Pendejo Time - paid alligators

Episode Date: March 12, 2026

George Soros paying me im a paid alligator. at the protest im green and ornery. god made me that way. I aint never been worth a fuck. I live in the swamp.  Hims offers access to ED treatment options ranging from personalized products to trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names, if prescribed. Get hims

Yeah, sorry, Thomas. Jake, I have an image to uphold here. All right. I'm a public-facing figure. I can't be, certain things can never be spoken of. When we are sharing our platform, I don't know if you realize this, Jake. 98% of Democratic voters get their opinions from us. Yeah.

Jasmine Crockett, we sank that campaign. Yeah, I couldn't, I can't have a, um, I'll be on. honest, as a member of a certified dirtbag left paid by Israel podcaster, I can't handle a black woman with too much attitude. It's just kind of not what I'm allowed.

We're not allowed to let that kind of thing flourish in politics. I'm paid very specifically by Mossad to not let black women with attitude to hold office and to instead only have white men only white guys and dark woke that's kind of

I'm sorry guys getting paid a lot of money lately I like it I think you and me we're not we're not big enough but I've seen a couple people like group we get grouped in

this doesn't need to answer that I guess sorry yeah it's funny to get grouped in with like the like the uh like oh these podcasts are

federal operations or sci ops I'm gonna tell you guys right now if I was getting paid by the military I probably would not live in an apartment that gets flooded I'll just let you guys know that if you guys ever if

oh this is actually a great way to know if I have sold out in any way you guys can know just know this to be true if my life stops being kind of like damn is he ever going to catch a break levels of bad then you know uh then you know that i've been then somebody's paying me off then you know like if i ever live in a place that doesn't get you're like oh you guys had a picture on money most of that money actually goes to taxes and run it and and having a company

in Texas, which is very expensive. Yeah, if I ever live... If you ever see me post pictures of like a bay window or like an Aston Martin or something... Or like, if I ever... If anything is ever like a Patreon making a bunch of money, then you can say, oh, they're part of the SIOP crew. But it really doesn't make much sense to accuse

to be lumped in with Chapo and those guys. I know those guys are paid by the FBI You know, they're my friends But, you know Chappo and Truon They're paid agitators and stuff Exactly But us, we are not

Because we don't get paid that much So again, if you ever If the podcast ever hits like a hundred grand Then yep You know you can know Yeah, pays I'm agitating something Yeah, this little black pecker I got

Yeah, I'm agitating my little green monster until it spits up slime. Yep. This would have been a really funny package for somebody to steal because it looks exactly like you would think that a phone in discrete

packaging would be. Yeah. It's actually 200 specific specifically sized pieces of paper. It's like the exact weight of like, say like a small tablet

or something like that. But it's actually labels labels something funny I noticed are you okay you seem to you're breathing really heavy well yeah

I mean it's kind of probably what it sounds like to you but that's these are very these microphones they pick up everything oh okay so there's somebody else is breathing in there yeah well it's me but I'm breathing from pretty far away so that's what it sounds Oh, okay.

Yeah, you're going to say maybe you have a new roommate. It would sound almost like I was gasping for air if you were listening at home or something. It would sound almost like, it would sound almost like I'm out of shape or, like, you know, like a, like if I had smoked about five or six minutes ago. Oh, yeah, yeah. It sounds almost like that, but that's not the case, thankfully. I Oh speaking of I managed to fail

a learner's permit test today What? It Not my You know Not our Highest moment Not our

Our greatest point But we will regroup It's because it's for CDL stuff So it's like Oh I see I see The air brakes and passenger Enforcement and stuff

Yeah Yeah Yeah I got fucked Because I didn't know proper cone spacing. Oh, classic. I thought you were supposed to, you know, eyeball that shit like a man. Yeah.

What special is... Sorry, I was looking for our ad read. The only cones, I'm trying to space, yeah, is ice cream cones. And I'm trying to close the space between them and my mouth. So were you trying to parallel park the rig and they told... It was just, it was just like a computer test or whatever. but I took three tests, one for general knowledge, one for air brakes, and one for passenger, and I failed all three of them.

In fact, for passenger, it turns out I didn't study that at all. I thought, yeah, I know what fucking driving a bus is basically. Let the people want to make sure they get there safe. And immediately, like, the first, like, eight questions were like, So what hazardous materials are you allowed to bring out a bus? Poison, guns, weapons, medicine, ammunition, firearms, all this stuff. I kind of assumed you weren't supposed to have any of that on a bus, but it turns out you can bring some of that. No poison.

But I think hospital medicine and stuff. But I didn't know that. And now I have more respect for truck drivers, a lot less respect from. myself honestly um but we live and we learn it i'll be back keeping it a band some of the some of my most drugged up and drunk i've ever been has been on the bus

i don't think those guys are doing like a crazy look they're not doing like a looky loo when i rode the bus in austin to work every day because my car overheated if it went 10 feet uh but uh yeah i mean i will say the bus drivers here have to be

fucking crazy good at driving like oh yeah I don't. Yeah, that's true. I would never be an extra. I could never be a bus driver here. I would be hitting shit like crazy. I don't care how much training you give me.

I will be hitting shit like crazy. Yeah, I mean, you did crash the work truck like a lot when you first started. Technically, only two documented times. I've only been written up twice for it in the last year and a quarter. And it was both buses actually that I hit. So maybe they're not that good at. not getting hit. I got written up one time in the warehouse for seeing if,

for trying to live test the, um, 10, not the tensile strength, wrong term. Uh, the shop forklift was one of those small ones that was rated up for 3,000 pounds. That's my,

that's an old warehouse job head. Uh, and, uh, um, uh, uh, uh,

uh, door for like an hour and a half and I guess look at something on his phone and so he'd be gone and so uh we would just fuck around in the warehouse and uh I looked on the back of the fort lift I remember I don't forget what brand it was I forgot what it was but it was like uh you know like it says like rated up to like 3,000 power like 4,500 kilograms or whatever and so uh I don't know why I had this thought but I was like yo I want to see like what this machine like can it, like, what can it actually do? Because in my mind, I was 24, it was 108 degrees, and if the forklift broke, all it looked

like was I was moving pallets, which was my job. So we went around the inventory, we had the inventory book, and we were looking at weights and numbers, and we found this piece of, it was like a steam trap that would go on the top of like a big, like, piece of plastic thing, and it weighed 4,800 pounds. and, uh, brother, I got them forks under the palette, dude. I got the forks under the pallet.

The palette was made of like this really fucked up weird, like hard. It wasn't wood. It was, I don't know what the fuck. It wasn't metal. It was like some kind of plastic composite, but it was just shaped like a normal. It was meant to be handled by forklift,

but like an actual, dude, I got that thing. I got the forks under it and I hit that fucking lever and the fucking forklift came off, the back wheels came off. And right when the back wheels left the ground in my foreman, guess decided to come back in and stop spitting dip on the side of his truck.

And he was like, I have a fucking way. What's the weight load on that fucking trap? Oh! Everybody, get down. Stop! And I mean, hey, if you start yelling at me like that, I'm going to start laughing because I was already having a good time for you showed up.

Because the worst thing that was going to happen to me was I was going to get fired from a job that paid me $15 an hour to be hot all day. And you know how it is Thomas You're like I'm not married Like dude The craziest people in the world To me that I've met Like and I've met some really out there guys

But even crazier than like drug dealers And like ex-military guys Is a guy who takes a $14 an hour warehouse job As seriously As he would take like Protecting the president Yeah I remember there was a

When I worked at this lumberyard There was a dude who'd be like, Thomas, why are you smoking cigarettes? We're working. Yeah. We're working in a lumber yard. Yeah, yeah. Outside. I'm a lumberjack.

Like, I'm smoking. I'm smoking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a, the one guy. I got so addicted to smoking cigarettes for that brief period where I was just outside with other guys smoking cigarettes all day. I was smoking like a pack and a half. I realized by the end of it. And I just kind of had to stop doing that because once I wasn't working there, I was like, oh, this is actually not a sustainable lifestyle for somebody who's not sitting on bags of concrete all day.

Yeah, when I had to, I guess technically it was like shipping and materials, but my job was like a guy who got paid a ton of money would roll up on a golf cart and ask me for a piece of metal without a part number. And then I would go to the materials yard, which, you know, like they lay everything. out from the big rig on this big slab of concrete. This is a big, this was a big job. Like, I know of those big refinery jobs. And it was the only place in the plant that if you did smoke, you could smoke because the rest of the plant was considered live. And, dude, I was killing, like, two packs of camel wide reds at day in that motherfucker.

Easy. It just, it's, because it's like, your job is like, hey, how much can you lift? And you're like, I don't know, I could probably lift, like, 150, 160 pounds over my head. And they're like, okay, here's a 300 pound piece of. fucking galvanized steel. It's a big tube. You're going to want to lift that.

And if you complain at all, we'll just tell you to go home and then we'll replace you with a Mexican. Which was always the threat on those big jobs. That's always the big threat. Is it if you're ever like, hey, I don't think my body, my human body, my alcohol

and pill-addicted body can lift a 350 pound tube of galvanized steel. And then some guy in a golf cart will say, hey, there's five Mexicans line up outside, take your job. And honestly, that sounds racist. And they all are holding instruments. If they come in and hear, they will have to leave them outside.

But they're not. Put the tuba down and come in the workplace. There's a Marietchi man outside waiting to take your fucking warehouse job. There's 10 Mexicans outside of waiting to take your order. Dude, a shout out to my South Houston and Pasadena, homies who listens to the show. my mom and my mom took me to the Don Quay which is this like

crazy crazy fucked up restaurant in South Houston and passing an area where the for like 40 years they've been like we're not going to tell you

the secret and good it to our margaritas everybody knows it's ever clear you can only have two you black out immediately and we had my birthday there I forget what birthday was I was a little kid and

a mariachi band came out and my mom was like oh that's so cool my dad got really mad he's like what the fuck are they playing this shit for like this a Mexican restaurant it's like it would be like going to get Chinese food and getting mad they gave you

chopsticks which is something my dad also did the mariachi band came out and they were like you know Phillies whatever the fuck and my dad was like why fuck hey uh no no we ain't doing this I just hey tell them happy birthday give the boy a piece of ice cream with a candle

in and we're calling that we ain't doing all this because you were expected to tipped them, you know what I mean? And my dad didn't really believe in spending money on anything that was anything like that. But I thought I always thought it was funny getting mad at a mariachi band for playing at a traditional Mexican restaurant. Like being, like being, like, he was not mad. He was like confounded. He was like, where did these guys even come from?

Why? Now, there's a guy with a goddamn accordion and a motherfucker with a classical guitar. And they all got Cal but where the fuck do these guys come from And it's like well The restaurant's called a donkey And it's owned by two people from Mexico So I'm pretty sure they probably came

From the other side of the restaurant Seeing as that's kind of the restaurant's whole deal Is like authentic Mexican experience Like south of the border They literally have a big sign that says Don't drink the water drink the don't caritas Like and when you drive up Because I think the water is bad

And the margaritas are two dollars are $2 and they have ever clear in them or whatever the fuck. That sounds amazing. Oh, it's one of the... I miss, I miss, like, mid... Not that this place was mid, but, like, mid-Mexican restaurants where you just sit and there's, like, almost nobody else in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they bring you out, like... They bring you out the, you know, the salsa and it's probably not that good. Yeah. And the chips, and the chips are all right, too. But, like, chips and salsa that's... not that good is still a pretty good snack. It's a great snack, especially if you're drinking. Especially if you're drinking.

And it just makes it, once in a blue moon, you get a place that has really good chips and really good salsa, and that is such a divine experience. It is, but you know what? This is my thing. Places with mid-chips and mid-salsa usually have greater entrees. But if people front-load the salsa and chips too much, and they're like, you're like, God, damn. What is this?

deep-flied flour tortilla and like a but then the food is ass like they put all the effort into the chips and salsa and the fajitas are kind of burnt or whatever it definitely depends I'm not big on upscale Mexican food fuck no fuck that I need a picture an airbrush picture of Goku on the side of the

fucking wall yeah like I like you need I need fucking I need I don't want to have a fine Mexican dining experience I want nice cheap

fajita meat you know I want I want I want a sad guy to be in there a sad white guy I just want alone in like a high vis a bit

he just got off work too I want to drink five cans of big red yeah five cans of big red and then like six margaritas that are too big for how much they cost they're like two dollars

but they're served in like a fish bowl and okay my favorite my favorite shitty mid text mex experience is when you go and you take your girl to one I know y'all live in New York now but maybe y'all had a Fort Worth like this where in your head you're like fuck it's so refreshing dude when your head you're like fuck this tab okay we've had like four margaritas each I've had like six dr. peppers we had chips salsa guac Okay, so we got the feeders for two, and then we got the fucking flan. Man, this is going to be like $80. I don't know if I have that.

And then you get to bill, and it's $35. And you're like, fucking Viva la Mexico, dude. Viva la fucking Mexico, dude. What the fuck. Don't take me to no fucking upscale, like, oh, we put our margaritas in daffery glasses. Yeah, how about I kill everybody in here? Serve me this margarita. I miss the fuzzies.

tacos, I mean, Fuzzy isn't authentic by any means, but they're like big ass horrible frozen cocktail. Oh, yeah, big nasty margarita? Yeah, dude. Yeah. That shit's fucking, dude, I've gotten so fucked up. The Jack and Coke, too. I got cut off

of Fuzzies, but that was pretty much my fault. I'm not even going to hold anybody. That was 100% on me. It's very funny to be told you can't have any more alcohol by a guy whose job is to make tacos. He's not even, he's not even, he's not even in the bar area.

I won't say what caused me to be cut off. I guess it gives a fuck. I was trying to start to fight on the patio. I was drunk. And I was trying to start a fight on a patio because I found out somebody within the vicinity had a little bit of that bag on them. And he would not trade cash for bag.

And I was kind of at a point in my life where if you had drugs and I had cash and you didn't want to sell them to me. My next, kind of my next thing was like a Gulf of Tonkin thing. We're like, I'm going to false flag this restaurant or this bar to get that bag off of you.

So I'm going to say that you swung at me and then I'm going to punch you in your chest. Anyway, that's just the way she goes sometimes when you're at Fuzzies Tacos. Fuzzis Tacos actually also sucks. Velvet Taco's ass. Torchies hot take.

I know. Oh, I went to Velvet Taco sober. Bro, fuck. Fuck that, dude. That was it when I wasn't drinking. Bro, no, dude. Dude, that's like going to fuck. Ugh, dude, no.

Velvet Taco's ass, dude. And going sober? Yep. Jesus. I went ahead of a taco there sober and it was horrible. Fuck, dude. They use, like, mission tortillas and their taco of the month is like something from I Carly.

It's like this. Yeah, they put a bunch of fucking cabbage or whatever. Yeah. It's like the spaghetti crazy taco. And you're like, what the fuck is this? It's a Drake and Josh meal? Like, what the fuck are we doing? Like, I don't want...

It was a place called the... The junkyard or whatever, the fried chicken taco, torches. Yeah, yeah, Torchies. They're all right. Torchies is the franchise-specific. Sometimes, the trashy trailers, what you're talking about. Some franchises are better than others. I know it's a hot take.

People are like, uh, Torches is, um, bad. Torchies, to me, is like, Waterberger. Where I'm like, it's a... Texas slash Southern staple It's franchise specific I've gone to Waterburgers and I've had Not kidding Some of like the best hamburger I've had

Like they put love in that motherfucker back there I've also gone to Waterburger and got food poisoning So bad that I felt like I was like In World War I had dysentery in the trench Like it's just franchise specific Same with Torches I've had torches where like You're like this is the best barbicola

Where the fuck did they get this barbacoa? And then I've had torches where I've gotten so sick that I've thought about driving back to the Torches the next day and doing a mass shooting in there. It just depends on the franchise. Oh, no, the best is when you, this is an experience I remember having is going to Torchies right as they opened,

because they didn't have a job at the time, and then walking around kind of a shopping complex, and just kind of walking around the different stores until I had an urgent stomach situation and then walking back to torches to use their restroom and then walking home. We had a tradition at the house

where we would, after we threw down a really big, once we, when we threw a really big, like, classic either Catalina or Thanus House style, like project, like we would throw, you know, big, nasty parties. the thing was before we started cleaning the house, we would go to Torchies and Hair of the Dogget. And an unnamed roommate who is a fan of the show,

who has been mentioned on the show. I will not name him for this one. He used to do this thing where he would, do you know the Blinquin 82 song that's like, I want to fuck a dog in the ass? I want to fuck your mom. It's like a B-side fake Blinquinnated 2 song. But it is Blinkin-A-2 song.

No, you can Google it after this. It's a real song. It's like, we want to fuck a dog in the ass. Well, what this friend would do is he would pick a booth usually next to a family on a Sunday morning. And then he would start eating his tacos and he would have like two or three margaritas. The hangover go away. And then he would kind of sit up really straight in the chair and go, I want to fuck a dog in the ass really loud in the torches until we all had to close out our tabs and leave. which I which was it's uh if you're thinking like wow that's disrespectful that's immature

I was 19 when this happened this was 12 years ago you know also I probably would still do that now I don't really particularly I think causing a ruckus in public is fun I think it's harmless fun I think if your kid has never heard the word fuck or if you're you have a kid and you're like I have children I don't want them to hear about fucking dogs in the ass you know you Your kid is going to hear about that. Kids are getting groomed on Roblox to do Diddy Party themed mass shootings. So your kid is, it's fine.

Like if I do a flash mob where I'm talking about fucking animals, that's the least harmful thing that's going to happen to your kid in like a two or three months' time. Or whatever. I don't mean that. That's a joke. These are jokes. This shows this, this is a joking podcast.

I've, dude. I'm going to. I'm not even going to hold you, dude. I've been staying in my deficit with my diet, my exercise, but I've been drinking, dude. I've been... So you're just eating less food? I don't eat.

I eat 1,400 calories a day, less than. Usually I eat about 8 or 900, so I can exercise, be in like a 1,400 calorie deficit, and then drink 7 to 8 beers, which usually gets me pretty fucked up. pretty drunk. So are you, but are you, you, you're factoring

the beers in calorically? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm, but I'm doing so much cardio that it doesn't matter.

I'm trying to, I'm literally trying to look like, uh, I am literally going like Brad Pitt fight club mode, like I'm trying to get that lean. Nice. Nice.

Uh, uh, I do so much cardio and so much, um, what is the term hypertrophy? Where you're just like, okay, what is my max bench,

drop 60 off that and then just do that 80 times until failure. Mm. You know, although I am trying to kill myself on the squat wreck. That is something Daddy is trying to do because that makes you feel alive. It kind of gets, for me, it kind of does trigger an adrenaline rush where you put too much on the squat rack and you're like, I have to get this up. Like I can't, you know what I mean? Like I, there's nothing.

I can't, if I bail out on this, I'm going to look like a pussy and it's going to hurt my spine and maybe dislocate one of my shoulders. I don't think squats have ever felt remotely comfortable for me. Nope, me neither because I'm 90% leg. They've hurt my knees my entire life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember being like 15 or 16 and I was like, oh, yeah, I got bad knees. Probably got two years left on these knees. I thought so too.

And then I, it turns out you can just not do a full body workout every day. Well, I, I, everybody lasts longer. I found out. That's basically what I've been doing. but with like hit or whatever it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I found out I was built pretty good for deadlifting, but not for squatting.

Because my torso is maybe 30% of my body, and the other is all legs. I mean, you've seen me. I'm all legs and arms. Yeah. So it's like deadlifting is cool because I don't have to really, I can deadlift a lot because I don't have to move that much.

I feel bad as fuck for guys who've got long legs, but like short arms. and then they're like yeah I'm trying to work on my deadlift and it's like dude I can deadlift a fuck ton because I have to move like three inches I have to move that weight this much because I have like a fucking 80 inch

wingspan and my fucking my legs are like super long not even that tall it's just my build or whatever the fuck yeah uh anyway I basically I like doing overhead press and I like doing bench press

I don't really like doing anything else I love your I think you were we were talking about about this like way back of the day like um getting a you get like your first push pool schedule as a young man and then you never ever age uh weight like how much weight you gain right like like how like how fat you get like you never really change the og push pool you never adjust it to your age or to like your fatness like to your fitness level you're like yeah like yeah monday yeah monday chess buys try

Yeah, Tuesday legs. Yeah, Wednesday back. Thursday, push everything, Friday, pull everything. Saturday, cardio, Sunday, rest. When you're like 18 and then you're like, okay, I'm 29, I'm going to continue to do that. 30, I'm going to do that. Also, for the last 10 years, I've been drinking alcohol and doing drugs. Yeah, I'm like, I should probably max out on squat sometime this week.

Just know where I am for the next, you know, so I can plan the next few months. around that or whatever. And it doesn't get factored into anything. No, it doesn't, yeah, at all. Like, it doesn't. I have friends of mine. You hurt your leg and then you kind of just look at your phone afterwards. Of course, yeah, yeah.

Edgar, my buddy, Edgar, you met him. He, like, plans his PRs out where he's like, yeah, at a couple weeks, I think I'm going to try to PR on deadlift. So he'll, like, you know, not, he'll, he'll, like, kind of, you know, he'll do the exercise and he'll stretch and he's very smart about it. And then, like, dude, yeah, some days. I will not have squatted in two weeks, and I'm like, I think I'll PR on squat. I think I'll try to score.

I should be fresh. I should be fresh. I better PR. What are we got? Yeah, 450? Yeah, I've never squatted more than 300 pounds in my life. But let's just see what, because 150 more pounds is less than what I weigh. And it's only 300 pounds.

So squatting 450 Is squatting my max Plus less than what I weigh And if I can't do it And I'm gay And I'm a pussy And I was never really meant to do anything Except I

Uh yeah Yeah that's fun It's fun to lift wrong And often And then Uh You know See guys

It sucks It's also that being fat Makes you better at lifting It does That's a really shitty thing That I had to deal with When I lost all the weight because I lost so much, I could not.

Dude, I can't, I can't, I'll tell, I'll keep with a band with everybody. I can't bitch 225 anymore. Not even close, dude. Not even close. Well, when I was fat as fuck, I was moving 225 around on bench, no problem. Like, I wasn't, not, that's not true. 225 was like close to my max, but I could move it. Dude, I struggle now to move anything close to that.

Like, it's probably, yeah, you just don't have the, I'm 180 pounds. But like, but like, but I can't, like, I can't move that much. It's like proportionally if you bench like 200, like that's still good, you know. Yeah, that's fine. I mean, I can bench, you know, it's like body weight or whatever, but like I kind of miss. That's why I totally, I totally, totally understand and completely agree with condone and endorse. I didn't see it at first because I have body image.

I have male body image problems, which is called. being gay. I don't think you have that. I don't, I didn't understand. I don't understand it first, but now I totally understand the guy that gets fat as fuck and then just moves hell of weight. I completely understand that guy now. Like, I could never do that because I have way too much self-loathing and I, and

I have way too many insecurities and I overthink everything and, and how clothes fit me is just a psychotically vain problem I have. But whenever I'm at the gym and I just see a big, fat, nasty motherfucker benching like 480 pounds. I'm like totally get it. Totally get it because that guy gets to wear like a 5x just big ass shirt with like a snake on it.

With like a snake with sunglasses on it. And he gets to wear fucking denim shorts and fucking converse. Which is what he wears to the gym also. And then you're like, man, that guy's fat. and you have, at least for me, I kind of have kind of like a, huh, well, you know, it's a serious problem in America obesity. And then you watch that guy fucking bench press almost 500 pounds and you go, huh, well, you know.

I mean, now it's fine. It's fine that I mean, it's fine. Whatever you're doing is totally fine, brother. Whatever you're doing, however that's going for you. You watch a big fat guy deadlifted at 800 pounds. huge fat motherfucker and you're like well you know at least me I'm like this guy should really take better care of himself

and then it's just like oh no I'm talking I'm not me and him are in different worlds that's what makes it frustrating when you when you meet guys who are like tiny and skinny and just super strong those guys are the real anomalies yeah fuck them they pissed me off who were like

144,000 and they bench like 220, 2.30? Like, they're benching maybe more, 250, 5? Yeah, fuck that shit. Jeff Nippard. He's a very nice guy. I follow him on Instagram when he's giving me some good lift. But I don't like that you're 152 pounds in 5'8 and you can bench press like 300 pounds.

I don't think that's cool. I think you need to pick a lane. I think you either need to be a big, nasty, fat son of a bitch, or you need to be 5'7. Very simple. Yeah, like Larry Wheels looks like Shrek, so it's okay that he's strong. Oh dude, you reminded me I wanted to ask you about this I've been like

I've been like really hooked on these Kick clip farmers It's how I found out about clavicular And whatever And about this guy Jimskin Who just seems to be like a goodhearted British dude Who uh Like says uh you know

Good I Hello governor to old people and like gives old guys money But uh that guy Dean Who's like a boxer streamer who just keeps like getting knocked out by UFC guys and powerlifters like that's just that that that shit was so funny to me because I thought that it like for those you don't know his name's Dean something D-E D-E-D-E-N D-D-E-E-N and the way that he rose through the ranks of streaming which is like a you know it's a race to the bottom with increasingly bizarre behavior is he would bully powerlifters bodybuilders and UFC guys into the way. to basically slapping or punching the absolute fuck out of him. You know, and now he's like a big streamer. Larry Will smacked the dog shit out of this kid.

And he's also, well, he's a, I want to say, flyway boxer. I think he's around 1.30. So Larry Will slapped him in, like, his whole body, like, kind of clipped out of rea. This kind of, like, because the guy kept making jokes about Larry Will's wife. Where he was just like, yeah, I mean, you know,

if she ever wants to, like, leave a bum-ass. dumb ass warm bodybuilder and get with it you know and then Larry and then he was talking to Rampage Jackson's former fight manager who was a former fighter and now is like a competitive like masters level like older guy level bodybuilder he hit the guy with an overhand elbow and then just flatlined the kid completely just knocked him out cold and I'm like man there's got to be easier ways to get in the streaming community you know what I mean There's got to be like easier ways To be

You know I guess there's not Maybe everything's been done You know Maybe everything's been done And And you have to like Get everything hasn't been done yet

I mean you gotta get like Fucked by a dog now To like make to like be on kick or something You can just be charming No that don't work That one British guy just drinks coffee And talks about coffee Uh who's

Who's this? The burnt the bean guy? That's Jimskin. Yeah, yeah, that's the guy I'm talking about. He's like, Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's the guy who's like,

follow that tune. And then he fucking goes to the rain. He just has a good vibe or whatever. If he ends up being evil, don't clip that. But, you know, he just has a positive community or whatever. It's not that outrageous.

He's kind of a Zoolander type. Like, you know what I mean? They're all Zoolander. guys. That's the thing right now. Yeah. It's all Zoolander stuff, but in real life. I like... Somebody told me... Somebody was like, wow, Jake didn't know Klovic was racist. I didn't.

All the clips I see are him crying on stream about how his dad disowned him for being a drug addict and then him falling over in the club because he's in a K-hole. I had no idea that this was like a guy who was like an actual racist guy. I thought that this was a I thought this was a 19 year old boy that got bullied into like doing testosterone and ketamine.

I had no idea that this guy actually was any kind of like... I got my calculator out right now. You ready to hear a new number? Yeah, yeah. All right, let's see what ends up being. I've got 5-8-58-58-58-58-9-2. No.

No, I've got, okay, I ran out of numbers. So I've got 5-8-58-9-6. M-minus. Let's see what that means. Yeah. Yeah. Equals 0.

All right. So we messed up somewhere along the way, but that is not a zero. E0, not a new number. That has been a fail on the new number challenge by Thomas. Tune in next week for a

brand new number that hopefully isn't E0. But yeah, clavicular, I think, you know, he's, I could make him my slave very easily if that's something I wanted to do

as somebody whose mind I could make whatever I want. That's silly putty to me. That's a guy I can make him whoever I want him to be. The burn the bean guy Jim skin. Yeah, well to me he's burned the bean guy so he actually reaches out and fucking meets me

and wants to actually build a relationship. I don't really know much about him. I've only seen his clips that his algorithmic reaching his I think Kick is replicating the old Andrew Tate method

so they're just making they're paying a lot of people and like free subscriptions to make clip farming accounts for Kick and Jim Skins I get a bunch of his stuff too the ones that I get of him though is he's like he's walking around town

in like Chelsea and he's drunk with his boys and he's got a track suit on and he's like oh wait a minute follow that tune and then they just fought, they hear in the distance like a, waiting for tonight,

oh, that you would be here in my heart. And then they go all the way to the club just for him to, quote, unquote, as the kids say, drop the shoulder. And he hits this kind of like a rave move. And then he goes, okay, back to business. And then they go back to hitting the pub. Which dude is so sick.

That's fucking dope. I wish me and you could get into something like that. Like the job is to be out on the town and to stream actually I don't think that would go over too well after about beer 7 I start talking about I start I go somewhere else you know what I mean if you've ever hung out with me you know where I go so I don't think that would particularly

you may be good for that you you we have like an inverse thing where like beer beers 1 through 3 you know you're still kind of in your element which is a bit more reserved and then you become a fun guy past beer 4 see if beers 1 through 3 I'm fun And then after about beer 7, I'm more like, somebody needs to, we need to get this guy out of here.

Yeah, I do hit a later point where I am actually, I have to disappear. Which thankfully I haven't reached that in a while. But, yeah, I, what I have found is that I've gotten better at recognizing when I'm going to make a fool out of myself soon. and I abscond from the scene. I go, oh, wait, I got too drunk. I have to leave or, like, you know, when you're starting to get, you're having conversations and you start to think, I'm getting worse at this.

Yeah, whenever I start telling, I'm no longer playing the, I think I'm playing the game incorrectly in a way that I can't really detect anymore. Bro, in New York, I think I told Tommy Bayer and Sam Castillo the same story like 10 times. but I was also off a bunch of beans on that show So I think there was a combination of bean and beer

Not the burnt bean A different type of bean Excessy He was rolling and he was sucking off everybody I was trying to suck Tommy Bayer off He was sucking the sweat off of our mid-poles Tommy Bayer I was trying to get a piece of that ass

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It's straight up totally fine. You can have... And if you don't want it to work, who cares? Yeah, if you don't want it to work, I know a couple people who don't want their shit to work. I know a couple of who want their shit gone. Cut right off. I want other people's shit gone.

Yeah. Low key. We all get that one coworker who is shit we want gone. I actually think I've worked with guys who could have benefited from being, like, castrated. Like, their lives could have been made. you work with a guy and you find out he has three baby mamas and you're like oh if they would have like castrated you like at 18 like you would have probably been much happier like i know that castration is terrible it's psychotic it's eugenics whatever but i've worked with guys who are like damn i've got to pay like six child supports to two different women and you're like they should have cut your penis and your nuts off like day 10 like when you're 18 they should have cut your shit right to fuck off let you here hit puberty and they should just cut your shit off. I don't think...

And give you a butt too. Yeah, I give you a huge ass too and a pussy. Sir, you've done terrible crimes. We're going to basically use your butt to make something amazing for us to look at. You... Dude, turning a guy who... What if you could donate your booty to science? I'm thinking about force transitioning a guy who just has too many kids and doesn't take care of them.

You know what I mean? like I know I like just whatever oh that's not funny like no like

I would I would just force one of the kids to transition no I'd not the kids the guy I listened I would force

all of the kids to transition yep you might think what is what for well don't worry about

it it's not important to you but you are not a part of this you're not a part of it hey

how about you let let daddy do this take the wheel for a while. I'm going to keep this as vague as possible, but I still, brother, we've been friends for a long time, I still laugh at this. When you told me about

a person that you know, that their marriage did not do great, and that they were dressing the sun up in dresses. Oh, yeah, yeah, not ideal. And the son was like four. and I was like The part of me that's like a very progressive guy was like

Oh man Because even me even me I'm like by this is no good Like you can't Because you know because as far as I'd understood You had said the boy mostly wanted to play football The boy Who knows

Yeah Sorry I'm sorry I'm trying I don't want to kind of want to stick too long on that But I That I don't it's not funny I just I think about it And I'm like that

the way that you had phrased it, I was like, yeah, that's, that's, that can't be. Yeah, sometimes just, you know, uh, sometimes from outside perspective, things can just, you know, um, I don't, I don't always understand everything, but, you know, I had kind of the reverse situation, uh, a cousin of mine who I was close to you for a while. We knew he was gay by like, his second birthday. I mean, he was just a gay baby. You know what I mean?

and he grew up to be a, you know, like a profoundly gay guy, very nice guy. Him and I are still friends. We don't talk much. But he is one of the only family members I have who's not crazy and hateful and evil. But this kid, every Halloween, I was like seven or eight years older than him. Every Halloween we would go around to trick or treat in the neighborhood, and he would be a witch. or maybe Elsa or something.

And he'd be playing with streamers in the front lawn. And the dad, the dad is a guy who I do not like. He is a relative of mine, particularly cruel man. And we'd be like, oh, you know, so-and-so's out there with the banners. He's Elsa again, or a witch? One of the ladies from a dang, what's that? uh... uh...

mlleficent he'd say oh well you know the boy really likes Harry Potter he likes that Harry Potter so I think he's a wizard

or some sort he's a wizard he'd take a big pull of his cores or whatever we were being in his garage he's like yeah he's a wizard

he likes magic and then we would look over and my cousin would be like prancing around the yard you know in a pink hat or whatever

yeah just out there probably sucking cock-offs I love my cousin he's a cool ass motherfucker dude grown man now so we can kind of

sometimes when I see him finally fool around yeah we can finally have sex but I just we both get that one cousin and we're so glad they grew up we're so glad because now we're going to have gay sex with that cousin it did it did put it in perspective

for me like oh you know like if you're just straight up born if you're just like from day one there was nothing you know gender and sexuality are things you can play with, I believe, you know, you can choose to make these decisions.

But some people, you know, they just, you know what I mean? And then, to watch one of my, one of the elder family members be like, oh, yeah, my boy out there, the one playing with the pink ribbons, yeah, he got really into it Tonya. We saw that movie in the theaters, and he got really into I-Tanya, and he got really into figure skating. He's an athlete. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I would not be surprised if the combine, I mean, he's a serious runner, you know, and I, you know, do I, I don't quite understand the pink and I don't quite understand the purple and I don't quite understand the, you know, the tattoo, the, the tattoo of the rainbow. But I do know, you know, he's got a 440 in him.

That's all I know. that's all I know and that's more than what most dads can say about their sons you know what I mean anyway I gotta see them at the woods do you think aliens are like that

yeah no my son I think he just likes being green that's how he is man sometimes he looks purple from the outside but that's just his sheen he's kind of your desk he's more green he's not purple sometimes I think

like he wants to fix space ships when he gets older. I think about homophobia on other planets, and it does make me laugh a lot, how that may, how that could present itself. You know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I hate my son's skin turns green.

It's supposed to be blue, you know. It's not supposed to be green with sparkles on it. You know, but he's been hanging around with this green, sparkly crowd, and his skin turns green and sparkly when he hangs out with him. So, you know, I don't agree with it, but, you know, I love my boy. So, because I would imagine that there are other planets, there are other Souths. And if there are other Souths, there are other bigotries that exist. But for different things that are acclatomizations, is that word correct?

That there are different bigotries for things that are specific to that planet. Mm-hmm. You know, oh, my, oh, God damn it, I fuck. You know, I don't know if you guys hear this, but, you know, Lulu's son downtown, he's got big feet, so he's gay. he's got big webbed feet his feet came out pink and webbed so we know that he's going to be a gay alien and there's nothing we can do about it

so we're probably going to have to sacrifice him to the Argod who is different in some way or something like alien like that man yeah Blublee blancoisongue yeah our Argoad is named Spaso or something like that you know

Way off topic, man. I have to tell you something that scared the fuck out of me, dude. I felt something crawling on me early, the other day. This was like two days ago, and I went and swatted it and crushed it. This is a black widow spider. It was on my leg. Scared the fuck out of me when I saw it. I was like, you know, because you just instinctively, you know, you just kind of swat at it.

And you're like, oh, it's a mosquito or like a gnat or something. It's just a big black widow. Just crawling. I had to saw the one half of its body that I had not crushed was the one, the red, the black part. I was like, oh, if I had not moved, if I had moved a certain way, this would have been probably the end of at least my left leg, perhaps the podcast. Definitely would have been old peg leg, Jake. I think with a black widow, it's like, it sucks ass, but I don't think you die if you go to the house. No, but you can't lose limbs for sure.

You don't die. you can definitely lose limbs, especially if they're like bony limbs, like towards your ankle. There's not enough muscle to absorb the venom. Like, the problem with brown recluses and black widows is if you're bit like on your thigh or something or your stomach are usually good. Neck, no good. Chest, no good. But if you're bit like on your ankle, it's when it gets really dangerous. Because it's just nothing to absorb the venom.

All the veins there, they just fall apart. So you just lose the leg. One of my dad's old friends has these fingers were gone from a recluse bite. Anyway. 825,600 men's dicks. 825,000 gallons of beer. I've been watching so many videos of various baked goods on Instagram. It's just making my mouth water.

and I just look at it. Pink jelly insert? You've been watching shit like that? No, I've been watching like Sweet Potato Cinnamon Roll or like all these amazing Zad and Judo stuff mostly.

Judo's nice, yeah, Judo scoops are great. I kind of want to, I kind of want to get into Judo whenever I have a little bit more time. Because I used to do some Hopkito stuff and it was a lot. It was like some of the only stuff I've actually used in flights.

Uh, judo is to me, the most, when people are like, uh, what's the best martial for self-defense? And everybody says, you know, boxing, wrestling. I don't want to, I don't want to do moitai and I don't want to do Brazilian jujitsu. You don't need to. Honestly, I'm not trying to get my fuck. I'm not trying to, as part of it is like, I don't really want to be around super intense guys.

I don't, I just don't like, I already have like a blue color job. I don't want to go. I just don't. I'm around enough. like alpha energy already you know what I mean like mm-hmm you know I'm is I get I don't want my life to be 100% testosterone fuel yeah I mean it sucks and I feel like I feel like a lot of martial arts guys who make it like their whole thing where they're like you have to fuck it become a man all this is like I feel like you're just trying to

have a part of your life where you feel like a man yes no no you're right like I and it's not like and I don't mean that and like oh you have have a white color job. I mean, like, there's, like, a family dynamic or something where you do not feel like a... No, no, no. You don't feel like a man.

I don't know. I've been doing Y-Tai, and I've competed, and I've, like, cut weight, and I've been in fight camp. Like, I've been the crash dummy for fight camps a lot. Actually, that's kind of been the majority of my experience as... As doing Wai Thai as is that because I can fight South Paul and Orthodox, and I'm long.

I usually end up being a live test dummy for pro fighters Which means like Or MMA fighters I'm at my old gym and at this gym I'm at right now I get texts at least once every few months Like hey so-and-so's in camp We watched the tape of his opponent He's a rangey striker

With good submissions off his back You want to make $150 And I'm like yeah fine And then for like six weeks I just go and get fucking see you. You know what I mean? Or whatever. But the point I'm trying to make is that like, yeah, those guys all have serious insecurity problems, like, really bad ones.

But when I did, I did try judo for, like, a few months. Like traditional judo at a judo gym, this was many years ago. It was very chill. It was like the most, it was the chillest shit. Like, everybody there was really cool. It wasn't this, like, oppressive, like, I. Iron sharpens iron, brother. Yeah.

It's like, dude, I don't need that. I don't need that shit. I did a trial of Brazilian jiu-jitsu class, and the guy who was just trying to teach, the guy immediately got mad at me because I misunderstood his direction on something and was just talking about how easily he could beat me at Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

And I hadn't talked to any shit at all to him. I just misunderstood. Here's what happened. He said, he said to resist being put in an arm bar and so I just didn't let him put me in an arm bar because I misunderstood that I was just supposed to resist against the pressure slightly

but I just lifted him I just I was on my knees like down and I just sat up and just lifted his body up kind of on accident just because I thought I was being told to not get put in arm because I thought oh, he's still going to very easily put me in an arm bar. Yeah. But I just resisted.

He was just a smaller guy than me and could have absolutely, you know, choked me to death or whatever, but he got mad. In that moment, in that scenario. In that moment, it was just like, oh, okay, I guess I'll do this. And then he's still going to do it. And he didn't do it. And he was mad at me. And then I just didn't come back.

So I was like, this is a weird vibe. I don't want to take no offense to guys who were like five foot five, but um don't train to gyms like that yeah you know what i mean it's like uh oh actually if you think if you've met me you probably uh would recognize that i don't exactly have the most uh threatening alpha um presence me neither and also like for for anybody who wants to get into it the term yuk is your uk is like the coach uses you to demonstrate a move if the coach asks you to do that and then is like a prick to you, leave the gym. Like if you're a trial guy or whether you've been there six months,

like if, like it, or if you see it, like the coach like mistreat the guy that's helping it, leave the gym. Leave the fucking. It's nine and I, it's nine out of ten times. It's a fucking, what's the term I'm looking for? A McDojo where the dude, maybe he's got a legitimate black belt or maybe he had like a legitimate kickboxing record 20 years ago. But like he's just, he's just a cocksucker. I've trained it. places like that. Like, I've been doing this shit off and on since I was 15 and, like, it sucks. But the cool thing is about judo is, is it like, like, there's this shit with Jiu-Jitsu now where it's like,

oh, my-ba-ba-d-d-d-be-ba-d-d-b-b-b-b-b-b. Where, you know, where Judo is like, I actually think Judo is, like, the most, one of the most, like, effective. I think it's cool. I think it's cool also because there's ways to, uh, I mean, disferective, from, I haven't even done judo at all right, but I've done like, you know, some stuff with Hoppeedo on the password. It's like basically just basic takedowns and redirection of momentum and stuff. But there's ways you can do that to where if a fight is sort of like starting or whatever,

you can kind of like not, when you just punch a guy in the face, it's like, okay, well, that's like kind of a, you can't really go back from that usually, you know what I mean? But you can kind of just set a guy down. Sure. You know what I mean? Like you can have a situation where nobody really gets seriously hurt or whatever,

you know. I don't believe in like, I don't believe in when the debate amongst, it's so stupid, dude, it's so dumb. But like the debate when people are like,

well, suppose martial assault defense, the best martial self-defense is Glock gin 3. By gun. Like I, my coach that I am now is like,

He tells people when they come in, if you want to self-defense by a gun, it says Texas. Like, if you want to fight, then hang out. And, and it's all cool.

Like, but, you know, like, this is, like, I think this, I,

it's so dumb when people like, okay, so, I, this is my hot take. I have heard this so much from people who are very good at fighting. And they'll be like, like,

trained people. And they'll be like, Uh, yeah, um, uh, strength doesn't matter and, you know, like, it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I would do this, this, this in a street fight. I'm like, you are very good in the gym. You've actually never been in a fight, like outside of the gym. Being in a fight on concrete with just the hand, there's no wraps and no glove, there's no padding. That shit sucks.

I don't want to be anywhere near that. I don't want to be anywhere near that. This just just hands and fucking teeth and head That shit sucks so bad And then like and the guy's like yeah Well you know Jitsu is the best base for it because all this stuff that you do In grappling you do it on a On a on a on a on a um an impact resistant foam

Thing all that shit goes away When you when you're usually in you're in some type of bar setting or a house party setting where you're on tile or concrete, all that shit's dumb. This dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. The best deterrent, hot take, maybe. Best deterrent is just being big as shit. Like, I see a lot of... Because I subscribe to it, I follow a lot of fighters.

They're like... The kind of bodybuilder versus, like, martial artist thing where it's like, oh, nice muscles, bro. You don't know how to fight. Honestly, dude, I wish I had spent the last 15 years of my life getting big as fuck. This is my take. Because every guy I know this big as fuck,

they don't get into fist fight. they don't They don't get mugged I've been mugged They don't get Because when you know how to fight But you don't look like you know how to fight The way that people find out

That they maybe had made a mistake In trying to fight you or rob you Is this that they fight you And this is not even me being a tough guy This is just like I was having this conversation With somebody at my gym like two nights ago Where I was like dude

I would rather be big than know how to fight And they were like that's stupid And I'm like no no no no Think about a criminal be in a criminal's mind or an asshole's mind. We're all chill here. Right. If I was a big, if I was a 225, 6 foot 2 lean guy, big nasty motherfucker had no idea how to fight.

Okay. You probably would leave me alone. Everybody leaves those guys alone. You just leave them alone. Me, I'm 6'1. I usually, if I'm on my shit, I walk around like 170. I'm pretty lean. I look like the girl from the last of us

I don't look like I know how to fight How many times have I been in fights Where I get punched And then I have to respond And be like Well, I know how Well, maybe I win the fight, right? Maybe I've known how many

I bounced for a while I have to be like, hey man I know how to fight And then I fight you And then I'm punching you I don't want to be in those situations at all I don't even want to win a street fight I don't want to be in any street fights

I kind of wish I'd know spent the last 15 years in my life just being a huge nasty creature you know what I mean just a big fucked up or really uh really fat to where people are kind of grossed up by the idea of interacting with your body in any way yeah yeah like 700 pounds yeah like you shit yourself and stuff that's way easier than this way it gets way you become 400 pounds like I've met dudes who were so fat like they could do whatever they want to I'm not going to punch them. Right, right.

You see a guy who's so fat and they would get sweat on my hands and shit. Not strong fat. Like, just so fat. Weak fat is powerful. When you can see dimples through their pants. Psychologically powerful. When their asses dimply with clothes on. Yeah.

You see the rolls. You see the rolls through the jacket. Not even through the undershirt. You see it through the heavy coat. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they have to make a series of noises before they get up. Yeah.

Yeah, you get that fat, especially if you're short. Yeah. Five feet tall, 500 pounds. Nobody's, people won't really respect you the same way. But they don't want to fight you. It's kind of like fighting a kid. Yeah, it's like, it's like, I don't want to fight this guy who has fucking Louis dementia.

Well, we, like, I don't want to fight. I just not. Yeah, I, uh, yeah, I got into this big. We were all, we were all like, it was after sparring and I was like, I don't know. I just took, I just took the pathless taken on the debate where I was like, dude, I think I'd rather just be big. Because I've worked in bars and I've bounced and I've worked a floor and I've kicked people out of bars. And people, and if you've ever met me, you've ever met me in a show or you see me online, like, Imagine being a drunk guy who doesn't want to leave the bar I'm telling you to leave.

You wouldn't listen to me. You wouldn't listen to me. If you wouldn't, I wouldn't listen to me. Hey man, get out of here. You've had enough. No. If I told you that Thomas, if I told you, you don't know me, you don't know nothing about me. You don't know nothing.

If I said, hey, man, you've had enough. Get out of here. As I look right now. would say no I think I'm going to continue to drink here I'll be out of here in the next 30 minutes I'll be out here the next three three and a half hours two two more drinks I'm out of here I'll be what time is it one I'll be out here the next three three three two three hours I'll be out of here by the end night don't even worry about it which I'll be I'll be straight up with you when I bounced on six street that I got that sometimes and then you

have to be like well fuck all right well the guy doesn't respect the dad voice and then you know but again, that's my point is, is it you don't, I, if you're a young man, you listen to this show and you're like, do I want to know how to fight or do they want to be big? Just be big. Just be big. I wish I was just big. Like, I wish I was just big and gross

and just fucking, it just fucked up. I wish I was, I wish I was 260 lean instead of just being like a fucking people call it victim weight guy who is good at fighting, I guess. Like, I'm not a professional, all champion, whatever, but I just, it's whatever.

it's just that's the thing the debate between like uh power lifter bodybuilder or martial artist yeah power lifter bodybuilder easy easy easy if you're trying to avoid conflict because i've had a criminal's mind i've thought i've thought of my mind you know like and i also you know i'm like can i beat that guy's ass do you know who i who i say i don't think i can beat that guy's ass it's usually a big nasty motherfucker it's it's never a guy who looks like me I see a guy who looks like me and I'm like I'm dog walking that motherfucker six days out of the week Yeah

It's crazy when a guy Guys so many guys who can fight look like Tony Hawk Yeah that shit sucks That's the but that's the future we live in That's the counterpoint to my argument where like Martial arts specifically MMA Has become such a widespread It used to be something that only weirdos and outcast did

Like skateboarding But like I'll be friends with a guy in stand up And I find I found out Tim Butterly has a purple belt in jujitsu which is crazy that's hard to get yeah I was doing standup

and Tim was like yeah I really should get my brown belt and I was like you have a purple belt I thought Tim Butterley was a guy from Philadelphia who just was like a guy with some kids

and hung out I didn't know he was that I didn't know that motherfucker I didn't know that you know what I mean it's like no I think it pays off

optically speaking to just be a bigger just to be a nasty creature yeah like I mean you want to learn how to fight fine

If you want to be a fighter, like, that's a different thing. That's a different thing. You know, also, I would like to learn. What? And this is a crazy, this is, kung fu would be sick to get into. Because being a white kung fu guy is kind of fading out. Like a traditional wushu white guy? Yeah.

That's pretty sick, yeah. Like a Lupe fiasco type, but I'm white. Yeah. I mean, you know, Chuck Norris and Judo Jean LaBelle are, they, literally are dying breeds. Like they, like they're, they're,

they're guys who were, is it Chuck Norris's birthday? No, it was yesterday. No, because his birthday is five days away from mine and mine's the 15th.

Fuck, but my birthday's this weekend. Jesus Christ, dude. Damn, the big 4-0. Yeah, I'm turning 40.

That's crazy. What are you going to be 32? Yeah, I'll be 32. Yeah. Nice. It's a nice, even number.

I think, I think, you know what I will say is, is it people, uh, I see way too many people, my age being like or close to my age being like yeah it's over my knees in my back and all my life's over and I'm like honestly man you know the the amount the the mathematical amount of tragedy

in my life has maintained the same in three decades but 30's pretty chill 20's not so chill you know what I mean like uh I do believe I'm kind of one of the case studies in like my prefrontal cortex turned on around 27 like if you if you If you listen to this show and you're like, I'm 23, I'm lost, and I relate to you guys, how did you guys make your lives any better? I'm sorry to tell you. Sometimes your brain don't work until you hit like 26. Like, you're not going to make the right decisions until you hit like 26 or 27. That's just the way that it goes.

Thomas will be 26 this year. I'll be 27 this year. Oh, 20, that's right, 27. There's five years. Yeah. That seems incorrect. But that is true. Yeah.

I remember, I do remember this funny, because I remember when, when you go, when you're 25, you're like, whoa, I didn't think I would make it this far. Because when I was a kid, when I was 15, I was like, I'm not going to live this to see 25. That's just the way that I felt about life. And I was very, I romanticized this idea of dying young, whatever, that gay shit, whatever. And then 27 hits and you're like, yo. Yeah, it, dude, it sucks. Whenever I realized I wasn't talented enough to die young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, damn, I got to get at least a, fucking 70 ball in. When you realize that you're... For anybody to remember me. When you come to the realization that if you're good at something, which I think both of us kind of are, that you'll hit your stride like 37, you're like, fuck, really? You're like, you're like, wait, hold on a minute.

I know God. And as if you don't give up. Yeah, that's if you don't give up. That's if you dedicate so much more time and effort. But like, you know, I know comics who are 22 and they're like all over the place and you're like, oh, I just was never that good and I'm not that good. But if I give it, I could probably be that good. I could be that successful if I just give it another six years. And you're like, what's that, 37?

Oh, man. I mean, I'm not, I'll do stand-up when I'm, I don't care. I like doing stand-up. I'll do it. And when I'm old, I don't care. It's fun. I enjoy it. But, God damn.

What are you talking about? Fucking. Yeah, I don't. Oh, man. but you were you were funny on joe box you know you've been doing the j been mr mr i think i think i'll be really good when i'm like 40 whenever uh because i feel like i'm going to be so bad at stand up by then it's going to be way funnier um i don't plan on getting any better i plan on getting worse and um as as i get older it'll be more and more confusing that um like you know having a i start dressing like

you know, Louis C.K. and all them where it was like black t-shirt and dark-washed jeans and I look like I'm the philosopher or whatever and then I go out there

and I'm talking about how I got my ball stuck up my ass and I couldn't shit him out so I basically had to basically had to I'll tell you I'll tell you right now as a guy whose whole stick

is kind of that right now not very popular it's not crazy people don't really fuck with that if they see you look like you might know a thing or two and then you end up being stupid they actually don't sympathize you with you at all.

And the opposite. If you look like you might be stupid and then you try to say something smart, they really, really don't like you either. But that's just, you know, that's just the way, that's just the way she works,

the way she goes. What the fuck? What the fuck? Who gives a shit? Um, but, my phone's dead, so I can't look at my spots that I have for everybody to come to.

Um, the only one, ones I know are go to lemon party. Life in the April and May Austin and Houston I'm opening up for Ben

Avery and Lemon Party boys Devin Costa and all them motherfuckas please go buy tickets to see those shows I don't yeah because my phone's dead

so I do have a lot of spots coming for the next few weeks but I don't know when they are because they don't have my phone my phone's dead so uh listen to drunk on cool

um and then uh yeah that's about it what do you got time check out Joe Bucks uh new episodes next couple of weeks um trying to try to get the dub are you a rego on that show now or what's up with that uh it's by the season so I will be on

four episodes total um and that'll be like a standalone season and if I win maybe we'll see if that happens, then I will return later for a championship tournament against some previous winners of other seasons.

That would be cool. But we got Jill McConnell and Tommy Bayer on there, and it's a pretty tight competition right now. So who knows? I don't want to speak. I don't want to speak too soon. I think I'm going to hit up Ivy and see if I can do struggle bus

and then maybe come and visit in the next couple months in the next month or so. Because I actually read what that show is about, and I was like, yeah, I could win this show. show. There's no way. I don't, all of you guys have had, um, you guys have had like, oh, my parents are rich, but I live in New York kind of bad lives. You guys haven't, you guys don't know what this shit's about. You guys don't. Yeah, one girl almost got killed by her boyfriend. That was a pretty good one. Yeah. I got better shit than that. I got way better shit than that. Yeah.

You see, I would, I thought about just going on and making something up. Yeah, so I got raped on the way here by a bug. I got fluked by a stink bug on the way here. I was on the New York bus, and I got my shit got tore the fuck up by a big stink bug. They come with stink bug, Tommy. Anyway, thanks for listening to the show. And, yeah, all right, that'll be about it.

Oh, and also come to Wednesday, March 18th, from 5 to 7 p.m. In Bakersfield, California, there's Gabriel Iglesias is having a meet-and-greet on 10-650 Stockdale Highway in Bakersfield from the world's fluffiest tequila lover. So guys, neither of us will be there, but try and make out the Bakersfield to go to that. Fuck that motherfucker, dude. Fuck his shit. All right, bye.