Pendejo Time - pousey

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

hhhello i am hhhungarian red pill christian i come to myami florrrida to marry hot sexy girl who look like laura ingraham and drink like my baba. Support the Show.

Yeah, you get a, you get a, okay, you get an aluminum bar. That's your start. And that's for, it's for ego days. Aluminum bar probably weighs like, I don't know, maybe five pounds. I can't think of the lightest metal, but I'm going to say very confidently and probably air, air. Okay. And then those are the days when you're like, dude, I'm fucking the coolest guy.

I'm going to put, you know, I'm going to put a bunch of weight on it. I'm going to bend the bar. Whenever I see videos of guys where they're squatting like 1,000 pounds and the bar is just like. First of all, something I've always wondered because I'll never be able to lift that heavy. I'm just not built for it. Whenever I do squat heavy, which heavy for me, like not not heavy it hurts really bad like not my leg like my fucking neck and my trap like i can't imagine oh definitely dude it fucking sucks it sucks it

sucks with 135 on yeah so when i see those like fucking you know those like serbian power lifters that are like 18 but they look 52 and they have like 980 pounds on the squat bar and they're just i'm like how is that not breaking your fucking like your spinal column but again they just you know those guys are it's their lifespan is like 30 years like you're not really meant to live that long when you're like that big um oh i want to do we're like all those guys who you know they're headed to the nfl combine and they're squatting like 1600 pounds it's like yeah man you don't even got to do that in the nfl no so you gotta you gotta stop some guys you gotta hit you gotta hit other dudes basically i'll tell you what you're not hitting is a fucking Hummer. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like, I don't watch football, but I remember we used to play, like, backyard football, like, in the park when I was in junior high and high school. And one of the kids that would play played on the high school team and was a lineman. He's probably, like, 280. And he hit me one time. Hard. Like, we would play full contact. Like, no pads.

Just fucking, you know. And I just, like, hit the ground. Like, you don't. I didn't fall. You, like, you know what I mean? Like, you just hit the ground as if you fell from, like, a tall building. And I don't. I just sit laying there thinking. I was like, no.

I mean, respect to guys who you know wide receivers or whatever the fuck but i'm so fucking good dude this is so gay like you want me like i we used to in junior high they were trying to get a bunch of us to like join the football team and i was like no i played like flag football that was it uh i'm not gonna i'm not trying to have a fucking 300 pound kid who's probably on gear run full sprint at me it's six in the morning it's just not you know yeah you wouldn't you know you wouldn't want to be with somebody like that you know you wouldn't want to you know what i mean no not really but uh but i mean well i, I mean, I wouldn't want you to have an abusive partner. Oh,

okay. I see what you mean. Yeah. You wouldn't want me to date a, a big meat, meat factory who didn't treat me right. You know what I mean? I'm a,

I'm throwing, I wanted to, to, I'm throwing last, the last premium episode we did into the, the cool dad cannon of, dude, I was editing that motherfucker. And I was like, Jesus Christ. I mean, when you're doing it, I was editing that motherfucker and I was like,

Jesus Christ. I mean, when you're doing it, it's one thing. But I was listening. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Here's the thing. A lot of people hate us. A lot of people want us fucking dead. A lot of people want to fucking hurt us with spears,

hurt us with sticks. A lot of people want us to fucking hurt each other a lot of people are really just hanging in there to see you kill me or vice versa a lot of people want to see me kill an elk with a fucking spear that's true a lot of people want to watch you kill an ant yeah a lot of people want to see me stick a dynamite a lot of people want us to pit two old guys together to say whichever one of you fucking loses is gets blown up but yeah by a rocket launcher yeah yeah and then but that's not what we do here no we make content we make we do we talk about fucking real shit like um you know

so many things and when people want to be informed, they come to us. Yeah. They don't go to, you know, the dictionary podcast. Yeah, yeah. They don't go to fucking the Google podcast. They come to the Pandejo time. They come to the Pandejo show to get their fucking licks in. To be mentally challenged

yeah you could yeah we are yeah you could we're very mentally challenged people we we take ourselves to new levels all the time yeah of depravity mental illness and yeah we're constantly mentally challenged right exactly yeah yeah i uh i remember palma had said that he smokes weed and plays video games and listens to this because it feels like it makes him dumber thus better at video games and i was like thanks man it actually means a lot i appreciate that oh our friend chris d'alia was in the news again did you see uh yeah friend of the podcast chris d'alia is in the news again for being once again a wacky guy the rolling stones person of the year yeah did you see i don't know if you follow m hud from

chapo fuck you mean on twitter um i do did you see the screenshot of chris delia's chris delia's story it just said sometimes you feel like walking away and he was doing the like this peace sign with the tongue out like like like you know if you're gonna groom that many teenage girls fucking learn the slang learn the lingo you know it's like some get your hand gestures no don't be fucking duck facing in 2023 if you're gonna be a pedophile it's like catch up with it something that me or you would post ironically if we got a DUI. Not that if we did major sex crimes. I could see one of us on Instagram

be like, another day, I fucked it up. But about a public, a PI charge. You know what I mean? Not about like... DUI charge, I'll post. It's over bye bye i'm out of here my mind yeah it's the he grew up bye bye bye bye hey i know you remember me okay. I've been working in a coal mine for 35 years. And now I go bye-bye.

Anyway. But yes, Chris D'Elia, I hate to say it. You're still welcome on the podcast, and I don't think any less of you. I think you're a great guy. I think you're innocent. Anything else to add, Jake? a great guy um i think you're innocent anything else to add jake i just want to add that i don't agree with that analysis and assessment of this i would like to add something to jake's analysis because he was saying that the girls were lying and i don't know that i agree with that part jake

was talking to me in private i think those he said that middle school kickball team was full you can't do that because you literally just said he's a friend of the show and that you think the girls were lying. Literally 36 seconds ago. Jake sometimes likes to throw his voice into my mic. It's a very silly ventriloquist act. Yeah. But Chris D'Elia, in many ways, you are the Robin Williams of this generation, or at least hopefully will be. Yeah.

And I think, you know, when young comics need to look up to somebody, who do they look to? You know? Yeah. Freaking. Ralphie May, you know. Right, right. Bill Hicks. Dude, it sucks.

Bill Hicks Dude it sucks You think from like 2000 after There's like 5 comics That were like There's like Gabriel Iglesias Dave Chappelle I guess Who's the puppet guy He's huge the puppet motherfucker

Jeff Dunham Yeah I guess he's Rose Prominence He's been around a minute, dude. Yeah, I mean, post 9-11 was his heyday with the fucking Muslim puppet. Dude, my mom. Oh, yeah. Dude, 2003, when I was in, like, third grade, that was, like, my mom's shit.

She's making, he's making the puppet say that the tower came, man. Like, my parents would just sit. That was when Comedy Central was on basic cable. Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I think it's been said a thousand times, but the maybe five to eight year period directly after 9-11 was like, everybody was a shit kicker i don't i

just everybody like everybody was like yep we're toby keith had that song we'll put a boot in your ass it's the american way and it was the biggest song on the radio for like five years and it's nice to think that when we all do come together the only way that we can look past all of the polarization and the reasons we hate each other is to listen to brought to you courtesy of the red, white and blue, the blue collar comedy tour of Islamophobic puppet. Like, you know what I mean? Like the way that the social cohesion in the United States is is basically we all become like your uncle's friend i'll just become i think after i think after 9-11 my dad just didn't listen to music yeah you told i remember you something just turned off you told me about that like he like you like you were saying like you were a kid and you remember he just like didn't

like he did he would listen to like uh i forget what song you said that he would like listen to like he he uh it was like funk noise like you said it no he he showed me the song flashlight by parliament okay yeah in my formative years and i it threw me off yeah because not that i didn't think he'd heard of parliament because parliament was huge yeah yeah you know what i mean right but it seemed like something you you know, you're growing up in the 80s in the Houston area. Yeah. And you're like a rodeo guy. Yeah.

You're probably not big on Parliament. No. Understandably so. You're probably big on like Merle Haggard. Waylon Jennings and shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, you know, everybody's got their quirks.

You know, I'm going to be like 60 someday telling, you know, all my grand nephews about Blade. Baby Tron. Yeah. Yeah, so basically

when he says he's on Scammer Drive, he's not actually on Scammer Drive. He just means he's on the way to scam. Scammer Drive isn't a real street in detroit no it's if it were it would be named after it would be named after baby tron now you may be asking grandkids why did tjx not blow up like baby tron did even though he had the meme potential well he fucked over cas or quant fucked up cashers bag and basically i know i know it's like he's a scammer he scams but when you scam your day one it's like who in the gang he's gonna ride for you your kids just have the elon neuro link in

and their eyes are just completely glazed over they're just like they're seeing like so 10 terabytes of like fucking meme videos per nanosecond just yeah like so some scammers are gang affiliated but they're you know they don't necessarily have to be right and and they're like my kids my grandkids are like casually like cracking cards on their like baby they're just doing it through their their neural implant they're just like hijacking debit cards i put you dude what would happen if they they had a new way to become smarter all right and hang with me because i know this is going to get trippy fast. Okay. A new way to get smarter. And it makes you actually smart as fuck.

Right. But it has to be through a brick-sized implant in your penis hole. Okay. That prevents all pee and nuts. Okay. And somehow also poop. Okay. And even pee from getting out of your body.

And sweat. Okay. And drool. Okay. And tears. Okay. And even pee from getting out of your body and sweat. Okay. And drool. Okay. And tears. Okay, so you're just bursting at the seams with fluid. Also, you cannot breathe if you have it in. Okay.

But it has to be in for the rest of your life. And with it, you can use Google and you can use your penis like an iPad. Would you do it? going to use your penis like an iPad? I... Would you do it? Would you do it if you had to only pay $500,000 for it?

Penis iPad implant that kills you in under... And it's 100 pounds. Oh, man. That's tough. That's 100 pounds. Man, that's tough. That's really tough. So on one hand, it's a great entertainment tool. On the other, a bad way to lose weight. So you have a first generation iPod brick in your penis hole that does...

iPad. iPad, yeah. It weighs 100 pounds and it kills you and you can't sweat, piss, cum, or shit. Or breathe. Or breathe, okay. But you can. Y'all fucking with it or not? Y'all fucking with the penis brick or no?

Y'all fucking with the penis brick iPad or not? Y'all fucking with the penis pounder brick or no? I don't know, man. I feel like that's a tough one because on the one hand, I like pissing and I like – Yeah, but you can just have the pissing app. Oh, right. You can get the pissing pad. That's right.

You can get the piss pad app and it just deletes the piss from your body like a – Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. And I was going to get whenever I need air, I'll plug into my air charge. Okay. Jesus Christ. Okay. Yeah.

You get your air. You get your air pods and then you get your your penis app that. Yeah. And then you're. Yeah. Hey, baby, would you like to log on to the penis app with me and try and cross-play tonight? It's just like a guy who had a fucking railroad spike

go through his head trying to write sci-fi. In a world where you had to have a penis implant that was 100 pounds and all loving was a simiation where you had, honey, would you like to come into the penis charging station? A guy with like a huge dent in his head trying to rewrite 1984.

Son, have you wiped your butt station tonight? Have you gotten on the butt app and updated it to clean? Or is it still dirty? Have you downloaded your poop from your butt app and updated it to clean? Have you, have you,

or is it still dirty? You downloaded your poop from your butt app. Darling, we're headed to the beach. Download some sunscreen. Just trying to make like the most, like two IQ, like cultural criticism,

but you have from like 1982. Honey, honey, it's my birthday. Would you download the blowjob app, please? I'm trying to get a little kinky tonight. Honey, we used all our blowjob data for the month. But honey, neither of us have used it. Who's using the blowjob app? Who's using the blowjob data?

And it pans to their eight-year-old son which i don't agree with this at all their eight-year-old son and he's grinning from ear to ear dark and he's got the blow job blow job that's uh an abbreviation we probably won't use for no it's not but it's not it's not a portmanteau that we would use. As convenient as it may be, that was next. George Jetson is like, we've used up all the blowjob data, but there's plenty of anal data. Looks like we haven't tapped into that. And then the audience goes, oh!

Really? It's just... Oh, son, have you been downloading all our pussy data this son looks at the camera like the laugh track is like just like garbled like oh i'm i'm i'm deleting all my my semen. We've got too many kids. I had to put it in the recycling bin. Dude, I love the idea of me and you leveraging the success of this show, like somehow taking off into a writer's room for a really prestige TV sci-fi show,

like Westworld. It's got the Cadillac sheen of prestige tv like fucking barry and you know breaking bad it's got the filter on it or whatever when the writer's room and they're like okay so this is post-covid right this is late stage capitalism and uh we've got our main character don and he works at a factory that reprocesses memories um and you know he has to he has to live through people's trauma and then disseminate them to other people, kind of like a modern-day version of The Giver. And you just stand up, and you have a shirt on but no pants,

and your shirt's just like the tip of your penis is barely showing, and you're like, okay, he downloads pussy on dial-up. He downloads pussy and butt. So whenever he needs to wipe his gooch, he has to go to the gooch app and he has to clean up the files in it to make it a clean gooch

and one of the women in the room was like what's um I'm sorry what's a gooch it's the area between your balls and your fucking asshole it's called a gooch and you clean it it's like a taint you know what a fucking taint is? If you went

Taint is a different app And it makes things A little bit off Listen, gush and taint are the same thing But taint is the upgrade from the gush app You have to update your gush data Yeah, gush is free Yeah, gush is free, taint plus

We're just in the Black Mirror season six writer's room. And they're like, all right, we got to go darker. We got to go darker and we've got to go more cerebral. Okay, we got a lot of funny episodes, but this episode, you know, Trump's running again. This season, we got to really drive home, you know, the sinister aspect of this capitalist world we're living in. And you're...

Oh, darling, i'm starving can i can you download a cheeseburger meal for the family for the family to dine on fucking yeah the fucking head writers like i'm sorry i like i know i understand what we there's like a comedic aspect to this show some Some of the episodes are dark comedies, but we really want to have the first one be truly, truly just sort of like an intellectual analysis of where the world's going, this digital world, this hyper-isolation, this hyper-real play.

Yeah, I mean, I think a great way to do hyper-isolationism is if the son gets caught uploading his penis app to his stepsister's um uh mouth app and the parents and then the dad has to download the dog from outside uh honey have you seen my wallet? I don't know, darling. Have you checked the cloud? Oh, yeah. Oh, my goodness. I forgot to put the water app in the houseplants folder.

Honey, I blew all the rent money on the DUI app. older honey I blew all the rent money at the on the DUI app and I and then on the on the crack cocaine station I went and charged my DUI app and now we have no money for the rent app and I see that you've got your divorce update coming up but we're gonna have to cancel that update I but I do have the mistress app

as well son son have you you'd better pack your lunch and get ready for your online school yeah just make it like the life of like a homeschooled kid in nebraska who's sick son you better sign into zoom and get on a history class you'd better download your lesson plan from the cloud. The writer's like, dude, that's not at all an exaggeration or a stretch of the truth. You understand? Hold on. Your grandfather's calling from his Bluetooth device.

Listen, man. It's supposed to be stranger than fiction but close to this reality. That's right. That's the show we're doing. You understand what I'm saying? Yes, yes. I get what you mean. Okay, so –

Oh, honey. Can you take the Hyundai Palisade and use the backup camera to back up into a parking space? The backup camera. Yes, you can park without looking hey guys i really appreciate i we thought maybe bringing on the guys from pandejo time would make this show special but it seems that we've been we were wrong and there's a gross miscalculation on our part um honey can you check to see where my towel app is? I don't know. Is it still on the laundry room floor folder?

It turns out that I just found out that my uncle got the AIDS app, and his battery has been reduced to two weeks. and his battery has been reduced to two weeks. So we're going to need to go visit Uncle Tony before his licensing expires. Yeah, so wow. I was going to click on an email, but I think my computer has been given an e-virus. Every time they try to get you to leave,

you're just like putting another gun. You're putting a different gun on the table you're like yeah i've got my feet in two buckets of cement that are slowly drying yeah yeah you got two buckets of cement and you just keep putting more glock 19s on the table listen guys i understand your frustrations all right but me and jake you know we've got an avant-garde approach to this type of stuff you know my uncle my iphone uncle he's got a bicycle with one wheel and he calls it a unicycle my uncle has to use a c- machine, so he's technically half robot. He had an expanded lung. Oh. Perhaps soon we should pay a visit to our iGrandma.

Yeah, thanks guys for... Or to our eGrandma. I... Looks like Grandma needs to be charged up. We're taking grandma off life support. I'm putting grandma in the bikini app. I'm pulling the plug on grandma. She's getting...

I'm deleting her plug app. Your wife is crying. You're in the hospital. Your wife is like, it's her mom. It's not even your mom. She's like, I can't. I'm putting grandma in the penis app. You gave a.

It's like a power of attorney. The doctor is just like i i don't understand like this is your mother it looks like my mother's i i'm gonna upload my my penis app to my mother's vagina phone my mother's going to the seagulls pooping app and they're gonna poop on her oops oh perhaps I should send an e-telegram god damn it man fuck I'm sorry I've I haven't checked on my my my cousin lately has anyone been to his website? Has anyone been to my cousin's suicide blog? I haven't heard from... Oh, funny seeing you here.

I hadn't... Sorry, I don't spend as much time around your website anymore. My cousin sent me an e-text telling me that he was going to hang himself. My cousin sent me an e-text telling me that he was going to hang himself. I haven't heard from him since he sent me that e-text saying that everything was getting dark and he was very, very tired. Yes, I'm getting a bit concerned. I found the marijuana app on Facebook. I found the condom app in my daughter's folder for all of her...

God damn it. Man, Black Mirror is a great show. I hope that they go that route for the next one. All of this... You know what they should do for the next one is what we were doing. It's called Regular Mirror. Yeah, it's called a great... Regular-ass mirror. It's called Dirty Mirror, and it's about fucking in the future.

It's about getting pussy... Yeah, it's called fucking mirror. And it's about fucking in the future. It's about getting pussy. It's called, it's called fucking look at yourself and going. Yeah. It's about, it's about fucking flexing in the mirror where you, when you jacking off, it's called a jacking off mirror, Jack mirror. Yeah. It's called Jack. Yeah.

You're still in the writer's room. Everyone's left. Everyone's gone. The lights are off and you're like, it's, it's called jack room. Everyone's left. Everyone's gone. The lights are off. And you're like, it's called Jacking Off. And it's 16 seasons. Okay. And when you pull your phone out, you look at pornography on it.

Yeah. How about instead of Black Mirror, it's called Black. It's just straight up. It's just a story of a regular red black oh never mind uh is the q word bad again i can't i don't know if we could say it a quick queer black queer was what i was gonna say but i i think it really depends on how it comes yeah i think what the way i would given that yeah i never mind we get yeah what i think I think it's one of those reclaim... Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, like there's some words that, you know, they don't quite work for us. I feel like bitch is going away. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like that one's... What do you mean? Were you not supposed to say that one? No, I mean, I know it's not a nice word.

I feel like, like, even if a woman really sucks like i could say hillary clinton is a dumb bitch it seems like it stings more than it did even five years ago you know what i mean oh yeah like like linda dunham is a nasty bit that sounds mean to say even though she is and she's a fucked up weirdo you know like diane feinstein is a stupid yeah yeah yeah like i feel i don't know maybe i'm just mature i don't know but i like the other day i no no i i think it's i think it's weirder than yeah yeah like like i i was literally it's funny that you mentioned diane feinstein because i was like talking with a friend and i was like yeah that old cunt just needs to go like she needs to die or retire and then like i in my own

head i wasn't in anybody else's head i was like ah that that that used to not feel weird like it you know like it's definitely not anywhere close to like the n-word or like the f-word or anything you know like but like but definitely being like i think it depends on the social context right right like yeah like if you say you know let's say your friend drinks a glass of water too fast you could say he's a bitch for sure yeah and that's funny right that's funny yeah when you call another man

a bitch as a joke hey that's usually usually fine if he's in on it yeah it's one of your friends you can call him a bitch and it's silly right if it's one of your friends You can call him a bitch And it's silly Right If it's a girl You usually If it's in traffic maybe

You know You're The lady has to suck in some way Cause like Even if I have an ex I If you

If you say If you say Also if you say it like As a term for women Yeah like All these bitches. Right. Yeah, like we need some bitches at the bar. Yeah.

I don't know. I could say, yeah, like Margaret Thatcher's a real bitch. But if I were to be like, yeah, like talking about an ex girl, like any guy that's like, my ex girlfriend was a fucking bitch. I'm like, ah, I don't believe you. You know what I mean? Like, I know that that's totally possible like she could have been a real conniving ball buster but in my experience just the guys

that are like yeah my ex dude she was a fucking stupid bitch like it's the tone you know like for okay perfect example if a guy's like yeah i don't know man she she was like she'd be kind of bitchy that's not that bad but the guys are like yeah stupid fucking bitch it's the like dude she straight up fucking had down syndrome she straight up caught me cheating on her and then broke up with me dude uh i i don't know i i guess just like the circle of friends that i had when i was like in high school but um i remember having a conversation we were like we would do the we would go and hang out just dudes all of us like like passing fucking

blunts around getting fucked up it was basically like a sausage party it'd be like eight guys there we're just like passing the joint around because weirdly enough no girls wanted to hang out with us isn't that fucking crazy and uh yeah they're probably a bunch of yeah and uh i remember a lot of people like it was just like me and two other guys at my buddy's place and uh we were like talking about it's like yeah man like i went on a date the other day it was we went to the movies you know like she's cool or whatever and uh friend of a friend was just like he was like yeah dude uh she was really cool man like and we and when you're like in ninth or tenth grade you're like your tenth grade you're getting your dick so i was like dude she was

sucking my dick dude like it's a big thing you know what i mean like it's like one of the biggest things that can happen to you he's like dude she sucked my dick like like a bunch and we were like pretty like we were like boyfriend girl like we were dating for real like we were fucking and i was like okay yeah you know i remember this girl he was like and then dude she went to my phone and she found other girls titties on there and she broke up with me can you believe that shit and I was like and then his friend was like yeah dude that's so fucked up she shouldn't have been going through your phone and I was like yeah no that's true like she shouldn't have probably done that but it seems like maybe she had reason to a and then b you did have other tits and ass and like it's not like she

went through your phone and didn't find anything then you'd have grounds for some shit but like he was like yeah i can't believe she broke up with me for like cheating on her and i was like what do you think happens like when you know like uh if you if you cheat like typically that's you know the end result he was like i don't know what you're trying to get at. I think some dudes are wired that way. I definitely... It's called a winner's mindset. Those guys

they're unstoppable. Yeah, I mean... They will never accept responsibility for anything. Never. Never. No, never. And all they do is win. You make a great... And by that, I mean they lose constantly. But they come out sort of on top in their own little ways. They always find...

They consistently have girlfriends. Here's the thing, man. They consistently have jobs and girlfriends, even though they also get fired every two months and then just cheat constantly. i'm like they're always on the come up yeah yeah they get the best parking spot like they always just yeah they always just like got a job that pays like 20 yeah yeah they're like a they're a foreman they just always are like a like a warehouse foreman or like a manager somewhere they never ever can like reach the

most money they'll ever make 28 bucks an hour you know like they can never get past that like on the come up i was gonna that uh there it reminds me of i don't know if you have this if you have it i know you you have a version of it like when you're with your family but like i have different friend groups that have differing levels of like comfortability with like, like shitty jokes. So like I have like, you know, my, uh,

one of my friends, like his wife's friend group. And they're like, when we play Jack box, everything is like, we'll play Jack box with her friend group. And it's like, T like tits are like poop.

And then they all get too drunk and go to bed. And then it's just the boys and all bets are off like it's like a different like it's a filter that you have for one group versus another i don't you know what i mean like if it's me you and alex it's like anything goes i don't give a fuck i know everything's in good it's in good faith and like no you you and me and alex and you know whomever are good guys we don't we don't mean any harm uh but like if i go hang out with like my like you know my girlfriend's friends it's like yeah dude that fucking lady over there she was real she had a bad attitude she just she was kind of comfortable yeah yeah you know what i think it would be great if she had a really tough day at work like you're you're it wait it starts in the back of your head

and what starts in the back of your head is like that stupid fucking dumb bitch what does she fucking like she cuts you off in traffic like god i hope she gets hit by a fucking peterbilt and then it gets to the middle of your brain and it's like that man she really shouldn't have done that man i hope she fucking i hope she gets a flat tire and then it gets to the middle of your brain and it's like that man she really shouldn't have done that man i hope she fucking i hope she gets a flat tire and then it gets to the front of your brain and you're like oh she probably just had a bad day you know she probably just got something going on at home it's just like different barriers you know the the back now me and you listening to Tyler Childers hit the truck. I have no idea. I have no idea what you mean. Yeah, that was fun. You know, there's a lot of things that I don't remember from life,

and that's okay. A lot of stuff happened probably 20 years ago. Yeah, a lot of stuff probably happened seven months ago that I just can't really put my finger on it's not important you know but yeah you know i mean when you're with you know when jake is around boys he just yeah he gets the feeling when i'm around junior high dude we can't do this shit again never mind stop just do boy zone again for 25 minutes god damn it no No, I like...

I know what you mean. I think it's weird nowadays with how work culture is if that makes sense. Because it's like I'm still kind of at a distance from it but I see it happening where it's like

it seems like people are sort of not sure how they're supposed to be. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, there's, there's a lot of like startups or whatever now, or like, Oh,

we're like a big, like family. Like we're not, you know, you could, you could be yourself here. Yeah. But it's also like,

it's never really like never, never. And it's not supposed to be only, like it's supposed could be yourself here. Yeah. But it's also, like, it's never really like that anywhere. Never, never. And it's not supposed to be. The only. Like, it's supposed to be a controlled environment. The only place that that's true at is if you're, like, working nights in, like, a fucking, like, if you're working with a bunch of, like, iron dudes, you know what I mean? Or, like, pipe feet.

Like, construction, I made this point on here, is, like, construction specifically, like, night crew, or, like, if you're working, like, with roofers and and shit that's where you can be the worst version of yourself like that it just flies like all those guys not all of them but i would hedge my bet 85 like i work in corporate now and i talked about this on here where it's like i work for a company like that like when i got hired on they were like you know hey we just we're really big on like openness and like you know like we're not a stuffy company at all like we're chill like you know you can be yourself blah blah blah blah and then like I'm in like work chat and people are like may the fourth be with you and everyone dude 15 fucking laughing smiley reacts and people are like look at this mug I got and it's like you know don't wake me up until I've had my Harry

Potter cough you know what I'm saying like that it's corporate it's it's sanitized corporate stuff and part of me now that I've like worked in the corporate world a little while I thought that everyone was pretending and that's true for a lot of people some people are legitimately like that like I've gone with drinks like go like go to like happy hour when i used to work at facebook with uh with some people and like me and a couple other you know group of people would go off into a corner and just you'd be like dude this place god i fucking hate everybody here this shit sucks dog dick but there was a group of people that like lived for corporate happy hour and they were corporate like not at the office they were like

yeah did you guys catch ted lasso oh my god it would just it like when when he starts talking about like overcoming trauma i just oh i die and i'm like god damn man you're probably really fucking nice like you're probably a nice person but i want i want you to i want you to get hit by a truck and that's me like that's it's not their fault it's not their problem like it's me like i'm a fucking yeah it's your fault i'm a profoundly bitter like sort of misanthropic dickhead yeah i understand yeah yeah but uh uh anyway and and how do we learn from this? We don't. We don't. It's gotten better. You know what I mean? It's gotten better for sure.

Like, I think anybody who here. Here's the point I will make. Anybody who's like in their 30s and they're still like, yeah, fuck the world. Fuck people. You know, I'm like, OK. All right, guy. You know what i mean like the like if you have a six or seventh graders like people everybody should be fucking we should kill everybody should kill themselves

like okay like it's kind of corny to be that way past like 25 in my opinion now i'm a slightly diluted version of that i'm fully aware but it depends on what kind of day I'm having. Some days I wake up and I'm like, dude, the beauty of the universe, man. I love it. Other days I wake up and I'm like, let me see that dick. Let me see that dick, dude. Hey, dude, let me see that dick, dude. Hey, dude, let me see that dick. Hey, dude, let me see that dick.

Dude. Dude, let me see that dick. Philadelphia gay, a DL Philadelphia guy. Hey, dude, let me see that dick, dude. Hey, go birds and let me see that dick. Dude. Hey, go birds and let me see that dick. Dick.

Anyway, you know, I think we can all learn from Jake's horrible mistakes. I've never, you know. You know, there's no such thing as a bad TV show. There's no such thing as a bad popular TV show. If the show is popular, you should watch it. Barry, which I have never watched, is the greatest show. I just binged it. Wow. Yeah, see, I'm not going to watch it.

You know why? Because I don't give a fuck about any of that shit. What I would rather watch is stuff like... Walker, Texas Ranger. No, I don't watch that stuff. What do you watch I watch my favorite thing right now

is sometimes I'll get on YouTube and I'll just watch you can watch footages fan votes going through that stuff

is awesome I really like that shit that's good stuff I like to just anytime I've got some free time and this isn't anytime I have some free time i uh i'm not

at that last stage of life but i um it's really nice to watch swamp footage and just have like one beer i used to really uh when i was really into blacking out at my apartment i love to watch like the little filipino guys that go in the jungle and build like mansions with like full full-blown hot tubs and like functioning water systems. And the videos are like two and a half hours long, but it's all sped up. I would watch them start from like one stick and one pile of mud to like a six bedroom manor. And I know that some of them are fake, but it's I'm like you ever get like a false sense of confidence from those types of videos. You're like, dude, I could go to the woods right now and build a fucking

yeah you think I could go over there and control I could go over there and make my slaves because of my fucking and with my with their skills and my imagination I'm thinking Fortnite could be real within the next couple years yeah I could make Fortnite real I could get

John Wick and a rail gun and I could kill all these people. They could change the way they live. If you could make Fortnite real, but you had to kill everybody in all the continents except for North America to do it, to make it real, and if you died in the game you die in real life and also it costs $100,000 to play it

and if you played it you would die and if you played it everybody you know would be dead and it costs $10 to play the game and the game is 100 hours long, would you still play it?

Yeah, yeah, I would. Dude, I really want to do a man on the street thing with these just drawn out horrible questions. These hypotheticals. It's like dinner with Jay-Z or $500,000, but you just got hit in the head with a sledgehammer. Let's see, how long have you guys been together? 10 months? That's great.

So I'm going to ask the lady if that's okay, and you're welcome to listen in. If you could play a game of ping pong that lasted 100 days and it cost $150 to play and the ball is made out of poisonous uranium and you have to play against a professional Chinese ping pong player. They call it table tennis over there.

And because ping pong sounds too American. And you have to play for 10 hours. Yeah. Each game is 100 days. And you get paid $10 million to play, but you have to pay a million dollars every time you pay. And pay.

Every time you get paid, you get 15% taken out for taxes and 8% taken out for Social Security. And you can only play once a year. And the other guy weighs – the guy you're playing against weighs 170 pounds. And you can only play – They've walked away completely. But if you play, you have to break up with your boyfriend. If you don't play, you don't have to.

But either way, you can still play. And at the end, you have to have sex with me 100,000 times. Would you still love your boyfriend if I shot him with a fucking harpoon through the chest and I dragged him through the street in the back of my Jeep? Hey, how long y'all been together? Oh, 10 years? That's great. Would you still love your boyfriend if I put him in a bucket of acid and then I put him in a centrifuge and spun him around

until he was nothing but pink soup? Hello. It's a wonderful day. Hi, bitch. Would you sick heel in front of the White House on camera to save your grandma's life? If your grandma was about to get eaten by a pack of wildebeests, would you sick hail in front of President Joe Biden for $100? If your grandma was getting eaten by a great white shark, would you let my friend Jack off?

Would you reestablish the fourth Reich in Wichita Falls to prevent Joe Biden from falling down a hill would you let Chris D'Elia fuck you doggy style to save Harriet Tubman's life

if you could get us to the moon 10 years earlier than we did, would you let the Challenger explode 10 times bigger? Would you let Richard Nixon raw dog you sideways style if it meant that the USSR was never collapsed? Would you give Alex Trebek cancer 10 years earlier to give your

grandma 10 more years of life? Yeah, thanks for coming to the show. They're just trying to go to Jamba Juice. Hey, thanks for coming to the show. I appreciate it. If you could, would you take out all your teeth and only eat soft food? could would you take out all your teeth and only eat soft food hey if you could would you blind and deafen yourself if you could remove your spleen and your bladder and both of your kidneys

and your lungs and and both of your eyes would you hi i'm the devil this is my friend we're just wondering if would you would you eat your boyfriend's kidney like a like a piece of meat and let me watch would you eat a piece of would you eat a piece of poop and give me 50 they're like waiting for the other option they're like um and or what you're like no listen would you rather have to kill a baby giraffe with a 9mm or would you rather go to church with me this Sunday? Yeah, you're one of the man on the street Christian guys, you know, those dudes off Instagram that are like trying to talk to drunk people about getting, you know, finding, going right with the Lord.

Would you rather have unprotected sex with your boyfriend of six years or would you rather come to church with me on Wednesday nights and we never have sex? Would you rather go to Wednesday nights with me and super turn up and eat chips and salsa all night and party for the Lord, or jack off a baby to completion? Jesus Christ.

Wow. Man. Okay. Jesus Christ. Wow. Man. Okay. All right. Yeah, it looks like somebody picked the wrong option. It looks like somebody came to the wrong Denny's. Anyway.

Oh, man. You may be wondering, where is your microphone? Where is it? Well, sweetheart, I'm here to tell you. If you could get a magnet and pull yourself from one end to the other, but only one side would come out and it would cost $100 and it would take two guys. Yeah. And there would be two guys on each end.

Yeah. And that would equal four guys. Would you do that for a hundred dollars uh thanks for thanks for talking to me i don't really have many people in my life to talk to you could probably tell why um i appreciate you and your boyfriend for talking to me no one has ever talked to me this long i know know that I have a shotgun, so that probably contributed to why you hung around as long as you did.

But I hope you guys have a really good day. Thank you for macing me. It's typically people's response. Is this Riz juice on me? Yo, I went out last night, dog, and you know me. I'm always trying to get some pussy

And you know I'm talking to this pretty young thing And you never believe it She sprayed Riz juice in my eyes She fucking Riz Oh so you got some last night No dude she hit me with a stun gun And kicked me in my dick

And then she sprayed me with Riz juice She sprayed me with riz juice she sprayed me with player hated juice some women they don't they don't respect a real a real nice gentleman like me you know they uh they fucking hate when i start trying to grab at them when i start sprinting at them in the parking garage yeah a lot of ladies really don't appreciate that but that's how my dad met my mom you know what i mean you know growing up we didn't have all this tiktok jizz jazz instagram facebook we had we had we had we did you know we didn't have talking to a woman like a fucking human being we had we had chasing her down from her campus that I moved in next door to at 38 years old taking no classes.

We didn't have talking to a lady for a couple weeks, inviting her out to a public place to make sure she feels normal, and then taking her back to your apartment maybe after like day three. We didn't have none of that. We didn't have none of that. We had smashing your Toyota Corolla through the front door of her fucking house at 2 in the morning because you spent all your money at the bar. Damn straight. And you know, men these days are too soft. You know, they want to... Girl, yes.

There's not a lot of hard dudes anymore. They want to talk to girls and they want to listen to them. And we didn't do that back them and we didn't do that back in the we didn't we didn't do that in 2019 you know like back in the day uh if a girl was talking i'd be like shut the fuck up dude and then i'd be like bitch and then she would be like damn you're so alpha and you're so sexy and uh and then of course you know she couldn't keep her hands off me and her wrist juice off of me. Yeah, I would say something like, girl, get your grown ass off.

Yeah, hey, bitch. Hey, bitch, I ain't no piece of meat for you to grip on. Girl, is you a... I ain't no piece of meat for you to grip on. How'd you roll that? I ain't no piece of meat for you to grip on, bitch. Listen here, bitch. I ain't no piece of meat for you to grip on.

A guy from fucking Hungary, like a Hungary that moved to like Tallahassee, like Jackson. Listen here, bitch. I ain't no fucking piece of meat for you to grip on with your fucking greasy ass hands you nasty stupid bitch every day i go down to the club to listen to techno music and all i want to do is me and my friends we we hang out to get this fucking slavoy zizek every day we hang out i go to the club with my friends and every fucking day some bitch tried to hit me with wrist juice and i i'm trying i'm just trying to get pushy from a woman who doesn't who does not have um fat hips and thighs fat bitches need to go on the other side of oh god yeah that's good so um horny slavoj zizek everybody that um okay bitch now i come all the way from hungary

to get pussy from girl who go to miami university and i come down here and i wear the deepest button up you've ever seen and the tightest blue denim with knee rips and knee And you have audacity to not give me one singular morsel of pussy. But pussy. I came all the way from Hungary to Miami to get a piece of pussy. I came all the way from Bucharest to Miami to study economy. He's just becoming poor. To study economy and you'll not just becoming yeah yeah to study economy and you'll not

give me one piece of pussy oh yeah just a guy who got really into Andrew Tate and he's actually

Romanian like he's just he's not like a 19 year old kid from like fucking Floribama or whatever the

fuck I live next door to Andrew Tate and he taught me how to get Pacey. Piss. I listen to Top G on my radio and he taught me how to get

sweet piece of Pacey from sexy young teen lady who become my traditional wife. He's in a fucking bunker using like a bunker radio, like a giant world war. who become my traditional wife. He's in a fucking bunker. Using a bunker radio. It's got a 16 foot USSR antenna on it.

It's grainy. If you want to truly dominate a bitch, you have to take her yogurt out of the refrigerator and you leave it out on the counter. And if she comes back and she said, where's my yogurt? Where did you leave it?

Say, shut up. And then you say your blueberries are expired. I listened to Andrew Tate all day on Big Ham Radio from 1978. USSR. What's the name of the Oblast, Belenkan. And I listened to the top G and he tell me, all it take to get piece of Pacey is to steal a bitch yogurt and to tell her she ugly.

And to say that her mom look like large turnip radish, freshly harvested from yard this is the best way to get piece of teddy and piece of base like a profoundly autistic like romanian romanian peasant boy who just so he was listening to his dad's radio trying to find find like Romanian folk music. And somehow the fucking, the goddamn band wave band, where the waveform got fucked up.

And he just caught like an Andrew Tate seminar. And he's like, Oh my, Oh my God. I was trying to find Jorgen in the building bansions. And I instead found my new favorite friend, Andrew Tate. And,

and I'm seeking tired of working in field to process turnips and radishes instead I will move to America and get job in Miami and try to get piece of piss from beautiful Cuban lady because he said that when I listen to a top g he tell me that Latina women are traditional and they cook you a big burrito and taco and they don't talk to you romanian farm grows six foot seven 320 pounds with arm hair they do they boss you around they it's not i need quiet japanese wife 14 years old the best type the best type of purse you can get is a girl from Korea who moved to Miami to study communication. Dude, I am probably, for the next at least six days, going to make my girlfriend really fucking mad. Because I'm going to be in the car going, I'm going to be going, hey, listen.

Do you want to go to chile's i think i i every day last time we went to chile's together our waiter was big pussy he would not bring me a fresh iced tea he no i tell him i don't want presidente margarita and he can he insists on providing one to me i tell him hey pussy i do not drink alcohol or am attempting to refrain. Please give me a sweet tea. Anyway, if you're... Wait, how long am I gonna... Fuck, no.

I think I have about three and a half minutes. That is... We've got Romanian... Romanian Andrew Tate guy. We've got... It doesn't matter. We've got...

You know... It's fucking... You can listen back. We've got man on the street. Black mirror, but with the CTE. Black mirror. You had your man on... You had your highly sadistic man on the street guy. Sort of sociopath with CTE. Man on the street. Sort of Sociopath with CTE Man on the street

He's a regular guy He's a regular guy He's a regular guy From fucking Odessa, Texas Regular Regular guy talking to Yeah Yeah

With trying not to get Not the craziest bit Yeah If you guys like our riz And you think that We're goaded And you think we have sauce go on over to uh go on over to boost boost.pendejo.patreon.com oh we actually have a little bit of time here so here's something i've been thinking about

as you know as a listener, you know, this writer's strike has affected Jake and I deeply. And I want to express solidarity with Jimmy Fallon, who bought a new Nintendo Switch recently and is getting harassed relentlessly over not paying his striking work. Big facts.

And I'll tell you guys something. I feel for you. Yeah. I feel for you. If you're on Jimmy Fallon's writing crew, I understand. I also would like to know what the process is for getting a joke

on a Jimmy Fallon show how critical is that do you think Jimmy Fallon would how many jokes get turned down do you think Jimmy would go for a nice bass boost that type of stuff do you think he would go for black mirror but keyboard cleaner guy

do you think he would go for any of that type of stuff? I think he would like our stuff and I think he should fire those striking writers. Listen, I support the strike, but more than anything...

Also, I support Scabby. Me too. I think we should start doing it. If they don't want to work for $200,000 a year or whatever they get paid, I think it's way less than that. Like probably. Probably like $30,000. Yeah.

If they don't want to work for $30,000, I will write Jimmy Fallon's jokes for $12,000 a year. I've made $12,000 a year. I'll do it for. How about this? I will do it for $100,000 a year. I'll do it for $1 million a year. How about this, Jimmy? Jimmy!

You and me trade places. You and Jake will do Pandejo time together. Actually, one of us will do Pandejo time with Jimmy and we'll swap every day, I guess. And one of us will get to anchor the Tonight Show. Except for on Wednesdays when it's David Letterman

and on Thursdays when it's Hannibal Buress and on Fridays when it's none other than the great himself George Carlin. The ghost of Carlin Coming on to host the show They should do a CGI Johnny Carson

And he's just trying And they make him talk like fucking He's trying to molest all the women on the show But he keeps Yeah he talks like Lil Boosie too Yeah Well that's fun He's just

He's just clipping through the women's dressing rooms Nice stats Hey Hey Hey I'm fucking Johnny Costner I don't fucking remember even how he talked I'm just a guy Hey this is my guy voice I'm just a guy. Hey, this is my guy voice.

I'm just a fella. If you're a fella, you should go on over to patreon.com slash pandeo time and throw us five bucks. Because five bucks gets you access to a bonus episode every week and in Discord access. There's a lot of cool guys in there. A lot of good friends. If you got a little bit more cheese to toss around you can go 10 bucks a month that gets you access to video episodes we've got two in the chamber

one should be coming here pretty soon and then that gets you discord access as well and the bonus episodes and then there's a $50 a month here we ain't got to do all that shit yeah bye bye

pussy goodbye