Pendejo Time - stanley stinkers

Episode Date: July 28, 2023

Another riveting journey into the minds of the South's leading intellectualsSupport the Show.

Penis pie? Penis pie for sale at Thomas' house. Thomas was telling me... You're the only one who buys it, but you buy everything I have in stock. I'm getting rich off this guy. No, you told me... You're like, I learned a really good recipe because I was... It's a family recipe from your family, actually.

My great-grandma's sitting me down. Yeah yeah it's actually only passed down by boys so oh well that's okay okay well that's not we shouldn't imply that my very christian petrilineal line is is is homosexual because they don't like those guys from my understanding um what do you think I mean you know I know you know like do you think that like if you came out to your dad now as a

joke do you think he'd be like I don't think he would be happy about it I think it would be a good conversation yeah it would be a negative situation I've always been curious you know just like

I have friends whose families are like very conservative and they came out and they you know got like ostracized or whatever and uh it's a sad thing but then i think like my mom it'd be very funny at 30 to be like mom i'm gay i mean stranger things have happened a lot of people i mean especially in the south i think it's like uh i don't think most people in the south especially like like imagine being gay in like mississippi or something yeah that's gotta be tough like

illegal there basically you know what i mean like like texas you at least got like austin and some other cities like major like you're in a major city, just about anywhere, even if it's in the south, like, you're probably, like, you can have a normal life, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even, like, if you're in Mississippi, like, you can go to Gulfport or something. Biloxi, maybe, you know. Yeah, Jackson, but it's like this, you're not gonna. Well, I was in Biloxi, and it's not... They have Confederate flags everywhere.

And part of their state flag is the Confederate flag. I thought they got rid of it. No. I was there maybe seven years ago, and they were still rocking with the old OG, where it was on a lot of the state buildings. It was their stars and bars and then whatever the fuck else is on their flag. But, yeah, it's like there are certain states where that's 100.

Like Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas. Ah! Maybe in like, maybe parts of Alabama. I don't know. Maybe in some of the bigger cities in Alabama. But I feel like Arkansas and Mississippi, it's tough. Oh, they got rid of the, Mississippi did get rid of the Confederate. Did they really win?

I feel like I was just there. A few years ago. Oh, okay. Well, I was there. It's got a magnolia flower in the middle now. Oh, that's good. I was there in like 2015, so that tracks that tracks well i just remember my granddad getting mad about it on the tv oh that's awesome was he he was he was anti them changing it or something

or i think so he wasn't from mississippi i think he was i think he was annoyed with the um i think he just liked the confederate flag i don't even know if he was annoyed with the... I think he just liked the Confederate flag. I don't even know if he was really racist. I think he just liked the design. I'm going to keep it a buck aesthetically. No, dude, it's a sick as fuck design. It's sick. I would definitely have it on a belt buckle

if it didn't mean that you didn't like black people. Right, right. If it just meant you were stupid, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. If it just meant that you were a loser. Like, I'm a loser. That's fine.

Like, I've been a loser my whole life. Like, if it just meant that you were, like, a redneck loser, I'd be like, okay, I'm not a redneck, really. But, like, I am most certainly from the south, and I am most definitely a loser. So, it's like, yeah. so it's like, yeah, but unfortunately, you know,

it's tied to a pretty nasty, moment in history, that lasted, you know, hundreds of years, yeah, he's been down, yeah, dude,

when he has it on his boogie board, so funny, and he's at, he's at the beach, and he's like, yeah, I'm out here working on my fucking suntan, probably gonna take me a little longer,

to look like you guys, but, it's just, one of the, it's one of the best written shows of all time i i can't speak highly of it enough um there's like a point when me and my brother hang out where we get so stoned and drunk that we just talk to each other and eastbound and down quotes i'm like yeah you know i'm i'm fucking thinking about just packing up and this whole town can suck my dick balls and my ass my brother will be like you're a grown-ass man now you need to worry about your own fix like we just don't we just like we're just doing stevie and fucking

danny mcbride close to each other anyway hey guys what's going on it's fucking padeo time it's thursday um uh sorry for the late ep It's Thursday my dudes You like that? It's Yeah It's like the old meme Thursday again No problem

No problem Thursday No problem Thursday again That face when it's Thursday And you know it's a vibe Yeah You like that?

When you're When you know that You're going to Brunch with your With your girlies And you go to the girls. What the fuck is girl dinner? Do you know what that joke's about? I'm so out of the loop.

Is it implying that women eat like granola? They eat like hamster food or something? It's, you know, it's hard to say. I think it's one of those like. It's, you know, it's hard to say. I think it's one of those, like, I think it was like a Twitter thing, and then somebody worked for Popeyes or whoever and was like, ah, I'll just steal that for the week. Well, I saw what I was equating it to is I remember there was a trend going around

called the hot girl walk where you go on a walk in the city, but it's a, it's like, Oh, I'm, I'm getting my, leaving my depressive era and I'm going on my hot girl walk to start my queen

era. And I was like, why are we giving names to things that are just existed for since time immemorial? Like, like, uh, it's called going, going for a walk. It's not a hot girl walk

you're just you're going on a walk to like get coffee from the store yeah it's like like i've seen one that was like um my boyfriend's beige flag is is that he likes to microwave his food when he's hungry and i'm like that's just that's not like a red or green. That's not a flag. That's just, that's just a thing. Honestly, you know what girl dinner probably is nowadays? What? Just well butchering and pussy. Their dinner is pussy. Yeah, they have SSRIs and vagina for dinner.

Because they're all lesbians now, Jake. Yeah, and they only want a man who got money. Yeah, and they don't want to be housewives anymore. They want to be whores. Yeah, they want to be whores, and they want to have sex with Andrew Tate guys. Yeah, they want to fuck bald guys who are really red. Yeah. And sit at a round table.

If you don't got a boat, you're not getting any of this pussy. I'm sorry. You're just not getting any pussy. Girls want to ride in a Bentley and get that pussy. Yeah, girls want to get their pussy ate by a guy who does spreadsheets. Yeah, who looks at charts and he cares about growth. Yeah, he cares about line go up. Yeah, I've honestly thought about

becoming a successful businessman. Have you thought about that? Yeah, I've given it. We should both become successful businessmen and through our business ventures we'll be able to fund a lavish lifestyle. I was thinking about that recently.

Honestly, I feel like what my life is missing is a lavish, luxurious lifestyle. If I could have a boat with a yacht on it, or maybe a diamond ring that's covered in gold, or a huge gold ring with diamonds all over it. Or like a tuxedo made of glass. If I could have a caviar on a little cracker that's shaped like a little square. I want a private jet to take my car to different places so I can drive my car. Yeah, I want to take my car to Dubai. I want to take my plane across the ocean on a boat.

Yeah, like, the show becomes wildly successful in ways we could have never imagined, and we just don't know how to spend the money because we don't know how to be rich guys. And so you're like, yeah, you're like trying to charter like a shipping freighter to take a private jet. You're i don't want to get in the jet i just want to get in brazilian wax every 30 minutes my life is awesome i get my my my gooch wax every 30 minutes my shit raw if i i i i feel like i like i watched i've watched like tom Segura and Bert Kreischer's like, you know, the trajectory of their lives.

And they've entered a state of being so wealthy from podcasting and doing comedy that they're like they did like a dominatrix episode where like they called their wives and they were like, hey, we're going to go to the dominatrix. And their wives are like, oh, God damn it. Which, by the way i i brought this up to ashley i was like hey if me and thomas had a huge show like tom segura and bert and we made millions of dollars and you know nobody ever had to work again for content's sake would you let me and thomas go to a dominatrix and she was like no which is would be a very funny pitch to like both of our respective girlfriends like hey i know I'm in love with you, but for YouTube, me and my best friend of 20 years,

we're going to go get our balls hit by Lady in Leather. Anyway, they just do. I forgot about the sex stuff. I thought a dominatrix was just a girl who was mean to you. And I remember. Well, that's a part of it, too, for sure. I was just thinking, like, I'd have that in a bag you know um yeah they like tie your nuts up and zip ties and shit i'm like that's where you like go over to a girl's apartment she like yells at you for something

you didn't do and then you leave yeah but then i remembered they torture your balls, which honestly, I feel like for me, I would have to say no to having my balls tortured. Yeah, 100%. Yes. Me and my friends used to hit each other in the balls a lot. Yeah. As a joke. Yes. And I don't think, I think I'm like three ball hits in my life away from never having kids.

Uh-huh. Same. Yeah. In between. My balls. I mean, they have taken some damage let me tell you oh yeah no dude like full-on like full-blown like soccer kicks from like sixth grade to like early college like getting a sack tap is nice but if you can get your friend with the old like switcheroo like a good kick to the nuts, that's that's classic stuff. Yeah. And then between that and then like Muay Thai, I feel like I'm I'm I'm with you like a good.

I feel like I've got maybe three or four left in me before, like my my my sperm is like at a right angle, like they're just. Yeah, I think my prostate probably looks like a country road. You know what I mean? It's just like like, you know, like a river just meandering yeah yeah i don't know what's going on down there but yeah i feel like you know there are there are wilder things i would do for content for sure i think most of them involve like me almost getting killed you know what i mean because there's yeah yeah yeah i i mean i i would say that this show i'm glad that we didn't go that route you know what i mean because i feel like maybe you mean the route where you like sell out stadiums and stuff yeah yeah yeah that would piss me off to like that would piss me off so bad all your shows

sell out in like two minutes yeah it's selling like 10 000 tickets and just hanging out with like oprah yeah yeah drake and stuff yeah yeah i would i don't i don't know you know i'm just glad we didn't like hit each other in the nuts for content i guess i don't know it just doesn't i feel like it would just make both of us mad like if we suddenly like if i tapped you on your nuts too hard and it hurt like i feel like that wouldn't be it wouldn't be a funny thing it would be like oh man you hit me my nuts i'm upset now you know what i mean dude i think so what are you looking at on your phone brother but it not even a bot it's somebody but it's like a burner keeps replying to me about a tweet i did about asap rocky's sex tape in 2019

what are they saying uh all right so the name on this account is patty davis there's no um there's no profile picture i just found out about this rocky tape and it's july 2023 wtf why was everyone dragging rocky in 2019 saying his stroke game is weak bullshit which that the shit is censored it doesn't look weak to me on this tape he was a beast and his partner seemed to enjoy it and rihanna would never date rocky if he couldn't fuck and then a follow-up july 2023 and rihanna ain't complaining one bit about rocky strokes in his equipment now is she he must be hitting it Three years together, and she has two babies for him. Fuck all the stupid mofos. What if that's Asap Rocky?

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Has 11 followers. Yeah, yeah. He's following 50 people, and one is, uh, one is ASAP Rocky and the rest are just like CNN and like Huffington post, like all just as suggested. Yeah. That's ASAP. Like what you'd follow if you didn't want to look like a burner account.

Do you want to see the, do you want to know what the bio is? What? Proud owner of a compassionate heart and a brand whose selves are holding hands political junkie music is my passion fighter for truth justice and equality dude that's asap rocky yeah that's you got asap in your replies right now there's no doubt in my mind that's awesome last retweet is just a it's just a screenshot of somebody listening to ASAP Rocky. Yeah, I hope that that's, I mean, you know, you can hope against hoping, you know. I, uh.

Okay, so maybe this is actually not him. I think this might just be somebody with dementia. Oh, okay. What else happening? So first tweet from this account, or second tweet, is, I smell a big rat with the Epstein death, and that big rat is Donnie Dirtbag. A.G. Bullfrog Barr, who got himself into this case from day one, did it to protect D. Dirtbag from any evidence Epstein has on him.

Epstein is gone, so Barr will shut the entire case down. Yes, this went from like a resistance thing to an ASAP Rocky bot. Oh, maybe it just got bought by the record label or something. Oh, he's dropping a soft A also. Oh, cool. Do you want to say it on the show to make sure that it's real? No, probably not. Oh, okay.

I was just checking if you were thinking about it. You know that. Oh, you mean it. Yeah, so this is all Resist and ASAP Rocky content. It's cool how far technology has come. Can you imagine? It's cool how far technology has come. Can you imagine?

There were people in the medieval ages who only spoke to probably only spoke to like 50 people in their life max. Right, right. And now, you know, you can send out messages to unlimited numbers of people about how another man's stroke game and how what he's doing to his wife's pussy well i feel like after a certain point like because i i i made a joke about how like appalachians and slobs are similar and uh people are in a quote to be saying like um i hope this guy dies like i hope that he dies a really sad death and like here's the point i'm making is is that if you have social media is awesome because you can reach a lot of people uh and you can reach so many people that you can just say something innocuous and then people are like uh dude you should get aids and die

and then you can also be like a guy who you have so there's another end of the spectrum like patty davis you can have so few followers and such a non-existent sort of presence on the internet that you can reply shit like that to people and people still have to see it but you know you're not like nobody really gives a fuck which I think is better than the other alternative. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like they bring up some good points, though, because I feel like if A$AP Rocky couldn't fuck,

Rihanna would have left his ass after their first night together, probably, because she, and I don't mean to speak out of turn, but she likes to get dicked down by somebody who knows what he's working with and knows how to handle her. Yeah. Do you think she's a size queen? Do you think she likes him? No, I think for her it's mostly about like – Passionate strokes? No, like the experience.

Like I think she likes the build-up and everything you know like the tension oh foreplay tension yeah i think like yeah you know like he's rubbing her thigh because like think about it you're rihanna you can have most men you know right yeah yeah i don't think i mean obviously size and experience come into play. But at this point, it's like she's seen it all probably. You know what I mean? Yeah, she's had her world rocked. But I feel like she's probably tired of dealing with guys who –

she's beyond dealing with guys who don't act like they've been there before. You know, like you can't – your first baddie is never going to be Rihanna. Let's face it. That's so true, dude. You know, that's so true. And even then, you know, I feel like there's guys who would get too nervous or just, another thing is, you know, you probably got to sign NDAs. Yeah. nervous or just another thing is you know you probably gotta sign ndas yeah there's probably i'd say there's probably a lot of guys we know who have dated rihanna at some point and we just

don't know because of non-disclosure agreements but i think i think you know rihanna seems like a cool lady i don't know i've never we're not that close anymore but i feel like she's looking for somebody she can share a future with at this point because she's like in her yeah she's in her 30s and stuff you know she's not just a party girl and she never really was it seems like she was always you know she was always seemed like a genuine person. And so now rather than just getting penetrated physically, I think she's looking for someone who can penetrate her mind. Her mind. Yeah.

Dude, look at us. Look at us. We're like on the same wavelength. So I think, I truly think that whenever, and once again, I really don't want to sound weird here. Crass, or yeah, no, I trust you. But whenever A$AP Rocky busted a huge, fat, stinky one all up in her, I think some of it went into her giant head and nested in her brain and i i would not be surprised if both of these babies because rumor has that they're twins if they have a little spark of of Rocky, Rakim as I grew up calling him, and Miss Fenty.

I feel like these are going to be two divine creatives that come. You know what I mean? That's what happens when you have a kid is that you share characteristics. Right. Sometimes, sometimes not. Sometimes you have kids that look nothing like you sometimes they're different species we had uh we had a friend growing up and his mom one time she actually gave birth to a huge worm out of her mouth oh okay yeah yeah she got really good she got really sick for a long time and then she had a

worm baby and actually it unfortunately got away that's not good i mean i don't like when this type of stuff happens yeah you know if you had a worm son come out of you would you take care of him yeah of course man i mean i've never really wanted to be a dad. I don't think I'd be a good one. I'm really selfish, and I don't like to do stuff that I don't like to do. I don't like to be in places. I think, to be fair, I think if you had a kid, then you would want to take care of it probably due to some horrible gay paternal instinct. I don't know, man.

I mean, you know, not a lot of the men in my family, I think they were born without that. You know man I mean you know Not a lot of the men In my family I think they were born Without that You know what I mean Like I think Well I think it's something That for men at least If you want to ignore it

You Absolutely can You can block that out Pretty easily Yeah yeah yeah They've got rock and roll music They've got bowling They've got alcohol

Yeah they've got Cocaine They've got a hell of a lot Of things that are Objectively way more fun They've got pussy That's not your wife's pussy You know what I mean

They got so many things that are more fun than raising a kid now You can go to a weird Sex party if you want to If that's what you want to I honestly don't even know why I brought that up Cause I don't think I would Like to do that Anyway like I don't have kids

That sounds weird to me but I was just thinking of stuff i've seen online recently yeah yeah yeah i saw a thread that was like old pictures of swingers from like the early internet like from forums yeah it was all just the funniest pictures i've ever seen dude now have you seen the old Super Bowl picture? Yes, of course. Yeah, that was the one. And then other people were, like, boasting. Yeah. Anyway.

I remember I tweeted that picture right when Ashley and I started dating as, like, a reply to somebody. And she was like, what is that? And I was like, oh, it's a swinger Super Bowl party. And she was like, I don't understand. And I was like, oh, so, like, so, you know, like, it's like the swinger communities are just, like, old, fat, like, nasty people. And she was like, I don't understand. And I was like, oh, so like, so, you know, like, it's like the swinger communities are just like old fat, like nasty people. And she was like, I don't know. And I was like, anyway, these are just a couple of guys kicking back some cold ones and then they're

getting head from their wives, friends. And she was like, why? And I'm like, I do people. I don't know. People are stupid, but also, you know, I remember when I was like a teenager and I heard about like nude beaches. And I was like, oh, that's probably so awesome. Oh, yeah.

You just get to see titties. You fuck all the girls on there. Yeah, you get to see. They want to suck your dick. It's all hot people. Yeah. Probably on nude beaches. Yeah, I bet.

And then I went to Lake Travis and there's a little there's a little area over there called hippie hollow and part of it is a is a nude nude beach on the lake and i went over there to just do mushrooms and fucking smoke weed and be out in the in the open and like you know i set my chair up and crack a cold one and i like go up to the hill to get a look at the of the lake and i then i look down, and it's just old dick, old nuts, old asshole, old pussy, old breasts, old ass cheeks, old bodies, and fat ones too. I think that's beautiful.

I don't. I'm not really a body positivity guy. You know, I just, I'm not really like, I have horrible body image issues and and i project those onto other people basically that's what i like to do like whenever i see a campaign it's like big is beautiful i'm like hey check this out um i hate myself and so you have to hate yourself too and that's called being a masculine man that's called being an alpha that's called being a masculine man. That's called being an alpha.

That's called being a kind of, I'm like a gym rat. You know what I mean? And, and so basically what I believe is, is that being 4% body fat year round and, and your dick doesn't work cause you're only eating 800 calories a day is that's like the ideal form for men. And then for women, you have to kind of look as if, uh, a strong gust of wind would carry you eastward and into the sea. That's sort of what I think everyone should be.

Yeah. Any deviation from that is globalism and it's West, it's depravity and it's a, it's a degradation of Western values and it's like cultural devastation and it's a destruction of the white race. I think I'm addicted to fruit right now. I've been eating so much fruit because it's healthy and everything's in season

and cherries have been really cheap. I don't know if you've seen, but they're like $3 a pound right now, so you can get a big ass. I don't typically go out looking for cherries. I'm not a cherry guy. I don't like them. I mean, honestly, fuck you because cherries are badass.

Cherries suck dick, dude. Fuck you. Dude, fuck you. Cherries are goaded. Cherries are nasty, dude. Cherries are fucking sauced up. I don't even really like fruit. I like pineapple.

Dude, you were fucking playing with me the whole time. You said, oh yeah, I'm addicted to fruit too. You're not a real fruit eater. You don't fucking eat any... I only said that to have something in common with you. We have nothing in common. Nothing in common. You would not survive a day in the jungle.

You'd be like, oh, where's the pizza? And I'd be chowing down, hanging out with monkeys all day. Yeah, you'd be eating cantaloupe. Yeah, I'd be eating cantaloupe. Yeah, I'd be eating cantaloupe. You'd be eating cantaloupe like a little fruity boy. I think cantaloupe grows better here than in the jungle, actually. I don't know what the fuck grows in the jungle, man. I don't give a shit.

Cantaloupe grows well in sand. I just found out recently that lemons aren't like a normal fruit like we made them. Most citrus trees are grafted yeah it's like uh like limes and oranges obviously are real but like lemons no like we we like made that up but i mean we did that with a lot of fruit like i saw that picture of what bananas used to look like and i was like get that shitty little fucking thing out of here there's still i talked about this in length i think on the podcast but there's several so people you know artificial banana flavoring yeah it's not based on this current species of banana that you can buy right right right it's like okay the cavendish is is is a little bit

blander but that others plantains right yeah, that other species isn't extinct, necessarily. There's still, I think, like 20 types of banana or whatever. Like in India, if you go there, their bananas are red. Get the fuck out of here, no. Let me get a look at these motherfuckers. And there's also a light bluish banana that tastes like ice cream, supposedly. I haven't tried. Get out of here.

Yo, these look so sick. Yeah. What the fuck? And these Indian guys are going to town on these fucking things. Holy shit. Yep. All right, blue banana, if you're lying, I'm going to fucking kill you. It's not like super bright blue, but it is like bluish.

Oh, the java banana. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, it is like bluish oh the java banana get the fuck out of here oh it's like a light it's almost like a yellow blue yeah that's what i'm saying it's not like super uh images oh the the ice cream one is what i was talking about oh yeah blue java banana it tastes like uh ah fuck me running damn you weren't kidding. No. You know what? I was pissed off to find out because it's one of my favorite flavors of, like, snow cone and candy. I think I was. Dude, I find out stupid shit way too late in life because somebody tells me something when I was, like, a kid, and I'm like, yeah, for sure, man.

I don't know. Whatever. Blue raspberry. It's one of my favorite flavors of candy. It's top notch for me. I love it. Yeah. And I went my whole life.

I was like, damn, I've never. Where do you go to get blue raspberries from? I would like to try the real thing because you have grape soda and then you eat a grape and you're like, I could see it. And you have apple soda and you eat an apple and you're like, pretty close. And then turns out blue raspberry is not real i was fucking devastated it's like somebody even told me santa claus well yeah it was a food coloring issue yeah there was a time in the 30s or 40s when

uh they found out that basically all the the way they'd been making red food coloring was like one of those things when you just find out you're giving people cancer, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they just had to make up something on the fly. But I want to say in like the black forest in Germany or something, there is a type of blue raspberry, but it's not like a bright blue. Right, right. It looks more like a blackberry almost, I think. Well, that flavor profile of a blue raspberry

is like doesn't taste like a raspberry it tastes like it's like a flavor that i've never tasted in nature because i love raspberries and i like um like bramble bear like blueberry dewberries i love all that shit blue raspberry is its own type of taste. I've never come close to tasting anything like that. Apparently it's a flavor of a black cap raspberry. But it's made with mostly esters of the banana, cherry, and pineapple variety. I don't know what esters are. Like the essence? Yeah, probably.

know what esters are yeah like i like the essence or whatever yeah probably like man this makes me want like a blue raspberry snow cone yeah i used to love blue coconut snow cones get yeah gotta love it gotta love it god that says either of those it's like you knew you were fine you know what i mean when you go to sonic and you get that ocean water oh yeah and then i would poop and then my poop would be blue and i was like damn i know this is good if this is going through my body and not being dissipated in any way and i have like a like a light blue tinge to my my doodoo's i know that this shit belongs in my body in high quantities. I tell you, at the time, my mom, she's still to this day, she's like, when you were a kid, you loved carrots so much,

and you would eat so many carrots that your skin would turn orange. And she told me that when I was a kid, and I was like, oh, damn, I believe that. And then I got older, and I was like, I don't think that that's true at all. That seems like if your baby's skin turns orange, you probably need to go somewhere pretty soon. It turns out the blue coconuts are real. For real? Get the fuck out of here.

Let me take a look. Take a look. They're incredibly rare. Blue, put the blue in the coconut. I think it's another example of the food coloring issue. But they probably do. Which makes me wonder what other, like, artificial flavors are just kind of made up. I mean, I don't know. I feel like blue coconut is just coconut with vanilla.

Yeah, because that's what ocean water is. It's like Sprite with coconut and blue coconut and then a vanilla syrup. Pretty sure. It's like one of my favorite drinks to get from Sonic. What is blue curacao? Because curacao... The fuck? This is going to be a captivating episode.

No, it's okay. I think blue Curacao. What is the flavor of that? Oh, this is like a citrus. Curacao is like a citrus. Blue Curacao. This makes me want to get blackout drunk. Oh, dude.

I don't know about you, man. I'm going to use a phrase that I'm pulling from my dad and my dad's side of the family. I got a wild hair up my ass lately. I've just been wanting to fucking, I don't know what it is, dude. My dad used to say that and I would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? He's like, oh, when you just want to go out and get fucked up, you just get that itch and i'm like didn't say that and he's like no you got it i got a wild hair up my ass and i'm like and i didn't know i thought that it had a phonetic or sorry like yeah uh homophone is that what it is where a word sounds like a word i

thought it meant that you had a hair in your asshole like a like a like a hair on your head that was causing you to want to go out and get drunk and it's like no like i i have energy like i have a wild rabbit in my asshole and it's making me want to take off down the street yeah and i guess go to the bar and get fucked up that makes sense but uh but yeah i'm with you man i and i'm fighting that urge to do it because it's never – it's fun when you're doing it, but it's never fun for a few days after. But, man, I feel you, dude. I've been wanting to get fucking shit hammered.

No, I really want to drink a bunch of blue smoothies. Give me just – I want to drink what they drink on Star Trek to get fucked up. Yeah, I don't want to drink beer. I want to drink girly shit and get fucking turnt up on sweet treats. Apparently that is a phrase. Yeah, wild hair up my ass. Yeah, I mean, it's like a phrase I've heard a lot in the South,

but from my dad's, from his buddies and stuff. Yeah. I didn't know. I had never heard it before. It was like, we've talked about it on here, lot in the south but like from my dad's like from his buddies and stuff yeah i didn't know i had never heard before it was like uh we've talked about it on here but the first time i heard um when it would rain when the sun is out my grandma was like devil's whipping his wife and i'm like what he's like when it rains in the sunshine that means devil's whooping on his wife and i was like why well first of all i didn't know the devil was married and second of all like why is he

beating on her i mean i know he's the devil was married. And second of all, like, why is he beating on her? I mean, I know he's the devil, but, I mean, he doesn't have to do stuff like that. Also, why, how did that come about? You know what? That's interesting. I'm going to find out on the show. Devil beating wife. And whenever it's storming, but you see a rainbow and the sun is shining,

it means the devil is cheating on his wife with a man. Sunshower. In France it is either Le Diable de Saint-Femme et Marie-Sophie

the devil beats his wife and marries his daughter. What a piece of shit the devil is. Honestly. Or check this out. The devil The devil.

Alright think about it. You're the devil. Your wife's a bitch. You got this sexy ass daughter and you already live in hell. Okay, yeah. Who do you want her to marry, a demon? The French also say, Le diable bat sa femme pour avoir des crêpes.

Crêpes. The devil beats his wife to have crêpes. the clip crepes the devil beats his wife to have crepes uh although in france probably him the devil uh fucking his daughter is probably one of the only redeeming qualities of the devil for the french that he fucks his own kid yeah that's true they're uh they're horrible the horrible society they've built there which i've never visited visited. I'd love to, though. I'd love to eat a big block of bread every day. In the southern United States, a sun shower is tradition to believe when the devil is beating his wife.

A regional belief from Tennessee is the devil is kissing his wife. So in Tennessee, the devil got his act together. He's not whooping on her. He's giving her a little smooch when it's a sun shower. Yeah, in Washington, the devil got his act together. He's not whooping on her. He's giving her a little smooch when it's a sun shower. Yeah, in Washington, the devil is fucking his wife. The devil is fucking his wife and she's squirting. Yeah.

Yeah, like you just, you go to like, I don't know, another southern state, you go to fucking Arkansas, you just maybe on the road trip or whatever and you had a gas station and sun shower hits and guy pumping next he's like you know it man the devil's just dicking his wife down and she's creaming on it and she's she's fucking just it's spitting at him it's like you know and you're like jesus man it's like yeah i mean you know that's just how we talk down here i don't know how where you yanks are from but when it when it gets raining and the sun's shining the devil's wife is throwing it back so hard the neighbors are stomping on the fucking floor together yeah the devil's biting down on a

belt so the neighbors don't hear him getting strapped down by his bisexual wife who's a that he's been pounding his gay butt. The devil is getting pounded out, and he fleeted earlier today, and he is a sub, and he is bottoming for his wife, and he is biting clean through a black leather belt. The devil's in a gimp suit right now, and he's getting erotically asphyxiated by his wife, and he's getting pounded out,

and he's getting choked out by her to get a better orgasm you're like you're like hey man i'm from texas i'm kind of from a shit kicker town i've never heard that phrase i know y'all talk a little differently down there but you know like here in the sort of you know antebellum saying oh the colonial south you know we we're a little bit more poetic. Y'all shortened it. I suppose you've never been to Behemoth, Tennessee. Down here, up here, we say the devil,

the devil is taking a strap from his bitch wife and she's fucking the hell out of him so bad he don't care when it ends he don't can't feel nothing back there she he put a fucking molly in his ass earlier everything feels awesome he fucking he wishes he'd die like this because he goddamn never felt this good listen man well hey thanks for talking to me at the gas station i i gotta hit the road but i appreciate it uh you know you guys got guys got a way of words down here. Oh, yeah.

Don't let the devil lick your butt and fuck you on the way out. That's how we say good travels. That's how we say good travels in Little Rocks. Don't let the devil come on your back. Dude, I've been to Little Rock, man. man i got family here i never heard nobody yeah well you never been to you never been a behemoth i guess that's okay yeah don't you're like hey man i i think you're making this stuff up i'm not trying to be rude or nothing i think you're just horny and and weird i think you're like a horny, weird, Arkansasian.

Oh, no, no. Look, would you see that? It's two doves flying in a straight line together. I guess the devil is sucking River Phoenix's dick. Weird. Hey, man, I don't think that you need to turn a phrase for something that just sort of happens, you know? Yeah, well, around here, stuff like that don't think that you need to turn a phrase for something that just sort of happens. Yeah, well, around here, stuff like that don't happen too often.

You don't often see something like that. It ain't every day you see two birds. Most days, you barely even see half a bird here nowadays. I saw one-eighth of a bird the other day on the side of the road. It was just a beak. And my son put it on. He put it on a beak. He said, Dad, I'm a bird.

I said, Son, you keep acting like a bird. The devil's going to come here and ride a bicycle down to earth from hell, which is up. The devil's going to ride a bike down to earth and start... And he's going to make you... He's going to teach you a lesson. So, I'm reading the origins of the phrase the first recorded use of this phrase was in a 1703 french play to go and thrash him around the church yards the devil does his wife in rainy weather when the sun shines and then years later the irish uh writer jonathan swift the devil was

beating his wife behind the door with a shoulder of mutton. Which is, by the way, it's very funny to beat your wife with roast beef. That's pretty, I mean, it's not good to beat your wife. You shouldn't do it. If you have a wife, you should cherish her and love her and shower her with gifts and kindness. But you shouldn't beat her, let alone with meat. If you're going to beat your wife, just do it the old-fashioned way. Yeah, usually guys beat their own meat. Damn it, man.

I fucking don't. Don't mind me. I'm just beating my own meat. Yeah. Check, please. What if we started, like, a really, like, you know how, like, back in, like, the mid, like, 2010s the early 2010s, the Breast Cancer Foundation, I love boobies, and they would sell shirts and wristbands and say, me and you are going to start an anti-domestic abuse campaign,

and it's don't beat your wife, beat your meat. We're pro-masturbation Christian Southern liberals. We're like, you better not be whooping on her. If you're going to whoop on anything, whoop on that worm. And we're like talking about, you know. Don't shoot your wife and kids. Shoot your load. Shoot your load.

Yeah, I think that would go over really well. That would probably be a really successful. Don't bruise your wife. Bruise your boner. Don't bust her nose. Bust your nuts. It was like when I first started college in 2012, there was a campaign where you can carry a gun on UT campus, but you couldn't have a dildo. And so a bunch of girls made signs that said, come and fake it, which I thought was pretty clever.

And then they were carrying dildos around campus as a form of protest or whatever and I was like oh that's cool and to see it come full circle 10 years later we're sitting here and we're just having a really good idea that people would really don't whack your wife whack your wiener

you know like don't don't do domestic abuse. Wait don't don't don't don't do domestic abuse. Don't choke your girlfriend. Choke your chicken. Jesus Christ. Or like or like maybe like a pro like a pro family message, like don't knock her out. Knock her up.

You know what I mean? Like, you know what i mean like like you know they're trying to get like we're trying to get those birth rates up because birth rates have been declining due to you know a number of factors you know cultural environmental and you know labor markets so if the if you're frustrated at getting laid off brother and you're frustrated at your stock in life and your fucking town's been gutted for years, austerity measures and outsourcing of labor. And you come home after you're at the bar with your friends and all you can think about doing is KOing your sweet, sweet Southern Belle. Don't knock her out.

Knock her up. Buy a T-shirt from us. Don't pump your shotgun. Pump inside of a girl. Okay. Now, okay, I think we're getting – it's getting a little too wordy. I think we're losing some of the cleverness. Yeah, that's okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't squirt the bullet out of a gun. Squirt the cum out of your huge dick. Again, man, I feel like you're really – you're making it more crass than it needs to be. Hey, don't slap her around. Slap your monkey. Now that's what we're talking about. Don't.

You can go. Okay. Don't punch her, munch her, and it's pro-eating pussy. It's trying to get men to go down on their girlfriends and wives. Don't slap her eyes. Sleep away from guys and with a girl. Okay, so now we're anti-homosexuality and pro... Okay, got you.

Okay, no, but we're still anti-domestic abuse. So I feel like we're still getting somewhere. Don't. Yeah, it's a don't hit your girlfriend or fuck guys. Don't hit your girlfriend or fuck guys and we're pro-masturbation. So we're, yeah, so we're anti, we are anti-gay and LGBT and we're pro-jacking off and pro-knocking your girlfriend up. I don't know what religion or cultural belief that is, but we're cooking with gas now. So, yeah, don't kiss a boy, use a toy on your wife.

And we're pro sexual exploration, so we're still progressive. But we really don't want you to have gay sex. Yeah, don't... Let's see here. Fuck.

Okay. Don't jack your friend Jimmy off. Take friend Jimmy off Take the Jimmy off And And Get your girlfriend pregnant Okay, nice

I still feel like you need to trim it down There's too much fat A little bit Yeah, yeah Yeah Don't abuse How about Don't bum a guy, come inside.

Okay, not bad. I think that's, yeah, that's good. Of a girl. Okay, yeah, there we go. Don't abuse her. Use her to make a baby. Yeah. Yeah, awesome. her to make a baby yeah yeah awesome i really think people would like that people would wear their bracelet yeah yeah people would wear that on a shirt or is that what instead of i love boobies

it's i love i love straight sex and not gay sex okay i think that that i think we can get behind that i love i love i love ejaculating we're like two middle mid-30s guys in like a like a like a mega church and we're trying to think of like social media stuff for like you know the gen z christian revival or whatever the fuck that's been going on for like the last year we're like okay don't push her down the stairs pull down her underwear after marriage okay um don't don't don't kiss your friend Mike let her ride you like a bike once you're married

just not even not even bringing your girlfriend into it like verbally yeah yeah yeah who is her yeah let's see yeah Who is her? Yeah. Let's see.

Yeah. Marriage is for life. Don't fuck a man, fuck your wife. I can't say fuck. Okay, sorry. That's sinful language. God, I'm out of time here. Come on.

Don't blow on a wiener. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Come on. Don't blow on a wiener. Uh-huh. Give your wife your peener. No, no. Don't blow on a wiener. Don't blow on a wiener.

Make your wife have to call Stanley Steamer because he came on the carpet so much. And she has to mop it up with her pussy. Just let me know when that happens. It would be kind of... It would have to be her big bracelet. Yeah, it would have to be a big bracelet yeah it would have to it'd have to be like a yeah like a big necklace yeah or yeah stanley steamer oh fuck got me good yeah um yeah you know don't um i should have said give your wife the creamer. I think Stanley Steamer's fine.

I think that's okay. But for bracelet purposes. Yeah. I don't know if Stanley Steamer would approve of that message. I don't give a fuck about Stan. Fuck him. He's a piece of shit. Honestly, they should rebrand because it's so stupid the way they do their ads now.

It should be a hot couple. Yeah. Covered in sweat and then the pants to the floor and there's just calm like gallons of it yeah and like piss and like yeah too yeah and then they're like who the fuck do we call we both we both have aids so then the stanley steamer number comes up and it says we clean up fucked up shit we're in the boardroom and it's like, okay, guys, so you've been working. We've been working with the same song. Stanley Steamer, tough on dirt, channel on carpet.

You know, and then there's the other one. Stanley Steamer gets carpets cleaner. And that worked for a long time. But we brought you guys in because we really uh we really just need something that's gonna hit with you know the younger generations because they're getting their own apartments you know gen z's moving out they're they're and and we want to we want to identify with them you know not the older crowd anymore because you know they're they have their own you know they got their own lives going on and and they're some of them are living at home so they

don't need carpet cleaning so we we brought you guys in um you were recommended uh we know you guys have a comedy podcast so just some funny songs maybe some funny jingles that we could put in a commercial thomas would you mind you had some couple written down so yeah um so when i had it was like when you bust a huge load and it's on the floor and your vacuum won't hold anymore who to call who to call when your wife squirted all over the place and you're trying storing all the liquid on your face, come on, ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, come on, ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, cause we're the Stanley Steamer Cleaner Crew, and we'll clean anything from here to you, come on, ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, come on, ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, if it's blood or it's jizz or it's pee or poo, Stanley Steamers, we're on the way to you If you need a cleaner crew, come fuck your wife

Lay the pipe down all day and night Come on It's a five-man train and we're digging around And we put it in and we're sticking it in and we're fucking, we're fucking on your wife. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Um, okay. Awesome. Oh my goodness. Okay. So, um, a couple notes. Uh, I really, you know, we, we knew when you bringing you guys in that you guys were, you know, a little racy. So I like the jizz jokes.

I like the I didn't mind the woman cum jokes. I think that's kind of where the line would be for Stanley Steamer. I don't know about bringing in a five-man team to fuck our customers' wives. I don't think that the men that we would kind of be gearing these commercials to would want that. That's what you guys have always done for me in the past. So I just figured we could advertise it. Well, if any Stanley Steamer team fucked your wife, I wouldn't want that. A Stanley Stinker.

Is that a different cleaning crew that that is um i think maybe you were lied to by somebody where'd you find stanley stinker my some guys my wife knew i don't know oh i i hate to break it to you man i think you're man i think your wife was just cheating on you with yeah they did not they did not even clean the carpet which is probably the most confusing thing to me and i paid them 800 bucks a piece so you your wife brought in a guy named stanley stinker and a bunch of his friends and they and they had sex with her that's what they said yeah i don't know so i don't think well i i still want you to help us out but i think maybe you need to have a conversation with your wife because i think that she cucked you with homeless men yeah i think so too but i think that could be a good direction for this company i don't think so we're an

established home cleaning company work on let's see did you have did you have a jingle you were working on um are you asking me though the the marketing director of stanley no no the dude standing next to you oh yeah let me uh the dude the dog mask oh oh yeah yeah this is your co-host jake uh jake would you do um are you gonna take the dog mask off no uh it's pretty important for me uh it's kind of like the character uh in this meeting that i wear the very realistic dog mask with the with the leather muzzle um and uh and i won't be taking it off okay so uh that's no problem uh so thomas i want you jake i want you to take the notes that i gave to thomas um which was i don't i like i said we're comfortable with little mild sexual humor but

i really want to stray away from anything resembling thomas's unfortunate accident with stanley stinker uh it so far as which was no accident you know oh okay okay so i either finish all those guys off well okay uh it's stanley stinker incident aside incident or not jake i want to hear your jingle that you came up with and i and just keep in mind you know no talk about uh having your wife fucked by um a team of fake house cleaners that were actually homeless men and uh it's just nothing about a piss or shit or blood okay oh yeah that's fine that should be okay i'm just gonna have to make a couple edits though to my song uh because uh it it uh it's not it's not it's not important okay yeah

don't take your time okay just one second okay uh i got to change the chorus the chorus yeah so the chorus did go um stanley steamer she's a creamer when i have six guys come and get in my wife's thoughts you know she's gonna creamer for the steamer, Stanley. And I know that you didn't want me to do anything like that. Yeah, no, I was pretty explicitly just now gave you instructions just to not have anything about your wife getting fucked by a cleaning crew that is not actually a cleaning crew. Yeah, no, I understand. Okay, one second.

Yeah, we just didn't know. Yeah, we did know. No, it's okay. I mean, you guys, we're only paying you $500 an hour as a consultant's fee, so take your fucking time, I suppose. Hey, I appreciate that. Thank you. Okay, I think I'm ready. We're just going to...

Some of this is pre-prepared, and then some of it is going to be... God, it's really hot in this dog mask. some of it it's going to be uh god it's really hot in this dog mask um some of it is just going to be off the cuff so here we go uh so thomas went kind of with like a pop rock jingle and i'm kind of doing more of like a like a r&b like a light skin thing okay well we don't uh we don't need to say the term light skin. I really like to use that word, so I'm going to keep using it. But anyway, okay, here we go. Here we go. wife gets fucked and she won't just stop squirting who do you call not your friend paul you want to

call stanley steamer because they're so good at getting come out of the floor from all your wife's boyfriends okay i feel like you're not listening to me anymore i feel like you're actually explicitly going against my wishes and the wishes of the stanley steamer marketing division wishes i felt like it was good honestly jake i felt like that was what he asked hey thank you man i honestly thought it was i thought like i took the notes really well so again some real shit yeah so you guys um are not are clearly not listening to me and i don't know hey uh who did who recommended these guys to us oh uh um oh you know they were brought in they were brought in on uh recommendation of um of stanley stinker oh so

it's stanley stinker okay great okay so it seems we've all been hugged winked by mr stinker uh thomas i'm sorry that you had to quote unquote finish those guys off. I'm sorry that your wife had sex with a bunch of homeless men. Jake. Yeah. I'm sorry you feel it's necessary to wear a dog mask with a leather muzzle to a marketing meeting that could possibly boost you guys' career. Certainly not anymore, of course. Did you even watch the video that we made with Dr. Pepper? The Dr. Fucker video?

No. 23 flavors. 23 flavors that come on the floor licking my lap lick lick lick you lick it up and it tastes like the foamy dr pepper from the can yeah you you gotta lick that thing you gotta lick it up and down lick the bottle put the bottle in your butt put the dr pepper bottle in your butt and it foams. Pepper bottle in your butt. And it foams, foams, foams, foams. Too much foam. It's going to foam in the bottle you lick. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. When your carpet gets dirty.

We're doing like a Creed thing now? Yeah. And you don't know who to call. When your wife gets rolled out. Listen, guys, I don't understand. Okay. No to the Dr. Pepper video. No to the Creed song.

No, actually, to this whole meeting. I'm pretty much. Berkshire Hathaway. Investments that get your wife fucked. The new Whataburger Double Down Dick Your Wife Sandwich comes with barbecue sauce that you'll get on your carpet, along with all the jizz from the men that your wife is also having sex with. Who else do you call? You call Stan Listamer.

Dave and Busters. The name of the two guys we're sending to fuck your wife. Fun, games, bowling, arcades, and your wife's pussy getting destroyed all night. Two guys, both white, both fucking her. And we're destroying her. Two guys fucking your wife's pussy out in the middle of the bowling lane. Everybody watching. And whenever she comes, it just bounces off that hardwood wax polish. Even though it's very hard to find actual wood lanes nowadays.

Well, guys, it's been a real fucking treat. Thank you for coming to this meeting. Yeah, no problem. Jake. It was a five-minute meeting, so we still get like 15 bucks, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll Venmo you guys. And do you guys have anything you want to plug before I get you guys out of here?

Yeah, if you're listening to this, that means you're listening to the free episode of Stanley Stinker Time. If you like the show, of Stanley Stinker Time. If you like the show, you should go on over to patreon.com slash pendejo time and subscribe. The show is awesome. We've got a whole backlog of episodes.

Two guys, two dicks, one show. Yeah, and the show is two microphones, four testicles, two sets of dicks four nipples combined six inches of penis we're like it's like a like a monster truck rally sunday sunday sunday a combined 6.4 inches of hard dick coming to your ears while you're in traffic. Coming in your life. Anyway.

Yeah. If you're listening to this, go on ahead and tell us. Five bucks a month over on Patreon.com. It gives you access to all the backlog of the premium episodes plus bonus episode every week. And also you get Discord access. A lot of cool shit going on in there. A lot of fun guys. Nice guys, and ladies and girls. $10 a month.

You get access to all that shit plus a video episode a month. We got one coming in August, and something else cool coming down the pipe for all the listeners. Yeah, I guess that's about it. This is genuine. If anybody knows of – I've been looking around and I'm having a hard time. I would love to do a show in Chicago. If anybody knows of a – please do not message me.

Check out Zany's. I looked at Zany's. If anybody knows, like, a small in chicago that uh books stuff like podcasts or maybe has like a like i don't know if they have like if they do like fucking improv shit and they book shit like that uh hit me up on patreon or uh twitter because um a lot of the comedy clubs there like don't do bookings on their websites a lot of them don't fuck with white people i'm just kidding yeah Yeah, straight up. Chirac is not friendly to the white race,

and so we're coming to change that. Anyway, no, seriously, if you guys know of even a bar or something, if you're from that area that would do something like that, hit me up. I would really appreciate it because I'm having trouble finding spots,

but I do want to hit the Windy City up and do a show before the end of the year. Anyway, that's the show. Thanks for listening, guys. Bye-bye.