Pendejo Time - Shrinking Obama

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

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With the top laid back and the sunshine shining Cowboy I've been listening to the old Kid Rock album. I don't know if that was allowed to play in your house, but it was probably one of the most played albums at the Rhodes household. Actually, I didn't hear a Kid Rock song until I got older. That makes sense, though. It didn't grow up with any frame of reference for Kid Rock. I think because I did, his new thing is kind of weird. That was probably one of the most like, yeah, played albums

in the house, was with the, oh what the, bang the bang biggie dig, like, he had a midget that was like on his crew, basically his other crew that would rap with him and he would take him everywhere, and I think the whole, I think part of the whole deal was is that he would get the little guy some pussy No matter where they would go he would make sure to get him some pussy post-haste That's nice of him at least yeah He was like a better than the opposite words. It's a regular guy midget and wherever he goes he has to get fucked Tell be horrible

Before I before anything else happens one of you guys has to fuck my short friend Anyway, oh hey, we're recording, but I was paranoid about the potatoes boiling over and exploding the house So I just set up sit up Set up shop here to not you guys can't see but I have a sort of a stove type of podcasting set up here Cuz I we started and I immediately remember that I had to timer that was gonna go off in a minute and a half And I went if I if we start the podcast first off me being 30 minutes late And then I'm like oh by the way. I have to go cook

Jake if you could just do the whole podcast Well, I well I make a delicious salmon and potato concoction Yeah But I think it will be pretty amazing Kind of winning bold with potatoes water and salt for the first step Well just put about this way okay, I am potatoes, water, and salt for the first step. Okay. Well, just put about it this way, okay? I am Gordon Ramsay and the other two guys and you are telling me what you're preparing for MasterChef.

What have we got here, Thomas? MasterChef, I am preparing for you an English dish from the land of the UK called salmon potatoes. Oh wow! And this is a recipe that's been passed along in my family for generations. It's a surprising concoction filled with tantalizing potatoes, amazing salmon and fantastic foods. I love the history of the meal and I love your description of the meat. And I love you, Master Chef. Thank you so much. Now what type of spices will be using for salmon potato?

For salmon potato we will be using salt, water, onion, garlic, and salmon. And how long will we be burning the meat? We'll be burning the meat for a long time. We'll be burning the meat for... Salmon you want to cook at high heat for a long time. If you can. It's got a lot of parasites in there that you can only get out by burning the shit out of both sides Beautiful most people cook it with the skin on or off

Mmm, it doesn't matter You can cook it with the bones in or out you can eat the bones you can eat the eyes of the fish you can eat the scales and Gordon's I I'm assuming this is three Gordon Ramsey's have never watched the show I Have a special Special memorabilia for the eggs of the same one the row Nice thank you Gordon would you like to show me what you've prepared for me?

I'm the host of the show. I don't have to prepare you anything. Gordon, I would love a meal. I'm hungry. I've been cooking all night for you and I'm hungry. I've made you a turkey and American cheese sandwich under two pieces of Honda bread. I love that, Gordon. And and I love you Gordon Ramsey. Thomas did you tell, I know Eden's floating around back there but I don't think I've seen Eden since since we stayed with her mom. Did you tell her about when I was telling her about how my parents met and then I told I told I told Ema that uh that my mom was 15 my dad was 25 and she goes ah he was pedophile

She wasn't too surprised by that one I Was cracking dude. I was I remember how it got brought up, but I was fucking Telling that story the other day, and I've seen Eden since then I was gonna tell but I'm sure you told her about it Cuz it was you wouldn't stayed with us more recently than they think I don't know idea. I don't remember. Thank you everything Actually, I don't know when anything happens. I mean either I got no idea dude. I could have never happened Right, I could have completely made a false memory. We both went along with yeah for those not in the know, I stayed with Thomas's girlfriend's wonderful, very kind mother and upon discovering the age gap between my parents in a very thick accent,

she said, oh, your father was like a pedophile. And she didn't say that in a way where it was meant for me to laugh. I think it was mainly just an observation. Like you'd say, oh, my begonias are dying. Or the dog got out. You say, oh, the dog got out. I thought it.

And I looked over at Thomas. And Thomas, you were doing the like. Yep. All right. What? What? Beautiful day out. Yeah, we needed this rain. I think it was like, I don't remember if it was before or after, but I do, I know that

within a 10 minute window of that being said, either before or after, was also the news drop that he killed himself. I think it was, I think he got up and went to the other room. I didn't know how to handle the conversation that I was trying to be cordial and I and she was she was being very sweet And I did not know how to how to navigate that That's the thing with the American culture, it's like weird to ask what how somebody died or whatever Yeah, it's kind of a uniquely American thing. It's like, oh, I don't even want to know. I don't give a shit. I know that like, I know that in my experience, people are very morbidly curious.

Like when my dad died, everybody asked how. They were like, how? How? People that he went to junior high with were messaging me like, yo man, how'd your old man die? I had to be I had to say oh he died at sea He died in a ship But yeah, I don't know Also the We don't have to get into it. I would only feel right I would only feel right discussing the full that full weekend of conversations of Eden was on the show with us Because I because I I don't think I was able to debrief

Like fully With Eden because I remember you I think Eden had said something about how like her brother and Her mom have like an interesting dynamic that I could only be experienced and it was very funny to me I have to get her we'll have to all do an episode when I'm in town next yeah I need that I need I need it more of a context for that one sorry everybody This is all without context for anybody listening No, she's got a haircut is what you guys want the parasol you got a haircut. Let's see those locks here you go, brother Oh, yeah, they are a lot shorter

So you got a haircut two days after me haircut let's see those locks here you go brother oh yeah they are a lot shorter so you got a haircut two days after me you got a haircut two days after me on purpose yeah I saw that you got one and I was like I need to get my shit so it's fine I guess everybody's getting haircuts now that I got one you kind of have the your hair kind of reminds me of the guy the the gay guy from Twitter that everybody likes the gay guy from Twitter Yeah, Tyler's Fuck you bitch There walked into that one. Yeah. No the Tyler guy said very similar. Look. It's good. It's good. Look You don't look like him. He looks like a boy, but you

Look like him he looks like a boy, but you similar Similar I don't like a boy no Buddy, I'm sorry if you think you have boys jar. I look like a little boy. You don't you Thomas you don't I get earlier. I was eating and I was running with an apple and a copper actually pulled over and said, did you get your ma's permission to grab that apple? And I just winked at him and jumped over the picket fence. One fell, just one jump. Yeah, I had to slice a grandma ma's pie and I chuckled away at my overalls. You were running from the cops carrying an apple and a piece of pie? I was just skipping along and the copper decided to give me a hard time.

The copper, yeah. Because he legitimately, and this is true, I wouldn't make something like this up, he legitimately thought I was a kid. People think I'm a kid and it's so crazy. Like anytime I try and get into a bar they're like, I have to show like a bunch of forms of ID and it's like such a hassle because they think you look like a little boy yep hmm they don't try to they don't try anything weird with you I would imagine they do and it works have you ever tried soju I have for sure man yeah it's a dangerous drink very very

dangerous last night fucked up off of it last night last night was a night in paradise movie Well, it was I knew I had work today right, but I was told that it was You know, it was a boys night of some kind and I thought alright, I'm probably not going and then boys night for your co-workers or like like no just just some friends and So I end up not getting that till like 10 and I'm like well

We'll see you know you know I got to be up at 530 But sure we'll start we'll start off at 10, and we'll see where this goes I Told myself I was like I'll have two drinks. Of course. And then I'm going home knowing it was gonna be like an hour to get home. Correct. Yeah.

And they, this was like a Chinese barbecue spot. Oh wow. Where you grab your own skewers and you just pay by the skewer. Beautiful. They've got like Wagyu and all this stuff and My buddy Noah had gotten a membership to this place so that it was only a dollar per skewer and

So I think we went through like a hundred and I think they went through like a hundred and thirty something skewers no There's not that much on each one. It's not okay. Bob. It. It's a little sampler, but they were They brought over a pitcher of soju a free pitcher So there's no metric for you. Just fill your cup of with right? Yeah, and they had soju beer to where there was a little it was like almost like a peach light beer or something, but the flavor a little it was like almost like a peach light beer something but the flavoring in it was provided by something just stronger than beer yeah and then they also had Chinese beers there that were two dollars each

oh amazing yeah and so work came so you you were, you said two drinks and then we're going home and then Yeah. And then we ended up going back to my buddy Brian and Rex's place and then I watched them gamble on the TV for a while. And then got home, you know, probably two thirty. Set my alarm. Oh, OK. Plug the phone, brush my teeth. Uh huh. Drank some water, set my alarm, went to bed, woke up.

And Jake, you're not going to believe this. I was still 100 percent drunk. I was still exactly as drunk as I was three hours before and I had to had to call it, but I'm really glad I called in because the Chinese barbecue really fucked my stomach up bad, and I was just Poopy on the toilet the entire day. I'm talking like probably spraying I Mean it wasn't like too graphic

There's probably like ten times today ten poops. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah, that's so juke. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I tried to pick up Ashley one time I was soju night like a girls night and to all my fellas who you were on picking up your Significant other from girls night duty my men and the audience will know that it is on par with being like, you know front of the breach storming Normandy It's dogshit. There's nothing good about it Like even the kindness of doing your best friend your life partner a favor. It is absolutely terrible. It's guaranteed Just guaranteed like kind of a fucking weird experience. I'm overselling it.

But yeah, soju is one of those things where you're like, oh, this is good. One is good. Two is good. Five is awesome. And then, yeah, you have to call in to work. You have to get sick. Thomas has completely disappeared. I think he's putting potatoes in. No, I'm not to call him to work. You have to get sick Thomas completely disappeared I think he's putting potatoes

No, I'm not doing anything related to potatoes and a lot of people saying that stuff or making things up About me saying things on the show that aren't true. Yeah saying that I'm Getting the audio interface as far away from this colander as I can And and I'll tell you one thing about liars that I actually learned Yeah, and vacation Bible school that a lot of people didn't learn is that liars go to hell I just get killed and they go to hell and that's something they don't really teach in school nowadays because of wokeness We used to have themes for our vacation Bible school and one of the themes for The like one of the last VBS's I did,

I think I was like 11 or 12. It was a three week summer vacation Bible school and for those not growing up religious and out of the know, vacation Bible school is kind of like a religious daycare that your parents send you to and they don't want to have to deal with you during the summer. Anyway, sometimes they'll have a theme, uh... that your parents send you to and they don't want to deal with you during summer anyway sometimes they'll have a theme other times are just not like not

theme-related uh... my theme for my last vacation bible school was called journey to africa and uh... we so far yeah and i'm enjoying that one journey to africa or uh... included like week one was the study of all the missionary the big missionary trips that the church had done in the dark continent of Africa and we would learn about the various like countries that we went to and like the water wells that were built and then we did the second week was we would learn like a series of Bible verses and then basically a pitch.

What if you go on, what if you're the next mission, what if you are the next person to go to Africa, and how would you try to convert people to Christianity? And I remember that I chose one of my favorite Bible verses, which is Micah chapter 7 verse 2, which is that the godliest pairs from the earth each brother awaits his other brother lying in blood or waiting in blood and they hunt each other with a net and I chose that because I thought I was a very goth fat 11 year old Christian boy and I had really dark thoughts and so my entire pitch for pitching to

The potential Africans that I would meet was that the world is such a shitty dogshit place And it's so violent and everything is so bad that your only hope is to Trust in God with all your life You're gonna go to hell and it's worse because you're African because at the time I felt bad for people in Africa Because I did not know that it was a big place with different types of GDP and stuff. I just kind of thought it was a big desert. And then in the middle of that desert was a jungle, which was kind of the theme of the Vacation Bible School,

if I'm being honest. Oh, and the third week, we had to pick one of the volunteers to be the African that we would then send our pitch to. And then they would tell us if it was a good missionary, like evangelical pitch or not. Oh, I love that. Yeah, so they didn't wear like any of the, they didn't do anything crazy like blackface or anything,

but you had to go up to the youth preacher and be like, hey, my name is Jake. And they would be like, hi, I'm from Africa. And then you would be like, I traveled all the way here from Texas. I'm here to tell you about the only way through heaven the only way to save yourself from eternal damnation is to the loving grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and they would be like, I don't know. I'm African. I Don't know anything about that and then we have to say well

I'm here to tell you all about it. The world is a very dangerous place in Micah chapter 7 verse 2 basically the God is the godliest pair from the earth and everybody's trying to kill each other but the only way that we can restore the godly on the earth is through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Do you want to be saved and baptized by me and 11 year old boy in a Green Day Jesus of Suburbia shirt and then the youth pastor would say absolutely as an African I think that's a great idea and then you would get a star that had an African safari hat on it and then the logo of The church and it said African missionary anyway

Hey, I love that. I I guess as an African that is pretty cool. Yeah, it was pretty cool Jake says hi You may know her from to drip girls Girls, which is kind of an upcoming podcast right now. A lot of people are starting to get starting to get a lot of buzz. I even I forgot to preheat the oven. I'm doing it now. How is it horrible?

I tried to make the potatoes as hard as possible Can I ask you an honest question man? Yeah, every every time that you've made dinner for Eden I think the last ten times you have Really really fucked it up to the point. We're like I What I want to ask you like do you lose focus like I'm not trying to dog on you at all I just a genuine question like you do you just do, do you lose focus? I'm not trying to dog on you at all. This is a genuine question. Do you lose focus? Do you lose heart?

You know what I'll do is I'll do certain things without thinking about what type of food it is that I'm doing sometimes. OK. Like I might, for example, for this one, I chopped up vegetables. I chopped up, is onion a vegetable? Yeah.

All right. Well well it's a plant for sure so yeah chopped it up way too fine but I don't think it really matters but I think well another thing that is a little bit hard to deal with is we haven't been cooking with oil lately okay so I burn the shit out of a lot of stuff on pans because you you have avocado oil. No, nothing. Nothing. Oh, okay. Yeah. But I mean, we'll still cook like chicken thighs and stuff, which is pretty easy to cook like in its own oil. Yeah, of course. Yeah. But like, like I'll try and like butterfly like a chicken breast and then I'll just go to flip it and half of it is still on the pan just stuck to it. And then I'll pour water on the pan

to get the burnt chicken off. And then I steam up the whole kitchen and make it smell like burnt chicken. And then I just sort of scrape it into shreds and then just try and kind of dip the chicken into the burnt water with the shreds of itself. But then I can't form a crust at all on the other side because now the pan's full of water and burnt flakes.

And then Ian gets home from work and I say, yeah, so this is burnt chicken. And then I started some rice where I should be ready in a couple hours. This is kind of how I roll. Yeah I figured you had good intentions but I just never knew what led to this. I'm good at like a tuna melt. I'm good at some things I mean honestly I don't fuck it

up most of the time but when I do fuck it up sometimes it's really bad like mmm like I remember one Thanksgiving even was making potato or garden or whatever it's called yeah and it was literally my job for like 10 minutes to watch it and I fucked up like three hours worth of work I was supposed to take it out when it's yeah for something cracked or something. Mm-hmm and And I misunderstood it cracked and I then it was you fucked up the old grass I fucked it up immediately I don't know how that's okay, but I didn't know what it was Really? I don't know you're you didn't know what you're making. I just said I don't know what that is I Think potatoes Oh grotten is potatoes with a cheese on it. It's just cheesy potatoes, but it fits a license in a lot of different cheeses

mmm potatoes Oh grotten I'll grow a tan Okay, I don't know my name Jesus. Potatoes au gratin. Au gratin. Okay. My name is Potedot au gratin. Hey, man. I am a potato man with cheese. Oh, okay.

I'm from France. This is how you talk in France. I took two years of French and I forgot how they talk It's a kind of in the front of the of the mouth. It's like Hello I went to like my own penis. My name is Leon Fertitta. I am a Fashion designer. I like to...

Oh yeah, you get the R's and I say the RRGH. ...designer. I like to see girls' breasts and pussy. But only if... Jean-René Bleujaube. Wait, what? My name is John John. Nice. Uh at your service.

very good jobs to all of the very good jobs to all of the police officers in Dallas Fort Worth. Well folks we got ourselves a kind of like a blow-off valve here we got the stress relief so you got your options y'all been doing really good as a share as Tech State Troopers. We've got a golf simulator, we've got a home run Derby simulator and we've got a home run derby simulator, and we've got a Frenchman here who will suck your shit bone dry if you so please. His name is I think John, John, John Renee Blowjob. John Renee Blowjob. He's got, my country is in a famine. France. There's no food in France. Yeah, so basically the way you guys have been doing

such a good job if you want to maybe hit some dingers in the home run derby or if you want to hit some line drives just like old John Daly or you can get your balls sucked bone just drives a goddamn desert oasis by Jean-René Blojobs. He's right here. Jean-René Blojobs. He mostly just says his name that's kind of his whole thing. It's hard for me to say things that are not my name. Yeah he's he is French I do think I mean maybe I don't know I'm not 100% on that but I'm almost certainly French or something like that I say is no food in France. He's a famine he does sound as though he might be

Nigerian or German as well. I can't really quite put But I really what matters is the fact that he is offering free as many as you can handle blowjobs. So if you want one, if you want ten, he's going to put your name in there in the hat and he'll get to you eventually. I'd imagine it should be a long line for John Rene. My long and a line as long as a country of France's Tower of Paris is... Yeah, that's what they call it. The Tower of Paris. That's what the locals call it. The most romantic tower in all of Paris.

That's true, yeah. The most romantic tower in all of Paris, buddy. My father tried to build a more romantic tower and it killed him. They say you are never built a master of romance. Romance will never lie in your hand like a ball, like a ball to be thrown. Okay, yeah. And you are a French, you are not a French man. You're a bastard of the north Okay, father, and they killed my father. Oh Okay, I'm sorry to hear that John Rene blows okay. I didn't care. Oh you didn't care you

Shit, you're like a cool emotionally detached Frenchman. I see I basically did not care when things happened to my father okay dope brother all I care about is sucking cook I would only care if they killed my father if he had a cock But he didn't need you know He was a eunuch His cock would have moved For being so romantic he had a romantic pecker and they use all romantic they killed him He took his cock he loved so much and he had such a wonderful penis. They took it from him. I just god damn them French Communists.

There's something- Now I repay his debt by sucking every cock of a police officer. Oh thank you. The firefighter. No, well- I love the firefighter cock. It's pretty good it's pretty good stuff I don't mind my bits that's good John Renee man thank you for the

introduction I'm glad you finally opened up you were just saying your name over and over and over and over again So we're never job John was John was a blue job. His name is blue job Blue Joe blue Z Zob job Je vous trai en blue job Jim a pool a toilet don't a mile blue job

Sulte plait I can go to the toilet Give me a blue job please And he's a gay man. Probably best that his name is Ladin and he's from the Middle East. Is that a guy from a very fucked up family in the Midwest? Yeah, like the whitest, most molested family. Is that a woman from Kentucky? Yes. Hey, my name's Ladin. Hope y'all are. Mama said I was gonna make it someday I was gonna be so she gave me a real famous name Aladdin Motorola a laden a laden Motorola that's Japanese for beautiful American princess my mama named me all laden cuz she said she said

darling whenever I was pregnant I laid in bed and I had a baby isn't that just gorgeous sweet I'm gonna be famous I I bring him up because he was behind the bar and he like poured me a shot. It was during our show and he goes, I just want to say, Jacob, you have a great American cock and I can see it through your pants. I was wearing my bell bottoms and I was like, what? And he was like, great American cock. And I was like, bell bottoms and I was like what and he was a great American cock

and I was like See I later I found that I mean I found out he was gay after that in my mind I again, and I've done a million bits about this. I just didn't think he was gay cuz I just don't I don't Middle Eastern guy named Aladdin and gay didn't compute and make should it maybe it should have I don't know But later I told JT about this and he goes oh, yeah, Aladdin's like really gay And I was like ah well I meant that makes more sense. I just thought he was just telling me had a nice penis He was like you didn't think he was gay When he said you had a great American cock and which I said no

I just thought maybe he was being a nice guy to be fair I kept looking at your dick too. I'm straight Was I could see it also and I was I had taken a I bought a mysterious brick of edible before Yeah, and then I was nervous about my set and then well as soon as you went up I saw your penis because I was sitting in an angle where it was visible. Yeah wasn't visible from every angle I don't think but the light was hitting it in a way. And me and Joey were crying laughing at the fact that I could see your entire outline. It was like a rough outline though.

So it wasn't like, this is how big Jake's penis is. It was just, you could just tell that you had a penis. And I don't know why. I guess I'd never really even thought about it. It was just you could just tell that you had a penis. And I don't know why. I guess I'd never really even thought about it. It was just funny. It was about my cock. I just never even thought about the fact that you had one. It just made me laugh so hard.

Because here I am, I'm amping myself. I'm like so nervous or whatever. I'm amping myself up. And then you're up there and everybody can see your dick and you're crushing. And I'm like, this doesn't matter. Yeah, it literally doesn't matter. I'm like, yeah, it's all fine. Just tell the jokes and literally're crushing it. I'm like, this doesn't matter. Yeah, it does. I'm like, yeah, it's it's all fine. Just tell the jokes and literally nothing else matters.

Yeah, it's our audience. It's like, yeah, yeah. It was it was funny. Yeah, I didn't realize it either until I went back and watched the footage. And I was like, damn, my dick was pretty much just out as like yoga pants for dick. I was like, I can't wear kind of pimp, though. I got to respect it. Yeah. I mean, I am self-conscious when I wear them now when I go do spots because I have like two pairs of pants at any given moment and they're one of the two right now so I'm kind of like a tough spot speaking of cock I need to get something off my

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Thank you, Hems. Thank you, guys. Yeah, anyway, I heard that Jake's got a big ass black anaconda in his pants. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. heard that Jake's got a big ass black anaconda in his pants. Just imagine the fucking ad rep. The ad rep like, all right, let's see where this is. OK, they did the ad read. What's the context for this?

Jake's got a huge black penis in his pants. Speaking of Jake pulling his penis out in public, we got something great for you guys yeah yeah you can't be showing the damn the damn John or at the fucking comedy show or maybe you can't I don't know maybe that's so maybe that'll be my new thing just pull my penis out to my fucking goddamn what's-his-face-who-played-Kramer said the n-word and look at his career is doing awesome yeah he's doing really good that guy fucking rules. He is pretty awesome Somebody knows like thing on the internet pointed out those guys in the show were like 27

And then they look like they're 50 and how people age differently now and I wonder what the contributing factor is maybe maybe microplastics or something or I think a lot of it is secondhand smoke you think so people used to smoke indoors and you just breathe it like everywhere you go I feel like you'd breathe in so even when I was a kid I remember just breathing breathing in people smoke like a lot. Same, yeah, that is true. It was way more socially accepted. Like now, smoking a cigarette when a kid is in the car

is like typically not cool. Most situations. Um, most situations. Uh, Jake just left. Which is not ideal. Um, but I'll see if we can get him back in. Um, that's alright. Sometimes it happens, you know, there's just, Jake is gone. Uh, you know, let me check on that real quick. Sorry about this, guys.

You know, sometimes, sometimes you got to improvise, you know? I mean, sometimes your penis is out and you got to, you got to figure out how to fluff it up and make it look big. Looks like it crashed. And Jake is back. We're still recording Jake. Oh are we? Nice. Yep, we're still recording. I just kept it going. I figured he'd be back. It's all good. We don't have to cut anything out. Yeah, I said it crashed.

It's all good. It's still showing the same amount of time on the recording for me So I think okay, cool. Awesome. Hey guys, we're like 37 minutes. It's all good. Yeah anyway I was just talking about how sometimes you got to improvise and then I was saying something about fluffing up your penis to make It look bigger. It wasn't really didn't have any legs, but I was just kind of feeling time Give it some legs. Did you ever try and do that when you were first fucking? Where you were like, when you first started getting pussy on the regular? Because I feel like when I was like,

I guess had a consistent girlfriend in my teenage years when I was having sex, I would make up an excuse to go to the bathroom before. I'd be like, I got to go. Oh, I have to pee. And then I would go into the bathroom before. I'd be like, I gotta go, oh, I have to pee. And then I would go into the bathroom clothed and come out with my clothes off. And then I would, in the bathroom,

I'm trying to get it from zero to 40 to be like, yeah, it's always at 40. You know what I mean? It's never on small. Because that's how you know, at least for me, part of the staples of an actual relationship is that she sees it on small. Like post-gym small?

Or like Adderall small? She sees it like that? You're in it for the long haul. But if it's just a one and done, you can't be having her see it on Adderall soft. That's tough. You know what I mean? Yeah, I never really had a consistent girlfriend till like I guess I hit my 20s. I just had like you know, you know, but I guess I didn't really stop taking Adderall till like Last year so for most of my adult life my soft penis has been

Really just incredibly small, but it's not any more which is just kind of Just stupid to me. It's stupid to have More blood in there than zero when you don't need it. Yeah, no, I get you. I think I understand. Adderall plus gym, you basically have a Lincoln log. And it's kind of perfect for my lifestyle, which is, for most of my lifestyle, I don't need a penis. Okay, okay.

But... Yeah, I guess, I guess I... I don't think I ever really fluffed. But I don't think I ever... I think I was more nervous about Adderall preventing me, you know, being able to... Fuck. Or bust. Adderall preventing me, you know being able to fuck Right bust. I was more. Yeah, I was more worried about the event itself than yeah the impression the two before it happened the impression I was worried about was the

You know You know where you just sort of try and put your balls in a woman instead and to see if that works, you know You know where you just sort of try and put your balls in a woman instead and to see if that works, you know Yeah Yeah classic but um, yeah, I guess I never fluffed too much. I would uh, you know You know when I would worry about it. I did swim team when I was a little kid. Uh-huh and you had to wear speedos And my shit was so small I hadn't hit puberty yet Oh, yeah, and my shit was so small. I hadn't hit puberty yet Tina hadn't hit puberty yet. Don't know why I wanted my penis to be big

Pre puberty. It's like a clit. Yeah. Yeah, it was I mean that it was giving nothing burger Yeah Sorry coach. My penis is giving nothing burger today I know you wanted I know you wanted to clean the plate and I know you wanted me to leave no crumbs But my penis is giving small nothing burger. So we'll work on that Yeah, I one of the things that made me nervous was that I was I came into my I guess Like Fucking career. I wouldn't call it a career, never got paid to do it, but you know,

around the time that I think mild BDSM had like memed its way into general reality, and by that I mean like, you know, like the choking and slapping thing, and I'm gonna tell you right now, man, I never really thought, man I never really thought or I never really felt like rolling the dice on that so I kind of never really people would talk about doing it and I would be like you guys you just you guys are spinning that roulette wheel not me I don't think that people like oh well

you talked about it before and I'm like that's disgusting You go to hell if you talk about that kind of stuff You know I mean like I think there's definitely I don't know about you But I there was especially when I was younger there was still a lot of vestigial sexual repression So I was like if you talk about sex like that's really bad You're only just supposed to do it and you got to leave the house Or you have to like sage the room or whatever the fuck So I never really quite understood why I the the the liberation movement was always bizarre to me in that regard Yeah, I've never been asked to do anything. I don't think I've never

Well Let me think I've never been asked to do anything like you know crazy sketchy Yeah, but also. I don't think that I come across as somebody who would entertain Yeah a whole lot of riff-raff goofing about I like to run the ball like to throw jabs, I like to you know I like to keep my footwork under me, I like to hit the ball, I like to field the ball. You know like you know when you're a kid at basketball camp and

they tell you just focus on dribbling? No, I'm focusing on dribbling. Yeah. Probably will be into my 70s or whatever you know. Not gonna get into any goofy shit shit No, not gonna showboat. There's gonna be no, you know Bobbin and weaving, you know, no Muhammad Ali stuff. We're just Bernard Hopkins, you know Well see I was about to throw these potatoes in the oven with nothing on him I forgot there was a red pepper situation going on with those. So I'm glad There was intervention there Eden tagged in on that? Yeah, it was taking, I think I had spent, let's see,

probably over an hour and a half trying to figure out how to make potatoes. I love that dude. Pretty much ruined the whole timing of dinner. I love that you just can't, like you just can't you just can't fucking do anything right I can get the food I Everything everything in my life hinges on me someday becoming a successful comedian cuz I'm not nothing else is going according to plan Basis that's awesome. Yeah, I mean when you crash the work truck like week two I was like it's like damn That's fucking that's awesome. Well, you know, it's crazy is everybody else I work with is like me too in that regard, but they don't have a there's nothing else going on

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean I won't say with everybody but like You know, I've meet it I meet a lot of people in like landscaping and service industry stuff where it's like they also aren't cut out to have a regular job, but there's not like a hidden talent. Right, right, right. Yeah. I think, but I think also everybody has the same mindset of me is like, yeah, once this other thing works out, yep, the gravy train is And, you know, I enjoy me being around while it lasts. Cause, you know, you'll have an old guy who's like, yeah, once my daughter moves up here from Florida,

and it's like, what does that even fucking mean? What does that mean for you? Yeah, what are you talking about? Once I get my pad in South Carolina, won't be seeing much of me. South Carolina Won't be seeing much of me Yeah, won't be seeing much of me anymore is like we don't give a fuck if we see you now You can quit. Yes, leave the job. We don't care. Yeah, who gives a fuck about you, man Yeah, I don't think it's good that I this is way off topic, but

Yesterday I drank a liter of squirt soda and I just finished a liter today and I feel like it's not good No, it's 103 grams of sugar drank a liter of squirt soda, and I just finished a liter today, and I feel like it's not good No, it's 103 grams of sugar in a liter The main thing is the calories. Yeah, let's 300 and it's not bad. It's about 400 calories for a thing of soda That's pretty bad It's a meal. Yeah. Yeah, so well I mean um I Need to stop because I really like squirt And they don't have the little cans at the gas station. But I really like squirt soda.

And I don't like water. So I need to stop drinking squirt. Yeah, you don't like diet soda either. And that's tough because I feel like diet soda is like IPAs where it's like as you get older, you develop a taste for it. It's an acquired taste. But I don't know. I prefer diet soda in some contexts now. But you know what it is, I prefer it because I

don't have to worry about it. I don't even have to think about it. For me it's like, it doesn't even exist. And I'll treat it the same as drinking water even though it's just brown chemicals. It's just blank. It's a big plate and it's filled with nothing burger. You know, you know, what's another brown chemical that sustained on my life? What Barack Obama? Oh my god, I thought you were gonna say dookie. No, I was gonna say Barack Obama Barack Obama That was I click the drug Obama's tiny Barack Obama.

That was, I clicked the truck. Barack Obama's tiny. We shrug him down to slittles. Shrinking Obama, I'm shrinking Obama. Shrinking Obama down. Black presidents tiny. Obama. We're shrinking Obama. We're shrinking Obama. Come and get on. Come and get on. I'm shrinking Obama. I'm shrinking Obama. Come and get on it. Yeah, that's what I like to hear Anyway, yeah, I need to stop man. I fucking I've been like going to the gym every day

And working out and then in my mind is that you can drink two liters of soda. It's not big deal I don't think that's how that works But I fucking hate I hate thing This is suck. It sucks. I don't know how to fucking like I can't not bargain with myself man Like that's just the end of it like I'll go and do something fucking healthy, and then I'm like you earned 110 grams of sugar that you earned that So you know in one sitting that's not to include all the other stuff. I have that probably a sugar in it as well So you know but uh? Yeah, you're gonna die soon from that.

Come on, man, don't talk like that. I don't like when people talk like that to me. Ha ha ha. This is really bad. No, I mean, look, I've been taking care of myself. I have a, you know, I have a Teladoc appointment tonight. So that- You have a nighttime appointment? So that I can show a note tomorrow that says I was at the doctor

today. I do this probably once a month where I go and I have a Teladoc appointment and then I just tell them yeah I'm actually I have a headache started this morning and yeah it I'm just kind of nauseous and kind of clammy all day. And they're like, oh, what's that from? And I say, I don't know. Anyway, this has given a good talk. I don't need any medicine,

but if you could just write me a note, I sent you the $45 and we could call it even there. Keep my job note. Yep. Can I just get a, sent you the $45 and we could call it even there. Keep my job note. Yep. Can I just get a, can I just get a don't get fired note please, yeah, whenever I work. That's exactly what happens and it works just fine. I went to go, I went to watch the Astros play

on like a random, I forget, the next day was a work day and I called, texted my boss and he was just like, you're gonna need a note or you're gonna get fired. And I was like, okay, so I went to one of those CBS Minute clinics and basically the same thing. And they're like, how are you feeling? And I was like, I'm actually feeling like completely normal and credible.

But I did have about 15 IPAs last night and some pork nachos. And I did not want to stand in the 110 degree heat driving fence posts for 12 hours a day. So if you could just give me a piece of paper that says that we that we had a conversation that way I don't get fired would be great. Thank you. I used to also have a I had a doctor's note that I loaded up into Photoshop when I was in college and that I would just like edit the dates on stuff and then just like

show that to to to my work at the university and to my professors. Which was way easier than going to the doctor. And this is put you guys on some game. If you have a doctor like you can go online and find one. But if you have like a doctor slip laying around and you don't want to go to work. Go to work or your job or school or whatever the fuck load that fucker up on your phone now You could do take a picture of it and then if you have Photoshop you can just change the date on the corner and then you can sign it and then do a fake doctor signature and that is how you get out of drinking too many beers and And you can never get fired for that immediately Yeah

If they find out they go that was a pretty good one We're not gonna fire you because I was a really clever move But next time you will be fired you have to think of a more clever move to outsmart our cleverness as well Yeah, or you guys could actually just be honest and go to work. How about that? Fucking dog shit, dude. Sounds awesome. Yeah work rules work rules work rules work rules Shrek and Obama work rules Shrek and Obama now he's tiny he's tiny put him up a bucket president put him in pocket feeding him carrots watch some crunch

crunch in my pocket tiny Obama Michelle Obama made her huge. Walking around eating healthy foods. Mr. Obama he's so little. His tiny tiny size just like Skittles. Miley Obama who is that? I think that she it's it's thinking she would to come in such a bomb on the center we we see a different college uh... i don't know if i should try this children of obama he's there adults now you can threaten if you want i i think i think all they did was go to art school yeah i think and i think malia did cocaine with the dude from uh... pro era

uh... maybe it's always bad as yeah yes like joey I think Malia did cocaine with the dude from pro-era Maybe Joey's badass. Yeah Yeah, more like Joey Joey criminal Honestly, they should Joey good ass cuz what he's done for the community. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah more like Joey nice ass Cuz he's actually a good guy. Yeah, that's what I would say if I'm yeah, they should call you Joey nice ass instead mmm, and What do you think he would say he would say you talking about my ass and that's it. No No, and I would go closer and say yes

Yes, I am. Yes, Joseph says Joseph bad. Yes. I'm Joseph bad I'm talking about your butt. Joseph, nice butt. I am the ghost of Capitol Steeze. Oh my god. I'm still alive. And I'm white. Damn. And I'm horny. I'm horny. You have to fuck your dead friend who's still alive and white.

Joseph. Joseph. I'm thinking he lives in New York, he just hang out in his apartment and say shit like that. And probably, you know. Joseph, bad ass. You must join me. In hell. Kill yourself, Joseph. It's so we can have sex. So we can bang.

You can't have, you're an incel. So we can burn you can't have to you're an incel You know plan of selling incel you cannot have sex with Obama's daughter anymore Cannot I it is me Obama The ghost of the real Obama Obama was killed in 2007 by Hillary Clinton. By Hillary Clinton

and replaced with a black robot. To do her bidding. It's like a regular robot but black. Correct. For some reason she replaced him with a robot that would beat her in the election.

I was thinking maybe she replaced him with a robot that did her bidding even though because she lost maybe he would do the presidency that she would want and not the one he originally wanted. Ooh. Unless Hillary was killed by William. William. William Clinton. Oh, and replaced by a white robot.

With a white robot that sucks cock. Oh, yes. I love that. Thank you. She never got a wife blowjob so he killed her and replaced her with a white robot, a white cock sucking robot that does hella politics. And wears a nice suit. Like a wife should. A wife should wear a suit and suck your of like a wife should a Wife's suit and suck your wife should wear a suit and be the president and suck your penis Suck your white cock Your cock mr. President a

Lot of girls all be having only fans what they need to be doing is wearing a suit and sucking cock All right a lot of these only fans whores they are never gonna find a husband what they need to be doing is wearing a suit And sucking cock and running for president if you were actually attracted man cut your hair off Where's shoe one for public office? And suck my cock Mike My Christine is in here There's actually I do work with a different guy named Mike who talks exactly like this exactly that's cool. That's nice I'm not I'm not doing any of this. I don't know. This is you got to talk to you

You know about this. I'm supposed to be on a three-hour lunch break right now. I Do with this I gotta go drive the car. I'm really not, they can't see me over here to do this. I'm not supposed to be doing this. There's not a work order in for this. I can't, my job is to drive to the other side of Brooklyn and eat lunch there for two hours. I love union guys, dude.

I like, I'm like, I have, I'm not being I'm not being sarcastic. I love That a place still has strong unions like New York because I know That guys like that exist and I know that they can't they can't lose their jobs and I love that people We're not we're not doing this is a steep slope and it's raining It's gonna we're gonna slide down the slope and it's it will tumble like tumble weeds We're not doing this my friend Damien joined the pipefitters Union And they got a job like out of state and he had worked in Texas for a long time You know like you know right to work or whatever so he was told me like literally like like first week

He was blown away cuz he was like he was up in where the fuck was he at he was in Massachusetts or something He was saying that they were like working and then like it started to drizzle as an inside job But they had to like go out to like get materials and all the guys were like yeah, it's looking pretty bad out there So we're gonna call it. I'm gonna let everybody know we're calling it and You guys have a good day. We'll pay you for the day and they mow was like No, I think I don't want to stay and like give my work rather just stay and get my work done You know good will clear up and he said all the guys looked at him like children of the corn It's all stared at him like it's just cool that you can get to a point with your union where you can be like

I want to go home and jack off You guys want to go home and jack off and the guys are like, I think so and then you just you can't go home And jack off you got a jack off here. You got a guy to stay till 3 Jack off in the bathroom. There's a line Okay There's a Yeah More like yeah any overtime

Yeah, no overtime. That's another thing, but I mean like honestly, I don't know. No, they have overtime in unions. No, I know. Which is not mandatory. Yeah. Like. Typically. I feel like the benefits, I don't know. I have no idea. I would feel like the benefits

without WAC. I've worked jobs where obviously there's no union and it was really bad like I'm pro union. I just yeah There's it's cool that You know people end up having jobs where it's like, you know, maybe somebody else would be better in this position But also who cares? Matter yeah Hey, that's not the most efficient front-end loader operator you could have It's what the hell is wrong with you. It's just my brother. This guy could be moving way more gravel around Yeah, I just got what the hell this is why everything's gone to shit because John's got his brother working

he and he sucks shit and the cop in his union is all backed up and God knows how long it'll take to get in there the civil service test only comes around every five years. It's bullshit Every time I hear about like some anti-union Like shit head it's like it's like from a guy that works in like venture capital or whatever That's like why does a union longshoremen need to make $220,000 a year at the port of New Jersey? And I'm always like, people only pocket watch like Union fat Italian guys. You know what I mean?

Like people are only like, what does he do to get that much money or whatever the fuck? And it's like, I have no idea what a longshoreman is. I don't know what they do. I would imagine in my mind's eye, they stand next to a bunch of shipping containers at a port and they go I don't know about that one boss and then they make fucking ten thousand dollars a week That is essentially what I think that a union longshoreman is if I am right sound off in the comments if I'm wrong Sound off in the comments But yeah, everybody people only like complain about that shit with like blue collar guys who make a bunch of money. I think it's like not

exclusively an American worldview, but this idea that people who like do work with their hands can only make a certain amount. Like because it's a quote-unquote stupid job. Like you, you can't make too much money if you're not smart, I think is a thing that a lot of Americans believe. Yeah and it's also part of the idea that people who like do pipe fitting or mill rights or whatever the fuck aren't also like guys who know how to read. Not to be fair, you know, I've worked with a lot of guys who straight up do not know how to read good. But I think if you don't know how to read and

you make 150 grand a year and you do know how to read and you're mad at the guy that no it doesn't know how to read he makes the money as you that's a you problem you learn to read you went to law school to make the same amount of money as a guy who like is really good at driving the trash truck or whatever the fuck sorry I gotta wrap this one up a little bit early okay I forgot I have a doctor's appointment right now, but okay Thank you guys for listening and come to the Chicago Milwaukee and Detroit shows, please check the Padeo time link tree out. Alright. Goodbye. Bye. Bye Yes, sir about that, man