Pendejo Time - mr beast YouTube

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

one of those eps where I definitely had a great time. Support the show

Oh It's Wednesday, I just had a whole big ass plate of fucking delicious ass motherfucking pasta, dude Delicious like a sauce or anything Yeah, I did. Well what I did was I just so it was ricotta and spinach Stuffed and I just ate it right out of the bag Not even boil it It's kind of. I don't think that's true. It sounds like a fib to me. I am fibbing I boiled it with some goddamn lemon pepper and some butter and threw that motherfucker in there and then I had a I had this like red Alfredo

sauce so it's like creamy like Alfredo sauce, but it's got like the body of a fucking like a red meat sauce Pretty awesome, and then I wash that down with about a 62 degree Lone-star that sat in my van for about three days Because I've had a dope ass day, and I'm living a dope ass life and my life is a fucking a dope It's pretty awesome Yeah, yo fucking was gonna say oh Do you have any people in Florida that you know they're in danger of being blown away by the fucking two for Tuesday Yeah, but I haven't checked in on any of them

Yeah, yeah, I was laughter I Kind of asked because you know I was thinking about my friend Thomas. He's not a very compassionate guy It doesn't really care for other people that Kind of care for him and stuff well that way if something bad happens I Don't have to step into laughter the fact you know Yeah, you can come pick up because you know what am I gonna say don't don't worry about it. It's not gonna be that bad Do you want me to say that you know oh?

If you need anything let me know well that what the you know what what yeah good point I here's fifty thousand dollars for you down payment on a new house Do you see that guy Aiden Ross put up a challenge $70,000 to anybody who just stays outside during the hurricane. And so there's this guy out there with just a blow up mattress, some dry ramen cubes, and a couple things of water and that's it.

He's like live streaming. You have to live stream the whole thing. Which I'm like, how do you live stream during a category five hurricane or whatever? But he's not doing too good already. How do you live stream during like a category five hurricane or whatever? but uh He's not doing too good already, and I think it makes landfall here in like 30 minutes, so I guess we'll see how he's doing Catch it makes landfall at least it doesn't make waterfall because those can be really scary Yeah, they can man, that's not good. It's pretty terrifying. Yeah, what's next air fall? Yeah, earthfall or

fire Windfall windfall of cash now. We're talking now. We're moving through the fucking we look at that dude Well, I was gonna Open this funny comment in the patreon app, but it turns out I'm Funny Hmm oh It was the guy who got the DUI listening to the show He was saying he'd given explanation. Yeah, he was saying that he backed into a

F-150 in the episode he was listening to was not very funny Very nice Very awesome. That's badass That makes sense yeah that tracks Let me see five comments Dy guy here slammed into a parked f-150 after chugging Jim Beam in the bathroom all day at work the episode I was listening to was not particularly funny Awesome man, that's sick very cool. Dude. Thank you for sharing that piece of tidbit with me It's always been my dream to be telling a guy a story,

and then he backs his truck and F-150 goes to jail over it. Did you ever hit any parked cars? You driving around drunk? I hit a parked car last week. Yeah, but you paid for that and you were a good person about it. I used to hit cars a lot whenever I worked for Jimmy John's Yeah, I hit easily ten cars within that month

Yeah, not a Jimmy John's but yeah, I got yeah, I had one official wreck and then several unofficial ones Yep, in that month and then I quit so realized Did not make sense also it turns out If you're a delivery driver, and you get in a wreck or something it's technically you'll have to fight for it but it's technically like the Company you're working for is fault Yeah, I think it's a lot of fighting you gotta do that But who gives a fuck I'd kill kill Papa John with a Grinch if I had to

The reckoning is coming soon What if what if xxx? Tentacion is coming back and this is how he returns to Florida His spirits and his spirits angry at the state of current the current state of hip-hop I'm sipping tea in your hood And he's coming to he's coming to eviscerate all the wack ass rappers and bring back a new wave of SoundCloud rap Featuring him

Bob with his sound I kind of so He was like a guilty pleasure His yes his early like raw stuff, but I didn't like his I didn't like his love songs I didn't like this sure he was singing, but I wasn't like publicly if I wasn't a big fan and I also wasn't publicly a fan at all cuz he I wasn't a big fan and I also wasn't publicly a fan at all cuz he Like beat the fuck out of his pregnant girlfriend and stuff and I was like damn I don't think I

I think I want to be like, oh, yo, this is my favorite guy, you know, I Love what he does outside. Yeah, I'm a big I love that type of stuff cuz I already have the David Bowie tattoo and This is 2016. So I already had that Jeffrey Epstein tattoo, which wasn't at the time was not a big deal. People thought he was Seinfeld But then whenever that stuff came out about him people started wondering why I had Jeffrey Epstein on my chest on one tectorial and then to puck on the other and I said they're my two favorite sex criminals. I was about to say that I, I think a lot of people knew about Jeffrey Epstein in 2016, but I realized now that in many ways, almost like Peyton Manning,

like he's a household name you know what I mean like Larry Bird and Michael Jordan like LeBron Kobe like 2016 I knew a lot of people who knew about the Epstein thing but I also hung out on a lot of the like the ex- whatever like a lot of the stupid forms and stuff and like places where people talked about shit like that and I had a lot of conspiracy friends from Newgrounds

but He wasn't like you know what he was still working on his craft. You know what I mean he wasn't quite yet He was a journeyman, and he was working on becoming like the real motherfucker that he is today posthumously of course You know they never appreciate an artist until he's fucking dead or whatever people say I Guess what I'm saying is some guys would have read clocked it as did I tell you? Feel free to roast me the fuck. I mean for this because it was just really stupid on my part I Didn't do it, but I had to be talked out of it by like four different people

2019 like two months after he kills himself whatever supposedly whatever the fuck doesn't matter I Was going I had it all planned out. I was gonna go as Epstein for Halloween I was gonna get the Harvard sweater and Like the glasses and I had short hair at the time This is before we started the show, I was just gonna like dye it gray and like you know do some stage makeup or whatever and then just carry around like a manila folder that had like dossiers in it they just be blank I wouldn't have pictures of children I

wasn't gonna go I wasn't gonna go that far. You just have a know a folder that just says child pornography on it Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like a big red stamp like top secret the child porn anyway, and That's the presidential seal for Biden Yeah It's like he goes up on the podium for his last big speech It's just he has just he signs his name as child pornography every time It's a beautiful like a beautiful cursive It looks like John Hancock signature, but just his child pornography

Like the Y has a beautiful swoop Yeah, it's like a like that white girl wedding font just as child pornography Anyway, and I remember I remember fucking Every year we do this like cover like Halloween set where people like Bands in the scene or whatever pick like old like punk and emo bands and then they like do covers or whatever of those bands. One of my buddies was like what are you going to go as this year because you've been doing it every year for the last like six or seven years at that point. And I was like oh I'm going to go as Jeffrey Epstein and he was like I don't know if I

like that idea at all man and I was I was like, come on, dude, it'll be funny. And he was like, best case scenario, people just think that you're like a professor. Like you have the Harvard thing on, you got the dockers, you got the leather thing, and you're carrying around a folder of papers. Best case scenario, people just think that you're like, because I was in grad school at the time, they were like, oh, it's professor Jake or whatever.

Ha ha. Worst case scenario, people recognize you as notorious child predator and rapist Jeffrey Epstein, to which zero people are going to, the worst guy at the party is going to think that that's funny. And I never really thought of it that way until it was broken down to me in that way. And I of course backed out and didn't end up doing it But now that I think about it, it would have been very funny Manila folder that just had child pornography on it big red letters

Yeah You told me you were gonna go as Ava Braun this year, right Ava Braun Yeah, right? Ava Braun Yeah, you see the whole sim plan Yeah, I was thinking about it. Well. I don't well. She didn't do anything wrong necessarily. You know what I mean? Hmm well she didn't you know what I mean like it wasn't wrong of her to To do any I mean, I guess it was wrong of her to Mary Hitler. I guess you know yeah, I would say so She met they met when he was when she was 17 wait what

Did they really are y'all okay with this Other names Ava Hitler Wait did they didn't get married yeah, they did in the bunker or whatever I think Like right before they blew each other's brains out or blew their brains out. Yes That's pretty cool. See I'm in the relationship with Hitler section. Let's see Ship with Hitler Hmm do you think they had sex or we think it was just kind of like yeah, probably Like our friendship or something. I bet he tore that thing up

It's pretty gross man. I Don't think I like that at all. I bet he tore it up. I Bet he tore it. I think Hillary. I don't think Hitler was capable of beating guts. I bet he tore it up. I don't think Hitler was capable of beating guts. I bet he tore it up. He was super passionate. You know, I don't think so. He had a crazy anger about him that probably... He probably... What the fuck? I don't want to connect. I don't want to connect I don't want to connect my fucking

What the fuck is going on here? Hitler's probably guys You're okay, Jake's having done that difficulties, but it's okay So yeah, Jake was Jake wants to go as a Drag you not want to be a va brah ava brah for Halloween What would be a good drag ava brah and pun, you know, there's like harlot oscarra There's like, you know

fucking There's like, you know fucking Driller II like split. I don't know Clinton like you know what I mean? Like what's a good like it has to be a pun. It has to be like Sexy or like a like a portmanteau or like a damn Let's see here. There's I Don't know what a portmanteau is Me neither. I just I saw it on the computer earlier Ava Braun Ava Braun

Ava bitch Okay, that's fine evil rolling, but we'll Okay, I think we're not crawling. I think we're back to- Slave-o-boobs. Okay, no, I think we're, now we keep progressing, we keep devolving. I think we need to-

Jacob Tom. Jacob Thomas. Yeah, flavor, ooh, flavor brawn. Okay, now we're talking flavor brown is that too much Flavor brown I think yeah, yeah, and she eats poop Drag queen it all No, she is but that's her thing this thing she does Eating poop okay, how about slayed off Fittler? What's that what's the what's the drag Hitler?

Slayda okay, say it slayed off littler. I can take that or oh Oh, I got you Joseph dangala get it cuz the penis. Yeah, I don't know who that is man. Gala was a Nasty motherfucker was in the right he was high up sounds like somebody who'd play for the Yankees And now up to bat Joseph man Gala And now up to bat Joseph Mangala Ernst Rome he was just you Let's see Himmler. It's fucked up. I would never let a motherfucker whose name is almost my name Be my co-captain

That's like if you became president like governor of Texas and your lieutenant governor was Domus tight I'd like that like a high like Adolf Hitler Heinrich that's not it almost seems too cartoonish it doesn't seem doesn't seem like that stuff that stuff should be allowed What would your dictator name be if you were a dictator? What would you like your name to be? Oh great? Erudite vanquish Erudite vanquish would be my dictator name name and I would burn all the crops and I would I would poison all the water and I would make everybody's life fucking dog shit

until somebody killed me but I would try to speed run my coup d'etat so I would be doing all sorts of manner of nasty ass stuff, I would be poisoning the water, I would be bombing everybody I would be burning everybody's crops. I'd be enslaving just about anybody that could walk and Yeah, we never leave my castle what about you Pray blaze billions Blame billions

That's what you said that sounds cool That sounds like you'd be like a kind like blaze the kind like you know how they like like billions because I'd have billions Slaves Keep in mind I would be evil. I don't want to do this, but if I'm a dictator I got to play all the cards like you know I'm dealt yeah of course Yeah, I would be the dictator of Russia So it'd be white white slaves. Oh Nice or okay salespeople

Yeah, dog Estonis Yes, yeah, maybe a couple of those guys I Would I would be the first people to enslave Greeks in a long time? You know I would be the first people to enslave Greeks in a long time. In a very long time. Maybe ever, we don't know. We don't know if it ever happened. We have no historical record of that ever happening. They're calling them the worst slaves of all time.

The sleepiest slaves that ever was. We feed them all day and they get no work done We've been working on they eat They think it's fruit they think it's a type of sweet candy that hasn't been invented yet Imagine the Greeks trying to build the pyramids Maybe that's why I took him 2,000 years Maybe they were Greek or whatever sign up in or whatever the fuck it whatever the goddamn It took them so long because the delivery drivers didn't know where the hell Egypt was in Africa so big

GPS was just bugging out the whole yeah Yeah, they were trying to Yeah, it took so long because The all the directions were in hieroglyphics Yeah, but I'm seriously just kidding Guys if that goes too far, please let me know please let me know don't fuck don't fuck the game up come Come correct and text Thomas's fees. Let me know if that was too far his number is let me put it But you say his number out loud to you about 10 000 people. Let me say his number his number is 281-330-8004.

Are you everybody too old or too young to what y'all know about Mr. Michael Jones? Mr. Michael Jones. Ava Braun karate. Ava Braun was a brown belt in judo. She used it to wipe her butt probably. After traveling in Japan during her youth, Ava Braun became a fan of judo, taking the sport to Bavaria and then to Germany at her time of meeting Hitler I'm just making that up guys. I did that's not real, but that'd be so fucking sick if Ava Braun knew how to do it fucking ochimata I would I Would have left her mean replies on Twitter to scold her

For affiliated with him with that monster he Wait she went by suicide by cyanide poisoning Yeah, they both killed themselves in the bunker No, I know I thought I thought she blew her brains out. I was wrong on that one No, I know. I thought she blew her brains out. What was wrong with that one? Allegedly. Yeah. The CIA said he was in Argentina, floating around, making noise, listening to fucking Bachata, eating a big ass sandwich.

Sometime in the early 50s. Surely after the beginning of the Cold War. But that was just a random cable. Who knows if it's true or not. Relationship with Hitler They're literally his half knees to galley rabble on an apartment honestly I'm just mad that Hitler died before Hawk to a could have won him over to the good side She's blonde. He may have been a she may have been able to convince him. I think he would have liked the South Hitler would have I think maybe he already did too hot I

Think maybe he already already had a couple things to say about The Jim can we just talk about is anybody else? Just now hearing about a hawk to a I Just got worried about this. This is so crazy I Just got worried about this. This is so crazy Hawk Mua spit on that dang you know apparently mr. Beast rented out a movie theater watch to watch talk to a Talk to a and mr.. Beast collab before did we get GTA 6 oh? My god, and he gave the whole gang

Beastables He gave the whole gang Beastables He gave the whole gang beastables and prime to have while they were watching talk to us Wait, did we FR get this before we got a GTA 6 laughing emoji? guys Please stop dude top reply. You can't get any more NPC than this Thank you design your reality Second top reply bro can't get any more lame than that Third reply this gave me cancer and AIDS

Next one why the fuck this she's the memes get better and better because because uh Moms were into that for a while So their moms were yeah, that's true. Haley and Bailey and all those names weird for a while I knew Bailey whose name was spelled exactly like that with a B growing up and I knew a ba a y le a B a I le I gh a

B a y le I gh a B a I Le a and those were just at my school I Did have a cousin or she still lie her name is Laura lie LOR I le I Did have a cousin or she still alive her name is Laura lie L-o-r-i-l-e That's a stupid name probably a dumb cousin if I had to guess It's a cousin who's gonna either gonna be an elf or have a 75 IQ I Think she got married to a Marine

that's a Something you name your kid when you have a mouth injury, and you can only say certain stuff Lorelei Lorelei Yeah, yeah that side of the family something else I think she I think she married like a Like a like a Marine or something I feel like if you if your name is Lorelei or Bailey like you said it or like Or like Kaylee with a bunch of G's and I's you really are only allowed to become a nurse and marry a Marine

Or become a teacher and marry an army guy. I'm gonna or my daughter Hawk to Lee And marry an army guy. I'm gonna name my daughter Hocktuli. H-O-U-K-T-U-L-E-I-G-H. Hocktuli. Hocktuli White. Hocktuli White. Hocktuli White, did you watch your seven hours of YouTube shorts today? Uncle Jake's coming over and he's gonna hit you with a head with a big piece of wood.

I need you and your brother Skibbity Toilet White to read your iPads today because we're going to have your Uncle Jake coming over and he needs to see you hit the gritty. Me and Uncle Jake are gonna do heroin and watch old monster movies. So, Hoctua Leapa White and Skibbidi Toilet White, I need you to watch hardcore pornography and gore on your 85-inch iPads for 18 hours while Uncle Jake and Daddy Tom watch Nosferatu,

the original, and get high on fentanyl. Watch Nosferatu the original and get high on fentanyl Hock to a leaper skibbity toilet and Then you just have a Sunday mr. Beast. He has no last name. Yeah, we're gonna sit down for YouTube's giving and we're gonna have beastables for for twitch dinner What the twitch gives twitch giving it's like a lunchable, but mr.. Beast made them Feastables y'all feastables

Beastable silly me feastable doesn't wouldn't you love a brother a feastable is a chocolate bar get the fuck out of town Feastables What the fuck Didn't one of his friends Like get off the show because they were not doing something super cool super cool wasn't that the whole thing mm-hmm It was doing something super cool. Wasn't that the whole thing? Mm-hmm. It was weird. There was different stuff going on. One of the people on a show was gonna transition,

or was transitioning. And then there was grooming allegations and stuff, but I don't know. Which I think the allegations were legit, but it was just really bad optics in general Oh Yeah lunch Lee Logan Paul KSI and mr. Beast have just released sorry that's loading cut the suspense is fucking killing me Okay guys if you're sitting down, please stay sitting down

Please don't be sitting up for this because I'm getting really excited. Just thinking about it. Logan Paul, KSI and Mr. Beef Beast have just released lunch. A better for you pre-made meal, clearly competing with Lunchables. We've really enjoyed Lunchables here and there, but the macros on these stack up fairly better than the leading brands. Each Lunchly comes with a meal, including a 12 ounce bottle of prime hydration and a feast of bulls bar

available available and available available and three varieties number one turkey stackums One set of build your own bites with the wheat crackers turkey and real cheddar cheese So I guess it's not gluten friendly Gluten not gluten free. It has gluten in it an ice pop flavor prime Hydration and a creamy milk chocolate feastables bar doesn't that sound healthy?

You get crackers with turkey and cheese up an ice pop prime hydration drink, and a chocolate bar. And it's creamy. Mmm, the pizza. Doesn't the pizza sound good, Jake? Three pizza crust plus top notch toppings. Sauce, uncured pepperoni. I hate cured pepperoni.

And shredded mozzarella made with real cheese. I hate fake I like when cheese is real His real cheese is so expensive. I'm glad they use it Yeah, oh and a cherry freeze prime hydration and milk crunch feasible. Yes Yes, the third variety my mouth is watering like a fucking crazy rabbit ape Nah Fiesta nachos look so fucking good One tray of corn tortilla chips with two dips, okay? All right to all right you ready for the two dips Jake yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes

Yes, yes number one at creamy queso blanco made with real cheese yeah real cheese and number two a tangy salsa and I assume the salsa is made with real tomatoes tomato tomato I know I know I know and a strawberry prime hydration drink yes Yes for strawberries. Probably grown real strawberries in real California somewhere. And that was what puts the real natural flavors in there. And don't even let me forget about the creamy milk chocolate feastables bar. So if you want a milk crunch feastables,

keep in mind you're going to want to stick with the pizza. The pizza lunchly. But if you're cool with the creamy milk chocolate Feastables bar and that's your favorite I got good news. You can choose between the turkey stackums or the fiesta nachos. If you want tortilla chips you must get the fiesta nachos. There are no other dishes with fiesta nacho tortilla chips. Please keep that in mind You will only get pizza with the pizza You will only get turkey with turkey stackings and if I get many more emails about

Lunchly and how you guys want more meals. I'm not in control of that. I Can't control which lunch these you guys are getting so please Please bear with me and I can't get bigger primes in the can't get bigger primes in the box as they don't fit so Jake did you have anything that I know they're paying us a lot Well, here's the thing I wanted that the initial discussion about macros really got me interested because if there's one thing that I as a parent of a growing boy is interested in is it's macros for my child. So let's see how the macros stack up.

Protein. Every boy needs protein. Every growing boy needs protein. So Lunchables, we're talking 11 grams of protein in the turkey stackums. Now for Lunchally, talking 11 grams of protein in the turkey stackums. Now for lunchly, also 11 grams of protein. Not great, but hey, let's see what else we got going. The Lunchable Turkey and American Cracker Stacker, that's going to be 310 calories. Okay, the Lunchly Turkey Stackums, 230 calories.

So if you're trying to get your kid on a nice cut, you're want to check out the turkey stackems electrolytes only 55 milligrams of electrolytes in a Capri Sun Thomas Thomas yeah, I Need you to take a deep breath 400 milligrams of electrolytes in the fucking lunch the turkey stack is that just sodium Yeah of electrolytes in the fucking lunchly turkey stack. Is that just sodium? Yeah. It just has more salt? Yeah, it's fucked up with salt. And then sugar, seven grams in the lunchly,

whereas 21 grams in the fucking Lunchable. So again, if you're trying to get your son nice and diced up for the summer so he can do gainers off the fucking pool and be cool ass is a cool Guy then fucking go with lunch Lee guys They I'm not supposed to say this

We paid five thousand dollars for the privilege of bringing up lunch Lee on the show And I'm happy to pay another five thousand dollars every week because I'll tell you guys I don't know how I would do the show if I couldn't talk about lunchlies can I order lunchly where should I peel where can I get lunchlies for my grandma she's in the hospital where should I peel out and lunch up you can find lunchly on on shelves now. Can I get a palette? I need a palette of lunchly I don't know how to eat anything else I Forgot how to eat everything that's not a lunch thing

Can you tell me how to get to the lunchly? Fulfillment wholesale warehouse because I gotta tell you I'm hungry as hell and I need me a turkey stack them in a nacho delight Mmm, this looks really good. I'm gonna contact lunchly right now. Oh My god Now you've seen the ingredients for cherry freeze flavored for cherry This is called cherry freeze flavored with other natural flavors drink It's got water it's got citric acid dipotassium phosphate natural flavors sucralose

acid sulfane potassium gun arabic astragum D alpha tosifl acetate that's just vitamin E Pyridoxine hydrochloride that's vitamin B6 retinal palmitate Vitamin A that's my favorite vitamin And cyanobalamin. Oh, cyanocobalamin.

That's vitamin B12. My mouth is watering. Oh, they have. Hey, Thomas. Yeah. I'm trying to get a hold of Lunchly. I don't know what name to leave. Who should I leave? What what can I call them? I'll try to see if I can call them a phone line Contest I'm about to met

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I got my I got the form up right now name Ezekiel child now name Ezekiel child email Jake at mystery.com is there a phone do they have a suicide hotline on the look this is the only place I'm willing to go for help Media inquiry mr. B should have a suicidal hotline honestly. He would probably save a lot of lives Yeah, he probably would have good fucking sage advice. It's so funny to get put on hold with those it's like I guess I can wait I Called one one time and I I Think like

From not mistaken it gave me like the busy town Maybe I wasn't trying to call them. I got put on hold for like 20 25 minutes, and I was like I guess I'm fine Yeah, I guess if I could wait this long I could wait You know like I won't kill myself. Yeah, I guess it wasn't that I was kind of just looking for some advice, but Yeah, I guess you know maybe don't ask your computer. How not to kill yourself oh Man you call the suicide prevention hotline just for men, and then they don't hang they don't answer the phone Oh, yeah, I love it when a pizza only has 12 grams of sugar That's really good

Oh, it's probably from the chocolate actually I'm gonna see if I can get them as a sponsor, but I'm gonna give a fake agent name Ezekiel child Hello, my name is Ezekiel child. I'm reaching out on behalf of the delicious lunch Lee Well not on behalf of the delicious lunchly... Well, not on behalf of... Delicious lunchly team. I can't type. I don't care about this anymore Mr. Beasties mr. Beast and he's helping the world

He's here to save the world you can click a button that says feed me which doesn't sound Oh James Stephen they are not in San Marcos James Steven Jimmy Donaldson You beautiful bastard Thomas. They don't fucking have lunch Lee in San Marcos Move up to New York, baby. We got it all we got lunch Lee. We got Lunchables. We got prime. We got Kit Kat All right, let me see if we got let me see if we got any lunch Lee and fucking Brooklyn I bet there's lunch Lee they don't got lunch Lee in Brooklyn where the fuck is lunch Lee all right in Manhattan man mr. Beast

has Crohn's disease he probably can't even eat lunche-lees. Dude, no lunche-lee in Manhattan. Where the fuck... Where the fuck is... Houston. Houston's fat as fuck. They gotta have lunche-lee in that motherfucker. Houston. Yeah, they got a fuck ton of lunche-lee in Houston. MrBeast has 319 million subscribers on YouTube

Yeah, no, it's like and it's like the entire country Antonio also been on this side of YouTube a long time Yeah, like two weeks ago. They okay, then I've got lunch lane San Antonio's the fattest place in the world But they got him in Houston, so I'll take that Dallas. I believe there are a lot of Dallas moms who would buy lunchly oh Yeah, fucking 25 pages of results for Dallas Well, there's a lot of warehouses in Dallas also Miami Beast philanthropy has 26 million Mr.. Beast gaming has 45 million beast reacts 35 million mr. beast to 46 million wait what about mr. fuck mr. beast deep fake JOI I'll Google it fuck it. I don't care mr. Beast deep Mr. Beast. I don't know what that would be.

Mr. Least One dollar versus five hundred thousand dollar plane ticket has 424 million views What is the point of that? He's taking two different planes and seeing which one how different they are I imagine Coca-Cola Mr.. Beast Sight sigh up Mr.. Be psychological this tough video has 658 million views. That's crazy 456 thousand dollar squid game in real life

Mm-hmm I'm on the red scare pod would you sit in snakes for ten thousand dollars? Yeah, I mean other venomous one dollar versus 100 million dollar car One dollar versus two hundred fifty thousand dollar vacation What? $1 versus $250,000 vacation. Going through the same drive-thru 1,000 times. I ate $100,000 golden ice cream I ate a $70,000 golden pizza I filled my brother's house with slime and bought him a new one it's just sounds like stuff that you would tell me when we're trying to record a video episode at like 3 a.m. I got hunted by the military. I got hunted by the FBI.

All right, here's one for you Jake. 100 boys versus 100 girls for $500,000. I gave people $1 million but only 1 minute to spend it. I searched 100 dumpsters. Here's what I found I Hunted 100 people I gave my credit card to random people. That's pretty good. I random people. That's pretty good. I gave my 40 millionth subscriber 40 cars. That's actually not cool. I feel like that would be so cumbersome. A burden. More than a burden I put millions of pennies in my friend's backyard Eating a $10,000 golden steak, 24 karat gold. Logan, Logan Paul, I took 4,120 pictures in 90 days.

Spending 24 hours straight underwater challenge. I challenge the world's. I challenge the world's number one Tetris player. He's 14 Pretty good last to leave the slime pit wins $20,000 These all sound like really like fucking like deep web videos going around a Ferris wheel 1000 times straight Hold on. It hasn't uploaded in a while. I gave my brother 24 hours to spend $100,000. That's easy.

I'm going on Dodge, I'm buying a Hellcat, and then I'm going on dodge I'm buying a hellcat and then I'm going on and then I guess I buy like $40,000 or $30,000 worth of creative it's probably what I would do I could do that in about an hour okay here we go last to leave toilet wins 1 million dollars part 3 toilet wins one million dollars part three they're next I think they're next to each other on toilets oh nice I donated fifty thousand dollars to Ninja He's a billionaire what a flex flexing on him Mr.. Beast 100 identical twins fight for two minutes like I just dollars I just saw that Men versus women survived the wilderness for half a million dollars

Can a glowing 1000 degrees sword slice a car in half? Donating $10,000 to PewDiePie. It's from five years ago. Yeah, that's good. Seven days stranded in a cave. MrBeast's lab cryo lab melt the ice panther. Survived 100 days in a nuclear bunker, win $500,000 2256 miles in one uber ride world record One dollar versus ten million dollar job What is a ten million dollar job? What the fuck is a ten million dollar job? One dollar versus two hundred fifty million dollar private island. Where is there...

Am I not understanding the fundamental fucking definition of these terms? There's no private island that's one dollar. I'm not gonna watch these videos though. Train versus giant pit uh... saying pewdiepie one hundred thousand times PewDiePie 100,000 times I built 100 wells in Africa $10,000 ice sculpture versus flame $10,000 every day you survive prison I I Donated $10,000 if they said this word Wait really yeah nice

$10,000 every day you survive in a grocery store Offering people $100,000 to quit their job I I saved 100 dogs from dying It's funny how low of a number that is compared to most of his videos. Yeah, so I was thinking the same thing. I was like, dude, you just went on a, you found a $25 million private island

that you can only save 100 dogs from dying. Seems like you could very easily save a thousand dogs. Saving one guy from Hurricane Katrina. Just kidding. Saving one dog from Hurricane Katrina Saving one dog from Hurricane Milan every country on earth fights for 250 grand I'm pretty sure every country on earth fought for a little bit more than that. It's called freedom Let's see here. Actually getting arrested. I've gotten back, I'm pretty far back now.

I broke into a house. Black Ops 2 gameplay with commentary hipsters. I'm back to like when he made his channel. I think Yeah, oh Man bringing mr. Beast's credit card to the hood Kyson at I Kind of want I would have I would have said I would watch that one later Let's see 30 Lamborghinis versus 10,000 people All right, I think that's about, I don't think I can find anymore. Hydraulic press versus Lamborghini.

World's fastest car ages 1 to 100 fight for $500,000 well I think, yeah I mean that's gonna be a no-brainer Jake Paul, buy sneakers for everyone in the store it seems so underwhelming probably spent like a few grand I forgot that that song that Jake Paul had was like pretty big the it's everyday bro song remember that's like how I like heard about Jake Paul had was like pretty big The it's everyday bro song remember. That's like how I like heard about Jake Paul

Yeah, yeah, yeah, really. It's how I heard about it, and then Gucci Mane got on the remix I Want to see the fucking shit. He had a song with with Rich homie Kwan Damn rest in peace to a real one rest in peace Jake Paul Damn rest in peace to a real one rest in peace Jake Paul Damn I make fun is Jake Paul, but he has a song with a Gucci man, and I don't you know Who knows Jake Paul fears? What might happen if Donald Trump loses the election America will fall the borders will open tens of millions of illegal criminals and people from other Countries will pour in and I think freedom of speech will probably be taken away Jake Paul hits back I

Cheated on my wife prank she freaked out How a fallen YouTube star found redemption in the ring from the Hollywood reporter report on my fucking balls, dude What are you talking about I hate this motherfucker dude Jake Paul hits back I tried to babysit many Jake Paul alone, here's what happened. Wife swap challenge gone wrong. Tommy Ennott vs Logan Paul controversy. Logan Paul criticized for sharing private messages amidst controversy with Tommy Ennett. Logan Paul is facing criticism for sharing private messages from Tommy Ennett after the YouTuber condemned Paul's promotion of Prime during a podcast discussion about the Gaza

conflict with Donald Trump Hey, dude, he's gotta get your fucking money up money up or funny up I choose money every fucking time you trying to talk about mass death. Just kidding. Enjoy lunchly lunchly It contains prime and nacho cheese Logan Paul versus 100 ms-13 Where is RiceGum? Where is he? Is he dead? I don't know, I can't find him. Did he get suspended? Rich Brian?

No, that was a different guy. No, I know. Oh, I found him. You probably shadow a band. One kill equals remove one clothing piece on Fortnite. That seems like a not great game to play. Roasting my sister's bully. Seems like a not great game to play roasting my sister's bully Sorry everybody, I think I'm coming down with a bit of consumption Jacob Sartorius roasted me again Baby Gronk I I

Know you guys like it when we spin the whole episode looking at youtubers on our phones That's what you're saying for Baby grunk pulled up to a high school football game There's a 12 year old boy Baby grunk goes to homecoming Baby Gronk Wizard of Oz music video, and there's a bunch of women holding his body I Just looked up hot to own YouTube. I know this is about to fucking make me laugh a bunch Baby Gronk vs baddies this dad should be in fucking jail dude

I got banned from the mall Hawk to a girl, Haley Welch goes shopping with her bestie and bodyguard after going viral in New York It's awesome. She has a bodyguard, but that kind of makes sense right now Yeah, she's crazy famous or whatever I wish I could have been on the episode she did with Jojo CEO. I felt like it I Felt like I could have added on the episode she did with Jojo Siwa. I felt like it. Um, I felt like I could have added to the mix a little bit. What do you think you could have contributed? I guess, just laughs, just be on the fly on the wall for that. You know what I mean?

Yeah. But I mean, what would you have said to Jojo Siwa and to talk to her? I would have said you guys are so young so so young and if you knew how bad it gets well if you just knew what was inside you and what was blooming you would be so excited for the next few years and I can see stuff in you guys that I didn't I never saw myself or anybody else um and I don't know what the next few years are looking like for me how long I'll be around but I know you guys are gonna carry this legacy of comedy I know I don't really I don't know what the next two years looks like for me I don't't know if I'm going anywhere, but I know you guys are going Just take it from an old washed-up a Lister at old hound dog Hollywood. I may not be famous anymore

Take it from a washed-up taking from a child star Like what were you in? I was on the line. I was on the computer. Take it from an old piece of lump of coal. Who kinda got a sort of got a following. Right as he was in the mental hospital. Take it from me girls, one day everything's coming up fucking Tua.

Everybody wants to talk, everybody wants to hawk, and every bird wants to squawk when they flock by you. And the next thing you know you're sucking dick for bus tokens. You're in Camden, New Jersey. You're just trying to get on the greyhound you got no money So you just fucking take a hot load from a businessman just just to get on the bus to Newark It's not even that far. Imagine getting a cold load on your face and be like what happened? It's a gay ghost

Well, I'm trying to imagine like no like you're in a gay situation and the guy blows one on your forehead, and it's cold Like the whole time you've been having gay sex with like a vampire of some sort Or like a like sort of like an undead maybe like a necromancer perhaps Necromancer doesn't have to be dead. He just has to charm the dead correct, so maybe not a mekker necromancer doesn't have to be dead he just has to charm the dead correct so maybe not a mecha necromancer yeah probably cold load would be nice like like they'll appear to do i've been it gets a very further there whatever

you know i'm saying like uh... like joe roan just taking a fucking a couple ropes on his big bald head, and they're just ice-cold Yeah, Joe Rogan versus 100 monkeys Joe Rogan versus Goku If Joe if if Rogan's went on Talk to her things would shift. How much damage can Joe Rogan do to an off guard Goku? Roken in his prime, Goku completely off guarded, doesn't see him coming.

The attack is one of Joe's kicks. How much damage does it do? Does it do any at all? Shouldn't it be far more powerful than the rock? Probably a surprising amount considering Goku's potential. Dragon Ball characters consistently show anti-feet so they are temporarily overpowered by much weaker characters because they are caught off guard or unaware of the limits of a new power booster transformation.

If Goku is off guard he has been harmed by some pretty regular human level threats. Rougan could be armed with an anti-material rifle and Goku would even flinch. Untrue, Goku is shown to be susceptible to bullets and lasers if his ki slash guard is down. I like the idea that these aren't kids that have this conversation. These are like 48 year old men. Joe Rogan versus Goku. Apparently Trump was doing a speech and he went, where's gays for Trump? And some guys were like, oh over here.

And he was like, you don't look gay. Fuck yeah dude. You see that interview he did with Andrew Schultz where he was like, do you see Elon jumping? He's got a very thin waist. He looks like he must work out Because that video of Elon like leaping for joy and his like belly comes out of his fucking fat boy pants By the way somebody sound off in the discord if you have a genuine answer this question

He's giving $47 away to people who sign his free speech and right to bear arms petition There is something in like $1.00 away to people who sign his free speech and right to bear arms petition there is something in like There's like a law Where that like approaches not bribery I forget the actual like jurisprudence legal term whatever the fuck But he can't be doing all that bullshit plus he already is like people are getting the money delivered and then people are like holding up $47 like, which like dude, I would have signed that motherfucker in 2013, no problem, I had shit I had to buy, I was running around downtown sweating.

But that's illegal, right? Like, I guess it doesn't fucking matter. I guess it literally doesn't matter at all but I Have a genuine question of my sound off. Well. Yes, right guy Joe Rogan versus shark Joe Rogan versus sexy teenager Joe Rogan's too smart for a shark, he was seeds attacks coming Joe Rogan CIA

I actually already think that that's real so I won't Google that Anyway What do you got going on this weekend big dollar I Don't know oh, I've got a little dinner dinner on Friday nice Nice y'all gonna go to a steakhouse a little French place Is it in the city in the city yeah, yeah, it's uh Sick is it in the city in the city yeah, yeah, it's uh Yeah, it's not too far. I was just not jacking what the place it was and I realized that since I'm it's not till Friday I don't want to say because when you guys show up

So no People live around here is a probably people it would be convenient to just go and say hi but um Shout out thanks to for coming to my last couple stand-up shows to the people that came and hung out after and Came out to support little old me. I appreciate that you saw some of the good sets I don't know if I'm gonna have one tomorrow. It's probably it's a much bigger show Need to write more you write more stand-up I think you do the people who came on Sunday to see me have a mostly decent set and then just freak out

Yeah, yeah, I've got a set set tomorrow Friday. I'm playing a show with his band called combat and then Saturday I'm fucking I gotta put up some wallpaper. We're not quite done decorating this new place But when I came back from tour I decided I don't know if I want to do anything We just have like unfinished wallpaper in the halls and I've just been like who gives a fucking shit Who gives a fuck. I don't care Just celebrated my five-year anniversary, dude. Oh wow that's nice. What's his fucking name? His name is fucking excelsior staffer and he's

Seven foot three and he's four percent body fat and he's got his marvelous big meat big meat logs from Walmart and he's got fucking quadriceps like a horse's leg He's got fucking Forearms like a moose's stomach and he's got fucking piercing blue eyes and long blonde hair and chiseled cheekbones in a tongue like a snake That's nice Thanks, man. Well, I'm thinking about you He's not Fel you listen to this congratulations You now know all the mr. B's videos going back a long ass time. You can go check out other episodes at patreon.com slash a pendejo time a

Dollar a month get you access to the discord and nothing else but some good conversations in there good fucking banter good friends good laughs Five bucks a month get you access to the discord plus a bonus episode every week and we post consistently folks We're consistent in this fucking game I think the only times that we haven't posted consistently are the winter freeze where I thought I was gonna die and Then we went on tour other than that always consistent We're the fucking champions of this shit We're the podcast professionals Ten bucks a month gets you access the whole backlog of bonus audio episodes plus a backlog

of fucking video episodes and a bonus video episode every fucking month. You should go to the YouTube, check out the free mother fuckers. That's gonna be Pendejo time worldwide on YouTube. Look that shit up. Go check out our hour show at fucking Chubas. Check out our sketch, it's called Big Fat Frog.

It was a lot of fucking fun. Fucking Chubas check out our sketch. It's called big fat frog. It was a lot of fucking fun Go to chapeau trap house dot store and purchase Matt Christman's wonderful book in the Spanish Civil War no pasaran All the proceeds are gonna go to help Matt Matt's recovery during this difficult time If you're in Austin to if you're in Austin tonight, because it'll come out tomorrow, if you're in Austin tonight or in the surrounding areas, Bastrop, Seguin, Blanco, San Marcos, Round Rock, Georgetown, Temple, Waco, do not drive from Waco or Temple to come see me do 10 minutes of stand-up I mean you can't if you want there was a couple that came To see me do one minute of stand-up

for they came from fucking like where you used to live dude like Past Denton or yeah, yeah past Denton. So we like up there by Oklahoma Come to the Velveeta room at 8 p.m. for Ben Avery and friends friend of the show friend of my real life been Avery host of lemon party podcast is coming to do the show we've got him me Sean Gardini and fucking some other motherfuckers I think I think the show is still being finalized anyway Bye bye