Pendejo Time - karate seans blow job radio

Episode Date: September 16, 2021

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What up? I make rice sometimes, it's a kind of bread, and I really like it, it's a type of bread, and I, I like to, I bake it. Bake too much. I bake it myself. It's very well made. The thing is, the first part, I had been singing in my head for a while, but there never was a second part in my head, so I had to... I was hoping I'd come up with something on the fly. Yeah, you just kind of dropped the ball there.

Jack shit. Something familiar, it's hard to rhyme things with that. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Something unfamiliar and I like to bake it and it tastes real good. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Something familiar is the last line. Yeah. Not last line, but that's where it ends on.

Right. I'm making bread. Bread. I'm making bread There was like that era Like right when COVID started That everybody got into making like sourdough and stuff And I remember thinking like By the way I was drinking

An insane amount of alcohol Like I was putting it a fucking way I was living off of like student loans and like just drinking myself like stupid every fucking day and i remember scrolling through twitter blackout drunk at like 1 p.m and i'm like look at these fucking nerds making bread who the fuck gets into bread making and i'm like sitting next to ashley and i like had a sober realization that's like dude you are impossibly fucked up for the ninth day in a row watching avatar like beer cans like in bed and you're like you're telling a guy who picked up a new hobby to cope with like what we thought what what is

like an insane fucking thing you're like you're fucking retarded man like who gets into bread making like Ashley was like you know like that's you know it's a cool hobby i'm like nah nah that guy's a fucking loser who makes bread and i'm like sitting in bed with like covered in like miller highlife and spaghetti sauce i'm like i'm cool yeah i'm living off of like federal government money i have no hobby i haven't played guitar in six months the pandemic just started by the way i have no excuse yeah that was like last may right when the lockdown kind of yeah like april like mid-march into may yeah well i remember the actual lockdown hit in texas like uh right as i got my ankle monitor off. I mean, like the same week.

Well, so it happened. We went into lockdown. No, I mean, not like when COVID hit, but I mean like when restrictions went into place or whatever. Well, I know that when I was in Houston, so the lockdown happened the day after my birthday. Because we were going to go to a hot dog beer joint for my 26th. I guess that's what it was. And I called them. They were like, the whole world's falling apart. And that was March 16th.

And so that was like – and I was during spring break. Maybe it was like last week of March, I'm thinking. It had to be that because we – our spring break lasted a year and a half at that point because we were – I was in my master's program and we were on break. And they were like, yeah, we're coming back the week after. And then we just never came back to school uh but uh yeah who gives a shit i was really hammered the whole time and i was like making fun of people picking up hobbies and it wasn't it was one of those things that like i just intuitively am a cocksucker

sometimes like i'm a fucking asshole uh and i have to like have a little bit of reflection like hey man uh that guy figured out how to make bread do you know how to make bread and i'm like no but i'm cool because i drink dog shit beer and watch old cartoons and it's like no you're not cool you're a fucking loser that guy learned something why don't you learn something no and then like six months later i feel bad that i was mad at that guy for no reason. Yeah, well, I was saying lockdown was awesome for me because everyone else was like, oh, I'm having to stay in my house at night because there's no bars open. I was like, I've been sober this whole time just staring at the wall,

and now I can drive down back roads at night chewing fucking Redman and listening to old kanye albums and this is honestly one of the best times of my life everyone else was like dying and like buying like two six years worth of corn and shit and i was like this is awesome i don't have toilet paper but like i didn't before sometimes like who gives a fuck dude there was a there was like a period there uh in the summer where ashley would like she never got a break like at all and i we've talked about it since then but i would be like in bed drunk and she would come home from her lunch break and she'd be like hey babe uh you're gonna get up and like maybe take a step

or two and i was like no avatar's on it's just like so you're just gonna drink beer and bed and be drunk and watch avatar the last airbender at like six weeks like six weeks of this i'm like yeah like and it wasn't until like august that i was after i got covid that i was like okay i need to like stop doing it i was that's like when i started like when i went on like my late i guess my weight loss kick i was like i weigh 235 pounds i've been drunk since the start of this thing i should probably like stop because i after i had covid i was like i totally like it wouldn't have been weird if i died i guess i'm a fat idiot who drinks all day and eats fucking hot pockets and shit. What you got there?

You got a little drink. Yeah, man, it sounds like your life fucking sucked. It sounds like you're a huge loser. I got some fireworks. Oh, you're going to light them off? Not these ones. These are the little ones. Why do you have fireworks in your house?

Um, I don't. You don't? No. Oh, okay. So what am I looking at? You're not looking at anything. What's this other one? Do you remember what that one was called?

Just lift up a whole-ass pipe bomb. You're like, I like this one. Are those bottle rockets? This is Black Magic Pop, which is also my favorite genre of music. Oh, okay. Who sings Black Magic Pop? DaBaby. Okay, yeah.

DaBaby. Lil Nas X. SZA? Is that how you say your know name sizza is a sorceress she is a sorceress she's a good i like sizza dude she's she's dope i know if i did you know do you like rico nasty so i did in like 2018 whenever she was for like uh but like i liked her music music for a while you know and now it's like y'all broke up so you don't talk no more yeah like me and rico like uh you're just you're texting me like you won't believe who i'm on a date with and i'm like who and you're like rico nasty and you send me a picture believe who I'm on a date with. And I'm like, who? And you're like, Rico Nasty.

And you send me a picture, and it's just like a Puerto Rican guy. And I'm like, wait. You're like, yeah, I'm across from Rico Nasty right now. And I'm like, that's a. It's a Dominican guy on Instagram who looks like a little kid. Yeah. He's like, I'm Rico Nasty. You're like, oh, sick.

Dude, that guy rocks at uh pio or whatever his name is i forget his name yeah he always has like like brand new rolexes and like strippers on him and shit he's like he's like 40 which is not i mean when you think about it's like ah it's that video he released the first time i ever saw from him when he was like i'm not a fucking baby man i am 22 years old and i thought he was like, I am not a fucking baby, man. I am 22 years old. And I thought it was like one of those hood kids. You know, like the videos of nine-year-old kids from Atlanta that are just rock solid already. Yeah.

And I was like, no. And then obviously I do more digging. This is years back when he was in his early 20s. And I was like, no, this guy's got the Andy Milonakis thing, only, like, way worse because he's also, like, 4'5". Or, like, 4'6". Yeah. It's funny as fuck when he's in, like, those, like, Puerto Rican strip clubs and he's just, like, you could tell he's so fucking coked out of his head.

And he's like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Like, dude, like like how do they like people let him in now cause he's famous but before he got like viral famous like how the fuck did he get in anywhere like it had to be a hassle there's no fucking way that it wasn't

like I had a hard time getting into bars at like 22 23 and I was like yeah I bet you did you just kept getting kicked out uh no it's cause I have my youthful face. The way he said that was like, no. It's my youthful face. Sir, if I may intrude.

Bane trying to get into the bar. Oh. Dude. Bane trying to get into the bar. Oh. I handed you my library card. I'm a little fucked up. Sorry.

Here's my ID. Oh, I can't get in because I handed you the wrong card. I mean, like, Bane, you're not going to kick him out of the bar. Come on, let's hear it. Other than that, it was just a thought. Yeah. You don't have to say everything you think, you know. Oh, well, that's just me, man.

That's just who I am fundamentally as a person. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Imagining some guy, like, you know, he pulls out a guitar, like, at the bar or something that he brought, and then Bane just comes up and snaps his neck immediately. None of that. No. No.

No, thank you. Can I have three Vegas bombs, please? Do you have fireball? Does anybody want to do a keg style? Frat Bane. I can't, like, none of that. I'm so, so good. 50 a grub who are you kidding

I was I was thinking like if we like ever do like do like shows or whatever like down the road did you ever watch like the

like the original Kings of Comedy? Or like any Cat Williams, like Bernie, like any Cat Williams. I don't think Cat Williams is original, but like Cedric the Entertainer or like Bernie Mac. Like one of their like go-to things was like Cat Williams does this a lot. It'll be like half of his hour where he'll do like location-based stuff. Where he'll like be in Houston. He's like, y'all got a lot of fat people here like he's just like he does his research like he will know things about cities like that like only people from there would know but i thought it would be funny if me

and you did like columbus or new york and did the voice but we didn't do any research like at all like we're like like we're like we're in brooklyn and we're like y'all got a i was trying to get on a subway and it was stinky man i was on i was on the i was i was on the airplane the the new york airplane yeah and i saw dracula Yeah And I saw Dracula That motherfucker be everywhere I'm really excited to be in LA Y'all got roads And streets Y'all be got Weed legal

I didn't know nothing about that though Y'all be Y'all stay Y'all keep up Nobody's laughing at all We're like in Columbus And it's like, LeBron? No?

He from here? Everybody's like, I mean, nope. If you're from San Antonio, then you know you can't get a hotel room without somebody sneaking in dressed up like a mouse. And they knock on the door one time and you say who that and they say it's mr mouse and and you let them in and they they tear up your furniture man it's a visceral experience it's a visceral if you do we're literally we do like 9 minutes I done got eviscerated Y'all ever drank viscera?

It's like literally people are filing out And you're like oh that too Too triggering for you when a mouse Come in your hotel You ever been to Akron You see a big fat lady smoking a cigar Like a dick now they got they got a university here right everybody's like every every town got has them and you're like now them colleges you go they got books in there you know

You're like, now, them colleges, they got books in there, you know. You keeping up? Yeah. Where's this going? And you're like, ah, nah, you can't be having that. People are like, all right, I don't know why I paid for this. Thomas and Jake are fucking. And everybody know what go down in Huntsville, Texas. The motherfucking carnival.

You got prison and the motherfucking carnival. You got... You got... Prison. And the motherfucking carnival. You got the motherfucking carnival. Carnival. This a raw... Carnival. And I told that boy, I said...

Once you get out, we going... We going to get your ass some cotton candy. What, you just did 30? You did a 20 piece? We going to get your ass a funnel cake. My boy was on death row. I said, son, when you getting out? He said, never.

I'm in solitary. I said, when you get out, we riding a tit-a-whirl. Where the fuck are we going? Disneyland. Disneyland ain't Huntsville Dinnieland I said motherfucker

I'll go to Dinnieland We going to Dinnieland Dinnieland Dinnieland boy Dinnieland down floor That's one thing you know That's one thing you know About Huntsville, Texas

They got both Dinnieland They got D Dinnyland. They got Dinnyland. And Dinny World. You can go loud. You can go loud. Man. People start filing back in because we're doing like Cajun guy voice. They're like, all right, well, here's something from the show.

And I'm like, and you go back to Huntsville, and you're going to find out Dinnyland closed. You go Dinnyland, and you go back to Hunville, and you're going to find out Disneyland closed. You go to Disneyland, you're going out. You're going out. We're going to, like, Louisiana, and then, like, you know, we do a show in, like, New Orleans. Fans of the show are like, oh, maybe they'll do Disneyland. And we're like, we just speak normally. We don't even have our accents.

We're in, like, Albuquerque, and we're like, we just speak normally. We don't even have our accents. We're in like Albuquerque and we're like, okay, goodbye now. I feel like people would like that. If we go to any place where an accent that we've done is popular, we just have. Well, I mean, one important thing to note, I don't think people are going to care that much. Nobody's coming to any of this. When the city of New York finally can rally behind. Right. Tendejo time.

Tendejo time. All 3,000 of our listeners, you know. All 17 people at the show. Yeah, yeah. That are just people from Twitter that we share group chats with. That they kind of, they hate us. Yeah, they talk shit about us in other chats for sure that would like like it's just guys it's the same like the six chats that like we're all in

like they're just like hey i figured i'd come like yeah we're all in chats yeah one cool thing i'm jake i'm in a lot of chats that's one thing you should know about me. How many chats I'm in. No, I like chatting it up. Are you fucking done, dude? Are you finished, man? Are you finished fucking... Yeah, man, I'm done. I'm done with your crap.

I'm done... Hey, I've had it with your malarkey, dude. I'm done with all this crap coming out of your mouth, dude. I'm done with this fucking crapola, dude. Dude, I've had enough of your of your shysty ways and your is shyster like a slur it's gotta be you're thinking of shylock ah i think you're right i think you're onto something which that's that word i always thought was like an Irish one, because it sounds like luck. I actually learned

it fairly recently in my life. Were you watching Sopranos? No. I was I was sort of trying to find some vague slurs that weren't really offensive at all. Oh, like PG slurs? Yeah. really offensive oh like pg slurs yeah you can

get away with yeah right yeah like um i love that you spend your free time looking up pg i did it one time you know for a dnd joke i don't buy that at all dude literally i i went to let it be known i went to jake's house and he has a projector and up on the wall he just has every cuss word in Spanish. That is true. That is true. That's actually how he came up with the name of the show. He didn't know the word time before that. Somebody asked me recently about where it came from,

and I had to explain to them that I was like, I wanted to do a show, and literally the only thing that came to my head was pandeo time that was it like there was something i can't tell my family about right because i'm embarrassed dude oh you're embarrassed about the name and not the content like we're almost at 100 episodes okay and you're embarrassed about the name yeah i don't like cursing in front of my family. You know, some of us came from a clean-cut environment where integrity meant something.

We don't wear crap like a Bud Light shirt on TV. You're on TV right now, man. TV for one. TV. I guess it's kind of, I mean, we don't post these the video somebody's like why don't you post the zoom and it's like well because it's it's like half of me trying to figure out if thomas's internet works and then the other half it's me me fucking staring into space yeah yeah or looking at fireworks or whatever you guys think i look depressed on the video episodes you do not want

to see that last one you looked like it's funny because you had more energy we both did than like we usually do but it was because it was like 245 and i was like dude if i don't run this like we're not gonna do this tomorrow i have to go home at like eight in the morning and uh and so we just like what was the i'm not gonna do shit we've already done but like yeah that was like people were like oh that was like y'all were enjoying yourselves and i was like dude we ate so much meat i thought i was gonna die like halfway through i was so fucking like fucked up from fajita meat and fucking whatever the fuck your friend brought that yeah soda uh yeah dude that was a good one i enjoyed doing that we're gonna hey for the Whatever the fuck your friend brought. Yeah. Soda.

Yeah, dude. That was a good one. I enjoyed doing that. We're going to... Hey, for the... I guess it's like... Oh, by the way. We don't have to talk about anything. What day is it?

I'm glad I just... Because I was not... We got about 10 minutes until I have to find... Shit. Oh, fuck. Because I was not. We got about 10 minutes until I have to find. Shit. Oh, fuck. We got to find Jake a damn diaper. Oh, my God.

We got to find me a diaper. Anyway, if you're a honcho, we're going to put that shit up soon. Last week of September is when your honcho brigade will be back. I love checking my email. That shit makes me hard. God, it's awesome. I love remembering things that I just need to remember, man. Wow. This is something we do twice a week.

Yeah. Every week. Every week. Fuck me. What did... Why is... I just... Ah, fuck.

Never mind. Hey, listen. I know, I just saw that I got charged on 9-11 for... Fuck. I'll bring it up later. Oh, that's fine. Anyway, yeah, folks. Dude, shut up.

Stop telling me to shut up, dude. Am I hurting your feelings? Yeah, you fucking are, man. I'm sorry. You're fucking hurting my feelings and pissing me off. Dude, am I causing turmoil? You are causing me great pain. My email doesn't want to fucking show i got it uh i got

it pulled up okay all right do you um oh fuck god dude this is sometimes i worry we're too good at this yeah we're so good at podcasting dude like oh fuck we should start a sex podcast it'd be so Podcasting, dude. Like. Oh, fuck. We should start a sex podcast. It'd be so hot. And we could just talk about boobs and pussy the whole time. Yeah. And butts. And butts?

Yeah. We could talk about whatever we want. Right. We can do whatever the fuck we want. We can do whatever we want, man. We can do whatever we want, man. We can do whatever, man. We can do the fucking whatever, dude. We should start doing more stand-up style monologues on here.

What's the deal with butts? You got one on the left and one on the right. What is it? Some kind of set of two things you got there?

What is it? A double up Thursday? A really important thing and we should just get... What were we talking about before this? I'm a piece of shit. You don't like me. You're quitting the show. You're gay. Look, it's important that i work on my comedic career and there's no better place to to write jokes and on your

your own podcast show that you now are heavily invested in both time and money wise and man what's the what's the deal with all these damn immigrants? They're coming in. They're flooding us out. I can't find a job. I'm just reading the jokes that you've written. Yeah, no, I wrote those. I do like the idea that you don't have a job and all the chainsaw trees. I'm just borrowing shit yeah you're just like

you're like walking into people's front yards with like a crew that's already working and you're like hey uh i don't know can i can i hold this 1300 chainsaw yeah please can i get up in this tree i know that y'all don't have like insurance for me or anything like that uh i mean i was just wondering but i don't know if you know this i'm like a big deal on the internet like i have a show some guy's just cocking his right hand back he's just like i think more likely like i would just not be acknowledged whatsoever like right yeah look at me or anything no for sure yeah yeah some guy just like spits at your feet and that's all you do we're really uh man we're cruising along 25 minutes and i think all right we got our uh

i don't i don't know hey if you don't have a job or if you do have a job and you need a place to put your money your job money your job money man you know how them jobs be making so much crazy money. I'd be making $12 an hour. Bro, when I make $12 an hour as a guy at the hospital, and I'd be posting my watches online, and I need a place to put my money. Here's a pitch. Hey, girls, you know how wallets, they're so flappy, and it's really hard to fit them in your pussy. Well, wouldn't you prefer something more rigid?

Something more ridge-ed. Yeah. And metallic and square. It's called that for the ladies, because you know how they like those ridge condoms. Right. They call it, it the Ridge Wallet For her pleasure Yes correct Yeah So

Check it out The Ridge fucking wallet dude It's so fucking good God I love it Duct tape Invader Zim Ass wallets From Reddit era

You need to throw that shit In the fucking dumpster Yeah If you got a regular wallet You're a stupid fucking bitch And you want to be an alpha with a big fucking set of nuts yeah and a huge fucking veiny cock yeah big veiny which is perfect to hold and yeah for a girl for yeah not for me or thomas

then you're going to want to check out the Ridge Wallet. The Ridge Wallet is the modern wallet, all right? They've got over 30 colors and styles, carbon fiber, burnt titanium. If you've got a big, bulky leather wallet, one of them like burlap sack wallets from like 1902, throw that shit in the fucking dumpster because the Ridge Wallet is the best front pocket wallet. It's got a money clip, and it holds up to 12 cards, plus room for that extra cash,

because you know I always be walking around. You do be. Be walking around with a little bit of spending money. $12. These wallets have over 40,000 five-star fucking reviews, dude. 40,000? That's a huge number. That's more than three.

That's not 50,000, but we'll get there. They come with a lifetime warranty, so if you somehow fuck the wallet up because you're a stuntman or a hitman or probably a NASCAR driver or secret agent, whatever the fuck, astronaut, you can send it back for a full refund if you don't fucking love it, and they let you test drive it for 45 days. It's got an RFID blocking chip in it that protects you from digital pickpocketers

because me and Thomas fuck around in dark parts of the – well, Thomas fucks around dark parts of the internet and the world, and he carries his wallet with him, so he needs a wallet that protects him when he's out buying child porn or whatever it is he's using. That's what I use it for. And when you – here's another thing i'm supposed to say they're giving away a jeep you like jeeps some people do with every dollar spent on the website before september 18th which you got just a couple days now a couple days now. Right. A couple days. You'll be entered to win an off-road optimized convertible 2020 Jeep Gladiator.

Or 50K. Hey, I'm fucking talking. Or 50K if you prefer cash. Every dollar you spend enters you to win this motherfucker or the cheddar cheese. And you've got three fucking days. They've got all kinds of holidays. You've got two days. This is releasing tomorrow.

You're right. That's why I said a couple days. Jesus fucking Christ. Shut up, bitch. You are dumb. Let's hear it. Anyway, stop doing this little fucking... You're going to want to go to Ridge.com slash Pendejo

or enter coupon code Pendejo. That's P-E-N-D-E-J-O. You get 10% off everything in the fucking store. They sent me a sick tropical style wallet. I took it to Mexico. Everybody was like, hey, cool wallet. And everybody loved the wallet. I like the fucking wallet because it's small, fits in my front pocket.

I'm not sitting down on it all fucking day. Yeah, I love the wallet they sent Jake. It's great. You have one too. sitting down on it all fucking day. Yeah, I love the wallet they sent Jake. Thank you. It's great. You have one too. Yes, we both have them. I mail it back to him every other week. Man, I love Jake's wallet. Thanks again. Brought to you by the Ridge Wallet. All right. thanks again

brought to you by the Ridge Wallet alright we're back we're black and we're prone to attack we are prone to attack I have anger problems my camera's on

did you see that yeah I did that was a close call that was a very close call. That was, yeah. I was like, is he? All right, I'll just let it play out. Oh, I was just going to take it out.

Yeah. Just for a little bit. I was just going to yank on it. I was just going to air it out for a second. Yeah. Just for a little bit. I was just going to yank on it. I was just going to air it out for a second. Yeah.

Dude, the – I love wearing – like, the cool thing about free-balling and basketball shorts is that's, like, the perfect amount of room to get a good, like, pinch-roll itch on the nutsack. It's, like, probably the most classic way to go about doing something like that. Because you can really reach through the bottom of the shorts. Correct. That's correct. Now, when you're in public, I mean, I do it.

Dude, okay, I went out to walk the dog, and I was wearing my pajama shorts from the night before. I'm walking the dog in the morning. And I got to stop doing this because I do this shit all the fucking time. I go to the store. Anyway, I have my – these shorts, they they're super comfortable but they're like basically underwear but they're long they're like sleeping shorts but they have a button fly and the button was undone and I'm like walking the dog and I'm like hmm breezy my fucking whole cock it's like and I'm

walking around like my complex now it's early so like'm not like – but like I've gone to the store in these, and I've had like – I've got to stop. Like I literally am going to get in trouble. Like I got to – like I don't mean to do it, but I'm just like, oh, I'll just go to the store, get a coconut water and a rain or whatever for the morning. And I'm wearing my shorts, and I'm like, all right, I'll just be careful. But when I get to the store, I get out of the car, I'm listening to music or a podcast, I forget to be careful. And I open the fucking cooler up, and I'm like, huh, what's that? My fucking penis is out. So anyway, if you ever see me in Austin with my penis out,

call the police on me, ruin my life. You've got to stop telling people that, because you've told me that like three times. You're like, I'll go to the store with my fucking dick and cock and balls out. I really need to stop. I hope nobody catches me. Well, it seems like... Oh, I hope nobody sees me. That'd be so

naughty. I'm not trying to do... What if the police came and spanked me? And they kissed the tip of it and they said, you've been so bad. You're going to jail. You've been so bad. You've been so bad, little boy. Oh, you've been so bad. You've been so bad to me. Yik, you've been so bad.

Yik, your peepee exposed? Just a tear pee-pee. You still go to jail, though, I saw it. I've been trying to start smoking again. Like cigarettes or just vaping? Well, I've been trying to get back into it. I need to go to the Zen Pouch route, dude, because, like, I'm...

I tried that. here's the thing does it work so i got down i was like if you use it like medicine yeah yes okay okay but what i so i got to where for a little bit i was having like one or two zen pouches a day to just not have migraines correct correct and then like that was this weekend and then monday hit and i was like all right cool i'm gonna do the same thing and then i dipped like half a 10 of them in that day and i was like you treat it like dip or like snus, it's like you're not. Oh, dude, you go through it so fast.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Because like with dip, for me at least, I would be like, okay, well, I can like feel myself getting cancer right now. Correct, yeah. But with those, it's like, oh, it's not real tobacco. I can just have like unlimited right yeah your blood pressure is like 200 over 90 yeah i always like i would tell myself that when i dipped camel

like the snow that was the only thing i did like when i worked uh like places where you could not light a cigarette or you'd get fired like when i worked at the live plant or whatever like everybody did nobody's people everybody smoked too i used to see guys dipping and smoking at the same time, but you don't like, I was a fucking hand. So I did not have the ability to be like, suck my dick. I'm smoking a cigarette.

So I would dip, but I only ever did snus and I would trick myself. I'd be like, yeah, that's not like dipping straight, like raw. It's not like char or Copenhagen or grit or whatever the fuck. It's like in there in little pouches.

It's they taste like little sweet candy. And like, no, it's the same thing. In fact, it might be worse because the paper is like sandpaper. It's like a burlap sandpaper type fabric. It's really fucked up. But I would like lie to myself and be like, no, this is super healthy for me. Like it's not actually. Yeah.

It's like I'm sucking on a little sweet treat, you know. I remember when I like quit chewing and I was like did you dip red man or did you red man i chewed red man and then i dipped uh grizzly wintergreen before that yeah come on dude what grizzly is grizzly's nasty bro all right well you don't you didn't you dip skull what skull yeah yeah you fucking pussy it's funny that like there hey why didn't you dip some bitch shit like me no it's either grizzly wintergreen or copenhagen long cut copenhagen is fancy come on now copenhagen isn't fancy yeah you're right nobody thinks cope is fancy no you're

right i like i i'm like i'm calling that one yeah i was like come on it's funny like there is like a high i don't know like obviously people like joke about grizzly being like when you're down to your last like i i don't know it was like snus for me or like skull whoever had skull but i only ever really bought uh the snus pouches when i worked like or when i worked in a restaurant and i couldn't like it was busy i couldn't go out for a smoke break that's what i would buy but uh people are like i don't know what i i don't know some people like there was a guy like oh it dipped in pussy pouches and i'm like both of us are getting cancer like actively you understand that like it's not like dip got so expensive like i i kind of started chewing because uh well first off because i really didn't like dipping that much right and then also because

like and dip got to be like six seven bucks a can and uh it was like 10 bucks for like the big bags of chewing tobacco right right at the smoke shop and i was like well fuck it i'll just that's why i started rolling i started rolling my own cigarettes for a while because it was way cheaper you can get a bag of like american spirit blue for like 12 bucks and it lasts you like two weeks. But it's just like, you just look like an asshole. Like I was rolling my own cigarettes for like a year and it saved me money until what I started doing

is I got really good at rolling and I would get an empty pack of cigarettes from the back of my car and I hadn't bought a pack of cigarettes in forever so it was just trash. I would roll 20 and I would just put it back. It would be just like i bought a pack of cigarettes

like i rolled till i would stop smoking so much because it's like a ritual like you can't just pull one out like you got to roll it blah blah blah but it was cheaper but like now like i don't smoke except like if like i've bummed off a couple people but the brand that i bought i had two brands that i would buy turkish royals or camel Wides. Both are like almost $9 a pack now. And when I stopped smoking like two years ago, or when I stopped buying packs of cigarettes like a year and a half, two years ago, it was like six or seven. So I'm like, dude, what the fuck?

When I first started smoking like fucking 12 years ago, these were like $4 or $5. Obviously, yes, I'm like, oh, shit is more expensive. But it's like when it happens to something you do, you're what the fuck what's going on like it i don't know i'm glad i don't smoke it but i mean this shit isn't any cheaper like it's not no i i spent way more money on disposable babes whenever those puff bars were big i spent like hundreds a month on those yeah mine is fucked up right now so i've been buying the disposables and they're so they're like 20 bucks a pop dude it's yeah i think at the height of my addiction or whatever i think i spent 300 bucks in a month and then i was like damn dude i like

don't have any money and I was like. Wonder why. I was like, oh, I spent all of it at a gas station. Cool. And half of these didn't even work. I just bought them and then, you know. The gas station by my apartment sells, like, Kratom and, like, Delta 8 and, like, all this shit. And I'm like, okay, so i bought one of those delta eight pens a while back and uh i don't i don't know the fake bake arrow you were probably like 10 or 12 years

old i don't know but there was like fake weed like serenity and spice k2 and all this fucked up shit and it was just i remember some people smoking spice but it was like when I was in middle school. Right, right. You would hear about it, and I think I heard about a couple kids who did it, but it was like, whoa. No, dude. This shit was so – dude, people would be like – you never knew what you were going to get because they would be in a spray bottle

and they would spray down smokable herbs with it. So sometimes you'd get a batch that was just dog shit. And other times you would hit like a bong and you'd go straight to fucking hell. The most fucked up. People would seize out on it, like lock the fuck up. And so like I was very cautious about the Delta 8 thing because I was like, dude, I remember buying fake weed from the gas station when I was like 14 years old. And it would be called like Joker's Grass. And it would have a picture of Heath Ledger on it

doing crazy eyes. And you would ask the guy like, how much for like a quarter ounce? And he'd be like $10. And you're like, 100% yes, I will purchase that from you. I trust that you vetted this product. And I'm going to go smoke the whole thing, uh,

at 14 years old and die. But like, no, like this shit sucked. And so like, I got the Delta eight pen from the gas station. It was like, Oh, okay. I'll do this again, dude. No people are like, Oh, it's half as strong or it's like half the lot. Like it lasts half as long or half as strong. I don't know what the fuck dude, they're just selling weed out of the gas station now. Like that's what they're doing. Like I bought the Delta eight pen 8 pen, and I was like, oh, okay, I'll hit it. And, like, dude, I was, like, impossibly high. I sat down. My girlfriend's nephew had a dinosaur toy, okay?

And it, like, just something you get from Dollar General. And I pressed the button on it, and it made, like, a... Like, a fucking some Chinese like MIDI chip tune like dude I thought that was the hardest shit I had ever heard in my whole life

I'm sitting there pressing the button over and over again like I'm like I'm like pointing at it I'm like okay okay and I'm like this is a toy for a I'm like, this is a toy for a two-year-old boy. This is a toy for a child.

I'm a fucking near 30. Yeah, this is a toy for a two-year-old boy. Yeah. This is a toy for a two-year-old boy. Yeah, and again, by the way, it is a five-second loop. So it's like. And I'm like, what click i'm fucking almost 30 you're doing like funk flex run that shit back

spin it again and i'm like anybody who's about to drop their record push it back literally and the dinosaurs mouth would like open and go like and i was like you talk your shit bitch like let's go and it wasn't until like the shit wore off that i was like laying in bed that night and i was like dude i sat on the floor of my girlfriend's parents house well like the family's there and i'm like run it and they're like i've we've been dating like almost two years and they're like they're not paying attention to me they don't get they know i'm weird as shit but it's like i like i was kind of like i got paranoid and a little insecure i was like did i just sit on the floor for like what felt like two years?

Cause I was so fucked up of this gas station weed and just listen to like a child's toy tune. I did. And I like fucking, I was like, fuck this. I'm not smoking this shit anymore. Uh,

and I like lost it. Like I like left it in a backpack and then I left it in Mexico. Cause I went through cut. Fuck dude, I forgot. When I was walking through customs in my backpack, I had forgotten that I left it in there. Now the drug dogs that you're walking through, they like smell you.

I was convinced and I'm still partially convinced that like they don't, those gas station dudes, they're probably not asking too many questions. So I thought I just had a dab pen like in my fucking backpack going through a dog's nose area. And I was like, well, I'm not going to Mexico, and I'm not going anywhere else for quite some time. I am going to get fondled, more than likely, touched by people who make like $22,000.

You were worried about them smelling a dab pen? I was, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get really paranoid, man. Like super like. Dude, you know how much of an idiot you have to be to get caught with a dab pen? You have to be so dumb. Yeah, don't you have to be the dumbest motherfucker in the state?

Yeah, dude, you have to. For that to ruin your life, yeah, you have to be pretty stupid. Don't you have to be like a long-haired retard? Yeah, dude, you have to be. You got to be really not covering all your bases there. You just got, like, probably, like, just the lowest down dog. Yeah, I mean. Just a fucking piece of shit.

Just a fucking asshole. Yeah, yeah. For something like that, for God to let that happen to you. Yeah, for you to think you're just hanging out and then just your life falls apart for four years. Just get fucked in the ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm glad that that's never happened to any of us. No, not anyone I know.

No, definitely not like somebody that I'm talking to or you're talking to. No, no, no. I got, when I, I did, well, I'm glad I got arrested before I was 18. Yeah, me too. You needed it. Yeah. Had to be set straight, boy. Dude, I fucking.

It's going to be the law or the devil. One or the other. I think I definitely mentioned it to you, but she was. The cop on the way there was listening to KSBJ. Like, it's the Christian rock station. I was thinking. blowjob radio karate sean's blowjob karate sean's blowjob hey what's up i'm karate sean karate sean get ready for some suck for some sucking right these are tunes And we're back with Blowjob Radio. These are tunes you can suck to.

Tunes you can suck to. Next up. My wife. And we're back giving my hot wife a blowjob. Sean, we've got to play music. Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean. I hate music. I want to give a blowjob to my wife. Cut his mic.

Oh, wait. We can't cut it? He's in the booth? All right, all right. I'm Sean's wife, and I need a blowjob stat. Sean, please stop, man. Please. It's me, Karate Sean, brought to you by KSBG Radio.

KSBJ. I said BG. Blow Gob. Blow Gob. And Blow Gina. Blow Gina. Giving my hot wife a blowgasm. That's awesome.

Live on radio. Sean, please, man. We can't keep doing this. Megan, my wife's cock squirt. Sean, your wife? Or what's going on, man? Megan, come in. cock squirt. Sean, your wife? Or what's going on, man? Megan, coming in my own mouth. Buzzing and hopping on it and jumping into it and grinding on it and jumping and swiveling back and spitting in it and licking it up.

KSBJ Radio. KSBJ Radio. KSBJ Radio. Back to you, Jake. Thank you, Karate Sean. Anyway, you got arrested. Yeah, yeah. I've told this story before, I think. I don't know.

But she had the Christian radio on. And all Christian rock songs are the same. It's really epic. Eagle soaring radio on, and, like, all Christian rock songs are the same. It's, like, really epic, like, eagle soaring, like. Yeah, it's like Imagine Dragons. Yeah, and it's like, and I will never go to the club without you. And I will love my wife and you. And the whole time she's, like, alluding to me getting fucked in my mouth in harris county jail she's like you're lucky i'm taking you to the municipal jail the little one i can take you

to county you want to go boy like you and i'm like in my first of all i'm fucking terrified because i'm still high but then second of all like like after like a few days after, I was like, this lady had the Jesus radio on. And then she's trying to do scared straight stuff to me. And I'm like, I'm just back there stoned as fuck. The background is like, Jesus, I want you in my mouth. Jesus, I want you in my mouth. It's like soaring above on my father's wings. And she's like, you ever been fucked in the ass?

You ever been held down and fucked? You're selling weed? That's what you're doing at 15? You're doing that at 15. If I take you to county right now, you wouldn't last 10 seconds. I'm soaring with my loving father's ghost and he holds me accountable for my sin have you ever been like fucking raw dog dude how old are you 15 they love motherfuckers like you and then jesus he took the blanket away

way Jesus my God will fuck you up and he is is busting is busting on me

he's busting Jesus your love is busting all on me. Hold on. If you don't give me a cigarette and a ramen pack, I'm going to cut your dick off.

I'm Jesus, by the way. I'm wearing Vans. You can trust me. You can tell me anything. I'm a youth pastor. Little girl. I'm a youth pastor at a community church. No one knows where I came from.

My name is fake, and I come up when you Google my real name. 33, suspicious age to appear from nowhere. And to run a group full of 13-year-old girls and boys. God sent me from the bushes to tell your sixth graders. I have a haircut from 2006, and I have a tattoo that I regret I have a tattoo that I regret And I tell you I regret it And I tell you to come to my apartment If you want to repent

But I live in a studio apartment On the wrong side of town I'm a mysterious kind of guy God chose me To get fired from all the bars for sexual harassment. That's part of my journey. Correct. Oh, Lord.

My wife forgave me, but she actually didn't. She's been poisoning my lasagna nightly. My God makes casserole for me through my wife. I told my wife that I'm a pedophile, but she says it's okay. We'll pray about it. But she has been gone more in the last six weeks than in the ten years we were married. I'm just imagining the dumbest one of those guys alive who's not technically disabled, but just... Like, just not all there.

My God makes awesome crackers that I love to eat with. He comes up and he's like... A bunch of soup. I love eating food. He's like waving his arms and he's like we're gonna do washed in the blood of the lamb everybody you know this one if you know it sing along and if you want to come up and pray with me all right here we go two and three my god keeps oreos in my pantry for me keeps lollipops in my little compartment of my car. And I can count to ten through Christ.

Ooh. A mentally retarded youth pastor. My God. Puts water in bottles so convenient. My God. Let's be parked closer to Target. Everybody come up here and sing. Everybody come up here and sing with me.

Come up here and sing with me, please. Don't let me bum myself. I'm not allowed to be bum myself. Anyway. Last time I was by myself, I got arrested and I had to move states. Anyway. That's a...

Alright, that was a... What if we had a coal miner you, Pastor? I've got a cough. I'm going to die. Don't Google me. Don't Google me. Don't Google me. I'm not a good person, but I can be.

Toll isn't the only thing I'm interested in minors for. Batow. Batow. Batow. Batow. Batow. Batow. That's just like a.

Like a. It's a bass player in the church band. He doesn't really have a... He's also playing Seinfeld shit at like early morning sermons. It's like seven... We're talking about an entire church fully staffed by people with developmental disabilities. You've got a retarded youth pastor. You've got a guy with Tourette's who's on bass but doesn't have...

You can look at the guy in the drum booth and he's just singing into the microphone. He's just making drum noise with his mouth. He's got two chicken wings instead of drumsticks. How y'all like that? Is this good? Is this good for you guys? Am I playing too fast? Am I playing too fast?

What is it? Thomas is on pause. Anyway. No, that wouldn't make sense. I ran out of Dr. Pepper. I drank it. They put these damn women keep putting too much ice. Yeah, you got to sell them easy ice, big dog. I've been sucking on that thing.

I know you have, man. Thomas challenge for the week. Drink a whole... A thing of bug remover. A whole gallon of wiper fluid in 10 seconds. Wiper fluid of all the fluids you put in a car, I think it's like... It you sick but i don't know if it'd kill you i mean a coolant would probably be fine i'm just kidding a whole gallon of coolant or you know like starter fluid it's just ether you're like man i'm fucked up well i'm dead now

dude what i'm just saying man i appreciate that your friendship man and i appreciate the show That's it. Wow. That was... Dude, what? I'm just saying, man, I appreciate your friendship, man, and I appreciate the show. Dude, I'm going to beat you with a fucking wrench. I'm going to beat your face in, dude. Yeah, you know... I'm going to beat you monkey style. I'm going to fuck you like a creature. I'm going to go crazy on your crongle. Hey, motherfucker, I'll go crazy on your crongle, dude.

Motherfucker, I might pull up and go like, yeehaw, all over you, dude. I'll go loco on your beat bop, dude. I will put. Karate Sean? I will put. Karate Sean? Yeah, I'm back. I will put... Karate Sean? I will put... Karate Sean? I'm back.

I will put... my dick in your mouth. Karate Sean, I thought you were... And I'm back at the non-denominational church. They had me come do a sermon. Karate Sean. My wife survived 9-11. I gotta work through the scar tissue to eat her out.

He's got his wife on there and she's like, You know, when I saw that first plane coming, I thought I'd never get my shit ate out like a wild fucking animal again. But when I woke up in the hospital bed, I looked down and old Sean was already back at it. Right. I see a wound, I lick it. I'm like an animal in that way, I suppose.

And we're back. We're back. Blowing my wifeife's Pussy Back into Place. She tried to jump out of the window, but only to catch the plane with her pussy and slow it down. My wife survived an 88-story fall

because she landed on her pussy. On my face He should fuck with the audio And that would make it sound like one of us is in each year Oh my god That would be nightmarish I forget that like Most people listen to podcasts in traffic

and I'm like do you guys really like on your way home like your time like you've got an hour and a half commute one way respect dude and if you're listening to this and you thought it was good you should go to patreon.com slash pandejo time.

Toss us a little cheese. A little bit of cheddar for a player. A little cheddar for Karate Sean. A little bit of cheddar cheese. So I can get surgery on my wise pussy. To make it bigger. Not enough pussy for me to eat. We do a premium released every Tuesday.

And that's how you know that I'm doing the fucking... And that's how you know. That's how you know. Come get your slop. Yeah, come get your slop. The last one was really good. I just got back from Mexico. I think Thomas had a brain injury.

I was thinking about ending my life, but I decided not to. I decided to go to Whataburger. For arbitrary reasons. On the off chance that this show makes it to where I can look at my phone all day. I can find $5 and last another two weeks. I thought about killing myself in December, and then I reached out to Thomas, and we did the show instead. And I was also a few days away.

few days away it's like two animals who are both dying somehow keeping each other alive but offering no mutual support at all i thomas texted me the other day he was having a hard time and all i said was man that sucks and then then when I text Thomas that I'm thinking about driving my car off a bridge, he goes, damn, bro, not good. By the way, did you see that tweet I sent you with the fat black lady and she falls off the Ferris wheel? And that's the extent of... Also, sometimes I'll respond like two weeks later. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'll be like... My whole family just died and then like the next December, I'm like, fuck, man, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll be like. You'll be like, yeah, my whole family just died. And then, like, the next December, I'm like. Fuck, man. Shit. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, yeah, my grandma's in the hospital. They good now? Yeah, yeah.

My grandma's in the hospital. I think somebody tried to kill her. And you're like, hey, did we reach out to anybody for gas spots? Look, I'm business first, personal life second so like you know you're super business first man there's anything about you you are 100 business first yeah business first god second family first yeah that's true dude that's so true amen motherfucker amen brother uh i i think you know that uh i think uh goodbye