Pendejo Time - thomas fish

Episode Date: December 17, 2021

they got all kindsa damn fish in the sea but idk how any of them work.Support the Show.

I texted you, I was in the shower this morning before I sat down to start my long and difficult work day, and I was, you know the Pop Smoke song, Invincible? Yeah. Yeah, I was doing the first line, but this is arthur morgan i said i filmed and of course there's a word in there that arthur can say but not me is fucking robocop in there i that's a backfire i was like i like, did Dolly just pick up a gun? That was a backfire.

Yeah, I couldn't place it for a second. I was like, that's louder than the other. But yeah, I think it was just some fucking rice burner or something. I don't know. That's one of those I don't know if it's racist to say. Rice burner? Yeah. I hear ricer more often.er ricer feels worse to me well you're talking

about a car yeah yes but even then like i mean i i don't know i feel like there are some words that exist in like yeah how many people eat rice most people that's true yeah a lot of people is it still when china takes over the world, I feel like you should be able to get some off. Dude, it's not going to be China. Who's it going to be? It's Taiwan, I'm telling you. They're coming up.

Okay, question. It's over for China, dude. Still applies. Let's assume that you're correct, because we're intelligent people who know what we're talking about. If an Asian country, be it Taiwan or China china takes over hong kong more like it's more likely to be hong kong or taiwan more likely to be yeah to be uh suriname i don't know uh you should be able to like if you are ruled over like the way that you can say cracker because like you know like white

people or they they have the power or whatever if china takes over you should be able to like you should be able to use the minor slurs i feel like i think you can you think you can you can like it's cool i mean i don't think i can i think you can anyway why yeah i mean i think if china does take over i've always always wanted to fight for a shogun or an emperor of some kind. If I could be a samurai, but more like G.I. Joe style, that would kick ass. Yeah, like snake eyes, kind of. He's in that one. Is that like a...

He's like a samurai, but he dresses in black ops gear. Is that part of the It's the G.I. Joe universe He's like a He like helps Joe But also is like an enemy Sometimes I don't know man

Yeah That would be That would be sick Is that the He dresses all in black He doesn't talk I was thinking of the Thing with Nicolas Cage

What I don't know what that one is the fucking anyway i'm snake eyes you're gi joe you're snake ass why would i be why would i be snake ass man it's a fun name i'd probably be snake like cock yeah brother can you imagine can you imagine that as like a porn name or something you're like yeah i'm snake i'm i'm right i'm uh i'm snake cock well like it producers are just like no you are you are not your name is tim this is the first time we've ever said you have to try again you have to yeah if you were in like a like an elite delta like force unit like one of the teams and everybody's got like nicknames like you know like they got you got tank and you got fucking bruiser and you got

fucking you know oh oh we got fucking uh you know if you're like oh what's your like cool like cia you know assassin name and you're like i'm snake cock and they're like why and you're like, oh, what's your cool CIA assassin name? And you're like, I'm Snake Cock. And they're like, why? And you're like, it's not important. Did you do some work in Thailand or something? You work? No, not really.

I'm kind of new here. But they do call me Snake Cock. That is my name. Yeah, I'm called Cock Slammer because I shoot people in the back just have it be totally unrelated to like it's like i'm a really good sniper oh what do they call you like you you know you got like like you're like uh like laser or fucking you know like you got like scope like slick like no i'm a big pussy eater uh i'm just like the best sniper on the team but you know big like they didn't none of the nothing ever really stuck except big pussy eater ball sack yeah i uh i'm kind of like a demolitions expert they call me man dingo

yeah i mostly do breaching clear stuff you know i'm the first guy in and guys like that you know when you're the first guy in, you need an appropriately apt nickname, like fat retard cocksucker. And when I got that one, it just kind of stuck. It rolls off the tongue. Would you do Ocean's Eleven if they let you? Isn't the entire premise of that movie is that they're not being let to do it? That's like if you were allowed. they were allowed i mean if the opportunity arose let's say george clooney

walks up to you and he says jake you're the only guy i can get for this well i'm not very smart i'm not very flexible i'm not right but that's like smart and flexible there's only like eight of the guys of the 11 or so who fit into those categories there's still you got the hot girl um you got the little asian guy you got well he's he's flexible and he's also smart yeah so i guess where would i fit in like you're an outside looking in where am i on the ocean like what attributes do i have that you think would make me a good um you know high dollar burglar you could be the old guy well he's always smart yeah he's like a cunning like intelligent wealthy guy he like funds the whole well we could go mission impossible you could be the guy who makes uh plaster molds

of faces yeah i could be could get good at that. But that guy's also really smart. He's kind of like the tech expert. I'm not... I would be probably the black guy. Ving Rhames? Yeah, that would be... No, in Mission Impossible. That's the name of the actor. In the old one? I haven't seen the new ones. No, in all of them. It's Ving Rhames.

He's the guy, same dude from fucking... Oh, is that his Character? No, it's his birth It is his legal name It's Ving Rhames I'm talking about the One from the 60s

Mission Impa Are you talking Mission Impossible is not Is there a 60s Mission Impossible? That's what the show originally was I didn't know that I haven't seen the tom cruise ones oh those are pretty sick dude i well actually i've seen like 15 minutes of probably all of them

just from sitting in various lobbies um they're great movies if you ever do decide to get back into drugs uh they're badass movies to watch when you have a bpm of like 22 i think i watched like 15 minutes of mission impossible in my in jail but the the um i was trying to sleep at the time so it wasn't very fun we also watched both sicario's that's a very funny series of movies to watch in jail did you i watched the last in the cell in the holding cell or something yeah and it was turned up like all the way that's badass all night you know you were just watching like the guard on duties like favorite movies like that's basically what you were in store for well and then in the morning uh melissa mccarthy's show came on that's sick sick. And I actually had a good,

I got a good laugh in the holding cell because she came on and everybody collectively groaned and I was extremely tired. I was like, ah, not this fat bitch. Killed dude. Anyway, good times, good memories. Yeah, I don't know.

I see, dude, one of my favorite series of videos that you see on Twitter or whatever, just on the internet, are the guys who have dorm room setups but in state penitentiary. Dude, those rock. They're recorded on a fucking Game Boy. Motorola Razr, yeah. Well, what's funny is you can tell like they're probably the most well-behaved guys and it's like maybe it's like a minimum security or somewhere prison but the best that

they can do which by the way is sick if you're in jail like they have like a ps3 and like a box tv and all the while like everything's hanged like it's all like shelved up fucked up looking and and they look like they're having a fucking blast in there. I'm like, I am not opposed to that at all. Like, if you're doing fucking hard time, man, like, I don't care what you did. You know, embezzlement, child torture. You should be able to play video games. I truly believe that.

Anything to make the time go by faster. I'm kind of like an anti, like I'm a prison abolitionist guy. I believe that you should, you know, fire all the prisons or whatever. Just so my dad, you know. Yeah. I think that's good. I think that's good. Yeah, that's good, man. I know a guy who did a couple years in Mexico.

Not in prison, he just lived there. No. He, it was some machete fight type thing, you know. Yeah. I asked him how it was and he was like oh it ruled and i was like i thought it was gonna be one of those things like you know it's so hard life but you get used to it brother and he was like no i just slept and drank beer for two years straight because they're like if you have money they're like you can just bribe the guards and your family can bring you beer every day that is bad

that's sick dude he was like we just watched tv drank beer hang out it i it was like my normal life i just didn't have to work everything was free that dude that is like because i've seen like documentaries where it's like inside like you know mexico's toughest jails i like the idea that like that is true but it's also true that like two cells over some guy's getting his face like just cut the fuck off so like you're hearing like a man's like begging like for his mother like no no and you just like turn up family guy on like an old box tv and you're like yeah i mean medela man i don't want to have to deal with any of that shit that's badass i asked my dad like because if he gets another du, like, at least by the rules, he's supposed to have to go to jail for a little while. And so I'm like, hey, man, are you, like, ever worried, you know, because you drive drunk, like, with, you know, like, with some level of, like, regularity or whatever.

And he's like, nah, you know, jail ain't like it used to be. And I'm like, what do you know? I'm like, well, he's like, I mean, you know, you just get a go. You do your time and come home or whatever. It's not a big deal. I'm like, isn't it if you get a fourth or fifth one, don't you do like two years minimum? He's like, I mean, yeah, but I mean, what's two years? I'm like.

Yeah, he's a young guy. It should be all right. Well, I'm like, I'm trying to like, you know well i'm like i'm trying to like you know i'm like sometimes every now and then i've i've been in conversations with my dad where i'm like i'm gonna level with you not as your son just as a man to man here like if you if if an officer of the law pulls you over again and you have had 55 beers in the last day and a half. Like, you're going to go to jail. And he's like, yeah, but I mean, you know.

I mean, you know, it's just part of life. And I'm like, it's not. Like, it's, you know. I mean, I guess for some people it is. But I would like. You know, this street life that we live. Yeah. We've got to do some hard time. Dude, you and me are probably like the hardest podcasters.

We're probably the hardest guys in a room usually I walk in a room I'm the hardest guy there do you mean like tough or like your penis is hard dude I'm so tough like I can't even like it doesn't even work

I cut my dick off I put a gun down there it's like You're like hooking up With a girl And you're like Fucking whiskey dick Or whatever

It's just You're having a bad day And you're like What's up And you're like Sorry I'm just so tough And like mysterious Like I'm just a really like

I'm a tough guy Oh I just started thinking About World War 2 I just got fucking depressed I can't I can't fuck you Growing up in the mean streets Of Pasadena, Texas Damn girl I'm sorry Fucking depressed. I can't fuck you.

Growing up in the mean streets of Pasadena, Texas. Damn, girl, I'm sorry. I started thinking about Gollum. I got scared because I'm sensitive like that. I'm scared he might jump on my bed. Damn. I don't like... There have been a handful of times where, you know, like, I'm like, watching a movie, date, whatever, two or three, whatever, girl comes over and you're like, I'm like, I've just been too fucked up. And I know good and goddamn well in my mind, in my heart that nothing's happened for me.

It's fucking pool noodle status, you know, al dente style. happened for me it's fucking pool noodle status you know al dente style but i don't want to like preemptively you know be like it's weird it would be weird and like you know you're kind of watching the movie like it's you know the tension like you know like halfway through like fucking whatever the fuck you're watching lord of the rings maybe you're like hey i know that there's an unspoken thing here we've been drinking and hanging out. My penis doesn't work. I can feel it in my bones. You can watch a movie and have sexual tension at the same time?

I don't have that level of focus. If I start watching a movie, it's game over. I'm watching a fucking movie. Don't touch me. I guess it depends on if it's a good movie. I guess. I mean, did you ever get your dick sucked at the movie theater?

No. Never? I got my dick sucked at the movie theater. Well, yeah. I asked if we could take turns and you were like, no, I have to do this for a story.

And I was like, great, dude. I was like, I thought we were just just gonna watch the new fast and furious and you're like no thomas you're gonna suck my dick for two and a half hours and i'm like thomas a year into this podcast i'm running out of stories and unless my dad starts going to jail more uh we need to start doing shit together and you're like what do you mean like go on go on vacation i'm like hell yeah we're gonna go hiking we go hiking just past the entrance and you're like you what do you mean, like, go on vacation? I'm like, hell yeah, we're gonna go hiking. We go hiking just past the entrance, and you're like, you have to suck my dick for three hours. Fuck. Again.

Look, man, the premiums, you know, they've been good, but I get the feeling we're gonna hit a slump soon, and, you know, nothing really fucked up's happened in my life lately. The worst part is Jake's made me suck his dick at gunpoint so many times I'm getting, like, super good at it. Anyway. Are they still making fast and furious movies is yeah i think it's paul walker like a fucking uh whatever uh scooby-doo is like some space genius thing here's the thing so i don't you didn't see i don't think i guess you didn't see the last one i haven't seen the first one yet

so in the two before that when they had, they CGI'd his face on his brother. It was really fucking weird looking. It was like... I hope they do that when I die. Yeah, I want them to... Just regular home videos and stuff. Just like a black dude. Anyway, so in this most recent one,

I took myself to one of them bar movie theaters, AMC Draft Houses, and I just watched it. I was like, I don't want to watch this. I'm having a bad day. take myself to movies the last scene like you know vin diesel like they're all sitting at the table and vin diesel's like you know what's more important than cars family and then like like some fucking reggaeton song starts playing credits are rolling and then the blue car that paul walker drove like in the first three or something pulls into the driveway. And then it cuts to black.

And I was like, oh, that's cool. But I was thinking, okay, well, number 10 has to come out. It's the last one. In the movies, he's still alive. What are they going to do in the 10th one? He's been dead for like 10 years. Do they not have enough money to actually bring paul walker back i feel i feel like if cloning is real like human cloning i'm i feel like the franchise has enough money it's like a billion dollar franchise at this point i mean

the man looked exactly like those uh those pictures where they just average every like face together every white guy he just looks like like he's the general manager at a cheesecake fair. He's an attractive guy. I'm just saying he's just extremely symmetrical. I think you could just find a guy who looks a lot like Paul Walker. It's funny, in the most recent one, the big bad guy, because there's always a big bad guy they have to stop. The big bad guy was John Cena and it was uh vin diesel's

little brother and of course like they cast a big name because it's a big franchise but they don't look alike the only thing obviously they have in common is they're both on steroids vin diesel is like part puerto rican or something so he has like you know like skin tone bald and then you have john cena who's like, nine or five or five, 10, but like 310 pounds, solid muscle. And they're like, who's that? And you know, he's like, it's my little brother. And it's like, I know that, I don't know why I'm looking for continuity. Like in a movie where cars jump, like entire, like the great wall of China, like they go to space ludicrous is there, but it was just fucked up. Like to choose, like of all people to. Like, they go to space. Ludacris is there. But it was just fucked up, like, to choose, like, of all people,

to be like, choose another bald fucking tan guy. Choose anybody. You know who they really wanted to play Ludacris' character originally? You ever read about that? Cat Williams. Ja Rule. Is that real? Yeah, Ja Rule was offered that role and turned it down

because he was really big at the time. Yeah, that, yeah. And he was really big at the time Yeah that yeah And he was like no I gotta do shows and shit I'm not doing this gay ass movie And like yeah now he's like doing shows for like 15 people Which so are we not knocking it guy Yeah yeah yeah But uh

He's a household name we are not a household name Ja Rule is a household name but not at every household I would say No only certain households. That video of him, I forget. I think he was doing, like, not kidding, like a halftime show at, like, a college football game. I don't know. It was some fucking, like, there were a lot of people there, but it was one of those deals. You know what I'm saying?

Like, an event center for, like, some company. You know, like, it wasn't wasn't like a legitimate show or whatever. And he was like, can I get a fucking, woo, woo, like, and just dead silence from the audience.

And he goes, I guess not. And it's like, I know that feeling like, you know, like doing something on the show. And you're like, this is going to be a good one in your head as you're telling the story.

And then you're like, wow, that sucked. And here I am like, wow, that sucked. And here I am alone. Well, it helps you that I laugh so much at everything. Yeah. I'm paying attention the whole time. I don't really laugh that much in real life anyway.

I just, you know, I'm a really serious guy. I'm a lot like Johnny Cash in that way. I'm kind of like a dark legend. You know? You do like dark legends. Yes. Such as sorcery and things of that nature.

Dude, we should become... We should get really into the arcane. I want to... So, I know we talked about it a little bit with the Trillbillies guys but like there really is like a rebirth of like alistair crowley and like the occult stuff within like my brother's like age group or whatever and uh like my little brother and does that you know like the different things that like dudes get into when they're young like teenagers or like

like entering your 20s like 19 to 20 21 like the stuff you get into to get pussy like are there guys who are like you know they tried to be a musician it didn't work maybe they tried sports it didn't work so they're like man you know i'm going off to college i gotta i gotta make a new me like i'm gonna get into being a fucking like dark wizard guy like a like pewter rings and fucking like pentagram like grow the hair out like does that work it has to work for some people because it's like an archetype that's existed like it's just another version of goth i mean alistair crowley didn't like yeah he just sort of he was one of the waves or whatever i don't know i haven't really gotten too into that stuff

because I don't want to go to hell. But, you know, I never got too into, like, that type of bullshit. When I was a kid, my dad... Because there wasn't a market for it. Right. You understand?

Also, like, it was a little bit like we both missed the window for that. You know what I'm saying? Like, if we were to become those guys, like, it was just before both of our times. Me more so, but, you know. Like, if you're going to be, like, an Aleister Crowley, you know, like, emo rap guy, you know, like one of those guys.

Like a Ghost Mane type fucking creature. I think at a certain point, if you've just taken upanax, like you just have to talk a certain way, like a mysterious, and there's only certain things. Yeah. It's like, if you take ecstasy for like three years straight, you're going to have like, yeah,

yeah, yeah. I like, yeah. I like the idea of like, you just eat hulks every day for three years and people like, Oh, what's up,

man? And you're like, Oh, nothing much, you know, just, uh, just pondering.

I've been looking into the chasm what does that mean i crashed my mom's toyota celica remember that uh xxx sentacion uh freestyle dude when he like got it he did the tebow thing with the cloak yeah yeah yeah they cut the beat and everything and everyone was was like, his fans were like, this means something big is coming. And then he just got fucking smoked like six months later, like nothing. He died trying to buy a motorcycle,

which like, you know, I'm not like trying to be aggressive here, but, you know, if you claim that you're going to like rain down your tear or whatever you kind of need to make sure you don't get fucking smoked trying to buy a motorcycle a few months later that's that's that's mistake number one that a lot of people make my little brother

like i remember i was back home at that era at that point in time and i met some of his friends and like you know like they follow you on Instagram and I can follow him back or whatever. All these kids are like white, like poor, like trailer trash, like, you know, just fucking the key demographic for some of this stuff. And, uh, all their Instagrams were like rip Josh say, like, you meant so much to me. Like, like, I know that you're like, that you're somewhere better now and you're in a better place. And like all your demons, like, I know that you're like, that you're somewhere better now and you're in a better place. And like all your demons, bro, like the demons that I have, like, it's just really cringy stuff. But the thing that got me, my brother like pointed it out. He was like, I'm not really like, I like some of his songs, but he was like, assuming that there's an afterlife. Okay.

Like this guy beat the dog shit, like out of his pregnant girlfriend. Like he is a fucking piece of shit. Okay. And like, you know, it was just like he is a fucking piece of shit okay and like you know it was just like not a good dude like he didn't like he's not like i know that you're looking down on us bro and you're gonna bring up the next generation like with your with your spirit and your energy it's like oh this guy's like not worth like making a diatribe on instagram about yeah did you see whenever juice world died and people were like

dude somebody check up on ski mask yeah it's like bro this is not this is not our job no regardless of i'm not saying like oh thank god juice world died but like don't be like hey ski mask to slump god i know you probably you're going through a lot right now man just know i'm i'm here for you as as a 19 year old kid i'm from florida same state as you man i'm from florida too so i know what it's like to lose every single one of your friends to fucking drugs and violence that uh the fucking like again like again like it's nothing new it's just the newest iteration of it and i'm no longer like i'm not that age so like looking looking at it from like an outsider's point of view like because when i was 19 like that the version of that was like young lean

like all of that like that stuff was like whatever is here now like all that shit and uh like sad boys and like that whole crew or whatever to see it now. And like, cause I liked youngling, like see it now to be older. It's like, yeah, like, uh, yeah. Let me add ski mask as a guy who like goes to community college and like delivers pizzas. It's like, bro, like I need you to keep your head up dog, like for the culture. Like, like I know you're one of your best friends in the whole world. Like, you know you know is dead and you're running out of them and you're a depressed guy too but you know you got to keep doing it for guys who work at the mall the thing now is like uh being like dude little dirk you better slide for vaughn dude you better fucking get revengement little

dirk i know you are like one of the most actually one of the most dangerous people like that there is yeah you've killed so many people you personally yeah like in the last year have killed like three people um i need you to slide for vaughn i need you to slide for vaughn yeah for vaughn please uh by the way i my mom is a professor and my dad's a lawyer like i would i'm from hyde park okay i'm a chicago guy like you you need to slide for vaughn all right do it for 67th or 63rd or whatever dude okay we're joking but how many acts do you think they get from kids like that per day they're like oh you're really not gonna ride for your homie you're not gonna ride for your fucking day one homie, dude.

Dude, this is what, if my friend Trevor got killed tonight, I would kill somebody for him. Yeah, I would slide for Trevor. Dude, I would slide for Curtis, dude. I would slide for Connor. I would slide for Connor, for Trevor, Tanner, Kurt, Skyler, Riley.

Slide for Braxton, bro. Dude. Well, somebody made a thread about like the and i it is interesting the ways in which like i guess like suburban upper to middle to upper middle white kids maybe even upper class white kids like that whole world is like and it's a tv show to them like it's a very real and visceral soap opera like all these characters that get into gang beefs and and like these like these are young men that are dying it's very sad but in their eyes it's like

yeah it's like hey you know do you hear about what happened with here we have a vaughn you know you think dirk's gonna like well dude do you think spottum got him is gonna make it do you think he's gonna be able to link up with poosh ice tea again he's gonna get to season three or is he gonna get murdered in cold blood for $100? Bro, did you hear Pooh Pooh Pants got smeared? Bro, he got smeared by Goo Goo. Hey, I heard Babu got got. Bro, we lost Dinky.

Listen, the streets haven't been the same since Dingo got girt by Dinky. You know, I'm making fun of of like whatever the people who are literally like two years younger than me but i will say when i was like 15 dude odd future was so fucking sick dude that the burn people being like it was so fucking sick it was so sick and they had staying power dude like odd future that stuff was big when i was 15 like that like earl and tyler dropped couch and then like the whole mixtape like that and that whole like it was like against authority i'm gonna smoke my dad's cigarette like i understand all i think i i was like probably like 13 or so when I first started listening to like –

because like Yonkers, it came out and that was big. I wasn't early on the wave or anything, but I was riding it. I've still got this dude. My friend Trenton gave me this old Odd Future shirt from back in the day. I've had it for probably six years now. And, dude dude it is crisp yeah like i could throw it out the window and it might break one of the potted plants but um just because like the fucking graphic on it has been washed so many times yeah it's like a brick

on the front of it dude that era was like and i i don't and again like i guess it was this it just there wasn't like gang – I don't know. I guess the closest thing I can think of is like when Chief Keefe got big and there was like beef in the Chicago like drill scene or whatever. And there were people – again, like rich kids that I went to college with. I went to college when like hate being – it was my freshman year, first semester when like hate being sober and all that shit dropped. And like there were kids who I knew came from wealthy family drove like mercedes and like you'd be talking about rap at a house party or something or you're playing it over the fucking bluetooth speaker and these kids knew more about like the lore like when i say lore i mean like genuine real criminal like gangland like violence

they're like yeah you know chief keith you know he's hot right now but he's got to watch himself because you know there's a like a crip outfit that they hang out like you know and they don't they don't really fuck with keith no more especially they think he's sold out they think he's faking you know like he's banging he's not really banging and i'm like why do you know? Like, what about your life? You know, is anything related to this young man's life? But I guess it is just like, if you don't have a struggle, you have to invent it. It's like, well, you know, they're smoking Tuki pack on songs, but it's really disrespectful to Tuki. And his mom sees it and she's like,

so now she's caught up in the Tookie beef. And it's like, are we still smoking Tookie pack in 2021? And then are we smoking duck pack now? Is that what we're doing? Is FBG duck vindicated in his death? Anyway, it's funny that like guys like DJ Vlad or whatever,

who are like 90 years old have to come up with legitimate questions for their FBI handlers or whatever to have answers to. Well, I don't think Adam 22 is a fed, but I do think Vlad has connections. But it's funny when either of those guys, I love when either of them just fucking butcher it. Like an up-and-coming like miami rapper like the ones with the like they literally like how you're talking like you'll hear adam like so like i hear you and uh dookie feet got beef like what's up with dookie feet like is he talking outside of his mouth and you know and fucking like zillow commie or some young kids like i mean not really you know and he's like i mean i dookie feet be tweeting at you you know and it's like adam 20

he's like a bmx guy who was like all right i ran out of bmx money i need to get a face tattoo and start talking like a wigger from like 2010 he's like dookie feet's like on your insta bro like he's like he's capping on you and the kid like he's like a 33 year old man it's like a 19 year old kid who like has probably been involved in gang shit since he was like 11 has probably killed at least one person. And they're like, yeah, I mean, you know,

if he's got beef, like whatever, but like he takes it way more seriously than they do. Cause he's not like fundamentally involved in that. He's like a spectator. Same thing with Vlad. Vlad will ask Boosie about like, I love it when he asked Boosie about like a murder in Louisiana from like

2005. Like he doesn't ask him explicitly, but he's like, yeah, didn't some rapper, obscure rapper that was, you know, hey, wasn't he Fifth Ward Weeby's cousin or something? And Boozy's like, in his eyes you can see he's like, am I talking to the fucking judge right now? Sometimes those questions, and Boozy will slip up,

because, dude, he shows up to those interviews fucking sauced. There are some times where he's like, you know, like that one, we've talked about it before where. He's like, come on, man. No, the way, well, yes. The one where he was like, so what's up with you and Mike Tyson? Like why y'all got beefed? And he was like, is it what you said about his daughter? His daughter's gay.

And he's like, look, I don't agree with it. I, it ain't for me. You know, I don't see. And it's like, apparently Mike was like, so what's your deal with my daughter? You know, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Italian Mike Tyson. Hey, what's your beef with my daughter?

I'm Italian Mike Tyson. But like, Boozy's just you know if you're like a cold-blooded guy like but he's clearly a fun-loving guy but boozy's obviously also like you know boozy i guess like having a even having like you know iron mike tyson in your face like hey man what's up with all the anti-lgbt stuff like my little girl is like and boozy's like, I don't care. You know, she's an animal. He didn't say that, but she's a fucking creature, you know. And, you know, I guess it doesn't matter if you're a guy like Boozy.

Yeah, if you're a guy like Boozy or like us, you know, you just can't say anything to us. We won't back down. Yeah, I don't like, you know, if some guys like. Only scared of God and the feds. That's what they say, you know. They do say that. Rather be carried by six than judged by 12.

Indeed. Hey, if you have to be carried by six or judged by 12, you're going to need a lawyer or you're going to need a wallet to pay for your wallet. To pay for the lawyer. Yeah, and to pay for the— It's probably easier to pay by check, but you can find that somewhere else. Yeah, and to pay for the... It's probably easier to pay by check, but you can find that somewhere else. Yeah, so anyway...

Maybe fold it up and put it in your wallet, I guess. If you're a wallet guy, you probably have a big fucking fat leathery wallet that you got fucking forever ago. You're going to want to take that thing out. Get your cash and cards out of it first, but keep your cash and cards. Throw that cocksucker in the trash

because we have got a surprise for you. The Ridge Wallet. The premier front pocket fucking wallet. All right. Thomas, hit him with some facts about the Ridge Wallet. The Ridge Wallet. Well, let me tell you. It's a great wallet.

It's got over 40,000 five-star reviews. It's got multiple colorways and materials you can get it in. Wow, isn't that great? And it can hold over 12 or up to 12 maybe cards. And room for cash. Room for cash. It's got RFID blocking technology for all those digital pickpocketers out there. Facts.

Those shysty goons at your digital door. Get them away. Get away from here. Christmas is around the corner. If you're like, if you don't love your husband or your son or your brother and you're like, I don't know what to get them, they will love the Ridge Wallet. If you've checked out emotionally from a relationship with a man in your life

or a woman in your life because women can use these too. You're like, I don't know what to give them because I don't love them anymore. A lot of women use Ridge Wallets. That's true. Get them a fucking Ridge wallet because you can test drive the motherfucker for 45 days. If you don't like it, you can ship it back, but that won't happen because you'll love it. So you're going to want to go over to Ridge.com slash Pendejo. That's P-E-N-D-E-J-O for 10% off everything in the fucking store.

And if you don't want to get a wallet, you're like, I don't want to get a wallet. I'm gay. You can get a knife. You can get a duffel bag. I think great for Christmas presents. Great for Christmas. Look, if you're on the fucking run and you're like,

I need to get a fucking go bag stat, you can get one stop shop done at fucking Ridgewall. You can get your knife for killing hookers on the road. You can get a backpack for all your shit. You can get a duffel bag for body parts. You can get a wallet that has RFID. So i guess the fbi can't track your fucking shit i don't fucking know how that shit works anyway here's a guarantee no one with a ridge wallet has ever committed a murder facts that you cannot be convicted of murder if you have a ridge wallet

why because they'll think you know they'll think you're a huge pussy or something. But that's not true. Don't think about how it might look with you carrying it around. Because that doesn't matter. It's about functionality. And that's what you care about. And that's what you care about. And if you really care about it, you go over to Ridge.com slash Pendejo

and you use that code P-E-N-D-E-J-O brought to you by the Ridge wallet. Ridge wallet. Brought to you by... Here, let's do it atE-J-O brought to you by the Ridge Wallet. Ridge Wallet. Brought to you by... Here, let's do it at the same time. Brought to you by the Ridge Wallet. Brought to you by the Ridge Wallet. Brought to you by the Ridge Wallet. We got it.

Hey, don't say it again, dude. People are going to get annoyed. You need a fridge wallet. You need... You need a... Whatever, dude. You need a... Oh, yeah.

My little pussy. Do you like that? My little bitty pussy. No, dude. That's going to sound really bad when people are listening in their cars. Hey, listen. No, dude. What the fuck is that?

You like... No, dude. That sucks dick. That is an awful voice. You don't like that? I'm not matching that. Hey, everybody, my name is Thomas. You can buy my...

Jake is currently trapped inside a fishbowl, and I'm shaking it around. We'll be in the car, and that is Ashley's least favorite voice that I do. It's also mine. That voice sucks dick, dude. you have to stop doing it forever yeah it will be on the road i'm like you know like do you want to stop for maybe a red bull before we get on the road she's like i don't even know how you do that like you're not like your normal talking voice isn't incredibly low

but it's you know how are you getting up there when am i went all the way you know like that I'm sorry I keep doing it as well yeah I hope that somebody comes and blows my apartment yeah right I'm kind of in like a you know like dude dude you're being a real debbie downer right now think about all the good things in life yeah i've got you know i've got fucking a quarter bottle of whiskey i got a pack of american spirits you left here by the way it was a nice surprise yeah i went out and i was like who smokes spirits here actually don't smoke i don't i forgot you had them. And Jeff doesn't smoke either.

I thought I was being really smart and threw them away. No, they're sitting over the lawn chair. So that will probably last me like a year and a half. But, yeah. You still got those Al Capones too. I do. Dude, Ashley was like, hey, can you roll me a joint before you head out i'm like yeah the other day when we were doing the show or whatever and i was like i can roll you like a like a little mini blunt like thomas left these al capones and she was like

no and i was like what like she was like just just a joint it's fine and i was like what's wrong with what's wrong with al capone mini blunts but then i was like if i if i as a grown man if we both smoked weed and i brought swishers or like phillies to your house and i was like hey man do you want to roll up like it like it's just you know it's like there are brands i guess that you just grow out of like when i was first smoking weed everybody smoked swishers but then there was like a weird graduating hierarchy where it was like if you if you smoke swishers or phillies you're like trash or you're like a kid and then like in college it became like for me it became like it went from swishers to like white owls to games and backwards white owls get yeah i was gonna say so like dutchies and backwoods were like what i smoked

in college because it was like but again i was like, but again, I was like, if they were out, I was like, dude, let's just get Swishers. It's just a blunt. We're just smoking it. They burn so fast, though. Yeah, well, they suck, and they taste like chemical weed. But I'm like, if we're trying to smoke weed, they would be like, no, we can go to another gas station, bro. I'm not smoking a fucking Swisher. And I'm like, dude, both of us don't have

jobs right now. It's Tuesday. Like, 11. Like, let's just smoke weed. are we we don't need to smoke a blunt we can just smoke like all this weed out of my bong and it's like no i want to smoke a blunt it's like there's like a serious of a conversation you're having we can smoke dude we can smoke all this weed out of my bong well i'm like not literally it's not literally what i was saying but i'm like jake jake i want to Jake, I want to smoke weed out of your bum. I want to smoke weed out of your bum, kid. Have you ever considered smoking weed out of a bum?

All right, all right. Anyway, no, it's like there – I was – okay, one of my roommates who sold – this is the same guy I'm talking about. One of my roommates who sold weed, he would take – I had ordered a pack of 100 white lighters because they were the cheapest ones off Amazon. And he was fucking so superstitious about that shit, dude. Like I'm not a superstitious person. Even if I was, that's a really stupid one to hold to such a high standard, at least in my opinion. So I would be – dude, I would be drunk, fucking piss drunk, trying to light a cigarette. And I'm like, you know, with my lighter, my white mini Bic lighter. And, uh, he would take it and fucking throw it. He's like, no white lighters, bro. It's bad. And I was like, I'm going to fucking

take you outside and fuck you. Like, like why he did that shit all the fucking time. Like he would be like, Hey man, do you have a lighter? Like I misplaced mine. And I was like, yeah. And I would hand him a, one of my white ones that I would just buy them in bulk. And he would be like hey man do you have a lighter like i misplaced mine and i was like yeah and i would hand him a one of my white ones and i would just buy them in bulk and he would fucking throw it across the living he was like don't hand me that shit and i'm like hey man he's like it's bad luck dude it's like literally like it's bad energy like you i don't know you know i know you don't believe in it and i'm like hey man we live in a rat infested house we do pills all day uh and cocaine and we smoke weed and we skip class and we go to our jobs kind of, and we like pawn our shit for money. So the bad luck that's in our lives is already

here. Like it really, the only way it could get worse is if one of us OD'd, but it would probably just be business as usual for a little while after a little while. Like it wouldn't, you know, it's like, no, man, I don't need that bad energy in my life i'm like again man there's a rat like 10 feet from you and roaches and shit so like we don't need to like keep playing it sounds like you your chakras weren't aligned at the time would you like to look into that a little further um no there there there was a uh i'm sending you a healing frequency right now. No, you can't feel it, but you will. It travels really slow.

Girl, I didn't mean healing frequency. You just can't feel it. Baby girl, I'm going to hit you with the gigahertz. There was one of the roommates dated Like a really Astrology Crystally Like hippie type bitch And

Whenever Every time she came over to the house She was like I don't like the energy in here And it's like We have two TVs We're blasting like Trap House 3

I'm in the living room Just fucked up out of my gourd Just like Playing Grand Theft Auto And going insane My roommate's like in the kitchen like trying to study and like drunkard and shit and i'm like what what about the energy don't you like here it's fine it's very fun place to be she's like it's just dark in here

like we had blacked out all the windows like we had the we bought we all pitched in to buy like one genuine uh like from amazon like a nice high quality like blackout curtain but they were too expensive to get at the time so we just went and bought like a bunch of black sheets and just stapled them over all the windows so it was pitch black in there like all the fucking time why did you do that um because it hurt like a motherfucker to wake up to the sun when you're hung over and fucked and like that way you couldn't really tell what time it was it was always just lived in a fucking cave yeah dude natural light is great for your uh for you know it's good to have it i mean if i'm less of a ceiling

light guy nowadays i know i like i like lamps yeah lamps and natural light hey you're all set buddy i think genuinely i'm not kidding at that time the motivation wasn't one like people are depressed they do that shit although there was a lot of depression in the house certainly wow it just you felt bad like drinking like it was like, Oh fuck. Why am I pouring like a shot at like 9am? It's like, well, it's not 9am if you black all the windows out. And so that I think was like the motivating factor for a lot of us. Plus it's easier to sleep all day, you know, um, that house, so that the house that the street that house is on. Just a bunch of rundown rental homes that like, you know, for like college students and like poor families. The one right next to where our like main plug like lived for like painkillers was a shitty fucking nasty ass place.

But I drove down the other day down memory lane just to look at the house. So I was like, I wonder what if Catalina is still up or if somebody's burned that motherfucker to the ground and uh and they built not not the house i lived in but next to it where our old dealer lived they built like one of those gentrification station houses like you know the gray with the big bay windows and like yeah you know like the fucking like um straight black fence and like they have like old style street lamps with like a nice pebble walkway up in front of it and i i it it is so funny to me when i drive through like an old neighborhood where i lived and the first one of those is there i know if i drive by again in a year they're all gonna look like this but when

it's just one it's very funny because it's like all right you know who lives here like who's the first guy that's like i'm gonna move in to this neighborhood and i'm gonna live in a house like this i mean it has to like you know you got to be a little fucked you gotta be a little fucking wacko a little fucking well like uh in fort worth they're getting those but uh it's for, like, TCU kids. For, like, their dads. Yeah. Like, frat house, mini frat houses or whatever. Yeah, like, for their dads to buy.

Yeah. And they, like, don't, they do not think about it at all. Yeah. Yeah, it's, like, it's kind of, like, a shitty neighborhood. Like, old-ass fucking, like, nice houses. But, like, we got this, like, fucking sick-ass setup. Like, it kind of sucks dick, but, like, my dad got it. And it, like, it's okay.

It's like a big box with, like, just full of, like, shit that breaks all the time and stuff. I love, like, whenever my senior year, like, I would go hang out with my friends. And everyone, like, like 22 you know um people are trying to quote unquote or some people are trying to like quote unquote grow up but the way that they grow up is so retarded like I hung out with a couple UT frat kids and uh and like some of them went to my high school and like after the frat house they all like moved into a smaller house and they like I would go over there and like the vibe was like hey what's up man like like you want a beer or something like it like eight nine months ago they're like you know like fucking crazy like yeah but the whole like they were like you know like we don't

really party too much anymore man like we all got jobs and stuff like i'm i'm gonna probably start at the firm soon and but it's just a smaller frat house like that's all it is like the posters are still up they still have the like three mounted tv with the entertainment system like the floor is still sticky like you know the the the bluetooth speaker with the lights is there like but it's like yeah no like like i mean everybody's gotta grow up sometime bro like i just couldn't live in the frat house no more and i'm like oh sick and then like then he's like you want you want some coke by the way it's like yeah i do but like we're like, whose house is this? It's like, oh yeah, same shit. It's like, so my dad bought up like 10, like kind of like shitty houses, you know, and just kind of like

redid them, like flip them, you know, it's just like a side gig or whatever. It's like, oh, so like your, your glow up and your grow up as a 22 year old frat kid is to live in a house that your dad paid for and to do the same shit you were doing at fucking sigma whatever the fuck but just in like you have hardwood floors now like that's like that's the big shift that shit was so funny is like even even now like i don't do any decorating because i wouldn't. This is like the first, I think, like adult place I've lived in. Like an adult's apartment. Yeah, you usually – I remember your last apartment.

Like you had like a ball pit and like a bunch of arcade games. Like your whole living room was just like pinball machines. It was funny to me in all seriousness. Like one of the first things we're sitting down and like we're trying to figure out how to do the first test video episode like with the phone or whatever and you were like you were looking at all the baseboards and you were like there's shoddy work everywhere around here and i was like i mean i guess it's just student apartment and you were just like i mean you were like baseboards aren't meeting you know vinyls but it's just like, I mean, you were like, baseboards aren't meeting, you know, vinyls, it's just like,

like it was weird, like a first time. I do that at my own house. No, I know, but it was like. For things I'm not going to fix, I'm like, dump son of a bitch, fucking doesn't even use caulk. Yeah, just paint right over the cracks, you dump stupid bitch. And I'm like, I could fix that. Not going to though. I'm just gonna

complain about it until I move out. The fucking, it was like our first time Hanging out in person And It was just It was like Hang it like When your dad's like

Alright I'm going to go get some beers And you're like You're like alone With your dad's friend Or whatever And your dad's friend's like You know Floorboard's looking a little warped

Your dad take a look at that You know like Just like Like it was a vibe It was like Yeah you know Base baseboards not meeting they just painted right over the hardware in the kitchen they didn't you know and i was like yeah man i uh student loans pay for i mean i just yeah i'm like i know you live here and all that but like i think it's a shithole i'm just letting you know know. It's, like, the first time we hung out, you were graciously letting me stay here,

but, like, this is the best you could do, man. I'm just kidding. No, the fucking, the, um, I think, honestly, like, the apartment, that apartment is, like, had actual, like, granite, like, countertops. When I tried to get into streaming, like, gamer streaming, like, a while back, like, a couple while back like a couple

years ago um a couple people watched me play uh and uh i think it was hussy maybe or somebody was like hey man do you live in like a like a halfway house and i was like uh no this is my apartment and they were like it's just bare white walls a black couch, like no for nothing up on the wall. Like I was like, I don't think about that stuff. Like I don't think about decorating or doing any coordinating or anything. I just don't. I was like, no man, I live here. Like it's not a halfway house. Like I'm not slumming it. It's not my buddy's place. I'm not in jail or a mental home. Like this is my apartment. It's like, dude, like, can you put something up? Like, and I was like, no, like who thinks about that like, dude, can you put something up? And I was like, no.

Who thinks about that stuff? That's women's stuff. Men live in just bare white wall apartments with one chair. One coffee table, and it's got a bottle of whiskey and a revolver on it. And we walk by, and we pick one of them up every day. And which one you get, that's dealer's choice. That's just that's that's dealer's choice you know that's just dealer's uh when so my dad when my when my parents were when i was really young i would be like a week on my mom and a week on my dad's my mom is like a very clean person like you know very tidy like a little bit of dust, she can't handle it. Um, and so I would like stay

over there for like a week or a weekend or whatever. And, uh, and then I would go hang out with my dad like the next week, the following week. And he lived with his mom. And, uh, I mean, just, just a disaster zone. Like it didn't look like anybody looked like a ghost's house, like just fucking beer cans everywhere. And just like a complete, you know? And so like, I would, uh, like, I just thought that that's, I was like, oh, it's like, you know, some people are different. I was a little kid. I didn't know. And so I would just like drink a Dr. Pepper like an off, and I would like throw it on the floor because my dad did it. Like I was like, oh, this is, you know, mom would be like, what the fuck are you doing?

And I'm like, oh, it's just, you know, I like, as a kid, I was like, dad, dad does this. He just throws it on the floor. She's like, you put it in the trash can. And I was like, no,

like, no, it's just like, you just throw it on the floor. Like when you're done with the pizza, you just like throw the box in the yard. Like, like,

I don't know why we use a trash can so much. And then like, she was like, no, like that. Your dad's a different type of guy. Like, you know,

we don't throw our shit in the fucking, we don't, you know, go outside and piss even though we have a perfectly working toilet. Although I think, I still hold on to that one. Yeah, no, your dad was right about that. I think that one is fine because I wish, the one thing I love about having a house, because I can't do it, I mean, I guess I could do it in an apartment, like just piss off my balcony, but you know, it's a little trashier. But the cool thing about having a house is like, like just piss off my balcony. But, you know, it's a little trashier.

But the cool thing about having a house is like it's just the option to go do a yard piss, which is like one of the most freeing, like liberating things. You can do it in your front yard if you want. Oh, dude, that's a fucking – I loved pissing in my front yard. Pissing in your front yard is a fucking baller move. Dude, one of my favorite things when I had the house was sitting in one of the long lawn chairs with the feet wrists, bringing, like,

I wouldn't do it with anybody. It just, I was like, this is my first rental house. I was like 20. Put a fucking lawn chair, set that motherfucker in the front yard and just drink beer

and just watch cars go by. And I remember like watching my dad's friends do that and I was like, this is boring. And I was like, no, this is like the coolest, sickest way a man can decompress are you alive yeah i was uh seeing how much salmon

to make 55 pounds of salmon well sorry no it's okay i i'm not I don't know much about fish. Where do they come from? What do they swim with? What are their names? These are the questions we ask. Salmon, tuna, tilapia, catfish, stingray. Albatross. Albatross. Isn't that a bird?

Yeah, I was seeing if you would buy it. Sturgeon. Sturgeon Sturgeon Grouper Clownfish Clownfish Cuttlefish Lantern Lanternfish

Fucked up Marlin Marlin Barracuda Bonita. Beta. Beta. Yeah, there we go.

Goldfish. Goldfish. I said koi already. Come on. I didn't hear you say koi, so I'm going to count that for me. Okay. The dory fish. Yeah, blue something.

Blue fish. Blue fish. Sunfish. You ever see those? Mahi-mahi fish. Sunfish. You ever see those? Mahi-mahi fish. Sunfish. Smallmouth bass. Largemouth bass.

Sea bass. Trout. Rainbow trout. Flounder. Come on now. Sand dollar. Is that a fish? Those are crustaceans, right?

Let's see if that would work. Moray eel. Yeah, any type of eel. I don't know if an eel... Is that a fish? We really don't know. It's either a fish or a serpent. Or a weapon of the great enemy.

It could be a perch. Perch. Nice. That's a good one um minnow minnow sardine sardine anchovy hey oh you owe me a little kiss bro are there any other kinds of fish we really don't know know. No, we don't. Spiky. Cod. What's this? Spiny.

Narwhal. Dude, those are fucked up. I thought those were good. I know a narwhal isn't a fish, but I thought we could segue into what a narwhal is. It's a... Are those endangered? No, apparently not. Apparently there's a whole fuck ton of them you just don't see a lot of them because they're out in the middle of fuck off yeah they're not

they're not on opossum kingdom lake yeah i don't see them out in the gulf too much like lake livingston and just like cresting out of the water yeah you're like on lake worth catching the most fuck you're out yeah dude we used to go fishing off the when i say used to this was i was a fucking little little kid but uh we would go fishing like off the ship channel where like you're not supposed to eat it's just chemicals like years and years of benzene and fucking crude oil and gas and uh like i said whenever i see a dolphin sometimes when you're on the ferry going to the galveston island you'll see a fucking couple dolphin following the ferries like near galveston all that water there is fucked it is never going back to normal ever as long as the

earth exists and i think like those dolphin got to be the most fucked up hood dolphins. No, swimming into that area for them is like smoking with the windows open. Yeah, yeah. You're just having a bad day. You're like, I got to head over to Galveston. I got to go to Galveston today. Yeah, no, dude. That shit, you're not supposed to eat anything you catch over there.

You ever see all those fucked up canals in New York? They've got some that have been polluted like constantly for like 300 years. And one of them, it was like known as like basically the worst. Like the water was like black and it just smelled like hell was down there. And they had this, but the area around it was being gentrified so they were trying to make it this like trendy area but it just smelled like horse shit like from blocks and blocks so they they uh they like dredged it or whatever and they were just scooping out tons and tons of chemical mud and they were like this isn't gonna make it safe to be here yeah like nothing really will uh but you can maybe like uh because people were allowed

people went fishing in that canal still but they uh like in like 2017 or whatever that uh hurricane sandy i think remember when that hurricane hit new york because they fucking deserved it um a dolphin got trapped in there and just died oh man like just swam around for like a day and then just died the fucking um the uh i i think the um like austin doesn't really have places like that but it it's funny to watch it happen to like, like Pasadena is such a small town where I'm from. And it, you know, it's just like a, a stinky shithole town where like for years and years and years, as long as I can remember and going back and reading about it, you know, people

like, Hey, we need to clean up the air around here. Cause instances of cancer are much higher. And, uh, you know, the city's like no thanks though and now you're starting to see more cookie cutter like like apartment complexes that you see in cities like pop up around the city and the city's growing and the suburbs are like there's more people move out the suburbs and suburbs become people you gentrify blah blah blah shitty neighborhoods people buy up cheap land they make fucking gentrification houses whatever now you know people like we gotta clean up the air around here because like soccer moms and fucking like

tech bros looking to save a buck who work in a city proper are like moving in like in and around the area and all these expensive ass condos and shit and like apartments and nice houses that they're renovating in the area and like it's it's sad but it's also like man that shit's like like i'm not smart enough to articulate like why that's bad but it does suck to be like like for 50 years to be like hey all of our water's tainted uh my kids like can't read uh and they're blind and the federal government and state cities are like, oh, that sucks, bro. And you're like, when you help, and they're like, nah, nah, you be easy, though.

And then in the last 10 years, fucking wasps move in there, and it's like, oh, we'll clean this shit right up for you guys. No doubt. We'll get it fucking spick and span for you immediately. It just sucks really bad, man, and I think I've had enough of it. Dude, we need to come together and rise up!

We need to rise up! Arriba! We need to rise up for the people! Dude, sometimes, honestly, this is me being real, it feels like you're not taking the revolution seriously. I would love to go to a Marx marxist reading group you know and and then you're like some fucking just to learn how

so all right so we're digging into capital today i'm like i didn't do the reading you know like why not it's part of the group i don't know how but it'd be funny to be like so when does the revolution start my amigos like just the way that i look now yeah yeah you should do that i can't come that night because i got other stuff i gotta be working on yeah um but you you knock yourself out that sounds like a blast i'll tell you what man you know i've been thinking about lately goodbye I didn't realize we were in an hour