Pendejo Time - The Struggler

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

happy thanksgiving  buy tickets Patreon  

You're just a bad guy. That's, I think, you know what, five years, this is, we're almost in five years. I think when five years realized you're just a bad guy, that's it. It just, I said, just, for you guys, just joining because we just hit record, I said, my mom's going to be here soon, and I don't want to be doing the pod when she gets here because she doesn't like the pod. And Thomas goes, oh, do you know what she's going to be wearing? Just, you know, probably something Paisley and probably. with a lot of bejeweled crosses on it? I don't fucking know, man.

Probably something... That's nice. Yeah, she wears Miss Me jeans that have the crosses on the butt. So, you know, if that's your type of thing, sick fuck. Piece of shit asshole. Anyway, hey, what's...

I can't care about people's lives. I can't ask questions anymore. I can't care about your mom. So, first, I'm too detached, and now I care too much? Okay. just can't win with you can't care about if your mom's buying clothes for herself if she's doing good because a lot of people just comfy for long drives other people just you know just

you know fancier tighter clothes and everything yeah not that's i appreciate you guys i usually wear pretty tight clothes whenever i get dressed up to go yeah see everybody i think i'll probably i'm going to be wearing some really tight jeans tomorrow and a really tight sweater for Thanksgiving. You start dressing like a Dominican just for the fucking, just for the holiday? We just start dressing with really tight shoes too.

They make my feet look skinny. Oh man. Fuck. The idea of wearing skin tight clothes to Thanksgiving is very funny to me. Whenever, um, uh, we used to have,

we would go to my great granddad's place. Um, and we would have Thanksgiving Christmas at his house. and um this was when I was like 14 um yeah my great granddad

like he fought in uh in World War II and uh I think he also is in Korea also so anyway and he loves

he loved Jesus a lot and he um loved to make grits and he hated black people and Mexicans and he hated gay guys as well and he hated women so we would go to thanksgiving um and i was in my like like uk punk oi phase and so i had like the skin

tight black jeans with like the safety pins on them and like combat boots and i had a mohawk and i had like a dead kennedy shirt or something i don't remember um and uh his son like my great uncle because my great granddad would just look at me like this I know you guys this is an audio podcast he looked at me like this

just dead eyed just looking at me like he looked at a German before he killed him or whatever and I would and every Thanksgiving holiday season

you know I would dress that way you know for at least three four years in a row before I grew out of dressing like that I was a teenager well anyway

my great uncle his son pulls me aside one time and very much like kind of like Tom from Trubley's like Southern but like you know a smart guy but the accent's still there so it's a little bit more insulting

you pull me the side he's in the kitchen he's like hey man you know I know I know how do I say this shit I know that you're you know I know what you got going on with your daddy I know how the house is you know I hear things

I don't know how much longer you great grandpappy's got. So if next Thanksgiving you could not wear a shirt with an upside down cross on, if you could just have a little bit of fucking respect, that would mean a lot to me. It mean a lot to my wife. And if you could just not have safety pins hanging off your pants, if you could just dress like you'd go to church. You still go to church? And I was like, no, sir.

He goes, okay, that makes a lot of fucking sense in. Okay. If you could just dress like you have an ounce of respect for the thing. And I get it, you know what I mean? But, like, it was literally, like, the tightest jeans I could find at Target. And then I had, like, converse with, like, anarchy signs, like, painted onto the toes of the toe cap. I was, like, 14, 15 years old. And just getting, just getting beaten down verbally by a guy who, hey, man, listen, you know, I don't, I know you probably, your life's fucked and it ain't going to ever get any better.

But if you could just wear some slacks around my, around your grandpa. if you could just wear like a polo or something you got a polo in that closet with the studded jackets and the pink denim and the faggy stuff you got anything in there that you'd wear to a roast just wear that wear that and we're going to be all good and it made me feel bad so the next thanksgiving i did wear normal clothes but he had died he died so he didn't get to see that uh he didn't get to see me turn over a new leaf um so i'm sorry uh uncle doyle if you're out there in heaven or hell because you're you're out there in heaven or hell because you're you're you You beat the dog shit out of your whole family, and they hated you for it, great-uncle Doyle. I did wear, in Christmas, 2020-10, I wore a nice blue polo and some khakis and leather boots that my mom got me.

If the radio waves can reach you and have your eye or... Thigh high and I had my cock caged. So I can fucking... If you could just show little respect and come with a cock cage next time I made a butt plug in your ass. in a ball gag in a ball gag in your mouth you know your great granddad fought World War II in Korea so if you could

come to Thanksgiving with a butt plug with a fox tail on it hanging out of your skin tight black jeans I'd appreciate it thank you you know your granddad is having a hard time he's been getting into sounding and his body's not ready for it his mind is stronger than his urethra and it keeps collapsing as soon as he takes the rod

out yeah it's sort of like a like if you uh if if it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's anyway anyway great nephew great nephew anyway your uncle kisser dole kisser that's me could just if you if you could just if you show up with a little bit oil it's short for dog oil that's my bed that's the business i'm in yeah make dog oil um got to keep them smooth and and and stinky so i keep them oiled up that that white and black spotted oil in the dalmatian hills i made my millions off of it to run it up and down the Dalmatian hills like a couple of moonshineers.

The Black Lab brothers. Oh, we were bitter rivals, but we was friends too. We was, you know, people would say we hated each other, and maybe we did, but we had respect. Something that kids don't have these days, you know. We used to chop it up over a big plate of bones and talk about that dog. Oh, yeah, there was the Dalmatian, the Black Lab brothers, the Rottweiler gang.

The schnauzers. All the, they were rude. Shnowsers, dog oil. Yeah, that was their brand. Yeah, it was kind of hastily branded. You think it would be alliterative or something. Yeah, it's just schnauzer's dog oil, yeah.

Snowser's dog oil. You had German Shepherds, dog oil. Everybody was in a rush back then. Yeah, everybody was in a rush to get that oil out of the ground. Yeah, yeah.

Dog oil, that is. There's goldenies hills, son. Dog oil. I do have You know Now your grandfather Was a dog oil boot runner

Boatler He would put the dog oil in his boots And run around town They hated his ass for it They strung them up like a Well Like something you'd string up But

He used to Yeah like a Marionette Yeah Yeah Papi, well, you tell him the story about how your great-granddaddy was a bootlegger. Now, he was, and he was a dog oil boot runner. He would put dog oil in his boots and run around town, and people beat him with sticks.

He had big mouth, so he'd fill up his mouth of oil. And he got caught one day when he tried to talk somebody. Oil fell out of his mouth, splashing on the ground. Created dog-o-light smell. Dog presents. Dog a like. Yeah. I'm worried you got to take a breath while you're doing it.

Yeah. I remember that. I remember them days. Yeah. Did your family ever do the moonshine thing? Some of my dad's family did. No, not the family I grew up with at least. I went and out in Jacksonville, Texas.

I guess family is pretty much just whoever you. You grew up with that's your family. Yeah. And then I had some family in Palestine, Texas. Palestine, Texas. That they used to make their own. It wasn't like a legal operation where they sold it. They just made it for personal consumption.

It's pretty good, though. As good as Moonshine can be, I suppose. It was just like Apple Brandy. It was like Apple cores and shit. And it was like 160. It was fucked up. But, you know, and they would drink it out of, like, mason jars and shit. And I remember, yeah, when I was, like, 14, I went to visit that side of the family, and my dad gave me it.

And he was like, you know, I would have, uh, this side of family's making this shit for a hundred years or something. You want some? And I was like, sure. And, uh, I don't know if you guys have ever had, not like moonshine you buy at the liquor store, but like, I mean, if you've had ever clear, you basically had it. You immediately black out. it's like it's like almost like a hallucinogen you immediately you don't immediately but if you're an alcoholic you don't immediately black out but if you're like a child you immediately you immediately black out when you're a child yeah yeah yeah yeah

you have when you're a kid you will end up actually blacking out which is you don't remember a lot of them you know what I mean yeah whenever you're having a really fun time when you're a kid and then you can't remember the last six months yeah yeah summer of 1999 is just kind of gray for me but I don't really know why I don't know why I was kidding you probably get molested or something not me though yeah I did probably for sure get molesting

um by a guy named Joe no Joe mama I uh I what was I gonna fucking ask I don't remember

uh sometimes I feel like therapists want you to just say it they want you to say that you got molested so it's like so they can see it's like to them it's like uh it's like they're trying to skip the the trailer to the movie i've had a couple therapists that like guide me down that path you know what i mean like session three they're like now did anybody and i'm like i don't fucking know man i'm in here because uh because i get so mad i can't see it and then i you know i start hearing shit or whatever and they're like did's anybody you know jack you off uh you know

or something at the county fair or whatever And I'm like, motherfucker, I don't know. That's what I hate about EMDR. Why the fuck would I want to, why would I want to go? My brain did a good, goddamn great job of blacking that shit out, stuffing that shit down deep into the fucking crevasses of my gray matter. Why the fuck would I want to do some hypnotherapy bullshit and then remember that stuff? The brain is very good.

I've read a little bit. The brain is very good at being like, damn, what just happened is crazy. We're going to fucking that, you know, you're not going to, that one's going. we're going to shut that one off so why in the fuck would i fucking do some goddamn tic-tock pocket watch bullshit so i can fucking remember some shit that i don't want to remember or that my brain was like yo this was crazy right so you're just this is just going to be a black cube in your mind in your 30s 2000 the winner of 2002 is a black cube in your mind and you can't you can rotate it if you'd like and you can make it shiny but it

in terms of details and in terms of temporal things and time you're not really going to be able to access that that's kind of my job as the brain you know what I mean

I don't know you know what I mean there's yeah I don't know if I was molested maybe probably but if I had to guess it probably would just say

just most just kind of like standard issue like you know standard issue stuff but the therapists always want you to say that you were molested

I think I think that's like the you know what I mean most therapists that I know have been molested pretty heavily during our sessions Very nice

You asking them like as you take your pants up You've ever been molested It happens to a lot of people You know it's not It's a lot of men specifically You know it's something we don't talk about And then tell me if that's something I'm going through Yeah

Yeah, it seems like we're going through Two very different things right now Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm going through Your butt I'm drinking a huge orange soda Yeah pouring it on your butt

I gotta make it sticky first It's kind of my deal Yeah Just kidding I would never do that Yeah Yeah Yeah, no.

I'm not a big giving anybody 100 bucks a week right now. It's not really my thing. Yeah, I was going... Unless I was running a minor steroid cycle, but even if it would cost more than that. I would literally, I would do steroids again before.

I haven't done steroids before. Slipp of the tongue, because in my mind I've thought about doing them so many times, but... Yeah, yeah. I would do steroids before I would go back to therapy. Yeah, I was, I was, going I think I'm no I think you're here's my thing is is that like I that's not a crazy

thing to say because like I mean what what do you get from therapy that you wouldn't also get from just being a huge nasty beast you know what I mean like like put it put it this way okay if I could skip all of it and just get the end result two years of therapy and whatever that could come with or two years of years of, and then I'm 240 lean. I'm taking 240 lean. What the fuck are you talking about? 2.40 lean year

round. My heart, not great. My fucking liver and kidneys, boi-o-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo- But 240 lean We would both look so crazy at 240 lean because we still wouldn't have like a bodybuilder shape. No. It would go to like our feet

or something. It would be like I'm all limbs. We look like gargoyles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm literally all limbs and legs. Yeah. So you would look like an actual, we would look like the two kinds of gargoyles that people draw.

Yeah, you're the crouching one. And then I'm the kind of like the... Yeah, I'm the weirdly tall one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. I've, like, wanted to...

I've wanted, like, I keep having this thing, like, before I die, you know, it would be cool to get, to get, like, you know, like, like, dick-skinned, shredded and big but i'm running out of time on that i would have to do that soon because it eventually it's not going to be in the cards you know what i mean i mean i guess some guys start cycling when they're in their 40s and then they die you know they just straight up they die and that's kind of just what happens you know but um i mean everybody can get skinny and lean yeah um for you naturally yeah um i think that's a normal goal just being really good shape be lean but if you want to be

240 pounds length, then you kind of have to be like 6.8, I guess. Yeah, well, like, we've talked about this before a long time ago, but like, I remember when I was trying to put on muscle and I was like, oh, it's way easier to lose fat. Because, like, I, when I was fat as fuck and I was dieting, I thought not eating was hard. But, like, trying to hit a caloric surplus is sucks ass. it's really bad like I mean

if you're dirty if you're dirty bulking it's actually not that I mean it's not that hard but if you're trying to eat clean you know what I mean like I have a friend who like

dirty ball I have one guy I worked out with what a little lot he was like yeah it's not that hard yeah I just eat two honey

honey barbecue chicken strip sandwiches from one burger uh and two large fries um and after I work out and that's my

that is it and I'm like all right well I guess that's not wrong It's not wrong to do that, you know what I mean? But I don't think that's going to, you know, do the thing you wanted to do, you know. But then again, what do I do?

I'm not a nutritionist. Say, girl, that's going out of your booty. That's going out of your pussy lips. Yeah. Look, I'm your doctor. Whatever you're eating, it all going to that pussy. Bitch. My name.

I'm Dr. Barbecue sauce. Dr. You are a big-ass bitch. Dr. BBQ, my name is BBQ sauce, MD. Bobby Q. My degree, I got a medical degree. I got a BBQ. Bobby Q sauce. Yeah, I got a BBQ from barbecue sauce University.

Bobby Q sauce University. Yeah, my name. I am, my brother, Bobby Q. Chips, he also was a surgeon of the labia menageresty. He died tragically. He was a Latin surgery doctor. He would only perform on Latin people. He was often, his practices were called into question many times because they do not have a different. body but he said that the latin body is more live more live more live okay well i gotta google that one

live i see myself in you what does live mean light light light l t i oh that's yesterday night live that's a rapper uh so i don't know what he be oh live means easily bent or flexed okay characterized by easily easy flexibility and that's just you're saying but you're saying that Jesus about saying it about who I can't believe you said that that Latin people are alive they're flexible I guess I don't know I suppose who gives people never talk about lie anymore L Y E yeah yeah that would be using no damn soap. Y'all don't be using chemical.

Y'all don't be getting chemical bairns. I might the fuck I'd be getting lots of chemical burns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to think about that one scene from Fight Club and I was like, damn, I want to, I now want to make soap. Now I want to get some line, make soap, and be a part of a domestic terror organization. Sometimes I think about joining, you ever think about joining one? I wouldn't know where to start.

I wouldn't know, you can't Google sign up. for dTO you know shit i won't even join like a bowling league and i like that you know what i mean yeah no i'm with you 100% i'm with you on that that is a 100% correct i haven't even joined i haven't even joined a dungeons and dragons club in a while i feel sometimes i'll feel guilty for like not being more politically like active but then i'm like i would be a detriment and a liability to like any you know one of my buddies that lives next door to me was like you should join the PSL there's a chapter in our town and I was like oh what do they do they're like oh they go to protests and they do like drives and I was like I don't think they want to be associated with me

I I don't think I don't think it's good they probably I don't think that that's good for them plus like I'm not really I don't really got a lot going on I'm actually I got too much going on you know sometimes I'd just be passing out you know sometimes I don't brush my teeth for like a week not really like a not really like an asset to like a one battle after another type organization you know what i mean not really like a ghetto pat or or a sensei or anything you know i'm like more one bathroom after another yeah yeah i've got ibs i'm uh yeah more well one bottle after another because i'd be drinking hell of beers one asshole after another yeah Yeah, because I'm gay, yeah.

Yeah. One gaggle after another, because I love hanging around with geese and chickens and hens. Well, more laughter after the summer because I've been doing more comedy now that's fall. Yeah, that's pretty good. One's faster than the other, and it's a tortoise and the hair. we got classic story that everybody loves yeah I hate that

I hate myself more plastic text from the struggler and it's um the struggle yeah I'll help me

I need help help help oh God if I get help wait what's wrong, sir, what's wrong? I'm the struggler. It doesn't, it's always, ah.

That's your, besides the point, but that's your name? Yeah, I'm the struggling. Every time I try to do something, we gotta get you some help. No, I mean, it's not gonna make it better because I can't stop. I'm just the struggler. It's in my nature. What is the nature of your emergency? Help.

I'm the struggler. I don't got to. anything going on. You don't need us to... I need help. You're taking too long and I'm struggling. I don't know what I need to do. It doesn't...

Bring everybody, bring the fire department, bring the police, bring EMTs, bring the army. I'm struggling. I'm the struggler. Okay. They're on their way. They're on their way. Yeah.

You never see the liquor and the struggler in the same room. And that says something, you know what I mean? Oh, he's licking me. Blah-la-la-la-l-l-l-l-l-lick, lick, lick. At least the kisser's not here. Wait a minute. I'm the struggler. I've already having a hard time.

And I don't want to be kissed or licked. Please, fellas. I know. I don't want to be kissed. I don't want to be kissed. My life is already bad enough. My lipstick is pink. I don't want it on me.

I need to be. I need to be on your shirt. I need help. I don't want kisses or licks. I need to get out of the city. I need... Struggler? Yes.

This is me. wife. Why the hell are you kissing this bitch? Darling, they found me. It's the liquor and the kisser. Is that the kisser? Yes. What the Sam Hill are you doing with the kisser? You're covered in lipstick.

He showed up. John. No! Babe, you got to understand. I'm done dealing with your struggles. No! You have to be by my side for my struggles. I don't. And I'm not. Fuck The struggler

All I've ever known is Hardship and trials And I gotta stop doing the voice It makes it It makes it seems something like it's something else And what it is Yeah, I'm the struggler And I hate that your name is Woody Allen

But you make me call you the struggler Woody the struggler Allen And also I guess as a part of this I'm also your daughter So I really should leave you. Name him a fighter whose name is the struggler and he's just not good. Weighing it in 145 pounds, tonight's contender,

Thomas the Struggler White, fighting out of Brooklyn, New York, with a daunting record of 1 and 245. I'm still hurt from the last fight. Thomas the Struggler. My hands hurt I can't hit Oh It's just getting interviewed

By what's her name Nina The fucking the girl The whole they all I guess have sex with That's not nice What the fuck did I say that I'm a fucking mean guy

I gotta reflect on that Yeah You should be nicer to that whore I don't She's probably nice I didn't mean that I just whatever She's just interviewing

The Struggler So how did you, what is the struggler mean? What is that? You know, a lot of guys are the diamond, you know, are there the, uh, the dynamite. A lot of guys are the diamond? I think it's just one guy's the diamond. That's Dustin Porier. You're right.

Oh, I'm scared to him. He's in your weight class, struggler. You're a light. Oh, no. No. You got, you got, you got to protect me from him, please. Nina, help. Is he here?

Dustin is not fighting the night, but he might be in the audience. The champions here tonight, Elia Teporia. Do you have any kind words for him? He can't help you. I mean, you're fighting him tonight. Please don't hurt me. I kind of wish I would have fucking, I would have loved to just, Hey man, please don't hurt me when we fight.

I know what I was probably, you just, please don't. army man just come out to wheels on the bus so there's or like yeah like cold spaghetti by the wiggles

and you're just kind of like oh I'm alone there's no one in your corner there's nobody in the struggle it's just when you go back to your stool

there's nobody like talking to you giving you water and that shit oh Herb Dean goes Fire, are you ready? You go, no. And they never stop your fights

when you're losing? Yeah. But you're just getting your shit bounced off the fucking... They stop hitting you when they get bored. Yeah. They like...

You've been tapping for three rounds. They put you on the scale to weigh in and like, and they just move the thing is like you're overweight. They keep making you cut weight until you're like 100 pounds. Sorry, man.

You're over championship weights. weighing in at 45 pounds. The struggler. The men versus the return of Francis in Ghanu. The dustweight champion, the struggler, versus Francis in Ghanu.

Oh, I don't even have anybody hurt. I have braces. Help. Francis, could you help, please? Oh, there's something stuck in my braces. I'm laughing. I'm still, just the mental image of no one in the...

Nobody would give me any food or water after the way, and, oh. The mental image of, yeah, like, nobody in the hotel helping you cut weight, no one in the corner. It's just you by yourself. I hope they pay me for this one. Dana, yeah, Dana White's like, yeah, you in the back, yeah, you in the back. Hey, Dana, yeah, Brett from SportsCenter, will the Struggler be getting his bonus tonight? Yeah, it's going to be a no. That's going to be a no for me, yeah.

Well, why do you think they call him the Struggler? Huh? Do you think they call him the gets his paycheck guy? No, he's 45 pounds. I'm so hungry. The fight's over and you're still cutting. Oh. Like in the sauna

They don't They don't tape up any of my cuts or anything No, no oil, no grease At the end I'm just leaking everywhere Yeah, yeah Like bleeding all over the press table Or whatever the fuck

I don't put on clothes after I don't change out into anything Just wearing your gloves still I just drive home. Oh, fuck. That actually literally did happen to Johnny Walker. I don't know if you remember him. Brazilian guy.

They, like, made him leave. And it wouldn't let him, like, watch the fight. Like, it was this big scandal as well, you know, like, you know, fighter treatment thing. And they were like, yeah, if you don't have tickets, you got to go. And he was like, well, I just fought. And they were like, yeah. sorry it's a packed house and uh so he leaves but he forgot his bag of his clothes that he showed up in and he was like hey i need to like go he's standing outside of i think it was like

the apex or whatever with his gloves on his fight shorts his cup his mouthpiece he's like oh shit my bag's inside like he left in such a hurry they made it leave such a hurry they're like yeah you can't come back in so he like he had to take a taxi back home like with his gloves on like in his fight shorts where it was it was funny as fuck I mean it was that actually really sad he's the you know the struggler but anyway

well by accident we booked the snuggler on tonight's fight this will be awkward he's 285 pounds he's five feet tall he's really sweet he's hairless he's hairless

he's very nice he's very nice he wears a shirt and underwear at all times his gloves are very big so he doesn't hurt you he wears 50 He smells great. He smells incredibly. He wears 50 ounce gloves.

He mostly, all of his wins have come by decision because he just snuggles the whole time from Mount. Weighing in a 265 and a half. Francis and Ghanu weighing in at 485 pounds the snuggler. What were you going to say?

The fucker. weighing it weighing it at 5,000 pounds the fucker what are some issues you're worried what are some things you focus on while preparing for a fight with the fucker

well so you know obviously you're going to have to get better at your grappling you know you guys know I'm traditionally a striker so we've been working with Craig Jones been working with some of the guys from Habib's camp as well. When I went to Dagestan, two, three years

to forget, you guys all know the meme. And then just working on my clinch game. You know, when your opponent's 5,000 pounds and 10 feet tall and is the fucker, you know, you got to be the best everywhere. And that's plain and simple. Otherwise, he's going to fuck you.

And what did you think of this quote going in from the fucker? He said, I'm going to fuck my opponent. my opponent has a big body easy for me to fuck though using my cock for fucking it coming inside of it pretty easy I like that uh yeah you know trash talk is like

kind of pretty standard issue for the fucker you know but it's always the same thing I kind of wish you would come up with something else you know it's like yeah I'm gonna fuck you I'm gonna come in you you know I'm gonna come in your mouth I'm gonna come on you I'm the fucker I just wish you'd have you know it's I mean his mouth got him into where he's at in the division and that's totally like more power to him i'm kind of a more of a show up and fight guy uh but you know that's not to take away from you know his mic skills like the fucker says what he means that's why he's got a 200 wins and zero losses record you know he's

that's that i mean you know he shows up on fight day ready to fuck and that's kind of you know that's something that i had to prepare for it's on me you know it's not on anybody else and did you hear from his camp that he's been fucking for over eight hours a day in preparation for this fight? I did hear that. I heard that he was working with the snuggler and the struggler and getting some rounds in with the struggler, just getting really using the struggler's body kind of as sort of like a wet tool, you know what I mean, and then, you know, obviously working with

the snuggler on the after-fucking portion of it, but yeah, you know, that stuff doesn't, that stuff doesn't get in my head, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I'm the best in the division right now. and I think, you know, Saturday night I'm going to show the fucker that he's going to, he's in for a fucking and it won't be me, you know? It's going to be the other way around.

And what do you have to say to those who say that, I guess to put it more clearly, what do you have to say to those who've had something to say about about, um, about the,

the, the, the, the, fucker's close relationship with the suckler? Yeah.

You know, when this whole, when all that stuff happened with Connor, you know, some people look the other way, some people try to hold them accountable, you know. If it were me, I'm not going to be caught,

you know, on Instagram stories out partying with the suckler. That's just me. You know, I know, I know kids look up to me. You know, as a few,

future champion, I want to kind of maintain my circle, make sure my circle's good, and the suckler is not somebody that you want to have in your circle. So the fact that the fucker would hang out with the suckler kind of shows who he is, you know, I mean, he's a great fighter, you know, he's undefeated for a reason, but any guy who hangs out with guys like the suckler, the liquor, the creeper, you know, the lurker, I saw a picture of the fucker and the lurker in Dubai, you know what I mean? I'm not hanging around the lurker. You don't see pictures of me in Dubai with the lurker.

You know, you know, 10 years ago, you know, when the grabber was doing his thing, the fucker and the grabber were seeing out all the time, all the time. Yeah. And the gripper. So, you know, I just, I think he just keeps, he keeps bad company. And that's just not something that I support, you know. I hang out with, I hang out with the sweeter, you know, I hang out with the, the, I hang out with the, the, I hang out with the caressor. You know, I spend time hanging out, um, with the friend.

friend or you know that's it those are pretty much that's my circle you know just those those allegations against the friender anything to say about that uh you know i taught i talked with the friender about about that night and he said that um look he said that she said that she wanted to be friends and that's his you know that's his thing and so i i've been i've been friends with the friender for a long time and I trust his version of events of that evening. That's all I'll have to say about that. Okay.

Do you have anything you say about my dress? It's red. I do like to dress a lot. Thank you, Nina, for interviewing me. Right. This has been Nina Simone. Legendary singer. Nina, what is is this what is this

bitch's actual name Nina Dr. Nina Daniel Nina Marie Danielle Sounds like his name of a really smart lady

Uh Nina Yeah You know she's fucking 36 That's pretty crazy I thought she was like 19 or something

It's so cool to see older women still doing their thing Did Tom Aspinall asked her if she's ever been fingered by a fighter.

She's married, right? Yeah, so her husband's the camera guy, which kind of, I mean, I don't know. Like, sometimes the fighters be asking crazy-ass questions to Nina, and it's like, you can't, you have to, you have to shoot the guy and he's going to beat you up, you know what I mean? But apparently, her husband's one of the AV guys.

She is married. Yeah. If Tom Aspinall asked, could you, Yeah, could you imagine that? And then it's literally like one of the best fighters in the entire world. And he's huge. It's not even one of the tiny guys. He's not even like, yeah.

One of the tiny guys you can just throw a printer at, honestly. Yeah, if it's like, it's like, it's like 125ers, it's like, all right, I can hit you over there with the sledgehammer. But it's like, it's like Tom Aspinall. So it's like, he's the baddest man in the planet. Like, dude. God damn, that must suck. I just, I didn't really think about it. Like you hit record and then this guy who's, yeah, 260 lean, one of the best.

fighters that's ever lived asked your wife if she's ever been fingered by a fighter I'd have to shoot it I wish I could get the clip on the on the show I could I could download it it is pretty fucking crazy is he already major CT guy or no I think uh I think he's just um honest to God I think he's like Tom like Tom Brady of M and his brain only understands fighting he doesn't all of his interviews he's very awkward he's like like with leonel messy like up in lino's head is just like different ways to do football done soccer tom brady like he's trying to act and be in other things but his brain only understands football tom aspinall i think is one of those guys where he just every interview he's like just he's just weird as fuck let me see if i can get

this uh uh shit downloaded or i'm actually i wonder if i can yeah more like tom asking All the wrong questions. Yeah. More with us later at six. Yeah, actually, keep going. Actually, you know what? I'm not going to download it.

He just asked if she's ever been fingered by a UFC fighter, and she goes, what? It was funny because, like, right before that, they were talking about cutting weight or something, and he was like, if you've been fingered by an MMA fight? And she's like, what? It just seems weird. Like...

I mean, I think, like, Sean Strickland and some other guys have been pretty disgusting as well. Yeah, but Sean Strickland's, like, like a rate like a retarded like he's he's literally like a lost cause like he should be put down like a sick dog like he's he needs help you know what it is and that's something nice he needs help he needs help and he needs to not be on camera want to make it clear i don't want to help him i don't want i don't want anything yeah he needs he seems like he need he needs help finishing it's your job

It is funny to be like Yeah, we do the man dance Come on violence Blah! Then you just kind of like jab your way Through five rounds That's pretty A bunch of horse shit to me

Did we have an ad read? I don't think we did It doesn't really Let me check I just decided It's actually okay Um I just decided

I just decided Yeah I just pulled a few strings It's fine Yeah I told I called Bill. I said, Bill, not the night, but not tonight, but I think we're good. What's this week?

I see myself in you. Uh, no, we're good. God, they owe us so much fucking, never mind. Nope, they don't know us anything. Everything's good. Everything's fucking everything is hunky, goddamn

Dory. Oh, yeah. Tell me why I was looking at rims from my motherfucking car and I don't even have money to pay my la la la la la la light bill i was looking at a staggered set of fucking chrome rims for my god damn car and we don't even be gotten the money that pay that my da madame bays and there's my da bha you know what i mean do you ever have uh no money and then you're like you know what i think i should look at uh rims for a car that i don't have yet and i probably won't ever have i'm trying to get some rims for a shelby gt uh don't even drive the car but you know i'm just

look just in case somebody wants to give me a shelby gt dude I've been looking at fox bodies on marketplace I need to delete that app off my fucking phone dude I gotta stop I was like deeming this guy about this old fox body and I was like yeah I could put a fucking LS in it it's fine I need to fucking stop I need to stop I need to stop but when I'm when I'm in a mental

kind of fragile mental state I'm like yo what if you put a fucking LS engine in a Fox body and you've never done an engine swap before and those are two completely different motherfucking things and you would have to probably fabricate some bullshit to make that work and you don't even have a fabrication anything because you live in an apartment above a bar. Sorry, yeah, I'm just kind of fucking, that's where my brain's at right now. That's okay.

Would it help talking to a girl about it? No. I'm going to try that on the homies. I'm going to try that on a friend. Would it help if you were talking to a girl? I know you've been going through a lot. Man, would it help if I was not Jake, if I was Jacqueline? If I was Rosie?

I was Rosie. If I was Rosie, would it make this easier? I am Rosie. Rosie. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Little red corvette. Sucking on a dude's dick. Sucking on a dude's dick.

What are you looking at on your phone? pictures of guys balls a company has been seeing me complain about not having pants and they were offering me they said dude do you want to send you a pair of pants nice

uh and I said in exchange for it I had to shake like a turkey shake my hindie like a turkey and that I had to have the cheeks taped open in the videos it needs to be a type of tape that shows a lot of red marks on my on my ass

Very sick Yeah Very very sick I need to rub sandpaper on my hole Really? No not really I think if I did that That would seriously hurt

Yeah it would for sure It would for sure hurt bad Like really really bad Yeah Why would you even think about doing something like that though I wouldn't I've never thought about it before Oh okay Yeah

Would you rather run a marathon But I have in sandpaper joggers or let me see I'll honestly take whatever the second option is

where I don't have to run a marathon we're looking at that already I'm going to cut you off big dog we're done on that two yeah option two just rape me rape me

it's a good song you hear option one and you go fine option two I'll suck somebody's dick fine option two I'll take back shots for 10 years straight dude I'm fucking sick and tired of being scrolling on reels having a goddamn turn of my fucking brain off

trying to watch some short form content and audio from that gay porn star will be playing over like a video of like a really nice old barracuda like you know they get me every time it's the it's the oh yeah of the 2020s where but instead of just a girl getting fucked it's a guy i think i think he's a black porn star named king i think he recently died and uh the guy the other guy's like you're fucking the shit out of me bro and that i he says it over and over and over again

and then you hear like the sounds of him farting because he's getting fucked in his ass this is being played on like videos of like classic cars and stuff this is getting played under it's I'm getting Shanghai you know what I mean it'll be like check out the fucking uh check out the sounds on this fucking

cat delete you know Chevy 350 and then I you know the car rolls up and then it's like oh you fucking me bro and then you know the sounds of penis going into the asshole and the toots because of the voraciousness of

fury of the strokes is making the guy fart. I don't want to hear that stuff anymore. Yes, I wanted to let you finish that full thing because I have no idea what the fuck you were talking about. I have never received... And I've, look, I've got a pretty weird algorithm.

Some people will know what... Any of that. Everybody will know what I... That's not saying I don't get... I get a ton of stuff that... That, where it's they... Or like, this is a gay guy. Like, I get gay guy stuff all the time don't get me wrong yeah yeah yeah i don't i don't know what audio you're talking about

that's crazy yeah it's just crazy that i we probably have very similar algorithms too yeah there's so this guy this porn star i i know the lore because i watch a lot of the stuff and i masturbate to it no i because the somebody was like did like a slide show carousel on Instagram like explaining like you know who the guy was is a black porn star black gay porn star and uh people will take audio of his stuff and then they'll put like lebron saying it you know what i mean and they're like Kobe saying it to lebron or michael jrador whatever the fuck but the one that i'm talking about specifically is uh yeah the guy's just like uh you know keep saying you're fucking the hell out of me and then uh yeah yeah proceeds to uh uh uh

make farting sounds because he's getting fucked so furiously by a man's penis which you know what I'm going to let you guys know right now you know I'm a member of the community

and an ally and you know whatever like fly the flag are you a member of the community is a member of the house but the ally I'm an ally member of the ally community that's the only thing I don't think you can say I'm a member of the queer community

I misspoke. I didn't mean to say that. No, it's okay. No, you did. I know what I said. I know if we're allies and why would it be a big deal for you to be a part of that? I don't want to be a part of it. I'm married to a woman.

Okay. You guys hear that? You guys, other allies here? Jake actually doesn't have any interest of being part of this community at all. Jesus Christ. Wow. Every goddamn fucking. Now he's taking the Lord's name in vain.

Every week. All I said was, oh, I don't know if you're part of the community. And you said, yeah, I'm definitely not. I am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm such an ally that I watch it. I watch it. I watch it every day.

I don't know. I got that song stuck in my head. I got to listen to something else. Maybe listen to some Lent Biscuit later while I cook turkey. Are you staying in New York? I think we are talking about this. Do you not go anywhere? I will be in Connecticut.

Oh. yeah is that where is that where um your uh girlfriend's family your family there live i thought they were based out in new york too i mean obviously you know not not not when we visited the mama but they're they're around i don't want to say specifically no i know i guess i'm not trying to get you to docks your your your your in-laws i was just like i'm confused but that's a conversation we'll just have not on the show uh my bad uh but uh the cloaked and mystie yeah um who knows the real thomas with the real Tommy I'm actually going to fucking Omaha to throw everybody off why the hell is it going to Omaha you'll have

to find out yourself I'm digging I'm drilling for black dog oil black dog oil bail in the swamp and find a dog oil I lost my voice immediately as soon as I tried to do a black dog oil I'm not doing all that I'm sorry yeah I as soon as I

I think just from speaking I've lost I'm losing my voice right and tomorrow I'll be thankful if I can get it back. Have you, did you guys get your cornucopia altogether? Yeah, I've got a, I've got a motherfucking smoke turkey. I got a motherfucking honeybake ham. I got some stuffing.

Well, I got the ingredients to make some stuffing. I've got some taters to make some mashed potatoes. And we're not doing cranberry sauce because that's an evil-ass food. And I don't be eating that shit. no coleslaw we are doing a green bean casserole i do believe but i don't no coleslaw this year because i don't i don't want to make that if my mom makes it that's usually what my mom brings is one of the types of foods

you know the you know the white people thanksgiving food where you're like how the fuck did you even come up with this and it's like a pan of sweet potatoes and marshmallows and then there's like fucking grape jelly on the bottom or some fucking weird shit that's the type of shit that my mom brings she'll be like this is this is we i got candied yams i'm like you know i don't think this is uh candies yams candy jams are pretty fucking good but i don't like i like it best is a castro with like a brown sugar crust thing on top i fuck with that i don't fuck with the marshmallow ones get the marshmallows off of there

yeah get the marshmallows i've only had it with the marshmals like once and it wasn't i didn't make it i'm just doing like a regular basic cornucopia so like autumn fruits, vegetables, fall decorations like flowers, gourds, nuts, and corn. And for a decorative centerpiece, I'm using fall flowers, leaves, and berries.

For an edible centerpiece or charcutory board, I'm using items like apples, nuts, crackers, cheese, and fruits. Oh, okay. I honestly love when I see crackers, cheese, and fruits, and edible flower arrangements at a cornucopia. You know. Um, does anybody, is anybody bringing fruits, um, seasonal decorations, um, gourds?

Any of that for Thanksgiving? Yeah, I've got some fall festive decorations. I've got fruits. I've got gourds. I've got traditional herbs. Yeah. If anybody wants to hang out with a guy who has traditional herbs, um, you know, that would be nice. Ugh.

I just did Friendsgiving and we all just brought a cornucopia. Can you say that again? Yeah, I just got to Thanksgiving. Tell me why we all brought a cornucopia. Walk up in the club with my shit on Every time I see Shoty get down Every time she come over to the crib, I let it Anytime she got them on my phone, she can get it

When she take off her bra and her panties, I go uh when i well right that's fine i think i'm i think i'm going to kill myself soon and that's all right oh no oh oh

oh oh shake don't do that that would be so wrong please shake. Don't kill yourself. Every Thanksgiving gets worse and worse.

There would be so much work for me. If I were to kill myself, Thomas would have a lot of paperwork to handle, like, a whole bunch. I would have to learn the payroll login. You'd have to honestly learn, like, probably I'd have to dissolve part of the company, too, and that would be...

I would have to sell it to myself from you, for a lot of money that your estate would owe me. Yeah, well, good luck. I would... I would... I would sell your estate, my half, and unfalsify the records to have it before you died, and then everything you owned, I would have go to me to help cover the cost. The audio would sound pretty good... And then I would sue Nick our Clips guy for everything he had. The audio would be really good for a little while, too.

And I would sue Chopo Trap House. And I would sue podcast about this. I would sue Nick Mullen. I would sue E1. I would sue Nick Mullen and Adam Freeman. And I would sue Starvost, even though I don't really know him well. I have never even, I don't think I've talked to him. I met him

and one of his shows but it was like obviously I paid to go there and stuff so pretty much the easiest way to meet anybody is paid to uh sorry

now I just bother Nick Mullen all the time yeah when's the last time we hung out with Mullen it has been a long time but it's okay sometimes you just have to bother people

for years The last time I saw him was also the last time you saw him, I believe, which was just in passing. Oh, yeah, when we were at a... The motherfucker studio. It's crazy that we did that show, and then, like, now, like, the mayor was on it. Nobody knows we were on it. It was the worst episode they've ever done. It was the worst episode they've ever done.

Nobody knows we were on it. I looked like that they picked an angle where I looked like the penguin somehow. They only did the one camera, and I was like, why the fuck did you... You know what? It doesn't matter. It was a good time. It was a good hang. I drank too much ciders, and I said some stuff.

I think I bothered Noah. Cole went a little too much. And then made a fool of myself to mostly pretty much everybody I encountered, including Brandon Wardell. And that's all right. Sometimes you just, you know, you just blow your shit up. That's fine. If you listen to this, I have to fucking start cooking some goddamn motherfucking shit. So please go to linktree.com.

slash Pandeo Time and please buy tickets to come see us. We'll be in New York, Brooklyn, at Eastville Comedy Club here in like a week and a half. Please come to that show. Tickets will be available. They're available. I will link to get the tickets. It'll be our linktreat.com slash Pandejo Time. If you're having a little bit of money troubles around the holiday, don't fucking worry about it.

You can message me Jake Rhodes Comedy and maybe we can work something out on Instagram or Pendejo Time worldwide on Instagram. If you want to come, but maybe you're thinking that cheese is a little too tight, totally understand. We have some tickets set aside for people who are struggling with money because we love you guys and want you guys to come. Same with Philly. The January 24th Saturday, 930 at Next In Line, there's probably like, I want to say like 25 tickets left. So, and some of the free tickets have been spoken for, the Compt, because I've been spoke for. So if you want to come to that, please go to linktree.com slash pandeotime and get those tickets.

They are going to be more expensive the day of. And I want you guys to save money and have a good time and save your money so we can go drink beer after. It's my favorite part of going on the road besides stand-up is picking like, I don't know, not even picking, just finding 20 guys that hung out after the show, and then we all go bar-hopping together, and then I tell one of them something bad that really happened to me, and then they probably don't remember it. Oh, they do.

And then we go about our lives. Other than that, I don't really think I had listened to Drunk Uncle. Check out our EP Fiction Years 2. Play drums in that band. Thomas, what you got going on? I don't have any ticket links, so I'm going to hold off for now. Okay, cool. Yep.

Stay tuned. Yeah, I owe the IRS $16,000. So please come to the shows. So any amount of money that I can. make that I can keep from them doing something really bad to me would help me. All right, thank you guys.

Goodbye.