Pendejo Time - strip club reviews

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

tales from the titty barsSupport the Show.

Welcome to the Sleepy Ass Motherfuckers Podcast. I'm your host. I'm one of your hosts, Sleepy Ass Johnny. And I'm your co-host, Sleepy Ass Jebby. Jebby. Yeah, this is my brother Jebby. We're both two sleepy ass motherfuckers. I drive a taxi all night around the mean streets of Frisco, Texas. And you know how nasty it gets out in Frisco. I don't even know if Frisco's a bad place. I think Frisco... It's kind of a... I think it's...

It's like almost Dallas. Frisco to me is like Katy, but for that area. Yes, I think it's kind of a commuter place. Frisco to me is like Katy But for that area Yes I think it's kind of a commuter Place People People are like Oh I'm from Houston

And you're like Oh shit Around which part And they're like Oh like North And you're like Oh

Like Off the loop or whatever Like And they're like Oh it's like It's over there by the mall And you're like A Gall like and they're like oh it's like uh it's over there by the mall and you're like a galleria they're like no katie mills mall like oh you live in katie it's like a it's like i don't want to i don't want to even flex like i have like legitimate houston street

credit i don't i'm from pasadena but katie is like a badge of shame i don't know if there's an area where you're at that's like that, but Frisco sounds like that to me. Yeah, no, it kind of is because it's, at least to me, when I think Frisco, I think like McMansions and nothing else. Yeah, that's how Katy is. Yeah, there will be like some nice houses, but it's like out in fields basically. Yeah.

Basically, if you live there, and I don't mean this in a negative way, but if you live in a place like Frisco, you could kill yourself and it wouldn't really matter, you know. But no, I mean, I don't know. Houston is so expensive that, like, places like Katy make a lot of sense. Well, it's like... But, like, you know, some of the metropolitan sprawl with DFW is, like,

it's like, you know, you get a mansion. There's no other place like it. Yeah. And then you fucking have to drive an hour still yeah to work so um that's uh houston's like that i mean it's bigger than dallas and fort worth but the metroplex itself there is like a complete it's like its own animal i think it i think it's like including all of it it's like the biggest thing i could be wrong i think it is like maybe just like shy of new york if you count that whole thing um but yeah like i don't

because in houston you have like you'll have places where you're like all right that passes like if you like eat out like east downtown like okay pasadena south houston area it's like all right fine but like i i there was like a certain type of i don't know how to classify this because i know that we talk about like the fails like the failure loser wiggers on the show a lot but the rich type is like a different you know what i'm talking about like the it's a different class of them and they be they behave in similar ways but they're they're also very like they're they're rich kids so it's like paul so like when i went when i moved to austin for school there was like a lot of people you meet they're like you know like white

dudes like especially like kind of fratty types are They're like, yeah, I'm from the H, baby. And I'm like, oh, sick. Around which part? And they're like, it's not nice. I'm like, oh, okay. All right. I mean, I'm not from a great area either. And they're like, woodlands.

And it's like, oh, I don't know why we have to, like, pretend. Like, you're not, like sunny side or like i can't think of an of an equivalent part in dallas or fort worth but like sunny side is like sunny side and a leaf are like the really really rough spots i don't know dallas fort worth area that well but apparently dfw has more people than houston yeah the df the metro, but as cities separate from the mid-slick. Apparently, I guess just because

of the population difference, all the bottle girls are supposedly moving to Saginaw now. They're not interested in the war dogs anymore. They're moving interested you know they're not interested in the woodworks anymore they're moving to you know yeah they're all out here in lewisville now um so we'll have to see you know if the bottle

girl migration from uh from houston how that affects the local economy and stuff it could be you know they could be like the 49ers yeah this decade the the bottle girl to like registered nurse pipeline is like so fucking it's just like it's almost i wish that there i had a bunch of money that i could do studies like i just because because look man you gotta fucking you gotta tie it together at some point the guy version of that is like trying to think like fuck i don't know you know like the kind of guy that is like a like a like a veteran bartender party type and then he like gets into day trading i guess that is like the equivalent or whatever, but like. We're like becoming like a really particular type of mechanic. Yeah.

Okay. Like you can only work on like some Volvos. Japanese cars. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I like don't. I don't. I don't know.

I just know a bunch of people I went to high school with that were doing the bottle girl thing. And as time just marches forward, you know. Same with like bartender guys I knew that were like, yeah, I'll fucking run it and gun it. I fucking love bartending. And it's like, yeah, man. I mean, it's a great job. It's great money. A lot of freedom.

You know. And it's like you just can't you can't i have nothing against people who do it forever at all i'm just saying there's a certain loadout that's like yeah it's sexy to do it it's hot you know what i'm saying like i don't know i'm not making much sense i'm tired but like it's okay i don't think i actually went to school with any bottle girls i think that you know i think there's a lot of a lot of volunteer firefighters in that group now amongst the women i graduated with i think that's honorable you know a lot of good factory workers probably yeah i think i'm not talking about i don't i don't think for high

school college for sure i think it's just like there were like there were a lot of strip clubs around the area. Well, there's like, I guess, I don't know, maybe two or three. And I knew girls who would be cocktail waitresses there because the money was good. I was like, oh, that's sick. I can't do that. We were in Cleveland this weekend. Shout out to Cleveland.

I was desperately looking for something fun to do there and um i was looking at like bars and shit and this one came up called the secret gentleman and i was like this one looks cool the secret gentleman this is awesome everything else is called like bob's tits or something you know those are my kind of i look like billy's ice hut like that type of shit yeah yeah literally like like uh like fucker's sports bar yeah i don't want to go there with my girlfriend you know i don't want to go there with anybody but like i don't want to go to a different state and then go to a place I would go to back home. Right, right, right.

You know, where it's like, oh, this is just Twin Peaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Tiki Zone. Yeah, also, like, to fly, like, to have a day on which you travel a lot, and then at the end you get, like, 25 chicken wings is fucked up. I can't do that to myself. So I was looking for something normal and i saw the secret gentleman and i thought okay maybe a cocktail yeah i could wear

i could wear my suit a nice manhattan you know and i click on it and you know apparently people do leave ratings for strip clubs which is pretty funny to do it would not let me in because i already had my dick out this place sucks do not tell your girlfriend if you were going here yeah i used to like there was one i used to like to read the reviews for called the landing strip uh i had one of the girls that i bartended with she that was where she worked before she like went to this restaurant i was at and she was like oh yeah it's like a real nightmare and i was like why and she was like oh you know it's like you know it's one of those places where you can like piss on the floor or whatever like she didn't say that those are my dad's words i don't want to put those words in at you know that the kind of place where you can piss on the floor is just kind of like a descriptor that my dad

would use for you know dive bars and certain titty bars. But anyway, she was like, yeah, go and read on the reviews. It's really funny. And if the landing strip is still open, if you scroll back to some of their older reviews, there are some that are damn near close to what you just said. It's like, yeah, you can't fuck none of them in here. Which, like, I know that there are, like, gentlemen's clubs that, like, you can do that or whatever. But to go on Google and be like, yeah, I know that there are like gentlemen's clubs that like you can,

you can do that or whatever, but to go on Google and be like, yeah, I tried. I ended up in jail. You're not allowed to do that type of stuff. Yeah. I'm looking at reviews for the Rick's cabaret in Fort Worth right now. Yeah.

Let's, let's take a look. So I've got people, I've got, there's this local guide answering questions. Okay. Does this place have a happy hour? That's a normal question.

Apparently they have $6 lunch and half-priced drinks. That's good. Are females welcomed with a man? And then somebody replied to answer and asked another question which was y'all open and then how old do you have to be anonymous hey i got one for you dude for the landing strip i would have gave them no stars all the strippers in there are lazy i would never go there ever if you're looking for a good time that ain't it it. For real, you think I'm playing? Try it.

What does that last part mean? That's so ominous. You think I'm fucking playing? That's awesome. Try it. Translated by Google. Sorry, the stripers. You can work at home.

This place has 322 reviews you know how fucking psycho you have to be to leave a review for a strip club i wonder i wonder how many guys have gotten divorced because they kept leaving yelp reviews for strip clubs they found their name like they didn't even bother changing their names uh here we go here we go is another good one from the landing strip sunday at noon burger was okay sodas were watery two hot girls but clothed and not dancing so he just saw two ladies just saw two girls in the strip club probably there to pick up their checks he's like you guys got to take those things off that's not why we're here that's awesome this don't make no sense every every about every question is answered on this

one except for this one question by david c does this place have a private rooms with doors to have sex is it possible to use cash i got one for you from mr arun a-r-u-n this very worst place ever because the girls are rudely and they cheat that's awesome what does that mean dude god damn oh fuck i think i found something to do for the rest of my night here's here's a nice uh here's a nice like very just regular yelp review but for a strip club best club i've been to in fort worth ambience girls and the music were all on point five stars yeah let me let's check the five star reviews for let's see I think I'm going to push back a little bit on a point you made the only thing more psychotic

than leaving a one star review at a strip club is leaving a five star review I think there's something about it Raven made up for it all okay here's a nice one very nice club inside and much better than the previous club here. New club is 100% remodeled.

So far I've seen pretty girls each week. Hopefully they redo the parking lot or pave it. Sorry there's kind of a gravel look to it. I don't like driving or parking on gravel. Overall it's great. From Michael six years ago. Very nice place. Went last night, took my wife there.

It was her first time and she enjoyed it. I just enjoyed seeing her there. It was great. That's kind of wholesome. I just like seeing my wife there, man. I found the non-recommended reviews. Okay. First time going there.

So this is one star. By Hiro D. First time going there, stripper throw up on me, and there's no cute stripper in there. And then, don't go there! With over 20 exclamation points. And then, so there's there with over 20 exclamation points. And then, so there's a couple of one-star reviews that have been removed for violating TOS.

More disturbingly, there are five five-star reviews that have been removed for violating TOS. Imagine what they were saying. They were probably describing like blowjobs they got in the club. 100%. There was a like naming the girls probably and being like, oh, they were amazing. I love their sex bodies.

I don't know. I don't know how people talk. I don't think people say stuff like that. This is going to be kind of a weird thing to have in my internet history now that I think about it, but it's explainable. Let's see. I've been reading these three reviews. Each of them tell the same story.

Go ahead. These guys all gave one star because they come in uh one of my closest friends nate and his brother aaron who i consider a lifelong friend throughout the years went to this club one night to have some fun because we live in separate states and barely get to see each other aaron keep in mind has a disability where he is unable to see as we what the fuck are you at a strip club as we were walking up the stairs to get in aaron accidentally tripped a couple times again because he's blind and when we got to the door the bouncer would not let him in and immediately said we were too drunk words can't truly describe how

unintelligent and ignorant this pinhead bouncer was review after that i recently witnessed an unsettling incident at palazzo where a friend of mine and his brother were treated incredibly poorly upon their arrival one of them tripped on the stairs and without pause or inquiry the pouncers said they were too drunk to enter uh under that one my brother is blind and the bouncer turned us away unbelievable they would say he's too intoxicated because he's literally blind. Dude, trying to do ableism to a strip club bouncer, like accusing them of that,

I don't think there's anybody in the world that gives a fuck less about your problems than a strip club bouncer. I feel like, in my mind, they're all henchmen from John Wick movies. Like, they don't, you know what I mean? Like, they don't give a fuck about your life. Yeah, how about this one?

$25 cover and $5 to park. If you like them big and out of shape, this place is for you. $20 for lap dance and they will try to scam you out of more.

He's mad about lap dances being $20. That's awesome. I'm not familiar with the current market, but that seems like it would be a good deal. I mean... We got...

That's not bad. I mean... Oh, dude, this guy rules. He has his, like, LinkedIn picture on here. That's awesome. If you're into thin, skinny girls, this ain't your place. But it was worth the $20 entry fee.

Most of the girls did get nude, and most all of them were good. Three or four girls were exceptional. Give it a try. Go early and leave by 11 p.m. That's a fucked up thing to say. Yeah, that's tough. Go early and leave by 11 p.m. He had... Jesus Christ. That's a fucked up thing to say. Yeah, that's tough. Go early and leave by 11 p.m. He had...

Jesus Christ. Hmm, that's not... That's tough, too. Okay, here, how about this? Luckily, it was ladies' night, so my wife was free. Unfortunately, though, this is not a very female-friendly place. The women's restroom was behind staff-only doors, and it's where the dancers go to do drugs and puke, evidently.

One of them got in my face, telling her that he don't want that shady pussy or he wouldn't be here. Needless to say, we left. Oh, and it's BYOB for beers only. We brought in a handle of rum and Cokes with ice and were told we had to buy their Coke, cups, and ice. We agree. Then she comes back to say the CO2 is down

and we can drink our own Coke in our own cup and with our own ice for $5. LOL, avoid. own cup and with our own eyes for five dollars lol avoid this guy brought a bunch of soda to drink with his wife at a strip club that's so awesome and he brought her because it was ladies night so it was free for her to go to the strip club with him uh what a fucking loser dude i got hell hold on i'm sorry i we're not spending nearly enough time dissecting these but i just i keep i keep catching we both keep catching ones that are just too good ubered out here to take my mind off my cat dying oh dude i gotta willing to pay the 80 cover on a monday night but turned away because they only allow women in with men a confusing and sad uber ride home followed okay fucking faulkner what the fuck okay i got a good one. Go for it.

As a critique for porn and striping, this place was terrible. Didn't give me a boner, not even on the lap dance. Plus, they were not thick and didn't sell vodka. I'm disappointed that they touched me inappropriately and that there was nudity. Review from TheBoyJ. So he's mad he got a lap dance at his strip club. Oh, my God.

I think there's places at brothel. Oh, it's a one-on-one dance club. I Hustle Entertainment LLC. Oh my god. Hell yeah. Oh man. Okay, there's... Everybody says, fuck this place, go to the dollhouse.

Let's check the reviews for the dollhouse. I guess this is the place for underage folks. $30 to get in. $100 if you're underage. Then it's BYOB, but they'll get you a bottle if you pay the premium price. Uh, the dollhouse. This is a good first sentence. This is a jack shack.

Alrighty, let's... I appreciate the honesty. Yeah. Let's go take a look. No judgment. that's good oh this is this is now a sex store what's with all the

freaking tattoos might as well rename your shop suicide girls house that is dude you imagine being the kind of fucking prude that goes into a strip club that's actually like a brothel and then being like guys can we maybe cover up these uh cover up some of these harlots i listen i love to come into a place on the side of the road called the dollhouse and get my dick sucked but here's the thing i don't want to get my dick sucked by some kind of whore i really just i don't think you got

dr trevillessic okay do not leave reviews this guy better not be a medical doctor the girls working were average but it was fun at first. Problem was the bartender working added extra to the tab. Dr. Trevelessick. Are you a doctor? Reviews. Fish fry. The brothers were there in force, along with their hoopty mobiles parked in front. I saw about four dancers, one tall, fat, white with naturals, one scrawny, flat as a pancake white girl with a homely face,

one short sista that looked like she was having fun, and one tall sista doing acrobatic crap on the pole. I really... Who was this man? Who said something like this? I like this. I like this review from a man named Pierre. It's against my Christian principles.

Principles spelt like that of a school. Very nice. Hell yeah. Oh my God. Yellow. What's another one? This is. Oh, we're going to.

If we're going to, we got to go to the OG baby. This show palace in the city that I'm from. Pasadena, Texas. Let's check the reviews. God, if I see my dad's name on here, I'm going to be pissed. Oh, I'm going to do the one from my hometown that got shot up

so many times they had to close it. That's so awesome. Last year, but a couple years ago, almost every member of management got killed in a Coke deal in the parking lot at the same time. That's tough stuff. It's okay.

None of my business. Trash. Trash the Cubans. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay, everybody's mad about money. Okay, some stripper stole 80 bucks from me, but I didn't complain. I left the place because I didn't want to hit a woman.

Jesus. Yeah. Somebody from Umanoka went to AutoZone, not this club. There is an AutoZone next to it, which is very funny to me because if you're trying to go to the strip club and you go to the AutoZone next door, you don't get mad that you just got the address wrong. It's kind of fucked up to be like, hey, you guys fucked the game up. You can't have your address that close to a fucking... Came here a couple months ago and someone unloaded a gun.

What else we got From Arfi Marcello When you get out smell your shirt It smells stink no exhaust So I had 4% on my phone Texting my girlfriend back And and they took my phone. I was kind of drunk. I swear to God they charged me $40 for it back. Wait till you're 21 and go somewhere else.

Wait till you're 21 and go somewhere else. That's good to know. Let's see. That's, yeah, that's solid. Okay. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I'm going to move out to Dallas. Oh, let me see if there's a strip club at Mineral Wells.

You know where Mineral Wells is? Yeah, of course, of course. Mineral Wells. Yeah, of course, of course. Mineral Wells. I know this is a riveting conversation. Well, I think the fun part is the reviews. Primarily closed.

Oh, they opened this motherfucker back up. Went in last night. Club is dirty and had bugs. Went to the bathroom and the water's yellow sat in for hours waiting for the manager in the black coat jacket to call one of the black girls to the stage and he called everyone but them oh my god place is very dirty and the owner is very racist. Didn't want to give a guy ones one time when he tried to tip the dancer. Then called him the N-word and tried to hit him with a hatchet. Dude, this guy names almost every person in management in this five-star review. That's good.

This is a place to go the hospitality and ambience is fantastic i love that you can take in your own drinks and the mixers and setups are inexpensive for a club of this nature the cabanas and skyboxes are extremely affordable if you and your crew all pitch in the vip cost is more than worth it. The manager, Tommy, always makes sure we are good, and Haley and Sam at the door are always fun, friendly, and professional. The kitchen has improved drastically

over last year, and the quality of steaks are wonderful. I have a wonderful time every time, and the ladies are second to none. We'll continue to go back for the foreseeable future. That's awesome. I'm over here at the Ocean Cabaret in Galveston, Texas,

and Chowder says, Porky's. This place, from Richard, this place is even more horrible than it was when I was a kid. I don't know what this means. Okay, hold on a second. Wait, let me read this and make sure I'm reading this right. Okay.

Tear it down as soon as possible. Tear the location next door down. I do want the Incredible Universe, a joint venture of trans world entertainment and microelectronics instead. That's four hours ago. Dude. Oh my God. That's four hours ago. God damn motherfucker. Alright, look at this one.

Stay away. Lock up your wallet. They don't care if you say no after you've had a few beers with your friends. If they get you to the back, it's over. I'm embarrassed that I went down $20,000 one night. I would love to see what my signatures looked like after the first 20 minutes. No matter how many times I said no and stopped, they trapped me.

Took total advantage. And the end is my fault, but they do not care. Next review. Place smelled like a porta potty. VIP is a joke. We paid extra to be the furthest from the stage.

Okay. Oh my God. Oh, this place is still open too many lying hustlers preach yeah okay some of y'all yeah some of y'all uh

I really can't get over the fucking... Tear this place down. Tear it down next to it. I want the incredible universe. Transworld Entertainment. Microelectronics. What does that mean? That was four hours ago, too.

September 21st, 2021. 9.35 on Tuesday. Like a detective in a neo-noir. I love this. I found one where a guy left a five-star review and then three years later left a one-star review. Here's the one-star review. What a fall from grace.

We used to love coming here for the overall energy of the dancers as well as the top notch management who did everything they could to keep the party going. Not so much anymore. Now the managers walk around trying to hard sell you into the VIP or any other upsells

they can think of or make up. The dance room that has always been available when purchasing a dance now requires an additional $10 according to the slimy little manager guy who runs over when he sees a dancer heading that way.

But not every time. I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get a little extra pocket money off these girls. The dancers were all just as beautiful as before, but you can tell none of them actually want to be there, and it isn't hard to see why. I like when they're well-written.

The short, stupid ones that are written by somebody who's functionally illiterate is great, but when they really put the prose to work, it's nice. Here's something from a man named Thomas. Place blows. I got flagged because of dress code. They let three nerds in with jorts on. Texas is a toilet. They let three nerds in with jorts on.

Okay, here's a good one from Lillian. Tried to dance there, and the manager fabian called me fat i'm four i'm five four 120 pounds with an hourglass figure management is really rude and sexist manager called me fat girls don't come to you at all they are racist and only like white people if you're not white you will be ignored and pursued with extreme prejudged yes here's a review by christina and this christina only has wise in it by the way okay very good 90 the girls are overweight and can't dance. There was only one girl worth anything. Her name was Andy.

Andy. Her name was Andy. Imagine going up to a strip and asking what her name is, and she says Andy. Here's one. Sorry, that's really good. I think that one takes a cake. I do think I got a dark horse in this race. Okay, let me catch my breath.

All right, from Ben Abzug. Yeah, some people go here for lunch and some people are pedophiles. Response from the owner. Hi there. Please contact us at... We would like to know more about this specific situation.

Okay. That's fucking badass. Yeah, some guys go here for lunch. Some people are... It's like doing like a roast. Get a load of this clown. It's like doing like a roast. Get a load of this clown.

But the vibe is fake here. I've seen that a couple times, and I never thought to read it out on the show because it didn't strike me as particularly interesting. But what is... The vibe is fake here. What is a realistic vibe for a strip club? It is... It is supposed to be a hyper-real place.

There's nothing real about it. It's... This place ain't the same without Cody. Okay. Yeah. Let's see. Let's see. there was another one uh fuck i don't remember what it was this guy posted a picture of a patio uh one of those like plastic like cookout chairs yeah and it was just shattered. And it says, warning, with an O, warning, don't get a dance in a patio chair at Flash Dancers.

The chairs can't take it. This is the same guy, I think, who left the really sad review. Yeah. A few minutes ago. He went to a different strip club, and then the chair collapsed when he got a lap dance. So that's not good. So he's a big boy. It seems that may be the case.

Here's something from Mr. Roney. Roney Moji. Sorry for the girls. There are 70 of them during the night. 70. Sunday is slow. Four to five tables. Girls walking around like zombies, wondering how to pay rent.

Christ. Jesus Christ. Okay. We're going to move on from Roni. Yeah, okay. This is a bad spot. I'm expanding to Dallas from Fort Worth. Yeah, I'm bouncing around.

At this point, this has struck me as... I'm having a gold mine here. Yeah, this is good. This is good. Initially, my husband and I had a great time... I don't understand this from jeffrey jeffrey wilson the second well i have no experience of that but i am curious how much you charge for a service with a girl like he's asking i I have no experience. I've never done this before, but I was wondering how much you charge for a lady.

It's just barely legible. Oh, man, that's tough. If you are looking to take your wife or girlfriend out somewhere for a sexually charged evening, this is not the place to go. However, if you are looking to take your wife or girlfriend out and have your sexual energy killed, this is the place for you. Taking a woman to a strip club, like on a date, I think you have to have a completely different brain.

Yeah. Because maybe that makes sense to some people. But, dude, I – Yes. Like, dude, I've taken – Sounds like an awesome way to get my ass beat. When I've taken – I feel weird sometimes, like, if I go to watch the fight

or I want to get some wings. Like, one of the only places to get wings worth a fuck is the Twin Peaks in San Marcos. There's just not a lot of wing places around here. And they stay open. Their kitchen stays open until to one so ash and i have gone there before and i i feel kind of like okay you know what i mean but if you are taking your wife and i've seen several you know you know what maybe it's just i don't get strip club guys to begin with yeah me either no i'm no i i my i went one time with with some buddies and it was just yeah you went last week right yeah i went last week it's my first my first time this month

i got one for you from u-haul it's just the u-haul logo and the man's name is u-haul not uh and this one's tough i can't do this not sure where da good reviews come from, but this is how it's spelled. Where is W-H-U-R-R, da good reviews with a Z. Not sure where da good reviews come from, but cramped venue, congested stage, front row seat hang, desperate park hang makeshift spaces in the back, wallflower workers. Desperate park hang makeshift spaces in Quebec. Wallflower workers. I read that in my Ohio voice to avoid any potential backlash, but that was a very funny one.

Special occasion for me and my husband. Dude. I mean, here's the thing. Maybe some women are cool with it. You know, I don't fucking... I don't know. I don't fucking... I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand. Because in my mind, you're dragging your wife there.

You know what I mean? That's like a truck driver thing. Like you're married to a guy named Tuggy, and he just... Three-star review from Cobra. Five-butt cover, mainly black girls. That's tough. Goddamn, man. That's who we got.

Let's try out the other one from my hometown. Pasadena, Texas, baby. Paige the bartender is freaking awesome. She has the most creative ideas making drinks I have seen and she seduces me every time with her deep blue eyes. Then the rest of the package

and the girls are tens. That's good to hear. That's nice. That's nice. That might have been the same David from earlier actually. That's nice That might have been the same David from earlier That's the same David who broke the chair So I went all there by myself To scout out the place for a celebrity client

This is Pasadena, Texas, you're full of shit Get the fuck out of here, there's no celebrities there Let's see here Here's my best one I've seen. Five stars. It's UHFGGF. That's the review. Okay.

Okay. From Adrian Conrad. Just went in for lunch, had a pocket of cash, ready to party. Nothing but heifers and couldn't speak English. Not going here again. Okay, here's one from Perez. All caps. This place sucks.

All the girls are ugly and don't have any flavor to they self. That's a really good one. Yeah, that's really odd. They don't have no flavor to they self. Hell yes, sir. Mr. For the punks. Hey-star review it's all right there we go okay damn this guy wrote a book well this performance bar in quotations has only one dance floor it more than makes up for it with a row of personal booths a bar and kitchen attentive

staffs and lots of performers. They even host. The Only for One Night show is made by Ace Performers. However, depending on how large a crowd is present, not every waitstaff will be able to come to you right away. Each show is different by the person who makes it as well as the person themselves. So make sure you know what you want and for how long before you venture further. I think this guy's autistic.

That's a very autistic review of his strip club. Even when you give a... He was happy with his experience based on this review, and he gave four stars. But that is very... If you're talking about the layout of the place and the interactions therein, yeah, that guy's on the spectrum for sure.

Let's venture out. Let's venture out. Let's go. Let's venture out. Let's venture out. Let's go. Let's check. And wow. 2.9 stars overall. I can't wait. Yes, sir.

I only put one start because I can't put zero. Off to a nice... I don't know. From Moises. Please go somewhere else. All right. Forgive me, Thomas.

Please go somewhere else. This place is bad. They troll me out for touching the girls I was giving theme. T-H-E-M-E. I was giving them a lot of cash. I offered not to touch them again, and they throw me out. Please avoid this place.

Go to the Red Rose. Aberdeen is more friendly. I'm changing location to Lubbock. Oh, God. Careful, dude. Adult Entertainment in Lubbock, Texas. Angel Witch. All right. Let's see. in Lubbock, Texas. Angel Witch.

Alright. Let's see. I've been just going straight to the band reviews. Okay. Actually, they're all like five stars. People love this place. People love strip clubs in Lubbock, Texas. Surprisingly.

Surprisingly. Alright, well that was a dead end. We'll get out of Lubbock and we'll head to Atlantic City. Atlantic City, New Jersey. The Cuban women are very cheap. It gives me the vibe that the club is working with illegal immigrants for a profit because

no one is here on this fabulous Wednesday, May 22, 2019. What the fuck? Let me see. 36 reviews, not recommended. Yeah, we're still looking. We're still looking. What are you guys up to? The dancer, Allison, I think, big fake breast, scar on her chin,

and small ass with a kiss tattoo on the right butt cheek is a thief. God damn. Beware of Cuban girls Jesus Christ Always leave here disappointed and broke Lazy Won't be back in this time I mean it Hope everyone is well Goodbye

That's a suicide note dude That guy fucking killed it. His name is Lazy Pro. Always leave your disappointed and broke. Lazy. Won't be back. And this time I fucking mean it. Hope everyone knows that.

Lexi is the hottest woman in the world. Thanks for ripping my boxers over my head and spanking me with my belt. Even though the heel kick left my testicles bruised that is a review from a man named machu picchu that's awesome fuck that's a new that's a new that might be placing one fuck that's a good one god damn That's a new, that might be placing one. Fuck, that's a good one. God damn. I went into dance and was unable due to some regulations. All right.

Oh, here we go. I'm going to one where it's the Geyser strippers. Okay. It's called Hunkamania. All right, I'm in. Hunkamania in Atlantic City. Let's see. Oh, Atlantic City. You got the goat.

Okay. Yeah. You went straight to the source. All right. I'm going to try and pick out a real winner here. Okay. Turns out women leave more normal reviews. Who knew?

Some real... Okay, a lot of removed reviews on this one. Probably don't really want to think about what that might be from. Let's see. So this place is apparently ran by Cubans And they also discriminate against Cubans Which is That's their job

That's what they do They love doing that That's awesome One group you can trust to somehow be racist Against Cubans Let's see Sadly My favorite gentleman's club has become the new Chicas Bonitas Let's see. Sadly, my favorite gentleman's club has become the new Chica's Bonitas.

They're selling more than dances in here, and it's pretty obvious. I was back in Austin visiting my hometown and trying to kill some time with my boys. We decided to swing by our old favorite spot before I returned home. The women are just as beautiful as before, and the place looked the same as I remember seven years ago. The only thing different this time was how open the women all were about the other favors offered in the VIP room. Okay, I'm not reading the rest of this. Let's see.

This place is a nightmare. DJ Pauly D, and D is for disaster, didn't come out until 1230 a.m. Thank God we left before the thunderstorm outside knocked a transformer out and all of Atlantic City was in the dark, and the show was definitely over. Thomas, dude, one second. Oh, God. I don't even know if I can get through this one. Fuck. My first booby-barred experience ever

and I went with a frat in my college Delta Tau Delta. I was the only guy and we took a keg. I was underage and it was full nude and I didn't mean it wasn't a bad time, but man, sometimes leaving something to the imagination is beneficial because once you see the bacon beef,

you don't want their boobies in your face anymore. Jesus fucking Christ. That's the best one for sure. Bacon beef, you nasty fucking motherfucker. Yeah, booby barn experience. These are fucking sick fucks. God damn. Yeah, it's tough.

Do not... Old women during the day. This guy... Went here to see the band Skillet when it was open I loved it and then in parenthesis sorry thought this was for the House of Blues my bad

leaving a Skillet review on a gentleman's club that's awesome let's see. I love it when it's only one star reviews. Overpriced, ghetto, shady. Mike from Lil Stinker's podcast

sent me here. Is that real? Yeah. Is that real? Yeah. Is that real? Yes. It is. From Marty B. That's awesome.

Lil Stinkers. Lil Stinkers Podcast. If you guys want to get a bump from your listeners, pay us some money. God damn. Me and my husband used to love this place on Saturday couples night, but the last few months the atmosphere just isn't the same. Music, energy, and even the way the management treats people here, they treat them like cattle.

Okay. I've seen so many people say that the owner treats people like cattle. This is like the third cattle review. Great Stip Cub. Great Stip Cub. God damn. god damn that's fucking awesome how do you fuck up strips oh yeah god damn it's very easy

it's very very easy to spill great stip cub oh my god great stip cub thank you so much for coming great stip, thank you Oh god damn Let's look at Savage Men

I've been looking at a lot of I've been looking at a lot of like Gay strip clubs That's good I imagine Google is a little confused on what information to sell. Yeah, it doesn't matter. That's okay.

Let's see. Christ, I forgot how long women's reviews are. These are novels. Wow. What a hot, hot mess. She breaks down her whole receipt. She has individual paragraphs. The hot seat is a special chair dance The way they did them in the first half of the show

Was that three bachelorettes Would be called up on stage at a time The dancer would then flip them around Hump them Bite down their bills Have their cleavage Etc In general the strippers were pretty hot

And a couple of them were actually really great dancers. However, the one that our girl got was neither. He was old. His skin was leathery. His arms looked like they were wasted from steroid abuse. He took forever to strip

and seemed like he was not into it at all. Worst of all, he barely touched our girl. Seriously. There were two other girls on stage. He basically ignored our girl and this other girl, paying all his attention to Bachelorette number three. It was so bad that our girl actually just left the stage in the end.

There was no humping, no touching, no pelvic thrusting. He gave her a kiss on the cheek after he took a dollar from her. Although she should probably be grateful because that dude was for real looking road hard and put away wet. Yes, sir. I gotta love when they use that phrase.

That was maybe 20% of that review. Here's one from the Ritz in Houston. More like piece of shits. Gotta love it. That is awesome. I really like that one. Here's another one. Bolo and the retarded-looking white guy,

allegedly from Brooklyn who does massages, are aggressive perverts who are taking advantage of their jobs to grab women's boobs and crotches while ignoring their protests. The strippers can't dance with the exception of Rico the Latino slash Guido. even in the dark you could see sweaty greasy footprints right where we are supposed to sit yeah that's gotta be it that's gotta be it all right splendor we're gonna check out splendor 2.9 reviews overall let's take a look at what the folks of beautiful houston are saying uh let's see. Apparently this place is very racist. Non-diverse gentlemen's club.

Le Chet. Club Onyx. Gold Diggers. Chica's Locust. Sunset Strip. Treasures. What? I think Treasures.

Why does that sound familiar? It's because you work there. Yeah. Girls are old. All right. I don't know what that means. There's a bit of a controversy going on in the comments because the owner of Savage Men is alleging that Hunkamania a rivaling strip club

in Atlantic City is has created spam defamation accounts to leave bad Yelp reviews for their business so that the women go to Hunkamania instead of

Savage Men. So, pretty... Pretty seedy. Bill, the manager, will try and molest you. That's not... It's not funny that that is... Hold on. I'm not done. But the way that word is...

Bill, the manager, will try and molest you in the back, make fatphobic comments when you're not fat, and expect you to tip the managers. Do not come here. Do not work here. Do not spend your money here. The clientele are also pedophiles and very handsy. They're into girls that have bodies of little boys.

Beware, some underage ones are here too. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. I'm Christ. Okay. I'm not reading that. Fuck all that. Let's see. You'll notice the ratings. Big disappointment.

Write this club with a big zero. Dances are old as hell. I need a one dance. We went last week To see the Atlantic City Men male Review And thought they were not as goog As the savages

That's awesome These aren't quite as goog They're not as goog This place is not as goog as it used to be All the girls are sitting on their phones There we go that's good It's all about the money A fucking coarse retard

What the fuck What the fuck? What the fuck else is it about, you stupid sack of shit? You fucking absolute moron. Oh, my God. This place is all... All right, I'm going Memphis. Okay. Okay. Okay.

All right. No one came to me. I was loaded for today. Alright. Prepare to be ripped off. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Trash. Stay away.

Very bad. Very expensive. Check out... I'm really looking for something that's got sub two stars. You know what I mean? I don't know if places like that are even open. I'm really looking for something that's got sub two stars. You know what I mean? I don't know if places like that are even open. But we can... Let me know if you find something good.

Hey, everybody. Thanks for checking out Pandeo Time. If you're listening to this, this has been the... Tom has pushed around a big-ass fucking bucket all day at work, and he's tired. And I have... I think I... I think I...

I think I'm having some sort of cool... I'm having one of the coolest mental days of my life today. So I just... I'm doing great. 2.5. Let's get the fuck out of here, dude.

What do we got? Oh my God. 2.5 stars. Let's see really filthy ugly rude this place is a disaster they'll steal your money okay most of the positive views are from dancers give me the good shit girls are dirty damp ponds hanging from the blooded and they have underage girls in there I even see a dancer smoke crack it's like a big crack house in there you better not leave nothing in your car

because they break into it Jesus fucking Christ Somebody shot dead in the parking lot tonight A lot of gangs and lesbians hang out in this club Bouncers act like crackish gangsters. Corrupt Atlantic cops let criminals assemble here. Stay away unless you escape from the zoo, in which case you'll fit right in.

Christ. Well, let's see here. The girls are not attractive and they have bad breath. It's see here. The girls are not attractive and they have bad breath. It's pretty good. Pushy grabby. You will get herpes here. Okay. A beautiful young lady applied for a position at this club and she is now missing.

Jesus fucking Christ, dude. I feel like I'm uncovering something at this club and she is now missing. Jesus fucking Christ, dude. I feel like I'm uncovering something at this place. This is very true detective-y to me. A missing young woman was last seen here. That's the second one. That's the second one. Okay, I don't want to read that anymore. I was moved to a different club.

Moving to a different club. Okay, that's... Okay, that made me sad. I found one where the profile picture was just a bunch of towels on the floor. That is awesome. Oh, did they have any reviews? They have a lot of reviews. They did not seem to be great.

Okay. Oh, well, not going to read that one. From Anthony Thomas. Ten years ago. It's like eating from a buffalo carcass that has trash in it. All right, Reddit. Get the fuck out of here. Legs despot.

The bad food reviews are always funny. Yeah, that's something that I just don't understand. That's not okay. From Rose Club Lounge on Moss Drive. It's all Denny's waitresses. That's pretty good. That's not bad. Way, way, way too damn expensive.

And got to be a 10 Barbie and Ken all cookie cuter people there. Okay. So it's hot motherfuckers only. I don't see the problem. Yeah. Too many restrictions for single men. Definitely bring a woman that enjoy yo have fun. From Mrs. Rashida Khan for G5.

Terrible. No dancers, no bar, no chicken wings. Hello. Is some woman here who want to have fun? Let me know. Yes, sir. I love it. I'm so glad we found one of those before the end of fun? Let me know. Yes, sir. I love it. I'm so glad we found one of those before the end of the episode.

God damn, that's awesome. I like that a lot. Michael's International. That sounds fucking horrible. Michael's International. Every one of these places. By the way. That's going to be my male stripper name.

Michael's International. Here's the thing. All of these ones, regardless of... I'll look at the name of the worst club I reviewed with the missing person. That was... I'm not going to say the name of it. But all of the Pendulum Club, Passion Cabaret, Divas, Perfect Ten, Michael's International.

This is a money laundering scheme, if I've ever heard one. Bunch of robbers. Okay. The club was all right. I won't return, though, after getting food poisoning from the chicken Alfredo pasta. Yeah. Yeah, pickpocketers. They they cheat and steal there are no single ladies on thursdays lots of stray single guys groping themselves though uh all right all right i i i want this

to be real i want this one to be real i think maybe somebody's having the same kind of fun we are, but I'll let you be the judge. If you're stunned, you'll run out of money. But my cheese moe made me go twice a week until they went to take me out. After being beaten by my wife, I no longer wanted to go back. I really hope that was real.

Terrible service. You are approached by Rukas. Here's a Q&A on this. This is the Cheetah Lounge in Atlanta. Okay. I'm looking to maybe try swinging or something else to spice up my marriage. Are there swingers here? By Richard.

Nice job, Richard. marriage are there swingers here by richard nice job richard all right let's go to atlanta yeah atlanta has uh it would seem a large scene let's check it out i'm trying to see the worst shit you've ever seen in your life. 2.7, that's pretty tough, but I saw 2.5 in Houston, and I'm thinking maybe that we can break that. I'm thinking maybe we can take that down. 3.3, 3.5, 3.9, 3.2, 3.7, 3.8, 4.0, 4.9. God damn, what kind of fucking shit? They're on five stars? All right, let's go0, 4.9. Goddamn. What kind of fucking shit they run? Five stars? All right, let's go check out 2.7.

If that's all you're going to give me, Atlanta, this is not as bumping as I thought it would be. The best goddarn strip club in the city. Sweet. Thank you for saying that, man. Took my wife, my sister-in-law, and her best friend for their first trip to a strip club. The service

was great and all the ladies dancing were pretty amazing as well. Their acrobatic skills were incredible. A good time was here by all. See, I don't understand how that works. Yeah.

After you get all hot and bothered at the club, make sure to check out ifookyou.com, a.k.a. Home of the Horned Doggies. Since that is where all the ordinary, everyday people in the Atlanta area go to find one another for casual, you know what, peace. DoMePlease.com is a great place to find women in atlanta who are looking for a good time in bed right now this is an ad by the way so if you get all worked up in the club or if you decide to play it safe play it safe and stay home this would be a great place to find you someone to have some

fun with in bed and who knows maybe it will become a full-time thing for the two of you. Yeah, maybe you'll meet somebody on DoMePolice.com. And that'll become your job. I guess that's what it's saying. It'll become a full-time thing. I like this one that just says, bring your Kevlar. Oh, my God. This is a good one.

Okay, let's hear it keep in mind this is he capitalized the first letter of every word all right lots of sensual vibrant and vivacious ladies to help you manage your financial empire love this classy establishment upscale and clean it sounds like a fucking skyrim npc Unclean. It sounds like a fucking Skyrim NPC. Oh my god. To help you manage your financial empire.

Let's see. I just went to Cheetah for the first time and the food was okay. I got the backed chicken. and the food was okay. I got the backed chicken. I got the backed chicken, creamed spinach and potatoes. My boyfriend food way better than mine. He got steak.

The atmosphere was cool. The girls were to themselves and their drinks were good. You still have to pay for entry even if you're just dining in. Hell yeah. Honkamania. Damn, they got one of these everywhere. Pink Pony.

Let's take a look. I will spread the word throughout my The cheetah's low-key naturalism Is a perfect compliment To the patron's stoic eye-gazing Presenting a touching combination Of amiable nonchalance And emotional yearning Jesus Christ

That was posted by a man In 2007 That's not too bad You deserve It was the second review ever Posted for this place it would seem The cheetah more like the cheater fuck you lindsey amazing male strip club black diamond yes sir let's take a look

there ain't no slow reviews for this motherfucker they are crushing it in there black diamond you win padeo Time Strip Club of the Month. Let's take a... Yeah, you're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome, brother. Enjoy all the business. Yeah, Las Vegas. Man, how do we not start with Vegas? That is a question.

That is a fucking... Because here's the thing. Only men of fucking great repute go to these. I feel like we can break the 2.5 star fucking record here. But fuck it. Let's start with this one, two and a half stars. Q&A? I'd love to see it.

I don't want to write a review of this motherfucker. Lowest. Man. Oh, you go ahead. No, I was looking. I'm still reading. Man, I must be accustomed to good-looking women in Charleston because I got trolled here.

Damn, you guys got me pretty good. Good game. That's awesome good game yeah I mean here's the thing guys the problem with strip clubs is that they're for

sick depraved animals and if you're a sick depraved animal you should not go to a strip club what you should do is you should go

to patreon.com slash pendejo time. And you should, if you want to put $5 in a girl's bikini butt, you should not do that. You should go to where I said, patreon.com slash pendejo time.

Just keep reading. I'll do the, and go ahead. This guy, Just keep reading I'll do the end Go ahead This guy He spent 45 minutes trying to park his car And by the time he finished parking The club was closed Very nice He's mad because it took him 45 minutes to park

That's awesome What a loser Yeah It's like the most Fucking That's awesome. What a loser. Yeah. It's like the most fucking, like, just, like, outlier. Yeah. Like, 85 IQ move, I can imagine. It's like you're too stupid to park your car.

I guess maybe I'm fucking tripping. Maybe it's hard. Here's a good one by Veil. It's a great place to contract an incurable disease. Anyway. Anyway, the thing about this shit is I'm seeing so many. When I'm here with my hubby, all the girls stink. Like, I don don't you don't need to i again i don't what however i'm not trying to yuck nobody's yum actually you know

i take that back i am don't take your wife to a strip club and if you're a wife and uh you want to like go to one with your husband don't't. Do whatever the fuck you want, I guess. Anyway, if you go to patreon.com slash... There is nothing exciting about the place. Epic fail. If you go to that website and you give five bucks a month,

you can check out all of our backlog of bonus episodes, plus a bonus episode every fucking week on top of the free one you're listening to right now. You also get access to the Discord. Lots of really cool people in there. And you get access to future sketches. We just put a sketch out. If you're listening to this,

I also want to plug the sketch. It was a super fun time me and Thomas had. And a big shout out to In Between Productions for helping us film it. Check them out on instagram um yeah go check out the sketch

you can find it on our fucking tweeters you can it's on youtube also yeah youtube pendejo time

big fat frog I'm gonna repeat that youtube pendejo time big fat frog run them numbers up on youtube I wanna see a thousand views on that motherfucker

because it was fun to do. And if you subscribe to the fucking show, we're going to put the rest of them probably behind paywall because fuck you, and you've got to pay up to get the fucking cheese from now on. $10 a month gets you access to the fucking sketches. Sorry, the video episodes, all the bonus episodes, future sketches, and discord access

50 a month gets you access to all that and nothing else you just get to give us 50 bucks a month um thomas do you have any closing remarks do you have any closing arguments to be made uh no yeah i don't either thank you for listening uh and uh if you you know there's a lot of ways to tie it. Thank you. Yeah, all right, bye. Bye.