Pendejo Time - The Tragedy at Lizard Leg Bayou

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

The hardened Detective Melvin Ladybug is tested mind, body, and spirit by a curious and mysterious deputy named Johnny Strawberry.  NEW YORK CITY SHOW FRIDAY 9:30 12/5 JUST ANNOUNCED. COME TO THE SHOWS. WE HAVE ONE IN PHILLY SATURDAY 9:30 1/24 AS WELL. BOTH TICKET LINKS ARE HERE FOR THE NEW YORK SHOW, ONLY BUY GA TICKETS. WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE STUPID TIERED SEATING UNTIL LAST MINUTE. IF MONEY IS TIGHT AROUND THE HOLIDAY TIMES WE UNDERSTAND. MESSAGE PENDEJOTIMEWORLDWIDE ON IG AND WE CAN HELP. SUBSCIBE TO THE PATREON PLEASE SO WE CAN DO MORE SHOWS SUB TO THE YOUTUBE CHANNEL You shouldn’t have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. Hims brings expert care straight to you, with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first.  Get hims at hims.com/PT

Hello, everybody. This is the ad at the beginning of the show. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit Hems.com slash PT. That's Hems.com slash PT for your free online visit. Hems.com slash PT. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription is required.

See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Hey, it's Detective Melvin, Ladybug. I just got down here from Louisiana State CID and was told to talk to the deputy on staff. You're the one who found the bodies, is that right? Yes. Yeah, so chief don't be taken over on this because we're statees. Stadies. So, yeah, I appreciate.

What now? Excuse my language, but what does that mean? What does that mean? I'm state, I'm state CID criminal investigation. State County CIA. State detectives counterstract. You said you're a cowp, you said you're carpenters. No, I said, my name is Melvin Ledibug.

I'm a detective, state detective for Louisiana. I'm sent down here to check on the two bodies that were found in the lizard leg bayou. And I was told you were the one that found him. They said, your name is, one second, your name is Johnny Strawberry. Is that correct? Johnny Strawberry, yeah, it rings a bill. Okay, Deputy Strawberry. That's me, is my name.

That's why it rings a bell. I would hope so Anyway To be able to sign up the bell says name Deputy Strawberry I'm going to need you to To tell me exactly In what position you found the two bodies

In Lizard Leg by you And what brought you out here And what was the nature of the call That led you to find the two bodies In Lizard Legby by you Well If you cut to the chase doggy style I found all these bodies

and doggie style position with their booty poking up out of the water I was in a fan boat eating Twizzlers and just basically fucking around on the boat and trying to see where I can find most algae

What I like to do is I put all the algae I can into a bucket and I take it to a different lake with no algae and I pour it in there So I call it Green the Green Prank I was trying to do a green

prank and I found a bunch of doggy style two bodies just two I was gonna ask that's all I found two is a bunch to me I was gonna say you did say you found a bunch of bodies and I want to make sure that we are still talking about two right two is a bunch usually I find zero I do you should find more than a bunch of algae such as two or three algae sometimes I find Excuse me for one moment. Hey, well, I digress. What have you been up to? Johnny Strawberry, I need to take a call from Chief.

One second. I know where I listen in. A, Chief. You got a real humdinger of a deputy out here in Lizard Leg. Yeah, no, I mean, he said, when I asked him his name, it said Johnny Strawberry, he said, rings a bell. And then I didn't say anything. And then he said rings a bell with a sign above it that says his name.

right he is the only deputy in lizard leg and he is the judge okay all right that's all I need sorry about that Johnny Strawberry okay so you found two bodies did you say donkey or doggy style

in the body style lack sex okay so you found them having sex or did you find them ready to receive I don't know so I didn't I don't know if they were.

But that was a position. You found them in that position? I found them in that position and they had handmarks all over their legs. They had what? Hammarks.

Handmarks. Okay. Yeah. I thought you said hamhawks. I thought this was going to be a different type of criminal investigation. So we've got two. Now describe to me,

I have the position is receiving doggy style in Lizard Legbyu. Describe to me the bodies, because you've yet to show them to me. Well, we don't need to get in all that. Legally speaking, it is my job to get into it and solve this crime. This is murder. So I hear it in my notes.

I do get that. I do get that from a federal law enforcement. I understand. I've been here shooting many times. I've found a bunch of bodies over here. You have found a bunch of bot? Two of them. Two. Okay. I'm looking at my notes from Chief, and it says...

And those are the ones that you know about, that I know about. Okay. I'm going to have to call the Chief one second. Just, just sorry. Sorry, he's been... The Louisiana State Homicide Office. Yeah, well, I want to have that. Chief, I got a hunch and maybe just called the detective's hunch. But I got a hunch that The two bodies that we found out here in Lizard Lake Bayou Are A more than two and B

The work of none other than Johnny Strawberry himself Mm-hmm Oh, you thought the same Okay And you sent me down here to do what exactly Okay Okay All right, so I got to play like I'm working with Johnny Strawberry

and then I've got to bring him in. Okay, all right, Chief. You owe me a big beer for this one, a big beer that's so big it makes my wife leave, you understand? All right, bye, Chief. Deputy Strawberry, I'm sorry. So you got two bodies and only two, which is a bunch to you,

and in states of doggy style here in Lizard Lake Bayou. Now, the notes here say that one of them is what appears to be an Asian young teenage boy, A summer between 18 and 65. These are your notes? Yes, and you can tell by the color of the hole. The color of what hole, Deputy Strawberry? Doggy hole.

Okay, very good. And you can tell what by the color of the hole, because that is still quite the big age range. It's about as big as it gets. You can tell how ageing they are. Okay, so you can tell the... All right, so what is he? We can put that in our notes.

We need to be more detailed. Or she... You do not know the gender of the body. I didn't ask. Look, I've been in these swamps long times. I can tell it's either older young based on the fact that it was... Based on the side of the body.

It was definitely full-grown. grown man or a woman. Asian, you're certain of, at least. Asian, there's a lot of in these swamps. I find that very hard to believe Johnny Strawberry, but I would say about 85% Asian population, including myself. Johnny Strawberry, are you confusing Asian and Cajun? perhaps just perhaps just for detectives hunch

no he said well people confuse Asian with Creole a lot Asian and Creole is very different in fact they're better little than no similarities okay

Johnny Strawberry so we got an Asian 18 to 65 year old non-determinant dead body We don't know the gender The other one that says here I'm almost certain he was dead Because the top part was chewed off Like

Bad Hey quiet down back there Ain't nothing funny about what's happened over here I'll have your badge number Shut up for I kill you too Wait a minute Hold on What

No I said Shut up And then I said something in an Asian. I'm, oh, you speak, oh, that's good, you speak Asian. I speak Asian as well. We're going to need that to talk to the community later. So the other body, we have an 18 to 65 year old Asian, they, them. You could tell you that piercings.

Quiet down back there. And then we have, these are your notes. We know that this is a 53-year-old woman. named Alberta Alberta Buckies and she is by your own admission

400 and exactly 482.3 pounds Wow you were very detailed on Alberta but not so much She's my neighbor Yeah she was a bitch Well even if she was your neighbor Deputy Strawberry

You know her exact weight down to the she used to she like fishing and she used to put her lip on the hook and the dock and weigh herself like a bit like when we would catch those manate and gaiters and it was sort

of a party trick she had a hole in her lips so it didn't hurt okay you could see the whole well you can't see the top parts gone on her as well but I knew her lower

body because she has a tattoo on the bottom of her foot Now what is that tattoo For my notes It says tiger blood runs deep And it's written in Asian We've got a through line here

Deputy Strawberry We've got one Asian victim 18 to 65 They them And then we've got one white Large woman But she has a tattoo in Asian I would describe her as a huge bitch

Tiger Blood runs in her personality Tiger Blood runs deep Now this is like Andy on the bottom of Woody's boot Style tattoo Just sort of like a hand scrawled Yeah sort of like Probably like if Andy had fucked and killed

Woody Okay All right So I from Hey I said quiet down back there I'm sick and tired You need guys to take this series We've got two dead bodies

Maybe a bunch, according to the Deputy Strawberry here, he's done... These swamps are crazy. He's done so much good work. I don't know. Honestly, I've been on this job for a long time, and I don't remember half the stuff I've seen. Okay, so Deputy Strawberry walks me through. Usually, I just make up reports, because I don't give a shit. You don't care about the community.

I remember here. I remember reading about that. I care about the Asian community, people who look like me. Okay, okay. And go to, who are also French Catholic. So you were doing your green prank in the fan boat eating Twizzlers, and that's when you came across the bodies and the top half. If I were all correctly, they was the cherry twizzlers that pull apart easy,

not the strawberry twizzlers, which are made out of some sort of tire now. And Twizzlers have gotten smaller, if you've noticed, over the past few years. shrinkflation has happened with Twizzlers as well. Yeah, yeah, I understand I've noticed It's happening with Cajuns as well Mm-hmm Um

So What I'm going to need you I'm going to need you We're going to need to You need to come with me We're going to take a ride For clues Yeah, we've got to look for clues

Deputy Strawberry Let's uh Hey, excuse me Um Yeah, what's your name Constable Constable Leg Locker Okay

Constable Leg Locker Please Um Please bag up these two What's left of these bodies Please and take them to evidence immediately Or do you get rid of them We can get rid of them

Deputy Straub Deputy Strawberry You seem very eager To dispose of these bodies And I hate talking about All this murder stuff And this gross shit I'd honestly rather

Just forget any of this ever happened I have... Hey, This case sucks. Quiet down back there, I said. Oh, my God. I feel like the chief has been dwelling on this, like, all morning. just move on

I'll cut to the chase deputy stribery we're looking at you we're fingering you for these these here murders yeah you can finger me all you want I'm not going to come great I'm Asian for Christ's sakes that's that's you think you can finger me

I'll clench up and take your finger clean off like a snapping turtle is that a threat against a kicked out of Asian It's down south here Lizard Legitia from Asia

Thousands of miles Lizard leg by you Yeah We call it a Mississippi River The River of Tears I understand So And I'll

be honest we have been looking at you wait a goddamn minute lizard leg by you PD's been looking at me i just got off phone with the chief and he said we better both drive separate ways right now both in trouble he honestly and i would not lie to you he said that it's all that this is pretty much that we can pretty much call it honestly

and I wouldn't like I wouldn't make this up like he said that we both did a good job but they figured it out and it was somebody else we don't need to worry about it I said quiet down back there

it was a double suicide a double suicide of Alberta Bucky's in an 18 to 65 year old Asian. They blew themselves up and fucked themselves. I think honestly, my guess is they fucked each other and blew their top halves off. And then, and they sat in a very ritualistic way when they died.

Ritualistic meaning doggy style to you. That's a ritual to you. Yeah, doggy style is a ritual. It's a ride of passage. It's how you become a man. As you sit like that for a few days on the side of the road and anybody who comes and has his way with you and makes you

a little bit more of a man I don't agree with it but it's an Asian ritual you seem very connected to your Asian roots I am I am I like Asians like

chef boy RD and Mm-hmm Who's a doctor People always think that Ancient Mama is Asian She's actually she's what we still have

she's creole oh okay yeah all right well I take you word for it I suppose I'll be seeing you around I'll be seeing you for this killer

I think she just called he said we can honestly leave these bodies here to rock I'm fine with that didn't care and if you can't identify a body by the head there's no case if you can't find the head there's no case

Well, let me take this Real, let me take this bag of bowling balls Home Can't find either head Let me take these stinky The stinky backpack home These fly ridden bowling balls I gotta go play a game of bowling

I see you guys later Bye, bye Deputy Strawberry You hear a splash Because I immediately threw the backpack in the river All right, well Oh shit, I can't bowl now Go by The bowling balls are floating

All right, goodbye Well, I think I'm going to go feel real sad And kill myself I see you guys See bye bye Deputy Strawberry Officer Leglocker You We blew this case wide open

The whole time Nobody knew who did it Yeah, we did Hold on a second Wait a minute It can't be I was trying to do a different voice I know you were brother

I keep trying to do different voices Turns out I have two I know I can well aware Well aware of that one Unless I'm a girl Then it's three Yeah that one's pretty good Boobies.

You're who? Deputy boobies. And I find the clues with my dress. I remember Deputy Boobies, I think, from... Fuck. All the clues are in my dress. Fuck. Oh, my dress is my...

I have a question mark landing strip. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, that's awesome. Who made up to Landisdix Strip? That seems like a big load of shit to me. It seems like guys who were addicted to magazines got into that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because who the hell cares? We're not going to talk about that. Yeah, that's okay. We're going to skip that one. We'll get them next time. Yeah, we'll go them next time.

Hypothetically speaking, if I had ever seen one in person, I may have been like, what the hell is that for? And it may have, hypothetically speaking, ruined the evening. Yeah. Just hypothetically speaking. I had one for a little bit just because I thought it was funny. I did. Me too. Yeah, I did shave. I did give myself. And I think literally nobody. I don't think anybody saw.

In hindsight, yeah, I don't think I showed anybody. I think I just had it. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't go. Yep, and that's all right. It's kind of like when you do, when you shave a Hitler mustache for a little bit. I can't do that because my shit don't connect.

I can't either. I can't grow the middle part. Yeah, I mean neither. I can only grow like a chin strap beard. I think it's because I had bad acne in high school. I can't grow anything. And so I've got like, you know, I didn't even realize.

I had acne scores still till I did like a short film thing and then every time I mean it's not a big deal I'm not like oh my God I have to get rid of them but I just straight up didn't I'd never really

looked at my I'd never seen myself in certain lighting or looked that close of my face but I was like oh damn yeah got me pretty good I guess whenever you see yourself in 6K like people on Twitter always tell me that they're like oh or do

Do you have any, like, any, like, Asian or Native American ancestry? Because you have, like, epicantic folds, but, like, little ones. And I'm like, no, no, I'm completely white. And then I, but I never knew what they were talking about. I was like, I don't have fucking... And then I remember doing the sketch, and I was looking at the rough footage, and I was like, I kind of do have, like, like, little ones at the edges of my eyes. Also, that could be from fetal alcohol syndrome.

My mother swears that she didn't drink with me while she was pregnant. But she was also 15, or 16, so I can't really trust her. You know what she did back then. A kid can't really. It's a long time ago. I mean, if you have it, I mean, you've got a master's degree. That is true, yeah, yeah. It says a lot, I suppose, yeah.

If I do have it. Most people nowadays barely finished high school, and it barely passed any college classes. and um and you know don't have that many friends uh-huh yeah that's a lot and have a hard time holding down a job and struggle with their weight and most guys yeah yeah and doubt themselves a lot and you know have a hard time being sincere in any way really yeah don't pretty well man i definitely don't have fetal alcohol syndrome

um because uh i was the sixth kid and by then you just kind of have it down i feel like but you you tell me your dad also or your mom they split one beer per year so it would be hard yeah it'd be hard for them to to do that down like that which is hey yeah hey i'm not mad about it no that's cool that's chill my dad i used to i remember when i was in high school i was like that sucks and i'm like actually that is good i'm glad my parents don't really um get too crazy um makes it easier to deal with i think it's easier to deal with i think I remember like

maybe when we like first started playing Call of Duty before we ever did the show we were just like hanging out like several times I had like friends in high school that would come over and we would like

smoke weed and then like smoke cigarettes in the house and like drink beer and get fucked up and they'd be like dude your dad's fucking awesome your dad's so sick and you're and dude your mom is like super chill

My mom had completely given up. She just would kind of sit in the room and watch Golden Girls for like 18 hours a day and play mobile poker on her like 18,000-year-old compact desktop. And I remember thinking, no, your dad's cool. I think your dad has like one beer a month and you guys go, you guys go to like baseball games together and stuff. You guys, he like imparts wisdom on you and shit. You know what I mean? Like your dad sounds cool.

like no my dad's fucking gay he like goes to work he like uh he goes to work he's saving up for me get a car and so we we don't have time to go to to go see metallica play it fucking six flags and drive home drunk we don't got time to do that that sounds cool though i'm like i mean i guess it is cool it's cool to have the cool dad when you're like 15 i think but not and as i get older, I'm like, no, no, no, I think I would have much rather preferred the boring dad. That's what I want to be. You know what I mean? Boring-ass dad.

What does that sound? Is that your oven? Yes. Oh, okay. It's not my doing, though. Oh, okay. I'll just say it. Eden is making gluten-free cookies.

Oh, okay. I don't think I will be, um, I've decided to develop an eating disorder. crazy so I don't think I'll be having any because I've decided to lose an undetermined amount of weight in about six weeks so that I can play a slobby ex-boyfriend in a short film

a role that I do not need to lose weight for and I was not asked to I'm also not playing like a like a super hot guy or anything not that I would be asked to do that but this isn't like a Kumail Nanjiani thing where it's like

you have to transform your body I have just decided to be tired all the time as of as of yesterday nice so today I was being very healthy and I was carrying around a rotisserie chicken

in my pocket to eat throughout the day to very sick supply myself with nutrients badass and my coworkers thought it was the funniest thing in the world They did not give me grace

They did not Now when you say in your pocket Are you talking about a bag or like just In my hoodie pocket But right But was the chicken In case I had the chicken in the original bag

Okay okay yes Here's the thing I ate the other I ate the first half of the chicken yesterday That's fine To be honest I ate both legs Both wings And both thighs yesterday

for lunch I wanted to be 100% that you just weren't walking around with chicken in the front pocket like just lint and all no it was a little bit loose but it wasn't as lucid as you'd think there wasn't chicken flopper

there wasn't grease two fabric contact okay very good today I was being super healthy and all I had was breast that's fine and it was dry as fuck and it was horrible it was like eating chips

it was one of the old shitty rotissory chickens I had it in my pocket you know, pretty much from the beginning of the day. So, you know, it's six, seven hours into the shift. I'm pulling pieces of chicken over in my pocket. Because I'm shoveling woodchips. And, you know, they're saying, oh, Thomas, a beast. You know, he tears it up on Thanksgiving.

You know, he's got a big place. Oh, you were a real fat motherfucker. That was one I got. And I didn't even have the hard to tell them this was me trying to be healthy. I was so hungry And all I was eating was chicken Yeah Didn't have any French fries or candy today

I had skin milk in my coffee Mm-hmm And also you know when you have Like you're trying to eat healthy But you don't have the carb energy So you're just going nuts on the caffeine Yeah I started off with the Celsius

Has had two big ass Coffies after that I was just fucking, and I had to go home and sleep. And then I woke up and I found out that they're charging like $40 to sit front row at one of the shows. Don't do that. We'll talk about that. Here in about 30 minutes, we'll talk about that. Here in a beautiful 30 minutes.

But right now, we're in the zone. Here's the ad for the middle of the show. Right now we're talking about how. if you don't find yourself sexually in the zone, that's A. Okay. Because we've done some research. I've crunched the numbers myself. And according to the National Institutes of Health,

as many as 30 million men in the U.S. experience ED. It's more common than a bad night's sleep. The good news? Hems makes getting access to treatment simple, so you can feel like yourself again without the stress or awkwardness. Basically, you know what I mean? Like, you might think that ED is for old-ass motherfuckers.

Well, I'm here to tell you right now, it's pretty much for anybody aged, call it 20 till the deer you're dead. Pretty, pretty, pretty common. And it's not that big of a deal. But we can solve those motherfucking problems for you. And by we, I mean hymns. Through hymns, you can access personalized prescription treatments options for ED, like hardmints. I bet you can't even figure out what those do. and SexRX, still a mystery to me, plus Climax Control if prescribed.

Hems offers access to ED treatments ranging from trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names to hardmints, like we were talking about, if prescribed. If you want to get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit Hems.com slash pt. That's Hems.com slash pt for your free online visit. Hems.com slash pt. actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Feature products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness

or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Yeah, I lost like a, I got, I actually like lost 12 or 13 pounds like a month and a half ago. And then

when the doctor was like hey, maybe don't work out for a little while. Let's see how your ticker's doing. I stopped working out And then they told me I could work out As hard as I wanted Back to my normal schedule three weeks ago And I've been basically not doing that

And I've been basically Eating a lot But eating a lot And I've been drinking like a lot of beers Again Which is just It's part for course I'll get tired of it

I'll go back to the gym I'm supposed to be in a sketch Two I don't know what kind of guy I'm supposed to be I do know what kind of guy I'm supposed to be and I don't want to I don't think I'm a lot of talk about it but I hope he doesn't want me to look a certain way because yeah I've never been told to look a certain way

for anything but no matter what it is I was tried to put your best foot forward but I remember when I did delivery boy I ended up eating about eight bagels throughout the few days on set. Remember you tell me about this? Not a big gluten tolerance guy. So my face is, I look close to 300 pounds for most of it.

Beautiful. Just because my face was very swollen. But I think it helped. I think it aided the performance because I really just did look like a guy that you went to high school with who kind of let it all go down the drain. Yeah, it's kind of crazy how quickly I'll go for. from like people will be like oh jake you look like a wayfish lesbian and i'd be like sick thank you and then they'll be like motherfucker you look like shrek and i'm like damn and it really is just 10 pounds to the face i gain weight in my face first and then my

belly and then everywhere else like damn jake you look looking looking absolutely beautiful like a fucking asian woman and i go fucking thanks i guess man and then uh i'll do a video episode after a particularly hard week of drinking and people will be like damn jake's looking like a big ass greedy motherfucker dude and I'm like alright I can't get

I can't win for losing so fine with me I suppose but I get what you're saying hello beautiful how you doing um the guy just walked

behind Jake and yeah yep squeezed my butt cheeks both of them with one hand yep the guy did

just kidding that was a joke we like to joke us around We have fun, but the end of the day, you know, it's all love. It's all love. Yeah. I'll go back to the gym soon.

I just really like... We've talked about it. I really don't. I don't like it. I love cheap dopamine. I really like it a lot. People, like, oh, you know, you've got to burn yourself out on that, and you've got to earn your dopamine.

No. See, for like, for like, half a minute. million years like our ancestors like on the planes in the fucking jungles in Savannah they had to run and then they would get the fucking they'd kill the animal and eat it and that was all the dopamine they had maybe

maybe they would accidentally eat a root and they would like talk to the devil for seven days and then they would be like the shaman or whatever but they'd never had phone they fucking never had they certainly a shit didn't have Jim Beam or Coors banquet they didn't have that shit back then oh they had alcohol yeah they had fucked up weird wine

and like nasty ass shit that they would like ferment in a camel's like hump fuck all that we're not talking about that we're talking about yellow bellies and jimmy beam they didn't have that shit back then so and they did yeah and they didn't most importantly they didn't have phone and they didn't have cake uh and they didn't have uh

that's why i tried buzz balls i feel like um don't I feel like they would set me back a few years in terms of development I drank them a lot I drink them for I drink a lot of them for like a year straight. And they're impressively powerful. I think I've told you this, but like the first time I tried them,

I was probably close to 300 pounds as my fattest. That's like pushing 270. And I in my head, I was like, oh, these are little. I'm going to need five of these at least to get drunk. So I bought like seven of them and completely lost like a good 48 hours of, of that week three three will black you out but i don't care how big you are three they'll black you the fuck out they'll black you out gone i i think i had drank like maybe six or seven of them they taste really bad and it's one of those alcoholic drinks thomas where you drink it and you

it's not like a nice cocktail you drink a nice cocktail and you go oh this isn't poison because all alcohol is poison from buzzball to bees knees you know from manhattan to mad dog it's all poison right but if you drink a nice cocktail you go no this is like an adult thing no no no no buzz balls just poison you drink it and you go oh this is a toxin I should not be having this um it's a poisonous it's a poisonous liquid and I shouldn't be drinking it and they come in all assorted flavors like creme brulee and um freaky fudge and all you know that type of stuff and that should be that should be clue one uh if you're trying to drink something and it's got a sexual

innuendo name maybe try something else maybe don't drink that if it's called like the grapest don't drink that I don't think there's anything

called that but I hope not it sounds like a Bushwick shot yeah yeah yeah it's like a Shiner and a shot combo the grapest it's the opposite

of an angel shot where you want everybody except for you and your your date to leave. Can I get the devil shot that kills everybody here? Yeah, can you give me the hellraiser shot where I get sadomasochistically pain and pleasure tortured for a thousand years, please? I don't want the angel shot, thank you.

I'd like to order an angel shot for the woman over there. Please. So that her husband is silly. That's very fucking funny Excuse me I'll have the angel shot for the blonde at the end of the bar And it's the husband is the problem Very very funny

It seems that she loves him Oh my God, yeah, of course Um Okay It's all good I think I think it's just a video connectivity Hello

Oh yeah Okay Nevermind Yeah I was gonna say Um Going up to the bar And you're like Can I get an angel shot

And the person's like Oh my God Yeah Oh yeah We call you a taxi here, the police? No, just for the lady down there. Just for her.

She'll be wanting this pretty soon. She'll be perfect with that. She'll think me. That guy she's with. That guy seems like a real asshole. That Jack's guy. He's got his arm around her, like giving her forehead kisses. That guy's got.

He's got to go. Yep, I think I recognize. Me, I'm wearing the cape. I'm wearing a plate carrier and a red cape and I'm the I'm the guy she's supposed to be with. I'm the fucking... Yeah, I just kind of getting sketched out by that guy.

I don't know. Something about his wedding ring and the way he's... Paying for her drinks. I don't like it. Yeah, it's disgusting, man. oh my god dude i went down to the zen three milligrams and uh all my friends that uh a still smoke or b use uh zen or dip i'm gay because i don't use the because i don't use the high blood

pressure pouches anymore because i was on i was on uh eights for a while um and uh and of course that's bad for you so i went down to three's everybody's like, oh, you're the, no, yeah, you're becoming homosexual. And I was like, yeah, yeah. For sure, bud. For sure, man. Dude, they sell 15 milligram nicotine pouches now. Who is that for?

Who? Like, why, what's happening to you? My brother uses 12s. And I was like, damn. Like, but he, you know, he's, I think he's allowed to have as much nicotine as he wants, given the circumstances. But, um, uh, uh, I don't know who, Who's buying 15 milligram nicotine pouches?

The devil. Satan himself. The devil motherfucker. They should have negative 5 nicotine pouch where it takes it out of your body. Negative 5. That way, that way if you have too big of a pouch, you can get a reverse pouch and it keeps you from being too fucked up. There's a guy who reviews them on YouTube. forget his name but he reviews like nicotine and snus and like snuff from like all over the

world and uh the thumbnail caught my eye it was like highest milligram possible nicotine pouch and it was like a three and a half minute long video and uh he goes hey guys it's uh mike here i did by us i uh one of the users recommended me the 38 milligram strawberry shortcake snuff pouch uh this is a company out of sweden uh i can't really pronounce the name uh we're okay we're gonna give it a shot and that was like a minute and a half in the video and then uh there's clearly a cut um and before the cut there was like stuff on the table after the cut there's nothing on the table and he's completely white and uh and like and like uh you can tell the he's got this like sheen at the top of his forehead and uh he was like hey guys

mike here not sure what i expected the strawberry short cake 38 millie um from the swedish company is super super not safe uh i can't really i can't um not recommend this enough i please don't try this like my wife had to call 911 like i i went blind for a little while so hey guys please um please don't um i've got a leak in bio for normal nicotine it's he was like plug in lucy or something he was like please but please do not go and buy the 38 milligram strawberry shortcake and all the comments were like bruh does it really taste like strawberry shortcake and he was like uh made my teeth numb or like he's like made me throw up for like two hours it was badass i was like

But what was funny is it wasn't a thing of 38 milligram pouches. It was a Zen container. Well, like a cylinder, whatever the fuck circle. But there was only one big pouch in there. It was cartoonish as fuck. It was one of the funniest, like, he pulled out a pouch that was like a size of a zippo lighter. He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, guys, I know everybody warned me, but I did have a lot of gay thoughts after this.

And he was actually sucking my neighbor's cock. See if I could find it So watch out Do not take the Strawberry Backshot Zend is not worth it It's no good Tastes like straight up

Strawberry cum Oh dude it's right here Pablo strawberry cheesecake And it wasn't 38 I'm sorry 50 milligram nicotine Pouches 5-0 I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm so also Pablo is written like it's in blood um they also have strawberry leachy 45 milligrams if you're trying to cut back yeah that's good

for those of us are just getting into nicotine oh there's another brand called Fatality and they have up to 80 awesome who what are we doing this is why Americans this is why we can't And, Jake, these are foreign companies. They're branded towards Americans.

Fucking moron. This is why we can't, like, you can't have things. We can't have nicotine pouches. We can't even have weed. We can't have any drug. I, straight out, I used to be illegalized everything guy. I'm a fucking teetotaler, illegalize everything guy. Take me to fucking prison, too.

Because we can't do it. The strongest nicotine pouches you can get in this country up until, like, a year and a half ago, was six milligrams. Now you can buy 85 milligram fucking nicotine pouches. Fatality, strawberry cake. When you're done, you'll feel a tingling sensation. That's the tagline. Get me the fucking get me out of this country. Did somebody listen?

You mention that initial pain, the burning pain. Oh, yeah, yeah. If I put his in and now, now that I don't do it regularly, it fucking hurts, dude. It hurts, dude, yeah. Well, when I put a, when I borrow one of my brothers, it feels like I'm getting like a brand, like, in the inside of my lip. Yeah. Because I only use threes. He uses 12s.

That. Stop when you feel a tingling sensation. The fatality. Lemon leachy. 85 milligram nicotine. All right. It doesn't even matter what the flavor is. You will not taste any of that.

It's like getting punched. just getting punched in the mouth. Yeah, dude, if we're hanging out and have a beer, and this isn't for Thomas, if we're, like, you're listening to this and we're hanging out, I have a beers, and I go, oh, man, I'm out of Zin's. Can I get a pouch? And you pull out something called John's Fatality, Lemon, Leachy, 85 milligram nicotine. I'm going to do my best to three piece you in the bar and knock you unconscious. Because very clearly you want to die.

Very clearly you're not allowed to have things. we don't this is my larger point like you can go to the and by the way I love Voodoo Ranger what I'm about to say

is another great example Voodoo Rangers should not be sold at the gas station any beer over 6% should not be sold at the gas station and here's my point you can have

6 4.5% beers Miller High Lives cool dope-ass evening or you could be tempted by the fucking left hand of B. Elzebub with like any number

of triple hazy IPAs they sell it to store now they're like 13% alcohol Oh I found a good one Yeah Summer explosion By Supreme 100 milligram

Tropic Pouch 100? 100. What would happen to you? Sound off in the comments if you are, if you use, if you're a nicotine pouch user and you go above, fuck it. Let's call it 25. Sound off in the comments.

Tell me this is an aerowid open arrowwood forum in the Spotify comments. I guess in the reviews or whatever the fuck. A hundred milligrams? A hundred. Is there more than one pouch? Good question. Because that's fucking stupid, dude. Oh, I raise you...

What was the name of yours? I'm sorry, I want to make sure we're on the same page. This was Summer Explosion by Supreme Necopods? I see your Summer Explosion Supreme Nicotine Nicopods, and I raise you B-Lux. dash L-U-X-E nicotine pouches, 125 M-Gs, but only

three come in the can, and then in a small, not ad copy, and just small product copy, it says warning high potency. Can you hallucinate from nicotine? Is this what these people are doing? Also, the company... You can certainly have a terrible panic attack from it. The company

that sells these is called 88 vape. That's 88 vape, and it's 28-vape, and it's The two eights are red and black. I'm not going to ask any more questions. I think I know what's happening there. What the fuck? I know that the Nordic motherfuckers get down with some strong-ass shit. Because a lot of the stuff,

a lot of the high-octane shit you buy from, like, the Scandinavians, sick fucks. But again, these are products marketed towards Americans. We're the only people... I don't want you guys to get mad about me talking shit. on fucking, I love me some fucking Doodoo Ranger. I love me some fucking rodeo clown, the triple IPA.

I love that shit. But let's be honest. Have you ever drank eight of those and done anything that you were proud of? No. I've drank six Miller High Lives and told my friend I love him. If I drink eight,

10% triple hazy IPAs, I'm gonna, wherever I'm at that night, I'm gonna have to leave and it's not gonna, it's not gonna be my call. I'm gonna, they're gonna have to make me.

leave and that is just what i'm trying to get at i've been trying to find a 250 milligram nicotine pouch it does not exist okay i wonder where it stops yet yet i've got 125 let's okay by the way the number to beat and the brand to beat is belux nicotine pouches high potency 125 let me see 150 milligram the first thing that comes up get the fuck out of here our 150 milligram shut your fucking mouth our 150 milligram nicotine pouches

delivered like nothing else yeah that I mean that's not false advertiser that's not that's correct what's the name of the fucking shit oh this is from the nicotine

professor and I'm not even fucking playing around oh oh Tom Thomas, the energy line of this company, you can get 150 milligrams of nicotine and 150 milligrams of caffeine in each pouch. Who the fuck is this for? Delta Force?

Who's doing this? That is not... All right. Again, I understand, I completely get... And being on steroids, it's got to feel fucking amazing. Dude, whenever I watch one of those, like, I'll see them, I follow some of them on Instagram because it's, like, while going to the zoo or watching a car crash, but some of the, like, super zoomer fitness influencers that are on, like, yeah, they're on, like, 30 milligram nicotine

pouches, and they're running trend and test, and they're on, like, 100 milligrams of Adderall a day, and they do coke, and they drink every day. That's That's got to be For us That's our NASA So we can look up to Yeah

I can never be an astronaut But god damn I would have loved To been one of them Motherfuckers Son of a bitch Dude That is

Those guys rock There's one guy I'm thinking of I've talked about him On him before Togi Every like once a month He'll post a video of himself Where he's like green

And he's like Um And Caba Um I accidentally pinned like Three times my My test dosages It's not looking good, brothers

And then he pops like six his ends in And then like goes off camera And comes back and he's sniffling And I'm like How the fuck do I have heart problems? Well, I mean, I know why now But Those guys, well those guys do die

There's one of them that's about to die His name's like Johnny something He posted a picture of his ankles And they were all swollen And he was like, bro, I've got conjectures of heart failure. And it was, but it was like a,

it was like a zoomer. There's like, bruh, I've got CHF. Bruh. My fucking ankles are hella big. Sorry,

I'm trying to beat 150. I actually can't find anything above 150, so maybe. And hey, we can always, we can always beat this later when we launch our own brand.

Yeah, Pendejo time. Going to prison for not getting any permits or anything, killing a lot of people probably. What if we killed all our fan based on accident by selling unregulated nicotine pouches?

Remember that TikTok trend where that black lady was selling that mystery pink sauce? And it was like making people sick, giving people like fucking the plague and shit. Like some guy got the plague of Justinian from it or something. We do that with nicotine pouches. What would the label be? I work in graphic design. I think the top of the label should be split down the middle. It's the label split down the middle.

It's like a Zen thing. It's a circle. On one half of it is a man's open ass, and you can see his balls, but not his penis. And on the other half of it is a howitzer cannon. You get to design the back. What's on the back of it? On the back? Yeah, the back of the container.

Yeah, it's got, you know how the cigarettes in other countries have like a warning label where it's got like a picture of lung cancer or something? It's just a guy. has been shot through the chest of the cannon and it's just his chest cavity with blood and the guts are still and out of it. And it doesn't have a warning or anything. It's just a weird of warning. It's just a gore picture.

Okay, cool. What's the name of them? Levitate. No, no. I don't like that. It's got to be something extreme because I'll, uh, well, no, no.

Because B-lux sounds luxury. There it is. Pogram nicotine pouches. 1,000 milligrams each and 50 come in each box and each can. Um... Um... Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha.

Yeah. Uh, the first 1,000 milligram nicotine pouch brought to you by Pogram by Penteho Time Industries. Oh my God. That's so fucking stupid, dude. The nicotine, again, again, we don't need, I get why Mao and his guys just started when they were killing all the opiate salesmen for a good reason. And then they were like, well, fuck, we got to, we just got to kill all the dealers, too. We can't really have things. Everything in America should be, every beer should be max 3%.

Um, every, and listen, I know what you guys are like, no, you're losing me. how's your life how's it going is it going good might not um liquor is capped it like a liqueur like a 20% max

weed is only the weed that your dad smoked but one thing I don't want to the one thing I don't want to skirt on one thing I don't want to cheap out on is uh Xanax opiates and cocaine keep those maximum strength

uh but beer and weed and nicotine pouch and all that other stuff that we seem to be playing God with, that shit's got to, that shit's got to stop. That's going to be a real classic. A Padeo time moment. A moment.

Killer B, Destroyer. Be killer. Finally, a pouch That kills the rest of the bees It's not Pogram not only kills The person who uses it

But it kills all the bees In a 10 state radius Strongest edible THC The first Nicotine Pouch to kill any dogs in the house And they don't even have to lick them Dog Killer Pogram presents the dog killer

line 1,500 milligrams The pouch is the size With 75 grams of protein The pouch is the size Of a bean bag And 800 milligrams of caffeine

70 milligrams of Vivance 50,000 milligrams of THC And 60 milligrams of oxy Pogram nicotine pouches present dog killer Okay, so

You know what's funny is It seems like A thousand millies is like the cutoff Not the cutoff But like That's what's considered Pretty strong for THC Is a thousand

Um Nope, I was wrong The BFG The big fucking gummy 3,000 milligrams per gummy 10 gummies per box Great 3,000

10 cents in So yeah 30,000 milligram to a box How about if we hit $10,000 a month on Patreon? Yeah, I mean

We have to split one of those In a night We have to go apply To work for ice Yeah, we have to Split a box of those Wait two hours

And then run into an ice detention soon So, get that patriata if you listen to this shit and you i'll put it on my i'll put it on pain on pain of death the bfg 3,000 milligram delta 9 t hc gummy box 30,000 milligrams total if we get to $10,000 a month it has to be by a certain amount of time by 20 by the end of 2026 fuck that's oh fuck actually it's realistic fuck okay but i'll say right now right here hold me to it.

Hold us to it. If you get this to $10,000 a month by the end of 2026, me and Thomas will share 15,000 milligrams THHC each and we'll sprint wearing a suit of our choice, but we get to choose each other's suit, sprinting directly through the front doors of the nearest ICE detention center and see what happens. What if that's how we started the revolution? I do. What if it gave us magical powers?

I'm just, like, fucking, like, using force chokes on, like, CBP agents and shit. Again, it begs the question, though. It doesn't mean, that's the wrong phrase. 3,000 milligrams per gummy. Three thousand. And so what? What are you doing? Like, is, are you going out?

Because, Thomas, I know that if I even have, if I even have a nibble off of the three, thousand m g i'm fucking i'm doing mandalay too but just just in my own apartment just me i'm shooting myself with a thousand rounds of ammunition

i like the idea that it circles back around and does nothing past a certain point that is kind of the thing that makes uh like i mean i've drank myself sober before but i've also

you know you kind of have to do some blow to get that to get that one going. I feel like with stimulants. The worst is when you take an edible too late at night and you go to sleep sober and wake up just fucking obliterated. You just wake up in hell. Yeah, like that. Yeah, you did that.

Well, no, you were pretty fucked up by the time we got back to my apartment when you pulled the fucking 300 milligram death. I did that on the day, the night before my college orientation. You, how much, how many milligrams? Uh, not that minute, not that. Oh, okay. It was probably, like, I mean, it was like a friend had, like, made, like, Rice Krispy Treats. It was, like, 15 or 20, but, yeah, it was, uh...

Totally understand that. It was an interesting morning. And then I, uh, just went to, I didn't like the tour. I still went there and then dropped out. Very nice. Which is not what a tour. A tour is to see if you don't like it, and I didn't like it, and then I went. It was good.

I went to Jacob's well Before it dried up off a bunch of gummies And just people we were cliff jumping And I just kept imagining Different scenarios where I like missed my footing And like cracked my head open And like my gray matter spilled out All over the fucking

Like the rocks and like the crystal clear blue water And it turned like it Kind of like a purplish red And then like all the people were really speechless around me And they didn't know if what they just saw was real And it was real And then you know like They've got to call like the dive t

team or whatever and then you know and I'm just there at the bottom of the fucking well like you know dead as fuck high as shit um and that's the sort of the test of that have been the sum totality of my life if you're listening to this that means that you should

probably go to the shit patreon.com slash pendeo time and subscribe to the show um before we do those usual plugs and before you guys turn the fucking shit off uh head on over to our Instagram or our Twitter or

to the Patreon, it'll be, it's a free post, it's public to everybody. If you're in Philadelphia, January 24th, next in-line comedy club at 9.30, get those motherfucking tickets. They're, uh, people bought a bunch today. Um, but, uh, we have

some tickets for sale still, because we just put them up, obviously. Um, so please come see us in Philly at next in-line comedy, January 24th. That's a Saturday at 9.30. Um, if money's a little tight, because it's, right after the holidays um message me on instagram jake road's comedy or uh on patreon if you're a patreon and uh they did comp some seats for us for people who can't afford uh tickerinos so um now if you if you ask hey brother can i get a comp ticket things are tough right now and i go on your

instagram and you got a fucking and you and you hear you got like a motorcycle or something i'm gonna be like now you're just fucking your money up and i sympathize with you because i fuck my money of literally every day. But these are reserved for Pandejos who are having moments of strife, but want to come see a fun show and hang out. And then December 4th at Eastville Comedy Club. No, sorry, not December 4th. December 4th, December 5th, Friday, December 5th at Eastfield Comedy Club.

That link will be up tomorrow, or it'll be up today, Thursday. buy tickets to that motherfucker as well we are back in New York City it's the same club we did last time if you saw last time show December 5th get those motherfucking tickets and when you go to click on the goddamn link

you're going to see a bunch of fucking bullshit that's like general admission and then under that like gold initiative front row package just fucking buy that general mission is 20 bucks just buy the fucking we didn't know that they had fucking seating arrangements organized by class and uh and i didn't find that shit out till they sent me the fucking link so just buy general admission don't fucking buy any of the motherfucking premium passes just get twenty dollar tickets and uh we'll see all there uh last last one was super fun new york was a bad ass time and i'm excited to come back uh and hang out with thomas and hang out with all the new york pend dayhos that link will be up soon

But also, affiliate is up, and you hear this. Just get both tickets. They'll be on the fucking link tree. And then if you want to subscribe to the fucking Patreon, Patreon.com slash Pandejo time. You know how that shit works. A dollar gets you access to the Discord. $5 gets you access to

backlog of bonus episodes. $10 gets you access to all that shit, plus video episodes. Got a whole bunch of video episodes on a YouTube channel. I don't even know if I have... Do I have spots? I have... have spots, but I don't feel like fucking looking through my phone

right now. Uh, just come to the Pendejo time shows. Um, and Thomas, I know you probably have your spots on your phone. Uh, yes. January Oh, fuck. Uh, this Sunday,

um, uh, this, this Sunday at the Comedy Fight Club NYC, uh, I've got a, roast battle with the very funny Michael Green

he is going to smoke my white ass and then um January well you guys already know these January um

8th Kingston New York Kegan's ails Brewery, Keegan Ayles Brewery. Yeah. I'm doing a freaking 30 minutes there. That'll be awesome.

And they've got a bar and stuff too. All these places have bars. You can drink any of them if you want. Yeah. And then I got another spot and I can't remember and that's okay. You always got to leave a little bit of suspense.

Leave them wanting more. That's what people listen to the whole episode, waiting for me to open Instagram and go to my messages and rather than just putting them into on my notes app and just doing bullet points and reading them off in maybe 30

seconds at the end of the show. People like it to take about 5 to 10 minutes for me to find this. Yeah, yeah. They love plugs and they love them to take a long time. Yeah, thank you guys for listening and tuning in. If you're in Houston, November 15th, I

am playing a music festival at 18-something ojuman It's the South Texas Emo Festival playing with a bunch of bands The Braids playing if you know who braid is Playing with We're going to play that music festival So come to that shit too

All right I gotta go eat some Indian food Peace bye Goodbye