Pendejo Time - Tales from North Texas

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

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Big bags of money. Big bag of money. Yeah. Big dollar bills. Big, big, big burlap sacks with dollar bills on them and I'm running out the bank. I got so much money now I might get a bag made of gold. Yeah, I might get a gold bag and put silver in it. I might get a fucking silver bag and put copper in it.

And I might get a copper bag and put... I don't know. What's bronze made of, copper and iron? Bronze is its own... You know, bronze is a whole thing where they combine... to, was it steel and iron? No, what is bronze? What is brown?

Copper and iron? I feel like iron was a big part of it. Copper combined with tin. Yeah, that's, yeah, there we go. All right, well, over two. And then, what is brass? What is bronze? You don't really think about tin that much nowadays.

Copper and zinc. Yeah. Zinc. Yeah, I used to play the saxophone. And I was really, actually, I was pretty good, but I really, I kind of wish I kept playing it because it's undeniably a sick thing to know how to do, but at the

time, I was like, this is for fucking dorks. I saw what I felt about violin whenever I played violin. Nobody thought that shit was cool, and I always wanted to learn like cool stuff, but we were always learning classical stuff and I just had no appreciation for it at all.

I do think classical music is beautiful, but one classical instrument playing at a time does seem like a guy just trying to bother you. I will say I agree with you, but if that motherfucker, take that motherfucker and have him play the fiddle, I'm a sucker for a good fiddle player. Exactly. Like that sounds cool, right? Yeah, yeah. But a child practicing violin in his room. Simply is not a beautiful sound. No. And yeah, I didn't help that my dad would be like, God damn it.

I haven't slept in three days and you're playing fucking high cross buns. I'm fucking alto sac. He didn't say alto sacks. He just said it on the horn. I think if I wanted to play cello growing up, I think I would be trans if I played cello growing up. Yeah, cello to trans is a thing for sure. I'm not sure why. Nothing wrong with it. I think that's just how things would have gone. You know, but we all have different paths to work on, you know what I mean.

If I had to pick that cello up and says. That's just how dice would roll player. Yeah, yeah. If I had to pick that ball up and be trans, son. Sat down, I would have stood up a beautiful moment. Just like your papy. And his pap. And they're pappy.

Yeah, we are a long line of trains. If you ain't transition by the time youth 12, we're going to do it for you in this household. Yeah, welcome to the frontier. Welcome to forced feminization playboy. Welcome to Sissy Club. Welcome to Sissy Club. We're going to turn you to a lady. Pinkpill.gov.

Yeah, anyway, I... No, I think it's a cool... You know what it is? You have different ages where it's cool. play a sex phone, like, for, like, a young, like, a kid to play a sex phone, that's cool. For a teenager, that's still cool. No. Because, no, I think if you're fighting through the awkwardness and you're just going, you know what,

I'm still going to play the saxophone. I respect that. Maybe. But when you hit, like, college age, like a college age guy playing a sex phone, it could be real. Here's the thing, though, I'm kind of a hater, and I think any time you want to play an instrument, that's cool to me. I was at a show recently,

and the lady was playing the banjo, and honestly, killing it, and I thought it was really cool. Yeah. Some things are also cooler when women do them. Yeah, for sure.

Like a woman playing a sex phone. That's cool because it's a weirdly, like, kind of conventionally, male instrument for whatever reason. Yeah. It's a creep instrument. That's what it is. Is it like an instrument?

I mean, Bill Clinton did not do great PR for the saxophone. I will say that. Right, right, yeah, yeah. One of the only celebrities to do so. Kenny G., kind of one of those guys who, talented performer and stuff, but who gives a fuck about him? Yeah, who's listening to that.

Yeah, 100%. Just shit to play in an elevator. Nothing wrong with that. No disrespect to Mr. Brian, you know, on that one, but, you know. Danny Elfman. I remember when I started... Danny Elfman, we could disrespect him a little bit.

When I started playing... In a lot of ways, getting into punk at a young age kind of saved me, I think, from becoming a wigger that died in Afghanistan. I'll straight up, I'll cop to that 100%. I think had I not gotten into, like, minor threat and agnostic fronc and all that stuff, all that stuff, I would have just, yeah, I would probably just have been like a lot of my cousins and a lot of my friends and then just like, yeah, wigger that dies in Afghanistan. But what happened was when I was playing sacks, I also was hanging around a lot of those guys. and they were like, the saxophone is for fucking F slurs. This was at a time in which you could say that

and also still, I guess, be a part of some type of progressive punk rock movement. Yeah, nowadays it's all about liquid death and shaving your head. Yeah, and being... And not saying that stuff. And that's probably better. Now, I will say, guys, it is amazing that you attract new fans with that stuff. I mean...

Yeah. I respect it. Okay. I think being so a hardcore, sober guy or whatever, there's, it's not a bad thing to be. It's just, uh, I don't, I don't see how you guys enjoy each other's company. That's just me being completely. I hungry, they don't. Me being completely honest, it does not seem like something where we could all hang out as a group. No.

It seems like there being one or two guys like that in a friend group. is kind of cool. This is so-and-so. He's a little, he has, his tastes are a little different. He's into this stuff. That's cool to me. I have a lot of friends in bands,

and most of them are in all different kinds of bands that don't really go together at all. Correct. And they're not, you know, competitive about that stuff, and they're not like, nothing's performative about it. Sure.

When we all have the same black, t-shirt on with right you know the white script where you can't see what it says and we're all drinking a ghost energy drink and and you know and you know we've all got our beanies rolled up

the carabiners on this does not seem appealing to me also there was a level of I don't I don't mean to sound regressive but there was a level of danger to it that now I feel like doesn't exist where it's like like you remember that TikTok everybody roasted the guy that was like

I know I look like I'm a hardcore guy but actually I listen to Phoebe Bridgers and crying the shower I encounter one of those guys about 10 times a month because of playing in bands and going to shows and supporting my friends shows and those guys I'm gonna I'm gonna let everybody know that those guys are pretty much everywhere and I have no problem with them I don't have a problem with um i don't believe in whatever term people say performative male i don't believe that i don't believe that that exists i believe that if a lot of times when a guy is a loser and

retarded if he tries to not be like that and he ends up becoming something annoying but he's less and he's less of a problem then you should at least give him a gold star on his conduct book and then send his ass home. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I'm trying to say. Is that like, there are a lot of...

There's much danger in anything, though, like... Yeah, that's true. At least appearance was, like, you can ride a motorcycle and fucking, you know,

have a, be alignment or whatever and all this stuff. And, like, because everybody's watching short form video of everything now, it's all like... Yeah.

Like, nothing's, like, sensationalize, you know what I mean? Cocoa melon of their own... particular life. Yeah, so it's like nothing really surprises you anymore.

Right, yeah. If I see a guy with face tattoos. I could see a 100-year-old guy completely nude on a motorcycle, and it would be in my mind for like one day. You know, like I would think about it for the rest of the day. I would tell people, and then I would move on pretty quickly. Yeah, every, like, once a month, I'll, like, catch a dude.

This happened more when I was, like, going swimming and the swimming holes in the hill country, but, like, you'd catch a dude jumping into the water, and he had like SS bolts, like a small SS bolt somewhere on his body. And he'd be like, okay, there's one of three things. He's either a biker, a one-percenter who they're not always Nazis, but they just think it looks scary. Two, he went to prison and had to roll A-B, and he just doesn't have the money to get it covered up, which I want to say something. I have known three people like that in my life, and I feel like that's a lot, but I work construction and restaurants.

so I feel like it's okay but I have known people who went to prison had to get the fucking brand and then they came back and they're like yeah I'm saving up to get it off man you just know how it is and I was like I actually don't I've never been to prison I've been to jail for like five hours

but I have not been to prison I would like to think that if I went to prison I wouldn't do that but I'm also a coward so if I went to prison and they were like you have to be a Nazi for five years I'd be like right yeah I guess so whatever.

You know what I mean? Like I, anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, is it option three, genuine Nazi, which is, I don't feel like Nazis should be allowed to frolic. And sometimes when I see guys in the wild that have Aryan tattoos and they're frolicing, I'm like, you should not be frolicing. You should be wearing a boot of some to kind. You should be, I don't know, you should be, I don't like the banality of the evil. You've got to be doing evil stuff all the time.

You can't be... Yeah. You gotta be pouring motor oil into the river or something instead. Yeah, you gotta be pouring like concrete into like a fucking rabbit hutch. You know what I mean?

Like, it's just something... Yeah. I remember there was a guy that washed dishes at this pizza joint that one of the guys that I knew and he had the bolts and I just confronted him because at the time I was just,

I was like, no Nazis by me, motherfucker. I've changed now. I have a much more... I'm just kidding. But he was just like, ah, man, yeah, I went to...

I went to... the feds for like five years and I ran A-B. I've just been saving up to get him covered up. And I was like, it actually kind of made me sad because I was like, if the, if the option is get raped and stabbed or get a tattoo of a swastika, I don't know what decision I would make. You know what I mean? And I'm not even joking about this.

I actually have spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about this. I think it's an OCD thing because I have this obsessive, compulsive, intrusive thoughts about going to being wrongfully imprisoned or rightfully. Fuck. And then having to become and being like, well, what would I do? Because they're notoriously pretty brutal. So it's like, yeah, I either run with us or get fucked and stabbed, but with like a toothbrush that's been melted into some sort of blunt object. And I think I'd probably just get that's washed to get tattoo. I wouldn't believe it. You know what I mean? I wouldn't, you know, it wouldn't be a card. Yeah, I would get one that was really tiny. And then whenever my family came to visit me, they'd be like, wow, you, your face is completely unharmed. Like you're saying so strong about the swasker stuff.

And I'm like, yeah, it's been hard. It's been hard not doing it. You ask the AB tattoo guy to like, can I just get a little one on the ankle? Just like a little. Can I get like the kind that coffee shop girls get? Like on the inside of the list? So I want to do a full Nazi sleeve when I get out. But for now, can I just do a small piece?

I don't have enough ramen to get a big back piece like you guys have. Yeah, I want to get a lot of Nazi tattoos once I'm out of here. I have a guy I already plan on going to. I don't mean, I'm sure your work is really good. But if you could just do it kind of like the Windows logo, but like without a couple of lines. Yeah, yeah. That would be good.

Yeah. Maybe something under the, maybe in the armpit. Yeah, yeah. The inside of my knee, the crook of the knee, if you could give me like a clover there with A, B, in the middle of it, I think that would, a lot of guys would see that, you know, in the showers and stuff and no, don't approach that guy or try to have sex with his butt.

because he, you know, he's a really low-down dog. You don't want to fuck with him. He's got, you know, the AB brand on the inside of his leg. Anyway, I remember what I was going to say. Oh, yeah. Getting into that type of stuff kind of ruin the saxophone, not fascism, getting into punk rock music kind of ruined the saxophone for me. And I kind of wish I would have stuck with it.

Because it's like, I do play a lot of, I play a hand, I don't play a lot, I play a handful of instruments well. You could learn it now, though. Probably if I wanted to, but I think it would piss everybody. Yeah, that's true. I have a good ear. Now, if I go deaf, I'm fucked. Which I don't wear headplay.

I don't wear earphones at any shows. Yeah. And you guys need to do that. I want to make some... I've had an ear infection literally this whole year. I remember you told me about this, I think, in February. Yep. Yeah.

But I just got health insurance. Oh, very sweet. Wait, just now from the... But it turned out. out that they had been withholding it when an employer had. They had... Withholding the money or the insurance?

The actual, like, member ID and stuff. Why? It was just, like, a software error that they never fixed, and I, like, had been harassing them about it for a long time, and I basically just kept going over heads until I got to figure it out. But it was, like, a whole thing where... I was trying to get Eden at it on because we filed as domestic

partners so that we could do this. And it turned out that I didn't have coverage either. But they got it fixed, like, retroactively. They took the money out of your fucking paycheck, though, I'm assuming, yeah? Or, I mean... Well, no, so... No. Because of the nature of your work, I'm assuming that maybe it's not.

Yeah, it was like a... Like, I have a pretty good deal with it, basically. Yeah, you don't have to say, but I know what you're saying. Yeah, I know what you're saying. But, um, anyway, it was... So now... Now I can go see a specialist and stuff. I'll get that taken care of.

And learn how to breathe as well. So you guys stop fucking bothering Jick about that. Make some high comments about your breathing habits? To be honest, if they offer me a solution, I'm probably going to turn it down. Yeah, that sounds like something you do. Yeah. What if I get a nose job just to open my nose all the way up and I get a big, huge, very wide,

or if I just get the whole thing cut off, so it's just straight airways, nothing but airways. I think it'd be funny if the acting thing... Like, if the movie thing took off for you in a real way and you, like, we just go to record... Or like, we go to do a show and you just... You have, like, the full-blown, like, Shalamay thing. Like, they've done, like, the Bucal fat.

They've moved your cheekbones seven inches up your fucking head. They've, like, sharpened your nose to, like, a beautiful point. And you're like, yeah, it was just a little bit of work done. the studios wanted it done and you just you just look like fucking you look like Adrian Brody Yeah I would love for You know to me with an agent he's

And he would be like It's interesting that you went straight to surgery To get more roles As opposed to Acting school Well as opposed to just being under 200 pounds And and not being addicted to chips

Yeah yeah I think that would be Yeah You know, I realized earlier today, actually, because I was recommending Stav's stand-up to a coworker. And I referred to him as, you know, not in a negative way, but as the fat guy in Bagonia. And then I realized Stav is the second fattest guy in Bagonia. Who's bigger than him? The autistic boy?

Yeah, the sidekick. Is he bigger than Stah? I thought he was just like a Like a stocky young gentleman With a Maybe I'm misremembery But I don't remember him being that big I remember him being a big motherfucker

But I don't remember him being like Stava's rotund I remember the boy with the With the one is like cartoon fat Yeah yeah I mean Not trying to You know

But Yeah I could be wrong on that one But You know He wasn't like a It didn't look like he was supposed to be in a rascal scooter or anything.

Sure, yeah, yeah. He was like classic small town, you know, reasonably fat, but still on the force. Yeah. I think it's interesting that round and rotund are the same word, and they just threw a T in there to make it. They just threw a T right in the middle of the word to be like, actually, this is fat, but collegiately. Yeah, and it's called that because you want to rotate your mouth under their pants and go to town. Okay, yeah, but they just have no problem. with that 100% I can get behind that and I think that that makes complete and total sense

if you look in the dictionary it's crazy what some of the shit says in there like a duncan trussle conspiracy episode dude I'm not big on the onion typically like a lot of it is kind of corny to me but and I'm also not always big on like the the tim high like the tim highdecker rogan thing really, I mean, Alex Jones thing really fizzled out quickly for me, and I say this as a Tim Heidecker fan, obviously. You can't make fun of the guy.

You can't do satire of him. The thing is that Alex Jones knows he's being funny, and so when you tried to do an impression of him being funny, it's just he's funnier as himself. But the Tim Heidecker Joe Rogan thing is so funny because Joe Rogan, despite himself is pretty much never trying to be funny. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also, I think Jeremy Levick and is Rajat Suresh, is that his name? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're so funny too, but I saw a clip earlier today that made me laugh. Was it the bullet one? The guy getting shot in the head. The bullet one got me really good. Like, man, a bullet can fuck somebody up when you think about it. Yeah, that got...

The 3D, the 3D animation. of the nine millimeter going through the guy's head and blowing his head off and Tim's like now a bullet a lot of people don't know a bullet can do a lot of damage it can really fuck your he's like Jamie pull up um

nine millimeter bullet velocity caliber caliber um Inception index index yeah yeah and the one I saw it today though that made me laugh also was um

there Like, there is so much shit that they're hiding when you really fucking look at it. I've read that they're hiding at least 75% of the information they've got in the classified files. Like, when you look at the how much shit is in the stuff that's classified, it's like fucking crazy. Well, you know, like, I have to, like, I have to temper myself and I have to practice like a high level. heads up to those guys. I have to practice a high level of discernment because I listen to and consume shit

by people who and shouts out to all the OGs but like I have to be very careful because there will be some guys that the podcast that I listen to and they'll be like doing deep dives and they'll say stuff like that and I'll be like yeah

no 100% like we only know like 40% of the 75 that's been dropped and then I just And then I fucking listen to myself. And I'm like, dude, the fact that you, you know, what I believe to be, the fact that I am, in whatever degree, to what degree it doesn't matter, on the right side of whatever the fuck this shit is, right?

Doesn't matter. I'm giving myself, like, prodromal schizophrenia when I'm like, yeah, I've, I'll look at, I'll send Ben like a fucking, like, like, a hundred page PDF on, like, how there's a bunch of preschools with tunnels under them or something. And he's like, what am I supposed to be? to do with this. And I'm like, read all of it and then don't talk to your family for like four or five days. Like read all of it.

Get really scared. Like, call into work. Say you got a tummy ache. And then just kind of fucking, you have to watch. You have to watch. Dude, I watched Hell or High Water like four times because I like went back and reread the Franklin scandal. And I got so like sick that I was like, I need to watch this Taylor Sheridan movie about two

brothers who love each other so much that they start robbing banks in West Texas. It's one of the dumbest movies of all time, dude. I fucking, I absolutely, I know we shit talking. But they didn't know there was a, this was a bank with a camera on it. That's Jeff Bridges, the whole movie is he's like, now, now anybody, any bank got a camera in here and the bank teller's a fat guy. And he's like, well, cameras went out 1993. And then Jeff Bridges says some witty, that's the thing. We got no cameras.

Right. Yeah, yeah. And then Jeff Bridges says something like witty. That's my thing about, I want to say this, as a southerner, as a born-bred and raised Southerner, I ain't never lived nowhere else. The one thing that cracks me up about Taylor Sheridan when he writes Southern characters is everybody has something witty or clever or funny to say. And it's like, yeah, are there people in the South that are kind of like redneck,

sober-quette, like poet-type? Yes. But they're few and far between. Most people you meet have nothing to say. They don't have any, like. Camera? No. Fuck.

That's the dialogue. That would be the dialogue. It wouldn't be Jeff Bridges being like, now you know, everybody's got an eye in the sky, even the good Lord. So I'm assuming you got yourself one of them fancy what they call them clothes circuit. What are them, what are them them, lozenges call them a closed circuit? I'm sure you've got a CCTV that I could see here myself.

No, that's not what would happen. A Texas Ranger would go to the bank and be like, camera. Camera that work. And the banktail would go, oh. And then the Texas Ranger would go. Ranger would just shoot somebody. You want to log pump? Mind you, yeah.

This film takes place in Jarrett, right outside. And it also takes place in, like, Chaplin, like these small West Texas towns. Nobody has anything clever to say in Midland, Texas. And if you're from Midland, I'm fucking sorry. But nobody, in Midlothian, Texas, in Mount Selma, nobody. Last time a man with a bad light years came across these. party looking for

you're looking for a big kid man yeah like there's a part of the uh you look sheriff you don't need the

you got to fight like a shack rabbit if you want to catch this one lying on his back right yeah like okay I want to say this

about the movie Ben Foster is one of the most underrated actors of all time and I love the guy he's he was great He was great in the OG Punisher. Chris Pine is good, but there's a scene in the movie when they're at a gas station,

and this guy says to Ben Foster, he's like, what are you looking at, bitch? Motherfucker, and he like flashes a gun. And then Ben Foster says, boy, you'd think they were ten of me. And then, of course, Chris Pine comes and beats the brakes on the guy. Anyway, my point is, nobody in West Texas, nobody has a line like that in the chamber. They just call you the N-word, regardless of your race, and then they try to start pulling your hair out of your head. Maybe, like a Kentucky lawyer or something.

Yeah, right. Like a Tom Sexton guy, 100%. Tom's got lines for days. But, like, because, again, he is the sober cat redneck, like, we were there. But, like, anytime I watch any movie, what is another writer that does this? Fucking Nick Pizzolato. I love True Detective. But there are times when he goes and meets that crabber,

and they're asking about the missing girls and he's like, yeah, the crabber, this is a Louisiana crabber and he's in this boat and he's like, everybody think they got this big plan. Everybody think they're gonna be something they're not. And then life teaches them a lesson and they come right back here.

And it's like, no, I've talked to, I've known plenty of crabber. They don't say that. I'm moving that girl with 13 and I tried that sex ago. Right. And I'm evil forever. Right, right, right. It's like.

You don't put it in a bucket. And people might be criticizing and complaining like, well, it's TV, right? So there has to be dialogue. I'm just saying that for these grounded, kind of sobering or, you know, these brooding shows, it would be funny and interesting to have actual southern dialogue take place, which would be something along the lines of a, hey, there's a missing girl. I've been missing about 20 years. Says here you're her uncle. and then the guy would be like no

and then they would have to change the scene oh fuck it's a fucking dead girl I hate him holy shit let me take pictures what the fuck snapchat they filmed so much of that shit and like all that B-roll in Beaumont and orange and it's like yeah man

nobody in Beaumont or orange is like yeah you know when you think about it laugh life is like a rock tumble you know you come out you go in rough but it smooths you out over time but you lose your edges

you know you lose the edges that make a man nobody's saying shit like that in fucking Port Arthur Texas I'm sorry I always wanted to pass through life unscathed

old time life was passing me by cutting me little pieces all along the way he runs a fucking son-a-co and by the way I do the asphalt on roads That's what I do for a living

And I make $7 an hour And I'm a house flew up And have an IQ of 195 Yes Everybody here Next to the chemical plants It's a medical genius I love

Dude I fucking We love taking showers And yellow water And becoming geniuses Yeah I fucking It cracks me up so much Man

I love a good movie set in the South when everybody's some sort of poet or some sort of warrior poet it's like no I don't know how to tell you guys this I'm just a simple Texas tumbleweed

but most of us ain't got nothing to say now some people might say you're just a self-hating southern man that you'd be correct you would be C-O-R-E-C-T there bud if a traveling detective was going through a small

Texas town what they would actually be do is it be like where you get a chance to try the new Dutch bros yet out by South Maine Yeah yeah It's good I love me some Dutch bros

They've got this thing Where it's like a coffee But it's like fruity And it's got a red bowl in there It's like a real kick To start your morning It's like really good Interviewing a North Dallas mom

It's like really good So there's always a line wrapped around the block But it's worth it trust me And they move fast Because they make them actually fucking work Russ just smoking cigarette. My daughter works there.

Her name's Daughtry. And she works there. My daughter's name is Daughtry Daughter. Daughtry daughter and Daughtry Daugherty. And she is so hard working. Yeah. But if you get a chance, there's this place called H-T-O and they do like custom T's. I love that place.

You say her name is Dust? Ma'am, I've just got a picture of a woman here. If you could just give me any kind of information. Oh my gosh. She looks tired. Bless her heart. She looks tired. I think I said,

I think she used to do the field day. Does she do the field day? No, this woman is a prost. This woman's a prost. She's, uh, oh, she's a prost. Okay,

she's, and I couldn't even tell. Those look like real arms to me. That is so cool. Oh my God. Anyway, I got bar class. I got to go teach a bar class.

I got a bar class. I teach computer class at the, at the school. I teach Microsoft work. And I also teach Like the The Microsoft paint By the way

If you guys are looking for My husband is the killer He's been killing along My husband My husband His name is killer daughter, Daughtry And he's so nice

He's a welder He kills everybody He kills everybody With welding You have to be gone In another house For most of the year So he does that

But he's so good to me We got married It's funny whenever we got married. Here's something. Here's a very southern mom thing. It's so funny. Whenever we got married, we were so poor. We were dirt poor.

We had nothing. We were just basically just two kids who fell in love. And we got married. It was basically in a barn. And he saved up for a couple weeks. He was putting a fence post in for the money. And if you look at, at us now it's like look what god's done it's like now we have a barn and a car and our daughter

doctor's this our daughter's a huge slut she's a bitch and um she has sex with everybody she just we have a daughter she's like i think she's like 16 she is such a slut you should meet her watch she'll probably anyway she might know about that girl. I watched you in real time. I watched you go away from it. I just watched you say so. You were like, I know where I'm going somewhere else.

I was in a bit of a flow state. Right. Yeah. I was going to say something really creepy in this voice. And it wasn't funny to me. So we switched gears, but yeah, you said that girl's name was Prosta. I think she used to work at the feet. Marty's like, Russ, we ain't.

getting nothing out of her. We can go ahead and move on. No, I think we, I think she's got some. Marty, I got a feeling about this one. You said your husband's name was Killer Welder. Man, we're going to need to talk to your daughter. Marty's going to need to talk to your daughter. Marty's going to need to talk to your daughter for the rest of this episode. For three episodes? For some reason, for some reason, ma'am, Marty, my part of the show.

My partner, Marty's going to need to talk to your daughter for four and a half episodes, if that's okay. What is it that just keeps me coming back? Hey, Marty, I have volleyball practice. Can you drop me off? I don't do shit like that. I'm a family man. I'm a fucking family man. Don't fucking try to tear my family apart like this.

Yeah, yeah. You know I have a fucking wife, you little bitch. Immediately cuts her Tim Buckner. Yeah, literally. Oh, this is amazing I love cheating on my amazing wife I love cheating on my wife Michelle Monagin in the show

who's, yeah I remember that one scene where he's like I gotta stop fucking you I knew you when you were a kid and that's weird and she's like she's like

what have you fucked my butt and he's like yeah yeah it's one of my favorite like the funniest scenes it's when he relapses he's like standing outside the bar

and then they're like on the phone and he's like, I remember you. And she's like, I'm, I've been thinking about something all day. And then she says that line and I was like, okay, this is still prestige TV, but this is just I was like,

this is fucking so stupid. I'm sorry, I love that show, but again, I am laughing very hard at at both of them encountering like an actual East Texas like soccer or like a football mom. A dance mom? Oh my God.

Like a, like a, oh, God damn it, like a Jacksonville, Texas dance mom. Now I saw, now, I know a girl who paints toes that kind of looks like that. Well, this woman is dead. Okay, so that makes sense. A lot of those girls die. She hasn't been looking too good lately. No, ma'am, this woman is deceased. Well, I did see her.

She did paint my daughter's toes Monday. So she's not dead. No, this woman. What color is that, ma'am? It's going to be a ruby red with a white outline on the toe. Okay, thank you. All right. Rest, write that down.

Rost, write that down on your big ass notepad. Then fuck me after. Have you seen the trailer for their new show, Brothers? No. And this whole media tour thing with the two of them is so... Isn't it weird? I don't like it. Yeah.

They're too... they've both been famous for so long. It's like they should just die. I know that's bad for me to say. I want both of them to pass away. Yeah. Woody Harrelson, look,

I stopped, I kind of stopped liking Matthew McConaughey after he decided he wanted to be, like he was like, maybe I should be a politics guy. Right, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he just fucking had,

It clearly has just no... I don't think he has any morals or anything. Well, one of the things that I find bizarre... I think he's like... I think he's like a shell of a man. Right. Well, I think, like, one of the things that I find bizarre about his side quest that he's on

is he's a part owner in Austin FC, but he's also, like, a part-time coach for UT football. He's, like, their comms. But every now and then he'll go and get a photo shoot of him giving them, like a pep talk and it's like brother what i don't understand whatever it is that you're doing there's no need for this like i understand maybe he just loves texas so much and if that's

the case more part i think i think he loves football a lot which does make sense but um yeah i get it i mean he like i i mean i'm also being a little bit harsh but the whole like um oh aren't the whole like aren't these actors fascinating as people thing It doesn't work on me anymore. They're very rarely, I will say this, very rarely is an actor interesting at all. Yeah, like with Timothy Shallow May and all these guys, it's like, it's, I'm not saying they're not cool or whatever.

Yeah. I'm just saying I, I think it happens more with, like, aging actors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. get more fascinated about their lives. Like Michael Shannon has had like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of resurgence of people, like... I love them.

He's one of the goats. But, you know, it's cool. Or like, you know, good examples are like Steve Bouchemmy, Chris... Keanu-Ree's kind of... Yeah. Yeah. A lot of, like, old character actors, you know, people... Oh, you know, the man behind them.

You know, it's just a... It's typically just a regular guy, which is behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. I think it's cool that Daniel day Lewis like stopped acting to make shoes that's always kind of struck me as like a like that's interesting like you stop being the greatest actor of your generation to like move back to Essex and make and become a what is it a cobbler is that what they're called?

Yeah. Yeah like that's you know what I mean like that's that's cool but if you're like I'm going to every other Saturday I'm going to go down to the UT football stadium and give these boys a talking to it's like I don't know. Speaking of talking to boys, it's not something that I don't want to associate with, and nor does the ad buyer want to associate with. So speaking of being...

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My 9mm go bang. I shot that motherfucker with a crossbow. Pulling up to the function with my crossbow. I've been crossbow hunting friends lately. Wait, what? I said, I've been crossbow hunting friends. Like you've been shooting your friends with the crossbow's? Yeah, it's been hunting down on foot without a gun, you know, the old-fashioned way.

Mm-hmm. Which is where you just go to the fire escape in the apartment building across from theirs, and then you make a bird call, and then when they check outside or whatever, you shoot through the paint of glass in their window and right in their heart. Yeah. And then you call them immediately,

and they go, oh, my God, it's so good you call me. I'm actually in dire need of your help. Yeah. And I go, look across the street, Bozo. And it's me, and I'm mooning them, and my cheeks are spread wide, and they can see clean through my body out the other side into the air.

I can see the moonlight through your mouth. Yeah, yeah. My mouth is open as well. It's a perfect tube. It's the ultimate prank. Yeah. I would never shoot and kill one of my friends, though. I do want that on the record.

Even if it was under a self-defense situation, I will never shoot and kill you. I don't know. I don't want a gun, so I can't. Yeah, you live in New York. You live in fucking Commie land. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Mom Dombadabed, yeah, yeah. He's having a tough day, that seems. He's a guy. had a lot of shit going on. Yeah, I'll be honest. I'm not super tapped in. I did see that he was probably having a tough day, but that's for him to handle he's a mayor.

If you want to have the mayor job, then people will be mad at you all the time. Yeah, I was going to say, you're a New Yorker now. New Yorker's favorite thing to do is to elect a guy and be like, and with it up to the election, they're like, I want to make something crystal fucking clear. We love this guy. and then less than two to three months later they're like everybody we want this guy's head like well i think it's i do think to be it's just like it's very french it's a very french thing it's like we do want this guy in office to yell at him when he's in office yeah that's a better point yeah that's a good

point i like either way yeah there are going to be compromises and stuff but like with eric adams it's like nobody even really had a voice outside of like the United Arab Emirates in terms of shaping anything. I still think it's so funny that he took a bribe. What is it? He took a bribe to allow a bunch of illegal zins into the port, into the Hudson River. Allegedly, I think one of the things that he was on the hook for was a bunch of like, you know how people sell Lucy's on the side of the road or whatever? Yeah. He was doing that on like an institutional level where he was letting a bunch of like non-es.

taxed nicotine products. Most of them were pouches in through the port, which is just a very funny thing to do. It's like... I remember when I first moved here and I tried to buy Zins, everybody was like, we stopped selling them

because they all turned out to be fate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was an Eric Adams thing. If I'm not mistaken. Yeah, I mean, you can get them now. It's not a big deal, but they were hard to get for a while. I remember when I was all fucked up

on the gas station opiates and I would be like on the road or whatever I would have to like go to different gas stations and try to find it and uh I remember when I was in L.A. with Ben uh, uh,

they had like made it illegal but the places were still selling it and so like I bought a bunch of it and I remember taking a bunch of it and being like some of this doesn't feel like some of this just straight feels like heroin but I never found out what was in it but I was always wondering like who's letting this slide like the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department

has gangs in it. I mean, they're probably honestly the ones facilitating the whole deal. That was one of the most bizarre things that I, like,

came to understand about L.A. is it, it's not like a, it's not like a fucking conspiracy. They've got their own Wikipedia pages,

these guys, the LASD gangs. I think one of them is called, like, the skull breakers or something. I don't remember. I need to look up the name

because it's actually way funny than that. I mean, to live in L.A. and become a cop, it's like, You didn't even give it a shot. Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think people... I feel that way about New York, too. It's like, okay, you could have... There's so many union jobs. Like, even if you don't... Not everybody has to be a filmmaker or whatever, right? But there's so many jobs here

where they just kind of need somebody who shows up and then, like, maybe take some class or civil service tests or something and then they just have a good job. that like you know it's not going to pay you like crazy but you can get by

to be like no dude I like want a career in the police force it's like I guess also though like most people I don't want to say most people but at least a third of people

see absolutely nothing wrong with becoming a police officer well I will say I don't know this firsthand but I've seen people talk about it especially in cities like Atlanta Chicago and L.A. and New York, where, like, if you are, like, a pipe-hitting motherfucker, like, you're a jump-out boy,

like, you can just, like, for example, GSP, Georgia State Patrol, they've got those chase units where they're like, yeah, we'll give you a Mustang 5-0 or, like, a scat-pack with sirens on it, and you can just chase people on the fucking freeway, and you can get a gun, and you can pit maneuver anybody that you want with impunity. And so, like, if you're a dude from the hood and you're like, okay, I, I want to shoot and drive cars faster than fuck, and I want to slang dope a little bit on the side, and I want to make a little bit of money. You can go the route that fucking lands you in jail,

or you can just go work for GSP, Georgia State Patrol, specifically like their COBRA unit or whatever the fuck it's called. Their COBRA unit is like a special forces tactical unit, like they're a narco and they're a chase unit. So, like, I'm not kidding, dude, I've seen their cop cars. they will like what's the word I'm looking for they'll do a drug bus right and they'll take

some dudes like souped up 5-0 Mustang or souped up fucking Mopar and they'll just slap GSP on it paint that cock sucker blue throw some sirens on it and then it's a chase car and these guys will do like 190 these are dudes who took the six month course to be a fucking whatever right

and they'll just they'll have their dash cams like I'm administering a pit maneuver there's this Honda Odyssey in the way I'm going to go ahead and bump this guy. They're just doing like fucking damn near 200 miles an hour on the freeway. And then they get out of the car and they're like, ba-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. It's like if you want to live that life, you can just do it under the protection. I mean, that sounds awesome if I'm being completely honest. Right. It sounds sick as fuck. And you do it under the protection and under the banner of the law as opposed to on the other side, where you're engaging in similar behavior, but you don't, you're protected by the law not bound by it.

Whereas if you're a gang member, you're bound and not protected. Now, at least, they don't even chase people anymore. They just shoot people in the subway For like looking at their phone too much Yeah yeah Yeah but even they really For the most part Like they'll come and like They'll be like

Hey you have to turn your music down Or whatever or like Hey you gotta You gotta get your car Registered or something But like Yeah They're just like

Fat fucking Like useless people It's like Like you'll see a cop here Who has like purple hair And he's like 600 pounds. Yeah, I know.

I've seen him. He's like sitting in this like they give people a lot of tickets for subway for subway related stuff for train related stuff. And like obviously like I'm getting better treatment than some people. But like I don't it feels like they might as well not even exist like, you know, in terms of like my catalytic converter got stolen. I live a block from the police. I know.

Every time I go for a walk by your place, I pass by the Brooklyn Police Department. Yeah, I mean, they have like hundreds of precincts or whatever. But like, yeah, they showed up like six hours later and just walked around. Yeah. You know, there was obviously like, in movies, whenever a crime happens, like, something happens because of it. Right, right, right, yeah.

Yeah. And obviously, like, in my head, I was like, hey, there's a, there's like a latex glove here. They took off after they cut off the kettle of converting. They just left it here. And obviously, they didn't, like, swab it for fingerprints. But in my mind, it was like, we got them. Oh, yeah, that, I think that's an important lesson. If you're kind of a movie-brained American like me, an important lesson to learn in your life.

and people learn it at different ages but like I remember the cop showed up to my place when I was a kid a couple times but then when I got mugged I almost went to jail it was one of the most bizarre experiences

of my life and I've talked about it on here but I just got the fucking shit kicked out of me by a handful of lively young gentlemen who were trying to rob me I had nothing to take and then because I was bleeding and drunk there was a cop that was like we're going to take you in

for PI and I was like bleeding from every hole in my head my like eyes were bleeding my nose was fucking like shattered and they'd kick me in my mouth so like I was like spitting out pieces like my gums and stuff and uh I was like hey man whatever you got to do I'm just gonna sit here and bleed until somebody makes a decision and the EMTs were like don't take him to fucking jail dude he's like bleeding and the cop was like well somebody's got he didn't say this but it was very clear like somebody had to go to jail so they ended up taking me to the jail and I was like I guess I'm getting arrested for like bleeding and I had to give a statement that night but they took me to jail to give a statement but I had to ride in the back of the cop car I couldn't like take myself

there and I think there was a moment where they were like going to throw me in jail for being in a fight on 6th Street but it was like there were too many witnesses they were like this guy was walking around and then 6 dudes around in the corner and beat the fuck out of him so they couldn't do that but in that moment I was like so what's next I remember asking the detective that was I was like three in the morning at APD at the jail. And I, like, didn't really want to give a statement, so I was very vague because I was like, I'm not trying to be involved in any of this. I was like, what happens now?

Like, you guys look at, like, surveillance, and he was like, yeah, we'll get around to it. And I was like, oh, this isn't how it is, like at all. Like, in the movies, it's like, can I, it's like we were talking earlier, hell or high water. Can I get a look at that security camera? That shit does not happen. I mean, not for, not for low local crime. Right, right, right.

Not for guys like me and you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If it was some, you know, insurance executive son or whatever, they'd be like, we have got our best people on it. We were going to kill every black guy in the city for you. And they would have to be like, no, spare some of them, it's okay. Spare 50 of them, please. Spare 50 of them.

And give them the world. Yeah. Yeah. That's my buddy, Zach, who got arrested for selling acid in his college dorm. and instead of going to prison, he just went to Argentina for a year while his dad and his godfather, who's the day of Dallas at the time,

just threw money at it until it went away. One of the best and most incredible stories that I've ever witnessed or heard in my entire life. He's like, yeah, I was selling a lot of acid. I was going to go away for a while, but my dad just made me go to Argentina while they took care of it. And I was like, well, you know,

I have some family members that are federal prosecutors, so it was just a couple favors. And I was like, dude, if I was caught selling cocaine or acid, or any type of drug when I was selling drugs, you know what have happened to me? I would have gotten thrown in prison and I would have had to get the little Nazi tattoo

that you were talking about earlier. I feel like you also have to be selling a lot of acid to get caught selling acid. He sold acid to the son of a active DEA agent and when he was in college and the kid got caught high by his dad who was like a no-nonsense deep south like DEA guy and he immediately was like,

I'm on acid, who's here's who I bought. it from and then like a week later he got his door kicked in like the kid just immediately snitched like in one second and then the guy the guy's dad wasn't cool about it didn't call like my buddy's dad was just like yeah we're just going to throw this guy try to get this guy and then you know of course they didn't know they were fucking with one of the richest motherfuckers of all time and so he got off it's got to be an awesome feeling like as a DE age and you probably feel feel pretty untouchable and it's like actually no you don't have enough money yeah that's where when he told me the story

I was like It's like Who do I Who am I rooting for? Right Right right right Guy with really rich parents Typically against that

But DEEA I'm actually going for guy With really rich parents Right Same yeah Yeah yeah Also he's a very close friend of mine And I love him with death

So I was rooting Yeah yeah And if he'd gone to prison I would have to hear about it all the time So Yeah right Yeah Yeah

Yeah that was He's actually doing a hard time Right now He's locked up Yeah I don't he would have probably ended up in one of those club fed joints but anyway I digress yeah

the cops don't they don't do I mean I they do stuff depending on the circumstances one thing I will say small town cops do everything they do the most I went back to Weatherford there were a thousand cops following me

everywhere to the grocery store. Dude, North Texas is crazy, bro. I felt crazy driving to my friend's house and back at night. Sober. Yeah. Did I tell you? And I was thinking, man, I used to be under the influence

in this town. Yeah, it's bad. Jesus Christ, what a fool. I mean, granted, those were like teenage years, but like really was rolling the dice with that. One of the times that I was sure that it was over, and this was fairly

recently. I played in Deep Ellum, and Deep Ellum, for those of you don't know, is a part of downtown Dallas that's kind of, I don't know what I would equate it to. It's a rowdy part of town. And I had a, we were playing, and so we got free beer, and I was like, I'm just going to have a few. And I did have a few, but I didn't eat that day. And we were on tour. There's closer to the last leg of tour. So I was, like, worn down. So four beers, what my, ass and so I'm driving and I'm like dude there's a cop every like 50 feet in Deep Ellum and then when you get on 35 like that part of downtown to head we were staying in Denton so I had to drive 40 minutes that entire stretch of what at 35 west I think it was just state troopers every two exits did

and I was like I'm getting pulled over and they'll follow behind you dude they'll follow this fuck those North Texas state troopers they'll ride your ass like this close like a nut hair close to your butt for like seven miles. And when you change lanes, they will change lanes too. And you'll exit and they'll exit with you. And I have always, my dad always gave me the advice, oh, pull into a gas station. I pulled into a fucking loves one time in North Texas. The cop pulled in too.

Now he didn't arrest me or he didn't ask me no questions. He went inside like I did. But he'd been following me for like seven exits. I'm like, what are you doing? Are you just searching my plates? I've never encountered that type of like excessive stalking and any other state you know what that's not true arkansas they'd be doing that shit in arkansas

bad those guys don't give a fuck they will they'll follow you they're not supposed to follow you for more than like a mile yeah but it's north texas you can't they run that whole fucking like up into the panhandle they run all that shit dude you know i used to do if i was in the downtown area of weatherford if i saw

lights a few lights back from me I would turn really fast and park in somebody's driveway. Oh, I did that so much, dude. Yeah, I did that a lot. Yeah.

Now, in hindsight, probably a very obvious move. Yeah. But, and also, I still got pulled over, like, every two weeks. So not really, like, a genius thing, but, um,

I would get pulled over for, so. I remember I got pulled over by two cop cars one time. Yeah, yeah. Because I went around a roundabout and I was functionally going straight. So I just... Right, yeah. Well, like, I didn't...

I just took the normal exit to go straight for the roundabout as I always had around the Weatherford Courthouse. Yeah. Made this turn thousands of times. Yeah, yeah. I get pulled over. I was doing the speed limit, everything.

And two cop cars. Not a good sign. No, when you get pulled over... by two at once it's fucking usually curtains yeah yeah and I was also eating a hard shell taco as he hit the lights and when he hit the lights

I essentially crumbled the entire taco on accident and fear and the cop very quickly walked up to the window and so I was covered in unmilted shredded cheese and lettuce and lettuce and tomato and red

meat yeah This is Taco Casa. Yeah, ooh, dude. So this was like, about as messy as you can get, like, whole outfit gone. Basketball shorts. Soiled. Soiled. I was completely soiled and smelled like meat.

Yeah. And I think I was definitely, oh, yes. I had, you know, it smoked a bit of kush at some point. Hashisha, yeah, yeah. And I believe I also had quite a bit of it with me. Yeah. I mean, like, a couple of ounces at least. Um, I mean, just an inexcusable amount.

Right. At least for North Texas, it's an inexcusable amount. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If you're in Cali or something, a couple ounces is not. But if you're in, like, cousin fucker country in North Texas, that is like, It was, um, they'll shoot you on. You're going to prison for the rest of your entire life.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, but I remember having one of those that happened a couple times. And I think like the second time I was like, if I get out of this, I'm actually not. Like, I'm cleaning. I'm gonna actually be more normal. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Just in terms of like, um, that stuff. Because one of the times I got out of it, the only reason I got out is because I threatened to throw up. Do you know how bad of an excuse that is? Yeah, they don't care usually. I had thrown up on the side of my car earlier that day for completely unrelated reasons and not cleaned it up.

So I just had puke all on the driver's side of my car. So what happened was, I'll explain myself. This is kind of a good story. Yeah. I had a huge cheeseburger, I think. Right, yeah. And a big 44, like a Route 44. for cherry slush drink.

Yeah. While I was driving to my friend Casey's house, and then I immediately smoked a Marlboro NXT. Beautiful. Without letting anything settle. Yeah, yeah. And it just created a noxious gas. A horrendous red.

Like a gallon of stuff came out of me immediately. Yeah, yeah. While the car was in motion. Yeah. but I did the pro move where you roll your window down and then you throw up outside of the car and then also inside the car. Yeah.

But I got pulled over and started just clutching my stomach immediately. I mean, the reflex is, the reaction time for coming up with these stories was pretty good, I will say. But the cop comes up to the car and he's like, hey man, you've been drinking? And I was like, no, sorry, I'm just in a rush

because I just threw up earlier and I think it's about to happen again. And he was like, get out of here, man. Just drive slower. Yeah, just fuck off. I remember. I just remember driving home in complete silence. Like, why the fuck did that work?

I, uh, a horrible excuse I'm about to throw up. Please don't run my license plate. Right, yeah. I had something, it wasn't, I guess it's not similar, but I remember when I was like buying I don't know not hefty amounts

but it's like I would buy like a quarter or ounce of coke at a time and I remember like I think I saw it on like the wire or something I don't know but like I saw a guy put his drugs in his taillight housing and so I was like oh okay so if it's in the movies it's gonna work and cocaine any amount of cocaine

is a pretty lengthy sentence but I had a lot on me and I had a little bad He's in the car too, so that's like, you know, whatever. So I was very nervous. I didn't get pulled over in this story, but I remember I was like, I remember seeing the scene in the movie and I know how to change a tail light, right? So I was like, okay, I'm going to put the quarter ounce of coke in the taillight housing

and then put the taillight back on, drill it all back up, and then everything's kosher. And everything was kosher. I drive, you know, like 40 minutes out of town to go pick up the quarter ounce. I drive 40 minutes back I have no problems You know I'm cruising I did a little bit of coke

At the dealer's house I got a little drunk We hung out for a bit It was fine But I get back to the house Man And I go I like stepped out of the car

And I didn't turn the car off I forget why I think because I was fucked up Dude I didn't turn the car off I walked around the back of the car To get the bag And the tail light was on Dude the tail light was on

dude the tail light was just illuminating the bag of cocaine like perfectly like like i'd been driving on 35 with a with and you could see it if you were on my ass and you were a cop hell if you were on my ass and you were just anybody you could see a small cube of white powder i tucked into the fucking tail light housing and i was like i had one of those moments where i was like oh i'm stupid and also the movies are you know what i mean like i was like oh my god I pulled the shit, like I got my little fucking drill and I like pulled it out. I was already home, so it didn't

fucking matter, but I was like, dude, I was breaking obviously because I was on 35, it was late night traffic. I was breaking and then just every time I would break, I was just lighting this bag of cocaine up. Yeah, imagine you get pulled over for unrelated reasons and as you hit the brakes to pull over. Just a red glow

on the bag of cocaine, yeah, yeah. I was so, and I like, God, I came back in and I was like, I told my roommates and they were like, you're done, you didn't put it inside like because there's two parts of a taillight housing and like i had it was a chevi impala that i had it's like you didn't put it like in the plastic part that's not lit up by the bulb you just put it in the translucent part of the bulb or the bulb housing and i was like i don't know i was drunk and they're like dude you're the dumbest drug dealer like of all time like

you're the shitty like it's amazing that would like be on the news like nationally retarded drug dealer puts eight bald next to light bulb It would just be my face like, like just amazed that it happened. Oh, no. No, I didn't mean. No. Yeah, that was stupid as fuck. It was one of my dumber.

I was like, I remember just standing. I kind of stood at the back of the car with the taillights on still. The car running and I was like, oh, that is like not even hidden. I would have had better luck just putting it in my cup holder, Thomas. Like, I would have had better. It would have been more hidden if I just put it in the center console with the console open. Yeah, if you just had it hanging. like fuzzy dice

Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. Also, I remember he's not It wasn't a friend of mine, he was a friend of a friend But I remember telling the story to this guy Duncan Who lived in Pasadena And he became a cop and he was at a buddy's place We're watching UFC and I was like I was like yeah, you know I hit it in the taillight

And he was like, hey man, it's not really my business Yeah, I hope you're on the straight narrow But tail light housing is like the second place we look First place steering column Because that's where everybody Everybody puts everything in the steering columns That's the first place we look. And then, you know, if we don't have a dog nearby,

second place we look, tail light housing. It's just kind of so. Glad it all worked out for you, but, you know, if you got pulled over and assuming he didn't see the big glowing ball of cocaine, he would have pulled your tail light housing out, and you would have gone to prison. And I was like, oh, okay, sick. The amount of times...

So do they check the person? Do they check the... They check the glowbox? Do they check the... Yeah. Do they check the... How about the inside of the claw? Do I check my butt?

You check the seat? Do they check my pockets? They can check the, so they can, you're saying they can check the whole car? We've talked about this in the show before, but I love the probable cause guys. Those guys are awesome. Every time I see a video of that working, I'm assuming it's in a state. I'm assuming that the person is usually white. I'm also assuming it's not a state in the south.

I could be wrong, but I'm just assuming, because I've also seen videos of the guys, of like okay you'll see you'll see the body cam and you'll see the belly extended into the frame of the body cam and he'll see the waddle up and you'll see the guy knock on the window with a flashlight that ruler down license registration smells a little bit like a like a little bit of that marijuana mind if we take a look and then the guy will go I think you need probable cause for that and the cop will go and then it'll immediately cut to them searching the car so I think I think that that kind of that that trick doesn't really work on guys who are so fat that they're immune Yeah To the law kind of Right Yeah

So are you worried that the cop was fat and red You know that the Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to red fat guys Correct Prevention against search and seizure Does not apply Yeah I love sovereign citizens

I love those guys Who's so awesome You can't sir Sir the law says Dude I'm never on the side of cops Ever ever I don't care I don't care but there's something really fucking like shrill and annoying about a guy being like

sir sir and then the cop being like listen man you are in little rock arkansas i can blow this car up do you understand me soldier you are in chattanooga i don't know how i has to fucking tell you brother you are not in fucking comiforna okay i'm not so i'm not saying it's good. I'm saying it's just, it's a, it's a fundamental lack of awareness. Don't ride, do not ride dirty. You can ride dirty

in like big cities sometimes. And then you can do it if you're truly, I will say this. With the big cities though, we got all the flat cameras now, so who knows? That's true. I'm out of the game. So, yeah, things have changed for a player, for sure. I'm also not really, I think

in general, let's just try. How about We as a fan base, how do we try not to ride dirty guys. Don't drink and drive or anything like that. Don't drink and drive, don't ride dirty. If you do have a prescription, you can have it in your car.

But I recently found out that I'm actually in a position where I can't, even though the medicine that I take is in a bottle with my name on it, if it's in the car, they can just take me to jail because I'll just assume that I took some of it and I can't operate a motor vehicle

with the medicine that I have to take. You have all my arrow on a big, trash bag right now and I just pick it out of there. I thought you quit taking your Adderall. I just started taking it again. Oh, nice. It's really powdery. It falls apart.

I don't know if it's doing a whole lot. That would explain your lively mood. Yeah, I just take a little bit in the morning. I have a magic eight ball here. Also, the main thing is I haven't been smoking, I haven't been taking a bunch of edibles before I do the show anymore. I have a magic eight ball. I wanted to end the show with this segment for this magic eight ball I got.

Do you have a question that you want to ask it? Um, yeah, how many is Pangaea? How many is Pangaea? All right, let me give it a good shake and see what it says. Uh, no doubt about it. Thank you. Yeah, okay. Um, okay, am I going to be, will I live forever in the hearts and minds of humankind?

Will my name be etched in the annals of history? You can count on it. Thank you. I got a good one. Do you have any other questions you want to ask? No, I think I'm all good, thank you. Okay, no worries. Okay, thank you guys for listening.

I have a bunch of shit that I need to plug because I just got a bunch of shows and the Midwest that I want to. I will link them in the motherfucking in the episode. Friday, November 20th, I will be in Omaha, Nebraska. Saturday, November 20th, I will be in Emmettsburg at the casino in Emmetsburg, Iowa. And then Sunday, November 21st, I'll be in Lincoln, Nebraska.

At the fucking Bourbon Theater. I'll be on the road with the very funny Brent Reed and the very funny Matt Banwart. So please come out to that and see that. show see those shows i'll link them in the thing um come see me in thomas january 28th i'll link that as well in the episode bio uh at sports drink in new orleans two shows seven to nine p m i know it's been ahead ahead of time but tickets will sell out uh there it's a great club um and they're uh we're expecting a pretty big turnout um i've heard a lot of big talk about people coming to see so hope to see you guys um and then i guess shit that i have this month uh next wednesday

I'll be at Seven Spirits doing the seven-on-seven comedy show. Come see me if you wanted to see a date night, October 14th on Wednesday. That's all I have for now. Oh, actually, if you want to come see my band play with Chinese football, next Thursday we're playing at Hotel Vegas, opening up for Chinese football. Great band, and then November 17th, I will be playing with Ben Quad somewhere. I don't know where that's it. But you can get tickets for Chinese football at Hotel Vegas.com.

All right, go ahead. October 30th, come to Kalomas, splitting an hour with Caleb Pitts at Life World in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Come on out. Thank you. Thank you guys for listening. As always, subscribe to the show, patreon.com slash Pandejo time. Peace. Peace.