Pendejo Time - road rage

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

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baby boy how you doing everybody welcome to the puerto rican podcast is that it i don't know i just figured maybe that i don't i don't know i don't even know maybe there's one guy who talks like that i just think of like a new york puerto rican guy but i don't have any distinctive impressions of new yorkers except for like, hey, how you doing? I'm from Puerto Rico. My name's Thomas Mangione. I'm from the island. You know how she goes.

You know how she fucks. Yeah, I honestly have so many different New Yorker impressions. I don't even want to get started on them. I worry I've kind of got like too many. And it would be so funny The audience you know I know people listen to this in the car And say I don't want you to crash Speaking of which

Almost got into a little A little carnage action earlier What happened there? Well you know me I like to use freeways And So we're about to get off um on this ramp or whatever you know you've been in a car before and this guy's not letting me in and i got kind of a narrow window to get in there

he's not letting me in so what i do is i let myself in uh as a man is wont to do. As a man is wont to do. He is not happy. Right. Not happy at all. But he wasn't paying attention. It's not my fault. I don't care if it's an old man. I'm going to get home, you know.

I'm going home. That's where I'm going. It wasn't that unsafe of a maneuver. It wasn't really my bad even. Anyway, we get off, and he's clearly following me. And I said, you know what? That's all right. You know, sometimes when you know an exchange is about to happen

and you got the rearview mirror going, that's an advantage. Yeah, yeah. You read the face before he pulls up. I'm like, oh, hell yeah. This guy looks like Droopy. I'm like, go dumb on his ass. He looked like William Barr got AIDS.

He was awesome. Anyway, so I figure, hey, maybe he's just driving a little fast and he's behind me. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe

he's just me. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe. Maybe that just. He's just going home. Yeah. So I pull up to the first light. It's red. Thankfully. And get it over with quick.

He swerves around behind me. Screeches to a halt. For reference. This is like probably like a 1999 Buick. Okay. Something like that. Maybe like an old Lincoln. Yeah. But like one of those last like V6 sedans they made, I think.

Mm-hmm. Anyway, rolls down the window. He starts yelling before he rolls down the window, which, hey, rookie mistake. Come on, man. I go to roll down my window. Hey, I hit the wrong button. I start rolling down a different window we're one in one hey my girlfriend's in the car with me so that was not a

good look um and i get the right window after that and he starts yelling you know he's hey you have any fucking idea the accident you could have caused back there hey this is a good one you can use if you're ever in a situation like this. You just don't change your face. You say, honestly, man, I don't fucking care. Because you just, whatever they have ready, you're just, hey, I know we both almost died. It's not something I'm worried about.

I'm going to Panda Express right now. Yeah, yeah. Death to me is a release or whatever. You know, death means I don't have this calculus test on Tuesday, so we're going to be fine. I don't have to pay $8,000 to the IRS. And then, you know, sometimes in your head you just, I feel like I'm kind of a mean person, honestly.

For sure, yeah. Fundamentally, I've realized in the last few years, like it's not all just humor, you know? Like, I'm a fundamentally... I feel the same way about myself. I've seen this guy's face for, like, a total of 15 seconds of my life, and he's just basically telling me to drive better. Yeah.

You know, he's just asking me to be more careful. And I said, hey, learn how to drive, you fat piece of shit. And then we'd drive off, and he looked like he was about to start crying. He, you fat piece of shit. And then we'd drive off. And he looked like he was about to start crying. Yeah. He like, it shook him. He didn't consider the fact that he was fat before. I could see it in his face.

If you got that bad of jowls, yeah, you're fat. Yeah. Step out of the car. I know you're fat as fuck. Get out of there, boy. You know? Was he older? Yeah, he was older.

He was an old man you can you can diffuse road rage situations with like boomers and like older gen x guys by saying something really mean or really vulgar like people our age it's like for example like i was in high school and this guy cut me off and so i was behind him and then i got in front of him cut him off and then he gets in front of me and slams on his brakes and then we pull into this gas station and he rolls his window down

and goes to get out of the car. I roll my window down and he was like, you know, what's up, bitch? Like, he was an older guy and I was just like, what's up, fucking, you know,

like, you know, what are we doing? And I was like, hey, suck my dick from the back, fucking, I called him something that I won't repeat on this show, but I called him a really straight guy.

Jake called him the N-word. He was an old white guy. Hey, suck my dick from the back, you fucking B. Yeah, yeah. No, I called him a super straight guy. And I don't think it was the slur that bothered him so much. I think it was the suck my dick from the back. Because he kind of like...

If me and you didn't know each other, and we're about to fight, and I say suck my dick from the back, you know that phrase. That's fighting words. Or we might laugh, but then we're still probably going to fight. You might in your head think, I love that. That's funny. I like that phrase. I still want to fight you. I remember he kind of had this befuddled look on his face like

because you hear like he's old enough to know hey suck my dick buddy like that's been around a while that's a bit hey suck my dick pal like that's a 70s 80s kind of suck my dick from the back is fairly especially like 2012 this is a fairly new like fairly new new one yeah yeah yeah i the i've had a few where afterwards i was like that wasn't that was kind of that wasn't that cool really yeah like i remember one time um it was this dude and his girlfriend and i like uh i like pointed at her i looked her in the eyes and pointed at her and then just pretended to fuck my steering column

like I just started banging the fuck like my car was shaking oh my god dude that's awesome the thing about it doing it in Texas and I don't want to be just exclusive people have guns everywhere but like especially here man like i i read at least like once or twice a month about

a road rage incident where like i'm from in the south houston pasadena area where somebody's like hey why don't you suck my dick and the guy's like why don't you get fucked buddy and then the other guy's like ah i'm gonna go to your house and fuck you and then the other guy just blows his head off like with a pistol like nobody road rage to me should be just all hands like i'm not trying to sound like a like an old head that's like too many youngsters be playing with guns these days don't know how to but to me if i'm driving and you're driving we're already taking part in an inherently dangerous activity. This is a dangerous thing we're doing.

And if we want to fight, we should just throw them things. I don't, it seems unfair, especially if I get a good burn on you. It's like, hey, you might want to get home real quick. I think your wife's getting piped down by the mailman. Like, if I get your ass with something good, you shouldn't be able to just pull the Glock on me. And then I'm like, fuck, that's checkmate. Like, what else are you going to say? Like, if a guy pulls a gun on you and he's like, hey, I want you to suck your own penis right now,

no matter what burn you just gave him, you've got to be like, all right, I guess I can give it a go. It's been a little while, I suppose. But I feel like pulling the gun isn't fair. Like, not in a road. Because the road rage scenarios are your chance to test the roast out. Like, because of course, it starts with, you know, drive better, and then you're like, hey, why don't you get fucked? The other guy's like, suck my dick, and you're like, you're a fucking retarded animal.

You should be put down by the state. And they're like, okay. If you get too mad, though, it's like, if I get too mad, I say something that's not cool. No, say it. I'll be like, yeah, get your fucking cock out of my mouth, dumbass. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, ah, shit. How about you fucking come jump in my car and rape me right now?

Yes, yeah. Hey, how about I hop in your Denali and I fuck your wife and you at the same time? How about I come home and kill your fucking daughter? I wouldn't do that. I objectively wouldn't do that. I don't do that I objectively wouldn't do that I don't know why I'm like in altercations that I've had

road rage or not like I with the shit talk I just go zero to a hundred it's like hey dude what are we doing hey man hey you need to chill the fuck out

hey what hey like fuck you and it's like yeah I'm gonna hey dude I hope your dad gets raped by a fucking dog

like all your kids get molested every 20 minutes no matter what you do while you're at home the National Guard is just running a train on your whole fucking dog like all your kids get molested every 20 minutes no matter what you do while you're at home the national guard's just running a train on your whole fucking dog cat hamster gerbil wife get fucked man yeah it's bad i honestly should get shot i feel like if you say some shit like that the other guy has a gun maybe they i recant i backpedal hey hey buddy hey uh you got a kid at home yeah what the fuck does that kid got like a guinea pig or something

actually we do what the fuck what's the big deal I'm gonna go to your house and I'm gonna fuck your kid's guinea pig until it's in pieces that's just sort of what's gonna happen now and he pulls a gun out and kills me but I mean at that point that's what you deserve hey man I should really be put in prison for I keep I've molested your whole family

hey nice driving asshole hey man i've been suplexing your wife in bed every night hey man i'm gonna teach your son how to ride a bike and then fuck're all the years of like uh like like a poorly adjusted human being and then like just weird tv stuff and then like a bad sense of humor and then just like yeah being like a bitter angry guy in general like you yeah why don't you lick my black, dirty ass, you fucking dumb butt? I feel like you could. I mean, some of those I feel like would be good situational diffusers. Like, if you're like, I'm going to fuck your wife. Like, that's it.

He's going to shoot you. But if you're like, why don't you come slip on this big black pole, you fucking nasty gremlin. Like, that I feel like might make him laugh and you might be able to go home. I don't know. Why don't you come over here I'm jacking off I'm pulling my pecker out right now I'm pulling on it I think about you all night

I think about you at the hotel I stay at a Best Western I ain't had a house in six years I'm alone out here dude Ain't got nothing going for me Except me and you baby In the backseat of my Sedona Come finger your dog, dummy.

What kind of dog you got, Concord? So, fuck, I don't like getting after them things. They're mean, but I guess I'll make it happen. Yeah, the whole, like, it's like a hack joke, but, like, saying gay stuff before you get into a fight. I feel like the next level up from that is just, like, schizophrenia. Yeah, it's like, I'm going to make a soup out of your dog dude make fucking i'm gonna boil your cat you got a cat at home your wife got any animals y'all y'all adopt kids and stuff i'm gonna make a stew out of your whole family buddy i'm gonna make a brand new organ in your body just to fuck it. Hey, nice Denali, man.

You get that from getting fucked by a giraffe a whole bunch? I bet you did. I've got a shrine to your lymph nodes at home. Yeah, just scare your opponent. I know how many bones you

have. He's like, the human body has 206 No You've got 318 bones Half of them are mine I'm gonna get my bones in you You fuck

Hey how many bones Hey how many bones you got You want You want five more You ever had a white boy in you bud Yeah you completely messed up the subject Yeah You ever gotten You ever gotten fucked By a white boy in you, bud? Yeah, you completely messed up the subject. You ever gotten fucked by a white guy with a medium dick? Yeah, you're trying to do the whole, like, fucking...

Like a hack rose. Hey, you ever had a white boy in your butt? You ever fucked a guy who had Down syndrome? Well, your wife does every night, dumbass. And it's me. Yeah, it's me. Not only is your wife cheating on you, but I'm retarded. Yeah, we both are, you idiot.

But you have it worse. Yeah, I'm the kind that can work at the store. You have to have, like, a caretaker and stuff. Yeah, I can drive a car and stuff. Yeah, yeah. I get to be in the movies. Remember that guy from The Ringer? That's me.

Yeah, I'm 38 with a learner's permit, dumbass. Oh, yeah, that's awesome. I love that stuff. I'm kind of in the same vein I don't know if I told you I was uh I was in the parking lot of uh I was in the parking lot of Home Depot I tell you about the calling Ashley

pig and that fucking family we were in the parking lot at Home Depot and me and Ashley just call each other stupid shit that like inside the house

is fine like call each other pig all the time like what's up what's for dinner pig or whatever and uh we were each other stupid shit that like inside the house is fine like call each other pig all the time like what's that what's her dinner pig or whatever and uh we were we were at home depot and i went to go get a shopping cart she was like where you going and i was like uh sometimes we call dolly fat pig so i was like i'm getting a shopping cart fat pig just to her which like is it we call each other that all the time but

there was this family that was like loading a fucking uh a bunch of pottery shit into their car and they look like i guess they i don't know what they i mean i just like i was getting a shopping cart fat pig i love you like to her and then they just i look over and they're like the husband's just like looking at me like The wife is like Trying not to make eye contact His wife's in the passenger seat like Come here rape man Come here Ted Bundy

I love you so much Yeah Yeah Oh man Dude getting Have you ever watched your dad Almost get into a fight with anybody? With a lady once.

Hell yeah, for real? I don't think he was going to throw hands with her. He was just having a heated conversation. He got it. He was our... We had a little dribblers type thing, like a youth basketball league. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When I was little. Little dribblers, is that what you were called? Yeah, they called it little dribblers is that what you call it little dribblers and there was one game where uh this special dude on the other team i don't know what he had going on he might have been a dumbass i don't know yeah he was real strong hard to guard yeah low center gravity on him you know what i mean like he was never dunking but you know make it good if he was about two feet taller make a good center yeah yeah anyway real special guy anyway um so he just starts fucking throwing hands on the middle of the court with one of our dudes one of our one of our dudes named by the guy. Named by the guy.

That's how we talk out here. Guy by the name of Trey, I believe, or maybe something else. Who knows? Anyway, he just defends himself. And there was no, like, these are, like, first graders. Yeah, nobody's throwing combos. Yeah, and he didn't see, like, a knockout or anything. It was, like, people were just confused.

It was an awful. Anyway, afterwards, the other kid's mom apparently thought my dad was that kid on our team's dad. And my dad didn't, like, beat, he didn't, like, scream at anybody. Yeah. He just was like, all right, you know, get off each other or whatever. Yeah. And that lady was, like, acting like we had set up a plan to, like, win that, to, like, rig that game or whatever.

It was like nobody gave a fuck. No, I haven't seen – my dad doesn't really – I don't think I've ever – I've seen him mad before, but he's not like a super impulsive type guy. Yeah, I feel that. I mean, I think I was thinking about this the other day. It's like I think it's like a rite of passage for a son to see his dad at least one time get angry in a way that like doesn't tip. I don't know. Like my dad, we were at uh a concert we were at a

jane's addiction concert and uh maybe i've told you this before but uh you know jane's addiction they sing that song jane says yeah yeah well the lead singer of that band is dave navarro i think he's a bass player he He had that tattoo show, Miami Ink, throw it over the book. And my dad and his friend Michael Hale, they were there together. And Mike throws his shitty Dollar General, like the type of hat that a Mexicanican like landscaper wears it's like a

cowboy hat but it's made of like wheat you know what i'm saying like it's yeah not straw either it's like a very flimsy like it's like plastic somehow but like made yeah yeah like made to look like straw or some shit yeah he throws that hat up on stage and then dave navarro takes it puts it on his head and he plays with it for a bit or whatever play a couple songs and then dave navarro takes it puts it on his head and he plays with it for a bit or whatever play a couple songs and then dave navarro throws the hat back out and you know people start to try and catch it remember my dad fucking jumps up the most athleticism i'd seen from him at that point it was like a six foot vertical i'm just kidding it wasn't that high but he's like reaches up and grabs it and then like starts wearing the wearing the hat. And his friend Mike is like, hey, man, I want that hat.

Dave Navarro wore it or whatever. These are two grown men, by the way. And Dave Navarro at that point, he's like a twinkie, like his, you know, like he's like a skinny, like. It was very gay a little bit. It was a little gay. And my dad was like, no, you threw it up there. He threw it back. I got it.

And they're both shit-hammered, and Mike's like, dude, it's literally my hat. I got it from Dollar General. And, like, they're still playing. People are like, ah. Like, I'm just sitting here. I'm drinking a Sprite. I'm, like, 13.

And Mike's like, dude, just give me the fucking hat back. I just want my hat. My dad's like, I'm wearing this fucking hat, dude, and that's the end of it. Dave Navarro wore this hat, and this is fucking my hat now. We can stop this. And Mike's like, Dave, I'm going to beat your fucking ass, man,

if you don't give me my hat back. And without saying anything, my dad just gets this close to him and just squares up. And it's like, if you're going to do this, do it now. Like very kind of like, not like, Hey buddy, like it was the kind of intimidating where you're like, it's believable. Cause anybody can be like, Oh, you're a fucking piece of shit, bro. I'll kick your ass. But just the kind of like, Hey man, if we're going to do this, I got to get back and get a Michelob. So we're going to fight. We need to do it in the next minute. Like just kind of very like operationally matter of fact on the way home

i was like hey man i don't mean to be my dad's like you know his fucking test out he's all he's like i would have knocked that motherfucker's ass head clean off his ass it'd been over mike's a pussy and i was like isn't mike like your best friend he's like yeah that's like he was like uh i was like i don't mean to be like you know like a dickhead or whatever dad but you guys were about to beat each other senseless over a hat because another man wore that hat is that like a little weird to you and he was like no, no, Dave Navarro is a legend. And I was like, yeah, but it's like, what makes it special? It's like Dave Navarro wore that hat. And I was like, it's just kind of gay, don't you think?

And he gets real serious and he's like, don't ever fuck me. Hey, you just shut the fuck up. He would do this thing where like he, this was at a celebration live. So this was like second he, uh, I would, this was at a celebration of life. So this was like secondhand info, but I buy it. His friend Greg was there and I had,

I barely remember when I was a baby, but we were just like talking shit. And, uh, Greg was, we were sharing stories or whatever. And I told him that and he's like, yeah,

I remember Mike, he was a piece of shit. And I was like, y'all are all just, anyway, I remember Mike, he was a piece of shit. I was like, y'all are all just, anyway, I was like, are you guys all pieces of shit? Or is it just one of you?

Or how's this work? Anyway, he was like, yeah, you know, me and your dad were in our twenties before you were born. Uh, we would be driving up into downtown Houston to go score some Coke.

And, uh, man, I'd be doing like 85 and your dad's Thunderbird. My dad had like worked a tugboat job for like a year and then he saved up money to like not move out of his mom's place but to buy a t-bird that he flipped in like two weeks it's just like one of the coolest that he's like yeah i had a really cool car for like 13 days but anyways i was like of course your dad's too

fucked up he can't even drive his own Thunderbird so I'm fucking driving it and man I'd be doing like 85 and I can hear your dad back there fucking railing lines and and all of a sudden it would get real quiet and I was like ah Dave's

too fucked up hope he doesn't throw up in his own car and then all of a sudden your dad would reach around the driver's side and start punching me in my mouth like 80 miles an hour on the freeway and i was like what like what for and he's like i guess i played too much motley crew i don't know man like he would just be like i was just driving and all of a sudden i'm just getting like almost knocked out it's like man that sounds really shitty he's like yeah you know i'd like pull off on the side of the road. Then we would get into a fight.

Then he'd get tired. And then you'd fall asleep in the back of the car. The way he described it is like when you get a puppy. They just want to bite you all the time. He's like, yeah, you just got to wear him out. That's really all we figured out as a group is you just got to like. If he does a bunch of blow, you got to like basically have him run laps in the yard to get him tired. Yeah.

I hope I can do that with my kid. If I ever have one, you got it. I think you got to fuck your kids up in just the right amount of way. Cause every kid I know whose parents were like stable and married and loved each other. They're fucking weird. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I don't know. Maybe I, maybe I have too many friends that came from like shitty you know like you know they were like troubled kids or whatever but anytime i meet somebody who's i go to their house or when i was younger and their parents are married and they're like eating dinner together and they're like i love you honey and i love you too it's like ah you know i mean i don't know your parents are still married so i guess yeah they are. Yeah.

I mean. But, I mean, like, you've got, like, a big family. Emotionally, I think I'm just talking about. Yeah, my family's weird, though. Like, I'm talking about, like, only children, I think. Like, kids whose parents, like, they just had one, and it's, like, everything's pretty stable. Like, if they want a toy or something,'s like you know or like they're just like the problem with only children i feel i feel like you can be a normal only child but also sometimes and i feel like you can be a normal only child growing up with money probably

but if you've never like gotten hit in the head with a skateboard or anything yeah i feel like that's a factor you know like yeah for sure i didn't grow up dirt poor by any means um because i know people who did but uh you know sometimes you just like somebody just throws a rock at your head yeah you know yeah yeah you like sometimes you just see like i mean in my case it's like sometimes you just see your uncle like like throw up from like eating too much ham. And like maybe you see your cousin like, you know, he's so fat that like he falls down at Golden Corral and has to like get wheeled out on a stretcher. You're like, oh, OK. Like that's that's the kind of stuff that like can shape your reality in a certain way.

Not traumatic. It's not like being trafficked or anything, but it's like, oh, that's definitely going to make me probably annoying later because I thought that was really funny. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel like a lot of families grow up with like, I feel like if you have an inferiority complex,

you like accidentally put it into your kids a lot of time, whether you have money or you don't. For sure. I feel like that you have an inferiority complex You like accidentally put it into your kids a lot of time Whether you have money or you don't For sure I feel like that's a factor there Like If If you grew up rich And so did your parents

And so did theirs You're probably not gonna grow up thinking like Oh god Nobody from my Nobody from my family ever grows up to be shit You know Yeah right Like you're more likely to be cocky, but even if, like, I don't know.

Like, growing up, in my mind, it was like my family was, like, embarrassing or whatever. Same, yeah. Now looking back, it's like everybody's families were, like, pretty fucked up in some ways some ways you know i mean yeah nobody gets off scot-free i think it's just like definitely some are weirder than others like uh like i remember my house was one of the houses that people like to hang out at because my dad just let us do whatever like i couldn't go to my friend like i don't, I couldn't go to my friend, like, I don't know. I couldn't go to Sam's house because Sam's parents were married.

And Sam's parents were, like, normal parents. And so, of course, they're not going to let us stay up until 7 in the morning, like, eating Adderall and drinking, like, Coors and, like, fist fighting in the backyard. And it's like, I was like, oh, we'll just go to Jake's house because his dad just, like, sits in the backyard and listens to Metallica. We could probably kill each other whether he would never notice or he might encourage it you know but i guess like i have having had friends that like came from like a lot of money it's it's weird like when i first met them and they're like they would be like ah you, I'm like depressed or whatever. I'm like, how? You get to have like a boat? I think rich people worry from what I've seen now

because I really didn't know any wealthy people growing up. I thought I did. I didn't. I thought being wealthy was you, like, have a pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've met a couple, like, wealthy people now, and I would say, like, it seems like they worry just as much, if not more, in general. Yeah. In general, they worry.

But it's about stuff that you and I would never think to worry about that much. You know? Like if I see, I don't know, like if I make a doctor's appointment and then they call me the day before and they're like, hey, can you move it? You know? For me, I'm like, that's good. I didn't have the money for the doctor's appointment and I wasn't going to show up. So that worked out yeah for me i'm like that's good i didn't have the money for the doctor's appointment

and i wasn't gonna show up yeah so that worked out perfect for me uh-huh you know but if i don't know and it's a bit i think that's i'm over generalizing a lot it's just like the few people that i've met i feel like i remember overhearing my friend's dad dads talk about paying property taxes on their second homes. These are my friends I met in college. And we were at my buddy's graduation party at his dad's big-ass house. And they were back there smoking cigarettes. Doing rich white guy shit from movies. Like drinking scotch.

It's like, yeah, you know, the Jacksonville mansion. I paid like 92 grand on that. And my on that his friends like man they got me for the house in lake tahoe 110 and they're really like they legitimately bummed out about that in my head i was like i would probably kill somebody for just to have that money like just whatever you paid in taxes i probably i'd kill a dog i think like i'd probably kill a dog for 100 grand would you kill a dog for 100 grand what do you think all right what's the holy shit what you know i holy shit. What? Dude, I've seen like... Not exaggerating, dude.

I've seen like 500 geese in the last few minutes. Something bad's happening to you. Giant swarms are coming back. Big fuckers. From Africa or wherever. The noble African geese. Dude, what if it turned out that geese were actually just going on a damn walk with their cousin, and they were probably just smoking that shit.

Yeah, probably. Zonking that stuff. But yeah, I think it's funny. If you hear a rich guy talking about taxes, he probably hasn't been rich that long. I mean... i feel like i feel like that comes with like getting rich and then buying shit not knowing how it all works yeah yeah i mean also they're just greedy yeah that's true i mean this is the first year that I've ever made over, like, $50,000. God damn. Another, sorry, another giant flock. Holy shit.

And I, like, somehow owe the IRS a bunch of money, and I'm like, this sucks. I remember when I used to make $13,000, or, like, maybe, like, $15,000 or $16,000, and it's like, oh, at least I don't owe any money. Like, there was a comfort in that, you know? Like, when you get your tax return and it's like yearly wages, $18,000. You're like, solid.

And you go to do your tax return and you get back like, $150. You're like, that's going to last me, you know? Like a long time or whatever.

Like, that's going to, that's really going to give me a cushion. I can buy a pack of cigarettes, fill the gas tank up, you know? And now I'm a millionaire. Now I get fucking a million dollars a month from the podcast or whatever.

Dude, I made from January through most of August last year. Pod money aside, I made $16,000. That's so awesome, dude. That's so awesome, dude. Yeah. That's so sick. Less than I made in that period the year before. That's crazy. At the same job.

I got that in the mail, and I was like, hell yeah, man. I made like two-thirds of a Kia Sorento. It's like $1,800 a month or whatever the fuck. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Pretty awesome. Being alive is so sick. Yeah, I love it.

Every day gets easier. Every day. Every day is a winding road. But you know what we do? We hustle. Yeah, I was logging into my Andrew Tate's Hustler University

yesterday and they got a new class on there it's called it's like how to make money beating

beating your shit off like a fucking like a bug are you captivated by all the geese flying around

it is there are thousands the geese flying around? It is. There are thousands of geese probably. They're coming for you. Just flying over Fort Worth right now. Sorry, I got a double window set up here, so I got basically the best seat in the house when it comes to geese. Yeah, yeah.

And you have a... Oh, by the way, did they ever get your... Did you ever get Adderall? I heard there was like a fucking, there was a drought. Oh, buddy. I get Adderall. No, I had to, so basically, there is a drought. What I had to do was, I got my prescription filled, sent it to the pharmacy, and they said, oh, we're out. I said, okay, can you transfer it to a different branch of the same like a different cvs branch whatever they said no

they said no you're god damn another fucking sorry i know nobody can see this and i'm not going to take a picture of it there are thousands of geese in fort worth right now anyway so basically um what was i adderall cbs yeah adderall as you can tell i only take it in the mornings but um so basically what i ended up having to do was I called around, and every pharmacy, they were basically saying you can't just have an Adderall prescription sent to a different pharmacy. Your doctor has to write a new script and send it to a new joint. Script, yeah, every single time to see. And I said, hey, how about this?

How about you go back there for me? Uh-huh. How about you look? Mm-hmm. First one said no. No way. Can't do it. Can't look back there.

It's against the law. If I looked back there, somebody would know. Second one, I said, hey, how about this, sweetheart? How about you go back there for me? Yeah. You get little daddy his numbers. You see, before I get this prescription sent out, all right, I want to know you'll do a good job for me, all right?

Uh-huh. Because daddy needs his little pills so he can drive in the morning. And she took good care of me. Another goddamn swarm of geese. I'm tired of these motherfuckers at this point. No longer the beauty of nature. I'm thinking... What if you go outside and they're all in your front yard?

I would snap one of these motherfuckers' necks. They're mean, dude. They'll fuck you up. To not... No. To save $12 on chicken. I think I could probably kill a geese in almost any way and not feel bad. Other than torturing it. That's not true. Would you kill a geese in almost any way and not feel bad, other than torturing it.

That's not true. Would you kill a geese for fun? No, I mean that's not true in that I would feel bad no matter how I did it. I would also feel bad killing it casino style, but that would be interesting. I think, I don't know. If you had to kill a geese how would you do it my grandma uh this was secondhand from my dad my dad my grandma grew up on a farm before they moved to pasadena um and uh or he would go visit the family i don't fucking remember anyway and uh he would tell me that when it was time for dinner his mom my grandma would go out and get a chicken

and uh and she'd be like go you know go play and then he would go play and then come back and there would be a chicken in the oven and he was like oh and he's like i knew that the chicken she went and got he was like talking he's like i knew the chicken she went and we got like was a chicken we were eating but you know i just figured i was a kid you know i figured the chicken had died of natural causes you know what i'm saying like like the concept of killing it never and then he's like i got a little bit older and they moved. But my dad's my granddad's sister, my great aunt, they stayed in East Texas. And so they would all go for like Thanksgiving and have a big feast and they grow all their own food out there and whatever.

He's like, I was probably 12. And it's like my, you know, my mom was like David, go out there and get a chicken from the coop. Actually, get two of them. My dad's like, what? He's like, go grab two chickens. He was like, okay. So he goes out, chases these chickens around for like half an hour, and then grabs two of them and then brings them.

And he was like, my mom takes one of the chickens and she goes do it like this this is how we prep the chicken she grabs the chicken by its neck and then just does this number like snaps its fucking neck and then she and then the chicken's dead obviously and she's like now you know your turn and he's like you're just holding this chicken and it's not having a good time it's a chicken it's got claws and shit and she's like you gotta you just holding this chicken, and it's not having a good time. It's a chicken. It's got claws and shit. And she's like, you got to, you know, the chicken's going to scratch you and bite you. The longer you hold the chicken, the greater you are at risk for injury. Because it's a chicken, and it's a wild animal, basically.

So anyway, you know, he kills the chicken. But he was like, you don't know. Like, you're an idiot. You're a kid. So you're like, oh, the chicken died. I thought the same thing, dude. Like, really up until I think I was like, I watched that, like, we watched some documentary in health class. I forget.

It was on, like, factory farming or whatever. I think I was in, like, eighth grade. So maybe I was, like, 13 or 14. But I was, like, pretty fucking old. Like, old to not know. Just naive. I was, like, all of the animals that go to McDonald's for food to be food, they just got old. They just got old and died.

All the hamburger meat, the chicken meat, the turkey meat. Basically, or like in my childish stupid head, it was like they were on a farm and they were like, I'm ready to be killed, sir. And, you know, they got turned into meat or whatever. And, of course, you watch one of those videos and they're like basically in hell. Like from birth till death. But to answer your question, if I would kill a geese, I'd probably try to do it the old-fashioned way. You just kind of grab its neck and nunchuck its ass in a circle for like four or five minutes and then it's dead. That's pretty thoughtful, actually.

How would you do it? I'd probably fuck it's dead. That's pretty thoughtful, actually. How would you do it? I'd probably fuck it to death. I don't know how long that would take. Here's the thing, man. I don't know. I guess we've been friends long enough where when I asked that question, I had a dialogue tree pop in my head

like a video game. It was potential Thomas responses for how would you kill the geese. And there were percentages, like when you're going to kill an enemy in Fallout, and it was like 22%, oh, I'd stab it, and I'd shoot it. Like 15%, oh, I'd

euthanize it peacefully. And then like 76%, oh, I'd fuck it to death. And then I clicked that option in my head, and then you said it. I just figured, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's okay. I mean... What I'm saying is you're getting predictable, man. You got to switch it up.

Right. Yeah, yeah. I got one word in my mind right now. Okay. And I'm about to get real unpredictable. All right. I'm just kidding. No.

I got one. I got the most unpredictable word. I got the most unpredictable word imaginable. Yeah. Get ready. Get ready. Unicorn. That's awesome stuff.

Dude, we need to start getting fucking random XD again. Yeah, yeah. Like Invader Zim type stuff. Rawr. Yeah. Yeah, I would love to. I think that shit, you know, fashion works in cycles and so does culture. So I feel like we're going to get another like right wing swing of culture here pretty soon.

You know, so maybe we'll get like after that you get like 2002 edgy, which is like taco taco unicorn poop or whatever the fuck that shit was. And I'll be like 40 and i'll be saying stuff like that to kids on the internet you know just because i have my i'm young at heart and we've talked about this you've always told me that i'm really young at heart yeah that uh i have like a childish disposition about me um and the kids you know kind of gravitate towards me because of how good i am with them and how much I understand them. Yeah. I'm not too good with kids or adults, really. I'm kind of just like a guy who hates living things. I mean, I've told you before, I am an abuser.

I like to manipulate. I like to gaslight. The other day, I was actually at Home Depot. Right, right. I don't know if I told you about this. And some whore came up to me, some cunt with a name tag on. And basically what I did was I grabbed her heart right out of her fucking chest. And I ripped it out, and I threw it in a big pile of mulch.

fucking chest and i ripped ripped it out and i threw it in a big pile of mulch anyway hey yeah like you were saying i don't think i'd like to kill a goose i wouldn't like to kill anything when i was a kid i used to kill ants and i feel bad about that now i used to get big rocks i'd destroy ant piles yeah same with praying mythsises because i thought they could kill you and that was really more on my parents than me yeah for just not explaining what a praying mantis is uh because my sister got cut by a praying mantis when she was a kid and he did like one stitch so they were like this animal must be put down yeah i didn't understand stitches aren't that big of a deal when there's like one or two of them. Yeah. Like you don't want to get them, right?

Right, but it's not a huge deal. But when somebody says, oh, I had to get four stitches, that means they like slipped cutting an onion or something. Yeah, yeah. If they say, yeah, I had to get a hundred stitches, that's not good typically. No, that's typically, you almost got it. But it's still usually you're a pussy if you complain about it, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I keep getting a car wreck. Shut up.

Shut up. And then after they say that, you know what you start doing? What? You start doing the random dance. Oh, yeah. You start doing the ooey-ooeys. Yeah. On their bodies and their butt cheeks.

Eh. Eh. Dude, we should become clowns. I mean, I feel. I was thinking. I feel like stand-up is played out. Sketch comedy is played out. We need to become clowns and start getting goofy with it.

Travel the world. Making kids laugh with our songs and dance. I actually wanted to go the other way with it. I think I want to be the kind of stand-up comic that preaches about like culture war stuff about like freedom of speech stuff like i want to be the guy that's like you know and here's the thing we don't listen to each other anymore you know we used to listen to each other in this country and i do that for like nine minutes and then i get out like on cbs somehow or something you know what i'm saying like i just kind of i want to be the next andrew schultz i'm gonna be like yo yo yo this trump motherfucker a bitch y'all

heard about him y'all my people know i'm talking about yeah i uh i don't i got a leather jacket on man god god damn it is cold as a motherfucker i tell tell you what. Start like, it's clearly white guy. Start like, hey, guys. What's up, y'all? How y'all doing? Yeah, yeah. You're doing booze. My name's Thomas.

I'll be your motherfucker host for the evening. My God damn, it is colder than a motherfucker. I've been here. Oh, good Lord. I was eating pussy at the bus stop the other day, and a dog came up on me and started licking my butt cheeks while I was getting after it. Is it just me, or is these Atlanta bitches whack as hell nowadays? They used to, back in the 90s, you could get pussy for a piece of crack rock.

You feel me? Woo! And now you gotta buy the bitch a Nissan Sentra. I was watching the Cat Williams, fuck, I forget. Something, oh, Pimp Chronicles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last night while I studied. And at the show, Andre 3000 was like front row, first of all, which I found funny.

But he like comes out and it's like more people. It's like a State of the Union, basically. He's alive in Atlanta. That's not why it was a State of the Union. I'm saying that because there were several thousand people there. Right, right, right. I'll take that out of context. Anyway, he comes out.

There's like 15 women with him, like bringing him a chalice and shit. And he just starts talking about like, girls, don't you ever let no man determine your self-worth. Because your self-worth ain't about how no man treats you, bitch. It's about how you look at yourself. How can a grown man have anything to do with your self-worth, you bitch it's about how you look at yourself how can a grown man to have anything to do with your self-worth you bitch he why kat williams is the king of like just saying he's like so good at being like one second he's like you get your dick suck in a in the parking lot of a

popeyes that's that that's how you know you made it. And then the next one, he's like, why are we over there killing all them brown people in the middle of the... It'll be like, clearly like, I don't know what type of comedy you call it. Just like, you ever get your penis sucked so good you gotta wipe your

ass? Like that type of shit. And then the next joke, he's like naming war generals. He's like he's like naming like war generals he's like you know saddam second in command he crazy as hell and we go over there in the cia like he'll start dropping like like weird like and it's like not to say that like it's just it's funny because there were so many like eras of him he has that insurgents bit that was so funny where it's like like uh like you just like calling people insurgents uh like bombing like when they bomb poor people and innocent people if you just call them insurgents americans would get behind it's like i don't know no

motherfucking insurgents or whatever it's like a really popular bit but he would also yeah i'd be like girl ever eat your ass and make you do the cartoon wolf eyes from looney tunes and you got to call into work the next day because you're still trying to roll your eyeballs up and put it back in your head like oh god damn like such a such an eclectic oh i wanted to tell you and i i'll tell you it doesn't matter i just don't want to name him on the show because i don't know i don't know if it's true but somebody who i know who used to do stand-up with back in the day and like was didn't know andrew schultz but uh was like in the same kind of i guess seen as him said that the voice is relatively new like he says it's not completely made up like he like he would he would do like in the early days

like he did kind of have like a like a kind of like a, what's up, y'all? What's going on? But the like, facts, bro. And when you and when a girl be calling you on your cell phone, like that shit is like within the last four years. That's what's up. I think that's cool. Me too. He needs to open the door for us.

For sure. Yeah, for sure. And I don't know if that's true. I could have been bullshitting. to me it was funny like if it is true it's funny to like kind of hit a plateau in your career like maybe you're featuring you know and uh like you're opening up for big comedians you're doing a half hour you know maybe you just did your first hour and like it's plateauing you know nobody's calling and you're like god damn damn it, man. Is it my outfits? Is my material getting stale?

I feel like I've really been hitting my stride. And then you're like, you know what I need to do? I need to start talking like a black guy from 2003. Like in an ATLians music video, one of the sketches from the early OutKast, where the guy comes up with a boost bowl, and he's like, Yo, Andre, I heard you be macking on a bitch from down no way and then the beat drops like like doing that voice and it worked i mean maybe if it's not made up whatever that's how he talks but if it is it's brilliant that's a brilliant shift one of my favorite patrice o'neill bits is where he's basically he's basically talking about how like he's basically

he's saying that men don't want like they don't want their girlfriend to be somewhere else they just they want them to be like in an air vent or something he was like don't be on the couch next to me but like just be like up in the rafters somewhere

and then in the same bit he talks he like he he basically says he hates women because they they make sandwiches with weird bread and they put like bean sprouts on them but he just like slips that in there where it's like that's like a punch line yeah but he just does it like he's just talking like he just slips it in there so well during the i haven't i't have the app, so I don't see it anymore, obviously. But there was like a little era where I was seeing – I do this thing where I'll like – will hate follow certain accounts to piss myself off.

And a lot of them are the like the Andrew Tate like adjacent shit, like men going their own way. Because it just makes me fucking mad. I don't know. I'm stupid. It's very weird, but I just like to piss myself off sometimes with content and uh people started putting patrice o'neill bits alongside like uh travis bickle from taxi driver like walking alone in the rain and trying to like you know like they're like aesthetic posters like they would

do the same thing with like ryan gosling from drive where like the scene of ryan gosling and he's wearing the jacket and they would put like a song behind it with text that's like yeah do your best work hard yeah shit like that but yeah it would like and they would do this in earnest so it would be like you know robert de niro wearing the coat and he's like you know the scum the whores but instead of that it would be patrice o'neill like women the thing about it is when they go to make you a sandwich you just want meat and bread and cheese maybe and they'd be putting lettuce on it and like all like which is clearly like i know he had some like quote on like maybe misogyny material but like clearly he's being he's being stupid like this is a joke and then all the

comments are like yeah i hate when my wife makes me a really like just like guys who are complaining like they just hate women and then they like take this bit as like dude when my wife makes me a sandwich and she puts fucking like hummus on it god pisses me off like like they're taking it to like they're taking it seriously which like the whole Yeah, a big part of like Patrice's thing was like, I'm not saying he wasn't an asshole or anything, but like kind of exaggerating. Yeah, yeah. Like when he would be like,

don't you hate it when a bitch puts her leg over your leg? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just like hot and sweaty and fucking awful. Yeah, yeah. Don't you hate it when a bitch wears sunglasses? Just shit like that. I hate it when a woman be sipping a cold glass of Coca-Cola. Because they be going...

That shit be... What is you fucking Charlie Brown drinking soda in the house? I, uh... That whole, like... What am I looking for? I uh the that whole like what am I looking for like that whole side of like Instagram and TikTok is like it's so funny because I know that it's probably like teenage

guys and then or that are like old men like men in their 50s and maybe not all like middle aged men because because like okay so everybody was dunking on this dude yesterday middle-aged men because they're like, okay. So everybody was dunking on this dude yesterday.

He was like, I logged into Tinder in my area and I set the age range from 18 to 26. And then I put at parameters Catholic. And then I put parameters right wing. And then I put parameters traditional and nobody came up like what's going on. And I, I don't know. I want to believe they're joking.

Like, they're getting one over on everybody. Because if you're joking, that's very funny. That guy, you know who that guy is? Yeah, the Miles guy or whatever? Yeah. Yeah, he was in Kabul. Yeah, yeah. And Ukraine and all that?

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, interesting guy. Those guys. I'm not giving him a shout out but yeah you know you gotta hand it to him where you gotta hand it to him i don't understand like if they're joking very funny if they're being serious it's like there's something to that movement where i'm like you're not gonna find a based broodmare wife on an app designed for college students to like meet up

and do jello shots off of each other's like fucking nut sacks and shit like tinder and that shit and bumble is for like yuppies and college that's what it's for if you listen if you're out there and you're listening to this show and you're like a based trad guy which I'm sure there's a handful if you want like

a fucking wife to come in that won't fucking argue with you that won't nag you that won't like talk back you're not gonna first of all i saw a meme that was like um i'm only gonna marry either a russian woman or a hispanic woman because they are obedient and they uh uh, obey their, obey their husbands. And I was like, do you like not listen to any racist comedy from Mexican comedians?

The whole cliche about Hispanic women is that they'll kill you. I don't know where, like you must be taking in the wrong info. Anyway, like if you want a fucking based wife, go, you have to join the Amish. You have to watch any documentary about the Amish

watch any show where they follow him around the husband is like I'm gonna go chop wood for like 11 hours you stay in here and cry and make bread and ladies like absolutely I'll do that for you and also wear a big hat in a fucked up dress and then I'm going to come home later and then we're going to have sex but I have to put a blanket over you and then I'm going to slap you around a little bit and I'm going to go to bed. And she's like, that sounds awesome.

I love that type of stuff. You have to join the Amish. You're not going to go and find any of that shit on Bumble or fucking Tinder or fucking whatever the fuck. You have to be willing to date a mentally disabled woman. I've been telling these guys.

Yeah. These women, they'll eat Cheez-Its with you. Yeah. They'll go to the park with you. You'll have to swing them on the swings, but that's okay. You can handle that. You're a big, strong boy, aren't you? Yeah.

They love theme parks. They love Tonka trucks. A lot of them are tall enough to go on some of the rides so that's that'll be fun they listen to you look they would i they would love to have a golf cart and drive around the neighborhood while you're at work yeah they'll never you know you know no you have you can impregnate them as many times as you want you know yeah because it's it's like their wombs are just shaped like a little cube. It's like 3D printers.

Yeah. I mean, granted, they can't take baths unattended and stuff like that. But there's a lot you can do. I mean, look, here's the thing, man. If you want to narrow it down that much, you've got to look at all the possibilities. Right. Because let's be real, man. You're not bagging a Russian model.

All right? That's not happening. If you live in America, you're much more likely to find a Latino wife. And guess what? A lot of them are really annoying. So that's a curveball you want to expect. Yeah, yeah. I've actually talked to women before

a lot of them are great some of them they can meet your ideal standards they could be beautiful you talk to them and you just you don't hey you don't feel nothing yeah nothing i've talked to in my younger days talk to some attractive women who just hey maybe they had weird voices yeah yeah maybe they sounded like one of my dad's friends and i didn't want to have that in my brain yeah yeah i don't want to fuck a girl who sounds like george lopez you know regardless of race i was i wasn't saying all it's okay but most just it's a comedy show it's all right once. Once I hit 220, they all sound like Gabriel Iglesias. But anyway, that's another thing. If you find a nice, submissive wife, she's going to get real fat.

She's going to know. She's going to know her role. And it's about the same role as a washing machine in your dream. That you fuck. So if that's what you want yeah if you want a woman who only cooks cleans and stays home yeah and you don't want her going to the gym or whatever exactly she's she's barely gonna fit through doorways by like year 10 she's fucked she's gonna look like a dude named gus so you have fun with that man i i know he sucks and like but he one of his older videos

sam hyde was like stop deeming me asking you know asking to find how do i find a girl bro that aligns with my ideals how do i find a girl bro that aligns with my politics like stop looking for that girl you know who would align with you politically in every way a man a man with asperger's like like i i think that what these guys uh box themselves in corners where they're like i need not okay first of all you can absolutely find a right-wing nazi-based wife you can go to poland and they're everywhere however polish women are hard women and they're everywhere. However, Polish women are hard women, and they're tough, and they look like Mrs. Trunchbull from Matilda. So whatever.

I'm sure they've got a couple out there. But listen. And also, good chance of immense generational trauma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's going to kill you. I mean, you know it. The Polish are terrible. They're ice people.

Their lives have been bad since they settled there. They've all been murdered or murdered at some point. I mean, you know how many ghosts there are in Poland? A lot of ghosts. Yeah, half the population is phantoms and shit and evil specters. They box themselves in corners. They're like, here's what I need. I need a stacked 10 out of 10.

You're like, all right, well, that's hard to find. But okay, we'll start there. There's plenty of them out there. I need a stacked 10 out of 10 who does what I say. All right, we're narrowing the field down, but I'm sure, you know, there are beautiful women out there that will listen to you. And a stack 10 out of 10 who does what I say never leaves the house, doesn't have any friends, doesn't have any whore friends. Okay, you're looking for a lonely, stacked 10 out of 10 woman who will do whatever you say. Like any other parameters.

Has to be devoutly religious. Okay, we've narrowed it down a little bit, but let's assume for the sake of argument that globally, globally there's 100,000 of these women. Hey, fuck it. Let's bump it up to a solid milli. I think that's doable. A fucking lonely, no friends, stacked 10 out of 10 girl

who's devoutly religious who does whatever you say and never leaves the house what do you have to bring to the table because a woman like that if you want to uh have a woman who does whatever you say you're probably gonna have to be you're gonna be providing so what do you bring to the table well uh good question man i live with my mom who's a bitch she's fucked up and I eat um taquitos and chicken dinosaurs and I eat Tyson any tizers and uh I eat the cheese sticks that you peel off and I work at National Tire and Battery I work out lot. I'm in pretty good shape. And in savings, I have $87. Well, there's your fucking problem, man.

Listen, if you have all these visions of what your life's going to be like and what kind of woman you're going to marry, or what woman you want to marry, rather, and you're a fucking loser, then just settle for a loser. Or become not a loser. I don't fucking know. You know what I'm saying? Like, I have no idea what to tell these fucking morons.

I'm obsessed with them. I'm captivated by this group of guys that's like, I need a woman that doesn't exist. By the way, I fucking suck dick badly. It's a tough situation when you've gone right-wing enough to where, like, normal Republican women don't want to fuck you. Yeah, yeah. Because if you're a leftist guy, you can kind of be like, yeah, I'm a liberal, but a little bit more.

Yeah, whatever. Yeah, yeah. And then they're like, okay. Because as long as you're like, yeah, I mean, I'm just not racist or anything. Yeah, that'll get you so far. Cool, yeah. And then they're like, okay. Because as long as, if you're like, yeah, I mean, I'm just not racist or anything. Yeah, that'll get you so far. Okay, cool, cool. Yeah, yeah. It's like, hey, I'm a regular guy.

I have a shitty sense of humor. I say shit I probably shouldn't, but I'm not like. I'm black. Yeah, yeah. For the most part, I think I'm like all things considered a decently well-adjusted human being and then that'll get you pretty far but if you're like we both are we both are for sure yeah we've never done anything yeah you know definitely never you know fucked yeah our lives we both i mean we both in our days you know we both pulled a lot. Yeah. They called me Jake.

Kind of pick up artist. Yeah, they called me Jake, the guy who got laid a lot in college. Yeah. You know, they called me Rizzly Wintergreen. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. You like that one? They called me, yeah, the Rizzler.

I would flirt with women via riddles. Two dogs under a bridge and you have to kill one of them. Which one? What's the key code to your apartment building? What is the... How do I get into the fingerprint reader of your laptop?

How many bullets are in this revolver? What is the average response time of the police in your neighborhood how long can the human body go without oxygen how long does it take a skeleton to dissolve in a solution of hydrochloric acid and bleach anyway yeah if you're one of the anyway if you're one of those fucking guys i I implore you, I beg you. Reach out to Jake. Yeah, reach out to me and we'll talk.

I beg you. I beg you to not reach out to me. Don't do that. Get new opinions. Reach into Jake. Reach into my butt cheeks. Here's your options. Get new opinions about women and other races and like America or whatever.

And not just to attract women, because that's a shitty way, I think, to organize this whole thing. Don't get into like reading fucking bell hooks so you can like have sex with a girl that works at Jamba Juice. That's fucking weird. Just for your own sake. View the world in a way that doesn't suck dick. Option two, don't share your point of views with anybody except maybe the guys that you work with guys that you work guys that you work with are a great group of guys to be like you know i just the guys that work at the gas station and they'll be like yeah i don't think they should be be alive. You can do that type of stuff.

But if you're trying to meet a girl, I would say that the first two or three things you say to her shouldn't be like, you ever read The Protocols? The Elders of Zion? But that's my advice for the listener base. Thank you for listening as always. Check out the premiums. If you like this one, yes, sir, check out the premiums if you like this one yes sir check out the premiums

one million dollars a month patreon.com slash pendejo time yeah um five dollars a month gets you four episodes that's a bonus every fucking week folks ten dollars a month gets you that plus video episodes me and thomas just organized a little meet and greet a little play date for us to hang out and we're gonna get that and uh popping we'd like to thank our sponsor for the week the nuclear bomb yeah the chinese balloon that uh they got us they sponsored us so we got like a 10 million downloads from china alone um our weekly sponsor the fly on on Mike Pence's forehead. Oh, he went there. Oh, yeah. He did.

Yeah, and then 50 bucks a month gets you nothing else other than what I mentioned, but you can be among an elite group of two men, two great men who – I hope I get to meet one. I've met both of them. I was just like, I hope I run into their guys. I've met both of them I was just like I hope I hope I run into their guys I've met both of them One of them is my brother's friend And one of those Yeah

So I was like I was like God I wonder how those guys are doing One of them is doing really well And the other one is doing Not so great Last I checked in With my brother

Anyway If you're listening I love you Goodbye Goodbye Anyway, if you're listening, I love you. Goodbye. Goodbye.