Pendejo Time - Lemon Time 3 (Feat. LEMON PARTY, AUDIO ONLY)

Episode Date: August 8, 2025

sub to the show  buy tickets to live shows  watch the full video episode here 

Perfectly fine. I love being a fucking, they like bump me up to, like, what's right under first class? It's like comfort plus. No, it's like comfort plus or something. And, uh... That means you get like that thing on the back of your seat and just kind of goes around. Yeah, I was like, damn, this is what it's like. I feel like a real motherfucker.

I feel like a real fucking heading to do stand up, you know? Is it like a real crazy being an adult? It, yeah, well... Going to the airport. I was telling... I'm an adult. I was telling Ben then. We were talking about, like, I have more anxiety now that, like, I didn't have when my life was complete dog shit, like, falling apart.

Like, back then I didn't care if I lived or died, and it was kind of liberating. And now I'm like, oh, I like, I have, like, stuff. Like, I'm, like, I'm, like, anxious about, like, the world. Like, oh, and I'm like, why? You should just go back to how you were living when you, like, didn't care. Like, oh, yeah, I can just, like, what am my three, I'm 300 pounds. I eat cheeseburgers. It is unfortunately the healthiest coping mechanism.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you learned how to not care when you were on Whippets and you were five. hundred pounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laying on the floor like a big bug that was about to explode. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were like a, you were a big fat. So, but here's the thing, you have to, that's good to do, but then you have to take that

feeling and somehow get it sober. One time Louis said a thing about how. Did he, when he. He's a fucking rapist. Go on, though. Louis, Louis said a thing about how when he goes jogging, he doesn't listen to music because he doesn't want to get the music to be the thing that pumps him up to get going. He wants to find that thing, like, deep inside of him to push him without headphones.

And to me, that's the same as, like, you learn how to have fun with drugs and alcohol. And then you stop, and the key is taking the fun from that. And you can do it without substance. I think that's the, that's kind of the secret to life is turning that switch on and having a good time without it. Some people can't do it. I can't, like, whenever I was, I was very difficult. I'm definitely in a massive crisis with that. You are having a tough time with that, actually.

Yeah. I hate when people are like... Being, I am. No, no, let's get into it. I unfortunately don't find any joy in sober moments. I know, I know. There's nothing like... I know you have to go like cross-side, like a salamander.

Yeah, yeah. You go salamander mode. When people are like, hey man, like, I was doing this thing on stage last night, but it's like, it is so frustrating when people are like, dude, like, you know, going for a bike ride, like, you going up a... mountain like it's so much better than alcohol and I'm like I've done both of those things don't get me wrong like when I was in Ireland like we hiked up this big mountain like it was beautiful I saw like a sheep like a soaring hawk like went over the mountain peak and like there was a waterfall and I was like this is beautiful it it doesn't even approach getting drunk and watching cartoons and jacking off it's not even close I know like I we're in Seattle if I go on a hike

there better be like a mcuffins at the top of the mountain yeah even if but even if there So I can fucking enjoy the view. Yeah. Even if there is. Like you see like I went to Seattle and I like I was driving into Portland and you see Mount Rainier like in the fucking distance. You're like oh my God this is gorgeous. And then and then you realize like oh but like I you know what's better like watching

at Ed Nettie and playing with my penis and drinking beer in my bed. No, I know. I mean like you you could go see the most beautiful thing on earth. It'll never compare to just being hammered and blasting the song. Yeah, dude, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, I totally, I used to not understand my dad when I'd be like, you should get out more. Like, we should go on a road trip together and he'd be like, what the fuck I got to see out there? I got my porch.

I got my beer. I got my fucking crack. At the end of the day, you can Google image wherever somebody's talking about having visited. Yeah, yeah, you're like, beautiful. Uh-huh, yeah. Oh, what is this? Shanghai. It looks pretty cool.

Cool. Glad you went. Yeah. Yeah. I also think that the, like, the phone has made it to where, like, I don't experience the kind of joy. Like, you read, like, journals and, like, people in the war, like, World War II, like, oh, my God, I was born in Idaho. And now I get these big mountains. I'm in, like, the Rhone were, like, fighting the Nazis.

This is the first mountain I've ever seen. They didn't have the phone. Now I have the phone, and, like, I'll go travel and I'll see places. And I'm like, I want to go back to the hotel and look at my phone and jack off. And I know that's bad. I don't think it's good. I'm not defending it. The phone, we've talked about this.

The phone is so good that it has to die. It has to go away. Spud from War Mode made a good point. He said, when you go into your phone, it's your, you're. time stops. Yeah. And this reality stops. So the problem is if a kid gets a phone now when they're like nine years old and by the time they're 25, they are like in terms of adult, they're still in their adolescence, even though they're 25. And a lot of people are going off their phones completely. Like Gen Z people, because they realize they don't, they're 10 years old.

Yeah. Yeah. They're going into the thing that stops time totally. Uh, completely. So I think maybe that's the thing with them being afraid of, of getting older, I'm not really sure, but it's got to go. Because now we're living two different lives completely. No, but you need it. Thanks, buddy. So you could call people and talk to them because that's what people need their phones for. Well, you can't fly without a phone.

You actually can't do much without a phone. You can't do Uber. There's places where you go to a restaurant, and if you don't have a phone, there's no menu for you. Time to leave. You can't get fed without a phone At 23 taps or whatever There's 33 taps Literally there's places where it's all

The ordering is all through an app I remember there's this picture of this like old Chinese guy Old Asian guy and he's in a mall with his grand This girl, a young girl across from him And he's like talking to her like he has his hands out And she's on her phone and the caption was like You're gonna miss these moments And it's like you need to pay attention to your elders

And it's like no you don't get it I can open my phone right now I can order a machine gun and I can watch gang bang pornography. I can get 10 cheeseburgers delivered right here right now in under 30 minutes and I can gamble my savings away. Why would I listen to an old dumb ass? I know. Who cares about him? Yeah.

Who cares? Also, like I can, every sin humanly possible. I don't need to go to Vegas. Don't need to do anything. I can get pussy penis, but hole balls and cheeseburger on my phone under and burger economy. Obviously, we're being silly, but I completely, I actually, there is a small part. There's a large part of me and I play into it daily. that you need to embrace everything.

The whole, like, no more porn, no more, like, like, yeah. You're now going to lose, you're going to lose your mind trying, like, you're wasting your time now. You're wasting your time trying to rid yourself of the wastes of time. Right. The mental, uh, the schizophrenia, the national schizophrenia. Yes.

Just embrace it. You know, you need to figure out, you need to evolve. Our brains are going to evolve and we're going to get really good at watching porn nonstop, uh, black guys dying on Twitter. Just seeing people get like killed Blown to bits You wake up and you just watch three guys die Yeah

You put your phone away Like this is normal now And you And hopefully our kids Hopefully the epigenetics or something You know they get the fins for it Or whatever They start walking on land

Flippers Do you know the porn hub has a TikTok Thing called Shorties Where it's just 20 second videos Of gang bangs And you can just scroll You can just do it like Instagram Reels or TikTok

But it's just porn So this is a thing too that parents are advocating with their children to make sure your children are watching something that has a narrative like a beginning

and a middle and an end because that is also destroying people's minds they only consume like movies they consume movies in like 30 seconds on TikTok

yeah yeah if you don't have something that has a beginning and a middle and an end people grow up and they don't even know what a story is they don't know how to talk to people

they don't know how to tell the beginning and middle and end of something because they're scrolling and it's just SpongeBob with a machine gun and then there's a big hamburger that talks and then they scroll

to the next thing. Sandy has a big huge clitoris and like her butt holes out. Yeah, it's complete and total nonsense if you go on shorts. So people are doing that with porn now, I guess. Yeah, yeah, they are. Have you guys ever had that thing where you close maybe when you were a kid? It happened more when I was a kid. You close your eyes and you just see like insane weird

images quickly. Yeah, yeah. That's a thing. Sure, yeah. If you have been in our life now, our eyes are open and that's life. It's just weird, creepy. A kaleidoscope? Four second images just online. I like the idea that, like, oh, my take on it is people are like, oh, the phone is evil, no, it's so good. Like, for example, when people are like, oh, like the same we were talking about earlier about being like a drunk or like a drug or whatever, like heroin is opiates and alcohol are so good.

People literally go, they move outside. You don't move outside to do push-ups. Heroin is so good. Alcohol is so good that you will abandon your family and you will jack off outside and shit on yourself. It's that good. That's why it's bad. Same with the phone. It's so good that you like will stop doing any like you.

It's so good. It's a passive. You will, we've, I think we've arrived at the point that we now know that the phone is MK Ultra a hundred percent. Yeah, we were talking about it the other day. Because you said the MK.

Ultra movement was you give people acid and they discovered it makes people afraid. Overstimulates them. It overstimulates them. And when people are in that state, you can make them believe anything. Make them do anything. You can bend their mind to any will. Yeah, yeah.

So you see. people who are in certain political parties that they're constantly shifting and changing to whatever they're told to the phone they believe yeah it changes moment to moment the phone is mk now yeah yeah i i start spiraling as someone with two little kids and devon has to talk me out of it yeah where i start getting scared about the city i'm living in and then i need to like go and get to a place that's like good for my kids and then i realize i'm just running from something and i'm not running to anything good. Yeah.

I'm not running. I'm like, I got to move to Zurich. You know, I'm talking about like, I don't know, Arlington seems pretty good, I guess. That starts turning into the, to the tough guy online, afraid of big cities. Oh, yeah, yeah. But it does get me because I see stuff. And then I drive by the high school by my place and I'm like, I can't send them there, what? And then I start, like, looking on Zillow.

I'm like, I'm scared. And then you're like, shut the fuck up. Stop with all this nonsense. You call it the Matt Walshification of everything? Yes. The, just the, it's, yeah, that the guy, it's, it's the daily wire guy that like just nonstop talks about, uh, the, the, the, you know, the city councilman of Torrance, California and how he's ruining it. And you're like, have you ever even been to California? Why do you care? Why do you care? When the Dylan Mulvaney thing happened, uh, there's a video that I always think of when I, like, this conversation comes up of this guy in a Walmart. And he's picking up Coors Light and throwing it on the ground. And he's smashing the beer bottles. on the ground and he's screaming. No more.

I've had it. No more. And he's being filmed. And the guy behind the phone is going, hey, brother, that's the wrong beer. Oh, yeah, I remember that. That's the wrong beer.

And he looks at the camera and he goes, fuck you faggot. And starts throwing the bids, he's like, you don't know what you're talking about. Live faggot. And throwing the beer on the ground and the guy's like, hey, man, that's, you're mad at the wrong beer.

You're mad at the wrong beer. And I had this realization, it doesn't matter what beer he's mad at the phone made him do that that action is what matters where he literally got like he saw dylan milvaney drink a bud light and he was like i'm going to go to walmart i'm going to leave my kids i'm going to leave my wife i'm going to go to walmart and i'm going to go to jail too and he picks up the wrong beer and smashes it and the guy's like you're wrong beer and he's like it doesn't matter i'm going to kill you but i'll cop to something right now when i walk through a ralphs and I see the big Dave Portnoy Carboard cut out

By the high noon I'm like fuck I want to start smashing the drinks So I'm right there I'm the same guy I'm pissed off of beer too I love I mean I'm sorry I start sports gambling when I see that He's stand by the Dave

What I see I'm oh right I get on my phone and I lose $10,000 on the bangles You do like 80 parlays Yeah for $5 billion Dude I was joking about this last night on stage but like you can bet on Jesus coming back on

callsie Are you serious? Yeah, dead serious So the over under right now is pretty crazy If you if you bet like $200 You can make like I think it's like 3.2 million dollars if he comes back this year Which like...

Well, I'm thinking like suppose you win Yeah Suppose like... No, that would be amazing The Fox News has a there's just like a brown guy Floating bathed in purple light Like over the dome of the rock and he's just I should know he's like waving his hand

and there's dust and people are like looking up and crying and the Fox news person is like I've lived my life and sin I just starts getting on their knees

and you get a notification in your phone and it's like ding ding winter winter and you're like oh I sit cowls opening up

yeah yeah people are being thrown into darkness a big red monster is like fucking somebody in the street there's a moron you run out

ooh I'm a millionaire yeah yeah whoa that's like we're here with we're here with Timothy Snife just won the cost you $2.8 million

Jesus coming back. What are you going to do with the money? There's just a big green guy fucking somebody in the street where I figured you know I'm going to get my wife from a new pair of titties. Well, that's just Portland.

Yeah, yeah. It is funny to think that if that money would matter if you found out Jesus was real in heaven. Like, like what is the point of the money if you go, oh, Jesus is here. Yeah. Your priorities are still with your retirement.

You know, you're saving money for heaven is heaven expensive. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If we found out that Jesus was real and came back, then you're like, oh, hell yeah. Cool.

So we don't even have to worry about dying. Yeah. I know it's like a meme, but it's like, I mean, I'll call, like, you go on there. You can, they have bets for anything. It can be like, bet like, oh, like they're going to release the Epstein list and Trump's on it, you know. Or, oh, you can bet that like, you know, there's going to be like a third World War or a Holocaust or whatever. It's pretty, I mean, like. You can bet on, can you bet on, like, the genocide numbers in Gaza?

Yeah. So the numbers being higher, you can, like, you can bet on a specific range of, like, actually it's half a million dead in Gaza. So ethnic cleansing, gambling. Yes. Rolling the dice on how many, like, babies get killed this year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can make good money doing that. This is the craziest thing I remember.

It's so sick. And people are okay with that. Yeah, yeah. Real bets on it? They're, like, rigging it. They're, like, they're Pete Rose for genocide betting. So it seems that the numbers are a little low, but if you get in right now. Meyer Rothstein.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my, Meyer Lansky. Yeah, yeah. It sucks really bad. And then you have to just like. It's just burger economy. Burger. You coined it. Burger.

You coined two very funny things to me that Silicon Valley is trying to build the Hitler computer. Computer Hitler. Computer Hitler. Yeah. And the second thing is you coined it's burger economy. Yeah. Because we look into all the AI stuff. Yeah.

And they just, they master that chip at Taco Bell when you pull up based on your past order history, they tell you what you would want. So you don't have to go, what do I want? For a second, you don't have to be inconvenience thinking about what do I want to eat at Taco Bell. It goes, here. Here's what you want, and you go, I do want that. Yeah, yeah. And that's, we're raping the earth for all of its resources for burger economy. Yeah, it would be a 500-pound guys pulling up in their Dodge Durango.

Yeah. And then their order is automatically curated for them. Yeah, it's awesome. It's burger economy. You can bet on burger. You can invest in burger. They're making the burgers faster, better, bigger. They taste better.

When people get like, like, certain. The president loves burgers. Certain right wing guys would get all sanctimony. about it where they're like yeah it seems like you're mocking working people for enjoying things when you're like treatler like people would be like yeah all it's everyone's treatler and people will be like oh treatler uh so you're mocking that people can get food delivered sounds uh you know sound calming like stupidity i'm like what about disabled people yeah yeah well i'm also like cook listen i'm treatler too don't they have a caretaker we're all treatler yeah

your caretaker ordering the door dash we're we're all like we're there's no like innocence or whatever but it's like did you remember when so it's been happening more when politicians will tweet a picture of a burger with bacon on it and it'll be like this is the citizenship test yes or we'd love to see Zoran mom Doni eat this and you're like

your own is imagining a Muslim eating a burger gee send the missiles now imagining an Arab at Red Robin yeah to own them yeah when they're like oh like I'm gonna soak my bullets in pork fat

and you're like this country guys you gotta go you know like what are you oh this burger you can't eat this burger lib what are you talking about it's got to stop it has to stop because it stops Jews because it's bacon yeah stops Muslims it's bacon

because it's bacon so they both can't eat bacon it's got cheese on it now but here's the other thing too I don't understand why half the right is also turning on the army and calling like army men like communists and stuff because I saw a thing that like every person in the army is on like 4,000 thousand dollars disability a month but i've also always heard the thing that our veterans aren't

taken care of nope well so what is it are they all on disability and faking a thing and then still working full time as like contractors and stuff like do we hate the army now too if you're on the if you're a cat turd guy army's woke are you like the armies woke libs army's full of libs because i remember 10 years ago it was like all hail chris kyle if you served semperify to every single service member are they actually all on disability jake do you know anything about this? Well, so, like, some of them get on, like, yeah, some is true, like, they get on it,

but a lot of them that, like, killed people, for real killed people, you come back, and this crazy thing happens where if you kill a bunch of kids, you're, like, mentally not doing good. And so that's a lot of the guys that are, this crazy thing happens. Where if you kill and rape a bunch of little children, you're like,

you're not going to be, like, you're going to be frail mentally and emotionally. And, and, and, and, I, I, I, I feel bad when people are homeless because I don't want them to be homeless but when people like yeah that guy was it'll have a card to say like third infantry brigade homeless veteran and it's like you were you threw a flash bang and do like a crib

like a flash bang and a crib like you used a grenade you pacifier you sick to you sick to German shepherd onto a girl like playing with a like a cute like a little like wooden toy yeah and I'm supposed to like give you money whatever but oh the fucking what was I I guess I got to look into the army stuff because I'm so confused by it I think that we talked they want to take away their their food stamp shit and all that all that stuff so yeah we talked about this like there's no coherent um like he's still out on the army there's no co-are they woke I guess they're woke there's socialists what did they like that they're woke though like yeah that's right go die tranny there's no coherent ideology to it it's just

like I hope the other country win trannies die There's no like When those videos of the guys When Trump did the big beautiful bill And it like took a bunch of like veteran money away Like like some of their money away and snap And there was a town hall with a bunch of guys They were like I voted for him

But he's ruined in my life And then all the comments were like Fafo Fafo Yeah it's like What do you mean Play stupid games Win stupid prizes

It's just a kid with his head blown off Buccaran Or a guy that like Served his country he thinks You know what I mean? what's that Louis bit where it's like he fought for freedom he think whatever and he loses all of his money and you're like yeah loser it's like that's you you lose but again like you said like there's no coherent anything to it it's just like you have to stay on top of the hatred

you just have to always be like one step ahead or whatever like when cat turd's like i don't care i'm sticking with trump which by the way i know it's been beat to death i hate living in a place where i where there's a political analyst that i have to take seriously and so far as i have to see him named cat turd yeah i know did you see when you see when you're he was like, I've been in 40 bar fights, I'll beat you up. Yeah. I've been, I'm an alcoholic who's been in 40 barfights. That's so sick.

It pisses me off that if you go to his Wikipedia, it says he's a right-wing troll. And then you go to his account, he just says exactly what the White House says. What's a troll about him? Yeah. I don't get why it's a troll. He just said, he posts pictures of people and says, get out of my country. What's the trolling? Like, what's the, that's not a troll?

Yeah. Yeah, I don't. A troll is like pranking and, and, like, deceiving people. There's no deception. Cruelty is the whole point of it. You know what I mean? But is trolling just being cruel now? I think so. Yeah, yeah. I used to mean something. He's genuine. There's nothing

insincere about what he says is what I mean. A troll is insincere. They're going to put us in camps and we're going to be like, they're shit posters. They're just trolling us. They memed us. The trolls are putting us in ovens. We're in the meme camps. Dude, imagine being in the Reddit camp. That would piss me

off. If I end up in a labor camp or whatever the fuck, I want it be scary like from the movies but it's not going to be it's going to be literally the camp's gonna it's going to be like a work harder lib or like you're going to have a bunk bed you're going to be sharing it and it's going to like you're going to like sit up and it's going to be a picture of trump and he's like got huge golden biceps that's just the stuff they're handing you out like in the camp it's going to be the gayest thing of all time it's not going to be scary like i've joked with ben a lot where like the nazis understood aesthetics like you go and look back at

the pictures and you're like that that looks tough that's tough looking i don't like it but That looks. Swag. Swag. Now, and now, like, when I go to, I used to go to protests, guys are dressed like King Leonidas with the Spirit Halloween version, and I'm supposed to be scared of them. Yeah.

They're like, I'm going to kill you. You're going back with them. And they have a huge George Washington wig. Yes. And then, like, fake Roman armor. And I'm like, how are you so ugly? Fascism is supposed to look good. Yeah.

They look like a guy in the corner dressed as the Empire State. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, your whole thing is, like, You have to look cool and you have to look tough. All of you guys look gay and schizophrenic. You all look completely insane. And a feat. All of your biggest vocal, like, mouthpieces, by the way,

are also like gay, effeminate. Matt Walsh, Nick Fuentes. Yeah. All these guys are like homos. And they're... Come hunters. Come hunters. Nick is a supposed cum hunter.

I didn't know that term until you told me about this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He was looking for cum with a black light. I watched like a five-hour thing on him. Do you guys do... I got his roommates that live with him. So there's this guy who does like...

right wing gun tube he's like a he teaches people how to survive in the woods and his name's a grand thumb and uh uh uh uh g a r a grand thumb and apparently it came out that he cheated on his wife not once not twice but three times with a trans woman and uh he got ousted from the community for like being a chaser or whatever the fuck and his wife was on reddit basically a chaser yeah like someone who like likes to have sex with trans women oh yeah yeah yeah i don't know that was a term yeah the bug chaser's also a turn yeah yeah yeah having sex with guys with AIDS. I know that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done that. That I know. That I'm very, very familiar with this other thing. See, so here's another thing, because I get this criticism, too. People message me this. They go, Ben, you should get off Twitter and realize it's not real life. It is real life.

The president is on there all day long talking to us. Yeah, yeah. How is that not real life? Unfortunately, it has shaped real life. Yes, yeah. It is real life. When people are like, the Internet isn't real life, I'm like, It's probably closer to reality than then this place.

Correct. Than this place. Fucking correct. Yeah. Is life a hotel lobby and being outside? No. You don't live in a vacuum. You live in a world shaped by a burger.

And pussy. Burger economy. Burger economy is so funny. The worst people in the world are having the time of their lives. You know what I mean? I tell this to Ben. Tesla bacon. Yeah.

Ben will send me the gayest dumbest shit of all time under like a tweet or whatever. And it's the most cruelest, fattest, like, crypto, yacht, fucking retard, dumb idiot. And I'm like, oh, like, this idea, oh, like, people will cope and be like, that guy's actually miserable. These guys aren't happy. That's the most coped shit ever in my life. That guy's having an incredible time. He gets to see his enemies every day get deported. He gets to see his enemies every day cry and be scared.

And he gets to have sex with a Filipino teenager. And it's fine. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, Jake. but you told me Noam Tromsky said this that a group or an individual does not have rights unless they have wealth. Yeah, it's a whole argument he makes about wealth and power.

Like your rights are not, they're contingent upon how much money in power. And Palestinians don't have any money, therefore they don't have any rights. American poor people don't have any wealth in power so they don't have rights. So people want to acquire wealth in America so that they didn't have rights.

Now, the people beneath that, the way we have rights is through violence. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the political power grows out of the barrel of gun whatever the hell, yeah, yeah. So there's two ways to get power in America. It's to have money or to be violent. But they gave us the pacifier.

They gave us the big binkie, the big burger binkie. They put the burger in our mouth and we're laying on the bed. And so now there's no like political uprising or anything. You couldn't account for the fact that like that you can buy an auto blow machine. Like people who talk about. Yeah, we were sponsored by them. Were you really? Yeah, the big, it was it was a $1,300.

A lot of people bought them, actually. Auto blow? You guys said the auto blow? Yeah. Did they send you one? I have one. They send us two. No.

It sinks up to the porn you're watching, so it sucks your dick as the woman's sucking you. It's a big, it's huge. It's like a mini fridge, and it's really, like, loud, and it's, it's as loud as like a sperm whale. It's like 500 decibels. You go deaf as it's sucking you off. We never used it because we knew it. We never. gave it to clay he used it

I had one I used it a few times didn't John use it John used it we've all been sharing the same one did I did I it's the community blow job machine they tell you guys

one of my roommates he later came out to us as gay you know whatever signs and one of the signs was we were all living together man you saw I'm fucking amazing

yeah yeah he fucked me my ass there's a couple signs no so I go to his bathroom and everybody had a fleshlight like their own you know everybody was like It was like when fleshlights, you know, like, I guess we're big, whatever.

He had his in his bathroom. And I go to, like, I was looking for paper towels or something. And I opened the thing. And it's a flashlight in a box. But I look closer and it's an asshole. It's not a pussy. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to get this motherfucker. It's game over.

So I, like, come out. I was like, hey, man, why is your fleshlight a man's butt? And he goes, oh, I bought it on an accident. He was like. It was obviously a man. Well, because on the back of the box, it had a guy like this. Oh, shit. And he was like, oh, I didn't see it on the box.

I didn't see it on the box. Right. I just thought I was just, I just went and bought it. I didn't see it on the box. And I was like, come on. This is a man's butt. And they were all like, and then we were like, oh, you're gay for like two years. And he was like, no, I'm straight.

And then you beat him to death with fat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he did come out. But I was like, how do you not see that? Of course, you know. To this day, he swears up and down. It was still an accident.

I'm like, man, come on. He's still. Yeah. He swears up and down. He swears he's not gay? No, he swears it. He didn't, he bought the butt fleshlight on an accident. But is he openly gay now?

Yeah, he is. Oh, okay. Rich gay guy. Why would he still keep lying about that? I don't know. They're deceptive people. His boyfriend's a Zionist, like a diehard Zionist. And I was like, no.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, bad, like, big, his boyfriend's like a crazy Zionist guy. Whoa. And I'm like, man, you got to pick one. Gay in America, 2025, Zionist is tough. That is crazy. I got to say I get, like, fully activated when I see that gay guy in the bomb shelter in Israel. Oh, Blake Flayton.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, that guy makes, it makes me feel like Russ Cole when he starts doing the firefight. I just want to step out into the streets with a big, like, Eddington, like, Call of Duty machine gun. I see that video, and I go, I'm Stephen Paddock. Yeah. And I just start getting, like, suitcases together, and my wife has to call me down, and I just sit back down. Yeah. put my phone on airplane mode,

calm down. There's something about that that just I can't stand it. I can't stand that like that these Tamir missiles are firing through your apartment and you're still like, yeah!

Still like doing the voice during wartime, doing the affectation. Oh my God. Especially when your ethno-religious group does not allow for this by the laws of Moses. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's schizophrenic. It's fucking insane. This isn't allowed in the Hebrew Bible. So why are you guys doing all this shit? It's not, though, Jake. It's not. Don't defend the state of Israel right now. I didn't.

I see you backing away right now. I'm not backing away. I was trying to say gay guy smugness. Gay guy smugness when deployed to defend Israel is crazy. Because the gay guys are the best at being mean. They had to learn to be very cruel. Yeah. Because they're not, you know, like you get.

bullied and so they learn to be sharp and very mean in a specific way. They find out your like your most insecurity that you think about and they like you know, whatever. But to deploy that in defense of an ethno state is badass. Yeah. Like, we're going to get

more money. We're getting all your tax dollars. You don't have a hat. You're dead. You look like shit. Dead. Pretty drab. Why are you wearing a black bag?

Why are you wearing a black bag? Why is burgundy coming out of your body? Burgundy's out. Those guys suck so bad, literally and figuratively. Dude, you know about Sniffies, the app? It's like the gay cruising app? No. Sniffies?

Okay, so you're going to love this. Sounds like wag. Have you never heard about this? It's called Sniffies? Oh my God, you guys don't know about this? I learned about this from seeking derangements. The podcast is also like in our whatever network. So Sniffies is not...

It's like task rammed for guys that fuck you? No, it's literally like a come-dump app. Ass-rrap. Where you can put your location and you're like, I'm ass-up at the best Western. I don't want to know your name. I don't want to see your face. You can come dump tin in me.

I don't care. Oh, my God. And so... And the app, like... Dump, ten. And I remember when I learned about this, I was... The people that told me about it, the podcasts, the hosts are two gay gentlemen and a woman.

And they were, one of them was like, oh, it's so awesome. It's incredible. You can meet guys in the park. They'll jack you off. They'll suck on you. They'll fuck you. And then you don't even have to talk to them. It's amazing.

The other host was like, we've talked about this, Ben, we're like, he was like, listen, whatever conservatives think about us as gay men that were these depraved evil, we spend so much time pushing back on it back. No, we're just like you. We want lives like you. We want to get married and raise children. And then we invent an app called Sniffies. And then we go on that app and we're like, I need 10 linebackers to turn me into Swiss cheese. I'm going to wear a dog mask.

You know what I mean? Like, you can auction me off. And he's like, we're just steering into the skid at this point. Is there straight people on this? I mean, if you're straight on there, you're gay. Right, right. No, but I'm saying, like, is there. Oh, no, it's just gay guys.

Huge horrors on it, too. They're like, just come by my house. I think it's just, I think it's just for gay guys. It was just pretty sick. Yeah, pretty badass. I don't know. I just, I don't know why there's certain things on the, the phone's really good at figuring out what's activating me, which feels like mind control. You know why I got off Instagram?

It kept showing me a bunch of stuff about SIDS and little kids dying. And it was showing me dead kids. And it started showing me death stuff of people dying in car wrecks to like my biggest fears. And it would freak me out and make me spiral. I'd have to get off. The same way if I go on X. Oh, yeah. And I click on my 4-U.

It's a gay guy and, like, Nazi leather in Israel going, they're all dead. And we're going to kill the ball. And I just take my phone and fucking throw it across the room. It finds exactly what's going to make you snap. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to show you the thing that makes you shit your brain out of your ass and pick up a gun. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Well, I've told you before, like, I'll literally message you guys. I'll be like, I'm getting M.K. Ultrid right now. Like, I'm getting, I feel it happening to me. You go to a really dark place. Yeah, yeah. Me and you had to stop going down the hole together. We literally had to call it the hole.

We had to stop. We would, at three in the morning, I'm sending Ben, like, redacted PDF files. Where it's like, oh, yeah. So, like, it's not even a theory. The finder's cult, like, they had their other servers white by the CIA. They were getting runaways, getting them addicted to heroin and then, like, selling them off to Saudi princes. And me and Ben would do this until four in the morning. And then one and forth for hours.

One of us would go. hey I feel sick what are we doing and then we just go our lives are worse for knowing this yeah we're worse people and we're worse off and it was a massive waste of time awareness without action is torture

you know what I mean like I don't want I have this theory and some people call it hack I actually think cipher from the Matrix was right I that line Jace loves cipher Cypher yeah because that scene where he's like you know I come in here yeah yeah here we go tagged in

I watched it again the other day because I wanted to reinforce my theory and when Seifer says that line I feel the same way where I'm like okay so I know all this stuff about you know Israel owns all of our politicians I know that the CIA sold drugs and human beings I know that basically like half of the politicians

raped kids or were implicit in it because they didn't do anything to stop it and I can't do anything about it I can't do anything about it so what good is nothing you can do What good is the knowledge? Like, fast forward 10 years from now. We're having this exact same conversation.

Yeah. What's the fucking point? We will be. Yeah. They will still be fucking kids. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Nothing, we still won't have health insurance.

Nope. Nothing will change. It'll get worse, actually. It will be way worse. The rights to the middle class will be stripped day by day by day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to live in a surveillance state owned by Peter Thiel. Mm-hmm.

But we'll have three new things on either side of the political spectrum to pretend to be mad about. Right, right, right. They'll be new, like, they'll be like robot Mexican. that were, like, fighting over. And that'll be, like, the big... There'll be some other, like, bullshit thing that doesn't matter at all. Uh-huh, yeah.

They'll be like, oh, they're actually putting big cardboard boxes in classrooms because kids are trans turtles now. And if the rights losing the narrative, they'll be like, no, we're going to put Obama in prison for good this time, actually. Yeah. New birth certificate at that surface.

Just keep playing the hits. Yeah, keep playing the hits. Yeah, I was, because I was watching it, and I was thinking to myself, like, like, I don't... People get mad at you when you say this shit, too. They'll be like, oh, you can't get nihilistic. Or, like, oh,

you know, you're letting them win by giving up. And it's like, I'm not, isn't it giving up, but it's like, I was watching the Michael Moore when he did the music video for Rage Against the Machines, Sleep Now in the Fire. And I thought you just said, when he did that music, I thought it was going to be like Britney Spears, like, I'm a slave for you or something like that.

He was doing the music video, and they went to Wall Street and they like shut down Wall Street for like five minutes. And like, Zach Della Roach in the interview, this is from like 1990s, 35 years ago now. He was like, yeah, you know, politicians are corrupt too much money

they're evil they're funding genocide and I'm like oh this was nothing there's nothing new under the sun Ecclesiastes baby

like we're never what are we doing like me and you talk about it it's like you get to a point where you're like oh unless people start like joining

cool organizations that do fun things and show people neat stuff and give people awesome gifts that are loud yeah they make a fun bond

they yeah they give loud awards that travel at 1,600 feet per second. They explode joy in congressional buildings. Yes, yeah. Then what are we doing? Like, when people are like, you got, you can, we're going to vote. Vote! And you're like, oh.

It's such a, this is how you know, it's a rare thing. We're still talking about, like, Ted Kaczynski or like, yeah, I mean, we'll even take, we'll take Luigi. Even though he's in prison reading a fucking, he's like reading like, are you there, God, it's me, Chelsea. Rich Dad. Fairfaca, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we'll take him, but, like, we're still referencing all these guys from 35 years ago

because we haven't had any new dudes who did anything, have done anything. Yeah. Which means the burger economy is, it's successful, and it has won. And I said this many times is the only way we get back to where we should be going is, like, like our biggest, like the mass singer should be every week they have a new CEO come out. And then they blow his brains out through like a Mickey Mouse. head you just see a guy dressed like chucky cheese and then his head just explodes with a shotgun and they pull it off and they're like oh it's the CEO of Chevron yeah

he's dead well like people get i remember like people take january 6 so fucking seriously like on both sides they're like the right was like oh it was like a fed op which maybe true to some degree and then you know the left is like our liberals will be like oh my god it was such how would they disrespect in the white house they we almost lost Mitch McConnell yeah i'm like no that should happen every week Yeah. I don't like their politics. I think they're all stupid.

But that should happen. The fact that, like, you can see videos of Jeff Bezos, like, jogging. We failed. We've failed the world. He should never be able to leave. He should never be able to go outside. People will take a video of him like, hey, Jeff, you're mean. And he goes, because he's right.

He goes like this. Yeah, I'm mean. You'll never go, you can't touch me. You're never going to do it. Every day you should wake up and email the CEO of Kaiser that you're going to kill him. You should wake up and send a draft email. Just send him. him his kid's address where he goes to school the name of the school

send him a picture of him at his own birthday party from an angle he didn't know anyone was at through the window send him a picture of the back seat of his wife's car yeah yeah you're like oh it's it's Thursday morning time to email him that that video of him fucking his wife in his bedroom yeah I'm so conflicted on the Jan 6 thing because I'm like yeah like you know rise up you know but then also he parted a bunch of people who were registered sex offenders you know the guy that he they they did an investigation into the guy's apartment they found tons of child porn and then when trump pardoned the guy they can't use any of that stuff as evidence for future crimes against this guy that is it so he parted of the guy who actually and they wrote like a lazy

pardon it was just like a posting note that said he's he's good he's a good guy good for everything it was it was like i think there was four or five of those dudes that like the day they got out of jail the day they got out of jail they went and either downloaded child pornography or they got suicided by cop well they went george zimmer memo where they're like oh i'm god yeah god will protect me in all moments and then they like walking through a burger king jacking off and then police shoots him in the head yeah yeah there was one guy that like he was like on his way to his mom's place to like pick up his stuff and he gets pulled over and then he just like the car he like got he gets into a fight with the cop the cop shoots him and it was like oh you know tragic death of j6 or

whatever the officer's like sir can you turn down that child pornography why have you pulled over he's like i do not i'm a i'm a first amendment auditor i can watch any child porn i want in my private domicile vehicle i'm a sovereign citizen i can watch as much cp as i want in my house i'm in my head i'm judge dread so i can do whatever the fuck i want no i don't i mean we'll just all keep like rotting like you guys were talking about the phone shit earlier i i was telling them this i've been rewatching ward of the rings yeah and i've been the extendids which are great it's fucking i've never seen seen it it was like watching for the first time

felt like God was real and he loved me but I was watching and I'm always like I should get off my phone blah blah blah whatever and I was watching I was like I was like oh I'm fucking I'm Smeagel I've been turned into Gallum like I'm gone yeah I'm just I have the object that corrupts everyone

and I know it corrupts me and I just can't I can't put it down yeah yeah pick it up all the time yeah yeah me and my fiance talk about where it's like okay this week we're gonna not we're gonna just try like five days we're gonna just five days no phone and then like I wake up at 7.30 and I'm like

oh do you see what that guy said I'm so mad at that guy I did I literally like wake up like like bird chirping like and then I roll over I'm like oh that's a picture of a dead baby yeah yeah I go ah shit yeah no like I

I get I've told Ben like I don't think I don't, when people are like, oh, we're not wired for that. I'm like, sometimes I think that shit's not real. But I really don't think we were wired to see, like, to be exposed to like global tragedy every day. Yeah. Because people are like, like, you know, oh, you know, I have depression. I take this medicine.

It's like, no, your life's depressing. No amount of Prozac is going to, like, change the fact that you are subjected every day. You live in a, your whole life is a cube. You live in a cube. Torture cube. You eat cubes. Yeah, yeah. You live in your cube world.

Yeah, yeah. You live in pain cube. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I live in Paying Cube. I work at HellCube. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And when I, you know, when me and the misses are wanting to go out on a day, we go to shit Qube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, hey, listen, I got some great news. I did get a promotion at RapeCube. I'm now the head of getting raped in the ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They made me content director, product manager at RapeCube, so I've been doing pretty good. Things, I've got, I've got stock options in rape court.

Dude, the fact that some of the, some of the, highest like most stable coins in like the crypto world are called like um inward have you seen inward but coin i buddy my whole future's wrapped up in inward buck coin there's i meet with my 401k guy and i'm like how is inward but coin yeah i thought it was a meme it's like a not real and then it was like people were posting the tickers of like yeah in butt's doing really good oh yeah there's guys in like big barrels like they're wearing with suspenders because like uh uh killed you coin like just shit the bad yeah yeah yeah Well, like, I was talking with Ben and Cameron the other day about, like, I can't wait, like, 30 years from now when, like, all the Ivy League's, like, you know, back 100 years ago, like, if you were at Yale or Harvard, you know, he's like, my father, Andrew Carnegie, he was a steel man.

He invested in libraries. He built museums. Oh, I'm a melon. Or I'm a Hearst, you know, the journalist family. Like 30 years, kids are going to be like, oh, how did your father make his millions? Oh, rape coin. Oh, my father, Andrew Rapecoin, the rape tycoon. Booby token is how my daddy made his millions.

Yeah, there's like schools in the South called like Rape University. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, hey, do you guys want to drive up to the Rape Castle this weekend? Yeah, my daddy invested. So he got a wing in Burger College. So he gave $2 million to Burger University and they gave him his own life. He got his masturbator's degree at Burger University. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He has his own wing stop in the universe instead of a wing. Yeah, he got his own wing stop in Burger College. Yeah, mansions are going to become, like, McDonald's. They're going to be actual McDonald's. My daddy lives in the biggest McDonald's in New Jersey. Do you know who I am? My father. Well, yeah, I also wonder, too, like, I don't, you know, you think about, like, the future.

You're like, it's just a black square, like, in my mind. Like, I don't know. I can't think of anything, like, more than, like, I feel like we were talking about it. Like, you don't live. The past doesn't. exist if you just doesn't exist but all i can think about is like burger like that's all that i see ben is just like burger yeah you know it's really fucked up and sad about my psyche right now is especially with having two kids like i need some sort of form of comfort and some sort of guide in

this chaos right now and i've actually developed this uh personage and this is really lame i admitted this to you guys other day but like uh i just imagine gandolph sometimes in situations talking to me And comforting me. And he goes, kill yourself, Ben. It's all lost. Jack off and kill yourself. Jack off, burn your house down. Jack off and kill yourself and burn your home.

And you're going, I wish it didn't come in our time, Gandalf. He's like, kill your shit, homie. Blow your shit smooth off. I wish it didn't happen in our time. And then he holds the staff up to your head and just blows your fucking skullcap. smooth off because you the N-word I'm gonna blow the

skull cap off your fucking head yeah getting off the black Gandalf they made you black when you came back blow no I get what you mean it's almost like you want I want some type of fable or

fantasy I want some type of we are seeing it though what the thing is like in Lord of the Rings Gandalf dies and he comes back as Gandalf the white because he's fulfilling what saruman was supposed to be so the council sends him back but in real life now that gandolph comes back he becomes gand off the white and then he then becomes saruman and then it starts all over again yeah yeah like there's you know what i mean yeah yeah so we're like seeing like half of fables they're not ending the way they're supposed to be ending that's what i'm saying is like

it's almost like we've lost our mythology like a little bit i think that's part of the reason everybody's so schizophrenic right now like we don't have you know we don't have camelot we don't have King Arthur. We don't have anything to be like a Bushido coat. There's nothing. So we're kind of like, it's kind of Wild West time. Tits Pussy Burger. The way of the burger.

Yeah. Dude, the, it's, it's burger meridian, you know. It's the fudge from Burger Meridian. Fudge Meridian. Yeah, yeah. Fudge Holden. Yeah. Yeah.

Anything that exists without me eating it does not exist. He's jacking off. He's jacking off. He says he will never come. Dude, I have told you this been like, I want to be. When I used to, when I go back home, like, we'll go out to eat, like, in Galveston, and I'll see these big belly guys with, like, the Columbia Outfitter's shirt, the fishing shirts, like, PFG, professional fishing gear, and their golf hat, and they've got the, like, little skinny arms,

but huge bellies, and they're drinking the Mickalob aluminum bottle. Sometimes their wives are really hot. Yeah. And they'll have one of the hottest women we've ever seen. And they're wearing their hey dudes, and they're just, like, they're dancing to fucking, like, Morgan Wallin. And they're just, like, you know, you talk to them. I used to a lot of my dad's friends were like this. And they're like, oh, you know, it's just a great fucking day.

Great day to be alive. And I'm like, what, what's different between you and me? I want that. I'm done. I don't want to have this any, I don't want to have it anymore. I don't want to feel bad about anything anymore. I don't want to be scared. I don't want to be, like, nervous for the future.

I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to feel shame. How do I get there? Do I need to? But you ask them, you go, how are you so happy all the time? And they're like, I'm really fucking retarded. Like, that's literally it. They're dumb as fuck.

Like, well, Like, some of the, like, yes, that's it. But it's like, some of them are, like, lawyers, I get. Like, I know that they're articulate enough to have, like, a, like, a nice white-collar job. But it's like, what is that's missing from you? Yeah, but there's, like, there's, like, smart and then there's, like, retarded. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm like, but I'm like, okay, do I, have you seen the movie Pie? Oh, yeah. Yeah, where the guy he drills the hole in his head and then the late, the little girl asks him after, like, if he can help her with a math problem. And he's like, I don't know what that is. Right. I want to do that, but I want to see the burger and go, you want to be in the movie P-I-E? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to see the burger economy, and I want to go, oh. I don't want to get scared of it, you know what I mean? Hey, come here. Come here. Hey, we've been talking to, I've got to have respect. Me and Connor have been doing the Child Abuff thing. Oh, the John Bernthal podcast. Oh, my God, dude.

Hey, come here. Hey, so that thing you were saying earlier? Like I fuck with that I vibe with that Hey man like I low key like I did like hell of therapy Like masculine therapy that's like not fucking gay It taught me like I should not rape FK Twigs Like that was low key like not fucking base of me We were talking about like the Venice Beach

Like actor guys that they have to give themselves This tough guy mythology For some reason like Josh Brolin does it John Bernthal shy out It's SoCal guys Yeah So Cal guys You're like dude I grew up surfing

You know I knew a lot of skinned skinheads brother We grew up fighting and doing heroin and my dad was real worried for a while had to send me away and you find out his dad was like the DA of like a fucking Huntington Beach and he sent him to like one of those multi-million dollar and it's actors

it's always an actor I love it's like Josh Brolin and I like love that actor he's great he's great but he's always like man growing up in Santa Barbara was fucking hell bro yeah yeah like he's like he's talking about like it was fucking you know like hell's kitchen in the 40s he'll like grow he's like I grew up with a lot of punks and you're like what

yeah and then I remember like there's a story he tells that drives me nuts where he's like he's like before like no country came out he was I was broke man I had not a dollar yeah on the fucking bank I was like at the end of my rope and then I later figured out he was living with um fucking who's the hot lady from lonesome dove diane um lane oh yeah he was living in diane with diane lane in a five million dollar mansion in like fucking laguna beach oh that was his tough era yeah that was his like that was his rock bottom dude when john burnt all He was telling the story in the Rogan podcast where he was walking in Venice Beach

and this drunk guy approaches him and they get into a fight and John Berthal knocks him out and the guy like hits the concrete, his head hits the concrete and he's not waking up. And the cops get there and they're like, you know, people tell him it was self-defense and they're like, well, if he doesn't wake up, you're going to go to prison. And John looks at Joe, he's like, I'm going to level with you, Joe. I knew that if I was going to go away, you know, I could become that guy. I could go to that dark place. I could survive in prison.

I could, I could become, you know, I don't want to be. I'm a nice guy, Joe. You know this about me. I'm a sweetheart. But, you know, I know that if I can turn that switch, he was talking about becoming an Aryan brotherhood Nazi. He was like, if I had to go to that place. Like a brawl and sell block 99.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. He's like, I'm a family man. I love my wife. I love my kids, but I could, I could be the rape guy. I could, the guy from American history. He's like, I could be sweet boy from American history. I could rape every person in person. Dude, it's so, that, Ben, you joked about it, like, when the new thing for certain, it's not that new, but like, the thing with certain type of guys is, like, imagining that they're a warrior that has to be peaceful.

Like, like, they have families. They have, they have, they have, they're like, they're like dentists or whatever, but they're like, you know, I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I can, I can flip a switch. And you're like, who are you talking to? Who are you impressing? Who is this for? They're like, I'm talking to the dad. decorated in my head talking to the son that I neglect yeah yeah I'm talking to a dad in my head that's always thinks I'm gay yeah yeah yeah I don't even you guys know this about

me but like I'm a like I'm a warrior I've been through some stuff and it's like the stuff is like you owe the IRS $18,000 yeah it's always it's always so funny because they like have no idea like of like a cognitive dissonance they just don't know what it is so they might as well be going up to and they're like I don't know if you know this about me man I'm a real fucking badass like a lot of people don't know this about me like I'm a nice guy but I also like I kick ass and people want to suck me off by the way jace you should know where Jake is coming from because he has family members in trailer parks who are literally like 500 pounds really and they play with guns and like one of their guns went off and through the nursery almost like above the crib where the baby was sleeping dude as they were spinning a gun on their finger dude so they were doing like old web tricks so my and those types of people are like I've motherfuckerer rolls up here they're done yeah motherfuckerer rolls up here I'll fucking I'll pull my gun I'd actually shoot myself in the thigh motherfucker tries to come into my house steal my mound do my cousin uh he's he's like he's like he's like this my fucking mound dude fucker you come in here i'll try to pull my gun out so quick i'll

shoot myself in the ball blow that shit out of the sack motherfucker i'll kill myself i'll fucking kill myself you try to take my fucking dude i'll kill out of my fat pink hands i'll kill myself. You think I won't kill myself. I'll fall in the door and I'm blocking it and you can't even get in. Brother, I can't get in at that point. Dude, you think you're getting in to get my dude? So my cousin,

my cousin got so fat, brother. He got fired for Walmart as a greeter. He was too fat for Walmart. He was too fat to greet. Do you know this, Connor? He got fired from being the guy who stands in front of a Walmart. Did he get so fat that he was like going to blow him? Welcome to Walmart.

And they're like, we can't understand. He couldn't stand. Wow. Wow. So he was asking if he could sit. Yeah, he's like, welcome to Walmart. My knees hurt. I got no car lids at my ankle.

Welcome to Walmart. Doctor said I tore my MCL standing. They promoted him to eat her. Welcome to Walmart. I'm hungry. Oh, in Walmart, I eat whatever you get. So him and my uncle, they're, they're doomsday preppers, but they eat all their food. I'm not kidding.

I'm not being dead serious. They'll buy like cans of like rotel and like food, but they like mow through it in a week because they're all fat as well. Dude, the day, the day the bomb hits and they run into their bunk and they're like, oh shit. I ate all the burger.

Yeah, yeah. They're like, we had like 40 burgers down here. I also mentioned. Imagine them prepping by just buying burgers at like Burger King and then putting it in a safe. So they like, do they get those big televangelist buckets? Yeah. So the big tell you know the big televangelist buckets with the big corn and all that. You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, yeah. The guy who, uh, what's like it, Fred, uh, not Fred Phelps, the other guy. Have you guys seen that guy, the televangelist who sells doomsday buckets of corn? He used to be married to like Tammy Faye. Yes. He was Tammy Faye's ex-husband. And he, they modeled baby Billy after this guy. Yeah.

He's like, he's like, I'm just trying to save you for winning. and they send his Israel missiles to kill us out. Yeah. Will they eat the buck, will they get the buckets and then, like, cook the shit out of it? So they buy, like, a fuck ton of, like, canned soup and, like, you know, like, spam and stuff. And I've been over there.

Like, I've gone over to their trailer, and they'll be eating, like, a million, like, literally they're eating, like, an MRE. And I'm like, what do you? Dude, that's so crazy. I'm like, why are you? Because, first of all, an MREs are, like, purpose of their 8,000 calories. They're, like, loaded with carbs because it's for war. They're like, it's an appetite.

Dude, what are you doing? And they're like, well, I didn't want to cook nothing, so I'm eating this war ration. Yeah, saw me eating spaghetti bolognays out of a shack. It's for people marching hundreds and hundreds of miles with military weapons. Not sleeping for four or five days. With like, so anyway, one meal a day. Yeah. Ben was talking about, so like they have, the house has like thousands of rounds of ammunition,

about 50, 60 machine guns, like a bunch of pistol shotguns. And so what, so he sits so much so much. So, do they, do they walk by shooting the ground? My cousin, they just have two, they have two A-Ks that they just shoot into the ground and move forward. Like their crutches? Yeah. So he fucking, so he's 500 pounds. He sits in on disc, he sits in his room all day and farts and, like, eats chicken.

And he sits on Discord all day and, like, basically gets groomed by the FBI, but they realize he's too fat. So, like, he can't shoot anybody. Too fat. become radicalized. Yes. So one day he's in his room. He told me what happened. So he's in his room and he's like clearing the chamber and he's putting the magazine in

and he's sitting in his big ass gamer chair and he's just like, and he's just fucking like cleaning the chamber of his gun. And he pops the mag in, racks one and then like was like aiming it out the window. And then he turns the computer chair and it fires through the wall and it goes through the sheetrock. Obviously it's a fucking AR-15. And the bullet like clips the wall right above my nephew's head. He's a baby.

He's like two years old. Jesus Christ. Now, I heard this story and he told me this. The whole time he's telling us, he's like, yeah, you know, I mean, I wasn't being too careful. I was, it's kind of bad. You know, I mean, these things happen, though. And I was like, he was happy that he did a neglectful discharge in the most. He was like, it's crazy.

This life's crazy. That's what I mean. It's that ego thing. He's like, I got to be an American badass. So the most badass thing he can do is almost shoot his kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, by accident. Yeah. He's like, but I know, I shouldn't have been.

trying to do the T2 shotgun thing in the nursery that shouldn't have been I should to go outside if I'm trying to swing cock my my fucking shotgun dude when I go over there for Thanksgiving they have the big like food trough out with all the turkey and the ham and this this motherfucker dude dude dude he comes out he comes out he every year it's the same thing he comes out of his room sideways he's got he says excuse me me to doors yes yeah I'm just going to

excuse me he'll have like a big triple XL like who literally like he's an American burger like a like a caricature he'll have a shirt on that says who farted

and he'll waddle out and he'll come out in the living room and he'll go he'll go hey hey Jacob hi jacob hi's uh you're still in all

you're still in college I'm 31 years old yeah he's like you still living in Faggy Austin okay and he'll do this he'll go because to turn he has to just and then he'll waddle into the kitchen and he'll come back with like you know a massive plate of food wolf it down and uh oh my god and then at the end of the night you know they all uh they don't drink but they get big gulps from 7-11 and they fill it with dr pepper and drink like two three gallons of soda they have so much sugar it's like alcohol essentially they hate that your wife's Hispanic um they don't they don't care for it uh but also like have they said shit? to you about it like Ashley's had to go over

well can I say your name yeah it's fine she I mean you have to go to like Thanksgiving with these people not anymore I don't talk to them and everything

and but we Thanksgiving's insane we went one time to Thanksgiving at Buffalo Wildlings yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah happy hour

yes yes yeah so we went to Thanksgiving at Buffalo Wildlings that's when she met the whole family and my uncle's wife my aunt is showing her she's showing her how on her dashboard one of the air fresheners

melted some of the paint and she was like now I have sent an email to Glade because they make their money through slip and fall schemes they go into like Walmart and they slip and fall on camera and they win massive lawsuits. I mean this legitimately can they fall you know what I mean

like when they try to fall do they just like hit the ground it's a slip and roll scale they're very very good Yes, sir. Yeah, you can tell how uneven the floor is by their falling. They just roll the whatever corners. I mean, every floor they're on is canted.

Yeah. They've never walked on an even surface in their life because they're standing on it. They're very litigious. And, like, I'm sure one day if they, like, you know, they probably will, like, message me and be like, I never, when I don't eat that much. I usually just eat two plates, not 10, you know, but they, so. I'm suing you for hyperbole. Yeah. So when we went to Buffalo Wild Wings, Ashley met the whole family.

I was giving her, like, the brief rundown on the way there. I was like, look, my uncle is not, like, funny racist. My uncle tried to run over Quant LX. What? So he was driving his duly in Houston, and Quan LX was doing, like, a BLM thing. What? Oh, my God. Did he killdozer shit?

Dude. Your family's so, like, right neck, it sounds like Scientology police. He didn't try to run. So what happened was... He tried to throw a thousand black people in. to a volcano. He goes, so what he did was he,

he, what he said was, his version of story was, he's like, that motherfucker, you know that black motherfucker? And I was like,

Quine LX? Yeah, I saw his ass in the fucking street. I read my truck engine at him. And I was fucking, I was like, roll some cold past that motherfucker. I hope you see the fucking lot of day.

And when I rolled up on him, he like stepped into the street. I almost clipped that motherfucker took him out. And he was talking to me like, I thought it was cool. And I was like, you're fat. You should kill yourself.

I know, dude, he's so, he's so retarded he could have, like, created a news story that, like, ended America. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's one of those guys that he'll literally be like, he'll literally be like, so when do you see, when do you actually see racism? When do you actually see it?

And then, like, 30 minutes later, he'll be like, them stinky ass motherfucker. I'm God, if I could just do it. You know, I'll kill him. When you see racism, you hold up a mirror. Yeah, yeah. He'd be able to where he starts trying to fight it. Like a bear, yeah. Right.

He doesn't have object permanence He can't like Yeah he Dude they got a fucking new car though They had a glade thing in their car Oh yeah And it melted and it turned the dashboard It took the paint off so she got an entirely

It turned it like red Yeah yeah yeah so they got a new interior And then like later on use some of the money To get a new car Okay And then oh they win massive lawsuits from these companies Yeah Mike so dude when we walk in there My fat cousin and almost killed his nephew

He's sitting on the ground doing the fucking Peter Griffin because he slipped on an ice cube and busted his knee At the front of Buffalo Wild Wings This wasn't on purpose No, it was on purpose They do this everywhere they go I wasn't sure if you accidentally for real did at one time The manager's filling out forms in my uncle's life

At the very least I'm never paying for food when I come here again I ain't never paying for a fucking thing That's the best case scenario for him And I'm looking and he talks to me like I think it's awesome And I'm like what are you going to do I'm going to sue Buffalo Walving's like

I should have to sign out we're going to see that's abelism brother the woke racist i'm calling the i'm calling the aca whatever they're called american cripple yeah i'm calling the american cripples act yeah well fuck i think i have to get to the fucking airport thank you guys for coming on uh subscribe check out lemon party if you guys don't already uh and patreon dot com slash lemon party yeah and uh we'll see you guys next time bye That's great. Yeah, thank you, guys.