Pendejo Time - Stinky Fish Dinner Part Two (feat. Eden)

Episode Date: April 11, 2025

Thank you to Eden for joining me for this ep. Check out Drunk Uncle on tour.TIckets to the Austin show 5/10: https://the-velveeta-room-the-velveeta-room.seatengine.com/shows/312386Support the show and use code PENDEJO on MyBookie to doubleyour money instantly on your 1 st deposit. Head tohttps://www.mybookie.ag/Support the show and start your free online Hims visit athttps://www.hims.com/PTSupport the show

And we're back with another weekly episode of your favorite show Pendejo time Ladies and gentlemen, we've got one more show here without mr. Jacob Rhodes he Unfortunately, he was on his way back from he went to medieval times and they they had a Turkey leg getting contest he started from the wrong damn end. He's got bones all up in his lungs So he's trying to cough him up get to the show as soon as you can. We'll probably see him

inbound for a brand new episode come Tuesday, so and in the meantime if you are within the root of any drunk uncle shows go to those while they're on tour if they just wrapped up keep in mind that stuff you know don't don't tell me it's fine I'm plugging it either way and that's kind of how things are gonna be So in this episode We got some you know some weighty things to address. We got all the jakes allegations we got all the good stuff in my life and

everything in between So they and I would like to introduce our guest for this week miss Eden You may remember her from the premium episode or if you don't have five spare dollars You will not know her from anything And I know that's a lot of y'all right now a lot of y'all coming up short, but it's okay because Keep in mind, you know, I can't complain because I don't pay for this either. So hey, it's all good But thank you for joining me.

Thanks for having me. For this amazing episode, let's dive right in. Let's chop this motherfucker up. Are you really channeling Brad Sexton tonight? Buck Sexton. Buck Sexton. I was trying to tell a coworker about him and I called him Brad Sexton. No, it's Buck Sexton. Which is even better. Yeah. You know he buck on that shit. You know he buck on that shit.

I've still been thinking about so on. I've been big into AM talk radio recently and what was I saying? Oh I've really been enjoying the like weird like there are some stars of conservative AM radio and then there are some in-between guys and the in-between guys are the best. Because the other day I turned on the radio and there was a guy complaining that he had seen that somebody else had the first name Muslim. And he was mad about that being a name. And then even his conservative talk show host

callers were like, hey, it's a name. Is it? We got to be weird about it. Come on. It's 2025. He was like, I don't want to hear any of this. Muslim is a name. Are you kidding me? Who the hell do you know name Muslim? That is disgusting. Next. Was he like a cranky old Jewish man?

I think he was just so fat that his voice became kind of Jewish. Yeah, he kind of struck me as one of those guys who just kind of shaped like Patrick from SpongeBob. Yeah, not Patrick Dorn. No, two different shapes. I think the the guy named Muslim was at the homeless guy who like stabbed the late heat something happened. There was a guy I've been getting a lot of like New York Danger news on TikTok that kind of just like go in one ear at the other.

I was talking about Muslim Gutierrez. Who's that the vice principal of Mexico get your mind out of the gutter. The vice principal of Mexico. Muslim Gutierrez, who the hell are you talking about? I was talking about a homeless man named Muslim who committed some or is accused is is is accused of committing some crime in the streets. Free him. He didn't do anything wrong. Yeah. So is so Muslim Gutierrez is the vice president of Mexico.

Yes. Yep. And that's what I was talking about. I feel like, yeah, I feel like Islam is the first name I know about, but I think that's just because of the UFC. Very true, yeah. Otherwise, even the first time I saw that I thought, they don't have to, maybe Dana White's like trying to market him like that's a nickname, you know. You can hear Mohammed a lot, which, of course, like, you know, respect like in Judaism. We also name a bunch of boys after our version of he's not really our version of Mohammed, but he's our prophet, you know, Moses. I have like 15 of them in my family. Yeah.

A lot of black Israelites named Moses as well. Interesting. And do they change their name when they go when? I don't know. I guess they don't think of themselves as converting. They think of themselves as I don't know, they're not even born again. Like, I don't know what.

How do you come to the realization that you're black Israelite? Are you born into it? Is it like Mormonism? Maybe just by learning actually anything about history. That's so true about who you really was because they're trying to hide it from the real Native Americans were who the real Beethoven was. Yeah. Who the real George Washington was. They said he had red hair.

They did. He was he was he was light skinned. Yeah. So y'all going to tell me Jesus was a Italian man. So I would say. If you were if you were a black lady. Yeah. Yeah. If only. I don't think I would be very good at being a lady. Yeah. Well, I meant like I kind of meant like a different demographic. Like if I was the same

If I like acted the same and everything it was in any other demographic. I don't think I would really be Tolerated as much you I think you would make a really cool Asian guy. I think if you had your personality, but you were an Asian guy I Think that that would be really cool Yeah, I mean there's just nothing I can really do about it. Yeah. The laid back, the laid back comedian who he stays quiet like a viper and then he comes out with some quips. But he's Asian. But I'm Asian.

But he's Asian. Wow. But he Asian but he's Asian which makes him better makes you better look at um that guy from Keltoni or from Rogan or whatever forgot his name you mean Huns Kim yes Hans Kim I think that's part of why he became so famous, because everyone was like, Oh, my God, his name's Hans. What is he a damn composer? But actually, he's really composing some sick ass

roast that you could never come up with on your own. Boom. Yeah. Mic drop. Mic drop, motherfucker. You just got cammed, bitch. You got Hans in the Kim. He went super hands, motherfucker. He's going to get handsy, motherfucker. Hans Kim Jong-un, motherfucker.

Yeah, he's hit you with some rockets, motherfucker. He's going to do some military exercises, motherfucker. Yeah, but honestly, like all due respect to Hunts Kim, because like the things that he's done for my career, I just it's. From one Asian brother to the other. Yeah, he really looked out. He really looked out. And it's kind of like, you know, people always talk about teal bucks, but they don't really know that there's another guy pulling the strings.

It's Kim Bucks. Yeah. If I. I could cry thinking about how I feel about Hans Kim. Joyously, surely. He means so much to me. I would lay down my fucking life for him. I, he, see, people don't know this, but he's the guy you credit

as getting you into comedy. Yeah, when I grew up listening to Hans Kim albums on Pandora. And, you know, it was, and I felt like I'd been looking for similar stuff on iHeartRadio but whenever I switched over to Pandora I felt like I was really getting what I was looking for and Hans Kim would come on who else David Lucas

all these guys really taught me till they drove me madly in love with comedy. There is a heart and a soul in every single one of their jokes that you can feel when you listen to Pandora and they come on the Pandora Comedy Channel shuffle Yeah, and I remember Hans would have the funniest jokes He'd have a joke about a guy in the crowd and you you wouldn't be able to see him But in a in a in an album, it was still very funny to imagine a guy who maybe actually was disabled Yeah Actually was you know a different color or even was a different Asian guy. But then Hans is being the cool Asian guy. Yeah. He has like maybe like a white girlfriend.

Yeah. And then he betrayed his race. He was like a race trader. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, even when I sometimes after I would find the albums on Pandora, I would go to the computer and I would. Try to find it on. On video, I couldn't end. It's kind of paywall. Mm. Netflix. You got Kimmed. You got Kimmed, motherfucker. Hans strikes again.

The King will see you now. Hans came up on his motherfucking throne, drinking a goddamn beer and saying whatever the fuck he wants because he doesn't have to answer to the fucking media he doesn't have to answer to the fucking paparazzi and he don't got to answer to nobody because nobody puts Hans Kim in a corner yep and he could go you know not a lot of people can go toe to toe against Tony because Tony is like kind of above all that shit.

Like he's kind of above all the drama. Yeah. But I feel like really if he had to go toe to toe, I think Hans could hold his hold it down. Yeah, honestly, I'd like to see Hans hold me down to live in hell out of me while I scream for help But until I'm that lucky I can basically just watch his reels on as many devices as I can hook up at once I have once is the way to do it. Yeah See it took me a long time to like rig my shit so that it's all yeah to get all the same fully Kim doubt. Yeah

Yeah, I'm trying to get some Kim trails up and down my stomach He came and he came dollop. And I came in. I let I he had I had him in my hands and he came to me. And you were holding him in your arms and shit. He looks he looks like he's he he would be really tall and way bigger than you in real life. But honestly, size to size, like couple to couple, you guys are really good together.

Yeah. Yeah. I know he got you doing tricks up on it. Yes, sometimes he'll do crowd work from my shoulders. Oh, wait, what? Oh, yeah. He got that bird's eye view. He got that bird. That's for sure.

Good call. Good call. Hans Kim. Took a lot of breeding and we know Kim is familiar with that shit. Yeah took a lot of breeding. I've been working hard. I've been breeding the fuck out of these birds And it's not it hasn't it's hard to make money it's hard to scrape by there's they're Expensive as fuck like it's hard to find a vet for him, but I know one day all this hustling is gonna pay off I Know that's right. You're building an empire.

Yeah. Yeah, very hands on experience. So what else is going on with you? Well, I mean, other than things between me and Hans going really well, which are fucking smoking. I never thought I'd even be in the same room with him. OK, be honest. Is he as good looking in person as he looks on reels?

Girl, I wish he's twice as smoking hot. He's smoking hot like lava. Oh, my God. And when he when he comes up on it, it's like lava. It's all like lava. And you get your hands up on it too. Yeah, and he got my claws red like a lobster. Pasta and lobster.

You're his pasta and lobster. Yeah, I'm the little clam that comes with the. The yeah, I know you got a little clam for him, don't you? Yeah, I call him clams, I call he calls, I call call him he calls me clams for him. Because it rhymes, He called he coming. He stir you up inside and he called that clam chowder.

Yeah. Yeah. Clam chowder. Yeah. Clam chowder sounds fucking good right now, honestly. Really? Yeah. Doesn't it? I don't think I've had a clam chowder sounds fucking good right now, honestly. Really? Yeah. Doesn't it? I don't think I've had clam chowder before. Oh, my dad really liked clam chowder, and a nice New England clam chowder.

We should get some fucking New England seafood this summer. My family basically never gave a fuck about clams because we've never seen that shit before. Because you guys ate radioactive waste from the Gulf. They don't have clams in the goal For as I know I said Get their shrimp from the Gulf I'm sorry even up here they get their shrimp from the Gulf it tastes like that It tastes good. Oh

I fuck with the Gulf of Mexico actually Yeah, I do I do big-time heavy But I don't feel comfortable. I wouldn't feel comfortable swimming in that ish It's good It tastes good Excuse me shrimp do taste good You said shrimp What did I?

Said they should trick for some reason no No, I definitely said Shrimp. But it's okay, we can fixate on that. I've been... I've been trying to, I guess, kind of Kim out. Just chill out lately. Yup. You're kind of like a Kim boy. Like you're always Kimmin'. Yeah. You're kind of like a Kim boy like like you're always Kim in Yeah, I

Kind of just want to go home and just Kim everywhere You come home and you're like, hey Kimbo Yo Han Solo Yo Han Solo. He's like, Oh, Thomas, you're not going to make me use these hands solo tonight, are you? Yeah. And then I'm blowing him. I look up and I'm just laughing with his penis.

He's so funny. Yeah. God, I wish I was fucking know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God, I wish I was fucking famous like them. I don't wanna be fucking famous like them. Oh, God, please. God, please let me be.

Please let me go to the comedy mothership and fucking kill. Oh, God. I wish I could be fucking cool. I wanna be fucking famous. Yeah, I think, I think like if they if they just gave you a shot up there, if I know they're busy, I know hella people come out there and I know hella people want to go up on that stage.

And it's super competitive. But I think you have. I think you have the gusto in the I got crazy panache I was trying to say the word panache but I didn't know if it was a real word yeah panache what does that mean don't worry about it. It's not like pizzazz. It's like guts. It's like swag. It's like swag? Is this one of those words you know from the books?

Yeah, let's see. Panache. It's like, I want to say it's like a certain... Okay, let me let me you just opened up a Wikipedia page about the Middle Ages what was the word panache yeah certain maybe I'm gonna say swag okay or maybe Okay. Which is what Hans Kim has. Or maybe Constitution. Let me see. That's that shit Hans Kim got. It's like a style. Confidence.

Oh, like a bravado. Yeah, yeah like flair. Yeah. It comes from the French word for plume. For what? Plume. OK, cool. That's awesome sauce, actually. Yeah, I think you got the panache to really blow Tony away. Yeah, I would love to blow him away. I know because you're going to get plenty of practice on Hans too.

So I think by the time Tony, the big dog Tony rolls around. Yeah. It's so funny. It's like such a comedian brain thing. You're like one of the most famous gay guys in the world. And you're like, I guess I'll now that I'm rich, I'll be a pirate. What do you mean? The way he does his facial hair and everything in the dress. Oh yeah that's true. Yeah. I don't really like um I don't really think of him as a gay guy like

I don't think of him as a guy like does he have a boyfriend? No I don't know. No I'm, he didn't mention anything about a girlfriend, a boyfriend. Well, either way. No, I feel like Tony, I mean, he's probably such a player. Yeah, but he plays little boys all the time. Yeah, I think that's true. And I think that actually happened. That's sad that that happened.

Yeah, I heard from a really credible source that he has that he plays with little boys. He's a youth basketball coach. Let's see. Yeah, thirteen and under. Are you Googling it? Because he plays with little boys. No, no, I had to find the ad read for a few minutes but I was trying to do it subtly. Yeah. No, as far as we know, there's there's been no crimes that have happened that we've known about

yet. I have no source. I was just saying silly talk. However, Tom is dead. I was humiliated because he shook me out of my sleep by the jowls one night. And he slapped me in the face like a bitch. And he said, I thought you were white. And he stormed out and I called after him. I said, I am.

I've been white this whole time. It's even your last name. Right. You've been tearing this white ass up. What are you storming out for, Kim? But he says, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not the man you think I am. I'm not just your comedy superhero. I'm not the man who's gonna just make you famous

with my big Asian dick and my love for fucking roasts that don't give a fuck about nothing. I'm a fucking bastard ass Thomas. Is he adopted? Yeah, maybe by a Dutch composer. Let's see. Well, no, I guess if Kim is his last name, he really is Korean.

Like he lives with a Korean family. I bet he has plenty of jokes explaining the reason behind his name, but how his parents wanted him to be smart or something Yeah, here's the website hunts Kim comedian calm We got to get you a website We're gonna make you a star I'm gonna do to you what dance moms Did to little girls who dance Right. He is a newsletter. He's a newsletter. I'll sign you up for it. Thanks

Thank God I can stay up to date. He's looking kind of sexy in those photos. Look at his arms. Yeah, he looks like a rapist I had he looks like he got self-conscious halfway through his set and took his glasses off. Hmm Let me see Oh no, I was looking at the ad read this was doing Sorry, it's okay. Well, yeah You got anything crazy playing for this week It's Passover this weekend, as you know. As the audience may recall, Thomas is Jewish now. But unfortunately, he will not be attending Passover this year.

No, I'm getting a bus and watch instead. He's getting a bus down watch and then he's busing it down for Hans Kim in our apartment. He's had this planned with Hans Kim for a really long time so he couldn't just cancel. I mean they're non-refundable tickets and Delta is really expensive. You know you get the good seats because you want the good seats. You're coming from Austin to New York it's three and a half hours. You lose an hour hour it feels like forever you back so anyway can't take it with you yeah not when you're dead and so

yeah it's Passover this weekend gonna do that ooh really big news getting my nails done tomorrow. Ooh! Which is a really good segue into me plugging Girl Chat again, since this is the free episode. Yeah, sorry about that, had some technical difficulties. But we are back, sorry about that. And what were we talking about?

We were plugging Girl Chat in the Discord server. I don't know when we got cut off But anyway, it's a dollar to join the discord server and there's a chat in there for girls called girl chat And if you're a boy, there's a chat in there called nut chat. You're welcome to join don't Leave girl chat up to the girls We talk about awesome stuff in there Yeah, like yeah, like probably using yeah, like oh, where's the umbrellas? Yeah, you never use umbrellas

Because you're a stinky boy and you let the rain hit you like it's Hans Kim's pee Yeah, well if the rain was all Hans Kim's pee, then I would probably be a professional drain professional drain you be drinking that shit water like water it would yeah it would shift through my shuffle through my teeth to the grates yeah you would probably make ice of it you would put it in your ice tray so that when you put it in your pea juice it doesn't dilute it yeah I love p-juice but I hate it warm I like it cold yeah it is good cold tastes better it always comes out hot though yeah cuz he's throbbing that's're bonus throbbing and it makes your pee hot.

All right. So you know what I've been into lately? What? Betting on sports. Oh right, right. I've been really into this. This is a new hobby I picked up. Everyone who knows me knows I love sports.

Okay, let's get to it. Sorry. Sorry. Fuck. Break out the peanuts and cracker jacks baseball season is here. You can make the season even more exciting. With my bookie. My bookie is the place for first time betters

and the preferred choice of true sports fans. Wow. Stop being a baby and place some bets on the game already. Yeah. With my bookie, it couldn't be easier. I've really I took Alabama over Auburn last week. There's college football right now. No basketball. Oh, okay. No.

In March? Like for March Madness? Yeah. Okay, so last week. But the app is super easy to use. I love when the app is super easy to use because sometimes I use other apps and they're easy to use oh, I love when the app is super easy use sometimes I use I use other apps and they're hard to use yeah, the user interface is great

that's awesome on the And Thomas uses his phone with his index finger, so you know he needs to be really easy It's evil No, he needs it to be really easy. He's just evil. If you're not a huge sports fan, you can still get in on the fun. My bookie has tons of games you can play like Blackjack and European Roulette. This next part I gotta do by the book.

Sign up now with code PENDEJO, P-E-N-D-E-J-OJO and you can boost your bankroll with a deposit bonus design to help you make the most of your money. If you don't want a bonus that's ok too, just make sure you let them know we sent you. That's code PENDEJO when you download the MyBookie app or click the link in our show notes. Bet on every game, anytime, from anywhere, only with MyBookie. Now we got one more. Well that's awesome because I know a lot of people are ashamed of, you know, other habits they may have, and I think that sports betting can really give you some awesome adrenaline in a really innocent way.

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That's H I M S dot com slash PT for your personalized ED treatment options. Hims.com slash PT. The featured products include compounded products which are not approved nor verified for safety effectiveness or quality by the FDA. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. Wow, wasn't that good to know? That sounds like so amazing and it's so convenient that you don't even have to go into

a doctor's office because I Don't know about you, but I hate doctors and I hate talking to them and I hate when they touch me Yeah, I've known of doctors who did terrible things like abusing their patients I've seen that a documentary on the internet I've seen that documentary of the doctor who got all those ladies pregnant with his come in the IVF clinic or whatever Yeah, and so you can avoid that too by going to the website by going online. Yeah that stuff for sure Yeah

It sucks because otherwise that doctor was a great guy. I know A few hundred bad things and suddenly all the tip scales, you know one way I know and he just kind of wanted to get lit Yeah If I was if you were a doctor, what's the most evil thing you do to your patients? If I was if you were a doctor, what's the most evil thing you do to your patients? If is this an innocent patient or someone who deserved it. It's a bad guy patient. It's a bad guy patient. Yeah Okay, well if I was a doctor I would be a dermatologist obviously and so I guess the most evil thing I would do is Okay, I would do is, oh okay, I would use my lasers that are meant to be used for good things.

I would use them wrong so that they would get, he would get skin cancer. Nice. I would give him skin cancer. Nice. What about you? If I was a doctor, I would give people Uh Sunscreen, they melt it off their skin and turn it into a horrible bubbly terrible burnt substance Oh, okay

Burn burning the skin like acid in there. Yeah, burning the skin hurting the skin and killing ultimately killing the skin I think that's an amazing idea. Turn the skin into basically chips. Oh, and it sounds delicious too. Yes. If, okay. If, if they made human skin in a lab

and then they turned it into like into like the way they they make like pork rinds like chicharrones would you eat it I would not it would be too gross for me even if it was made in the lab yeah I think I prefer to not eat human meat just thinking about it right now, to be honest with you, is turning my stomach. Yeah. But if they made like a... If they made like chicharrones in a lab, I might eat those.

Oh, you don't eat them at the store, like the regular style we have now? Not really. It does feel weird to eat like, um, like a pig skin like that. Well, yeah, also, teacher runs are just like so fatty. Yeah. Like the because it's it's it's like it's like what bacon is made of but not fried basically.

Oh really? I thought it was skin. I had no idea. I get, I- No, it's like a lot of fat. But is it their skin or is it like their belly? Like pork belly? Yeah, I think it's like pork belly.

I had no idea what that stuff was then. It might be like back fat too. Oh, maybe Like sometimes I would see it when I was younger and I thought it was like pig feet. I had no idea what was going on No, it's like really fatty. Yeah, it's like It's not bad. It's just you eat potato chips like you eat like a hundred of them at one time Oh, no, I mean teacher runs are the like a hundred of them at one time? Oh no I mean chicharrones are the uh I'm talking I was talking about like what you would put it in like tacos or whatever you mean the pork chitlins? Yeah yeah those are I believe those are

made from the same part of the the pig. No the the you're right about the chitlins. Those are from skin. Okay. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking of. I was thinking of the I was thinking of Chicharron as like. What's a Chicharron then? Let me see. Okay. Well, while Thomas is Googling that. Oh, OK, here we go. Looks like a plantain. OK, I'm confused. What is it?

So teacher own does mean deep fried pig skin. So you're right. Oh, OK. But I've heard of. So chicharron does mean deep fried pig skin. Oh, okay. But I've heard of... Oh, that part of the meat. Yeah, like chicharron tacos. I've never, truthfully never seen chicharron tacos. Maybe it is the skin. It is fatty though. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. If you listen to the Patreon, then you know that we had a really stinky fish

dinner earlier this week. However, we have been we have a redemption arc Thomas made us a really delicious non stinky fish dinner tonight yeah it was made with zero pee and no poop yeah much to your chagrin yeah so we had mackerel earlier this week it was stinky it was disgusting and gross. It tasted fine. It just smelled really bad Yeah, I had it. I left it in a Work truck for about seven hours and then I ate it Room temperature and that was pretty bad Other other than that. It was quite good, but it didn't pass the work truck test

Which is where you throw the fish in a bag and have it on the floor and then you eat it out of the bag and then you make the whole truck smell horrible that would really cooked a microwave though that would have been a rough one yeah or that thing that I got you when I first moved in with Thomas I got him a lunchbox that you plug into the like electricity dock in a car and it's supposed to heat up the food and he left food in there for so long that it was irreparably moldy but it would have been good in that. Yeah but thankfully neither

of us still think yeah neither of us remembers that which is really kind of a blessing yeah a good thing neither one of us thought that it was a really good a gift idea for for someone that someone could get a lot of utility out of it. It's a good thing no one thought that. It's a good thing no one likes lunch. We're not really a lunch crowd. I Guess I just I really don't eat

I've been really tempted to go by churros lately really from where from the taco bell where The Taco Bell shows around in churros, you know You know what that has got me craving actually is funnel cake. Yeah, I really I really like sopa pias. Remind me what that is. It's like it's kind of like a crusty tortilla in a churro. It's like a fluffy tortilla based thing, but with like honey and cinnamon and sugar and butter. That would be good with whipped cream.

And well, yeah, people will dip it in like Nutella sometimes. Oh my God, that sounds so bomb. Yeah. Or just drizzle honey over whatever, which is, I like to have a lot of honey with it. Yeah. to have a lot of honey with it. Yeah, I wonder if we can make that with like those like low calorie, fucking tortillas we have. Those are kind of gross. Like if you just taste them, they taste kind of gross. Yeah.

But the bread tastes normal. Yeah, I don't think the low carb stuff is marketed for people who just eat tortillas by themselves. That's true. You just eating them like chips. Oh yeah, these first eight or nine tortillas are pretty good. They're not that many calories.

Thomas is choking on that Hans. Yeah, Hans deep. I'm on my Hans in knees. Yeah, he be treating him kinda Hans off. Yeah. But when he need to, he get them Hans on. That Hans on approach, yeah. You already know what I'm saying.

What wouldn't you do for Hans? Two Hans on the wheel. Yeah, two Hans, one on top, one on the bottom. Two Hans, one whole. Two Hans, one cup. Did you ever watch two girls, one cup? No. Me neither. I wasn't really into like shock. Shock. Yeah it is also like I heard about what it was so it wasn't even like. That's true you already know the surprise is like you know they just they throw up and they eat that throw up. Yeah. But I feel like a lot of that stuff,

you know I didn't wanna watch it cause it seemed to have a really dark like snuff film type of energy to it. Yeah for sure. Yeah that's a good point. Yeah like Mr. Hands, not to be confused with Mr. Hans Kim. Well yeah cause the guy actually died after Mr. Hands. Yeah I know that's a guy who put a jar in his butt.

Oh, I thought he died from getting- From having sex with the horse? Yeah. Okay, okay, then yeah, I'm thinking of a different guy. I think the horse like, no, the guy from Goatse died too. The Goatse guy died really? Yeah. From stretching his butthole out?

He might have had like an accident with it and passed away, but it could have been something else, too. I Think he might have died from having a watermelon in his ass. Are you serious if I recall correctly, but Either that or he just had bad damage from putting a watermelon in his ass Apparently he died in the damage from putting a watermelon in his ass. What do you think? Apparently he died in 2010 by trying to shove a volleyball up his bum. Okay. Wraps shirt is colon.

That is word for word from Reddit. Okay, yeah, so I see I was pretty close. What a way to go. I'd be proud if that was my son Say hey he went out doing what nobody else was doing not even other gay guys Now I mean there's always some There's always whatever field you're in. There's always people who are one step ahead Do you know. I know, and you have to let, you can't let that shit like get to you, you have to let it motivate you.

You have to let it fuel your hustle. Cause you see them and you think, damn, I gotta be next to them, and then it go, but it go faster. Yeah. And that's why, you know we got to have people to look to You know like like the way Hans is a Tony. It's like obviously there's mad respect there But you can also tell that they have a bit of a competitive streak. Yeah. Yeah, and I love that I love seeing that I love when I love when like up in the morning

I love when like people are not afraid to like Show how much they love the game by like how much they take the game serious Absolutely You need to stop yawning into the microphone it's disgusting Now I'm self-conscious they can hear every like mouth sound I have they definitely hear the mouth sounds that I do but it's cuz they sound like an animal is passing away so people's attention is drawn to it you bring kind of an animal that's passing away vibe to the podcast yeah the certain survivalists don't appreciate appreciate they don't appreciate that. Yeah, they don't appreciate that shit

You don't got to briefie ain't nothing now spell it out Tell y'all right now I'm gonna let you know Play with me I'm gonna pre-fate that ass don't play with me. I play with you I play with your ass play with that ass gonna play with me. Don't play with me girl. Go play appreciate that ass don't play with me. I play with you. I play with your ass play with that ass You're gonna play with me. Don't play with me girl. Go play with that ass Girl why don't you go play with that ass somewhere else? Okay? Yeah Kids over here playing with their ass Stupid this bitch got her kids playing with her ass That's stupid.

This bitch got her kids playing with her ass. Kids in the living room playing with ass. Come on. That is absurd. That is foul. That's obscenity. They got Hans Kim out here playing with his ass. They got Hans Kim playing with his ass. Come on.

Talk to me. They got Hans Kim talking in his ass. They got Hans Kim all up hit their ass. They got Hans Kim all up in my ass. Fucking me. Stupid. It's just dumb. Telling y'all. Yo, they got.

Straight digging up an ass, smelling poop. You gonna play with my ass, you gonna play with me. Play with me, you gonna play with my ass. Straight pooping. He straight pooping in my ass. High skin pooping all up in my ass. White ass. Asian poop. You putting Asian shit in my ass. Boy you gonna play with my white ass you gon' You got some other Asian shit coming

You got some other Asian shit coming Out in China playing with ass They call me China the way I China play with that ass I'm trying to China with ass. They call me China the way I trying to play with that. I'm trying to trying to play with that baby. I'm trying to get up in that. They call me Hans Kim the way I'm trying to play up in that. Very good. All right, good.

All right, good. Where was he? All up in his ass, playing with himself. Nasty. Shit was gross. He got boo boo all up in his ass. He got crap in his head, doo-doo all in the exterior. He got doo-doo cracking his ass. He stink.

He stay like a do. Do stink. That do stink. Aren't you gonna play with that stinky ass? You all up on the train playing with your stinky ass. Boy, get gone. You all upon a train playing with your stinky ass. Boy kick off. Boy don't play with my ass and tell me you don't stink. Boy you think I can't smell my ass?

I know it stink. I can smell my ass from a mile away punk. The Denzel Washington. What was that movie we watched with your dad, The Denzel Washington. What was that movie we watched with your dad? The Denzel Washington. Oh, uh. The Fixer. No, the equalizer.

The equalizer. It was pretty good. It was bad, but in a way that was kind of self-aware. One man, one Home Depot. Oh yeah, I forgot he worked at the Home Depot. He worked at basically Home Depot. One man, one gun, one part-time job, one Home Depot. It's Dinsdale Washington in the girl saver.

He was just creating equality in a post global recession world in a post 2008 type of world. He was like if Obama was like a sexiest sessian and also he was a bit older and he had a certain Genocide quah about him and he meets girls and diners and the girls they clearly have a little bit of a little tension going on between them, but he would never cross that line because he's a man of honor He's a man of respect. He's a man of code Yeah, real men only talk to prostitutes.

They don't go any further, except for saving them. And that's all he had to motherfucking do. And then the girl, she did songs, or she had a nail salon or something at the very end of the movie. She did a haircut. Who knows? Nobody remembers.

Yeah, it was such a dialogue rich movie that I can't even tell you what the plot was about. That's powerful. Yeah. That is powerful. It's really powerful when the message of a movie completely goes over the audience's head and they can't really remember what's going on Absolutely what I said absolutely right I've gotten incredibly sleepy. Yeah, it's almost like it's way past your bedtime. Yeah it is

Yeah, it's almost like it's way past your bedtime. Yeah, it is So, what do you got going on this weekend you're gonna be here this weekend I'm gonna try and do some open mics and stuff. Oh, yeah It try to get some writing done I'm trying to Get more consistent with that. Got some cool stuff we're all working on. You excited for Jake to be back? Yeah, I think it'll be cool. I'm hoping he's not too sleepy coming back.

That's true. Whenever I come back from like doing something crazy like Time off or whatever. I always need an extra day to recuperate Yeah, also bums you out to like go on a trip and then you come back Yeah, you burn up all your serotonin and all that just having fun You come back and you find it kind of feel like crap like oh great I have to take out the trash oh great I forgot I live in a routine for my whole life even if I don't have yeah true you know that's life that's what it's always been I know we need to start a band move up to Saratoga Springs live on the lake. Get a lake house, get a truck, get a dog. Get a boat, start fishing.

Retire. Retire at 26. Yeah. Well, we'll see. We'll see what Hans can do for us. If you handle that shit right, if you do what he asks, maybe he will.

Maybe he will. And I think I'll leave us on that note. Thank you for joining us for this week's episode. Thank you Eden for coming on. Check us out May 10th at the Velvita Room in Austin 12 a.m. So really it's almost like it's May 11th technically once it strikes midnight but they're saying it's May 10th it's that night. It's the perfect time to enjoy some amazing comedy. They have an amazing lineup Yeah, we got Luke Tuma

JT JT Kelly who I've seen live was very funny. Yeah, he's very funny longtime friend of Jake's end of the show Yeah, you've seen him on some of the recent video episodes with Mr. Jake. So check that out. And we got our poster on Instagram and all that. And you can go on thevelvetaroo.com I think and find tickets there. They're $15 online. Last time we sold tickets for Chicago, they sold out pretty quickly. And I haven't checked ticket sales, but you might want to get your tickets now rather than later.

I know I always say that, but our last show was at a pretty cozy venue and so is this. So we really don't expect to have. There will be no tickets at the door. In fact, if you show up at the door and you don't have a ticket, Hans Kim will be there and you have to answer for it. Well, also, like we're not going to have another. We're not going to have like a late show. This is a midnight show already.

So there's no early, no late show. This is the one show. So if you want to come see us in Austin, this is a you gotta buy your tickets and we want to see you there I won't be there, but we want to see you want to see you It'll be fun haven't done a show in Texas in a long time, so that'll be sick But thank you guys for listening We love you, and you got anything to say You got anything to say?

Any plugs or anything? No. Okay. Well, thank you for coming on and Everybody have a nice week. We'll see you back on Tuesday