Pendejo Time - Pain and Hip Hop

Episode Date: March 11, 2021

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well that's how you're gonna start it you're just gonna hesitate like that yeah I mean you know I know well folks we're back we're back at the

last episode the final one not doing it anymore and Jake has prepared a parting song for us Jake would you like to

perform it for us. Jake, would you like to perform it for us? I'm on the outside. I'm looking at you. I'm not going to do that, man. I don't really. This is the last episode. Thomas is just being stupid. It's almost like you sent me a song that you've written

and now it's showtime and you know that there's millions of people listening and you're afraid of this talent that you really have. I do like the idea of hitting, like literally the moment we get, we break the

$1,000 goal, just quitting. Like it went way past whatever we expected to happen. It's still not that much money and then just being like, that was good i guess yeah that'll work like not understanding that like just deleting the patreon also yeah like not understanding not even like milking it for a few months because people would forget to they would forget that you yes exactly like literally being like well this went this far exceeded my expectations. And it's not like this thing could grow to a bigger size that could benefit my life in some way. What do you think is going to give out next in your body? For me?

Yeah. So my right hip is really dog shit. It's super stiff. My hips are uneven. So with my left leg i'm super flexible and i kick high right leg i can't kick above like a grown man's like mid thigh area uh and i've noticed that when i hit bags yeah but it's it's more than that like just stretching like doing a minor stretch before i lift like it's just it feels like like there's pop rocks in my right hip.

I've never dislocated it. I've never really been a heavy lifter. I don't know what to do. I think it's just going. I'm 26. I'm going to be 27 on Monday. You're more than halfway through life. The way I've lived, 100%.

That one, both my shoulders are fucked. My right hip is the next one that like, I'm going to be like doing a squat or like stretching or like hitting a, kicking a bag. And then I'm just going to feel like a, like a, like a pressure and then a pop. And then I'm just not going to be able to walk for like six weeks. Uh, and I don't have health insurance. So it'd probably be something like one of those things where it's like,

this is like $10,000 worth of work, and I'm going to be like, cool. So I'm going to do what I did with my shoulder and just keep doing my normal stuff until something really bad happens. See, until recently, I had my money on my ankles being what gave out. money on my ankles being what gave out but then because whenever I was bigger I would roll my ankle like every literally like every three days it would just like one of them would just give out you know like I just would just keep walking like like my body got sort of used to them just giving out so they would like my other foot would automatically adjust yeah so it would look like i was in severe pain when really i was only in like moderate pain you know and so so i assumed it was gonna be my ankles and then i dropped just a little bit of weight and immediately all my ankle problems pretty

much went away it just just sounds like my right ankle is like the size of a baseball usually but my left ankle How's that doing? Well I'll be honest man I remember it being looking a little better than that.

That's also rough but anyway I think that like I attribute the hip thing to like having been super heavy for like a couple years and then like the way I do fitness because I've quit and started

like boxing and shit over the last 12 years probably 500 times I'll do it for six months, get depressed, don't give a fuck, won't train for a year, go back again, six months, yeah, yeah, I do that back and forth. But every time I do that, I like, I don't ease my way back into it. I'm like, I know how to do this shit. And I like get, I get, and I'm starting, like, I'm throwing hands and doing pushups and stretching with guys who are like, you know, like athletes, they're like 9% body fat.

They run fucking five Ks. And I'm like, yeah, I'm one of you guys. I'm just a little overweight. And they're like, yeah, nice. We believe you. And we definitely don't like laugh at you. Yeah. And I think that's why a lot of my joints are fucked because I go from being like a

couch retard guy to being like at the gym two hours early in the morning guy and then in the evening and i don't like transition into that i don't like start small i go right back to trying to lift what i was lifting when i was in shape and my joints are just like dude we've been like we've atrophied like there's not yeah there's nothing you know there's no there's there's nothing here you know yeah no i uh my knees i don't even know what's going on with them i don't really care either but like i i have full-on blown them out like twice but the thing is you can if you just sort of use the rest of your body to walk it like gatewise it sort of evens out uh but sometimes i'll just like lean against something

or like i'll be laying on my stomach and my knee one of my kneecaps will just like slide to the side of my leg sort of and I just kind of pop it back but like I don't know if that's what a kneecap like is like from what I understand it's supposed to be like a solid unit in there it's not like the top comes off or anything yeah it's not like a it's not like yeah it's not like a pot yeah this isn't a dutch oven it's like one solid bone that just like there's there's just probably like zero cartilage in there which is fine i don't need me i've got bones and muscles it's fine but it's like i don't know i don't see that holding up for long. But then this morning, I like how we are just 95 years old. Yeah. This morning.

Yeah. So yesterday, I attempted a 50-pound deadlift PR on a whim. 50? Yeah, 50-pound. Deadlift? 50-pound jump from my PR. Oh, okay. Before.

Not I was trying to. I had the bar and a 2.5 on each side. No. Because I'm trying to pull. I'm not going to tell the audience where it is, but when I get there, you'll know. I thought you said you were trying to deadlift 50 pounds no no i understand how i worded that it was off i was like look man you're much bigger than i am i know that you're like yeah i don't know if you're playing it's like a child could

pick that up yeah if it like you know put the effort you do that when you get groceries yeah a 50 pound deadlift is like is like picking it's like if you leave your leg limp and then just sort of like pick it up by the foot part but yeah uh anyway and so i strained really hard and um central nervous system just sort of blew a little gasket, which is fine. I don't need it. I think with my, with my hands and my, my, uh, with the wind and the spirit within me. Anyway. Um, so this morning I'm feeling great cause I got to go to work and everything.

And, uh, I get there and I'm like, yeah, I got some heavy lifting to do today. I better stretch. And I go to stretch my shoulders, dude. And there's just fluid in there. Like not coming out, but I can just hear like sloshing around in my joints. It's pretty sick. I don't know if that's... It's not sloshing, like it's like someone injected the

joint itself with just like this you know on like uh that show where they used to pit like different warriors against each other and they had the those dummies the dummies with that they'd stab or whatever yeah it's It's like that material. It's just. They threw a little bit in different parts of my body. And I have to find it. Yeah. But.

I think it's. It's really funny. And also like frustrating. In a funny way. That like. The guys that like. I know at the gym that i train with that are my age or older and then in like before because i've always had bad joints in general they have these problems but they're like yeah i got a couple belts from like you know 2008 competed at ikf or whatever small promotions i don't have anything I have nothing to show

for like how bad my body is put together like nothing I don't have any trophies I don't have anything I have nothing I just have like a very basic understanding

of Muay Thai. And then like, I can shoot a double leg. That's it. But everybody who's like, yeah, dude, I got a shoulder problem too.

Is like, I got a black belt in jujitsu and they're like, they're, you know, a bunch of medals and shit. And I'm like, that's cool, man.

I've never won anything in my life. Like ever. I kind of just, uh, like everything sort of just falls apart. But I really like this sport a lot. I won a couple small tournaments for Taekwondo. But like.

The international stuff. I would always. You know. Never won those. But I only went to. I mostly went to smaller ones I'd like international ones I always get cocky

because like I'd win the first round or whatever and then I'd go against some like actual South Korean kid who was like you know born in a temple or whatever and he would just he would just like force push me across the room.

Yeah. Cool. I, I, I think it's funny when I'll have like a good day, a good sparring day. And I'm like, man,

I'm, I'm pretty fucking good, dude. I've been posted about it. I got a good day today and then like it just is a fluke like like the guys who can easily beat the dog shit out of me just weren't there that day like that yeah that's that's what happened is that they either had work or were too tired to come train because they do they like run in the morning like 10 miles before

they come and i just happened to be there the day that like the all right guys were there i just had a good day i wasn't tired i wasn't gassing early and i'm like you know and then like i show up next week and it's like everyone there who has taken the sport seriously been in it as long as i have but they didn't quit a bunch of times you know so they're like they're like they have an actual 10 years yeah like 10 years which is actually mostly like two for me of like spending two months at a gym and then quitting whatever but like a consistent and they're just like they just get worked over like a fucking omelet just flipped and fucking fucking just, I'm like, man, I really should pick something else.

But I hate every other type of sport. I don't even really like exercise, dude. Honestly, I hate running. I don't like lifting weights. I never got anything out of it, but I do enjoy like this. This is, this is, this is the longest I've stuck with it since I was a teenager. That's good. Like first started.

Yeah. This is the longest I've stuck with it since I was a teenager. That's good. When I first started. Yeah, it was always kind of frustrating for me with sparring. I don't really know if it's, you know, it could be a little different for your thing because, I don't know. I was training for a tournament or something, I would literally have to go at least every other day to keep and improve on my sparring ability. Because if, say, I had a vacation

or something, and I was gone for a week, I would come back 40% worse somehow. I won't say that I will come back technique-wise worse, but I will definitely say that i will come back technique wise worse but i i will definitely say that taking a week off like i don't know if it's just my body maybe everyone's this way but the cardio aspect of it just a week and i took two months off on my shoulder separated again

and i was fucked the first month i was back i was, um, no, like I will take a week off. Like I'm in Houston visiting my girlfriend and her family and I'll come back and I'll, and I'll go to class on Tuesday morning and I'll be like wheezing at the warmup, like wheezing. Like I'm like, you know, just like gasping for fucking air. Like I, like, like I've never fucking worked out a day in my life. And it's just been a week. Now, two weeks of consistent work, that's not a fucking problem. But it's like a week off of just like, and I'm not even really doing anything that bad. I'm not like fucking smoking rock and jacking off.

Like I'm just eating fucking bad food and hanging out with the family. But a week of like that not being my everyday thing, my body readjusts to like sedentary lifestyle immediately. And so I can't keep up. I can't hit bags. I can't hit pads. I can't train. I can't spar. Like I'm just a worthless sack of shit.

Um, like I'm coming up on my birthdays on Monday. We're going on, I'm going on vacation with a girlfriend and I'm, I'm not, I'm dreading coming back. Yeah. It's funny. Cause like, I mean, you know, I like traveling.

You know? Yeah. Like, I don't, you know. Okay, let's do it, man. You know, I mean, it's just cool how we're a team and everything, and we, like, do everything together. And then, like, it comes to the most important day of my year your birthday and uh which i knew about i knew it was coming up yeah and what do i get oh well

just a nice little slap in the face for thomas just a nice hey thomas uh nice. Hey, Thomas. How about you just maybe feed the dogs that you have? You have a couple dogs. Yeah, what are their names? Fido and Bone Bone. Yeah, Fido and Bone Bone.

What kind of dogs are they? You got one big one and then one that's medium. And they're two of the sweetest dogs you could ever imagine. You could ever imagine. Well, man, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but... No, it's okay. It's not even like it's drama. It's just like if there was beef or something,

you'd want it to be out in the open, but I guess there's not. I guess that's just the way things are. Yeah. I guess, you know, like... I guess you're just more into this than I am. Like, you know, like... No, it's like...

I'm just playing it cool. No, it's like it's okay if you, like, talk to... I don't know. It's like... You can talk to other girls as well. No, you can talk to it's okay if you like talk to, I don't know. It's like you can talk to other girls. No, you can talk to other podcasters or whatever. It's just like, I just, it feels like I'm, I'm in a level of commitment here where I'm putting myself out on the table for you because I see like a real future

here. And then, Oh, I see. Oh, you're talking to name a podcaster, man. You know, I know so many of them. It's just hard to, Oh, so you're, you know, so, okay. So I feel like I know a little, Oh, so you know... Okay, so I feel like you're being a little duplicitous here. I can't even have friends now. No, I don't. I just think you're projecting what you're accusing me of.

You're guilty of and you're guilty of guilt in your heart. This is just like what happened with Bad Bunny and his girlfriend. You know that? Who the fuck is Bad Bunny? He's a dance hall artist. He's one of the most famous artists in the whole world And honestly it's kind of like Gaslight I have no idea who that is

No Bad Bunny He's like You know who Ozuna is right? Who the fuck is that? Everyone knows who that is Who? Ozuna Who is that?

Who's Azula? Ozuna He's one of the greatest He's one of the most famous artists in the world. I don't know who either of these people are. Do you know who Daddy Yankee is? I only know Gasolina. Yeah, dude.

It's like, so you're literally like almost Mexican. How is that? And you don't even know. I just said you're, I didn't even say you were, I just said almost. You could have a, you know, it's a close call here and there. Yeah. And it's like, okay, so you deny your culture, and now, because of that, what

am I left with? A big, big bag of rocks for Thomas, because he's, you know, that's what I am to you. Well, you know, everybody's got to have their big bag of rocks. I thought we had been talking for this point for like

35 minutes and I just checked it no but I'll make it no no you can change the subject if you need to no it has nothing to do no I bet it doesn't

but it's not even a big deal well listen man you know everyone knows that we are best friends in real life

we're really good friends serious stuff and you don't you know me like the back of my hands the back of your

own hands yeah yeah and so I appreciate you coming forward and saying stuff like this because

as super close friends who don't just mostly talk during these episodes. Yeah, maybe 15 minutes a week outside of this. Yeah.

You know, I should have been more thoughtful and I should have taken you on, considered you on this road trip to go visit people I met on the internet who probably are going to bail when I get there and I will have driven. You know, you've always been like a little brother to me.

You do look older than I do. No, you've been like a little brother that was like a lot like really naive and like younger. And like maybe got picked on but I would step in front of the

the bullies and you because I'd be in the middle I'd be in the middle of that I would step in front of them but I would be guarding I would be stepping in front of you

because I'd be I wouldn't be guarding them though I would be stepping in front of you because I wouldn't be guarding them, though. I'd be pretty mad. There's a rage gap in front of us and I'm laughing at me being 15 and you being 9 and being like, hey, leave him alone. Yeah, I was a stout little 9-year-old, let me tell you. Did you have a beard when you were 9? No, no. I was actually, I had a baby face when I was nine.

I looked, back when I was nine, you could have sworn I was eight and a half. Well. How old were you when you were nine? How old was I? Yeah. Well, you know, the old guy that lived across from the street from me always called me an old soul. Yeah. He said I was super mature for my age.

And we hung out a lot. Yeah. Let me guess, his name was Santa Claus? No, his name was... That's a little inside joke for the audience. I haven't told Jake about that guy yet. You haven't told me about Santa Claus. It's not even a lie.

I haven't told you about him. About the mythical figure? Yeah. I'm waking right now. Hard. I'm going to get a DM from guys that are like you don't know about Sam Kwong do you guys get DM's about this show I think that I feel like

because I don't know I feel like I get more than you do why would they DM me people don't do I seem like someone who's involved in the everyday affairs of anything?

I don't know. I mean, you have quite a bit of following, assuming you would get some about the show. I mean, people message me about it all the time. There's a whole tab over there and you don't have to click it. Well, I have friends and I'm doing shirts

right now, so so I'll always see and I'll open them sometimes but I usually don't respond to that stuff now if someone says hey man I like the you're doing good I'm proud of you and I love you I'll say

I love you too man something like that I mean if it's just like a straight up you know someone being nice but like if it's something like hey dude like you like you owe me $700 or like

you owe me $550 or like where is my car? Or like, stop contacting me. Like, please, you know, leave me alone. Or like, stuff like that. I'm not going to open it, you know? Yeah.

Because you're not, here's the thing, and I've said this for years. A vibe lost is a brother gained. You said that? I've been saying it for years. Yeah, man. Anybody who's known me since several years will know about that. Vibe lost is a brother gained. Yeah.

Thomas. Should be... Have you ever looked into publishing a book? I was wondering if you could do that for me. You're not busy this weekend, are you? Unironically, and a joke I have, but I won't publish anything you write, man. I refuse.

Stop showing me your fucking nipples, dude. Dude, you can't even see them. I have my camera turned off. I can see them. I just saw them. They're not turned on. The camera isn't. Well, I mean, they are.

or not. The camera isn't. No, I mean, they are. They're sort of halfway because I have my socks off

and my feet. My shit's always hard as a fucking rock, dude. My nipples are always literally, they're hard right now. See?

They're always, because they're so tiny. Mine are either the size of a... Am I short? I think I've seen them, but I haven't been.

They're super, they're like fucking little pennies. That's weird, man, because that sticks out. Yeah. No, there's no surface area. I see. Hey. You got little quarter-sized ones?

Yeah. Now, it depends because they're like sort of halfway right now for some reason. right now for some reason they're usually a little bit more like that or but in the summer they're like like very brown which is cool I I guess. I'm fine with it. I got them Latina niples. I don't know if that's how it is in Spanish. I'm not going to ask a co-worker or anything. That's weird.

Hey, brother. I ain't going to try to interrupt you or nothing. I was just wondering. These things right here. You're flicking them back and forth. They're getting hard. You're like, what you call these? And they're like very confused and upset.

I didn't ask you. I don't really want you to get weirded out or nothing. It's just, you know. I said nip lays. I feel like that's right but i don't really know if it is so i remember i had a i had a co-worker tell me that so lunch in spanish is lunche right um but he said it was el luncho and i just believed him because like it's equally believable to me.

I was like, how do you say lunch in Spanish? He was like, El Lancho. And then he smiled at me, but it was like, in the moment, even though he was a guy that I joked around with all the time, for some reason, I was like, wow. I've taught him a few English words. I just teach him some Spanish. This is like the circle of life right here. And then later, I was like, luncho.

I can't. That's... There's not a chance in hell that's right. I asked another co-worker, and he just started laughing. I was like, great. Now I'm a dog monkey. Hey, you guys want to go grab some lunch? Yeah. They all start beating me up and laughing and stomping on me.

Slap you like a misbehaved dog. Just a bunch of five, three Mexican dudes just... Beating the shit out of you. Just pulling at my legs and everything. Trying to tear your fucking boots off. Yeah. I uh I'm thinking

I've been applying to a lot of jobs. Yeah. I hope that I get one but I hope you don't but I have a good reason.

What's that? I want you to earn it earn what you gotta struggle man you gotta go through it's like Dragon Force said you gotta go through the fire and flames yeah you got a on one hand you got your trials

you know you got some you stick with it through the trials you'll have some tribulations on the way you know man are you saying that I go through bad stuff

to have more bad stuff happen later no man I'm just I'm just saying I'm ready for the tribulations and yeah trials

damn tribulations does sound cool. Now, boy, I tell you, you'll keep on messing around here. I'm going to get you some tribulation. That's what it's called. Wait, this is... You know, there's girls from... Come on on spit it out

there's ladies on the tv it's called tribulations oh when the girls scissor it's called tribulation yeah you know I know that it sounds like that but also in my mind that works just fine

yeah no I decided that's true. Any of you wonderful lesbo friends out there, that's the new term. I saw a post that was like you can't say dyke if you're not.

Oh yeah, I actually retweeted that you can't say if you're like that was you yeah that was actually me it probably was no I'm not even kidding I'm sure

it was yeah that was me I uh I remember it was like if you're like not a non-black lesbian you can't say it and I was like, if you're not a non-black lesbian, you can't say it.

And I was like, none of this post said that I can't say it as a white straight man. Yeah. It feels like she really fucked up there. Because I say it all the time. It feels like one of those PG slurs, you know, where it's like,

maybe PG-13. See, for me, it's one of those I don't tend to say, but in my head is... My vocabulary in my head, just from growing up around here, is not necessarily even what I morally agree with. No, absolutely not. It's just what comes to mind. Yeah, no, absolutely not. It's just what comes to mind. No, yeah. No, I know. Like, there's terms for things

that I would never use in my life that unfortunately are the default word I think of in certain situations. And I don't say it. Also, I should clarify that I'm not thinking of anything actually that bad when I'm saying this.

Oh, I am. I'm thinking of like the worst shit on planet Earth. Yeah, well, I was doing damage control, but... Well, now you fucked up. Yeah. Because you started out, you tried to steer away from the ice and you ended up

staring into it. I think I told you about it. It's just like Titanic. You know, when they're both girls laying there on the couch. Oh, you know, when they're both, that, that girl's laying there on the couch all, you know, uh. Whore-like.

Yeah, what a slut. That's what you get, you know, from going out on a boat just to, just to see the boys. With some foppish. Like. Yeah. Pre-Great Depression dick. Yeah. You think they had showers on the Titanic? Uh, I mean, I'm sure.

Maybe they just throw a rope over the side. Take a little dip and climb back up. That's what they did. The problem was they had too many people on one side wasting down the ropes and it tipped over.

Mm-hmm. Where the fuck are you at that you hit an iceberg? Yeah. I'll tell you where. Where's that? The North freaking Pole. Yeah, somebody in this episode something tells me where's that the North freaking Pole yeah something

in this episode something tells me uh one Mr. uh Santa Claus could have saved a lot of people

um I uh when I was in elementary school i think i was pretty young oh did you know no i uh i asked my mom i was like hey so like santa's not real right and she was like she didn't try to hide it she was like, she didn't even try to hide it, she was like, no, and she was like, I need you to understand something, though, and I mean this, you're going to be in a lot of trouble if you do not listen to the words I'm about to say, because I was probably like six or seven, probably six, and she was like, you cannot, under any circumstances, go to school after Christmas break and tell kids that Santa's fake

and their parents make the presents under the tree. And I was like, yeah, mom, whatever. Like, 100%. Like, I'm not going to do anything like that. Like, I would never do something like, what kind of man do you take me for? Like, wow, this is super frustrating. Like, okay, mom.

The day do something like what what kind of man do you take me for like wow this is super frustrating like okay the the day the day i returned to like first grade i was like y'all stupid motherfuckers still believe in santa claus like you gotta be the dumbest sack of shit because he's not real and kids who like didn't do anything wrong like they had nothing but wonder in their heart were like no pretty sure he's real man because he comes to my house and i'm like no your mom wakes up and puts the president of the tree they're like no and that was my first experience into being like a joy killing smug prick. Yeah. I got like super addicted to that rush from like a very early age. And most people can probably tell.

Yeah. You're a lot like Anthony Jesselnik. Thanks, man. I, I, you know, when I was younger,

I thought he was really cool and, uh, and like not a gay man in real life. Yeah, we've all been 15 before, you know. So I know I have. No, he was, he's one of those guys, like, I heard him on Pandora like everybody else did. He's one of those guys, like, I heard him on Pandora like everybody else did. I'm sorry, I just found that funny.

You know, he was originally discovered on Pandora Radio for comedy albums, and that's where he got picked up. No, I heard his delivery and everything. This is when I was like 14, 15. I was like, this guy has some pretty, pretty killer jokes. I mean, he'd be, he toes the line, he goes there, but that bastard pulls it off. And then I went on YouTube and I watched him for like 30 seconds. So I was like, yeah, this guy sucks. and I watched him for like 30 seconds. So I was like, yeah, this guy sucks.

Because he has this look on his face, which none of you can see it. But you can also look up what Anthony Jeselnik looks like. You think I'm here to babe you? You think I'm, oh, I'm Mr. Teacher. I'm Mr. Handsome Teacher with the big arms. No, I'm more than that. I'm your friend. Anyway, Jake, he goes like this. He goes...

Yeah. He gives like a... Like, I know how the world really works kind of like... He did a roast. I forget who the roast of... The roast of... Who it was. I don't remember what roast.

But Jeselnik and Patrice O'Neill were on and Jeselnik goes up and delivers this like super smug delivery about like just just in his normal style Patrice O'Neill comes up on after him and he's like you look like you work at medieval times and it was

such like it wasn't even it was just the it was one of those everything he said was such a crucial roast and then he goes you shut up you fucking prick and bring him on mutton you stupid fucking nothing and it was just like jesus christ like just the way patrice o'neill like said shit yeah i don't i don't think if anyone else had said that, it would have made any sense. You know, like, what does it mean a dude who looks like he works at Medieval Times? But because it was Patrice, it was like, yeah, no, he kind of does look like a useless type of person. Like a guy who just doesn't have anything else going on.

And then to be like, just serve me my goddamn turkey and a leg, you stupid fucking nothing. I was like, man. Yeah. That was kind of, I was like, just serve me my goddamn turkey in a leg, you stupid fucking nothing. I was like, man. Yeah. That was kind of, I was like, wow. Like, Patrice O'Neill is much, and that was like my, I was probably like 15. I was like, this Patrice, that was like my first actual introduction to Patrice O'Neill. I was like, okay, like this is, this guy's actually funny. I thought this guy was funny for different reasons, but Patrice O'Neillill is like if you can just make me laugh by saying something that makes no sense

then like yeah no it was also also to be actually like uh because nothing there is really like off the cuff typically with like a celebrity roast so to just be yeah yeah they're all very like a pre-prepared I don't know you know the Teresa O'Neill being just a funny black guy just sort of had that by default yeah like culturally very well-discussed yes very well I mean it's something that's a skill he already had. Whereas Anthony Jeselnik, he – Refined some personality that you – White people don't have the same – I mean, it's not across the board. But generally, there's not – you don't have roast battles.

Yeah, yeah. Whereas me, you know, sometimes I'll go to work and I'll get told I look like one of the Smurfs. If they were just shape-wise, if they were a human. I don't know if that particular coworker was listening, but I will say that was a good one. I thought about it for three or four days. And that happens. And Patrice O'Neill had that. Whereas Anthony Jaslnik is just sort of a worm. Yeah.

I remember I liked him initially. This is a super interesting conversation i liked him initially because people are dane cook going nuts over this he did a dane cook thing where he pretended to be him and like did an impression of him and anthony jeslinick's whole thing was like god's not real but he didn't do it in like a funny george carlin way it was in like a like a like a way that he's like i'm better than you for not believing or whatever. And I was like, yeah, get Dane Cook. He's stupid or whatever. And then later on, I realized I was like, man, I – by the way, we're talking about a guy who's wildly successful in his career.

Like way more than like anything that I will ever, it could have done had I actually tried. Anything that now. Well, you know, someday. You know, you never know. No, no. Well, for me, for me, I'll be there. Yeah, I mean, maybe. I mean, you know, if like, if like Andrew Dice played. Will I ever try stand-up? No, I have, maybe. I mean, if like Andrew Dice played...

Will I ever try stand-up? No, I have no plans of it. But in a way, also, you never know. I could be, you know, we could be like the... Maybe like the Anthony Jeselnik and the... Name a guy. You could be Dimitri Martin. That's upsetting.

I knew it would be. I just tried to pick a guy. That's fucking... That was a guy when I was in high school that I was like, yeah, this guy probably is really smart and he reads, so I'm going to watch his stuff.

And I pretended to like that type of shit because there was a type of person I wanted to be but really the only thing that I would watch and really laugh at was like Carlin saying the n-word and then like

uh I would never laugh at something like that it would probably make me cry if I heard it. And then like Sam Kinison yelling at somebody or something. I don't know. Anyway, but I remember there was definitely a time when I was in high school where I was like, yeah, I watched a different type of stand-up.

I watched the type, probably like you wouldn't get it. It's like smart comedy. Yeah, actually. I like bill hicks and i well you could just i'll put it like this you better not have a gun around me when i'm alone because i i think deep thoughts i'm troubled deeply that uh that was very much me in ninth grade. Yeah. I remember. The only thing that's different now is that so many people told me how stupid that type of person is to be that I was worn down like a pebble in a stream. And now I kind of just chill out. Yeah.

I think that it would be cool to try to be pretentious again at 30 and just have everyone, just alienate everybody in my life. Just try to be like a college freshman type guy that's like, yeah, I only really like noise rock. I mean, well, I'm talking about a guy that exists and I know several of them who are like 28 or 29 and they're like yeah yeah no i don't really watch like movies that are like out in the theaters you know like that's cool i think i think i'm gonna wait like five years and then claim to be like the only one who remembers pearl jam except like like i'll sort of like steal gen x's bit but like when they're not doing it anymore yeah when they're all like too dead or old or whatever

yeah to be like I mean I don't know like the whole M&M thing you know like people like Gen Z just found out about M&M and it's like you need to understand something people who existed and were alive you know, like people like Gen Z just found out about Eminem. And it's like, you need to understand something. People who existed and were alive and were adults,

the same time of Eminem, we're trying to quote unquote, cancel him. Like he was a very, people did not want him to make rec. Like, I don't understand. Like, Oh,

you're canceling him. And people our age were doing that. People older than us, our parents were doing that. Yeah. Like our parents, I was like politicians and shit. doing that. Yeah. Like, our parents were like politicians and shit. Like, everybody, yeah, it was like, you know.

Yeah. Did you ever have an M&M phase? Uh, not like, so, yeah, well, I don't want to say, like, an identity-wise. Whenever I was, like like 15 or 16,

I listened to him, but not like religiously, you know, like I, I still, yeah. Okay. Like I went back and,

uh, the only project of his I ever really liked was, um, the original Slim Shady LP where it's got like uh i don't know it's got a few on it and i was like oh there was the three the slim shady lp the marshall mathers lp and then like the m&m show that was like the big three yeah see i only really liked the slim shady lp the slim shady LP. I don't know. I remember No, I mean like

I just I remember being like my dad was the type of guy who was like I hate rap but there's something about that Eminem guy. You just gotta love him.

And I'm like as a kid I was like yeah, I guess. And I got older and I realized my dad was just like a casually racist guy from Texas.

I was like yeah, I'm pretty sure I can figure out what it was. He was rapping about the same type of things, basically. Only he lived in a trailer like you did and he looks like you.

So it's pretty cut and dry. I think it's cool how he looks now. He looks so cool. It's clear that he's like entering that age where he's like dying his beard like a dog. he's dying his beard. Like a duck's head. He's had work done.

But to look like that... Have you noticed? He's had a couple nose jobs, I think. I mean, I don't really look at pictures of him all that much. No, I look at him almost two or three hours a day. Yeah, yeah. I say, Marshall... You're at work and you're digging a hole and Yeah, yeah. I say, Marshall. You're working. Marshall.

You're digging a hole in your leg. I say, Marshall, you've lost the plot. You used to be a stunning devil. And now, look at you. You're a Hollywood. You're a. I'm so tired. I've been trying to

I know man I uh this isn't a good you know this sometimes you swing for the fences and you fucking strike out

and then the second guy comes up behind you and he just fucking strikes out and the third guy you lose the game yeah well there's only two which I don't think is possible

you know uh you know what they call that is half an inning and you know what half of an inning is twice a winning Vince Lombardi

used to say that you do half a winning twice a inning I don't even know who Vince Lombardi is who's Vince Lombardi 24 inch rims and they stay spinning thomashiphop.com

I've been listening to Paul Wall again lately have you I've been listening to a lot of Gucci and there's a line he says he says riding in the drop

but I don't know where I'm going and I really liked that line because I liked the idea of Gucci Mane in like a slab convertible Cadillac. And he's on some freeway in Atlanta and he's so fucked up. He has zero idea of where his determined destination is, where he intended to go initially. He doesn't even have a place that he might stop at. He's just kind of like,

this was pre before he got locked up. It's that song still tipping. Yeah. Where he also says, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.

I'm so froze up. I might throw up, which is also very funny and cool to me. Cause he's like, you know it's the first time you hear a rapper say I think I'm too chopped up man I think I don't know if I can handle

I don't know if I can handle all the shit I put in my body I might puke normally they're like I eat I don't know if we've done this before but there was that Future song before he got really big I think the hook was like I ate 56 bars all in one month it ain't nothing I don't know if we've done this before, but there was that Future song before he got really big. I think the hook was like, I ate 56 bars all in one month.

You know, it ain't nothing. And I remember I was thinking at the time, I was like, is he saying that's a lot? Like I had a prescription for more than that. I don't, like, it sounded like he was, I ate 56 bars all in one month, but it ain't nothing. And I was like, like people- I mean, if you're mixing it with everything else I mean

but I was well okay now you can't be is he not a drug addict for you no I just I thought maybe lie

I ate 256 bars drug addict for you. No, I just, I thought maybe, dude, lie. Lie. I ate 256 bars. I ate 500. Lie. It's not realistic. You're a rapper, dude. Dude, there are suburban white moms who eat more than that.

What the fuck are you doing? Yeah. Well, you know, I think we should just give him a second chance. Future, if you would like to come on to the Pendejo Time podcast, we will have to schedule you a few months in advance because we're booked out. We're way overbooked. Yeah. We got Skip it or Flip it coming on next week.

After that, we got... Skip-a-da-Flip-a, we have... Young Scooter. Young Scooter. We're getting Rallo on if we can. We are getting... Black Star, Talib Kweli on to talk conscious rap.

We've got a 17 hour long interview with Del the Funky Homosapien coming soon where it mostly interviews us following him in his car and the last five minutes of it are us ringing his doorbell a bunch of times.

What if we killed that guy? I feel like it wouldn't be very hard. He's got to be like 60 by now. No, dude. He's like probably like, well, he's probably like 50. I don't think he was that much older. No, he's probably like mid-50s, man. He's gotta be pushing

60. He was old when he did that Gorillaz song. He was like in his like early 40s? Yeah, probably like early 50s, yeah. Dude, he's 48.

Fuck, really? Yeah. No way.. Fuck, really? Yeah. No way. Dude, you suck. Damn. Yeah. Now, he looks old. He looks like a...

I was gonna... You know what? Who's that guy that did Gangster's Paradise? It's on tip of my tongue. Coolio. Coolio. He's like 50. So, yeah.

So, he uh porn beats now really that's you know he sold you know he sold his whole discography so he could go to culinary school he sold the rights to like yeah he sold the rights to everything so that is he wanted to be a chef he did that in like 2009. It reminds me of when 50 Cent like a few years back was like, I'm broke, I'm declaring bankruptcy. And then like two weeks later, he posted a picture of him

in front of a Rolls Royce Phantom. He was like, just bought this. And I was like, respect. Like that. I don't know if the first post was a lie or the second one is, but one of them is true. And either option is very funny to me.

Yeah. I remember he had to pay Rick Ross's baby mama like $30 million. It was like $15 million or something because he had her sex tape with another guy leaked or something. Which I don't agree with on a moral basis at all. But I will say purely from a game

theory standpoint, alright. That was well played. Clutch move. I don't, don't, anyone listening, don't do that, alright. I'm just saying it was innovative um somebody did tell me i never googled it to confirm it was true or not but somebody told me that big pun used to uh they had a bed sometimes he would record in a studio that

had a bed in it he would lay down and he would rap because he couldn't stand up long enough to like do like a full four hour studio session so he would like just lay down in a bed because he couldn't stand up long enough to like do like a full four hour studio session so he would like just lay down in a bed because he was he was like i mean there's fat rappers there was obviously notorious big but big pun was like problematically large like he was like 500 pounds like he had a fundamental difficulty like just being alive and so again i don't think he was probably like maybe 350 maybe yeah yeah because he was you know yeah yeah yeah big pun was like you know my 600 pound life big and so again i don't care if this is true or not please don't tell me that it is or isn't it's funnier to me to imagine him recording i'm not a player i just fuck a lot while he's in a fucking, like a Tempur-Pedic, like, queen-size bed.

Yeah. Just heaving. Just pretending he would fit in a hot tub. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. As he's getting hosed off the whole time. Yeah, he's, he's like being fanned with grape leaves and shit. Dude, I love that song.

I, I think I, I, we had an episode. We talked about our trip to the funny farm. I think I talked about it. Yeah, yeah. You talked about it. Yeah, they played about it. They played it in the mental hospital. And I was like, is this real? Am I imagining? Funny boy.

And I'm just like... And knowing that he was too fat to stand up now, that makes it all the more fun. It's just much funnier to me. Did he die just from being fat? I think he did die from being too fat. Like a heart, like he had cardiomyopathy or some shit. He would be, I don't know if he beefed or whatever with Eli, I don't know. But he would be maybe the easiest person to shoot, I could imagine.

Not only in terms of fighting him, but in terms of like... I feel like you would sort of have to fire off a bullet in the air, and then you've kind of got it. Do you remember at the... So, obviously, Straight Outta Compton didn't. Did you see that movie? No. No, I lived it. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Well, they did not portray suge knight in a positive light and it's not a surprise because like there's tons of news and stuff from that era about how he was like he was the real deal he was a bad dude i remember reading at the at the straight out of compton premiere he committed vehicular manslaughter and drove his Cadillac onto the curb of the premiere and killed two people. Or killed one and severely injured the other. And I was like, I remember reading about that and I was like, dude, the whole hip-hop world knows you are a hard guy. It's been 30 years gone. Like, you don't need to do... That leads me to believe he legitimately just is kind of like an out of pocket guy.

Because I remember it was some night talk show where he was like, yeah, we stabbed Eazy-E with an AIDS syringe. You know, that's how he got got. And that was a conspiracy theory for a while. I don't know if it was real or not. He just like said it. I think maybe he said it for clout, but it was like. Dude, you you should probably, chill a little bit. You're, like, 55 years old.

Like, you don't. Ice Cube's doing family comedies, man, and he's got, like, 20 mil in the bank. You don't have to be, like, a blood anymore, dude. You can just chill out. Yeah, I think he was one of those guys who kept trying to get killed and then just... The universe just never let it happen. Yeah. He would jump off a skyscraper onto a giant trampoline accidentally and just have the time of his life. I remember thinking, they had to use your likeness for the movie. They had to use your name.

So I'm sure he got a payout. Probably a decent sized one. You know, it was a huge movie. Big producers behind it. Why do you got to go and do something like that? You don't like just hang out, like enjoy your royalty. Hey, you want to know who owns the rights to Suge Knight's life story? Who's that?

Ray J. No, it's not. Are you serious? Look it up. I didn't look it up. I want you to look it up for me and tell me. Okay.

I'm going to look up Ray. I'm actually just going to Google Ray J. Suge Knight, and it might lead me down a dark path. Suge Knight denies reports that Ray J.

owns rights to his life story. So it's true. Interesting connection between It's true folks. I've decided to believe just because he went out of his way to deny it that it is true. Okay, it says, according to TMZ reports, the former...

Yeah, this was after he got sentenced to jail for, I think, what I was just talking about. Signs his life rights to Ray J. That rocks. Dude, I was like, I think it's, I was like 90% sure that I didn't make that up. And then just believe it. But also I was like, I might've made that up. Like sometimes I'll just like think of a joke and then it becomes like a fact in my head. And so I'm like no dude like will smith

literally was like married to whoopi goldberg for like two months remember and everyone's like no dude like actually no and i'm like you can look it up and then they look it up and they're like yeah there's zero results for that i'm like well it's because i got divorced. So, yeah, they had a purge. Delete the articles. You know, big tech. Yeah. Well, you know. I think this is probably one of the best episodes we've ever done. Yeah.

Top 50 for sure. Top, top, top 50. We've only done 27, but you know. Oh, hey, we better do one more. Get ready for it. So we're on the freaking 27th.

So we're on the freaking 27th club. Because then we'll have done 28. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I think when I turned 27 I'm not famous so if I died

it would just be that I died it wouldn't really matter I would just keep it would just be silence for 45 to 55 minutes out of the podcast and then I would just say things like every 7 minutes I'd be like

earlier today I like I found some chalk but like there wasn't any concrete so I just kept it in my pocket waiting for chalk to time me up and I wash my pants and now it's chalk city in the washer bro no response

I just wait until i think of something else um that's how i imagine it go yeah you know well i mean the money is hooked up to my bank account so yeah well uh for now you know i two can play that game in terms of having a bank account. I hope we get sponsors off this episode. I feel like this is a big one. This is our big break. I've got Lorne Michaels listening to this. Is this free, by the way?

It better be. Yeah, this is free. All right, cool. Yeah. Hey, if you're listening to this and you thought this was the funniest and most interesting and compelling thing you've ever heard, you should go on over to patreon.com slash pandejo time

and subscribe. We're about to break $1,000 a month. And we're super excited about that and we hope you will contribute to that if you're listening to this and you're in New Zealand or whatever stupid fucking coins y'all got down there subscribe to the Patreon

so I don't have to get a job yeah win in a row win in hell alright see ya