, the fat half brother's name is Dudley. Which is just, that's not,

that's better than if you like, you have a fat character and you're like, fatty McFat fuck. Fat, you're like Dudley. That is a fat. Tubbs. Tubbs. Oh, Twinkie McAids is coming to teach sex ed.

The one gay wizard, yeah, yeah. Sucky McComo. Oh, the, oh, yeah, the one. You're a bottom, Harry. You're a bottom. You suck dick, Harry. The one actually Irish wizard that lives with Harry. His name is Seamus, and he's the only guy in the entire book series

that knows how to make bombs. That's so bad. And I'm like, she was like, oh, scratching her head on a subway. Like, I need an Irish character. What if he made car bombs? She needs someone to make bombs and she doesn't want to write an Arab into the book. Yeah. She needs someone to make bombs and she's like, an Arab in the book might make it disgusting.

Also, like, her hill. Like, you know, writing a bunch of kids' books and her hill to die on is, like, hating trans people. Yeah. Like, what... It's your thing. My mom got into drafts when she got. older. Every mom gets into like a thing. Yeah, yeah. The trans thing. I don't

understand it. I, like, she's like they'll never be real women and it's like, you have books about dragons. You don't have an imagination to imagine. And I did it as a woman. And I did it biologically as a woman. I was a, but yeah, yeah. Like you don't, you couldn't imagine a world in which

somebody might feel like not at home on their own body, but you can come up with like, you know, all of this. Yeah, she fucking sucks my nuts. But she's got a lot. She's got so much money, dude. It would have funny if she wrote in an Arab guy, and then he always gets stopped at platform 9 in 3 quarters. They're tapping him down before he disappears.

He's not allowed to fly on a broom. Sorry, man, we can't. You know how it is. You had a cricket, not like, what's it called? The game they play in Harry Potter? Not cricket. Quidditch. You had a quidditch team at Texas State, right?

Oh, dude, yeah. Oh, Jesus. Check this out. Check this out. I know a guy that was on it. So the quidditch team at Texas State University. Um, the way that they, so the golden snitch, I don't know if you remember like in Harry Potter, if you catch it, it's an automatic win for your team. And it's, uh, really hard to see and it's golden.

And it's like really fast and it operates, has autonomy at like, you know, whatever. It's magic. So the way that that they got around the golden snitch was that they would recruit somebody from the cross country team. They would cover him in like Vaseline and paint him gold and tell him to sprint around the fields. He's greased up deaf guy. Literally greased up deaf guy. And they're like, if you catch the golden snit. niche guy, then you win.

That seems like an ancient game, right? Yeah. It seems like something a king would come up with. Very Roman, right? Mongol, yeah, Genghis Khan, making like all the people he's about to destroy. Like, paint one of them gold and then have them run around the town. If you catch him, I won't rape and kill you. I don't know why I gave Gingas Khan an English accent.

It's crazy that England still be fighting with knives and stab it, too. It's like, dude, that's just like in your DNA, your knights. Yeah. Like, you all want to live in a castle and fight with swords. I would be wearing so much chain mail. It's crazy. It's on the subway. Yeah.

Yeah. So wait, they grease up this guy? Yeah, so the way that it, like everything else is like basically lacrosse, and also they ride brooms. Yeah.

You have a broom and you can. There's been serious injuries because people have fallen on their brooms and stabbed each other with brooms. No way. So it's like, it's lacrosse with brooms and they have to put it through the gold,

but they couldn't figure out like how to work out the gold and snitch aspects. So they're like, yeah, they just went to the cross country and they found like the fastest kid at Texas State.

And they just said, we'll give you like a hundred bucks if you just paint yourself gold and grease yourself up. Also, very Texas State is to have your game be chasing a fast black guy. Like, Texas State and their DNA, they were like, let's chase one around. Dude, do you remember when UT had that, uh, the, during roundup, which is like their big, like, I guess, festival for the school or whatever?

The young conservatives at UT got in trouble for two things. One, the DEI bake sale, where if you were black, the cookies were only 50 cents, but if you were white, they were like $10. That's more like a Facebook meme than to something to do in real life. I guarantee someone's auntie sent them a screenshot and they were like, guys, I have an idea. Yeah, literally. And then they got in big trouble for that and they got in super trouble because they were like,

they had this game where like the Hispanic frat brothers, if they were pledges, you would have to run around like the frat halls and then a white guy would try to lasso you like a bull. What? Wait, wait, wait. What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's crazy. That is crazy.

I was immediately ready to defend them. And like, well, they did that to everyone. No, it was just. Yeah, yeah. And I remember when I was reading the article that came out in Austin Chronicle, like a couple of the Hispanic frat brothers that they quoted, they were like, dude, it was so much fun. They were like, they were like, I don't know what everybody's so mad about.

Did you see what John Hamm did when he was? He killed a guy. He like set a kid on fire and the guy's still anonymous and has made statements like it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It's still a nightmare every single day. I thought the guy died. No way. No, the guy died for sure.

crazy. I was reading a did he go to school here? Yeah, he went to UT. Oh, no way. He hazed someone so bad at like made the news. Yeah, I think the guy did end up dying. John Ham. That's crazy. Hazing. Yeah, that's what you call hazing. Just setting a guy on fire. That is a madman. That's bad, dude.

That sucks. So bad. Hey, I'm being a little bad today. I love that, dude. It's like, imagine being in a frat and somebody's saying, I've got to, guys. Got a great idea. We're going to set Tim on fire, and then that's the whole. That's the idea. Wait, what's the prank? He's on fire, and he gets, he dies.

The frat dudes I knew, they had to do, like, acid and be in a closet. And it was like, that was it. They're like, yeah, we did acid. And I'm sitting in a closet for four hours on acid. And it's like, that doesn't seem that bad. Yeah, I always thought that, like, frat stuff always ended up being, like, some butt stuff. Oh, my God. Why did you say?

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Frat boys, no! He didn't die. He didn't die. But get this. Details of the John Ham 1990 hazing incident. Mark Allen Sanders, a pledge for Sigma Nu at University of Texas,

alleged that he was subjected to violent and humiliating acts. In 1991, the hazing include being beaten with paddles, having his pants lit on fire, and being dragged by his genitals with a hammer claw. What? The pledge alleged that Ham, acting as ringleader, participated until the very end and became mad when the pledge failed to recite specific information. They broke his spine. kidney damage and other permanently,

that left him permanently disabled. Boys will be boys. But just a couple pranks among guys. Yeah, boys will be boys as shit. We got to start doing that. It's me hearing about what happened in Bosnia. Boys will be boys. The kid hunting?

Yeah, the kid. I was thinking about, remember because like the Bosnian war started when that Serbian guy's like, a Bosnian guy shoved the bottle up my ass. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it was actually just him shoving a bottle up his ass. No way.

And he was like a Serbian guy, or maybe it was the other way around. But I think it was the Serbian was like, yeah, the Bosnia and shoves this bottle up my eyes. Everyone's like, that's disgusting that he would do that. He's like, yeah, he's a pervert. Yeah, what a sexual freak.

What a freak. I remember that story kind of flew under the radar because everything else that was going around. But yeah, the guy, somebody was like, oh, by the way, yeah, we were, oh, he was like a, he was like a Serbian Special Forces guy. He was like, yeah, we were doing this thing, like, towards the tail end of the war where we'd, uh, we'd let prisoners of war, like, run into the mountains. And we were like, yeah, if you get away, you can escape.

But, uh, we were hunting them. Yeah, they'd also auction off the right to snipe them. Yeah, yeah. You could pay it. Like, a hundred grand, a hundred euro, I can go and just, like, shoot someone from a mountain. Yeah, you could snipe this guy with a 50 cow and kill him. Wait, like, whenever, like, when you run a helicopter and shoot pigs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could do that with human guys. Whoa. The Serbian describing it being like, yes, like killing pigs. Yeah, yeah. Exactly like this. Yeah. Apparently in Cambodia, you can, you can pay, like, literally a not very much money to shoot a cow with a rocket launcher. That sounds cool. Like, you can go to Cambodia, and I remember when I was reading about it, I was like,

this is one of those internet urban legends, and then there were guys were like, no, I did it. You get there and they say it's like 150,000, and you're like, oh, shit. And then they tell you, oh, that's in their currency. The, the USD equivalent is like $350.

You know, remember that movie tickled? No. The documentary tickled all about like, oh, yes, I don't you're talking about, yeah, yeah. It's like people that were, you know, getting UFC and they were training MMA, and then they'd be like, oh, hey, how about you come and do a tickling video

and then they just get harassed? Yeah, yeah. The journalist that made the documentary tickled, he blew up after that, And so he tried to do like a Louis Thoreau thing. And he went to Cambodia to shoot a cow. And he goes and he's like, yeah, so I heard I can kill a cow with a machine gun. They're like, yeah.

And he's like, how much you have? He's like, 500 US dollars. Like, perfect. Yeah, yeah. So they take him out there and he has this really high and mighty moral thing where he's like, so you'd let me kill this cow for 500. And these Cambodian guys are like, yeah, shoot it. And he like gives the gun back and is like, keep the money.

And like does this big high and mighty thing. And these Cambodian guys are like, okay, you asked to shoot it. Yeah, yeah. You gave us $500. We're in Cambodia. For a thousand, I think also he was the guy that like when they took him out there, they're like, if you have like an extra 500 later on, you can kill this guy. And they like pointed to a guy that was with him and he was like, what? And they were like, yeah, he just got out of jail.

You can shoot him if you want. Yeah, the country's in disrepair and it's our fault. I learned so much on this show. Every time I just hang out with you guys. I learned so much shit. Yeah, you can, like, apparently it's not super easy, but, you know, but. you can, like in Cambodia and in parts of Laos, like they'll, you can pay the local police to, like, uh, pull a guy out of jail and then you can just shoot him with a grenade launcher.

You can do that Mississippi. You could go to any prison in Alabama, and if you know one of the sheriffs there, you'd say, hey, white boy to white boy. Why don't you let me run some pasture? Yeah. Now, if I wanted to shoot him with an RPG like the Taliban have, how much you're talking to the USDA? Shoot, do, okay, I know it's wrong and like, obviously terribly. ethically bad.

You want to join the Taliban? No, yes, I do want to join the Taliban. How do you think it feels to like not shoot a guy with a gun or like a pistol or a rifle, but to shoot a guy like GTA style with a grenade launcher? Blow a motherfucker up?

Like you hit him with the missile. Probably a crazy, probably an insane thing. Yeah, awesome. That would be crazy. I was at Creek and they put a basketball hoop in. Oh, I know. It's like all the way back across

half court. Yeah. And I swished it. Nice. Beautiful. I bet blowing up a guy with a rocket launcher feels better than that. Dude, I feel like that's the closest I'll ever get to like that feeling.

Like, dude, I nailed it. Like, I got it right on. That basketball hoop out there, I think is so funny because it's like, it's like in the zoo when they give the gorillas like a new like tie monster truck tire. Yeah.

And I was back there one time when I was watching like, no disrespect to my fellow comedians, but like some of the most unathletic guys drunk as fuck. Yeah. smoking tin cigarettes trying to dunk and I'm like Rebecca you have a liability on your hands like I love you I love this club you guys are like

this is like a second home to me but like you have a 5 foot 5 350 pound guy trying to dunk on a 12 foot hoop Like someone's gonna stroke out back yeah They're gonna get to Tom Segrou He's gonna jump and then half of his body's gonna fall apart The video is still crazy to me by the way

One of the craziest videos I've ever seen in my life You know that? Yeah yeah I saw that Yeah yeah he looks like it's at 24 hour fitness Yeah, and he just does a slight jump his knee gives out, falls on his arm and it snaps. Yeah, he's family guy falls. Yeah, yeah. He's like his arms behind his back like that and shit. Yeah.

Dude, I can't. I'm not going to say names, but I've been seeing a lot of like male comics like get lip filler. Oh, no. And it'll be like a thing where like I'll see them and they'll be normal. And then I'll see them at like, I don't know, sunset or something. And then they very clearly got the Tom Seguerilers. lip filler and where they like trim their beard right around the lips and then they have just slightly bigger lips and I'm like man is that what you're doing with your got your Homer Simpson ass looking pussy on your face yeah that's what you're doing where tour money is getting lip fillers and you don't have lip fillers no these are no natural out there's natural yeah yeah he's good for you he's like God gave me these you're gonna let some signs just give you or buddy the Lord blessed me with these and you got two hundred bucks and a connect in Houston and now you got him oh man dude Jake Jay can't stop looking at other guy's lips I know so I'm the fuck.

The smootch sheriff. Those better be real. Better not be fucking playing games. Let me honk them. Let me honk them. You got registration for those. In Georgia, you can get a license to be a veneer tech.

Yeah. I don't mean. Yeah. Very Georgia thing. And this is something that should be done by an oral surgeon, right? Because they file your teeth down to nubs and then they screw in the teeth.

It's the MLM girls too. Yeah. It's the girls that were in MLMs last month or an alveenir girls. You kicked out of nursing school for fistball. fighting the teacher. Exactly.

So I just, dude, I was just reading about this because George is like trying to, now they're trying to pass laws,

but you can go get a Veneer tech and then you can open up teeth by Tisha and then just file down people's teeth and staple fucking like Dennis the menace

chicklet teeth. You're going to tell me that you're going to say a Luciferian family doesn't run this country. You're telling me they're shaving people's down teeth making them

goblins and you're telling me that Luciferians don't run this country. I love when you go Bryce Mitchell mode, dude. Okay, stick your head in the sand, ostrich.

I'll look around and I'll see the spiritual warfare that's happened in our great city. I forget who was interviewing him, but he was like, oh, no, it was just an Instagram but he made his house. His wife was filming him, and he was like, I've been seeing y'all in the comments saying that I can't homeschool my son because I don't read books. There's only one book you need to read. I got it right here. He holds up a King James Bible.

He was like, it's got everything you need. It's got love. love, hate, war. It's got math. That's it. That's all he knows. Yeah. And I'm like,

my dad taught me love, hate, war. Math. Ancient man. Ancient man. And he was like defending himself. He was like,

you don't need to read any other books. This is the only one you need. It's got everything you need to know. And I was like, that is really like, it's not a uniquely American thing, but it is a beautifully American thing to be like, yeah,

yeah, no, like, like history and, like Pythagorean theorem, that shit's gay. I've said it a thousand times. That was the coolest thing in the world. That was like... He would go fishing with him.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. He was burning the gay books. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. The best timeline was he went on Tucker Carlson and said that God was going to have him win his fight. And then he got like knocked out shaking.

Oh, Josh Emmett knocked him out. I was so badly. He went to Dagestan to train, converted to Islam and came back. We're like, I got the true lot now. Yeah, yeah. He started winning. That would have been the most incredible fucking arc.

I recited the shahada. Now I can, I love to see Bryce Mitchell redneck Muslim. Yeah, yeah. I think, dude, he technically, like, those guys all talk shit about the Dagestani guys. It's like, they live out in the middle of nowhere, they don't know nothing. You know, they hate their women. And it's like the old cliche of, like, the Bush era conservative and, like, hating Muslims.

And it's like, you guys, they're the exact same. You're the same guy. You want your wife to not know how to read. You want to marry your cousin. Like, like, you're saying all this racist shit about Muslims and, like, how they marry. their cousins and they don't want their wives to read or drive. And it's like, what do you want your wife to do? I hear how you talk about her.

You get mad that she leaves the house on a Saturday. Yeah, he's, I mean, he's not awesome. Dude, when Josh Hammett hit him, I thought he died. That was such a good movie. It was one of the worst knockouts I've ever seen. You go on Tucker Carlson and you say that God told you you're going to win your UFC fight. You losing is the best thing you can do. And also you lose in such a way where the announcers, I remember Rogan was like, oh, my God, he's not moving.

It's not like you just get tapped out or like. you just get beat by decision. You get hit so hard that guys who did the sport for 30 years are like, why isn't he waking up? Yeah, it wasn't even the hype knockout. They were like, it was a concerned knockout. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The best part about talking shit about someone like him, like if you do it in a jujitsu gym,

there's always going to be someone like, well, you could kick your ass. And it's like, yeah, so could a lot of smart people. Yeah, yeah. A lot of smart people kick my ass too. Yeah, that doesn't change anything, bud. Paul, one of my favorite fucking, like, athlete fan interactions of Paul Felder, is on Twitter. and this guy adds Paul Felder,

who is a fighter now, he's a commentator, and he's like, the only thing you suck more at than fighting is commenting, I hate hearing your fucking voice, and Paul Felder's like, hey man, pretty disrespectful.

You know, I train at the East Side Mafia, MMA over in Philly. Why don't you come say that to my face? And the guy goes, no, you'd beat me up. That's why I said it on Twitter. It's like, so funny.

And Paul Feller response, respect. He was like, honestly, what the fuck am I going to even say to that? The most self-aware. I had a video do numbers that was like talking about how I called Jiu Jitsu my Pilates. Yeah, I love that video.

And Sam Alvey made a response video calling me a pussy. And I was like, I'd whip your fucking ass, Sam Alvey. And I commented like a dozen times like smiling Sam, I'll knock all your fucking teeth out, dude. He got nothing back. I was like, I would love to get beat up by you. And like a semi-sanctioned fight in West Virginia. Yeah. Fly me out, dude.

Teach me a lesson. He went on like a 14 fight losing streak and didn't get cut by the UFC. Finally they cut him. but everybody was like like if you are even kind of critical of Dana White you go on like a two-fights kid he'll cut you but Sam is like a company man he was like no fighters unions no more fighter pay you sign the contract be there are people who you know who would fight tooth and nail to get paid 10 and 10 blah blah blah blah blah fuck your health insurance man up quit being a pussy and then he just got knocked out 10 times in a row and Dana was like he's gonna come around yeah he's gonna have a heavyweight title run Sam is and I trust him You know, I trust him. It's like, yeah, okay. One of the greatest fighters of our generation.

Yeah, yeah. He is, he's Vince. He's Vince of fucking... Oh, yeah, yeah. You let Dana White shit on you. You get a career, dude. I don't know if he's pooping, but I mean, I mean, who knows, man? Like, did you see when someone was like, hey, you guys just got a $7 billion

dollar Paramount deal and, you know, you use AI in your promos, and Dana White was like, shut the fuck up. He was like, he goes, you want us to pay graphic designers? Shut up and watch the fucking fights. literally verbatim and I was like oh he's he's not paying anybody any money I went to the bar

next to Mr. Nice guys and they had PFL on and I was like oh are you guys putting it on UFC later and he goes do you know the difference between playing this and playing UFC and I was like no and you're a bartender so why do you care just answers yes or no I was like what do you want me to pay for it I'll spot the bar

it's weird that that's where you're like you're choosing to stand on your moral ground is with guys beating the shit out of each other for other people's entertainment. Also, the guy that owns PFL is like also bad. Of course. They're all the good guy. Yeah. Oh, that's right.

There's good versus evil. Yeah, yeah. Also, I think it is like, like they charge so much. Ooh, I do have a prediction. Uh-huh. We're going to see a Christian fight league come up soon. Probably. We're going to see, because like, uh, my favorite fucking like the backyard one that you see.

Street beef or no. Street beefs. Street beefs. Street beefs. Street beefs. Street beefs, there's two of them. There's the one on the Pacific Northwest and then one in like West Virginia. Yeah, yeah.

My absolute favorite. I love that because they'll have the one where it's like, yeah, two fat guys versus a skinny woman. Like stuff like that. Two fat women plus like versus like a midget or something. Two truckers versus a prostitute. Yeah. Yeah. Love that.

Love that. I think that because that's, you know, lokey evil, you're going to see like a right evangelical version where they're like, yeah, this is the Lord's ring upon his shield. Do we battle? Yeah. That's what we're going to see. It's going to be good, too. The biggest sponsor, I was.

talking to joking Thomas about this. So the biggest sponsor that sponsors Street Beefs is NordVPN, which is like one of the bigger VPNs. Their catchphrase, like for their company is don't let your past haunt you, which is like, if you're using a VPN and you watch Street Beefs, what past could haunt you relative to the computer that you'd need to hide? And it's like, this is a VPN for guys who watch child porn. That was, yeah, it's literally like CP.

That's it. It's like, don't let your past haunt you. It's like, yeah, I mean, you could just buy. drugs on the deep web and probably get away with it. This is literally for guys who watch child porn. That's all that it is. I thought VPNs don't even work. A lot of them are owned by Israel.

Yeah, I thought all VPNs were just like Tor, where it's just like fake. Someone's looking, right? Somebody's got enough. Somebody's looking, yeah. Somebody's got enough. I was not surprised, but it was kind of like a funny tidbit to find out that most of the VPNs that are advertised in America and and worldwide are owned by the same Israeli cybersecurity company.

It's like, oh, yeah, this is just extortion. Yeah. This is just extortion. just in case a politician is using a VPN to order drugs or a prostitute or a hitman or watch gay porn. Well, thank God it's Israel. Yeah. Whitney Webb had a really good. I think I agree with her where she was like, Epstein died of the perfect time because that type of honey-plotting blackmail is no longer necessary with the type of Palantir technology that we have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we have Epstein-level blackmail on people without either of them leaving their homes. Like, was that fool that just got, was it Naomi, Christa, Christy Nome? Christy Nome! Christy Nome! Her husband, you seen that, the bimbophication of this country? Did you see him? He had like tits under his shirt, right?

Beautiful massive. Big balloons. Anime tints. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. By the way, I thought he was wearing a breastplate, which is like what drag queens wear. No, they were literally party balloons.

And he had, on purpose, would make the knot be the nipple. But he'd never got them straight. So all the pictures where he's like making a kissy face or holding his penis, you can see the party balloons. What a bum. He was doing this like a lot? Yeah, yeah. There's like multiple pictures of him.

like pretending to be a woman like dressing or like it was like a weird sex thing that he was hiring a sex worker this woman to like talk dirty to him on the internet maybe more I don't know yeah yeah but then that she leaked it that she was the one I personally I'm like yeah sure she leaked it sure well I

my tinfoil hat goes that Christy Nome was shit canned right before this came out and I think it was either that it like the Iranian Intel maybe got to it or Massad was going to use it for some type of blackmail so they just got out ahead of it and fired her.

But one of my, the favorite, what did she do? She was the department. She ran a department of Homeland Security. She was like the ice Barbie. Like she was the lady that like ran ice. And one of those pictures,

the dog is just peeking his head through, um, the door from their bedroom that leads into the kitchen. And he's in the kitchen with these like little pink, uh, like yoga pants on. And he's like this and he's holding his big balloon tits. And they've got a beautiful Labrador retriever. And it's just like this. What hell has that dog seen? What hell has that dog witnessed?

God. Like, a dog's mind, like, I don't know. Dad's gut. Also, he was into, so he's like, bimboification. So it's like his kink was women who had like size G, big tits, huge blown up lips, BBLs. It's like a thing. Yeah. It's like a kink.

I don't know. Yeah, who would know that? Who would know anything about that? Oh, yeah. Who's into that? Who's in the big beautiful lips again? Ashley, I'll tell her something like she was like, she'll be like, why do you know all about this stuff? And I'm like, well, you know, when you're on the computer for 15 years and she's like, I've been using the computer.

I know. Why do you know? And I'm like, because it's fun to know about, like I was telling her what Sniffies is. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sniffy's. You know Sniffies? What Sniffies.

It is like what Republican rift what they thought Grindr was. So like all the Fox News guys that are like gay guys. go into hotels and they come in each other and give each other aids. It's like, okay, like, that's, this is disgusting and homophobic. Sniffies is an app for that. A buddy of mine is on Sniffies, and I swear to God, he went to a 50 man plus raw dog orgy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh my God, he goes, we're all on prep.

And I was like, I'm sure there's other things you can get. Yeah. No loads refuse to come dump where like, you can be like my apartment doors unlocked, the lights are off, I'm face down ass up, you can just come fuck me in my ass. What's that one called? Can you give me the name of the app and the up? I need to update my phone. This is,

how is it like, well, how comes this is always like politicians? It's also if you don't need an app for sniffies, you can get on their website too. So you can literally like go to the library anonymously and then sign up for an orgy. And it's like,

dude, that's serial killer shit. Well, the part, the politician thing is it's like, it's a running joke slash not a joke. It's real that like, every Republican National Convention and every CPAC

Grindr and Sniffies, they get such an explosion in traffic that they have to prepare like their servers or whatever to like get more activity. It's just like the classic story of like guys in their 60s and 70s, deeply conservative, like homophobic like, you know,

let's give more money to ice to kill families, guys like they're all and their wives are usually, usually to some degree know they're like old school gay. We're like the wives know it's a lavender marriage, but they don't. don't talk about it. They don't, you know, everybody in the neighborhood knows, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, it's such a suppressed thing that they have to get it out when they can. And so that's why they all use the app is because that's when they go to get their dick sucked by it. But he of mine, he was going to UT. Yeah. He was like, oh, I'm tutoring this guy from Saudi Arabia. So the guy some Saudi Arabia shows up and it's just like a flamboyant gay guy. You hold the mic close to you a little bit. My buddy's talking to him. And he's like, well, blah, you know, how do your parents feel about, you know, you being like an American and gay? And he's like, how'd you know I was gay? And he's like, oh, every.

about you. Like your voice, your mannerisms, you're sitting cross-legged, like, everything you do is like a very gay. Yeah, people that come with no concept. No one in my life would even imagine that I could be a gay man. He's like, it's insane that you know. He's like, oh, you are like gay. Like you were so gay. He's like, yeah, not back home. I'm just like a guy. Yeah. I remember, I've talked to JT about this. Like growing up in the church, like, you'll meet like a deacon or something or like an associate, like an assistant pastor or. something. Yeah.

And it'll be at like a potluck or something. And you'll meet the wife. And she's like, hey, I'm Laura and this is my husband Scott. And Scott will come up to you and he's like, hey, how are you? And she's just been chatting your ear on. She's just been chatting your ear on. And he's like, his posture's perfect. Because every other like straight Christian Southern Baptist guy is like huge beer belly

red. He's hung over on Sunday. Like fucked up. Go tea. Go back to your country. Go to your country. Go to go. And then you see like.

You'll meet, like, one of the other pastors, and, like, he's, like, got his, literally his Sunday's best on, has got a fresh haircut. And he's like, hey, how are you? And you go, oh, gay. Uh-huh. Because every other Southern Baptist man in south of the Mason Dixon is like, I love Jesus. They're like duck dynasty side characters. And all the gay guys in church are always like they look, they look like they should be working at Goldman Sachs. I also think there's a type of country boy that's dying, which is like, I like to call him the Charleston gay.

Yeah. She's like, they're not gay at all, but they're like, you know, so-and-so's house looks awful. She has no idea. Lindsay Graham. I think actually he's gay. Lindsay Graham, but, like, Charleston gay is like where it's like, yeah, you're not gay. You're just like a bitch. You're like an old bitch.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, those pictures of him at Disney World with a bubble wand were so funny. I've not seen that. Oh, Lindsey Graham is like a very conservative, like pro-Israel politician. He has no-old. Jake calls him his number one guy. Number one guy. Bro, check this out.

He has no wife, no kids. he's at Disney World And also it's Oh come on He's at Disney World Holding a pink bubble wand Wondering around And like bubbling people

And for like 50 years It's been like Lindsay Graham's gay And he's always had to be like And then in interviews he's like No I'm a bachelor I'm a 72 year old bachelor 70 being that old is crazy Yeah and also like

The same thing When you ask Seth Macfarland too by the way Yeah How old is he? Also a theater guy Oh he's just He's never been married No kids

It's forever been a Hollywood bachelor. Yeah, yeah. But I suspected gay. Lead singer Black Flag people always suspect it, too, because he's the same way. I don't know if this is just like a conservative family speaking, but it's like, I like that type of gay guy. I like the other type too, right? I like the kind that's like, oh, I'm going to be a drag queen, all that stuff. I'm like, oh, it's like the type of gay guy.

It's like, yeah, we all know you're gay. It's more fun for you to pretend not to be, you know? One of my best friends is going to be a groomsman at my wedding. He's known on the show as Rich Gay Zach because he's rich, and he's gay's named Zach. he's like so straight grew up like rowing crew like fucking just talks you know there's no it's so funny he was like uh yeah me and my boyfriend um we've been a bunch of our friends in the you know the gay brohood were telling asking us about the show ruPaul's drag raise why the fuck would I ever watch anything like that but but bro I turn it on and it's so entertaining and I remember we were like

drunk bullshitting and I was just like making I was making a joke I was like you're like the straightest gay guy I know and he's like Yeah, it's like the voice and stuff I don't get it. It's just like the only difference It's like you know I fuck guys in the ass That's it like the clothes the voice Like all that shit like you know no disrespect

It's just soldier I'm not into that like if you are And his his his boyfriend is like exactly like him They just like if they just hang out And you would not know like they're just like yeah We're just not into the we're not into the theater of it You just suck each other's dick You see Big Daddy?

You were so big daddy that Adam Sandler movie It was like they're both of their friends went to they all went to college together like law school or whatever. Oh, I remember. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like the two homies ended up just becoming gay with each other.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's like, my biceps don't look in this. Your biceps look nice. It looked nice. Be nice to yourself. That's why like I think like people say like, oh, Trump. Like Trump is not gay. He's just a dying breed of like New York socialite.

Yeah. Like he loves Broadway plays. He loves like musicals and theater and stuff. And he's just very catty and loaded. And like he doesn't. He doesn't drink alcohol, but he, like, does a lot of pills. And that's like, there was a type of guy in New York in the 70s that was, like, into real estate. He's like, I love Broadway and I love musicals, and I'm married to, and I have five girlfriends.

And it's like, are you sure you're not gay? And he's like, no, no, that's evil. That's morally disgusting. I would never be anything like that. But I like the idea that maybe, dude, went, oh, that's floor to the radar too because of the Iran thing, which is like that email that came out that Trump one time gave Bill Clinton head. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, how did that one? I guess He's got a nice cock Yeah Dude Apparently Got it Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Bill Clinton Plays the saxophone What did they say His name was what Bubba Bubba?

Bubba Yeah Bubba was his Uh lover's name Which is That's a badass That's a sick nickname

To have If you're the president And you're gay Wait Bubba was Bill Clinton Bill Clinton Yeah

Yeah That's his nickname Right Yeah Yeah Bill's nickname Was Bub And then they said

That Trump Suck Bubba's dick Yeah Trump blue bubba. Epstein asked somebody, do you have the pictures of when Trump blew Bubba? And everyone knew Bill Clinton is Bubba on the

island. Which is if, dude, having a nickname on the Kidfucker Island, that's how often you go. He has his own cup with his name on it. This is Icy Mike. I see Mike. Oh, Donald Rumsfeld. Sorry. He's got a different name when he comes over here. What if it's like one of those

goofy pictures like you do with your buddies? Or like, you know, if you're like, ah, yeah. He's just trying to find a funny picture. I think you could probably be 100% right if everything else about the story was not like if you were decontextualized at all you're like probably right yeah yeah it was just like a fake picture like a oh i'm sucking his dick oh that was another thing right it's like i wonder if he's like burying the files because a lot of his

base like there are people they have shirts i saw one or a picture of one in a rally that says i don't care if trump's a pedophile and it's like maga yo yeah right yeah part of me is like what if he buried the files, not because it would come out that he had sex with young girls, because his base doesn't care about that, but is that he's done gay shit, which they would absolutely care about that. They would absolutely lose their mind

over. They know, even the gays for Trump? Gays for Trump, they need it to be a secret. It has to be, the gays for Trump thing, like, it's open that we are gay and we like Trump, but there's no pictures or videos of us that you'll ever see of us sucking and fucking on each other. It just doesn't exist, because

we're respectable. We're members of the community Conservative gays don't have sex Yeah, yeah They sleep in set up of bedrooms every night Yeah With their partner I have a husband

He lives in a different room than me Like the Like a Mormon couple A good handshake makes me come Yeah yeah Doing business deals makes me come There's a big house I used to live near

Back home in St. Louis That had a huge Gays for Trump flag Like draped on their porch out front. That's pretty sick. You see it all the time, yeah. And a Palestinian flag in the other window. Really complex guy.

There used to be this big billboard heading into Houston on I-45. It was big red, and it had Trump doing a thumbs up, and it said, you know, keep Texas red or whatever. And then it undered it said paid for by Chinese Americans for Trump. No way. And I'm like, how many of those guys are there do you think? That's a sigh of. Same with Vietnamese people.

Vietnamese people support Trump like crazy. Yeah, yeah. Really? It's like the Cuban and Miami thing. It's like a lot of those guys, they'll be like, my family escaped communism, and then you find out that their family owned like 10 sweatshops.

Right. And it's like that's probably why you fled. I have a buddy, I swear to God, who's not only married to a Uyghur Chinese woman who works in intelligence in D.C. What the fuck? Yeah,

but he also, he's like, yeah, my granddad always said that Che tried to kill him. And I'm like, why? Why do you think Che Guevar wanted to kill your granddad, my white Cuban friend? Yeah, yeah. Well, she hated freedom. We hated the freedom that my family had on Cuba.

My family had 150 acres of freedom. We owned 10 freedoms. We had a freedom that worked in the house, and then we had a freedom that worked in the cane fields. Have you read Mogul of the mob? No. It's a Meyer-Lansky book. And if you're, like, mentally ill, you know, okay, yeah, casinos in Cuba. that's like when, you know, intelligence agencies and the mob really teamed up and became kind of like one goal for the most part.

Like how we got Vegas in the first place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Meyer Lansky was just like, you know, a mobed up fella. Like he's a mob fella. Uh-huh. And it just, it talks about just stuff that just sounds like a lie. Yeah. I mean, it's like, Batista begging the mob to bring more feds into Cuba.

Yeah. And like being like, we need 2,000 armed federal agents to help protect your casinos and stuff like that. and it's like, this does that just sound like a lie? This does that just sound like I made it up? It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. The confluence of the mafia, the CIA and Cubans is like enough for the premium episode because now we're in an hour and I don't want the battery to die.

Thank you guys for listening. Do you got any shows to plug, Rinaldo? Just check me out on Instagram. At Rinaldo sucks. Oh, hell yeah. And you guys, J.T. God's favorite comedian on Instagram. God's favorite media on Instagram.

Come to the London Party shows, April 28th at Creek. And then May 1st at the secret group in Houston, lemon party.life. Bye.