Pendejo Time - mitch

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

hello senator 

of been looking at Wo Vicki's messages. She's been posting screenshots some of her own messages between herself

and another man. So I just want if I send these both to you will you be Wo Vicky and then I will be and I will be the man Yeah

Or do you want All right Let me just text these to you You want I'll be the man And you'd be Well vicky No you're gonna

You're gonna be Will Vicky And I'll be the man You'll be able to see Okay Do you want me to do a A particular voice Or are you gonna do a particular voice

Whatever Whatever Whatever comes to your heart That you think That will Vicky Would actually sound like It starts with the message I just sent them both to you

It starts with the blue message So that would be You sending that to me whatever you think WoVicky sounds like And then I'm gonna do whatever I think Nice Looks like there's three people total in this chat

Yeah I don't know Yeah they're talking very deeply personal stuff Uh I don't know who the third person is Uh But yeah You be Woviki That money can't save him

And he obviously is not happy in life All he does is Go out drink smoke And smash new women killing himself and others on his way to hell but I pray praying emoji only Jesus can save him

that guy for introducing me to the Jenkins if it wasn't for them I would have no idea and real love and family I'd probably be a baby mama or had some abortions Real team I'm surprised you're not a whore

or got kids you doing better than you think you are given your circumstance You could wilden out right now if you wanted to, but yeah, I don't know why your dad like that. I don't got the answers, and it don't mean nothing if you grown. When you married, you become your husband responsibility. But now by religious law, you still your dad responsibility.

And God will punish him if he don't take care of you, money, money, money. That's the truth. so yes pray for him that's all you can do you know why i want to take care of this girl i've been talking to because her dad died and i know we ain't married yet but i want to show her how i am so anyway uh that's just a peek into the life of uh uh rap i don't even think she's a rapper i think she did have a couple songs if you guys don't know who whoa vicky is she is a white girl i believe i don't know if she's mixed I think she might just be white

And she posts AI pictures of herself She will post the whole screenshot Of the whole conversation with Chad GPD And she will put it to Chad GPD Put a big godly Jamaican man next to me In this selfie She'll have a mirror selfie of her With her ass cheeks out

And then it will put next to her A big strong black dreadhead dude with a lot of Jesus and cross tattoos and then she'll post that on Twitter she'll probably post stuff like that Thomas what do you think 30 to 40 times a day just yeah something like that

conservatively and I think she's cool I think she has like like a I think her pregnancy was not ideal circumstances and I think she's turned out well

for how that probably went for her as a fetus. Oh, you're saying that as in the womb. I think in the womb things were probably a lot tougher than what a lot of us went through.

Yeah, I didn't consider that. I think she was mentally probably about six years old when she was born. Her mom, well, Vicki's mom was pregnant with her for two years. I'm going to see where she's

I'm going to, I need to read more about this girl. I think she's from Florida. Yeah, I'm going to go out a lot of long limb and say where, Victoria Waldrip is an American Instagram personality model, businesswoman, and rapper.

She gained no variety in 2017 after using the word Beep with the hard R in a few videos and claiming that she was black. Both of her parents are white okay so she

is not black she's not mixed I thought maybe she was mixed uh as it turns out mixed up with the wrong crowd mixed up with the wrong crowd is 100% she is from where is Will Vicky from Broward County

let's see I would say yeah Miami Dade or Broward let's see Atlanta of Georgia, swinging a miss for both of us. Wow. Okay.

She was born and raised in Georgia in 2000. March 7, 2000. Before either of us were born. Yeah, before either of us were born. We were both Pisces, her and I. Pisces don't really get along. So I don't think her and I, probably in a social setting, would, kind of click

it would If she stole your heart Locke and you had to keep it a secret You can never tell anybody What about I love with what a chance Run in with Will Vicky And the rest of your life You're just kind of

You know it's like trying to hero One time and never doing it again You just think about it forever Like damn This is nice But What if I fucking head up What if I lived in a

McMansion In the out and Katie, Texas with with WoVicky and we had a bunch of hot tubs that didn't work anymore. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

One hot tub that's got like old rainwater in it and an above ground pool in the, we don't use the pool because the dog drowned in it, but it's still out there. Dude,

a fading marriage with Willow Vicky would be such a beautiful thing. Yeah, I mean, yes. I agree 100%. Mid-fitting. 40s or mid 50s Bill Murray starring as

as her estranged husband. That'd be a beautiful movie. Lost in translation but she speaks Ave the whole time to Bill Murray Bill Murray's trying to understand her.

I'm sorry I don't know you want me to what? You're going to spin sorry I can't understand I can, is anybody, you want to spend the apartments for you? Yeah, he's in Atlanta doing, uh, he's a spokesman for Hennessy. Yeah, yeah. Doing Hennessy commercials.

He's doing an ad for Lemon Pepper Hennessy wings in Atlanta. I'm sorry, so, uh, um, the line is, yeah, let me see. He still can't understand what they're saying at all But it's just regular black people Right It's the commercial is directed by Ryan Kukler Yeah Spike Lee

Yeah so if you could just turn your head a little bit It's like English please Yeah so if you want to just like Yeah so you're gonna want to take the whole flat it's a fake flat so there's no meat on it it's gonna look you're gonna pull it out it's just gonna be bones and you're gonna say now that is worth a trip to the ATL and you're gonna say that into the camera yeah I'm having I'm not understanding anything

what you guys are saying I'm sure can we get a translator does anybody in here speak can we get somebody in here Vicki I'm sorry Vicky baby I know we should make will Vicki an ambassador of some kind for a country we don't give a fuck about Yeah, I'm all late back. Make her an ambassador for a retreat or something. Agartha. Agartha. No, dude.

She would, no, she would fucking, she'd probably run that shit. They'd have her like a noble priestess or something. Actually, the fascists who believe in that stuff like, uh, wankster girls, I don't think so. I think the whole, their whole thing is that they find them repulsive. Many of them don't like women at all. Anyway, Whoa, Vicky, if you're out there.

She posted another conversation. I got your gift. Thank you. Why did you block me? And cussing me out this morning. And she's very clearly been blocked by the gentleman. She's always in a new car. Now, here she is with Sneiko.

She's in a new car with a black man or a different type of guy. I have nothing but respect for her. Sometimes it takes a while until you can find your. Mr. Wright I think she hangs out with Andrew Tate sometimes too which is cool Andrew Tate is black and he does love God

so maybe that's a match made in heaven for Mrs. Vicky perhaps yeah I wish her the best what are you doing man you drinking alcohol today uh yeah I made a little cocktail um it is vodka and water tap water

um temperature Ooh. And the vodka's not chilled either. It's just, uh... I really was expecting it. Wow, that is filled to the brown. That is filled to the tippy top.

Mostly with water. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's hard to tell. It was a very full glass, so I didn't... Yeah, well, I didn't want to, you know, I just wanted something to sip on, so it doesn't taste very good. Probably could have used a third ingredient or ice cubes or something like that, Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's just utility drinking. You're not, that's just pure, you know, unwinding. You know what I mean? That's just for me to think of something to say on the episode. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah, you know, I got to, I'm not, um, haven't been, haven't been toking.

Oh, no, toking, so you're smoking. Yeah, I feel you. Yeah, just a little bit, just a piquito. But I've also been eating little cookies. Very good Made a batch cookies Last night that were Pretty pretty good

I got to say I used some date sugar And some maple syrup in them And Oh nice It was nice So the date sugar Kind of caramelized a little bit It was nice

Very yummy That sounds good Chocolate chocolate Chocolate chip raisin Oatmeal Action Very yummy Ashley brought home some

caramel coconut Girl Scout cookies So I might have Ooh Hatchy Money Yeah I might have like One or two

I might have one I haven't been able to go to the gym Because I've had the flu So I got to eat good Dude I'm jealous of Motherfuck Yeah that is not mostly water Oh my God

I'm jealous of motherfuckers Who have like Me and actually bought a bar cart And the only thing that's on it Is glasses and then random shit There's I think Like a mixer on

but I'm not really the type of guy and she's not really the type of gal that can have that can just have alcohol like in stock you know what I mean like a bunch of I have a friend Nikki he's a mixologist

he's a bartender in a really nice teaky bar or he was and he's got like 10 different types of rum 10 different types of every type of liquor and then exotic mix and fruit juices and sore gums and motherfucking little droppers. And I went over to his place one. All the bitterers and all of that.

Yeah, yeah, he's got the whole fucking... I respect it when people are into that. I think if you're going to do it, do it right. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, I said. It's such a cool skill if you can make cocktails at a party. I always... I love it when one of my friends can make cocktails in a nice way.

I can. Yeah, you've made me nice cocktails. Yeah, but no, though I was going to say it's like I asked him. I was like, man, I can't keep a breakfast. bottle of liquor in the house longer than a week, you know? What's the secret?

You've got like 50 and he's like, oh, I've been collecting these. And I was like, no, I know that. But like, you know, what is, like, how do you manage? He's like, oh, I'm not an alcoholic. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's probably that. That is the kind of,

that is very important when building a bar cart with nice liquor over time and nice mixers and nice accoutrements. Is this that I can have a nice bar cart for when people are coming over, but we're crushing that cart, if you arrive on Friday, there's no more cart by Sunday. That's kind of where I'm at. I would like to have a permanent cart.

That would be something I would be a goal I'd like to achieve. Most people I know who are in recovery will tell me I can't have that and I won't ever be able to. But I think those guys just don't understand. They're not, they don't believe in themselves. They don't believe that I can have an adult bar cart with 10 different types of shit on it and not not doing. what I've done historically in the past, which is say, hey, babe, I'm going to go to the liquor store.

I'm going to buy a tequila and a gin and a whiskey. And I'm going to buy a bunch of mixers. And then this is going to be the start of our cart. And I'll buy that on a Thursday. And then by Sunday, both of us are sick. That's kind of, that has happened a couple of times. Maybe five, somewhere between five and nine times that's happened. So we kind of just have the bar cart for show.

and to hold wine glasses. But maybe one day. I'm not going to lose hope. You know what I mean? If you're an adult-ass motherfucker and you have like an adult stuff like that, like you've got a globe with cocktail shit in it, fuck you, bitch.

I'm mad at you. I'm just jealous. I would love to have stuff like that, but I can't. They're probably settling in. And while they watch, you know, the latest season of succession or whatever.

whatever, they're, you know, they're having like a pineapple, brandy concoction and it's got a little umbrella in it. And they're kissing their wife. Their wife has a yellow dress, pink polka dots on them. They both have parasols. That's what I imagine those people. And their TVs, the TV's made out of wood or something. Yeah, TV's got a big back.

TVs. Oh, yeah, we got a big piece of wood. We cut out a hole for TV. Yeah, I mean, like, like, I don't know any, like, I like how you were like your brain and I know, I know because I have the same problem, and I bartended and I know how to make drinks.

But I, when you're like, yeah, they're probably drinking a pineapple brand, like, just being such a fucking, like, like I just drink alcohol. I don't even know what a particular drink they could be drinking is. I could say in the groaning, but that's just because of the decoraries. Yeah, yeah, like a real one, not like, dude, I didn't know Dacquerie was like a not frozen thing.

I remember the first time I saw a real Dacry I was like, what is this? And they were like, it's a Daccarus. No, Dacri is what my dad makes. Like a pink smoothie thing? Yeah. In my head, that's where it is. Yeah, it's not.

It's served in a Dacery glass and it's a rum drink and it's not frozen. When I was growing up, Daccarys were red and my dad made them by pouring a half bottle of gutrot rum with the Daccarry.

concentrate from specs into a blender with a thing of ice and then he would give it to me he'd give me the whole picture and he'd say this is your picture you got to keep it in your mini fridge and don't let your mom know you know the one thing I miss about fuzzies

I don't know if they have fuzzies in like central Texas it might be the fucks of fuzzies tacos yeah yeah we got that shit it's nasty but yeah no it is nasty but you get the big fish bowl type things there The frozen margaritas or the frozen jacket coax.

Uh-huh. One each of those. Uh-huh. Oh, my God. Yeah. I, the last time I had a frozen margarita from, uh, Fuzzies. They're incredible. I think I had 20, about 25 other drinks that night.

And that is counting the 50. the fish bowl frozen margarita as one drink and I had work the next day I love I think we were talking

about it a few episodes back where it's like doing tall boy math and then giving up and being like oh however many tall boys I had that's how many beers I had when it's like no

like if you had six tall boys you had nine beers and it's like I'm not we're not thinking we're not doing that type of math beer I remember I'd had about seven drinks and then I was trying to like, I was like, you know what, I'm going to get a margarita and I'm going to sip that.

Because I'm out with friends. I need to kind of play it cool. I don't know these people that well. And then it came to me and it was one of the biggest things I've ever seen. And I took like one sip and was like, oh my God. And I never, I didn't black out. I remember that whole night. I've blacked out very few times.

And that's even with drinking and taking Xanax. That's kind of crazy. I black out. But I always thought that I blacked out. But I have a lot of memories after doing that. But I think the only time I can, there's only been a couple times where in hindsight I can be like, oh, I totally blacked out. But I've definitely had, you know, I think I've had. long-term

memory issues more so than single nights. It'll be like I can only remember nights I've been fucked up. Which is probably a good thing. Probably a good thing.

Good way for your brain to work. Good long term. It's nice when you have grandkids someday. Oh, what do you remember? What did you enjoy about being my age? I think. Oh,

um, yeah, like basically just hanging around high school parties too long. And, um, and, uh,

you know, not in like a weird way. Just in a like, didn't have anything better to do with way. And then just kind of realizing that I was a loser and then continuing to be a loser, but just by myself. Um,

um, yeah. I like, people have used the term. dad lore and it's like I had this I had this kind of jarring upsetting thing I was like if I ever did decide

to have kids and they ever like you know they get old and they ask me about my life like it's funny on the show but I can't like oh what were you like when you were 20 dad and it's like oh yeah I would

I would take all of the house's utility money because they were in my name and I would buy something called cocaine with that and then I would mix it with the kind of opiates they give to people who aren't going to live very long and then I would put a bunch of that stuff up my nose and then I would make everyone in my life so mad at me that they wouldn't talk to me

and then I wouldn't talk to them for such a amount of time to where they thought that I was dead and then I did that oh well do you remember any of the stand-up. Mom always says about that. Yeah, no, that would be a cool thing if I could remember those. Don't remember a lot of them.

I remember the bad ones. The good ones? Yeah, no idea. I don't really know. I think Philadelphia is a nice place. But I couldn't tell you. I have, I do remember flying into Chicago and I remember flying home. Can't really tell you anything else much about that.

that place. Seattle has a mountain. I know that. You can see it. But I don't really know too much about the nightlife. And I don't remember if I had any food. I think I probably had some food.

Yeah. I remember I had food. I remember I had maybe one of the worst hangovers of my entire life the next day. And then we did the worst show we've ever done in our lives. Which one? that wasn't that bad people had a good time

Portland Seattle no Portland was bad Portland was the worst show we've ever done In a 250 seat of 11 people In a 250 seat in the whole time We sat down the whole time on a big stage And that club will never I don't care

We literally sat for two hours And couldn't think of anything funny You know what's funny is I don't think if either one of us Became super famous If we ever contacted that club again I don't think they would have us Yeah, because they're probably closed down. Yeah.

Well, you make a good point because after us, it said Sabrina Carpenter, and I was like, oh, shit. And then you pointed out it wasn't Sabrina at all. It was Sabrina Carpenter Knight in like a 250-seater, like actual old theater. I was like, how the fuck does anybody dance in this motherfucker? How do you have a night in here? This is like an old theater. Anyway. Yeah, no, yeah, Portland was an absolute.

I want to redeem myself in Portland And I want to have an actual show there But I also I think Jake's internet might have cut out It's all good We're chilling Jake's internet cut out But that's okay

Um You know Yeah I remember thinking back in college Oh checking Oh checking Never mind Hey guys I was to have to tell a bad story

Um I was trying to say Where did it Where'd you lose me No you were just saying You want to redeem yourself. Oh, yeah.

I want to deem myself in Portland, but I don't know if anybody would go because... No, people would go. Maybe helium someday. I have a couple clubs. I love Portland. But, uh, but, yeah, I would like to... That's my, my New Year's resolution is to do stand-up sober,

and I've been doing that, and I've got to tell you, I don't know if I'm good when I'm drunk. People tell me I'm good. I'm not good when I'm sober. I'm very bad. Um, but it's kind of like, you know, I learned to,

I learned to do it fucked up. So I think I just got to relearn to do it sober. Which is kind of cast, if I'm being honest. It's not fun to do sober, and most people aren't very much fun to be around sober either. You know,

you meet people who came to the show or whatever. It's like, oh my God, thank you so much for coming. Are you doing anything after? No. Goodbye.

I, I feel bad because the last couple times, boy, I've gotten chopped. No, well, we all got chopped up on the Midwest tour. That was one of the funest, funnest runs in my life. I got pretty drunk at the Philly Show. Yeah. But in a controlled way, I wasn't. And also, you were fine too.

The next day you thought you went crazy, but you were fine. I walked into the woman's bathroom in Philly, and that lady did not like that. I didn't walk in with ill intent. I was just... Well, you know what? That's her problem for being bigoted. She was like, this is the woman's restroom.

And I was like, ah! I'm sorry! Well, maybe you shouldn't live in Wokefield then. It was just, it was bad. You know what I mean?

She wasn't super cool with that, even though I made a mistake. Fucking... I had a lady try and get on, get on my ass for using a women's public restroom. I just told her. I didn't care. That's,

yeah, power move. Yeah. Because the men's was closed. It said, use the women's. I walked in the women. Well,

I walked in the women's. I said, hey, anybody in here? Nobody was in there. So I used it. I was washing my hands. A lady came in

and started bitching at me. I said, there's a sign over there. I watched the hands left. Then I punched you right in her bitch mouth.

Did I tell you? I think I, I think I told you. like a basically like a whore. I broke her old ass jaw. Basically, I put her in a

Camora and I smashed her fucking old ass teeth out. I dragged her into the men's room and I curbs stomped her on a urinal. Yeah. And then you knocked her teeth out. Oh, fuck.

I ripped a pipe out from under one of the urinals and I basically bashed her head entirely in. and I did not like doing that. I hated every second. I hated it. I shouldn't just let me use the bathroom. That time, me and Ashley went to the fucking Leavenworth, Washington.

It's like a fake little Bavarit. It's super cute and romantic. And if you guys got the little bit of cheese stacked up, you should go. I know people, some people are like, oh, it's corny, man. It's fucking cute, dude. It's like a little hallmark town. If you got a lady or if you got a guy Or if you're a lady and you got a lady

If you got a guy, you got a fucking them Take their ass on down to Leavenworth, Washington. But anyway, it's super cute. But anyway, before we went, we stayed in Seattle one night And, um, dude, actually got me back. She got me back pretty good.

But the first night we get there, uh, we take edibles. And, uh, we get, we have a couple of, drinks and then take edibles and Ashley has a very bad time before we leave to the point where she's like, please do not make me go to dinner. And I was like, it's the pink door. It's supposed to be

this really great restaurant with like very cute inside. I got the reservation. She's like on the bed. She's like, please don't make me do this. And I was like, we got to lock in. I'd only had like two milligrams. I think I forget, babe, how many did you eat? She's not listening to me. She had I like, let's call it a lot for her like 20, 15 maybe. I don't know. So I talk her into going. We're only maybe a block and a half from the restaurant, from our hotel, from the restaurant. As soon as we step out of our hotel and we go down an alleyway, a guy starts following us, old guy,

and he's bouncing or trying to bounce a football like a basketball. But it's angled. You can't do that. It's angled. You can't do that. And he's very clearly following us. You know how when a homeless guy is like walking the same direction as you? And he's like, I've got to never done it again.

And you're like, and then he goes the other way. Or he's just going the same way as you, but he's not following you. This guy was following us. Because every time I would turn my back to do the kind of the boyfriend check to like, what's happening? He's staring directly at me and he's bouncing the football. and it goes away from him because he's bouncing a football and he has to go get the football and then continue to follow us. So I wasn't super hyped about that.

Ashley is having the worst time possible. She turns to me eyes very red and very big and very filled with fear and she says, is that guy bouncing a football behind us and following us? To which I responded, comfort, tried to, trying to comfort her and also scared. I said, yeah, 100%. he is. I should have said no. I should have just been like, no.

I said, yes, he is. I'm scared to, so let's just keep walking at a brisk pace. I can see the restaurant. That guy follows us the entire way to the restaurant. And then before we can open the door, he circles around in front of us. I assume a kind of stance of like, God damn it. You know what I mean? I'm high.

There's nothing worse than a fist fight. A fist fight when you're drunk, yeah, I'm John Wick. Give me 10 dudes Boop my ass I don't care A fist fight when you're high No Dude like fuck no

Dude no No And he's bouncing the football Hard as fuck on the ground And he's got a windbreaker And very skinny jeans on And he's about 58 years old And he's probably 6 for a buck 25

White guy And he's like Which we were all picturing Why is this fucking Cracker following Jake around So he goes He goes, y'all going to the pink door And we were like, yeah

And we're trying to get in And he was like, yeah Yeah, yeah, I know the main chef And the owner, yeah, it's a great place Been here a long time, I'll walk you guys up I did not have a choice in him doing that We get to the host stand The host does not know who he is

And she was like, sir, can you please leave? Why do you have a football? And he was like, oh, I was just, I know the guy. These are great people and he leaves. Left without incident. I only tell that story to set the tone for the evening, which is bad. And we try to have a couple glasses of wine to unwind. But the edibles do the thing where they continue to keep beating both of our asses.

Tough style. And you try to drink it off, but it don't really work that well. So we start eating a lot of food. And then Ashley becomes acutely aware. of how we talk to each other in public. And I do too. And at this point we're both a little cross-faded. And I've told you guys

just on the story before, but if you're new to the show, sometimes we can actually call each other a fat pig. It's a term of endearment. It's not a rude thing. It's a nice thing that we call each. We call our dogs that too. We call each other a fat pig. I'm like, yeah, fat pig, you're going to finish that?

You know what I mean? It's not. It sounds bad. It also calls Malala that. Malala? Mm-hmm. The hero. Oh, Malala, the The sniped hero.

Yeah, the, yeah. Anyway, all this is to say... Farsi Kirk, whatever, you know. No. I don't agree with people calling her that, but a lot of it's happened. Anyway, continue the story. Anyway,

anyway, so we're having a bad time. We're eating some Italian food. The food's pretty good, but it's overshadowed by the fact we're both very scared, and we're both trying, we're both talking, I'm talking loud. Ashley has kind of gone nonverbal. I have to go pee, so I go to the bathroom.

Here's my, here's my fit. Fit check with Jake during the story time. I'm wearing a denim, a light blue denim barn jacket that goes to about mid-thigh. I'm wearing black skinny jeans and black boots, and I've got a black beanie on. And I'm fucked up. I am higher and drunker than the day is long. And I walk into the bathroom and I take my, I lower my trousers and I sit on the toilet to take shit.

And about, I would say, mid-wipe, five people enter the bathroom, giggling, laughing. All girls. And I realize this is not one of those fancy Seattle multi-gender bathrooms. I'm shitting in the girls' restroom of a fancy restaurant with a completely workable men's restroom. And I've left Ashley alone for about 15 minutes. I'm texting her. I help. I'm in the woman's restroom.

She does not respond. I come to find out later, I made her evening much worse with that text message. Because she had gotten even higher and the time that's that I had been there. uh so uh to give you guys if you've never seen me um i wear size 13 boots um and i i look kind of fucked up um and when you wear size 13 boots and you have a big big scary jacket on people can kind of see with the stall situation that you're not a woman uh and so with in in my mind very high i begin to think to myself well certainly i'm going to go to prison i'm going to go to prison for this I'm going to go to prison for shitting in the woman's restroom at the pink door in Seattle, Washington. I'm going to come out of here. These girls are going to pepper spray me. And then I'm going to go to prison for the rest of my life for what I've done.

In a panic, I stand up. I clear my throat like that. I push the door open really hard. Straighten my jacket. Don't wash my hands. Walk past all five women and I go, really sorry. really sorry about everything. Very super sorry about everything.

And then I walk out of the bathroom and then I go sit down. The restaurants are very small. All of them kind of follow me out and kind of look at me seated next to my partner. And they kind of give me a nasty face. Nothing else became of it. But to this day, I would like to think that I would like to think I didn't scare those women. But I probably did a little bit. I probably didn't have to apologize much.

They probably were charmed, honestly. I thought I thought maybe they would be charmed too Maybe they were like wow That guy was very very very so very Very chryl Playing they're masturbating Yeah the apologies probably didn't I probably just could have walked out

I'm so sorry I couldn't even come in here Smell like shit so bad for my shit I pooped a lot in here by the way Yeah I have women's poop That's why I'm in here I have girls poop guy's body, girls poop. If you're speaking of being in the woman's restroom,

yeah, speaking of being in the woman's restroom, ED doesn't mean your love life is over. It means it's just getting started. Man, I love that one. I didn't mean to read that one. That's my favorite one. ED doesn't mean your love life is over. It means it's just getting started.

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Yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. Yeah, so I don't fucking, I don't, I don't mean that, but sometimes when I got to go the bathroom,

I don't check to see what's on the door. I just be walking in. It doesn't matter that much, honestly. I mean, some people are weird about it, especially in Texas.

People are weird about it, but, but, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're paving the way for trans people in a way when you use the wrong bad thing that is true that is true because you because you can say you know what maybe i'm not even presenting a certain way

but fuck you yeah that's true i mean say hey guess what even though i could rape all you ladies in here i'm not going to and that's not what this is even about Seriously, that's what the politics is, basically. Okay, doke. So, yeah, that's not what I'm about. That's not what I'm going to do. All right. Hell yeah.

And that's actually the end of our ad read right there. Yeah, that's... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was also on there, weirdly. No, it wasn't. Stop. It wasn't. It just said to say something about that.

We've been paid a small fortune by them over the course of the last 14 months. I will not have that. My mind telling me no. But my party. My party is telling me. Can you believe that guy's in prison for being the worst guy at all time? My mind is telling me no. Can you believe that guy who wrote that song's in jail?

Can you believe the guy who used to sing through a colored paper mask? He used to, a guy that used to take off his dancers do rag and sing through it. A purple paper mask with a tongue hole cut out. Can you believe the guy you used to wear tongue-themed clothing? Turned that to be a weird man. Turned that to be a no-good scumbag. Yeah, give me a song called Cookie at 51 years old. Yeah, can you believe a guy like that would be a lowdown dog?

I can't fucking believe it. I had so much faith in him, man. I thought he just pissed on children. I didn't know he was selling him, too. Yeah. Oh, God, he was buying plane tickets. That's where I draw the line. Yeah.

That's where the United States federal courts really drew the line with him flying girls out. Yeah, you know, that is a very good point. I'm not even, that's not, wow. I'm not even trying to be funny. He did have a whole entire videoed case of him urinating on a girl. That didn't do it. What did it was the state lines thing. I don't think he did time for the initial...

His delta points. Yeah, yeah. I don't think he did time for the initial piss fiasco, Piasco, if you will. But he did... I mean, he's going to rot in prison for the rest of his life. It's crazy that video used to be just on the internet That's what I'm saying

He didn't do any time for that But that video was like one of that just used You could watch it now if you wanted to Which like you shouldn't That's crazy It's C Sam I guess But that's like Yeah but it's crazy that like that's something that

Like when we were kids That we were like exposed to And it was like not something that was thought of It's that crazy I mean it was crazy And that's a novelty of it But like Yeah yeah

Like why did I Why did it? I watched this. Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess like this, and I'm going to say this very carefully because when you're a teenager, you don't understand. But they got rid of it. I feel like somebody a school show to me or something. I don't really remember.

Yeah, same. Yeah, somebody is. I think when you were in high school, they got rid of it. I think I was in college, but, or, or no, maybe I was in high school. I don't know. But they got, so our slash jail bait was like the biggest. that was the biggest fucking like four or one of the most like

subscribed to forums on the computer and it was just pictures of girls who were not or like I think it just turned 18 and it was like a big thing like or or they were like about to be 18 depending on the state they were like the age of consent

or whatever the fuck and every every kind of early 2000s late 90s raunchy comedy a subplot is the main

guys trying to have sex with a girl and her birthdays in a couple of months and then she turned 17 like remember waiting Ryan Reynolds is the cool server oh yeah

there's a subplot in that where he's trying to fuck the 16 year old waitress and everybody's like dude I hope you get a piece of that it would make you cooler if you fuck this 16 year old and when you watch

the movie you're supposed to in your mind go I hope he has sex with her two I hope he I hope he does that'll be that'll be that'll probably make him even in the 90s every movie with a 16 year old that every time the 16 year old walked by you'd have a camera that then followed her ass yeah it would do a tracking shot like fucking like bird man the inner inner inner ridda where it's just one shot would just track it for like it would be the longest shot in the movie it would be like a scene in a middle school and they'd have an ass level camera for some reason. All right, let's set this shot up.

All right, everybody's walked by. No, it's cool. It's for a movie. That's what movies are. Oh, this is, so in this scene, her mom just died. Yeah, well, we already got the camera set up. So let's go ahead. I don't have it worked out yet, but I like,

I was making myself laugh the other day. I was like, how do you? you get the job of intimacy coordinator on a movie like that, or just any movie, but specifically like super bad? Because like, I don't know how people become intimacy coordinators in Hollywood. It's a very bizarre job. I don't know if you have to have like a psychology degree, but like, how are you, how are you the intimacy coordinator with Ryan Reynolds in this actress? You're like, okay, so, um, how old are you? Real life. And you're like, um, 18. Okay, great. So in this movie, you're

15. Ryan, he's so handsome, he's going to make a lot of comments about your breasts, but and your vagina, and he's going to try to have sexually

the whole movie. So if anything makes you uncomfortable about that, you can speak to me or the director, but it's my job to make sure that you feel safe.

How do you get that job? I was talking with Ashley. Did they have intimacy coordinators before, like the 2020s? Yeah. Yeah, they had to.

I think it was a part of an act that passed, I think, in the in the 70s or 80s, 80s. Intimacy coordinator starts. Oh, no, I'm way off. It started in the early 2000s. Mid-2000s. But gained prominence in the mid-2010s. But the original person started it in the early 2000s.

Yeah, that tracks then. That tracks. Ashley and I were talking about this because Wuthering Heights is out. How do you do intimacy coordinating for something like that? Because Margot Robbie has a husband and a baby. And I think Jacob Allorty, I think maybe he's single. I think maybe he might just be out having sex with anything that... Her husband worked on the movie.

So, I mean, I don't know. I can't mention Margot Robbie's husband being a huge cuck. Who can imagine that? Very good point. Very good point. I hadn't considered that. Can't imagine her marrying a Hollywood freak. Who is her husband?

Who is this motherfucker? Yeah, I can't imagine. Jacques Goncelain. Yeah. Wow, what? Jacques from seeking derangements? Wow, there you go. He, like, leaked photos of TMZ

of the Shail-Lebubbuff thing. Wait, what? He was in the same At the Marty Bragor crawley He was like He was at the bar? Yeah, I think so

Of course he was He's like the gay Forrest Gump Dude, he's everywhere He's fucking I mean he's in He's in New Orleans That's where he No I know

But like for him to be I mean there are a lot of bars In New Orleans There's a lot of places to be Yeah Anyway I was we were We were talking about that

I was like I don't know how How do you even I don't know Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned guy But no amount of intimacy coordinating could probably make me well I mean

you know you're getting paid $40 million to do a movie who fucking knows I don't fucking know but I probably couldn't handle anything like that just keep it up fucking bad I mentioned that they have probably a you know if you're Margot Robbie then probably every

guy you meet is is interested in you in that way so I would imagine that she probably has a good amount of distance with most. But also, like, actors love to just fuck each other all the time and cheat on their spouses.

That is true. That's very true. And it's very easy to fall in love genuinely all the time because you're finding people who can be blank slates, and that means dumb people. Or psychos are both. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You know, even in, like, the Bushwick indie scene, every actor I know is just dating another actor who they met while acting because they were supposed to kiss in a movie and they just liked kissing and then they just fucked. Yeah, I mean, I did a lot of stage acting when I was a teenager in college. It's the same thing with stage actors. It's the same thing. Oh, my God, we have so much chemistry after we're forced to look into each other's eyes for six hours a day. Yeah, yeah, we have so much chemistry when we were.

It's like how Marines become friends Because they have to do push-ups together And get the same haircut Well, I think One of the weird things was I remember Ashley was telling me And they also fuck all the time But Marines do fuck each other

I think Jacob Allorty sent her flowers Like not related Something like that He was sending her flowers and shit Like not related to the movie On Valentine's Day From Heathcliff from the guy in the movie Listen

Partner Yeah Don't method method acting, she said that Jacob Allorty sends Margot Robbie flowers from Heathcliff on Valentine's Day. I think you're right, Thomas. I think maybe

her husband, maybe is some sort of cuck, or maybe he's a successful guy he doesn't give a fuck. Or maybe it's a weird Hollywood thing where you know people are sucking and fucking interested. I'll tell you, even if he's a successful guy, he has some sort of feeling about it. Yeah, of course. And... I would have a thousand feelings about it, and none of them would be good.

Yeah. And also, who's to say that he's not getting you know, it's type of piece or whatever. You know what I mean? Probably is, yeah, probably. Yeah. It's just like, feel like,

if I was Margot Robbie, would make a lot of sense to marry a gay guy who doesn't bother me all the time. A gay guy with money who leaves me alone and we both have money together.

Yeah, yeah. And then we can get an arranged divorce at some point that can be all in the news. Let me get eyes on this guy. bound with another celebrity and that could be in the news. Okay, let me see here. Marco Robbie and Jacob Allorty develop mutual obsession on set.

I think that means. Also, it could be a big PR thing. I mean, probably. Maybe I'm playing into it, but I'm getting a gander at the husband. And I think maybe you might be sniffing onto something that could be a true because I'm getting a look at this guy and he looks gay. So maybe she married a gay guy so she could just... She married a gay.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I was going to say they have a kid together, but I mean, gay guys have kids all the time with women. Yep. Probably it's one of the safest things you can do if you're gay in the south. It's called fucking another guy. This is a man who is taking good care of his skin. I don't know if he's gay or not. He's definitely

doing the little skin treatments. Good for him. And she does live in Los Angeles, which does make him, wait for it, a gay. This motherfucker and we love and support that.

And being a gay guy married to admittedly, attractive blonde woman. It's probably every gay Hollywood guy's dream. That's like a classic Hollywood Yeah.

You don't see that much anymore, you know? He's kind of Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I brought it up to, because Why did I bring it up? I don't remember it. But I was thinking,

I was thinking I was like, yeah, because he's producing the movie. He produced Itania and Barbie and another one of their movies. Produced a movie that is primarily you know, your wife getting dogged out

by a guy who is considered now to be fucking the most handsome guy they'd have to be paying me a motherfucking grip son I don't know I mean Jacob Allorty hell I'd love to see him try and

get with one of I'd love to see Jacob Allerty try to get with even one of my ex-girlfriends you know women are not interested in that guy yeah Jacob all right Yeah, try if you want Try borrowing my girlfriend's car

Forever Try moving into my apartment And I move out of that I'm going to my girlfriend $8,000 $8,000. Try not having Yeah

Try being Try being 511 and disgusting Jacob Allerty We've already done this When I know we have I remember We've done

We literally ended an episode Of about 20 minutes of try being six foot one in a middle comedian Jacob Allerty Yeah Let's pick somebody else Who else is handsome Right now

I'm not really even jealous of Jacob Alloity He doesn't he's not the same species as me in any way No he's not Dude isn't it crazy He's not he's not as No I'm not the same I feel like if you're 6 5 He should be a little bit ugly

I I have 6 5 friends And they're all No offense to them but a bit goon goon-like. Goons, yeah. Yeah. I really, I've, most of my friends,

I really hit it off with guys who are henchmen like. Of course, yeah, me too. You know, short, fat guys, short-balled guys. You know, guys just with weird builds and shapes. Yeah. You know, odd smiles, you know, mismatched feet, stuff like that. Those are the guys I hit it off with. Yeah, acolytes.

If I walked past this guy with a hook for a hand, we would immediately become friends. Yeah. Yeah. Me and the boys. Actually, you know what's funny is, me and the gang are all around the same height. And then we have Frank. We just randomly befriended very close to a friend group, best friend of mine, a 5'7-angriest Italian-American guy whose last name, I won't say. but it's pretty close to an Italian slur.

So, like, he, all of us are like six foot plus, but around 6, 6,1, 62, and then just Frank. But he's the scariest that of all of us. He's the, I mean, really, he's the Don. If we're keeping it a buck, all the boys' trips, he mostly plans those. He's a very particular guy, and we're his henchman. Now that I think about it, I think we're, I think Frank, I think my one of my best friends, Frank is probably kind of group, group alpha. And then we kind of exist to keep him.

And this is truth, the last 15 years, 14 years of our friendship, all of our friendships. We kind of exist to keep him from getting beat up by other goons and captains of friends. Friends squad. Kind of our most important service to him. He's Joe Pesci. Yes, yes. Yeah, he's Joe Pesci. He's very, uh, very, uh, had a stress.

there where he would pretty much start fights with just about anybody and then it was up to up to us to get it I told you he tried to start a fight with it was F1 was in town and it was his big German he had still had the fucking shirt on everything he was a pit crew for the German racing team guys probably like six foot five built like a fridge dude huge and he was like yeah we can run it right now me and my friends you and your friends and we were all like no no No, sorry. I'm not going to. Frank, you're going to sue. Hey, guys, hey, you big fucking leader hosen wearing motherfucker. We're going to get this little Italian piece of shit out of here. All right? He sucks ass, and he's gay too.

And he can't fight, and he gets no pussy, he has no money. Yeah, all the things you're saying, 100% it's true. And we're going to get up or not out of here on his behalf. Okay? Yeah, y'all have a good one. A fucking off-weeter's in or whatever the fuck. Yeah, he loves that shit. He doesn't know more.

he's domesticated but that used to be his favorite thing you that video of Nate Diaz where he says hey Hamza hey Hamza want you I got I got somebody be I got somebody for he wants you fight my boy and then the camera pans over to his friend who's like a seven and two amateur fighter who's also like 22 years old and like a lightweight yeah that was it that was pretty much that was the the friendship with friends why don't you fight yeah why don't you fight my friend um anyway Sean Strickland's fighting this weekend Fuck him

I hope he gets knocked out He was saying some stuff that I don't like And I hate that bald motherfucker I don't really care about I don't really care about The Super Bowl But he was saying that it was For F-slers

And that only foreigners and F-slers Like the Super Bowl Which made me mad Yeah Because I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but not have any political reason. I just don't watch football. But you can't look like Sean Strickman and say that sucks. A bunch of guys dressed up like grass.

Not their best work. I just want to catch my fish. Yeah, we represented all the best parts of the country. Gas station, snow cone stand, grass, thrift store. Power lines. I didn't even Oh, as an act of power As a statement

He jumped, he climbed up on a fake power pole To, as a reminder that his country's infrastructure sucks ass Yeah, that was gonna So I'm not, you're probably not the guy to ask And I don't mean that as an insulting way But what is going on with that? I think Um

Correct me probably wrong. I think it's, I think it's if I understand correctly Puerto Rico is a territory of the U.S., right? It's a territory. Yeah. And I believe that they had a very bad storm that really fucked up their power grid.

Okay. And we'd, and FEMA, et cetera, was like, oh, they're not a state. We're not doing a shit for them. Uh-huh. even though Right We claim them as a territory

Something along those lines I think Trump really didn't help out with Much in terms of storm response Oh yeah this was Maria And it's that was Maria And that's the video Of him throwing the power The paper towels out to people

Like motherfucking t-shirts Yeah Yeah Man what a fat fucking kid fucking piece of shit I don't like bad bunny either but I don't know Oh no

Mr. Bunny's nice I watched her very bad movie That's why he did He did all those amazing songs Wow those were such good songs Titty me pregnant That's my favorite one My favorite one was

Oh PIP PIP PIP because it reminded me That I'm not very good at my job It reminded me that I could be fired At any moment And it would make sense it would not be anything weird at all

I was going to do that joke on the stage and I realized that it was just something funny to bring up on the podcast and didn't really have legs and that's most most of my ideas are more you know hey how about you say it in a podcast and people forget about it

and that is good because when you say something on stage people remember it forever yeah the stuff I say on stage it's etched in fucking stone It's etched in stone because I unfortunately, when I die in a few years, I'll be remembered as the greatest comedian of all time. Right.

And that's a big burden for me to know that I'll surpass Chappelle and Carlin and all those guys, Bill Hicks and all them so effortlessly. Whenever, you know, a 15-minute unlisted YouTube video is listed in the wake of my death. And five to ten minutes of good material within a 25-minute set. that are revealed to the world. Uh-huh. But that's the weight I carry. That's the burden I carry. Oh, wow.

Trump administration cancels all eight of the remaining federal grants devoted to distributed powering energy on the island. Probably a good move. Probably a good motivate. They probably did that for a good reason and not because of the Super Bowl. I'm going to go ahead and say that that probably wasn't. retributive in any way I don't think

anybody I don't think I like anybody in power I don't think I care about you You like Lindsay Graham I do I do really think he's super hot I think he's very handsome I want to go like this to him

Hey Lindsay you're doing a great job Lindsay more like kissy man Lindsay Graham more like kiss my hands in my feet and my legs Hey, Lins Limsby

slammed by kisses Oh, kiss my arms Lindsay More like flimsy Yams And I'm playing with his balls And I'm playing with his balls

And bounced him around a little bit Yeah Yeah La La La La La La La Yeah Yeah Lindsay

You fucking Old gay piece of shit Nothing wrong with being gay But you don't like The gay guys So I'm using it as an insult To you in this moment Like flimsy flan

That's what his cum tastes like It's probably bad If you can even If you can even make a load anymore Probably his loads are probably Amazing and healthy Dude imagine Miel

For his seed I think it would kill him I think it would kill him I would kill him I would kill Mitch McConnell with seven consecutive prostate orgasms. Yeah, I think you could do it with two. I don't think you...

I would have his glasses all fogged up like an old Chevy in a driving theater. You know what we're doing in there. Don't even come asking us to stop. Don't even come asking us to stop. You know what we're doing there. But I'm inside his mind. I'm turning his brain into hot grits.

Yeah. He's never been treated like this. This is old Kentucky boys ready for his last derby. Secretary. I'll show him a Kentucky. Kentucky Mule, all right. Is that where he's from? No, I don't think so.

That's Jeff Sessions, I think. Jeff Sessions, more like, I'm having sessions with my Jeff out. Yeah. Bro, this is the... Get out of here. Okay, this is the first picture that shows up. I'm going to send this to you. This is the first picture that shows up when you Google Mitch McConnell.

I do not approve of this. He looks like he... He's from Tennessee? Yeah, I think so. This... The picture... Do you think he's spent much time in North Memphis? Probably not.

Probably not. I don't think he's probably spent too much time out of white enclaves. Get a load of this pick, brother. Just sent it. He looks like you just sent him a picture. Oh, he's from Kentucky. he's he's he doesn't he's shy you know what i mean he's that's like a yeah he looks like the suckler dude i'm gonna make this picture i don't i'm gonna make this picture of the fucking god damn episode thumbnail

and nobody can stop me maybe getty could probably stop me but it doesn't matter um what a nasty fucking little fucked up ghoul he's from kentucky he's held the seat since 85 so people man i forgot all this shit from college, dude. I'm like, why the fuck can't you just... Oh, they're trying to replace him. It is pretty... It's not cool, but it is interesting

that if you are a politician, regardless of where you sit on the aisle, if you don't... If you say something bad about Israel, then they'll raise a bunch of money and they'll replace you with a guy that says good things about Israel. It's just kind of crazy that we...

that that happens and we just kind of accepted that people like, isn't that crazy? And you're like, yeah, that's crazy. Like, this should be something that we should like stop working. We should stop working. Everybody should stop working. And we should be like, you know, tearing like the doors off of stuff.

And then people like, nah, we don't got to do all that. It's just, isn't it goofy? And you're like, oh, I mean, it's really probably one of the craziest things that ever heard. Anyway, I love Israel. And I love Israel. And I, uh, I, uh, I want to, to make it very clear that I support anything that the United States government, I'm not a political person.

And you cannot use this podcast to attach to some AI software to make it say that I don't support stuff. Because first of all, you don't know me. Motherfucker. Anyway. What else does that? I want to ask you about. His wife is Chinese? Get the fuck out of here.

He's got a Chinese wife, and he's fucking... Elaine Chow. Is she Chinese? Taiwanese, so Chinese. Straight up. Former Secretary of Labor under Bush. Okay. All right.

Labor under Bush. Sounds like somebody had a nice Valentine's Day. Mitch McConnell. was dicking down a Chinese lady. And her dad... She loves him to his turtle-like features.

And I don't want you guys in the comments saying that when she looks at him she gets hungry. I don't think that is nice. So don't say that. China just executed a motherfucker. China executes a billionaire.

I think they executed his ass or sent his ass to fucking life in jail. Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. Rip. Fucking. Bye-bye bozo. Whenever the fucking Chinese just goddamn. Fucking,

like 11 fucking, guys who are doing like an extortion racket or some shit. It's the first fucking thing on CNN. How can you believe it? How could they do this? Motherfucker. I hope they kill more of them.

China executes 11 members of gang and billion dollar criminal empire. Bye bye. Bye bye. Stupid fuck. Bye. Yeah, that's the end of it. Yeah. Yeah.

Sayanara, as they say in your language. Uh, yeah. Anyway, thanks for listening to the show Damn, the lady that backed her fucking Tesla into a pond and died died in Johnson City Which is just around the bend Yeah And then hold on a goddamn moment Uh

Okay Nevermind Um Johnson City, where is that? My mouth? Yep That's where it is Thanks for listening

Head on over to Patreon.com slash Bredaio time and fucking sign up and listen to the show and sign up on to the Patreon and listen to the show and subscribe to the show. Trying to get some live show stuff fucking grinding, but it's kind of hard with the timing and everything I'm moving

and I'm going to be getting married and then I'm going on my honeymoon. So the summer is probably out and every comedy club when I asked them about spring they say no so we'll probably see you guys in the fall of the winter a little couple shows in the works let's see listen to drunk uncle

thank you Thomas you got here to plug no I'm all set thank you all right uh bye bye bye Yeah.