Pendejo Time - pious and pure of heart

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

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Old Hollywood Jake, nice of you to stop by, see an old friend from back before you were up on the big stage. You know, I remember, Jake, I remember when we were little boys, you know, you used to say, someday I'm going to get out of this town, and I'm going to make it big. I'm going to leave Pasadena. I'm going to be on the big stage doing cameos online. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now when your old friend needs help recording his humble little podcast, suddenly, I know I said six, but I got to record personalized videos.

We're doing 607 now. Yeah. And that's how Rome started to crumble. Yeah. And you know, that's how Rome started to crumble. Yeah. You know, the first time that, that, that, that, that,

that, you know, a justice seizure said, you know, let's push that meeting back a little bit. Cause I gotta, I gotta, I gotta play the heart.

I gotta cross the Rubik's cube to get to the, I gotta get across the Rubik's, the cube river to get to the, I'm busy in the the Rubik's – the Cube River to get to the – I'm busy in the bathhouse right now. Can we table this? Yeah. You know, as soon as – you know, the guy with all the lions. You know, as soon as he started looking at wine barrels, you know, instead of making his post, you know.

Yeah. Imagine if Cleopatra Imagine if Cleopatra Imagine if she was doing something else instead of hanging out with Marco Polo or whatever. Yeah.

Marco Rubio. And Marc Antony. The Latin American singer, yeah. Yeah, you know, it's just stuff I want you to think about, you know, because my goals are not comedy related. I need people to take me seriously. So whenever, you know, things like this happen and I feel like I'm not being taken seriously,

it really grinds my goblet. You know what I mean? But I appreciate you coming around here and just paying your respects for once. Fucking cocksucker. Yeah, dude. I just almost spilled water on my keyboard because I was

trying to balance the water between... I was trying to hold the cup even, perfectly level and I realized I would just make all the water spill out I was trying to hold the cup even, perfectly level, and then I realized I would just make all the water spill out onto your keyboard. Don't do that. Ben was just texting me. He was like, hey, do you make money from Cameo? And I was like, yeah, yeah, a little.

It's not crazy. Literally not any real money. It's just spending money or whatever. Ben has been trying to game the Twitter algorithm payment thing. yeah i've seen have you see it's it's tough i love it but it's tough he's dude he's it's working okay and uh he's gotten like in the last like three days some like four or five million impressions so he's it's working and uh dude i got so i i got the twitter blue thing all all right? Mm-hmm. I got, and once again, I don't mean this in like a bragging way, all right?

I got 23 million impressions in a day, and that earned me $47. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The payoff is like nothing. I think I've, prior to that, I think I'd had it for like four months. And I think that I had made something like $40 total. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, it's all made up. And then you pay like 15 bucks a month or whatever.

Right, right, right. And I'm not better than anybody. I was hoping to just make money. And I knew it wouldn't work. But I just thought, and i knew it wouldn't work but i just thought man fuck it you know well he was texting me and he was like oh people are gonna call me gay and you know like they're gonna get and i was like ben like half of maga twitter now wants your head he was telling me that like and this has nothing to do with the impressions thing i don't give the wrong idea or

like the thing he's been doing he's telling me the other day that somebody sent to his house a lilo and stitch doll but it was like for his kid and it was like a fan of the show and they were like thanks and then like ben looks into the guy and he's like a corrupt official like in a state that i won't name because some people are weird and they might look too into this but he's like a corrupt political guy in like a southern state and he listens to Lemon Party Ben was like this guy just sent a Lilo doll addressed to me but he said it was for my kid and I was like Ben you got to stop fucking with these people like you got to stop like because it's fun it's funny and like I but like people find his address and they just mail him shit. And that one was, he just had a kid. And it was addressed to him.

But it was a Lilo doll from Lilo and Stitch to the kid. And I was like, yeah, Ben, I don't know if making like 40 extra dollars a month is worth. It's all worth it in the end. It all goes to college fun. Yeah, right. But I was just like, yeah, man. I mean, because he'll message me like, look at this one. This really pissed them off.

And it'll be like the Willy Wonka meme. And it's like, curious, you're a Christian, but you won't house illegal immigrants in your home. And it makes like 1,000 guys want to kill themselves. And I'm like, yeah, you got him, man. You got him. You got these guys who, like like have nothing but time and rage you got like nothing but time and rage and like an arsenal at home and they hate you and they and you're a public figure they hate you you you're taking their hate and you're trading it in for like a tank of gas at best in

california you know he's like yeah you know I mean, if I get like 30 million impressions, I'm like, all right, man, look, if it if you get that Ian Miles Chong check, fuck it. It's all worth it. That twenty three thousand dollar, you know, big dick fucking impression check. Fine. But it's just very funny to me to like put yourself out there to a very violent and hostile group for what essentially amounts to like an in and out meal you know what i mean like but that honestly as like a woke comic that's what i do you know

like whenever i go up and it's like i know it's gonna be like a bunch of like unwoke guys at the show and i'm still gonna do like my badass set where I like, I really like drive at home, like treat women with respect. Black women have so much power. Women need to take back sexual power. What does that mean? Hold on. Hold on.

What does it mean for women to take back sexual power i get that i get the black i get the black girl magic this is some this is something where we've everybody's talking so hold on so you're a woke comic and you're the what you like to punch down um is is black girl magic, which I get 100%. Your other one, though, is women getting sexual power. Could you elaborate on that a little bit? For thousands of years, men have been taking all the sexual power in the sexual marketplace. And they've been women create sexual power, men take it.

And men and masculine identifying people create no sexual power to create this economy. They should let you. All they do is take. And when you when you're having sex with a man, he's taking your power. Uh-huh. If two gay guys are having sex, it's

it's It cancels out. The guy who's on top is taking it. And then the guy who's on the bottom is giving it, and if they switch, it starts going backwards. It cancels like Pim does. Yeah. No, dude, you should teach.

I honestly, this year, my resolution for 2024, I want to watch black women take sexual power. Is that weird to say? i don't think it is you know what i mean i uh i would love to see you get like an adjunct professor position at ut arlington like they because the school is like in a conservative area they like they let one guy teach gender and queer studies they just have to have one just an intro course and they let you do it and you're the class is called um taking back sexual power and you just run through that what you just did look as someone who's been studying queers my whole life i i feel like it's a discussion we need to have you know what i mean

the dean is like hold on a second what makes you that's what makes you qualified? I've been keeping an eye on them. And when I watch the queer community, whether it's from afar, whether it's up close, whether I'm undercover as a gay man. Right. Because that's a lot of what my research is. Right, right. You know, a lot of other white professors would be just looking at gay people with binoculars or something or maybe reading an article in BuzzFeed. Right. You're a real...

Me? I'm in the trenches of the gay community. Yeah. I am doing things that you would not believe. Right, right, right. And, you know, I want to see more femme sex power this year. You know what I mean? I'm tired of watching i'm tired of watching men uh extract it okay

i've been watching men extract sexual power from women for years and i'm tired of it you know what i mean um sure especially especially white men i feel like black men don't do it as much you know what i mean yeah there's a there's something to be said for sure that that about the theft of sexual power from white men by black men yeah yeah no i mean no that's not what i'm that's what you said you said black men steal and they steal sexual power that's not what i said that's what you said um you know well huey newton once said he said, he said, Huey Newton once said, the white man keeps his, the white man keeps his power in his house. And the black man keeps his power in his heart. And I think that means a lot to me because it made me realize, like, I kind of do keep my power in my house.

You know what I mean? Yeah, right, right, right. That's where the term powerhouse comes from. You got power in there. So we're not sure if you have the necessary credentials to teach gender and queer studies at UT Arlington. But I'm really glad that you came in to try to apply. I don't know if I agree with your argument that you want,

or just your observation that you want to see black women steal more sexual power. I'm not sure what that means. And to be frank, not steal take to be frank, I'm quite disturbed by it. They're taking, it's not stealing.

If it was yours to begin with great uh i also don't know what you mean by you're going undercover to observe the queer community i'm not sure that you are uh and the ginger community and uh the ginger great okay that's yeah i do i do ginger and queer studies uh this is a gender course this is not a study of those with gender, queer, gay so that being said we have an opening and the janitorial services we think you'd be much better suited to clean up vomit and shit

and piss but not to teach the youth of tomorrow I couldn't honestly I couldn't take that position because i feel like i would rather it go to a person of color honestly i feel like it would be unjust to me to take that you like turning turning down a janitor job at like home depot or something you're like just in a very woke way like honestly i i really think a black guy should be doing i I really, a Mexican guy should be cleaning up the diarrhea, not me. Look, I would love to be a maid, but stealing jobs from women of color is not what I would like to do.

Yeah, I would really like to be your live-in mammy, but that is not, that's not something that I, don't look at me like that. I didn't look at you like anything. You know, I'm tired of Jake taking it way too far. Fuck off, bitch. Fucking suck my dick, asshole. Every other show, it's like, would you rather fuck a puppy dog one million times

or a real kid for one billion dollars? Don't give me no sass about fucking taking it also again i don't i don't know i think that you know and it's funny a lot of times the same people giving sass or having their sass taken from yeah sassual power the uh the sessual yeah i uh we've got too many white men doing customer uh service jobs you know what i mean yeah way too many way too many white men doing customer service jobs. You know what I mean? Yeah, way too many. Way too many. Too many white male telemarketers. Too many white male telemarketers.

They need to be. Maybe we'll have like a cultural revolution like in China, and we'll send all the white male telemarketers to work in the strawberry fields, and then we'll get a bunch of Mexican guys to, I don't know, be lawyers or something. I don't know. You want to hear an astonishing fact i learned the other day i would love to hear that this the school district of chicago has never hired a black woman to be a substitute teacher can you believe that is that real or are you jacking me off i just made that up but imagine if that were true that would just be abhorrent yeah that would suck really bad

but no i think they got uh they got some which is good uh you know we we had a black there was a lady uh who was a substitute teacher at my sorry i'm trying to get these in pouches open she's a substitute teacher at uh the independent the school district that i was in. I had her a bunch, like in every grade. And she used to be a drill sergeant. That's what she said. I don't think she was ever a drill sergeant. I called your school and they said that was multiple substitute teachers and you just thought it was one person. Any thoughts on that?

Yeah, I mean, I'm a really racist guy. I'm just not a good person. You know what I mean? I have prejudices i judge people by the color of their skin not the content of their character i i you know lock my doors when i drive down the street in certain parts of neighborhoods you know uh the truth comes out finally three years into the show um yeah all and there you have it for all of my in broad day hooting and hollering about whatever progressive

politics bullshit. That's just a thin veneer. Me personally, can't stand them. Just not for me. You don't see people hooting and hollering that much. You don't. Just due to freaking

woke. It sucks. I love making shit mean? It sucks. I love making shit up. Yeah, it sucks so bad to be like, you're like running for mayor of like, yeah, like Weatherford or Peaster. And you're like, yeah, you don't see good old boys and corn-fed boys hooting and hollering no more because of woke. You don't really see honky-tonks anymore. Yeah, you don't see hoedowns anymore. You don't see rootin' tootin'.

White people can't sing Cotton Eye Joe anymore because they get made fun of. Yeah. White people can't sing fucking, you know, they can't sing David Allen Coe songs on the bus. Yeah. Because why? Because of woke. Because of fucking gay guy stuff. Wow.

I'm pretty sure if you ran on that platform you could probably get mayor weatherford i imagine it's between you and like one guy and there's like 200 votes or some shit it's me or one of the 17 car dealership bars yeah yeah yeah and i don't think i would win due to the fact that i don't think i could afford to print off signs i'm sure you could make it work. You know what I mean? Dude, signs are expensive. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, they're pretty.

People pay like $10,000 just to have a few signs printed off. You can use podcast money, take a big loan out against it. Yeah, I'd have to move back to Weatherford also. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. Just move your – Fort Worth. Dude, the mayor of Fort Worth and Dallas are both insane.

The Dallas mayor is like, he just decided, he just switched from the Democratic Party to the Republican Party, which is an awesome move to do in the middle of your term. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Just not having any principles at all. Like, that's what's in right now.

It's just what, like, just don't stand by anything. Just whatever works. You know what I mean? Just whatever pays the most money. Just get her done. Kind of bold for Dallas, honestly. Dallas is pretty liberal. The guy that was...

It's like one of, like, three liberal places in Texas. It's all the cities, like San Antonio, Austin, Houston. Fort Worth is actually a huge Republican stronghold. I didn't know Abilene was like the county, the most conservative county in the country. They voted over, it was like something crazy, like 99.7% for Trump. Like less than 30 people voted for Biden.

Yeah, because like oil field guys and shit. Yeah, and breads and stuff. Desert people. Yeah, yeah. They letfilled guys and shit out there. Yeah, yeah, inbreds and stuff. Desert people. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They let, like, possums vote out there. Yeah, a lot of my friends are from, like, the West Texas area, and they just tell me that, like, the average weight out there is, like, 310.

And, yeah, everybody, it's not even the kind of, like, wholesome racism you get, you know, from, like, a nice Southern Baptist woman from, like, Houston or something. It's just full-blown, like, yeah, I mean, I'd shoot them, but they'd change laws on you. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, there's, like, conservative guys that are at least somewhat normal to be around. You know what I mean? For sure. I know.

But, like, I feel like the further west you go like into the desert it becomes like cryptid people yeah yeah no yeah for sure yeah like the the the redneck guys i grew up with were pretty normal for the most part yeah just had some views i disagreed with but then you meet some people and you're like that's i don't know what the fuck's going on with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the guy that was the head of the Republican Party in Austin, he was the dude that was just retweeting and sharing big titty anime porn on his personal account in between being like, yeah, we've got to ship them all out or drown them in the ocean.

That's what we've got to do to all the guys from guatemala uh and then he would like they would ask him like uh do you care to comment on your remark where you said that you would rather um let a boat of mexican guys die than let one you know into texas and he was like yeah i said it and then he would like leave that meeting and then you could time it and he would open up his twitter account and he would share a video of a little Japanese cartoon woman with, I'm not kidding, dude, medically impossible-sized tits just getting railed out by some sort of alligator creature. And then people would be like,

hey, man, you're the head of a major political party in a major city, and he'd be like, what about it? I respect that. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? He wasn't even like a younger dude for some reason the anime porn shit makes sense to me if you're like sub yeah if you're like a zoomer yeah well even millennia i know some i have friends who are into that shit not the necessarily the like animal stuff but just like i know people in my personal life that like hentai

yeah i i think i don't think people feel comfortable telling me when they like that stuff because uh i would immediately say oh that's i'm gonna kill you fuck do you fuck kids too are you a fucking pedophile or something no there's nothing wrong with that i've known other pedophiles in my life too yeah that's cool yeah i've known hey man i've known oh nice you do you want to fuck bugs bunny uh daffy duck you want to fuck those guys yeah you want to fuck spongebob just fill all them holes up fill the cream you know what i mean yeah oh yeah do you want to fuck uh i don't know the the the fucking easter island head that patrick lives in that's squidward dickhead squidward i haven't watched the show that much Oh I'm sorry Haven't versed in my cartoons Cause I wasn't beating off

I think hentai is gross I could say that There's a guy down the fucking street Who It's funny He got a He He and his girlfriend

Both drive hentai Those hentai cars Yes I was about to say They've got the fucking studio Yes dude It's like If you could see this I'm beating

off in a year to japanese bullshit yeah yeah that's not what the stickers say but it's what it says just a regular it's like a subaru wrx and it's just got a like a teenager's vagina across the side i'm like i don't need yeah yeah i get really pissed um when yeah like some guy and like a vtec some sort of rice burner and then like all peeking over the the ones i see a lot in austin they're peeking out of the back windows like their eyes you know what i mean like that you don't see the whole if it's if it's subtle i don't care though it's when it's a full like mostly naked possibly orgasming cartoon woman on the side of your car. I don't – it annoys me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't – if it was a regular naked woman, it would also annoy me just because I'm focused on driving. I'm focused on – like I know that there are maniacs on the road, but I don't – you don't have to label yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Well, I think – There's no way those people are good drivers do not to rehash an old bit but if you ever do get the c10 up you should uh try to time it where you meet him in a stoplight and like rev the engine at him but just on the passenger passenger side fucking door panel just a huge very hyper real erect black penis like hey

man uh i i really like roll the window down i really liked your bumper stickers and and you know the cartoon woman's pussy on the back of your car. It inspired me to get something that I like. I'm just going to weld a battering ram to the front and just fucking destroy it. That's what I'll probably do. I'll flip it into his front yard. Yeah, you put a cow catcher on front of it. Like they put it in front of fucking steam trains.

It was me and my mom. we were heading back from louisiana and we saw one of those cars and i my mom was like what it was uh he had one of the ones where it's peeking up over the window but she was like pulling her shirt up and my mom you know she doesn't understand um but i was like oh yeah, whatever. But we pull up next to the guy. He's alone. It was like a Honda something. I forget. Maybe a Civic. He was alone. Nobody else in the car.

No reason to be doing this as a joke. He was sucking on a binky. Like sucking on like a pacifier. A big one. Not like a baby one. Like one for an adult. And my mom was like crying, laughing because to her it's absurd. And to me, even having knowledge of more deviant and depraved parts of the online world, she was like, why is that grown man?

Like she was really, really laughing. I was like, that's a grown man sucking on a binky. I wonder what he's got going on. And me having the forbidden knowledge of the world, I was like putting two to two together, you know, the hentai, big titty, very young looking girl in the back of the window, massive adult pacifier, and this guy's sucking on it on 71. I was like, oh, you're dealing with a real cool customer. This guy right next to us, Ma, this guy has a normal ass life,

and people talk to him a lot. And he is welcome in normal social circles and his family really appreciates having him around for sure yeah uh that whole thing you know i now on the flip side there's a guy who lives around here somewhere. I don't know where exactly he lives. I just see his car fairly often. He has this red Subaru, and on one side, he has a huge mural of Goku. That's sick.

And on the other side, is Frieza the other one from Dragon Ball Z? Frieza's one of the bad guys. He's purple and white. No, this guy has blonde or white hair. Broly. Might be Broly or Vegeta maybe. But he has one on either side. See, I see something like that.

I'm like, that's cool. I'm not against decorating your car. Just please don't have what looks to me, to the untrained eye, it looks like a naked child on your car. Yeah, because it always looks like a kid in a bikini. The defense that I've seen of certain hentai is like, no, the tits are bigs. I remember there was a time fairly recently on Twitter where the lolly thing had made its way from deeper, darker parts of the online to Twitter. And people were like,

Oh, this is disgusting. And rightfully so. Um, but then there were guys I'd say, I'd follow these threads and guys would be like, it's not kids because they have huge breasts. And everybody was like,

you belong, you need to go to jail under it. Like if you, yeah, I mean, look, I'm all for creative expression, but people need to be fucking normal about it you know yeah yeah there should be a bar for how normal you have to be

yeah to live in this society yeah and if you're gonna be you can have your quirks yeah you know sometimes i bury trash you know i do stuff that's not i beat the shit out of myself all the time i beat the dog shit out of myself. I used to pee in my yard every day. Yeah, yeah. You know? And then I realized this is weird and my fence is like kind of broken so people can – See my ding dong. Yeah, yeah.

If they're back there, you know, that's not good to do. Pinger. You know, like there's things – I guess that's about it for me in terms of – I mean, look – I guess that's all that's weird about me. I'm really normal otherwise. But, you know, I mean, you killed that lady with your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, stuff like that. I think if you jack off to cartoons, you should keep it to yourself. That's just me. That's just me. I'm an old country workhorse. I'm a little old fashioned. I like, if I told my father that I had jacked off to a cartoon, he would hit me. He would hit me pretty hard.

A lot of times. More than one or two times, you know. Yeah. In fact, if I told anybody that I know that, they would hit me. Yeah. And that's okay. That's how you know you have a good support well like i have i have a couple friends one of them very close who um is very much into the like i guess you could call them a weeb um but he uh hates that stuff

and thinks it's really weird and i remember asking him him one time, we were drunk, I was like, what is it? What is it? Like, why, you know, because he's more involved in that world and likes a lot of the normal shows, like the anime and manga and stuff. He was like, oh yeah, no, they're just deviants.

And I was like, nah, that can't be it. You know what I mean? Like, that can't be it. There's got to be more to it. And he's like, nah, dude, those guys are just really bizarre.

And I was like, no, some hentai, right? Like, it's normal fucking. And he's like, yeah, some be it. There's gotta be more to it. He's like nah, dude Those guys are just really bizarre and I was like no got me some hentai right like it's normal fucking and he's like yes some of its normal fucking but like 80% of it is like You know an octopus or like a kid I was like, oh, I didn't know that I thought that like Lolly was like it like the tip like just a little bit and then the rest of it was like, no, a lot of it is like, this girl is almost done with high school, and she meets a wizard. And they become friends through the power of sexual fucking depravity. And I'm like, oh, cool, okay. How many people watch this stuff?

100 million? Awesome. Yeah, because I've watched anime shows. There are some very good ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a cool format for media. I just, you know, I don't want to see that stuff. You know what I mean?

It's very funny to me that you and I, like, I know for a fact that I have some, like, vestigial remnants of, like, religious, like, Puritanitan like i i get my intuitive revulsion at certain things that are i i wouldn't call them they're might they're not run of the mill but they're not deviant or depraved in any way but i'm like like when jock was like oh it's just called sniffies like the baptist in me was like i was like you guys got to put a stop to this stuff we can't like we can't be doing that type of shit. Well, I mean, I think some of it is a survival instinct.

You know what I mean? What do you mean? Like, well, like, you know, think back. You know, imagine you're fucking trying to hunt down a mammoth, and you look over, and some guy's jacking off to a cave drawing. You go, i don't want that guy on my team yeah he says no it's not a real child it's a cave drawing i'm gonna fucking kill you i would kill that guy instantly no second yeah yeah yeah yeah you fast forward

all right we got sniffies which for those who that was on the premium episode it's a it's a gay dating app that's for like i don't't want to misinterpret it, but it's largely used for big-ass orgies. Cum dumps I think was the word that was liberally used. Yeah, pretty crazy stuff. And I don't mean this in a homophobic way. It does not seem safe at all. No, it seems – It does not seem remotely safe.

Very dangerous. That's my main issue is we had a horrible AIDS crisis less than 50 years ago. Less than 50 years ago. We lost some of the greatest minds of a generation. We lost regular people, good people. And now we have sniffies. And now I know this stuff has been going on for thousands of years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I think part of it's because it's called Sniffies. Yes, if it was just called... Because it sounds like a fucking... Like a children's tissue. Yeah. Yeah, it's not... Like, if it would... Look, if he would have just called it, like,

Grindr 2, or if it was called, like... Just Guy fucking... Gay fucking... Gay sex app. That's fine. Yeah, if it was called, like, use this to have sex with men in hotels. Whole pounder. I get it.

Sniffies is too innocent. Well, it's also innocent, but there's an evil that lives just beneath the surface. Yeah, what are they sniffing? Right. Who is? Right. That's not a part of. Also.

I don't think that's a part of gay sex. Sniffing? Right. That's not a part of... I don't think that's a part of gay sex. I want to make it... I want to move away from your point about AIDS to just the description of one of those that Hessa was reading where it's like, I'm ass up in the air at this bus western. Like, I'm just here...

That's not safe. Like, that's not safe. Like, maybe that's a part of the sexual thrill is like, no loads refused. Like I, maybe that's a part of the sexual thrill is like no loads refused. Like you all can file in, but me, I'm a paranoid guy. You know,

I don't like to have my back to the exit of a restaurant. I just, I think I'm going to get killed constantly. So the last thing I would do, apart from the fact that I'm straight is leave my ass open, open, open on a shitty Best Western mattress just for a bunch of truckers and ne'er-do-wells to take turns taking me to fucking church.

In their defense, in these extreme cases, definitely individuals who have been through a lot. And I will say that. For sure. I know nobody wakes up with a fresh cup of coffee. They're about to go to their 9 to 5. They got a new promotion lined up, and they're thinking, my life's been fucking great, dude.

I need to be part of a cum dump. I don't think that's typically. I think it's people who have been through a lot. For sure. But I feel like if you make a post that says, hey, I'm in a hotel room. Everybody come dump their jizz in my ass. I think the government should give you some help. I don't mean that in a nonviolent way.

I mean the government should help you out with your living situation and get you where you need to be in life. Yeah, yeah. Well, the guys – Because you don't need to be in life. Yeah, yeah. Well, the guys – Because you don't need to turn to religion. You don't need any of that. You just need to not be taking unprotected loads 24 seconds. That's all I'm asking. And that's how I'm going to give the talk to my kids.

I'm going to say, as long as you're not doing cum dumps or any of that crazy stuff, son, I know you're a six-year-old. Stay off of sniffies because they go on there no loads refused you know that best western your aunt works yeah yeah they're in there they're holed up they're doing poppers and meth and they're sucking cock like nobody's business to the cows come home and and that's okay but make sure everybody uses protection i'm gonna get you on prep i know you're in first grade but you never know what can go down the uh uh shout out to sweet palma the guy that he i don't remember

him he was the pig slave and he had had pig slave tattooed on his head his forehead yeah and he had the nipple clamps and he would put like suction cups on his nipples and was like he was a fin dom and uh he that's the type of shit i'm talking about i don't i don't i don't want to be mischaracterized i don't want to be character or poorly characterized mischaracterized whatever the word is it's some sort of you know uh vehement homophobe i'm not but if you have most people think you are that i know i'm right i'm just saying if you have pig slave tattooed on your head Most people think you are. I know.

I'm just saying if you have pig slave tattooed on your head and you're walking around your apartment in a leather harness and you have like a milking station attached to both your nipples as a man, you've got to do some work. Or also, I'll say it, as a woman or anybody also, you probably shouldn't be in that situation. Yeah, it's a tough one to be in. And I want to thank the wonderful Ben from Seeking Derangements for backing me up when Jock was like,

oh, you're being sex negative. I was like, if that's what sex negativity is, baby, sign me up. I'm ready to get that guy in jail. I'm ready to get, and they were joking, obviously, but I was like, we got to get we got to get some of these guys some help and some of them just need to be in jail it's okay to say that um i'm not like a abolished prison guy i kind of like the idea of like living a life to where like you get off work and it's friday and it's like dude i think i'm just gonna go dump

you know i mean being the dump the load yeah the sky. You know what I mean? Being the low dumper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, dude, I've got to blow off some steam. Is there just any guy's ass? Well, my concern, it wasn't my primary concern nor my secondary, not even my tertiary, but definitely a concern I had was like the smell of that room. Not great. Probably wasn't great to begin with.

The guy that you're talking about, like, man, it's been a long, long day at the coal mine. I need to blow off some steam. Maybe I'm a gay coal miner and I got to live in secret

or whatever. So I'm going to go, like, I don't think that I could get my shit working if I walked into a room where like, 32 guys had just busted you know what i mean like i don't think i i don't think that could i could make that happen but then again you know

i'm living outside of this world maybe that's a part of the fucking and it's it's crazy because the straight community does not have that sense of organization you know what i mean to get no you got to move to florida for something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like, I don't know, man. Yeah, I don't know. This is a fun topic of conversation. I think swingers are weird, but I think if I don't know about it, that I don't care. Well, like.

It's a thing. I think it's weird to me personally. Again, it could be my vestigial my vestigial religious you know upbringing and although i am a secular man it could be you know some remnants of stuff but if you're like if you're trying to plan a whole day where like six or seven dudes come and bust off in your wife like you got some shit going on and while i don't i don't want to throw you in jail i really don't want to throw anybody in jail as a joke i don't want to know i don't want to know you i do a little bit i do want to throw a couple i don't want to know you and i don't want to like have to be involved in any way in any aspect of your life like um my my my dad worked with a

guy who would sometimes um like hang out at our place and we found out like some later on that his wife and him were into that stuff and they uh i forget what i forget what this guy's name was jim something they filmed all of it. My dad later told me this, that they had a tool shed on their property where they would film like BDSM gang bangs or whatever the fuck. He's like, yeah, you remember Jim? The rig welder guy I worked a couple jobs with? I'm like, yeah, he had a badass truck.

Yeah, yeah, he used to get on the internet and film his wife you know basically just getting taken around town by a bunch of dudes who worked on the tugboat and you know they did it in that tool shed back there you know the one that i borrowed the lawnmower from so i'm not i'm like how the fuck did you get hooked up with this dude you know like oh we worked together but again like this guy was like 60 years old and 400 pounds his wife similar build so i'm like who was doing this you know what i mean like i don't mean to fat shame or to be ageist but just so no it's gross like fat people do it well like even even if you're skinny and cool and hot and sexy and your body's normal like no but i mean you get a few big old bodies in

there that heats up right i'll tell you that jake big old bodies in there, that heats up a room. Right. I'll tell you that, Jake. You don't have a ceiling fan in that shit, bro. It's a tool shed in Texas. The walls start sweating after a while. Yeah, there's like an ecosystem, like a terrarium in the room. It's like when you put paint on an old brick wall and it rejects you, you know what I mean?

It starts peeling. It's like a thick fog, like a turtle terrarium. Yeah, it's fucked. Yeah, yeah. You know, and that's fucked yeah yeah you know and that's not great you know um especially if you got it propped up on cinder blocks you know what i mean it's not that there's no foundation but it yeah but you know what can you do i mean i you know i still believe in the biblical way of life which is where if somebody fucks your wife, you get to kill him and yourself.

But call me old fashioned. You know what I mean? But that's still, to me, that's all I do. You know, you'd never hurt a woman. But yeah, you just kill that guy and then you kill yourself and then you're free. Yeah, you're free from everything. You never have to. You're just part of a vicious cycle.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Or you can not kill the guy and you can just buy a Corvette. You know? It's one or the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an old, like a Z06 or something like that. Yeah, that's that.

You know what? That's fine. I don't really, I don't want to give the wrong idea. This is an ally show. We're allies. We need to be more sex positive. Yeah, we need to be more. know what that's fine i don't really i don't want to give the wrong idea this is a this is a uh uh an ally show we're allies we need to be more sex positive yeah we need to be more look if you want to take 50 loads a day in a fucking studio six god bless you you know what i mean um if you want to put big fucking cartoon titties uh on a small person's body on the back of your fucking suit fucking subi hey I won't hit your ass with my car I don't have a car to hit you with if you want to dress up like a rabbit

with a huge red penis and a fat set of tits and you want to go to some sort of convention where other people are like that more power to you those suits are not cheap so i know that you got money you know what i mean um you got more money than me i had to take out a credit card loan for mine still paying that off but what was that fucking post it was like you cannot go band for band with a furry i'd never really thought of it that way because a lot of them are like lab tech yeah they're like i respect it i furry furries don't really bother me honestly just don't fucking actual animal you know what i mean but i don't think that's a big problem in the community no i think it's more of the cartoon thing yeah uh which whatever you know furries are all right in padejo times book you guys get the fucking seal of approval um yeah it's crazy how many furries listen to this show.

Like, not even joking, like a lot. Yeah, I get... But... I have a lot of... But probably... I don't know. Like, furry... Like, I'll get retweeted a lot by that community.

And so I guess there's probably some crossover. Yeah. Fucking... Whatever. It's all good. Whatever. I know we're huge with, with like gangsters and bikers furries astronauts twitter you know um uh first responders last responders last responders

they're just getting to a murder scene like fucking two weeks later hey oh my god somebody fucking died here i can tell looks like a car went off the road you can tell by the road the tire tire tracks last responder uh yeah i work for the city of austin i'm a last responder i mostly just uh go to places where people died and i stand around for a bit my God. I can't believe what must have happened here. Like a guy getting to 9-11 tomorrow. It's like, ah, fuck. We got a lot to clean up here. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I'm a last responder. I just went to this park. I think, God, I think somebody had sex here a couple years ago. This is so gross. I just dug around and I found a condom about a foot into some leaves. Yeah? Yeah. Sex happened here. Alright. Either that or these deer are being

extra safe this season. The rut. You never see animals use a condom. That's true, Thomas. Not anymore at least. Whenever I was growing up, you'd see bucks and does out in the fields, and they only did missionary back then. So they'd get up on a stump, and the lady deer would always use protection.

And nowadays, I see it's like I can't even watch deer have sex anymore because they're doing it doggy style. They're doing reverse cowgirl. They're 69ing. They don't use protection. They'll be putting the horns in there and stuff. It's like it takes me out of rut. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it doesn't make me horny. You know what I mean? It doesn't make me. It gets me out of my rut. It gets me out of my rut. It gets me out of a rut. I feel like girl animals don't go into heat like they used to. You know what I mean? I can't smell it on them anymore.

That's just me. Oh, go ahead and throw me in jail for being observational. There was a guy. Do you remember the South Park episode, the Red Rocket? It's like one of the classic South Park episodes where Cartman jacks the dog off. No, I've only seen. I don't think I've seen a full episode. Anyway, there was a kid that lived in our neighborhood who we didn't hang out with but was around.

He'd ride his bike around. Neighborhood. And he was one of those kids that, like like i don't know if you ever experienced this i know you were homeschooled for like a decent portion of your childhood but like me and my friends when your parents like go off to work and you're just like hanging around riding your bikes or your skateboards around the street you get this sense of like when you meet a new kid that like while you guys have broken homes there's like a an alarm that goes off where you meet a new kid and that and you're everybody

mentally without saying anything goes we can't hang out with him he's gonna make us or have us do something very weird and he's too fucked up we're all fucked up and we smoke gravity bongs and we aren't in seventh grade and you know we think bad shit's funny and maybe we even shoot neutral rats with bb guns and we fucking you know we do shit like that but that's just normal fucking you know trailer trash shit whatever the fuck and that alarm went off in my head really bad it was like uh and uh he would wear the like uh the hoodies from Walmart where it'd be like Stewie with a machine gun with like Scarface you know what I'm talking about like the kind of the kind of, the kind of attire that you give your kid when you know good and goddamn well,

that he's just going to grow up to be like a serial rapist of some sort. Like he's just not, you're just, he's doomed. There's nothing you can do for him. I got like, he already works at Waffle House. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. There's nothing. Yeah. Yeah. 12 years old. Just already like, you know,

two bench warrants for sexual assault, whatever the fuck. um we were riding our bikes and our skateboards around the neighborhood and uh we like he like met up with us it was like hey guys hey uh um what are you guys doing and we're like oh we're just you know we're gonna ride up to the to the park and like do kickflips and listen to fucking switch foot what are you doing doing? Or whatever. And he was like, Oh, we just got, we,

we got a new dog from the pound. My mom brought a new dog home. It's a pit bull. We're going to give it a red rocket. You want to come? And we were all like, you're going to what? And he was like,

we're going to give it a red rocket. And I was like, you're going to hold on. Like, what does that mean? He's like, Oh, it's very,

it's funny. Like you, if you, if you like grab a dog and you, and you, and you touch where his penis is it's it's it's penis comes out and it's red and uh we all kind of did the thing where you like uh you you everybody in unison just turns and like rides their bike like in a different direction and uh he got like i guess that made him mad because like two weeks later we run into him again and he was just like saying that we like didn't want to hang out with him and we thought he was weird and i was like trying to be nice and i was like nah man like you know you just live on

the other side of the the neighborhood and like the skate park's over there and like the parking garage or the church where we skate is over there and one of the oldest kid in the group who had the like the seniority you know what i mean just like like the guy that's like six months older than the little group or whatever, when you're like 12 and 13. He was like, we want to hang out with you because you jacked your dog off, dude. The whole friend group was like, oh, no, it's not because of that. And the kid was like, I didn't jack him off. I just got his penis hard.

And the kid was like, I didn't jack him off. I just got his penis hard. We were all like, and I go home and I like, you know, like we're all just kind of like, again, we do the same thing. We just like ride away or whatever. And my dad was home that weekend from work. And we're like hanging out in the garage. He's like playing guitar in the garage.

He's like, what have you been doing? And I was like, I was riding bikes and, you know, fucking hanging around or whatever. I was like, Dad, do you know fucking hanging around or whatever and i was like dad do you know what a red rocket is and he gave me a look like i would imagine like if i were to divulge classified information to somebody who was privy to it like how do you know about you know whatever you know what i read my dad was like yeah what what the fuck are you talking why i was like oh this kid in the neighborhood said he gives his dogs red rockets my dad was never like a guy who had a good judge of character he hung out with a lot of men of ill repute but he got very serious and he was like do not hang out with that boy

like he's like i don't want where's this boy live and i was like on the other side of neighborhood by the baseball field he's like you can ride your bike over there, but if you see him out, go away from him. I don't want you hanging out with him. And I was like, why? And he's like, I don't trust him. And in that moment, I was like, all right, my dad will hang out with felons. Some of his best friends have been to jail for bad things. But if my dad says don't hang out with the kid that touches his dog's penis,

maybe I should listen to him or whatever. That is a fucking crazy term to know as a child child. Yeah, like a 12-year-old kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, like he had an older brother named Robbie who was like him but worse. He was like 19 or – Robbie is either like a gay guy name or like a bad kid. Yes, and he was very much the latter.

And he was the kind of standard issue neighborhood bully kid that would push you off your bike or steal your bike or whatever. Dude, if you had the Slim Shady drip in 2005, you were not to be fucked with like the big white tall t and like the shaved bleached head he was rocking that shit pretty hard and uh yeah he was a real menace i imagine that robbie was like hey you ever jacked to his little brother which like i only ever taught my little brother how to like do a kickflip and like when he started you know smoking cigarettes like don't smoke palm oils man i'll buy you fucking camel don't smoke don't smoke serial killer cigarettes you know whatever but uh i would imagine it was his older brother's you know influence or whatever um but yeah it said that

that instinct carried on to my adult years that kind of like you meet a guy and you go nope you know what i mean like i'm sure you've experienced it like as an adult man we're like we have friends that are kind of on the fringe both of us you know just kind of guys that are whatever you know just fucking weirdos stupid yeah like if i uh if i meet a guy and he brings up child support really early into knowing him, that's a big red flag for me. Not as like a... If he talks about his family and he's angry,

in a little bit of an uncontrolled, not joking way, I'm like, alright, I'm not going to hang out with this guy. I'm trying to think of what else. There's the guy that insists on showing you naked pictures of his wife or girlfriend and gets mad if you won't look. Yeah, that guy too. Yeah, that too. The guy who wants to talk about sex in the first conversation you have with him.

Yes, that guy, dude. That guy sucks. I don't want to talk about sex with my closest friend, honestly. I mean, jokingly, you can talk about how you're bad at it. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to talk about how we're good at that stuff. Because I'm, you know. Like, coming home from a.

I mean, I'm not to begin with, so. When I would, like, live with the guys. Even when I lived with all my friends, I'd come home, you know. Or, like, if I brought a, you know, I had a girl come over or whatever. It was never like, hey, did you hit that? It was like, you're gay. It was like, you didn't have sex with her because you're gay. Like that's what you, and that's perfectly fine.

But when you meet a guy, like usually in my experience, a coworker in a kitchen or some sort of, you know, labored gig where you're like, oh yeah, I got to cut out early. You know, I got dinner plans with the old lady, you know labored gig where you're like oh yeah i gotta cut out early you know i got dinner plans with the old lady you know oh you're gonna get in that tonight you're like i'm gonna get the jackhammer out and i'm gonna put it on your head like i have no interest you're gonna get in that tonight oh i can't wait to get home and fuck my wife. Hey, man, I'm glad you love her. That's sick. You ever hit it from the back? What?

No, no, I don't know how. Yeah, that's what. Not really sure. If I ever encounter another one of those dudes again, which I'm sure that I will at some point in my life, I don't know how. Oh, you ever fucking, you ever hit it fucking cowgirl style? No, I don't know how that works.

I only know how to do 42 seconds of missionary, and then I have a heart attack and I die. Can you show me how to do it, doggy style? Do you want to show me how to hit it from the back real quick? I'll get on the ground. We'll get on the grass. You can show me. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

That's another one. What else? We got showing pictures of Titty Guy, Child Support Guy, Sex Guy. Oh, guy who one-ups every story you tell, especially if it's about, like, drinking or something. Like, I've worked with guys who just, like, anything you talked about, he would start one-upping it to seem cool even if it wasn't like an impressive thing and it would just be confusing yeah uh that's another one that

i have only encountered twice and um strip cut strip club frequenter but a certain kind where um i worked with a guy uh at bj's brew house in austin we would have poker nights at the cook's place and all he would ever talk about when he'd get drunk was is that he would go to yellow rose and the landing strip which two strip clubs in austin or austin area and he would say how mad he was that he would try to get the girls to leave with him and to leave the life. And he was just this big, fat, fucking corn-fed moron. And, yeah, he'd be like, man, you know, I go there and I give them girls everything I got. And I tell them that, you know, and a couple of them I really do love them. And he would get real, like, sentimental drunk.

You know what I mean? Like, real, just his feelings would come out, but it would all be sexual depravity mixed with infatuation. And he, you would say shit like, you know,

I tell him I can take him away from this. You know, I can tell, I tell him that this ain't for them. And they always, they say that they, you know,

oh, we can hang out after and they always fucking leave me on read. They won't fucking call me back. And he would get really pissed and i hated that guy because a those girls make more money than you we work at a

restaurant that's failing we work at a failing pizza franchise restaurant two um those girls don't why are you going to a strip club to try to take what what are you doing you know what i mean that type of guy is, was also very like he, he frustrated the shit out of me cause he would get mad that we didn't understand. You never been to a strip club and fall in love with one of them women. One of them,

they, they, they get on top of you and, and, and, and, and they, and they tell you,

you know, you're, you're the pretty handsome, most handsome boy in the whole club. I'm like, no dude, I don't really go to those places. Also,

those women have to say that stuff. You know i mean like that's kind of you know like whatever but uh yeah those guys um yeah i i don't think strip club frequenter by default is a red flag but that type of guy specifically is the one who's like weirdly sentimental about it if i've i've met other guys who were just like kind of in their 20s and single and just kind of liked going out and that's not a red no i mean the guy that gets a lot of guy that fucks a lot it's a hard line to ride because a guy that fucks a lot can just be a guy that fucks a lot but there's also a certain type of guy that's like when we used to go downtown to 6th Street,

you know, I knew dudes, not in my, necessarily my circle of friends, but like adjacent circles of friends, you know, that were like, yeah, dude, I'm trying to get fucking laid tonight. And my whole end goal always going out was just to black out, buy a 20 bag, go home and have a heart attack. That was just kind of, and hey, look, you know, you meet somebody cool, fuck it. Hey, whatever. tag that was just kind of and hey look you know you meet somebody cool fuck it hey whatever but like a a caveat to the going out the guy the the the uh darth the sith side of fucks a lot guy is a guy who goes out with the express purpose of getting laid and is very intense about it you know what i mean very like i put him up you know he's like if he doesn't get pussy he's gonna die yeah which i get you know been there fist fight guys guys who always talk about how many fist

fights they've been in um and yeah that's a rough one guys who yeah um yeah guys who always have a story about like a fight from the weekend before but it's like it happens every weekend so it's like clearly a clearly a problem they have I feel like if you're getting in more than one fight yeah and you're not

like a bouncer it doesn't make sense well also I feel like I met dudes like that who would make that shit up, and it would be crystal clear that they would make it up. You know what I mean? Like guys who are getting into fights every weekend but never have any scratches or any marks, and they're like, yeah, I knocked out two dudes at the bar.

And you're like, for sure, man, yeah. 100%, yeah. Did you have sex with them after, too? Like, you know yeah. 100%, yeah. Did you do it, did you have sex with him after too? Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I had a coworker who, like, the second conversation I ever had with him, he talked about how he liked getting his ass eaten. Yeah.

And I was like, dude, there is not a single person in the world who I want to know that from especially not you who I don't like yeah you know my best friend could tell me that

and I'd slap the shit out of him I don't care yeah dude if you told me that I'd stop doing the podcast yeah yeah it would ruin it would ruin things

like not that like it's fine if if you like having that done I'm just saying don't tell me details about about your sex life because I'll keep it I'll keep it real with you I don't give a yeah i don't care yeah you know

i don't care about my own sex life not paying attention yeah yeah i'm kind of removed removed from that world kind of fucking doing doing my own thing you know what i mean um i uh to hear about somebody else's sex life I cannot imagine The type of social isolation I would need Well To where I'm like what is everybody else Well that's a special one dude because like First of all back to the one of the original guys

We were talking about like yes I don't want to hear about Anybody's sex life I don't want to hear about like A grown man's asshole Like I don't like I don't care Like I don't like i don't like i don't i don't care like i don't whatever like i don't give a fuck like especially like dude it adds a an extra layer of nastiness to it when you're out on the heat you know like it's hot and the guy's like i love getting my

ass ate and it's like yours after this now after this shift like you go home and your wife's like i've been waiting for this all day and she eats your asshole get the fuck out of here you're either lying or you're dating shrek like i don't know the fuck like you're dating a fucking cryptid like a sexual some sort of succubus type critter there's's no way. Because, again, like, I'm a man. I'm a guy. I'm a dude.

My ass is fucked. It's horrible. Like, it's not, not to say that there's an ideal ass to eat, because maybe there is. I don't know. But that doesn't,

I'm not trying to yuck nobody's yum. That's just not my thing. I'm just saying on the hierarchy of asses to chomp down on. Right. I don't know but that doesn't i i'm not trying to yuck nobody's yum that's just not my thing i'm just saying on the hierarchy of of asses to chomp down on right i don't think i don't think most guys in the workforce are walking around pristine asshole right yeah yeah like like hors d'oeuvre style butt cheeks i don't think that that's happening for like the vast majority of guys that i know in my personal life like yeah, yeah, like, okay, here's the thing. What if he, what if she's not into it? He is.

Can you imagine what kind of ride or die fucking, that's a real trad wife. She ain't wearing a fucking milkmaiden dress and making sourdough bread with like vines hanging off the fucking kitchen window. Dude, I cannot imagine asking. I can't, I can't imagine asking for that i can't imagine even in marriage being like dude you know it's a good did you put your mouth on my butt cheek and asshole like no well like that i i can think of so many things i so many questions i would ask before i would ask that in life in general.

Right, right, right. And I think I will die. I would die before I ask my wife. I think I would ask my wife to kick me in my nuts before I'd ask her to eat my butt. You know what I mean? I would ask her to drown our child. Hey, could you put – Because here's the thing.

Some of it's probably insecurity in my part. Right, right, right. Because what goes on in my mind is you're going to ask me. Right, right. And then you're gay. Yeah, you're gay. Well, like you're gay. Right, right, right.

And then it's over. Then it's over. But also, I mean, I don't – clear i don't i don't want it but you know if it's that's a question that just can never be well it's like i i've like i've heard and like you hear like i don't know i've like heard conversations and like people talk about like oh like in marriage in marriage, nothing's off limits. If you love your partner, you'll do anything. Or if they love you, they'll do – Which I get.

I get that. But like, listen. I guess in the hierarchy of things that we've talked about on the show, this episode specifically, that's pretty low tier. I don't... Right, I get that. I understand. If you're a man

that's happy to and you enjoy it, hey, all the more power to you. I'm just saying that I... Due to my upbringing, I am a timid soul. I'm a sexually timid little mouse. God, to me, I don't believe in him, but there's a part of me in my brain stem that is like, we've got to tighten the ship up.

You know what I mean? You can't be doing – I still think I'm going to hell. For sure, yes. Having gotten a blowjob before. Yeah, 100%. up you know what i mean yeah you can't be doing i still think i'm going to hell for sure yes having gotten yeah 100 yeah yeah i think you know i don't think yeah i don't think i would i would rather go i think i'd rather go hand gliding than ask for that honestly i in terms of of fears i think i would rather try and climb a mountain like just freestyling it. Like no math. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I would do that first. Yeah. I'd bring an inhaler. I guess this is not a, like a full blown, like story or anything. I just,

I have a friend who I won't name and, uh, obviously say his full legal name. His name's Josh. Sure. Um, he, uh,

he was telling me that like, uh, he's been with his girlfriend now for a while, and they up and moved and moved to California, and were living there, and she was hanging out with some people and met a group of friends, and they're LA alt-party social, alt party socialite, like queer, you know, LGBT, like, or whatever, like sexual, sexually liberal young people, I guess, or whatever. He's kind of, he's from where

I grew up. You know what I mean? And it's kind of like us where it's like, Hey, if it was just missionary for 50 years till I died, I'm fucking golden with that. It doesn't, you know what I mean? Uh, anyway, long story short, he was that, like, two months of them hanging out or her hanging out with them and, like, he would go out with them. Like, you know, they come back from dating at one time and she was like, I want to, like, run something past you. And he was like, okay, whatever. She's like, yeah, like, we have sex. And he was like, yeah, we've been dating for, like, four years. You know, like, you know, we do, like, some stuff, like, whatever, you have sex. And he was like, yeah, I've been dating for like four years, you know,

like, you know, we do like some stuff, like whatever, you know, like he's like, yeah, yeah.

She was like, do you know what pegging is? And he told me that he was like, yeah. And she was like, would you? And he goes, no.

And they had like a fight about it. And he was like, I'm not interested in that. And she was like, why are you being so like i'm not interested in that and she was like why are you being so like you know why are you being so like backwards or whatever like i want to i want to what if i want to feel like you know the i want to take the sexual power to bring it full circle and he was like you can take sexual power and shove it up your ass like i'm not like or whatever and he was like asking her like well how where did this come up and she was like oh

like all my friends do it to their boyfriends and he was like those guys can go fucking kick sand like and he was like how did this even and he basically broke it down that she was like had made friends with this like fucking like rich kid flower child like hippie group where like they all just like basically like fucked each other and like ran to some like goofy shit or whatever and this guy like he's a plumber you know what i mean like he's not he wasn't even born in the city of houston he's not even like a city guy he like drove a ford ranger in high school he listened to like brad paisley like that i'm trying to paint a picture of what that he is nowhere near that. The fact that they even dated... I remember when they first started dating, I was like, that doesn't...

Because she was already kind of hippy, dippy, loopy, Austin-y, whatever the fuck. And the fact that they even started dating, I was like, all right, whatever. Opposites attract. But he told me, he was like, yeah, she was trying to show me pictures of strap-ons. We can start with this. And he was like, I... Which I brought it up because it's like i can't imagine being a guy like you or like kind of like me i guess where it's like you just like listen

to like country and like you go to a youth group and then like you stop believing in god but you're still a little like you know a little not sure you're still a little scared and that fear will probably never go away you meet a girl and you know you guys moved to california together to like you know for better weather and you know blah blah blah for work and then within two months like you already have ideas about commie forning you know what i mean he was one of those guys and within two months she's like can i fuck in the ass like all of his preconceived notions about california like coming true in real time or whatever the fuck i like the idea of it's like like it's a fight and they like they they're

arguing somehow for like days without like the night changing or whatever and then finally he says yes and like the walls come up and he's in like a cia like interrogation or whatever and they're like yeah we got him. We got him on tape. His dad there, who ran one of the biggest construction companies in our hometown, is like, I knew it! I fucking knew it, homo! Yeah, his mom's crying.

You were one of the altar boys. You were Jesus in the nativity scene. Yeah, I felt bad because it just, what cracked me up about it was like, you know, we were friends in high school. He up about it was like, you know, we were friends in high school. He was just like, oh, you know, you're moving to Austin? Oh, fucking hairy-legged fucking homo women.

You know, he was one of those guys. And then just for the love of his life, uproots himself culturally, socially. And he's like, I'll do it for you. You know, California can't be that bad. Two, Six weeks. Hey, so I've been doing a lot of ketamine with guys and girls whose parents have Wikipedia pages. And they say that if you really love me, you'll let me fucking take you to pound town with this fucking leather material dildo. Shout out to him.

They're still together. Maybe he gave in. I don't know. They're still together. Maybe he gave in. I don't know. They moved to Colorado. Maybe, I don't know, maybe he finally found. Middle ground. He just sucks it.

He doesn't let her fuck him. He just gave it. He's like, ah. He just kissed you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He texts me. He's like, hey man, you know. I'm going to kiss it, but it's like I'm kissing a girl.

Yeah, yeah. If I kiss you first and going to kiss it, but it's like I'm kissing a girl. Yeah, yeah. If I kiss you first and then I kiss it, it's not gay. Anyway, if you listen to this, that means that the end of the episode is over. And that also means that you are listening to a free episode of Pendejo Time, where we also have premium episodes on Patreon.com slash Pendejo Time. Five bucks a month gets you access to a bonus episode a week, plus Discord access.

A lot of cool guys in there. Made some good friends in that place. Shout out to D-Dog and Nikki and Plank. This is like 500, 600 of you. I'm sorry. I will do a full Discord shout out on a different episode. And my buddy Topo.

Thank you, Swap Grandma. Thank you, Drew's Brew. Turd Hurricane. All our long-term writers. Drew's Brew crew. Yeah, our long-term boys. Many others. Ten bucks a month gets you access to all that bullshit plus video episodes. I'm about to

take a train up to Thomas and we're going to do some filming so we'll get some shit done for you guys for the honchos. Check out our YouTube too. The Chicago live show is up there if you missed it. Also, check us out on Instagram.

Pandejo Time Worldwide. Give us a follow over there. I want to make some more clips once we get some more shit recorded. What else? Fuck. Oh, if you want a gift, if you need words of encouragement, you should get Thomas to do a cameo for you. Get Jake to do one.

Yeah, I need the money bad. I'm trying to buy an old Nova. So, yeah. It's okay. We will be. Anyway, yeah. Thanks. Thank you guys for listening,

and have a great week. See you next week. Oops. Oopsies. Oh, shit. No, I'm still on Discord. Or on Odyssey.