Pendejo Time - soberlock holmes

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

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I'm like a white, white knight. You know, I'm not a white king. I'm white nobility. I'm definitely not a white king. I feel like to be a white king is like... Chet Hanks is a white king. You know what I mean? Like Tony Hawk.

Tony Hawk's a white king. Bill Clinton, for all the bad shit he's done... White king. You know? Let's see who else is a white... Paulul wall great paul wall is kind of i don't even know if he's in the white category i feel like i feel like he is a black guy yeah i i've always felt that way even after i don't feel like paul i mean you know maybe it's not my place to say but i don't feel like he's a part of white culture even no i mean yeah like he doesn't when i was not a poser by any means like he's not a white guy acting black he's a he's not a malibu's most he's a black guy who happens to be white you know yes

yes very very very very astute yes i agree completely because i remember as a kid when i first heard uh grills i was like man this is a rap song and every guy that's on the song is black it's just you know you hear it and you're like that's that's a bunch of black dudes in that in that in that group and then you see the music video and you're like hold on a second uh that's paul wall so i mean I mean, maybe he's a black king. Maybe we don't overcomplicate things. Maybe Paul Wall, I'll put it on the record. Paul Wall's a black guy.

Black king. But, yeah, I don't know. I don't think I've risen to kingliness yet. I'm like a white land noble. Maybe sort of a duke, perhaps, or like a white white lord? White vicar, you know? Like white

just some sort of... Not a serf necessarily, but yeah. I'm middling. Barron, maybe? Yeah, but white baron sounds awesome i'm gonna i think you i think you have the nail in the head it's not clear what my nobility is or what my position is in sort of the hierarchy of royal titles but i like white baron white baron sounds good to me and uh i'm gonna put that on my resume like I'm a white baron, non-racist.

Non-racist, white baron. I have three black friends and lots of Mexican friends. It's not by choice that I have more Mexican friends than black friends. It's just by nature of where I was born, location-wise. And, you know, I just – if Paul Wall, I like to consider myself an honorary Latino. You know, just something I always, I never quite understood until I like, I mean, I don't know. I guess I came to be college age around the time that this became like a, kind of like a widely discussed issue. I always thought Mexican dudes could say it.

All throughout high school, I was just like, oh yeah, they can say it. mexican dudes could say it all throughout high school i was just like oh yeah they can say it they're allowed to say it you know soft day and no one no one really is allowed to hard r even when some black comedians do it i'm like god like when like when it's like chapelle lets it fly or like you know fucking uh chris rock i'm like that still doesn't sound too good i know it makes me uncomfortable but also i know it's supposed to make me specifically yes exactly right right yeah but i mean i i think it's it's it's funny there's like hierarchies where it's like white guys can't really enforce it to two no he knows like we don't have like hey you can kind kind of go like, hey, you know, but you can't be like, hey, stop it right now. You can just be like, hey, come on, man. But that's about as far as you can.

As a white guy, if you're a Latino guy, you can tell white people not to say it. For sure. Yeah. Also, I mean, I guess anybody can tell white people not to say it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, other white people, for sure. You know, like.

Yeah, definitely. Probably where it should you know start realistically that mexican okay yeah yeah he uh he's a dude he he says it drops it all the time and there's that live it keeps getting reposted on instagram some of my favorite videos somebody uh added him on his live and was like drop the n-word and keep it straight rasa like you know like hey bro you don't and then he was like uh you know hey fuck you fella why don't you uh eat my ass while you jack me off just like every all the comments under like his music videos that he posts people like hey dude we don't gotta i know i know you're from the h but we don't gotta be saying times have changed and he's just like hey i we don't gotta i know i know you're from the h but we don't gotta be

saying times have changed and he's just like hey i'm letting it hang out i'm a big fat mexican guy like again i don't i never even feel like yeah you're right it's not a two-way street with white people and latino people like i feel like i they can tell if i tomorrow woke up and was like i'm gonna start saying it all my friends that are you know tomorrow woke up and was like, I'm going to start saying it, all my friends that are from back home and then my friends from here that are Hispanic would be like, Jake, I don't know what happened to you overnight, but you got to really turn that shit off. I'm not sure what. I don't know if you got a TBI or something.

But if my friend wants to say it, Alex, and he is mexican guy i feel like it's not really my business you know what i mean like i'm not you know but what i was trying to say is i thought it was fine and then i like got to college it's like i moved to austin and uh we there was like a i i don't remember how or where this conversation occurred but it was like i made the joke which wasn't really a joke at the time i was like yeah mexican guys can say it i was like a i i don't remember how or where this conversation occurred but it was like i made the joke which wasn't really a joke at the time i was like yeah mexican guys can say it i was like no i was like dude here is the thing mexican guys from south houston vietnamese gas station owners inside the 610 loop if you're familiar with the houston area you know exactly what I'm talking about. Those guys do not play around at all. They are hard as coffin nails.

And they, like, some of them, like, you go into the store to get whatever the fuck you're getting, and they're like, yo, what's up, my man? Like, they fucking, they don't, like, they just, I don't know if they moved here, and then their, like, introduction to English was Ave. But, like, that's just, you know know i don't know if they do say it but i feel like that guy for whatever reason or for a variety of different reasons perhaps has more room to say it than i do like i'm not going to tell johnny dang exactly great point yeah yeah i'm not it's like you know that's not hey you know he hangs around much more qualified people to tell him. Yeah, PhDs.

Yeah. Yeah, he hangs around the engineers, you know what I mean? If Bun B is okay with it, you know, and that's not – Slim Thug. Yeah, Thug is – They're kind of the executives around there. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If Zero and Trey the Truth and Slim Thug are all like, yeah, you know, that's my man. As a white guy, we only are allowed to get – we only have authority over music opinions. Right, and also – We can be like, no, you can't say that about Kurt Cobain or something like that. But we can't really say – you know, we have to pick our battles. Right. Like, I feel like the only groups of people that you and me and whatever genre of white guy we inhabit, the only groups of people we can, like, to get more specific about the white-to-white declaration of no inward is wiggers. You got to be like, hey, we can't be doing that.

You know what I mean? Like, hey, bro, I know that, like, in sixth grade, maybe you can get away with it up until seventh you know like a like a soft day here and there uh but you know times have changed man so if you're 35 years old and you like live in ohio and uh you work at like a or you live in florida work at a public's or something and you're like you're letting them fly um i guess for white guys in florida um they have like reverse dog years like a 35 year old floridian public's cash register is really like a 14 year old boy i think like i don't know if you understand what i'm saying like there's people like that in texas like i know guys you know that just go back home and there's a bar called Republic House in Pasadena where I'll go and drink.

And it's like everybody from like every high school in like a 20 mile radius goes to drink there for like the last 10 graduating classes or whatever. Guys in their late 20s and 30s like, yo, Jake, what's up? Been a long ass time. And I'm like, man, I remember having so much fun hanging out with you and smoking weed with you and drinking Mickey's with you at the skate park. And maybe at that time, the soft day in 2009, 2010 was, you know, maybe it was set at the skate park by some people, you know. But we're not at the skate park anymore. And I'm almost 30. And I feel like maybe we should just, we should just – you just got to cut it out.

And I don't like to be the guy who's trying to encroach on anybody's free speech because, Thomas, as you know, I am a free speech absolutist. Right, right. And I was about to get to that. You don't know how much I value free speech as a virtue in and of itself. Right, right. You know, that's something we love talking about yeah yeah but uh but yeah uh it's it's just like uh i i i do remember like kind of

having i mean like like whenever i found out that it was just not okay for like mexico i was like a light bulb went off over my head i was like like, dude, all the Mexican guys where I'm from say it. It's just, and everybody's like, yeah, they probably shouldn't though. And I was like, dude, it's like somebody explained string theory to me. I was like, that actually makes sense because it's not, you know what I mean? And they were like, yeah, 100%. No, I've known that my whole life. Obviously, like my black friends are like, that just you know they and i was like oh

fuck dude this whole time i thought you know it was like a chart i remember when i found out i couldn't say it a few months ago 2019 2020 yeah yeah it was i guess it was march it was your birthday jake for some, I just woke up March 15th. Yeah, you know, I thought – I don't know why I thought differently. Yeah. But, you know, it's been weeks now and, you know, I'll tell you what, man. I've noticed – I just zoned out pretty bad actually. That's okay. No no it's okay um sometimes boys you are

uh tasked with building a 80 foot or so long stone wall when it is 110 degrees out and the concrete mixer breaks as soon as you plug it in yeah so you spend the whole day mixing concrete in wheelbarrows yeah and then you breathe all that in and then you get home and you don't know how to read anymore i was uh uh ashley's one of her best friends from back home she came to visit last night and her boyfriend i forget what he does he works he works in construction and we were just talking about like you know i was i was just i was like dude i got it made i hope i don't ever have to go back doing that shit ever again and she had just gotten a job working in training. Basically, she works in the corporate side of the plants back home in Houston. And she does training, HR and safety, the books that they hand you.

If you ever go to work at a big plant, if you've ever worked at a big plant. Maybe if you're union, you know what I'm talking about. But for the audience, if you work at a construction site in a state that's not union, lots of times you'll get a book or a pamphlet. And that book or pamphlet says stuff like, If you ever feel unsafe, you can say, I don't wish to work today. And everyone will respect you for that decision.

And no one will call you a pussy or every homophobic slur in the world. And if they do, you can tell your boss. And he will respect you because he or every homophobic slur in the world and if they do you can tell your boss and he will respect you because he has to abide by the it's basically a book full of horse shit you know and and she was talking about how like the plants they're trying to like really drive home safety especially as hot as it gets or whatever and him and i were just talking about like all those meetings that you'd have six in the morning you know you get to the job site 5 30 and that same thing when i worked on like a like a subcontract and doing like roofing and home remodeling you know you're in the work truck and the guy's like hey it's hot today if

you're feeling tired and you feel like you're what you're doing is a risk to your life or others hey you stop and and and i won't give you no lip you know and if anybody tries to give you any fucking grief you come let me know it's like foreman or something i'm like okay man i'm really thank you for telling me that and then by like 7 30 some like 50 year old man is asking you to get on top of two ladders stacked together like up the side of a house that has like a sheer wall or whatever or like getting in an unventilated tank to like spray down whatever the fuck and and like how that the culture of work safety i don't know if it's the destruction of unions and that's a much more articulate intelligent conversation that people much more than me

can have but it's almost like there's a culture of danger. It's like a mixture of weird machismo and danger where I did on several occasions, because they tell you in the safety meeting or whatever, you and everyone on this job site has stop work authority. It doesn't matter if you're from a site supervisor to a fucking hand. Everybody has it. If you see something not safe, you speak up. And then if you try to use that, people are like, did you suck a dick on the way to work this morning do you do we need

to stop by and you get your tampons for your pussy just get up in the man lift i know it collapsed two days ago we ain't fixed it but it's just i don't i i think at a certain point like when you get really tired especially even, even like work culture aside, I think your body kind of – your brain is like, you know what? We're off. Yeah. And if we die on the job, then we don't have to work anymore. Right.

And even, dude, you can have your wedding the next day, and your body will do that to you if it's not. Like, I don't know. I've been like in a tree before and been like, do I even have an harness on of any kind? Yeah. I'm like 50 feet up in the air. I'm like, I guess, oh, yeah, I'm not tied in. Not tied off to anything at all.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm just kind of drifting here. But anyway, yeah, I mean, I don't think. And for some guys, it's like a machismo thing almost. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I've also – I've just been tired before and just done stupid shit without realizing also. I think it is like – because I was talking to her about it.

She knows more about it. Like it's her job to like – they're trying to – whatever plant she works for, I think they're trying to implement these site-wide changes or whatever. But she had made a point that I had noticed in the short time that I'd spent working on a big job. It is like a generational thing. Because there is, like, up until fairly... If you're working with a dude in his 50s or 60s, he 100% knows a guy who died. Maybe more than one, like on the job. Because if you were building plants in and around Galveston before 1980,

it was just like, yeah, I need you to get about neck deep in that pit of caustic oil, and then I need you to drink a little bit of it. I need you to get up on top of this here tower, not tied off. I need you to get up on top of this this here tower not tied off I need you to do 50 jump into like the tasks that you were given were almost cartoonishly designed to kill you they you know whatever but the younger generation is like

I don't know about this and then you know the older is like of course old timers at all like remember when we first started doing the show it was a guy that I would reference often where if I like if I would complain about where if I, like, if I would complain about it being hot, he was like, you know what's hot?

Afghanistan. I was like, okay. And then, like, a week would go by, I'm like, god damn, it's hot. And he's like, try having 40 pounds of gear in your ruck in the mountains of Afghanistan. He was like an army or, like, a marine, but I don't fucking know. And I'd be like, dude, I've never been. I hear it's pretty warm out there in the fucking desert. I hear it gets pretty hot.

Yeah, this ain't nothing. The degrees would always get higher with this guy, one of those dudes. I was out there. It was 180 degrees one day. It's like, okay. Yes, sir. Imagine walking with a backpack that weighs 400 pounds yeah yeah yeah you gotta walk 75 miles a day yeah and there's there's these sand worms out there

and basically the way their vibrations are when you feel you'll you'll feel them coming before they do and only certain ones can ride these worms yeah basically with the the spice that they release what keeps us all alive see so my buddy got got sent out to felucia i was lucky you know i got to experience the real shit i went i went to the planet from dune me me and me and my boy. I went to Arrakis. Yeah. You think Arrakis bad? Try Arrakis.

I haven't seen the movie, so I don't know how it's pronounced. That's how I say it in my head in the book. So if I'm wrong, you can kiss my ass because it's a book, and you can say shit however you want to when it's a book. Yeah, I don't fucking know i the the the like that world i don't know i've talked about a little bit like that world in the corporate world are like just two different places it's just it's not even like there's just no you know like and and thinking back like looking back and being like huh you know i'm like there are definitely things about it that i that i do miss you know but like

absolutely i understand like people like working with their hands or whatever and going into the trades is very lucrative because I don't – It can be. The thing is there's not – you actually have to be pretty smart about – you have to be smart and lucky with going into the trades because there's so many dead-end jobs. I think if you join a union, you're generally good. But here they don't really have them.

But if you're in like New York or something, you join a union, get a trade job like that, you're probably going to be fine. Well, I know my buddy's in the pipefitters union out here, and he says that it's hard sometimes. It's hard to get into. A lot of big jobs won't hire union guys because they just, because like, for instance, the job that I worked was at a polypropylene plant,

plastic precursor. They make the little plastic pellets that get shipped off to get turned into milk jugs or whatever. And when I signed my contract, it was for five tens. So, you know, 10 hour days, five days a week, Saturday, Sunday off. But I get there and my dad my first day

on the job my dad's in the lunch tent or whatever he's like uh welcome you know and my dad's like kind of very cartoonish you know drunkenly jovial he's like i was like uh like what they what they have you doing and i'm like i'm working with a mechanic right now. He's like, that's cool. Aaron's a cool guy. I'm like, oh, cool. And I was like, so y'all are on 510s? And he was like, no, we are on 712s, and there ain't no end in sight, brother.

I'm just day 10. And I was like, oh. And then I told my buddy who worked in the pipefitters union, I was like, yeah, dude, I signed a contract to work for five tens, but my dad said they're on day 10 and they're working 7-12s and he was like, oh, you should just walk out. I think I would lose

my job and he's like, oh, yeah, you would for sure. I wouldn't though. Okay, I just don't know. He did make a point. If you're like union affiliated, got trained in a union and you're still with the union, it can be difficult in places like Texas and Florida. Basically any state in the south that's kind of like dissolved them into nothing to like land a job with the union or whatever. They'll find you work, but it won't always be, you know, which sucks, you know.

But I don't know. One't know one of one of them things one of them things motherfucker what motherfucker welcome you one unlucky motherfucker coming here and here from the pipe fitters union yeah we them scab boys they're talking like a bunch of like philadelphia like like irish teenagers like a bunch of like Philadelphia Like Irish teenagers Like a gang from like 1892 Yeah Actually I don't know if that's how Irish immigrants spoke I'm sure they spoke with heavy Irish

Heavy Irish accents Hey it's me the Irish Jimmy Welcome to America motherfucker Welcome to America motherfucker I'm the leader of the Irish Guy gang I'm Irish tea They call me Irish coffee america motherfucker i'm i'm the leader of the irish guy gang i'm irish tea they call me irish coffee because

yeah that's not it i'm not gonna go down that all right that's fine i'm off svu southern velvet university yeah that's uh yeah oh you went to ut that's nice i went to southern velvet university i went to i i was the the head getter of my class at southern velvet university yeah i taught so i was so good at at sex 101 that they had me teach the advanced sexual courses sex 14 i graduated some uh come in a girl that's just i graduated some uh some come loud some come lord jesus oh lord yeah i uh oh man i knew that i didn't deserve to graduate cum laude because when i was at my graduation i was reading it and all the people that were there and i was like cum load like i of course you know like the people who are like magna and suma or whatever the fuck i was like i wanted to pull one of them aside and

i was like do you think this is funny and they probably would say no maybe some of them would but for me i was like yeah i kind of barely squeaked by with this. Too many fucking keg stands and key bumps. But sometimes the state pays for four years of that, and then you never pay it back. I think I'm going to graduate with dishonors. That should be like basically me and all my friends. They should have just a group. You're not even bottom 15%.

It's like you don't do so badly that you get put on academic, but you're like within that 2.7 and 2.9 GPA rate. You know what I mean? Because anything under that, it's like, all right, well, you just, you know. I mean, I don't know. It really lets – I change that. Yeah, I mean, I did just work my way up to a 2.9, but it's okay. You know, a lot of people.

I hit a 2 point. That's not even cumulative. That's off two semesters. But, you know, at the end of the day, I think people are a lot more impressed with guys who barely scrape by and take, like, 10 years to get a bachelor's degree yeah than anybody who like made it into like you know harvard medical school yeah like seeing that somebody went to like five different community colleges and failed at almost all of them and then just kind of gave up i think that means a lot more than somebody who say like went to mit and then like has a house now. Yeah. Like a future ahead of them. Like when you look at who's really like moving money around and who's like making deals and stuff,

a lot of the times it's, it's not the college graduates even. It's the guys who sort of borrow money from their parents a lot. Honestly, I know you said that at a joking tone, but like the thing that i have like quite realized like being graduate from college graduate of college like six years seven years now like um i know guys who had like 2.2s just real chug-a-lug motherfuckers beer belly beer pong

fucking bong ripping idiots very close friends of mine and they are crushing it in sales and like you know these like tech jobs where you just have to be a fun alcoholic because these new tech companies love to hire fun alcoholics that just that are smart enough and good enough at sales to be you know charisma whatever the fuck i also know friends who had 4.0s and then went to law school and then they're like they don't they're like you know not doing anything even relative to law or they went to grad school and they're like bartending and shit i'm not saying that that's good or bad i am saying that uh when i asked a professor like you know how what would you when i was like in college i was like i think with you know, how, what would you, when I was like in college, I was like, I think with my counselors, like, what would you recommend?

You know, like, should I get involved in all these issues? Uh, you know, um, like extracurriculars and stuff. Like, you know, I want to, she was like, just network, just make friends with people. And I was like, huh? And I was like, what about like honor society stuff? She was like, it's way more important that you just get to know as many people as possible. And I was like, oh, the older that I get, the more I think that's true. know as many people as possible and i was like oh the older that i get the more i think that's true because like i've worked for and with kiss asses that are the best at their jobs and they're stuck

being like a middle manager i've had higher up people that you meet once a month they just show up to check on shit horrifically stupid but the coolest funniest guys on planet earth guys girls whatever like just they're just they're just larger than life personalities they have no idea what the fuck they're doing they failed up their whole lives you know but they just like they enter a room and you're like i want to talk to tony i don't give a fuck you know the tony's my boss or he's like i don't give a fuck tony makes half a million dollars a year tony's tony's cool i want to go talk with tony oh what's up tony tony's like i don't know your fucking name, man. And you're like, God, Tony's so cool.

I want Tony to have sex with me. I want Tony to fuck me. Yeah. And then that's how you make money. Yeah, that's how you get up in the world. Is you be a guy, you walk in a room and people want to rub that shiny bald head or whatever. Oh, I fucking. I had a friend of mine she ran a she was like a gm at a a greek restaurant and um she uh they were hiring like a sous chef and this place was like i wouldn't

call it like fine dining but it was upscale for sure they were hiring for a sous chef and uh you know she's like getting getting people, sending in resumes. It's like, oh, I studied at the fucking Ecole Kitchen Petit Temps Pontes, whatever the fuck. Or like, oh, I went to the Culinary Institute in Milan. Or like, oh, I was sous chef at this Michelin restaurant in New Orleans, whatever the fuck. And she said she got, obviously, I mean, I don't know if this guy got the job.

This was a couple, this was years ago, actually, but I don't know why I just thought of it. She had posted, like, obviously his name was blocked out, but she had posted on Twitter. The guy's resume was just his first name up in big letters at the top. And then under experience it had like cooking 25 years and then a description it was like i'm paraphrasing but it was something like i've been cooking chicken my whole life i could cook so much different types of shit like and she was like she's like sifting through she's like making push it was like i'm making piles of like goddamn like culinary institute of mil. All right, we got to talk with this guy.

Then, like, oh, god damn, Michelin chef in New Orleans. Oh, French fridge cuisine? Yeah, we're Greek, but I'm sure he could learn. And then, like, she gets this guy's resume, and it's, like, literally, like, his age, that's the amount of years he'd been cooking. And the description was, like, I cook chicken. I cook meat. Like, I cook vegetables, all types of shit. That's so awesome. cooking and the description was like i cook chicken i cook meat like i cook vegetables all types of shit and then like under the like you know there's like she said it was like the shortest resume like there was a whole page but only like a quarter of the page was covered with text

it was like that was his work experience and then like under education it was like i learned from my family and i learned from youtube like and she was like she was like dude i wanted to email this guy so bad bringing him for an interview just to see what type of dude he was i never found obviously you know probably didn't end up doing that but i have so much i tell people all the time i'm like dude just just lie on that motherfucker lie on your resume like i have friends who didn't graduate college or didn't go and they like they'll ask me they're like dude how did you get into the work from home shit i'm tired of bartending man i'm tired of fucking working construction or like

i'm tired of fucking you know roofing or whatever the fuck like i want it and i was like dude build a resume send it to me if you want and lie on that motherfucker lie they're like what do you mean lie like they're like oh for these jobs you have to have degrees i'm like say you went to some um fucking middle of the road no name state school in texas just say you went to some fucking middle-of-the-road, no-name state school in Texas. Just say you went to fucking Stephen F. Austin. Say you went to UNT. I've never in my whole life, in any office job I've ever had,

and this is advice for the listeners too, if you want to get a fake-ass work-from-home job like Daddy, but you're like, I don't have a college degree, no one has ever asked me for my transcripts. Barely anybody even asked for any work samples, at least with the entry-level jobs. Obviously, they're not going to pay great, but if you're tired of busting your dick down in the dirt and you want to fucking work from the couch and scratch your nuts all day, just lie. Build a fake resume.

Have your friends be references. Say they worked for companies and they own companies that don't exist. Make a fake LinkedIn account account do all that shit and if they find out that you're lying ah you know you gave it the old college try i don't think any of it's illegal and if it is don't correct me in the comments or don't message me about any of it i don't care yeah on my resume i'm a ceo and yeah for this podcast dude i had this but this. But I have it as B-H-E Incorporated for Boss Hog Entertainment because I figured out. And, dude, as soon as I changed it to that, I've had like 20 companies reach out on Indeed like in the last few days just after putting like C-O at B-H-E.

Yeah. B-H-E sounds legit, dude.he incorporated yeah that sounds like a shipping company we should have just seen if that was available but it's i like that it's boss hog entertainment yeah incorporated also it's i mean it's i do have it worked out okay i have it on mine but it's i'm like uh i'm a podcast producer. I think I took it off. It's really funny. It's funny to me because I have CEO on my resume, and I have nothing else. I have that, and then being a day laborer and doing tree work and stuff, and then working at the DMV for a few months. Yeah, it's like you have jobs that like your whole life you've had just like, you know, normal, everyday working guy jobs. And then just like two and a half years ago, CEO of BHE.

Like you just. Yeah, it sounds like it sounds like I got the biggest PPP loan of all time. Yeah. Like a Chinese shipping company. Yeah. Like a shell corporation to run your income. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I like – as a goof, when I was like super unemployed, I guess like a year and a half, two years ago, I would make fake – I would send like 50 real resumes a week. I would just like spend all day doing it. But I would send out two or three that were completely fabricated. Harvard, educated, like, MBA. Like, I went to Wharton, you know, like, well-traveled. I was on the PayPal starting team.

Like, I would just make, like, the best resume that, like, a tech, a stupid tech company that wants to give away half a million dollars a year to some fucking moron would give. Because my philosophy was this. And i was really down on my luck this was like year one of the show i was really down on my luck here was my thinking before they realized if it's a half a million dollar a year job i could probably get away with like a business week of being in meetings and just getting trained and getting like before they realized that the jig was up. So half a million dollars a year. I think that's like, fuck, I don't know how to do math. 50, $60,000 a month. Hey, that's 10 grand. They still got to pay me, you know? And yes, I fleeced them and lied to them. But my, I thought that that could work is how stupid I am.

I was like, look, I could Monday to Friday. I'm like, yeah. So when are we doing? So have we checked the quarterly analytic, the report of the file? How's everybody? How's the team team doing with their with their installment of their sales quota? Like, just just say words. And maybe everybody would think I'm just, oh, that's Jake.

Classic Jake. He was a funny guy in the interview, you know. He's just messing around. Maybe two weeks. And then, of course, you know, you get half a paycheck and then, you know, blacklisted from working maybe. I don't know. But I thought that that might work.

It didn't work. I never even got, like, I think I got like one email about like, hey, my name's fucking Tom, and I want to interview you to be the CFO of fucking Charles Schwab location in Austin. I was like, oh, I don't even think I have a suit. I think I just have, you know, porky T-shirts and fucking athleisure. I think I'm going to apply for the police academy. I think it's time um just let just say background check is clear no need to no need to run it i need to look through too hard on that look at this they can look at my google doc that i put no no arresting

and nothing unlawful yeah has never tried drugs except except for ibuprofen and zyrtec and my main passions in life are protecting and serving i like protecting citizens yeah um i i really enjoy spending time with civilians yeah i like serving my community so much. Yeah. I like to, I'm actually, I like to, I play basketball with black teenagers all day. But it's just sort of something I do. Like as a cop, I would probably do it in uniform and like also with a gun on my hip. Yeah. So like if somebody was trying to guard me too much, like I have a gun on me. Right.

Yeah. Don't make me look stupid in the paint. I swear to God. yeah don't make me look stupid in the paint i swear to god like don't right you know i i guess what i would probably do on a daily basis as a police officer of um fort worth texas is i would i would manage civilians in an uplifting way and i think i would really specialize in um like mental wellness checkups domestic abuse calls yeah yeah yeah i think that would be my strong point um you would give very uplifting and motivational speeches to like uh like you know wayward black youth you would just like pull them into you with like arm over the shoulder outside of a stripes or something. Dude, if they gave me a Crown Vic, I would think about it. If they gave me a Crown Vic and let me be like a traffic cop, obviously I would not give out a single ticket.

Yeah. I would eat Twizzlers in my car all day. Yeah. Again, great point. To the conversation from earlier, it's like even if you lasted a month, they'd have to pay you. Yeah. I mean cops make good money. Yeah, cops make $38,000 a year.

Dude, cops here make too much money. I know that in – I think it's almost like – I don't know. I'm just pulling shit out of my ass. But I've heard that it's a lot like teachers, where it's like if you teach in a good school district, you can make 60, 65, like a really nice area. Like if you teach in Houston Memorial, it's like police kind of the same way. It's like cops where I grew up in Pasadena, they don't get paid dick. But if you're a cop like at River Oaks or something or the Woodlands, if you're like a cop in the like a river oaks or something or like uh or the woodlands if you're like a cop in the woodlands you can make really good money because i think cops around here start at like 75 or so that is fucking insane that's no i haven't heard anything you know

there's there's a yeah there's a town nearby where it's like rich but like nothing really happens and so the police are like super aggressive there with like if you're going like one mile per hour over they'll give you a speeding ticket but they all start they all start at like 85 000 is that like they're crazy is that prosper it's over there by dent uh benbrook okay there's a town um it's going viral right now because they just built this high school. You may have seen it on the internet. Oh, the traditional looking one. It's at Walnut Grove.

It looks like a university from a fucking coming-of-age movie or whatever. It's huge. But the town is one of those. It's like they've just... There's still a lot of... It's one of those North Texas towns right up near Oklahoma where like for whatever reason the oil money residuals are still – everybody's just got money.

It's just, you know, like the teachers there make bank, the football program, like the strength and conditioning coaches are probably making $150,000 a year. It's just one of those Texas schools that's like, you know, they have every type of food in the food dude when i would go to other schools um i i tried to get into debate my freshman year and i was really bad at it mostly because i used it to as an excuse to like you know like smoke weed and fucking you know sleep in my car or in my fucking you know at home um anyway i would go to like houston memorial go to these really nice schools and i was like it was one of my first introductions

to like holy shit you know like i don't know if you ever for whatever reason if you ever had to go to a nicer high school when you were in high school but like like, yeah, if you, if, if it's like an event or like I had friends that went to, uh, clear Springs or, uh, like clear Creek high school, uh, over there by Galveston Bay, that was just fucking insane. And I was like, damn, my high school has, um, I have a drug dog. I don't know. Like it was one, it's like, you're, you're like, dude, I just thought all high school looked like jail i didn't know that some high schools looked like the college from zoe 101 like i didn't know like i just didn't you know i didn't know the high school was allowed to look nice i just thought high school was supposed to look like a mental hospital you know and not and i didn't go to that bad of a high school i think they put more money into it like in the last 10

years since i've been graduated but when i first started going there it was pretty gnarly and it got a little nicer as time went on but yeah um so in fort worth you can get 4 600 a month just to do police academy training that is i've never made that much money in a job. I mean, I don't know. I'm not whatever. You have, I think. No. It's like it's under, I think that's under 60K. No, the last job I had after taxes, I was bringing in about like 4,200 a month.

Right. Well, this is before taxes. Pre-tax. Oh, okay. All right. That's not terrible. And then as soon as you graduate, you're making $66,600. $66,000. That's funny.

$66,000, baby. That's $66,000. It's $66,593. And then also you get a raise constantly. You have longevity pay, which is $4 per month times the number of years of service. And then you get paid extra also if you have any type of college degree. Dude, all of this is made up. Yeah.

All of this is fucking... That's so much money to be like... They get 15 days of sick leave every year that's pretty good three yeah three weeks of paid vacation that's fucking really good dude get to and eight paid vacations every year let's look at their retirement fund this is also also this isn't for dallas this is from fort Worth. So keep in mind, Dallas is probably much better. All right. Actually, I don't need to read about their retirement plans because that's not that interesting.

But you can imagine there's less comfy gigs to be had. For sure. And I don't – I personally have known not very many – I've known like three cops in my personal life. Yeah. have known not very many i've known like three cops in my personal life yeah and especially lately on some of these like macho guy podcasts or like some of these fucking there's this idea that it's like gritty you know hey it's you're going out into a fucking world where it's it's you and you're separating the fucking animals from the beautiful people of Flower Mound, Texas. Like, there's this mentality,

and I've read in a couple places, any police academy, don't matter how fucking small the town is, one of the things they drive home is, it's like, you are the last line of defense between the raging horde of purged psychos in coprous cove and the and the sweet citizens of the town it's you that's the mentality but like every cop i've known for the most part is like yeah uh i drive around like 10 hours a day and then like um about twice a week you know i get a call a guy got too drunk and you know

yelled at his old lady and that's never good um a dog got loose the other day like it's just it's 99.8 percent that yeah you know uh uh it's definitely not that movie with jake gyllenhaal i forget what it's called end of watch the movie's badass I remember watching that movie and I was like man cops actually might not be so bad after all that movie's sick like I that movie came out recently recently enough to where I had like a certain political you know or or visual a perception of the police system in America and I watched that movie and at the end of the credits were rolling I was like dude these motherfuckers are cool as shit. Like, I mean, look, I'm not saying they're good, but like Jake Gyllenhaal was boxing like a crip at the house in one scene and he kept it gangsta because he didn't shoot the guy. He said, hey, if you can whoop me, I'll let you slide on this drug charge.

And then he whooped him and he took him to jail and the guy was cool with it. That's absolutely how it would go in real life. A cop would say, hey, I'm going to take my gun out. I'm going to place it outside, and then me and you are going to square off, gangster style, back in the day. If you win, you get to get away with intent to distribute and felony drug possession. But if I win, you got to go to jail with me. That scene was so awesome i know you you might go to jail for 20 years but i know you will honor your word yeah after it hey if if you beat me in a fight i know if i let you go you will stop selling high points

to teenagers it we i know that you will stop, that scene was so sick because I just have American movie brain, dude. And I was watching that scene. I remember we rented it at the house, like, right after it came out. And I was high as hell, and I was like, this is how it should be. This is how it should be. Just, you know, if I was a – like, you remember we were talking a long time ago about, like, you would be a cool slave owner? Yeah. Yeah, it's the same thing where I was a cop, like, you remember we were talking a long time ago about, like, you would be a cool slave owner? Yeah.

It's the same thing where I was like, man, if I was a cop in South Central L.A., this is how I would get down. I would keep it 100. I would be respected. The Crips and the Bloods and the GDs, they would love me because I wouldn't bully them. I would talk to them like adults. Like, lifelong fucking, yeah, like, I would be, I would keep i wouldn't bully them i would talk to them like adults like lifelong fucking yeah like i would be i would keep it 100 i keep it a bill with them and they would recognize you know how denzel washington was in training day that's how i would be not crooked though because i would i would abide by the good book i would be a an honorable police actually i'm pretty

sure because i've seen enough cop shows too, like fiction and documentaries. It's like, if I, you know, you hear about like, you know, they do these internal investigations. And cop breaks down, you know, they do like a drug raid and they find like $100,000 in cash. And some beat cop takes like $10,000 in cash home or whatever. I'm doing that. i'm doing that i'm not i'm doing that and and as far as i'm concerned it's not necessarily civil or asset forfeiture you know whatever it's just cash but like people are like can you believe cops do this okay can you believe cops take drug money and hide it and I'm like yeah I would do it of course of all the things that those guys

can get up to those nasty little stinkers just pocketing a little drug money like no yeah I'm doing that shit they got billboards in Austin I don't know why maybe I don't know maybe because Austin's like a it's like a city where a lot of people move to but they've got billboards in austin i don't know why maybe i don't know maybe because austin's like a it's like a city where a lot of people move to but they've got billboards that say like

ten thousand dollars sign on bonus and like starting salary yeah something crazy like 75 70 000 a year i think to be a cop in spokane washington and i like i don't know why i think this way i mean I do know why. I'm the kind of guy, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. When things in my life are going good, I'm always waiting for something really bad to happen, and I never really get to enjoy the moments in my life that are, you know, that are peaceful and whatever.

It's just how I'm wired. I see that billboard. I have no intention of being a police officer, but I see that billboard, and there's a thought in my head that's like, if two or three more really bad things happen to me, I'm calling up the sheriff of Spokane and I'm like, you got a guy. I'm going to come and I'm going to set things straight in Spokane. I'm going to make everybody's going to love and respect me in Spokane, Washington. I need a $10,000 cash bonus, and I need – you don't have to give me the Charger even.

Give me the Crown Vic. I want to be a classic cop. None of this fancy highfalutin. I don't need the Charger. I don't need the fucking whatever the fast SUV those guys got. Just give me Crown Victoria. Give me a revolver too. I don't want a Glock.

I don't want a Sig. I don't want a fucking HK. Just give me an old, dirty, hairy revolver, and I will clean the streets of Spokane up. Don't cops have to buy their own gun? They do, which was another thing. When I found that out, I was like, that is hilarious. I will probably carry a machete instead. Yeah, I asked my neighbor who was a cop for a long time, and our families were friends for a bit.

He was telling me he had to buy his own gun, and I'm stupid, so I was like, why wouldn't you just buy a Uzi? I was like 12 years old. I was like, you guys have a pistol? He's like, yeah, you might have to buy your own gun. I was like, why wouldn't you? Obviously not a Uzi. I was like, why wouldn't you just get the biggest gun of all time? I was like, well, you have to be able to carry it you

need to be able to carry magazines or whatever i'm like no if i was a cop no yeah one shot yeah i would get a gun 50 cal yeah the boy i would get a 50 cal desert eagle that uh that's super easy to shoot and super you know mobile or whatever and uh and that's how I would fight crime is with a bullet so big that it's like the size of my arm. Um, yeah, I don't know. I don't,

I, I wouldn't, you know, I don't know. I can't even, I can't even pretend like I wouldn't do certain if my life got, you know, if I,

if, if it came down to it, I'd probably just go back to bouncing i don't think there's ever a world where i like would join the police force but it would be funny if like if you it'd be funny if a friend that you knew for a long time did and then became like a career policeman like alex like if he was like – That would be very interesting. Yeah, because he's got a very lucrative gig and he does well for himself. But if he was just like, yeah, man, I'm thinking of doing something different. Like we're hanging out at the house and we're like, what are you going to –

think about franchising out, like open up more spots? He's like, nah, I think I'm going to be a cop. That would be like something like really wrong yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah did something like did another really like did something really bad happen to you no man i just yeah i'm ready i'm ready to give back in a way that i've never given back in my life what imagine one of your friends says they're becoming a cop and you ask why the fuck they're doing that. And they say, it's time to fight back. It's like, what? There's a kid who trains at the gym I'm at. He's always a real tall kid, real spazzy in the jiu-jitsu.

We'll lift sometimes together. I haven't seen him in a while he's getting a criminal justice degree and uh he's like yeah i want to be a cop so this is so i'm just thinking you know i'm just gonna like learn how to this is why i'm like learn how to fight you know because i wouldn't be getting in a lot of fights as a cop he's very like i don't i think people abuse the term like on the spectrum to the point where it doesn't mean anything anymore. But he's definitely, from my own radar, he's like, yeah, cops get into a lot of fights. So this is why I'm becoming a cop. And so I can be healthy and learn to fight.

And I can be an effective police officer. And I was like, oh, man. Do you ever talk to somebody and you don't know if they can conceptualize why the thing they said is really bad? They don't understand why the thing that just came out of their mouth is not a good thing to say. I don't know if that makes sense. He was like, yeah, I'm going to get really good at shooting.

I go to the range twice a week, and I go jiu-jitsu three times a week and to the range twice a week and i and i take i go jiu-jitsu three times a week and white tie twice a week and once i finish my degree i can start and i'm going to start in san marcos but i really want to be a cop in california and and so that's why i'm getting so good at shooting and fighting because i'm gonna be a good policeman i'm making him sound like a baby he's a 22 year old man but he talks like he's got that manner of speaking. And I was like, in my head, I was like, I know that the way your brain functions, what just came out of your mouth is a completely reasonable life plan. That makes sense because the way that your brain works, that your life is linear and there's a problem, which is crime,

and maybe neurodivergent. I don't know. I don't have that type of mind. But maybe in your mind you see crime as problem. Solution, triangle chokes and pistols. Which, I mean, that's not. To me, in my opinion, it's not really an effective solution. It's something

that you know like force and being better at force is definitely something that the united states invests whatever the fuck but i just didn't know what to say i was like oh well i mean i guess it's good to be prepared like you know and like you said like time to fight back he like his like i guess he was spotting me his His like closing remark of the end. This period of the conversation was like, yeah, you know, it's just it's about being prepared. It's about being prepared for what's out there. And I was like, oh, like I don't know. It's a quote from like a bug's life.

Yeah. It's a funny thing to say. Like what are you a mouse well i think like there are guys and i've and i've met and known guys that are like they're just overtly racist they just they like i you know they're just they're like yeah you know you can't i mean it the way that they act you know it's crazy like relatives i've had people i've known you know they've known, you know, they're just, yeah, you know, he phrased that, that, that concept in the most, like, I hate, you know, in the most Spurgey way, like, you gotta be prepared for what's out there, you know, because the world is just, it's crazy,

and the people, people have just lost all sense, and so, and so it's important to to be prepared when you um when you when you go in it because because a cop a cop protects and and and this is why i have five pistols and you're like yeah again like i know what you're trying to say i don't know if you know what you're saying what you're saying to me i'm i'm translating from what you're saying? What you're saying to me, I'm translating from what you're saying into my brain, is you're saying I am going to fight and kill so many people. Like, I'm getting prepared. The purpose of my job is not to serve a community or to be involved in the places that I patrol or whatever. My job is to, with an iron fist, spinning back kick and shoot, you know, to with an iron fist spinning back kick and shoot you know uh poor people or whatever the fuck you know but again like the way he phrased it led me to believe that maybe he wasn't aware of that how it's i don't know now it doesn't fucking matter maybe he'd like recently like played with some

gi joes or something and it like changed the course of his life maybe you know if he could watch paw patrol or something well like a lot of be a firefighter Maybe, you know, if he could watch Paw Patrol or something. Well, like a lot of... He might be a firefighter. I don't know. When I was in like undergraduate and graduate school, the people that I knew that studied criminal justice fell into two camps. Like pre-law,

like the most annoying fucking people on planet Earth are pre-law students. I was pre-law for a little bit, to give everybody context. So, of course, it's an annoying thing. But, like, annoying, like, well, there was a case. There was a seminal court case in 19. Shut the fuck up.

We're drinking beer. We're not. This is college, dude. I know you have big dreams. Shove it up your ass. There's those guys. And then there's criminal justice guys that have the turning point stickers on their laptops. They can't wait to be a correctional officer.

They want to be the warden of a jail. They want to go to a four-year university to be a prison warden. Their minds are geared towards punishment and punishment only. They only understand the stick or whatever the fuck. And sometimes the world needs guys like that. The world needs, you know, I guess, hard men or whatever the fuck. We need to bring back Sherlock Holmes-style detectives. That could be something you could pursue.

Yeah, I would like to wear the duster hat and the big... The problem with the coat situation is it gets so dang hot here yeah but i think if i lived somewhere you know more temperate i could manage it maybe you know what i could do what we could do is we could be like miami cops like vice guys we could be like we could be like this shoulder length hair yeah we're gonna be yeah i'll be don johnson you'd be the other guy i'll be the black guy yeah you'd be the black guy uh i like i'm i'm thinking now like laughing in my head about you showing up to the fort worth police station just dressed like a like an 1870s like like just dressed like watson like the big petticoat and like the cabbie hat

and like you got a cane but there's a sword in the cane and you got a limp but it's clear that you've been through war you went you were and uh and you just sit down and you're like looking to get i'm looking to become lead detective here yes i hear you're having a little bit of trouble now excuse Excuse me? It would be with your caper. Oh. What if I told you he was right in front of you all along? And they're like,

yeah, we've got a guy who's been breeding pit bulls and they keep getting out and eating horses. Keep eating the police horses that we have. Because some of us like to ride on horses because that's what cops do now.

They ride on fucking, we enforce the law on horseback. Wow, what if I told you that I knew this man from way back? We served together in the Prussian War. What if I told you I knew him from a past life? Hey, brother, I'm not trying to be rude i ain't no i'm not sure where you're from but what accent is that what oh i've got something in my mouth i've been doing cocaine for for seven days straight my jaw is locking up it's i can't swallow something going on.

Well, I'm not sure we could bring you on as lead detective because you do got to serve on the beat, you know, a good number of years before we can. But I like to cut to your jib. So, you know, we might be able to work something out. What if I told you that I'm a peculiar type of man and I'll be needing my own flat. I'll be needing a flat right above the police office

and I want my assistant to live with me. And it's not a... It's my platonic assistant. It's my platonic friend. His name's Watson and we are not... And he will also be hired on. He is not a detective. I will be paid in large paper bills the size of a sheet of printed paper and gold coins only.

I would like... Also, I will be shooting guns indoors. Could you pay me in U.S. security bonds from the steel boom? I would like prostitutes also. Now, I'm not trying to be, you know, rude or nothing, man, but are you

describing the first and second Sherlock Holmes movies starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law? Just a question. Well, you'd have to ask Moriarty about that. They're describing just like the Kia boys. They're like, well, you know,

if you want to help, man, we always like to deputize civilians. You've been hearing about them Kia boys all over the computer. There's like a flaw in the ignition system of any Kia we got uh you've been hearing about them kia boys are all over the computer you know there's uh there's like a flaw in the ignition system of any kia made in the last you know five years and they can get in that motherfucker real lickety split with a usb just from an iphone and you're like sounds like the work of professor moriarty what have i told you the answer was right in front of your noses all the time?

We know what's going on. We're just kind of trying to figure out how to stop it. Well, perhaps we should take a step back into the past. Hey, listen, man. I have a list of names. I just need you. They're all juveniles. They've been in the system it's

sad story but your answer captain is in london town now i don't mean uh you know at this point man i just don't quite understand you saying we got to go to london to solve a problem that's primarily happened in the dfw metroplex perhaps somebody left a music box in the big bin clocks and there's a note in it or something maybe there was a specific shoe that somebody wore a few years ago that i remember or maybe there was a girl wearing perfume and using the perfume I can see math in my eyes And then I will know who did it well. I just got to ask you um It's clear that you got you know you got a keen eye for this type of work your close attention to detail

It's always good. Do you know how to handle yourself? I'll have you know that I've been in 70 slow-motion fistfights so i'll have you know that i've been in 70 slow motion fistfights i'll have you know that all my jewish all my gypsy girlfriends i mean they're all dead and i'm very sad about it they keep getting killed and it's weird how poor they all are i keep finding these impoverished women these beautiful impoverished women and then they keep getting murdered, and it's okay. I think about the murder whenever I think about the cases. Interestingly enough, the thing is that although I seem to have an IQ of approaching 200, I like to get into slow-motion fistf fights in horse stables with big gypsy

men and whenever they start to get the best of me that's when reality slows down and I'm able to through an internal monologue predict how I will defeat the enemy for today's case I will beat up Bert crash I hear that you have a real nasty scallywag in town by the name of burt kresher uh hey listen man i'm a big burt fan i like that podcast so i mean i we don't got no problem with burt you know in fact me and my me and my wife are gonna go see the show you're not going to want to be present. I will kill him. With weird math and like a slap and a handkerchief and some bullshit like that.

Have you ever watched a grown man turn a fist fight into a math problem? What if I told you that that apple you're eating came from a tree that was shipped from the same country that Japanese people come from. You mean like a Japanese cherry blossom tree? No, fuck you. I mean something else. I meant the Japanese. I meant a Japanese apple. You half-wit. It's a Japanese purple. I meant Korea.

Japanese people from Korea. Are you questioning my intellect, you knave? You think that I was talking about a specific Japanese island, which you have never heard of. Well, I appreciate you coming in, man. I don't think we're going to be needing your services after all, but good luck to you out there. That sounds like something moriarty would

say are you working for the professor uh no i work for the good people of fort worth i believe you work for you like pull out a saber in the middle of a police station i believe you're working for professor you before in bangladesh i saw you are you were running the opium smuggling operation in Bangladesh, weren't you? I ain't ever... You were the guy with the turban on a boat one time, weren't you? The guy... You were...

You're saying all this because I sucked your dick on a boat. You were smoking a skinny road cigarette and looking forlornly into the ocean, weren't you? Oh, my God. You were the... You were in the opium den. You were the guy I fingered. I said I'd never tell anybody except for you,

and now it's just still me and you that only know. Nobody knows about it except for us two, right? I know that you have a modern pistol on your hip, but as gentlemen, although you are my enemy, I respect you.

We shall have a fist fight at the tip of a waterfall. Listen, man, you come with me with that sword, I'm going to put two in your chest and one in your head. I'm going to Mozambique your ass, and that's going to be about all she wrote for you. A coward's response. I will give you a second challenge. I will use my sword, and you can have another sword that I brought for this specific occasion. And we will do better. They're equal. They're equal swords.

One white, one black. There's no difference between the two swords. They're just as strong as the other sword anyway you know that's crazy one is clearly like made out of wood I like I man if there was if I had endless money and I feel like maybe you could get away with something like that in a state that's not Texas. Like, if you wanted to do, like, a man on the street sketch, and you wanted to do it for real, you could maybe get away with it, I don't know, in maybe, like, a nice, sleepy Alaska town. Just, you know.

But, like, I just got this running theory, theory man that anything that looks funny on the internet one of my favorite examples is the trickster turkish ice cream man you know the guy who he hands the kid the fucking ice cream cone and he twists it and the kid misses it and he's like oh and then he puts the sprinkles on he's like i'm sorry little boy and the kid goes grab it twist it again and then the kid starts crying. That flies in a lot of places. If you were to do that at the Texas State Fair, don't they have that in Dallas? Or somewhere in North Texas? Fort Worth.

Yeah, yeah. Imagine trying to do that to a 450-pound, 5'8 guy in denim shorts and a fucking Romo jersey. Try denying him his ice cream cone with tricks with hand-eye coordination and you know with speed and guile he would he would mag dump and you're into your chest in your head and so anyway that's been uh that's been our show if you've been listening to this that means that it's free and that means that there's so much more to be had there's so many more adventures and characters there's there's so much more to this show other than fort worth fort worth sherlock holmes um there's so much more to this show than uh i think that was i think that was the only character then paul wall being black yeah

yeah there's so much more to the show there's there's intellect there's intrigue there's drama you know there's uh history there's politics there's culture there's english there's history, there's politics, there's culture, there's English, there's science, there's social studies. There's PE. There's PE. We do have PE. There's lunch. We talk about lunch a lot. There is lunch.

So we love lunch. It's in our top three meals. There's your free period, and then there's athletics, and then we have, I think that's all the courses there, I remember, from school. We have that on patreon.com slash pandejo time. Five bucks a month gets you access to science and math. But if you want the cool stuff, if you want PE and English and social studies,

you've got to get 10 bucks a month. And that gives you access to all the video episodes, plus math and science, plus Discord access, plus the bonus episodes. And if you want to be the principal of Pendejo Time High School, that's $50 a month. Yeah. And if you want to be the superintendent, I guess $100 a month. It's not even an option, but you can Venmo me.

School board, general school board, maybe $30. It goes down. If you want to be the president. School board isn't as good as superintendent. If you give me and Thomas $1,000 a month, we will change the escort paperwork to where you are the CEO of the show. Yeah. I mean, we'll have, which I think it will probably cost about that much money.

To reorganize the paperwork. Yeah, anyway, that'll bet all she wrote, folks. Good night. Good night. Goodbye.