Pendejo Time - sludge monster
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I think this time.
I think my audio should be normal.
I'm doing a pre-check.
We're good.
We're rocking.
Feel that beat, and we can ride the brigade.
Feel that beat tonight.
What if you were taking a pee?
We've taken a piss and a really cool black guy,
the coolest black guy you've ever seen in the world.
And he's got on a pair of amazing jeans.
And he goes,
he got there's there's 32
there's 32 urinals and he gets
the only one next to you and he goes
would you have the strength
and the power to challenge him in that moment
or would you succumb and let yourself
be held be let your body be ravaged by him
I would succumb instantly
and his
his word would be bond when it came to my body
100% yeah I was singing the same thing
I would say peace is to God
and let him
go fucking crazy beast mode
all up into my insides.
I would have,
I would have,
my insides would be looking like,
they would be looking like
the green
Kool-Aid wings by the time he was done with me.
Yeah, my shit would look like a strawberry
short cake.
My,
the inside of my throat will be
looking like one of those
pineapples that's dipped in the,
in the stuff.
Man,
that's been taking the world by storm
and I thought that maybe that was
like a,
rage bait thing we've been watching the candied pig ears and all that for years you want me to get
mad at people eating regular food i've been watching fucking fried koolet dolphins on instagram for a long time
now yeah i see videos out of southeast as they're frying an entire horses and fucking white rhino
horn yeah i don't fucking in a henny in a henny calada glaze yeah i've been watching videos of
fucking lout laocean dudes cooking an entire fucking
brand new horse calf.
And I'm not really freaking out about people.
People,
now the one thing I can't get behind
is people are taking the Kool-Aid thing
a little too wild.
I think I'm also just doing it for content,
but I saw Kool-Aid sardines.
I think maybe you sent me that.
Or maybe somebody sent me that.
I think that's probably a joke,
but if it's not,
stop.
I watched the video.
You sent it to me at the end,
she says, and then throw them in the trash.
Oh, okay.
See, I just immediately got...
I watched it all the way through, and I already knew that created very well personally.
Oh.
Through business dealings.
But, yeah, you know, not speaking for myself, but with how unhealthy a lot of other Americans are nowadays,
I just look at these people doing this, and I think, God, imagine what they, you know, the health problem,
I seem to have, they're so obvious.
Yeah.
It's like a giant, you know, elephant in the room with these people where, you know, they're not walking well, they're not breathing well.
But when you switch to, when you switch to an elevated lifestyle, like we have Jake, and you just kind of start to stop and learn when it comes to everything you see.
Why are you breathing like that?
Why are you breathing like that?
Truthfully, I'm not.
I've added it.
In post, we've added an effect.
That makes it seem like I am...
Having an asthma attack.
Good thing is that I'm not.
Well, I know when I texted you.
Do you really think I would be too lazy to get up and grab an inhaler in a situation like that?
You think I would just act like it wasn't happening?
You sound like a turbo on an old fucking Subaru, dude.
He's like a fucking...
He's like a fucking turbo in a four-banger.
think it's distracting.
If I'm being completely transparent,
I don't think it's distracting.
I'm listening.
At first I thought there was like a fan oscillating in the room,
and I was like, dude, what, what do you have?
No, no, I don't use,
there's no fans.
There's no, there's no air circulating right now.
There's no airflow in the room.
It's just,
he!
Windows closed, no fan.
Yeah.
Door closed for better sound.
You also told me you were ripping pen
pretty much all day and looking at stuff.
Um, not.
all day.
I'm stooped in my mouth a little bit.
Just,
you know,
part of the part of it.
Yeah.
But at this point,
instead of really having any effect
on me,
I just kind of become a monster,
the sludge monster.
And sludge monster doesn't really
do a very good job of anything.
Doesn't do chores.
Sludge monster's always happy.
Sledge monster,
very happy to
look at phone and wheeze.
Yeah, just not very good at everything, anything, but I am happier than I've ever been in my life.
Yeah.
I'm not really a savant outside of you.
I'm not like a good boyfriend or a partner, and I'm not really good at my job, but when I hit pin all day, it becomes sludge monster.
Not quite fireable, not quite break up with a bull.
Yep, but I am happy.
I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.
I'm very happy.
I feel like a minion.
A banana
I'm the sludge monster
I'm the happiest I've ever been
and
my name is sludge monster
I'm 600 pounds
645
my blood
is mostly honey barbecue
sauce
um
I enjoy
I have a salt collection
I like drawing ant hills
I like sledding
I don't get a chance to sled very often
but it's probably my favorite thing to do
pretty much any
Hey I'm Johnny Knoxville
And this is the newest
newest member of the jackass crew
Say hello
Say hello to everybody
Slutch Monster
Hey
Hey
You gotta stop dude
I'm not doing anything
I'm not gonna do that day
You just get you an inhaler dude
I don't know.
I think it's at work.
We have a whole hour.
I don't need something like that with me.
That frequency people are,
it's not going to pick up for people.
See,
did you hear that just now?
No.
You're doing chocolate rain right now.
I got to let the people know.
Yeah.
Yeah,
I'm doing chocolate.
I'm doing chocolate rain in the toilet.
I'm making mud,
brother.
I'm on the toilet.
That's what I'm wheezing.
It's because I shit out of my lungs.
Sludge monster here.
Sludge Monster out
I quit the show
Hey what's up this giant
I'm quitting this fucking show
I'm sludge monster I was about to be introduced
Not
I'm not doing that shit
It's Hollywood bullshit
Hey we got sludge monster on the
On the fucking trash talking stink man pod
Here to tell us about all the jackass five drumma
So why'd you quit the show Sludge Monster
I never fucking agreed to be on this podcast
In the first place what the fuck am I doing here
Where's my phone
What the fuck
Where's my girlfriend
Where's my girlfriend
Sweet onions
I gotta go
Be bad at my job soon
I don't know how the fuck I even got here
I'm a tractor trailer
I'm a CLM compartmentalizer
I'm a cellar
You're staring at the CLM compartmentalize your
Tractor trailer and
The husband of sweet onions
So give me my phone
Get me out of here
first name sludge
last name monster
you're gonna
last first name sludge
when I listen music
it's a type of a concert
yes
oh man
that's why the show is getting bigger
and better every week
we'll make more money than I thought possible
when I listen to music
it is that good is that concert
Yeah.
Don't you like the
The, uh,
little Wayne is in like Amazon commercials now.
Have you seen those?
What is that?
Little Wayne is in like a series of like Amazon Alexa commercials.
And he'll be like,
Alexa.
What's the song about how gangsters move and silence?
Yeah.
Hi, Lil Wayne.
Here's the answer to your question.
You're the greatest rapper of all time.
Thank you
You think his money's that fucked up
Or you think he just
He's like
I know he's got
I think his money is that fucked up
Yeah
Okay okay yeah
I know he made a lot of it
But I'm like
Yeah I think
Birdman stole a lot of it also
Yeah that's true
And I think also
Um
He's a heroin addict
Heroin addict
Hero I just thought he was
I thought well I guess
He got caught with heroin
And like two
gold desert eagles
like a year ago.
Oh, okay.
That's such a funny.
Because they don't really make that much
Yeah.
Like if you were a big lean guy back in the day,
it's kind of.
Yeah,
pickings or swim.
I mean, I haven't attempted to.
No, it's a drought.
It's more than a drought.
It's like, yeah.
I was about to be like,
bro, if you're trying to get actual,
bro, even getting Tris now,
I was like, bro.
No.
The last time,
straight up to last time I had real lean
was when I got it from the fucking doctor
like this was
I was in college this was like 10 years ago
I was like
that's and anytime I've like
people have been like oh I've got it since then I'm like
this is just like green syrup and fucking
crad and powder or whatever it's just
something else entirely
I don't believe I got but I got this shit straight from the doctor
I think I told the story on here it didn't even give me fucked up
because at that time
I was doing helen morphine.
So I drank like a fucking,
I drank like four lines with some fucking jollia.
What's it,
Guaf,
Guaf,
Steffinerson.
So that's the shit that's like
the expectorant that they've been putting in it
is a deterrent to get people to stop people
from drinking it because if you drink too much
coiffinishing,
you puke.
It's kind of like old heads will know this.
Keyboard Cleaner when they started adding a bitter
agent.
It took a very bitter taste.
So you go to do keyboard cleaner in your mouth
immediately through.
fills with this very bitter chemical.
And no, he didn't say bitter Asian.
People always ask, can you say that?
A bitering agent.
So, yeah, Guafinisan, but I don't think the shit I had.
Maybe it did have the Guafin.
I don't remember.
But I do remember that I mostly gave a lot of it to my roommate or sold it to him.
Because I had, like, 60 pills of Dilaudid and, like, 100 Vicodin and in a fucking sack.
Now, I was chomping on them motherfuckers all day and watching Ed and Eddie, like a goddamn, like a real sludge monster.
like a real fuck it
how many jaw how much can we
fuck it up how bad can we fuck
everything up you know what though
I'm happy I was thinking about that
like a lot lately
sometimes I have to like
I have to externalize
and have to vocalize
my uh
how much I hate not doing pills
and fucking powders
sometimes I think I'm like
dude man I miss being the sludge monster
I miss being fucking fat as fucking
fucking nothing working
I'm not good at the thing
I'm probably the worst
It's so fucking sick.
It's so awesome.
Nobody expects anything from you.
The only thing that they really expect you to do soon as die.
And that kind of puts you in a dope-ass position because, like, like, I totally, in the metamorphosis when Gregor turns into the bug and his family walks in and they're like, ah, fuck, you're a bug.
And then, like, the next page, they're like, we've got to get jobs.
I feel like, sometimes I feel like I wasn't the bug when I was fat as fuck.
And now that I have a life and I have a little bit of fucking cheese,
I have, I feel like now I've turned into the bug.
You know what I mean?
I'm like, I got shit I got a handle now.
Whereas when I was a fucking loser, if you're a loser, nobody asked you for help.
If you're the sludge monster, nobody goes up to a 600-pound green sludge monster and goes,
yeah, let me hold a dollar.
You know what I mean?
Nobody fucking does that to sludge.
He's unreliable.
Him and Sweet Onions got fucking shit to do.
He works at the CMP comptroller at Tractor Trailer.
That one was crazy.
You literally sounded like an F1, like, passing.
That in post, none of that is even going to be there.
And I would be willing to bet quite a bit of money on that.
If you expect me to pull anything in post out, you have got another thing coming.
I have left people's names in here that I should not have left in.
Well, people are going to come.
People are going to listen to this and they're going to be in the comments like, Jake,
you really overreacted to that like crazy and you sounded crazy you sound crazy you sound like a crazy
person yeah like you took a snort of crazy drugs
dude uh what did you smoke a crazy cigar before filming was today Thursday dude I haven't
showered since Monday I'm on some fucked up shit dude I'm on some fucking dude we are
happy and we are fucking brushing our teeth dude we are doing so good
I don't know what the fuck's going on.
Probably a lot of anxiety-inducing my tragedies in a short amount of time, like always.
But, dude, I fucking, I was just, this sometimes happens.
You're a clean guy.
But, like, sometimes this happens to me.
I'm house trained.
Yeah, your house train.
I'll put it like that.
I'm house trained.
I'm not really.
Yeah.
You know.
I'm a sick part.
I'm left of my own devices.
I'm, I do.
I do shower.
He shower regularly.
You brush your teeth, normal style, usually.
I just like to take my pants
off and then leave them on the floor.
I like doing that.
Yeah, me too.
I was sitting watching
fucking Wolverine and Deadpool
like a fucking chud.
And I was like, what is that smell?
Somebody fucking, who the
fuck is deep frying?
It smelled like fried,
like solid, like,
like trash.
It smelled like it. It smells
like french fries and like brown
trash water. And
I'm like walking around my apartment.
I take the trash out, Thomas. I take
trash out. I put a new liner in.
And I fucking spray in the
kitchen.
Because right before we had to go to Houston for
the emergency for emergencies,
I had made a fuck ton of steak.
So we kind of left. So I was like, okay,
there's probably old meat stink in the apartment.
And the trash is here.
So I fucking throw the trash out
and I clean the cast iron.
Give it a good scrub.
and I sit down and then fucking 20 minutes goes by and I still smell fried stink.
You know what it is?
It's me.
I pull my shirt up into my fucking nose is me because I've been eating fucking hell of pizza and french fries and I have not bathed myself coming up on five business days.
And if you're like, that's gross, that's gross.
Why are you talking about that?
That's gross.
This is my show and this is my real ass life.
If you have a problem with that, fucking don't listen.
Go listen to the fucking.
Two Girls Kissing and Buying Shoes podcast
With your host
With your host Carlita
Cui
And
Tony Demone
I don't give a fuck
I sometimes
My gums bleed
For fucking a month
Until I get the right toothpaste
You know what I mean
Sometimes I got boogers
Sometimes I got fucking
But
But crust
And nut cheese
You know what I mean
but Jake you have a
so you have people live with you
should take care yourself hey
check this out she's locked in now
I got her ass she can't go nowhere
we picked up a marriage license last week
she's fucked
she can't you ever
you ever you ever trap a bitch
you ever trap a bitch
you ever trap one
me neither
I'm just kidding yeah
a bunch of them
in Norway
I'm a Yotun.
What's the, what's, what's, what's, what's, I'm a yo ton.
Yeah, what's the damn name for damn giant in Norwegian?
I think it is Yotan.
Yo ton, feel good, hell, my boss.
Yo ton feel good.
Your tongue feel good at my, and I don't pay, yeah, what's, hell, my boss.
Yo tongue feel great and I don't pay rent here no more.
I can't, yeah.
I had to fucking, oh, man, me, my boss.
It's Norway or the floor way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Keep that, keep, keep your ton on my nuts and keep paying my rent.
Well, I keep trying to figure out.
Keep your foot on the pedal and your tongue on my nuts.
My name ain't the sludge monster.
Yo.
Well, my name ain't my fucking sludge monster.
Well, my wife's name ain't sweet onions.
Oh, Sludge.
Thank you for coming home for Christmas.
It's been so long.
And who's this lovely lady you're bringing into our end of the Sludge family home?
Oh.
This is sweet onions.
She, well...
She sure has a lot of blood
blood in her body. She's red.
Yep. She went to the same high school I used to go to.
Okay. And wow, she has the longest legs I've ever seen.
What are they? Nine stories tall?
Yep.
She could barely get into that.
Same nine stories as our high school, finally enough.
I can't believe she...
The college high school in our town.
I remember I met your daddy. He was only about 500 stories tall.
and he, oh, he wasn't even that green then.
He's maybe like a yellow.
Anyway, sludge monster, I hate, I hate being your mom,
and I hate being a part of your family.
Come here.
Hey.
I'm going to take away you.
Okay, here it comes.
The sludge monsters are known to kiss each other,
and the mothers are known to kiss their sons.
And while many in the animal,
to my frown opponent, it is coming in the
sludge monster family. Yeah, I'm sure
I fucked up animals.
That's who they get when David
at Burrow dies. I just say, fuck it.
Just get an old piece of shit
from like Arlington.
You know, that'll be good
for a history channel.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, guys,
we're looking for a bunch of fucked up old
stuff.
I just get a dude from Odessa.
We can find, guys.
Get a guy from Odessa.
Yeah.
I'll see what they got in this year of bar for.
We're tearing down.
It's just at the pawn shop, tweaking, like, sweating.
Yeah, that's, uh, oh, I got a fender.
Sorry, I fall asleep alive.
That's gold.
That's gold boo-ion right there.
It's just, it's chicken boo-y.
It's just like chicken boo-yard.
You guys, gold cube.
Gold Cube.
Welcome to History Channel's new show.
New show.
I pawn everything to fuck my life up.
My name is Terry
Terry Jerry
And I just came here down to
The All Star Pond Shop
On Odessa, Texas with some gold bouillon
Uh, hi, hey Terry
It's Brad
Um
I see you got the cameras here
I'm not sure how that worked out for you
Yeah, you were always jealous for me
Because we went to Haskell and I got all pussy
And you lived alone
In a fucking hole in the ground
It's not true
I run my dad's pawn shop in out there
Um
What do you got for me today man
You said you got some gold bullion.
Is that true?
Yeah.
All right, Terry, let me take a look.
Terri, this is chicken bouillon.
Well, let me see the second cube, just to confirm if I am being tricked by my arch nemesis from high school, Terry Jerry.
That ain't no trick, man.
This one's, that one's cheek.
That one's Cheekin.
That's from Cheekin China.
That's gold bouillon.
The second one, actually, I'll address the cameras here.
You guys are with the hit.
That's pirate law.
This is History Channel.
I would like to say the first cube was chicken bouillon.
Second cube, actual gold bullion.
So we can do business on the second cube, obviously.
Terry, but obviously the first cube I will not accept as it is a spice.
I must have got my cubes mixed up.
That's all right.
I happen to the best of us.
The other one is supposed to be fake.
Not the first one.
Terry, let me get this on the scale,
and then we can get you out of here.
Because I'm going to be honestly, Terry,
I'm very happy for you to have your own TV show,
but you made my life a living hell in high school.
All right, and I'd like a flag.
Okay, we got...
I'd like money for that from you.
Okay, so I weighed the bouillon up.
I've created a new flag.
I've weighed the booion out, Terry.
$650 market rate, cold hard cash.
As far as the flag goes, you said that you...
I've made a flag.
For Amarillo.
Well, the first thing.
It is a human boy completely skinned.
Hung from an upside down cross.
It's a real picture.
Yep.
It's a real picture of you.
This is right here.
See, this is a picture of you when you're a good.
It's a new flag of Amarillo.
It's a picture of you skin down to your butt cheeks hanging upside down on a cross.
I've already talked to the mayor and everything.
It's sorted.
Yep.
New flag for us.
Now hold on a minute, Terry.
How did you find, first of all...
You have three hours to hang this up in your yard.
If you don't have a flagpole,
you'll be allowed an additional hour
to install a flagpole.
Terry.
Terry, first of all...
Yes.
Why, I do not...
I do not accept the new flag of Amarillo,
and I'm not legally required to unless...
Denied. Motion denied.
Unless I am missing.
Now, the people of the History Channel are telling me
that it is a new law
okay
and he owe me
$70 for the gold
I did pay you $650
are you saying
that you would like
$70 more dollars
for the gold
frankly I didn't realize
you'd paid me already
that's okay
I'm okay with the amount
you paid me
is this much more
than I thought gold was
yeah Terry
I thought what gold
he went off the sides
that's why I made it a cube
no I understand
it is a dense
six six sides of a cube
not eight
eight would be a slightly different shape
which I've also invented
an octa heat
it doesn't matter
anyway Tara doesn't matter
frankly it would be
frankly they could do whatever shapes they have now
with all the models
Terry where did you get this picture of me what hung upside down
on a cross-flamed skin of my little boy pecker out
Why'd I have a feeling you were going to ask me that
Mm-hmm
Why don't have a feeling you're going to ask me something like that
when I started to do that picture
Well, seeing as I remember that day pretty fondly, well, not fondly.
I remember it vividly is the word.
I didn't know you were taking pictures that day.
Let's not make up words, Fond, Vivide, whatever you say.
Fawn Vivod is my father.
I appreciate you.
Anyway, yeah, I'll hang this up.
I'll get it.
I got a flag, Paul.
Take down the Texas flag and the American flag and the prisoners of war flag and the Confederate flag.
And I'll hang up this big old picture of me naked on a cross upside down my skin.
Don't take down the prisoners of war.
Okay, I'll keep that one.
They're still out there.
They are.
They're still in Vietnam.
And they're still alive.
They're still alive.
We have a chance to save them.
We did not kill them.
They weren't a complete fabrication in the first place.
This is not a fake, made-up flag.
For a fake made-up thing.
If you think what, what do you think, what is you think, seriously, the government would
use dead soldiers as political bait.
Come on.
That didn't happen, thankfully.
There's some things that just don't happen in this country,
and that's one of them.
Yeah, yeah, so basically,
the Powell MIA thing,
I just wanted everybody to know is that it's really not real at all.
But I will keep the flag up to honor those who were shot and tortured in Vietnam
as they deserved.
And the Americans, don't get me wrong.
I'm woke and I'm,
and I'm very, very...
I know this is a slightly unwoke opinion,
but I wish we had killed everybody in Vietnam.
Now, I know I might get a little heat for saying this.
I know I might get some pushback for this.
I might...
And some of it might be justified,
but I wish that was a big part.
a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wish if you were to look at Vietnam from a satellite,
it would just be a gray yellow striped block.
Yep.
They could just make it ocean.
Look.
But I'm getting a little long win in anyway.
I want to thank you guys for this Nickelodeon Teen Choice Award.
Terry, it means a world to me.
It's been a pleasure having you in the Pond Shop,
and I hope that your show goes good.
What's the show on the History Channel called?
What are y'all filming?
Well, what's my name again?
Terry Jerry.
Terry.
Well, we call it tearing it up, tear it down with Terry Jerry.
What do you do on the show?
You go in the pawn shops?
Oh, I go up in pawn shops and I try to scam people.
And I cry if I don't get my way.
And I start producing pictures of people.
Yeah.
Hug upside down on the cross.
I'm trying to cut myself on the TV.
I make them hang up new flags.
Sometimes I'm bringing this whole camera crew and I just,
and I just start cutting myself.
I start cut my legs up.
Yeah, real bad.
Mm-hmm.
See, I brought in this big booing out of today
for you to take look at it as I cut myself with it.
It's harm myself.
Remove parts of my body.
Yo, on some real shit,
there was a girl in junior high
that I used to write.
the same bus as me.
And she was like a goth.
I guess like an anime goth,
whatever the fuck.
And she got in trouble,
not in trouble, but she got sent to a different school
for cutting herself.
And it was very sad, but Thomas,
she used a shurikins
from the Renaissance Fair to cut herself.
And I know this because she showed me a video
that she took of her cutting herself on her razor phone, no pun intended.
And she was like, this is how I cut myself.
And I was like really like, you know, like scared.
And I felt very sad in that moment because it obviously a very dark thing to witness.
But then when I saw that it was, she was cutting herself with a red, Thomas,
a red and blue Spider-Man ninja star that she came from the Renaissance Fair
or one of those big stands at the Renaissance Fair,
I still felt sad, but it was, I don't think it was Spider-Man.
I think it was just red and blue iridescent, like, metal.
Like, the way you can, like, galvanize.
You have something that, like, Captain America would have?
Yeah, yes, yeah, it was a red and blue Shuriken Ninja Star,
and she was cutting her wrist with it.
I was still very scared, and I was very hurt because this was my friend.
But I think this is also a very pivotal moment for me as a boy and a young man.
I was trying also very hard not to laugh,
because that's very funny.
There are so many things in your house.
If you're a cutter, if you want to cut yourself,
your parents have knives.
Don't cut yourself.
If your parent, there's so much shit.
There's box cutters.
Don't do that.
That's crazy.
A fucking red and blue ninja star.
God damn.
That was an awesome moment for me.
I made me realize it was one of those things that happened to me that was profoundly traumatic.
And then also hilarious.
I was so funny.
Looking back now, telling you this story, I don't think I've ever told this story on the podcast before.
But looking back, just watching a grainy 240p video of a girl being like, this is me cutting myself.
And I'm like, I was taking it back.
And she showed me before I could do anything.
And then I see her wrist, her little bony pale wrist.
And then I see a blade.
And I go, ah.
And then she shows in the hand that it's a fucking ninja star.
Cutting yourself with a ninja star.
And she's like, I get back.
My dad gets seeds from the Renaissance Fair when he goes.
He's one of the guys who rides the horses
And I was like
Your dad joust is the Renaissance Fair
And you cut yourself with colored
Ninja Stars
Uh
That's all
You have a way cooler life than my life is sad
In a way that's not even that cool
My life is just kind of standard issue
White Trash said
You have a jousting dad
And you're cutting yourself
With a shuriken
That's like some shit that happens in the boondocks
Or something
That's some shit that happens to nightwing
You know what I mean?
That's
that's some shit that happens to fucking
Jason Todd or any of the other Robbins
Dude I think I'm going crazy
Speaking of going crazy
I'm thinking about sometimes when I think about it
Sometimes when I think about it
My fucking thingy
Don't work you know what I mean
And Tom knows I'm talking about
Oh yeah I was experienced it firsthand
Baroque B A-R-O-Q-U-E
Girl when you have to
When you have to
Wrap it up
into a ball.
Yeah,
you got to wrap it up.
You just put a rubber band on it
and then wait until it turns black
and put it in that lady.
Yeah, you got it.
And then by the time you finished
up, your blood has gone bad
and you release the rubber band
to the cardiac arrest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's like venom's,
it's like the symbiote suit on venom.
Yeah, you're going to cut your
sack open to get all the bad blood out
for you.
Before you die.
Yeah, for you die.
Yeah, that's why we see.
Yeah, that's what we got.
going on so anyway if your shit broke
if yo shit fucking absolutely broke
yeah if your shit needs to get
fucking thick
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I'm a girl and I don't think
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oh I want to give you a blow
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It's going, bha-l-a-l-boing.
It's not going boing, it's going, boom.
Like a poodle.
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Actually, they don't do anything like what I was about to say.
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rate up.
Oh, no.
Honestly.
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You know, being a fucking clown,
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Vietris.
Get your ass out of that
fucking trash can bea.
Come here, Vietris.
Come here, Vietris.
and suck on his butt cheek.
Beatrice,
I'm trying to get my thing down down on so damn good.
I got to wipe both my ass cheeks and kill myself after.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yo, I got this girl down the way, Vietris.
Man, she's sucking my dick so good.
I got to wipe both my butt cheeks and kill myself after.
That pussy's so good.
No, she got it so good
It's like you gotta take a shower
A couple days after
She got bushes so good
It makes me go to work on Monday
Yeah
Puzzle so good I go to work on time
Yeah, she got me
She got me mashed potatoes
And rice
She got me brushing my teeth
Once every couple of days
Yeah
He chocolate chip cookies
And water
You know you got a bad bitch
When you laid up in a fucking cot
You're eating chocolate chips in water
Your gums bleeding
Yeah
Drinking rain water
You got off the roof
Fucking the hell
Out of her missionary style
You know you got a bad bitch
When you fucking live outside
Yeah you boil in the water
You got off the roof
And you're eating
Chocolate chip cookie with hot water
Classic
classic Indian dish.
Cold chocolate chip cookie with hot water.
I just dip my cookie in hot water to heat it up
and it's like I'm eating hot out of the oven
and wet out of the oven too.
Yeah, you know,
I pour a bunch of water on my cookies
for I put in the oven that way when I open the oven,
it's hell of steam like that bitch like rainforest.
Yeah, and I got a bunch of goo I could eat off the pan,
like a hot goo.
Yeah.
Dude, I got tired of my smoke detector, so I just painted it a white circle on my ceiling.
Yo, I did the same thing, but it's got a bit of red on it.
Yeah, and then I painted wires 3D.
Oh, man, dude, when I used to work in restaurants when I used to work in restaurants and I was a server,
I don't like to play into a lot of stereotypes because I, I'm trying to, well, they're not nice.
but I knew I was going to get
tortured, literally tortured
and treated like a dog.
If I had an Indian family,
wait for it.
Indian family,
and everybody orders hot water
or room temperature
or they ask for warm water.
If I got one of those,
I knew I was literally going to get treated
like a fucking slave.
Like talk to like a dog.
And if you're like, Jake,
be careful,
it doesn't sound nice.
Fuck you.
If you've never waited tables
and you've never had like
a 70-year-old Indian guy
ask you for literally
room temperature water, not cold, or hot water,
and then fucking
get like nine appetizers
for his entire family of
15 to split, and then
tip you zero dollars, you don't know what you're talking about.
It happens. It's real.
I think it's just like, oh, I think it's
just old-head Indian dudes
that do that shit. They'll ask for
like hot water,
and they'll have like nine family members with them
and they'll get like two appetizers
and then they'll literally make sure
to write the biggest zero you've ever seen
on the tip thing and then leave.
Yeah.
When I first started waiting tables,
everybody was like,
oh, black people don't tip.
That's not my,
that was not my experience.
Black people tip good.
Mexicans tip good.
White,
poor white people tip the best.
Old white church people with money
tip like dog shit.
Indian families.
Tip like fucking shit.
Chinese.
guys don't tip too good
white boomers with
perfect teeth tip like shit
uh who too else
tips like shit I feel like
if for every race that I say
I have to name a different white person
that doesn't tip good to balance all this evil out
but I've done Indian
and Chinese
um
man
Inuit's man they're right in the middle
Inuits I've never waited on it
man
Man, the Inuit community, y'all got a tip better, man.
But y'all know I played too much.
Who was that?
Was that the different guy or that was still?
That was me, man.
No, it's all me, yeah, yeah.
Y'all knew I played too much.
You know I played too much.
That's what I say, but that's what I say whenever I'm not doing well now.
Oh, but y'all know I play too much.
Yeah.
You don't know.
You don't know I need to.
Help, I'm up here, and I'm stuck.
You don't know I need somebody to talk to.
Play too much.
I hope I'm not doing well up here.
Y'all know that it's
that it's not a joke anymore.
See, y'all know I'm Scottish, right?
I'm just aside of that.
Y'all know that it's not a joke
and I'm not joking anymore.
Y'all know I have no one to turn to.
Help.
Y'all know I don't talk to my friends.
I don't even.
You know I need help.
I need you to help me and help me out.
Y'all know.
Y'all know I don't even really text
my own parents. I just need help.
I'm too scared to ask for it. I don't know what that means.
See, y'all know, I'm a little boy, right?
Yeah, y'all know I'm a 32-year-old little boy.
I'm wearing the white pants that go up to the shorts
like they do in England.
Wait, what?
The white pants.
Man, shut up.
Man, shut up.
Man, shut up.
Get the hell out of Scotland, man.
Do you think Michael Jackson ever hit somebody with,
man, shut up?
Like, just like...
Man, shut up.
Did Michael Jackson have hands?
Let me Google this.
Did he have hands?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I know he had biological hands.
I'm curious to see if he could fight.
I would say that was probably not what he was getting into most of the time.
Michael Jackson.
I feel like he was powerful enough to not have to do that.
A.I. said Michael Jackson had the physical...
Google AI.
Michael Jackson has the figures, physical stamina, hand-eye coordination,
in rigorous dance trading to defend himself.
Jackson grew up with a strict boxing father
and earned a black belt and karate.
And he even trained in martial arts.
Well, okay, so Google AI gave me some dumb bullshit.
But, but, apparently, Michael Jackson did have hands.
And apparently, Michael Jackson beat the brakes off of Tupac in a hotel, I'm reading.
Wow, that's funny as fuck.
This has been confirmed by a number of people in industry and some of the witnesses.
Story goes that Michael Jackson wanted to collab with Pock and requested him to come to the studio.
Pock was excited, but was mad when he found out that Michael Jackson wasn't going to be there, so he tried to leave.
Pock started talking wild, and Michael Jackson smacked him up really good and beat the fuck out of him from his entire crew.
Hey, yo, for real, if I roll like 9 deep with a bunch of straight murderers, and I get my shit rocked by a he-he-ass dude,
I'm bombing the entire fucking tri-state area.
That's crazy.
I didn't know that was real.
That's funny as fuck, though.
Tupac actually, well, I know Tupac wasn't a real gangster.
I mean, he did die by gunfire.
So I guess that's probably the most gangster thing you could do.
But what I mean to say is that I know that a lot of it was an act
and that he was an actor and that his mother was a political activist.
And, you know, he was in the ride or die a lot.
That's not really what he was.
But I am surprised to learn that.
Jake laying the law down in terms of the thug authority here.
Yeah.
Keep you mind when a shot collar like this says something, that is the way it goes.
When a shot collar says, hey.
Hey, Tupac.
You were a gangster.
You ain't a real thug, motherfucker.
I know you died in a gang shooting.
I know you've been dead for 30 years, motherfucker.
But guess what?
Shit ain't so sweet now.
It ain't all pieces of cream.
I just read Michael Jackson beat the fuck.
A lot of gangsters have been born since he was around.
Play.
You look at it once
I'm born in 99
I'm from Beach of Texas
I'm 1990
What year was I born for?
Yep
And
And I recently found out
Oh
Never mind
That's
We won't
Leave that
You were alive
When Tupac passed away
Mm-hmm
Wow
Yeah
So I was born
And then my
There was a lot of
A turbulence
I don't remember this
Because I was one month old
But there was a lot of
turbulence because Kurt
died, Kirk Cobain died like a month after.
Wow. And people thought it was
because of you? Yeah, it affected my dad
so bad he didn't come around for a couple of years.
It's a joke. I've been working on. It's not very
good.
But
I may, it makes me...
It didn't actually happen, thankfully, so
that'll be a...
Yeah. I just think they've got it.
It's just all real...
Yeah, they got it to act with Jake. We can always
go home knowing he didn't mean any of that.
We can all go home
Nonia
Normal life
Oh
Good life
Jake
That's what we call him
Dude is good life
He said
Oh that's good life
You know Larry
You know Larry the cable guy
Yeah
That's kind of what Jake's got going on
Yeah
You know
Good life Jake
Good life
Hello
Hello
My name is good life Jake
I am very interested
In telling you
All the stories
From my time has baby
year one amazing
year two
joyous
years three
I received a gold diaper
it was amazing
it was amazing and it fit me
perfectly
all the
dude I've been getting really into
Ugandan and Nigerian
local politics and what I mean by that is
there's this channel
they've been live streaming
like local
I guess what you'd call
I guess town halls in parts of Uganda and Nigeria
and like translated it or whatever
and they're very funny
because I guess what is effectively
the mayor of the town will be like
he'll be like I am corrupt
and I am evil but
you all like me
and the people will go we do not
and he goes okay I will stop being corrupt now
and then they'll do a vote and then he'll win
and that is like the biggest thing in the whole town
and then the guy's name yeah is like
you know angel
angel hallelujah and I'm like
that's fucking sick dude
I want that here I want I want
I want more I went to a town hall meeting
like four months ago to make myself feel like I was a part of something
you know sometimes you do shit like that
like you go to a fucking protest
or something you know I saw you on the news yeah
you're up there we gotta get them all out of here
they're coming in a ruin San Marcos for the whites
yeah I'm talking about Cajun
I've had enough of these French
Frog motherfuckers
Stinking up my river
Oh
What I meant to say
A fucking one hour ago almost damn near
Was is it
I didn't think that the Kool-Aid pineapples
Were real
I mean I knew they were real
People were really eating them
But I thought it was some kind of a fucking trend
And then I went to the river
And boy,
They're eating them motherfuckers like hot cakes
That's a real ass fucking thing
I'm not saying it's not even that weird
In fact it's actually
In fact
Don't none of you guys
It's kind of very
It's very 1950s
Yeah it's fucking Kool-A
Yeah
It's it
You're telling me you wouldn't want to eat
A strawberry flavored pineapple
A pineapple chunk
Let sign me up
Anyway
They were selling some
But I didn't have any cash
And as you would have it
I don't know if this is surprising to you Thomas
The guy who was selling
Kool-A flavored pineapples
He did not take tap card
He only took cash
So
But maybe he will be at the river this weekend
Where I will be
he's like yep more passive income from me
more uh i do one of my
one of my favorite income
out here all day still on these
one of my favorite racist rants i saw recently
he was like a guy one of these fucking youtube dudes
and he was like uh yeah black people
they use their eBT cards uh to buy food from their store
which then they then resell as what these things called plates
they sell them as plates on uh facebook marketplace
They sell them at churches and stuff
That that money
That we get our tax dollars
Blacks use it
To buy ingredients
And all the replies were like
Yeah I mean that's what you do
That's what you do with
With money that you get for food
If you get a food card
Typically speaking you would buy food with it
That's kind of what it's for you
You fucking stupid white devil motherfucker
Yeah I'm starting
I'll be brave enough said
I'm about tired of Whitey
and somebody's got to step up and do something to me specifically
you fucking actually don't
make my family mad and actually would be pretty mad at me
if you're going to kill somebody kill somebody that deserves it
like any tow truck driver anywhere
actually uh that's not true
except for that's not true except for lucy
you know that's not true you know I've had a business on the side
those whole time dude if you were a tow truck driver secretly
on the I would fire you from the show
just kidding
But I would wonder why you would do something like that
And I would wonder why you
Because I don't give a fuck
I love tolling people's calls
I love
I've sounded one time I applied to be a repo man
I did not get the job
No that's awesome
You get an interview
It was an errands too
It was a furniture repo
They didn't let you
They wouldn't let me
You're stealing shit out of people's house
Yeah
They wouldn't let me take people's couches back
That's so awesome
I would have said sorry man
Get your fat ass off the couch
Or I have to kill you
I'm an agent of errands.
I can kill as I please.
I'll kill everyone in this house to get this couch back.
This is a $150 couch.
You think you just not pay your monthly $200 installments.
400% on this couch.
$4,000 a month forever.
Dude, when I was a kid, I did not understand where the repo man was.
I also didn't understand.
I mean, I was made to understand.
will be made to see it, but you will not live to see it.
Jesus Christ, huh?
I didn't know what repo was, and I didn't know that...
I just thought that furniture was something that you got from the store,
and then it was in your house forever until you died.
And so when I was a kid at the apartment,
before my mom left for work after school in the summer,
or in the summer after school, she would be like,
if somebody knocks on the door and says they're from errands or rooms to go,
don't answer it look through the peephole get on the step ladder and look through the
peephole and if it's from errands room to go don't answer the door and I was like oh okay
and then like a couple years ago by and I asked my dad why he's like oh because your mom
will go and get furniture from errands and she never pay for it so that's why sometimes
men would come take the chairs out of the house and the table I was like okay it's cool
but I didn't know that was something that could happen I was so very confused I was
like what happened to the couch my mom was like oh they
took it back and I was like what what
that couch is I've
farted on this couch I was too young to be yacking off but I mean
I probably peed on it
or like now son we're going to need you to try and yak off we know you're too
young we got to get our money's work out of this couch
so I need you to bust loads in this couch with your 8 year old
pecker son if you want to put this
couch in your truck that's perfectly fine but it does have 8 year old loads on it
does have 8 year old boys come on it
so that would make you a little
suspicious
The ultimate plan.
This couch is now filled with child porn.
Take it at your own risk.
I see you've come to get my couch, Aaron's repo man.
I'll have you know that you may be loaded onto your truck,
but it is covered in the loads of so many boys.
My sons.
Before you say that they're boys, I don't know.
They are my sons, which makes it normal.
Whatever you think the curb weight is on that,
add another 200 pounds right now.
Dry weight.
Just in dead skin and loads.
Pizza.
Oh, man.
Oh, dude.
Oh, fuck.
And me.
And me.
I am in it.
That's most of the 200 pounds.
One of the most disturbing things I ever read about was a girl that got locked in syndrome
and stayed on a couch for like 16 years and died.
Our family would leave her alone for extended periods of time.
Yeah, I straight up would stop giving a fuck.
She,
Fused as she, her body fused.
What are you?
It's very sad. It's very sad. Stop.
What are you going to be? You're going to be on the couch today?
Cool. All right, cool. I'm going to be. I'll catch you later.
Come on.
What are you doing?
All right. Chill.
That's literally when her parents went to prison, that was, I'm not kidding.
They tried to lie at first. And they were like, yeah, we didn't know.
And then like eventually her mom when they had her dead to rise.
The mom was like, yeah, I didn't really sign up for this.
So I just, we would dip. We were gone cruises, you know.
She was profound.
This is a very sad story.
Profoundly autistic and she
one day just didn't get up from the couch.
This was in like 2008.
And then
this is a very sad story.
Do not look at the pictures.
I repeat.
Do not.
I'm dead serious.
Don't.
I would rather look at fucking beheading photos
than look at the fucking.
I already seen them.
I saw the fucking pictures from the fucking...
She's eating bags of chips,
watching TV.
Looking like cozy as a clam.
A normal weight
Normal color
Normal weight
Normal blanket
Normal life
Reloing
Okay
Air rat
Well you know
There are some things
On Pendeo time
That we don't laugh at
We draw a hard line
And I guess that's not one of them
But yeah
Nope
It's not
We'll find it
We'll find a way
Found a way
I found a way
Damn
Y'all heard I got locked in
Syndrome
I beg it
Yeah
Fucking
Monde
Yo I'm making it like
that 200 bucks a week now
What the fuck?
Dude, do you remember
Do you remember when you first started making $100 a day?
Dude, I was texting people on my phone
Oh yeah
I was like, I remember
I started spending $50 a day on fast food.
Yeah, I was like, I think I posted on my first job
I think I did post something on Facebook
Like my first server shift
Where I made over $100 and I think I posted
is a picture of the money like yeah we're really getting to it and it was clearly at a joe's
crab check like and i was dead serious i think people laugh reacted they were like ha ha i don't think
you could laugh at the time people were putting laughing a winking and i was like i'm dead serious
about this money i made a hundred and twelve dollars today on a lunch shift at joe's crab check i'm
serious about my money now i'm changing the way i fucking talk and think eat you know what i mean
it's cool it's it's so cool to make a hundred dollars a day and then
then for one year you think your life's going to get better?
Maybe not.
Actually, one year's way of an exaggeration.
It's cool to make $100 a day doing some of the most backbreaking labor that you didn't know your body could even do.
And then for one month, you think that your life is going to change.
And it's going to get good.
Because you've never made $100 a day before you made like $60 a day.
But that first time you hit three numbers in one day?
Yeah, that first $100 gets you addicted.
Yeah, it's a work for $12.
That first hundred
That first hundred in your hand
The first five-twenties
Ooh that feel different
I feel good
I got some weight to it
After 10
Yeah we can work with this
After 10 hours
After 10 hours
In the fucking South Texas heat
In the middle of August
Yeah
When boss man hands you 520s
With boss man hands you 520s
You've been there for 4
hours on a roof with a bunch
of Guatemalans they're trying to stab you
and each other
and one
and one cool black guy
you start fucking talking different
people start talking to you
yeah people start being like oh yeah
$5 an hour that sounds familiar
yeah yeah he got
520s hey hold on hold on
hold on hold on hold on
you got 520s in your wallet
yeah
yeah
yeah
Yeah, I knew you smelled it when I walked in.
All from yesterday.
Yeah.
And a little bit from the day before.
Excuse me.
Can roll down to win you for me to license registration?
Oh, excuse me, sir.
Do you have 520s in your wallet?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry, sir.
Have a good day.
I thank.
Hey, hey, bless up.
You're doing a Lord's workout out here, officer.
Bo, ball, bow, bow, bow.
That's the sound of the grenade
Oh my God
He's killed every police officer
He's killed all the police
I'm in this one
My dress has polandas
It's got white frills at the bottom
But it has polka dots
And they're red, it's green
I don't have one red lipstick
And a fat ass
And I've just watched
And I've just watched
Him kill every police officer
In Texas
He's still having it
He's killing all the police
And I have a huge fat ass
A fat ass and a thick
A fat ass and a thick pipe
A huge tits in a green dress
I need help
Fuck me running dude
God damn that's funny
He's killing all the police officers
In Texas that I've got a huge
Huge ass and a pink lacy thong
My lipstick's red
I have a beautiful dress
Help I feel so much like myself
I've got a pink thong and a lacy
broad I feel more like myself than I ever have
Oh my God
Oh my God, he's ripping them open
He's killing them
He's eating their liver
Like an orca
He's got incredible grouping in his shots
And he's killing them with efficiency
And I have a little red thong
It's over the pink one from earlier
Yeah, sure
Who gives a fuck
Yeah
Same joke
Who gives a fucking
Who fucking cares?
Huge tins in a deal way
Nobody was like, oh my God, what a great joke.
Let's see how they're developing.
Let's see what.
Maybe we get another 20 minutes of this joke.
Let's see what else happens.
Oh, my God.
God damn it.
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
Anyway.
Oh, fuck.
How many cops are there in Texas?
Okay, I'm going to guess.
I'm going to guess.
I'm going to guess, I'm my actual number.
I'm going to say $650,000.
In Texas?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Police officers in Texas?
Yeah, yeah.
I think you might be, I think we might be a little bit high there, Jake.
There are 83,452 active.
That feels way too accurate.
California has approximately 150,000 cops.
I will say it was a lot more than I thought it's
145,000
And then like if you count game wardens and stuff is closer to 200
But like like like I really
Yeah
Like if you count like anybody that has a game warden
What's that like per capita?
I don't know people are in Texas
I guess a lot of people are in Texas
How many people in I think it's like 12 million
I don't fucking know anything dude
I'm so stupid
I bought a bunch of books that I'm really excited to fucking get pissed off
Because I can't read
I would like to say how to see like a machine by Trevor Paglin and then fucking goddamn hyper-politics by some German cocksucker Anton, whatever the fuck.
How many people in Texas?
31 million.
I'm dumb.
Dude, I'm so dumb.
31 million.
Texas added nearly 390,000 new residents making it a state with the highest net population growth in the nation.
Only followed by Florida.
Why the fuck are, hey, why the fuck are people moving to Texas in Florida?
Florida. Why? Why? I mean, if it's boomers, like, if it's boomers, it's moving to die,
and it's tech. Nobody can afford to live anywhere. That's true, yeah. That's probably true.
We don't have any water. It's kind of a big thing. It's not water.
No, I'm saying a lot of people are moving to Texas and Florida, arguably the two worst fucking states that the country has to offer.
I mean, they're top two. I mean, they're not top two. I mean to say,
they're in the top 10 of the worst.
I mean, fuck.
Like, if you're, I guess...
I mean, people are moving to New York, too.
And...
That's true.
Yeah.
But why, but why...
I mean, I...
Well, I'm not...
I know why people move to Texas,
so they can get on kill Tony
and start an AI startup and fucking be pedophiles.
And I guess people are moving to Florida for similar reasons.
You can move...
I think you can move to Austin for a girl boss reasons, too.
Yeah.
You know, go on...
Go eat brunch.
and fucking float the river and get fucked by DJs and stuff.
Do software integration or whatever.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
I think, dude, I would love to be, if you could pick a type of girl to be what would it be.
I think I probably would be girl boss.
If I had to choose, I'd be girl boss.
I would not be a homeless lady that has a bad life and her life sucks.
I think I would choose rich.
um probably skinny angular uh girl boss and maybe i have some tapestries in my home that are from
sicily who gives a sardinia who gives a fuck what type of bitch would you be um green
uh i would be uh um be a greek sailor's wife that's cool like what what era of greece like
when they mattered or now?
It's the 2080s.
The 2080s, so we don't know.
Anything could happen.
No, I know.
Superpower again.
I'll be,
basically, I'll be part of a Greek space force.
What would the...
In 2018, the big superpowers is going to be Greece.
Number one.
Number two.
Mm-hmm.
Taiwan.
Mm-hmm.
Number three, Honduras.
I was about to ask you,
because, you know, 300 years ago,
America wasn't a thing, but nobody thought America was going to be like the global super part.
What's the funniest countries, like 300 years from now, 400 years from now?
What's the funniest countries that would be like the top five?
I mean, I think realistically just with trade access,
you could have some really random countries.
Yeah.
Just as, as sea levels rise and stuff and all the shit.
Well, yeah, and with all these canals.
canals and everything being so contentious.
Yeah, yeah.
Like the fact that we control
controlled Panama or whatever was huge
for a long time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?
Yeah. I think that, I think
I don't know, because like I get
I don't get weird about it.
It's the weird's the wrong way. It's just like, I think like,
God damn, Spain and Portugal
and the UK and France used to run this shit.
And now they're just places that people go to like
Dumali.
and get fucked by dudes on mopeds,
and then fuck girls who, like, stink.
Like, I mean, girls stink everywhere,
but, like, it's just, you know,
these are fucking playgrounds for Americans
with disposable income,
and then, like, Australians,
and also Israelis who, you know,
they go there to fucking rape
and then get away with it.
My point being is that these are not superpowers anymore.
They're fucking playgrounds
for some of the worst people on the planet,
myself included.
Well, I don't want to,
I don't even want to,
I don't even want to put myself
in the same kind of category
as an Australian alcoholic,
or of or uh,
um,
I'm a different type of thing
which is white trash Texan
which is above two of those two things.
I don't think Australian alcoholic is close
to Israeli tourists in terms of even this
but I will say that they are
in my experience having talked to people
worse than Americans.
Um,
but they,
but,
uh,
not as bad as Germans.
Okay,
what is the other,
okay,
I'm,
I'm drifting.
I haven't eaten anything all day.
I got,
I was like a small,
like two foot tall,
purple man, his name is Ying.
I'm talking about, he rolls the whole world.
He has one giant gold coin for every beer.
And he says, he says beer like,
hazy.
Yeah, but he's a big coin on the table.
300 years from now, anything's possible.
A two-foot-tall purple man giving you a big gold coin.
Oh, fuck, it's a two-foot-tall purple man.
With a big coin.
He's not going to tip with a big coin.
Hashi!
Hasey, fuck, this is another beer.
I have to get him.
Hasi.
For some reason in the future, I don't like getting a beer for somebody.
Yeah.
That's an annoying thing to order.
I wish he got a space cocktail.
I wish he got a blue.
A.I.
A blue Hawaiian AI drink.
Sure.
Fuck it.
Yeah, what if a guy, what if there was an AI or something like that involved?
Yeah, that would be funny too.
Okay.
Well, I'm done now.
Thanks for listening to the show.
everybody.
Go check out the new video episode for the honchos.
I'm the one who Enoch's with JT, our honorary third.
People ask me, is he on the show?
The answer to that question is yes.
I need you to give him $50.
And then the answer to the show is, yeah, he's on the show pretty much.
But only sometimes.
Also, some of your business, who the hosts are.
I could bring a fucking, I don't know.
I could bring a Sri Lankan.
fat guy on here and he he could be the next
fucking Tom.
That would be, you know, Thomas say, hey man, I've had fun.
Bring on, what's this Sri Lankan guy's name?
What are their names sound like these days?
Sri Lankan male name.
I think their names are like, I don't want to be wrong.
Anyway, thank you guys.
Jamal, maybe.
Yeah, Thomas.
Sri Lankan male name.
Jaya Sakara,
Gwaka, Jindasa.
Yeah, had about enough of the.
that. Anyway, thank you guys for listening to the show.
Please go to patreon.com slash
pendeo time and toss us a little bit of cheese. One dollar
a month gets you access to the Discord.
Five gets you access to bonus episodes plus an entire
backlog of a bunch of fucking shit for the past
five years. And then $10 month
gets you access to bonus video
episodes. Usually
I was trying to do for a month and now
I'm back down to two because
of life.
So anyway, thank you guys for listening
to the show. Please check out Drunk Uncle
the Band on Spotify.
And if you are in Austin,
Texas,
on this coming Saturday,
this weekend,
I will be at Shakespeare's
Comedy Warehouse at 8 p.m.
doing stand-up comedy,
and it's all new stuff,
and I'm going to bomb,
and it's going to be very bad,
but that's okay,
because we are trying to work on a new half hour.
So I can have new material
if we decide to go and do live shows
after I get married,
which is the plan
for everybody who is,
wondering. If you are asking me to come to a place that is not in the United States,
some people have asked, oh, hey, you guys should come to Australia. As it turns out, we actually
have a pretty decent-sized fan base in there. It also turns out that for me and Thomas to get to
Australia, it would cost about $4,000. So if you want to donate $4,000 to me and Thomas to go to
Australia, it's a live show, you can send that to our Venmo. Don't do that. That's what am I doing.
I was about to actually say our memo.
So, girl would be like, hey, man, I just took out a mortgage on my parents' house.
And killed both of them.
Yeah, you better be in Sydney, like, next week.
Because I'm coming back from what I just did.
Thank you guys for listening to the show.
Bye.
Bye.
