Pendejo Time - road dogs 2 (Ft. JT Kelley)

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

Milwaukee last chance to come see the bog dogs bark buy tickets    sub to the show 

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So they do like push up competitions and stuff and like during sermon or whatever and the guy has a bunch of series of YouTube channels or a series of YouTube videos where he goes over what he calls bad theology and one of them was a bad theology with Doug prosperity gospel and I was like oh he's going to break down why the prosperity gospel is bad and then he goes opening video he's like hey guys I'm here to tell you prosperity gospel it's great and this is what we should be teaching and then the rest of the video he's like when you have a nice truck Or you buy your wife a nice Mercedes. Or you get that second vacation home. And people say, oh, you might hear some people online say, well, that's not what Jesus said. Actually, Jesus wants you to be rewarded because you evangelized in one soul's in his name. And God rewards those who evangelize and sell the good word or whatever. And I remember watching that and I was like, I don't think, I don't think Jesus, like, Jesus knows what a Ford Raptor is, I guess. This famously came for an earthly kingdom.

That was his whole thing. He said, we're going to build this shit up here. We're going to have slaves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to have slaves in the third world that make my clothing.

And it's going to say, John 316. And they were like, what's John 316? He's like, it's going to be huge. Look out. Yeah, yeah.

You guys are going to fucking love this baby. Yeah, yeah. It's so, like, I was so, because I was telling you, like, growing up, like, I remember thinking, like, when we were learning the parables

when I was in, like, Sunday school, whatever, I was like, oh we're doing this all wrong like this church because when we moved to a mega church I was like this church was probably worth like a hundred million dollars

we should be in like a shed at least that's what I remember reading an axe or like yeah like I think we should just be doing this like at my grandma's house or whatever the fuck instead of this like auditorium where you could probably house like a thousand homeless people you know what I mean

but you know you never do I want cathedrals built by a king that wanted to kill foreigners god that i want to see a cathedral that's built on the blood of what they called like barbarians yeah yeah yeah yeah the bones of the that's how you know it's a good church when you're like oh you really conquered someone to get here yeah yeah you had to fucking take you had to take from someone's earthly life that's that's that's real that's that's like how it works in the illuminati too yeah yeah yeah life for life you're you saying you knew the guy who went to or you knew like two degrees of separation the

guy that went to north sentinel island i never met him but i have a over a dozen mutual friends with over a dozen mutual friends with the guy that got killed out there. The John Chow, the guy that got fucking... I'm obsessed with that story, dude. Well, so, you know, IHop, are you familiar with International House of Prayer in Kansas City? You were telling me about it, yeah. They do 24-hour worship sessions, and they speak in tongues.

The funniest thing, and there's so many good clips of this online, they do all, like, it's like all improv worship, music and words, and it's all supposed to be like, this is the Holy Spirit, which is like, why is the Holy Spirit worshiping God? Shouldn't you be worshipped God, you fucking buffoon? Just write a little poem for him or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they do it, it's 24 hours, you can sign up for like eight-hour shifts and play music. And there are so many times where someone's like, oh, Holy Spirit says drum solo. And they start doing a drum solo, and the rest of the band's like, all right, dude, Holy Spirit wants to do 10-minute drum solo now. It's good. It's really good to watch if you're mean. That's so sick. But he was involved in that, and he was doing the intern. And they're like an apocalyptic cult.

Like they're like, you know, dispassationalists, like, you know, if we don't destroy that fucking mosque in Israel, we're all going to never see Jesus come back. Yeah, yeah. So they believe that North Sintelese Island is one of the few things keeping us from Jesus's return Oh, because they're like one of the last few Yeah, so this guy was going to be a rock star Yeah, yeah This guy wanted to be the dude It's

Like Taking a dingy From like the coasts of India Through like horrifically choppy waters With like nothing but a Bible in hand And then you're like holding it up You know like the Spanish Conquistid was good But you're just like a choppy

Chinese American guy. And they had armor on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you just hear, and you like, look around and you're like, you're like, what the fuck? And then swoop. And you're like,

that's it. Like, that's the end. Just a huge poison-tipped arrow in your chest. And then they drag your body up from the fucking salty banks. And then I guess they just eat you. I think they like cannibalize some people, but I think I remember them like, there was like a

because there basically is like a guy who represents them in India he's basically like a park ranger kind of and he'll go there like once every five years and they're like he's like the only guy that they like won't do. The guy that gave them coconuts in the early 2000s. That's like the big video. Yeah he I think he was the guy that confirmed that like he goes over there

and he was like hey so like you guys killed an American. I know you guys don't know what Americans are but basically like they might come over here just for the fun of it and blow this whole play because People were really mad, and they were like, oh, yeah, we buried him, right? He's right over there.

And they were like, all right, I guess we've got to get the message back to his family. Did you imagine if we dropped like an MQ9 drone? Surprised me, didn't. Also, him getting killed out there, you can't, the amount of IHop Christians that got on Facebook live after and was like, so the devil has a stronghold. The devil has a stronghold, and it just got paid its price in Christian blood. And that juiced them up so much. All that did was confirm, like, oh, we got to get out there. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we got to. I don't think I could Whenever we would have to do these evangelizing things We would go to Galveston And they would like you know They wouldn't give us a quota But it's like you should try to at least win like one soul And uh

Going to Galveston on a Friday When everybody's like smoking meth On the beach and drinking Miller Light And listening to Toby Keith And going up to a guy like that And be like, have you ever heard of Jesus And him being like, of course I'm a Christian Of course I've heard of fucking Jesus

We're in Galveston We're in Galveston. We're in Galveston, Texas Texas. The one guy that's like, who's this Jesus fella? And what can he do for me? Yeah, yeah. Having the realization that like even like, like, even the most fucked up Galvest and Island tweakers are like, like, yeah, go to church every Sunday. I love God. I also throw my wife downstairs and smoke Tina. I like the, like, growing up, we were big into like missionaries and mission work and stuff like that. And missionaries would always stay at our house and stuff. And when you're a kid, you're like, oh shit, you're going to the war zone. You're like John Chow.

like you're you're you're you're you're tearing down strongholds you're incredible and then growing up you watch videos and they're like uh so we went to the small tribe in kenya and what made showed him a movie on jesus and then gave them food and they're like we love jesus jesus christ is the king of these tribe and it's like i think you love clean water yeah yeah just give them clean water and let them do their own thing how about that yeah yeah yeah clean water and some yeah some more thank you jesus for their clean clothes all of our women's wear shirts now thank you for these extra, extra, extra large SpongeBob t-shirts. Beforehand, our women had their tits out every day,

but we don't do that now. Thank you, Christians. Thank you. Thank you for this triple-XL shirt with a monkey with Kanye shades on it that you got from the dumpster of Walmart. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Pandejo Time.

I love SpongeBob. Thank you, Pastor David, for showing me SpongeBob. When I worked naked and afraid, they talked about how they did this one episode in, like, El Salvador. and they really fucked up the local economy by giving them three free boats when they left. And I just know there's one guy being like,

Mr. Naked and Afraid is my son's name. He changed my life with a big boat from Naked and Afraid. Naked. It's like the people in the Philippines, their son's name, they're like Brad Pitt Fuentes. Metro Booman Gonzalez. Super Bowl 45 is my son.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so awesome. That's like, oh, I was doing, I was trying to make it. at work at the new joke open mic where I was like the president of the Philippines being named Bongbog Marcos if you know anything about the history of the Philippines

that's like if our president's name was Budweiser Berger like you have like half Asian influence and then like half you know like Bongbong Marcos is a fucking sick ass name. Yeah. It's so dope. How do you end up there? Wait, is that his real name? I think his name might be.

Bongbong is, so unless I'm wrong, I'm pretty sure Bongbong is like a like a, you know, Danny Boy version of Daniel, where it's like a really silly version of his name. Kind of like, and that became popular on the social media. Because, like, you know, his family, you fucking, you know, stole all of the wealth and went to Hawaii. And so they used that wealth to, like, rebrand their son for him to go back to the Philippines. And also, it's the other person's in power, too. It's Bongbong and then, DeMarco's family and the whatever family.

It's like D. Duterte. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Their family's still in political power, too. Yeah, yeah. He's the Hitler guy. Yeah. What a dope-ass life.

Indy and Dia that names his son, Adolf Hitler Singh. I, dude, I was talking to J.T. about this the other day, but, like, the absolute online epidemic of, like, somebody docks as an account called, like, you know, the diary of Mangala. And it's got, like, half a million followers. It's just pictures of, like, emaciated Jews. And he has pictures of, like, the fucking truce. trains and it's like, you know, we, we misunderstood, you know, we, you know, Uncle Adolf is

misunderstood and then like all the replies are like, uh, how much you want to bet this guy's Indian and then the account will reply, I'm six foot two, you know, blonde hair, blue eyes. And then somebody, you know, eventually the account gets docked and it's a picture of like a five foot one Indian guy from somewhere in Uttar Pradesh. And he has to make this big long thread where he's like, first of all, I just want to admit I am Indian. I am Indian, but I also want to say I love I consider myself Aryan. And you're like, oh, all right. Well, come on, dude. I love the Nazis on

Twitter that are like, eat shit, you fucking Indian loser. And they're like, we know our place, sir. You are masters of us. You are masters. I will eat your shit, good sir. The one, oh, there was this really popular one, like, I forget, Averisim or something. He was like, I don't consider Burnett's, or people with brown eyes to be white. Okay, me neither, to be clear. Yeah, yeah.

And the replies were like, dude, the most desperate like groper guys that were like, well, I'm dirty blonde, am I white? Like, asking for the fucking approval of a guy online who's most likely Filipino radio. You know what I mean?

There's no chance he's white. I mean, I guess he could be. Who gives a fuck? How's it going, Thomas? Pretty fucking awesome. How are you good? How are you feeling? I'm feeling really good today, actually.

I woke up feeling pretty amazing. Did you guys have fun with the weed drinks last night? We had fun. They weren't too crazy. They weren't super strong. I felt like the drinks were balanced. I didn't feel like it was, I felt like it was actually a small amount of stuff in there.

How did you feel about them, JT? He gave me 15 milligrams, and I kept asking if I could get a 100 milligram shot, and he kept thinking I was making a joke. And I was like, no, I'm like a fat, guy that smoked weed for 20 years. I want 100 milligram so I can feel alive. I didn't do that. I only had

one of the things in the can. So I think I only had like a five million. I had like a very tame amount. So you, JT. was doing the shots or whatever. He had a different situation going on. I probably would have freaked out if I had that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, the green room that stand up comedy club, the weed comedy club in Austin, they have some drink. I think it's called the alien. It's like 150 milgrams or something that's what i was expecting yeah i wanted the i wanted the legal dispensary amount of weed in my drink yeah see that's not usually my cup of tea i'm more of uh chilling out yeah yeah but but also when if i do smoke i smoke like i'm like a four to ten hits type of guy oh that's like a no like off a little joint like not like a not i'm a chill

that's a you know chilling amount yeah not like uh like yesterday we were we were talking while we were smoking it was that was a bad choice because we weren't we weren't monitoring the situation and then towards the end it was like oh no oopsie doopsies somebody has to go to bed now he said oh i think that car could hit us and i was like the neighbor might come out hit me with a baseball bat we need to get inside now oh y'all we're outside smoking and like by the end of that weed i was like oh i'm not comfortable high anymore i'm like nervous in high school we're also we were just standing in the road yeah because i with air bmbs you don't want it's like a $500 smoking fee

if we smoke here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they gave us a little porch, too. That's the thing. You got an upstairs balcony and you're telling me not to get high on it. Alerta, alerta, fasciista, fashista. That's insane. Yeah, I haven't even been on the balcony. Where's the back? I didn't even know there was one. I guess it's not that good of a segment of an audio episode to be like, where is the balcony in this? In this audio experience. Let's go look at it together.

Let's leave the silence for like four minutes for me to show you guys the balcony. You guys can figure this fucking thing out. Yeah. Yeah. Milwaukee. Milwaukee. Have you guys been to Milwaukee before? Never. I've never been to Wisconsin at all. I've been to Wisconsin. I've actually done shows in Milwaukee. And I'm not kidding. Until yesterday, I just assumed it was in Minnesota.

Because I've always done the thing where you go to Madison and then Milwaukee, then Iowa, Chicago. Right? They've done that run twice. And both times, Milwaukee is Minnesota in my mind. No, I was driven. Never flown. Yeah, I didn't know that when I... See, I feel like if you drive, though, you should... I feel like it's easier to know which stay you're in if you drive. No, I'm not driving the back of the van, baby. I'm in the back of the van watching fucking reading porn on Reddit.

Oh, reading porn. Reading random acts of blowjobs that are just like fake, horny teenagers. You guys ever seen that subreddit? No, never in my goddamn life. So it came to me because in 2016, I was trying to have sex on the internet. And I found a subreddit called Random Acts of Blow Jobs, which you pretty much just post where you are and hope that someone will sign up to such.

your dick. So I did. I was like, I want to get my dick sucked on the internet. All dudes. All dudes were like, I'll hit you up. And I was like, I'm good. Thank you though. I'm looking for like literally any woman to suck my dick on the internet. They're not on there. No woman is scrolling random act of blowjob. I'm like, you know what I'm the dude? Give some fucking head, dude. But it's filled with stories of just guys that are clearly lying. Yeah, making literatica. Or porn stars that are like doing it with other porn stars and then writing so they can promote their only fans and stuff. Yeah, of course, of course. And I'll, you know, once every few months I get on there, read one off, jacket, imagining that I'm so hot that a random girl wants to come and blow me and then just leave.

I like the, I like the term read one off. I think that's a good one. Oh, I love reading one off. I can't, the written word sounds, no, I don't think I could do that. I tried to have sex on Reddit one time. Yeah, I could, yeah, yeah. You've had sex from the computer, though, yeah? Most of my sex is from the computer.

and not a lot of women in real life are like oh you're charming and interesting you know i give off guy on the bus vibes so internet's worked better for me i went to the subreddit and it was like uh you know fucking oh let's have casual sex you know whatever and there's this guy that posted hey my girlfriend and i are coming into austin and she wants to blow 10 dudes and i was like uh count me off dude i'm in so i messaged and i'd love to get my dick sucked by your absolutely massively obese girlfriend he's like thank you so much come by the hotel so i show up to the hotel because I was going to be one of the last dudes to get blown, unfortunately. I was just late to sign up.

I'm just happy to be there, right? And so it was supposed to be from like 8 to 10, and it was like, you can use any of my holes. And I was like, uh, gross, I'll just take a blow job. Like, no, I'm not going to use your holes. I'll take some head, thank you very much. But I show up at 10, and they were all gone. And they posted a video of it after the fact,

and I was so bummed. I missed the blow job. This was like 10 years ago. I was heartbroken. I was like, I wanted that massive girl with the self-esteem issues to blow me. I was so excited. You moved. You were last to the blowjob festival.

Like the way that you miss like a McDonald's meal deal. Exactly. Yeah, you miss the. It's probably kind of like if you've been at the firing range for like 15 minutes so, you're already all warmed up. Yeah. You know, and you're about as accurate as you're going to get. I feel like it being like the third in line would probably be nice.

But by the end, it's probably like, you know, towards the when your shoulder starts to hurt or whatever you know and it's like you're starting to miss but it's just because your your arms are tired like you know where you want the bullet pointed and it's just you don't you don't have the stability anymore yeah she didn't have that gustav yeah you probably the walls of your mouth are probably just not going exactly where you know you think you know where your teeth are but your mouth is just shaking your jaw is just not providing the strength that needs to and you're just kind of being it's you're it's sort of like you're you have agency over your neck and kind of nothing else it's like when you do a plank

for so long you fall like when you plank to failure yeah it's like that but in front of your boyfriend and 10 disgusting guys from the internet yeah and also the furniture situation in most hotels is a little rough so whoever's in the cuck chair actually probably is one of the alpha dogs um of the you know imagine being the first one then you stay and you watch nine other blow jobs see that's gay but showing up last i'm like oh dude i'm like i barely even want this i'll just i'll just stop in yeah she also definitely is not excited by the 10th blow job i wouldn't know it's man you know what i mean yeah but like like you know it's got to be like game seven you know what you do when you're watching baseball it's like it's it's it's tied so you're at the

13th inning and you're like i don't care who wins this anymore yeah she's at this point she's hoping you come instantly yeah that was one of her complaints after the fact when she was posting about it. She was like, a lot of guys took too long to come and I was exhausted. I was like, God, I would have been a great fit. God, I would have saved the day. I would have been like, guys, she doesn't want to do this anymore.

She wants to come home with me and make me come quick. I would have saved her. I would have saved her from that relationship. I'd be like, you're going to blow ten guys? Just blow me ten times. Saved her. I would have saved her. I would have been like, oh, that's horrible.

Let's get out. I would have kissed her on the lips. Let's get out of here, babe. Dude, that reminds me. You go there, you're the 10th guy, and you propose. Yeah, yeah. Keep trying to kiss her on the lips and she's grossed out by it. I need to ring a ring.

Please, oh, my God. I remember, like... You come in your own mouth. We used to have these... Pull it out of your cook. I do that to try to impress her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to suck my own dick in front of her.

Tell her that she can take the day off. Yeah, yeah. Honey, this one's for you. Let's snowball. Yeah. Let's snowball. that's when you come in the girl's mouth she spits it in your mouth why would she spit it in my mouth it's like a sexy kink thing that's what you like that's what you like that's what you like that's what some guys like

i don't want if i wanted to eat my own com i wouldn't need another woman yeah i could eat my own com on my own you do it on your own yeah i don't be doing stuff like that i'm i'm i think people jake's the one who told me about it actually yeah yeah you want if a hot woman before you met your wife that you were sleeping with said hey if you come in my mouth i want to spit it into yours you wouldn't do it Fuck no. I'd do it and I'd hate it. I mean, one time I let a girl pee on me in the shower and it was so gross.

And she was so juiced up about it. She was like, lay down. She laid down and she peed on my chest. And I just hated it. And it was a hot, stinky piss. But I was like, I just, I'm just so thankful that you'll have sex with me. Yeah, I'll let you pee on me. Fuck it, dude.

Yeah, yeah. Fuck it. Pretend to be Christian when you meet my parents and you can do whatever you want to me, you know? Yeah. I, I, I, I, for the record, I don't condone snowballing. I don't think it's something that people should be doing. But at the same time, there's no way for me to enforce that.

I don't want to be getting into situations where people are doing that, and I have to intervene. Yeah. Stop! No! You're sniffing your boy's lips. Spit it out. Spit it out now. Spit it out in my mouth right now.

And then I won't swallow it. Oh, no, no, no. No! The sting took over again. This happens every time. I always felt like... Like, any, like, I was talking to Thomas about this, but, like, when you're in high school, and, like, you hear, like, you're in high school, maybe 14, 15, and you, and you hear a rumor of, like, oh, you know, so-and-so's girl is like, dude, this girl is in the, uh, D-building bathroom, and she's just giving a hand job to anybody comes in there. When you're 14, you know, you're like, oh, that's awesome.

Fuck, yeah, you know, and you're like, maybe I'll swing by or whatever. and then like six or seven years goes by and you go like you get a little like your your moral compass kind of forms because when you're 14 and you're a 14 year old boy you have no moral compass you have nothing you're completely driven by like jack off brain or whatever for the most part I'd kill a man to come yeah yeah yeah and then he realized like oh no like anybody who went in there is evil yeah anybody who went in there is evil like public school sounds insane yeah yeah public school has 14 year olds getting and giving

hand jobs and stuff like that. At 14 years old at homeschool lifestyle, I couldn't imagine someone wanting to touch my penis. That is insane, other than like the guy that molested me. Let's go. Let's go. I want to say that at least in the case of my school, it was like a telephone

rumor where like this girl had sucked her boyfriend's dick in the bathroom and then it got like a hundred guys down the road and it was like, yeah, Emily's in the bathroom giving fucking super expert level blowies to anybody who walks in there. Do you want to know something so embarrassing? Sure. went to Adventure Camp's church camp when I was like probably like 12 or 13.

Yeah. And a girl that was clearly like kidding on me, flirting with me, told me that she had gotten fingered and she liked to be fingered, immediately prayed for her. Put hands on her and started praying for her. She started tearing up. Yeah. I thought I was doing the Lord's work, really. I was just embarrassing a horny teenager.

Yeah, yeah. I had no idea. Going back, I'm like, oh, I should have fingered her. I should have been like, oh, well, Morgan, let's go back to the cabin and I'll finger you. I would love to do that, but I had no idea that was an option. I thought she was like, seeking out prayer from my wisdom. I was like, oh, I can fix this.

I can fix this slut. Yeah, yeah, that was the, that happened a lot. There would be, like, one or two girls in youth camp that would, like, would be getting special attention from the youth pastor leaders. And it's like, we had this group thing we would do where, like, you would confess your, like, sexual sins to, like, a youth leader. Oh, yeah. And, but it was always separated by gender, right?

But, of course, you know, I had friends that were girls. And, you know, we would talk about, like, you know, it's weird, right? and there was this group that we would like go to this guy's house his name was paul and we would go to his apartment and he was just like he had this like shitty studio apartment and we would do like disciple now and there whatever and he would be like okay so uh you know we'll talk about like sex before marriage like if anybody wants to like uh you know like absolve free themselves kind of like a catholic confession but you know the protestant version and uh you know of course we're all sitting in a circle we're reading the bible and the young you know young men us were

like oh you know I masturbated you know three times yesterday or whatever okay you know praying for you whatever and then one guy would be like um you know my girlfriend um put her mouth on my penis or whatever and it was this like really intense moment at the time of like oh man god's forgiving me and then again like 10 years later I was like I was at a 38 year old man's apartment yeah just with him my mom thought this was a great idea he's like go to paul's place cleanse yourself and I was telling this 38 year old guy that uh that I let a girl uh we went behind the bleachers of the JV basketball court, and she jacked me off while we, like,

listened to the Beatles on a blown-out Bluetooth speaker. I get so mad I was homeschooled my hair, stuff like that. Yeah, I didn't even have the option to sit. I wore a purity ring just for fun. No one was after my purity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sick. It's funny to wear that as a guy. I didn't know guys did that.

My parents gave it to me. My parents gave it to me in a ceremony. A purity ring? A purity ring ceremony, yeah. What? Yeah, they were really worried JT's going to go out there and get pussy. he's 12 years old let's take him out to black angus and give him a titanium ring i remember i was on uh omega pretending to be a girl and my parents found it on my phone and they told me they were like

at this rate by the time you get to college you'll already have illegitimate kids and that's something they were worried about and i did not i had never kissed a woman at that stage of my life and now they just beg oh you're trans you're a trans woman yeah they'd be so mad at you yeah i yeah it was just like 45 year old guys messaging me and i'd be like i have two pussies and i wasn't even posting it online or anything i was kind of like like yeah i remember when i was on chat roulette when i was like 14 15 years old yeah i was on there scrolling thinking oh there's going to be a beautiful woman that wants to show me your tits on here right so i'll scroll in and this one dude was just jacking off and he didn't click away and he messaged me

that are you going to join me? And I was like, okay. And so I start to jack off too. And the second I pull my dick out, he skips me. So I was just a random dick that got someone surprised on chat roulette. I was like, oh, and this is the most disgusting I ever felt in my life. I remember telling the youth pastor that I did that. And he was like, you should throw your computer away.

You should throw your computer away. So you're not tempted to do that. And I was like, I feel like you're kind of confused as to why I'm telling you this. That didn't juice me up. Right, yeah, yeah. I feel horrible. I used to get on Amigil a lot We would go to my buddy's place

We'd get drunk And smoke we can get on Amigo And fuck with people And you know You get like 10 Indian guys in a row That they're jacking off In what looks like a CIA black site It's just like a concrete warehouse

With like one lamp hanging over their head And everything Every video is the same Where they're like mid-stroke And they skip you Mid-stroke And I'm like Are you guys

Like just jacking off in front of the camera Until you come across a girl because if you're doing that that's insane stamina because we would be on Amigo smoking weed and we'd come across like I don't know a couple other like people would be like where you guys from? Oh we're from Germany oh that's cool

fuck you No cocaine, it's a mess here It's all met in Germany You'd love it's here Yeah and then like But then you'd come across all And I'm like are these Indian guys just Just for an hour just like

Until not a guy comes by You know what I mean? Because Netflix is too expensive out there I don't even think This was pre Netflix What was I saying? Oh, so one of my clients is like a you're a gynecologist. I do like their marketing for them and stuff.

And we couldn't figure out why we had a YouTube channel. We had a YouTube channel that would post like interviews with women who had gotten surgeries. And we know, they would post like, what the fuck. Like diagrams of like, you know, female. This is how we trans the kids up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just how we make the kids trans in the hospital with government money. We, dude, we would get, we had like a quarter million subs, and they were getting like the plaques mail.

We're like, what the fuck? We don't even make interesting content. So they tasked me with figuring out. They're like, hey, Jay, can you dig into the analytics and figure what's going on? We're not complaining. This is a good, a little bit of side money. But like, we're really like, what's happening? Dude, I dug into the YouTube fucking, um, the YouTube like, you know, granular deep dive.

Almost all of the subscribers were from countries like in Indonesia where pornography is not allowed. So these guys were just watching hours and hours of. of like vulva animated vulva thing and just jacking their shit for 24-7. Dude, that was me opening up like science books in the library when I was a little kid. And I'd see like a woman's body, but like, you know, drawn.

And I'd like, Oh my God. Like cut in half. That's what I want to stick my penis in. I imagine the vagina is where the belly button is. I would love to do it. I remember I found out where the vagina was because I drew a guy at school having a vagina.

I drew his full body is a joke. And I drew it in his ass. And my friend, I was like, this is going to get him good right. And my friend was like, you have it in the butthole. Why is the, why is a vagina there? I was like, that's where it goes, right? And he was like, dude, we're like 12. And I was like, I thought they had, I literally thought they had a blank slate in the front.

And they had a vagina in the asshole like a cow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember I was like 15. I still don't honestly understand how a cow's vagina works. I think it's in the ass right or something. I don't think they've got a cloaca. I don't think so. I remember when I was like 12 or 13 years old.

My friend Ethan told me what an orgasm was. And it was like when a woman has her pleasure during sex. And I was like, oh. And then I was like 15 or 16 and a guy was talking about like, I had an orgasm. And I was like, you had an orgasm? And he's like, yeah, had an orgasm. And me finding out that men also have orgasms. We just called it coming.

I was like, oh, that's crazy. Men and women aren't so different. I think we're more like the other. I think when a guy says like, oh, yeah, like I don't think I'm trying to think. I don't think I've ever heard of buddy mine and be like, dude, I was at this girl's place. had a crazy orgasm like it's not something that guy i'm not having leg shakers yeah yeah yeah yeah i have full of shamers you know i mean every time i come i go oh is that what's gonna send me to hell oh my god felt so good i loved it yeah me and thomas talk all the time about like you know like that vestigial

we're talking about the plane like vestigial part of like yeah that's that's the thing that's going to send me to hell yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't believe in it but i'm pretty sure that's the one that's going to send me to hell for the rest of my natural born life yeah because like the same time i was learning potty training i was learning about about, like, you know, like, temporary salvation and restatory salvation from, like, a Calvinist point of view and stuff like that. So I was like, oh, there's very likely that I'll just burn in hell forever if I do any little thing wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I fuck the game up in any amount of way. Fuck that, dude.

That's why, you know what, you'd be able to do whatever fuck you want. I loved having premarital sex. It's better than the sex I have a marriage. In fact, sex is horrible now. I hate it so much. I can't stand. God damn it Beautiful fucking

Dude this little This little town that we're in's nice We were walking around Got coffee You were in a Miller High Life belt buckle Yeah Dude local That's them right

Milwaukee's Miller Yeah They also brew it in Texas which is funny They've got a Fort Worth Big brewery in Fort Worth Yeah I used to work right next to it Yeah

And Budweiser has one too And yep I remember During the like super Like Trump won Like super woke You know era where like uh i remember uh because miller high life is one of the only like not miller proper but

miller high life where they make high life is one of the last like old school 50s unions uh brewer's unions where like they've got like crazy leverage and power like if something goes wrong or like they don't feel safe or whatever like all those guys are like hey we're walking out we're not walking back in until this is fixed and you owe us back pay and so like i remember you know people were like yeah switch to miller high life and then somebody's he was like um well the owner of miller uh is actually a maga supporter he's a trump guy and i remember thinking like just just fucking just drink the beer this was at a time when like in order to like like i guess get because it was like the left wing version of what's happening now or whatever it's

like people were making like the linen pilsner you know what i mean or like linen linoid yeah i'll drink my linnade delicious yeah or like the the stout was like the yeah like the the the red October stout or the red on the left wing artisan beer like only drink and I was like first of all a six pack of this is $32 this is not practice practice this sucks ass I'm going to drink cat piss do I care that the guy that owns this brewery hates so it's online cannabis company check it out they're revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges from sleepless nice to get this Thomas even stress-filled days mood.com has created an entire line of functional companies that target specific health concerns with one of

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Yeah, yeah. Like, dude, just fucking be pro Guantanamo Bay. You're more respectable when you're like, yeah, I made my money selling food to alligator alcatraz. Yeah, yeah. That's better than the guy that's like, yeah, so I do this, like, very progressive thing where I take lithium from third world countries, and then I sell. Sell it through women's co-ops in America.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I never really liked the guy, like, when I was in college and I would meet a guy that's, like, I think the term that it's been around for a while, slumming, where you're, like, hanging out with somebody and the guy's, like, you know, near homeless and you find out, yeah, like, his dad, like, runs the FBI or whatever the fuck. I'm like, dude, just wear the boat shoes. You should?

Why are you hanging out with me in a hot garage and we're watching the same eight screamo bands? We're drinking the same hot beer. Dude, go wear the boat shoes. Go fuck the Vineyard Vine's girl. like get on the goddamn yacht what the fuck are you doing here buddy if my family was a private equity family i would just lean in yeah i'd be like oh oil yes it's how we rape the earth and pay for things we like it's incredible yeah yeah yeah i never understood it i had a roommate that was like that i was like

dude if my dad was a millionaire you would not catch me dead at some indie house show and in austin you wouldn't catch me fucking dead my tattoos would be beautiful yeah yeah i'd have beautiful tattoos that were done by someone that like is famous on the internet i would have no tattoos Oh, dude, I wouldn't have like these like fucking kitchen house ass, uneven, bad apple on my wrist. I like that tattoo, though. That is sick. It is rough. It is very poor person.

I had a chicken's foot on my arm for a really long time. What's chicken's foot? Just literally a chicken's foot. Oh. I got it covered up by this one right here. You can still kind of see. It was a, it was supposed to be a dead tree, but the guy that stuck in poke it was literally barred out of his mind. And so he was, dude, I was also barred out.

I woke up and I was like, dude, my arm fucking. hurts and I look down dude I'm surprised I didn't lose my shit it was already over the course of like an eight hour sleep red pussed over and bruised and like up to my van you know like when you get like a blood infection

like one of my bicep vein was red and I was like um and I went to the doctor and they were like what happened and I was like oh a guy used a needle to put ink into my skin in a garage somewhere in like South Austin the doctor like puts on the glass he's like I know what a tattoo is yeah yeah yeah he used

needle to put ink in my skin he's You think I'm retarded? I got my Ph.D. from Yale. I know what a tat. You can say I got a tattoo. Yeah, I'm asking you why the fuck did you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did this thing where I take fermented drinks and then I put it in my body to feel good.

He's just like, fake you drank liquor. Yeah, yeah. I know the name. Yeah, yeah. Dude, like six months later, this guy calls me. I don't have his number, but I guess he has mine. And he goes, hey, is this Jake Rhodes? And I was like, yeah.

And he was like, do you have a stick and poke tattoo from, you know, Sean So-and-so? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, I just want to let you know that he's a serial rapist. And you have a tattoo from a serial rapist. And you, as a part, remember the DIY music community need to address this? And I was like thinking, I was like, not only do I have the shittiest tattoo. It is a chicken's foot with a heart on it. The guy that did it raped like 10.

The scarlet letter of being a bad guy in the indie scene. the DIY scene I was like I'm sorry I uh yeah eventually got it covered up my favorite types of guys and like indie and DIY

are the guys that are around my age that miss when you could do bad stuff and get away with it oh yeah yeah and it's like you know indies didn't used to be a bunch like sensitive 20 year olds I'm like yeah it was scared women

yeah the indie scene used to be guys like you and me and then terrified women 15 year old yeah what do you think it's gay now that women have any type of social capital and tell you not to paint their nails

and pretend to be gay at their house. Oh, I'm actually one of the cool guys and we're like, no, you're not, you're fake. We call it what it is now. In our day, dude, we'd paint our nails and walk around and girls are like, oh, it's the safe men. Oh, it's the men that are safe. And it's like, yeah, I wear skinny jeans.

I'm one of the safe, good men. Now they see right through it. They're like, oh, dude, if you got skinny jeans on, I know you planned on being here today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the dangly earring thing. Yeah, yeah. I think I told Thomas about this on like an old-ass episode, but I was at a house show.

um in san antonio and we were playing as like this abandoned house this di like literally it's just like a squatter's house was like a punk show whatever and i played and this guy black dude sits down next to me and he's got like the trip skirt like this so it's the skirt uh that goes down like like almost like a kilt and it's got like all of the bondage like things on it and then he's got this like lace top and his uh nails are painted black and he's got dreadlocks like back in a ponytail dude is sweeping and then uh well here's i sit down and next to him and he was like yo that was a crazy show that was a good show

I was like oh thanks man he's like there's some real baddies here and I was like Ashley was right next to me so I was like oh you know I think they're all ugly yeah yeah I want to kill him I actually want to kill every girl here but what and and so anyway I was like he was like oh you know like I like I like you know like I like I like your boots so I had my docs

on something and I was like oh dude you got a sick ass outfit on and dude without there was no preamble or anything he goes yeah I just started dressing like this like two weeks ago And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, yeah, it's crazy. So, like, I just moved here to San Antonio and, like, I started going to these, like, punk shows. But, like, I was straight up, like, I was, like, so I'm from Ohio.

I was getting, like, no pussy. But I got here and I see all these dudes, like, dressing, like, you know, I got, like, dresses on and they got, like, little earring. So I was like, I don't really fuck with that. But I started dressed like that. And, yo, I've been cracking mad pussy out here since. Just straight selling it. Just not even lying. He's saying this within the earshot of so many people.

He's talking so. out he's unironically the safest dude in that scene yeah no i'm not weird i would love to have sex with women well i do this because i want to have sex with women yeah yeah i'm not not a pervert or anything yeah i thought it was so i thought it was so funny for him to like he was not even just like yeah i got these i got these from tripp and oh this is rich oh rick ohans he was like i don't even know what this shit is but like bro you put this shit on and white girls will fuck the shit out of you and i was like and ashley sitting here next to me and she's just like tapping my shoulder like looking at me and he's like yeah like so like the makeup

too like that's just like an added bonus like you throw a little bit of shit around your eyes and like these skinny ass white girls i'll do whatever the fuck you say and i was like who the fuck am i talking to like this is you need to be in jail but then i was thinking i was like at least he's honest because at least he's not like this really spoke to me yeah this kind of details my journey of like sexuality a lot of stuff i went through growing up and now i can like finally express like how i feel like through garments yeah yeah which is like really powerful for me you want a guy who's like yeah i um i don't really like movies and i'm not that big on music so i've just like bought some shit and like i don't like the music here but like he did say that

yeah yeah he dude he was he was so good and music here's bad but these women are so nice to me compared to anywhere else well he was he was like yeah i love the goth church chicks me he was like this music just like screaming stuff not really my thing but like this is where the got mom's hang out you know i'm saying and i was like oh that's sick dude like and like and eventually like you know I like walked away from or whatever and dude before the end of the night before I was leaving he was backing on like a very attractive like

you know like tatted up like you know pin up girl style fucking whatever and I was like whatever man I guess it fucking works it's like girls with tattoos are so disgusting yeah they're all they're sick animals honestly I can't stand him it's like oh what are you like the Joker

the Joker? I have a buddy honestly he's one of my they're one of my best pros who's a they-them. I'll tell you guys after you definitely know this person. But honestly just seems like a normal dude, right? They're they then because they tell me they are. Whenever they want a job

at a coffee shop, they put on a dress and then go apply for the job, and they told me they're like, dude, results way better. Results way better. I was like, I think you're like the most evil they-them I've ever met, my man. I was like, I think that's like bad. And they're like, yeah, it's not like a good thing to do, but it just works really well for me.

I'm like, you're like a Republican made you up for a story like you can't tell people that bro it's like when a black guy uses a white guy's name on his resume just to like skip all the foreplay you know what I mean that's so awesome I got at this point I got to try a black guy name on resume that I don't know what the hell is not my name is Thomas White and I don't get interviews but Thomas Freeman yeah yeah Thomas Freeman yeah yeah Thomas Freeman my mom or if I start going by my middle name if I say Maxwell they might buy it oh yeah Maxwell is a pretty black name my name's JT Jeffrey Thompson.

My mom thought I was going to be a twin. Guess what she was going to name my twin before I absorbed him? T.J. Guess what that stands for? Thomas DeGefereone Jamal. Get the fuck. My mom wanted to have two twins named JT. and T.J., Jeffrey and Tyrone. Tyrone Jamal.

That I would have loved. I wish I was the Tyrone Jamal. That's an incredible name. Dude, you know what's crazy is like, first of all, you know the nominative determinism, or it's like the thing that whatever the thing is named will become that thing. you would have had the king of wankster brothers Oh yeah Like you like the comedian

And the other guy with just mixed tapes With like the taper fade He would look like Chet Hanks I think the y'all both been comedians But he would have been doing only black rooms Yeah it would have been so good Yeah dude yeah Oh man yeah

I think you can still pivot that If you kept the beard But you kind of got it shaped up And you just got He did that Yeah and you just got like a skin fade He did Maybe with like a Dallas stars

Like I sent you the picture of when he was hanging out with the black guy I remember after I was done I was like oh this feels racist I actually called one of my black friends on the camera to make sure that I had the black guy seal of approval and that he said it was funny because at first I was like this is so funny and then I actually got the beard trim I was like

oh maybe this is too far but dude I swear to God we have it on video the second I got sat out of the barber shop a black guy's walking by he goes how you doing brother and I was like good how are you doing? I'm doing great right how the fuck are you Yeah, yeah, that's awesome, dude

That was such a sick That was such a sick look for a while Oh man, my wife hated it My wife absolutely She's like, you look like a wedding DJ Well, that's pretty good man That's pretty fucking good That's awesome

Yeah, you did kind of have like a You did kind of have like a What's the Move white guy look Like 33 years old And you've got like a snow buddy 19 year old girlfriend That like is only your girlfriend Because you sell coke

Dude, those guys bad hangs but you know when you're buying cocaine you don't really care that's the best part of not doing cocaine anymore is I'm not like at some dude's apartment that has an 18 year old girlfriend and he's 44

like not doing drugs has been like oh it's kind of like a bad person all my friends are like bad people you're just like bad humans in general yeah yeah yeah you're like you go to the you go to your buddy's place and he's like yo hey this is Raven

hey could you back Jake shit up and then like you look at your buddy and then you look at Raven and Raven is very clearly like she like this is the summer she got out of the senior year of high school you're like a woman.

Legally. According to Matt Walsh, a woman. My old drug dealer had a whole wall of stuff hung up that was just stuff he was supposed to give back to the army after he got back from Afghanistan that he just kept he had like a big ass helmet and like all this like bulletproof

gear and stuff and he was like yeah you're really supposed to give this stuff back like they do call you about it when you don't give it back but like it's okay i was pissed when i found out they don't let you keep your army gun when i found one of my buddies got back and i feel like that makes a lot of sense you can keep your costume but not like the combat costume and they don't let you keep your army gun that's insane to me my dad my dad had his k bar but i don't think he was supposed to have it it's it's the big ass knife you know i get me i might be wrong and it might be organization by organization, but my buddy that was in, uh, he's a Marine, he had the ability to buy some of his stuff. Yeah, yeah. At like some sort of discounted

price where you can buy. And I was like, that made me even angrier. Yeah, yeah. It made me even Republican, get the veterans off the street when I hear that. I'm like, you're telling me you made that full sleep in a desert and he can't even keep his gun, his $600 gun. You're like, no, we need that bad. Fuck you. It made me so mad. I hate that shit. Yeah, I was like, all my friends they were in the Marines, they're like, oh, you know, what was it like or whatever? And they were like, oh, like, for six months, you watch a bunch of guys, like, almost have anal sex with each other. And then you go lay in the desert. Because they were, my buddy was infantry.

And then you go sleep in the desert for four years. And then they don't pay for your college. Like they said they were going to. Dude, he straight up told me he was like, yeah, when I tried to go to college, they were like, oh, the GI Bill doesn't go for that school. And he was like, oh, okay, what about this one? And they're like, oh, we can probably do like half of the tuition there. And he was like, um, did my recruiter lie to me and the guy he was talking to like the sergeant or whatever his like main guy was like yeah recruiters do lie pretty much crazy

yeah yeah yeah they lie all the time yeah I remember being at a store one time in Weatherford and a guy came up to me and the girl I was dating at the time and was like don't you want to provide for her and I was like I'm 17 he's like he looks strong

man you work out and like no no I don't I don't really do anything don't she want to make 725 He's like, yeah, he's like, don't you want to get married and have a bunch of kids with this lady that doesn't like you anymore? That is very army. Yes. The most army thing you can do is get married at 18, have three kids, and then just watch her cheat on you for five years until they're out. And stay with her.

Yeah. Yeah. I do like, I also like the idea of that guy being like, don't you want to provide for her? It's like, I think until you're like an E3 or E4, I think you make like $9, like the equivalent of like $9 an hour. One tip, though, if you ever want to get an engagement ring or something. something for cheap go to a pawn shop in a military town yes yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the class i think my dad did that actually dude so i told thomas is like one of the first stories i told them the pod but um i know you were homeschooled were you like all k through 12 homeschool

i started going to an unaccredited private school in high school okay so like that's good yeah that's good it's why i don't have a high school diplomas i have a and when i was 15 i found out that i wasn't going to be able to go to college and so i took something called the high school proficiency exam which is like usually for people that like you know it's like a gED equivalency it's just a little easier than a gED very much like made up by democrats so that make people have better jobs yeah so i went and took that it was like me and two Nazis taking it together two straight up skidhead Nazis taking that test together so they used to uh they used to have dude i tell people this who went to a who are from like uh houston memorial which is like a one of

the really nicer like public schools or people maybe who went to uh like katie like kate or Clear Springs I tell people the story and they think that I'm making it up the only people that ever believe me are people who went to high schools like I went to which were shitholes so the Marines the Army not the Navy and not the Air Force just the Marines in the Army would come to our school and they would put a pull-up bar in the middle of the cafeteria and they would you would be like go up there and see how many pull-ups you can do and then you know afterwards they'd be like do you want to sign your life away to the fucking military and it was always this fun thing or like one guy would go up there and we'd be

like one two you'd throw shit out of them or whatever I was in bodybuilding which was this bullshit elective where like literally from like seven to nine you'd hang out in the weight room with the football players like you know you'd lift weights but then mostly I would just like hang out of my phone or go smoke weed there was a public school sounds crazy uh there was a guy in there who had down syndrome who was crazy strong and and like you know the whole like you know targ finger whatever like not really this guy was fucking like yoke and he had the perfect body mechanics to be really good at bench and deadlift. He had super short

arms and he was just like real stout you know real stout. So one day the Marines bring the bar. It's this big red bar and they've got these two fucking stoic ass motherfuckers next to it and they're like would anybody like to see how many pull-ups they can do? Anybody, any young men or even young women we let you do, we'll do

the female pull-ups and this fucking guy, the Down syndrome dude, they had their own table, the special ed table he had raised his hand and he goes, I want to do a pull-up and they were like, okay, you know, and You can see the Marine is like, he's a Marine. He's like, okay, all right, you know what? Yeah, let's go.

Dude, hand to God. This guy starts cranking out. He gets through 10, like nobody's business. And then he gets through 20. And they're like, fucking, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, they're like, buy the textbook. No throw in the chin over the bar. They're perfect pull-ups.

Boom. He gets to like 25. And the Marine guy's like, okay, buddy. Like, wow, that's very good. They're not going to let a guy with Down syndrome join the Marines. Let him join the Marines. That's what I was saying. But then he gets to 30. And now everybody in the cafeteria is kind of like, we're invested in this. We're like, how many fucking, we're like, dirty water? And he starts yelling too. He's like, 30, three, three, three, four. And the Marine wants him to get down because he, he's not going to be able to give him the pamphlet. He's not going to be like, well, here's a pamphlet. Here's a gun. You know what I mean? So I think he gets to like 40 something. And finally he like, let's go. He goes, how many was that? And we're like, like 47 Tommy and he's like and he's screaming and then the Marine

and he like turns to the guy the Marines and he's like oh he's talking about I got Marine and the guy was like yeah you're you're a Marine but yeah the guy was like he was so excited and I was like I was like dude that has to be some kind of like

record dude the Marines that I've met a Down syndrome guy would fit in just fine that's what I'm saying especially a ripped down syndrome guy I'm like oh you would probably be one of the smartest guys in your unit yeah you'd be the king Our school was so poor, we all had to take the Azavab. Yeah, yeah, yes. Really?

Yeah. Dude, that is poverty. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's poverty. Like, hey, we're not doing SATs. We had a dude get, I think, uh, I think he got an eight. What?

Eight. An eight? He got an eight on it, and you have to get a 25 to join the army, like to be even like a cook in the army. Like a janitor. And dude, now he makes six figures as a trucker. I think he just filled it out random. He was like, fuck this. I'm 300 pounds.

I'm not going to be in the fucking Marines. Yeah, yeah. But I got, I got a 98 on it. And then this. Yo, dog, that's great. You could be a Navy SEAL, huh? No, no, but you know what's funny? This person who got second in the school got a 90,

and I guess they didn't see that I got a 98. And over the intercom, they were like, this guy got a 90. And everybody, they like had an award thing for him, but I got a 98. But I didn't want to join the military. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm not going to tell anybody.

But yeah. Yeah, what do you qualify for with a 98? So usually they'll like Air Force, Air Force or like Navy nuclear stuff. So if you get like a 90 and above, they're like it's with the stuff like or the CIA. But here's the thing though is like it was not, if you actually took it, you'd be like this is the military entrance. It's not like an SAT. It's like geometry. And like they have a whole section that they have a whole section I didn't really do that was about like mechanic work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. debt collector my bad oh you're good uh yeah they made us we'll be answering that folks they made us do that shit too that was like I remember thinking like why the fuck I don't even want to go to the fucking army

I don't even want to do this shit because my every man in my family had gone to the war or gone to the military or my dad fucking you know he was in Walter Reed for like six months uh and then he was deployed in Walter Reed yeah yeah dude my dad he was like uh I remember when I was like in high school

he was like whatever you do and I just just He's like, if I can give you one piece of advice, if I can give you one piece of advice, whatever you do, don't get real fucking high on crack and have a manic episode and join the Army because you can't get out. And he's like, the only way you get out is if you go completely fucking nuts and you go to Walter Reed and you threaten to kill a bunch of people. And I was like, is that how you got out? On deployment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He literally, he was like, that's how you get what's called a dishonorable discharge.

I was like, hell you know. I like to imagine the guy that wants to CIA. but he's too annoying so he keeps applying to like Georgetown and BYU and all like the feeder schools and he's trying to like chit-chat and buddy up with all the former CIA guys to get in dude um I think we were talking about this you recall I went to what's called like it was an international school so like it's like they have programs for people who aren't from the US and like they give them money and stuff so my school uh St. Edwards and Austin oh yeah my wife went there was a feeder school for

the CIA. My wife took a class during COVID and they zoomed in and they had a special guest and he did cybersecurity for the city of Medina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I hear that and I'm like

mute yourself, mute yourself, mute yourself, my wife meets yourself and I was like, he's a CIA agent, what's his full name? And she was like giving me his full name. I was like looking up his LinkedIn and like looking at like interviews he's done where he's talking about straight up like, oh yeah, well when we partnered with the State Department, the cyber security for Medina you fuck you pig you fucking pig I was like

I'm sweating like my face is red and I'm like pacing behind the camera my life's like okay baby it's okay it's okay I was like turn off your camera don't let them see our home don't let them see our home but yeah Sanez is crazy dude pig school for sure so I took a class called surveillance in the modern era

it was an electric show up dude so he still teaches there I saw him at the airport when we were coming back from tour last time his name is Dr. William Nichols and he teaches global studies in international relations and then an elective called surveillance in the modern era. He like, text has been lot in contact, little

meme sometimes. Dude, I was like, me and this other dude who was in the revolutionary student group or whatever at St. Ed's, he, we were like, we got curious and we went to his LinkedIn and then we went to his like, I guess like his CV. We found his CV that he when he applied to

St. Edwards or whatever. And there was like an eight year period where he like taught English in a small town outside Moscow right before the Soviet Union. Infel So anyway This class Surveillance in the

modern era He had this rule And the part of the final Was what you had to do Is you had to get With a group And you got a group And you got a rip drive

And on that rip drive You had You have to put like A plan or a schematic On it And you had to do Dead drops Around the campus

And it was just a fun Little project Shut the fuck up I'm being dead serious I swear to God And then you try to get A Senator to have Sex with a Child

on camera And then you go meet an Israeli just sign up for your syllabus you guys probably read the curriculum did everyone here pledge allegiance to Israel everyone here yeah yeah so he so the way that the thing works he was like

if you guys can successfully do dead drops with your drive without me tracking your movements or without seeing me I'll give you an A in the class because it was a fun elective and we just learned about the history of the CIA at the end of the year I fucking swear to God the end of the year he had this big PowerPoint

and we turned in all of our rip drives and he started with you know he would start with one group and he was just like okay so emily i saw you at joe's coffee shop around nine thirty two you passed this off to scott and he would laying down everybody everybody's movements from like nine till five p m and he goes sorry guys you didn't win he did that with every single group and nobody ever saw the guy on campus even one time and i was like how the fuck and he swears up and down he was never in the cia but i'm like what the fuck like what first of all what kind of assignment is this right second of all like i was like of course you were this is you're we're doing

dead drop class there's a weird protestant zionist taking his class that is like three years away from getting on the fast track to be a congressman yeah yeah like who does the dead drop successfully and he doesn't announce to the class yeah and he gets like a proton email that's like congrats good soldier yeah yeah are you ready to build the kingdom of the lord for america yeah yeah he was uh well done good and faithful soldier he was he was he was a he was nice but it was just one of those guys where it's like okay even eight year gap in your resume it's like i'm all right and we're taking we're doing surveillance class maybe he was doing stand-up maybe maybe he was taking ucb classes and he didn't want to admit it that's so sick imagine being just really bad like he like has that air of mystique or

whatever but he's like so i actually wasn't able to track anybody um so i guess you all get an a yeah yeah so i actually i had footage of one of you guys i can't find it's on one of my sim cards So I'm just going to have to give it to you. So, ma'am, I noticed you took a poop in your dorm at 8 p.m. last night, and the poop was brown. So I'm going to give you an A. Yeah, yeah. You got fingered by the river at 2 in the morning. Hmm.

Yeah, that was, uh, hmm. I'm going to go back to school just to take this dead drop class so I can kill this guy. Yeah, yeah. So my assignment is for each of you to have a prostate organ. orgasm tonight and my job is to know what time it happened and if you can correctly fool me and have one without me knowing you win because you smell like you had a prostate orgasm but you didn't have one and that is what I'm looking for you get the good boy ribbon subterfuge you guys heard that Santa Cruz has like mad Satan Tannic groups in it and they have

like a big cat missing problem around Halloween they have since like the 50s have you heard this I don't know if it's just like a California rumor but the reason I bring it up is because when I was a teenager, I worked at Starbucks, and I worked with this guy named Gus, who had a stroke, and so his brain was weird, and he was just this horny old man. Honestly, pretty cool guy. Yeah. Smoked meat, smoked weed. Awesome dude.

Loved him. But he said when he was in high school in Santa Cruz in the 70s, he took a class called Gothic literature, and he swears by this, where in Santa Cruz public school, the entire class was teaching you how to astral project. And so he's going home one night, and the astral projects to his teacher's house, and Caesar in her nighty and sees her naked and describes her body to her. and he's like she's like yeah that's true and so he believes that he was taught astral projection and then successfully did it to his teacher to see her naked and she was like good job gus you

have an a plus you have an a in this class isn't that crazy yeah that i personally think oh that's some cia yeah you were you were mk ultra and they tested you in school in santa cruz but he thinks and i don't know i know people that lived in santa cruz that were like yeah if you have a black cat they're going to get sacrificed on the Halloween so i saw i had a vision last night in which you had two boobies and a butt and you had a vagina too and a pussy and my teacher said very good job I do have two boobs and a vagina and according to my recollections according to my projection you ate the 7-11 Mountain Dew flavored cake for dinner last night

let's correct your student just like always and I put ketchup on it like it was meatloaf I take a slice This is a cake. I have a glass of code Red Mountain do with it. I put ketchup on the cake like it's meatloaf, and I eat it, and I have two boobs when I do it. I guess you can say this is a pretty epic class. This is one of the most epic classes that we offer. One of the things that, like, so obviously that final sent about the class, like, one of the things that guy was talking about, it's funny that you mentioned the Mossad thing, because I've heard a lot of these other ex-CIA podcasters say the same things.

but the instructor that taught that class Dr. Nichols he was like you know like we were talking about like he's like in the intelligence world like it's different from war world where like who do you think that the greatest threats are to like you know

like the American you know safety and national security and you're like oh the Taliban and he would be like not even fucking close. He'd be like oh Al Qaeda he's like oh not even close and you know one kid raised his hand North Korea and he's like you know you're getting there but really not even fucking close we barely even think about him and sometimes he would slip up and he'd go he'd say we and that's when I was like

I got your ass but anyway we uh you know one guy raised his hand uh and he was like Cuba and he was like you guys are way off and uh he goes uh you know this might come as a surprise to some of you it's Israel and like people in the class were like Israel and he was like yeah yeah so you know there's this really funny thing where um uh anytime while a diplomat goes to Israel uh their hotel room is bugged, but we're not allowed to do the same to them. And everybody was like, oh, why? And he's like, well, you know, they're just, he would start, he would be like, well, you know, it's because anyway, you know, I was just like, you fucking piecey shit. You know. You know. Don't you? Yeah, you know exactly. Those are your friends.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love a, I love a good motherfucking ex. By the way, the term that people use for CIA, like, I, uh, I was like, we were, where was this? that i was like oh this guy's like definitely a fucking spook people don't like that if they're not bought in yeah they don't know yes yes yes yes they think it's a race thing yes yes that happened to me literally like two weeks ago yeah i was like dude i was working with this guy uh when i was when i was bartending and he was in this military and i asked him what he did and he was like oh i just kind of worked in analytics and i was like that's fucking spook talk and this girl was like what talk yeah yeah and i was like spook talk and she was like excuse me and i was

like uh uh like spy and she goes wait what what? And I was like, oh, like, glowy. And then she was like, I don't know. And I was like, Spook is a term for like CIA agent. Like, my mom's reading chaos right now. What? It's so sick. I recommended it to her. That's awesome. She's like, it's really interesting so far. Yeah. I got my mom into that type of shit too. I want to give her program to kill, but I think we'd make her have like a nervous breakdown. Oh, man. I got my wife into that during 2020. During COVID, I got my wife to like, you know, be more bought in on like the conspiracies and

how the devil is the CIA and stuff like that and she's like I never want to think about that again she won't let me pick any documentaries she doesn't want to watch anything like that she never lets me pick the podcast because it'll be like the operman report and then have some guy on there that's like well no I actually talk to angels and Ed's like interesting good I know you talk to angels true love Ed Opperman love Ed Opperman dude dude all of it's so funny man I think I talked to you about this was like you have like girlfriend media where like you're on a road trip and like Ashley's podcast it'll be a gay guy and then like

a girl who you can tell like loves being a New York hot slut and it'll be like oh my god do you remember when we were at do you remember when we were at uh was it Orlando Bloom's party I was so fucked up and oh my god I this guy fucked me in the bathroom that's girl media and we'll switch off

and I'll get like two hours of that on a drive to Houston and I'm like babe we hit the two hour mark we're switching over and so it'll be like oh my god when we were at Miley Cyrus's house party oh my god can you believe it Justin Long got so drunk, and everybody doesn't even know that he's like a crazy secret Coke head. And it's just hot goss.

I love hot goss. Oh, me too. I've listened to hours of the toast. Yes, yeah. Hours. Yeah, or Caleb Heron's podcast or whatever. Fantastic. It will switch it over.

I'll be like, okay, we're at two hour mark. We're at the two hours. We'll switch it over and it'll be like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do the Franklin scandal. Three hundred seventeen, four-year-old boy skeletons were found in the basement of a credit union in Nebraska. And Ashley's like, what is this? That podcast starts. is like, there's things we know, there's things that we can prove,

and there's things that have been taught to you by the CIA. 315 boy skeletons. I put on a podcast and it'll be like, well, the reason that you can't melt the ice caps because then the dragon from Revelation will come out. And I'm like, correct. I love that. I love that.

Global warming is bringing out the dragon from Revelation to eat all of our souls, of course. Do you remember when we had, I don't know if you'd know him, J.T., He's not a crazy deep internet lore guy, but Prospector 88. He's like, it's kind of like a drill character on Twitter. That's a name I know from the internet. Yeah, P-88. So we have him on very early on in the show, very early on. And he doesn't really say anything except he just keeps typing six letters, a six-letter word on the keyboard.

And he goes, what did I just type? It's the N-word. Oh. I was not even. I was like, what is it? It's the word CIA twice? No, no, no. Dude, he wouldn't say anything.

He's a very funny guy, but he would not say anything. He would just breathe into his shitty, like, zoom, like headset, microphone. And then you'd hear, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. And he'd go, oh, yeah. Anyway, he used to send me these videos at, like, three in the morning of a guy in a cabin. And the guy that would be like, so I went out and got some cherries. And I saw Bigfoot, and me and him spoke telepathically. And so...

This guy has a woman Bigfoot that he talks to, too. Yes. Love this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Best Bigfoot guy. Yeah, yeah. He's always like, so he was telling me that the end of days is coming. And it's super political.

Yes. Yeah, the Bigfoot's are very into American politics and have the similar opinions to the State Department. Oh, I love this guy. The Bigfoot's are like dominionist Christians. Yes, okay. Conspiracies should be that, dude. I love that shit. I want to talk about, like, there's like a demon in the ocean that's like, is making our kids gay.

I'm like, oh, dude, three hours of this guy riffing. Let this guy look into his camera and talk. The Bigfoot this guy talks about is like basically. like what like like maybe like probably like what your dad grew up reading he's like a coral rove bigfoot yes yeah he's this like mythical skunk ape it's like okay we have to go to war with a rat yeah dude straight up it'll talk about how he wants better border security for protection as if mexicans are going to find bigfoot and cook him and eat them or something yes yes yeah dude bigfoot really wants us to have strong borders yes yeah yeah it's so good dude i like the idea

have a mythical beast that predates our empire that's like, no, no, America has it right. Yeah, yeah. No, it's these porters. They're doing it right for the first time in all of human history. So I went outside and an astro projected and I met a nephalum and he said that Iraq did have WMDs. We just couldn't find them. We have to go back. Dude, the Stargate people about Afghanistan? Oh, it's Iraq, actually. The Stargate

people about Iraq are like my favorite. Because a lot of them are anti-war. But they're anti-war because they think that we're going to go out there, put a star and bring demons out to make kids gay or something. Uh-huh. Those people, I'm like, two-hour podcast, plug in, tell me about the Stargate program that you found in Hillary's emails. I love you, dude.

Yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. The, um, one of my favorite things is, I feel like they, they fucked this shit up. They fucked up a certain type of white woman releasing all of the quote-unquote PDFs about a manifestation and astral projection. Oh, yeah. Because I see a lot of like YouTube, TikTok girls that are like, the CIA said, that astro projection and manifestation are real.

We looked at Mars 3,000 years ago and they had pyramids. Yeah, and they had CIA files. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, like, I believe these are very clearly counterintelligence operations. The whole alien shit, all of that. It is for the USSR. They were like sending it so the USSR spies would read it and they would go, the Americans have technology from outer space.

But there was one, there was a, like one of those remote viewers that were like, oh, yeah, we, I remote viewed Venus two million years ago and the aliens were all white. like there was not a black alien he was like there was a there was a racist beautiful beautiful white people on venus but they but they destroyed their own atmosphere with carbon dioxide but he made a point to be like yeah you know uh i really focused all my energy and my heart on venus and i said venus two billion years ago venus two billion years ago and there was an entire world of beautiful white people and i was like dude it's so crazy to basically be like i'm a wizard and i use that power to view a white world that like you know to use to access the white pat white magical world uh fuck

I love this shit I love that shit it's so good to me I guess we should fucking end this episode um if you listen into this thank you so much uh for listening to Padeo time

thank you JT for coming on an honor a blessing Milwaukee yeah this is going to come out in a little bit uh if you're just now hearing this and you're in Milwaukee come hang out with us

at amorphic brewing I think at like 8 p.m. And also come to the Chicago and Detroit shows, please. Yes, also come to those shows, too. They're literally Friday and Saturday. I heard someone's planning something really drastic for the Detroit show. It's going to be in the news. Yes, okay.

But bye-bye.