Pendejo Time - tomkato

Episode Date: May 27, 2021

thomas karateSupport the Show.

Hello my baby, hello my honey. Three, two, and we're gonna do it on three, okay? Alright, one, three. One, two. Do it on three. Three. Three. Two.

Two. Three. And we're back. Hey, welcome to Condejo time, everybody. I was just at the store getting some beer about, I guess, like an hour and a half ago. Yeah, you're an alcoholic, right? Yeah, yeah. You're Pisces, right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And there was a lady there at the store. there was a lady there at the store she just like she had her son with her and he was just he's gonna grow up or she's gonna either he's gonna grow up to be a serial killer or

he's not gonna grow up cause his mom is gonna kill him which I hope she does she was like so like exhaustedly just like pulling out like she was just paying for like a bottle of water and like a pulling out, like, doll, like, she was just paying for, like, a bottle of water and, like, a Red Bull and, like, a snack for herself. Like, it was clear, like, she was paying with, like, change and stuff.

Like, it wasn't, you know, like, $1 bills. It was not good. It has not been a good week for this poor woman. And her fucking son, dude, has just, like, I guess she got him a bag of Takis, but he opened them, like, before he got to the thing. Maybe she didn't, and then she had to pay for them. I don't know. But he has all the Takis all over his face.

He's got red powder. Have you ever seen Forrest Gump? Yeah. Do you know when his mom is fucking the principal so he can get into the school? Yeah, I love that part. Yeah. That kid is making a noise, but way louder. He's like,

Like, he's just wigging the fuck out. He didn't look like there was something going on with him. He just looked like a piece of shit. I could be wrong, and I could be mocking somebody who I shouldn't. But either way, the mom's like, Please, please, just please, you know, please. And I'm sitting there and I am mad at this woman for taking too long. Because so I want to go back home and drink my beers. And she's just like, I had a moment where I was like,

man, I'm an asshole. Like, she is clearly having, like, a really terrible day, and I'm like, dude, lady, please, like, can you just, like, kill your son, please, so I can go home and, like, sit down on my own nuts, like, hurt myself, like, watch the same Mission Impossible I've seen in the last three days. This lady was, uh – was she hot?

Oh, no, no. She – You want to talk about something else then? Yeah. I'm going to start just like in the middle of your stories and be like, yeah, man, that's not really what I wanted to talk about. You're like, hey, how many girls are in this story? Oh, none. You can just move on to the next one.

I don't want to talk unless it's about money or girls. Girls. Or... Or... Um... Uh... Pirate... Pirate ships. Mm-hmm.

That are... You ever thought about... Um... Nope. I think I should become... Like a... nope I think I should become like a like a panhandler is that what it's called like a drifter

that's not called panhandling what are you that's not what it's called the guys who look for gold What are you... That's not what it's called. The guys who look for gold. A fucking prospector? That's not the... I know that's... Oh, the guys who sift the pan.

Yeah. They do pan sifting for gold. It's not called pan sifting. They use a sift. That's not what they're called but that's the process it's a pan that has is it are they pan handlers no i just heard i'll look it up right now it might be called that i just don't think so why do you want to be one of those guys i want a chain. You want to sift enough dirt to make a gold chain?

Hmm. So Panhandler is just a beggar. Yeah, that's the guy who... Yeah yeah that's what i was thinking i knew that wasn't the right gold in the water i don't know why i'm using that as a gold in the water finding it just like putting your exact thoughts into the search bar. Finding it. It's 1849. That's just a year. That was when the California Gold Rush was. I know, I was there.

The only reason I remember that is because of the 49ers. That's why they're called that that sounds like something I would make up on here but that is true is it just called panning? I think so yeah it's just called panning for gold I think so. Yeah, it's just called panning for gold. Yeah.

So I was right. They're panhandlers. That's how they got to get the pan and they... Handle it. You know, they... So you want to do that to make a gold chain is that what you're getting no that's not why why do you want to do it uh good to make a lot of money i don't know has you ever um You've never done it, have you? Made a lot of money? No.

No, I haven't. I challenged somebody to make a clip of me trying to figure out the word for panning for gold, which is just panning. It's just called panning. You try and see if that gets you 46 views on youtube uh yeah there's a in the river by and where i live is there any gold in there no but there are there are guys who's like yeah but. Yeah, but you'd rather look for that probably instead of gold. Oh, man, it is just every fucking twice a week with you. Yeah, for you, instead of panhandling, it's manhandling.

I'm going to manhandle you, you fucking piece of shit. Dude, I know jujitsu now. Yeah. I know if you give me 45 seconds to a minute and a half, I can do an arm bar on you. But you have to be completely... I have to stay completely still? Not completely still. You have to move with me as I work through the different grips and motions.

I have one hour of jiu-jitsu experience and you're talking like this there's a I was every time I go to the river which I was a lot when I was younger but we would right

so there's a slide that comes out it leads to a set of rapids and you go down a tube and you just float the rest of the river. It's like a two-hour float. You get real fucked up. You know, lose your wallet, your fucking shoes.

Lose everything. Lose your car keys. Go to jail. There are guys that sit literally like ten feet in front of the rapids and snorkeling in scuba gear. Just collecting like wedding rings and like necklaces wallets phones and jewelry the funny thing about it is it's not like they're doing it when the park is closed i've seen only one occasion where a guy like they're 10 feet from where the rapids are so a guy can just go hey i lost my wallet and then these scuba guys

are like hey i found a wallet there's 50 bucks in here and then a guy in a tube you know could just get out the water's not very deep just get out of the tube and be like can i have my wallet back and the scuba guys are like no like they just pick shit up out of the water, and they're like, finders keepers. And, like, I've seen guys, like, I'll, like, stop, get off my tube and, like, chill, wait for all my friends to catch up. And I've seen guys pull, like, wedding rings and shit out of there and necklaces and, like, phones. It's a ton of phones. They just pull phones out of there. They're all old dudes like phones it's a ton of phones they just pull phones out of there they're all old dudes i imagine they're like retired or i don't know homeless

maybe what can you retrieve from a phone well a lot of time like they still work i mean this was when those otterbox cases were huge like four or five years ago those life proof ones oh yeah um so i mean i imagine maybe i mean because the water again is not that deep This was when those OtterBox cases were huge, like four or five years ago, those life-proof ones. Oh, yeah. So I imagine maybe, because the water, again, is not that deep, and they usually just pick them up, toss them over. If it still works, I'm sure you can sell it. People sell phones on Craigslist all the time. They're clearly stolen.

Yeah, they just pull up all sorts of shit out of the water and one time i we were like too many people were going down the other set of rapids a little bit in front of the scuba guys and a guy was like oh shit my necklace and uh he like gets out and goes over and i can hear him arguing with one of the scuba guys i can't really see it because i'm facing the rapids but he's like all i hear is i'm like going down the set of rapids is they're yelling. And he's like, dude, that's my necklace. I just lost it. And the other guy's like, no, man, I don't think so. I'm going down the thing.

And I'm like, man, I wish I could have stayed for this. Not even for the fist fight. Just that's a very phony argument. Hey, that's clearly my necklace. I don't know how you can expect. He's like, yeah, it is. Yeah, like how you can expect it. Because these seem like guys who have been doing it for years.

Yeah. And it's like just every day, you know, you're just like, well. know you're just like well because it seems like something that you could maybe do like for 10 minutes to see if it worked those guys are out there yeah what's funny is too i imagine that like if you're doing that and that is like a genuine source of income for you a guy threatening to beat the piss out of you is probably not something you're concerned with hey man if you don't give me that back i'm gonna beat the dog shit out of you and the guy's like all right no you're not he's like you know yeah i'm about to fuck you up okie dokie i spend five hours a day under fucking shitty water looking for phones i've been doing this 38 years you don't think i've ever in my entire life experienced pain 100 times worse than this i experience it daily

like these are guys who like they were at the end of their rope 40 years ago and they just they never killed themselves they just kept at it um which is funny because you know like old guys who don't have any money get into weird hobbies like you know wood not woodworking but like whittling you know and like or just drinking themselves to death but i think it's funny that you're like an old river rat guy who probably used to like, you know, bully kids,

lost boys style and like the, the rock quarry. And now you just dunk under the water to like get necklaces. You're just, you're just Gollum. Yeah. But for like $10 Walmart chains. Yeah.

Um, yeah, I'll'll probably i'm laughing but i am definitely the kind of guy who would end up doing that that's not something that is out of question for me to do yeah like in like 10 years even really really like six months yeah if this apartment that i just applied for doesn't pan out I probably will just you know start hunting well you know you can always I'm quitting my job

I'm a big gold guy now yeah you're a I buy sell and trade and pan gold

if you guys have like 15 yards down river from me and I'm just like picking up like like Claire's from me. And I'm just like picking up like, like Claire's earrings. Like fucking.

And I'm getting microscopic pieces of the gold plating on the. Yeah. Claire's earrings. I'm like worth like a fraction of a fraction of a cent. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, you're wasting your time with that.

I got the big money over here. I got 11 cents here. Yeah. I just reminded myself as i tell you so uh last night my dad calls at like 9 p.m he listens to the show so hey dad and hey man and uh he there's like a whole like family drama going on with him. And he's living at my aunt's and sister's right now. He's got to get out of there. But anyway, whatever. He calls me and he's like, hey, what's up?

And I'm like, it's like 930. I'm in bed, man. What's going on? He's like, hey,'s that tesla plant out there what's where's that they got one out there don't they out there in austin i'm like oh here we go because i know that he's like running out of places to like live yeah he's like he's not working and uh he's like burned a bunch of bridges with everybody else. And I'm like, yeah, they got one out here, but it's in Dell Valley, which is like 45 minutes from the city. He was like, oh, well, I was thinking about working out there at that Tesla plant.

And I'm like, OK. Mm hmm. He's like, you're still apartment hunting. And I'm like, uh yeah but i'm moving away i was like i was caught like i was having i was like yeah i'm south man it's like an hour away from everywhere which is an absolute just the worst lie i can come up with it's just any place you could think of is an hour away yeah yeah like but i just didn't expect that call or that in a way that's extremely convenient yeah

an hour away from anywhere wow yeah and so he's like well he didn't outright ask but he was like so what kind of apartment you looking at and i And I'm like, 300 square foot studios, man. That's all. Like, that is what I can afford, and that's what I'm looking at. And that is where I will live. I won't have a balcony. It will basically just be like a closet with a bathroom attached to it. And that's where I'm living, man.

And he's like, yeah, you sign in like a year, like a two-year lease. And I'm like, no, man, probably like 13 months. He's like, hmm, well, I got a buddy out there. He's working at that Tesla plant. He says it's good money, money i don't know if they need people on shipping and receiving and like he just starts going on like he's beating around the bush and uh i'm like yeah man i'm not gonna live near that but if you move up here i might be able to help you find a place i because my dad's the kind of guy who, like, I'll just get a phone call.

And he'll be like, hey, what you doing? It'll be like 11 at night on a Monday. I'm like in bed. And he's like, well, I just got to Austin. So, you know, what's going on? He'll just drive from Houston to here, like, just to, you know, put me in a position where I'm like, yeah, I guess you can sleep with me. I don't know. Sleep on my couch or whatever.

But so I'm waiting for that call, waiting for that to have to deal with as well. Because, yeah, he was like, he was like staying with my mom for a little bit, but he just like, she's like, hey, please don't smoke cigarettes in my house and walk around naked and smoke weed in my house. And he's like, all right, bitch. They're divorced, but like, you know, they still hang out and shit. And he's like down on his luck or whatever, which has been the case for, like, of his 54 years, 52 of them. And my mom just tells me all the time she'd fucking come home and he's butt-ass naked in the fucking couch. Just chain-smoking drunk as shit. Like, you know, 12 p.m. on a Saturday.

And she's, you know. So I want to avoid that if i can uh so i might just like you can just come stay with me i'm gonna send my dad to your house that would be so honestly we'd probably end up having a really good time you guys might get along great man actually uh i mean he's basically just a worse version of me and we get along. All right. Yeah, it's funny. I like I was waiting for him because when I moved back to Houston for that little while, I was working construction.

He was living in this fucking shithole in Galveston on the island. Just a map, just Just a fucking absolute den. He had a mattress in the living room but he had his own bedroom but he had a mattress in the living room floor with no sheets, no pillows, no blankets. But he had a really, really nice TV.

And he would just put cigarettes out on the floor like he would just like uh you know like just spit like on the floor like he's he's a fucking insane slaw he's disgusting love you dad and uh and so uh he wanted me to move in with him for a minute he was like dude you just come take one of these spare bedrooms up here we can just go to work together i work down the road or you know work same joint whatever and i'm like uh no uh no man i don't want to do that because uh no i'm a fucking slob but i don't like like, but I don't like just sort of vomit into a bed sheet and then just sort of roll over and go back to sleep. I kind of have somewhat of a set of standards that I try to adhere to. Yeah.

Well, that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, my dad rocks yeah i'm gonna put the put the grill tomorrow put the grill together tomorrow that's sick dude i wish man i mean the place that i'm looking at right now that i applied to none of their amenities are built and finished. It's a brand new joint, I was telling you. Yeah. They were showing me a picture of the grills, and they were like, yeah, we're going to have coal and gas grills on site next to the lounge and the pool for our tenants. I was like, that's awesome man when and the guy was like soon and i'm like the pool is a big hole in the ground with dirt and mud in it and uh

he's like yeah no we'll get him out there i i just want to fucking grill the summer so god damn bad because it's been a long time since I've done it, but I don't think I'm going to do it. Yeah, I really don't have any grill experience other than, I mean, a little bit, but not like, you know, every weekend type thing, you know. No, I mean, I used to a lot, but I, like, I don't, like guys on Twitter who do seem to be doing a brisket like every three days, I don't understand that.

That's expensive. It's expensive. And like dietary, I'm like, dude, are you eating like 10 pounds of fatty brisket like three or four times a month? Because they post – like a lot of these guys seem to be like well-to-do bachelors. And they'll post like a full-ass brisket and and then like nope they don't hang out with anybody they're fucking weirdos somebody just like do you have like 12 pounds of fatty brisket in your fridge like and then you make another one two weeks later like that just seems to be what these guys eat which hey dude respect i just i get diarrhea if I eat a bell pepper. I like the idea that maybe making a brisket and eating just whatever you normally eat in a sitting,

not even a huge portion, and just dumping the rest in the garbage immediately. Like a beautifully marbled like perfectly seasoned yeah and then you just take the twitter pic you eat like a normal serving maybe like half pound three quarter pound and you just dump like it's still hot like still smoking steaming just dump it right in the fucking trash the idea also like you you cut it like to where you can see the marbling take the picture get the perfect picture and don't take one bite you don't even know what it tastes like just straight in the garbage i uh man i felt bad for that guy he follows me uh shout out like i think his name's ed zitron or is it no he's

yeah yeah so like dude he posts a picture of a brisket, and, like, there are people, guys that I follow, very funny guys. You know, I'm not trying to take sides here. I'm just, I'm Switzerland on this. But, like, guys who are, like, grill fucking, like, Nazis. Adam Woffin. Like, they're like, is that a fucking Traeger, you stupid fucking piece of shit cocksucker? I will fuck you to death. Like, there's a fuck that brisket you should kill yourself like dude cooking a brisket's not easy like come on like this guy's

got a grill you probably don't even have an apartment like come on like i don't you know i didn't even get to see a picture of the meat he deleted it before but i saw the replies people screenshotted them and shit and i was like i just felt bad for ed i was like dude this guy's the most like he doesn't beef he don't like talk shit he just fucking he's a check mark but you know he just fucking he just posted a picture of his brisket people like dude and like yeah that was the one thing i remember the most is guys were like dude is that a fucking Traeger? Dude, you should go to your house.

You got a family? You should go to your fucking house, dude. And you should sit your fucking family down. And you should blow their fucking heads out and then yours. For having a fucking Traeger-Gregg pellet grill. Are you fucking kidding? I was like, dude, this is shit that you would say to a guy who you catch fucking your wife. Not a guy on the internet who just... It's a nice grill.

It might not be... I don't like pellet grills, whatever. But probably a nicer grill than you have. Probably is better at cooking than you, too. I think the argument against trigger grills is they're too like... And I'm just playing devil's advocate here. This is... But they're just so like bougie.

Have you seen how expensive... Yeah, no, I understand that. Yeah, and I know that... Now, to be fair, there's a lot of expensive grill brands. Certainly. Now, to be fair, there's a lot of expensive grill brands. Certainly. Those pit boss things seem like they're too expensive, but maybe that's just me.

I got a classic 22-inch Weber, Weber, whatever you call it. Yeah. But I paid extra to get it yeah the color blue instead of black i paid like a lot more to have the special ocean blue exact same grill but blue it's like the grill from next friday like the one that just sits in the front yard yeah dude i paid it was like it's like a pretty cheap grill but i paid like 80 dollars extra that i thought you were gonna say something like 15 which was like a significant amount of money it was like no longer cheap grill because of that but you know yeah i know a lot of guys talk shit about the triggers because of like they're like wi-fi bluetooth like that and then just pellet grills in general like it does if you're like a stickler it can like affect the flavor of the meat because like a lot of those pellets have like a glue binding i can edit like it's like something you can eat it but it's like like oh

you're make your meat taste but again dude if i have the kind of money to buy a fucking 3200 grill you know actually i don't know man i'm not like i probably wouldn't splurge on that i'd probably buy a fucking grand national or a GTO or something. Honestly, I thought triggers were like $700. I just said a number. They could be way cheaper than that. I wasn't, I was, yeah. I know my buddy's got a trigger that it has like, it's like an app on his phone.

And it was pretty expensive. But, you know, he got it for like. Really? It was an expensive app? I'd hope the app would be free. I'm going to get the app. Do you like doing what you do to me? When you fucking mock me like that, man?

Let's see. Trigger grills. Cost. This isn't really for argument's sake at all. I just want to know how much they cost. How much are trigger grills? Hmm. Okay. trigger gross hmm okay so like yeah I mean not cheap but you can get a whole bunch of different sizes and all that so that's definitely a factor yeah i i mean yeah oh fuck dude these are these things don't fucking work yeah there's like there's little

ones that are like 250 yeah and then there's like the you can spend like two grand yeah the big dick motherfuckers which i mean if you're getting a trigger you should be getting one of the big horses i feel like i'm dude i've i'm fine with propane man i know it's not technically actually grilling i just i'm gonna be i'm gonna cop to something and maybe i'm less of a man for it but i just i have I have bad fucking luck cooking with, like, just doing, like, coal. Like, old school. I just, I fuck it up. I don't let them get hot enough.

I get impatient because I'm a fucking hungry fat motherfucker. And I, like, I end up, like, fucking the meat up because I'm like, I want food now. I don't want these to fucking warm up and get to, like, a cooking temperature. I'm a fucking man of technology. I'm a soft bitch. I want to fucking turn a knob, have it go. and then just cook my fucking shit and be done with it i don't want to play this fucking jesters game anymore um so just give me the fucking propane please like i'll tell you what i had a similar experience with the other day yeah caramelizing onions, I thought it would take maybe 30 seconds.

No. They hate being caramelized. Yeah, more than anything. You let them sit there. What do they do? Almost nothing. Because on TV, on cooking shows, they always seem to find time to caramelize the onions,

and they have like 10 minutes for the whole thing, the whole project. And they're making it as part of a meatloaf that looks like a Ferris wheel or whatever. I sat there, and I caramelized like a very, very small amount of onion. And I gave it maybe five minutes. And it looked exactly the same. That's what I said.

They won't like burn. I managed to avoid burning them. But my problem was that I wasn't letting them sit there long enough. Because you want them to sort of stick, from what I understand. And it's like just before they burn, you flip them. Or you stir them up a little bit. But I was just constantly stirring them. So I wasn't doing any good.

But I was just constantly stirring up. So I wasn't doing any good. I'm in a cooking chat with Kurt and a bunch of other people. And there's a guy in there. Yeah, I bet there is. I'm in a chat with lots of guys. All right, you fucking cocksucker. What were you just talking to him just now? You're fucking shit shut up bitch so uh like you know there was there's like levels in the chat

obviously kurt is like taking adobe lightroom pictures of like a fucking lamb shank with like you know reduction and all this shit and i'm somewhere in the middle you know like i'm doing like brussels sprouts and steak and shrimp like on a good night if i want to fucking when i was still cooking a lot there's a guy in the chat named shitty piss shit uh who would just take like really panicked frantic look like shaking like he was shaking when he took the fucking picture of like i'm not kidding man like a bowl of chili with like crunched up crackers in it and like a slice of american cheese on it at like 4 15 in the morning he'd be like dinner time and it was just like he just it was funny like you know because kurt like, here's this thing.

And it's the description of the thing. And the plating, like, it's, Kurt's a good cook. He understands the aesthetic part of it as well. Me, I cook okay, but I don't care if it looks good. It just needs to taste good. And then this guy, like, he would just dump, like, half a bottle of sriracha into, like, a can of Progresso. And he would be like, all right, dinner served. And it would be like two things of saltine crackers like in the soup.

And he'd be like, what do you guys think about this? And I would have to like, I never understood if it was like a joke he was doing. But it went on for so long that i stopped caring because he still was eating the food you know like it i was like is this a bit like is this because if it is you've been doing you need to like you need to stop like i get it it's very funny you cook like shit it looks like shit like you know your kitchen looks like like a haunted house like it's very funny man nice but like he still does that sometimes where he's like hey that's a really nice kebab kurt like respect like and the curry spice that looks really good

man the lighting's good plate is good here's what i ate and it just looks like a bunch of wet dog food and like a burnt up hot dog bun it just looks like fucking shit and uh and i'm like uh you know we get like some people in the chat will get mad at him like dude are you fucking around like eat a hamburger you know how to cook a hamburger you just get it you can buy them at the store already made you go one flip flip serve you stop eating like this and he's like fuck you he just does it like, Oh wait, is it, is it shitty piss shit? Yeah. Shitty piss shit.

Oh yeah. I know him. Yeah. Yeah. That's him. Do you actually, or are you just, no,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually, I actually have for like, uh, like going way back for some reason.

For like three years now that I think about it. Not well at any point. You and that guy? Yeah. I have not known him well ever. But I've just been in various group chats. Yeah, it was funny. I remember when he asked me to add him, I was like, oh, cool, another guy who likes to cook.

And then like his first meal was like a Kraft mac and cheese cup with like cut up hot dogs in it and he was like yep and i was like all right you're staying 100 you're staying in the chat because this is awesome how old are you we're all the same age rough like wrong side of 20? Alright, dope. Cool, sounds good. Do you have a vibrator on right now? Uh, no. That was some sort of alert. But it's okay. Yeah, that's what they all say, man. No, I don't know if that was, uh...

I don't know what that was. But it'll be okay. Did you hear that Bradley Noel died? Who's that? Hmm? I said, did you hear that Bradley Noel died? Yeah, who is that? The singer for Sublime.

I don't know who that is yeah he was yeah sublime uh what's one Smoke on the water. Okay. What else? I think they had... I'm trying to remember. Weed is good for you. No. Why would they make a terrorist film? Earth.

Plant. Sublime. I think they had a terrorist film with that? Plant? Sublime. I think they had semi-charmed life. I had a really, really, really, really... Maybe you could have assumed this about me. In high school, I had a... I wouldn't even call it a phase. It was like I was obsessed with Sublime, dude. Like, intense.

I had every CD. I knew all the fucking beat tracks. I had, like, a bunch of shirts from, like, tours. Like, I'd find them at fucking specialty shops and, like, spend fucking lunch money on. I fucking loved sublime. It was like my personality from like 14 to like, I don't know. 25.

Yeah. Oh, I was about to, I was about to make the observation that like when I went to college and I, I had, I stopped, like I just kind of like I started listening to other shit and like was like, man, this shit kind of sucks. Like it's not terrible, but it's just like when I went to college and I stopped like I just kind of like I started listening to other shit and like was like man this shit kind of sucks

it's not terrible but it's just like I just grew out of it or whatever I would meet guys who were like 22 years old who were like longboarding 10 feet to class like to the next class it's a small school just like longboard you know

and they're like they have like their phone is playing fucking you know um and he's 12 years old and two more show like just playing sublime off of it and they have like the the rasta poncho and i'm like man i'm really glad that I got a lot of different personality types out of my, like, system when I was, like, 14. Like, pillhead, like, rap, and then, like, hardcore, like, punk, like, black flag, like, sex pistol shit. Like, then I had a sublime phase. And then I was, like, really into, like, you know, like, I had, like, a fucking, like, stupid hipster bullshit like going into college like i whenever i meet a grown man you know like late 20s who's like dude like worships radiohead like not that they're like ah radiohead's cool but they're like that just that's their whole thing

i'm like man you need to like get your penis sucked like you just like you anybody whose whole personality is a band i'm like dude cut it out man what are you doing i have respect for guys who like you just don't really care about music that much anymore so they still listen to like red hot chili peppers yes yes they don't even really like it that much they're just like yeah you know like when i'm busy and stuff yeah it's it's fine being a musician what that's fine yeah like playing music and stuff like i don't know many people like that but i've met them through work where like you know inevitably you know oh you're in a band that's cool man what kind of music do you want to play? I like punk or like you know emo or whatever you like music? no

not at all man and like that doesn't compute with me so of course I'm like bothering them about that I'm like bullshit like what's your favorite band? I mean I listen to like ACDC like sometimes and I'm like what? like they're like yeah I mean maybe like on the car but like I don't really like music

like I think that shit's so like like it's very weird to me because it's such like a big part of like what just a hobby and just interest yeah i would say it's something like i used to be like super into like just discovering new stuff um i wouldn't even really say that i discovered things that you know no one else did obviously it's just music but um yeah like but i just i growing up you know i didn't really listen to that much different stuff. It wasn't really widely available. It was pretty sheltered or whatever, which is fine. But in high school, I spent a lot of time just finding out about new kinds of music.

But now, I still like that stuff, finding new stuff. But I have less energy for it. Like I was listening to, what's his name? Well, let me think. On the tip of my tongue, he's one of the Wilson brothers. You usually have other stuff on the tip of your tongue. Dennis Wilson. I listened to some of his stuff today.

Pretty good guy. But, yeah, it's weird. I don't know if I'm going to be one of those old guys who just only listens to whatever this generation's version of the Eagles is. Probably some damn Drake song. We've talked about it before. I'm an asshole about somebody who I really care about in my life. A person that's really important to me will be like, Hey, man, I know you would really like this band.

And I like them a lot. You should listen to it. And I'm like, yeah, I definitely will. Thank you for showing me this. And then I won't listen to it. And then inevitably it will come around where i will forget that conversation and i will try to show them that band i'm like hey have you heard about these guys and they're like dude i sent you that album like two weeks ago and i'm like no you didn't and they're like i did and

you said you listened to it and i was like oh yeah i totally lied to you one of my best one of my best friends who i didn't need to lie to at all for any reason i just i just don't take me i like i listen to that injury reserve band you sent because i'm like i have been trying to listen to more like yeah um i will say reserve um that's from like three years ago yeah i was i was going through the discography and it's it yeah one of the guys died yeah yeah the bigger dude uh right that's all you remember him for is being i literally found out about them 16 yes that's pretty i'm not kidding that is exactly i don't know any of their names it's just he's the guy that was big well i know all their names i'm not even going to tell you okay but i was gonna it did have it very much had that sound that was like i don't want to say like run the jewels adjacent because it's not but it was

like it was for its time it was it was very like 2018 yeah 2016 17 18 kind of run of like a lot of people were like trying like reviving like boom bap stuff yeah but in like a weird funky way yeah yeah um i would say injury reserve has definitely held up better than run the jewels i still like the first two from them run the jewels is one of i'm i mean i'm not like i will say that it is one of those bands that like it's like title fight it's like a like a emo hardcore band from from pennsylvania yeah yeah um i like run jewels and i like title fight but the fans like in the miasma surrounding those bands like the cultural like it's just it makes it like it turns me off to them because there's this association of – going to their shows, people just – they're just annoying sometimes.

They just suck shit. And I'm like, fuck. God damn. I wouldn't think Title Fight would have a whole lot of shows nowadays, right? Are they still doing their thing? No, they haven't released anything. I used to go to Title Fight shows like four or five years ago. Am I thinking of the right band?

Did the front man pass away? No, that's Power Trip. Oh, okay. Never mind then. Are you thinking of Power Trip? Yeah, I was thinking of Power Trip. Yeah, no, Power Trip's like a... I thought Power Trip... Was Power Trip from Texas? mind that are you thinking of power trip yeah i was i was thinking of power trips like they're just like i thought power trip is it wasn't power trip from texas yeah they're from your neck of the

woods yeah i thought so yeah yeah um that was a fucking whip yeah they're so good uh my dad's like me only he's like older with that regard with music and my dad's favorite band's metallica and power trip is like they're clearly so heavily influenced by metallica i mean they're like they sound like old metallica i remember one time we were in his truck we were driving home from the bar or something and his phone died and he was like put music on or something i'm fucked up we gotta get home and i'm like all right so i put on power trip and i was like, put music on or something. I'm fucked up. We got to get home. And I'm like, all right. So I put on Power Trip. And I was like, you might like these guys. And he was like, this shit fucking sucks. And I'm like, it's literally, it sounds just like Metallica.

He's like, damn, nobody sounds like Metallica. He called me a word I won't say on here. But he, like, I don't know. I love Power Trip. I think I've heard a couple other songs. It's definitely good lifting music for sure. Anyway. All right.

I still don't entirely know what Hardcore is, but I think I'm going to keep making fun of it without a... I saw your post and I was like, about like the rapist thing, and I was like, I was like, you know, it's not a wrong assessment of the genre, but it is like very much like a,

like something that was like, I guess pertinent, like something that was happening I guess, pertinent, like something that was happening a lot in the scene four years ago. I was like, oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, now you're making fun of me in front of everyone. I am. How do you think that makes me feel?

Every time we do this twice a week, every time. I start crying because you hurt my feelings. You make a note to make some offhanded comment. I'll be like, yeah, I saw a guy at the store. And you're like, I bet you did. Literally, I can't get through one. I can't get through one thing. You can't get through one what? Come on, you spit it out.

You got it. Yeah, because you don't know how to. You don't know how to spit it out. Yep. All right, man. Anyway, thanks for coming, guys. And thanks for listening to the next 13 minutes as well. Which will just be me and Thomas brooding in silence on our phones.

Ta-da. which would just be me and Thomas brooding in silence on our phones. I think we should make her own martial art. Yeah, that sounds cool. I'm calling it Tom Cotto. Tom Cotto? Tom Cotto. What are the basic tenets of Tom Cotto Rule number one Never trust your enemy

We've been relying on the On the list to get us through the last 12 minutes Rule number two The last like four and a half Five episodes We get to like 48, 49 minutes. It's too late to do shorter episodes. Rule number one.

Yeah, we've already committed to that. Rule number one. Yeah, rule number one of Dom Kato. Never trust your enemy. Rule number two. There's only... Everyone is to be trusted. So no enemies?

Number three, everyone is your enemy yeah number four no kicking or punching so number five number five no grappling no pushing okay number five Number five, no grappling. No pushing. Okay. Number five, do not approach your enemy. Number six, do not let your enemy approach you. All right. Rule number one, do not let your enemy beat you up and punch you.

Okay. Rule number seven. No blocking. Rule number eight. Never do a double backflip, regular backflip, frontflip, double frontflip, or somersault. Okay. Okay. Rule number one.

Rule number one. You will never beat me up. And if you can remember rule number one, well, the rest become much easier to remember. I'll put it like that. I think that you have I think you're onto something with Tom Cotto. You want to hear the rules for it? What were the other ones for? I was still on rule number one.

I still don't know the other one. Yeah, sure. let's hear it man Rule number two There's no such thing as an enemy Okay Number three Is everyone your friend? Number three

To get into school You have to kill all your friends It's a loyalty thing It's like It's like the You know the bloods or something But times like You know 25

Depending on how many friends you have Hold on What's up Igor Can you give Igor the mic Depending on how many friends you have. Hold on. What's up, Igor? Can you give Igor the mic? Yeah, no, I got you. I'm going to set my alarm. I'm just doing my podcast. Jake makes Igor do experiments. Yeah, I'll be up for sure.

I think it's cool, but he's okay with it. Okay, we're back. Sorry, everybody. And he uses the chemicals that Igor makes to make special teas that cures erectile dysfunction. Look, man, I'm just a nice guy doing my serving roommate a favor. You don't have to make it weird. You called him a servant? My serving... make it weird you called him a servant

my sir you sounded genuinely angry he called him a servant yeah he was like just reminding me I have to be up at like

out the door like 7 7 10 which Sucks, but it's alright. Yeah, you'll be okay. Yeah, I'll be fine. You'll be over it. Yeah Yeah, I'll be good. Come on. Go back to sleep. Wake up late for work, but I work from home. So it's whatever. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I'm gonna wake up at 5 45 tomorrow More kill yourself. Yeah. Nice. That's what I'm going to do when I wake up, Jake. Are you going to try and stop me?

Nope. No, I won't at all. No, you won't. No. No, I... Well, you know. Well, I mean, you know. I thought maybe some... I guess I won't do it for now,

but maybe when I can get some more attention for it. Could you imagine, like, I mean, I guess, you know, you wouldn't be there anymore, so it wouldn't matter. You know, you wrap things up or whatever. And not only is it not a big deal but nobody cares at all yeah like like that's how it is in your head or whatever you know yeah deliberate things but it's like what if you were right nobody even picked up they don't even do like a 72 hour deal it's just like you know i like completely ignored who cares i do like the idea of like a like a like a southern like you know church sunday wednesday dad doing like the attention like tumblr teenage girl suicide thing like ah well you know nobody care about me if i died and

you know and and i guess i won't do it but i'm i mean one day y'all are gonna y'all and nobody care i'm just basically describing like my dad in that regard yeah yeah uh i think i think we need to start running cycles dude i've been telling you man let's do trend or deca or windstraw i'm game. We should run Equipoise and just get so shredded. Run what? Just get on that horse testosterone. What is it called?

Equipoise. It's the horse testosterone stuff. Isn't that Windstraw? They give it to racehorses. You know what? I bet it's the same thing, just a different brand. Because it's what makes show horses. They're just, you know, you get down to like 0.8% body fat or whatever.

Okay. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't looked seriously at this stuff. I just know that. I was like... By the way, I need you to understand. When I was like 265 and really fucked up on drugs, prescribed and not prescribed, I would look on my phone with just a heart full of cocaine and painkillers

and just drunker than fuck and fatter than fucking breathing and making noises. And my roommates are like, God, dude, you sound and you stink like shit. You just, fuck you. And, you know, I would be Googling. Like, you know that when you take that shit, you still have to exercise. Yeah. You have to. You can't, especially if you're on something like Trent or like Deca.

Yeah, also your heart has to be in pretty good shape. Yeah, no, yes. So I'm, you know, I have a BPM. Actually, it's erratic because I'm on uppers and downers, and I'm drunk. So, you know, anywhere between 120 to like 50 BPM, depending on if I'm like nodding the fuck out. And I got Google up on my phone, and I'm'm like windstraw legal texas windstraw pill where to find windstraw because in my mind i remember like having this like two week phase where i was like dude i'm just gonna take windstraw for like three weeks and i'm gonna

lose 150 i'll lose 150 pounds i can eat what i want i can sit on my ass and like which by the way chemically like if i had put like even one oral windstraw pill in my i would have died like i just would my heart would have stopped but i in that moment i was like yeah i don't really want to exercise or like cut out eating 10 cheeseburgers a day and like 20 chicken wings and like pills or cocaine or and i gotta take my lithium they say i gotta take that so i can't cut that out i don't really want to stop eating Klonopin or Xanax or Dilaudid or Oxycontin. So I think I'm just going to add Winstraw on top of it.

What could go wrong? No, I'd never Winstraw. Yeah, it's like, you know, how people, you know, whenever you cycle, you have to take other stuff. Yeah. You know, like estrogen blockers. You got to stack shit on it. And also, you know, the painkillers they give to stage four cancer victims.

Yeah. Yeah, to people who are like on hospice care. Yeah, the people who can actively see God anytime they open their eyes. Yeah. hospice care yeah the people who can actively see god anytime they open their eyes yeah so i remember like i was talking with a friend of mine and i also i was having like oh cock yeah i bet you were i just sprayed beer all over my laptop i walked into that one i was talking with a friend of mine at Sidebar in Austin. And there's a known haunt for shitheads. Yeah.

Austin or just... Yeah, but Sidebar specifically. And I was like, yeah, man, I'm thinking about getting into Winstraw. And he just like spits like fucking his drink out of he's crying laughing he's like Jake man you've said like a lot like you've been coked up and you said a lot of like really insanely delusional stuff lies like ideas and podcast plans and just show band stuff just delusions. That is the worst one.

And I was like, what are you talking about, man? You take Windstraw, you lose like 130 pounds. Actors do it all the time. And he's like, what are you talking about? And like, I just, I was so out of my mind for like a bunch of different reasons, but I had like convinced myself that like, I could just take it like you'd take like a fat burner like something you'd get at the gas station like they give it to fucking like they like it's a bodybuilder's like oh it's old school wrestler bodybuilder drug it's

for horses like it's poison it is poison for your body and i was like yeah i think i'm gonna get into it as a guy who hasn't lifted weights in two and a half years and is almost 300 pounds. Not almost, but I'm on the wrong side of 250 by quite a bit. And I'm going to get into fucking wind straw. That's a slippery slope. I feel like 300 is a pretty big one. But you can get so close to it before you hit it, you know. Yeah, like when I was – when I weighed myself last before I moved back home and started working construction and lost like the first 25 or 30 just working outdoors, you know.

I was like, man, it is – I used to make fun of people like me in a in a wholesome way like dude how do you get to 300 how does that even happen and i like stepped on the scale like naked it was like 264 and i was like well uh it's pretty fucking easy if you just take a bunch of fucking SSRIs and anti-anxiety medication and eat and never, ever, ever, ever lift a single finger doing anything at all. It's not that hard, man. It really isn't. Yeah, getting in shape is probably the easiest thing I've ever done. the easiest thing I've ever done. You think so?

Yeah. You just pick stuff up and put it back down. I, whenever people, and it's not often, I'm not like, I'm by no means in like Adonis shape,

but I was really fat and I've lost like quite a bit of weight, I guess, you know, and I've had people DM me on Instagram or Facebook or just text me or Twitter or whatever, you know, just reach out and they're like, hey, man, it's hard to lose that much weight. I want to do it. How did you do it? And I can't think back on it and describe it to people in a way that's a healthy plan,

if that makes sense. I literally was just like, well, I got obsessed with working out. I used to be obsessed with doing drugs. Or, like, you know, like, jacking off. Like, I literally just, and I had the time and the money, which is something a lot of people don't have. Like, I had gotten good money from the school, and I was working part-time at the bar, and I was getting paid to teach.

So, my schedule was free i worked out three hours a day five days a week for like seven months and and like that's not realistic for a bunch of people but like i can't say that you know i mean i guess i could you know it just makes me sound bad but like well i mean you could have done it with less working out, you know, and just like you can do it. No, for sure. Just off diet. You can lose weight off. I'm not saying.

Just cutting out drinking and soda. Yeah. Like if you get like a kitchen scale or whatever and you actually count your calories. Weigh your food properly. Yeah, like you. I'm not saying, you know, starve yourself or anything. I'm just saying like, you know, there's, I know this is how women lose weight. They actually weigh their stuff and then they do that, which is weird.

Guys will eat almost exactly the same but work out nine hours a day, which I respect. And they're actually, you know, they'll lose weight less efficiently than the women who, you know, they'll do exercise bands or whatever for three minutes a day and, you know, end up looking like Serena Williams or whatever. Well, I know it's like it's easier for men to lose weight than women just the way that our – like the way our bodies store fat is different. So it's easier for men too. way our body store fat is different so it's easier for men too but i the one thing i do tell people is like if you have an app on your phone that you just downloaded from the app store or whatever but like a like a calorie tracker and an exercise tracker it is likely that it is grossly underestimating what you're taking in and overestimating what you're putting out in terms of work because it's designed to get you to buy

the premium and to keep using the app so of course it's like oh you had you splurged a bit and had nine chicken wings so that's only like 800 calories oh we'll get no nine chicken wings is way more than that it's like almost twice that especially if you're going like a wing stop joint and like an hour of hard fucking cardio is not you know unless you're swimming or like boxing or like something that is just like a full body workout like hit or something for an hour you're not burning that much so i tell people to like be realistic and just stay in a caloric deficit and you'll lose weight that's just how your body works obviously as you get older it gets harder but it's it's like if 2,000 is the recommended, take in 1,700, work out three days a week, you'll be fine.

But I also know that that is really fucking hard in and of itself. It's super fucking hard to do that. Like I went two and a half years, didn't step in a gym. I just wanted to eat and get fucked up. That's what I've been doing this last month. I've been living like shit. I really haven't worked out. It's in its own way it rocks i'm not

you know every time i get back in the gym i'm like how the fuck did i live like that i was an animal and then now i'm like dude who the fuck goes to the gym that's gay i like to fucking watch mission impossible and eat the fuck out of my dick and drink miller light all day yeah I uh I would say like I don't know if you're giving advice here or anything but basically for me you know it's just like working out and trying to get a little healthier just became something I

you know enjoyed more than than just you know getting trashed and all that so it's just sort of a natural shift in interests I guess once I yeah I mean like it's like it's easy to get obsessed with it

or like not obsessed with it that's the wrong word but like it's easy to start doing it and be like oh yeah I like this it does make me feel good so you just add it to part of your routine like it's easy to start doing it and we're like oh yeah i like this it does make me feel good and so you just add it to part of your routine but it's for at least for me i don't know about you it's super easy to drop off like yeah if if i don't have a partner or anything it's it's rough but um yeah i need to get a new, like, regular routine going. Same, yeah, same. Because I haven't been, yeah, I haven't been, like, doing nothing.

But I really like just having, like, a routine that I stick to. Yeah. Well, I mean, like, because when I was working from home, but it was open schedule, like grading and going to school, like, I could go to the gym at nine and stay there till noon. And now I can't do that. Like I have to be like in front of my computer, you know, eight hours a day. So the morning workouts,

which I really enjoyed are no longer an option for me unless I go at like six. But I just, I've, I've done the 6 AMs before, but like waking up at five and then going to like get choked out for an hour, like it's six in the morning is just like, and then like after that, like, cause normally I would spar or do jujitsu and then lift after going to like get choked out and then being like, yeah, I'm going to go like try to hit a bench pr at like 7 a.m i don't know about that big dog like i've just i'm not even really i'm worse

than a morning person i'm a cocksucker between the hours of like 7 and 12 i'm just the worst motherfucker i hate i fucking hate being awake yeah i really don't want to work out multiple times a day yeah i used to used to be able to do it now i'm like i want to have my time when i do that and then just be in recovery the rest of the time yeah just chill fucking chill yeah that's what i really would like to at some point have a job that isn't all you know know, manual. Manual labor. Not that I hate what I do now. I mean, it helps, but it does like it. No, no, I just, I know what you mean.

When you work outside, you're like, it was hard for me to, even when I worked in a restaurant and it was outdoors and I sweat all day, just on my fucking feet running around, like bartending or like lifting kegs and shit. I'd go home and like, be like, oh, seven? Fuck, time for jiu-jitsu or whatever, like, time for boxing.

And I just wouldn't go because I just, like, I had no more physical exertion. Like, my bandwidth for that activity was gone because I was just so sapped. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Well, folks, my internet is getting pretty bad, well well folks the internet

my internet is getting pretty bad so we might go ahead and we're gonna go ahead and call it call this one if you're listening to this

you should go to patreon.com slash pendejo pendejo time and uh and check out the premiums they're pretty good um alright folks folks bye-bye