Pendejo Time - Thomas Radio

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

Jake's apartment exploded sorry he'll be back next week

Yo, what's up, Pamps? It's your boy, Thomas. Sorry, Jake had a little bit of an emergency tonight, so it's going to be a solo episode, which will be, it'll be fun. It's nice every once in a while to do one of these, and frankly remember why we have more than one person on the show. But I've got a little something special. trying to, you know, make it more interesting than, than just me talking. So I've got some music ready for this episode.

I'm trying to make some beats on Garage bin and stuff. It's all pretty horrible stuff, objectively speaking. But we try and, you know, we try and keep it interesting for you guys. Yeah, a whole lot going on this week. I know you guys kind of look for me to me for advice. So on the news, let's look up news. All right, we got news this week.

Trump repeals U.S. government's power to regulate climate. Wow. Wow, that's really something. Live updates. FBI shares description of a suspect in Nancy Guthrie case as Rewa.

Can't really finish that. headline because I have to click on that. I'm not big on the cookies. Let's see. Goldman's top lawyer departs amid Revelations about her ties to Epstein. Didn't know Goldman.

I don't think the word Goldman is anywhere in Revelations. That's you guys I only read the first few books. Yeah, we got a beautiful show for you guys tonight. It's all countries of flame. I can't figure out whether groceries are crazy expensive or whether I'm just bad with money, I think, is a combination.

I feel like they're trying to make it to where the everything you see when you try and be in the loop newswise like is so like everything that's going on is so dumb that like if you don't tune out a little bit you go crazy but then if you are paying attention to like the zeitgeist of culture then you're like you're just like watching like clavicular and stuff like it I don't know your phone just there's no peace with anything you know you don't want to

turn a blind eye to things, but the same time it's like, God damn. I kind of get why people used to just watch the news. You know, I don't want to see bad stuff. I mean, I know the bad stuff goes on, right? I want to hear about it, but, yeah, I think I've seen enough body cam footage for a little while. I'm not having a good time with the internet right now. But what I do enjoy is the idea of something.

somebody who's just having an absolute blast. Like, they're like, oh, my God, my algorithm has been on fire lately. I hope there's some of you guys out there like that. But anyway, that's enough small talk. How about we go ahead and play this first song that I've got planned? It's just a little short, free-stop thing. I spent longer on this beat than I'm proud to admit because it is probably, I would say, about a second grade level.

but, you know, it's what I had in the tank. So here we go. Going to Obama's house because it is Halloween. Michelle always makes a healthy treat for me and other team. I go to Bill Clinton's house. He gives me a piece of tape. Hillary is wearing dressed. I do not like the way her face.

I don't like Arsenio Hall. I like to go to the mall. I like candy that is purple. I like people that eat marquotes. I like people. can go on a jet ski i look very very sexy yes that's sort of what i've been up to uh took me at least 30 minutes to figure out how to do that so um you know i guess i have a lot of respect for some of the other producers a lot of other rappers who make their own beats um now as i've

kind of learned through you know developing some of my own skills um um uh uh And I guess what I'll probably do right now is I'll make another song real quick, and that will probably take me a while. But, and then I will play that right here. I am a member of the FBI. I am a member of the CIA. Hey, Thomas, what is up? I think I'm gonna make a spy plan today. I'm gonna break into the house where they keep sunglasses and give me a pair.

So no other spies can see the color of my eyes on my underwear. I got a pair of spy glasses that can see the sun. I got a pair of spy glasses that can only see ice. I got a pair of spy glasses that can see what groceries cause. And every single little price, I got a pair of spy glasses that can read. I've got spare clown glasses that I can't even. Look, I got a sperm flying grass that I can't even read. I got a pair of glasses that I can't even see.

Yeah, my pair of spare glasses look like a piece of sheet. I don't know how I do this. I got AIDS and I got where it might come through. All you block and everybody's brain looking like life is a motherfucker highway. Yep. But this is not razzable flats. If you want to get paid back, then ask him that, I don't even know why the fuck his hair goes back. So flat like a gracer.

Yep. I destroy you like Mother Teresa. When I came through with the Nisa, I mean I hate you with the Nietzsche. Yep, that's a mighty shit. Pull up all that biting shit. Sals popped back of my head with a black bitch. I don't even know if I am attractive. All I know is that I make Domino's do gymnastics.

I make the deliver driver do a backflip when it gets to my house. I get my spyglass, turn them into my informant. I say if you can burn a hole in the pizza box with the spyglass, you can have the pizza for free He said I don't want that I want you to pay for I say shit and driver And then I can't take nose

With a paraply But yeah Let me know what y'all think on that one I felt like that was pretty good I think I spent Probably an hour And a half making that song Just you know

I'm trying to put different Sound together making the beats work A lot closer to 30 than I am 20 Nice to think about that one if I'm working on stuff like this, you know, and I've got things around me that need to be done. But, you know, you guys come before a lot of things, you know, whether it's taken down the recycling or, you know, taking care of my pets or anything like that

or my family or paying any of my bills, paying my rent or anything like that or taking care of my body, you know, taking my medicine and exercising and eating right and all that, you guys come before everything. You guys come before God, you guys come before, if I ever have children,

you guys are going to come before those kids as well. And that's something I think early on my kids will be aware of is that ultimately I owe it all the fans and any children I produce, I won't really owe much to them because they

won't really be day one fans of mine. They'll be kind of, hopefully they'll be bandwagon fans, you know what I mean? But they're not really the true day ones. True day ones are, you know, people in your local alt comedy scene and stuff like that, you know what I mean? So you got to keep that in mind.

When you're having kids is they might be fake as fuck. You ever think about that? Like, what if you have kids and they're just like, I did lame as fuck and like useless because I'm not setting the best example in terms of like treating people awesome and everything

so who knows who knows where that's going to lead not really my problem not really anybody's problem at the end of the day but yeah hope you guys enjoyed that song um I think I'm gonna

probably keep cooking up some stuff and if this episode comes out later than usual. I apologize in advance, but you know, you got to know what you're good at and for me like Jake is really good with just, he can just talk for an hour straight and it will always be entertaining. When I do it, a lot of times it, it's pretty difficult to get through for both me and the audience. so I try to keep that in mind

I've been thinking a lot about the storage space they have for dogs on planes where the dogs have to ride on the plane you guys ever think about that I've never I've traveled with the cats before a couple times

but they're small enough to fit under this in a carrier under the seat in front of me so I can't imagine what sort of trip is urgent enough to where he needs to take a dog and put it in the dog hell down there

nobody's really sure how long a dog can be down there nobody's sure I don't know if they have an employee crouching in there I don't know how big that space is truth be told but I know they're in there with bad I think. And I understand, you know,

an animal's life is not the same as a humans, but it's definitely more important than the life of a bag. So I guess there's different ways to look at it. I don't really know what the best solution is. I don't know if it's better to have the dogs put down before they get on the plane, and that way they don't suffer. and then you can just get your, pick up your dead dog at the other airport.

I don't know. I would feel horrible if my dog died mid-flight though, and, you know, what can you do? You can't switch compartments, I don't think. What if all the dogs got out while the plane was going? They killed everybody. That would be crazy. Basically, that would be insane. That would be like something that happened in a crazy movie or something bizarre like that,

or maybe in the onion. But yeah, I haven't been feeling well last few days. Haven't been at work. Eden's out of town this week. She's traveling. And I'm trying to take care of things around the house and everything. But I feel like, I don't know, I haven't really felt like myself this week.

But that's all right, guys. sometimes you feel sort of like a shell of a human, and that's your job. When I say stuff like that on the show, the absolute last thing I want is any sort of moral support from you guys. I hope you guys know that. I don't want to confide in you. I don't want to...

If I'm going through a hard time, I'd much rather go through that alone. No offense, then have one of you guys DM me and talk me through it. That's not what the message is, or message requests or four whenever I forget to send out a piece of merch or something like that I like to keep it a little bit professional no offense but yeah starting a new job next week or a new role within my job next week so that'll be interesting

a bit of a longer commute but you know same pay for now but if I stick with it I'll make more eventually so it'll be good no more picking up dead pigeons hopefully cleaning up a lot of frozen rat bodies um it's it's awesome to live

somewhere where the fucking rats are the size of goddamn casseroles now they're constantly getting squished dude they're so fucking big and they're getting squished and fucking corpses everywhere does these rat corpses I don't like it's not my thing

and I don't it's not that I want them all to be squished I'm like why is it awes squishing It's too much Oe vee you know Too much squishing Anyway That's something I've been thinking about

Is the rat carnage and the dog The dogs underneath the plane They should strap all the dogs The top Like a Christmas tree All right fuck this Let's play another song goes out to a special little lady

I kind of hit that shit at the end that was kind of cool you catch that bye your car That's kind of nice I've been really fucking on garage band I think I might be the only person learning how to use garage band outside of developing countries right now.

But I'll tell you what, it feels a little bit better than learning how to use you know, chat GPT or Claude or anything. I'm only learning how to use software that will no longer be supported in five years. I'm using the shit right before they get rid of it. And, you know, it kind of feels like skipping a rock.

You know, it's not about hanging on to it forever. it's about seeing how far you go damn it was a pretty good analogy for me being a retarded guy anyway well I gotta I gotta say you know I thought I thought surely

three hours of work would have resulted in more than so far we've got about 18 minutes worth of material here but you know it just shows how much work goes into the podcast if you think me and Jake just come on here and record for an hour every week and then I make him edit and upload it while I look at my phone well you'd be you'd be wrong about that there's a lot that goes into it behind the scenes you know the people don't see there's a lot of we have a lot of big business meetings where we wear suits

and we'll put our hair into gels and stuff like that and great businesses A lot of that going on recently. We meet with a lot of network executives. A lot of famous comedians and amazing authors. We meet with corporations and we help figure out of do native advertising within the show to make you guys buy stuff like a dollar shave club or whatever the fuck. Not really, but that is actually a thing. podcasts get big and they have like exclusivity deals with Spotify and stuff you have to meet with sponsors we're not anywhere near that station if we never get there I will be perfectly fine with that

because seems like a big load of crap but like meeting with you know say like uh say you're meeting with like h and r block and they're like we should do an h and r block segment on the podcast so but didn't don't even say it's an ad just talk about it H&R block in a positive way and it's like What podcast in the world could you Just start talking about Fucking H&R block or whatever it may be And uh

And your fans wouldn't immediately be like Are they a gunpoint or something? You know what I mean? This is this under duress? Well, I do say There's something under duress This deress This yellow duress I got on Sitting on the port swing

with this big old hunk of meat in my panties. Why don't you sit down here by this marble coffee table and put out your cigarette butt in this folder's can and talk to Pappy about that new dress I got you. Got you wearing ruffling your fellas. You've been wearing the bloomers I got you. You better. Now, how you've been doing?

what he grades. Grades going well. School going good. You're being nice to your teachers. What's your favorite teacher? Mrs. Feathers? What's she teach? Bird class?

That's real nice. What's that ornithology? No, it's just bird class? Okay. Bird class. What birds you've been learning about? Oh, you're not in specific birds you've learned about. How they got hollow bones and shit?

Damn. I like that. They got hollow organs. No, it's full of shit. Okay. That's good to know. That's good to know. I thought maybe the organs was hollow, so it could float.

But no, that's ducks. That's ducks, not birds. Yeah. A pigeon got a French fry organ. I seen it with my own two eyes. My own two white man's eyes. Speaking of eyes, I can. I got a set of eyes looking to me.

It's Otis. He's saying, Papa, it's past dinner time. You got to feed me. All right, Otis, I'll pause the recording. Y'all sit tight. I'll be right back. I got two kitty cats.

Two 15-year-old kitty cats, I better feed them. They hungry. All right, guys. Cats are fed. They've also been given their medicine. As well as there are multiple supplements. So they're good for the night. And fresh water.

I suppose for this I'll take care of their litter I did that this morning But you know how it is Dealing with the motherfucker Ex gracious old ass cats Gotta be doing that shit A couple times a day Whenever we lived in Fort Worth

We had at 1.3 litter boxes For the two cats Because that's what they say to do online But I found living In New York if you have an apartment here you have room for one litter box and that's all right

just making a big one I feel like if you have three cats you gotta have at least two but hell maybe you have a huge one maybe you have a whole room that's just full of litter

litter room yep and nowadays that's probably what they should call the damn oval office if if I'm just being honest here Yep, that's what I think Yeah, I guess that's just how I look at it

I guess that's just the way I see things Uh, well, I want to do another song Um, it's almost midnight I've got work in a few hours Gotta be up around five Uh, so If I go to sleep right now, I can get Five and a half hours of sleep

But I'm not going to do that Instead, we are going to do that. Instead, we are going to I don't like doing shortened episodes. I like speaking deeply with you guys and low-key fucking penetrating your minds and seeing what's in there, you know what I mean?

So, I want to make everybody feel included. Let's do the weather for Rio de Janeiro. Who knows that maybe there's somebody there who's got something going on? Oh my God. Excessive heat warning in Rio.

It was, uh, wow. High of 95, uh, I guess today. This comes out today, Friday. High of 90. Wow. Yeah, it's bad as, it's humid as a dog there. Humidity, 80%. That's about, it's about as high as it gets.

before it's just water. Do fish care whether it's a dry or wet heat? Probably not. Probably not. Anyway, that was just something I was thinking about. I think we'll get to another song because somebody, I think,

I think somebody, fucking somebody, I think somebody made me smoke weed or something stupid like that. And I'm not okay with that, but it's reducing my ability to speak. And so I think I need to, I express myself through amazing songs. So that's what I'm about to do here in a sec.

Here we go with whatever I'm about to make. So my friend, uh, is bluewood now his brain seat, and I got the chain seat. George Bush hanging for my chain seat. I just did. If I was to live, I do three more. I think I might still be alive. I hope that soon on the opposite of the same. all right my read off some war crimes like a poem if you got some laws then i don't

probably about to throng all right guys i think that was that was pretty good um getting towards probably the I think we're over the hill in terms of where I can take this it's almost one and I got to be up a little after five I'm not complaining you know this is the life I chose and I wanted to try and make this you know I know when Jake's not here it can be a little dull so I try to put a little more effort in so you guys know I'm not I know I phone it in a lot on this show. I try to, but I try to do a little better when it's like this. And, you know, we're working with limited options.

But I tried to get a little better with Garage Band for today. Hope everybody had a good week. I know it. The times are pretty tough right now. I know the world's kind of shit, but, you know, I mean, I don't know what you want me to do about any of that. Not really my area of expertise. But just hang in there, you know, things will get probably worse, but other things will get better, you know. Not life itself probably, but like you'll probably get like a different, a new kind of treat soon or something like that.

They got new nerds gummy cluster flavors out, so check those out, I guess. Probably other stuff to look forward to as well. Let me see. Let's see if there's any upcoming candy flavors. Upcoming candy releases? I've been mostly off the candy with this reddish shit, but I was eating a lot of stale cookies for a while because I made a bunch of shitty cookies for

as the Super Bowl party I was going to go to but they were super soft so I just left them out overnight and they got really hard in a warpole Snickers Extreme and Twick's Snickroodle Snickers Extreme That has potential

I like a Snickers every once in a while. I really like the Snickers ice cream bars. In fact, in the summer, I would say that's that and the Twix. Those are my go-to. If I'm just getting an ice cream from a gas station or something, those are my go-to.

The Snickers Extreme, you're removing the nugget, or the nougat, and they replace it with a doubled-up combination of crunchy, roasted peanuts, and gooey caramel. all coated and milk chocolate. So it's denser, crunchier, and saltier.

I'm okay on that because... Well, I don't have an issue with it existing, but it doesn't really sell in my cup of tea. I like the nougat. You know, I even like Milky Way's. And I think if with Snickers, you get such a nice mix the textures um you know with the the

toughness of the nut and the caramel mix with the softness the nougat and that soft uh milk chocolate shell uh it's not a formula i'd be rushing to mess with but i i get they've got to make their cash somehow and those developers have got to come up with stuff i'm not hating on it i don't think it's a betrayal of the snickers

um legacy um And I'll even say I like what Dr. Pepper's been doing lately with all these new flavors. I just wish that they would make zero-calorie versions, a lot of these. Because I'm not really enjoying... I don't really like to have full-calorie sodas anymore. And it's no longer... I don't really care about the sugar that much anymore, but I do care about...

I don't like having the film on my tea. teeth when I have a sugary drink. I hate having a film of any kind of my teeth. I'm trying to take good care of my teeth nowadays because I learned how expensive it is if you don't take care of them. Later on, turns out that you're actually supposed to take care of them pretty much your whole life and not just the end of it.

So trying to take better care of my body. That's one of the only things we can really do. one of the only things we can sort of control other than the you know can't really control all the chemicals you're inhaling and eating and um uh absorbing and all that but you can do push-ups and drink like a green nine dollar smoothie every once in a while or whatever I guess that's good I've been kind of I've been trying to eat a bunch of vegetables

lately but um what I'll do is I'll get like a pound of Brussels sprouts or whatever, and I'll just cook that shit down and like a bunch of olive oil and butter, and then toss that shit in some balsamic vinegar or whatever. And I don't think it's even that healthy by the end of it. It's not even a low-calorie food the way I prepare it, but I get a ton of fiber that way. I ate like a whole pound of brussels the other night,

and it was like no big deal. And you might think, oh, did you have issues with your stomach? No, because I cooked them down for like 30 minutes. so um as the thing with vegetables sometimes you've got to cook them down a long time and then um

it's not really an issue tummy wise so just kind of a little peek in my mind basically um some of the things I've been working on lately um I've been looking at martial arts gyms but I um to be honest

I um I don't want to spend 300 bucks or whatever and it sucks with like non-MMA schools nothing wrong with MMA schools but I just haven't really been looking at those as much it sucks with like the non-optimized martial arts

that it's almost all like for kids which like it should be right but like something about it If your whole website is just kids doing martial arts, I'm going to assume that that's probably the best, probably just best if you're a kid to go there.

You know what I mean? I don't really want to do beginner classes with kids anymore. I used to teach kids taekwondo classes, but that was a little bit... I had known them for a long time, so there's no big deal. I don't know. I would just feel socially awkward. And also I do kind of want to, like, I want to do actual sparring and stuff.

But we'll see. Back in the gym, feeling good about that. So, not all is lost. I made some Middle Eastern chicken the other night with some turmeric rice, chickpeas. It was a Brussels surprise I told you about. I marinated the chicken for a full day and yogurt. Zat-ta. olive oil, salt, pepper, lemon.

And it was not very good. It was very tender. Tasted like nothing. I didn't use enough salt. So, lesson learned there, I guess. Lesson learned. But yeah, I think I'm going to wrap this one up because, folks, it is 1 o'clock. And I know this episode is coming out late.

My apologies regarding that. I just really wanted to get you guys a few songs because it's been so long since, you know, recorded songs for this show. And I tried to make the beats, even if it was mostly just with loops that are already preloaded on garage band, it just kind of felt funny. And I kind of like, I kind of like doing it in a weird way.

It's not like real art, but it's, uh, scratches some kind of itching. department you know what i mean anyway i hope everybody has a blessed week and um you know if you're having any really hard issues that you're dealing with please just let jake know about those um i believe his apartment is full of gray water right now so he'll um he'll get the that's one of those things what do you say to your friend when his apartment is full of gray water um i mean i obviously I felt righteous indignation, but like, I'm in a different state.

Like, it doesn't help anything if I'm also mad. I can't bring a bucket over and, you know, can't lend my dirty towels to help soak up the mess. Anyway, keep shaking your thoughts as he deals with. Possibly the worst maintenance crew I've heard of in any apartment building ever. and that is really saying something. That is really saying something. He would probably be better off living in public housing in the Bronx, realistically, in terms of this management.

But we play the cards we're dealt, don't with folks. And that's what we're going to do once again this week, rolling the dice, making our plays, making it happen, one step at a time, because that's the band-a-o-time way. and guys I really hope there wasn't an ad read for this one that I was supposed to do because I'll let you know right now I'm not going to check the email I don't get the fuck

this is for you guys peace out thank you so much have a good one