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back in the chariot
hey hey how's it going
so where we're going? going to the airport?
to the airport
la guardia
yeah yeah no problem man
buckle up we'll take the chariot I guess yeah
yeah the chariot that's fine
what do you do for work, man?
I ride.
Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, I guess technically, you know, me too, right?
Like, yeah, you read I'm told.
Oh, like you work for like a like a transport service.
Man, it's funny. I mean, me too.
I also, you know, work for the transport.
I work for Uber. so yeah, small world.
I work for the emperor.
Oh, you mean the president?
You work for the president?
I wish.
Well, man, I got like a 45 minute drive here.
I guess we can. What do you want to listen to some tunes? What kind of music you like, man, I got like a 45 minute drive here. I guess we can, what do you want to listen to some tunes?
What kind of music you like, man?
I always like to ask people like what they want to listen to.
I throw on their favorite songs.
Hooves clapping.
OK.
Let me see.
Grunts.
OK.
Baa, baa, baa, baa.
Those are my grunts.
Yeah, so hooves, clopping, and grunts. Okay, let me.
Would I search that up in Spotify,
or do you have a favorite hooves, clopping, and grunting?
Art?
Favorite hooves, clopping and grunting. Our favorite hooves clopping is.
OK.
OK.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let me let me look around for that.
I guess in the meantime.
So I guess you know you say you ride for.
Who have sounds. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess, you know, you say you ride for. What you.
Yeah, yeah, no.
My horse's hooves.
That.
I got to I got to be honest with you.
Horse.
I got to be honest with you, man, that doesn't sound like
like hooves clopping to me.
It doesn't sound like.
It kinda sounds like maybe you're eating something
with it's really like delicious or?
No, I'm not eating peanut butter.
There's no peanut butter stuck to my mouth.
Okay, yeah.
I can see your-
If there was, there'd be no way you could get it out.
I can see you in the rear view, man.
You're eating like peanut butter straight out of the jar.
Which I guess is driving.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, we're heading to the airport.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Where are you heading from LaGuardia, man?
JFK.
You're going you're flying from LaGuardia to JFK. By the way, I think I found your song.
Just let me know if this is good. Which was which was a song and which was me making a sound.
Yeah, so, I mean, I guess, you know, as far as me goes, like,
you know, like I, you know, I studied history, but it's not
a lot, not a lot of, not a lot of work for history guys.
So, you know, I ended up driving for Uber.
I'm a history guy.
Yeah.
You like history, man?
I know I'm from history.
Um, okay.
Yeah.
Like you're like, like you're a man of history.
Like you really know history.
I get that.
That's a painting. You're from a painting. Oh, like you're like a man of history, like you really know history. I get that, man. I'm from a painting.
You're from a painting?
Oh, like, that's a really poetic way to put it, man.
That's nice, like that you're from like a bygone era,
maybe you're born in the wrong generation.
I appreciate that, you know?
I think that's nice.
Born in the ultimate generation of warriors.
Right, yeah. Okay.
I think maybe, maybe what I think I'm going to do
is I'm just going to like, I'll just throw the-
90s babies.
Think I think I'm just going to throw the horses back on.
We'll have a nice quiet ride to Tlegiguori, okay?
Sorry, there's, if you can hear that, there's a dead collector calling me.
What?
I didn't know if you could hear my microphone, but a dead
collector was calling me.
Oh, yeah, dead collector.
My phone was right next to my microphone. I owed him several fish.
Capital One is calling. He was coming to collect the rocks I keep.
I owe several ingots. Ingots and ore to American Express. I owe raw ingots and all he can get from me is rocks to be broken.
I still must refine the metal.
So what's up with you?
Well, you know, man, I'm divorced, you know.
Still no divorce.
Yeah, yeah. Nothing wrong with it these days, you know?
Not anymore.
You know, she like, I guess, you know, since you asked,
like the thing about her is like, she wanted stuff, man, you know,
but like, you know, sometimes they want too much, you know?
Like, they want like babies and stuff, and they want like a new place, and you know, she said-
I love babies. Yeah, they're not a new place and you know she said babies
yeah they're not really for me you know I sometimes I think I would be a good
dad but then other times you know I think maybe it's just not for me so I
think you would be a great father thanks man that's really nice of you to say. Oh, but you will lead your children to become strong men and women.
It's really nice, man.
Amazing, amazing, man, amazing woman.
Strong like oxen.
Thanks, man. Spirit like also an ox.
So and bodies and heads and feet like oxen with a hide like an ox. So- And bodies and heads and feet like oxen
with a hide like an ox
and horns like an ox.
And the teeth of an oxen
and tails like an ox.
That's how your children would be.
Thank you, man. I think that's good. You know, do ox have teeth?
Yes.
Okay. I figured it. I didn't think they had beaks or anything.
They would have human teeth in the mouth of an ox.
Okay. Okay.
So they could eat candy.
Babies do love candy. That's true, man. That's awesome, man.
Oh, God. There's a car. There's a car coming at this intersection.
Yeah, I know. I want to stop.
Oh, God. Oh, no. I don't know if this guy's gonna stop.
No, I've got... I got it.
Here, we're gonna listen to some music, man.
You ever listen...
Oh, God. I got it. Here, we're going to listen to some music, man. You ever listen?
I like this song. Yeah, me too, man.
Yeah, it's a good song.
Oh, driving to LaGuardia with my friend.
He's from a painting he's flying from LaGuardia
to JFK it's like a five-minute flight and he loves ox that's right that's singing buddy sing it but well I'm a crazy guy
from a painting who has two eyes and I like big boxes and a big big body buys
the song stopped for a while for me and started again there's this guy and he's the
the
the
the
the
the
the
the the gang. We're two guys and we're very interested in investing in
new ideas and new things. I got my buddy here. He's from
history. Ain't that right?
Yeah, y'all.
Take care of Western history.
That's a guy from that's a guy from the Enlightenment era. Hey,
y'all.
Rock and roll them.
Yeah, well, freedom and equality.
Roll hide.
My name is Prudome.
Get them up.
Bum ba dum ba ba.
Bum ba dum.
I believe in equality, liberty, and fraternity.
And boy oh boy, do I love slavery.
I'm a enlightenment history guy.
I think I think those guys like slavery.
I think the whole freedom
and liberty stuff was mostly just for white guys.
But I could be wrong.
Yeah, this called enlightenment.
It's that is called and liking them because that's what Jake does.
Liking what? Like the guys.
Oh, yeah. Gotcha.
Did you know that they found a bunch of children's skeletons
in Benjamin Franklin's yard?
Like when they were excavating, I guess, in and around his house.
Much later, they just found a bunch of skeletons, a bunch of dead
children's bodies.
Some people say that they were put there by somebody else,
but they were, I think they like dated their bones
and it was around the time that he was alive.
So, you know, reason to believe maybe he was
up to some silly stuff,
ah, which I thought was pretty interesting.
I know that he was into like, do you think he really might have been that small?
Hmm. Well, he was fat, but a skeleton doesn't have fat.
So a fat guy skeleton looks like a skinny guy skeleton
on behalf of because it's just bone.
But yeah, that's a good question.
I'm not 100% sure on that.
Well, because maybe one of them is his.
One of the.
All of them were his.
Maybe his skeleton got broken into a bunch of tiny kid's
bones.
I don't know.
I see what you mean.
They were made smaller by time.
Got you.
OK.
Yeah.
What if it was like, oh, all these 128 ribs,
and it's all the same guy?
Oh, yeah, maybe like a big freak.
Maybe like a freak of nature.
Yeah.
Perhaps.
Who knows?
Or maybe he didn't have a handrail on the stairs
or something and people just kept falling down.
OK, so like he had kids over and it was an innocent thing.
Like he was teaching them.
He had a milk and cookies party.
Yeah, all the kids fell down the stairs.
He was showing them.
Well, kids liked him because he loved kites.
And electricity.
And everybody knows that children love energy
and like lightning bolts and stuff.
I did when I was a kid.
I thought that stuff was cool.
Poor Richard's Almanac, Poor Richard's Shallow Grave.
Okay, and it's filled with the bones of children.
Yeah. Would it be better if it was grown up bones?
I think so.
I think in any situation where you find a bunch of bones
and the bones belong to children,
it is automatically worse than if the bones were that
of an adult man.
My two cents.
You know what I mean?
Just, you know, something, something that I think.
And probably the scariest thing you could find
would be a dragon's bones.
Yeah, probably pretty scary.
I don't know if that's scarier than finding
children's bones.
I think if you find children's bones in a grave of a child,
then that's not too scary.
I would love for you to show me a fire breathing child.
Yeah. How about that? Other
than Greta Thunberg? Yeah, I
was about to say maybe Greta
Thunberg or that Millie Bobby
Brown. Yeah.
That's an adult woman at this point. Yeah, she's an adult now.
Everybody gives her a hard time.
They do?
Yeah, they say that she looks weird.
And they say that her face is weird.
I've seen she has a branded Ulta or something now.
She does?
Oh, that's cool.
She has a makeup brand.
Do you go to Ulta a lot?
I do with my girlfriend.
I have to walk around and try and find.
Yeah, I just try and stay busy.
So sometimes I'll go smell the colognes or whatever
if they've got any.
I think it's Sephora that has the colognes.
Maybe.
Ulta doesn't really have anything for guys.
I thought they had a line of play section.
Yeah, like a boy zone.
Like with a ball pit.
There's like a bunch of grip trainers or something. Yeah.
Jiu-Jitsu mat, like four beers on tap, you know,
just a bunch of screen showing a big game of various big games.
You know what I mean?
Various awesome and fun games for big guys
who love being strong and being wicked smart
and having virile, virile thick loads.
Think something's wrong with my loads.
I gotta go to the load doctor.
Really?
You've been taking, you've been zinking up?
No, I haven't been zinking up.
Mostly it's just like green a little bit. You know what I mean? No, I haven't
be doing. I fucking the guys who've been building this building across the street from my across the parking for my apartment. Every time I go out there I see in picture they just got boxes on
their heads. They're just up on the roof having a dope ass time. Mexican guys up there six in the
morning drinking beer laying down shingles not doing a goddamn thing. Wearing boxes on their
heads fucking playing grab ass with each other. That's why this country doesn't have any infrastructure.
Too many guys trying to have a good time instead of building things.
We used to build things in this country.
And I mean, when when when white guys were construction workers, we used to build.
We used to sit up on the beam.
Mm hmm. You know, lunch, eat eggs, eat a whole deviled egg, a boiled egg
that our wife made us.
Yeah, we all sit up on a big beam in the sky and we'd eat a piece of
cheese and a piece of bread and then we drink a bottle of whiskey. Dude, working in construction
back then must have fucking sucked. You just die. You just like fall off a building and then like
nothing, you know, your family didn't get anything. You're just all broken and mangled down there.
They just keep, they just keep trucking, you know?
They just keep jackhammering away,
putting nails down, having their shirts off and stuff.
Look at this now, OSHA.
Different rules, different regulations.
Yeah, I don't think I would like to work up
on a big beam in the sky.
A beam in the ground?
Maybe.
Maybe I'm a gymnast at heart.
What's a fucking, what should we talk about today?
What's on your mind?
I was looking at the bill Belichick stuff.
What happened with that?
So you know how he's dating like a 24 year old?
Awesome. No, I didn't know that.
She's like allegedly like kind of like taking over his life in some ways.
OK. Like they banned her from like the practice facilities and stuff.
Damn. She's like telling people she's they're engaged and all that.
He's like 73 and she's like 24, which is fine.
But if you're a public figure, not a good look to it just doesn't.
It's not a good look, but I don't really have a moral problem with it.
Yeah, you know, I've I've gotten into several arguments,
not arguments, but like
I think if you're like a 78 year old, like leathery bag of like
bones and dick and you're in you are like
you have like a 25 year old girlfriend, no skin off my ass.
It doesn't bother me.
People are like, it's the age gap.
It's nasty. OK.
Yes, as is not wrong.
Yeah. And who cares?
You know what I mean?
Like it's just not cool.
Yeah, it's not like it's not like, oh, hell yeah.
But it's not like, you know, well, also, like,
compared to a lot of stuff that Jake has done.
Yeah. Yeah.
Gap wise. I mean, it's really not. There's two and a half of stuff that Jake has done. Yeah. Yeah. Gap wise.
I mean, it's really not.
There's two and a half years between me and my girlfriend.
And I'm a real piece of shit for that.
Yeah. To me and my fiance. Sorry.
I remember in second.
I remember when I was in high school, I asked a friend
how old he was, like, like
when he first had a girlfriend or whatever and like what grade he was in and she was in something I was like
oh did you hear that that guy like
dated a second grader
I only told a few people
there was a kid and
he was one of those men like
not so far mentally like gone
that he was like in special ed,
but he very clearly like wasn't playing with like a full deck.
You know what I mean?
And so like he existed in this unfortunate middle area where like
he was still mocked ruthlessly for the things he
did and said.
But maybe like a Mikey Miles situation,
or similar, like a World of T-shirts guy where it's like,
it's sad.
It's very tragic, very sad.
But what can you do?
Anyway, when he was a senior in high school,
he was dating an eighth grader.
And he was also in JROTC.
If any of my guys are in the army or the military,
you know what I'm talking about.
And his favorite thing to do, we would be at the cafeteria,
and we'd be like, hey, Matthew.
His name was Matthew Scheibel. And we'd be like, hey Matthew, his name was Matthew Scheibel.
And we'd be like, hey Matthew, what's your girlfriend doing?
Her times tables.
And he would be like, no, she's not doing her times tables.
Stop.
And we'd be like, oh, sorry, she's not doing her times tables.
Is she learning about George Washington?
And then we would rile him up to the point and we would, you
know, bother him and be really cruel to him
until he would have some sort of breakdown.
And then he would have to be escorted away
by the principals.
But he did have a good.
That's kind of dope.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was cool.
It was a cool group of guys.
And he ended up joining the Marines. And now, last I checked, he was a cool group of guys. And he ended up joining the Marines.
And now, last I checked, he has a family,
I don't think with the eighth grader.
And even if it was, she would be like an adult woman now.
And he's got a really nice truck.
I think he's better than me now that I mention it.
I actually just saw him post maybe a couple of weeks ago.
And he just got himself one of the EV Raptors
and he's got a really nice house in the suburbs of where we grew up.
He's got two sons and I guess he maybe made a career out of being in the Marines and having
like an IQ of like 85, which hey, you know, crayon eating sons of bitches.
Yeah, they not.
Anyway, which kind of puts me in a weird position now that I think about it,
because I think back to him and being like, well, that guy has a better life
than me. And he, you know, when he was 18, he had a girlfriend that was,
you know, 13 or something.
And he is by all measure, I guess, beating me in life in terms of,
you know, milestones and things like that.
Yeah, you should link back up with him and try and build.
Well, what do you mean?
Oh yeah, maybe get him on the show.
Maybe see if he can like, you know.
Maybe you could like, yeah, like,
cruise around in the Raptor, chop it up like old times.
Yeah, ask him, hey, do you forgive me
for saying your girlfriend was at recess? Do you forgive me for all those times? I remember I had for a long time I
had like a huge cigarette oh actually damn I still have that a big cigarette
burned on my arm because me and this other dude it was like the first like, I
guess, like party I went to in high school that was like, oh,
like older, like cool kids, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was like the first real party, I guess.
It wasn't just like a monitored by parents type thing.
Yeah, for sure.
And I remember like uh, like doing this
thing where it's like you light a cigarette and then you put
your arms together and then you drop it and whoever pulls back.
Oh yeah, of course. Yeah. Lose this or whatever. And I did
that with a guy but it was right as I got into the party.
I had like one drink. Uh huh. And we did it till the cigarette
went out. Mm hmm. And then I found out he'd had a full case
of beer and like four Xanax. So he was like, just straight up imperfect.
Yeah. For me, it was like one of the hardest things I've ever done.
And for him, he like was like nodding off.
Yeah. Anyway, he I thought he was cool.
I thought he was cool after that.
But then he ended up dating a 15 year old when he was like, dude, like 25.
Yeah, I'm going to. and it kind of all the pieces
kind of came together like oh like he had like I remember he like kind of talked slow and he had
a kind of a weird look on his face but I always saw like no he like you can't judge a book by
its cover. Yeah. Like he's a smart cat underneath everything. He's just he's just like in my head.
I was like, no, like once you get to know him. Yeah.
He's not stupid.
He's just talks.
He just kind of talks and acts like it.
Yes, sir. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But like if I if I like somebody, then I their stupidity becomes like.
No, but like if you actually get to know them.
Yeah, he's a genius.
Like they're not even that, like they kind of have a smartness to them
that most people don't pick up on. Correct.
Then as soon as somebody annoys you, you realize like, oh no, like you suck.
Oh, 100 percent.
Yeah. I talked to Ashley about this because her and I had the same kind of experience
where like I looked I looked up to a lot of people.
I have to be careful about how I phrase this.
A lot of the guys that I thought were cool that I looked up to were just at the time
in high school, they were just pedophiles.
Like we would go to this guy's house and he would be like 22.
And a girl from my math class would be like at the house already.
And he would be like, oh yeah, you know, you know Steph.
And I'd be like, yeah, we've met together. And he'd be like, oh yeah, she's super chill.
And I'd be like, yeah, she's cool. She's an awesome friend of mine.
Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. You all can just throw the beer in the fridge.
Yeah, I just got this apartment and I'm like, God damn it.
This guy's fucking awesome. And he's smart
too. Because he has a poster in his living room that says money
is fake. And he's got a fucking Scion TC and hanging from the
rearview mirror is is like an atom. It's like an animated.
It's like a nucleus or something. And when we smoke weed
together, he starts talking about time. And he'll be like, yo, the crazy thing is, is it like,
right now, we're in this section of time,
but then later, it's going to be a completely different moment
in time.
And then Steph would be like, oh my god,
babe, that's why I love you.
And he'll be like, I love you so much.
And then we would all be hanging out.
And I'd be like, dude, one day, I want to have an apartment.
And I want to have a poster that says think
you got it you don't get it and it's got a it's got Albert Einstein and he's
making a crazy face and I want to have black lights everywhere and I want to
have a girlfriend too I want to have a 15 year old girlfriend that fucking knows
how to read that's good that's I think when you're a teenager, it's not wrong, especially like a naive one like I was.
For me, I didn't understand what was happening was bad, if that makes sense.
Like when I was 13 or 14, a lot of my friends were like already graduated,
and I was like, God, I can't wait to throw parties and have all my friends there.
Like when you're 13, you want to be the 20-year-old guy. I can't wait to throw parties and have all my friends there all of my
Like when you're 13 you want to be the 20 year old guy
You're like dude I can't wait to have an apartment on the wrong side of town and I just we all hang out and drink for loco in
the garage and we listen to fucking
Sublime and we smoke weed god damn
I'm gonna have such a cool life and then I get I got like three or four years older and I was like
Ah, fuck. No, I don't want to be that guy at all.
I think that guy's in jail now, precisely because his girlfriend
was not of age to be hanging out.
But at the time, I was so wrapped up and that was cool to me.
You know what I mean?
That was bad ass.
The most that you can aspire to is
to be like a fucking pipe fitters apprentice
that has like a Scion TC and an apartment in Galveston and you're constantly texting juniors.
Like that guy was awesome to me when I was like 15, you know?
Yeah, I mean honestly though I do sometimes I'll still talk to
I mean, honestly though, I do sometimes I'll still talk to,
like, you know, there's the guys I smoked with or whatever in high school who I talk to now
and they do like have it together and stuff.
And they're like, in a lot of cases, like, you know,
good guys and all that.
I still have friends from high school who, you know,
who made it out the mud or whatever. But I think a lot of it has to do with even for a short while
getting out of your hometown.
And that can mean literally being like one town over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But just getting out of there for even if it's six months.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
And then if you want to come back, come back.
But like, yeah, like I feel like, like small town and you don't leave ever.
Mm hmm.
No, it's, yeah, man.
Of course I take girls from my high school.
Where else am I going to?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, cause like, you're not have them anywhere girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because like you're not.
I don't have them anywhere else but high school.
They don't make girls anywhere else
but the school that I went to.
That was a struggle.
Whenever I was like, you know, early 20s in Pisa,
it's like there's literally were not
women that I did not know who were of my age or older.
And I don't mean that in like,
oh, now I'm stuck talking to high schoolers, but it's like I wasn't, I wasn't doing that obviously.
What I'm saying is you literally run out of women to try and talk to. No, I know what you mean. Like,
I realize after the first half of the story, it sounded like, I know, like know like man when I was 22, I had to start talking to 16 year olds. It was like what word
what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Like this happened. I know what
you mean like when I was I was on a single, I would go back
home to Pasadena from Austin and I would open up Tinder and
it dude it was just like girls that I like grew up with. Let me
tell you something that's funny though.
I, you know, like there's not that many North Texas,
like popular girl names.
And I remember accidentally,
this was like two years ago or something.
And I was like, I felt so fucking weird about it.
I accidentally, I had a name mixed up
and I accidentally followed back like a 15 year old girl from
Beaster because I thought it was a girl I graduated with and
then she accepted the follow request and I was like, oh no,
no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it was like, it was like an
instant follow back too because I was like, oh no, I know who
that is and it was a completely different was like an instant follow back, too, because I was like, oh, no, I know who that is.
And it was a completely different.
I didn't even go and check the profile picture.
And then I was like, no, no.
Yeah.
Because if you do it instantly, it's like, yeah,
it seems like you just already had your hand right over the dick.
Yeah. Thirsty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Dude, I had something when I was a sophomore in college.
I like, yeah, I accepted a DM like a late night, like, you're thirsty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I had something when I was a sophomore in college. I I like yeah, I accepted a DM like a late night like, you know, like what's up DM and you know
Like messages back and forth for a couple hours like yeah. Yeah, I've been Austin or whatever now
she's like, oh, that's cool like blah blah blah like, you know and
And I have my own place, you know, I have my own place you know I have my own apartment
and uh you know I've got I've got a car and it runs like 60 percent of the time and I have you
know and I uh I think I've I think I finally figured out how to have fuck maybe just the other
day anyway we're like going back and forth and uh I was like oh like, she was like, yeah, I'm a sophomore, too.
And I was like, nice, you know, perfect.
That's awesome.
And I was like, where?
And then it was like three dots going away, three dots going away,
three dots going away, like reply, you know, and I was like, oh, whatever.
And then it popped up.
She was like, oh, Sam Rayburn.
And I was like, well, blocked the same. It was a high school in South Houston. I was like, yeah, whatever. And then it popped up, she was like, oh, Sam Rayburn. And I was like, well, I blocked.
Sam Rayburn's a high school in South Houston.
I was like, yeah, blind, but no good.
Yeah, blocked.
That's not awesome.
And it was like a moment where I was like,
oh, like to your point.
Locked, create new account, say hello, it's me, Jack.
Hey, sorry, I gotta hit you up from the secret account.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is the one where I talk to minors, I gotta hit you up from the secret account. Yeah, yeah.
This is the one where I talk to minors, I'm so sorry.
I know it's a whole thing.
I wanna be famous, but I'm still a pedophile.
Right, I can't hit you up from my standup account,
which has 900 followers.
Yeah, this is where I do clips,
and I also talk to minors on here.
No, I'm glad that it never got to the topic of
conversation but I remember thinking like, oh, I don't remember who this person was so I guess
they went to a different, they were from South Houston but I never ran in the same circle with
them and I was like, oh, that makes sense. But also, too, like, I remember one of my, one of those, I guess I would call him a buddy
from high school, I haven't talked to him in forever.
He went to prom when he was a sophomore at U of H.
He went to a different high school as prom
with his girlfriend, but she was 18.
But he was 20.
So I was like, here's my stance.
I'm fucking too old to, I guess, have a stance,
but it's like, even though it's a two-year difference,
if any of you guys are listening to this and you're in a similar moral quandary, you can't be going to prom.
I don't care. You know what I mean? You can't be going to prom.
If you're like in college or you're like working in the oil field or something and you're like two years out of prom,
I'm sorry, bud, you can't be going to prom. It it's not good. You can't be doing that. It's a
big it's a big. Now, if you really want to, you can. Yeah.
Yeah. If you really want to go, if you also if you feel like
you didn't get the full high school experience and that you
can rock it out even harder now, go for it. If you're 35 and
you don't have a job, go for it. Yeah. Hey, listen, listen,
listen. If you didn't get to go to prom because you're a big loser and now you're 33 years old don't have a job, go for it. Yeah. Hey, listen, listen, listen.
If you didn't get to go to prom because you're a big loser
and now you're 33 years old and you've
got a big nice truck and a nice apartment
and you want to maybe just have a different high school
experience, go to prom.
Find a nice 18-year-old girl and go to prom with her.
And that is the Pendejo Time Thomas Challenge.
If you're 30 and up, this is a new Pendejo Time Thomas
Challenge. If you're thirty and up, go
find uh eighteen year old in high school and take that girl
out on a date.
Talk to you one of your daughter's friends and make her
your prom date. Talk to one of your daughters. You're thirty.
Like, how old is she?
Maybe you started, maybe you had kids like early.
I had kids when I was eight.
Yeah. She would still be what?
22. OK, she's not even prom.
My daughter's 22 going to prom.
I'm so proud.
She's in a wheelchair.
I raised her right. Yeah.
That's yeah, it's a conversation severe and dangerously close to some bad territory.
But hey, listen, that's okay. I yeah, I wasn't getting close.
Way over. Yeah, I'm going to be the one that goes on the sketches and I laugh the whole time.
So, I'm going to be the one that goes on the sketches and I laugh the whole time.
So, I'm going to be the one that goes on the sketches and I laugh the whole time.
So, I'm going to be the one that goes on the sketches and I laugh the whole time.
So, I'm going to be the one that goes on the sketches and I laugh the whole time.
So, I'm going to be the one that goes on the sketches and I laugh the whole time. won't affect my new position at SNL. Oh, yeah.
To be the one I'm going to be the one that goes on the sketches
and I laugh the whole time.
So you can't fucking pay attention to any of the jokes that are written.
Yeah, you're breaking.
Go.
That was such a funny weekend update.
Oh, my gosh.
They got that white guy to say the N word.
Man, I fucking love being a liquor.
That was so funny.
Although I will say, once in a while, they get some good stuff out there.
If you're I mean, look.
If you.
Lauren, you know, I'm here when you need to make the call
whenever you need a guy who who who looks like exactly three celebrities
who are never in the news.
You know who to call.
Is Lauren even still like running anything or is he so old?
You know what year it is?
Um, I mean. I have not ever met or year it is. Um, I mean.
I have not ever met or spoken.
Yeah, I know. I understand that the only people I've ever met from SNL it was a very passing by thing and.
Mm hmm. And.
And most of them have have not liked me that I've met.
But that's not even true. I'm being such an ass making a fool of myself
I don't think a lot of the like the bigger comedians out here in Austin that I met it like me. That's fine
I'm not like a I don't really I've been trying to like not be fucked up when I do spots
And I'm not like a good hang like at all when I'm sober
I'm actually like a really like miserable person to be around but that's just what that's just what it is when you're a rockin
Roller. That's motherfucker. That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
Hey
And we're taking a ride out of this town.
Prom 2025.
Prom 2025.
Prom 2025 is gonna be a whole vibe.
Prom 2025.
I got my Camry 2025.
And we're riding around the city lights and I'm 28 years old and you're
one eight years old and that makes you 18 years old and you're gonna go to community college
going to prom with a one-year-old girl
going to prom with a newborn baby.
Going to prom with a baby that's one.
Prom with a baby that's not even two.
I was 16, you were one.
Everybody looks at us real weird.
They think that I'm your dad.
They think that I'm a teenage dad, but actually you're my prom date.
This is really bad.
This is not even really that funny.
It's actually just horrible.
Chorus.
Go to prom. Save it with the chorus. Yeah.
Ready? Going to prom with a one year old girl. Going to prom with a one year old girl. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
Pfft.
We didn't save it with the chorus,
it actually just doubled down on what we said before.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Going to prom.
Going to prom.
2025 is such a cool vibe.
Goo goo gaga prom.
Goo goo gaga prom.
Goo goo gaga prom. Gaga prom Google Gaga prom
Wow what an awesome song I'm glad that both of us are like working on careers outside of this that we don't really need to Have any it doesn't matter. You know, it's fine. No
Nobody will ever remember that
No, nobody will ever remember that. Nobody will ever, ever remember that.
That will never become a problem for me.
Hey man, we really love, we want to bring you on to this new awesome show
and make all your dreams come true and give you a million dollars
and make you a big actor.
But I do have to ask you a question.
What happened, what was the joke behind one year old prom date?
Well, you see, you know.
Well, I was actually dating a high schooler at the time.
And actually, it was a joke, you know, about my.
Yeah. And we used to joke.
It was like with the age gap, it was like, you know, I was 16 when she was one.
So.
Just make it incredibly. Yeah, just make it way worse.
Oh, well, the thing is, is that I, that I got a high schooler pregnant.
And so that's.
Jake cheated on his wife with a
high schooler and got her
pregnant.
So that was the entire.
You know, his dad did the same
thing and he just kind of
wanted to live in the old man's
footsteps.
You know what I mean?
So he got a he got a high school
girl pregnant when he was 30.
So I just, you know, he's my
friend. It was an accident. It didn't mean to happen.
I don't know why everybody's getting...
It could have happened to literally every guy I know.
Listen...
It's every guy's worst fear.
There's like five HBO Max creative development guys
who write a room that's like five, like HBO Max, like, you know, creative development guys is like right around. It's like, hey, which one of you guys didn't take a baby to prom?
You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.
I bet you guys had fun at grown up prom eating great poupon.
You just pointed to the one like, you know, clearly like, you know,
Jewish guy in the room.
I know. I bet you, I bet you guy.
Yeah. Well, it's not nice. I shouldn't have said that. That's okay.
Yeah. You shouldn't have said the HBO, the board of HBO has a Jewish guy on it.
That's not true.
Yeah, that's crazy. I shouldn't say anything like that.
Yeah. I have so many other cool fucking songs.
I did want to maybe like circle back around to,
it's been a while since we've taken a gander at any strip clubs,
but I wanted to maybe combine a classic that people love with another classic.
So I wanted to find a nice strip club review and then sing it to you guys as a song
But you always have to find the review so I didn't do a good job
of like You know digging them up beforehand
So I guess we'll talk with each other talk with the show and if I find one and I'll sing it to you guys
And it'll be beautiful. It'll be one of the greatest things that anybody's ever done in the history of broadcasting. And this episode has been really awesome.
Hey, no, it's been good.
No, no, I mean like.
Don't knock yourself.
This has been one.
Elise, it's been something to remember.
Oh, wow.
Right off the bat.
One second.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Oh. ["Dirty South Couture"]
Hey, this is Dirty South Couture.
And this is the song called
Red Rose Defrauds My 78-Year-Old Father for $22,000.
Hey, Red Rose, you defrauded my 78-year-old dad
for 22 grand.
On January 21st, 2025, my lonely elderly father ventured out from his home in Lockhart in
search of female company and respite from his loneliness.
Upon entering a Red Rose cabaret, he was quickly approached and purchased two dances.
He was then ushered into a private cabana
where the charges escalated quickly to over 4,400.
But that's not all.
The following day, he discovered there
was a second round of charges that
totaled an astounding 18,000.
My 78-year-old dad is so deaf that you'd
have to speak into a microphone just to get him to
understand you. What? What? He had, hold on, he had no idea what was happening or what he was
consenting to. Is this how the upscale establishment of Red Rose handles a
vulnerable demographic like an old man? Disgusting. This place to be shut down
for illegal behavior.
Red Rose owner responds, we have a thorough verification process for all transactions
to ensure accuracy. Customers sign multiple times for confirmation and even provide a
thumbprint so your dad must have given us one. We could provide copies of signed transactions as evidence for your father's transactions.
Wow.
What a great story.
OK.
This is Kelsey T. in Lubbock, Texas, visiting Papa Cookie.
There was a woman working here.
Let me give you a new song.
This one's almost over.
OK. Um working here. Let me give you a new song. This one's almost over. OK.
This is Kelsey T from Lemon.
There was a woman working here.
She was taking it.
Looked like she was the most popular
one.
She got most of the customers.
I'm not gonna lie, she's bad.
She was wearing red that, and she is very attractive.
She looks suited for the job.
It was another female that I met on another occasion, and she was attractive in a different type of way than me
She was beyond attractive, I honestly think
She should be a model
Or something because of her height
Just tall and would love me
Existing in ways very model-type
Lick a body to me
And her face and her eyes were really pretty
That's not to say that she couldn't be a stripper
She didn't want to
Because there is no right or wrong body for stripping
But I guess it's been proofing you just have to know how to dance
Am I being the wizard thick stallion Tight bodies and slim thicks
And I find sexually attractive
Or appealing
Those are mostly the women I go and see
In strip clubs and watch online
Traditional model tight bodies
So attractive too
They are just out of this world of appealing
And in my opinion they should be in magazines
and straightened out runways where we're not the finest fashions but like i said there is no
right or wrong way if a woman should most definitely be a model wants to go and
do your thing if a attractive woman with the heart to tell you
Think body must have tried to be a modern girl for me
Is this still the same review?
Yes.
Forget about all the labels and stereotypes
Even BBW women's strip and them women's strip
And these clubs are strip clubs
And nothing similar to services
We're dealing with the regular man that visits a strip club The strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, the strip clubs, That review is, I mean, I would say probably over 300 words.
All right, here.
But it's very bodily positive.
That was in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Headbanging. down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down,
down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.
Not a lot of black people in this club.
That's a shame.
Not a lot of black people in this club.
That's just,
not a lot of black people in this club, that's a shame. And then one more time for good measure, not a lot of black people in this club that's a shame and then one more time for good measure not a lot of black
people in this club
one star
Let's see
Personal preference, let's see
I'm still looking Uh, don't down it, don't down it, don't down, buck a bump.
I'm still looking.
I'm looking, I'm gonna start looking in the Bronx. Okay, strip club Harlem.
Let's go to Harlem.
Let's go to Harlem.
Let's go to Harlem, New York.
Coney Gentle Gentlemen's Club.
Do you mean like the African warlord?
Do you mean like the man who had child slaves?
How was it spelled?
K-O-N-Y.
Oh, okay.
Coney Gentlemen's Club.
King of New York, maybe.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, probably.
Okay.
I walked in almost immediately a very ugly woman was bothering me.
I tried to order water and she said no. I didn't know you could not give water to patrons.
The inside was nice, though. Two stars.
Yeah, this is by Jake.
OK, fuck.
One star. Not the best place.
Here one more time. Sorry.
Pick the worst. This is sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm But if you pay 40 you can have sex for a song A buddy of mine said he caught the clap here, be safe
Yeah
Also most women here sell drugs and other prostitution services if you ask
Drinks your water down in the staffers board and don't want to be bothered
They're mostly on their phones
Mostly on their phones. On their phones.
Guys tip about five dollars.
Overall if you want a hand job, low job or full service
there's a stripper for prices you can have most of them.
One star.
One star, one star.
Full sex for $40, one star.
Full sex for $40, to me that's five stars. If I got off of full sex for $40, one star. Full sex for four, to me that's five stars.
If I got off of full sex for $40,
I'd probably at least leave three stars.
I think wrap ones might be easy too.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, here we go.
Message to the fellas if the yellow rose is closed,
the Landon Strip will take you in.
What kind of club? Also serves barbecue.
The Landon Strip that is.
This place was awesome and the girls were really sexy.
I'm still Facebook friends with most of them after so many years.
Oh yeah, and we were there at 10 in the morning.
Fuck yeah!
Lazy women
with average lips.
A lady with a flat ass was shaking it
in my face.
And got mad that I didn't tip.
Hahahaha!
Hahahaha!
Hahahaha!
Fuck! I wonder why, dick sucker! I
Fuck I wonder why dick sucker one star. Yeah, no
Awesome, I love that
Let's change up the tune a little bit When I arrived, most of the dancers were quite overweight and old, but still looked like
they were making good money.
I was getting in shape at the time, so I admittedly had a few extra pounds, but all around my butt and my tits
and my tummy was rather flat.
So I imagined it wouldn't be a problem.
Wrong.
After auditioning on stage and settling two dances
and getting them to accept,
after I finished the stage set,
the manager pulls me aside and tells me I need to leave because of my extra weight.
That's right.
Come on, I look thinner and much younger than three-fourths of the dancers because some
of them were so old and so fat, baby.
I left.
I didn't even bother to pay my share for the two dances.
Two stars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This place is not the place to go. If you're looking for a good time or more than a lap dance,
they charge you $20 to get in and you're not
allowed to go inside with your jacket. Then they want you to tip the person holding your jacket.
They charge you $400 for a private 30-minute lap dance and $750 for an hour lap dance.
The guy collecting the payment expects a 20% tip.
That's not including the tip you have to give to the dancer.
The girl will give you a cheesy lap dance.
By all means do not expect anything more than a lap dance
because that's all you're gonna get for $400 to $750 for 30 minutes to an hour.
After the dance you're supposed to tip the dancer
and tip the person downstairs to get your jacket back.
I don't know how this place have positive reviews
for a crappy money grabbing service.
If you're looking for a good time at the strip club,
please do not come here.
You're gonna end up feeling like you've been ripped off.
You're better off donating your money to charity
than spending it there.
By Donald D.
Maybe Donald Duck, we don't know.
Oh, my God.
Better off, you're better off donating your money
to charity than going to a titty bar.
Heard, Don.
All right.
This is from a place in Fayetteville.
The dancers are all malnourished and need to eat a few cheeseburgers.
There was one stripper who was decent, but she didn't have any real talent.
She was just showing her fucking pussy the whole time.
I like to see talented and shapely women. If I wanted to see a teenage boy dancing,
I would go to a teenage club.
Good thing it was ladies night and it was free.
Two stars for Miss Brookie B.
I was getting a lap dance from one of the females.
At least I thought I was,
cause I felt something soft yet rough touching my pants
and I saw a boner.
Yes sir.
Yes sir.
Here we go. Unique.
Let's see.
So obviously you go to strip club to see tits.
Oh baby. Oh shit. Oh. So obviously you go to strip clubs to see tits, especially if they charge you an arm
and a leg for alcohol.
These chicks have just been dancing in bikinis all night.
And the bartender served me one beer within three hours on an empty night.
As I write this, the empty bottle sits with the $2 tip
I left her, shaking my head.
Hey.
Mm.
Mm.
Yeah.
I don't have one loaded up.
OK.
So I'm still looking.
The women are all fat.
Before approximately 10 years ago, these women will be only hired in ghettos.
What happened to real dancers that look like dancers?
Young, slender and in shape.
Another example of the country going downhill.
Okay.
Okay.
I buy that.
I can get behind that.
That's disrespectful as hell.
Yo, question and answer. What about sex?
Is the question an answer? Is there a woman interested in coming over for an encounter? Perhaps.
Question two. What's the ratio of women? Y'all got a lot of Asian women? Answer. Last time I went it was pretty mixed. No Chinese girls though. A lot of Latin women.
Yeah.
$40 remission only see the type of females that get the 3 for 1 deal in DR. Plus they have no rhythm.
Wack.
back. Did the dancer show her pussy?
Question, answer, they do not.
From the business manager.
Do the dancers show her pussy?
They do not.
All right.
Hold on, let me get another song.
The hip hop jazz.
Do we all listen to this one? Yeah. the hip hop jazz
do we ever listen to this one?
ooo
yeah
hey motherfucker
let's hear it
yeah this is by jaz
enough pussy day i wrote
but me no fair fact me say
some real thugs they out there
enough of them will want to see you drop
won't kill you a strap.
Alright from Jesse W. I'll remember this place so it's a place. 123-556-789-433-4566666 54 money sign money sign money sign 85 htxdxv.vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv I'm mostly looking at the not recommended ones.
Yeah, those are the best ones.
Nah, this one didn't even have any text.
The funniest are either 5 star or 1 star.
Yeah, that's the best one.
Almost every time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
Agreed.
What is Buck Wilde?
Buck was bucks wild.
I came here for Freaky Monday.
It wasn't even that freaky.
A couple of girls walking around
with their things out low.
I guess that's kind of freaky
depending on who you are.
Some of them were, sorry. Some of them would come up to me and ask if I wanted lap dance and they
wanted to take me to the back room. But I was already in one of the cabanas so I would
say, well why not right here? And they would say no, I like it better in the back room
baby. The only reason they wanted to do this is so they could charge my card more money
and not even give me a good lap
Dance one girl just sat on my lap for 30 minutes and didn't even move around
Okay, yeah didn't even run or nothing she did have her bra off though, which was pretty alright, I guess three stars
This girl just the pre-fixed lunch and had the best time.
Yeah, one second. Let me get you something queued up.
Ooh.
I went for the prefixed lunch and had the best time.
The food was delicious.
The chocolate lava cake will give you a gooey
chocolatey lap dance in your mouth our gorgeous server made us feel like VIPs
she was very attentive and gave us a five-star service I'm definitely coming
back damn was that already the song's over?
Bitch.
What else? Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
From Metascocetotexas.
Thursday's lunch steak lobster baked potato with a side of pussy.
Cooked to your liking and friendly as hell.
It opens at 11 in the morning. Brought my coworker and he loved it. He balled the hell
out. Lol. And he got crazy with one of the waitresses. Can't... what does it say? Yeah.
Won't kiss and tell, but I promise it's sexy and a good time. Plus, like I said, lobster
is super fire. Five stars.
Steak lobster with a side of pussy cooked to your liking.
That's Mr. Cash.
He's Indian, not that that matters.
Good place to go and get ignored, but I do hear that if you give them a little bit of money you can get sucked
What star?
Okay, that's bad
There's a nasty cougar named Roxy that they have working here, it's awful
She's a grandma with a big good no ass and they feature her for some reasons.
It's horrible.
Who wants grandma at the nudie bar?
Get rid of Roxy.
Okay.
I went and I was just from Mr. Angel Rodriguez in Atascocita Texas was having a good time
while I was getting my dance I realized the chair that I was in was broken and the dancer
knocked me over and took my ones.
Even though that was not what's going on I I still tipped her. So he fucked, she like knocked your shit over, robbed you, and you still had some, honestly man, respect man.
I get that, I can see why.
Uh...
Uh...
Let's see, uh...
Let's see, uh. There's no variety in the dancers.
I was here with my husband, here with my husband, all the girls are fat.
And ugly, a couple of them on the verge of obese even, and there's very little for racial
variety as well.
In parentheses parentheses black. The dancers walk around the club with vape pins parentheses gross and one girl was on
her phone texting while on stage.
I also found the dress code to be over the top.
No white shirts, no face her neck tattoos what are you
trying to say well I even saw staff with facing neck tattoos strange it's a fully
new club not my thing they had females on stage who stayed completely covered
no tits no ass and no pussy unless you're giving them money what do you
think this is why you fucking think that this is you fucking dumb bitch?
This is Ms. Suzy B from Tucson, Arizona.
I did have a good quesadilla though.
By the way, dude, get out of here.
Alright, I had a quesadilla and then she describes what a quesadilla is.
I had a quesadilla, a folded tortilla with chicken and cheese for 14 dollars.
God damn.
Oh, fuck.
Not worth it if you're on a budget. Two stars.
The food was OK and the environment was nice.
I'd go there again if come around.
If come around.
Oh, my God, here we go.
What comes around if around?
From Dimpar.
For I am going to fucking try it, Dimpar, let's see what you got.
May load your beat up, Demp.
Oh God, I found somebody with a drill, Avatar.
Without a doubt, one of the best strip clubs in Houston.
This is an all new club, fellas.
Meaning that the gorgeous ladies here will get buck naked
for the right price.
Yes, that's the right price.
The prices are comparable to other quote unquote
gentleman's clubs. It's the daily specials that really make this place
awesome let's break down the fun that will make you go yeehaw and buck buck
at Bucks Wilde I don't think anybody's ever said buck buck mr. Demper but let's
see what you got I'm trying to see a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted any
food but I was more interested in feasting my eyes to her breasts.
Yeah.
Yeah, Demper.
They were gorgeous girls in all the flavors and colors,
black, white, Latina, and even Asian.
I was then approached by a gorgeous black girl who
was friendly and bubbly as can be.
We chatted it up for a little bit, and then she told me that it was $30 for a wristband
to have an all nude lap dance or $20 for a topless dance.
Since most places in Houston only offer topless or pasty atmospheres, I went for the $30.
I was not disappointed.
It was heavenly my friends.
Once again, completely worth the drive.
Most clubs don't offer the full, explicit experience.
And as my homie Juicy J says in the hit song,
bands are make your dance.
It ain't a strip club if they ain't showin' pussy.
Bring money.
Yes sir.
All right, you got one?
A large group of went here for a farewell lunch for one of our friends.
It's more of a strip club than a cabaret.
The decor was very modern and clean.
The waitresses and strippers all looked like former or aspiring porn stars.
Out of all the strippers, only one was remotely hot. And then the rest is. Yeah, this
reviews about halfway done. Keep going. Yeah. The club
features a $10 pre-fixed lunch menu. The service was attentive,
but it took over two hours to get our food.
The food itself was pretty disappointing when we got it.
If you're itching for a steak and strippers and are in an area you might want to check
it out.
I'm definitely not coming back to this place.
He can't figure out if this is a good or bad review or not.
He said, it's pretty good. I hated it.
Well, you're welcome to come here, but I won't come here.
From Lexi.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge all of the strippers look like they want to kill themselves?
One star
Yeah
One second, I know you got soul that's the name of the song was it soulful
The hell
Fucking goofy that ass beat as it is. Two stars.
The door guy.
He was Latino, I think a big guy.
He had some shorts on and you could see that he was in parentheses hard.
You're at work that seems inappropriate. Me and my lady friends left because we felt
uncomfortable. You guys should fire him.
Just a bouncer at the strip club being rock solid solid just because he catches like a glimpse maybe a whiff
Yeah
Do not go to this place. I was there alone in a little high
These people took advantage of it and a girl asked me if I wanted to go to the private room
I was ready for it as I went there with a budget of
to the private room. I was ready for it as I went there with a budget of $400. I did go to the room as it was $350 for an hour and the girl asked me if I wanted to drink
champagne and said it's on the house. I said okay as I assume that the private room comes
with its advantages. Got another part of it too. This is where it is funny oh yeah go for it here let me get you some
she opened a twenty five hundred dollar bottle
imported over her
and after that without asking me
opened another one took my thumb impression on the receipts without
letting me read it
next day i checked my statement online and saw that a total of $6,800 was swapped on
my debit card.
I went to the club again that day asking for a clarification and they were very rude and
gave me a break up of the bill when I was charged $2,000 towards tip.
So if you want to get cheated and mugged in a nice way,
go to this heel hole.
This is, oh shit, song's almost over. There we go. It's all right, there we go. This is, oh shit, song's almost over.
There we go.
It's all right, there we go.
Now,
round, round, round.
Here, uh, Gato Bonito.
I wanted to see something, so I came here.
Thursday night is ladies night, so I brought my lady.
She got more attention than me.
Even though I was the one pulling out all the ones.
Space space. Lots of black girls in this bar. I'm going out all the ones.
Space, space.
Lots of black girls in this bar.
Wish they had more Latinas.
Three stars.
Oh shit.
Alright.
Well, fuck.
You can get a hand job here, just gotta know who to talk to. $200 and they'll treat you good. I had a dope ass time.
$350 down the drain, but hey, it was worth it.
Got my nut, LMAO, and had a dope ass time.
Don't forget to bring your money.
This place might rip you off
But you also might have a really good time with our sexy
ass-p-lady
Hey, man, that was on it. I like that. Hey 350 down the drain, but at least you get jacked the fuck off. Swag
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, fuck. All right.
Well, maybe that's it.
Ricks is a great place, but one of the dancers named Victoria
has a very bad attitude.
She wants me to buy her lunch.
All she says is she wants to go to VIP.
She never smiles
and sometimes uses profanity.
She often says she has the best dancer and that gets boring.
Sometimes it's really the girls game there.
Just know that.
Make them talk to you a little.
5 stars.
Tina P.
I love beautiful, curvy, thick white women because I'm one myself.
I love it when a club has beautiful, thick, and curvy white woman on stage and in the VIP rooms
my favorite part about the club is while they did have a
variety variety of
Ethnicities they had plenty of curvy and thick white woman just for me
This guy knows what she wants
If you hate money's here, sorry, no, go ahead you're fine This guy, this lady knows what she wants.
If you hate money here. Sorry. Go ahead.
No, go ahead. You're fine.
The girls here are awful looking.
The skinniest person working here is Terrence, the general manager,
and he's severely obese.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Benny from Tulsa.
One star.
If you hate money and love using Google Translate
to speak Spanish to the girls,
then this is the place for you.
Fucking rip off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why are you fucking racist piece of shit?
All right. Beautiful. Beautiful. Why he fucking raise his piece of shit? There.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Hey girl, if you see this, hit my line.
We'll work something out.
I can't wait to see you again.
You know you have my number.
Please reach out, Tim.
One star, just a picture of him in the booth with this girl.
Damn, he fleeced this poor gentleman.
He probably she probably made him fall in love, dude.
The guy at the door, John, with the top hat is extremely rude.
I wouldn't go here again.
No hospitality.
One of the girls was F asteris, asteris, asteris, asteris,
erring herself in the back booth.
Five stars.
I think that one was fake to be funny, but yeah, they just say
one of the girls was fingering herself in the back booth.
Five stars.
Respect, I guess.
All right. Well, I think that gonna give it a little
with green hair.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end. Thank you guys for hanging out with us.
Another classic episode.
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Thomas, got anything? We've got like ten shirts left and we're all out of sweaters. Sorry, everybody.
Thomas got anything? Yeah, June 7th.
I'll be at Union Hall
on Grace Freud's show, Grace Freud from Girl God,
friend of the podcast.
Go see me there.
Awesome.
Thank you guys for hanging out with us till next time.
Bye bye. Bye.