Pendejo Time - toam an yery

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

thomas reimagines tom and jerry for a modern, progressive worldSupport the Show.

He was doing like an interview with them and I was like, man, like, why do I, I like these, like, I fucked this guy. You fucked him? Yeah, I did. And I, hey, I fucked this guy. Oh, we haven't seen him on it. I've had a 22. I definitely fucked him for sure.

And, and I'm like, man, why, like, why does anybody get interviews? But then I remember he is basically like Anthony Fentano for that genre. Well, he started doing BMX. Yeah. And I think the first rapper he interviewed was Xavier Wolf, who I still like. Now, if he's done something in the last six months you know right it was bad then i guess i don't like him anymore whatever don't yell at me don't really pay attention to things but um yeah no i mean the idea itself of what that originally of what no jumper originally was like yeah we find like cool rappers who were like maybe not big yet but they're doing their

own thing building their own following and we give them a little spotlight it's cool you know but then it turned into like yo we got we got Pooh with the stew linking up with Big Gregio what y'all think by the way

now I'm 54 years old I have 17 pending sexual misconduct charges. That was the comments that I've seen like on because my brother watches No Jumper. And he it's very funny. He's like 19 and he knows how I feel. Like maybe it's just a little brother, big brother thing. But he'll be like he'll put one on and he's like, look, man i know the guy sucks i just want to see this interview i'm like dude

you have to justify yourself to me i love shit made by murderers and thieves like i'm not i get it like whatever i don't watch the shit but you don't have to like justify consuming something to me some of the best and some of my most cherished media are made by guys who like ate their wives or whatever so anyway uh ever ever real man oh yeah but you better get down there and in there like fucking z it's fun yeah it's fun anyway uh it's good and and yeah it'll be like he'll be like so like you know after you're like he'll ask people stuff that like is pertinent he's asked rappers like upgrades like so after like the third or fourth girl like accused you like what'd you do and it's always funny because

they're all like man i mean we don't really it ain't really like i mean it was something you know like but none of them are ever like hey uh uh didn't you like oh i don't know like beat the dog shit out of somebody like and then go on a form and be like yeah don't know like beat the dog shit out of somebody And then go on a forum and be like Yeah that was me Wasn't that like your whole Part of the reason you're famous And then you started making porn with your

Busted ass Twin Peaks wife or some shit He's got a huge dick Yeah he's got a big swanger But I mean there are a lot of guys I didn't mean to ever see it, but one time I actually saw it, man. That thing was pretty big. Just, I don't even really have a joke behind that one. Yeah.

Just want to acknowledge it. Adam 22. I hope you, you know. I hope you cherish that. I hope you die. You hope you cherish that I hope you hope you die you know you belong

in prison but in that one facet of life um respect right we uh

moving on anyway anyway I don't really know what we're talking about but yeah yeah that no I was talking about, but yes. Yeah.

I was talking about like that. Anyway, I wanted to reach out to the listeners and say, if you have in the last week, not the last week, like the last whatever, few days, reached out to me to tell me that you tried to make my dad's swamp juice recipe and it tasted bad. I have no fucking sympathy for you. I don't know what you expected to happen. You made a drink that, like, a 54-year-old alcoholic drinks, like, around town. And called swamp juice.

Yeah, like, people were like, like, a couple guys and then one it wasn't like an insane amount of people i don't want to give i don't want to give that impression but it was more than zero people which is certainly something to note right right and so i just like want if my dad was like a well-to-do lawyer and he was like oh i made this thing called the the the khalifa towers of of of legion ridge or something and it was like a smoky is that what you think like a fancy this is a diagram of pinnacology incorporated whatever man like whatever dude i'm just saying like Incorporated. Whatever, man. Whatever, dude.

I'm just saying, like, what I'm trying to get at is that if he was, like, a well-to-do guy and he made a drink that had a cool name and you tried it and it was good, like, that would make sense. But he is not a well-to-do guy and he made a drink called Swamp Juice and you tried it and you were like, man, this sucks. Why does he drink that why why would you if you know the lore and you've been listening to the show why ask that question why make us want it you went to the store to get a lemon to get all the ingredients and the cashier's probably like oh oh, he's just getting his post-workout drink.

Wrong. You were getting a drink that you heard about on what might be the worst podcast that's ever been made, and you got it inspired by one of the host's dad. And in your mind, you're like, you probably lied to the cashier. You were probably like, yeah, I just went PR today, bro. Just got to get my electrolytes back in with this Mio and this vitamin water. And knowing full well in your fucking sick mind that what you intended to do and what you did do was to go make swamp juice in your own apartment. Or maybe where you live with your parents, which is fine.

I've lived with my parents. I lived with my mom. It happens. But I'm just saying, you felt compelled to make that drink and then and then it was bad which the the sun fucking rises in the east sets in the west brother water's wet and then you reach out to me like man that shit was nasty dude i like what what did you expect i don't i don't know what you i really hope whoever made it like they um you know they brought the vitamin water and the me up to the counter and you know the cashier you know doesn't maybe says like oh yeah how's

your day going really good i'm using this stuff to make swamp juice. Yeah, one of my close friends' dads, he drinks swamp juice, and I really wanted to try the concoction. The guy on the counter is like grabbing the 12-gauge that's rigged up under the desk. Okay, buddy. Okay. Swamp juice, buddy. Right, right, right.

Okay, have a. Okay. I heard about, buddy. Right, right, right. Okay, have a... Okay. I heard about it on your show, Pendeo time. It sounded really interesting to me. And I knew I could find all the ingredients. There was only three of them, which I can count to. Yes, it's just... You needed one of the grown-up drinks and then also a nice little vitamin water

and then this little potion, Mio thing. It's really... It's good for me. I should honestly, like, you know, maybe the next platform for the show or just a spinoff is like... Yeah. Yik-yak.

Make, like, one of those, like, those like drink like cocktail high-end tiktoks but for shit that like my dad makes like like obviously we'd feature swamp juice but he you know he's made all sorts of manner of concoctions in his life that one just had a name that was kind of catchy and funny to me uh he used to make what he called daiquiris which were just like he dude my dad bought a blender at like 40 and it fucking changed his whole life really just with drinking he was like dude you can go to the store right now and you can get a blender and you can like i was probably like 15 and i was i was like did you he bought like one of the nice ones. He was like, dude, I'm going to make all sorts of shit. So he would make like margaritas but it was like – he would just like chop up limes and like blend them up with like – could the concentrate juice and sugar.

It tasted like shit, dude. He would just like – like the whole – like the – like not the juice. He would like get the – put it in the fucking – Like with the rind and everything? He would take get the put it in the bucket like with the the rind and everything he would take the rind off but it's like okay just like five like five limes and then just a bottle of tequila and like some like table salt and then that's it he uh there was one time he so his two favorite liquors are just Bacardi, like classic Bacardi rum.

He'd be popping bottles. He'd be popping bottles. And then, Zvedka, as I mentioned. There was one time, my mom would go out of town for work, and he'd be like, boy, it's weekend. The only time on the weekends

that he would wake up before noon is when my mom was out of town. He was like, he'd just smoke, like when they were still together, he'd smoke a bunch of meat and just start drinking. Anyway, the night before, I guess, he had had a nightcap, and he had left the bottle open in his Bacardi,

and we had a really bad gnat problem because my dad's just a slob, and a bunch of gnats had gotten into the Bacardi and died, obviously, but it wasn't just like a handful. He had taken the fun stopper off the top. So they had just had a party in there. It wasn't like nine or 10 of them. His motherfucker was like filled with them left out overnight. Anyway, there was like, I guess in his mind, there was too much of it, probably like a quarter of a bottle. It was too much to throw away. So he was, I was like, uh, watching him make a drink and i was like hey there's like bugs in there and he was like yeah and i was like so you're gonna like pour

that out you have a job so like what you do when you have a job is you get money from that job and then you go buy other liquor that like doesn't have a lot of bugs in it and he's like no i mean you know it ain't i don't want wasted or nothing and i mean you're just gonna blend them up and i was like oh i'm 15 i hang out in fucking ditches and skateboard and i pick up cigarette butts off the ground i smoke weed out of like old dr pepper cans i find on the sidewalk i am disgusted at you right now. And he's like, you can't taste it. Put your strawberries in there.

Put your syrup. Put your ice. Put your lemonade. I mean, how many spiders you think you eat a year? And I was like, dude, just go like, look, I understand like a poor college kid or like a high school kid that work. He doesn't have money moved out earlier, whatever. Like that is it's still gross. But even then, like I'm thinking of all the ways you could filter like Nats.

Coffee filter, dude. Yeah. He was just like protein, dude. I don't. Anyway. protein dude i don't anyway so if you can even just pour it like through a piece of toilet paper and have more like get a couple of them out i mean yeah yeah i don't know man i mean there was a bunch of stuff like that that just sort of like one of his favorite party tricks was to put a cigarette out on his tongue, but no one went to the house to party except like me and my mom.

So he would just be like, check this out. And I'm like, are you going to do the cigarette on the tongue trick and make me upset? Because I don't like it because it's terrifying to watch your dad do that. He's like, which is like, and I'm like,

ah, all right, man. Like cool, cool trick, man. I guess like go drink some more fucking Nat liquid or whatever. Anyway, if you went to the store and made swamp juice that tasted like shit,

I really appreciate you, and I'm glad my dad. Maybe that'll be something. Have you told him that other people have done that? No, I should. I don't know how he would. He'd probably get a fucking kick out of it that would for sure because he like i know he listens to the show and so i think if he if he listens to this episode hey dad uh people made swamp juice and they they thought it sucked he's

gonna be like ah bullshit and i call me on the phone like no no, it's good to drink. It's good for you. Ford fires your bones. Anyway, I want to say thanks for letting my, like, hopefully that becomes like one of those meme-y high school, college drinks. Or maybe you're 40 and you're drinking it and you listen to the show and that becomes like the drink you joke about with your pals. Hey, we're making swamp juice. That's funny to me.

And I'm glad that you did that. Also, that's uh that's funny to me and uh i'm glad that you did that also that's fucking nasty yeah uh let me check something real quick be right back okay you can just you can just roll with it i got i got it yeah i got you uh i went to the gym today, um, at like 6.00 AM. And before I went to the gym, uh, I stopped to get a, a body armor, the one with coconut water. And, uh, the guy in front of me had a big dog shirt on. Uh, if you don't know what big dog shirt is grow up and he had a big dog shirt on and, uh, it he had a big dog shirt on and. Like the sleeves were cut off of it. He's probably like 500, 600 pounds.

And every time he like would raise his arm to point at the truck, I guess that he drove. I'm assuming he drove it. The stink that came off this man was absurd. To the point where like I'm in line with other people and other people are upset by it and it's so okay thomas is back never mind y'all don't get to hear that one it wasn't very good anyway uh he was racist i think and uh he was yelling about vaccine stuff might have been my uncle what's up tom hey what happened you have to go look at gay porn or something? No, I thought my... It sounded like somebody came in the house. Dude, that consistently happens to you.

No, I've got laundry going right now, so I think it was just the dryer making a noise, but I was confused because I thought my dad had come over. Yeah. But then I looked and there's nobody. Just the dryer? Well, it wasn't really a dryer noise. It was like a door opening and closing.

Like the front door opening and closing. But nobody was nope nobody uh like 48 hours before i'm gonna come visit you're like house has got a ghoul in it uh some type of critter uh paranormal in nature well so for up until like yesterday right sometimes i would hear something in the attic. Like, just a thud. Looked up there, you know, I... I didn't explore that much because it's an attic. It's an old attic.

Yeah. And, you know, the thing about old attics, they got creatures chained up there. They got clowns. They got monkeys up there and stuff. Anyway. Big rats. I realized yesterday there's a vent that, like, it's like a swing door thing. Right.

That just randomly comes open and shuts on the outside of the house, like, on the side of the attic or whatever. That's what it was. Also, weird thing i saw yesterday this could be you know how we have omen alerts pretty often yeah although because we see a lot of omens guys like me and you so so uh there's like a bunch of broken glass in my driveway not like that someone's thrown right or. It's just kind of an older house that wasn't really taken care of. Broken beer bottles and shit.

So, you know, I've like... I was raking some of that. It's not like a real driveway. It's like dirt and bricks and some rock and old plates or whatever. Driveway stuff.

So I'm raking and I notice there's And like some rock and like old plates or whatever. Driveway stuff. Yeah. Driveway stuff. So I'm raking and I like notice there's some like bugs in one little area. And I sort of just move the dirt around with my fingers. And there's just like maggots writhing in the dirt. Okay. And that sounds like something that would happen at like a fucking disgusting house's driveway or something. Yeah. But, I mean, it's pretty well kept.

You know, I try and vacuum every week. You know, I Swiffer. Do things like that. I don't know what actions of mine could have warranted seeing something like maggots writhing in the ground. I'm not really the best guy in the world, but I don't do things that are extreme enough to, you know, for that to be a... Like three days before I'm set to come over to, like,

record the video episode and do stuff like do the fucking pod thomas is like yeah uh there's like a ghoul in my attic uh people come in my front door all the time i got maggots in the groundwater it would seem yeah uh somebody poisoned my well which is really cool because i have city water and i don't have a well. Don't know how that's happening. You do live in Fort Worth. It's the same thing. Well, anytime I turn one of the faucets on, it's my own blood.

I only know it's mine because I can feel it draining out of me. I see myself aged 50 years. I got to take really short showers because I want to get clean, you know. Yeah. I'm not a dirty guy, but I don't like the showers at the gym. Right. So that's all I can do. The, this like apartment, if you have the lights on for like more than an hour, it just gets hot.

And like, it's just poorly insulated. So it's just like, I'll wake up like pouring sweat and i'm already run hot and i'm like ashley's like why the fuck like you okay do you have like and i'm like i think i'm stroking out for a second until i realize like no i just like my apartment is just a piece of shit and any anytime i like relay to them like maintenance team about any of this stuff they're like yeah it's old you know like they'll come and fix the hot water because i think they like have to but they're like yeah it's just old and i'm like yeah like none of the outlets work and it gets hotter than fucking here and

they're like yeah you know the property's just old and i'm like you keep saying that to me uh it doesn't solve any of my problems you like what if i came and beat the dog shit out of you and you're frail you work like the guy that works there and i just stomped on you a bunch like cracked a bunch of your like bones up like dust and then when you were like ah stop killing me i'm like oh you're just like frail and old like you're just old guy like and they're like oh no it's this is not no you're hurting me you're kind of old though you know like it's not really my problem that you're old and that you don't like fix any of the stuff in my apartment it's not your problem that i'm younger than you and a little healthier maybe uh but it's your problem now because I'm in the lobby and I have no clothes on.

And I have a hockey puck. And I'm trying to kiss you with my tongue. I'm trying to get it in, boy. I'm trying to bend you over this desk and sign a lease. That would be silly. We have fun. We have fun. We wouldn't do things like that.

I keep forgetting that I just kind of let too much information about myself slide. But I haven't said the name of my living room. Yeah, now people are going to know you live in an apartment. Most people think you live in a fucking mansion. A lot of people think, oh, Jakeake you probably live on a big plantation style that guy's got it made boy oh fuck people just by default think we're both like a like morbidly obese and then also just like live off of just like things we find in the street which is sometimes true for both of us but somebody sent me a screenshot of like a reddit comment that was like yeah i've

been listening to this show called pandeo time it's too like day laborer guys who are like mentally retarded and they work like 100 hour weeks and i was like i was like i don't know if you're exaggerating on behalf of the show to make it sound funnier because that show sounds funny that's not what this show is or if like that if you listen to like half of maybe one episode like early on uh yeah when we just talked about like jobs we'd had yeah yeah yeah and you like that's what you took from the show like yeah i was like yeah one thing we love is working a lot yeah and not quitting our jobs all the time really hard workers yeah and um yeah one thing we love is to like is to really like not hope the show does so well that we don't have to ever work again we love going in every day

like also like the idea that the guys i've met who are like legitimately like 88 90 hour a week guys like if you ask one of those guys to do a podcast they would just punch your punch your head like so like like the guys who live for it like really are like yep you know like the guys that just really fucking get their dick hard for that shit would be like, what the fuck is a podcast? Why the fuck? I don't know. They probably listen to Rogan.

I think the ideal work week for me is I sort of have the ideal work setup is I still do this and I make probably like $ hundred million dollars every day off of it like just being reasonable yeah yeah yeah i sort of have a like i would love to be like have like a truman show type setup where it's like i go to work 20 hours a week and the whole time I'm there, it's just like everyone telling me I'm doing a good job. I don't, in my head, I'm doing like fucking groundbreaking shit, but I'm probably just like carrying around like a shovel or something. Yeah. Or like a calculator, and people are like, Thomas, you just cracked the formula.

And I'm like, oh, I did? Oh, my God, how did I do that? How'd you do it? I'm like, oh, I did. Oh, my God. How did I do that? How did you do it? I'm like, I don't know. I did it again. I keep doing it. And then I go home, and my whole family's dead. There's no girls ever in this life.

There's no girls, they're all dead. And then the family's dead. But I go back to work the next day and same thing. Thomas, you just invented a new way to do the process. I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm too good. I don't even mean to. Thomas, do you want a raise?

I got one yesterday. Do I really deserve one? Yeah I guess I'll take one And then I go on the podcast And uh I guess it's still you Yeah For some fucking reason

I go on and you say Thomas I want you to talk for this episode. I don't have any stories. You don't need to butt in. I want you to talk. I said, okay, Jake. I guess I'll tell a few of my stories. And then, as we all know, I'm really good at storytelling.

So that would go easy for me. Right, right. Because they just flow for me um yeah i'm a talk i'm a talker i'm a big talker i like talking yeah um and then i would probably go swimming after that and like not i wouldn't need floaties not that i do now but like right right i would swim you know probably 10 miles you wouldn wear a diaper? Not that you do now. No, I wouldn't even now, even if I needed one. That's the socialist future that we should strive for. Under socialism, I'm the only journalist that,

or I get to control journalism and just spawn new ones and kill them at will. I can just make a new... Man, I know too many journalists. I can think of too many of them. Maybe I want to, you know, I, man, so many, so many journalists names I can think of right now. I feel like at one point that was like, I mean, I don't know. I'm probably talking out my ass like usually, but that was like, at least in my opinion, at one point, like a really respectable profession. respectable profession.

Like, to be a guy who's, like, at the height of the Cold War, to be like, I'm going to go hang out and, like, a shitty ball, like, hang out with Russians and, like, see what they're about, or, like, just some area. And not to say that there's not people that do that, but those aren't people who, like, I feel like you hear about as much. Like, every article that I see shared on social media a lot or like somebody sends me is like have you been gaslighted by the mailman like i like it's it's shit that's like uh cannon fodder i feel like for people who are hopelessly mentally ill now that's

also includes me but i'm like not in a way that i think i'm like i'm not that bad i feel like but now i just see it just seems like it it's it is something that you should be killed if you do like you should yeah like like like like death by torture it seems is the right like i almost switched my major to journalism in college but then I talked to some of the other journalism majors, and I didn't really want to talk to them, so I didn't want to have classes. So that one sorted itself out pretty quick for me. I had to take an international relations course. I had to take a couple for my degree. Yeah, mostly relations with other guys.

All over the country. Yeah, right. I liked it way more. with other guys all over the country yeah right i like the way you move anyway so the one of one of my like the classic guy that i would encounter uh because there's a big intelligence private intelligence firm here called strat for in austin stratford strat for no d and. And, and there would always be one guy in every like international relations or public policy class. It was like, yeah,

I really want to be like a CIA analyst. And I'm like, that's awesome. Uh, I'm never want to do that, but that's cool that you do, I guess. And they're like,

yeah, it's just like, it's a really high paying job and they're in demand right now this is like 2014 and i'm like that's sick uh i would never do that and they're like why and i'm like well because like a like rapists and murderers work there you know like uh i mean i'm there are a lot of, like, from what I understand or have been told, there's a lot of, like, just guys who are really nerdy about geopolitics and then, like, the CIA and shit does, like, look for those guys. I mean – Yeah. sort of i mean not that the cia doesn't do bad stuff and not that they do like a shit ton of good stuff or anything but working for the cia doesn't necessarily mean you're like fucking

overthrowing you know i'm not i'm not i'm just saying like but yeah having that as a career goal yeah it's really like if you're like i if you get picked up by them like i'm not fucking if they want to if they're like hey two hundred thousand dollars a year and you work for the cia dude i would work for the cia for like 50 grand yeah easy i'll yeah and i would tell people well unless i wasn't supposed to yeah yeah yeah i got a new job everybody where uh cia the store later in the thread guys looks like i'm back to doing true work for right now um 32 minutes later said no go on that um recently when i visited my friends and my some of my friends minds in maryland they informed me that like a lot of the people who work

like not for the cia but like at they're all like Mormons and like super traditional like hardcore like Catholics or Mormons and I was like what the fuck why and they explained to me that like to work as like a pencil pusher like not a guy who does like wet work obviously like those are like operators and shit but to work at like Langley like the the amount like the background checks are so fucking insane that the only people who like pass them with relative ease are people who have like fucked their wife through the like a sheet hole and like i've never seen a cigarette in their whole life and i was like dude that's fucking nuts and

he's like yeah when you like if you live in around like the Virginia area, like neighborhoods upon neighborhoods surrounding Langley are just Mormons. And then like Catholics who are like not the party fun type, like, you know, Mexican Catholic. I don't know if that's racist or not. Don't really care. No, it's not. It's it's I mean, they're not all partiers, but the Latino Catholics are chiller in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you

mean but uh but like the they're like the fucking like uh like angela's ashes type shit you know like fucked up catholics so and that kind of blew me away because i had like a both an action movie understanding of the cia and a conspiracy theorist's mind, understanding of them. So I thought like 99% of the people that worked there were doing like, you know, zero dark 30 stuff all the time. And they were like, no, that's like, like point it's a big part of the budget, but it's like 0.2% of people who worked there. Most of them are just Mormons. Like the NSA has a headquarters in Utah. Same thing. Like if you work in intelligence, a lot of times you're just like a guy who like goes home and like white knuckles one miller light and you're like and then your son's like dad i built you know a fucking lego and you like kick the

fuck out of him or whatever you built one lego how that is insane you got a 3d printer boy oh shit that is that's actually the most impressive amount of Legos you can build. You made one? How? Oh, my God. Oh, fuck! I'm quitting the CIA. You got...

The what? I'm quitting my... At the New York Times. I'm a journalist. Dude, I think... It... I wonder... It's fun to, speculate i'm sure like whatever but like if i've made i tried to make the point before i like earlier like if people like oh that guy

that guy on twitter's a fed or whatever dude like first of all he's probably not you're probably just like a paranoid shut and he spends spends most of their phone like me. But let's say for the sake of argument, like a federal organ, like a federal institutional organization. One of the alphabet boys was like, hey, will you like post about like communism or whatever and also be retarded for like 72,000 a year? I would without question, without question, question i would do it i don't now i don't want any of you to get the wrong idea i don't work for anybody i i work for uh uh he works for me yeah i work for thomas technically he's the ceo of this business that's right um you but you work for me now boy you work for me like every day every episode you start it that way hey i want you to know you

work for me yeah um you were dependent on me i'm the one who pays you the money i know i could do this alone but you couldn't jake i know that you venmo me we we should do like a fake beef we're like neither of us bothers to start our own podcast but we won't record together oh my god so it's like one of us does we just keep doing guests record separate hours we don't have guests on. Oh, okay, okay. So, as you can see, I'm still pretty pissed off at Jake. We haven't talked to him. That, like, YouTube vlogger, like, affectation. So, everyone's wondering what happened at Denny's. I don't want to talk about it.

Some threads were made. Some gravy was thrown. I'm not in the mood to handle it right now. I want to say thanks for the fans for reaching out. I really appreciate your support. Thomas and I are sort of still on the outs because we went to Six Flags over Texas. Knives were pulled. A kid died.

If we actually started hating each other, it would be brutal, dude. It would be devastating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So first off,

I don't want you. It's over something little. And I'm like, first off guys, I don't want you guys to dog pile Jake just because he's a pedophile. I don't think that's necessary. I'm like, look, if you, I, I look if you my my hour i'm like look if you've been wronged like sexually by thomas like you're a girl who's been like a pro like and all the dms you get are like yeah we've we've checked man he does not he does not get it

in like you like yeah i get those dms and girls that are like, I don't even know what you're talking about. I have no idea what that is. I built this intricate web. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's in on it. Yeah, that would be, that would be tough. I can't, I'm trying to imagine like people who, people are already mean to us. people who people are already mean to us but if we like beefed for whatever reason like i don't know i feel like it would just get dark like immediately it would just get like

shit that would probably make me just kind of like like throw my phone into the lake you know i i imagine that i think i'm like mostly well liked on the Internet. But I know for a fact there are people who just fucking hate me for whatever reason. And I imagine those guys would be like, oh, Jake's a pedophile. Knew it. Could I could tell by the haircut and the tattoos and the sort of general boyish face that, you know, just. And then people who take my side are like Thomas, just, you know, any guy that works in a tree and is 21 but looks 55, you know he's out there combing junior highs for, you know. You know he's abusive, right?

And they don't, like, clarify how or anything. Yeah, he's a verbal abuser. You just, like, yell at appliances around your house like not at the girls you're like just looking at the fridge like fuck fuck i can't do this i like only yell is a joke pretty much i i yeah I don't like, I've never, there was never yelled. That's not true. I, uh, people, all my friends going way back have been like, Hey man, um, we're like inside. So like, I talk really fucking loud and they're like, can you whisper? Like, what does it whisper to you?

And I'm like, Oh, like this. And they're like, that's a talking voice. What's your talking voice again? And I'm like, Hey, what's up, dude? It's good to see you. And they're like that's a talking voice what's your talking voice again and i'm like hey what's up dude it's good to see you and they're like all right so like breathe and talk real quietly and i'm like yeah what's up and they're like that's closer i i yell all the fucking time like i me and ash were talking i was like babe i don't yell like i've never yelled i'm not like an angry guy and she's like no you don't yell out of anger like but you do yell like i've never yelled i'm not like an angry guy and she's like no you don't yell out of anger like but you do yell like literally 99 of the time we'll be like a restaurant and the lady will be like hey what can i get like could you guys start off with a drink and i'm like yeah doseki's michelada we'll be at like a nice like a quiet place like we're not at a sports bar

and ashley's like can you just like are you deaf like is there something wrong with you? Like I do yell. I guess I – I'm an abuser, guys. Man, I've been getting back into abuse lately. I took some time off and I mean if you love something, let it go. And if it comes back to haunt you, that's how you know it's true. Start another account with a black circle as your profile picture and sorry in your bio maybe start again

I messed up so bad guys I messed up so bad oh my gosh guys what would you guys all do if I killed myself I'm gonna do that over nothing What would you guys all do if I killed myself? I'm going to do that over nothing. There was never any accusations against me or anything.

I go black, heavy luck to count. I think this is probably all these accusations being hurled at me. This is probably the end. People are like, what do you do? That would be an interesting – here's the thing though, man. I think if you – like the amount of like people who follow you and like – like I think – and people who like probably don't like you, that like I think if you did that, they would make something up. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I think there would be a narrative. Yeah, like that would be an interesting – if I had – Nothing would actually have to happen. No, no, no. If you were like, guys, I'm really sorry. Like sorry like i'm gonna work on myself take some time off like whatever had the shows on pause sorry jake or whatever if i were like that definitely oh yeah people would be like oh i heard that he like ripped a guy's eyeball out and then he like or like he like i don't apologize for that that would be a cool story that would just be you rip somebody's

eyeball like clean out does he got like a like a kill bill style perfect pluck like it all comes out like the optic oh i would brag about that oh i would be talking about all the fucking i would be like at a wedding and i'd be like yeah yeah this is a cool wedding i tell you what the time i ripped that guy's eyeball out and his optic nerve like came out with it yeah oh yeah i'll just check yeah you're good. Yeah, I don't think we should do that, man. People, that would be... That would be a bad idea. That would be a bad idea.

It would also be way harder to drive. Well, actually, if you have both of your eyes still, it's fine. We should, at 50 grand a month, we pluck one of our eyeballs out. I pluck yours out, you pluck mine out. I wouldn't. Well, I can't do that i don't know i got places to be people to see you know dude i uh you sent me that fucking monte carlo and that renault and i was like i yeah i sent it to you i had it shipped i've been sending jake cars lately yeah because thomas has like 55 treat yourself yeah yeah uh i got on i i keep like going on the like craigslist but like for sale by owner

not by dealer and uh i'm like all right i'll put my max price in is it four grand i don't have that anymore it's gone but in my mind because i'm a fucking moron i'm like it's fine you see something you like you go get it that's what the lord said micah chapter seven verse three whatever you know i uh i've had a lot of people ask me what i'm gonna do to the truck now that i have it yeah and my answer to that is nothing for a while because that was all of the all of my money yeah it was all the disposable income i had for like the next two years so i'm gonna just gonna figure it out now yeah that's that was moving for me. And I think half the reason I've just been so pissed off is like,

if I would have spent $4,000 moving and paying two rents and driving a U-Haul from Houston to Austin and buying furniture, and I moved into a place that was cool, I'd have been like, eh. But I live in a fucking fucking, like a prank house. Like I feel like I'm being fucked with constantly. So I'm like not happy with it. That's why I think I'm looking at cars so much.

I'm like, dude, what's my credit score? Oh, it's gone up 40 points and I'm like at a respectable level now. Let's just take that fucker back down. I've rocked a 480. You think I'm afraid, motherfucker? I will go down again to like. I wonder if I have a credit score yet. You have to have one, I'm afraid, motherfucker? I will go down again to like... I wonder if I have a credit score yet. You have to have one, I'm sure.

I've tried to before with TurboTax or whatever, and it said I'm not on record. You never had a credit card? No, I've never done payments on a vehicle. But I haven't had a lot of vehicles either. Right, right. It's not like I'm just dropping cash everywhere you know yeah um yeah i have utilities in my name but as long as you pay them they don't go to collections they can't ding your credit you'd be fine no i'm saying that's not gonna like i know that contributes to credit a little bit.

That's a little bit of a credit history, but I don't have like a car payment history. I have car insurance in my name now. Yeah. So that probably helps. Guys, if you have any tips on building credit, I don't care. I'll figure it out. I know I could do the thing where you take out like a micro loan and then you pay off a little bit each month i'm not going to do that because it sounds like a little silly game to me yeah you know what's fucked up is is it like when i got my first credit card i

was only making like not kidding well i i was making like right at $2,000 a month. I thought that was insane money. I was like, look at this shit. Like $500 check. Anyway, they gave me like a – I didn't know how it worked. No one sat down and explained like credit limits to me and like usage and stuff like that and how they'll like fuck with you like carrot and stick. So like I was pretty good about the first six months. like that and how they'll like fuck with you like carrot and stick so like I was pretty good about the first six months and the first credit card I got there like we're increasing your credit limit

to three thousand dollars and I was like what like I think it was only like a thousand at first or like fifteen hundred and I was like oh so I'm like I'm a millionaire now like in my mind I've just never had like a mind for being good with money. So I like, dude, I would go out. I'd be like, who wants a shot? Who wants to fuck you on bottle service? You want fucking leg surgery? You want a new set of nuts, dude?

You want a pair of tits? You want a big fucking pair of bolt-on F-sires, brother? I got you covered. And then I like racked up credit card debt like boom. And then I like got it then i got another one and then one more after that uh but they've charged off since so i don't like owe anybody any money but what does that mean charged off if they go to collections and you don't pay on shit over a number of years it'll just uh fall off your credit report so like

they've been charged off like that's what that means like for a while you're fucked your credit score is like absolute horseshit uh and you like it's hard to get an apartment and you're sure shit's not getting a car loan but after a while they just chalk it up as a loss and then they might send it to collections and they might not um like one of mine went to collections but i don't give a fuck about it they're never seen any of that money they've've been robbed, effectively. But, like, that's what it means. Like, they... Dude, I have a fucking strict code, and I think I've mentioned it to you before.

Like, if you owe your friends money, pay that shit. Like, homie credit. Homie credit is important. If you owe money to lenders, who gives a shit, dude, do not pay your student loans. Do not pay your credit card debt. Do not pay. I understand like a lot of new cars have like, if they have like GPS or whatever in it, like, and you don't make your car payment, like they will come get that motherfucker. Uh, so maybe make that maybe make minimum, whatever. I remember every few months before it goes to repo

that's it do not pay debts listen to me i have a really good credit score and my life has been super easy finance wise so if you've got debt and it's like weighing down on your soul brother check it out you don't have to pay it okay people will tell you like guys on like fucking like finance mind guys on instagram they'll be like hey you got to make that make the payments brother even minimum fuck the minimum and fuck credit card debt and fuck student loans take out more actually i i'm 100 recommending that you take out more debt and spend that money on whatever you want and never pay it back you get free stuff they can't come take it out of your home. That depending on jet skis. Yeah, maybe anything that you can drive. But like,

if you want TV, do it. You want a new entertainment center? You want a fucking big rig dude like a computer gaming system to watch like three screen monitor porn in your goon cave? Rock with it. Drop five grand, drop six, drop 10. I don't give a shit. Never pay it back and do what you want to do. That's Jake's tip corner. That's Jake's finance. I think that's good advice. Yeah. It's definitely something I'm going to apply in my life.

Yeah. I want everyone to know that it might be hard to get an apartment. Like really hard. Like super hard. Like forever probably. Yeah, for like three or four years and when you're 21 or 22 that's a long time but hey now that i'm 27 baby and it's all charged off they're not fucking with the kid no more they call me about 22 times a day but i block

i'm like we've been like going to lunch or something you'll get like three calls on the way yeah i'll get three calls and then like five while we're sitting down talking bullshitting yeah yeah they'll call you but that's all they can do uh it'll be a guy like hi this is you know i'm doing a swedish accent because the guy on the other the line's definitely swedish he's like hello welcome to american express uh my name is like he's to say it's like Sweden Express. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, fuck off and eat shit, Sven.

You know, suck my dick from the back ten times. And then he starts crying. And he's like, my family is deported from Sweden. They were deported because they're too white. Goodbye now. I'm sorry for calling. Okay. That's like old faithful, dude.

That's going to be... If we're ever in a dead zone or we've had a good episode but there's 11 minutes to go kind of like now, just kind of be like, okay. It sucks because like i've been you know

i've made attempts at humor pretty much my whole life and that heat exhaustion just taking over my brain was probably the funniest thing i'll ever say which is okay yeah but well like i have like like saying shit on the internet and then like trying my hand at stand up and failing like you know for a long time years actually and then doing this show of all the shit i've said that i thought was funny or written down that i thought was good that is like that got the most like the shelf life on that the response i still laugh about it just driving around yeah i literally i'm i i will be like that the he who your he who man that really is just still fucking i listened to that the other day just i don't listen to the show but i was like

i'm gonna go find this and i went to that episode and it's like right at the 50 minute mark ah fuck i was dying on the couch dude and uh like sometimes ashley's like what are you laughing at and if i tell her she doesn't listen to the show if i tell her that i'm laughing at my own show she's out the fucking door no like no no no like she's like i i put up with so much i put up with just fucking noise and just fucking stupid shit i cannot that's one thing it's not much better to be like oh i wasn't laughing at myself i was laughing at my like dumbest friend yeah it's that it's not that i was laughing at something i said i was laughing at something that like a very tired man who i've known you know for a while now who just you know but i again i it's fine i like the

that if i get one of like if we get one of those every five eps every six months that works hey man yeah just something to keep the fucking coaster going just keep the train on the fucking tracks dude that uh the also also i dude this sucks so bad the last 10 minutes of this hey wasn't that funny the fucking uh what a wonderful world jesus christ that was that was really the video episode where you were like, you, you, you were like, wow, man, I did that voice for too long.

And then you were just like sick. You just had like a throat infection. Yeah. Like for like a week I was like, yeah. So, uh, for the honchos listening,

uh, I mean, I'm, this is probably the last time I'm going to hang out with Thomas. We've been thinking about killing each other other um wrap things up yeah i that was i remember there was a comment a while back that was like i want you guys to stop saying you aren't friends because there was like a running thing we were doing like the first few months i was like yeah i don't like thomas he doesn't like me and i i was like did that i mean like i'm sure he's joking

but if he isn't like, that's really like upsetting. That's kind of sad. I mean, what? Like, hey, are you guys friends, dude? Because I'm not, I'm not fucking playing. You guys should be like friends. Y'all should be fucking friends. It's like, you know, it's not going to happen.

No, no, no, no, no. Thomas and I don't see eye to eye on race issues. He's right. He's on the wrong side. I'm on the right side. No, he's on going to happen. No, no, no, no, no. Thomas and I don't see eye to eye on race issues. That's right. He's on the wrong side. I'm on the right side. No, he's on the wrong side. Depends on how you look at it. Yeah, well, you look at it the wrong way.

I look at it the right way. The right wing way. You look at it that way. Does that mean it's the wrong way? Yeah, because that's... This is a premier left's wrong. Yeah, because that's... This is a premier left-wing podcast. Yeah. I...

Man, I, like, don't... I keep thinking, like, oh, how do I, like... What are good ways to, like, put money back into the show? And everyone... The things that I have in my head are none of the things that people that we've talked about it's all extravagant nonsense like

obviously the next step is to buy focus rights for both of us and then do it that way like everyone else does that does remote stuff the usb mics are fine it's not that bad but i'm always thinking like dude we could i could just rent out a space here in Austin. Nine hundred a month. We could have a studio. We could do like we could do like late night stuff, you know, like it's never things that are practical. I'm always like, dude, I could go. I could get a fucking six thousand dollar movie camera. Yeah.

We could get a camper van and just go. Yeah. Alaska. We could get married. You know. go to alaska or whatever we could get married you know yeah it's such good marketing yeah yeah me and thomas are married incredible marketing oh dude the the money that we would get for like the first two months would be like worth it for like one month after that honeymoon edition oh yeah oh yeah yeah all right i'm saying it now at a hundred thousand a month me and thomas will get married

don't say that it's the only way that's ever gonna happen guys do it out of spite they're like all, all right, look, this show's dog shit. I fucking hate it. But these guys seem like men of their word. So I'm going to give them $50,000. Yeah, don't do that, please. Oh, yeah. Yeah, don't. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I think I think that the next logical step we should We should remake Tom and Jerry. Tom and Jake? No, no. Keep the name. I just want to redraw it. Keep the noises.

With big penises? No, just more keep the name. I just want to redraw it. Oh, okay. Keep the noises. With big penises? No, just more lifelike. Okay. So what would the mouse... Not a difference. So what would the rat look like to you, specifically? Well, Jerry's a mouse. What would the rodent look like?

What type of... He's a mouse, specifically. what would the rodent look like what type of he's a mouse specifically he's not as a rodent he's not a nutria or he okay so mice are rodents or anything they're rodents right but so what would the rodent look like if you were to draw it like a person so here's the thing i said you said rat and then i said mouse you said rodent like it was a compromise. But Jerry is definitely a mouse. He's in no way a rat. He's not a rat, but he is a rodent. We can't compromise on it.

No, we can't. He is a rat. A rodent, sorry. It's not the classic game of cat and rat. It's the classic game of it's a rodent. Listen, I'm trying to slip you up into saying something racist. So can we just get back to that? If you were to draw the rodent as a person, what would he look like to you?

I wouldn't draw him as a person. You said you'd make him more lifelike. Do you mean like human life? No, like a regular mouse. He looks like a regular mouse in the show. Have you seen a mouse? Nope. Their ears are not that big yeah they are they got big

old fuckers sometimes you ever seen mickey mouse he's got big ones he looks nothing like anything he's a mouse he's a monster anyway what would uh how would you draw tom he would um be latina okay all right so let me get okay so just to clarify the mouse is still the mouse right a little bit more mouse like tom is a latina woman latinx latinx so you have a latinx woman hanging out with a mouse. Right. In like a nice 50s era. Like, what's the house look like? Are we going with a more... It's the same house.

Same house. So what you're describing... So the show... So the show that you want to redo for the modern era for Tom and Jerry is a mouse. It's a modern adaptation. Yeah, a nice modern progressive adaptation. It's still set in the 60s. Is a Mexican woman, a Latinx woman.

Sorry, I'm not as progressive as you are. A Latinx woman who lives in an old house with a rat. Sorry, with a mouse. That's you. That's you progressing. I just think it would be a big step. Okay, all right, all right. So now the other auxiliary characters. I just think it would be a big step. Okay. All right.

All right. So now the other auxiliary characters, you got that big fucked up dog who bullies the shit. He's friends with the mouse. He would be the same. Okay. So we got a Latinx woman who hangs out with a pit bull and a mouse. And she lives in an empty home. Okay. Okay, so.

It's the same house, by the way. Same house. Okay. Other characters, auxiliary characters. Sometimes Tweety Bird makes a crossover. So what's. Are we bringing Tweety Bird in the mix or is it just

I mean we can it would be the same bird though okay so so is it still called Tom and Jerry is her name Tom why would you change the name of the show? See, I'm not as progressive as you, so a Latinx woman named Tom

who hangs out with a mouse and a pit bull and a bird. Why would she be named Tom? You said that you're not changing the name. That would just be the version. Okay, so the Latinx woman's name is not Tom. I didn't say that. I just said it was a modern version. You said at the beginning it's the same name of the show.

Right. It's the same name. So Tom and Jerry. Right, that's what the show is called. You don't call the cat Tom and Jerry. Right, so the modern adaptation that we're talking about right who's the who's playing the latinx woman i haven't picked the actress yet okay all right that's fair wait is this gonna be this is drawn though so who's i guess who's voicing her i get to draw it okay

all right so we've got i don't i don't trust anyone else with a vision who's voicing jerry i'm going to be doing all the voices except for the for tom the latinx right i have someone in mind for that who is it um this project it hasn't been greenlighted yet so i don't know if it's been approved yet okay so let's set the let's set the stage here we've got we've got tom and jerry you know with all the the the cultural issues the cultural grievances the culture those are all the same right have not addressed any of those um with all those things you know with race relations we need a tom and jerry reboot and we need it to have a latinx woman named tom who hangs out with an old mouse

a pit bull in a really shitty dusty house that seems to be owned by the same maid by the way yeah i was gonna say it's owned what looks like to be a white woman sometimes your hand pops in the screen so i'm assuming that the white woman who doesn't say anything is still there uh look can you give me like an episode idea like what does she get up to what's her day to does she chase the mouse are they friends why would they be friends like diversity so um so it's the same show basically Does that make sense? I mean, I just... Look, sorry, man. I've got a big imagination.

So I'm thinking where all these things could go. And look, you give me a really talented Latinx actress like Catherine Zeta-Jones or, you know... She's Italian. Maybe. Fucking Mindy Kaling. Like, you know. She's Italian. Maybe. Fucking Mindy Kaling. Like, you give me somebody like that. I know so many actresses. You know who you should get to play the pit bull?

Salma Hayek is a good. Yeah, she's a good one. Latino actress. You know who you to play the pit bull? Salma Hayek is a good Latino actress. You know who should play the pit bull? Or should voice him? Ronnie Coleman. They're still going to have the original mouse voice him. Oh, okay.

Wait. He's still alive. Oh, okay. So we've got Ronnie Colemannie coleman uh an unnamed latinx actress who you're keeping under under wraps mouse yes i am and then uh the house is just the house the same house you don't need a voice for the house because it's a building right i'm gonna draw it by myself okay i don't need any help drawing it by the way are any like big production companies interested in this show you could say that okay so is this like a is this like an adult swim type show like is it more adult like does it have adult

let's just say i've got i've got hannah on the phone i've got barbara on the phone i've got warner warner brother warner brother um i've got david lynch on my line right now okay I've got Wes Wes Khalifa no I've got Wes Anderson's nephew okay by the way the David Lynch I know is it's not the director this is the guy who works at a pawn shop no it's the original voice of jerry oh okay oh i didn't know that i thought i thought you said his name was mouse yeah he died okay hey my other friend mouse he sadly he was um he was killed by um there were eight uh push mowers that were all um that all collided with each other and he didn't see and they they they blew up and he you know he just popped his head out of the smoke you know and he just had a big red smile about it

but it was into the line for mouse huh yeah, he popped up and his eyes got real big. And he just smiled ear to ear. And that was... I'm sorry to hear that, man. I'm really excited about your show, though. I hope that you can get it done. Yeah, it's going to be called... Tom and Yuri?

Tom... Tomay? Tom and Yuri Tom Tommy no no not with a terrible voice like that no it's going to have the original show with the original name whole original cast okay so you're not

alright well thank you man for telling me about that So you're not... Alright. Well, thank you, man, for telling me about that. Do you know anywhere we could film it? Yeah, I mean, I guess we could use my apartment. I need to trace all the frames so I can draw them. We could do it at my apartment. But I also need to find a cat that looks just like a Latina woman. You could find those a lot of different places, man.

Fort Worth has plenty of them. Yeah, I also need to find a mouse that can stand just how I want. How do you want it to stand? Perfect. Every time. every time well I we could probably

we talk money you know I'll throw you I'll invest you know in the show I think it's a really good progressive show I've already thrown

probably 25 into 25 yeah that's it $25 just for the pencils I bought every kind of pencil

you could think of. Number one pencil, number two pencil. Hey, I got some numbers. Up to number seven. That's crazy, man. Well, I hope it works out for you, dude,

because that's... Dude, I hope it doesn't because like you always want to fail like hard on your first project. Right right yeah because you want to like you know if this doesn't like go well for me like it's it's whatever you have like so aren't you doing a remake of uh it's over of sylvester and peppy lepew i tried with that and peppy like kind of got into some stuff like right as we're doing it.

It was sort of like that. You and Peppy have a lot in common, right? Y'all are like. Yeah, we're both skunks. Yeah. Yeah. You're both French and you stink. Yeah, that's true.

You're a lot like. Let's hear it. Like Lola Bunny. Damn, dude, she's... Wait, which version? The old school version or the new one where she kind of looks like a junior person? Untainted.

Oh, man. I'm glad you said that word about her. Untainted. Untainted nubile, one could say. I always thought Bugs Bunny was so dashing. When he put on that dress and that lipstick, man. I used to have this most violent urges towards Bugs Bunny. What kind of

like what kind of violence just something welled up you know right it's odd well that's good anyway is that the end of the show

yeah if you like this shit which I don't see you know why you wouldn't you might want to go to patreon.com slash pendejo time and you might want to go to patreon.com slash pendejo time and you might want to

fucking drop us a sub. You can give us any amount of money you want. You can give us any amount of fucking money. If you're a honcho you're getting your fucking

slop filmed this weekend. I'll edit it up make it look nice. Well, make it look like shit. And and that'll be it. that's it for this week um stay tuned for more for thomas's tom and jerry uh i love you yeah thanks bye