Pendejo Time - the hip hop nerd
Episode Date: November 28, 2024ermmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm the alchemishtSupport the show...
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Yes, it's Thanksgiving and
I got a question for you Thomas. What do you think before today? What do you think for what? What is it?
What's been what do you think before this year?
This year I'm thankful that
I'm thankful for all my enemies that died this year
Okay, so it's biteful. I'm thankful that their families had to go through so much pain and suffering
I'm thankful for every one of my enemies is still alive because I get the chance to kill them with my bare hands
And I feel so sad about the enemies that I have they're already dead
Cuz like some of them are from natural causes.
There's nothing you can do about that once somebody
dies from natural causes.
Right, so OK, so you're taking a spiteful.
Well, let's unpack that.
Let's dissect that.
Let's circle back on that and unpack that and dissect it.
So you are taking a spiteful approach to what you're thankful for.
Yeah, a spriteful.
Like a spitesgiving.
A sprite.
I'm full of spite and I'm full of sprite.
Mmm.
I hope somebody brings sprite to Thanksgiving this year.
That would, I think I would kind of be mad.
I don't know. I don't, maybe not. I don't know. Sprite's good, but I do like Sprite.
I like Sprite Zero. Have you had Sprite Zero?
I have, yeah.
Oh, Sprite Zero's amazing.
It's got all that taste packed in a zero calorie can
Man even the
The only one I can drink that like kind of makes me think it's real soda is dr. Pepper zero
I really can't I can taste all the other ones and I I'm like you're supposed to you're supposed to just get accustomed to the
Taste it's not about taste. No, it's a completely different soda
No, I need I need the bad shit in there. I fucking I need it to be that's why like
I really don't like water is because it's not bubbly and it's not sickly sweet and it
Doesn't have anything in it like brown or blue or green
So I rig I really hate drinking water for that reason. I love soda juice.
Well that's why I like Coke Zero is it's water. No calories, no sugar means it's good for
you and it helps your body out when you drink it.
Well I understand that and I don't think you're wrong. In fact I think I'm wrong but if I'm
gonna like get a soda it's gonna be like it's gonna be that loud pack. I don't drink a 20 ounce diet. Dr. Pepper with
Breakfast yesterday, that's perfectly fine, and I had a I had a large coffee had a black coffee
Okay, no actually I had a mocha I had a mocha and a big
Diet Dr. Pepper, and then I had a mocha and a big Diet Dr. Pepper and then I had home fries
eggs and bacon
But they forgot to give me a fork so I had to eat all of it with my hands
That's that's unfortunate. I mean I ran to a bus
How was your day at work yesterday? I forgot about that Maybe my hands were so slippery
I forgot about that
Making an angel with my hands
That's very funny that that was your
That was
That was what happened before
I remember you sent me that picture I was cracking the fuck up
But it's even funnier to me now that that's what happened before
You hit the bus
Then you ran into the bus
You're just like I'm gonna go to the bathroom But it's even funnier to me now that that's what happened before you hit the bus.
They ran into the bus.
You're just like...
It's funny too because I drank the Dr. Pepper after I chugged the Dr. Pepper after I hit the bus.
I thought, ah...
I had had a coffee and I actually hadn't had breakfast yet.
And then I pulled over and I had bought the breakfast but I hadn't had breakfast yet, and then I pulled over and I had it
I had bought the breakfast, but I hadn't eaten it yet and so before the police got there
I grabbed my scrambled eggs with my hands and started eating them
Wait, did you eat the potatoes before you hit the bus or were you no and it all had ketchup on it, too
So my hands were covered in ketchup
And then and then I had it I didn't have that many napkins so I had to you know the little aluminum
disposable tins like yeah of course I was trying to use that as a napkin.
I was trying to use the outside of that as a napkin.
So I was just like smearing my hand against the outside and then just sort of rubbing
my hands on the Dr. Pepper To get some of the plastic to
it's so funny to drink it like a big coffee and then
get a bunch of food that you have to eat with your hands and then hit a city bus and
then
Eat a bunch of food with your hands and then talk to the police. That's yeah
Running into a bus and then choking a dr. Pepper and calling the cops on yourself. This is awesome
Yeah, that's sick, dude
Yeah, that's so awesome
It's funny like imagine if I'd had a full sugar dr. Pepper
I would have been jumping around all zippy and that would have been suspicious
In the moments before like, you know, you fucked up and you know that you don't know what the consequences are gonna be
But you know there will be consequences in that moment before the police arrive
Just housing like a thousand calories worth of eggs and ketchup eat potatoes with no napkin with your bare hands and be my which
we're shaking by the way
eight in the morning and
What time did this happen was like 7 a.m.. It was like 9. It was like rush hour. Yeah around Williamsburg
That's so the most packed
Yeah, of course and yeah, and then I drive a dump truck into the side of a bus
Fuck that's awesome. Hey, yeah, it happens, you know
I like the idea of like
like the consistent through line of
Like us doing this show and then having like real lives like still after whatever is like when I have like a bad day at work
It's like I I sent like still afterwards or whatever. When I have like a bad day at work, it's like, oh, I sent like an unfinished video
to like a, like I sent an unfinished voiceover by accident.
I sent like a rough take instead of the final take
of a commercial or whatever, like a video.
And it was really awkward and the client
was really mean to me about it.
And then you're like, yeah, I ate a bunch of hot chips and then fell out
of a tree or I smashed a dump truck into the side of a city bus and then you just
have to go about the rest of your day like I like I you know I guess I work
from home now I'm soft so like if I if something goes wrong it's like I'm at my
house you just smash a dump truck into the side of a city bus. Yeah it was still
operable after so my boss was like
No, I just continued your day like normal after all the paperwork itself was that so then I was just I
Was driving like five miles an hour
Shaking she had been like dude and I had a couple you always have close calls driving anything big and broken
And so having more close calls after you've hit a bus.
Oh, Jesus, dude.
Yeah.
In my head I was like, dude, if I fuck up, I'm somehow not fired if I fuck up twice.
Yeah.
Before I get back from work.
That would be really bad.
Yeah, if you hit a city. If turn talking to imagine if I hit a second bus
Like the 20 hours do cuz oh my god
Or I hit the same bus later, and I hit the front of it instead of the back
Yeah, I actually let out like a horrible groan like almost like a
Like an orgasm sound you'd make like if it killed you yeah Yeah, I actually let out like a horrible groan like almost like a
Like an orgasm sent you'd make like if it killed you yeah
as well, so
Were you alone in the truck? No?
Okay, yeah, yeah, so
But he was chill about it was fine. You know who cares yeah, who gives a shit
It's just like a job. You know what I mean. I mean at the end of the day like
You know people are gonna hate people are gonna try and talk shit about you behind your back, and they're gonna fuck
Everything up uh-huh yeah
Yeah, no doubt no doubt man
dude, that's so
well cuz like
The nature of your work
I mean, I don't know like I'm still kind of like hung up on
Like I was just telling Ashley about the poop
Like the poop ordeal that you had to go through. No, the poor deal was the highlight of my day yesterday
The poop ordeal that you had to go through no the poop ordeal was the highlight of my day yesterday
That was the only good part other than recording that was the only good party yesterday that and watching TV
The poop problem the poop fiesta for lit for listeners that don't subscribe to the premium episode first I well so first I'll tell you guys I
Saw what I thought was a an adult dead cat in a bag on the side of the road,
so I went to go look at it.
And I, you know, I pick up the bag before, think, okay, that's about eight pounds.
And it smells bad.
It smells real bad.
And I think this has been a horrible act
Against an animal I would be a coward of life if I didn't look at this bag and confirm the crime that has been committed
Sure, and when I look into that bag Jake
Yeah, look into that black
contractor bag There is the biggest turd
I've seen in my life.
I've cleaned bathrooms professionally.
Yeah, yeah.
I've done a lot of, I worked at CC's at one point.
I saw some poops there that were crazy.
Diabolical, yeah.
This was as, you know when you,
and I'm not, I wish I was exaggerating in any way. You know when you and I'm not I wish I was exaggerating in any way
You know when you can buy hamburger meat, but it's already in the shape of
Hamburgers, it's just a giant tube
Yeah, yeah, that is how big this turd was that is how big it was
Yeah, it was that big
Yeah, I mean it was about it wasn't extraordinary in length. It was only about a foot long
Okay, which that happens, you know that have sure that's a healthy one. Yeah, but it was as big around as a
hamburger patty I
Mean we talked about it wasn't diarrhea
Yeah, it wasn't diarrhea if it was a huge pile of diarrhea, I'd say yeah.
That's a regular homeless guy shit.
And it's yellow.
Like a curry colored diarrhea in a bag.
That's a classic, that's a healthy shit.
Standard issue, healthy, yeah, yeah.
You know what's possibly worse?
Is, um, the varying degrees of piss colors I see in the piss bottles I pick up.
You know you'll have, I've almost never had a clear bottle of piss.
It's always yellow. For sure yeah. In a good situation it's yellow.
You're hoping for yellow. What you get a lot of times is orange
Which you get a lot of times is brown
Yeah, what I have gotten before is
black
That's tough black. I've only seen black one time. That's like and it wasn't oil
It wasn't thick enough to motor oil, okay, but it was piss
Okay. Yeah, it was piss. I've personally had
Black ish pee. I've had very dark purple pee. Of course, dr. Pepper kind of I have personally had that before
Mm-hmm, but black with no fizz
Now I guess here's my black piece should always be fizzy if you have it
That's how you know you're still healthy
My I guess
To the people at home who've led mostly normal lives. I want to provide some context that I think or some insight rather with a large
girthy sort of poop that's got weight to it typically, and
we discussed this a little bit, and I want to open this conversation back up, that's
what we call in the business an opiate shit, where if you're not familiar, if you do a
lot of opiates, whether that be fentanyl, oxy, heroin, morphine, you won't poop for
quite some time, but then when you have to, you absolutely need to, you do not have a
choice, it's not like a let me swing in this gas station or bodega. Let me
swing in this Popeyes. It's a wherever you're at, that's you, you have about maybe a minute
max to find a toilet. The poop that your body produces is about four days worth of poop.
And it's a yeah, it's about as wide around as like a hamburger log and it really really sucks. It's incredibly painful
Now I'm familiar with that one I that was that was kind of standard issue for me for number of years black pee
That's new to me. I don't know what your body has to go through to produce such a tear. It's just waste from blood
Yeah, you peed blood for a while so you understand probably the the causes and and and the
What well if you're hydrated and peeing blood the more hydrated you are the the more of a light pink
It'll be yeah as you get dehydrated
It gets to be less and less water and more and more blood
It gets to be less and less water and more and more blood
Right and as you let it become
Let's say you're curious and you're like, what if I just don't drink water. I'm already playing blood. What's gonna happen? Oh, I pee more blood
sure, well you pee only blood at that point and
And that starts off as red a a deep sort of aggy maroon.
And that'll work its way down to a beautiful black color.
Beautiful black pea.
And when I say black, I don't typically,
I don't really mean like,
I just mean like a really, really deep, dark purple,
beautiful, like the sun's almost down down but not quite all the way yeah purple drink yeah
but when when there's not a hint when it's all the way to that bottom left or
whatever on the color color where yeah that's when you got some black AIP, you know what I mean?
Yeah, you got to go to the hospital.
You got to get an ambulance at that point.
And it's interesting to see black pee in the wild
because you think that could be that guy's last piss he ever
takes.
Yes, yes.
Well, I think something that I was walking around
in New York when I was over there, like around your neighborhood and stuff. I sometimes like
start to feel sometimes I'm like, am I a good dog owner? Like, do I get my dogs out enough?
You know, like, do I hang out with them and spend time with them enough?
And you know, they're healthy and I exercise them.
And then there was like two or three times in one day where I was outside taking a walk,
you were doing something, and I would see a guy stop on the sidewalk for his dog to poop,
and the dog would just like have the worst like poop of all time and he would be clearly in pain and
The guy would just leave it on the side of the road because you can't pick it up and I'm like, oh yeah
No, I mean, I think I'm I'm think I'm doing alright
You know what? I mean, like I think I take better care of my dogs and I do like myself or whatever the fuck
I think it's just like a thing where you like walk around and the guys like come on tubby and tubbies like
You know what I mean just guy's like, come on Tubby, and Tubby's like, you know what I mean, just like dying or whatever. Come on Zeus.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on Tinkerbell, you got it.
Oh, that's a good girl, and Tinkerbell's just like,
her internal organs are just like bleeding.
Well, I mean, at the very least you're doing like,
a service to like, you know to a place that you moved.
Yeah, and then I drink all the pee and I eat all the poop.
That's the one thing you gotta get out of the way.
When you in New York City, you gotta eat the poop there.
I swear, every motherfucker I know in New York City eats a big plate of shit for dinner.
Tell them. Tell them, priest horn.
Every time I walk in that bodega I say can I get a chopped poop?
Can I get a tall glass of black pee and can I get a chopped poop please?
Black pee and yellow poop. Hey can I get the Bumblebee Ock?
Can I get 20 ounces of black guy pee and can I also get a chopped up piece of poop?
Chopped up heroin poop please?
Can I get a Fem poop?
Yeah.
Can I get a big old glass of black-eyed people?
That's crazy that's that's that's fucking you don't see that I'm a please put for life for me
Can I get a scoop poop I think I saw it actually I think I saw a video earlier where they were saying that
I'm stealing stuff from fucking Instagram. Look at what's happened to me
They were saying what the I forgot that there was a video on Instagram. I saw earlier where it was like
If there was a poop deli
Yeah, so I accidentally credited them Not that I know the fuck they are give a shit but anyway if I owned a store I will probably it would be if I
had like a novelty store I'd probably do like a sperm's one where it'd be like
you could have an ice cream shaped like a piece of sperms Mmm, okay, like a sperms like a sexy sperm
frozen yogurt thing
Okay, it's like all the different frozen yogurts tastes like nut I
Remember like it's just like depends it's different slightly different flavors depending on what the guy has eaten
So I it would suck but to start that restaurant I would have to drink a bunch of cum
first I remember a long time ago me and my buddy Cameron would get really high
and we would talk about like opening up an ice cream or like Froyo spot where
one of the flavors was like like breast milk because people are there's like
weird there was like a weird kink thing where people were into like baby stuff and
I was like, oh it could be for them and it could be a niche thing where we could corner the market on like
Booby milk ice cream because there was guys doing that
But then like 12 years 14 years later
There's like entire movements where guy like some of the really hardcore
Like woo-woo kind of crystal version trad guys and their wives
Those guys are fucking sipping on booby milk daily
They say it like vitalizes them and helps them be better at like selling cars or something
So I feel like I missed out you know what I mean on having like my own market or whatever or like my own place
You can have normal ass flavors to like you know pistachio and mint
And you know buttercream and vanilla bean and stuff and chocolate and strawberry
I'll probably have the normal ones
But as an aside as like an artisanal thing you could have like
You know breast milk from like a protestant woman or something, you know
The blood flavored one is so good
Yeah, yeah, you could have teen blood ice cream taste tastes like pennies
Adrenochrome sorbet
Yeah, I just feel like I may be missed out on like having like a good like a product
You know a product to be proud of yeah, I mean do you think that that would have been a sustainable business long term
Yeah, I mean I I truly believe that I mean even yogurt story
You don't really see around like that anymore
This was at a time very good point
But this was at a time when fro-yo's were like Starbucks where you'd see a tutti frutti every like fucking two feet
I remember we used to always like that was like one of the only date spots. Yes, dude
Uh-huh. Yeah Wow movie theater or yogurt story or yeah
Yeah target was if you'd already hung out with the girl a couple times
You've been dating while y'all kind of wanted to make it public y'all go to Target together
Yes, and that way if you saw one of your mom's friends or something
It wouldn't be as awkward to be like yes is my little friend. Yeah
You know what I mean? You might see us holding hands.
It's like not that big of a deal.
It's just like little boothing type deal.
But the movie theater, that was a fun place for a first date.
Cause if it sucked, you know, you could just watch the movie.
And the frozen yogurt, well, the frozen yogurt well the frozen yogurt you hit
sometimes you'd hit for the pregame yeah so you can hit the frozen yogurt spit a
little game then you go over to the movie theater then the next day you lie
to your friends and you say you got a blowjob in there yeah you say actually
you were too scared to even talk to her we were watching yeah yep a hundred
percent we were at the movies, and I hate it when people
Joke that people of color will go to the movie theaters first to talk and then they go and silently eat frozen yogurt I don't think that's funny when people talk about yeah, I think that's pretty disrespectful
I think that's messed up and when I see people like you talking about it I get
Yeah, well, I mean, you know me I'm sort of like a really hard-hitting cultural critic
So I say things sometimes that people are afraid to say,
but secretly they believe.
Yeah, in high school, we would take a girl to the yogurt
store, and then we would eat the breast milk yogurt
in front of her.
And we'd put, we'd get two big mounds of it,
and we'd put two cherries on top.
And then we would eat the frozen yogurt without a spoon.
Yeah, we would just blah blah blah.
Yeah.
That's a great first date, especially for a girl you met at youth group is to go eat
two booby shaped mounds of frozen yogurt and then go see Saul seven.
Get the chocolate ice cream and you make a huge dog shaped one and then you would eat it all in one bite
yeah yeah i would make yeah that's a great yeah great first date joke for a girl you met it at
a young life or whatever you know what i mean when you're like hey let's go get some frozen
yogurt by the way i'm gonna get chocolate i'm gonna make it look like poop and then i'm gonna
be like isn't this hilarious and then you're gonna be like I don't think this guy's gonna be my husband dude
Getting treats with a woman when you're in high school and that your relationship is on the rocks. Oh, dude
it's so good getting the
I remember my girlfriend at the time
Started crying while we were in line for a snow cone. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and then
crying while we were in line for a snow cone mm-hmm yeah and then
Which was I mean obviously she was allowed to do but it looked like it looked like
When we pull up to the window it looked like I had just hit her and then she'll letter buying her a
consolation snow cone
And I don't know why we that's the thing with high schoolers, we still got snow cones.
Yeah.
We could have just left the line.
But,
There was this place, like 20 minutes.
And then I accidentally,
backed out of her driveway wrong,
and one of my wheels fell off into the culvert. And then her stepdad had to jack my car up
beautiful to help me get home good guy I remember there was this place by where I
grew up called Kima boardwalk it was like on the Galveston Bay. It was like a like a ripoff Atlantic City kind of like they had like
carnival rides and like boardwalk games like you know throw the baseball in the
tube or like shoot down the bottle or whatever the fuck and they had a
carousels and Ferris wheels and yada yada yada and I brought my girlfriend
from high school there and we got into like this was last year
Yes, this was last year. I brought my high school girlfriend to came aboard work and
We got into like a big fight. I forget about what I think I said
I like didn't believe in God or something and
She like started crying or something and was like you're gonna go to hell and I was like, I mean that's cool with me
I'm really into
Fake weed right now fake weed and Miller Lite kind of or what I believe in anyway
There was a cover band playing it was my dad's friends cover band called the slags and they were playing don't stop believing
and like all the white people are going crazy all the parents and
She's just like bawling her eyes out and don't stop believing is playing and in my head I was like dude. I can't wait to go home and huff axe body spray
Like that was like I was like, oh, this is like a moment
I you know when somebody it doesn't matter what age you're at
but if you're with usually in a relationship setting and you realize somebody's having a moment in
Epiphany and you're there and you're not having one you're thinking about going home and doing something else, or you're thinking about how this isn't
an important thing to you.
You're not having the moment they're having,
and so you just need to get out of there fast.
You know what I mean?
Like, cause that was the coolest,
that was the coolest date you could go on back then
was go to Kima and watch a cover band play like
Sweet Caroline, bom bom bom,
or watch them play fucking all the small things.
And you're like, damn, I had 20 bucks to to spend we went down to the boardwalk and you know
And then again like you said with the movies you go back and tell your friends
Yeah, we went down to the beach and you know
Mm-hmm wink wink and nothing happened. I don't think I ever actually
did that but I
Don't think anybody would have believed me if I did
did that but I don't think anybody would have believed me if I did but because I just I was just clearly not getting pussy or I was just and I was a guy who
was obviously not getting pussy yeah okay sometimes it's like it's so obvious
that it's so painfully obvious that there's no lying you could do. Yeah. Good point. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, I think even after I had
You know still been been with a woman
It was still up for debate
Yeah, they're like I hadn't in fact. I was quite ashamed of it
But yeah, that's funny. I remember it was huge
The first couple times they can like I got really I think we talked about this before I don't talk about the show but
like Like I got really I think we talked about this before I don't talk about the show but like
Like the first couple times like I didn't believe in God like when you know But like out you get that I got that anxiety after where I was like, oh my oh, oh fuck. Oh fuck
I'm gonna I'm for sure like if I am wrong, I'm going to hell. I did it
You know what? I mean, like this isn't this isn't my wife, you know, this isn't
This isn't I don't even I'm not even probably gonna. Hey, you know like this relationships towards the end anyway
I'm gonna go to hell you know
Yeah, it's a good feeling
Us do you have do you still feel like do you ever get like any vestigial guilt every now and then it'll happen to me
I did no dude. I feel like I'm the fucking man I don't mean about that I mean about not
not like a no oh do I still get like scared like like I'm gonna go a little
bit a little bit but um it goes away in like a second but I'll it'll happen
yeah I feel like it's gradually declined
Yeah, I guess I I think more so than actually worrying about going to hell
I worry about just not living my life
Right or not being true to myself in some way sure like I wonder like is this actually me?
Yeah, you know what I mean no No, I'm very conscious of like
because a lot of stuff that I do is
Is trying to cater to other people in some way for sure always trying to enter I'm always trying to entertain people
But I don't feel that naturally entertaining in a way that's like
Trying to word this in a way that makes sense no I mean I I don't like if if there wasn't a
financial reason to be funny I would just be like conversationally funny but
not like sure not like doing funny, creative stuff, does that make sense?
I do like, I like writing, I don't know if I would be doing
any comedy writing, you know what I mean?
I think I would just be like doing dumb shit on Google Docs
and not showing anybody, or like stuff on my notes app,
you know what I mean?
So like whenever I do stuff that's intended to be broadcasted to people. I feel like I'm very conscious of like
Is this what I want to do yeah, yeah, yeah, like when I do something it's like pretty sexual or like pretty
Offensive in some way. Yeah, or when I do stuff that's like not when I do stuff that's not I'm like am I toning this down?
Am I making this?
PC or not PC but like I know what you mean. Am I making this more palatable so the right people like it? Yeah, and
especially with stand-up I feel like that because I have to make stuff more palatable because
I'm a pretty like
even like, in like basic social situations,
like I can be pretty divisive.
Yeah.
At least it comes across that way to me,
you know what I mean?
Where I'm like, oh, some people get my humor,
some people don't, but it's like,
if you want to be a guy who's professionally funny
You need to kind of like bridge that gap a little bit to where there's more people who?
To where there's always people more people who like you than don't you know what I mean? Yeah
You know right now I'm really there's a lot of comedians who owe me a lot
You know and they be doing more for my career. I'll name a few names
Nick Mullen Shane Gillis Adam Freeland. These guys need to be helping me more
They need to be calling they've done nothing for me and it's very stressed
They've never ever like thrown me a bone out of the kindness
of their hearts.
I text them all every day.
I message them saying, hey, you need to maybe bring me up,
like maybe more.
You know what I mean?
You need to show.
I feel like I never hear from you.
I feel like you're putting your family before me. You're putting your career before me
Yeah putting everything before me and what is it? Where does that leave Thomas? Yeah, what where's room for Tommy?
It looks like Tommy is fucking squeezed out, you know
How come all the people opening for your are just guys you've only known for like 20 25 years?
Yeah that you grew up with since you were a teenager and you hang out with them all the time and you used to be roommates.
Yeah, why aren't you giving me a guy that you met twice in passing and probably don't even like that much?
I feel like you don't even really think about me that much day to day.
Even though I've trusted you with a lot in terms of what I'm willing to do.
Texting Nick or Shane that.
It's like, hey dude, I don't mean to come at you her Shane that it's like hey, dude
I don't mean to come at you sideways
But I feel like you don't think about me as much as like you should texting Nick that and then the last conversation we had
Was him offering to help fix my car
Yeah, it's like I just like come to come over and do it for free type deal
Yeah, I don't know I I feel like I like I like
Whenever I start to think too much about I
I'm definitely one of those people that like I
Think anything that I'm a part of it doesn't have to be like anything that we do like or like I do my own that
I think is funny right like comedy writing or sketch or stand up with a show
But I I take this like approach. I don't I think detached is the wrong word where i'm like this is dumb
And I don't mean the subject matter is stupid. I mean like it's absurd
Like I even think that about like fighting
where like when when i'm at the gym and I like guys are in camp
and For lots of people that i've worked with who like fight or are trying to fight professionally we're like when I'm at the gym and I like guys are in camp and
For lots of people that I've worked with who like fight or are trying to fight professionally
They have to get in a mindset of like
This is serious. This is serious business. This is fucking it. This guy's gonna die I'm gonna die on my sword going out to entertain the people and fucking build myself so I can get to the UFC or get to one or
Whatever and I'm like dude me and you you we're in our underwear and
We're like
clinched up sweaty
like my foreheads on your forehead, and I'm I'm not fighting you I'm prepping you for a fight, but like
You we're starving ourselves, you're starving
yourself.
You're getting down to like 4% body fat, and then you're like, I mean this guy's gonna
die.
And I'm gonna walk out to my favorite song that's gonna play in a room full of drunk
strangers, and it's the song that fucking, that makes me feel awesome.
Makes me feel amazing.
And I like think about it too long and I'm like, dude, this is absurd.
This is absurd shit.
And I feel that way about music too, and especially stand up,
where I'm like, this is goofy.
This is so weird.
And I don't know if it's the performance aspect of those things,
where I feel absurd being the center of attention in some way,
or if it's just they are inherently weird.
You know what I mean? Like I
Used to go watch improv
I never did it but I would go out a friend of the improv and I would go watch improv and I've never really understood
the appeal for that
But when I see improv, that's the feeling I get with like everything that I do and I'm like as an art
I'm like am I missing something?
Like why are people here to watch the show?
What's in it for them?
And I think it's just because my brain's wired stupidly.
Or maybe I've just been so fucking attached
to transactional bullshit my whole life,
where I'm like, oh, I have to get something.
You have to get something out of this,
and I have to get something out of this,
as opposed to just enjoying something,
which is very difficult for me.
Then I just don't really, I can't really understand it or whatever the fuck.
This is an interesting conversation.
This is just me being like basically I haven't seen a good movie in a long time and I'm mad
about that.
You know what I mean?
Well.
Actually that's not true.
I saw.
What did you see last that you liked spit it out?
Cuckoo is pretty good. I like cuckoo. I saw the substance that was pretty good
the substance you know, I
Really can't decide my final verdict on like if I were to try and make a complicated review of that movie
But what I will say is I had a good time watching it.
Yeah.
And to me, that is what makes a movie something
that I would recommend to other people.
Yeah.
Almost three hours, right?
Yeah, about 2.20, I think, or 2.10.
2 and 1 half?
Yeah, somewhere in there.
It felt like an hour and a half.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was very, it's pacing was good. Anyway, I'd say an hour and a half. Yeah, yeah, I was very pacing was good
Anyway, that was I'd say that was a good movie. I watched
the one with the Chinese kid
That narrows it down. I actually don't know it's a DD or doo doo I watched that movie with the Chinese kid doo doo I
Watched that movie with the Chinese kid doo-doo. It's a great movie
Paul Thomas oh my god, it's actually called DD. Oh, no, I don't know. Oh you didn't see DD
No, it's got Michaela
Park
Oh, you know who it's got I'm kidding kidding but you know who it's got that you might remember
do you remember uh... twin peaks you ever watch twin peaks yeah of course
the lady who the asian lady from that
uh... yes
she's the mom in this okay
uh... anyway
the asian lady josey josey packard yeah anyway i got you Okay movie Anyway, the age of Josie Josie Packard. Yeah
Anyway, I got you. I think for me that good. That was a good movie
That I was tricked into seeing by the way. I didn't know is a coming of age film
I don't think it's right for guys to be watching coming of age films all the time. Yeah, it's not good
to be watching coming of age films all the time. Yeah, it's not good.
But this was about a boy, which probably helped.
And he was a half Chinese, or maybe, no, fully Chinese boy
growing up in California.
And so it was a perspective that was very different from the one I had growing up so I thought that was
And also wasn't like crazy sappy. It was like there was cool skater guys in it
Yeah, he smokes weed and drinks beer and stuff in it
And then like pretty much has a good time based on that like he doesn't like he isn't like oh my god
I drink a beer and had a joint and now I am addicted.
He just like throws up or whatever.
Oh, okay.
You know, there's, there's cool parts to it.
Sometimes I wonder if like movies like the substance, like, or like, I don't know.
I liked, I thought it was cool.
I wonder if I have this thing where I'm like is it because everything like
for the most part movies kind of suck and if you see something that's okay
does that elevate the quality of it in your mind does that make sense like if
everything is either like superhero or like action franchise or like an a 24
movie where like a ghost has like bipolar disorder and like that that whole thing
If there's just like a dope fun cool movie
Do I elevate it because it's those things or do I actually think it or do was I super I don't know I
Liked it a lot
In my eyes if something is fun to watch that is that makes it inherently good in some
Like there's I like the movie step brothers a lot great what I put it what I say
Oh, this is when you look at how this is shot. You know when you look at
Funny you know what I mean yeah, no I feel you when you start talking and sometimes
There's a movie that sucks ass so people people have to be like, actually, when
you look at the way that it's shot, it doesn't suck ass.
And I'm like, well, wow, that's crazy.
I should have been thinking about all the catering that was done and all the guys holding
lampshades for this movie that sucked ass.
When you look at how the subtitles were done.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Shut up.
Was the movie fun to watch?
Was enjoyable.
You know, we could start there.
And there are movies that are not fun to watch at all
and they're still good.
Like who the fuck actually liked watching Toy Story?
It was about a bunch of dumb ass,
stupid bullshit for kids.
And a bunch of stupid ass fucking characters for kids and a bunch of stupid as fucking
characters that sucked ass and nobody even knew what the story was about.
Nobody could follow along with that story.
But it was the way, when you look at the way it was shot and when you look at the cinematography
and the shadows and everything, that was one of the greatest movies we've ever seen.
Those people were dressed up exactly like toys
You you were making me think of a very good point where me and you were like, I don't I'm just gonna assume
Based on what I know about myself. I'm not a movie guy. I really wanted to be I wanted to be the guy that understood movies
Instead of just watching them and being like I like that movie
And so it's always funny when I'm hanging out with people that like know a lot about movies and film and how things are filmed
Because when they start talking like that, I realize oh, I don't know anything dude. I they're like well, you know, they're making shit up
There's literally like ten words. You have to know
There's like ten there's seriously there's ten words
You have to know to sound smart about movies and they just start saying all of them.
When you look at the filmography, yeah it's good.
You can tell this Dutch angle is really good.
What they're doing is they're jacking off and then right as they shoot the load up they
are standing right under it.
They stand right under it and it all lands in their mouth
Talking about oh well you will actually
When they brought the second producer and towards the end of the film it actually really shifted the narrative
That's awesome
I'm watching fucking casino right now. I don't care what you good fellas with a hundred
I'm watching the scene where he the fuck the guy who's three feet tall gets his dick sucked in the car
Okay
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking I like my favorite movie well
I don't know if I have a favorite but consistently when people ask me if I had to give an answer is tree of life
I just really like it and I remember you know
Terrence Malik, they feel it like it Sean Penn plays a boy. It's like a
Like that shit, yeah
Brad Pitt is this like kind of overbearing
Stupid idiot dad and then anyway, it's like a it's I don't know. It's it's convoluted and stupid
But anyway, my point being
Goddamnit dick and fuck.
It's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
My point is, I was talking about that movie once,
and somebody was like, oh, so you know they filmed it all
like in natural light.
They didn't have any floodlights.
They didn't have any artificial lighting.
And Terrence Malick would wait until the perfect time of the
Golden hour to film scenes with the father and the son and Sean Penn and Brad Pitt and we're thinking like oh
Like I just thought the movie was good
I don't know I'm not I don't know enough to articulate anything about this fucking shit
You start talking to me about Dutch angles and fucking like like oh, there's a single track shot and like
dolly shot I'm like I brother I tried for like six months in college to know
about that stuff because I thought that if I did that I would be different than
people I grew up with and I would be better than them somehow because I
love people who just took film classes yeah yeah very good point and then
other just that's all that happened
they just went to Emerson and then they dropped out of Emerson and now they they
spent seventy five thousand dollars they're not gonna pay back so that they
can complain to you about a movie they liked yeah very good point yeah that's
true yeah yeah yeah they're always I always see them come they're complaining
about movies and directors that they like, you know, I
Don't know people people same with you know what? I hate a lot is
Hip-hop experts. Oh, yeah
Because music experts. All right, I
Get being if you're a jazz nerd, I get it or a math rock nerd or something like that I get it cuz those are nerdy genre that's niche genres yes yeah that's like it's like okay yeah if you're a nerd
about jazz that's a great genre to be a nerd about because there's like a
million kinds and it's constantly changing if you're gonna be a nerd
about the new Kinshuk Lamar album yeah shut up blow oh my god below my penis off. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well you see
With his new alchemist project he sticks to his roots of gritty his roots of gritty
classic crate digger samples
But he brings and you know with boldly James and action Bronson and rock Marciano and all these guys
They are building a body of work here
Shut up. Yeah, there's a guy who makes beats and then there's a guy who raps about how his dick is so big
It's big like a penguin
You know what I mean? Yeah, there's no
Don't be nerdy about that
It's cool. It's still good music. Yeah, yeah, it's still good music. There's not as much to be nerdy about
Yeah, yeah, and that's that's fine. Yeah
No, I fucking write an essay about everything yeah, I well I think there's I understand
The motivation
Behind I've copped this on the show plenty of times but like there was a time many years ago like my late teens where I was like oh I'm gonna be annoying
about stuff I'm gonna be annoying about I want to be a guy that's really into
things and understands them and I thought that I was smart enough to be
that person realized very quickly that I was not and so I remember when I first
heard a tribe called quest I was like I And so I remember when I first heard A Tribe Called Quest, I was like,
I literally was walking around like, I need to, I'm going to put you guys on, okay? You guys are
listening to Lil Wayne. Yeah, maybe, why don't you throw this on? This is, so I understand that
motivation, but I also understand being 16 and thinking that you're like, that you're the first
guy who invented thinking, you know what I mean? Like you hear, you hear a Tribe Called Quest,
you hear that Lou Reed guitar riff and you go,
yeah, yeah, I think I might have a 500 IQ.
I think I might be the only guy, you know?
And getting that out of the way,
if you're ever into that, is very important.
And then you see a guy who's in his like,
who's like a family and stuff and he's like,
what do you guys understand about this new Kendrick?
And it's like, ah, brother. It this new kindric and it's like a brother
It's yeah, it's a it's a guy who makes beats and it's a guy who wraps about how his dicks big like a penguin
That's kind of it. It's not doesn't have to be anything more than that it you know
There are cases where it is sure yeah
If the I don't think the person to I don't think everything needs to be
Unraveled dissected. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah dissecting hip-hop is it's always white guys doing it, too
Yeah, we have got to get back in our place. Yes, we do white guys need to be humbled desperately
Yeah, and don't get me wrong. guys need to be humbled desperately. Yeah, 100%.
And don't get me wrong, I used to be that guy.
When I was 16, I was that guy.
And I got a feeling all these guys,
it'll be like at debating hip hop.
It's like a mural of Joey Badass as their profile picture.
Those might be 16-year-old white guys, I don't know. Or they could or they could be 16 year old black. They're like 30 year old. They could be a 80 year old Chinese woman
I don't know. It doesn't matter. That one's right. That would be that would be kind of cool. Yeah, that would be pretty cool
That's the only person actually I'm gonna go
I'm gonna is feeding pigeons at the park and as she throws out the seed she's checking because she's debating about the old pro-era yeah is that what it was called?
Yeah, pro-era Joey. The capital steez. Yes, yeah. She's listening to Nujat Baez and talking about
like Japanese like jazzy hip-hop yeah yeah yeah she's like yeah so when you go
back to JaRu to Jamager you can actually see a lot of influence that you see nowadays and guys like 5e. Oh
Yeah, I don't know if I
There's a people will get really mad if you try to make this point
like I think what we're talking about people will be like, oh
like
rampant anti-intellectualism is the reason that we're here.
Or there is a reason that culture is dying.
And I'm like, I understand why you might feel that way.
Like, oh, you're saying that it's like wrong to intellectualize or think about things.
Like, I'm not saying it's wrong.
I'm, that's fine.
You should do that type of stuff.
I'm saying there is an entire like ecosystem of people who are like, I do this and thus I am, I gain some sort of superiority over others who maybe just consume art.
And I'm the one who, I'm the art understander. I'm the guy who really gets fucking Alfredo.
Or I'm the guy who I know all the samples and crime pays and it's like cool dude like
Maybe Freddie Gibbs does or does it who gives a fuck? You know what?
I mean, like who gives you shit like why is that important? Does it does it help you and consume the art in any real way?
I don't think so. But you know
Yeah, who gives a fuck I really like like... Actually, whenever Mad Lib, whenever he first...
The first time that he ever had a track with, well, whenever he and MF Doom used to stay up all night
taking shrooms, psychedelic shrooms, and they will watch cartoons together and they would make crazy
Rhymes and beats and they would go off on shifts making badass boards and badass beats
And that's how we produce some of the best albums of all time. It was two fat fucking
retards
Taking drugs retards, watching cartoons and taking drugs, and making fucking, rapping about being a
superhero who drinks beer, and then sometimes there will be a crackling in the song and
that makes it better.
You know when a song sounds like shit, it sounds like it's playing from a record player
in a burning house.
Yeah, when you can hear the vinyl needle hitting the record before the beat drops
That's how you know you're in for a real sonic tree. Oh the four count that must this must be a Pharrell influence. Yeah, I
Like Chad Hugo better, but the Neptune's in general are phenomenal
There was a so Austin has these
there are there called co-ops.
And it's like it's like frat row for art students.
And yeah, it's in West Campus and it's all like the cooperative living
spaces where like you teach students live.
It's the same kind of sense of social superiority
and weirdness you'd get at a frat house.
But everybody's got like they're all blue.
They're like Fox News types are all blue haired baristas. Or they're you know, they're like Fox News types, they're all blue-haired baristas, or they're, you know,
they're like, have you ever heard of this band
called The Garden, and you're like, yeah,
and they're like, have you actually heard of them,
and you're like, okay, I know what this is.
And I remember one time being at a party there,
my band had just played in their little treehouse stage
or whatever, and you just unlocked a memory
that I think I had buried under a bunch of like,
Klonopin and 40s, of being drunk drunk as shit You know, do you know the standard issue?
Home Depot garden center frosted glass table that every shitty backyard party had it was just yes
Yes
It was there you'd roll up a shitty blunt on it and there was two
Chairs that were always covered in like brown recluse webs and like caterpillars and you'd sit on that you'd talk about life with
Your boys I'm sitting on that and that there's a guy across away from me. He was just doing that. He won't stop doing that about um,
Run the jewels he won't stop
He's going he's going and going and going about the that one that the album that blew up for them
Run the jewels that album with like the two whatever I think it was it was Run The Jewels Two or whatever, I don't know.
And I was really, I remember being really high
and I'd taken, I'd taken like acid like a little while ago
and I was freaking out.
So I'd taken some clonopin and take the edge off.
And I don't know if this ever happened to you
when you're on hallucinogens, but you do the thing
where you say the stuff that you can't stop thinking about.
Like you ever get stuck in a loop? Like you say the same phrase over and over again. Well, I said oh
Man, I don't I don't care about any of this
It's just like and I felt it like my mouth say it and I was like, oh, I think I said I don't think I thought
that and
I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, oh, I think maybe it died
I don't know
I don't think that like I don't even know if LP like thought about it that because he was like, yeah
Well, so they go from a they go from a 4-4 and it goes from 90 BPM to 110
Which which it is a transfer blah blah blah blah, and I was like, no, I don't know if I like this type of stuff, man
I think I had two hits acid and I think I'm dying. I think I would rather listen to the sounds of my hair growing
Then listen to you like talk about the sample from Money Trees
was like a Beach House's guitar riff reversed or something.
I don't know what the, you know what I mean?
And you realize, at least for me,
in those moments I realized I like music a lot.
I've been playing music my whole life.
I don't think about it that way usually.
And I guess it's cool that some people do. I don't think about it that way usually.
And I guess it's cool that some people do. To me that's what a critic is. I think critics
are necessary. Who's the guy that's really famous for being the music rater guy, bald?
Fentano?
Yeah. Guys like that are kind of necessary in every ecosystem, I do believe. But there
really is only room for one or two of them. You know what I mean? Like
They're there maybe they have confidence in how they speak or they're able to articulate certain things So that's why they're able to do that
But when it's just some dude who like you just bought a bunk 40 bag off of and he's like wow
The Hall and Oates sample that's on the Freddy get you're like, I am
Dude, I'm high as fuck right now, dude. I don't care about this
I'm trying to bang this shit in the whip, I'm high as fuck right now, dude. I don't care about this.
I'm trying to bang this shit in the whip
and I'm trying to fucking not throw up.
You know what I mean?
I'm trying not to think about how everything
in my life has gone wrong.
And when you start talking about time signatures,
that for some reason reminds me
that I'm running from something right now.
You know what I mean?
Like I'm no longer partying, I'm at a lecture
and I don't wanna be.
It's really upsetting.
I'm no longer partying. I'm at a lecture and I don't want to be it's really upsetting
Yeah, I wrote an essay on MF doom I think in high school which track you remember
All caps No, I can't remember it was something about time signatures. I was talking about then I used three
It was something about time signatures. I was talking about then I use three
Over four as a as an example of a weird one that they had and my teacher
Left a notice that that is a very common time signature
Yeah, yeah, so I got fucking owned because I thought I knew that was a common one But I thought it was a weirder one and then I looked it up and that's what it was
So I put that in the paper and I felt fucking stupid
Well, I guess like I guess it's I don't know but I didn't know shit about time signatures either I was a fraud I
It's funny that I didn't because I took like
several years of classical music training and then
Immediately afterward forgot what a time signature
Yeah, I played saxophone for like three years and then when I first got into
Like Matt like math rock and jazz
Somebody was like, oh, this is seven eight and I'm like seven eight nine
Like what are
talking about and I was like oh yeah like odd time like off time or whatever
the fuck by the way I want to go out and say I like I do like math rock and I
like listening to it but it's it's bad it sucks like when I first heard hella
the band that Zach Hill was in before he was in Death Grips I remember being in
I was in high school and I was like
Dude, this is fucking
Do you ever like okay? There's a question for you, and I know you're gonna say yes
But I don't know what your personal experience is everybody's different
Do you ever really like something and you just for whatever reason you resonate with it?
And you go to show it to your boys or some friends or whatever and they're like, what is this?
This is at this is butt cheek music.
For me it was hella.
I heard Hold Your Horses, that one album or whatever, and I was hanging out with some
friends and we were all smoking weed.
I realized at that point, math rock is bad music for smoking weed.
You want to listen to some washed out or like I don't know some some trip hop
You're not listening to a guy with the out of tune guitar go like
And then you're like dude listen to this and every one of your friends is like they have a pitchfork suddenly like
They just materialize in their hand. They have torches and shit
You suddenly become like the village oath because you're like dude
This band Maps and atlases you should listen to this stuff
Just smoke like a huge blunt and have a panic attack because your brain
This is not a time signature that exists in nature or whatever the fuck
Yeah, I remember trying to show my friends blue face before he got big. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I
Was I was on early to blue face when he was only on YouTube. Mm-hmm
but
He got big off like one of the only songs where he was actually sort of on the beat
But all his songs before that were just him
Like doing like a sugar-free flow
Not not even really listening to the beat. Yeah, particularly he would just end
Sort of where the measure would end and it would sort of work
But he was very off kilter. He just sounded like
Courage the cowardly dog, but I liked it a lot
And nobody fucked with it at all. Yeah, and then he blew up a while later and I was like,
see, I told you.
And then he became one of the worst celebrities for years.
Yeah, yeah.
He had that one or two songs and he was good.
And then he was like, all right, I'm
just going to hit my girlfriend in public every day now.
Yeah. And then they had a baby and now
they're both in jail. Did she go to jail too? Christian or whatever her name is? Yeah they're
they're both in jail. What did she go to jail for? I think like assault or something. That's
crazy dude. I mean I guess I don't know. I can look into it. They're both I
Remember watching a stream like not ideal in terms of personalities. I think yeah. Oh, yeah, okay
But I think I mean, I think he I think they were
Were in a pretty abusive relationship. I don't know like a black both ends what all was going on
But I think yeah, I think everybody was getting beaten up pretty good. Yeah, yeah, you know
it's kind of a I
Don't yeah, I guess I don't know enough about oh she has been released
Wow
She got arrested in Oklahoma
Very nice. What was she doing in Oklahoma?
Probably gambling or something. Maybe going catfish hunting
Be fishing or something. Yeah
Yeah, yeah
I like that is Tony Johnny. Is that you? Oh
I think she got arrested with a bunch of fucking weed or some shit
Yeah
smoking on that
motherfucking weed and getting all the
motherfucking trees smoking weed
Smoking all that shit and then rolling it to a blunt and' that shit off of a motherfuckin' piece of foil
Remember when we were kids and we used to smoke, uh, smoke blunts off of foils
Yeah, we would run, yeah, I would roll
We would just get a bunch of white weed and push it up and then smoke it off of foil
And then we'd fall asleep for hours
Yeah, dude, I would listen to, I would throw on we we get weed pills
The 20 milligrams of weed yeah a peach colored pill and you crush it up and then you smoke it off of
Foil and then you beat the fuck out of your
I
Remember throwing our wheels on the bus dude, and then just smoking a bunch of blue Pete weed pills
Then just going to sleep and waking up in the hospital dude ain't nothing like smoking weed with your friends dude fuck
Damn, yeah, I got arrested for smoke for selling weed to kids and I was like not even a big deal it was just like a
bottle of like 90 weeds. Yeah
It was like a like liquid purple weed. That was kind of what I was selling. It's like a special time
We'll that shit
Whenever we get this soundboard, I wanted to do the from the old ASAP Rocky albums. I want to get that smoke
Dude, I'm talking about yeah, I was like I was smoke
I
was trying to find like clips and stuff to like throw it on the board because I I had I signed up for the thing but
The one that I kept I downloaded and I did dude. I'm so excited is
The one that I kept, I downloaded and I did, I'm so excited. Is, I don't want to say it, I don't want to ruin it.
It's just my favorite. You can surprise me.
It's my favorite Mike Tyson quote of all time.
And I think maybe you know which one I'm talking about.
I think I do, I think I already do.
But it's my favorite Mike Tyson quote of all time because
to have a career after saying something like that is just a beautiful thing.
It's just an amazing, it's a testament to the man's To have a career after saying something like that is just a beautiful thing.
It's just an amazing, it's a testament to the man's longevity, to his endurance to be
in the limelight or whatever.
By the way, I never really asked you, do you think that was rigged or do you just think
he's like an old ass man?
I think he's an old ass man.
I think both. Really? Interesting. Yeah. Okay. I think every fight that the Paul brothers do is rigged.
Really? Because I saw videos. Yeah, I saw videos of the Logan Paul
Floyd Mayweather one where Floyd was literally pulling punches.
Okay. Where he would wind up and pop it out, but not actually throw the punch.
He could have been fainting. You know what I mean? Like you you know, you give a give a no
I mean like Logan leaving himself wide open like he had knockout opportunities that he didn't take
Okay, maybe I think every single one of them
Is rigged in some way, but I don't necessarily think that like like I think
that the Jake Paul Nate Robinson knockout was real mmm okay I think he
just got knocked out cold yeah cuz he was fighting a guy who was fucking 5-8
or whatever yeah that's that'll happen but I think that there are measures in
place to make sure that neither of the Paul brothers get knocked out
Okay, you know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know if I agree, but I think that I think that
like I
Don't know
also, I
Think that I'm trying to eat rice break their juice juiced like fucking crazy, which is fine. So are you have to see fighters nowadays?
But yeah for sure. I
Wouldn't be surprised if there are if like oh you can knock out
The Paul brothers or whatever, but your contract takes a hit if you do or whatever
You know what I mean? I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, I personally think my
I don't think that Mike Tyson was whooping him anyway. I think Mike Tyson would have
lost fair and square. But do I think that there is some rigging behind the scenes like
WWE style? Probably. I would if I if you were them. I mean, oh, okay. No, you know, it's okay
Since we're still on the podcast
So some some people were mad at me on Twitter because I just went on a bar stool
Yeah sketch which you guys could feel free to check out
If you don't fuck with it, that's fine. I don't really care. Anyway, somebody was mad at me about it, which understandably
You know, you're welcome to have whatever opinions you want
But somebody come came to my defense with it's funny, and he's a broke comedian in New York relax, bro
You guys are welcome to defend me. I do appreciate that
You don't have to get super into my financial situation
If you don't want to get super into my financial situation
What did me being broke have to do damn dude, that's crazy
That's fucking not going yo, yo, he's a broke ass. It's like take it easy, bro You know, you know his check is like less than 1200 and he gets paid bi-weekly
I'm like damn
Come on bro. Yeah, I'm a broke to me. I am I mean that's not untrue
You could say he's a comedian in New York on the come-up financially
Yeah He's a comedian in New York on the come up financially. Yeah.
He's a guy like trying to get after his bag.
He's a guy who's really been working hard.
Kind of not.
To survive.
What do you think?
I think about.
He technically has two jobs.
Yeah.
One of them just happens to be this.
It happens to be like talking to his friend like twice a week on the phone basically. Yeah, and then like checking my email and then like
Going and then Venmo wing Venmo wing one guy
Make clips yeah, thank you Nick
Make clips. Yeah, thank you Nick
Shut up on that topic shout out to Nick Lancaster and if you need clips made he's a good guy for it Yeah, he's very good. He has my full approval and Nick if you've made it if you I don't know if you've been listening to the fucking
If I was him I would stop listening once we started paying him yeah, of course
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah that makes he's been listening for been listening for years to see if we need a guy to make shitty clips. Yeah. Just
of our dumb show. They're not shitty. You don't make shitty clips. They're shitty because
it's us and we're not funny. Yeah, yeah. No, we fucking suck. I love when guys, dude, you
made me think, when people come to, it's rare, like maybe twice a year, but would people come to your defense online and it's underhanded where it's like
like, oh chill, like his dad died, his dad was fat and annoying
or something, like sometimes people are like, oh you know, like
chill, not too much on a man, like his life's been dog shit
and it's like, oh okay, well
thanks man, thanks fucking Timmy Tone 1488, I appreciate that.
Yeah, I don't know,
if I fucking, dude, if I had a bunch of money
and I was on Disney, I'd probably just like box old ass guys.
Who gives a fuck?
Like who, are you reading more of them?
I got it, maybe I'll log on and see what the fucking deal is.
It's all good.
I'm just still laughing at, relax, bro. He's broke
Was it to the original was it to the one you posted or yeah, it was there was a big chain going on
It was one guy. I think who just hated barstool mostly
And then like it was unfollowing me over to
I'm not come I'm not complaining. complaining also Don't go harass any of these people. I was just laughing at the situation
Anybody is always welcome to be mad at me. That's that's kind of what you get things go
Yeah, that's sort of what you get being a dumbass online all the time. Yes a hundred percent
I agree with you. I think that is probably the mama
I'm being a dumbass online every day every single are mad at me then then that's then I'm not even good at being a dumbass
Yeah, I hope nobody's mad at me. Yeah, and it's not like and I don't mean that in a way like oh keep hating
It fuels me. No, dude, like you guys hurt my feelings. Yeah
Keep it pushing, you know
Sometimes y'all really know you fucking make my day terrible
But I will keep going because I even if you do I I won't let you know, you know
I mean, uh, no, no, no
If I get really mad you'll know cuz I won't even say any I won't say anything in reply and I'll sometimes I'll just sit
On the edge of my bed like a guest in my own home
Yeah, like I just found out somebody I love died like I'll just sit on the edge of my bed like a guest in my own home Yeah, like I just found out somebody I love died like I'll just sit there and think yeah
You said like damn damn I have gained weight
Yeah, yeah, yeah, my hairline is a little bit cooked. Maybe I did change my hairstyle
For that reason yeah, yeah, maybe I'm not very funny. I am almost 30 and my beard doesn't connect like a normal person. Yeah
Well, take it easy on that. I got no beard brother. So no, that's fine. Take it easy, bro
Come on, I'm making up stuff. Nobody's actually made fun of my beard and why it actually looks pretty good
No, it's pretty good. But uh
But if I grow mine out it turns into like a hairbrush
It's very coarse. it starts to turn orange I think
also because I get so much I think I eat so much pizza and stuff like that that is turns
all the even though I wipe it out and I wash my face a lot I think it sort of caramelizes
my skin yeah like a nice sheen yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what's awesome. I think like
When when people do like
One of the things I remember been telling me like when we started doing the show is like don't read
The comments he was like I used to sit like on the floor and have like panic attacks cuz I like
Would read something where somebody had noticed
something about me that I didn't even know or whatever.
And I was like, I would never do anything like that.
And then like every now and then I'll see one somebody will send me a screenshot or
maybe like a Reddit or something.
And that of course peaks the morbid curiosity or they'll send me like or somebody will just
straight reply to something and you read it.
And I like to think I've even said this this I've said this where I'm like dude
I got thick skin like this ain't nothing but water off a duck's back playboy
I like I got into this business because I can dish it and I can fucking take it cuz you know what?
You know that he's been that he's been through some things and daddy can fucking dad
He's got a turtle shell on him a straight fucking life
Potions, I'm strong as steel. And then
some guys like, yeah that guy's an unfunny faggot. He's probably killing himself. And
he has like two followers and his name's like Hitlerpoop.edu and I'm like damn Hitlerpoop.edu
ruined my fucking week. Like fuck Hitlerpoop. I hope you get AIDS. And then like I'll,
by the way this is one of those things, and I'm sure you can relate to this to some degree,
where you, I'll go to tell Ashley about this.
She's like, what's wrong?
She'll tell something's up, and I'm like, this guy fucking Hitler Poop said I wasn't funny.
And she's like, listen to yourself.
Listen to what you just said.
And I'm like, okay, I'll say it again.
Hitler Poop said I'm an unfunny fag, and I should hang myself.
She's like
That is the dumbest sentence
Anybody like I like since English has been invented
You're you're getting broken up because a guy you don't know and like yeah, but the thing is I think I'm fine I think I'm cool, too
And she's like, okay then go about your life and I'm like, you don't get it. It's hard out here in the streets
People be saying crazy shit boy, and then it's just yeah
It's just a matter of like you get too used to the idea that you know
Like oh, you know what I mean, and then somebody knocks you down a couple pegs and you go alright. Yeah
No, this is this is how do you think it feels driving a side be around every day?
How do you think it feels being a conservative Christian man with a side be you know?
How do you think it feels I got a big cross necklace hanging over my
Underarm shirt. Yeah, and I hop out of my side be I take my
Yeah, and I'm in my on sneakers
And I try I'm just trying to go to my pickleball very very spooky of a pic
there's a fellow side be owner who's been teaching me pickleball and
And yeah, we get berated sometimes yeah for sure I
Do actually think pickleball looks kind of fun, but I I have a lot of stuff deep inside of me that I need to do
It looks like a lot of fun I don't think I can really ever play it.
It looks like a lot of fun.
I don't know why that's so fucking funny because I get it. I 100%... I'm sorry, I'm joking.
I know what you mean because I'll see it's stupid trend.
I'll see something dumb as shit I think, but really there's a deep voice inside of it It's like that kind of looks pretty sick, dude
That actually looks crazy fun, and then it's like no I think I yeah
I just have problems like I think I think I'm just like too much shit. Yeah, I wanted to play Tennessee other
I wanted to play Tennessee other day, and then I thought about well. I'm kind of bad at tennis
What if I tried pickleball, and then I thought I killed and then I thought I Know I'm never gonna do either. Yeah. Yeah
Cuz now if I start playing tennis people are gonna be like he watched challengers and now he wants to and I didn't even
Watch challengers and so why if I didn't even watch it. Why am I worried about?
Yeah, no perfect. You know, I'm being worried about you nailed being influenced by a movie
I didn't even see it. And why do I give a fuck of what these?
Imaginary non real people would say if I picked up a tennis racket because if they're at the tennis court, they're also playing tennis
Yeah, exactly
Exactly. Yes, they don't put a tennis court in the middle of the fucking mall, dude. I
like I was trying to do like skull crushers because I saw like this
Bodybuilding dude that I like watch on Instagram and then like get his workout advice from he's this bald guy named Mike Here's your tell and I was trying to do like so I like Mike is it so he's so funny
and I was trying to do skull crushers, but it was a it was a cable machine with the thing and I reached behind it and
And my hair got stuck had my hair up like tied up
So it wasn't like in my face and my hair got stuck I had my hair up like tied up so it wasn't like in
my face and my hair got stuck on the chain machine and I just yanked my
fucking head up my own hair and I went yeah and I let out the gayest most like
girliest sound I fucking put the machine down grab my waterball walked right out
of the gym and I was like yeah people in there probably all there was like it was
a packed day and in my head I was like yeah everybody saw that and they were thinking this guy should go him and hang himself and
I could have I didn't even finish my workout. I could have just stayed and
And done it cuz nobody cares like nobody cares at all
But in my mind is like everybody saw that and they're thinking wow
This guy probably should go up to the lat pull down machine
Pull the handle off get the cable going and then rack the whole weight and rip his own god damn head clean the fuck off his body.
Because that, that was embarrassing.
That guy sucks really bad.
And he probably has a small dick that doesn't work either.
You know.
It's hard out here for a pimp.
It sucks, it sucks thinking at all that people care in any way about your life.
And I don't normally have those thoughts.
I don't normally think that, but it comes to me
in certain moments where it's like, you know.
Because I don't think about, I can't speak for everybody.
I know some people really like talking about like,
popcorn and whatever, this stuff, but I don't think about
like usually other people in my day to day life.
Most of my thoughts are like
car oil change
boot sock nutrients
You know I have like a I have like I think the way I like a salamander would think
It's just usually one thing at a time
Somebody once told me that
Sucker for good ding- ding dong I'm gay.
All right.
She was sitting on a walk and looking at her phone
in the shape of the X on her side B.
Well, the app starts going and the phone starts charging charging hit the ground running and you order an extra large and
Get a big McDonald's and you get a big fry you get a big burger and you say goodbye
So much so much to tweet so much suppose so much to text so much to email
There's windows and there's iPhone. There's PC and there's Macbook. Hey
now, here's an iPhone. Here's I-funny. Go post. Hey now, here's 9Gag. Here's Reddit.
Go low. Call it humor. Red and link are funny
And then that
Any words like
Doesn't matter anymore. All right, you guys have a good mythical night
Check in a happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving
Hang out with your families. We're gonna. I'm gonna hang out with my family
Was gonna say yeah subscribe go to patreon.com slash Mendeo time and throw us a little cheese. I'll keep the spiel short
Head out hang out head over to our YouTube check our shit out
But go hang out with your families eat some turkey or whatever the fuck it is you eat and have a dope ass holiday season We'll see you guys next week
Bye