Pendejo Time - The Three Amigos (AUDIO ONLY)

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

Audio from our most recent video episode    watch that here  subscribe to the show  see us live 

I wonder what age. Three, two, one. OK, yeah, sorry about the fucking, I ran all that fucking shit. I'm late. Everybody, thank you for tuning in again to a wonderful episode of Padejo Time Video Moments. This is, as you guys know, JT.

And if you watched the episode with Mr. Mike Dade, Mike's back. I wanted to get the boys on because everybody was like, dude, Mike's awesome, Mike's a funny guy, so we love JT and you're fine too So I wanted to do a full three 360 with the boys so you were saying your mother marched for civil rights. Yeah, she was and now she's racist she Went to high school in Jackson, Mississippi. Yeah, and she was doing interracial Pornography high school clubs the year before segregation it is. She was about it. Jackson, Mississippi, super about that life.

And now she's just like, she got into Reagan when Reagan got big in the 80s. It's funny to see that dynamic, how they changed. But we're all gonna change, baby. My mom, she wasn't allowed to have black or brown boyfriends. And so I think to overcorrect on that when I was younger, she would be like, we live in a Hispanic area. And she would be like, if you ever want to date a Mexican, you can.

It's really fine. Just tell her. You never want to dip your toe. She was like, you know, your grandmother never let me have a Mexican or black boyfriend. She said, I couldn't come home. So if you ever do, I retracted to a black girl and I would be about 10 years old

and be like, what's happening? What do you want me to do to her? What are you planning? Dude, as a parent to be like, yeah, I wanna give my kids all the things I never got as a child, white pussy. Your dad's like, let me tell you young blood, you're gonna love this shit. Disney World.

That's awesome. Yeah. I remember when I was a young boy, trying to date around the South, growing up in the South, you will inevitably meet one of those dads that's like, whatever you do to my daughter, I'm gonna do to you. Jackpot. And I remember thinking like, you're going to jack me off at the park while we listen to like Sum 41.

I'm in eighth grade in 2007. You're going to finger me till I pretend to come? You're going to smoke like- With movie popcorn butter on my hand, you're going to do that? We're going to watch across the universe and I'm gonna finger you until you're like uncle like it's not gonna feel good Cuz I cuz I'm 13 years. I don't know what's happening through fingering was so cool, man. That was the thing. That was so cool I live I live for a good finger That was yeah, well you have

Just riffing on that pussy You have absolutely no idea what's happening, what you're doing, you know. No idea baby, I'm playing bowling ball. Yeah. I'm rolling 300. A lot of girls are like, you know, guys don't know, guys can't find the clit,

guys don't know how to pleasure a woman, but like, do you really, I mean, think about how irresponsible it would be for me to be in middle school knowing how to work the clit. Oh my god. The power I would have? Jesus Christ. Also, it's a two-way street.

That's the cliche that you hear where it's like men don't. But have you ever, I was absolutely, dude, I had a law. I had a rule until I met my fiance. No hand jobs. We're not doing this. You don't. That's a law, no hand jobs? When I was in college. I had not we're not doing this. You don't know hand job when I was in college

Like I had to bring the heavy fist down on all these hand job hoes grabbing grabbing at me You know the law baby No, I just mean like I meant like I wouldn't be like hey you're breaking the rules I just I don't want to do I don't we're going to fuck around, and then I have to explain, look, you know how men suck at sex, and we're bad, and that's the big joke? OK, that is true.

I'm going to not do a good job later. You don't know hand-wise what's happening. I've been jacking off for 10 years at this point. You're going to fuck the game up. It's not worth your time. I can't do this. you know what I mean? That was my rule. Why would I subject myself to like a, you know.

It's like the Suzuki method when you play violin. And it's like you do the same song 10,000 times so you can play it perfectly. Hold the mic up, I'm gonna do it, yeah. And it's like, dude, I have Suzuki method the way I come with my hand. Down to a science. Oh, of course. I couldn't tag anyone else in, and they

would do a better job. We're talking hand jobs, baby. Calling the big guy. I've had one. I do know one girl who gave me a better hand job than I do myself. No, no, no. She's a friend, and we were hanging out one time. A really good friend?

Yeah, really good friend. We were hanging out, and shit popped off. And she was like, I don't know if I want to go all the way, but I think I'm really good at hand jobs. And I was like, I think you're just saying this to, you know. No, she was amazing like I don't know if I want to go all the way but like I think I'm really good at hand jobs and I was like I think you're just saying this to you know no she was amazing that's awesome she was fucking I think about it to this day I'm literally sometimes I hit up I'm like that was fucking nuts by the way like that yeah it was it was insane I mean

dude the fucking technique and shit one time I got a hand job that was standout but it's because I was in the passenger seat and she was driving. That's cool. And I was taking like three of those gas station pills. Hell yeah, brother. I was like absolutely yacked, like vibration, like I had goosebumps all over my body.

Fuck me. And mine was rock hard and it didn't go away and so she jacked me off. Beautiful. And so it was less of a good hand job and more of just a good experience. A necessity, yeah. This is like draining. A yeah. This is like draining.

A necessity. This is like draining a wound. My balls too heavy. You're gonna need to pull over to take care of me. That's so funny, dude. The law. The law is the ten. The law.

You know Jake's law. Pull over. We're in Jake County now. Listen here, sweet thing. I worked with this celibate guy when I was like fucking 21 and his name was Nick and he sucked. And he had a Christian girlfriend he lived with

and he would always talk all the time about how they're celibate, but how she'd make them come through over the pants hand jobs. Beautiful. And he was like fucking 25 years old talking about how good the over the pants hand job was. And I was like, I don't think he knows

how fucking kinky this is. He's absolutely on his like edging, fucking good boy ass celibate shit, fucking one step away from wearing a little chain around his penis and he thinks he's just a good boy. I'm like, dude, you're kinky. That's so funny. Dude, whenever I would like meet somebody

who was in college that would be like, I feel like we're around the same age. I was in school, I was graduating college right around the time that the concept of the volle cell, like voluntarily celibate, would come around. And I would be like, and people would be like, oh yeah, I'm just like, I'm not having sex right now. And I'm like, in my mind, I was like,

do you work in a monastery? You're in Austin, Texas, you're 21 years old. And they're like, yeah, I'm just focusing on other things. What, your business degree? Like, if a guy's like, yeah, I'm just focusing on other things. What, your business degree? If a guy's like, yeah, I'm celibate right now. And then I find out he's a fighter. He's trying to get to the UFC. Or you know what I mean?

Or like, oh, you need your spirits. Everyone agrees with that. Or you're like, oh, you know what? I'm like an addict. I'm like in meetings. I'm not fucking right. OK, I get it. But when you're like, yeah, I'm just celibate. I'm just focusing. We But when you're like, yeah, I would like yeah, you know, I'm so You know, I'm like just sell just focus and like I'm like we would talk about like, oh, yeah

I'm my girlfriend or whatever. I'm like, yeah, I'm just like not dating right now. I'm just trying to like lock in Locking a what that's pretty gay studying finance. Sorry, dude. That's just pretty weird man. I'm acting like this is a pandemic It was one guy I knew in an economics class One speaks on it there's 10 that were silent. That's true. True. You think about it, every gay guy you know is really successful.

And also every gay guy you know is fucking, what, four times a day, probably. So I think coming is good for you. I think you've got to get your rocks off. So there's a lot of this conservative thing where it's like, it's like all gay dudes are gross and it's like no dudes Are gross. They just found out they can have sex with each other Yeah, there's women that are that type of horny and they are locked down quickly Yeah, there's women that are that that are like dude horny and it's like they're rare, but every dude is dude horny

That's the problem which I do think that is the problem with gay guys is not that they're gross It's just that there's no women to stop them from Cuz like here you tell a girl like oh, yeah, I want to can you walk in and like get doggy style I just put it right in like no Talking about that's pretty fun. Yeah. Yeah, I know we're trying to be in time efficient. I get it Darren and we went and got drinks after work one time Yeah, and he was like, oh man. I had the craziest weekend last weekend My boyfriend chained me up to a tree and these guys ran train on my ass and I couldn't stop him and I was like

Oh my god, what the fuck? He's like no it hurts so bad. I was like, oh my god, Darren. I'm so sorry He's like no I signed up for it You can wear wristbands on what you want and I wanted wanted no one to stop and no safe words. And I was like, Oh my God. I was like, you come too much. My man. Yeah. The serotonin has leaked into your brain to where you're like, yeah, dude, maybe just tie me to a tree. And I could almost say he's like, Oh, I took tons of GHP that night. And I was like, Oh good. Oh good. I was so worried about you before you told me that. Podcast seeking derangements. Shout out Jacques and Ben and Hesse. We do their show sometimes and there's two gay guys and a woman and they were talking

about Sniffy's, the app, and me and Thomas come from like- What's Sniffy's? Sniffy's is like insane grinder, dude. It's like no loads refused come dump meetups. I'll have my ass in the air at a Best Western off I-35. I'm not asking questions. I will be blindfolded. 15, dude.

Dude, my bro would do a 40 plus dude origin. Yeah, 40 dude. It's only gay though? I'm pretty sure it's only gay. Ladies. If you want to have sex like that with women, feel. Oh yeah. Or the Austin Subreddit pretty crazy, too

Okay. Well as I mean him me and Thomas are coming from like profound like repressed religious outbringings And so we were joking like during the episode when they were taught one of the hosts was talking in depth about this And I'm being Thomas were like hey, man. I need you to stop talking like this because you're making me homophobic Like like I'm a progressive guy, but I had to do a lot. When I was a teenager, in my 20s, I had to do some work to get there, because the way I was growing up is that you guys were all gonna die bad in hell forever,

and I had to reframe my thinking, because I don't like that, it makes me feel bad. But you're telling me that there's a dedicated app for a guy to wear like a dog harness and you can turn his ass to Swiss cheese for $12. You guys, stop. This is what Fox News thinks you guys do all day. I remember like 2018 I was on like Austin fucking random acts of blow job or something

like that and there was this girl that posted and she was like, me and my boyfriend are going to be in town. We're going to go to this hotel, and I'm gonna try to suck as many dicks as I can in front of them. And I signed up, got approved, went to the hotel, but I went too late, and I watched videos after. Really happy I wasn't able to make it.

Out of my mind horny. Definition of down bad. And I went to that hotel thinking, I'll get my dick sucked by a crazy internet woman And I showed up too late. I missed the blow job Dude showing up late to the fucking to the suck fest that's to the such They camped out like it was a premiere of revenge of the Sith Hey, I was saying this about the Epstein stuff, about how we're never going to get the actual

Epstein files because Republicans have no moral compass or whatever, but they are homophobic. So if we want to get the Epstein files, we've got to start a rumor that Trump was just getting fucking split in half on that island. Just railed. He's bottoming. Rail, dude. Fill to the brim. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy, because with the Epstein thing,

I'm like, do you guys, does anybody think that you're going to get those answers from the current system we have? Nobody's releasing it. Nobody's doing it. You're never going to get answers on that, like at all. People are like, well, the Democrats are going to release it. And I'm like, well the Democrats are gonna release it

and I'm like, brother, so many of those motherfuckers were there too. They would rather fight and die than release it. They'd rather go to war. I feel like Trump is definitely in it but he's probably doing like very unorthodox shit, you know? If you ever owned a teenage beauty pageant, yeah you're sick. I'm good with execution.

Like there's no person who owns a teenage beauty pageant that's, you're sick. I'm good with execution. Like, there's no person who owns a teenage beauty pageant. It's like, oh, I just like their personalities. I want to see them grow as a teenage beauty pageant. Miss Teen USA. Someone said I had Miss USA, and then Trump said, what if we made them teens? What if we brought the hot ones instead? And they're like, what do you mean?

He goes, no, Miss Teen USA, the hot ones. Well, seeing as the MAGA dead-enders, dude, the mental gymnastics have reached a critical point, where even some of them are now like, well, who amongst us wouldn't go to a private sex island? I've seen a couple takes from really hardcore guys. They're like, we need to move on. We need to handle these mass deportations.

We need to trust Trump. He's the best president in 100 years. 16-year-olds are practically bad. People are like, you know what? Now that I think about it. When I was 16, I was fucking an adult. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What sucks about all this is Diddy, uh, like Diddy was just fucking having regular orgies by himself. Like they look, they got those tapes and he wasn't blackmailing people. He was just eating his own cum off of his chest. Nice. And the FBI came in and sees that they

showed it to the jury. The jury saw it and they were like, this is just weird sex. Well, didn't he? But hold on. I'm with you on that. But didn't he also orchestrate bombings and killings? Yeah, that's the thing. He should be in jail for that stuff. No, for sex.

Oh, OK. I thought you were on a free date. Oh, no, no, no. He should be in jail for all of that. He beat a woman. He tried to kill Kid Cudi, beat another woman, then tried to kill Kid Cudi again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Traumatized his dog. But he just has- Whatever he did to Justin Bieber, too. Yeah, whatever he did to Justin Bieber. He did, I think Usher did something to Justin Bieber. I'm just starting to- For sure, for sure. But as far as the sex stuff, he was just a guy who wanted to,

he was a cuck, and I think society isn't, we're pretty progressive, but we're not black guy getting cucked progressive. You know what I mean? I want a world where a black man can watch his black wife have sex with a white man in front of him. Can I get an amen? We're not there yet. We got close under Obama.

We're not French. Yeah, we're not that sexual. Please have sex with my wife. Dude, they're trying. Part of me feels bad in the sense that if you have the mental capacity of a dog, and you believe that there was some justice going to be served on this, and you voted for Trump specifically because of that, and people are like, oh like

I'm taking my I wish I could take my vote back like he's just as bad as them like ever we understood that right? You know, it's all a dog and pony show but like I will see people be like, you know I really believe that Donald Trump wasn't a pedophile and it's like dude, dude. He was probably the chief pedophile He was probably he was probably the one during their off weeks Plan this he's like dude. No, they have school. Yeah He was probably the one during their off weeks that was like, are we gonna work? He was like, dude, no, they have school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember on TV years ago

where he was talking about his daughter? He's like, yeah, if he wasn't my daughter, I'd date her. There's a 13 minute long montage about how often he talks about wanting to have sex with his daughter. 13 minutes! Yeah. Yeah. Oh look, one of those planes that has a sign tied to the back. Oh, wonderful.

I haven't seen one of those in so long. It just says the N word. What does it say? Thanks. So they got my text. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. This is for cameo.

You just. Ha ha ha! Dude, I tried to buy a cameo off of some rapper. I don't remember who it was. And I was buying it because I got scammed on some clothing app. And the guy didn't send me my clothing. And so I was like, hey, will you make a video about this guy

scamming me? And he said no. He was like, no, man, I'm not here for that type of nonsense. I was like, whoa. You're on Cameo, brother. This is the exact type of nonsense you signed up for. I was going to give you $200, man. People used to ask me on Cameo to make full-fledged songs.

I would do this thing where I was like, any genre. You want folk or punk. But it has to be about how your friend got cheated on by his wife. It has to be something that is bad. And I never expected to get requests, and they were rolling in. It was like, one guy's like, yeah, his fiance of four years

cheated on him. You can make a punk song about that. And honestly, it was a lot of fun. And these are the type of friend groups that I understand where like the worst thing in the world that can happen to you will happen to you. And your boys are like, yeah, your mom died in a car crash because she's gay.

Your mom exploded because she's a whore. When my friend found his mom dead in the bathtub dying of pills, we all said that she died because he had a gay mullet. He was like, yeah, she killed herself because your mullet was gay, Santino. Dude, when my dad- Dude, like the week she died, we were saying that to him.

We were saying your mullet, dude. We did these like boy strips like once a year. And I remember my dad killed himself. And then like six months later, we all go to Vermont. And we're like staying in these cabins up in the mountains and my buddy lived in Massachusetts. So it was like, you know, we were flying and driving. It was like maybe a five, six hour drive for him.

He's already at the cabins and on the drive up there, we were joking like, how long do you think it'll take Jay to say something about your dad? Cause Jay is like a notorious like shit stirrer. He's the guy that's like, you know, he's gonna like find something you don't like about yourself. Yes, he's an instigator. And so I was like, dude, he's gonna drink a couple beers. He's gonna smoke a couple joints

and then he'll be like, your dad's a pussy cause he killed himself. Dude, I literally opened the door to the cabin. He's like spread open on the couch with like three beers, like cans next to him. He's like, I heard your dad hung himself cause you're you're gay I was like damn dude like I've been in the I've been in the house for like two minutes not even I was like that's pretty impressive man that's a that's a new record fuck yeah that's awesome

having having a friend group like that I think is a formative experience yeah it's like you need guys close to you to call you gay sometimes. Yeah. Well, I've talked to Ashley about this. She'll be like, oh, that girl, we were friends in seventh grade, but she started a rumor about me or something and said we're not friends anymore. And I was like, dude, it's like the cliche of I have friends

that have beaten the fuck out of me. I have friends that have like, I have friends that I've like, that have beaten the fuck out of me. Yeah. Like, I have friends that have like, I've done them so goddamn dirty. And they've done me dirty. Like, I was the guy who had the utilities under my name in the house. And I would take the utility money and buy fucking cocaine and pills with it.

And they're like, hey man, how you doing? I hear you're getting married. That's awesome. I'm like, yeah, if you're going to be at the wedding, brother. I remember in high school, my friend, I was talking to this girl I really liked. And my friend came and hit me in the balls so hard, like in front of her, that I had to actually cry after it.

Of course. Were you nuts taps big when you were young? Yeah. What'd you say? Nut taps? Yeah, that was a big thing. What the fuck? But he got me flush on the balls.

And I was wearing shorts, no drawers. Oh, you were free balling. Free balling caught me. Speed bags. Never looked at them. Yeah, right in front of her. And I was wearing shorts, no draws to him. Oh, you were free balling. Free balling caught me. Speed bag. Never looked at him. Yeah, right in front of her. And I was like, I hate you so much. And so for months, I've been planning the comeback.

I'm like, I'm going to get this guy so fucking good. And so we were both on the swim team. And so as soon as he finished his race, I got him. Speedo, fucking hit him right in the balls. I got in so much trouble because of that coach saw it, the parents saw it. They were just like, this is violence. Yeah, we can take a step back. It is a pretty...

We used to rile up these two autistic kids. What did you do? Play John Cena's theme song? Yeah, yeah, no, we were like, so they were both like anime autistic guys and this isn't that nice. It doesn't matter. I hope they're both doing good. I think one of them is in prison, but it doesn't matter.

We would rile them up because when they would fight each other, they would try to charge up like they had powers. Yes. Fuck yeah. And so they would be like, ah, ah, ah, and then just deliver the gayest punch of all time. Yeah. There's all that build up and they would be like, you know, this is so badass. And then I realized like, oh, like I'm a part of the problem. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, when I was in eighth grade we had this kid named Brian Broom and we would say

things like, Brian, I bet you don't know how to do karate. Or, I bet you don't know anything about American history. And he would get so worked up that he'd start hitting his head on his desk. We would also get him to do, show us his katas at lunch. And we pretend like we're into it. And then right at the end, we'd start laughing at him. And it was, it was horribly mean. But I mean, also usually the kids that you're doing that to, they're either autistic and it's fucked up,

or they're fucking weird, mean kids. And it's like, they're not, I'm not saying they're perfect victims or non-perfect victims, but they're not, it's not this fucking, oh, I'm the cool, I was not a cool kid, okay? It wasn't me in my ivory tower with all the pussy and weed I was getting. I was not a cool kid, okay? It wasn't me in my ivory tower with all the pussy and weed I was getting.

I was just having fun. Yeah, I was a weird kid making fun of another weird kid. Right. It's bad, but. I have a theory that Stephen Miller, the head of policy, the crazy immigration, like white power guy, I have a theory he was one of the guys in high school

that was like, if he didn't stand for the pledge, he'd be like, guys, you have to stand for the pledge. What are you doing? Definitely, yeah. What are you doing? You. What are you doing? You're disrespecting a country that everything does for you. I think he grew up. Did you see that video from 2003?

Oh, yeah. This video from 2003, I saw it on TikTok. What was he? He is on some bus in, I think it's either Afghanistan or Iraq. He's talking about Afghanistan. Yeah, he's talking about Afghanistan. And he's with a bunch of soldiers. And he's saying, we want to avoid civilian he's with a bunch of soldiers and he's like saying, you know

We want to avoid civilian deaths, but what's even more honorable than killing someone is just torturing them Yeah, and he's like just cut off their hands. That's he's like advocating torture saying it's the you know, it's better than killing someone Yeah, take them and just torture their people. Yeah Stephen Miller and everyone's juicing him up. Oh, of course He's you know, like I have a theory like Kelly Anne Conway during Trump 1. She was like a failed stand-up comedian. And Sean Spicer was like, he was like a, I forget, he was in a comic. I think he was like an improv guy in college.

I have a running theory that like, Stephen Miller, I've seen that video. He was like, he was crushing the way you'd crush at work or something. You know what I mean? Where he's just like, he's murdering, like he's being the funny guy at school or at work or at the bus stop or whatever.

I have a theory that we need to make a fake world for these guys where they can be actors or comedians or TV writers, because otherwise they get into politics, and they start killing people. Like Kellyanne Conway, all these people, like Steven Crowder, like Shapiro, like a lot of these guys, they're failed comedians or content creators.

Everybody thinks they're nerdy gay guys who don't get pussy and belong in prison and they should eat out of a dog cage forever. And they're like, wow, all I want to do is make people laugh and people to like me. But actually people hate me and want me to get raped by bugs. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to become like a basically like the shittiest fascist of all time. And I believe under socialism, under a perfect communist American state we have an we pick a pick one of the flyover states I don't know Kansas you just take Kansas and make a fake Hollywood there where they can all

like suck on each other because that's what they do like that city for people with dementia it's like they go to pretend restaurant yes yeah yeah but they're just like crushing at open mic yes yes you take guys like Stephen Miller and Kellyanne Conway Sean Spicer Steven Crowder and you just have in Kansas is this because that's why they get Into politics anyway, they want attention. There's a lot of comics that do that now in awesome Like I feel like there's a good chunk of comedians who don't want to be comedians. They just want an audience. Yes This is yeah. Yeah, this is how I get it. Yeah. Yeah and stand on stage and say shit and blah blah blah Yeah, it's funny cuz it's not how you're I get it. Yeah, yeah. And stand on stage and say shit and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It's funny because it's not how you're going to get it.

It's not how you're going to get it at all. It's not how you're going to get it. Go be a comedian like in Frog Balls, Arkansas. Be the best crowd crusher in fucking, yeah, like, Tupelo, Mississippi. I'm going to double back, but did you know Stephen Miller is Jewish? Yeah.

I didn't know they made him that look like that. Yep. That is Jewish, right? No. Curly hair and his beard. No, he has no. He has the head the size of a melon, dude. Yeah. And he't know they made him that look like that, man. Yep. That is Jewish, right? No. He has curly hair and his bald head. No, he has the head the size of a melon, dude. Yeah. And he's got that.

He looks like Megamind. He's got the V face. You're like, there's no horns, no fangs. No. It's always thundering behind him, though. He also, like, I have this thing where I'm like, look, the Nazis understood this. And so it was really the Italians

understood it under Mussolini. If you're gonna be a fascist especially if you're going to be a fascist that's a front-facing one you gotta look the part you gotta look scary or you got to be a big son of a bitch like a lot of the guys that were around Mussolini especially Franco they were like Jack who was that the Japanese fascist that killed himself? The RIP dude. Yeah Yeah, you could show key perfect, I think that's They understood that like if you're gonna be a dude It's like yeah, all these people are weak and we got to kill them You've got to look scary or your eyes you have to have something about you like gerbils was like a weak sickly guy

But he was like demon, you know what I mean? Yeah, every time I see Stephen Miller I'm like brother. you don't even look scary Yeah, also. He has Santa Monica voice because he grew up there where he's like he'll literally be on TV He's like so you think that they should just come over You think that everyone should just be able to come over? And I sound like that SNL sketch. Yes. Yeah, the Californians. Yes, just like yeah He's like he's like we have to do what's necessary to secure our country. And I'm like, oh my god, I want to break your jaw.

Not just because of your politics, but like. He's a nerd. He's a fucking nerd. Dude. When one of these Green Beret, Delta Force guys says that shit, I'm like, all right, I know you could kill me with a toothbrush. I still think your politics are bad, but it makes sense. You've got a big beard.

You're covered in skull tattoos. You're like, I killed a bunch of kids and I'd do it again. You have PTSD from getting molested. Right, yeah, yeah. But when Stephen Miller, one of these guys, is like, they all have to go back. I'm like, oh, dude. Dude.

Have you guys seen the video of Ben Shapiro doing a review of Wicked? Yeah. That was like. He's queening out for now. It is absolutely like, bitch, why are you a fascist? Yes. Oh my god, go. Why are you a fascist? Yes? Go dance

Recurring guests on RuPaul's Drag Race and they would fucking love you Yeah, not cuz like not only is his politics uncreative and stupid like in general Yeah, but that made me go. Oh, you are good at talking Yeah, that's the reason that you have this whole fascist IIy show. You should talk about that. I would love you. I would love to hear it. I'd be the biggest fan. Oh, a fantastic review, too. That's why I think a lot of them aren't.

Their heart's not in it. No. Trump is popular because his heart is in it. He does not like Mexicans. He's had one policy for 10 years, and it's like there's too many of them. They're building the homes. They're moving in as soon as they build them.

Yeah. They're eating cats. Yeah. He's like they're cooking eggs and they're putting them under their bed. That's why egg prices are expensive. He hates them, but everyone else, they're not in it. They're doing it to grift. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think to the point of like what you like, Trump is a guy, I agree with you, but I also think there's a little bit of what we're talking about too,

because he's a guy that loves Broadway. He's like a boomer from New York. Back then, you could be conservative, but also a little fruity. Like you could be a guy that you're like, I love Andrew Lloyd Webber, I love the ballet, and also I fucking hate Italians and Mexicans, they gotta go.

And now there's too much, everything's too tribal. Like if you're conservative, you can't like musicals. Well racism was the glue that did keep America together. I think that's why it broke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was the big- Yeah, we beat racism. Yeah.

That's the problem with America, once we beat racism, we had nothing to talk about anymore. I think, I also think there's too much of a character that everybody's playing where it's like, one of the reasons that Trump is such like an interesting figure is, people project all the tough guy stuff onto him, but he is a New York, Queenie, real estate agent. Like when you meet a guy that does real estate,

like just a friend of a friend, and you know, he's got the North Face jacket on and the fucking Hitler Youth haircut, and he starts talking and you're like, oh, you don't want to sell houses in Travis Heights. You want to take dick. But you can't because your dad was like a governor of the South or he was like the district attorney

of Little Rock and you're very religious. You don't want to sell gentrified homes in Third Ward. You want to suck penis and take ecstasy. You got a beautiful ranch house in Hidden Hills. I think in Trump's case, because his dad was like one of those red lining rich guys that like literally was like not even like secretive about it in the 60s was like, I hate him. They gotta go. They can't buy houses in the Bronx.

He couldn't be a dude that like was on Studio 54, snorting coke and jacking guys off. He had to be like, oh, you're right, daddy. I'm sorry, Daddy. I believe this about George W. Bush, too. Oh, George W. Bush should have been something else. Rick Perry. Rick Perry is probably the gayest man I've ever seen in my entire life.

He's so gay. You know how they have, you go across cultures, and they still, gay people still sound the same? Yes. They have the voice, yeah. I saw a deaf guy doing sign language and he was doing it in the act, like I can tell. Rick Perry stands genetically like a gay man.

When I see him before he's saying it, I'm like, oh, gay. Yeah. Like, I don't know if y'all remember him. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. When he couldn't name the departments he wanted to list off, or in that debate, he was like, I want to get rid of this. He did it like this. And I was like, I wanna get rid of this, he did it like this,

and I was like, day, this man is gay. This is a homosexual, dude, I had a professor that was, my senior course, it was like, political theory or something, and he, it was just this, he was this tenured professor that worked at the Capitol, too, as like a consultant or whatever, and we were, I was in his office hours one time,

and he was chill, like, you know, he'd sit in there, we'd drink and talk politics or whatever. And I was in his office hours one time, and he was chill. He'd sit in there, and we'd drink and talk politics or whatever. And we were both kind of drunk, and he was like, I'm going to tell you something, man. Because we started about Rick Perry. He's like an old school Dixie-crat Democrat, you know what I mean?

Not crazy, left or anything, but just hates Republicans. Like a Gavin Newsom. He still hates homeless people, but more than he hates homeless people, he hates conservatives. I think that is my politics so I like this guy. Day-D's like, when do I vote? And he was like, yeah I'm gonna tell you something about Rick Perry. So like, for like as long as he knew Rick Perry, Rick Perry would be at a donor dinner or a gala or just out, you know, because he met and worked with Rick Perry a lot. It's like a bipartisan thing.

Rick Perry would have like two or three glasses of champagne and start doing the voice. Like he would not even get drunk, just a little buzz, and he would come over and be like, how's everybody's evening? Well, literally same, though. Literally same. Nothing better than having a little wine and getting a little fruity.

Come on now. My friend Kyle was doing impressions of me the other day, and he kept going, I love it. Like that, and doing his hand. And then in response, I went like this, being like, oh, stop it. And I was like, I hate this. I hate that my 20s were working at a vegetarian restaurant

where all my friends were artsy gay dudes, and now this is how I fucking talk. Dude, I've seen like two comments of our episodes together, it's like, who's this trans woman in this fag? And I'm like, hold on a minute. I'm a straight guy with a fiance. And this is a straight man with a wife. Straight enough to get married, baby.

Yeah, like he was saying that he stopped doing the voice when he was running for president the first time. Like randomly they would be hanging out and like a big thing. And Rick would like get drunk and be like, he's about to start doing the thing. Andly, they would be hanging out in a big thing, and Rick would get drunk, and he'd be like, I'm going to start doing the thing. And then he would come around and be like, hello. Hey, it's me, Rick Perry. Very straight here. Straight guy, straight politician, Rick Perry here.

It's like when Debbie had to start doing a country accent and act like he lived his whole life in Texas. Motherfuckers from Connecticut. Yeah, they're from Connecticut, dude. They're a crime family. The Bushes and the Prescotts are like the Bonanos in Columbus. They're like an American crime family. They invented the whole city of Dallas just to move oil.

Yeah, yeah. They're insane. All the bad stuff that people think they know or that they know about the CIA was the Prescotts and the Bushes and the Dulles. Have you read Family of Secrets? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is the most Bush Family of Secrets? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude. Bush Family of Secrets is this book

where it just kind of lays out the business dealings of the generations of Bush's. It's just exactly what you're talking about. It's so insane. They were like, oh, this president's corrupt. No, we actually had literal corrupt presidents. You guys don't get it. Dude, crazy.

So right around the time 9-11, before 9--11 when it was like we knew who Osama bin Laden was and all that stuff, George Bush, before he was like a big political guy, was a dude that was working with contractors in the Middle East to dig oil wells. And one of his biggest contacts was Osama's brother. Because the bin Laden family were like the Kardashians over there.

And a lot of them got into law or local politics or oil. And he was just the black sheep that was like, I got I want to kill Americans so god damn bad. And the CAA hooked up with him, of course. But they buried that so much. One of George Bush's biggest connections in the fuck. Was Osama's brother. Was Osama Bin Laden's brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They even had nicknames for each other, where they called that guy Bush Bin Laden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're buddies still to this day. Yeah what's it's so funny that like this is one of the reasons why I think in was the only plane headed out of America was it so some of his lot in his family was his like his sister and yeah it was like all the female relatives in one only plane that flew on 9-eleven was Osama's

people on their way out dude you know who was supposed to die on United Flight 93 who Peter teal he was another he was another guy so this just got Peter teal on their way out. Dude, you know who was supposed to die on United Flight 93? Who? Peter Thiel. Thiel? He was another guy. So this just got- Wait, Peter Thiel flies commercial? So at the time, he was flying first class United. This was another thing that just came out.

So you know how Seth MacFarlane, all these weird celebrities, and it's like a conspiracy thing of like, oh, did they know? I believe in Seth MacFarlane's case, he just was an alcoholic dumb ass and didn't wake up for his flight on time. But apparently, there had been a lot of work done to like hide the fact that Teal was supposed to be on that plane that day.

And he just, he took a meeting and missed his flight. But Peter Teal was supposed to be on the flight that hit the south. I would've changed everything, dude. Dude, I, okay. I was just going up on YouTube. There are people that I spend an ignorant amount of time thinking about torturing.

I like during my work day, I'm like, it would be awesome to torture Stephen Miller. If there was any just society, they would have him, they would have Stephen Miller, Jamie Dimon, fucking Peter Thiel strung up in Times Square. Yeah, dude. I mean- Do you know what they did to Mussolini? They hung him upside down and they pelted his body with rocks till he fell apart. Yeah.

Anyway, when I found out about Peter, I was like, damn, this motherfucker has been playing the long game. He's been, he's like, he wants to build the thing from minority report, but actually go after minorities with it. You know what I mean? Minorities report. I got some, some minorities for you. He wants to do predictive crime policing using pounds here, but for brown people. And I like the predictive crime. It's like, yep, I guess blacks are up to no good. That's my prediction. He sticks his tongue.

I feel like there's a black mugging around me. I got a prediction to take. He pulls out those things that measure skulls. I got some predictions around how. Well, dude, when he did an interview with Ross Duthat, and he was talking about how he doesn't think the human race should survive and all this stuff, I was like, dude, God's going did an interview with Ross Duthat and he was talking about like how he doesn't think the human race should survive on stuff, I was like, dude. Our God's gonna burn you in hell forever.

Our rich right wing magnets of like the 20th to 19th century used to have a little bit, they used to have a little bit of fucking self respect. I wanna pay for the poor people to do ballet. Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yes. Make a little orphanage that teaches them how to dance for me.

Do you know that story? Show the blind kids Jesus. What? How do we know them blind kids don't know Jesus? I like the idea of Andrew Carnegie doing a black cent. Like, coming home and being like, kids, I went just down to Mississippi and they got no running water. I don't have enough money to talk like this.

The guy who made Spelman was Rockefeller's wife. He liked the lady who made Spelman so much. Like, taste the color gals, how to read. Go on and give them some books down there and some running water. There is a true story of the Kennedy patriarch, the main motherfucker, the first Kennedy. He goes down, this is early 20th century,

I want to say, right before the Great Depression. He and a couple other guys, they're like, this was early 20th century, I want to say, like right before the Great Depression. He and a couple other guys, they're like, this was when they're building the freeways and highways and stuff and like interconnecting all of America. Well, they go down to Mississippi. And at the time, and still to this day, Mississippi was the poorest state and it was a bad time. They didn't have running water, people didn't know how to read. It was like third world poverty. And the story goes that Kennedy, he's a blue blood, grew up a blue blood, had been a blue

blood forever. He did not know that America had that kind of poverty. And the story goes that Kennedy, he's a blue blood, grew up a blue blood, been a blue blood forever. He did not know that America had that kind of poverty. So he goes down there. And just like you were saying, he like sees all this stuff and it breaks his fucking heart. He goes home and then JFK, the OG JFK and then RF like all the boys and then all the cousins and stuff. They're like literally playing with like gold bars and living room, whatever. He's like, you boys don't know how good you got it. I just got back down from Mississippi. They got black boys down there eating possums. Y'all are going to have to like, he was like,

that's what turned him like kind of liberal for the time is that he saw like black kids eating rats, like in Mississippi or whatever. And he was like, he was mad at his own kids. He's like, you don't know how good you got it or whatever the fuck. But then he just ended up like being more racist, but like in a way that was like, I'm gonna, we're gonna teach him how to read.

Racism with extra steps. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. My racism's from the ivory tower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually quite smart. Yeah, well nobles back then used to pay, back in the Renaissance era, you would pay, we have Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci

because if you were like an Italian noble, and you saw a gay guy running around town with cadavers and weird drawings, you'd be like, I'm going to pay that guy a bunch of money to draw my fat wife. That's how that shit worked. And so now we don't even have that. We don't have any cool billionaires. There's none.

None of them. The thing that we've lost, the recipes that were lost by the ruling class is that back then you would fund the arts because you could attach your name to the Sistine Chapel You could attach your name to the Mona Lisa. I funded Leonardo or Michelangelo Is there nothing else to fund you then? I'm gonna be looking here. Mattress Mac That's true. That is a man who uses his gambling for good.

I like Mattress Mac. As far as like just like I'm a rich businessman. Yeah, I mean, yeah, he's laundering money for all of Houston, but I love it. Zero doubt. You can tell he's a criminal. Dude, there was a rumor going around for a long time in Houston that like he, that yeah, like he was kind of associated with like gangs. He is. He helps, he helps launder money for people. It's like very apparent. Joel Osteen is in on it also. There's some other people I'm not going to name because I know they probably watch me and they will kill me, but they are all in on it. It's so, there's some other people I'm not gonna name because I know they probably watch when they will kill me But they are all young it's so Houston's a very corrupt city except for the politicians who are clean. It's a very ridiculous

That's interesting. Yeah, I've heard about Osteen that like his whole like no you find drug money in his church every couple of years Yeah, a wall full of cash. Yes has there was a church in our neighborhood That was like a middling mega church. It took up half of a city block. It was small, but it was pretty big. And dude, it was like a local scandal. This big, fat, black, associate preacher guy. I don't know why I said big, flat, back like that. He contextualized it.

You got to go soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, so we do have to head out soon. He used church money to buy his wife a white on white Lamborghini Huracan, like the shit that Jordan Delfort had. And then when he got caught embezzling church money, his excuse was, the Lord provided my wife this Lamborghini. And the community was like, that's

the money we give you to build wells. And he was like, well, we do that. But sometimes. He got a little money. And he spun it like it like this he was like don't y'all want y'all want God to bless you guys right and like I remember in my neighborhood like it was like two three weeks later overnight it was like he cast a spell on the people that went to that church they're like you know what pastor Anthony's makes a point you know he's got it and I was I thought I was like I

need to become a preacher I need to go to seminary. I know what we call pocket watchers I know y'all gotta go. I think y'all gotta go. This is gonna be a short one We're signing off early because we got to go do some stand-up Crazy you guys are the hail hitler salute. I just I did this Do you want to do the hail hitler? No every day. Bye guys