Pendejo Time - poop texas

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

honey you told me we could see poop texas on our way to mingus texas and black texas and butt texasSupport the Show.

whoa here she comes watch out boys she'll eat your lunch whoa here she comes she's a lunch eater i don't know the rest of that song that's a hall uh lunch hall and oats yeah that's that's she only eat eggs and rice burgers and french fries she's eating your food eating some fast food and it's yummy chili yummy chili and cheese yeah that's good that's it right there i like that type of shit and that's good. That's it right there. I like that type of shit. And that's from haul and oatmeal. Yeah, I said like lunch haul, like cafeteria haul and oats. That's good.

Lunch and oatmeal is good. Lunch and oatmeal. Lunch and oatmeal. I like that one. This doesn't work at all. Hallway lunchroom hall hallway that's oat milk and hall lunch right there for you brother yeah man that's the good shit that's that yum yum welcome did you get your script yeah uh we we scripted this one out yeah it's good it's it's like a conversation piece it's like i got a lot of inspiration from quentin

tarantino so it's not going to seem scripted but that's how like good the script is you know what i'm saying yeah a lot of people are telling us you know i know you guys love true crime shows stuff like that um that's what everybody's listening to nowadays so we're mostly doing, from here on out, scripted, researched, true crime episodes based on cases most people haven't heard about. Right. You were telling me before the episode started about the Fort Worth fucker. Yeah, the Fort Worth fucker. Yeah. What was his whole deal? He was mostly active in basically summer of 2018 through, I don't know, maybe fall of 2018.

Yeah, okay. So just a nice four-month run. Yeah. And basically the Fort Worth fucker is one of the most feared, I guess, sort of cryptids of the DFW crime world. You know, you had the Louisville liquor. You had the Saginaw sucker. Yeah. You had the Frisco Frisker. Mm-hmm. You had the Arlington R-Word.

You had that guy. Yeah. You had the Dallas. Diddler. Dallas Diddler. You had the. Coppell... The Coppell cock.

You had the North Richland Hills guy. Yeah, yeah. The Highland Park molester. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had him for sure. Roanoke rapist and the uh weatherford um whack the weatherford wanker uh the notorious weatherford wanker the pister pedophile i've got him on the air right now hey pister pedophile how's it going

The Peaster Pedophile. I've got him on the air right now. Hey, Peaster Pedophile, how's it going? Hi! I was hoping you'd talk into your voice. Fuck. I was going to get your ass good. There's just so many different types of serial killers and molesters out there in the DFW area.

That area breeds them. Yeah. And what scares people about the Fort Worth Fucker Isn't just the well thought out name Right It's not just the wardrobe You know He would wear a cowboy hat As he committed his horrible crimes

Right And he would also wear cowboy boots Yeah And a cowboy vest and a cowboy shirt He usually wouldn't He would usually wear cowboy boots. Yeah. And a cowboy vest and a cowboy shirt. Mm-hmm. He would usually not wear pants because he was a fucker. He would wear chaps. Seven foot nine.

He was seven foot nine, 200 pounds. He was just all bone and skin and sinew. Yeah. He looked like a methed out Dirk Nowinski. Yeah. And a more methed out Dirk Nowinski. Anyway, folks, let me get real with you for a second. Jake and I both have cancer.

And we're not going to be around forever, you know. One day, one of you little kitties is going to have to take over the mound. You know what I mean? When that happens, we need to know that our legacy is protected we need to know that

you guys are doing the best episodes with the best content yeah and it's not recording these episodes isn't a time for me to organize the drill bits i have sitting on my desk it's not a time to see when my doctor's appointments are set for the next month. It's not a time for me to mute my mic and suck on cough drops while Jake is telling stories about a time he went to a bar or whatever. It's a time to spread love. It's a time to build a business and become mentally more good and smarter in your brain. I'm going to the stomach and ass doctor tomorrow.

I wonder if they decided to give me a colonoscopy if I can get the footage for like a premium. Just the inside of my asshole for like 20 minutes. That'd be nice we could put we could do like uh like a hoop mixtape thing where like yeah we have like the highlight reel of like your your my colon yeah yeah yeah just all fucked up from years of abuse um i don't want to i thought that it's another one of those things where like I thought colonoscopies were like old men but

I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get one because the nurse I talked to was like so you've had diarrhea like your whole life and I was like

yeah pretty sick stuff she was like oh you've never had a colonoscopy and I was like nah put a camera in my ass that's not

you know what I'm trying to get down to you know I'm not trying to get down with that shit that's fucked up weird guys do that and i'm a normal ass guy um with the normal ass life and she was like okay well they're probably going to want to look inside your butt for like scar tissue and like gastrointestinal like like ulcers and stuff and i was like oh that's really fucked and stupid um but if the viewers at home are

interested in that i can ask them to record it it's like before they put me under like hey i don't know if you guys do this type of stuff but could you record this just like 4k if possible because we got a lot of like av autistic retards listening to the show and they're gonna be really mad if it's like 1080p. Actually, 1080p is kind of standard now, so if you could give me a 4K footage of the inside of my ass, that would be pretty sick. I know a lot of the guys. We could put, I don't know.

I want to scan like that on the outside of my ass. Just like your hole in your cheek zone? Yeah. You could take a picture. Hey, can you make sure everything's good back there and the doctor looks at it for a long time? just have clamps set up to keep the cheeks open have you ever had a rectal exam no i'm pretty fucking yeah i don't know no idea what my ass looks like i had to i was like shitting blood there for a little bit back in the day and um christ i was doing that i was 20 um why i was doing uh just just drug related uh

turns out that you know if you eat a bunch of painkillers and you don't shit for three days and then you run out of painkillers and you and you drop the biggest piece of shit the whole world has ever known it It's pretty hard on your asshole. Like it's not really recommended or whatever. And after that, I just shit blood for like a couple of days. And, uh,

it was one of those things I've talked about on here somewhat frequently where I go to the doctor and they're like, you know, you drink. I'm like, and they're like, how much? And I'm like,

I don't know. You know, like a hundred drinks a week at that time. Not now. You use drugs. And I'm like pretty much every day. And they're like, how much? And I'm like, I don't know. You know, like, probably 100 drinks a week at that time. Not now. You use drugs? And I'm like, pretty much every day. And they're like, oh, okay. Well, that probably explains why you're shitting blood, man.

Do you want to stop doing that? And I was like, no. I don't really have any interest in, like, stopping that stuff. But now I'm just going to go see if I have, like, colon cancer or whatever. I don't have colon cancer. But I need to get this shit under control. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's really embarrassing.

It's embarrassing to be a sophomore in college. I remember being like, like, yeah, like, you know, shitting bloods for like old dead guys. It's not really something you do when you're supposed to be like a virile young buck. But it happens to the best of us sometimes. You just sort of give yourself temporary Crohn's disease.

Watch! I need motherfucking Crohn's disease. I need dome disease. Yeah, I need to be fucking... Iced out. I need fucking... Fucking... Blown disease. Blown my nose. iced out i need fucking fucking um blown disease blown my nose damn mountain cedar yeah kidding me yeah

yeah i don't uh i don't anticipate it'll be too much of a big deal but we'll see yeah fuck um yeah it's probably gonna be really bad my worst case scenario probably gonna they're probably gonna say uh yeah we're we're all we tried the camera up your ass you know we did what we could and now we're you're gonna have to give us a blow job it's the only way we can see if if um like a seasoned okay seasoned gastroenterologist yeah you know it's just That's the only way we can see if everything's okay. Seized gastroenterologist. Yeah, you know, it's just one of those rare cases where the only way out of this is to fuck me. Wow.

Oh, my God. I just looked at my graph, and it says you have to give me a fucking blowjob. I did not see that coming. Don't even know why that's a medical procedure. Yeah. It says you can either pay $1,500, and I call your mom and I tell her that you have the biggest butthole in the world, medically speaking, or you can suck my fucking dick.

Yeah, yeah. We get along with our lives. It won't take very long. Yeah. We got to keep current events current. we get along with our lives. It won't take very long. Yeah. You know, uh, the, uh, you know,

we got to keep current events. Current. They seized Andrew Tate's cars, man. My heart's broken for the guy. Uh, he doesn't have the Ferraris anymore and the Bugattis or whatever the fuck. Uh, freaking,

freaking Greta got him. Greta, Greta dumped on his ass dunking. Yeah. She fucking is such an inspiration to me. Yeah, I know. I cannot stop thinking about her. I have to think about her every day and I'm well from, have dumped on his ass dunking yeah she fucking she is such an inspiration to me yeah i know i cannot stop thinking about her i have to think about her every day and i'm well from into

intimately acquainted with her positions i bet andrew would love to see me riding around with her in a smart car and we would just be trolling him so hard i uh man he is like the uh I, uh, man, he is like the, uh, he's like a, like a 13 year old boy's idea of what's cool. Like, it's just, he, he, his whole like thing or whatever. I mean, it's not new, but, um, I don't know, man. I want to do nunchucks and like be on a boat and like do karate. Like I just think the thing for me is his lisp. he also is like what's not it makes him not alpha anymore he he's also one of those no chin guys too kind of like it's fine to have a lisp but i mean if you're if you're marketing yourself as the perfect man and then you have like fucked up teeth and you can't talk and you're bald you look like shit it's like okay well yeah not quite the perfect man here i appreciate it though

i appreciate the effort yeah if he was like here's how you fuck one lady then i'd be like oh yeah i bet this guy can fuck one lady yeah when you say this is how you fuck any lady that's when i say hey first off nobody can fuck any lady yeah it's true it's very true that's not true yeah yeah nobody's got it like that hey a lot of women are married a lot of women are old as fuck they're just like 80 you physically all my grandma does is build bird houses and go to the hospital she's not you're not she's not taking a chance yeah she's her dick days are done right that's one way to put it jake yeah yeah but you know um right it's like hey first off nobody is trying to hook up with every woman yeah except for guys who just got divorced. Yeah.

Or whatever. Yeah. And it's like, or 13-year-olds, I guess. Yeah, exactly. But that's the key demographic. It's like recently divorced guys who probably got fucked in mediation court. And then like 14-year-old guys who like... The only conception you have of like getting pussy is you have to be

like that yeah he's like here's how you do it yeah but you get rich as fuck yeah but like in reality the world is rife with guys who have no money and they're just crushing it in terms of like the trim yeah but the guys who aren't getting pussy now aren't gonna become that i don't think no i don't i think you're probably onto something. You just sort of wander into that. Because you were more one of those guys than I was. What? I was a tactician.

Oh, yeah. Terrible. I, you know, just fucking, just absolute, just an absolute fucking, whatever the opposite of Chris Kyle was, you know? Just fucking a bumbling buffoon. Right. You know, I thought I had it all together. I was getting it all together, but I thought basically you had to, like, study. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Like, get all the details right. Yeah. Whereas you, it seems like you just sort of fell like fell all over the place and ended up getting pussy which is fine i i i'm not jealous necessarily it's just different paths you know like for the andrew tate fans of the world it's like the reason you aren't getting pussy is not because you're a broke loser. It's probably because you're, like, 16 years old. You're, like, fat.

And, like, you're not good at sports or anything. And, like, nobody likes to be around you. But you're also, like, a teenager. You know? Like, not everybody can be crushing trim in high school. It's just not something that, you know. I was mostly just doing, like, Vicodin in high school. And huffing Axe body spray, you know.

I mean, whenever I, you know, would flip hair, and they're like, it's not that I wasn't offered. You know. I think. But I didn't. I wasn't like, yeah, this will work like it's payment. No, I never did that either. That's evil.

And also because it was such small amounts of money i would just feel bad i know that i don't want my dick site for ten dollars i'm just saying like if you're around drug circles like i just feel like yeah it's like it it just like happens that way or whatever but i don't i would like just tripping and stumbling and i think it's more just like you i don't know like you're there's this when any guy who tries to break down the science of like talking to women i'm like you're you literally are insane like i don't think there's anything at all like there's not a science to it just don't be weird like i don't i don't know maybe i just i've had a different just work at a coffee shop and kind of figure it out yeah yeah it's probably your safest option like when

it's like you got when people are like oh you got to uh like establish conversational dominance or like there was a guy on twitter who broke down his like how to get girls thing and it was this big thread i think it was that uh ruch v guy he was like be a dominant conversationalist like own the conversation. I'm like, what does that mean? Cause whenever I hang out with girls, like when I was single,

I was like, do you like, what do you, what are you into? Fucking Lucy Doccas, Phoebe Bridges. What the fuck? You know,

like what, what are girls like? Do y'all like fucking, um, like art or some shit? I don't fucking know. And that's basically it. And you just kind of do that.

You don't have to like have a plan. Like like when you said tactician like that's what i thought it's like all right step one you know fucking pretend to like uh regina specter fuck i don't know step two like uh no i uh i did that when i was really young i pretended to like christian rant for like six months. Yeah. The, the, the religious aspect of it I think is really funny. Cause I,

I do remember being, I went to church for pussy for like a year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did. I stopped believing in God pretty early, but I stuck around youth cause it was like youth group.

Cause it's like, he told me up till pretty recently. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to youth church camp like 2019 2020 honestly after after like the pandemic hit i like just completely stopped going to youth group yeah i just yeah i mean i know i was a leader and everything but it just didn't feel right anymore you know i like i like doing all the pool parties and everything you know i

like having the bible study sleepovers and i just it got to where i felt like god was calling me elsewhere and the church was also calling for me to resign he was they god was calling me to sunday school he was telling me that you know there's only one place for somebody like me and it's not youth anymore you just like call your friend crying, and you're like, dude, I don't even know if I can do VBS this year. Call my mom. It's like, hey, do you know of any VBSs happening? Vacation Bible School? Yeah.

I really want to do, like, the VeggieTales stuff. You know, I want to, like, if you like to talk to tomatoes, like, but I want it to be about God. talk to tomato like but i want it to be about god this is very funny as if me and you get like we do try to find religion again but we like left the church around the youth group era like our only like it's like yeah man i've been doing the youth confessionals i've been going to the apartments and stuff and just like talking with kids and just letting them know you know there's one path to the kingdom of heaven and it's through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We've been making out a little bit too, doing hand stuff,

but that's just, you know, that's just the way it goes. Yeah. That would be something. I think, I think we need to start getting, we need a new, we need a new,

we need a new trendy religion. I'm thinking maybe... Maybe like Baha'i or whatever it's called. Yeah, the one that's like the Hollywood Christian. Yeah, Baha'i faith or whatever. Yeah, that would be good. We could just start climbing. We're Scientologists, but not paying dues or anything. Yeah, that would be good. We could just start claiming we're Scientologists

but not paying dues or anything. Yeah, that would be good. And then we end up on their watch list or whatever. Yeah, they start leaving shit in front of your front door and pissing in your mailbox and shit. That'd be good. I know you want to leave me. I wonder if we have any Scientologist listeners.

I don't think so. I mean, maybe. Do you think John Travolta listens? No, I think he does. I think he's too busy pretending to be straight. Is he even pretending at this point? Maybe. I don't know.

You see that golden smile? He's not hiding much nowadays. Yeah. Good point. He's a guy who you'd think could bald a little more gracefully than he has. Yeah, he looks like somebody trying to be Dana White, but they don't want to pay royalties. Like a royalty-free Dana White.

He's so shiny and red. I didn't even realize he completely shaved his head. I'd just seen him with like balding hair. Yeah. That's tough. Yeah, it sucks big ass nutsack.

I want to be like him when I grow up. An actor? Mm-hmm. I want to be in Greece. You got an actor's vibe. I can see you doing some acting No I want to go back in time And I want to be in Greece

I want to be with John Travolta Oh okay I'm going to be Olivia Newton-John I'm going to be Olivia Newton-John This is just wish fulfillment Dude It's time for us Let's just wish fulfillment. Dude, it's time for us to ramp this up. Folks, are you ready?

Are you ready for the greatest experience of your fucking you are welcome to porn day-ho time. We're talking the best porn stars. The best male fucks. The best male fuck scenes. Fuck you. The best butt cheek banging. Get your butt cracked. Get that butt crack out.

New slogan for this show. Get that butt crack out new slogan for this show get that butt crack out we gonna get a regular guy on the show we gonna make him get his butt out it's like workaholics was like let's get weird or whatever get that butt crack out yes sir if you think if you're ready to have a fucking crazy good time and you're ready to fucking let loose,

pull that ass crack out, playboy. Get that motherfucking ass crack out. I want it stinking in here. I want it to smell like the back end of a mule. I need this whole house to stink. Show me that ass crack. Damn. Damn. Baby girl, show me that fucking ass cheek.

Damn, girl. Damn. Damn. Fuck. Shit. ass cheek damn damn girl damn fuck shit holy crap oh my god just we're just we're trying to do the like the comedians in cars sing but there's exhaust leak, so it's all just drifting up into the cab. Yeah. We're like, holy balls. Yeah, Hollywood Boulevard, baby. Baby, sunstrip strips. Sunstrip strips. Sunset strip, bitch, baby.

Sunstrip down. Sun, sun. Show me that ass crack. Pull that shit out. Get that motherfucking shit out of your butt. Get that ballsucking shit out of your butt. Get that balls in the butt. They let the Down Syndrome janitor run the rock station.

Balls in my butt. Eating Krabby Patty on Facebook. Balls eating Skittles. Handsome boy eating chicken finger. Chicken finger at mama's house. Eating Skittles with chocolate milk.

Yum, yum. And we're back with... Hey, listen. Hey, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey. You've got the voice perfect for the radio show, but we really need you to just read off the script, all right? It's Rock 101K. We're Fort Worth Premier Classic Rock.

All you've got to say, Rock 101K, Fort Worth Premier Classic Rock Station. You got it? Okay. You ready? All right, here we go. We're going to hit the light. You're going to go three, two, one. And, folks, we're back with eating big chicken dinosaur nugget

out of bowl with hand and we are going to school riding school bus and sitting in our own room okay and coloring book okay that was awesome that was a little better again i really really like how much effort you're putting into the radio voice. It's clear that you're a natural. We just need you to say Rock 101K, Fort Worth's premier classic rock station. It's fucking 13 words. Gotcha. We hired you to do a job, Mike.

We really love your natural talent. You just got to read. I'm sorry. It's okay. Take three. Here we go. Three, two, one. Fire truck. Fire truck passing by. I'm sorry. It's okay. Take three. Here we go. Three, two, one. Fire truck.

Fire truck passing by. See it go. Sirens on. Come on, Paw Patrol. We've got an animal to save. Come on, hop in the fire truck and let's go put out the fire. Put out the fire with my Paw Patrol friends. Alright, I think we're going to have to go in a different direction.

Can you just say rock and roll? Okay, alright, ready? 3, 2, 1. Dalmatian hopped up on the fire truck and he's ready to go help the Paw Patrol save the animal. is not paw patrol um all right listen to me listen to the sounds of my voice okay here we go welcome to your

premier classic rock station rock 101k home of fort worth classic rock okay okay all right all Okay, I can do that Alright, alright, here we go Let's get it Go Yeah, go Alright folks, and we're back with Power Rangers On television 9 30am, mom Turn the TV on, you bitch

Turn the TV on, Power Rangers Coming on now on TV Mom, where is the remote? Mom TV on Power Rangers on TV mom Where is a remote mom Power Rangers is on TV mom. Where is a remote? All right, I think we got our take boys I think and somewhere in there is the answer so I appreciate you Mike you can hit the bathrooms You pressure wash, you know the toilets and stuff and stuff and, and unclog those drains. So great job today, buddy.

Um, we're going to have you do some ad reads later, but, uh, you know, you just go, you know, lick,

lick doorknobs and chew on baseboards and shit, whatever the fuck it is your people like to do. Um, coming up, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a software engineer. I'm sure that you, yes, you...

No, I run the website for the radio station. I just have a speech impediment. I don't know what she's on my deal with. I thought... No, I'm just a regular guy. Unfortunate speech therapy wasn't available where I was from. Where are you from? I'm a very intelligent guy.

I'm just from rural Kentucky. You don't have to. No, no, it's just, you know, college, man, you know, I never really identified with my rural upbringing. You know, it was just kind of hard growing up because there was no speech therapy available for my impediment.

But I'm very bright, in fact. I'm glad to see that you're owning up and you're... Right. I own this radio station. And also, you are Bugs Bunny.

I am Bugs Bunny. That's right. And, uh, the other guy over there is Daffy Duck. Yeah, that's true. That's so right, buddy.

I really like your attitude. No, that's Daffy Duck. Yeah, that's true. That's so right, buddy. I really like your attitude. No, that's actually who you are. You are both hot chicken. Please stop patronizing me. Do not patronize me. I seriously suffer, but there's no need for you to talk to me like that. I feel very disrespected. I own

this radio station. I'm sorry you feel disrespected, but this isn't your radio station. This belongs to... The people. Yeah. Of old Kentucky. The Fort Worth Rock 101 station

on rural Kentucky radio. Rocky Road. Ice cream eating it. Delicious. Newest Legion of Skanks podcast. Mikey the Down Syndrome Janitor. Welcome. Legion of Skanks. How about, the Down Syndrome Janitor. Welcome. Legion of Skanks?

How about Legion of Skunks? And they stink. Oh my gosh. And they're so nasty and stinky. Yeah, maybe I disliked them. Just kidding. I met Lewis one time. He was nice.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. I went to one of his shows. He was a nice guy. I met him in the capacity of being a guy who went to a show. I didn't really hang out with him. I just said, hey man nice show and he said thanks nice so for anyone who uh some of our listeners if i ever mention a person they'll just dm that person and be like hey does thomas actually know you and no louis and I are not friends necessarily.

We just came up on the podcast. Anyway, not a good time for me to eat a cough drop. I was going to do it. Just give it a second. You guys deserve better than that, and I'm not going to eat a cough drop on this one. Anyway, we are back with a brand new episode of Pindeo Time, your weekly podcast show for the common working man. Yep.

If you make more than $10 an hour, turn it off right now. This is for broke dick motherfuckers only. Yes, sir. We are talking. Pussy, score, sex, football. If you've ever had more than $200, kill yourself. If you've ever had more than $500 at one time, kill yourself. This is strictly for the least financially responsible people in the world.

Yeah. If you know what taxes even are, die. Die. If you know what taxes even are, die. Die. This is strictly for dudes who owe over $20,000 on a car worth $500. That's me, baby. That's me as well.

That's me, baby. You got a $534 a month car payment for a base Nissan Altima? Tune in. Did you get fucked by the car company because you needed a car or you were going to lose your job that you ended up getting fired from anyway? And you had to take a deal from the Nissan sales and you had a 602 credit score? This is the podcast for you. Wait, you had a 602? I thought that was okay.

Fuck no. That was fair. Fuck no, baby. I thought that was fair. No, dude. No, 602 is dog shit. I mean, I've had worse. My credit score was like a

460 for like three years uh damn yeah yeah yeah yeah the only reason it went up was because a bunch of shit i just didn't pay any bills and it charged to my credit tanked it and then it all fell off like in the last two years because the only reason I have decent credit now, and by the way, it's not decent. I think I got like a 620 or something. Yeah, I got like a 667. No big deal. Oh, yeah, that's home buying territory, Playboy. No, not really, I don't think. Yeah, I don't think so either.

I think it's still in the fair range. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I should go ahead and buy a house with the $17 that I have right now yeah i'm doing doing good money wise uh well that's in checkings i actually have millions more than that it's that's a very funny guy to be is to have 17 in your checking account but like eight million i'm just super broke right now guys it. It's not working out for me. I've just been really down on my luck lately.

Yeah, I let my checking overdraft all the time just because I have so much in savings. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's hard out here for a pimp when you're trying to make this money for the rent. Yeah. Damn. Dude, we should get into some thug shit yeah gangster shit yeah yeah i kind of want to i kind of want to get into more crime this year um you should dude it's fun as hell yeah i love crimes you should go back on probation you should just say you should just go back i should do

i should really get back into that street life you should serve me well you should go back to jail i can go back to jail. I haven't been arrested since I was arrested the one time. But I think... You're like, I've been out of the clink a while now. Yeah, I did fucking like six hours in a small county jail 15 years ago. So I've been fucking... Anytime I tell people, it's funny.

People are just talking with you know i just have a lot of friends who've been to jail not for crazy stuff but like duis and then like possession of like drugs or whatever and i talked to them and there's like a new guy in the group and i was like yeah i got arrested like 15 years ago and they're like how old are you i'm like 28 what did you go to jail for when you were like 14 i was like oh yeah i mean i guess that's like a pretty early age to you know to get yeah to be exposing yourself in public i was pulling my penis out at the lake i went to jail for it yeah i'm gonna start telling people i did real time yeah i did real time it's not a big deal you know not everybody can do hard time you know real time like i did they're like oh

god how long were you in for about 19 hours yeah yeah it was scary stuff man yeah there was a long line so it took me a while before i could call anybody. I had to join the AB. It was pretty nasty. How long were you in jail? You had to join the Aryan Brotherhood. I was in jail for 16 hours, so I just had to get in with my race. You know how prison politics works. It's race-based, so, you know.

Yeah, I had to beat up one of the homeless guys who was in there for public intoxication. Yeah, when you go in the clink as a white man, you don't really have much of a choice. You've got to just run with the pecker woods. And so, you know, immediately the first thing I did when I got in there, hour one, swastika tattoo on the chest. Hour two, clover tattoo on the neck. Hour three, SS on my forehead. I just had to keep myself safe.

You know, I'm not proud of it. But, you know, walk a mile in my shoes. You know, spend 16 hours in jail. You'll find you'll join up with the nazi lowriders pretty fucking quick playboy yeah you know some of us didn't grow up privileged and we joined the nazis just in case in case we end up you know getting locked up yeah some of us joined the kkk for the networking just to you know have a leg up in this world i didn't join because of the racism a lot of guys who are in the kkk are lawyers and car salesmen and ceos and stuff i get senators senators yeah i guess that was the case i don't think that anybody in like the vider chapter of

the kkk is probably a mover shaker i could be wrong uh but i'm thinking of the like an orange inviter where there is still an active Klan chapter. I imagine it's just guys who don't know what year it is. That's just my perception. I could be wrong. Yeah, that's also... That's also like half of Congress. Yeah, that's a good point.

Like state House of representatives yeah yeah yeah i know what you mean yeah yeah like not on a national level like a federal level yeah yeah but like you look at like people running for state representatives it's just a guy with like a huge beard yeah and like a cowboy hat and like there's like slime on him yeah he's just got the sheen he's got like a film on him yeah he's just very shaming. Yeah. He's just got this sheen. He's got like a film on him. Yeah. He's just very shiny. And then like a lady who's just like the wife of a realtor.

Yeah. And she's like just all swole up from Botox, just stiff as a board. Dude, I love when like MAGA guys and just any type of like Q, anybody in that crowd, like they love to pretend that like kellyanne conway and marjorie taylor green were like hot like you'll see comments of them like you know this is what a real lady looks like and it's like the most sinewy like self-tanned leathery bitch you've ever seen in your life and they're like this is i'm getting fucking goosebumps

just looking at her you know i'm gonna start drooling i'm gonna start foaming at the mouth yeah but to a 45 year old guy that's true yeah any girl that's marjorie taylor green does crossfit and i think that's like a plus for certain men you know i'm saying like like a crossfit type bitch are you gonna put a fucking cough drop in your mouth on the show dude no no okay i was just checking i wasn't going to um you know i think uh especially you know you think about older guys a lot of them their their vision isn't the best anymore yeah you see there's a blonde girl i think that'll work yeah what is she? That's all good for me. That's good for me.

Now, the Lauren Boebert lady, I didn't see it at all. No, she's like one of those muffin top cop loving registered nurses. She looks constipated. Yeah, she's got the mean girl in high school to nurse pipeline build. She's got a lot of gums going on, real frumpy. Stomach is kind of goofy looking. Her husband pulled his penis out of the bowling alley. You know, that type of stuff.

I don't blame him. Yeah, sometimes you fucking go to bowl a I mean, you know, that type of stuff. I don't blame him, you know. Yeah. Sometimes you fucking go to bowl a perfect game, you got to pull your dick out. You should be allowed to pull your dick out if you bowl a perfect game. Yeah. Just show it to everybody. I think that's a good one.

You can bowl 10 strikes in a row. It's more than 10. Is it not? I thought it was 10 frames in a game of bowling, isn't it? Yeah, but on the 10th frame, if you get a strike, there's more. You go like 11 or some shit, something like that? No, I think it goes. I'll have to look into it, but it's like.

I think if you close out all the frames, you get a certain amount. Anyway. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, no big deal. I bowled like a 150 Yeah, no big deal. I bowled like a 150 before. No big deal.

Folks, we got the Democratic representative of Texas here. My name is Alex Jones. We've got the Democratic House intern here, Thomas White. Thomas, you care to tell about the baby baby blood pedophile ring that they've got going on in austin yeah so basically uh what they do is they'll take the the baby um yeah and you know alex babies have not much either a little bit or a whole lot of blood in them we really don't know right right, right, right, yeah. Because we're not going to hang one upside down and slit its throat. That's really the only way we can tell.

I know that y'all do that type of stuff. And electrocute it. Yeah, you guys like to do that. Like cattle. Oh, am I a Democrat in this one? Yeah. Okay, yeah. So basically, babies weren't meant to have that much blood in them. You know, George Washington actually died from not having enough blood let out of his body.

Right, right. That's a fact, scientifically. Yeah. And when you break down how much of weight gain in babies is just blood, you realize it's really holding them back in terms of growth. Mm-hmm. it's really holding them back in terms of growth. So, you know, was it a baby blood sacrifice?

Yeah, that's what you guys do. Yeah, that's what we're doing. Yeah. So basically what we do is we'll take a baby. Yeah. And we want to make it big and strong, right? Have you ever propagated an avocado? Only a handful of times.

Yeah. So first thing is, you get it wet, right? Yeah. Basically, this whole process is like an avocado. We get it wet, the baby. We dunk it. Wrap it in a moist paper towel. Evil.

Yeah. About an hour later, we'll peel the skin off. All right. We're talking about the pit area. Yeah. Peel the skin off of it. Yeah. And then we'll use some toothpicks to prop it to where it's about halfway in water. I believe something like that.

You got to get the right end pointing up. and believe something like that you got to get the right end pointing up and then it's going to sprout out of the top the baby also the avocado and then after the baby sprouts what we do is we'll cut it back and by back i mean by it i mean the foreskin yeah yeah which we use in teas right teas and cakes pastries yeah yeah yeah and then where a lot of people mess up is they'll directly transplant the baby or the avocado right plant what you do is you have to cut it back a few times to get that growth structure and the roots all nice and thick and then we basically, we'll plant the baby. By plant, I mean we will put it in a school as a non-gender conforming individual,

typically a cat or a fish. We've been thinking about doing some lily pads too, just some plant, some fl flora flora and fauna you know yeah identifying yeah we we got this uh this real huge kid we're gonna say he's a redwood or something soon okay all right yeah it's like it's kind of pretty tacky and like cliche but right now that's all we've got you know well i don't blame you you know if you're trying to get into it you're trying to bring hell and on earth uh and that is your truth uh the world that you want to live in i do not support it but you know if you

want to grow a baby like an avocado is it do avocados come on trees yeah yeah no okay nice it's sort of a tropical type of plant. That's why they don't grow here. It's because they're not freeze tolerant. That voice hurts. It sucks, Dick. I don't like doing it. Yeah, I was going to let you do it as long as you wanted to.

It's your world. I just live in it. That's true. This is my show. I am. Nice, the drill bit, man. Yeah, I don't know where the fucking case went. I think it got rusty and I just threw it into the shed and I said, fuck you.

Because I left all my shit out in the rain. Yeah. One of my batteries for my drill has acid all over it. I don't know if that's good or not. Yeah. Anyway, most of you guys don't care about that. What you do care about is this week we are partnering with Carter Blood Care. And if you go online and you enter the code PENDEJO on carter.com,

an evil witch will come to you at night and suck out all your blood and kill you. Yeah. And she'll give the blood to this new spawn we're working on um jake you want to tell them about the spawn yeah so it's a cross between uh a woman from jacksonville and like a low-level demon um we don't want to bring the antichrist forward quite yet but we do want to make just sort of like a like an annoying guy like your annoying older cousin but he has powers that's kind of where we're at uh with the the necromancy aspect of things we haven't quite got the antichrist in utero quite yet um that's going to come a little bit later the technology is a

little slow but we are looking to yeah create like the bitch's pussy's really blown out and that's a big problem she's been wearing daisy dukes for so many years and she has zipper marks in her uterus and that's an issue we're trying to tackle at the moment because we don't want you we don't want the baby to be fucked up looking we want it to be like a really hot baby yeah we yeah the antichrist has to be sexy you can't have like an ugly like whenever he comes which is soon because we are in the end of days um the Antichrist can't be like, he can't look like Jonah Hill or something. You know, he can't look like Justin Long. He has to be more of like a Timothee Chalamet type guy.

A lot of cheekbones, a lot of jaw. Yeah, or like maybe like Dave Bautista. He's a big guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave Bautista would be a good Antichrist. He kind of has like an evil vibe to him. But yeah, that's what

we're working on right now. We're just trying to get there. We're like Benicio Del Toro. He's like a... Yeah. Like a sexy evil guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like got a beer belly,

but like, you know, kind of like in a cool way. Yeah, where it's like, oh, he did that on purpose. Yeah, he's an actor. He's an acclaimed actor. Getting pussy from 7-Eleven. I've been getting pussy from 7-Eleven.

We've been getting pussy from 7-Eleven. We've been getting pussy from 7-Eleven. You can go up to the store guy and say, give me some pussy and he will get it to you. 7-Eleven. I was just doing background music. Yeah, yeah, I got you, I got you. It's all right. There'll be pussy all around.

It's on sale by the little cheesecake By say God Can I get 15 on pump 5 And some pussy for my long drive That is 7-Eleven drive. Pussy, pussy. That is 7-Eleven. Need me some pussy and big red. That is 7-Eleven

Pussy by the Doobie Brothers. There's another new album coming out. Two red bulls and a pussy for $3.99. It's two for one

on the pussy getting snow. You can go and get two for one On the pussy getting snow You can go and get Two for one pussy If you want it to stink real bad That's extra 90 cents Michael McDonald is the greatest vocalist Or one of the greatest vocalists

Of our time I don't even know if he's still alive But Hope you're out there Mike Getting fucking mad Trim a dish. I don't. I keep forgetting that my penis is soft.

I keep forgetting that I never will be part again. Taking it to my meat. Taking it to my meat. Taking it to my meat. Taking it to my meat. Taking it to my meat. Taking it to my meat. That went too deep. Yeah. It's me, Michael McDonald. Hey, everybody.

It's me, Michael McDonald. Wonderful beliefs. Wonderful beliefs. Wonderful beliefs. That's awesome stuff. I love that type of shit. Oh, my God. My mom keeps trying to get me to go home and sort through. So my dad has a bunch of clothes that she hasn't donated yet.

And she's like, are you going to ever go through these? And I'm like, yeah, I'll give it a go or whatever. I went through them the other day. That guy had so many pairs of Kevin Smith long jean shorts. It was so many, dude. He had one pair like really old work boots they're like they just don't serve a purpose he's gonna donate those and she you know but she's like there's a lot of clothes in there you know you might want to keep

you know and all it is dude i'm not kidding is like size triple xl like uh tommy bahama style like like kmart floral shirts and then the type of jean shorts that go down to your ankle. I don't know how to, like, my brother's like, yeah, man, I don't think anybody's going to, you know. I'm not fucking chomping at the bit to get that stuff, but part of me wants to get at least one of the outfits and just wear them, like, on his birthday or something, but not explain to anybody, like, what's happening.

Like, not explain to, like, Ashley even. Just like just like yeah this is how i'm dressing today you know it's like uh you hop on like a you hop on like a zoom call or whatever yeah and you're just wearing the biggest the biggest shirt anyone's ever seen what what's the what's the like iced out uh jean shorts that like uh ug kit size is south pole is that what they were i think that's what they're called you know i'm talking about like it uh there's south pole yeah gerbodes red monkey south pole and red my dad has a bunch of south pole that he got from like dollar general and uh i feel like it was funny as he sagged but not because he was like trying to be cool he just like his ass was always just

out so like they would look like pants like high-watered pants like on him but it's like so anyway i need to uh i'll bring you a couple pair man we can wear them for a video episode i want to get some jean shorts i need to get on that it's like a very yeah yeah i wore this in high school, and it didn't, it wasn't necessary, I don't think. God damn. Working an hour and 15 minutes away from where I live tomorrow. That's not fun. That'll be fine. You'll have a good time, man.

You'll get to meet. Yeah, awesome. Fucking, all my boys in, where the fuck even is this dude? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. In around Patio, Texas. Fucking hit me up tomorrow. Yeah, it's...

You want to hear three towns it's close to? Strawn, Mingus, and Thurber. Bro, where the fuck is this? There's no way all three of those places make a triangle with each other. Dude. The things that leaded gas did this. What the fuck? Strawn, Mingus, and Thurber?

Mingus, Texas, man. That's awesome. Oh, my God. It's like all outside of Stephenville. What's that college over there? Tarleton? Yeah. My guitar player went there, and he ran track.

Hope you're doing all right. Nice, nice. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I hope you're doing all right. nice Yeah yeah Oh I hope you're Jesus fucking Christ Thurber The fucking I thought I lived in a stupid ass town

Imagine telling somebody you're from Mingus Texas Man I grew up on Mean streets of Mingus Boy I'll tell you something else Cause that shit's like two hours from Dallas More than that That's not You hours from Dallas, more than that. You're not even in the Metroplex anymore. Yeah, dude.

You're just fucking nowhere, man. You're up there by the, what is that, like up there by the border of Oklahoma? Like those fucking nowhere? It's like, yeah, it's like southwest of here. So it's not even really, it's like a a few it's probably a couple hours directly east of abilene oh okay but it's just i mean there's fucking nothing there's no reason to be out there what a shithole i hope i hope everybody i hope after i fucking leave this place everyone here dies let's get a fucking historical look at Mingus, Texas right quick.

Dude, I was in fucking, not Cleburne today, but a place called Rio Vista. Nice. I thought it was Rio Vista. They were saying, no, it's Rio Vista. You want to know what it's north of? Blum, Texas. Let's go. Dude, there's no reason for anything to be named the way it is out here. Mingus is a city in Palo Pinto County, Texas.

Mingus was known as a wet town. Because all of Palo Pinto... Wet Mingus. The population is 235. Let's go. Oh, my God. The population is 235 Let's go Oh my god Dude anytime I fucking try and get lunch In any of these places All the restaurants are called like

Dirt Cafe Meat and fucking Racist Barbecue Company Dude there was a breakfast place In this place I worked at last And it was called like theown Cafe or some shit like that. I was like, bro, what is going on? The Don't Stay Out Here After Dark Cafe.

The White People Restaurant. The White People are Good and Everyone Else is Bad Cafe. At this point, I'm just looking at different town names. How about Binger? Okay. We got anybody from Binger out here? Any Mingus heads or Binger heads fucking hit the line. Yeah.

Call into the show. We got any Tologa heads? Are you a bigger Binger, Binger guy or a mangum guy? Because those are pretty close to each other. Oh, my God. Are you a mingus guy or a binger Texas guy? What about a Thurber guy? We need some Thurber heads out here.

Fucking Thurber heads. Sound off in the comments if you're a thurber guy we need some thurber heads out here fucking thurber head sound off sound off in the comments if you're a thurber head the thurber the thurber texas boys god you know them thurber boys are something else let me see here thurber texas dude the picture for thurber texas is just a dirt road population is 48 let's go it's in. It's in Erath. It's in Erath. Oh, my God. It's a coal town. A coal town? It's a coal town, yeah.

Seriously? Yeah, it's an abandoned coal town. The population used to be... There was coal here? Yeah. It was a company town. So when it closed down, there's like only 50 motherfuckers left i can't imagine life's too good for them out there uh damn dude i didn't know that was i didn't know we had coal in texas

honestly i thought it was only oil and stuff i don't fucking uh no i mean i believe it but let's look at notable people rex trailer rex Trailer. Rex Trailer. Rex Trailer? Oh my god. A famous actor, Rex Trailer is from Thurber, Texas. We also got Johnny Lucadillo and Tony Vins. What the fuck? This is not a real fucking... God damn. Oh dude, I found a good combination.

Alright, what do we got? There's a town in Texas called Sundown and just north of it is a town called Whiteface. Yeah. And just east of it is a town called Ropesville. No. Yes. And just north of that is a town called Roundup.

This is out towards Lubbock. Oh, that's awesome. Okay. Okay. Damn, I've got a family out there. That's funny. Let me see. How many people live in Viter?

Oh, not too many. Oh. Let me see. How many people live in Viter? Oh, not too many. Oh, there's not a lot of news on the KKK out there anymore. There's another town in the panhandle called Big Lake, and it's just next to a big lake. That's pretty cool. Let me go. Poop, Texas. Poop, Texas. Poop Texas Poop Texas Poop Texas

Welcome to Poop Texas Hop off Hop off your horse And eat some poop Can we go back to Poop Texas Sweetheart You said you'd take me to poop. You said for our 10th anniversary you'd take me to poop Texas. You said you'd take me to poop.

Come on. You said the whole family, me, you, Tony Jr. could all go to poop Texas for a fucking... Instead of Disney World, I know money's tight. We'd go to poop Texas. Let me just check. P, Texas. P. instead of Disney World I know money's tight we go to Poop Texas let me just check P Texas P

Piss Texas come on that can't be real no I just Texas piss drink recipes hold on a second there's a sport here that originated in Texas

called Texas pissing. Seriously? Yeah. One second. Okay, what do we got here? My father was born and raised in the hill country and wound up having dual careers.

One as an academic and another in military and government. One as an academic and another in military and government. Proud to be a Texas no matter where he was working he once wrote a pair oh it's a sport where you try to make the shape of Texas with your piss

I felt like that could have been a lot yeah no for sure I thought it was gonna be something really really really dark uh okay no problem with that let me see if i what kind of cities uh black texas let's see if it's real uh no not black texas like i want to see if there's a town black texas town oh that's i'm Oh, I'm Googling bad stuff. Black Texas. It's real. Black Texas is an unincorporated community in the Northeast. Dude, every place that's like North Texas is just named the most ridiculous shit. How many people live in Black Texas?

They don't even have a population on here. Awesome. on here awesome well guys uh hope you enjoyed uh that episode yeah that was a nice little segment yeah it's a nice little segment um we've got another video episode coming for you guys uh here shortly and then uh some sketch stuff probably If you're listening to this right now, that means you're listening to a free episode. This was a pretty good one. You know, you get everything. You get laughs. You get tears. You get topical news.

You get fucking jokes. You get the radio host, the developmentally disabled guy. You get fucking poop texts. I thought you said that me, you, and the dog had head down down poop texas and you told me you're telling me we went to smirking but not you telling me that we i mean i've driven through rape texas but i've never made it to poop texas now my granddaddy had a had a ranch out in come texas uh but uh he had to sell it to a man from Ash Cheekville, Texas. If you're listening to this

just go on to patreon.com slash pendejo time throw us five bucks a month. You get four extra episodes a month one every week and you throw us ten bucks a month. You get a video episode and some sketch stuff we're working on. We filmed some cool stuff

when we were in Fort Worth. It's super well thought out and probably one of the best scripts i've ever written for anything um and the characters are like super deep uh the storyline the sound effects just the whole nine yards is really just sort of like top notch i was born to be a screenwriter i know that for sure and thomas was born to be an actor baby and uh the that for sure. And Thomas was born to be an actor, baby. And the only way you make it in Hollywood is if you try to push out content that people want to see. So I won't spoil too much, but I got to meet a fellow North Texas man who volunteered in Ukraine. That's all I'll say about that.

But you can give us $50 a month if you fucking want. The 10 bucks a month gives you the video episodes. You can give us 50 if you want. I don't think you should, but, you know, you can fucking... You can give us a fucking...

You can give us a thousand dollars if you'd like. You can give us a blowjob if you want. I think that's about it. You can't. Don't give me a blowjob. I don't want a fucking...

I hate blowjobs. They suck so bad.