Pendejo Time - keep the city strong

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

keep the city strong keep the wheat coming for the king keep me living long witch in the woods tell the priest something really wrong now we in the woods with a beast and hes grey and long. keep my city strong see Jake in AustinPatreon.com/pendejotime sub to the show watch the newest video episode here See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So it was not at the Anyway, that was a whole different discussion About something else that we don't even need to. Oh, you don't even want to go to it. Guys, we are back with another beautiful, beautiful, sumptuous.

Very sumptuous. We're trying to sumptuate of those something here, guys. We got some crazy news. Sumptuate. Sometimes, you know, when you go and when you talk to your girl should be sumptuating.

She sumptuate something that you did not say that you did not do. Like sometime, hmm, how I put this? Imagine we're in a multi-million dollar podcast studio. I have on somewhere, but somewhere that, okay, somewhere between $40 with a fake jewelry or $3.2 million worth of absolutely real jewelry and no one can tell the difference. And there's about 30 or 40 pounds of it on me. I'm in a shirt that goes down to about mid

thigh but it's also for some it's a tall tee but it's very skinny and you can see my rolls okay I'm sitting the scene for you my chain my chain that part of the 40 pounds of total jewelry on me my chain is

one of the kids from rocket power on his skateboard but he's got a Glock with the dick on it and he's holding it up like this okay okay and now that's me me and I have sunglasses on my face, but you can tell through sunglasses that my eyes are yellow. You can't see, but you can tell by everything else about me that I have liver cirrhosis.

And I have on an Astros hat. What else do I got? And I got a double cup, but I'm also drinking a big Mexican beer. Okay, that's me. You can be however you want to be. You can be dressed just as you normally are. And I, and I'm going to say something about women that makes absolutely no sense. But because I'm clearly the big dog in the room, podcastily speaking, you have to nod and agree with me.

So I'm going to say something like, every time a girl come home and you're on the game, she sumptuate. She sumptuate that you, you know, that you were out cheating. She sumptuate that you were out, you know, with the boys. You know what I mean? that she's insensuate that you spent and sometimes you just want to throw her down the fucking stairs and then that's when you guys, clearly you don't agree with me,

but you have to go, uh, uh, yeah, yeah, I was, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, so, so, the one, the one rule I have, and by the way,

everyone in this room is white. I don't want anybody thinking that I'm doing something that I should be doing. Everybody in this room is white. You don't believe in, black storytelling they're very good at it but they wouldn't tell a story like that they wouldn't tell a story where a woman came to them with a reasonable request and they threw them uh somewhere black people don't do that type of stuff it's strictly white people behavior

anyway so your girl come back she come back from miami and she's umptuating that you while she was in miami that you stepped out she checked her location you said you were getting some she said you were getting some yams uh and you And she checked her location. You were at your side bitch apartment. Now, was she correcting her sumptuation? Her sumptuation?

Yeah. But, you know, a man's got to eat, right? And so you take her and you put her through every piece of drywall

in the fucking house. Yeah, everybody's nodding. But there's one guy, there's one guy in the corner who's like, yeah, but it, you know,

you know, you really should be like that. And then everybody fucking stands up and they all pull out a huge, like, dirty Harry 40 for Magneton. And they, they shoot him so much,

she becomes red, You know what I mean The podcast is called The eloquence Eloquence That's a girl's name I always think Eloquence

Yeah my girl's name Eloquence I was just think of that You brought it up like A few episodes back I was thinking of that Fucking you know There's like probably like

One two pedophiles in this room And the guys are like no It's like nine guys in the room There are so many examples of like, I don't know, dude. It's always in like a studio too of just like, yeah, you know, everybody in this room broke, broke his girl's jaw once or twice. And then everybody goes like, no. My favorite recent thing kind of like that is I was watching the Louis Theroux documentary about Jimmy Saville, but after, like after he got exposed or whatever.

Yeah. And he was like playing a bunch of old. clips from it and the voiceover would be like I had no idea the monster I was dealing with. But looking back, there were a few signs and then it would be

Jimmy Sable going, yeah, everybody thinks I'm a pedophile because I like to touch kids. I think I don't think I don't think it would be and then it would be pandalui just taking a big bite out of a chicken wing. Yes. Big bib on his chest. I think I know. wearing a bib that says Jimmy's best friend.

Yeah, yeah, he's at Jimmy's old house. I think I know. Like, I do, I do believe that, I believe Louis still. Yes, yeah, of course. But it's one of the things, but there kind of are times where you look back on a friendship with somebody who turned out to be, you know, not great. The most evil guy. Now, not to that scale. Right, right.

Right. I've never been friends with a generational pedophile. Yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah. The LeBron James Larry Bird of Petapoff? No, never. Never, never.

Never really fully recognized until the end of his career, much like what we're seeing with LeBron. Yeah, right, right, right. Dude. But yeah, I mean, just, it was crazy.

I mean, to be fair, he was trying to expose him from the beginning. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he would be like, we knew something was up, but we just couldn't prove it. And it would be like,

Jimmy's, devil just licking a giant lollipop in a fucking nerd tree and then putting it in his fucking balls. Like it would just be him in like a fishnet fucking dress. He's doing like a burn center child's visit wearing full fishnet drag and he's like, hello. Not a little bee or whatever me. I'm a little bumblebee and the kids are like, what the fuck? I remember, um, uh, it's one of my favorite. BBC interviews of all time.

I know he's like a contrarian, like fat, like, he like loves Trump now, but Johnny Rotten when the sex pistols were getting big. He, the BBC interview was like, this was when, like, this was the last time, the sex pistols were the last, like, naughty thing. They really were like, people

could say, oh, they're a boy band, I'll fuck with the sex pistols and defend them forever. But they were the last, like, naughty thing in Britain. The next cool rock band was Oasis, but they weren't naughty. Like, the sex pistols was go on TV as like guys they were 1920 but they were like young men right and the radio interviews would be like

you're part of a naughty band you're being naughty and then Johnny Rotten would be like well there's somebody else employed here by BBC is up to seediness and no good and we all know it and the interviewer's like well you're the one who's going on mocking the queen and saying

saying words and Johnny Rotten's like what words like shit and piss and fart and whatever and then he's like, you know, well, who are you presumably, who are you presuming to be such a monster? And he's like, Jimmy Saville, we all know, to what is top of the pops. We all know it's evil.

And then, like, they have to, like, cut the interview. Because this was, this was 1977. Jimmy Saville was, like, king of the fucking castle back then. And that's why, like, people were always like, yeah, Johnny Rotten sucks. I'm like, he does suck forever. He, like, is, like, a Nigel Farage guy now, whatever the fuck. He's like, we've got to restore Britain now.

But in that moment, 1977, he was like, yeah, this guy that we all know is a pedophile, he's a pedophile. And the interview was like, we must cut. I love how, like, British people are so. Because even now, like, even if you knew that about somebody, you would never tell anyone or do anything about it. You know what I mean? I mean, that is kind of, one of the things is, like, everybody, there's no need to hide. There's no need to hide it anymore. Like, everyone jokes like, oh.

I knew somebody who turned out to be one. And then after, you know, I found out or whatever, you know, you have that part of your brain like when somebody overdoses or something where it's like if I had been there and known and could it. And then I was like, well, why would that have ever come up as a conversation point? Hey, are you a pedophile? Hey. Do you watch child porn? Yeah. I remember a distant family friend of my mom's.

um he was a he lived like a street down from us and uh he worked with my uncle they were both mechanics and uh um my mom would always be like oh you know he would you'd call him uncle whatever i'm not going to say his name uh say his name and uh and i would be like oh why doesn't he come over more my mom would always she always made up something like oh he's sick or like whatever and then like later on uh i found out I was like, why didn't Uncle So-and-so? Like, he was never around, but like, you know, every time I saw him, it's like, y'all are best friends. She's like, oh, we were best friends.

But he was on the sex offender registry, and I just didn't want him to have him around the house. And I was like, okay, you know, good call. And then I was like, nice. Like, you know, I wouldn't want that around my son either. And then my mom goes, but the whole thing was just such a silly story. And I was like, okay. She was like, the whole thing was so silly. You know, he had a girlfriend that, you know,

it was like me and your dad you know he had a girlfriend that was 16 and he was you know 28 and I was like yeah like we've been through this like we've been through like y'all are my parents and you know it was a different time 1995 it was a different time or whatever that's not a different time

the good Friday accords were signed in the 90s like the Soviet wall had fallen or whatever but the whole thing was funny to me because she was just like yeah you know whenever really brought him around and your dad Break was out. Yeah, Point.

Fear and loathing it hit the theaters, you know what I mean? Like, fucking, yeah. A bug's life was in theater. But she was like,

yeah, it's not like he was like a pedophile or anything. It was a different time, the emergence of CGI. Yeah, it was a different, yeah,

the Pirates Caribbean, it just came out. You know what I mean? It just, it was a different. There was only, Back then there was only one of them. Yeah.

We just thought they were made one. It was just pirate of the Caribbean. It was one ship. Pirated of the Caribbean, too. Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah. There's fucking, what is it, a Jack Sparrow? It looks like there's two of us.

The first movie was only Jack Sparrow. Yeah, yeah. Looks like there's two of us, man. And knowing bullshit with the boat sinking and he's walking onto a different one. It was just that happening for an hour and a half. I know that movie He's supposed to be like a swagged out bad guy But like

I remember there's a scene Where he the boat's sinking And he walks off the mast And at times where the mask goes under the water And he steps onto the dock And then he's like Park this for me good sir And then like you know

Pickpockets the like the knight Or the guardsman And it's like Dude they like Like England like pirate The Golden native piracy like England Like they have immediately chopped what's his, they would have chopped

jack Sparrow's head off or hung him immediately like down square. Like if you show up on a sinking ship and then be like, ah, pocket form a good, sir. I know that's like a fan, it's a fantasy movie, but I was always like, okay, you're not that swagged out. Anyway, I was going to say, like, back to the thing.

Well, clearly you have him a joxbow. Jock's bow. Jock Sparrow. What? Jocko Sparrow. You got to go through fucking pain, man. You got a sword fight. You got to have a parrot. fucking rum, man.

Drink the rum and have a parrot, man. Every day you wake up the parrot and you fucking walk around the poop deck. You fucking shoot the parrot. You got a shit. And you fucking go in a crow's nest and you look out for ships. I used to wake up three in the morning to look at for ships on the nest. The nesting of the ship. And I used to do the oars.

Jocco sparrow. I don't know why that's so funny to me. It's really funny, dude. With a fucking feather in his hat. He's in black and white. He's bald, but he still has. Is the feather behind his ear? It's a peg leg.

Yeah. You got to fucking, even if you love the parrot. Wake up and I fucking stretch my wood legs every day. Lost him in the war. The pirate war. I lost him in the pirate war. I was a veteran. Pirate.

Veteran of being a pirate. Junko Sparrow. Why is all the fucking rum gone? Why is all the fucking... God damn it. Why is all the fucking rum gone? You wake up and you don't eat fucking hard tech, okay? You don't eat heart tech.

You don't eat. salted pork you get scurvy you get fucking scabies and scurvy because the life of a pirate is a life of fucking pain all right Orlando blooms across the room

just nodding limes create weak men weak men create lemons lemons lemons ands create strong men strong men create limes jaco's bear

eh ha ha ha ha you drink rum and you have a fucking bird and a fucking ship and you got a fucking swash buckle. You got to use code

A R R R R at checkout to get 20% off pirate powder. Pirate powder. It's like gunpowder, but it's...

You put it in your rumpurt. Put it in your canteen and it makes you fucking green. It makes you green. Sure. Who gives a shit?

Pro work. I got called Davey Jones locker room. Yeah. And it smells like a guy's balls. It gives you tentacles. I'm Jacco Sparrow and I'm fucking gay. Yeah. Play the hits.

Play that. I'm Jacko Sparrow and I fuck guys. Jackoff Sparrow. Yeah. Why is all the cum gone? Jack off there load in my mouth. Jack off hello. Jack off hello. Yeah.

I'm the horniest pirate in the seven Cs. Yeah, I don't... I gotta go back and watch those movies. The slop used to be, like, good. I feel like shit that was, like, blockbuster slop used to have, like, a redeeming... There's something about... Maybe I should I just have nostalgic

for a time when I was, like, eight in those movies, right? I don't know. But I don't know. It felt like the slop now doesn't... I don't know. Those are the biggest guys... I guess it's the Avengers or whatever the fuck. I don't know.

Did you see the movie that, so Jonathan Majors, I didn't watch The Avengers with him in it, or whatever MCU he was in, but he was getting set up to be like the next Thanos, like the next big bad guy. And then he did a lot of horrible shit and belongs in jail. Yeah, but. He was in a bunch of Marvel movies.

Yeah. And also the stuff against him. Peto like, and also did the stuff. He looks so hard to knock out. There's not a weak part of his face He looks like you could fight dude It looks like there's no way I don't think I could

I know I could bring him pain right Right yeah But I couldn't really make a You couldn't make him quit You couldn't like get him to quit He would make you quit for sure But also being on camera makes people look so big But I feel like he is a pretty big guy

At least like 6-1 Yeah he's got yeah I mean you mean my height Yeah, you mean my... Yeah, we're talking about how tall I am. Jonathan Major's height. What if he's like 5'8? Anyway, so he was in Marvel movies,

and they had to fucking do a pivot to Robert Downey Jr., who was Iron Man, who's now Dr. Von Doom. He's six feet tall. 202 pounds. He's smaller than me, pussy. Now he's in that Benjamin... I almost said Benjamin Netanyahu movie,

which I guess it pretty much. which technically is. That Ben Shapiro movie, Run, Hyde Fight, or whatever the fuck. Where he, I don't know if you've seen the trailer, it's Daily Wire, so it's Ben Shapiro's, like, media thing. But it's a movie about, so Jonathan Majors plays a Delta Force operator

who goes to talk at school, and a bunch of woke protesters come to call him a baby killer. And, you know, wave Palestinian flags around. And then an Islamist-Marxist-Terrorist group attacks the school, and then all the kids have to rely on the black patriot who loves his country. Like that's the movies he's making. The thing is, is that Jonathan Majors is a fucking crazy good actor.

Like, he's a piece of shit and whatever. But everybody else in that movie, the trailer, they're like, what do you mean there's a terrorist attack? What? And then like he's just acting his ass off,

probably for, you know, pennies on a dollar because that's where his career's at. And it's like, yeah, but there's a lot of money in that. Daily wire stuff Yeah, yeah, that's true

So he might not be like I bet he's I bet they wrote him a check up front Probably yeah probably Because that's also like kind of a career You have to just do that forever You can't do anything else Yeah that's kind of a career suicide

Yeah or just a shift Like he's just gonna be in those well like Kevin Sorbo Everybody knows Kevin Sorbo Nobody gives a fuck about what he's doing anymore though Yeah yeah I mean granted he Oh I mean

I figure Kevin Sorbo was probably a bigger star at one point. Yeah, he was huge. With the Hercules shit. Low to mid-B. Or was it Conan the Barbarian? That's what he did. I don't remember. He was Conan the Barbarian or something like that.

Kevin Sorbaugh. He was Jacked back in the day. Now he does a bunch of movies in Alito. A lot of those like Christian light-wing movies, they're just fields in Parker County. That's so funny. And a lot of Yellowstone is in Parker County. too. They filmed some of the...

Imagine going to Weatherford, Texas. Imagine you're making like a million dollars an episode and you have to go film in Weatherford, Texas. Yeah, they were filming a... State the Holiday Inn.

They were filming in San Marcos, too, and I remember, like, the prequel show, I forget what it's called. One of the spin-offs. They were filming in San Marcos. Landman? Is that it? No, there's another one. There's another, there's a different one.

Something Ranch. They were filming it. They were filming in San Marcos, and they had like the entire downtown area blocked off. That's awesome. I was like, this town ain't big enough for the two of us, and this all ain't going to sell itself. And I better not see your ass back on this land again, which belonged to my father, who's your friend. Well, by the way, our families are friends. They've been friends.

By the way. Here's another plot development. Just coming from my mouth to the screen. Dude, you know what's crazy? He had a fucking crazy run, dude. Wind River, which is... Sicario crazy. Hell or high water, I fucking loved it.

He went on a fucking street, dude. The 2015-2015 to 2018, he was on... And then if you... Sicario 2 is fine. Sicario 1 and hell or high water were fucking so... I'm kind of biased because I... I had to watch Sicario one and two in Parker County Jail because that's what they had on the TV. And I had to watch them in a row while I was trying to sleep.

And they had the lights turned up to maximum brightness. And they had the TV, the volume high as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was in, oh, they were watching not Judge Judy, but the other judge that does the TV show. She black. I forget her name. I know what you're talking about. Yeah.

Yeah, they were playing that when I was in like whatever processing or holding or whatever. Yeah, and the lights are yes. The lights are on and the TV volume is loud as fuck. And the sheriff's... It's so disrespectful, man. People were having the worst night of their fucking life. And then I remember in the morning, dude, I had slept like probably, dude, like fucking 30 minutes all night. Yeah, yeah.

Because my blanket had clearly quite a bit of piss on it or in it in some way. It smelled very... It gave me rashes all over my body. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. The Melissa McCarthy show Oh yeah She used to have came on at like 8 in the morning

Yeah And I remember I remember like yelling at the TV a little bit Like at the TV Like at the TV I said something about how I hated Melissa McCarthy And I think honestly the way I worded it was misogynistic I mean you're in jail

And I'm not proud of that No there's no excuse You're in jail. You can be as misogynistic as you know. No, that doesn't make... I was woke as fuck in there. The lady that arrested me, I kept calling her fat. And I was already arrested, so I was just like, whatever.

No, I was honestly pretty respectful to everybody, but the guards were actually really disrespectful to me. Nobody... The other guys in there, I mean, it's just a... You're only in there for a day. It's just the other guys who didn't really do much. Yeah. Or, you know what's funny?

There's a bunch of guys who are kind of hung over, so it's like they... Kind of grumpy, so they didn't really want to talk. Where I got arrested was a small municipal part of Clear Lake, right? But I remember my dad, I never went to Harris County Jail except to pick my dad up. But I never got processed through there. And he would always tell him, he's like, yeah, the guy next to you, you'll be in the big, you'll be in the tank. And the guy next to you is in there because he wrapped his truck around a tree.

And then the guy next to him's in there because he killed his, because he killed. killed his girlfriend in a fit of rage and he fucking they got him in the little chair or whatever and they're about to transfer him to the to the shoe to the so but like he was telling me there's always like whenever he would get processed it was usually late at night and it would be like you know there's a drunk tank but if there's too many people everybody just gets put in the drunk tank so sometimes you would be next to just the guys like what are you in here for ah do you i yeah me too what are you on ah this is my second ah my third yeah i'm looking at like 18 months and then the guy next to them is like

ah fuck and my dad but what was he in here for and guys like oh I think he killed his brother just happened in the same room just like in the same same fucking vicinity he's actually in here for having amazing booty for having an amazing he fucks like a stallion

he's in here for fucking so good they had to call the law literally just for getting bitches what I'm in here for getting money and get bitches uh what you're in here

I'm just trying to make some money, yo. I'm trying to make some money in here, though. That good. They left me in here. I didn't do shit. They fucking... They made money off, y'all. I was trying to make money.

I was just... What were you doing, robbing people? I was robbing people. I came here to make money. Yeah, I came here to sell... How much for me to spend a night of the jail officer? You know, people snort well butchering in jail? It's called chain gang cocaine.

Apparently, if you snort enough of it, you can get high. from it. Must have to snort. I started snort in Trasdone one time. Jesus Christ. What? To give it a shot. I feel like you just

close your eyes and wake up two days later. I couldn't take it. I think it just didn't do anything Fire Culper. Yeah. It's like snorting your just can't mean you can't, you can't, you could snort Xanax with the way. Yeah.

You shouldn't take advice in general from someone if you know they've smoked. K2 on purpose. Yeah, yeah, don't Yeah, yeah, for sure. By the way, this was when I was like 15, please don't think that that's something that, like, I think is cool at all.

Oh, yeah, no, yeah. It's really, drugs are bad. It's like, that's like, taking a bunch of ibuprofen. One of my, one of the... Hope I get, help I get fucking high off this. One of the kids that lived in my neighborhood, um, we went over to his place to play

Tony Hawk and, like, drink soda. We were, like, 13 and 14, and, uh, he rolled up he was like yo you want to like I got some weed for my brother blah blah blah and we were like oh okay like whatever

anyway he pulled out a bag in a Ziploc bag of what was clearly like hamster you know what a hamster's food looks like it's like green it's like green and red shit and then like grass and uh he was like I was like is that like K2 or something he's like no this is weed I knew it wasn't weed

uh and then he perceived He did to Thomas, I swear to God, get some printer paper and roll it up in a joint. He was a weird kid, but he had like a game room and his parents were rich, so we would go over there. And he was like, I'm going to roll us up and get high. And we, like, everybody, we all like a, it's like a telepathic conversation of like, this kid is about to roll up hamster food and a fucking piece of printer paper and smoke it. So we all of us, we were like, oh, I forgot, we got to go. We got to, all of us.

Forgot I have to be home at 4 p.m. on a Friday. So it was like mid-summer. sorry I forgot. My mom's calling me home at four people. We all got to leave you. He was weird as fuck. It's awesome that you can't do. It's like the,

the lies I've told to get out of things in my life, and now I have a little bit more confidence to just say notice stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which makes people like you so much more. Yeah, uh, yeah, for sure. Like when people are like, hey, do you want to hang out this weekend? And you're like, honestly, I love to hang out some time, but this weekend I just want to relax.

Yeah. By myself? Okay. They totally get that. Some people get that. I don't know why, but some people in my life don't. Not everybody. I miss those signals, too.

That's a social thing. I miss sometimes when people don't want to hang out. And I'll try a few times if I'm really trying to hang out. This is a vulnerable question. I'll try a lot of times. And I'll really wear you down over the years. I can't bring myself to ask him if I can feature for him in Austin. I just hope.

I don't think so. I don't think he can I don't think I can Um Uh Uh As a He's a vulnerable

You should have hit him up I think he brings people on the road He's bringing Uh, D-D-D-D. Yeah, he brings day to day Da-da is on the road

Yeah Yeah fucking, Sorry, sorry I didn't know You thought I knew a black guy named D-D No man I just

I've, I haven't You thought I've watched his clips I've watched his He's funny but I've watched his stand-up He doesn't say his name In his stand-up

It just shows up on the screen It's got the French E-slash Okay The fucking day-day I didn't know he was French I'm sorry Yeah

Yeah this is my black friend D-D Everybody's fucking yelling at me D-D is a normal name For a black guy It's a last name A last name could belong to anyone Yeah

Yeah this is my This is my black friend Who's a lawyer His name is D-D I never would introduce someone As hey this is my black friend Okay I would

Because pretty much all my friends are black. Yeah, that's true. I would introduce you as my white friend or my, um, my Texan friend. Because most of my friends are from New York. Yeah. Yeah, you're in New Yorker now. Most of my close friends are from New York. I've been here so long.

I've forgotten all about everyone else. How long are you about three years now? Uh, like two, two and some shit, about two years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my third year here. Yeah. Did you? Um, I've been enjoying it for the last couple months.

Yeah. Did I remember like, like, talking to you for the first year and you were like, yeah, this isn't. It's horrible. Yeah. I mean, there have always been parts of it that I liked, but like when you are not making enough money to get by, it's like, yeah, it's hell. Yeah.

It's really tough to be anywhere. I mean, I will say in New York, though, like, not having a job here, there's more of a magic to it when you can walk around the city and be unemployed. Yes. Because whenever you're unemployed in Texas, you want to go do shit, you are thinking about the gas. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, everybody says the same thing. Like, you know what, fuck it. I'm just going to go to Dallas and hang out. And then I'm like, that way, that's 30 bucks worth of gas. At least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like from you for sure. Oh, okay.

Yeah, for you. Like from growing up, you know. Yeah. I was going to ask, I was talking about Ms. Signals. This is a bit of a vulnerable question, but it is a funny one to me. I always like to ask this one. I think we, I don't know, man. Did you ever, uh, when you're younger, like,

trying to like court women. Did you ever like miss a signal? Not like something that could have worked out, but like she was clearly uninterested, but she was trying to be nice about it. And you were like, oh yeah, yeah, Thursday, you got to take your dog to the vet. Yeah, Friday's cool with me.

Oh, absolutely. I mean, probably almost 100% for quite a few years. There are so many times I go look back and cringe where it's like how many days before you, like for me. I have a lot of cases. of like female friendships where I really was not

clued in on what was going on at all Uh huh yeah for sure Like just trying to get a read on the situation For like a year Uh huh Yeah Yeah, yeah Move away

But like there was probably nothing But probably you probably should have processed the thought Yeah yeah Yeah I always like And for me Being rejected I never never was a problem

But like day three if you go to try and make plans this is for the maybe for the young fellows who are trying to if by day three like like and by day three I mean this

if you're like hey Thursday 8 p.m. like you and me like hit a bar go grab somebody to eat and she's like no I take my dog to the vet at night and you miss that one

that's okay you you swung at the ball now here comes the second pitch you go all right yeah Friday sounds chill to me I had fun last time maybe you guys had a first day and then Friday she's like

no I'm out with my girlfriends and you're like, bet, like totally, that makes sense. Like, absolutely makes sense. Saturday night. If you get to day three and Saturday, she's like, no, I got to go visit my mom. Just assume, no. Three days, like, if she's busy three days in a row, like, just to assume that that's not. You know what I mean?

Like, that's a good rule of thumb. That's fair. Or ask her eight times in a row until you get to. I honestly, looking back, like, I don't want to revise history on my part. I've hardly ever made a woman on a move on a woman in person. Oh, really? I have before, but like really, really just been hanging out for the most part. Yeah.

I mean, I, you know, I lacked confidence for quite a while. And I feel like I'm, I feel confident now because I already have a girlfriend. Yeah, well, yeah, it's that you, and then you, you. and then you think you know guys forget too they'll get a girlfriend and then they'll think

dude I'm a fucking confident guy and then they break up and then that guy is like my confidence went away out of nowhere yeah yeah it's so random and all of his friends

have to you know think to themselves this guy's a fucking loser we knew we all knew that this guy was cool for three months yeah he was yeah

pretty cool guy for like his apartment smelled good for like seven months yeah three months then Monster. Monster again.

Monster once more, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think that there's like a, how do I say this? I think like, when you're in, I don't know, it's been a thing for me, especially now that I'm married, like, I really thought, I had a couple married friends that would be like, oh, you know, when you get married, if you ever get married, like, there are people in the world that don't care and, like, will hit on you, and it's really awkward and you're whatever. making the joke of like you know like this a swinger thing like when you're whatever and i was like

now that's that's in the movies or like you're just a weird horny psycho but i feel like since i have thrown the ring on like there are some people there are some instances where i'm like and it is always old-ass lady i tell actually this and she's like why are they always old and i'm like dude i don't know i have no idea but they'll be kind of forward they're like hello handsome and i'm like what the fuck like sorry and not interested or whatever or you know happily married or happily engage and it's like they'll be like they'll give you like a shrug and I'm like go fucking don't you got to like

you got some petunias to trim or something lady like yeah you got to put your bloomers on and fucking I don't know like watch what old ladies watch Matt Locke I don't fucking know like it's all it is always like older kind of like leathery leathery ladies

you know what I mean not that I you know not that it would matter if it wasn't it's just that's who I that is what the energy that I get of off like I guess gets brought back to me, I suppose. Or maybe they're just freaks. You know what I mean? People forget that old men are statistically freaky.

But old women can, I guess, fall into that category, too. Oh, man. Speaking to old people. I'm rambling. Sorry, I'm fucking tired. I was watching a video of a lady she goes to old folks' homes, specifically, like, Jewish old folks' homes, and she sings them, she's like a singer,

and she makes songs and the songs are like, you know, all about like Jewish culture. Yeah. And, uh, but sometimes she goes to old folks' homes that are not Jewish and she's singing songs about, she's like, come on everybody, stand up and dance. Everybody stand up and dance. She's talking to them like their children, like their puppy dogs.

And it's like, if I'm ever in old folks home, like people, like, I think in America, I don't know why people think old. Okay, but remember you're on a bunch of pills. Whatever you're about to say, remember all the pills that you're taking. Yeah, I'm not going to, yeah. So here's the thing. Here's my thing. The point I'm trying to make.

Actually, you make a, you're contributing to my point. I don't know why people look at old people and talk to them and interact with them. Like, they didn't, like, jack off a bunch and do drugs and drink alcohol like 40 years ago. Like, sometimes I'll see, like, videos of, like, a wholesome interaction. It's like, we went to the old folks home and hula hooped on Instagram or whatever in the comments. They're like, yay. And I'm like, those old people don't want to see that. Bring a fucking, dude, bring a goddamn big-ass lizard into the room.

Bring a keg. You know what I mean? Like, I know that I've lived a certain lifestyle that... Start a fire. Yeah, but I feel, but I like, I see the old people... Make them put it out. Make them figure out their own life, like, right there and they're like, like, figure out how to put out of fire.

How bad do you want to live in the four years? Remember how to stop drop and roll. We do this every day. Yeah. I'm just like, why, like, why do fucking... I was like, hey, what's your name, Jimmy? And Jimmy's like, yeah. She's like, hey, Jimmy, this is the jump song.

And it's like, that guy, Jimmy shot people. This will help you recover from your six daughters that died. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Jimmy fucking, like, is, like, hoarding his opiates and then just, like, take six at a time. Hey, Bruce Welles. Hey, Johnny Depp. Welcome to the...

It's time for jumping. Time for Jello. Jello, Jello. Follow the rabbit with your eyes. Yeah. And it's like that guy, that guy used to snap necks. I'm not saying Vietnam was good.

I'm just saying he was there. He smoked opium with, like, Viet Cong, you know. Like, you don't have to talk to him like he's fucking nine years old. Or like he's a, like he's a chihuahua or whatever the fuck. It's always weird.

It's weird when you see it in person. Hey, how are you? When you're at a coffee shop and like an old person in the wheelchair like rolls up, the priestess suddenly's like, hi, hey. And what are we having today?

And you're like, What the fuck? She wants to get fingered, man. Yeah, maybe. It's totally possible that that old lady is like, I remember back when I used to get fingered on the steamboat. I want to give finger by a hundred and seven-year-old man. I want to fuck the old guy and I want to fuck the steamboat, Captain.

I want a guy with an old, oh, dick. Yeah. Petrified. Lay it down, humping on me. Pursing his pelvis into me. Breaking me down his pelvis is fat on fat, fat. Stopping that dick in me. Yeah, I want him to tear me up and tear out my hip replacements.

I want him to break him my old ass headboard that looks like a sailboat. I want him to spit pudding on his penis. lick it off and I would spin around his penis like it's a like it's a like it's a a marigold around

a stick poking in me around making a big wave with my big old booty shaking up and down on him with his wrinkles flapping up into me stabbing his sphinx

into my my phoenix all right Yeah. I'm making a good gravy. My name's Nancy Pelosi. I'll have a tall black coffee. I'll have a frat, one of them frappuccinoes.

Yeah, anyway. I mean, people in over some. Hey, Wendy White. Wendy Williams. Wendy White. Wendy Williams. Your wife? Did you try to get married?

No, I was thinking of, I was thinking of coffee, and I was thinking of Wendy Williams at the same time. Wendy William. She's the talk show host lady, yeah? Yeah. She had a stroke on TV or some shit. I don't know, but she's in a situation like Bruce Willis. Oh. Like she has some.

She's like nearly vegetative or some shit. Like she's got Louie. I don't know if it's that bad, but I think she has like early dementia. Louis body that, yeah. Like, you know when you get like memory stuff and, uh, and, uh, and you're young, it's like real bad. Um. She's not, I think she's, I mean, she's young for that to happen to. I think she's, like, in her 60s, though, yeah?

Yeah, I think she's, like, 60 or something, but that's still, like, that's young for that to happen. I was in the- When people, like, get, like, dementia in their 80s or whatever, like. Yeah. You know, a lot of times, just, like... It runs in my family. That's a crazy old person, so they start going, like, they're not totally seen out by the

time they die, you know what I mean? In a lot of cases. Yeah, it runs in my family. If I don't, like, make money enough to raise. attire like i'm probably going to die on the streets with dementia for sure like i don't have really don't have any family left so it's just a sad little factor for you guys if you get dementia i'm just going to show up to your nursing home and beat this shit out of you every day that's fine i would probably be like that's just last day that's my brother and whatever my brother's there and he's

you know just as old and insane as me yeah and he's beating this shit out of me beating the shit of everybody even because by then i'll be older than him yeah well y'all is saying oh you're than him now. You're a year older. Yeah, you're a year and a half. You're two years old. Saying by then I'll be older than you.

No, yeah. But yeah, so I'll be older than him and he'll also be about twice as tall as me still. So I don't really fancy my chances there if I'm being totally honest

because I feel like dementia does give you hands in some ways. Yeah. I've seen situations where old dudes get hands again from... Randomly, just like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

With my brother, too, if I didn't know how to fight, it would be like a, like, it'd be bad for me. Because he's just, he's just got workman's strength and he'd workman's rage. Yeah, you got to, as a brother, you kind of got to stay a certain amount of strong at all times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's way stronger than me. And I'm a middle brother, so for me, I'm on guard from both ends, you know what I'm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't really have that kind of relationship anymore where it's like a hostile thing.

but you did you know yeah I think there's there's always a there's a subconscious thing where you're a little bit competitive but not like you kind of just want everybody to rise to the top you know what I mean

yeah way off topic I wanted to bring this up at the top of the show because I thought it was one of those fake things but you've been following the Shaquille O'Neal Marilyn Monroe thing yeah you know what I'm talking about

you've been following this oh yeah where he's obsessed with her so he owned I did not know this. He owns the likeness to her face and body, and partially as an owner of her name and brand. I did not know that. I knew he used to post weird pictures of her,

but it never, like, I didn't know how deeply involved he is with the estate of Miss Marilyn Monroe until, like, everything resurfaced or whatever and I was reading that, like, yeah, he used to post AI photos of them together with, like, mixed babies.

And I was like, that's Nothing against Marilyn Monroe, right? But, like, that shows you he's old? Yes, that's, yeah, that's, he's, he, people are like, what's happening to Shaq? And it's like, I know he does EDM shows and he makes, like, beats now for rappers. And some of them are pretty good. But it's like the Joe Rogan thing where they're like, can you believe he said this? And it's like, yeah, I mean, he's like 60 and he smokes weed every day.

Yeah. Like, he's old. He's like, getting. Like, to still be fawning after Marilyn. Monroe, it's like Mickey Mouse. Yeah, you look at Marilyn Monroe, obviously, you know, that's a beautiful person. But like... She's in the public domain.

It is kind of like... Yeah, like I don't really think of her as a person. Yeah, you think of her as like a nebulous... She's like the Statue of Liberty or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be the same thing if he was kissing Minnie Mouse. Right, like she... Like, if he was like, I'm in love with fucking...

Which I would think, I think that would be cool. Or if he was posting AI videos of him fucking goofy missionary style. Gorsh. You're digging in me. I'm gonna come. You like that. Is that shit? Yeah.

Is that shack? Yeah. You like that shit. You like that shit. You like this shit goofy? I'm going to kill myself. I didn't think I... I don't know who I am anymore.

Or this, I'm going to crush you. Crush you up into a cube. Yeah, I just thought I was like, damn, what? I got to develop an actual shack impression. I'm sorry, guys, I couldn't figure what his voice was. It's also funny that he does that, Marilyn Monroe thing, and then he'll also be on podcast. I told my kids, you gotta have two master's degrees each if you want your inheritance.

And they were like, Dad, come on. Dad, and he's like, I told my kid, you gotta be a genius to get any amount of my money. And then whenever he gets personal, he's like, I admit it. In my younger days, I used to go after every woman successfully and show them love and treat them with respect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And those days are behind me. a dog. I was fucking with my huge dick, fucking all of them.

And thankfully that's no longer me and that's something I can look back on with a regret. And then you look and the headline is like, Shaquille O'Neal comments on Megan the Stallion's new Instagram posts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

100 licking emojis. Yeah, it's always when he's like, yeah, there's that story He's always finding the worst people to be. He always, like, anytime you see his face and the girls next to each other, it looks like she's his granddaughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'll be like, you'll see like a picture of him holding Sabrina Carpenter, like, like, up in his hand or whatever, you know? Yeah, well, it's like also, um, he's Shaq and he does a lot of, like, inspirational stuff, you know, like he'll pay for entire youth basketball. all leagues, like new cleats and like a new court, and he does this shit all the time. But then, because of that, it's easy to forget that, like, he's also just a horny old man. You know what I mean? Like, like, when Dennis Rodman says some out-of-pocket shit, you're like, yeah, that tracks.

I mean, he's been Dennis Rodman for fucking 40 years. You know what I mean? Like, he's been, or Mad Max, the other guy, like, when he says some shit, it's like, yeah, he used to do coke with Charlie Sheen and fuck hookers. Like, yeah, but whenever, because Shaq sometimes would be like, my grandpa used to take me to the homeless camp and he'd be like that's pressure you ain't ever experienced nothing like this and that's the day i learned to never take nothing for granted and yeah to your point like two weeks later he'll be on a podcast and he's like y'all listen to this you'll listen to this girl

and then it'll play sabbren carpenter on the youtube and he like he starts tenting his hands he like leans back in his chair i want to put angel reese in my mouth it's like dennis ronin could be a horny old man because he's been a horny old man since he was like 14 like he's like i want to give $10 billion to the WNBA out of my pocket in exchange for unlimited access to the camera footage in the facilities You said Dennis Rodman We're going to put fly cameras in every shower room

I'm by the way I'm a major investor in fly cameras By the way I love I love surveillance I love surveillance he would say some shit like they'd be like I love surveillance

Hot take you know Not everybody agrees with we live in this political political place where everybody gets crazy But I love surveillance And I love having eyes on things That's what fucking Man who was it Dude Mike Isretel

Oh yeah Weird heel turn thing I don't like at all No I think he's I actually think something might be going on With him like mentally Like I think I think that he is

I think that he Under this added Viewership and stuff It's not good for his brain And I think that he hopped on way more gear Than he had been doing Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah To try and fix his physique to be like

You know, Jeff Nippered He had surgery to get his like Yeah Like handles and hips Like these other guys who just have better body building Genetics, yeah yeah He just doesn't have amazing genetics But he still looks jacks, he still looks good

He's huge and he's old, but like he's, he's a brown belt and jiu-jitsu. Like, he's relatively speaking smart. I know people say that his PhD thesis is like some of the research is spurious or shoddy, whatever. But whatever is happening to him right now, I do agree with you. I think he, like, I think he's just running a lot of gear and I think he's going a little nuts. Yeah, or whatever. Like, he's, for those of you don't know, Mike Isratel is, you've probably seen him come across your Instagram once or twice. His head is an incredible shape.

it is an incredible kind of oblong bald head And he gives fitness advice That I have followed Pretty closely Some of his like push-pull stuff And some of his like I don't know I feel like

I feel like my bench Like when I followed his like bench technique I was like excelling like on bench pressing ways that I had before But anyway he randomly started posting about how like Flot cameras are good and mass surveillance is good and he was defending it in the replies in a way that like didn't seem like he was understanding fundamentally what was happening like he's like yeah I like the good guys

why is that a problem yeah or he's just it's and and I get well I also get that he is kind of like a sarcastic yeah yeah guy and he does make a lot of jokes even if they're like they're good enough for fitness videos He's also could be autistic. I think it's like...

Well, like, to be funny in the fitness world is almost non... It's almost undoable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because these guys who are really good at bodybuilding are fucking shut-ins. Yeah, they're psychos, yeah. You know, because they have...

They can't fucking socialize at all with how they... They go to sleep at like fucking 7 p.m. You know what I mean? And they don't have alcohol or salt or anything. Like, they suck ass to be around. So then... you have them trying to make these fucking videos and they are really informative.

Right. But in terms of keeping it entertaining, they'll be like, Mm, me so hungry or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Protein. Like, what the fuck is you fucking kill yourself. We're working on hip thrust today. Yeah.

Ooh, uh, be likey booty. Yeah, yeah. It's like, what the fuck is this guy's problem? You're too big. There's that South African guy who was doing workout stuff for a while. He was all right. And then now he's just doing like, life motivation stuff.

Another case is doing... Cousin Crypto? No. Oh, no, no. I know he's really tall. He has a beard. Oh, never mind. He was friends with the Joe Stetics.

Oh, Noel, something. Oh, okay. I know you're talking about... Yeah, I know you're talking about. Yeah, he was pretty funny. Dude, you know... He had some decent stuff, but his videos now are more like diets.

I don't really like to be on Instagram as much anymore. Like, I'm not looking for new shit. on Instagram anymore. But for like whenever Reels first came out and everybody was like, oh, cool. Now they have this part kind of TikTok. And now everybody's addicted to like the Reels function on like the weather app. Like there's, we're fucked on every single app was addictive now.

Yeah. And at first I was like, dude, nobody's going to fucking use this. There's TikTok. And then I deleted TikTok because it was fucking weird. And Instagram started showing me stuff that I liked. And I was like, this is awesome. I'm going to use this. Yeah.

Yeah. I love Instagram real. This is actually amazing to watch. Yes, amazing to watch seven hours. And now, like, I have to do,

like, fucking Razal Ghul type exercises to fucking not. Yeah. Look at AI videos of fucking pig's ears that are fried in candy sauce. And they give

all fucking green smoke when they come out of the oven. Like, I'm fucking stupid now. full blown just stupid as fuck and I'm working on it I'm not as stupid

but really you can watch reels for fucking six hours on accident and dude when you snap out of that you want to have never been born women have fully started to begin childbirth

and passed away in that time yeah yeah of six hours that it's I can't believe this is the world

I mean, you can. I'm doing better now, but you got to be self-aware about that shit. Like, you can get addicted to any part of your phone now. The, um, the one of the, my favorite, I wanted, there's like a thing that I wanted to do that I'm, I don't know if it's going to be able to pan out. But I'm like really obsessed with like D-Gen bodybuilding Twitch stream culture. And not, I don't mean like, but even before clavicular, whatever hit the scene, like, I follow a lot of the, like, I follow a lot of the, those guys' lives. Because they're like,

Rich Piana had this philosophy of like, you know, he knew he lived in hell. And there was almost this self-awareness to his own suffering sometimes. These guys are like... I like Sam Solek too. Sam Su-Lick is cool. But he's not a D-Gen guy.

He's like a normal lifting guy. But when I mean D-Jid, I'm talking about like the Tren Twins or guys like Togi. that are like, they're running all this gear and also... Sam Solick was running so much fucking gear, though. When he first started, he was fucking red. He was like 17 and he was like 300 pounds of pure muscle. Lean.

Yeah, yeah. Crazy. And he would, on the way home, he would be drinking a bunch of fucking chocolate milkshakes and eating a bunch of fucking burgers. There was a guy, that guy Togi, I was watching his stream. Um, he's not even fucking big now. Like,

I'm literally bigger. He got big again. Uh, he's back on, he's, for a while he was like fucking 180. I'm like, dude,

your heart is the size of a fucking watermelon. At least get jacked again. Yeah, yeah. I think he, so, but one of his videos from back when, like,

right when he was starting to like, lose his muscle mass or whatever, he's like, yeah, I try to be sober. Um, and, uh,

we went, uh, I went, uh, I went, hung out with Bryce Hall and a couple of Madison beer and then. and, you know, we went on this hike, and then, you know, it was cool, man.

We went on this hike in, like, in, like, California. We drove, like, three hours to get there, and it was really cool. And then we drive three hours back and had a lot of fun. And then Bryce was like, hey, we're all going to go back to my place. And I was like, hell, yeah. And he was like, you know, I didn't know they were like sober, sober, like actually sober. You know, he's like, I just thought they meant, like, they weren't going to drink that night. But, you know, I get there and we get there and everybody's just drinking, you know, water and watching TV.

And I go, and he gets really mad. And he's like, what the fuck is this? Is this what being sober is, is drinking, you just drink water and watch movies? And like, all the chat that's rolling in is like, yeah. He legitimately was astounded. He was like, how do people do this? He's like, you guys aren't, he was like, you guys weren't doing, nobody's doing any cocaine. Like, nobody's snorting ketamine.

Like, we're not, we're not taking shots of Casamigos. Like, you guys don't want to unwind. And they're like, no, we're fine, man. This is the end of the day, brother, you know? We're just, we might have like a soda. Like, I might crack a Dr. P. You know what I mean? and then, but we're just going to watch Love Island

that have some laughs, man, you're free to hang out. We're going to get popcorn and tell you, he was like, I had to get the fuck out of there. This made me laugh because I was like, I love a guy who's so fucked up. And I, because I have, I went through this. I was like so fucked up on drugs and alcohol that, you know, I think I've told the story in the pod,

but I remember I had a therapist. It was like, yeah, you should start a vitamin regimen, it'll make you feel better. It'll make you feel good. And I was like, oh, okay, so like, I can take these vitamins and I'll like, you know, I'll be kind of like, I'll be like, I'll have like a buzz. Like, it'll make me feel good.

Like, and she was like, what? And I was like, yeah, like, you're saying it'll make me feel good. And she's like, no, like, you just won't be so tired all the time. And like, you know, your piss won't be brown. Like, you know, you'll be like, well, she didn't say. She's like, you'll have better bodily functions. Like, you'll be happier. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, I don't understand.

Like, I was like, I thought. When you say you feel good, that means like, I'm, you know, I'm, you know, I'm bowed off. You know what I mean? I'm like 10 feet deep in the deep end. Like, yeah, I take B12 and I have like more energy, but that's like not what we're talking about here. I'm talking about like, I would rather be 12 years deep right now. I'm all right guys.

You'd be 12 years old and 12 years deep. I'd rather be 12 years old and flying a kite. Forgetting about the world we live in today. I'd rather go back. Full of fucking snowflakes. Say that to your teacher. I've often. I often thought it would be funny to go, like, audit a class, like at Utah, my alma mater or whatever, go to St.

Edwards and, like, sit in a class and just be like, just raise my, like, an intro to politics. What is stupid my, that's how dumb I've gotten. Yeah, I take an intro. I have, I have a political science degree, and I said intro to politics. God, I'm dumb again. But anyway, like, it just being raising my hand and being like, yeah, so this probably wouldn't be a problem if there weren't any snowflakes. Just 32 years old, like, complete. Yeah, so welcome snowflakes to the Austin, Texas. Welcome to Snowflake University. What's your mascot to fucking piece of snow? Anybody like my leather jacket?

I wore a leather jacket today. I wore a fucking, I wore a crocodile dundee tooth necklace. Leather jacket today. I wore a shark tooth. Permission to play devil's abacus. Dude, I hate, God damn. I mean, I did both. I did polyscience philosophy.

So I did the devil's advocate majors. But whenever somebody would start doing that, I'd get so mad. Because it would be like, I understand being like, trying to understand the nuances of somebody else's worldview. I think it's very important. But, like, it would be devil's advocate on like, yeah, so during the Iraq war, you know, we found out that torture wasn't very effective, but we were doing it anyway.

And, you know, a lot of guys came forward, a lot of guys in the military, and they said, yeah, we weren't really trying to get information. You know, this was, this was revenge. This was torture. This was not in hand. We weren't trying to interrogate anybody. You know, we were force-feeding guys, like 24 hours a day, you know, put them in boxes, and it was terrible. And then some kid raises our hand, and it was like, I played devil's advocate for a second.

What if it was good to force feed a Muslim? So what if they were hungry? What if, think about like, okay. Why didn't they just drink the water? I used to think I could do that. I used to be like, why didn't they just drinking the water until, um, One of my friends waterboarded me, like, as a joke, and I lasted five seconds. It's bad.

If you ever want to have fun and also realize how evil the world is, get a friend, get a rag. It can't be too thick. It's got to be like a bar rag, and then get a big gallon of water, and lay down, and your feet have to be elevated, higher than your head. And then waterboard yourself. And then you can't last. I was like, yeah, shit's like, but I could do a minute. I did five seconds. And I was, like, scared.

and then like a, I thought I was going to die. Because it means, you know, your body tells you're dying or whatever. Anyway, don't waterboard yourself and don't waterboard your friends. Yeah, yeah, unless you're going to waterboard gar. Waterborggar. Caching. Caching. Caching.

Cotching. Put one in the piggy bank. Caching, water burger. Caching put one in the piggy bank. Caching put water burger. Caching put two in the piggy bank. Cotching. Burger

Ka Ching put 3 in the piggy bank Everybody Come to my house Make my piggy stink Whoa

I don't know What came over Me I don't know What happened I don't know The music took hold of me

Again I couldn't Uh Kaching put four In the piggy bank Come over Make all of my piggy stink

Ketching put 5 in the piggy bank Dry the whip Like a Like a fucking army tank oh there we go yeah oh i see the look on his face uh-oh the heads tilting back somebody's thinking what were we doing this day yeah yeah yeah y'all uh y'all uh you all uh you're

something slight oh oh and i just got fired from a sperm bank Got fire from a sperm bank Put seven in the piggy bank And crack open that piggy bank Now there's 18 in the piggy bank Just turned 18 Let me see your piggy's Blank

No Let me see your piggy's blank I censor it Just turned 18 Let me see your piggy's blank It's a Christian version We're you to Just turn to 18

Just turn to 18 Let me see your piggy Good Lord saveing Good Lord save Ving Let me see your piggyes Oh man That's no good You shouldn't talk like that

Make your city strong Make your prayers think Make your city strong Make your city strong Make you see strong Just Just a, just, just, an illiterate,

illiterate fucking guardsman from like 800 AD rapping to himself. I can't get in the guards barracks. Mickey City Strong. Guard the castle. Make you strong. Guard the castle.

Ride the horsey head. Don, make you city strong. Rubble horse. Cut the hay. Cut that hay. Make my king happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pay the sheriff.

I paid the sheriff. When the week comes in I pay the terrorist Make my city strong Just a pious God-fearing My city strong Make this year of money long Trade 10 sheep

For my wife She's pretty young You made my city strong Oh my God You bet they were probably doing that shit back then Just fucking The goddamn Anglo-Saxon

Go to church for 15 hours. Go to church for 15 hours. Best friend in the stocks get tomatoes thrown. Got to get my city strong. Best friend does that. Son just died so I burned his body. Son just died so I burned his body. Wife just dies who I burned her body.

Everybody got to play with everybody. Do the dead wife dance. Big wife dance. Best friends and archer had to burn his body. Best friend got arched Best friend got his shit arched Now he burned his body Here come the wizard

I'm bin Rownadi Here come the wizard Gotta keep the city strong Don't like the wizard He looked at me pretty wrong Keep your city strong Keep your city strong I'm gonna make it out of the shire bro

Got that castle Make the city strong I'm gonna make it I'm gonna make it out of the hobble bro We're gonna make it out of the fucking raise the flag Raise the flag Bow down for the king

Bowed down for the king Build that hate Build that hate Surf rabbit I love my city I love my city strong I love my king I hope I can keep the city strong

Eat that barley That's your dinner Eat that potato Make you sicker Second wife Die burn her body now Second wife Die burn her body now

Now, my 10 sons are enough to till the fields. Eight years old and he's about to feel the real power of being a slave. Everybody do the slave dance. It makes too strong. Make you see strong. Buy some slaves and make it so strong. I'm a slave, but that's not wrong. Slavery keeps you shitty strong.

I'm an Anglo-Saxon from around the way. Imagine being the captain of the slave. shipping the but you're morally against it you just needed the job and the whole time you're just shaking your head going like looking around like I don't condone this at all I can't believe they're doing this to you guys if there's something I could do about this I would

trust me but I don't want to get fired I think there's a comedian who has a I think it's a Louis who has a bit about being like a like a good slave owner I think it is him never mind it's just like anyway yeah driving the slave shit keep the city strong Here at Pandevo time, we stand with Louis CK.

At all times, the allegations, put it on record. Jake Rhodes just co-signed this. The allegations were unfounded. Enough. We don't have to keep doing this, all right? I've already made it clear to everybody where I stand on things like that. You're going to keep the city strong. Keeps it strong.

Keeps it strong. King City strong. Lion tamer came to town Keep a kitty strong. Oh. Oh, what's that on the sheep? That's, no, that's not. Yeah.

Whoa. I was about to say hey. Whoa. It's on a sheep. Get the wool from the sheep. Shave the sheep. Get the hay. Keep the city strong. Grow the sheep.

Just get the hay. Keep the city strong like night and day. There's a wizard. in that cave don't move to the wizard in that cave a witch lives out in the woods i said a witch lives out in the woods said a witch lives out in the woods that cannot be no good get the priest out there in the woods get the priest out there in the woods get the priest out there in the woods i get the cross get the priest out there in the woods keep your city strong keep the witch in the woods keep your city strong the circuit's come to town keep the big kitty strong anyway i don't think that's

coming had your cash goblin's coming had your cash orcs is coming had your Oh, it's coming, had your stash. Jewish people are here, and that's fine. They belong in every city in mine. It's totally fine. We could have waited a verse on that one. Could have waited for another verse. Could have went back to the hook, keep your city strong.

Keep it strong. Could have waited for the hook. Now my money long. Oh, my God. Wait, hook. Wait a minute, hook. Make the ship strong. Make the ship strong.

Jacko Sparrow's back. Keep your shit strong. Yeah, yeah. From beginning to end, keep your city strong. Listen to the podcast. Spend your money long. And you should spend your money on the podcast. We're going to podcast.com slash patreon slash podcast.

No, yeah, go to patreon. com slash Pendejo time and then give us money, please. Imagine you meet a pirate and his pair goes, I want to suck another pirate's dick. He's like, quiet. Shut up. I don't say stuff like that. This one can't talk.

It sounds like words. sometimes. I want to go out. Fuck me. Fuck me. Yeah, I don't know why he says stuff like that. He was hanging out. Yeah, he can't talk.

He's hanging out with my brother. His brother didn't speak English. My brother was a sodomite, so, you know, he held him for a while. Yeah, of him since he was born. I hate being a straight pirate. My own, he kept fired instead. Wow. Brer.

I think I've made the... I think we've done gay parrot before. But it's so fun. It is so fun to do gay parrot. Now, the difference between this one and the last one is the parrot belongs to a pirate who's closeted, but the parrot is unknowingly outing him to the community. Right, right. Which is not cool.

And we're anti-parrots in this situation. Yeah, the parrot's bad. Yeah. Man, it must have been cool as fuck to be a pirate. Probably not, though. You probably died. Um, I remember reading about Edward Teach. So he's the guy that they based black beard off of.

Yeah. And to scare people, um, he used to put a bunch of fucking incense and gumpowder, like, like, soaked gumpowder under his beard and he would light it. So his beard would smoke. And, uh, that was real scary, you know, some people, but, you know, he died in a sword fighter or the fuck. You can't imagine being the guy that's like not scared of that? Hey man your beard's on fire You're alright dude Like you fucking

Hey you're like on the fuck fire And parrots like He's got aiding his on fire Fire Island Fire Island That'll be a thing in 2000 years Yeah Anyway

I Yeah if I was a pirate And I saw honestly even one other pirate I'd be like dude Can we just be cool Yeah Batting down the hatches We just be chill with each other

We're all just trying to get gold, man. Please don't pillage me. Please don't take everything I got. When I was a kid, I started up thought I was going to find treasure. That was the thing that I was, every time I went to Galveston, I was like, man, I'm going to find a debloon here pretty soon. And apparently in the Gulf of Mexico, way the fuck out there on, like, the continental shelf, there is a supposed shipwreck. But it's too deep. Nobody can get to it.

Well, I might be the first. Wow. I remember, I think I took, I think we. I think, I remember talking about this in the pod, but it's been a long time, but I remember watching this YouTube documentary about these guys, they were real life treasure hunters. And they're like two dudes in their 30s. And they were like, he's like, they were like, you know, they're like armchair historians that, you know, travel the world or whatever.

And they're both divers. And so they dive down and, you know, they try to find treasure or whatever. and I was like, oh, it's a sick job. But I remember thinking, like, like 99% of the time we don't find any treasure. And sometimes when you find it, you got to give it to a museum. And then I read more about those guys, and both their dads were, like, private equity guys.

Like, both their dads were, like, major Wall Street bankers. And I was like, dude, imagine being a Wall Street banker and you've got, like, you know, two or three kids, and one of your sons is, like, going to take over the firm. And then maybe your daughter is, like, a lawyer. And then you just have a, like, a pirate Like a fucking literal 21st century, like pirate son

He's like, yeah, I don't really want to do this bank He's the one who he Has maintained like a couple years of sobriety Yeah And they're like, we're going to give him the pirate thing Because at least if he dies this way, it won't be embarrassed It won't be this. It's not embarrassing

It's not a failure. It's like, oh, he was an adventurer. Yeah, yeah, he had something going on. Yeah. Yeah. Keep your shitty strong. you're a pirate guy, keep your city strong. That should be a thing whenever people overdose, instead of it being a shameful thing,

it's like, yeah, they were really adventurous. They had a badass time. They had an adventure. They're having fun. All the people I've seen interviews with who get Narcan, they're like, dude, sucks so bad. And people are like, you were dying. And they're like, yeah, but like getting Narcan

immediately puts you into withdrawal. Like, immediately puts you into the worst withdrawal all time. So people are like, yeah, it fucking sucks. You're like, God damn, I was. I saw St. Peter at the gates, you know. I was almost home. And you fucking... Dude, you get Narcan and you wake up on the streets of Philly.

God, that must fucking... Dude, it almost sucked to be overdosing on heroin and you're just like... You see the ghost of, like, your father. And, like, all your friends that died, and they're like, hey, man, it's okay, you can let go. And there's, like, Gabriel's playing his horn. And there's this gold hue over everything.

And you're watching... The light's fading at the corner of your eyes and like you see Jesus and he's like my son your struggle is over come join me in the throne of heaven all your sins are forgiven and then you just experience this intense nausea and sickness and then just this jerking feeling like being pulled back down at like 10 G's just like and then you wake up when you're just covered in your own poop in front of in front of a Burger King

would be a relief for me imagine you're getting dragged under hell fucking skin's peeling off and the devil's like Like they're spreading your cheeks open it right before they go in. Get Narcan. You're just like, oh, God. Oh, thank God. I was in hell.

Yeah, I was in hell with Wayne Johnson. The Rock? Yeah. He's alive. No. There's two of them. One of them died. No, this is the future.

I went to future hell. Yeah. It's going to happen sooner than you think, unfortunately. Yeah, it will. Yeah, that's the scary part. I think about it every day. Oh, God, I think about the days I'll have to live without Dwayne. Oh.

It makes my hips just hurt thinking about it. I feel like he's going to live long. The journey I've been on. Dude, shout out to Brad Pitt for announcing a fall off the wagon. That's a classic. Such a cool guy thing to do. And I'm not saying this to be flippant. He's an A-lister and he has been for like 40 years and he'll always be one.

It's a definite narcissistic delusional thing. thing to be like, hey guys, I'm just letting you guys know. I know that I was in the news for drinking too much and beating my family. But after seven years, I'm just keeping it a stack. I've decided that I am no longer an alcoholic and I will be drinking beer again. I'll be having some beers tonight. Hey, I'm Brad Pitt. I realize that I've basically beaten up my whole family.

And for a lot of people, that would mean that you don't get to drink anymore. But I just, guys, I just remember that I'm Brad fucking Pitt. Seven years is a long time and I haven't beat up my family. and around that time, you know. And it's been at least three years since I last beat up my family. So I feel like, you know, I feel like I'm doing pretty good. I'm 60 years old and I'm breasted. Especially considering how many children I adopted.

They won't take my last name. Imagine coming out of alcoholism and you've adopted like 15 kids. You have no idea what's happened. Yeah, what the fuck. This guy's from where? What? Where the fuck? Africa.

Where did I get you? No, no way. Please don't tell me it was... Oh, oh, an adoption. Oh, thank God. Okay, so you... You're not free to go, but it's like a... Like, when you black out and take an $80 Uber home, but like, wait, like, you're like, holy

foot, what? You're... Oh, Jesus Christ. So what really the cherry on top of Brad's announcement was Connor announced that he is also off the wagon in solidarity with Brad. which I want to make it clear Connor McGregor has I'm not saying I both of them are bad

but Connor more recently committed he's been sober for like I think five five months and notoriously when he wasn't sober he was in the civil case for rape which he lost and I saw the video of him pouring his loss by meaning

oh he was found in no uncertain terms he did the hell out of that shit yeah yeah completely the way that he relapsed was drinking one of his own beers and filming it on at his mansion which you're by the way this is after his knee blew out so we'll paint this picture Connor McGregor got the Phil and Lil from Rugrats haircut the biggest comeback in sports in combat sports history maybe in sports history but top five sports comebacks okay within five seconds explodes his knee and then goes on a tweet storm about

how he's going to stay sober. The demons are testing him, but he's going to stay strong. He'll come back next year after his ACL surgery. Then he tweets, this was a very funny tweet. He said, the fog had made the cage slippery. The fight is now a no contest. Just letting you guys know, I slipped because of the fog. Fights in no contest.

By the way, the fight is a TKO from Max Holloway. It's still a TKO from Max Holloway. There was no governing body. Somebody tweeted that was from like the Nevada or whatever athletic commission over. So they were like, I want to make it clear that this is not a no contest. And then three weeks later, a month later, Brad Pitt's like, yeah, off the wagon. And Connor was like, cheers up to you. Getting fucked up with you, Brad, celebrating you falling off the wagon.

Signed the rape monster. Signed the alcoholic rape monster. Just like. Dude, them, imagine being their fucking bartender. P.O. L bartender. I'll say PR people. But yeah, bartender. Or just waitress.

Yeah. Oh, God, this is going to be a super fucking normal night for me. Yeah, yeah. I remember one of the listeners told me he was working at a bar. He was bartending at a bar in Boston. I've told the story in here before, I think. And his whole, he shows up. It's an Irish pub.

And they had his beer on draft. And he goes behind the bar and, like, eight of his bodybuilders just immediately surround everybody in there. Like, Connor gets to do what he wants. And he takes the tap. the little draft handle puts it in his pocket and then goes into the men's bathroom for like five hours and for a really long time I don't actually know how long but for like a crazy long time

probably to jack off and do coke and you know whatever take pictures of his penis and send it to girls and this was fairly recently and I love that story because it's like you have bodybuilders around you that are bigger and stronger than you and they can also fight like you're just subject like it's kind of like Genghis Khan showing up to your village

there's just nothing you can can do. You know what I mean? Like, even if there weren't the body, the bodyguards, uh, you've got to contend with Connor McGregor, who even though he's, you know, like a fucking alcohol, he's still Conn McGregor. Like, what do you tell him? You know what I mean? Like, like, those memes are like, John Bone Jones slap your girl's ass. What do you do? It's like, take the Uber. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Fucking, come back and shoot the place up. I don't fucking know. I wonder if he, I wonder if John Jones is sober. Do you think John Jones is still sober?

Uh, no. Thanks for asking. Yeah, the answer is no. The answer is no. He says he is. Is it for $100 million? No. He'll get sober for three days for $100 million.

That's how he negotiates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll be like, hey, would you want to fight this other guy who's better than you? Um, and he'll be like, I've never fucking heard of that guy. Yeah, yeah. And they'll be like, how about this guy who sucks ass and it'll be a horrible fight?

Yeah, I'll do it for $200 million. I'm Mike fucking Tyson. It's like, no, you're not like you're a fucking legend, but like within UFC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not going to sell fucking, like. Yeah, yeah. He's a liability for sure. He's, it's like Woody Allen being like, yeah.

I'll make another movie for a two billion. And they're like, yeah, nobody, midnight. Yeah, midnight Paris was the last good one, pal. You know, it doesn't really. Keep the city strong. Gotta keep Woody Allen out the city. Keep a city strong. Woody Allen knocking at the gates.

Don't let the gate down. Come over the moat. I wonder what hoodie Allen is up to nowadays. Ooh, hoodie Allen. That's like a, that's like a tooth. Oh, I was actually about to say that's like a, is that a real person? Yeah, it was a white rapper. Oh, never mind.

I got to look this guy up. He was in the same vein as. the guy who did Asher Roth Oh like I love college That kind of era Yeah yeah yeah

He's Steve Markowitz His music was different But it was like Same You know I can't remember A single song

In fact When I think of Houdie Allen I think of Pandora Radio Because that's where I listen To Houdie Allen When I was like

He's got a Did you ever Did you ever listen to Rich Rich? Rich? Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah So he's He's got a new song coming out but he's just been making funny-ass videos on Instagram and uh... uh... is a video of he's in the driver seat and he's got this uh...

he's got a blunt or it looks like a blonde or it looks like a hell of rock over there and he like points the camera there's a part of me he's like i'll pick up hell of rock and you know like i mean this was on to me i was this you know statute of limitations in york what the fuck yeah i got to pick up heller rock over there and then you know i got to shoot out with this guy but you know he comes by the house sometimes and then he points the camera and his wife

or his girlfriend's, baby mama's in the passenger seat, and his kid is in the rear seat. He's just telling the story about how he, like, killed a guy and, like, used to go pick up rock or whatever the fuck. He's snitching on himself, and then, like, it's, like, kids in the bags. Wretch is one of my favorite rappers. I don't know if he, you know, I think he's kind of openly, like, you know, I'm not a good guy. I think that's, like, his whole thing or whatever. But it was just funny. I thought he was in a car by himself, and he was just like, yeah, back in the day, I used to let the nine bark all up and down the street.

and it's just like his kid it's like in the car with him I'm like I miss whenever whenever rappers were really reckless on Instagram that was so fun yeah it would be like shooting out the fucking window the car oh yeah yeah yeah yeah back in the

early like Chicago drilled like days like a Snapchat Chicago drill days you know what I'm always I'm happy he came back from it and I think only he could but Sprety Gibbs everybody thought that was it

it. But, like, he, that, no, that didn't affect his career at all. I think he's that good. And also, it's like, he's very funny. But I remember when that shit leaked and people were like, yeah, the hood's not going to fuck with Fred no more. Like, all your street cred's gone. And it was like, no, I think he's, like, I think he's certified forever. Yeah, he has a picture of his booty hole, like, spread open on fucking, uh, on the internet. But, like, he is. you know that's freddie kane or whatever the fuck like i'm thinking of that pimsy that pipsy interview where he's like you know a lot of y'all young bucks be out here

letting bulls bust down your back he's talking about get you you know what i'm talking about it's like him and uh old heads love to comment on that stuff on youtube that's like by the way he's not being homophobic oh yeah yeah it's like all right he is it's like i know i'm thinking about it all day. I'm thinking about how you guys are doing this. And me, I'm a grown man. I'm cool in my pink pants and my pink shoes and my white fluffy

coat and my glasses with diamonds on them. My 15 rings. My fat-ass friend next to me has got his belly out. Yeah. I can't believe you guys. You can't think about this stuff. By the way, I shave 17 times a day.

I think he's starts us like, you know, you know, we part and his right, like, you know, we sleep in the same house together, but, like, some of y'all be on some punk shit, like, you know, it's one thing to, like, share, like, he was talking about, like, having a best friend, and it was a little, like, like, he was getting defensive. He was, like, it's one thing to share a house with a, you know, with a brother. Like, it's one thing to, like, come up together. He's sleeping in the same apartment, poor. But it's another thing to, to let a grown man bust down your, the, the The phrase bust down your back was so, like, unnecessary to that type of conversation is so fucking fun.

It's another thing to let a grown... It's like when you start getting too vulgar. Like, when you're doing it, it's another thing to let a grown man come on your tongue. Like, he didn't have to say it like that. Like, if you're going to just be classically homophobic, it'd just be like, yeah, you know, we don't fuck with no gay shit. But he was like, it's a whole ass other thing. You're going to be using your legs. He's thob fucking you.

He's holding you against him. Yeah, you're giving a hand job, but you got to flip backwards. He made some really good. He got a leash on. It says Mario. It's not even your name. Oh, man. Speaking of, I've been following this.

By the way, my pimp name is Sweet Jones. Yeah, my pimp name is sugary ass. Oh, man. I've been following. They call me sweet Jones. booty and I'm tired of y'all gay I'm tired of y'all saying gay shit I'm sugar tush yeah yeah oh that was uh we were talking about a while back when uh it was um jada kiss and uh fat joe were talking about um like old hood terms that like don't pass like the mustard now or whatever and uh jade kiss is like

oh you know what's a good one you know i blew his ass and fat joe was like oh yeah i remember that one he was like yeah we were rolling through i saw pyru i fucking blew his his ass. I was like, that's so funny because it's like... You know, people still say here is blow down. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Houston thing, too. My friends from Houston still say that, yeah. Yeah, I heard you blow down. We go blow down, yeah. Hey, we get off, where are you going to go blow down? It's like, oh, no. No, I mean, we should go blow up. We should blow up everything.

The Sarn of Brothers. Yo, after work, we should go blow up everything. Wiley Coyote. No, after work, you're trying to blow up everything. Talking to, talking to daffy duck. Yeah. Yo, after work, you want to go blow up that hunter and that rabbit? Yo, let's blow up that shit.

Let's blow up that bird that keeps running around. Let's blow up a fucking mountain, man. Let's blow up the Grand Canyon trying to kill one animal. Fuck it. Blow that bitch up. I'll blow the whole fucking mountain ever stuff to kill one bird. Fuck that bird. To kill the fucking whole mountain to kill all the birds.

I forget the exact wording, but Trump was on truth, social, defending his, like, opening up the national parks for fracking. And he was like, a lot of people were very concerned about the little birdies, which we have a lot of, by the way, in parentheses, and that made me laugh so hard. Like, a lot of people, he's like, fracking is good for the economy, bring jobs and liberals hated. Everybody's worried about the little birdies, which we have plenty of, by the way. And it's like, yeah, I mean, um, we actually actually. don't have a lot of like a lot of animals are dying yeah

and the little birdies are chief among them this has been a classic 90 minute episode and I have old fish that if I don't I think it's good enough to eat but it could make me sick

so I'm going to find that out later um oh Lord oh Lord I made old fish nasty yeah you got that fish yeah you got that fish I got to stop I play with my fish.

It's all nasty. Now, son, your mama was telling me, just sitting your son down. I got the nasty fish. If you want to take a bite, it won't be nice. You cannot have it. If you have a fit scales to make you a well. I got the bad fish. What?

I got the nasty fish and me. Every time I eat, I get real sick, and I start to bleak. nasty old fish and smelling like swine he eat it and it's tasting gross and it tastes like it was wine What song is that? Father of mine by Everton? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fish he gave me a stink and it tastes a great that fish he gave me a stink And it tastes a great Oh my goodness I don't have no fish that's stinky. I don't got no fish at all. If I had a million fish rolls, I think I'd eat it all.

If I could find tilapia or that salmon that I had, I'd trade it all in for some juicy bass. Well, I really want to know my fishy. I really want to say I have a fish And he's big And he's full of scales And you eat it

And it tastes so good to eat Fish that's made of several scales Mama's gonna try By the whale It's swim in the Swim in the ocean It fell upon my plate Yeah

It's food today I really hope it swims If it's fish I really hope it swims On to my plate Because it's good And it's good for the fog So eat oven

It's good to eat some fish Anyway, it's a good to eat a fish Yeah, it's good to eat a fish Even though it stinks real bad Anyway Yeah I'll let you get to your your fit.

No, no, fuck, I don't care. I don't get anything. I don't know. I got to do stuff too. Do you? Oh, yeah, it's like fucking almost nine over there. It's all good, man.

I'm chilling. I just, I got one more on the, is when you said that you're playing with your stinky fish is, um, your dad's sitting you down and, I'm living in a couch after you've gone from school and you're, and you're about to throw your backpack down and run out to go play.

And I said, and I have a seat. He talked to you. About some things. Oh, God, what would be? Dad's like, I have no two ways about it, son. I don't want to have this conversation with you just as much as you don't want to hear it. But your mama told me something.

She caught you playing with your stinky fish. And that's completely natural to play with your stinky little fish. But I want to let you know, you know, the Lord is watching. And, you know, it's natural. It's natural for a boy your age to start. maybe pulling the scales back on a stinky fish. Anyway, that's it. That's all that.

It doesn't matter anymore. Thanks for listening, you guys. And thanks again to everyone who came to the Florida show. That was awesome. It was a great experience. I'm always grateful to do this, and we can do what we do, and I'm grateful you guys are listening. So thank you so much.

We've got some shows in the pipeline, but the tickets aren't quite made yet. But if you are in Austin, this weekend, I'll be at the Creek in the Cave. God damn it I was fucking up I'll be at the Velvita Room Saturday at 10 p.m.

featuring for Mr. Billy Wayne Davis tickets to the velveter room.com for Billy's 9 or 10. It's the 9 o'clock show probably going around 10-ish and then fuck yeah if you're in New Orleans

just keep an eye out we'll have the link up soon we got a show in January it'll be a long-ass time some of you might be dead some of you might have a child some of you may be in jail but that's okay

Life goes on and on and on, rest in peace. And what else? Yeah, listen to Drunk Uncle. And check out the video episode I just put out called Warm Hug. It is with a very funny friend of the show and also an actual, like real investigative journalist, brother Isaac. He has a Patreon called coexist.in. Go check that out. He had recently interviewed Mr. Bill Zarian, and that episode is going to be a superfire because,

he is running for office, not Brother Isaac, Mr. Balsarian. He's running against Randy Fine, and I can't imagine a situation... He's already beaten him, I believe. Oh, Randy Fine did already win. Okay, well, I was going to say that both the room could explode.

And then Balsarian is already claiming voter fraud on it. Oh, so that's what the... Yes, you're right. That's the interview is about. And, yeah, check out patreon.com slash Pandejo time. Throw us a fiver or a tenor or a oneer. Dollar gets you Discord access, but no bonus episodes.

Five bucks get you access. Also, if you just want to get updates, you can subscribe for free. Oh, yeah. And just get, whenever we, you know, put up stuff about shows and all that, you can see that on the free part of the Patreon.

Yes. We just, you know, we paywall most of the stuff on there. That's just the nature of using Patreon. Yeah, yeah. We still have, um, we have a lot more free video episodes coming out.

Um, at a more regular clip now thankfully so if you start liking those we'll we'll try and have a similar amount on the paid side yeah um and we keep those ad free which i know is is hard to come the ad suck ass i know and up there and we should kill ourselves for that but at the same time uh thank you so much for listening um and new york fans nothing set in stone yet but we might have guys we might have something so we might have a fit Keep on holding on. All right.

I think that's all for me. Yeah, that's it for me. A beautiful weekend. Follow me on Instagram, Jake Rhodes Comedy, and follow Thomas Leno Killer. And yeah, have a good weekend. We'll see you guys. Oh, oh, fuck, yeah.

Okay. So we did this for a Patreon, but we want to do it for a motherfucking video. episode or another video episode a free episode um one second i'm gonna pull the number up we have a hotline and it's it's for you guys to call in and tell funny work stories the time you went to jail maybe like uh the time you've you know fumbled the love of your life and it completely derailed like every aspect of your your person you know or tell us a funny story or a nice story tell us story about your dog you learn a new trick um call that call this number and then we will talk about it

on the show it's called the lick line. And then if we like your story, it's on a lick scale of one to five. Last episode, because it was the inaugural one, everybody got five licks. But we will be a little bit more. There's going to be some more editorial discretion. There's going to be a little bit more. It'll be a little bit harder.

So that being said, call this number and write it down and stop, do it in traffic or do it when you're driving right now. 512-481-2630. That's 512-481-2630. call the lick line and tell us about, you know, bad roommate or, you know, somebody you want to kill. And as long as it's not anybody that could get to show band, that's totally fine with me. And we'll listen to it. And we'll joke laugh with you, maybe at you, if that's what you want.

Yeah, call the lick line 512, 481, 2630. Okay, that's about it. Peace. Thank you.