Pendejo Time - The Great Urg

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Patreon     Hims offers access to ED treatment options ranging from personalized products to trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names, if prescribed.  hims.com/pt

Oh, oh yeah. Another Thursday. Another week. We're going on on the weekends here. A weekend will be here tomorrow. Unless, of course, you're listening to this. If you're listening to this in fucking China, dude, like, respect. If you're a Chinese guy on the train, on like a futuristic bullet train going to your job at,

at world-class science incorporated. And you listen to this podcast, thank you for your work. And if you ever decide that you want to go to war with my country, just let me know. And I will help you. I've preemptively decided that there's ever a, they're not going to need my help and they won't want it.

But I just want to let everybody listening know that if there ever is some kind of cataclysmic conflict between the United States of America and China, I will side with the Chinese. Just out of pure. I'm not, I don't want to be a Chinese person, but I think morally speaking, I couldn't, I couldn't side with my own country. you know uh... uh... didn't support Russian over one I'm not anything like him

I'm not like a good writer and I'm not particularly smart and I'm not historically important in any way at all and I won't be remembered even like probably five years after I die let alone a hundred but I am

I just want to let everybody know where I stand and if you're Chinese I want to let you know where I stand yeah I think our if we have have any Chinese listeners is probably like the kids that make phones

probably the people who work in the places where they have nets suicide nets yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I oh man I had a professor in college who was

a polysci professor and he was he talked like Jerry Seinfeld and he was like also like a Fox News contributor and no matter what the lecture was about

you know whether it was about like you know if it was a political statistics class or you know if it was some kind of he taught everything from like

you know like political demographics whatever it doesn't matter he would find a way to shoehorn in some kind of fantastical headline about China

and he would always talk about that and he would always talk about that and he would be like, oh, that's enough about the, that's enough about, uh, about Adam Smith's wealth of nations. I don't know this, but in China, it's so bad the workers kill themselves to such a degree that they have to install nets and foam mats kids. He was, I think one of those professors, maybe some of the audience that's in college or been to college can relate where I think a lot of teachers are wanted to be some type of performer.

I think he very much wanted to be a comedian Because in all of his PowerPoints he would make like Simpsons references or like references to Frazier And Very much like a Gen X Guy But not counterculture Gen X Like he liked whatever the culture was at the time

Which was That anyway Yeah guys That's enough about another about the labor theory of value what a fucking crock of shit, right? I don't know if you guys know this, but in China

they jump, if you're having a bad day at work in America, you can call in sick. In China, they get a leap out of an 18-story building into a fun house. Guys. And of course, no one would laugh because he was

fucked up looking and he was fucked up looking and didn't really have a lot of going well well i mean you know he was he was a uh he would actually had a lot going on for him but uh yeah nobody laughed probably because everybody was hungover is uh i usually he only taught morning classes because he was evil um and uh and thomas thomas is reconnecting uh anyway um he was having some technical difficulties that's okay anyway uh oil

but what am I going to what the fuck that's fine yeah so I found out fun I feel so okay

so I'm reading the news and by the news I mean my phone and uh a new thing on the far right um

schizo world is that Leviathan has awoken. The biblical Leviathan has risen and the purpose for the purpose for all these winter storms

fern that just happened and then the one that's about to happen right now is that the weather machine guy plural guys are trying to freeze Leviathan so he doesn't attack the eastern seaboard because

Leviathan is angry at New York City. This is something that I'm guessing just a healthy estimate at least 3 million people in the United States believe if you go on your phone or you search up on your Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, and you search Leviathan

or Winterstorm Leviathan. You'll find countless videos and countless text posts of people who are saying that we fucked up. Leviathan has

awoke woke up And And the They're trying to freeze Leviathan in his tracks He's apparently Hauling ass Towards the American Eastern

Seaboard to eat The entire city of New York I guess Because of Zoran Mobbani A couple of people are saying Because of the Muslim stuff That Leviathan is coming to get his Fucking ounce of flesh

And so I just want I wanted to let you guys know. I don't think that's true, but if it is, saltwater, particularly at depths of over 10,000 feet, doesn't like to freeze over the course of four to five days, your average typical blizzard. So if you live on the eastern seaboard and on the 0.001 chance

that this is real. The weather machines can't freeze Leviathan because saltwater notoriously hard to freeze. And if you wanted to freeze the entire ocean down to like past 500 feet, the whole earth would have to be very cold for a thousand years. So I don't think the weather... The worst part is he might also be going for Myrtle B. from what I've seen on the radars.

Yeah. He might be angry with Myrtle Beach. Yeah. So certain people are saying he's heading towards Florida. His, Leviathan's motivations are primarily anti-Muslim. This is the consensus that I'm getting. Which is hilarious because if you're a snake that's about half the size of the earth, so more of like a skink.

That's my, that's my, like his shape that they trace on the maps. If you go and see in these posts, the shape that they trace, it doesn't look like a snake. It looks more like a big skink. It's kind of really short. What would that be for those of us who don't? A skink is like a short, fat lizard with little ass legs. And he's the triangular head. So it's kind of got a head like a salamander type.

Yeah, but the big, big thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a kind of like a big creature Yeah big creature So if you are Muslim And you are on the eastern seaboard And it's personal because Muslims can't have that as a pet And they can't

You probably can't eat that either You can't stop it in any way You can't befriend it You can't eat it So just just know that there's It's not a non-zero chance We live in a kind of post-reality-based community, you know, post-truth world.

So there's not a non-zero chance that Leviathan isn't awake because you can't show me that Leviathan doesn't exist and he's not swimming very slowly because he's fat, at least from the diagrams that I've seen, towards Myrtle Beach, or maybe even New York City, to eat Muslims. He's going to devastate the Charleston area. He's going to devastate all of the Morgan Wallen.

I love this bar bars. He's going to be able to kill to anybody. Every other celebrity is going to live. He just fucking plops his big head down at Myrtle Beach during a Morgan Wallet concert. I really don't want it to happen. But if Daniel Bride was killed by a monster, it would be some of the first news that I... It would be one of the first articles I'd read in a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would be like the Kobe playing crash. Yeah, yeah, for us. Yeah. Being eaten by green skink. Yeah, that would be my Kobe helicopters. Danny McBride getting eaten by a big green skink. Dude, I would text you on the... And I feel bad even having mentioned that possibility

because if it happens now, I'm fucked. That's such a specific thing, you know. Yeah, yeah. I don't feel a little bit odd about that. Yeah, yeah. God damn, man, I got... There's a big-ass lizard on the beach talking about some shit,

you know, I'm not talking about what he's talking about. And he's talking about I got to pay my dude. he survives the encounter like giving an interview I was shit I was down there in Myrtle I was down there in Myrtle And his big fucking green thing Comes out of the ocean, plop

You know He's trying to tell me He's trying to tell me He's got to eat my soul I said fuck you My soul belongs to the Lord You know big ass skink And he fucking he waddled his

Big belly big green belly ass Right back into the ocean Where he belongs Fuck him I'm trying to I'm trying to imagine what kind of spiritual carmic debt you'd have to have

Try some shit, green motherfucker. You're in a karate headband on Myrtle Beach Like a fucking Japanese son Green pussy Big green motherfucker I wish I was better at his impression Because I can hear it in my head He just like he gets into like a

Traditional Kada Like a tight with the middle of the beach says there's you just see this in the horizon off the coast of myrtle beach you just see three humps just come out of the fucking just right under the sun come on big big he's here to lay waste this land yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah dandy mcbride knows exactly what's happening people are running and screaming he's here to lay waste to the land about this for ages i've known about this in taza day i was born this big green motherfucker and i have a score to settle fuck god damn it yeah I don't, you know, I don't, it's so hack to say the thing where people are like,

I love how insane everyone's becoming. I think it's like a tweet or something, but I got, like, because of my upbringing, oh yeah, yeah, swag on him. He's a, he's a classic, classic poster. Because of my upbringing, I like, a lot of the stuff I knew about for my dad, and it was very niche. 20 years ago, I was like so... My dad would have to go on these weird forms

on a compact desktop to talk about, like, the Leviathan, and to talk about, like, Kim Trails and the Rothschilds and stuff. And now, like, I can't... I can't... Like, everybody... Like, half the country believes in that stuff.

Candice Owens was going on a rant about, like... Um... how Charlie Kirk could do magic, and that's why they killed him. To be sure he does look like a street magician kind of. Yeah, he does have that vibe. But to say that... You have all the cards tucked behind his teeth or something. Yeah, I guess what I mean to say is, like, they were very close.

If you died, like, tragically... Actually, that doesn't make sense. if you did die tragically or I died tragically, one of us would absolutely say that the other guy was actually a wizard secretly. And we would be 100% crying. Yeah. I would disown you as soon as you died.

I would say, Jake was not the man that you guys saw he was. I've seen a lot of people mourning Jake. That should not be what you're doing. Jake was a wizard. Let's focus on what I'm pivoting the Patreon to now, which will be something much better. kind of a more

kind of a left wing thing Jake was pretty right wing and he didn't really like me talking about politics but this will be like a left wing like just like actually like mostly like theory and stuff

just me going over theory yeah Jake never liked me going over stuff like Marx and oh yeah angles yeah Marks and uh

fival who was the other guy marks I got with Elmo I've read this new politics book The Five Lions by Carl Droger and

I'll be getting into that with you guys Carl Troker The monsters from Skyrim The guys that were like The cryptkeeper guy Unsubscribing

I feel like I'm not being taken seriously So I'm reading the five lines I'm really trying to pivot I've done all this rebranding And I feel like Everybody's saying it's too soon I think it's too late honestly

Yeah I've already retweeted a couple things About Jake passing away I don't know what else you guys want me to do It's time to start putting out More and more content right now Yeah Yeah I know my friend was shot

In the fucking neck But he was a wizard and that I don't tell their that would no offense

be so funny oh dude I I don't I got killed because we probably wouldn't even be

the headline or whatever show we no no I'd be a feature at best yeah they would kill me

or you yeah don't yeah I would get killed opening for fucking

Dan Carney or somebody I don't know anyway I remember one Please don't kill us. Yeah, don't do that. I'm still working on getting Jake to become...

To become the man that I need him to be. We're still working on Jake becoming a big comedian. Yeah. I'm grooming Jake. Five years older than... Fully opposed to my will. Oh, yeah. And that, of course, being grooming him and...

31 years old. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. I'm reaching a level of sleep deprivation that's really weird because I'm sleeping every night, but I don't know how much. I slept a few hours on the couch last night on accident, and it was like some of the best sleep I've ever had. Dude, a couch sleep is incredible. I've talked with Ashley about this. I don't know how many times.

Sometimes a couch sleep, like, completely restores you. Yeah, like you know, I had already showered and brushed my teeth and everything. Yeah. It wasn't a, it wasn't really a shameful couch sleep either. It was like, right. Just dozed off. Yeah. Yeah.

But I'm being mad at me, you know what I mean? I can just say, right, right, right. I feel like it. Yeah, it's an incredible thing. It was, uh, it was nice. I keep dozing off on trains and I'm very paranoid about, um, being. I feel like, uh, when I sleep, I fall into very robble. positions.

Yeah. So my jacket pockets open. Mm-hmm. Everything. Thankfully, my pants are usually tightened up around the hips toward getting things out of my pant pockets is a lot harder than you might think, even for me. I actually hurt my wrist trying to get something out of my pocket earlier. Not that I've ever been in a position.

Not that I've ever been in the mentality of a robber or thief. but I will say as your friend you and this is a compliment you don't give off the vibe of somebody who would be easily robbed

now I'm not saying that is true you I think I think that someone could easily rob you with a weapon because that's just the way weapons work but you kind of do have an energy about you that's like oh I'm going to get this guy he's sleepy

and then you like pulled the guy's eye out or he rip his jaw bottom jaw off like an ape you know what I mean like you don't like

I'm like I'm a robber and I've got like a little ass I'm not a serious thief you know maybe I'm a little mentally ill I've got a little knife that I got from the store In most situations it is probably a child

Yeah It's very easy to intimidate a child I will say Right yeah yeah You're a teenager Teenagers also oh oh I had a funny thing

I forgot to tell you about this so yeah a couple days ago um so I told you I lost my phone right and I was going to get it back I had spit the whole day looking for it come back and then somebody turned it in and Eden arranged for me to pick it up

and I'm like you know I'm at the train station getting ready to leave toward the phone again it'll be another hour and a half before i get there but i'm i'm finally feeling good it's like the first good thing that's happened the whole day i'm like oh thank god i didn't thank god i'm getting my phone back somebody was so nice to turn that in and i'm standing out on the train platform it's like an elevated or whatever you know so it's all open and um this uh this

teenage boy is probably standing about 20 feet to my right and uh uh he calls across the platform to these two Latino guys who seem probably a teenage as well. But I couldn't see their faces because they had on, they had their, like the bottom halves of their faces covered up. Yeah, yeah. I guess. And the teenager goes, on my side, he goes,

damn, yeah, beep's lacquins. oh no and um caught lack and challenge and um and i let out a big sigh and i and i shrugged my shoulders like

oh yeah i was so in the moment i was so annoyed because i was like in my head i was like if i look all day for this damn phone and then on my way to get it i get killed by a 15 year old in

cross Cross fire, Crossfire, by the way. Accidental, yeah, crossfire. And then it turned out

that the two guys on the other side were not the guys that he thought, and not only that, they did not speak English. Oh. And he said,

my bad, I thought it was a different Spanish dude. And he kind of had to awkwardly play it off. And I think it might have been like a joke threat, but,

But I'll tell you, Jake, I don't know when people are joking when they say that. Because if one of my friends saw me from across the train platform and he said basically, hey, do you have a gun on you? Do you have a gun on you? I would say, hey, man, are you having some kind of fucking manic episode? What the, why would the fuck would you say that to me in a public space? It's very funny. But also, I had spent $3 for the train ticket. I was not going to walk out of there.

Right. Another $3 to come back up. So I just say, I'll just let this, whatever is going to play out happen. And then hopefully I'll get a refund on the train ticket if I'm caught in a shooting. Yeah, I, uh, I, the, that is very, it's very funny to start out cold with y'all lacking. And then, but to have the nice, to have the civility when you realize that. it is perhaps not your op or your friend playing a joke to go, oh, my bad.

Like, you open up with literally the hottest sentence you can have, which is, do you have a gun? When you see your friend and you honk at him, because you know it's his truck or whatever, I think it was like that. Yeah, yeah. But in the moment, that is not how it came across at all. It came across, hey, I'm the evil guy.

I have a gun, do you? Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Very funny to, it's like, yeah, very funny to threaten somebody or to or to very passively

asking someone if they would like to get into a gun fight on the subway. Yeah. Do you think we should kill all the 30 people standing here? I'm just kidding. That was a joke. I thought it was that you were a friend. Yep.

That's what I said to my friend. Hey, do you think we should, Do you think we should start shooting at each other and kill like four or five people? Also, what if a train stops while we're doing? What happens then? What do we do then? Should I maybe just go over to your side of the train and then have this? Nope, let's just right now.

Keep shooting bullets at each other. Hey, five two guy here. Should we kill everyone? Yeah. How about no? I got to get my damn phone. Okay Hey Dominican teenager here

Hey you other guys Dominican teenagers Should we kill everybody on the train Messaging on Slack Yeah yeah Hey guys I did I hear earlier Should I kill everyone on the train

Just circling back Should I shoot everyone on the train with my Glock 9 Looping the two Mexicans in here Should we kill everybody I've got my gin 17 I'm just gonna loop the two Puerto Ricans in I was wondering if If I should let it fucking sing.

Nike Tech swag here. Mr. Walk him down and smash him. Just a quick rundown on whether... Should we shoot up this whole train station? Killing my body into pieces and spraying the red foam out of my bones. Just let me know when you have a chance of you wet. Whenever you can get back to me, it's fine. Yeah, I was wondering if I should make this Mexican guy look like foam insulation.

Cheers. Cheers, guys. Whenever you get a chance, Mr. Walk him down and fuck them. Thank you. Oh, sorry. We're in the wrong thread. Let me move this over to the...

Let me move this over to the shooting on the train thread. Sorry. This is... I'm not trying to bring down the mood. This is meant to be a funny thing. I remember when I was visiting my dad in the hospital. And I was like... I was younger.

I remember I tried to ask him of it. He'd been there a little while, and I was trying to, for being, you know, for having brain bugs. And I asked him, I was like, what are the, you know, what are the thoughts that you have that make you end up in here, you know? He goes, oh, well, you know, I mean, you're killing yourself ones. Those are the ones that, you know, that's just all the time. So, you know, you know, you wake up and fuck, you know, another goddamn day. but you know about once every five years I start having the ones where you know I'll be I'll be at the jiffy lube or something me they got the truck in there you know now yeah I'll be at the jiffy loop and I be I'm thinking about grabbing the boys head of what's about to charge my card and I'm thinking about crushing I'm thinking about putting it in the tire rim rem remover and uh and I find myself you know it's not of an intrusive thing I find myself reaching across the counter and I have to stop like oh I you know

Whenever I met, you know, whenever those thoughts you have, whenever you're at the mall and you're like, oh, before anyone could stop me, you know, I could kick this a woman in the head. Yeah, you know, I have stuff like that sometimes. Yeah, you know, I start walking over to her. And then that's, it's not really, it's intrusive, but then my body kind of does not shut that down, you know. I mean, you know, you ever had a, I'm sure, you're my boy. I'm sure you've had violent thoughts, you know, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, you know, driving into the media or whatever. Yeah, it's thoughts like that, but it's when you start going to the left. You know, I don't see, at that point, at that point it's no longer intrusive.

It becomes, what's the word, actionable. And so then that's why I have to go here. I was like, oh, okay. It's like, it's just like the inside the mind of a schizophrenic. Like, like, fucking, yeah, you know, you start thinking everybody in neighborhood is, is, is a secret agent. and you got to you've got to invent a new language that they can't read or write

so you can have your own thoughts in your head oh yeah, okay that makes sense okay, yeah luckily I don't have to I don't have to deal with that I haven't, they've got me, I think I told you,

they got me back on my Sarah quill who, man that shit I don't know if anybody's ever been on the fucking quill but I love that shit. I have to, I have to take it and I have to go to bed because I'll eat fucking everything. But it's an awesome pill.

You take it. And then you go, wow, I'm a sleepy little man. And then you fucking sleep for like 13 hours and you're late for work. And your boss asks why. And then you have to say that you're on a new medicine. And then when your doctor asks you how the medicine is doing, you say, it makes me late to work. And they go, are you having the bad thoughts? And I go, no.

And they go, well, okay, there you go. And I go, oh, okay. Yeah. I'm, I... I remember I used to take Visturil three times a day and Trezidone. Dude, what? The motherfucker, what? Holy shit, dude.

They were trying to turn you into the fucking... Dude, that is a crazy stack. They were trying to turn your shit off. As soon as I wasn't having... I think I was having some kind of episode, maybe, man. and once I was not having that they didn't change my regimen at all I just had to stop fucking taking that

yeah just driving I would be like struggling to stay awake I'd be like God damn I'd wake up in the morning and I'll be like Jesus Christ I'm so tired because stress don't doesn't it doesn't make you like wake up rejuvenated

it makes you it makes you tired for like 16 hours. It makes you tired for like a day and a half. It depends on the dosage. Like, I remember. Daily Trazidone morning, morning, I think it was a morning, midday and nighttime vista rifted. What?

They were having you take Trazadone in the morning? No, no, but the vista road. Oh, oh, okay, okay. I was about to say, what the fun note? Yeah, yeah. I remember one of my buddies in the mental hospital. uh there was a big lesbian girl who told him that if you snorted it you could get high off yeah yeah yeah so he he tucked it under his tongue when he took it and then he snuck it back to

the bathroom and snorted it and it just like gave him like a nosebleed and just hurt like it didn't do anything she's just fucking yeah yeah the uh uh i don't even know what the goal would be to do one line of Trazadone and then you'd still have to go to bed after because you're in a mental hospital. Well, I'm like, oh, now I can stay up watching movies. There's just fucking cinder blocks. It's not. There's nothing.

I have like two guys outside the door. I can't go out. Yeah. I'm in, I'm basically in a prison. Like I, I'm like, you know. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's funny. Well, that was the fucking same. It was the same shit.

when I was in the mental hospital and I had traded that lady I had traded that lady What did I fucking trade her? I forget It was like cigarettes for Oxy Or my clonopin for Oxy But I don't remember

And And She had just done a huge Like sobbing monologue About how she's sober Working on getting sober She can get her kids back And then we go out to the smoking section

And she's like Oh my God And it starts eating fucking oxy Anyway, anyway, I remember I literally, to the snorting tracadone man's credit, I was able to get some oxy while I was in the mental hospital. And I, in my mind, I was like, yeah, hell yeah. We fucking, we getting lit because I'm fucking insane and I'm in the middle hospital. So I cry, I go, I quit the smoking section, which was this, these two, like, you know, kind of park bench, wooden areas in these trees and we were away from the cameras and the fucking you know nurses

and I crunch half of one up and I snored it and then I keep the other half on me and then yeah I was fucked up but we were doing we went and did a group art project so it's not like I snorted oxy and then went and saw Wilco like snorted oxy and then like yeah laid up and watched fucking nedded neddy and like ordered dominoes I just like was in a room with nine mental ill people and we were cutting up magazines to make like art collages about our emotions. It's just an idiot, dude. I was just like, hey, we're going to get fucked up and then I got to hang out with nine and clinically insane people and five guys who were here because they hurt somebody real

bad, but they got out of jail and went here instead. Like, anybody else won't get high? The answer to that question is, yeah, that's actually pretty common in the mental hospital is as his prison, is that people are still trying to get high. I remember those games were such bullshit I remember they had this one game There was this like kind of overly familiar guy Who would always be where

He would always be polo down He was pretty nice But I remember him like trying to be cool with us But sometimes it would just be like a little bit much Sometimes Yeah of course I remember we were playing some game He was like all right y'all name some sex positions

I forget how Like I forget It was wasn't like he made his acted out or anything like and there were other adults there but we were all like under 18 because we were in the children's ward of the yeah yeah yeah and uh like i don't know at the time it didn't really weird anybody out i don't think but looking back i'm like you know like if i walked in in that moment and my child had been there and and he had a big i remember him having

reverse doggy style just written out on the board I don't remember what that had to do with anything but once again I was pretty I was on quite a bit of medicine oh also so not only did

they put me on the visceral and Tresden all of a sudden they switched my antidepressants cold turkey while I was in there genius and I was tapering so I was tapering from one medication on to another, right? I go to the mental hospital and they cold turkey off of both of those and onto a third

one. Wow. Genius. Yeah. And then also on amounts of anxiety medication that could kill pretty much anybody. And I was not in there for having anxiety. Yeah. They just threw me on that shit.

I think because I think I said Because I said I was going to get out of there Yeah Yeah they don't like that They don't like it And You actually have a lot less agency Than you would think

I thought because I voluntarily Went to the mental hospital Inpatient I thought that I was I was like Hey I'm gonna do I think like three or four days That's cool Yeah

And they were like Yeah you're gonna do eight days And I was like Well I only got I only got my shifts covered up to four days, so I'm going to have to leave at four days. But I do

appreciate it. Thanks, fellas. Four days for me. That sounds good. And the whole I remember you had to like earn good boy points

to go to the cafeteria. And I was like, I don't give a fuck about the cafeteria. I'm not going there. And I only, I literally, I went the last day, but I stayed,

I basically stayed in, like, in one room, pretty much the whole time because I was like, fuck the points. Fuck the points. I'm not eating lunch.

I'm staying in tonight. I ain't, I'm fucking G.D. I'm staying in my room. The fucking, I remember we had a dude tried to self-harm with mulch. I think he told me

about that before, yeah. a piece of mulch and he barely scratched himself and then he rubbed his wrist he didn't fucking eat he broke the skin barely he rubbed his wrist on a paper and turned it and he's sorry got my blood all over it and the teacher lady was like oh Jesus Christ you know what's what I don't diminish anybody's shit but like that guy isn't crazy he just he needs he kept trying to get us to call him different names even though he wasn't schizophrenic he just needs attention.

When people... We all hated this guy so much because he just would go to the mental hospital when he wanted attention, which no disrespect there. But he, you know, no disrespect if that's your game for when I think it's...

Grippy sock vacation. Yeah. Grippy sock girl. Yeah. We got to get it figured out by a certain age. Yeah. But anyway, I remember he... His family would bring panic at the disco and fallout boy and 21 pilot

CDs and he said that he had to have access to the TV There was one TV for ever For all the guys to share During the maybe 30 minute or maybe an hour Like recreational time Yeah And they had like an Xbox 360 or whatever I think

He would want to commandeer it to Fucking play Panic at the Disco CDs Oh, well, imagine As I'm pacing the pews in it He wanted to listen to fucking I write sins not Jesus Christ Everybody hated him so much

You imagine going to a mental hospital And nobody feels bad for you Dude that fucking That there was one guy While I was in there was like that But like you kind of get an idea of like Who's actually nuts And I

The one that I It was a girl she was I think she was homeless and schizophrenic black girl she's probably like maybe in her early 20s

and every day we would do group at like 9 3 9 in the morning so it's not early early but it's pretty it's early-ish it's too early for this shit and she it was like the same monologue she would raise her hand

and this lady that ran group was the sweetest Like kind of middle-aged Hispanic lady, very soft voice. Like, just perfect. Just, hey guys, let's check in how we're feeling today. Did you take your meds, Robert? That's great, Robert. That's great. Jake, how are you doing?

Angry? I understand. Angry and scared. Okay, that's great. Tisha, how are you? And she would be like, I'm good. Hey, so I know we talked about it yesterday, but like, I know you say you don't got a man.

And I know you say that you like to have, I remember like Monday on you say you like to have kids someday. My brother, he played D1. He's a D1 linebacker. I could get some of his stuff and I can bring it to the hospital. She would say this every morning to the nurse. The nurse would have to tell her. Like, I can bring my brothers come to the hospital so you could have it.

And like you sit there and you go, oh, that's an actual. And she was like being dead serious. She was, no, there's no, this is not a thing. in her mind that's funny that she's trying to do this like you want to have kids and if you want your kid can't play ball or something so my brother my brother my buddy he's uh he's um he played he played football and he and he's um and he's tall and he's super nice so so i can bring you i can't um like you know i have to have the samples like in the movies i can bring that here just letting you know and then there's what i have to be like no no no no no no no i don't i don't

I don't want that. Thank you, though. Thank you. And tell him, I said, thank you. Anybody, like, it's like 930. This lady's like, hey, look, I can get my brother to jack off in a Ziplog bag, and I can bring it to you, and you can just put it. I remember there was one girl that some of the guys tried to talk to, the group stuff like that,

and they were like, yo, what are you in here for, whatever? And she was like, I have a really hard time not, like, hurting people and animals. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to slide. All right. Well, maybe, yeah, let's wait a few days and see how we're feeling after that. Yeah, yeah. You got snatching.

Let me get that snap if you're not feeling like, oh. My friend was this chill Mexican dude who I think just works on cars now. And he didn't really do anything. Like, I think they would put people in there for like getting in fights sometimes. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And then my second roommate had fucking really bad to Reds.

But I remember I got him to start chipping away at the cock in the windows with my deodor. The cap on my doer. Like fucking one flu? I was trying to get the window out. I was trying to get to where I can pop out the window in the room. You're doing one flu over the cuckoo's nasty. Yeah. I've got to help me with that for a couple of days.

You're doing an eight-day bid at the middle hospital, and you're like, I've got to get out. He's like, Josh Hank Redemption. I got to get out of here. This space. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, requesting off to go to the middle hospital is awesome.

Speaking of getting off. Somebody, Gary, he covered one of my shifts, and then my parents had to tell the, owners of the restaurant that I was in the mental hospital and then they were actually very supportive and they were like hey not a big deal

he can come back whenever he wants that's awesome so thank you to them well speaking of coming back jobs I've had like that where they would respond in that way most restaurant or fast food type jobs of head would say well

You know, we all have suicidal thoughts It doesn't mean you can take off work for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, speaking of getting off at work, don't get off at work, get off sexually And better, better. Him, Edy doesn't mean your love life is over. It means it's just getting started.

with personalized treatment options with personalized treatment I'm just reading the I'm just reading the copy dude dude is this chat is this chat never never mind no it's really it's written normally

let me try again ED doesn't mean your love life is over it means it's just getting started Hey sweetheart don't worry We're just getting started Hey our relationship is on the way up with personalized treatment

options to help you take back control and spontaneity thanks to daily meds. It's great. This is, okay. Through Hymns, you can access personalized prescription treatment options for ED if prescribed. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for E.D. weight loss and more, visit Hems.com. S.P.T. for your free online visit. Hems.com slash PT. Featured products include compounded truck. products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality.

Prescription required c website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Yeah, nothing says fire in the bedroom. Like, hold on. Hold on. Actually, that actually does mean fire in the bedroom. It means the best sex you've ever had in your life. Moving on.

Anyway, yeah, I think the, I think, because when I was there, The funniest part about my time there in the mental hospital was that they made me go from 9 to 3 or 9 to 4. I had my buddy drop me off and I told the lady that I was going to kill myself. If I went home, I was going to walk over to the parking garage by my apartment and jump off of it, kill myself. And then she was like, how long have you been thinking about this? And I was like, oh, a few months. and they she disappeared behind a back door

for like an hour and a half and I'm just in this really bright kind of buzzing you know halogen office space light type just the noise floor of a fucking CVS then she comes back

and she's like yeah we so we can do an IOP intensive outpatient so you can come back tomorrow at 9 and you'll be here from 9 until 4 for 10 days and I was like if I

I don't know it was like I actually wanted them to take me it was pretty bad like I wasn't really the de-realization it kind of really set in

and I wasn't like not on I wasn't like on planet earth anymore or whatever you know and I was like oh I need to I think I need to

I need to say somewhere at night and she was like it's okay we'll see it in the morning and I called my buddy Ed because he dropped me off

he dropped me off in a cherry red Camaro and he picked me up in that too he was very mad when I called and back. He's not happy because I had mostly been making my roommates mad for like about a year at that point from, you know, talking to the TV and doing cocaine and breaking all the dishes.

Anyway, I call him and I'm like, oh, they're not taking me. And he was like, what? Why not? I think he, like, wanted a break from me. He was trying to, he was like, a loving man. I hope you get better, get out of the Camaro. And then I went. And then when I called him, like, two hours later, like, oh, they said I can go back at nine. He was like, what the fuck it's like the shitty like your best friend is just going through really shitty time and we've all been there not all of us but we've all had somebody we love very much that we want them to get better but god damn they pisses the fuck off i could hear in his voice he's like what do you mean they want you there from nine to three tell him that you need to stay like he was

trying so hard to be like a helpful guy friend but as men were just not we especially young men were not equipped i was probably 22 just not equipped for that kind of he was not equipped to be like, I understand. And the doctor made the right decision. We have to make a mold of your ass or their eyes on the inside. They're saying that the only way that they... I know. I don't think that we should do it either, but I need to get in here.

Yeah, they should we can do it in the... At home. Yeah, I can make, yeah. As long as you have the gear and it's... You're a whole of your soft wee-wee. I don't think that makes sense because where would I even put that? Anyway, it's just something for my mental health. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Oh, the fucking, the main doctor, uh, she had a, uh, a, a, a, a,

a, a, uh, a, a, like, day three when I was there, uh, there was,

this black on black G wagon, they would show up, like, every couple days. And I was like, damn, that's,

I mean, it looked like, it looked like a fuck, like, like, like, like a Rick Ross, like,

you eat the sausage in the, Or with a P? With a P. But, like, I'm thinking that was a double entendre, like, play. That's what I'm thinking it was. Like, it said psych. And I was like, it kind of made me mad. Because I was like, you know, I'm in the fucking mental hospital, and I had to take off work to go there, too.

And I have no money. I don't know how I'm going to pay for this. You know, I have no money. And when I get out of the hospital, I'm going to have no money. and my parents are not giving me, they can't give me any fucking money. And then this lady that I have to talk to for 10 minutes because she was the medication manager,

so she wasn't there every day. She's driving around in $160,000 black rims, blacked out tinted windows, black fucking exterior. And I started in it, and it was blacked out inside too. I was like, fucking probably making half a million dollars a year to go, okay, we're going to up here. Lithium. Also, I told you this, Thomas.

I found this out like two months ago because I've been seeing a new shrink. When I told him where I went, he goes, oh, I'm so sorry. Was everything okay? And I was like, I was sick. And he goes, oh, no, no, no, no, you didn't. When were you there? And I was like, 2018. He goes, oh, I'm sorry.

There are a lot of victims of sexual assault that went to that hospital. There was a lot of cases of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, I just, you know. And I was like, in my head, I was like, I mean, obviously, it was tragedy. I did not know that. But I was also like, so this bitch is rolling up in a fucking murdered out G-wagon every day. No, not even. She works three days a week, probably clearing 300K. And everybody's just getting fucking touched on and molested.

And she's just like, yeah, lithium for you, XNX for you. All right. Yeah, I'm going to hop back in my fucking rig, my fucking swag wagon. Don't look at me. You sick, fuck. Y'all stay in there with your fucking gowns on and y'all fucking jack each other off and throw fucking rocks at each other.

Whatever the fuck y'all got to be doing. I'm getting here. I'm getting paid. I'm working fucking two hours a day, three days a week, and I'm making more than 10 teachers. And y'all stay in here and y'all be doing over the fuck y'all want. She fucking suck, dude. Fuck her.

Just the audacity. The audacity, because you probably know. I feel like if you're the head doctor at the fucking sanitarium, at the fucking insane asylum, you know if there's some fucking impropriety happening at your place of business. And you fucking just look the other way? Most people do that.

It's a very human thing to look the other way. It's probably maybe the most human of things. But anyway, I'm not trying to go on to a big ramble about some stupid shit that's not funny. But anyway, just, dude, we go our separate ways and, you know, whatever, our future lives, I run into you 20 years, you're doing very well. You're doing incredible.

You got your own tree. trimming business and you don't you know you're a truck guy now you ain't working you ain't digging the holes no more and you ain't climbing up in the harnesses you're sitting in the truck and i fucking like i've been and you know you gotta let me out to come out to the job site one day oh yeah dude we've got this new project it's great you know it's out near austin comes come see and i go down there and you're in your truck you got a big ass dip in and you point to all the mexican guys working in the yard and they're fucking they're just fucking they're just sucking each other off you're like yep all in, Jake.

I talk like that now for some... Take it all in. You talk like Billy Bob Thornton. I finally acquired the Brooklyn accent. Yep. I've been for a while now. This is how to talk. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll make a killing off trees, but I make my living doing this. Oh. Yeah. I've been watching these boys. Ten hours of down. for fucking 10 years since the last show.

I make them all wear open-toe sandals. Make them clogged a lot. Make them clogged sandals. I have them have them lay concrete in high heels. Hey, if you want to watch

do this drive. It's my wishes. It's my wishes. It's my wishes. It's my business. The boss's wishes always stand up true. You got to come on Fridays. It's high hill Fridays.

We lay sod and it's fucking... And we got red underwear Thursday. It's not an actual name, but I like it. We're doing those sprinklers whale tails only. RUT. Red Underwood Thursday. Let's go, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Jorge, where's your fucking red underwear? Oh, I left it a horn. Sorry, hey. It's not clean. Oh, you got to go home and get that. You got to go home and get that. This is red underwear Thursday. We do not mess around.

All I see is a crack of your ass. I don't see a little red lace. thing on there. Okay, I'll go back and get it. Yeah, hurry up. Hurry up. Back to your back. Get you up.

I'm from Brooklyn. I think Thomas, somebody's at Thomas' door. Somebody's at the door. Who is that? Somebody want to see me and my cat. Sorry about that? No, you're good. That's fine.

Yeah, one of my servants. One of your servants was at the door. Yeah I'm really glad I like I kind of like There was like a period fairly recently Where I thought maybe I should go back to the hospital And then I had that thing

I think we talked about it Um We've talked about it before but like I don't think on the show Just like bullshit where it's like you just You got too much going on Like when you're like 19 or 20 And you want to go to the mental hospital You can just, you can go.

I don't, I don't got time to be doing it. I don't, I don't have time for that. Like, whatever the fuck it is, I just got a fucking, you know what I mean? You wake up and you go, you just tighten it to fuck up. And you fucking go outside and it's fucking two degrees out. I was like, I was like in my head, you know, I was like, yeah, I was just, man, you know, I'm not. I'm just out of control. And I'm not, you know, none of my, none of my coping mechanisms are working.

Maybe I should go. And then there's a voice that was like, nope, you know, I got time of that. Also, where you're going to go? The place where they were touching on people? Options are limited. You know what I mean? So I was like, yeah, I can't really be. Yeah.

Also, I don't. You're really, you're better off to spending $600 a month talking to a lady who doesn't listen to you. Yes, I was just about to say, like, you're going to get a bill. I got a bill for like $9,000 from that hospital. It's way more cost efficient and perhaps maybe even slightly more effective to just go to therapy twice. a week and and and yeah and have the lady go I understand I understand I have a male therapist now and I much prefer it

I'm sorry to the I don't mean that in a way like women can't be good therapists well I don't want to be mean you know I don't want to be rude but I have to have a I think are you going to talk about flowers purses shopping pink pink is a color

pink pink songs pink music Yeah, what are you, pink pancakes? You talked about it. Pink raspberry syrup. I'm having pink thoughts. Yeah. I'm thinking about shopping.

Oh, no. I'm having pink thoughts, and I'm thinking about shoes. Have you tried shopping? Have you tried retail therapy? Have you tried thinking about pink? Yeah. Have you tried listening to Taylor Swift? I mean, I know you've been having thoughts of a homicidal

urges, have you thought about thinking about pink and listening to the Taylor Swift era album on repeat? That will help. So, I'm a girl. You've been having suicidal urges? Is that true? You heard that? You got that one? How long have these were urges been going on?

Fuck you, bitch. I thought maybe you didn't catch it. How long have you had your urges? So when you get the urges or something like that, if the therapist says everything else normally, Yeah, yeah, but the erg. You're going to have this, you know, familiar erg kind of come on and figure out a way to fight that erg. It's totally normal.

These ergs are normal. The reason they don't feel normal is because you have isolated yourself, you know. We have a community, so there are communities, entire communities, both online and in-person of people who have your erg. So I just, I think it's best course of action. Homework for you, homework for you, is to go find, go find a community and erg community. Because you won't feel so alone with your erg. I am urging you to stop masturbating. I'm, when you get urges, when you get urges to masturbate during these sessions,

I strongly urge you to not, to not. Um, because it it's very tempting for me. Um, I know I'm wearing a pink dress and we're listening to flower songs, but

I've drawn to the review stuff doing that. The fucking, uh, uh, uh, Ed Kemper's monologue from Mind Hunter. Oh, don't mind me holding.

I'm just a highly successful murderer. who evaded capture and only turned myself in because I despaired the idea of ever being caught. But those are just my ergs. Bring her in. Those are my ergs. I've been re-watching that show and I really like to show. But I kind of, and I, everybody likes to show it. It's great.

It is kind of bizarre. I guess it does. It makes sense. serial killers early, you know, obviously like a macab interest, everybody knows. But there was like a part where they like start listing off serial killers that they could interview. And it was almost like in Marvel movies where it's like somebody will be like when they connect the universes through like casual dialogue, it's like, yeah, I ran into the Punisher the other

day. It's like they were like, oh yeah, Richard, Richard Speck, where we could go. And it's like, oh, I know what this is. I didn't catch this the first time. Yeah, we could go interview the Candyman, yeah, the one of the one of the ones. his assistant. He's a Pasadena Child Rapist.

Don't say anything about that's me. Don't say anything. If you guys know where that is and you know that I'm from there, don't say that that's me. I was going to say that's me.

I'm glad he said something. I was going to say Pasadena Child Rapeist. Not Dean Coral. I was going to say your name. Jake Rhodes, the Pasadena child rapist.

Yeah, my dad had My dad and his friends Judge, who doesn't understand why the children are grown-ups now? Would you mind explaining me why every single child this gentleman raping the age is at least 30 years old?

Something's not adding up to me. Frankly, I'm tired of wasting this gentleman's time when I a single one of these victims is a child. every child that had allegedly been abused from 1984 or 1988

stands before me today as a full grown adult now if they were kids I certainly can't tell now you sound like you sound like one of the you sound like one of the

the I forget the name of the character but the cops that was in on it and True Detective Season 1 Rose Cole's like I know I know I know I know what I'm talking about You know what I'd fucking say to me that I don't know what I see what's fucking

Sound like There's something laughing around your head Russ These are grown women They can do as they pee Who might have tell a 45 year old woman Who she can and can't be with Fuck you I am on something

Because I just I from Shreveport, Beaumont, Galvison. It's all the same shit. Same families. I'm telling you, all a fucking web. It's a web of people. You accusing his gentleman as surfing.

He's all surf towns. This man was trying to catch a wave. A two-foot brown wave. A two-foot brown wave. Right. Yeah, yeah. The scene where Russ brings it up. and the police chief is like

saying it's all conjecture and he's just calling Russ crazy he's like oh let's go get a surf down in Port A let's go get a surf down in Shreveport I'll have your fucking badge you know how many guys have to go out and get a two foot brown wave dead he pins the big clip art

of a surfboard to the middle of the board and it's like otherwise a bunch of like it's just remembered women and newspaper clip The surfboard stretches from like Houston to Florida. It's like clearly 240 P.

Surf Towns, Marty. Surf Town. That's who we're. Orange, Texas. I went undercover Orange, Texas as a surfer for 10 years. Didn't surf one time. Didn't surf once, Marty. Well, now, Rust, I don't, I don't, I mean, I don't know too much about the surfing community, but I, I would go out on a long, long limb and say that Viter ain't the best place to start a new hobby like yet.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'd say if I were in your position. Drags the cigarette. I can smell it on him. I can smell the sea salt on him. He's fucking ribs. surfing. Dragging the flask smoking the cigarette. I fucking know.

This was a surfer. This is like a man's faded memory of a surf town. There ain't not one snow cone stand here. It's just one big long surfboard, Marty. Like a big yellow.

With a fin. Like a circle, but oblong. Long. And it has a fin And it's a wide strap down the middle A yellow otherwise From the dursity surfboard

And the surf On some dick dale for me Yeah Boney a little lair Yeah I'm gonna gnao nao naii lao Um I've got a

Dursdy Four Oh Shadow Yeah I've been wanting to rewatch that one too I think I'm due for rewatch of that. Anyway, what time is it?

Oh, it's an hour. Why don't you just stop saying? Surf shit. Like Bacowabunga. I mean, hanged at. Not hang tight. Everybody says hanged tight. That's just a thing.

That's actually a Texas State Trooper thing. I think it might be like a hang tide. That's how you're going to fucking prison. Hang ten, Marty. Cowabunga. let's make the PT cruiser a place of silent reflection

it's just like a wood-paneled purple PT cruiser with the surfboard hanging out the back fuck man the stuff that makes me laugh I love it I just you know

bring me another Hawaiian punch she's talking to that a lot lizard girl in the hotel he's trying to get drugs from her is you get surfboards pretty easy She's like trying to have sex with them. You get wet suits pretty easy. This girl's body smells a sunscreen and surfboards.

It's hung. There's a star carved in her back. Must be a surfing star that did this. A fish. Just way off. Just way off. It's like a pentagram. She's like a head body just like something you'd see in the ocean.

It's like clearly a pentagram and he's like, must it's a starfish killer. It's five surfboards. We're like a five surfing team of five. Instead of a genius, like that we know when Marty's doing the interviews with the other detectives at the present day, and you know where he's like saying how smarty was, he's like, you know, a lot of people can be. you know, a good detective Rust, and it cuts to him back in the day,

putting the surfboard on the girls' back at the Pentegram. Rust was mentally retarded. He used to carry around this big book of... I've been a whole book in Alaska surf in the last three years. He's got the big notebook

and it's just surfboards that he drew. He's got a nice little surf shop. I live out back in a sand... Anchorage. I live up in Fairb. Juno. He should follow. If you could probably surf a wave.

Get the chance. If a wave, you should probably surf. Prison can be very hard on surfers. Surf on the surfboard. Prison can be very difficult for surfers. Congratulations. You just confessed to surf in a big ass wave. You just...

You know what you just did? What? You just copped to being the best surfer I ever met. No, you get back in here, motherfucker. I'm there. No! You fucking talk to me. You surf with me.

You make a fucking surf with me. Man, too, motherfucker. Cowabonger, dude. He's the Super King. You know, me, me, me. My family's been surfing these waves a long, long time. He's on a jet ski in the middle of the fucking Gulf, Mexico. There's some of revving brown water.

My family was. been surfing a long time. Oh my God. Surf Detective. That's going to be one for the books. Thank you guys for coming to the show in Philly. I really appreciate that. It was a dream come true.

I'm grateful to you guys for coming out. It means a lot. At a time when shit kind of... Shit's kind of fucking crazy. It's just cool to fucking hang out and drink some beers. and shoot the shit with friends, so thank you for coming to the show. Thank you, Drew, Montana for opening.

He's a very funny guy. Go check him out. He's the Durag and the Deer Tag is his pot. He's a very funny guy. A couple of you guys have said, the state that had the most shit was actually Florida. So I don't know.

I might try to get something Florida set up. And that would be easy to try to, Not easy for time. Actually, I think it's like maybe the same distance. But anyway, I think there's a lot of flights down there. Yeah, yeah, there is. Anyway, we're going to try to get some maybe set up in the south because we've been doing a lot of the north, the Pacific Northwest.

Thank you guys for listening. And subscribe to Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com. Medea of Time. Give us a little bit of cheese. I just dropped a video episode with Michael Ridley from Radio. Ridley. He's a super funny comedian out here.

He hosts Roast Battle and one of my favorite comics in the shitty So go watch that shit Thanks for listening. Thomas, you got anything to plug? No right now. Okay, cool. All right.

See you guys. Bye. Bye.