Pendejo Time - The Doomed Woman 2

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

take off your pants Jacob Elordi. ride the bus to work every day Jacob Elordi and see how far that gets you.    buy tickets  sub to the show  sub to the YouTube   

I have not been taking care of my fucking hygiene. I mean, I got it. So after this, I got to shower. I got to brush my teeth. Oh, hey, what's up? I don't know. You were here, the devil? How are you doing, man?

Oh, no, that was just me. Oh, that was just your new laugh you're trying out? No, I just laughed like that. I'm not, I wasn't going to do a voice. Oh, okay, all right. Sometimes you just go. That's fine. Mr. White, this is, this is Capital One.

We're here to discuss terms of payment. You think you've caught me. I would say if I was the bank, you need to pay your electric bill. You haven't paid it. I'm not paying it. You can't shut my lights off. There's no trick.

I'm out of it. We don't actually make that much money from the Patreon. A lot of it goes back into the show, so I don't have very much money. I really don't have any of it. I am just bad with money. I buy a lot of... I buy a lot of...

stupid shit off Instagram I've been buying a lot of rent I keep buying rent every month every month I have to buy more rent

I've been getting a lot of of the fake necklace ads on Instagram and I almost purchased one I don't know why I don't even

I don't wear chains I don't think I have to buy you just thought it looked cool so you wanted to buy it that's a normal response right but i don't have the face or the body or the attitude or the charisma or energy of a man who wears the chain you have the eye for it oh if i have the eye for it if you if we meet when when we meet again in december and i have a chain on you would probably have a response physically it would be unnatural for me to wear one i think that is my depends on

the chain that's but there's a thing whatever you're thinking that would produce a negative response, it's probably close to the look of the chain that I wanted to buy. Is there a crystal on it? It is literally very gaudy, and it's all different types of fake jewels, and then in the middle it has a St. Christopher preying on it.

It's something a Mexican rapist would wear, and I thought it looked really cool, and I almost purchased it. There are very few of. Thankfully. It's not, that's not a thing. thing that is more common than any other type of...

Black guys don't cheat. Mexican guys don't rape. Case close. And white guys don't embezzle. White guys don't embezzle. Women. It does never happen. White guys don't drug. Black guys don't cheat.

Puerto Rican guys don't... Mexican guys don't rape ever. Ever. They have... They have... have on too many hoodies They've got Those jeans are too baggy

They're way too much Yeah Yeah They have too many pairs of boxers on It would take too much time They would get cod captured Hank You have to stop pawing at me

They're too busy thinking about switch blades I Did you ever want one I almost Dude I actually did have one For a little while And I lost it it was like an old Italian style

switchblade and I bought it at a flea market and and I had it for a couple weeks and I would play with it at the store and around bars and stuff and that would get a lot of weird looks because a guy that looks like me playing with a switchblade

is not good anyway I lost it and I didn't want to buy another one I had kind of a knife phase, and it happened more recently than I would like to admit, as a grown man. Well, that's interesting. I actually got a flitch blade from a sweet market, a similar experience. Great. All right, I got a blitch fade from a me circuit. I got a fresh fade.

I got a fresh fade at the meat. market. Hello Hank. I got some blessed aides at the feet market. Austin, I got an ad for a new bathhouse in Austin, and I didn't know that those existed anywhere outside of

Russia town or parts of New York that are really fucked up. They're big here. I do think people fucking them a lot. That's what I... I know. Not everybody's fucking in them. but a lot of people are definitely using them for fucking you know why because they're in business correct yeah yeah yeah i got an ad i know a few guys who go to them but they're all

honestly weird guys i don't if you if you texted my phone and said sorry i can't record tonight i'm going to the bath house i know we've been friends for a long time but i would immediately think 2% less of you Or I would be concerned Most normal guy I've ever met Who likes That Yeah

Caleb Caleb Caleb who Oh Caleb A pot about list Caleb He goes to bathhouses What is it I actually don't

I don't know what goes on there Like to be God's honest truth They basically like sitting like a I think it's like a steam sauna You know I don't I don't think it's like a Roman

I people Here's all I know is this You can get like Chircutory boards and stuff with them And people definitely fuck in there Yeah because I know like But I think it's kind of like There's more secluded areas

Probably Yeah If you want to do that And probably Most of it is not fucking I would say But you can also say that About LA Fitness Yeah I was gonna say like

Anywhere where there's steam People are funny in the steam usually A big steam room They had to put a sign At the old gym in South Houston That I used to go to with my dad When we would work out together And it said

It literally said something I forget I was like a teenager It was like Please do not have It's like something like please is not intercourse They try to make it sound professional But they were basically telling all of the guys, the day labor

guys, and I guess the white gay guys to stop sucking on each other and jacking each other off in there. He's like, please do not have intercourse in the steam room. The steam room always smelled like cum, too. So I don't think anybody was particularly heating that warning. I don't know, I guess it's because

it's a popular cultural place for cruising. Like, the only, my only visual understanding of it is from watching the Jeffrey Dahmer series and then, like, reading about him and another series. killer that like killed gay guys and they would meet them at the bathhouses and this was at a time when the cops didn't particularly care what happened to gay guys they don't particularly care too much more now but certainly at this time they didn't care at all uh and so that's how i know about them but i don't know what they i think it's like if a girl goes to a spa day if i say i'm gonna go have a spa day you would say uh that's homosexual but if i say I'm going to go to the bathhouse

it sounds less gay but it also sounds more gay in a different way if that makes sense I just I don't know if you just said I'm going to go to like a steam room or something like that I mean there's a particular wording

where I would think I wouldn't think as much of it I also I think part of it is just me living in New York now if one of my straight guy friends just said he was going to a bathhouse to get fucked in the ass. I wouldn't really think

twice about it. I just I'm just uh, uh, uh, culturally is just kind of different. Yeah, I don't. Yeah. In,

in good ways for the most part. Um, you know, so if one of your, if a, if a guy just said, hey, I'm going to the bathhouse. I fucking love it there. Yeah. I would say. Yeah, I bet you do.

But I, like, kind of sincerely and then I would go and realistically we would probably have a fine time you know what I mean it's probably yeah it would be fine speaking of Joey's calling me okay yeah do your thing um

hey how's it going Joey this is an audio episode you guys can't see this but Hank is beating the absolute fuck out of the back of my head with his paws he likes to swat oh we should like to play fight and I think he learned like how to throw a punch

from me we could yeah i'm talking to the mic um yeah joey we should shoot pool soon um we were talking about guys who go to bathhouses and then you call and i said oh speaking of um but yeah i don't know any to bath houses actually i know a couple but that's just because i get ads for them all the time but um i'll text i'll text you uh and we can we can plan out uh We can plan a pool soon Maybe Sunday, honestly

All right, let's do it Sunday All right, I'll see you Joey, thanks Bye bye Did he move to New York? Guys, that was Hmm? Oh yeah, he moved I did not know that

I because I thought we were talking about the same He moved like last month Or maybe a couple months ago But yeah, it's cool Because I had like Including you like three friends In Texas that I Hung out on with like

You know on a regular basis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So now Joey lives here, so it's like, okay, cool. Now I can't be too crazy, you know, because a guy who knows me from high school lives here. Yeah, you got to make you know. It's definitely brought me down a few pegs in, like,

the dime square scene and stuff, like, like, Holins kind of been on my ass about it, you know. Yeah. Then, like, dude, you want to be in these music videos. If you want to be in these. music videos you need to be a fucking down to the other of the fucking uh

fucking fucking lower east side warrior and you gotta wear cool jackets yeah you gotta wear cool you gotta get a substack you gotta wear cool jackets you got bombings and stuff yeah oh my god dude I fucking um the other day I thought I was Anthony Bourdain

and um so I went to this uh kind of hole in the wall Burmese spot in Manhattan because it was on the Michelin Guide and it was like normal prices so I thought

you know what I'm going to be adventurous and I thought you know I'm Anthony Bourdain I'm going to smoke fucking pot before I do this and then I got in there and I didn't know what the hell any of that shit was on the menu it was all Asian stuff and I couldn't understand

anything and I accidentally ordered basically a very thick broth for lunch because I thought I was getting like a fish soup like I thought there would be I ordered basically a fish soup is what it translated to what it turned out it was like blended up fish it was like not it was like a it was like a fish gravy almost that I was drinking and it was it did taste very good but um you know when you take a you take your spoon to the bottom of the bowl for soup yeah and you go okay what kind of meat or whatever it is is in here when you do that for the first bite and you realize that there's not

chunks of meat in there at all it's just like a big goo yeah and you're just $15 broth um you're having it's a horrible feeling horrible feeling um Yeah, I didn't think it was possible, but the food in Austin has gotten worse. Like, I've said this on the show plenty of times, and I'll say it to anybody who, like, doesn't live here or, like, is thinking about moving here. Like, I was at Creek last night, and I was in the green room bullshitting with, like, people who had moved here fairly recently, like, comedians. And they're moving from places like Philly and New York and Chicago.

LA like the big you know formerly big or you know comedy markets or whatever still big and they're like dude all I hear about is people saying how good the food is here and it fucking sucks and I'm like yeah no like it's it's bad like all of the places have all the accoutrements and all of the aesthetics of a place that would have good food right yeah like um they'll have like the you know green and white like subway tile in the bathroom and they'll have like low mood lighting and they'll have the little plates and the you know the the the the plate will be decorated like the dressing of the plate whatever my brother was like a chef he knows all the terms he talks

about this and uh but the food fucking sucks and it's because the current state of like eating in this city is the place stays in business By looking good on Instagram And it stays in business by good looking people looking good in the place that looks good The food is not even a secondary or maybe even tertiary concern It might even it might be at best just fine But it looks like you go in there and you're like I'm about to have me a fucking meal son I'm about to do some real ass eating with some real ass motherfuckers who've got real money and then you get the food

and it's just fine. Or it sucks dick and nuts. And, you know, you're like, I'm going to order an $18 cocktail because I already decided that I'm going to be irresponsible this evening. And the drink takes 20 minutes because the guy's like smoking the glass and he's got on a big apron. There's nothing.

Listen, if you're listening to this and you're a bartender, I do fuck with you. If you're listening to this and you're a mixologist, I don't know you personally, but I have a problem with your, your kind and the problem is this if I ask you for like a whiskey sour and you look at me like because you want me

it's you want me to order something called like the pilot's license I'm gonna I'll beat the fuck out of you I've had a hard difficult and strange life and maybe you have too maybe we could hurt each other but I hate you if I go if I go to a fancy restaurant called like the strange Ranger, you know, I want to take my wife out for a nice dinner. And I order, hey man, can I get a, I see that you got banquet tallboys.

They usually have like 12 in the cooler and the guy goes, or gives me a look. Hey, man, I'm gonna fuck, I, if there was no laws, I'd pull your fucking teeth out. Or maybe you beat me up, I don't know, but I fucking hate you. Because if you're, it's just, bartender's fine. But if I, I don't want to drink something called, like, I don't want to drink the, I don't want to have something called the gentleman's tailpipe. I don't give a fuck. Oh, this is with Petey Scotch and Dramboui with a cherry liqueur. I don't give a fuck about any of that.

Just fucking, I don't, you don't have to spin the glass around. I don't fucking, I wish I, I want to wear a sign when I go into places, and the sign says, I'm a fucking brute. You don't got to do any of that shit. I'm a brute. I'm fucking, I'm not stupid, but I don't, you don't got to put on airs for me. I'm here because I want to take my girlfriend, fiance wife partner whatever the fuck out

and and I want to have a she looks great I put on a nice fucking shirt this is simply what I'm here for you don't got to fucking I don't want if I order a drink I don't want it 20 minutes from now if you're busy

if the place is busy perfectly fine I don't care but if there's like three motherfuckers in there and I'm two of them you don't need this fucking have I don't you don't got to shave the ice cube Big cousin

You just got to Give me the fucking Give me the shit I'm not Sorry I got pissed off I cut your story off But I was The point I was trying to make

Is these places Are all on The Michelin Guide too Like I'll open the Google thing And I'll be like Michigan guide Austin And I'll go to one of these places And it's always fucking mid

It's never like The place looks nice You know But it's never Because all the food here Sucks dick and nuts They didn't have any Mishlin stars

In Texas till like recently Yeah Yeah, no, they'll have, like, Michelin, like, you know, it'll be like... Or is a Michelin Guide different from the Michelin... The Michelin Guide can include things that don't have stars, but they're, like, on the radar. You know what I mean? Like, it'll be, like, on the, like, you know, best restaurant, whatever. It doesn't have a star, but, you know, okay.

Yeah. But I guess getting on the guide is a good way, you know, if you're, if you want to get stars eventually, you know, you might... Yeah, so what all happened in Austin is a lot of times. as a New York or L.A. chef will open up a place here, and he won't be there. But it'll be like, oh, you know, Tony, Tony Saccharino's new joint in Austin called, like, you know, the forgotten noodle. You got to go. You know, or like, pasta by myself. You got to go. You got to go try pasta by myself. It's great. And I'll go and fucking, it's ass. I would rather go to, fucking any of the other

Italian spots around here that are fucked up. Even the chain restaurant. I can take me to a goddamn Johnny Carino's whatever the fuck. Like I don't give a shit. You know what I mean? Um... Yeah, take Jake to Johnny Creamers. Yeah. Take me to Johnny. Also, listen, motherfuckers, I'm fucking

goddamn, sorry. I'm tired of... I'm tired. I'm sick and goddamn tired of... This is, this is a... Welcome to the Gastro Pub. We have Smashburgers. Hey, motherfucker, if the burger is too thick, I'm killing everybody in the store. If the burger is too smashed, I'm killing everybody in the store. What the fuck happened to just a normal ass goddamn hamburger? Why are we trying to re-event the wheel on this shit?

I'm sick of it. The place we went to in Chicago, chef's kiss, that was fucking scrummedly umptious. That was fucking delicious. It was truly a goddamn gestational delight. Or whatever the fuck But I don't Austin you'll go And you'll and the burger will be like

$15, 16 And it'll be like Fucking smashed And drenched in a fucking goddamn creams And aolies and shit And obviously And like

It tastes like shit The texture's all fucked up Because the burger's like Crispy burnt And the fucking The dressing is like I don't know what the fuck They're like

This is this is cowboy sauce Kill yourself Dude I don't got fucking Can a motherfucker just get a goddamn cheeseburger with a fucking beer? I don't fucking, there's no, there's no, Austin's becoming like a land of, uh, of extremes where like you'll have McDonald's, okay, or you'll have, you know, the, the gastro deluxe

burger pub. Tony Saccharina's fucking delicious burger spot, you know, big boys, burger barn. Kill yourself. The burgers shouldn't be so sloppy. I'm sorry. I'm doing too much talking. I'm fucking, I'm just, I'm getting work to fuck up. Because I've just had too many bad, like, I've taken ash out, like, three times in a row now to places that, like, look good, and then I get there, and it's fucking, it just sucks my nuts.

I would rather just have gone to Waterburger, you know, and, like, you know, she gets a bottle of wine from the gas station, and I get, like, a six-pack, and we just fucking chill and eat movies. You know what I mean? Like, there's nothing more frustrating than spending, like, $1,000. sorry I'm really fucking no I'm laughing because he said you like to chill and eat movies oh it's yeah whatever chill I don't know why that made me laugh I obviously knew what you meant yeah yeah yeah I just drink a wine and eat a movie tonight I want to eat a wine I want to eat a wine and drink movies tonight with my wife yeah yeah I just I know what you mean though yeah it's bullshit you know it's funny is I feel like um

I mean, growing up in North Texas, I feel like it was a lot different food-wise. It's a lot closer to the Midwest food-wise than South Texas is. And, you know, there's still, like, good Mexican influence, but it does get, like, pretty watered down by the time you get up to, like, the Dallas area. Yeah, for sure. Unless you just have, like, a friend's family who's Mexican, and they'll, like, you know, just eat at their house and they give you awesome food that you never. remember the name of and never eat again.

It'll be like, anyway, but I've found that a lot of the things that I missed about, you know, growing up in that area, like, I kind of have found those a little bit like visiting the Midwest, like, you know, you're getting like a $4 cheeseburger or whatever and like, you know, the place also has

milkshakes, they're not that good, but they're like four bucks. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's, you know, what can you do? Is that, what was that pizza spot you took me to in Austin a few years ago? People, you know, this might not be people's favorite thing that we do, but it's probably less annoying than we, than when we complain about Kill Tony for 45 minutes. But I do remember having really good pizza.

in Austin that one time. It was like a checkerboard place or whatever. There was that Nazi sticker outside. Oh, South Side Flying Pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they closed that place down. And, yeah, because the city, what the city loves to do more than anything now

is to take a place that's been there for 40 years that everyone loves and to close it down and replace it with some bullshit. Like, that's just, that, like, that place is it in there. Is it like a health code thing or? No, it's, no, it's literally like, Like retroactive zoning or? No, no.

Like it's a new restaurant and the food is bad. What I think it is, genuinely what I think it is. And I don't want to come across like your standard issue boring like dead horse. Like, oh, Californians. But like you'll have a good hole in the wall pizza spot that's been there 40 years. And then it'll get replaced with one of the restaurants that we're talking about. And then it'll close down in six months. And then it'll be a bank.

that's just kind of like the whole city is private equity like a guy will come in with a fuck ton of money and offer the owner of Southside Flying Pizza for example an offer he cannot refuse that guy's been there throwing dough for 40 fucking years he's like in his late 50s early 60s and some fucking 24 year old private equity guy will come in there and be like hey I'll give you five million dollars for this button he goes done fuck this place I'm out and I can't

who can blame him who can fucking blame him right And then he'll open up a restaurant that would probably do good in San Francisco Because everyone in San Francisco lacks a soul Or the people that have money that live there lack They're not in-souled people They're not real human beings You can kill them and it doesn't leave a like a negative mark on your soul's permanent record And so that's that's what happens

Like, a lot of the places that I would like take people to are just sort of gone. They're either just abandoned parking lots now or they're banks or they're, yeah, they're like a cocktail lounge where like, you know, it's very clearly made for white girls and guys in puffy jackets to take pictures. It's not really, you're not there to consume anything. You're there to be perceived. you know you're not there to not be on your phone yes yeah yeah yes yeah another thing is very accurate yeah so many especially drinking spaces now um are designed for you to be on your phone while you're there yes yes and like it's fun to be on your phone while you're there whereas if you go to like an old irish pub um you're kind of just

taken to this like it's like you've opened it's like you opened a new door in a video game and you just want to like check that out and be there for a little while

and be in that environment where like when you pull your phone out in like a bar like that you kind of come across as a little bit of a dick you know if it's like not busy you know what I mean? Yes yeah yeah yeah

if you're not trying to make conversation with the bartender or anybody like it comes across a little anti-social. Whereas if you're at one of those places where it's just like a bunch of people ordering shit because it looks good and they like the idea of it. Yeah.

When you're, you know what I mean? It's crazy to think like like how I deleted Instagram for like eight hours yesterday and it like made me like not retarded. Yeah. Well like instantly I was like

oh wait. I'm and it was literally because I watched I was watching somebody watch Instagram on the subway and they looked so the guy I lost so much respect for that guy that I deleted it off my phone because I was like wait that's what I look like in public like I'm fucking curled up like a bug

and I'm fucking sweating and I'm watching AI videos of just fucking animals like what that's who I am that's who I am I'm a guy who watches fucking videos on Instagram for hours every day and then I just

I just bother my friends with that all day I just send people I see when I laugh at it and then I send it to people and then I send them another and I'll send them five Instagram videos from a grown man with two jobs

I won't look at at any of the ones that my friend sent me. I'll send them. Don't expect me to look at your shit. That's something that I think is so interesting about sending reels and receiving them is because, at least for me and other people I've joked about this with, you are in a situation where, especially if it's another grown man, you're not, you're sending that reel to nobody. He's not watching that. He found a funny one. Your friend

found a funny thing and he sent it to you with the expectation of you watching it but you're not going to watch it because you're sending him a funny one I've got like nine reels from friends that I have not watched and I've sent them nine they haven't laugh reacted to any of them

we're just I it's just we're not even the thing about social media is it's no longer a social thing it's purely just for you you know there's nothing like social about it at all I sound so fucking pinky in the air

But like And to your point about being in a bar Where like Like the bar that I took you to Where you got really scared The showdown If you're on your phone in there You're missing out

Because there's a guy Trying to finger fuck The fattest girl you've ever seen By the dartboard And then there's another guy on the pool table And he's like Pretending to like Fuck the hole in the pool table

And he's looking over to his friend And his friend's like You got a 450 pound black guy And he's like yeah Yeah get that shit like you're missing out if you're on your phone in the showdown saloon you're fucking missing out on life same with chances are the bar right across the street from that one i love going there because if you're on your phone there you're missing out on like a 77 year old

man trying to mac on a 22 year old bartender girl who has diarrhea and wants to shoot him you're missing out but if you go to a place called like oh the the forever couple or you know go to a place called like the third door the drink's going to take half an hour and the music that's playing is like free form jazz nobody's listening to that shit you're not missing out on anything if you're not if let me might as well open

Instagram oh there's a fucking AI video of a scroll with huge titch and she's doing a 900 that's way better than what's happening at the third door cocktail bar and lounge that's way fucking better that's a thousand times better than anything that's happening here.

So I'm with you, man. I just like, but what sucks is when the, when a bar opens up and it tries to be a place where things happen, like a showdown saloon, the fake dive bar, I think is people, it's, it's not, you know what I mean? You go in there and you're like, ah, finally, you know, my kind of joint. And then everybody's on their phones and the music that's playing is like, classic rock but it's an Italian

classic rock band and you're like what the fuck is it who put this shit on to get this shit off now and put Brooks and Dunn on stabbed I've had enough of this

they're serving if you go into showdown saloon and you ask for an old fashion or a grony the guy's gonna reach across the bar and pull you over and fucking put his fingers in your mouth

if I go into a dive bar and I ask for a groni and the guy goes yeah no problem I know that I'm not where I belong. I like the gronies. They're tasty. It's a tasty drink. I like old fashions, too.

But I don't, I'm not, I don't go to a place called fucking thick Mike's ass zone for a fucking nagroney. I go there to drink six tall boys and watch old UFC highlights on a tube TV and then watch a fucking 110 pounds, six foot, light skin black guy try to finger the fattest white woman you've ever seen. That's why, that's why. that's why I went to fucking

Dirty Mike's Ice House. You know what I mean? I didn't fucking go there. I didn't fucking go there to be on my phone. And I didn't go there to fucking have a delicious cocktail or whatever the fuck. I guess I'm just, I guess I'm bitching and moaning about a dead horse again.

You know, like, there's no such thing as often, there's no, oh God, I sound so gay. This is this thing is authenticity. It's just the facsimile of it. And that's more frustrating than just being at a gay cocktail

lounge. You know what I mean? you know like it's more frustrating to be in a place that's trying to seem like it's been there a long time than to just go to a fucking you know what i mean maybe i'm maybe there's something wrong with me actually that's probably more the case i just can't have a good time anywhere that actually might be closer to the truth i'm fundamentally just kind of like a a stick in the mud you know um just kind of frustrated Holy crap

Holy fuck Holy shitballs Holy epic shitballs Batman I hate when I go to the arcade and I all playing fucking bullshit gay games instead of fucking cool ass shit

These kids fucking suck at video games now Nobody wants to play Tekken 2 They all want to play Modern Warfare 5 In my experimental game Mind drift I plug it in

I bring it myself It's my arcade I bring my own game to the arcade And I bring my own beer too Everybody hates me for it Everybody hates me I hate my fucking guts I go to be dead like a fucking bug

I go to the side of Kate And I bring my own arcade box called The Doomed Woman It's a guy that look Woman too There's a guy that looks exactly like me chasing women around the street He's a man in Black Speed It looks just like me

I have 18 health bars And every woman only has one health point My name is Black Speed I've reached out to Bethesda about the doomed woman two for seven years in a row The name is speed Black speed

Black fucking speed Black fucking speed Oh everybody loves to play Everybody hates playing The Demed Woman except for me Dumed Woman starring Blacks

Black Fuckie Black Speed I almost said something very bad on accident I was trying to remember the word speed

almost said the coolest word that you could say no no not that one well really not yeah I didn't confuse the inward

with something starting with an ass oh no I know that I think you were going to say the word that rhymes with Wick you were going to say that one I think perhaps no

oh really wow that I'm way off Don't even worry about it Black Speed Black 2 Speed 2 2 Black 2 Speed 2 Star starring Scarlet Johansen and DMX Ghost Scarlet Starlight

Scarring Starlet Johans Scarring Scarring Black Black fucking speed and Starlet Johansen And the doomed woman too doomed woman the black fucker

what do you mean I can't play this at the arcade what do you mean I can't with my own game I hate you guys you guys have so many rules you guys are so mean to me people like me

what do you mean I can't bring my time crisis two clone doomed woman the black fucker to the arcade it's a kid's version it's PG it won't be like last time fuck

oh my god it won't be like my last game black fuck the black fuck the black I promise it's not the same game. It's different. There's running. There's chasing. There's women.

Starring gray fucking. The newest Japanese actress out of Tokyo. Gray fucking. Oh, God damn it. The doomed woman, the black fucker, is going to be bouncing around for a couple days. The old, oh, man. Two black to speed.

Doomed woman, the black fucker. Now to barcade near you. Michael Mann all coked up in like the late 80s. He's got fucking Val Kilmer and fucking Michael Keaton in a writer's room. Hank. Fuck me once. Black on you. Fuck me.

Twice. Fuck me tight. Black on me. Fuck me ties. Black on me. Hey, Mike, I think we've got to lay off the Coke, brother. Heet was a great movie, but I don't... I don't know, man.

I'm not... I don't... Hey, man. Michael Keaton called. So... So what's stopping me from... If I see you again, walking Tice up to you and blacking right up to your face? Dooming your woman. Never tice anything

You can't black away from in 30 seconds or less Hey Val Thanks for picking up the call Yeah, it's Michael, man It's Mike I've got a great script It's called 2 Black 2 Speed The doomed woman the black fucker Michael Keaton's already signed on

I got George Clooney And I got this young fella Brad Pitt It's a sequel to Heat It hasn't come out It's a sequel to Heat Which will come out After People won't know what's happening fundamentally

Heat will come out later I know I know you don't know what heat is I don't know I know I haven't pitched heat yet I should have started by pitching heat Oh fuck Which is not related to Miami Heat No different thing altogether different

A different show about basketball I'm working on Yeah fuck Jesus Christ oh my god oh god damn doomed woman two the black fucker

that's got to be one that's got to be the top five yeah so Tom Tom Cruise that's what I call you got a new movie it's called

two black three fuck me four fucks five you twice do you I'm thinking about, do you remember when DMX was just like in movies sometimes? There's one called Cradle to the Grave. That's what I'm thinking about. That's the movies I'm thinking about were like Jet Lee

and then like a rapper would be in a movie together. And the movie would, yeah, it would be called like two black five. The building was two guns. Yeah. I remember 50 Cent was in a movie called Two Guns. That was Denzel Washington, brother. It's Denzel Washington and Mark Walp.

And Mark Wahlberg. in that, too. I remember. Brother, I don't know. Let's see. I remember. 50 cents. Two guns. 50 cents. If he's in it, then um, uh, no, he wasn't in that.

He was not in that movie at all. Looks like he was, thankfully. Uh, he attended the premiere. But he didn't. I knew he was in it. No, he, no, he is in a movie called Gun. He's in a movie just called Gun?

Yeah, 2010, Val Kilmer was in it. It has 25% on Rotten Tomatoes. Val Kilmer gets out of prison and becomes involved with his old friend Curtis 50 Cent Jackson Gun Running Ring. He's just called Gun. It's not two guns. That's Denzel. It's just called Gun. Three Gun.

Dude, I think it's awesome that Val Kilmer, there was like a part of his career. Mickey worked at the same thing. Val Kilmer was like in Tombstone and heat and all these crazy ass performances. And then like right before he dies, he's like, yeah, I'm going to be in this movie called Two Black Two Speed with fucking 50s. Like he was in like 18 of these movies. I'm just like just like 1% on Rotten Tomatoes. And like the guy Dean Kane from Ripley's believe it or not is in it too. And then yeah, like fucking Mace will be there for some fucking reason. Oh, fuck

I didn't, dude, I've been seeing So 50 Cent has been, he offered, I didn't know he offered Zoran Mom Donnie 250 grand to leave New York forever Which is Hilarious So goddamn funny

Like I, I thought I saw that on Twitter And I didn't, I Googled it in his real I thought it was maybe like a post You know what I mean? Like, no, he said, all right, 250 A quarter million bans and you're out of the fucking

and you're out of town, Buster and Zoran said no. Which is just fucking It's a funny thing Because I want to know how that conversation went Was it one of Curtis's guys That reached out Or was it

Was it 50 himself? Because you get a call From an unknown number And 50's on the other line And he's offering you a quarter million dollars To leave town I'll probably I'll probably be going to take that

deal you know i mean he was offering to pay what the the mayor's salary is oh does that much make that much money yeah the mayor makes that much money a quarter million a year well i guess that's not a lot for new york maybe it is it is it's a ton of money anywhere mayor salary if anybody ever says 250 thousand dollars is not that much money somewhere they um 250 000 maybe you're listening This in 50 years Yeah, yeah It's not that much

Right now If you make that much money You are not allowed to complain to me Unless it's about family stuff Really? Yeah, yeah I don't want to hear it I'm gonna

I'm gonna not name him Because he listens to the show He's a friend of mine But he works In sales For a large One of the biggest companies in the world right and we were hanging out at our buddy's place and he goes toys are us yeah yeah he works in sales

doors we're hanging out at my buddy our buddy's place drinking beers and he goes yeah man you know like i just never thought about it man but like 200 grand's like not that much money in austin really and i was like what he's like yeah 200 grand of years it's like not that much money in the city and i was like i that i had your response i was like hey man you're not allowed to say stuff like that you're just like I don't because he doesn't have any kids either that's the thing like if you've got like seven kids and you live like in the upper west side fine whatever whatever who gives a fuck I don't even think that type of person exists but like um if you live in Austin and it's just you you're making $200,000 a year like you can't say stuff like that you can't be like that's just not that much money you think it I hear people say that about $100,000 a year you're making $200,000 a year. I hear people say that about $100,000 a year. year and that still sounds crazy to me you know what i'm saying like i know that the difference between a hundred and two hundred grand a year is literally like a lot of it's a hundred dollars

it's a lot of money it's double the amount of salary but whenever i hear i'll see people online say like you know 120 grand is just not that much money i'm like 10,000 dollars a month what fucking blow me dude suck my shit i mean nobody's uh great with money is the thing myself included right really but that's you but that's on me and you right like that's a personal problem like that's right that's no i'm saying i'm saying if i made a hundred grand a year i would find a way to to spend all of it yeah i would be i mean honestly though i'm not sure if that's even true because i was um there was a time when i just didn't really have that much bills and i was just saving up like most of my money

I mean, this was when I was living with my parents, but I wasn't like, oh, my God, I need to go fucking blow it on bullshit. I was still, I was spending the money I wanted to, but that was just basically on, like, food and, you know, stuff like that. I don't really, I would, if I, if I made $100 grand a year, I would, I would probably just have nicer clothes and travel a little bit more and get my, uh, and go to the doctor more. and that would be about it I don't think you know I passed a certain point I would never live a quarter

I would never want to be living a quarter million dollar a year lifestyle I feel like that would leave me very disconnected from the people around me yeah I don't know

like whenever I think about a quarter million a year I mean, I'm saying that if I had it, that would be awesome. But I'm saying to be like, oh, yeah, I make $250,000 a year. But it's not as much as people think. Like, if I was ever in that boat, I would be a very bad person, I think. Yeah, yeah. I'm saying I would be. I'm not saying everybody is.

I'm saying I would think of myself as somebody who had been depleted morally. Yeah, I'm trying to think, so, like, $20, $12. Yeah, so that's $20,000, that's like $22,000 a month. You know what I mean? And, like. I mean, in my mind, I don't feel like I'm allowed to. Have that. I mean, have that, but also, I don't even really feel allowed to, like, I should be.

complaining about my current financial situation which is strained but not like dire yeah it's there's a safety net at least like you know things could be way worse I don't know like I feel like you're definitely allowed to complain about

the society we live in and certain you know a lot of economic factors yeah of course you know snapping all that that's horrible but uh I mean honestly like a lot of people I know it's like Hey, man, let's just tighten up a little bit for now, you know what I mean? I think about, like, I've been eating lentils and shit.

It's not that bad, you know what I mean? Yeah, I live life. I'll bake chicken, and I'll leave it in the fridge for, like, two weeks and just kind of eat it, you know? Yeah. But I have, I, some of the guys that I've, like, met doing a stand-up in the city are, like, you know, they're, like, really making it or whatever. and sometimes like I wonder if it just happens to most people like especially living in America

maybe if you come from nothing and you don't have like a a guide like somebody to kind of keep you grounded because I'll hear people say weird stuff I'll hear comedians say weird shit like yeah like oh you know God you know I just got the house and it's fucking been kind of

having to tighten the belt up and I'm like I'll go in like a look on their Patreon and it's like 60 grand a month and I know they're on the road and so I'm like what? What are you talking about? But then you know like I hang out with that guy and it's like all right well you know you're we're you're you brought a bottle of the fucking tequila with the bell on it to the green room and you

you're snorting that big old gator tail line so you know what I mean like that you know you're living a life but like that I feel like if you have a lot of money and you're living a rock star lifestyle you have to accept that if you spend up all your money snorting it and sipping it well then that is kind of

you know what I mean like I know people say that about poor people and I get mad where I'm like nah it's addiction but if you're addicted to drugs and you have a ton of money it is different it's crazy different

like if you're addicted to heroin and you live outside that's way different than being addicted to heroin and you're like so being addicted to heroin is cheap at least at first yeah right right right I mean you could be on heroin and if you make a hundred thousand dollars and you're addicted to heroin

you're not going to you're going to be all right I mean you know just kind of keep your tolerance at a safe level and you're going to be fine don't yeah you know that that guy he was on he was on rogue

he was on roguer he's like a doctor like a psychologist or something a black dude and he wrote that book like drug use for adults and he's like his whole thing was like yeah we got to remove the stigma around addiction you know you can just

do a little bit of heroin and it's fine and you know he's done a bunch of studies and he's got a bunch of stuff to back up his arguments he's a doctor I'm not but I feel like you can't go on such a big podcast and say that

because he is like a learned doctor and he's got a lot of money and he is very he's a very self-aware guy and works out a lot and so that to me he was like yeah you know a man an adult can do a little bit of heroin and it's no problem safer than alcohol and I'm like yeah 100% but you know most people like statistically speak Most people in the country can't just do a little bit of heroin like that because most people are in bad spots financially. You know what I mean?

Like, if I had a big brownstone and I lived in the Upper West Side of Manhattan and I had a bunch of books published and I also didn't have my genetic makeup, my DNA in my mind, and my spirit, yeah. Let's toot up a little bit of fucking horse. You know what I'm saying? Let's do a little bit of fucking, let's test that shit first, make sure it's free from fentanyl. and then let's let's let's let's let's let's let's take a little fucking trip to find the dragon you know what I mean but most people are not in that situation most people who do heroin um eat bean burritos from taco bell and cry like off the whole lot you know what I mean like that I mean that's what I was doing you know what I mean when I was doing opiates is you you eat 99 cent food and you cry

when you're not at work and then you cry when you're at work too And then, you know, you send a lot of messages. You're sending texts constantly. You know what I mean? You're sending a lot of texts that you don't mean. And you're making a lot of promises that you do not intend to keep. So if you're out there and you're thinking about doing heroin because a guy said you can, don't do it. Or do it.

I don't give a fuck, I guess. You know what I mean? Yeah. And Jake using his platform for that can actually be really dangerous. Yeah, yeah. I've got a big platform and everybody. I'm fucking sweating like a motherfucker. Blood pressure is high, I suppose.

Oh, yeah. I got a shower and I got a fucking... Who gives a fucking... She's so going away anyway. What's going away? Nothing. I have a coworker who... She stopped taking her blood pressure medication

because she doesn't like taking medicine. Yeah. And she went to the doctor and the doctor was like, hey you might have a heart attack soon why did you stop taking it she said good thing I stopped taking it then if I'm on the verge of having a heart attack see what it's doing of me he said please stop doing that

please take blood pressure medication please she said yep I bet you'd love it if I did that yeah talking about this stuff gives me like bad anxiety so I just like I'm like oh yeah I guess I should just think about like cars or different types of cats, you know, or like, you know, different types of birds.

I was reading about Hemingway Cats the other day. What is that? It's where they have a sixth toe. And Ernest Hemph- Yeah, it's just a genetic mutation, I think, from inbreeding. Mains Coons have them and some other kinds. Not all of them, but certain species of cats are more, or not species, I guess. I don't know if the cat is a species, right? Domestic.

Yeah, maybe different. breeds. Phelinas? I don't know. But um, different. Uh, Ernest Hemingway got one as a gift and then kind of started a colony of them at his Key West home.

And now if you visit his estate, you can see a bunch of cats. A lot of them from the original motherfucker. Yeah, the original colony he had. Anyway, um, I don't want one, but it's good to know about, well,

I've been reading a lot of trying to read more lately but mostly just Wikipedia learning about different foods oh I was reading about different cheeses the oldest kinds of cheese yeah

nothing too surprising it basically was like your question is bad because most of the oldest kinds of cheese they just don't have them anymore I was like okay cool there's like a type of cheese that It has maggots on it that is illegal, but people eat.

You know what I'm talking about? No. Hold on. Let me find it. Magot cheese. I fucking hate the things that people do. Oh, it's called Katsu-Matsu. It's a Sardinian sheep milk cheese that contains live fly maggots.

That's fucking horrible, dude. Yeah. I don't think you can use fucking milk for it. Oh, my God. so a traditional sardinian sheep's milk cheese intentionally infested with live maggots whose digestive action breaks down the cheese resulting in a soft, creamy texture

and a strong, pungent, and spicy flavor. Yeah, I believe people would be doing some shit that I think they should go to jail for I don't think you should be I don't think you should be doing that type of shit. What the fuck is a sardinia? Yeah, how about a nice grueaer. Sardinia.

Are they Italian? I think it's an island. Sardinians are Italians? Ashley is saying yes. What I... Are you sure they're not fish? Italian. Sorry, sorry.

She's saying that Sardinians are Italians. I made some Sardinians last night, and they made the apartment smell horrible. I don't know. Mysterians, Brian, one of the largest and oldest and oldest Naragi is a suit. I don't. I'm going to stop.

I don't know what this is. It's... Uh, okay. It's a beautiful island, and a lot of Italians live there, and they fucked up cheats. What language do they speak? Italian. Okay. Serbian.

Uh. They speak Charturzian. Sorry, I'm like, I'm kind of fucking... I'm getting... It's okay. Daddy's getting hot. What's your name? language my name is shark truzean okay nice to meet you

is a little snippet from something I'm working on that I just decided oh you're working on it okay yeah I'm working on something that's a really small snippet and I don't know I don't I like that you don't give too much away and no I like to leave a little for the imagination dude when I sit in complete darkness like this I look like James brown yeah you look like James Baldwin you look like fucking yeah my hair is huge right now

yeah yeah is that a thing you're doing complete darkness or is you just be your daddy's just having a little fun yeah I'm kind of doing a sensory deprivation thing for the podcast and it's actually helping me not look at my phone oh that's good I like that that is good yeah we always focus on the podcast

I'm focused on thinking and it helps me have hands-free orgasms while I podcast because my mind is in an interstitial plane interstitial interstitial interstitious

yeah what if we want on a motherfucking mindgasm holy shitballs holy epic shitballs hey I bet my new game Mindgasm Express Wait hold on a minute It's got a remote you have to put it in your bum hole

Wait Are you the guy that tried to pitch Doomed Woman to the black fucker no I'm in darkness you can't hold on in a second

hey guys why is the back corner of the office just totally dark oh that's that's Sharktrusian's corner that's where he does all of his best work

it seems like we can just replace that light bulb no you couldn't you could it would be you would only make it darker. I would have to put on clothes.

I would have to stop masturbating. I've been having mind gasms. I've been having hands-on orgasms. Hands-ons? Use my hands-to- use my hands-staff and orgasm.

It's pretty, it's just standard issue. Standard-issue orgasm. My name is Shark Trojian. Standard-issue orgasm. I just had a Shark Troosian orgasm. Hands free at the barcade. Care to join?

Can't join me for a hands-free orgasm? It would be way easier than what I've been doing. You know, those, like, Riz YouTubers, they, like, go to girls, like, and they, like, you know, like, flirt with them or whatever, and it, like, works. I would love one that's just like that. This is you. Oh, God. I think somebody died, the bathhouse, Miss Green.

Oh, God. People are not going to know who's fucking in here. It's too green. Hey, beautiful. I want to have a crazy hands-free orgasm of the mind. A crazy mindgasm, a green orgasm. My name is Shark Trucy. My name is

Shark Troosian Hens free orgasm. Shark Troosian Blackspeed. Blackspeed, the Chark Troosian Hans Gasm. It's just schizophrenia, dude. It's just not even a show.

It's not You have to become fully dark, Jake. Hold on. Turn off all the lights in your house. Oh, then take the battery out of your laptop Take the wires out of your house We have to have a We're in complete darkness now

It's so dark You almost too dark for a video game You sound like Frankenstein Like Jacob O'Lordie's Frankenstein I'm Jacob Belordy I'm tall I look like I swim or something Oh fuck you Thomas

You're gonna do indie movies to get Forever You want to be tall Because you broke your teeth when you were young I'm Jacoba Lordy I have perfect teeth You can't stop eating donut holes And so you're only ever going to be

in indie movies You're gonna fall asleep at the wheel Forever Thomas You're never gonna take advantage Of the gifts that's been Bushwick will never accept you Bushwick loves me I'm Jacob Allerdy

Please don't do that You're gonna give me a seizure My name is Jacob Allordy And I'm on TikTok This has been Jacob Alord Seizier Salad Brought to you by mindgazim dressing

how old is he I don't want to Google it it's going to make me sad he's probably I bet he is like 31 Jacob of Lordy I think he's like 27 it's gonna make me depressed

he's 28 he's 28 and he's 6 5 and uh and goddamn more like Jake make Jacob be Lodi more like make on me horny yeah yeah

yeah Hold on a goddamn minute This motherfucker Did his parents do something? No, this motherfucker got it out the goddamn mud I like that I appreciate that God just gave him fucking

So many gifts You know Being a goddamn handsome son of a bitch Being taller than a motherfucker And Yeah, all right Who gives this shit on some suppose um i have an idea what if i kill jacobody went to an all-boys catholic school

raped i'm gonna take it my name is jacob too i'm not that tall and i am also skinny fat jacobie rody jacobie rodies i show up to like like a 250 million dollar budget movie like like fucking like like a pta john and they're like all right we're going to do Hey, Jennifer Lawrence, okay, yeah, Paul Giamatti, great, great, great, okay, and we got, oh, yeah, Peter Dinklage, yeah, good to see you, man, yeah, Oscar Isaac, Jacob Allorty. Oh, hey, yeah, what's going on? I'm just wearing, like, a crop top, and, like, one of my love handles is out. Hey, hey, what's going on?

Yeah, yeah. Hold on. Did something happen? No, no, no, I've been doing great. I've been eating a lot of green meat And I've been drinking a lot of gray liquid And it's just, uh, it's been really good for my skin I'm good, I'm happy

I'm really happy for the first time in a long time That's why I look a little different Because I'm actually I look happy I mean in a respectful way really Jacob Allorty I think we I think technically speaking There's two degrees removed from me and you

Um Maybe even perhaps one and that means what I mean by that is I hung out with Adam Friedland twice and I think you guys might be friends and if you're listening to this right now Jacob Allorty I want to possess

I'm going to possess your body I'm going to use the power of the air radio waves and the power of persuasion to possess your body and have your life Jacob Alorty touch yourself right now Jacob Melody

touch your penis touch yourself Put yourself in the penis You know that you know there's not a There's a there's a 2% chance You might hear this There's a 0% chance A 0% chance he might

So in if that's if that ever If that lottery Take out your penis Jacob and Lorty take your penis Take it out You're on the bus Take it out I know you ride the bus

Sometimes because you're one of the cool act You're like a cool Like boating actor Your family's fucking poor Your shit I know you're like a cool bohemian I don't want to fly private jets actor That's nice of you

I appreciate that You should have played college ball You're out of your league Lordy Come to Bushwick where the fucking lions fly Take your penis out of the bus In Bushwick Get your penis out

Come to Bushwick a lordy see how fun That dog gets you here I can't breathe Jacob Allurdy Dad put your finger in your butt On the blessed bush we can see how far That your nipples I bet you can't do it without a mind gasm

Play with your nipples Jacob All right you to start my video game All of my girlfriend's friends talk about you More than they talk about their own husbands And I don't I don't know if that's a personal problem I wish you were black. I wish you were, I wish you, I wish your name was, uh, uh, fucking.

You could be a black guy named Jacob, it's allowed. That's fine, yeah, Jacob, a Lordy and you're black. That would be nice. Jacob, I phony. Jacob email. Jacob email. I'm glad your life is awesome, Mr. Alluredi, but I'm afraid that your time is up.

You have to come to Austin, Texas, and you have to, I'm going to go and kill Tony. You're going to have to crush. You're going to have to go to open mics with me, Jacob Allerty. You're going to have to make Bob Bobby Kelly laugh. You can have to make Jordan Peterson laugh, Jacob, Alorty. Yeah. Good luck impressing Ian Fidance in this town, motherfucker.

See if you can make it two weeks. You think you can make it two weeks in my shoes having awkward interactions with Sean Gardini? No. Never. You're gonna suck my dick, all right? You could never be a middling comedian. You could never be in my video game.

You could never be in the doomed woman, too. I'm writing it for someone else. Don't even ask. Don't even have your agent call me, Lordy. Don't even ask. I haven't modeled you. I haven't created 3D models of you yet. I'm looking at a picture of him, Thomas, on Wikipedia, and wow, it is kind of, it's fucked up how how handsome he is.

It just doesn't seem like it, it's, yeah, it kind of makes me want to stop doing stuff. You know, you see somebody, a woman. or, you know, an actress or actor so beautiful that you think there's just no way a lowly worth me. I don't give a shit. Every time I see something like that,

I think about hitting him with my car. It all goes away real fast. I don't give a fuck. I work for the city, bitch. My life is bad. My life is bad. Fuck me. Jacob and Lordy.

Suck my dick. I'm drinking big red, and I got a gun to my head. It's Wednesday, baby And that's fucking Wednesday I'm going to Benny Hunter On my fucking birthday And I'm going to think about you while they cut up the onions

I'm Jacob of Lorty Take your nipple out On the L train in Chicago Take a knife out See what happens Take a knife out in my city See where that gets you Oh you were in saltburn

I was in fucking life Bad Housands Salt Lake City for a layover Layover Fuck your mom

Jacob or Lordy Jacob Alorty Your mom's a fucking slut I really She's tall Yeah she probably Somebody's got to be tall But it's stupid

It looks like a crap ass Oh I see why you're goddamn I see why you look like that You're fucking basque Your dad's from fucking Basque, which is everybody in Basque, yeah, fat ass he's from Basque and Robbins.

Oh, wow. 6.5, 180 pounds. Fat piece of shit. 3% body fat year-round disgusting. 32 by 48 jeans. Fuck you, Jacob Alorty. Oh, you look like shit with your

fucking symmetrical abs, you fucking piece. I bet you wish you were built like the Tasmania's devil I bet you wish you were a pale skinny fat Texan comedian instead of being a handsome Spanish-Australian A-list actor. Yeah. Yeah. According to Lauddy, he barely finished high school. Wow, fucking moron.

I went to high school and I got a master's degree and I died of no intention of using either of them. Guess what chick-up of Lurdy, I never, I barely finished high school to him and then my life went to shit. what makes you so special is it how it's you so special could it be your your perfect height and teeth yeah perfect height try getting arrested for

for supreme dab carts in your hometown Jacob Alorti try going try getting arrested in Houston Texas for intent to distribute Jacob Alorty when you're 15 try bag acid from a bunch of single

moms for most of your early 20s piece of shit Jacob Allardy try taking your dad to prison Try dropping your dad off at prison and see how you... Take your dad to prison, Jacoba Lorty. You know how big cuts.

Well, I finally have something There was... Get in the Uber. Drop your father off in prison, Jacob of Lurdy, and see how acting plays out for you. How about you act like my father

and take me to school Lordy Hey act like my father Jacoba Lordy and ask me to take you to jail You have to turn You have to turn yourself in Because you have three warrants Jacoba Lordy

Oh my God How long have we been doing this? Pretty long About 15 minutes Yeah All right I think I mean I really got a shower And I got to hit the fucking road

Um Jacob of Lorty one last message You can run but you can't hide. I will. Maybe we'll meet one day and you'll have no idea that this ever happened.

We probably won't. But if you're out there, Jacob Alorty, you should come to Eastville Comedy Club December 5th at 930 and you can get tickets, Jacob Alorty at eastfieldcombe.com to see us live. I don't want to do that voice anymore. To see the live shows, please get tickets.

December 5th, 930. Comedy Club in Brooklyn, New York. Me and Thomas will be there, and you need to get your goddamn tickets. January 24th, Saturday, 9.30. At next in line a comedy club in Philly, get your goddamn tickets. Quit fucking tickets. Quit fucking tickets.

Port of Vivalor. God damn it, his fucking... Oh, Jacob Alourdi's paternal grandfather's name was Joaquina Lourdi. From Andorada. That's not a real place. Andorah is a town in the Biscay. Who gives a fuck?

Come to see the guy. damn shows i've got a bunch of spots but i need to go shower thomas let the people know what you got going on january 8th i'll be a keegan's ale house in kingston new york um and then on thursday i think at 830 um i'm doing industry room at i think the broadway comedy club um so i'm still five-minute audition set. Come to that if you'd like. But if you're thinking about whether to go to that

or whether to go to the Eastville, go to Eastville, please. Go to Eastville, yeah, if you don't mind. It'll be a much better show. Just be being honest. But go to both, I guess, if you want. Yeah. But definitely go to Eastville.

Listen to drunk or cool. Yeah. And have a good time with your life. Enjoy it. One day you're going to be dead and you're not going to know anything. So whatever you're doing right now, however bad it is,

Understand that even suffering is a sensation you get to feel. All right. I love you. Good night. Bye-bye.