Pendejo Time - trigger warning dromedary death

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

160000 camels laid to fucking rest by the australian government. your thoughts on this matter.Support the Show.

Yo! What's up, Tomas? Hey. Okay, we're doing this show now. Alright. We're doing our fucking little show. Okay. Welcome to the, um, fucking...

Girl Corner. Party Girl Podcast. No boys allowed. No boys allowed. Well, unless you're hot. Stop! Stop. You can't say stuff like that. My dad listens to this. Yeah, my... Really?

Yeah, it's while we're asleep. We're asleep. He goes back... We don't even put this out. He just... He knows your password. He knows my password? For your laptop.

He listens to these. Stop. I hate going to brigham young university having my dad look at my i don't know how why i'm starting to make her from wisconsin i don't know like uh i started off as like a valley girl and then i'm like i don't know who the fuck brigham young is uh the university Mormons. We don't fucking watch mystery movies. Britton Young, who the fuck? I'm an American. That's a rapper out of Atlanta. Britton Young.

So I was telling you, I'm doing this like, I'm like going and tracking down stuff for the settlement. I've been trying to get going. Yeah, that's probably not something you should talk about. I'm not going to go into much detail on it, but it got me thinking of a funny question to ask you. Would you, if medical expenses were not deducted from the money, because this is probably going to likely result in pain, but you won't die.

That's a part of it. For $50,000, medical expenses not deducted, would you go into the Bronx like in like a sandwich shop or like a, I don't know,

like a loan office or something and say the N-word like a lot and really loud? Yeah. Okay, sick. All right. Yeah, nice. heard like a lot and really loud yeah okay sick all right yeah nice i like that answer just very simple yeah no no thinking about it i was taking a shower earlier and i was like you know running through all this stuff in my head like it's just stupid like like just shit I've had to deal with the last couple days with this stuff I've got going on. But $50,000 isn't that much money.

I can make that in fucking two years. Right. You could, or you could make it in 30 seconds. Something bad might happen. Oh, I only got to do it for 30 seconds? Yeah, you walk in like you're going to do business. You said a lot. I was thinking 30 minutes. Well, you're not going to last that long, let's be real.

Yeah, I would. I'd be like KKK John Wick, you know? KKK John Wick. Yeah. I'm not saying that. I would personally. I'm saying that's what it would look like from an outsider's perspective who didn't know it was a prank.

Dude, that would be like a good YouTube prank is to be racist john wick well like he just sees a black guy at the gas station and then like just it's a different black guy who breaks into his house and he's like oh they're after me i was thinking of combining our two things so like you know like the head the the thumbnail is like art shitty graphic design it's like going into bodega to say n-word and then parentheses muay thai champion and then like you walk in you let like a bunch of them fly and here's another one would you walk in to the same deli or whatever it's's also 50,000. But you have to say the word puppy really loud at least 1,000 times.

Yeah, that's... You can get away with saying puppy a lot more times. But can you yell puppy 1,000 times? Okay, so are people trying to restrain me? Like, am I fighting and then also i don't know you're yelling puppy and you won't stop i have to get a thousand in yeah you could probably get at least like 50 before it becomes a problem probably i'm trying to see how no you have to you have to enunciate puppy puppy like that you can't see if you say it like poppy then nobody even cares

they're like that's right that guy's saying poppy hey puppy and you're like here's another one for a hundred dollars would you kill both your parents no well okay my mom has a pretty decent life insurance policy um right and from that you'll get 100 dollars but keep in mind you're also getting 100 bucks prize money so that's 200 plus you'll get half your dad's money so that'll make 204 i i do i've often like like like had a scenario in my head where like a lawyer sits like he dies right a lawyer sits me down very like you know it's very like a somber, just sad mood, and he's like, I'm there, my brother's there, my mom's there. He's like, okay, guys, I know this is not where you want to be on a Saturday.

Believe me, I don't like doing this either. It doesn't get any easier. I've been doing it 20 years. But we've got to divvy up this stuff so we can get you guys some closure, get on to the funeral processions. All right? so we can get you guys some closure, get on to the funeral processions. All right? So in his will and testament, Big Dave decided to divvy up his assets. So to you, Jaden, the youngest boy, you got half a pack of Big Red gum,

two Marlboro lights, and a steel reserve from the back of your dad's car to you, Jacob, you got $60. Uh, but that's, uh, pesos. So it's probably like a dollar and a half.

Um, they were in a sock drawer. I don't know what they were doing there. Uh, and for you, uh, you know, the mother of the children,

uh, you get a grainy printed out laminated picture of a middle finger and one bullet uh thank you guys this is all you had uh i'm sorry uh this had to play out this way i don't he doesn't have when he goes man who knows when that'll be? He might outlive everybody, you know. He's already made it, like, abundantly clear. He's like, I don't got no health insurance, I don't got no life insurance policy. And I ain't got no money.

So, easy thing about me dying is, y'all don't got to split nothing up, you know. Y'all ain't got to worry about that. Y'all ain't got to get a lawyer or nothing. And I'm like, that's great. Like, I don't want you to die. You know, and he's like, well, you know, everybody does. I'm just letting you know, ain't nothing to split up. Hey, I'm like, cool.

That's awesome. I'm glad that's a outlook. Yeah, I mean, you think you got a hard. I'm getting like $20 million. That's way too much money for a young, handsome, sexually active guy like me. It'd be very funny if you got $20 million and all your other siblings got literally nothing. Yeah, I would hate that. Yeah, you wouldn't like anything like that.

No. Would you swag yourself out? Would you flaunt it like at Thanksgiving and stuff? Do you wear like a pimp's cobra like a boa type deal i like the the idea of a family where there's seven heirs and and six of them get disowned and then they all including the guy who got all the money and assets like still go to thanksgiving yeah like one guy has like a rolls royce and everyone else is in like a 92 honda civic yeah and they're all like just like trying not to mention it but he's like i'm wearing like the the white pimp c outfit and everyone else is in like you know just the coat they've always had it's got yeah cigarette burns in it and shit you're dressed like i'm drinking like the hot cranberry punch stuff out of like a chalice yeah

it's worth like a quarter million you're like yeah i mean you know and they're like how much was the inheritance again i'm like uh six thousand dollars and they're like like all this stuff is a loan i just you can rent this stuff yeah you can rent the aston martin you can what's renting a ferrari like what is that like five thousand dollars or something no dude no like i i was looking into this because i was reading about like this back like sometimes they still do it, but it was like a pandemic. It was like Instagram influencers. And like when Vine was big, like these like fake it till you make it guys that are like, you want to make money? Like you got to do tax fraud.

And then they're like, how do you think I got this Lambo right here? Well, as I come to find out, they're all renting them. Like not like all of them work at like Jimmy John's.s obviously i'm generalizing but it was like a thing tiktok's brought it back or whatever but these guys were like an entire breed of man and you can rent those things for pretty i mean it's not fucking cheap but it's certainly not 5 000 a day like depending on like who you go to like 500 maybe well like if you're just taking pictures or using them for like uh like music videos and shit it's super cheap it's not not i don't i think yeah maybe something like four or five i know that you can rent and drive them in places

like like like you like i think a circuit of the americas here in austin does something like that where you can like millionaires and billionaires who like have a house here will be like yeah my astrid martin's there it's just like passive income it's like rent it out for like 900 a day have them fucking spin around and if it gets fucked up it gets fucked up who gives a shit obviously that there's like a heavy hefty insurance payout like if you do that you like sign away or like well geico will cover this car right right? A quarter million dollar sports car. But I remember reading about that and being like, so like if I save up $1,000 and I go rent like a Bugatti or a fucking Lambo.

We're speaking as like grown-ass adults. Let's say I've saved up $1,000. Hypothetically. Hypothetically, I have $800. That's not real, by the way. Hypothetically, anyway. I was thinking about what could they do? You can't send me to jail.

You could sue me or like send it to collections but like if i fucking whip that thing into the wall at like 80 miles an hour and don't die like well you're gonna be like oh well your insurance is gonna have to cover this and i'm like well i'm just gonna cancel my policy you know i don't need to have like insurance from the car i don't need it my dad drove without it for like 12 years. So, you know, there's that.

It's like, well, we're going to like send you to collections. Okay, join the club. I crashed your car, buddy. And I guess they wouldn't

care that much. They're rich. They're renting out their car to like, you know, middle class guys who want to like, you know,

take a picture in front of it in like a $10 suit or whatever. But I feel like if you really are a man with nothing to lose, you don't care about your shit going to collections, you don't care about having car insurance, go do it.

If any of our listeners, if your lives are just really like it peaked a while back or if it never peaked at all, and you're like, how do I shake something up? I want to shake something loose, some action, some emotion. Google sports car rentals, my city, super car rentals. Go get you a Mini Cooper. Right.

Something like that. Yeah. Rent that motherfucker. Get a Land Rover, not a Range Rover. Smash that motherfucker into a sidewall. When they come to collect, cancel your insurance policy. They're going to send you to collections for a quarter million dollars by the way you play the long game you you put your phone on silent for eight months you hear first knock you hear at the door you kill yourself might be a mailman for all you know first knock you hear at the door

six fucking buckshot shells right through the door cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo fuck it could be your mom she could attract you down but that's not your problem you've decided to be an outlaw you're a fucking man you're a fucking maverick dude you're gonna go stay with jake and his girlfriend you're gonna protect you you're gonna stay and i will brother i will if you do exactly what thomas just said said, if you crash a sports car and get sent to collections for a quarter million dollars and then you kill your own mom. Hey, man, if you do all that just for a goof, just for a laugh, you can have my couch. A couple weeks. You know?

Well, the thing about that guy is if he's at your door, you just kind of have to say yes. Right. Yeah. Well, the thing about that guy is if he's at your door, you just kind of have to say yes. Right, yeah. If he's willing to sort of ruin his life in such a fucking tragic way, it's not going to be like, oh, it was a joke. You can probably wake me up in my sleep and make me suck your dick. I don't want to. And I don't even want to think about doing something like that. No, I'd hate to.

It's the worst-case scenario. That was on your mind, brother? No. It's the last case scenario That was on your mind brother? No It's the last thing on my mind And that's where you have to look sometimes You know There's a lot of people in this world Who have done things you'd never imagine

Right Do you think you've met Like outside of people you know Who've like served in the military And like in infantry Like MOS or whatever Do you think you've met anybody That's like killed a dude Like outside you think yeah me too in fact i know but like

yeah like like uh it's it happens yeah more often than that one might think well i mean like just in the in the general... I don't even mean in, like, oh, you come up in this hard life. I mean, like, regular-ass dudes have, like, killed a guy just randomly sometimes. And that just kind of happens. I haven't.

I would be haunted by it if I had. However, you know, some guys... You know, you always think of guys who have killed people as, like, either hard-ass criminals or like. Sociopaths or whatever. Psychopaths. There's guys who deliver pizzas who, you know, killed their girlfriend like six years ago and just never heard anything about it.

Yeah. Or they just got off on a weird technicality. I will clarify in this situation that I just made that specific guy up. Right, right, right. I didn't work at a pizza restaurant. Some guy was like, hey, I killed my girlfriend. Nobody gives a fuck. And I was just like, yeah, yeah.

I was at a party with a good friend of mine, and this was years back. And we're just hanging out, having a good time. And he goes, hey, man, you want to hear a funny story? And I'm like, yeah, sure. out, having a good time. And he goes, uh, he goes, Hey man, what are your funny story? And I'm like, yeah, sure. We were outside smoking a cigarette. And he's like, he said like short fat guy over there. I was like, yeah, man. He's like, Oh, that's my cousin. You want to know something funny about him? And I'm like, yeah, whatever. Is he like, you know, fucking, you know, fuck dogs or whatever. Like, what are we like? He, he was selling it. Like it was something really funny. He was like, 10 years ago, when he was in college,

he drove his car drunk into a car parked on the side of the road, like their hazards was on, and killed that motherfucker dead. He went to jail for it, got off, and now he's just chilling. This guy was like doing a keg stand. He drove there. And I was like, kind of like how you said like i was like does he have like any he's like nope he was like that is my cousin by marriage he killed a guy with his car dead dead on arrival super dead turned him into mush and now uh he does this and i'm like does he like go to therapy he's's like, no, dude, he'll tell you about it.

Go up and ask him about it. And I was like, no, I don't want to do that at all. Like, that's like the last thing I want to talk about at a party. But like, that wasn't the specific guy I was thinking of. But it is a good example of like, now, did he mean to do it? Like, you know, did he mean to take a life? It's like, no know did he mean to take a life it's like no but he did and he's just like you know listening to like cumbia and like doing keg stands and like you know just being

like ah hey sexy ladies oh doing fucking ghanian style or whatever this was like 2012 or whatever but uh like i just thought he was like a, a fat guy from, like, El Salvador. No. He's a guy that. Almost any time a Mexican dude is like, hey, you see that guy over there? You want to hear something funny? They're just going to be like, he's gay. Yeah, yeah.

And then they made that up. They're just calling. Yeah, it's just a challenge of that guy's manhood. And then they, like, fight in the front yard, like, later that night it's that's what i thought it was gonna be i was like are you gonna tell me that he like sucked dick in college and like now he has a wife and you know are you gonna tell me that he like bailed on his baby mama or something no one night after a party he smashed his camry into a guy turned him into goop, and then he went to Huntsville for like, I don't remember how long the guy was in jail, but he was free then. So it was just like, thinking about that, I'm like, man, I don't know if I could ever party again.

Like, I know some people to like cope with the fact they took a life, get worse. But I think like if I did something like that and then went to fucking jail like I'm not going to a house party and being like y'all wanna take shots you know y'all wanna do some fucking yak like I'm not going crazy I feel like I wanna be like at my house for the rest of my life just sort of like that's cause you don't know how

to heal that's right you gotta at a certain point you know that's cause you're not a real man you go to therapy you know they're gonna be like so when you're getting back in the game you know

the game misses you you're gonna sit at home like a little bitch just cause you killed a guy are you gonna get out and shotgun 10 beers and do it again are you gonna are you gonna wait another eight years and then continue to try to fuck 19-year-olds? Or are you going to start now? You're going to hop back on that horse right away, brother.

Yeah. You're only 29 now. It's not weird. I never confirmed it. Like, I was a kid, but when I lived in this, uh it was like nine it was like my mom's first rent house and it was like you know just bad shitty part of town and there was a kid in the neighborhood who like you know we just all we're like 10 or 11 and it's like what does your dad do you know i was like oh my dad works on a tugboat and you know smokes fucking cracker what does your dad do all my dad's in jail and we're all like oh that's cool your dad's in jail what's he in jail for and he was like an older kid and he

was like oh uh like three years ago um a cop kicked our door in and then he shot him in the head and he killed the cop and i was like i was like i like, I thought my dad was like a rock and roll cool dad because he like played Metallica covers on the guitar till four in the morning and like drank too much. This kid Robbie was like, yeah, my dad like blew a sheriff's like head off and like took off or whatever. And then they like found him and now he's doing like he's on death row or whatever. And then they like found him. And then now he's doing like, he's on death row or whatever. And I was like, Oh, your life is way harder.

Like, I was like, you know, like when I was in there, I was like, Oh man, I, you know,

like I had my own problems. Our family, family was kind of fucked up. But then you meet somebody who has actually had like a very surreal, difficult life that you wouldn't think that another human being has led like this kid was supremely fucked up it's kind of a little shithead but i mean that makes sense not all that's cool oh you're dead poor little guy stop dude it doesn't suit your own problems here Here's the thing, man. These kids got to grow up.

I'm going to get out in these streets. I'm going to start teaching these youngsters a lesson. You hear me? Are you going to be like the old head at the bus stop that's like, you got to. I'm going to be like Clint Eastwood, except not racist. And also very weak and easy to beat up. And also constantly ill and dying and not respected. Have asthma.

And also not very funny or witty. Talented or anything like that. I'm just going to show up and it's going to be like Gran Torino, but if he got killed immediately. Right, right. They just... Like one of those Asian kids. He walks out onto his porch and they all shoot him.

Yeah, that would have been a much better movie, I think. I think that movie would have been great without all the racism. Yeah. Can you imagine now, like, what the movie would even be like if there was just, like, nothing racially offensive in it? There was no... Yeah, no racially... It's just, like, these neighbors in it. There was no, yeah, no racially. It's just like these neighbors

that he likes and then he like goes down defending them. Yeah, he just lives next to some like Asian people and he's like, hey,

it's nice to meet you. The movie would be like 22 minutes long, I think. Mm-hmm. It would just be hot, sexy fucking. Yeah.

Clint Eastwood full penetration scene. Yeah yeah do you like that let's go over the news real quick and by that i mean the things i've heard what have you heard man i didn't they find that laundry guy they found some remains or something the guy that who's the laundry guy brian brian laundry the guy that killed his old his girlfriend oh i thought you meant like there was a guy who got killed in the laundromat that would be way funnier to me that was i thought man my head was spinning i was like this sounds like the coolest serial killer all time this is like little strangler vietnamese

women who work in warehouses keep finding a femur in their dryer. You know, they put the little coin in, and they open it, and there's a skull. Brian Laundrie. No, I thought they just found a lookalike. No, so, like, in the Florida wilderness, they found, like, his backpack and his notepad and some human remains or something.

Dude, I love... I hope nothing happened to him. Me too. I hope that he meets justice, you know, in a fair way. Yeah, so... Don't get me wrong, I'm a big proponent of criminal justice. But turning into a skeleton? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Well, I don't think... I mean, maybe he was a skeleton. What if he was a skeleton i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy well i don't think i mean maybe he was a skeleton what if he was a skeleton the whole time like a spooky one like a holiday you ever met another kind pal yeah you i don't think so yeah because you're because you're thin and and wayfish yeah i'm really wayfish that's one thing that I would describe Thomas as. It's way fish. I'm like one of those way foos. What is that? What does that mean?

The Japanese thing? I think it's way foo. Is that like boyfriend or something? I think it's a cute girl. Maybe. It's a Japanese girl. It's like somebody that you obsess over or something. Japan.

Japanese heartthrob. I think it means dragon lady. Maybe. Don't quote me on that. That might be incorrect. I think it means, I think it's a racial slur. I think it means stupid fat bitch. I think it means skinny Chinese lady.

I just got this sushi plate. Google Siri. Google Siri? What is waifu? What is... What is... W-A-I-F-U? What is waifu?

Waifu is a term for a fictional character, usually in anime or related media, that someone has great and sometimes romantic affection for. People also ask, is waifu a wife? Is it okay to have a waifu? Does waifu mean crush? Who is the best waifu a wife? Is it okay to have a waifu? Does waifu mean crush? Who is the best waifu? Waifu University? What senpai means?

What do uwu mean? Who is best anime waifu? What does waifu mean? What do you call a female weeb? You can call her whatever you want actually Um Let's see Were there any weeaboos in your high school

Like weird people into like Chinese shit So there were like I feel like you're from a I think there were And we didn't realize at the time Cause there were girls who did like They did like theater

But they were on the crew Or whatever And they were like cat ears I don't know exactly exactly you're talking about yep we had those two i think they they were super into anime but like we didn't even know what anime was at the time really like growing up and then like as i got it more into high school you know some of my friends like naruto or whatever and that was fine but i didn't understand like i thought that they wore cat ears because they wanted to fuck cats oh and maybe they

did right i think it's like soft furry stuff kind of there's this one kid who i thought was maybe like a weeaboo type kid and it turned out out he was just like the most autistic person I ever encountered. He still walks around my hometown wearing a cape. That's awesome. And he has multiple swords. Aaron, if you're out there, respect. Please do not hunt me. There was a guy like that in my school.

There I am. Big dude, big fat guy, tall fat guy. He was on the football team. I don't think that he wanted to be, but it was one of those, like, we were in, there was, like, a power lifting bodybuilding class. It was really just a fuck off period. The coaches never made you do anything. And I was in this class, and this guy, Cameron, was in this class and this guy cameron was in the class also and he was just like it was his fuck-up period too and he would read like manga and make weird noises and we always like you know threw dodgeballs at him and shit it was pretty tough for this guy um he goes on to

play football like the next year and he's pretty good in this insofar as he's like 6'6 and like 350 he's just you know like people run into him and then they turn to dust and so like he had like a modicum he went from like autistic weirdo to like kind of moved up the social hierarchy which rarely happens in those situations to become like a football guy like Like you're on varsity D line. Like you are, you know. Anyway, one day he just stopped showing up to school. And during all that like him playing football, he was still like an autistic kind of a strange cat. You know, very weird.

Said weird stuff in class. Stunk like a lot. I come to find out that he did like a Porky's like fast times at Ridgemont high style, looking into the girls, the volleyball girls shower, like shower time. And he got in a lot of trouble and had to go to like the alternative school.

Um, but he skipped the mid-level one and went straight to the big one called high point, which was for like murderers and stabbers and people kids who like beat the dog shit out of teachers or whatever which always kind of like obviously what he did was wrong but it made me laugh like a mice and men situation right where it's like you go to the like basically the prison school you know like juvie school You know he was running the football team there. For sure. I wonder if the politics are the same because he's technically like,

you know, like rapists and child abusers in prison don't last very long. Like if you go to prison school as a guy who did like drilling a hole in the wall to look at titty's ass and pussy. He drilled a hole? No, I don't know. No, I don't know if it was that cartoonish. I was like that would be, I hate't know if it was that cartoon. I was like, that would be,

I hate to say that would be so funny. I don't know if it was, I can't imagine that it was because the boys and girls lockers are obviously separate. So it would have been like, like they were fucking across the gym. So like, it would have been a very,

like that would have been fucked up. Like a piece of PVC pipe running across the gym and no one understand. They're like, what the fuck? fuck like when did they install this i think he was literally just like hiding in there and jacking off like i was much sadder and not i mean not nearly as funny as like trying to figure out a way to like hide in the wall and drill a hole yeah like we used to in high school yeah you know like classic we used to We used to pretend to be lockers. Yeah. And we would paint our mouths blue. And we would turn our lips to the side so when girls would open the locker, it would really be our mouth.

Where would the mouth go? And then we would eat all their books. It was our big prank. You know what I love to do before I have to get books is I have to pull my wallet out. Yeah. You do. And you know what I recently did? I threw my old wallet in the fucking garbage, and I said, I need a new wallet.

And the best place to go and get a new wallet is at Ridge.com. Oh, really? You got a new wallet there? I did get a wallet there. It's super sick. Ridge wallet is the premier front pocket wallet. It's slim design, built to last. Can I ask you a personal question?

Sure. How many... Does it come in a bunch of different colorways? It comes in a bunch of different colors, materials, including carbon fiber and burnt titanium. There's over 30 colors and styles. Oh, bless my stars and garters. I don't know if you know this, but it also holds up to 12 cards, and it has room for your cheddar cheese cash. Holy fucking shit.

Right? I fucking know. These things have over 40,000 five-star reviews, so it's a fucking beloved product. That's over 40,000. That is over 40,000 indeed. In total with the five-star reviews. If you plan on living a long-ass life. It's over 200,000 stars. That's correct.

That's more than it's in the sky. Yeah. If you plan on living a long-ass life like me and Thomas, you're going to love this wallet. You know why? Because it comes with a lifetime fucking warranty. All right? It's going to last.

It will outlast you long after you kill yourself or, like, do family annihilation. That wallet will still be there. That wallet will last forever. Long after the heat death of the universe and whatever the fuck science shit. Yeah, it's even going to outlive freaking Betty White. It's going to outlive freaking betty white it's gonna outlive freaking betty white please sister please can you believe that he just said that fucking shit i can't believe that so if you fucking want a wallet or you want some other shit they got fucking knives they have fucking they got phone cases phone cases that are impenetrable yeah they got got RFID blocking technology for all you pickpockets.

Not for the pickpockets. It's against the pickpockets. Right. So if you're a pickpocketer, fuck you. Very firmly anti-digital pickpocketing company. And I say that as a former digital pickpocketer. Correct. You've gone the straight and narrow, right?

Yeah, I've gone the narrow at least. Oh! Self-deprecation sexy anyway you're gonna want to go over to fucking ridge.com slash pendejo that's p-e-n-d-e-j-o to get 10 off everything in the fucking store everything you can spend 10 you can spend a hundred thousand dollars there if you want if you want to spend a hundred thousand dollars you get that's free money that's ten thousand10,000 off in your pocket. I think if you spent $100,000 worth of code, we would both get indicted for something.

Yeah, I think if somebody were to spend that much and use the code, like, yeah. Something bad would happen to us. Something bad would happen to you and me, for sure. So spend, like, slightly under $100,000. Spend, like, $98,000. Yeah, but a bunch of times. But yeah, do fraud that way. Coupon code PENDEJO.

P-E-N-D-E-J-O. The holidays are fucking coming up, man. Get yourself something. Get your boyfriend something. Get your brother something. Get your dad something. Get your girlfriend something. Get your old lady something.

She's been putting in the work for you. She's been cleaning the fucking house, dude. And she's been keeping everything fucking tidied up. Get her a wallet. Get one for your grandma. You don't do shit for her anymore. Yeah, you don't fucking call her. You don't text her. Get her something. Get her a fucking knife and a duffel bag. Get her a fucking wallet. Get her a wallet that's

jet black. Jet black? Yeah. I knew that guy. Yeah, me too. That's brought to you by the fucking Ridge Wallet. All right, we're back. How many kangaroos do you think they got nowadays? I wonder how those are doing.

Like 55? I would say they've probably got over 100 now. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's pretty fucking... That's a lot. You see, dude, Australia is so fucked up. I do not understand that continent.

I remember, like, they were having fires or whatever, like, a year ago, which is fine. I understand. The whole motherfucker was on fire. Seems like a place that would be on fire. Correct. Judging off... I've watched some movies. Australia with Hugh Jackman.

I've also watched the movie mad max right and that's all i really know about the whole country desert and there's like one jungle that's what i think about i think of sydney opera house and then the rest of the country is a desert and then it's somewhere in the desert is like a jungle that's how i think they've got like a castle where they keep all the indigenous people or whatever. It's definitely a castle. It's a nice one. It's like a – well, yeah.

Anyway. And then – anyway, I was – I remember with those fires, I was like, oh, they're probably just doing, like, normal stuff about that. This may have been, like, five years ago. Keep in mind because my memory is just, you know how that is. They were shooting camels from helicopters. What? The camels weren't operating the helicopters.

They were on the ground. But you know like with hog hunting, how you can like get up in a chopper? Yeah. What does this have to do with the fires, though? Because the camels were, like... Spreading the fire? They were... Was this, like, a mercy killing? Like, to save them from being burnt to death?

People were just dumbing them with high-powered rifles? Why would... How would I know? Okay, let's just assume that they were just doing it for fun. Continue? They weren't doing it for fun. I think they, uh... Maybe it's because they drink so much

water? That couldn't be it. No, there's... So you're telling me... Look, I'm not the one who killed all these giraffes, or maybe it was something else. I just remember the guns. I feel like you're not supposed to kill a camel.

Australia, they got fucking millions of them. Australia, helicopter, helicopter, gun. Australia They got fucking millions of them Australia Helicopter Copter Gun We need a fucking intern Because I can't type with one hand worth of shit Helicopter Gun

Fire That's all you need Animal You got it brother Aer aerial shooting of camels first result i googled australia have helicopter gun fire animal they got it though they do kill them but what does it have to do with the fires this is my question oh dude were you australia will have snipers and helicopters shoot thousands of camels to conserve water. This was last January.

Damn. I am a genius. God. That's very funny to me. I was like 30% sure I made that up. Beginning this week, professional snipers will take to helicopters to hunt 4,000 to 5,000 camels. That's fucking hilarious. Oh, God, dude.

That's sick. That's awesome. Oh, fuck, dude. I like that a lot. What the hell? Environmental officials estimate that 10,000 camels are migrating into the region. Okay, I get it now. So these camels were migrating from areas that were on fire and then just coming into other areas drinking all of the water.

It's like rural communities. Right, like middle of fuck off nowhere. I wonder, that's got to feel like fucked up. I mean, because when you're shooting a hog, like a hog will fuck you up if you're on the ground. You've got the advantage. Like, you've got a carbine, you're in the helicopter, a hog will kill you.

Are camels, like, do they fuck people up? No. They note that carcasses left during the mass coal will be burnt within a couple weeks. That's dark. I mean, I think... So, apparently's they got way too many fucking camels fuck that i don't like that you want to go down they estimate it will take at least three years to bring the camel population down to sustainable numbers three years of camel murder that's fucked up i mean whatever whatever you got to do australia's fucked up I mean whatever Whatever you gotta do Australia's a fucked up place though

How many camels they got? How many Google how many camels do they got? How many camels How many camels They got Australia Australia

Australia Holy fuck Holy shit Oh my god Don't tell me One million Oh fuck Oh shit

One million Ah that's not good Two million Ten million camels Oh no I haven't been What have you done You know how many camels they've killed How many

20,000 160,000 Holy fuck From helicopters They have killed 160,000 camels Now the fuck do you kill 160,000 camels? That's fucking incredible. Holy shit.

Oh, my God. It is estimated that around 300,000 feral camels remained, the population increasing 10% per year. That's fucked up. 30,000 new fucking camels every year. And guess who the critics of killing 160,000 camels are? PETA? The people in the camel meat industry.

No, they don't eat those things, do they? They eat them. That's nasty. Those little kangaroo fuckers are... Jesus, they're out of control. What the fuck is this? Jesus. Camel milk.

They got that shit. That sounds nasty, dude. I don't know about all that. Oh, man. Can you imagine killing like 160,000 horses? They don't even have wild horses. Yeah, apparently they had like 600,000 camels, and then they were like, oh, my fucking God.

We got to cut this shit out. And the population doubles like every 10 years if they don't do anything about it. Well, we don't have wild horses, really. I think. We do. I mean, we don't got like that many, you think? No, no. I'm trying to put it in perspective.

I think the thing with camels is they're not native to Australia. They brought them over there to see if they'd do well. They seem to be thriving. If you're making 35,000 new motherfuckers a year, I mean, probably on track, I guess. Yeah, I think they brought them to, like, explore the desert, if that makes sense, because bringing horses, I imagine, to explore. Dude, a lot of Australia is fucking no man's land, you know?

Yeah. Let's go to Australia, man. It's like a 24-hour flight. Yeah, we could see our four friends there. Do we have – I mean, yeah, I think we have listeners there, like 10. No, it's a lot. Really? Yeah.

That's crazy. I would love to go to Australia. Dude, could you – that sounds like a problem. So the hog hunting in Texas thing I told you a while back There's a place in San Marcos That does it for An insanely cheap amount

It's so cheap That I think Like it would be dangerous Like I can imagine The helicopter's made of Like duct tape and shit Yeah Cause it's a helicopter

Well People were like Yeah it's like A thousand dollars an hour Or whatever There's a fucking billboard dude Like in San Marcos Heading into Wimberley Where my old gym was at Helicopter hog hunting dollars an hour or whatever there's a fucking billboard dude like in san marcos heading into

wimberly where my old gym was at helicopter hog hunting three hundred dollars now i was googling about it and it's like yeah that's real but the average like i was wondering like what am i shooting them with like a fucking potato gun like what kind of helicopter is it because the average like you like you look you google around it's like a thousand to two three thousand dollars like and i went on their website and it was like weapons provided helicopter hog hunting now the reviews for this specific place i forget the name of the ranch where it was like one star across the board and it was a lot of stuff about how the pilot is just like a guy who like lives on the ranch.

And they were like scariest helicopter ride of my life. But they didn't die. So, I'm saying $600? I'd rather just go out there and wait. Yeah. My brother had a friend in high school who did hog hunting with knives. But when I say knives, I mean like swords, basically. Yeah, yeah.

Like extremely sharp. I feel like you don't take a kitchen knife out to a javelina's hut. You know, like that's a bad idea. A javelina's hut. They don't live in huts, but, you know, they live in, like, don't they live in, like, holes in the ground or something? They live in, like, nests or something. I don't know.

I think javelinas are smaller. Dude, no. Javelinas are big. I thought javelinas were the little Mexican ones. No, I mean, you might be correct in that there are some little ones, but I thought javelinas were fucked up. They got tusked. They're big as fuck, like 80 or 90 pounds or some shit.

I know wild hogs can get fucking fatter than fuck. Are you fact-checking me right now? You can go javelina hunting. I know they get big. No, I'm just saying if javelina's i'm uh i'm just seeing like the different kinds of hogs ah okay this is a fun episode for me in terms of looking shit up that does not matter yeah feral hogs versus javelina okay what do we got um um so javelinas are not true

pigs apparently it's saying they're in a whole different like family they're not swine of mammals it's fucked up like they can't fuck they can't fuck.

They can't fuck. Each other. I don't think. I mean, they could try. Is it like a mule where they're like, they can't, like they're impotent? No, I mean, I don't think feral hogs and javelinas could. Could fuck. Oh, you could. I see.

So, apparently javelinas are not hogs. They're whole ass other animals? They look similar. But they're actually a collared peccary. Man, I'd love to put my collar on and go deliver some peccary, dude. This is really fascinating stuff. Yeah. So they are native, though. Javelinas are.

Okay. So javelinas basically are not like invasive okay that's the difference between them and feral hogs okay and i think feral hogs honestly it's hard to tell the difference um oh javelinas are smaller they are okay uh they're like 40 to 60 pounds usually that's still a big motherfucker dude yeah average adult size though for feral hogs is like 180 pounds versus like 50 pounds dude can you imagine a 180 pound motherfucker just taking your knees out big ass knives attached to the bottom of their head. Those things are fucking mean, dude.

Yeah. I remember I was on, like, a family friend's trailer out in Vidor, Texas. And I was probably, like, 10 or 11. And I was like, oh, y'all got pigs. That's cute. And they were like, don't go up to that one or any of them. And I was like, why? And I was like, because they'll kill you. And in my 10-year-old brain, I was like, I can't be killed by a pig.

A pig goes oink. A pig's like a little. Were they javelinas? No, they're like breeding sows. Like they use them to make piglets. Yeah. But the mothers are fucking mean. And they get bigger than like whatever type of pig this was.

It was that type of biology term where the women are bigger than the men. Yeah. Animal. So they get to be like five, six. I mean, they get fucking fatter than fuck and big, and they can move. And so I remember asking him. I was like – he was like, you can pet the little chickens. You can pet the chicks.

The ducks are kind of mean, but you see a little duck, you want to pick it up, whatever. Don't approach the fucking sows. And I'm like, why? And they're like, they'll kill you. And I'm like, you're joking with me. I cannot. I'm a 10-year-old boy, by the way, so I'm not fighting a pig. But in my mind, I was like, I hadn't been around any pigs like that before.

Like, they're just walking around. And they were like, yeah, they will kill you. They will squish you to death. They have really powerful jaws. If they bite you, they'll take a chunk out and you'll bleed out. I'm like, I can't be killed by a fucking pig, dude. When I was little and you spin the little thing, the pig says oink, dude. The pig does not say, I'm going to fucking kill you.

The pig says oink. It's not a fucking animal that you get killed by. You get killed by a shark. You get killed get killed by. You get killed by a shark, you get killed by a snake, you get killed by a spider, you don't get killed by a pig. And the guy's like, you can get killed by those pigs. They will kill you. And they will eat you like whole.

Like they're fucked up pigs. One thing I'm looking at with the javelinas versus the feral hogs, that is scary. Alright, I will give you this. Because javelinas are still feral hogs that is scary all right i will give you this because javelinas are still not small really yeah they have straight canines ah so they're like daggers that they don't yeah that's fucked up yeah like okay i get that curved canines also fuck you up and like the jaw strength obviously right but like the idea of like

you up in like the jaw strength obviously right but like the idea of like imagine like a big cat style yeah on a little pig yeah just fucking sinking into your thigh dude that would be so as i bled the fuck out from a severed femoral artery i would be so mad if a pig got my ass like a hog or a javelina yeah you know like i would be fucking because if you get bit by a shark and you die your family and your friends are like yeah he was surfing dude and a shark got him that's cool even if you get got by a shark that's a sick way to go out not for you it's probably scary if you get gored by a big pig it's like i feel like you have to at least like shoot it Or something

Right you gotta take it with you You can't get got and then that thing gets away Like I You get got by a snake That's kinda cool to me No that's pussy shit Unless you're out in the mountains That's what I'm saying not out like in the shed

Like if you're out in the fucking mountains and you get got by a diamondback or something like that's cool to me you get got by a puma fucking mountain lion that sucks for you but like it's cool to get killed by a fucking big animal yeah you associate i would love to die in a fight with a grizzly bear yeah where like i like punch it one time yeah you get you rock it but then it kills you but you do hit it and you see him stumble like yeah like in this situation it's for some for some ungodly reason you see versus this 1200 pound animal yeah it's like oh it's not quite an even match but like i've definitely right it's barely got an edge on me. Right, right. You know what?

I'm having a, I had a similar moment with moose. This was actually at an age where I should not have thought this, but, like, I was like, oh, moose are like the spirit of the forest. Like, they're sweet. They're like deer. You can go, but a deer will fuck you up. But I thought, like, I was like, a moose. I also didn't know how fucking big these cocksuckers get, dude. I thought a moose was the size of, like, a big elk. A big fucking critter, but not.

These motherfuckers can stand, like, nine feet at the shoulders. They're fucked up looking. Also, they have, like, fucking little ass brains. They will just kill you. They'll just run you the fuck down and gore you to death. But I remember, like, you know, learning about, like, moose death. Like, hunters, it's kind of fucked up. Like, it's similar stories with bears where, like,

a hunter will dump, like, nine rounds into a bear's head. You're, like, their body. And, like, before the bear dies, but before they die, like, they just take a swipe at you, you bleed out. Like, they still kill you. Moose, it's like you can dump a bunch of fucking bullets into a moose, and it just, the adrenaline of it, like, it will go past the point. Like, it'll still die, but it'll fucking, like, gore your ass and launch you like 20 feet in fucking air those

things though were not as strange to me also i was older so i could guess rationalize it i was like you can't sit here and tell me out here in the middle of nowhere in fucking viter texas that if i go up to that pig it will kill me the guy's like now my mom was there and she was like i'm telling you son you're my smart big boy think about this do not go up to that pig like you know if the guy tells you that it's going to kill you like whatever but i don't know why i was so like i guess just because if you walk to this chicken, it will try to suck your dick. Right. Correct.

And you're like, there's no way. It's not going to. It's not going to, you know. And you walk up to it and it's like. Dude, one of my biggest regrets in life is being invited to a cockfight and not going. I got invited to a fucking legit cockfight. Oh, I bet you did. Yeah.

You're so funny, dude. People really like you. Dude, I bet you did. Yeah, you're so funny, dude. People really like you. Dude, I'll kill myself on Zoom. No, you won't. You're a pussy, dude. And then you'll have to figure out how to get the files off my PC, which are going, it's going to be covered in blood. The files. They'll be the wrong

files anyway, bitch. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. You know how much work I put into this show you do you do man not a lot a whole lot less than you actually that you know yeah i looked up what a javelina is what did you do uh you know honestly man this has been kind of a stinker. You've done more work on this one, I think. So far. So far. Oh, actually, also another key difference. Feral hogs get sexually mature way earlier.

Isn't that nice? That's cool. They can fuck fast and hard. And early. They get six months old and they can start fucking. That's pretty cool. Six to ten months. I bet you wish humans were like that.

Nope. Not me. Now, the javelina, it's 12 to 15 months. That's pretty quick also. That's not bad. That's not bad. You know, I get it. It probably gets boring out in those woods, you know?

You want to rub it against something. Well, you know, I think... Okay, another hypothetical. Screw cockfight, chicken fight. Two animals that you would be like, I want to see... It's always, for me, been like a full-grown grizzly bear and like a full-blown silverback. Two things that could not encounter each other in the wild. Like, that's a classic one.

And it is my favorite hypothetical. I really don't know who would win because both things will fight until they're dead. And obviously, the grizzly has like six to like eight like like knives and they're stronger than fuck but a gorilla can like punch you so hard that you're like your neck breaks like your head like your skull caves in like like when two gorillas fight like the only reason they don't like cave each other's shit in is because like a gorilla's skull is like fucking kevlar it's like than butt, especially like the front part. So like, grizzly bear,

grizzly bear in a silverback. Who do you think takes that one home? Uh, so I think the setting would be important here. Okay. Okay. Because, well, in terms of speed, so I feel like a grizzly would have more like cardio. Does that make sense?

No, they could run faster than Buck. Now, for how long, I don't know. Yeah, I feel like a grizzly could fight for longer. Just because they... I don't think either of them have the best cardio in the world. But I feel like silverbackers don't have to run that much. No. But we're talking about, like, the gorilla is stronger.

Like, the gorilla is, like, that's the strongest ape. They're fucked up strong. I don't know how much a gorilla could bench, but I'd edge my bet and say it's over 1,000. I hope so um well so gorilla's got strength obviously grizzly has sharpness both have really good jaw strength right Right. They're not going to go down easy. And they could bite. I would say one big advantage the gorilla has is his humanoid boxing ability.

Right. Like they're throwing punches. Whereas the grizzly is kind of like more up and down. Right. Yeah. And he can hit you with a hook, but he's like, you know. It's like, yeah, the gorilla can throw all manner of shit. Hmm.

Now, obviously, a gorilla is not, like, throwing, like, you know. Jabs and shit. Sugar Ray Leonard combos. No, they're throwing sledgehammers. Yeah. I think, I mean, I don't know, man. I'm going with this one. with this one i'm saying that the gorilla like ko's the bear but the gorilla doesn't get too far like away because of the the slices like if you we're talking like an extended fight like not a

like an animals will fight and bail like an extended scrap i think the gorilla like gets the better of the grizzly but like it's not like the grizz like the gorilla had to make some sacrifices i think the gorilla like walks one thing that the grizzly could do is if he gets on the grizz on the gorilla's back at all he's got him yeah no he can just bite that spinal cord yeah dunzo and it's over there that video it went viral like a long time ago it was like in some backyard in the middle of like i get maybe the p and w i don't fucking know but it was like a full-grown grizzly just biting a deer's neck and the deer's like and the lady that's filming

it is like somebody do something and it was like okay what do you recommend that we do to save this animal? First of all, circle of life, bitch. Like, this thing's fucked. Second of all, like, are you going to go over there and break those two up? Because the deer probably wouldn't respond too well to that to begin with. He's fucking terrified. The grizzly is definitely not going to respond too well to that, seeing as that's like his lunch like it's lunchtime like when it's lunchtime for you if you were to get a sandwich and i were to knock that sandwich out of your hand and punch you in

the mouth like you'd probably be pretty mad at me you're not a grizzly though you're a little old lady uh so if you go over and maybe like you, like get near the grizzly and he gets distracted and the deer gets away. Well, what do you think the grizzly is going to do? Because he's still hungry. And you're not putting up nearly as much of a fight as like a full grown elk. You know, you're going to get got. And then, you know, that's going to be the end of that. Well, I think what you haven't thought about is the power of positive thinking.

Right. You send the right manifestations to that deer, and it's going to last a lot longer than you think. Right, yeah. And you keep that energy, per se, towards that grizzly. And you just see what the stars bring. Well, you know what the stars are going to bring me? The stars are going to bring me some lobster mac and cheese

that I'm about to cook. What the stars could bring you as a listener is if you go over onto patreon.com slash pandejo time and you do a little sub sub. You do a little subby there. A little heckin' chonky sub-arino. A little heckin' ch a little subby there and you get a sub a little heck and chonky sub arena heck and chonky sub a mubba you can get uh fucking an extra episode and if you

subscribe to the honcho tier you get a video episode a week also we got like almost 50 uh premium episodes up you get the whole backlog yeah you get the whole damn backlog we do have 50 by the way we just hit 50 We're about to hit 100 episodes total. Hell yeah. So, you know. God, we should. Jesus Christ. Yeah, we got to cut this shit out soon.

Thank you, guys. Goodbye. I love you so much. Goodbye. Well, it's over now. Let's see. And I wrap it up right here.