Pendejo Time - Plank You For Smoking (Audio Only) - Ft. @Plankfan

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Our very good friend, discord moderator, TMZ reporter, and 6'3 Hunk John aka PLANKFAN joined us for a new video episode. Check that out here: https://youtu.be/xKve6F_RPsUSupport the show

3, 2, 1. Um, oh yeah, okay, so while we're talking about it, I just, I didn't know this, and I think I should have known it because I'm an American and it's like a fundamental part of American history. And I actually learned it from one of those like stupid ass right wing like Twitter threads. I don't know why, I guess because of the paintings and the pictures and the wigs. Um, I thought all of the Declaration of Independence guys were like 50 years old. They were like 19, 20, 21 years old.

These were like the Minutemen and the forefought. I think Thomas Jefferson was a little older than everybody in Ben Franklin, but like John Hancock and all these guys, they were in their late teens, early 20s, which adds a little bit like a funnier level of comedic shit to me because the Minutemen who fought in the Revolution and the Sons of Liberty. I just, again, because of the wigs and the paintings, I'm like, these guys were astute noblemen. They were like fucking, like, drunk morons. Like, some of them were like actual, like, lawyers and shit, but a lot of them were just like,

I hate the Queen of England and I hope the King of England gets AIDS. Like, fuck him. Like, I work on this goddamn boat all fucking day and then I had to pay taxes and then, but again, it's like you see the the big Renaissance are like American Renaissance paintings for like Thomas Cole and stuff or whatever where it's like You know I'm talking about and then I was like, oh, this is an old man. And then I'm like dude, there's no way We how do we beat the British with a bunch of like 19 year old inbred like fucking retards? I mean, who do you think they were sitting at us? Very very good point Thomas very good point thinking about the wigs like what do you think they had under them? Do we know if they were like low taper fades? They're like what were we working with?

perfeits true If I'm not mistaken they a common haircut at the time was the like Mark Zuckerberg like Caesar thing where it was like the school shooter like just straight across like before he had drip Yeah, yeah, yes Jane era kind of just like because if you weren't like if you didn't have a hair cutter like like you're like your your aunt We just get a pair of like sheep shears, so you just have like some of those guys I'm sure had money, but a lot of the cuts at the time We're just like the fucking you had like the forehead hair of like the Christmas icicle Decorations yeah, yeah, yeah, anyway. This is our buddy John aka plank fan. Thanks for coming on, but

I'm sitting here. Mm-hmm. You know you want to smell this Oh, man, I really yeah All up in here 24-7 Making it happen. You heard me. we milk in each other yeah are you dairy shit up in here one of us is chocolate Jake has a song about a song about a butt that he wants to listen to on the headphones he's listening to a song that I made with my butt last night. Yeah, he's listening to the song about how there's something in his butt and his poop.

He's got a lot of poop. He's listening to what's in my butt song and the artist's poop. Yeah. My mom's friend, Jane, her son is a screenwriter, and he wrote a movie, and Linda Bloom was the lead in it. And my mom doesn't know,

she knows that the show is fucked up up like poop and butt and cum and sperm You've never talked about that until now Yeah, it's never been a topic But anyway, I didn't think about this Thomas. So my mom doesn't wants to show obviously for obvious reasons So she just read blind No, she just doesn't want to hear me talk about like like a big share of fucking my ass raw. That's her problem Mom it's 2025. Yeah get with the times, but she was telling me she was like, you know, I told my friend Jane You know her son's a screenwriter and and I told her about your little podcast and she's talking to her son

Y'all he you know, he makes movies y'all can maybe link up and I was like I like googledled a guy He's like a serious he makes like dramas like like like Manchester by the sea type shit You know what I mean like family pieces and like usually it's just like a like a troubled family life type deal And she was like I think you know and they remember how you do that actin Maybe you send him something you did I don't know what you'd send him I know y'all stuff's dirty, and then maybe you guys could work together Who knows and I was just like thinking about sending The hee-hoo song to this guy who's this like very professional like? Classically trained screenwriter the hee-hoo Hee-hoo hee-hoo for like half an hour and just seeing it

Maybe if I can become the greatest living actor that ever was with this like clearly very serious family friend You know what I mean? I think that's Tarantino written all over I think so too. Yeah, does he have a house in Israel? Is that true? Yeah, I think he's Israeli too. Yeah, no his wife right here. He's just married to an Israeli woman I don't have a house there I think if you're Quentin you probably could skirt the I think if you're Quentin, you probably could skirt the... God. Yeah. I'll allow it.

It's also, you become Jewish on the woman's side. That is true. Right. The kids are Jewish if they have kids together. Is that true? Yeah, if the mother is Jewish, you're Jewish. But if the father is Jewish and the mother is a Gentile, technically the kid is not Jewish.

Because it goes back to an old system where, you know, they couldn't do paternity tests, so the only way you could 100% be sure is if the woman was Jewish. Because in case it was a different father, that way it wasn't like. Is it like an IQ test or something? Like how do they, just send them IQ test or something how do you know they do an allergy panel yeah yeah oh man I wanted this done as a

kid where they like maybe lay on my stomach for like a couple hours they put a bunch of shots in my back why watch like a windows 98 screensaver on the computer Thomas was just talking about this yeah dude and then they were like oh yeah you're allergic to fucking nothing dude I'm like great we went through all that yeah the alpha I feel like everybody has bad stories about that But you just you were just normal after as far well as far as I know I think I'm allergic to cashews though. I think I learned that the hard way I had a really itchy butthole last year for a little while

So because of my itchy ass I'm right it was the first time in my life my mom brought over a Costco sized thing of cashews to my house one day and was like, hey John I think you'll like this new thing and it's called cashews and this was just like two fucking years ago. So I'm like, alright cool and I fucking loved them. I ate the whole thing in like a couple of days and like I was going out on a bike ride and my ass started getting super itchy and I'm like, ah fuck fuck Chuck. And I like MacGyvered up a series of mirrors to like look back there and I'm like, ah, fuck, fuck, shut up. And I like MacGyvered up a series of mirrors to like look back there and I'm like, oh, this whole thing's like beet red.

And I'm like, this isn't good. So I went to the doctor and I was talking to the nurse. I'm like, I don't want to have to show you my asshole, but I might have to. And then we went down the list of like, hey, do you have any new shampoos you're using recently? New deodorant?

Nope, nothing like that. Try any new foods? And I'm like, well, I ate like five pounds of cashews in two days and she's like, bingo. You're allergic to fucking cashews, dude. I'm like, how am I supposed to know that? I don't like the idea of you riding a bike, but you're itchy and then eventually just the whole bike seat goes in your ass Yeah, and then you're just slowly more and more of us going in there because it's so itchy

You're trying to like yeah, I like a civilian Yeah, it's just the pedals you can only see the pedals on the bike and everything else is inside you Like I am more You come back home and your mom's like John and you're like just making like bike noise. Yeah, I'm just like the bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You come back home and your mom's like, John. And you're like, just making like bike noises. I'm just like the petals and the spokes. Like a body horror movie?

Yeah. I never like, that's very funny to me because like, when people are allergic to nuts, it's like their throat closes up or they break out in hives. It's like, you go to the doctor and the doctor's like, oh, you got any allergies? Because they always ask you that question you're like oh, yeah, yeah cash She's in like oh what happens hives you get a little fever your eyes get big no my boy hole starts itching like the dickens Yeah, my butt pussy gets red

You know my shit That's so awesome dude, yeah, that's the only way I would have known yeah, I fucking I Yeah, I have to have to poop in a cup and give it to my doctor when I get back Because that's just like a fetish thing. He's hungry Satisfies hey, I know you got the stomach thing so I got this thing It's a cure-all for it basically what I'm gonna need you to do is I'm gonna need you to poop in this Dixie cup And then bring it to my house, and then we're gonna test it. We're gonna make my wife watch yeah I have no that's they want to figure out like what's wrong with my shit like literally and figuratively well the problem is it looks

Like poop yeah, that's a big one looks like shit dude. Yeah, well I feel bad cuz I told the lady I was like Do you guys have like a receptacle for how does this work? And she's like oh, it's just like a urine test, and I was like so I have to poop in a cup And so this is something you've done already No, I've never done this oh something you're planning to do I have to do when I get back I want to know you should do the first day when you get back. Oh like after drinking Yeah, you're drinking for four days. Yeah, I think something's messed up Like after drinking drinking for four days. Yeah, I think something's messed up

This is all blood. Yeah, where it's like I don't poop when I travel like really yeah, like I haven't pooped since I've been here I'm probably not going to it's interesting and I'll get home and immediately just let a fucking stinker It's like a Pavlovian instinct like oh like I'm inching closer to my home domicile Bloby and instinct like oh like I'm inching closer to my home domicile. Oh, I know what you mean I know yeah with this and I'm like, this is the only one that can deserve it. It's like a sixth sense Yeah for me. It's like I I will have Movements, but they won't be like a concerto full ones. You know what I mean? It'll be like It'll be it'll it'll just be like this will get you by Yeah, so you get home, you know and then it comes out or like you just fart a bit like whatever time It's like, oh, you know, I'll go number two Thomas Hitch talking about poop, but it's disgusting but it won't be anything

You know concerning or you know, it'll just be and everything seems pretty much normal getting into that mindset of okay That's just how much you know know that's what ends the production line You know that's what comes out of the end and then I get home And I'm always caught off guard and you know it's always one of the situations where you gotta take your shirt off You know and yeah Take your socks off. You know you bite into a belt like you're getting amputated You know, but that's just the world we live in today. That's so right dude. It's because of woke. That's wokeness. Yeah, John my brother You probably heard I probably heard me talk about this but my brother lived with me for a while and

It's like it's like our grandmother had the same problem. I do and He was penis. Yeah, small soft penis and it's pink and He was penis. Yeah, small soft penis and it's pink and So he didn't get the bug or whatever the genetic bug and so we were living together now I come out of the bathroom and he was like he was like dude I was on the other end of the house and I heard all of that and I was like, oh, yeah Yeah, dude, it was like eight in the morning. I was getting ready for work

He goes make ice cream something and I was like, yeah, He goes, hey dude, like, is this every morning for you? And I was like, every morning and every night, man. And he was like, for how long? And I was like, since I was like a baby. Since I was like five years old. He goes, dude, I would have killed myself. Did he ask you why you were moaning? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was like, why were you moaning like a girl? Were you putting the poop back in your butt? Why was it a repetitious grunt followed by a moan? Yeah. Why are your arms all wet? Why is your dad on the phone? How did I get him on the phone? Jaden's like, dad?

Siri. Paul. Paul daddy. Call father. Whoa. Dude, I thought you had IBS. I didn't know you could commune with the dead. Yeah, it's a one-two punch.

Yeah. It's a combo deal. Man. I was talking about last night like right before he died I was just taking his ass to the cleaners and eight ball pool and Telling a story that like one of the last things that he texted me Was that we were playing eight ball? Pool and I was teaching him like how to do it under the slider and then he was like goddamn fats Domino

You've hustled me again, and I was like ha ha dad and then like three days later I get the call and I was like looking at that text message like at the celebration of life and somebody was like What was a lot like what hit one of his friends like was the last thing you guys talked about like you know? I haven't talked with David so long I was like I fucking beat the shit out of him and a ball pool and he goes ha ha Basically the last fucking thing we talked about yeah I love doing bits about that shit because I can always gauge like whether the room is filled with like strangers or listeners it makes people super comfortable like you're like it's like

2 a.m. and you're like drunk at a bar talking to like fiancees of people that like the show that came to the live show and you're just like yeah he's yeah he talked about your dad like that I'm just like they're really having a great time interacting with you yeah Ashley's told me several times she I don't I didn't do it last night I think last night I was talking about having body dysmorphia which is very funny to do I left a conversation you were talking about like a big black dude who wanted to like dominate you oh that's what I was talking about yeah that's crazy minute cuz I blacked out I

wonder if anything else happened I don't know you're like, yeah I met this MMA guy and he's like he he wanted to fight me now like I just wanted to have sex with him I'm like Jake Yeah, that sounds like it was funny let's I guess this morning technically we got the Uber to go back to our Airbnb and Jake was like his like, all right, you know sober up be polite mindset and You just lean forward a little bit towards the driver and you're like things are going well. How's it going tonight?

Just like very like everything okay, how are we doing? Yes? I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah.

I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah.

I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah.

I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm two days in a row right brother, and he's like yeah, dude Where was I flying out of I think I was I? Don't remember, but I was sitting and you know like the you're sitting at the gate I was like uncomfortable at seats. Yeah, I think I was going back from Denver with Ashley. She's asleep and This like old like big beer belly guy with the you know the MAGA hat and the letters are really big It's like the June bug MAGA hats is like the black with the gold on it Yeah, the letters are like huge that yeah the whole front of that yeah He was wearing one of those big beer belly guy, and I'm sitting there dude

I don't know what gave him the indication that I was like down to cause or whatever I could tell you he I could tell you. I could tell you. The pilot walks up and he's a black guy. And you know it's the pilot because he's got the suitcase and the old guy goes, that was it. He just goes. But I was like, he was drunk as a day as long. I could see his forehead vein struggling struggling to push through like fat and like

Cholesterol to like push blood to his head and he was like he knew what was coming and I was like, oh I didn't even say anything. I was you know, he's gonna drive a plane like this Dude plank you'll love this we were when I was flying back from Los Angeles When we did the three-day run There was a god bless her there was a autistic girl probably about 14 15 I didn't know you were that young yeah yeah well that's how my wife met yeah and she was going up to people her mom dude was so exhausted like I saw her mom there like a blanket she's just tired and she was going up to people and she was going

hola como estas hablas español hola como estas and she would go up to different people como estas hablas español como estas and dude people will be like no she's like okay do you think every autistic person speaks Spanish? She yes, I think is a part of that. I think it's a part of the Part of the spectrum yet. I felt so bad she came with me was like Oh, I come on stars. I was like being she's like I'm like man y'all and I was like Bokito and then she was just started speaking Spanish to me, and I was like see

See it was so fucking funny people were the shoot dude. She was it old Indian guy, and I was like, see, see, it was so fucking funny. People were, dude, she was this old Indian guy and he was like, he was being so mean. It was him and his wife and his wife was like knitting something. And dude, to hit, he was not being nice, but in his defense, she was getting like this close to people being like, hola, honestly, I don't like this. I respect her for shooting her shot. Like she's doing that at like, oh, honestly, I don't like this. I respect her for shooting a shot like she's doing that. I'd like to strangers and like, I can't even get a text back.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I don't think she was from her. I don't know that. Yeah. She keeps sending me Instagram DMs of like fucking like Jen Alpha Brain Run. It just ruined my algorithm. We're doing a show in Philly like six months now. And John's like, dude, I think I met somebody. It shows me a text message that says, just ruined my algorithm. We're doing a show in Philly like six months now and John's like dude I think I met somebody it just shows me a text message says Look you I know you and Dora are happy together, but I just don't think this is something that can last I'm just using her to get to that Fox. Yeah, I'm trying to get to that monkey. I'm trying to get

Like trying to get to that monkey baby. I'm trying to do some freak shit with an orangutan Did you ever watch wild boys don't like that. I'm trying to get to that monkey baby. I'm trying to do some freak shit with an orangutan Did you ever watch wild boys done? Like the MTV show the night the jackass spin-off where they go Do you remember the episode where they put the orangutan in the hotel room? It was a full-grown orangutan. I think I've seen the clip on YouTube. Yeah, it's Chris Pontius that guy Manny Puig like shark charmer and The orangutans pull the lighting fixtures out of it, but he's going completely though. No place ended ape shit Yeah, and making a fucking mess. It's one of my favorite favorite scenes from that show

It's Pontius and Manny Puig sitting in the hallway the doorway of the hotel. It's like a shitty best western And Pontius points at it points at the monkey and he goes Manny You're the animal guy you got to go in and take care of it And Manny goes he'll rip up. He'll rip my arms off He's a he's a strength to kill me strength of five grown men and it cuts to their orangutan And it's got a big piece of poop in its head or it's like pissing in its hand. I forget and it's like Doing that monkey thing where it is like Who among us is innocent of that I love alive. I love being a fucking ape dude I Want to know something yeah, oh yeah, dude did this come with the Airbnb yes, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, it was in the coffee holder honey pack. You know the kids are doing with these snorting and shooting they're getting hard in math class They're getting real stiff ones in the cafeteria. Thomas brought it back from the gas station. Yeah, I'm going to give them going to go find that Spanish girl. Oh, my God. Sometimes I'm like this show is is is like a perfect amount of

big. We're like it's not like anybody that I that really knows me. I mean, actually, people I know have seen the show. They know about it. But like, I can't imagine being like Matt and Shane's love them being like oh, yeah, that's autistic autistic girl, I Hope my boss watches this I was gonna say TMZ people might see it. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, they'd be like

Oh, you can't talk about Kanye West getting signs of autism from a car crash anymore boy Boy, they're talking to you like an old slave. old slave yeah yeah they're just like disrespecting me boy you need to get up on that camera talk about Kanye West insane anti-semitic rants got angle that webcam down a little more yeah keep going down yeah a little more and you can't even see my face it's just like me not wearing pants yeah all, you're wearing the Walter white like tidy ways and that's just like beam to like a fox fleet like five p.m. Yeah, just in it's just in we've got penis in my ass. Yeah, we've got John from TMZ Yeah, I tell people I was like I want I got a buddy who you know helps us with the show a little bit This court stuff is a good friend of mine

He's like works for TMZ. I don't work for TMZ. Well, it's funny when you say it like that, though. This was before you had explained it to me. Oh, god. Because when we first became friends, you were like, you had told me that you had done some stuff for them.

And in my brain, I was like, oh, John works for TMZ. I don't like that affiliation. Yeah, yeah. Not a fan of being associated with someone in California. Did you see the Conor McGregor thing? It's all over TMZ? I've never watched TMZ. Oh, OK, OK, OK.

They hit me up every month and they're like, hey, you want to talk about something? I'm like, all right. They send me a list of shit. I Google it immediately. And then a couple hours later, I just talk about it. I still don't understand how you got that Unsolicited cold DM on Twitter interesting the TMZ account just damn. He's like, hey, would you be interested in coming on our live show?

And I just said okay, that's really interesting. Yeah, yeah stupid What if it's like a CIA honey pot type deal? What are they trying to extract from CIA honey pick? Yeah, we're trying to get- We got you now, Osama. We're gonna get- We're gonna get your ass. We traced the size of his erection down to the cave. Yeah, yeah.

Was he- No, he was in the- That was Saddam Hussein. Saddam, yeah. Both really cool guys, I've been told. What was that fucking love letter? No, it was- Osama's like...

His Belana had a hard drive, right? Dude, he had a bunch of pictures of Hey Arnold on it. Which is... Me too! Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. They like went through it. Now he had... He would have like power points about like the proper way to like grow like beats and stuff. Which is like, you know, whatever. And then he would have stuff on politics. And then he just had like a bunch of seasons. I think it was hey Arnold or a spongebob. I don't remember

I think you had like a gameboy advanced emulator on there. Yeah, yeah, I'm some shit like yeah He had like all like Marvel versus Capcom and shit. That's awesome Yeah, which is really cool to like have like a diet coke with yeah, I feel like He was you know a terrorist and stuff. I mean that's not throw names around, but he just seemed like You know like you just you know this you know, a terrorist and stuff. I mean, let's not throw names around. But he just seemed like, you know, like, he's just, you know, the- Misunderstood. The Nazi guys are like, Hitler loved dogs. And he was nice to Eva Braun. And I'm like, Osama bin Laden fucking played the fuck out

of some street fighter. Yeah. So that's my, I guess that's my version of that. Glass half full. Yeah. Thomas, how's the pizza hitting your belly, buddy? It's not hitting anything. It's fine.

I'm a little bit sleepy still. Maybe you'll sleep on the plane. It's only like a two hour flight, so maybe not. Maybe I'll just never sleep again. I'll probably just be thinking about all the atrocities in the world going through my brain at one time. And I won't be able to sleep. I'll just be having to wake everybody up on the plane telling them about it Yeah, you're screaming in their mouths. You see I'm getting nightmares in my brain because of the lives that people are having to live

Yeah, what bothers you the most about society? Probably the all the people doing better than me All the people I see doing well You're in I don't like that like any more soul success like that eclipse. I want to bring them back down to your level below. What's your level? We're both middling open micers. The two of us. My level is I guess above the poverty line but below the having an awesome timeline. I love that. I love that. That's a financial like end point. So it says Thomas, or like the accountant that we have, is like Thomas, it says here

that you just hit having an awesome time. Congratulations. You'll be taxed at thirty-two. Dude, when we started doing the show, me and Thomas were like, um, like just bullshitting about like how much we made like last year. And uh, I was like, I got my W-2 and I was like, dude, I made $17,000 last year and I was like I got my W-2 and I was like dude I made $17,000 last year and you were like got you beat and I was like oh damn I was like 15 great you're like I made $9,000 last year. I don't even think that that like registers what is it 12-5 or 12,500 or something?

Well it's 10% below a certain point Above that I've gotten to the point where like I have to like pay a lady to do my taxes for me Yes, I did. Yeah, I'm just getting into really like shady stuff. Oh, yeah drugs like dog fighting dog fighting. Yeah extortion Dude, you being like a mob boss would be the funniest fucking yeah, I'm really good at blackmail. Yeah You being like a mob boss would be the funniest fucking yeah, I'm really good at blackmail. Yeah Yeah, I like with like deep fakes these days and like AI photos and shit like that I can make you do some horrible things dude Were you the guy that did the jake voice AI was that you or was that yeeter? That was not me? Okay. No, I hate it. I would never disrespect you like I hated that

I hated that whoever did that in the discord. I want you to know that you legitimately scared me I had to call my mom Well, because my mom like she's, but she's got boomer brain, and I told my mom I was like hey like she could be easily duped yes, and there's literally thousands of hours of my voice right on We can train a language model so fucking somebody did it and it sounded like a little off But like if you don't know what it is. It's totally me Yeah, and it was, literally it was like, hi, I'm Jake and I have a little penis and I'm gay and I love Hitler.

And it class. Clip it, clip it. There could have literally been a clip from the show. Yeah. No, no, it was a, I mean, yes, it could have been, but he did it, he was like, oh, I emulated your voice. He did yours too, but it didn't sound like yours. Or one of them did, it just didn't,

it sounded very robotic. You can't emulate perfection. It sounded like Chinese AI Thomas. I am Thomas and my boner is Metal yeah, it's shiny like metal is or can be I Just polished it yeah, you polished it. Yeah, that's cute. I just polished my shit off I love polishing it my dad retired at the end of last year and he is so fucking bored now.

Like the other day he was just in my drive. Like I woke up and like I work from home. So like I just woke up, walked downstairs, grabbed a glass of water, looked out my window. My dad was in my driveway washing my fucking car. I'm like, we need to get you a fucking hobby, dude. Like last year he like built a deck like on the back of my house because he was bored. He said he wants like redo one of my bathrooms. I'm like, dog you do you like I'm not complicit in this like I'm not Financially funding this in any way shape or form, but if you want to like, you know Improve like but he has money like saved up for retirement. So yeah

Yeah, he is like you like fuck you money like he's gonna probably like you're like buy a bunch of guns pretty What did he do for living? He did like sort of like what I do like a more corporate level like he Like a simple program like a lot like access control systems security systems fire alarms like that sort of thing I've got you buildings like casinos and shit like that So like all of like the perimeter security type shit and like big buildings is what he was like the main get like tech guy for like the region for sometimes I think like if I ever got into some sort of feud on the internet with like a stranger

I have I have this um potential reality where I text you and asks you ask you to dock someone Oh, I can mail them something bad. I Did do some bad shit to them when Ashley when you sent me the light up toilet bowl Ashley was like because I didn't immediately know it was from you. I had a note in it I didn't see the note. I like took the box. I to read after I got the mail. Yeah, well, I actually was like Who sent this and I was like, I don't know probably somebody from the show and she was like Why do they have our fucking address? And I was like, I don't know like she was like babe when you mail out shirts

Is the return address our home and I was like, it's that or Thomas's and she was like stop And I was like it's that or Thomas's and she was like stop And I was like it's probably fine She I was like you know Ben people mail him mine comp like once a month And she was like that doesn't make me feel good at all Did I tell you about that? Yeah? Yeah? She's so normal. Yeah, no I've done the mine comp thing Oh, not actually them. I didn't know about that. Yeah, but somebody they mail Ben It wasn't just mine comp it belonged to one of like the SS like like short stoffel colonel Like he was like it was like a historical book. Yes, it was like just like a fucking like like Amazon when books

No, no, no, it had like a bunch of his notes in there in German Is that cool? Ben straight-up texted me and Cameron and was like hey, I got something in the mail and we were like, okay And he was like it's this and it was an old copy of Mein Kampf and I was like okay haha Ben you know what I mean he was like no this belonged to this guy I don't remember his name you know Heinrich whatever the fuck and he was like apparently he's like I just googled him and he was like a he like worked at like one of the camps and I was like get that out of your fucking house now and he was like it's it's history and I was like

yes also it was touched by the hands of a mass murderer right you know what I mean I mean, how is that different from Ben true true. I don't know No, no, it's fine been been fucking I'm just you know, I just assume the best in people. No. No, I love Ben. He's my best friends We used to get he had the audacity to get into an argument with me about which one of our fan bases is more Psychotic and I was like Ben. I have a really nice fan base and you get sent Hitler books regular So I feel like I can change that pretty easily. Yeah, that's true I have a capacity dude. I go I go home and I just have like a hundred mine comps

Just like a bulk supply just on your doorstep just in case Jake sincerely yours plank fan Ashley can't open the door Yeah, yeah, babe. There's a bunch of Nazi books in the house Just on your doorstep just in case Jake sincerely yours plank fan actually can't open the door. Yeah Babe, there's a bunch of Nazi books in the house Yeah, she was very she's like gotten used to it. She's definitely gotten used to it But at first she was like I don't understand and I was a Nazi sympathizer now no No, no, she's not no she Did she would see this in text? We'd be like what the fuck is going? What the fuck are you doing on your goddamn show? Yeah, I think her some of their family like thinks I'm like on the radio

I think it's like a radio thing. I mean if you listen to the car. Yeah, that's true It's kind of the same thing I mean you have the sounds now to the soundboard is very fun And I'm sorry to everybody that it took me five episodes to learn how to mix it I'm fine with it, but I don't have a problem with it. I don't listen to show yeah, I Listen, I'm not checking this shit out. Yeah, I Like how I became the de facto whipping boy for the audio autist guys like for the hi-fi dudes You know I'm talking about yeah, it's like it's you're not downloading the podcast in lossless. Are you yeah? Yes, dude?

They go They've resorted to using discord now but back in the day used to be Twitter when I had my messages open and People would be like Jake a really big fan of the show But if you could actually what are you downloading in and I told mp3 and he was like why are you? Why you have to tell people like that to literally kill themselves and stop listening to the show Stop listening to the show if you don't like the way it sounds I don't give a fuck about the audio I don't give a fuck about the video. I don't care. I don't care whether you can even hear it. Yeah

Why are you paying if you have a problem with the way? There's other podcasts out there. They all sound worse bother them No, they are a lot of them sound pretty I like we have ten listeners if it has to be nine You know, that's the number it'll be. Uh, Eden was like, uh, Thomas sounds really like exploded out. And I listened to it and it did sound pretty bad. But I think the problem was that I bumped Thomas' gain up because he has a quieter voice than me. I don't know about that.

It had blown, eh, a little bit, I think so. Whenever whenever I do the levels the waveforms are on mine are always every time Thomas has talked next to me I've had to cover my ear just so I don't get tinnitus Thomas is booming manly boys. Yeah, you're not you're in the middle. This is kind of like blacked, but I Don't do that. You don't like that. No, they make you uncomfortable. I don't I don't I don't know You don't like that no, they make you uncomfortable. I don't I don't I don't know Oh, I don't relax around other guys. You know me. Oh, you're always dead I said you guys stay tense all the time. We're friends man. I can't know you can't do that Can they see me this time? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah the problem was dude. It was so funny You were like I was like yeah

I'll come on this show and then you didn't have a microphone and you were out of frame It's like saw like my leg dude It literally was just like your toes That's what some people want right yeah, yeah a lot of you have told me you want to see plank fans I'm sorry little toes see them toesies. You know see them extremely shaved manicured boy feet of yours fucking pussy boy feet I don't like to boys have the craziest feet. You'll notice that yeah I watched that show that Tom Bergeron hosted on ABC 10 years ago Boy feet boy feet yeah, oh wait. I'm thinking of America's Funniest. Yeah, yeah Different I was what's he up to now Tom Berger on?

Fent probably Fent yeah, is he still hosting stuff? No who hosts it now is it Wayne Brady? It's probably to like Tyler Perry. Yeah, somebody like that Paul. Yeah one of those yeah Yeah, that sounded bad. I didn't mean like that One of those like B list date. What are you looking for big doggy my phone to see what Tom Berger on is up to Oh, yeah, I got you. It's okay. It's alright. I'll try some will you keep doing I figure out. Yeah, yeah Tom if you're out there, I hope you're doing well if you're lost in this life Then Tom Berger on that's not what then... I said Tom Berger on. That's not what I wanted to say.

Tom Berger's on. He is 69 years old. Beautiful. Fantastic. Is he doing okay? No. How is he? In 2020, this is the last thing on the Wikipedia page.

In 2020, Bergeron competed in the third season of The Masked Singer as Taco. Spoilers. Taco? In 2009, he published an autobiography called I'm Holding As Fast As I Can, Zen and the Art of Staying Sane in Hollywood. So he hasn't been up to dick since 2020. I love that. Honestly though, he's probably just like chilling

and masking. Yeah. Like once all this COVID stuff is over with. Yeah. you can go back to hosting America's Funniest Home Videos. Do you think things are still funny? You know what kind of bothers me about the newer seasons of that show is is that America's Funniest Home Videos The grain of old like home videos gives it I don't want to see something that's filmed on like an iPhone No, no, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, like I want to see like the date in the corner Yeah, and like the tape burn, you know what I mean like that the static that adds like cuz it's about laughing at nostalgia

Or sweet moments, but I could just go on my phone and watch tick-tock Well, you know a live leaker like yeah, just like watch ice to be headings and like just smile of it Dude, do do you know what the YNC is? It's like live leak, but it's like way way way worse in what way like are they woke is the last word challenge? Mmm. I don't know Is the first word is the first word young? Yeah, I've been watching this a lot of videos called the YN Challenge No, it's like lively, but it's way worse. It's like um

Like it's your typical. It's like funky town, and it's the Chechen been headings, but it's also like Snuff stuff can you explain what that is videos where people have sex and then somebody dies Anyway my roommate in college used to watch that shit all day and then he'll be like dude check this video out wait so they have sex and then they die they get killed it's just like like a praying mantis yeah you know no they'd like to somebody would die like the person died who was having sex no they get murdered like with a gun or a knife during sex After the sexual act has they ever done it mid act. I'm sure it exists somewhere

Is it like a fetish thing or like it's so many of them are supposedly fake like it fortunate There's supposedly like it's like a type of pornography like anyway Shout out a few of those shout out to my old roomie. hope you do. I don't think it's a shout out for that No, I'm not trying to say shout out like I mean you did a good thing. Yeah, he's more out of here. He's normal now He's very normal awesome Just like us Anyway, I would be like studying for like a philosophy exam and then I would just hear I would be like studying for like a philosophy exam, and then I would just hear

That chainsaw yeah, yeah And then I would be like what are you watching man? He's like ah dude cartel torture, and I would be like oh shit the Chinese like so these the Jalisco guys They caught this in a low dude, and I took a bunch of his money right and then now they're gonna cut his legs off And then they're gonna get a pit bull and the pit bulls gonna bite his penis And I was like oh also feel if you cut my legs off. I honestly don't care what happens my penis Yeah, if it just happened I'm not gonna have to self-preservation intact at that point. I'm gonna go fuck it take my balls. Yeah Like if you're that far in fuck it just get this dog. Let's let the dog fuck me at this point It doesn't even like you already had sex with me the dogs already here

There's so many steps to this This concert of pain Thomas one of my favorite fucking goddamn bits of yours, dude I think about it all the time, and I fucking laugh so hard We were talking about that girl that got famous on Twitter for filming herself at fucking the dog and then like she made more videos and was like owning it and you were like you're like I forget exactly what you said but you're like imagine being the dog like you just get to fuck this white woman and then you have to go eat kibble for the rest of

your life you like like you just got human pussy and you have like yeah you're eating like slop off a bowl yeah yeah Like you're the king of the world for 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah So awesome as a dog what to get human pussy Now I keep going That's what the dogs thinking yeah, I mean like hurry up. Yeah, yeah like I'm hungry. Yeah Yeah, dogs like oh I'm hungry. Yeah. Yeah, I have to poop. Yeah dogs like I have a headache more pussy Oh my goodness plank tell us a little bit about yourself

Well, I'm six three. That's nice single as far as I know single Way about buck 70 now nice damn nice. The easiest way to lose weight is to stop eating, stop drinking, and just walk on a treadmill for 24 hours a day. I learned that. Damn, that's awesome. Yeah, man, fuck. What do you want to know, like foot size? No, no, no.

Occupation. You work for the CIA, right? Yeah, I'm actually a Fed. I actually work for Lockheed. I'm working on drones that you can pilot remotely that can specifically target brown kids. It's not my idea. It's just my work task.

Dude, who was the, I think you were the one that told me about it, Plank. One of the guys in the Discord actually designs the programming. I think there was somebody, there was definitely someone like that who's very suspect and disappeared under mysterious Stances from the disk. Yeah, we're trying to

Take one of its members across the country and have them over no way is that real? There was like some dude is doing like experiments on monkeys or some shit. Ask ask D dog about it Do you dog she would know yeah, yeah, it was that happened to them. Oh my god Yeah, so I wanted to join the voice chat when he was like, hey, I can take you over here I can bring you back and like just yeah, it was super fucking I did not know about that I check in every now and then that I'm in there and yeah Yeah, it's pretty normal for the most part but like once in a blue Yeah, just like some freak-off shit happens the one I'm thinking of was like everybody was cooking him because

he was like He was I remember remember seeing the screenshot, but it was like, hey, tell everybody what you do for a living again. And he was like, I got a mechanical engineering degree and I really needed a good job to pay off my student loans. Everyone's like, that's not what we asked.

And he was like, it's not really that big of a deal. I don't know why everyone makes a big deal about it. And everybody's like, say the word Bart. And he was like, I designed JDAM systems. Like he designed like missile, like he's the guy that designs the guidance like chips or whatever Yeah, yeah, he makes a lot of money, right? Yeah, yeah

Fuckin if you're gonna go to that degree and you want to like fucking work at Lockheed or some shit cuz that like that's The apex of what you can get with that career Well, it sucks if if you get those degrees and you want to make good money, you don't really have a lot of options I just think if you're going into that degree you have to understand that you can't have like a high moralistic drink yourself yeah because the skills and the attributes that you're attaining from this educational like institution are not going to be put to like they're very niche like serving the greater good yes yeah yeah like one would like being a lawyer you could be a public defender in

a low-income neighborhood or you could work for. You know like you could you could be it There's not a wide range of spectrum for like guys who want to like a build missile. Yes exactly Yeah, yeah missiles for peace. That's the next benefit There's a lot of people in like mergers and stuff where it's like really boring with lawyers of them Yeah, really boring, but it's like There's a lot of stuff where it's like as like corporate BS. Yeah, I mean kind of lawyer. Would you be Thomas? I will probably be a choking accident lawyer

Okay, for people who choked and died or choked and coughed Uh-huh, and I would get them money for their med at their throat cough medicine to cough it up or the take for the funeral uh-huh everyone that chokes just dies in the whole world like you're actively choking your your client you're like I need this fucking payout look in six eight months we should have you some some money yeah and by somebody you mean you you're gonna get all their money. I Think like I wanted to be a lawyer and I took the LSAT and did all that stuff and then I realized I

realized like I don't Like you can have dreams in this life, and then you see how much the dream costs And you go I think I'll just be a fucking dishwasher for the rest of my life Yeah, my problem with that train of thought was like when I was a kid like, you know, like my You got it. Oh shit, like my dad always had tech around the house We had a whole fucking room full of computers and shit like that So like I remember being like three years old fucking around like installing games I'm fucking around on Windows and shit like that and like my problem is I really enjoyed that

Oh, I just followed that into a very successful career. Yeah, I remember when we should have done that Yeah, yeah, that's the burden of my life is being handsome and successful. Yeah. I failed algebra two times. So I knew that I could have been a computer science guy for sure. So there's actually not a lot of math involved. Like I can't like I can't add. Well, like I thought you had to take like a lot of prerequisite mathematics courses to get the degree. I went to a business school. So it was fucking weird. For my bachelor's and shit, I took managerial accounting, which I bombed. I scraped by with a C in that class,

because I made the professor laugh at some shit like that. All that stuff, I took one or two math classes. Janet stuff the first two years. But after that, it was just all tech stuff and all business stuff. Logic. You have to take logic? Computer logic?

Oh, but not the musician. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to take it. computer logic. Oh, they're not the musician. No. Yeah. Yeah, yes take But like the if-then conditional bullshit There's uh we I mean I took program in class Yeah Like worked with like formulas like that sort of thing like visual basic and Java and Python and that sort of thing and there's like Elements of that in there, but none of us funny and people don't enjoy hearing me talk about it Well, I think dude. This is our show

Sometimes Thomas and I will go on for an hour about how they don't make like good affordable boots anymore. Everything's either a thousand dollars or like made with the skin of like a human being. I don't think we've ever actually talked about that once but that was an example. What kind of boots you got? Me. Either of you. I got do's right now nice I Have I wear Merrill's Merrill Moab's for work and then my I have a pair of area it's for For fun for sexual things for pleasure I have cowboy boots that I wear for pleasure. Yeah, just like around house. Yeah. Yeah, just nothing else Oh, sorry. I've got my pleasure boots on I can't go mother long My lawn that I don't have

Living in Brooklyn you don't even have a lawn anymore. It's like Everyone's saying that now Like it's my catchphrase for the, oh, a buh. You do that at the end of every joke. Just like you're having a stroke at the airport saying that. It's like, it's my catchphrase, I'm known for this. See, uh, uh, I had, uh, yeah, so the other day I tried to, I was gonna get sober, I went to the AA meeting, but I read the sign wrong, and it ended up being an II meeting and

everybody else there was addicted to rum you just hear like the sound of like a bomb vest ticking just like the ID is about to fucking detonate yeah you guys catch that one though yeah yeah you kind of have to think about yeah it it's really about it later, dude Oh, yeah, sir. Like what does he got actually think about it's like there's tech nine lyrics Follow me other brain the pen is dead. They're too much kind of He's awesome penis penis penis P pee poo poo kaka. Oh man, brother. Oh Have fucking

Yeah I'm brain dead dude. Awesome. Yeah, you had a great time You really woke up on the right side of the bed today up and out of super early Look like 10 10 30. I go back to work Monday. I'm not excited about that Jake works as a clown for a bouncy house business crazy. He told me he worked as a He said he worked it as a gay guy radio shack. Yeah They said all the different USB cables and stuff in his ass Getting the voltage and like whichever one makes you horny the most is that what they say?

What was that store called that just sold like like Minimalist corporate bullshit sharper image do you remember that yeah like those stores at the mall they just sold like fucking like like Joyless hella cop like Newton's balls and like they would sell like computer chairs that like went like Like right and there was nothing no other reason like it was like a store for like Patrick Bateman Yeah, everything in there was like sleek gray. Yeah, like guys who think they're Steve Jobs would shop there. Yeah Dude all the mall by where I grew up Is now no longer called Pasadena town square. Now it's called Plaza de Paseo.

And uh. Woke has come for the malls. Mmhmm. There's nothing in there. There's a Journeys of Mrs. Fields and a Chick-fil-A and then everything else is a pain. That's all you need dude. It's true. I remember Ridgemawr Mall in Fort Worth was gonna get, they kinda lost a lot of PR points cause a guy got stabbed to death at the entrance beautiful

Julia Caesar style nice And then everybody else was like I don't want to go to the mall I might get stabbed to death and it's like if you get stabbed to death by a group of guys typically Not like a spy I feel like he's using out of spur of the moment thing yeah Not like a spur, I feel like it's usually not a spur of the moment thing. Yeah. Um, you gotta really hate a guy to stab him a bunch of times, because that's a lot of work. It's just annoying. I mean, you gotta shower after, you probably can't wear that shirt anymore, you know?

You gotta throw the jacket away. Um, so then they were gonna turn it into an aquarium, and they did, but then now the aquarium is like, I think like, people are like, oh, the the tanks are way too small and you don't get light and so they're just choosy beggars about the aquarium Yeah, yeah Did you see the I don't think you follow the UFC stuff plank, but? That Bryce Mitchell guy. I think you're telling me about this last. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, you know, I read about that Hitler Yeah, and he's boy. I'd like to go fishing with and like obviously it was an insane thing to say well, it was insane. He was defending Hitler He was like he was kicking out all the greedy, you know doing all that stuff

But then I I would do it all night for the last 48 hours. I know I've been thinking about the sentence Hitler is a guy. I would love to go fishing with like I repeated over and over my head like a mantra and it's like it's like something Thomas would say to me at like two in the morning. Like on a bus. Fishing is not really like an activity where like you do anything but like cast a rod, stand in fucking silence and like maybe converse about like petty like very surface level topics. Every time I've gone, yeah, every time I've gone fishing

it's either you do it in complete silence or you're mostly there to drink beer and fishing is just a secondary Yeah I like I went fishing with my dad a couple times as a kid and it was just like like me like listening to my fucking iPod and he drinks like a beer and a half and then drives his home Yeah, yeah that dude a beer and a half. That's a responsible dad respect my dad used to Yeah, he'd take us fishing and mostly what it was is him getting all the lines tangled up and drinking like a 12 pack of Milwaukee's best. Nice. And then just driving on the, the seawall has this slanted thing in Galveston

that's next to the road. And one of the, one of the cool things you do when you live down there is you drive on that slanted part and you'd play this game called if you get pulled over you go to jail immediately for it. Nice. But it's literally the road, median, opposite coming traffic and then this thing that's in this huge ass grate and you just drive along on the side of it drunk and that was one of his favorite things to do. He's probably really good at it. He was. Well, he had three DUI, four DUI's. From that slant? No no two of them were like a block away from his house One of them was coming home from work, and the other I went I don't remember Oh, the other one was when he paralyzed that guy for like

No, the guy did the guy did walk again after like six months nice and also he was drunk That's what my dad didn't go to jail for a long time paralyzed guy was drunk. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so they hit each other head-on, right? and my dad wakes up or like it comes to in the drunk tank and Or in the hospital remember the story, but I do remember the funniest part of my mom told me was They were like, oh your dad thought he was gonna go to jail for attempted manslaughter You know He's got away for like five or ten years and then they do a blood test on the guy in the hospital and he was like way more drunk than my dad was

And I guess like over the course of the investigation went to lawyers They found that the guy had crossed the yellow line into my dad's lane and technically hit my dad And so they were my dad was in jail for a couple months, and they're like well investigation came through You just get a DUI. You don't go to jail for 10 fucking years. They say God smiles upon his strongest soldiers. Yeah Yeah, he was smiling that day smiling really would Smile sometimes oh, sorry y'all sometimes like a song just comes over me and there's nothing I can do Is it coming over you right now? Oh I smile sometimes

When I don't go to jail I love it when the sun sets me free Love it when I smile and I can see Sometimes I just like to drink some pee Sometimes I like to Stop There it is That's the newest Maroon 5 song, Sometimes I Like to stop. There it is. That's the newest Maroon 5 song.

Sometimes I like to stop. What do you think about that, Thomas? I don't think Adam Levine will ever stop. So true. If you actually get down and talk to him, he's a realist, too. And I don't think he's ever going to stop being the realist. I just mixed up Maroon 5 in 30 seconds to Mars, my brand. And I'm like, I thought Jared Leto was in that fucking band,

but nope, that's the other one. Dude, it's crazy that he's not gotten got. That dude has done more shit than most, like with us. Yeah, I mean even us, we're monsters. Yeah, we're horrible people. Yeah, we're monsters, you know? Jared, not Subway Jared, Jared Leto. Do you remember when he was playing the Joker

and he was posting on Instagram? Like pictures of his abs and he was like don't make me punish you he was fully 50 years old Yeah, don't make me finish you off boy. Yeah. Yeah And I remember who was it Will Smith and Margot Robbie were saying that he was like leaving dead rats in their trailer and stuff That's called method acting Jake. You're not a real actor Thomas and I I'm trying to imagine Thomas in a movie with a guy like that. I'd be like, we better cut that shit out right now. Yeah, I was like we're not doing that. I'm trying to think about like like like Thomas like in a movie with Jared Leto and

Jared Leto is playing like a crazy psycho killer and Thomas is the seasoned grizzled detective hunting him down and and like Jared Leto is just leaving like bloody underwear and Thomas is fucking to thinkzzled detective hunting him down and and like Jared was just leaving like bloody underwear And Thomas is fucking today. Hey listen you fucking weird bastard. I will go back to peace to right now He walks in he walks in your trailer now. He says let's put a smile on that face, and he just tries to kiss you Jared if you don't stop me fucking you right now I'm gonna let somebody know about this right now. I'm going to let somebody know about this. If you don't stop my I'm on top. Yeah. Jared if we don't if we don't cut this out within the next few weeks I will be

seriously mad. If you don't if you don't stop finishing inside of me every single day for the next two months and I can't take this anymore. Jared I can't take that or your hot steamy wet loads. I've done that. Oh if we don't stop this in, Jared. Oh, I can't take anymore of your hot, steamy, wet loads, Mr. Leto. I'm done. If we don't stop this in the next two years, something bad's going to happen to you. Oh, man. Jared, Jared, Jared. Dude, there was like a three-episode run where we just could not stop talking about Jared

Fogle. What was the song we were singing, dude? There's something about him being innocent. But what was the the melody it was still like a popular song? Jared oh So, oh I think that I found myself Jared Fogle he's innocent. He didn't do it. He's a good guy and he should be forgiven Yeah, yeah, you talk about how he drew that picture of his penis on the paper

That's one of the funniest things that I've ever ever read. Makes me smile every time I think about it Oh, I think that a Jared Fogel he was framed and he turned out to be a good guy None of it ever happened cuz it was the mid-2000 It was cool to be a pedophile until like 10 years ago. Flash drives could only hold 15 pictures. What were we talking about with the fucking movie Waiting and the other one? Oh yeah, Van Wilder, when we were talking to Max about like, Plank, you're around the same age as us.

Dude, it used to be like a common plot point in like those early 2000s comedies where like the main guy was just trying to have sex with a 16 year old girl. Right, yeah. Like some Varenger the Nerd a 16 year old girl, right? Yeah, like some of the nerds type. Yeah. Yeah Like like if you couldn't have like a good B plot of like suspense or action It's like I like want to fuck my friend's daughter Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah and share 18th birthdays in six months And the whole movie is me just waiting to like have sex with this girl or whatever or not waiting I think I I want to bring back like those types of comedies

I want to write movies like movies about funny pedophiles. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have a really funny pedophile Oh, dude, that's a great question actually Jerry Seinfeld yeah, that's easy. Yeah good answer. Yeah, like like classically fun was Cosby Was that of age or was that Joe's of age? Oh, okay? Yeah, Cosby was like in his third. He did it the traditional way, okay? Because you put for what it's worth. No Cosby's very funny with the by traditional I mean with the drug that they made for like 15 years Now I actually don't know if Jerry Seinfeld's he dated that girl she was 17 when he was like 30, okay

Well, I don't know if we're gonna count that. I don't know if he's actually funny, is what I thought you were gonna say. Um, you know we've all done something like that even recently. But... Who's we? We everybody here. Have you ever seen that interview? I forget what it... I forget if it was... It wasn't Adam 22, it was like some radio show and there was a guy,

they were talking about how like you never know, like, you know, you never, sometimes you find out things about people you never knew. And this dude who was a guest, he was like, I guarantee you there's seven pedophiles in this room right now. And it was like 10 people in the room. I know what you're talking about. There's three pedophiles in this room. Yeah and the host was the guy that was on the other side the camera cuts him and he's like that video? Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Like we not

gonna do this right now. Yeah yeah. Yeah not. My lawyer ain't here. We, uh, Thomas and I just like defamed a strange man because in Thomas's old place in Fort Worth, we go over there and this guy had one of the coolest old Ford SVT Lightnings. It was like a really cool truck and Thomas is like, yeah, man, you know, I used to want that guy's life. It was a nice house, nice truck and then I found out he was a pedophile. And we just talked about it on the show for like ever, and then I went over to Thomas's one time and I saw the truck and I was like, oh, it's the pedophile truck. And Thomas was like, yeah, so it turns out that guy's not a pedophile at all. Yeah, I had the streets wrong. It was the guy on the other block. I wasn't looking at the maps right.

Do you check them often? I've briefly looked at the maps or whatever, but I try to not do that sort of thing often because it makes me paranoid. I like that they color code them. Yeah. But honestly, if you look at them, a lot of them really are just like stuff that's maybe like solicitation of a prostitute or something like that. Had your penis out at the park one of those days.

Public urination is super common, especially in New York. There's a ton of people who've gotten got for public urination now they're on a list. And then there's also some where it's like, you're like, okay, what did they do? And you're like, okay, that's actually worse than I could imagine, so that's crazy they can afford to live here. Yeah, it's really hard to tell the difference sometimes between just like a guy you see pissing at the park and like a guy that was like having sex with me when I was 15. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really tough to tell. That was like always my thing about like the levels of severity where I'm like, okay, this is not me defending pedophiles. But if you pulled your peepee out to go TT at the park and the fact that you're on the same list as like John Wayne Gacy was, there seems to be a bit of a difference. I think there's different circumstances because there are, especially with public urination, because sometimes there's literally not a, There's not a bathroom around typically. I mean typically it's like I you should hold it find somewhere but I get why people poop in public

because It's it's even harder to find somewhere to go number two. I just like doing it and also I imagine imagine if you're addicted to opiates and not having a normal bathroom access it's a bad combination. It really sucks. Because once that hits it's, I mean you got like five minutes I feel like probably you know just from what I've seen. From experience. Yeah. The story you told about picking up that duffel bag that had like a fucking eight pound log of shit Oh, yeah, stories of all time. Yeah, it was a cat And I thought oh my god this poor baby They go loaf of bread size turd

Was that what was the bag just like closed did you open the bag like the bag wasn't completely closed So you like just like it was like it was like a type of bag that you would get at a corner store And it was open, but I went like this I sort of peeked it open and the whole thing was a turd It like it filled up the hole Had to be what animal shits in the bag I? Mean catch it in boxes. It was like it took up that it was like They had to gape their intestines But that to come out they go to see their shit and that just plopped their rectum must have gone through

extraordinary measures to produce such a Object and it tasted amazing. I Ate it with a knife and fork for lunch Yeah, I had yeah, I had a big I Always tell me about eating poop dude every single fucking day you text me a picture your lunch and it says boy lunch It's just a different fucking poop turd boy lunch I cut it I got a big carving knife and I put a bib on and I sliced up a big

Slice of shit for all my co-workers. You told me the other day it was medium rare Yeah, yeah, I'll simmer it over a... You brought George Foreman. I'll get a hot plate. I'm gonna start over. I've got, yeah, I've got those plug-in lunch boxes you can use for a carter worm with lunch bells. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big old piece of Duke. Big poopy in there and then heats it right up. That's delicious, man. Feels young for the day, big dog. It's like it just came out of somebody. That's awesome, man. I fucking love this life of ours. Yeah, I love eating poop. That's delicious. It just came out of somebody. That's awesome man. I fucking love this life of ours. Yeah, I love eating poop. Oh man, well I think Thomas has to head out here pretty soon.

Plank, thanks for coming on buddy. Yeah, no problem. Thanks for finally getting me on full frame brother. Oh, no worries man. Anything you want to plug? Yeah, my phone into the charger. Oh my god. What do I got? Follow Plank on Twitter. Yeah'm just follow plank on Twitter.

Yeah. Plank fan on Twitter.com, the everything app and, uh, check out my space.com. I thought grinder was a app you used to meet up with skateboarders and, uh, turns out that is not the case. Good joke. I'm not on there. Uh, yeah, I don't think I have anything either. This is going to come out after all my spots.

So I'm playing Coachella soon. Nice. Check out the blanket coach. Bye bye.