Pendejo Time - uncle chuckler

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

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Oh, baby, when you touch all on me, I don't like it. It make me scared the way you move too quick. Girl, I ain't never seen you before. You coming on too strong. Girl. I'm at the bar. It's my uncle's retirement party. Not a good time.

For you to get in my lap, girl. My family's here. My family's here. We at the Dave and the Busters. Why you trying to fuck on me? In front of my family at Dave and Buster. At the Dave and the Buster. Dave and the Buster.

Girl, you put the Buster in the Dave. But I got to take my Dave out your Buster. My uncle's really upset with me This was his day He got me a Sprite I'm 15 years old I'm 15 years old At the Dave and the Buster

Oh, and you coming on too strong Girl, you don't Girl, why you in the bathroom At the Dave and the Buster's Why you in the boys' bathroom At the Dave and the Buster's While my uncle eats custard They serve that at the Buster's

They serve that at the Dave and the Buster. The classic Dave and Buster's custard that my uncle eats. Baby girl, you got me flustered. I just want to go play time crisis with my uncle. Just went to the bank and they gave me a sucker. Baby girl, please. I'm not even a sophomore yet you can't be feeling on my chest and dick girl my voice ain't even changed yet girl i i don't want i don't want, I don't, shut up. You're 40.

Girl, shut up. This is the Dave and Buster's in League City, Texas. I want to play the basketball game. I just got my card refilled. I don't want to have my virginity taken at the Dave and the Buster. Girl, would you rather play the motorcycle game? Well, you ride on the motor, motor, motorcycles? Girl, I hate you.

Shut up. Shut up. I don't shut. Stop. Get off of me. Please. At the Dave and the Buster. My uncle says it's not appropriate He just

For my uncle Chuckler Uncle Chuckler My uncle Chuckler say to stop He say When uncle Chuckler say to stop You better stop They're about to bring the cherry pie out At the Dave and the Buster's.

He already had his custard. And now he's getting his retirement pie at Dave and the Buster's. He had the custard and the cherry pie. And now the German chocolate cake at the Dave and the Buster's. My Uncle Chuckler. Girl, I need a piece of cake Not a suckler You can't be suckling

Not when Uncle Chuckler's chuckling Cause it's his retirement party bitch Get to Follow me around like a duckling I'm not trying to get no suckling Just trying to get to chuckling With the Chuckler Get you out with my turkeys, girl, you just want stuffing.

May I remind you that I'm 15 years old. With a dick like a muffin. Sort of round and not very long, but pretty wide. But girl, I got some circumference that's right baby girl maybe maybe later maybe in like four or five years we can meet back up at the buster girl you just caught me with my good basketball shorts on at the tape in the buster all the courage you could muster. But look down at my shirt.

I got mustard. From that mustard cake. That my uncle Chuckler. Makes. Girl, you know the cake he makes Got mustard on it It's a hot dog cake It's a savory hot dog cake

You ain't used to this type of shit bitch Get the deal icing off of my hot dog cake It was special ordered from the cake shop. I didn't know dill was an herb until recently. I thought it was a pickle. Yeah, I didn't really know that either until. And then my girlfriend said, we should get dill from the store. And I thought she meant pickles.

Same, very same situation. And then she grabbed an herb and I said, oh, of course, I love to use this when I cook also. I use dill and thyme. And also I have a butler. I bet him to my uncle Chuckler Bring my uncle some cake But he got it not far And that's where you come in girl You the butler's pleasure lady

Girl you better go Fuck my butler uncle Chuckler He's an uncle and a butler. And you know his name is Chuckler. And he's better than no other. That's my uncle, baby. You better treat him right. Quit trying.

That goes out to my uncle Chuckler. Quit trying to fuck me and Dave and Busters and go have sex with my uncle butler. His wife is here. But she don't mind. Her name is Stutler. That's a bizarre name for a lady, but she's old, so it's fine. Stutler Rose. Stutler Rose.

That's a beautiful name for a lady, but you got to go get after my Uncle Chuckler Butler. Yeah. It don't stop, baby girl. While Stutler Rose starts stroking him. I'm just the nephew of Uncle Chuckler. You can't be fucking on me, bitch. You gotta go after the butler. Yeah, I know that boss.

That guy's structure. I'm about to have a rupture. yeah I know that boss that guy structure I'm about to have a And it disgusts her Is your aunt Stutlerose then? Would she be disgusted by that thing? Yeah Oh yeah My aunt is my uncle's wife

And they're married And they're married. And they're parents to my cousin. Who's also my mom's nephew. Me and my cousin like to go to the buster. Me and my cousins are cousins. Oh, baby, you know that's how family works. Girl, would you want to be cousins with my cousin? Would you want to marry into the family and be my uncle's niece?

Girl, it's going to be your grandma someday once you marry me. And you better, and you better, and you better do it quick. Yeah. Cause she got off right here. In her hair. That's a terminal illness. She got off right here.

She got off right here. In her motherfucking hair, girl. And I got a little something too, girl. Cause you ain't suck on his dick. So it hurts. Cause it's hard. Listen.

I'm just chilling with a hard dick thinking about my cousin. I'm just chilling with a hard dick thinking about my cousin. I'm just chilling with a hard ass cock thinking about my motherfucking first cousin. We grew up together. Ain't no nothing better. Oh. Yeah. My cousin, oh, he could rip a log in half with his hands. He's a strong man.

He's a strong man. He's 48 years old. He can't go to Japan. Something really bad happened in Tokyo. But only he know what he did. What he did My family kinda racist girl That's why I didn't introduce you to the chuckler

What you think he chuckle about Nothing funny to me cause I'm not racist My uncle the chuckler And my other uncle Nothing funny to me because I'm not racist. My uncle the chuckler and my other uncle is the laugher. And my grandpa is the smiler. And my daddy is the frowner. And my other uncle is the giggler. And my other uncle is... He don't have no expression on his face

after that car, car, car, car, car accident. I have a whole family of smiling ass motherfuckers, girl. Except for one. Except for two. One is not smiling. And one is horribly disfigured. One is frowning and one is not. His face looks kind of like a raisin.

Due to their burns from the car accident. Due to their chemical burns from that Mini Cooper. Oh, girl. That green Mini Cooper. Was carrying loads and loads of caustic chemicals. They made the paint out of green chemicals. It turned his face into a disfigure. And now I make six figures And now I'll hang out with Squidward

Now I'm that motherfucker What's Jake gonna say next? What is Jake gonna rhyme next? And now I don't gotta pull that trigger Cause I make money the right way. I'm under your spell like a wizard. That'll do that, yeah. Girl, please don't beat me up like a lizard.

I have another Uncle Cuck. I got beat up by a lizard one time. He was small and he was green. Green. Oh, he was green one time. He was small. And he was green. Green. Oh, he was green. Oh, he was green. Oh, baby, he was so green. Girl, this green-eyed lizard done beat my ass.

And he had a tweed suit on. Like Mr. Bean. had a tweed suit on. Like Mr. Bean. I have another uncle named the Tickler. But we don't talk to him too much, girl. He not allowed to come to Dave and the Buster. Would you like to know why?

Why? Because he tickled all the kids in the family in ways that didn't please the court. But he also gave good Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts galore. One day he came to Christmas after the judge threw away the key. My mama looked at him and said, oh lordy, lordy me. And he said, hey, look here, I'm wearing some new blue jeans. Did you know they have a coat in the jail and you can buy some brand new jeans? And then my daddy say, hey tickler, you gotta go.

I thought you had gone to jail for many more years to go. And he said, and you go to the jail, sometimes it does snow. And I'm the tickler and I'm here to stay. So tell me where your kids do go. And I like big pink bubble gum. It's fun for the bubbles to blow. I have a traumatic head injury from being in jail. And it's hard for me to read. But I do know how to love. And that's all I've ever need. I'm Uncle Tickler, baby.

That's pretty much everybody in the family. So I appreciate you for sitting around and meeting all the different types of uncles. I think the date's going well. I don't know, you know. I appreciate you for being here. Let me sing about all my uncles, the Chuckler, the Giggler, the Smiler, the Tickler. Of course, my father, the Frowner,

and then my uncle, the Disfigured Man. Yeah, no, that was good. You know, it's awesome being on this date with you. It's awesome being two homosexual guys, one of which could sing you a song about all of his uncles and his father and his cousin. Yeah, no, why would it be funny for me to be another guy? It's not funny. We're two men on a date.

It's actually a serious fucking issue. What, being gay? No. Oh, yeah, it is pretty bad. Yeah, yeah. But I pretty bad. Yeah, yeah. But I just, you know, I feel like the lack of communication between people with atomization and so on and so forth is what makes relationships not work. So I figured I would sing you a song about all my different types of uncles and the types of things they got up to, chuckling, tickling, so on and so forth. Yeah.

Well, there was really only ever one person in my family with a nickname who's that he was he was a twig he was a big tall guy and you know where he lived he lived inside his tongue big old stump and when it started potty he'd shake his rump this twig the tree Twig He was a big tall guy About eight inches tall And he had brown thighs And some brown torso And a brown leg too And a brown hands And a brown face too

And he was made out of bark And he was made out of wood And he would run Every which way he could And he'd go up a tree And he'd go down the hill And then he'd go around And he used to sell us pills

So you had Beautiful You had Uncle Twig down the hill and then they go around and he used to sell us pills. So you had, beautiful, you had Uncle Twig and he was a brown man made of wood that sold your family narcotics. What? Well, I just,

I've, Yeah, well clearly you're right about miscommunication because I don't know what in the same hill you're talking about. Uncle Twig, you were just singing him to me.

Uncle Twig made of wood. Uncle Twig who live in a tree. Like that. That's what you were trying to explain to me earlier. I've never sang anything like that. Well, I mean, we're two singing homosexuals on a date. I just thought maybe You think all homosexuals sing? I actually, I make

I do one of the other things that gay guys do. Dancing? I don't know. I draw pictures of feet. Okay, yeah. Of women's feet. I'm not a manimal, you know what I mean? I'm not a psychopath.

I take pictures of curtains yeah I'm gay I take pictures of doors it's like an FBI guy who like doesn't know what being gay is like in the 50s just trying to like co-opt like a stone wall or

a left wing yeah I'm gay I'm from New York and I'm gay. I'm into taking pictures of ducks and lakes and stuff. That's what you gay guys like to do, right? You gay and black guys. You play jazz and you take pictures of rocks and shit. Yeah, I'm gay.

So just tell me about all you guys being communists so I can go be gay elsewhere. Does that sound good to you guys? Yeah, sounds good. Being gay, there's a lot that goes into it. I like to have coffee. It's more special. You know, I like to have coffee that's more special, you know, and I'm very tidy, or maybe not.

Yeah, kind of a big spectrum there, you know. Yeah, and I like to eat different foods. And, well, probably the gayest thing about me is I love cock. I'm a big cock guy, I guess. And I'm a big sucker and blower. And I love giving and receiving head, probably. Thank you for coming and applying to the FBI. So, as you know, the communist scourge is taking over a beautiful country. And we have to, you know, we're at the Cold War at the height of it.

So we need guys like you to blend in with the homosexuals and the jazz musicians and the reefer heads to understand how they think, to blacklist them from their communities. So, walk us through how you would approach a group of communists, a group of homosexuals, a group of black jazz musicians, a group of painters, a group of Jewish photographers. How would you ingratiate yourself into that community, this being the FBI undercover division and all?

What kind of things would you say to them to make them think that you were one of them a communist I will whatever the group was I'd walk right up to him I go does anybody want their cock sucked well and I know I don't somebody would probably say yes and then I'd tag along with that person, and the rest of the group would say, why is this guy hanging along? And the old guy would say, this guy keeps sucking on my ding-dong. And they'd be like, all right, I guess.

And slowly I would start sucking off all the different guys, and they'd bust different loads into me, and I imagine I'd become pregnant at some point. And then once I started having a gay baby with one of the guys and we probably raised it together. Well. And then I would, the baby would be gay also.

Well, listen, I don't think you have to. The dominant gene. I don't think you'd have to take it that far. You know, we're just, we're trying to destroy these communities from the inside out. That's what we do as the American government.

Covert operations and FBI and so on. I don't know if it's necessary that you suck the penis of another man in these communities. We just want you to gather intelligence, right? That's what this program

is about. That's why the president is giving us the money to do this. Having relations with another man is not... You do not need to do this. I want to drive that home in order to be in the FBI. Yeah, I'd have to drive him home, probably. You're right. And then I would have to bang him in the butt.

Or maybe he would do the opposite to me We're the same to me And or Are you could do anal rimming to each other? I'm not sure how common that is. It seems like it would be pretty common sort of like a there the gay man's vagina So yeah there, the gay man's vagina. So I assume that has to be up there

in terms of things that are done. Although I imagine a classic blowjob is probably more, you know, less of a sacrifice to make. But yeah, I would probably, if I came up to a group of jazz musicians, I would probably, if I came up to a group of jazz musicians, I would probably say, look, guys, I don't mean to step on any toes, but does anybody need their cock sucked? And one of the guys might say yes.

So you came highly recommended from West Point, so I'm going to trust that you know what you're doing. A lot of guys, Quantico said, this kid is going to destroy the, he is going to absolutely decimate these really hardline left-wing communities. Just nasty, godless creatures. godless creatures so if you insist on having gay sex with everybody you meet assuming they're a communist then by godly i'll write you a check for 50,000 1955 dollars and you can yeah and you if that's what it takes to destroy the communist the black gay communist menace in beautiful 1955 America, then by God, you go take as many pee-pees as you can take, son, until you die, and you'll be dying for your country. Yeah, I figure I'll do this over the next 30 or so years,

and probably nothing's going to happen. Well, luckily for you, there's no disease yet that we invented. Right. I don't think you guys are going to come up with anything. Right now, we're more into human intelligence as opposed to biological warfare. We'll get to that later. Human intelligence. Assuming, though,

that they're not gay, because some of these godless, Soviet-obsessed double agents and nasty women aren't gay. They're just black or they're women, but they are otherwise heterosexual. How would you, hypothetically speaking, break up their organization if you couldn't use the tools God gave you of being your butt and your mouth?

You wouldn't use the tools God gave you being your butt and your mouth. Well, if it was a group of women, I would be catty. I'd be catty. I would point out, I would be like, oh, that's a nice handbag. Is that Sears Roebuck? You know, and then that would start, you know be like, oh, that's a nice handbag. Was that Sears Roebuck? And then that would start, you know, like, you told me that was Valentino, you know, or maybe something else.

If it was a group of straight guys, I would probably go up to them and I would say, does anybody want their cock sucked? And, you know, they would all be like, ah, no. And then, you know, one of them would probably. I'd be tagging along with one of them and they'd be like, isn't this the guy who just offered us all blowjobs? And then that one guy would be like, yeah, no, but I talked to him. He was joking.

But, yeah, there's only I will have to share my sleeping bag tonight because he's joined our group but there's not we don't have that many sleeping bags so yeah that's how I infiltrated that that barbershop quartet in the 40s so your approach to you know a group of you know female feminist Marxist rusky

pinko bastards is to neg them into believing their purses aren't good enough, which is honestly a very, very smart approach. Women like purses. I spend all of my money on my wife's purses. But your approach with the straight men to insist upon, even though it's not necessary,

to engulf their appendages into your mouth repeatedly seems like an approach of a one-trick pony. Is there no other approach you could think to take? I would also, maybe I could, anybody want to fuck my ass and feet? Well, sorry. Smoky in here, this is the 50s. Well, sorry. Smoking in here, this is the 50s. Everybody's smoking. Yeah, I have a big cigar in my ass. Yeah, yeah. I can see it through your

trousers, son. I'm holding it with my toes, my bear-painted toes, and I'm putting the cigar in my ass, and I'm pouring whiskey down there with my other foot. You don't have to do any of that. Really, you've already gotten the job, but if... This is 15-year-old scotch. You think I'm going to pour there with my other foot. You don't have to do any of that. Really, you've already gotten a job. But if...

This is 15-year-old scotch. You think I'm going to pour it in my mouth? Well, although your methods might seem unconventional to other people in the Bureau, you came highly recommended by a friend in the CIA, those boys over there doing the Lord's work. So if you must take as many jazz peckers in your butt and you must jack off a bunch of gay men with your feet,

and if you must tell women that their purses are fake, then by God, I think you're the man for the job. Okay. Yeah, you're hired. But no, don't No Don't ever Try to have sex with me I'm

Do you want me to Do you want me to I'm J. Edgar Hoover I'm the straightest man Who ever lived My name is J. Edgar Hoover And I'm in no way Will it

J. Edgar Hoover Get the hell away from me I'm a married woman Get away from me I'm a beautiful Married. I'm a married woman. Get away from me. I'm a beautiful married woman. I'm a beautiful, sexy, voluptuous woman named J. Edgar Hoover. History will see me as such. You think he was like, I don't know.

A lot of those guys got dressed up as ladies. MacArthur got it. Yeah. His mom dressed him up like a girl. It's like the least evil thing. Yeah. No, 100%. I just like, I'm like, I wonder if you'd have just been allowed to got it. Yeah, it's fine. His mom dressed him up like a girl. It's like the least evil thing he did. Yeah, no, 100%. I just, like, I'm like, I wonder if you'd have just been allowed to do it. Would you have done all the other things?

You know what I mean? Was that, was your career? Yeah, yeah. Probably. Okay. Yeah, it turns. Sometimes a man's just got to help. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes a guy just likes to wear heels and then kill a whole bunch of people. What if J. Edgar Hoover could have listened to Charlie XCX's new new album do you think you still would have done all that stuff oh girls you know we're all laughing j edgar hoover if chapel roan would have been around you think you would have you know assassinated yeah it would have been uh uh j hey hey let's head over let's head over over to the concert. It's 100 gecks. Yeah, that probably would have happened for sure. Yeah. So the FBI,

he would be heading the Let's Be High at the Charlie XCX concert. Instead of Cointelpro, it would have been Yo, are you in to listening to professionally produced music aka charlie xcx yep that was instead of uh operation paperclip is uh Operation Paperclip is Operation Hey, Let's Get Tickets.

To Charlie XCX. Yeah. To the new, to the fucking Kim Petras show or something. Instead of MKUltra, it's Them, They, Ultra. And it's the same thing, but everybody's. Yep. Okay. Them, They, Ultra. Suck my nuts instead of

instead of um Project Artichoke Operation Mongoose you know instead of Operation Mongoose it's Operation Mom's Soup okay

you're sick and she gives you it's Operation Mom's Soup. Okay. And it's yummy. Because you're sick and she gives you... It's ready, Jake. Come get a bowl. Come get a bowl, Jake. Your soup's ready. It's got potatoes in it, just like you like.

It's really marvelous, too. It's quite good. Marvelous. Come on, Jake. Come on, Jake. I got soup for you. It's got a... I'm scooping it out with my hands.

I'm throwing it on your plate. That's like an old... Come get it, you old motherfucker. It's Jake. It's me, your mom, and I don't even call you Jake. I'm an old Jewish lady, and I'm throwing soup at you. Hot potato soup. I'm fucking getting soup on you, Jake, and you're

gonna fucking like it. You fucking nasty old bitch. That's your favorite shirt soup. I pour it on your fucking shirt while you're asleep. You're so ungrateful. You wish I was dead. No, I love my mom, man. She's awesome. No, not this.

Oh, yeah, the mean potato soup mom. Yeah, fuck you. I can't. Hey. Jake, get the fuck over here. You're making up my soup. Making up my soup. You're making up my fucking soup. Shut up, soup. You're making up my fucking soup.

Shut up, Jake. You're messing up all kinds of soup over here. I truly can't believe the things you're doing to me right now. I truly can't believe the tragedy you're causing me by not eating your peseta soup, son. Man, you know, there's so many tragedies in American history. So many terrible stories. So much evil done in the name of, you know. By guys who I think probably were just a little sexually confused.

You know what I mean? If they were just maybe allowed to, you know. I don't know. It's got to be fun to be gay and evil. Yeah, actually, that's a really good point like to be gay in like 1940 and then to take all that and to just be like a really evil guy

yeah you know it's like you know like imagine if Michael Jordan had paid his gambling debts and his dad hadn't been murdered he wouldn't have had the same drive yeah he wouldn't have been the big Yeah. He wouldn't have had the same drive. Yeah, he wouldn't have been the big hoss.

He wouldn't have been the fucking the goddamn man himself. You know what I mean? The black cat. Yeah, you take all the... The black cat is what my grandfather called him. He became a...

My grand... It was our black cat. My grandfather... Just kidding. My grandfather didn't like Muslims very much. Really? Was it because they did 9-11?

No, I think... Was it because of the Ottoman Empire or something? He was one of those guys that won, I guess. I don't even know if it's an actual verse, but it's like, convert by the sword. He would say that a lot. They want to convert you by the sword. That means they want to kill you.

And I think because he heard that maybe said by like Rush Limbaugh or something that he intellectualized that phrase and he used it a lot. I don't really think he gave a fuck about 9-11. I think he mostly just cared about drinking, but also not being too fond of the Arab world. Yeah, he cared more about 7-11. Yeah. That's where he got his drink.

He cared more about Seagram's and 7, because he was addicted to that. I don't know if I'd say Seagram's. Kentucky Deluxe has ruined so many generations of men in my family. It's just a wonderful beverage that has really taken so much from the Rhodes bloodline. But, hey, what can you do? Honestly, I mean, who cares? Yeah.

I mean, who gives a shit, right? At the end of the day. Who cares about that? Who cares about that. Yeah. I mean, who gives a shit, right? At the end of the day. Like, who cares about that? Who cares about that at all, dude? Look, you know, I actually read something recently that made me think a lot. Yeah. What did you read, buddy? It was a quote from.

Marvin. James. James Marvin. No, James. James Donald. No, James. James Donald. Oh, OK. Oh, yeah. The British economist.

Yeah. Yeah. And he said every time that you close your eyes. You open another pair of eyes and it's looking at the clock. I love that. That's beautiful. And every time you close that set of eyes, your real eye is open, and then you see the other side. That's beautiful, man.

Yeah, and he wrote that about World War II. Oh, he was not. Yeah, he was a World War II economist. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah, so he wrote about what was happening in the economy during World War II. It turns out things were not going super awesome, but they were going okay in some ways. And in other ways, they were kind of going well. That's, that.

It was kind of disastrous in some ways and awesome in others. You know, when I think of a smart guy, I think of people who describe things in that way. Just kind of not having a position on it at all, but accepting that there are good things and bad things about it. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's kind of a give-take situation. Yeah, World War II?

Yeah. World War II. Yeah, you give, you know, a couple of guys a big bomb and you take away a bunch of lives, you know, a couple of guys a big bomb and you take away a bunch of lives. You know, you give Hitler like a suit. Did you know that the Japanese were part of the Axis? Yeah, yeah, the Axis of Evil. No, they were part of the Axis powers.

Yeah. So it was them and Hitler and the Germans and an Italian man named Jacob Mussolini. Jacobo Mussolini, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and Saddam Hussein was a little bit later. Jacob Jacob Jacobo Mussolini Yeah Yeah Yeah And Saddam Hussein Was a little bit later

Yeah Yeah Just a couple So was Gaddafi And Fidel Castro Was after him Yeah Yeah

And Well And so was Assad Assad Putin came A little later too Yeah He was a. Assad was not much later. Putin came a little later too, yeah. He was a little bit after, not much later. Yeah, yeah.

It was Stalin and then Gorbachev. Mm-hmm. Yep. No, yeah, that's about, that is exactly how it went. Yeah. Putin's been in power about six years. Yeah. The crazy thing, listen, kids,

you know, it's 2050. Welcome to history class. You get two teachers. You get Mr. Thomas and you get Mr. Jake. Mr. Thomas teaches you sort of the broader strokes of history. Mr. Jake teaches you the details. Mr. Thomas, would you care to enlighten the kids about the terrors?

What kind of evil things that the USSR did? Well, the USSR was known for starving people due to the lines for bread. Exactly. And people were eating pieces of shoes and Vaseline were eating pieces of shoes in Vaseline so that they could get stronger to be more against America. One of the main things that the Russians did against America was that they put their own people in prison,

which America would never do. It was a scary thing. It's called prison they had a they had this thing in the evilness of the soviets what they would do is they would imprison people for their political beliefs something that we would never do here and have not done no you're allowed to be completely free here you're allowed to be you're allowed to love it here and nobody doesn't like it here everybody who was born in soviet russia hated it and they hated it so bad they couldn't wait to come to beautiful iowa everybody that lives in iowa loves iowa and they would never want to leave isn't that right mr thomas yeah. And one thing that Stalin was known for doing

was being sneaky and a bitch. And he was known for killing people, millions of people. More people than Hitler did, but in a way that was better than what Hitler did. From what I understand, he was worse, but he was a lot better in every other way. He killed them in a way that was maybe more honorable.

And the numbers are there, easy to look at. 180 billion. It was over 180 billion people. He made Hitler look like a pansy, people say and hitler was worse though because he was racist yeah stalin did it to his own people because he hated yeah he was ashamed of his skin color and that's why we run and we are glad to teach in the new um of post-AI history class. I know all of you are chewing on the baseboards. All of you children who were raised on subway

surfers and chat GPT, a lot of you are chewing on your own hands because you don't know how to regulate your emotions. But that's fine because the jobs that are available to you are hand chewer and body destroyer. So you guys will do fine. There really isn't much left to do here in terms of lucrative upward mobility.

What you got there? Is that a picture of your penis that you're trying to show all the children? I was looking at a picture of a Porsche. I'm probably not going to buy it. Yeah, I was going to buy a 1997 Ford Thunderbird. Really? It seems like a pretty good idea.

It was $3,500. A lady died. It was like super low mileage, but this is Leander, and I have no way of getting anywhere on account of my van doesn't exist anymore, and I'm never going to get it back. But, you know, the one thing that I can say about you and me is that we're really good and we have great luck at purchasing old cars

that look cool to us when we see photos of them on our phones it was a smooth process for the both of us and we learned a lot we got to spend a lot of time with those cars you know what I mean yeah it's all good

I don't care anymore oh okay I'm over it i hated my truck yeah i know that you you hated it you didn't you never really like got mad about what happened you know what i mean no i'm not never it's not like you were like really wanted a c10 and then you know you just kind of it was just something for you to do. It was like a thing. Yeah, I had a lot of other money.

Yeah, it didn't matter to you. When it broke down, I was like, I could fix it. I don't know. Yeah. I like it better. I like it better with no transmission and a blown head gasket. It was funny. We couldn't get the hood to open when I was selling it.

Really? Yeah, dude. I was hitting the fuck out of it. In front of the guy you're going to sell it to. Just beating the fuck. I already had it. Beating the fuck. I cut my hand real bad trying to get it open.

And then he just, you know, he still got it. Just for less than I listed it for. And then the hood popped open while we were pushing it down the street. Was it able to go in neutral? Like for you to get it? I got it. I had the key all the way over and my foot on the brake. The car wasn't revving at all, and I just started shaking the shift.

Nice. That'll do it. That's awesome. I just started shaking the shift. Oh, nice. That'll do it. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. As it turns out for me, having a huge hole in the bottom of your engine block is not good for a closed system, which most, I'm sure you know this, most internal combustion engines are. And so I was told that they had to get a new one

everybody knows that and I was told that I was told that any second now I'll be cruising you know what I mean so I'm really looking forward to that I'm looking forward to a new chapter in my life where

I have a car not having a car when you're 30 is kind of cool. You know what I mean? It's like I always wanted to live this life, you know? Always wanted to kind of be the exact same as I was when I was 15, but 15 years later. Sucking on chili dough outside of Tasty Freeze. You like John Cougar Mellencamp, dude?

I fucking love me some. I did when I was 11. You don't like the fucking Cougar Mellencamp, dude? I fucking love me some. I did when I was a little... You don't like the fucking Cougar? That sucks, man. I don't really listen to him much anymore. I've been listening to a lot of Young Jeezy and also Neil Young. Neil Young's great.

He's awesome. Eminem is going to be at Circuit of the Americas and boy golly, I can't wait to go. Yeah, I really want to get tickets Yeah it would be cool He's kind of good Yeah no I I think Did you see Shane was in his new music video

I saw something about that on Twitter But I didn't really look into it. Yeah. I mean, he wasn't wearing a chain and shit, but it was like him podcasting. That's cool. That's fun. I think Rogan might have been in it or something, but yeah, Shane was definitely in it. Yeah, Shane was definitely in it.

It was a little bit startling. Yes, I watched an Eminem music video for no reason just because it showed up on my phone. Look, he's put out some real stinkers over the years. It's enjoyable. It was all right. I didn't love it but I thought you know what this is not

ass it's just not it's just a 50 year old yeah yeah did you did you see the video I mean it's all over the internet right now

of uh like Kendrick doing Not Like Us and everybody's like rapping it or whatever the fuck. Like his live show.

I saw some pictures from it. I didn't watch it. In one of the videos, he's got a bunch of basketball players up there and one of them is apparently like a close personal friend of Drake's. And, you know, he's up there like, you know, like doing the fucking

like dancing with Kendrick and singing the damn tune. And, you know, the whole like fucking, like dancing with Kendrick and singing the damn tune. And, you know, the whole like certified lover boy, certified pedophile bit. I had a feeling in my chest. I'm not sympathizing with Drake on his alleged behavior. But if one of my best friends went on stage in front of 30,000 people and called me a pedophile, I think I would be, my feelings would be a little hurt. You know what I mean?

Like I wouldn't feel too good about that like if you if kendrick brought you on stage and was like hey kendrick can you pause for a second um first of all big fan second of all my friend jake is a pedophile i would be pretty mad at you for doing that so i just i'm my my heart if there's a concert calling me a bitch and lebron goes yeah it. Yeah. LeBron James is, like, fighting to get on stage to call me a bitch and a pedophile. Fuck, that's hard. That's a hard one to deal with. You know what I mean? Like, that's not easy to come back from.

No, I don't want to say my heart goes out to Drizzy. I don't want to have to give him any flowers or whatever. He's probably some sort of monster. I don't know to what degree or to what. I don't care. I love him. I think he's amazing. I like to listen to Passion Fruit,

and I like to shake my little booty at the Danzoteca. Amazing, motherfucker. I Soteka. Amazing. Motherfucker. I like to go. Amazing motherfucker. Yeah. I love it. Hey, Drake.

Drake, my friend. I love it, man. I wanted to call you. I saw the concert happen. I said, I don't care. I love him. I call you. I say, I don't care if nothing happened.

I think your music is amazing. I appreciate that, man. Thank you. My name is Julius Dancer. Thanks, Julius. You know, at a time like this, it's nice to have people you can rely on. I saw your music video the other day. I said, I love it.

It was running through sixes with Woes. That's an old classic, man. I appreciate you for listening to that. Yeah, it was amazing. I loved it. I just took a picture of the video just so I could look at it. Well, you know you can just go on YouTube and watch the music video, bro. Yeah, I took a picture of the video so I could even look at it on my phone.

Well, you got YouTube on your phone. You know what I'm saying? You can watch the video so I could even look at it on my phone. Well, you got YouTube on your phone. You know what I'm saying? You can watch the video. Yes, I put it on the TV and I took a picture on my phone so I could even look at my phone and say I love it. Julius, man, I appreciate that. That's really kind, you know. Drake, I love it. Thank you, man.

Yeah, you know, a lot of people right now are counting me out. But it's nice to have a fan in times like this, man. That's how you know you're a real ride or die. I appreciate you. Yeah, I don't care if you do nothing anymore. I kind of want to make it clear that I didn't do anything. I let it happen if I saw it. I don't even care.

I'm Julian Dancer. Julius Dancer. Julius, Julian the Julius Dancer. That's great, man. Listen, I wouldn't do anything like that though is these rumors me neither but i love it i don't love okay i don't want to be if you ever take a video show me i say i love it i take a picture on my phone when i see that on the tvs whenever it shows it i would never ever do anything like that and i don't want to

necessarily be associated with somebody who would say that they would love if I did it. You know what I mean? Even if you don't do it, I love it. Yeah, all right. Hey, Julian, thanks for stopping by the meet and greet, player. I really appreciate you, dude. Thank you. Okay, man.

Thank you. You know I have your phone number anytime. Just let me give you a call I don't know how you got my number But I will be changing that Julian Because I don't want to talk to you I'm sorry brother But I

Alright Drake Mr. Harper Graham I thank you I love it I see your video everyday And I take a picture With my wallpaper on my phone Can somebody

Get Julian some water I take a picture of my wallpaper on my phone every day with my TV. And I love it, Drake. I love it. Thank you so much every day. Hell yeah, brother. Would you like a picture

of me and you? You can put it on your wallpaper? Yeah, no. Can we get a little video so I can take a picture? Yeah, for sure. What do you want the video to be, man? You can both say Kendrick Lamar, I don't care. Every day I take a video

of me dancing and I'm loving it. You want me to say that? Yeah, that's something to paraphrase. Just let me know when you're ready, okay?

Five, three, four, one, two. Kendrick Lamar, I don't care. I like to take a video of me dancing and take a picture of it on my phone so I can look at it on my phone later. Drizzy out.

Yeah, I love it. Every day I take a picture of that video for you. That's great, man. Thank you, Driz's great man Thank you Thank you Drizzy Drake Thank you for coming To Toronto Showing us some

I think every day You show us some love And I love it Every day working here And causing amazing food To happen When I bake them Maybe next time

You're in strip club I bring you a delicious dish. Maybe lemon curd pie. Maybe take a video of me dancing. Take a picture of my pie when I take it on the cell phone. Or maybe take a video of my music. Maybe when I take a picture of my music, I show it to you. You say, that's a good picture of music. And maybe I go on your record label, OVO.

OVO all day, every day. Maybe I make you an OVO pie. Lemon OVO, lemon owl pie. I would love if you brought some sweets to the catering event, man. If you brought something back, I'm sure catering could put it on the table for everybody, you know, the people who help me in the studio. Yeah, maybe just for drizzy drake and no kindred can't get your remark can't even have nothing yeah man yeah i know i

appreciate i appreciate yeah maybe i'll put a little bird semen into the cake and pies well i mean i for the owl cake or the owls balls and semen no i mean i I really appreciate you Little bit of Bird feathers and meat I really Cake and Semen and

Blood OVO I really appreciate you Riding so hard for me And offering Your bacon services To my craft services table And I really appreciate

That you wouldn't do the same For Kendrick Cause we are having The beef right now But I don't know if I... Oh my God, really? Yeah, yeah. There's a little bit of problems.

But you know, I saw him. Because I'm a singing motherfucker. But anyway, I don't know if I want lemon al pie or like lemon ball. Yeah, maybe just don't let me know every day. And take a picture of some video for me. Make a couple of music in my pies, and maybe making a couple cakes out of something for, maybe Drizzy Drake making a couple cakes or something,

pies or maybe curds or maybe even a tart for maybe a Drizzy Drake caterer. Maybe I love it. I don't know, man. Maybe I couldn't even tell you. Maybe just Julia's dance or maybe coming... Maybe doing a couple dance moves

all over the... Trimble-lay. Maybe with a piece of beak. All right. That's... That's fine, I guess, man. Okay, maybe... Julian dances out

and maybe I show you a fun time later putting my beak in your In the pie Good Good Farewell See you later brother

That was a weird guy Man I fucking hate you Yeah he wasn't You guys are a piece of shit Yeah he wasn't super good Who was the guy that you got That you hit with the car too Caramel

Caramel Slice Yeah Caramel Slice and julian dancer they're not great guys no i don't like either of those guys dumbass caramel slice was he was at least honorable yeah true he had a sense of yeah what of uh just the two of us, man. We can make it if we try. You know what I mean? That's all what life's about. Just a schoolie bus. Picking up kids and transporting them. That just came off the top of my head, and that's a crazy thing I can do.

Just a schoolie bus. We can sit in and we drive. Just a schoolie bus. Just a schoolie bus. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a school bus. Just a school bus. Just a school bus. We get in and we go to school. Just a

school bus. Just a school bus. Going to school. Just a school bus. I do car wars and I fly to the school we buzz Nowadays, instead of just the two of us, it would be just the they of them. We get Apple iPhone 5

and we play on Minecraft. Yeah, yeah. Just the they and them. We go and we do a high five. We're millennials. Playing phones. Just the five of us. We are poly and we're guys.

Just the five of us. Just the five of us. Just a toothy brush Put some water So it's not dry Just a toothy brush Low and high Low and high

Just a boob and butt I don't got him Cause I'm a guy Just a boob and butt You don't have a butt? No, no. I have like a lower back sort of situation going on. How about this one?

Just the two of us. We can make it if we try. Just the two of us. Just the two of us. We get naked and we're guys. Just the two of us We get naked and we're guys Just the two of us Busting dudes and butts We get naked and we're guys

Busting dudes butts Trust in Jesus Yeah, that was a nice one. Trust in Jesus You can, that was a nice one. Just in Jesus. You can make it if you can. It's important to have faith. Just in Jesus.

He was a... He is a... A real guy. A real guy. In the through. He real guy. In the truth. He will rise. It's a trust in Jesus.

Oh my God. Pray before the Lord. He is one that can forgive all your sins and stuff. All your sins and stuff. Read your Bible. What you won't charge, charge your phone. You charge everything Except your phone. Okay.

I guess you've charged up your iPhone. I had to charge up my iPhone. My iPhone, it has been charged. But my iPad, it has not been charged but my iPad it has not been charged my iPhone it needs it to be charged cause my iPhone

battery is low in this phone it has no juice cause it needs a charge can I borrow charge? Some people search around the room for place But they may never find the charge their dream enough What you won't do

Charge iPhone You charge everything But your battery's low God damn it Strange phone That's by Bob Strange phone. Charging.

It's an iPhone 3. I don't know how actually the rest of that song goes. Bobby George. Well, I fucking hate that, dude. Bobby George. Well. Yeah Chargewell. Yeah, hobby. Bobby Chargephone.

Oh, man. iPhone Chargeplat. You can charge your iPhone, please. iPad. iPad phone. And I just can't charge without you. your iPhone, please. iPad. iPad phone. And I just can't charge without you. PC or Mac?

Which is your favorite computer? Mine is Mac. Because I am a millennial. There we go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Easy charge. There we go. Oh, yeah. Easy charge its phone. iPad 2.

I was trying to go for... I can't go for that. That's a hard one to do. Are you charging up the phone? Are you charging up the Mac? Are you charging up the Apple why are you charging are you charging up your phone charging up your Mac yeah did you bring your into the Tesla plan how many wives do you think you've caught their husbands

yakking off with the vision pro on like otherwise normal healthy marriages just kind of ruined by like maybe like five I feel like the vision pro I mean the Oculus probably yeah sheer numbers yeah yeah yeah and i imagine some

of them probably started giving him a secret blow job while that was happening yeah i don't know i mean i probably yeah and then probably crazy um they probably started putting some yeah she caught him jacking off and just started blowing him. Probably fucking stabbed. Blew his head off with a gun. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably. If I ever catch my wife fucking cheating on me, I'm sucking that guy's dick and shooting him in myself in the head.

And then I'm stabbing my wife in the heart after I'm dead. Just like a Boston Irish man does. Hey, you put something in my wife, you better put it in me too. Alright? Whatever you do to my wife, you better do to me, pal. Whatever goes in my wife's mouth goes in mine. Including jizz and cum and other guys' butt. Other guys' butt.

Yeah, hey listen You're gonna You're gonna fuck my wife You better kill me too Okay yeah I mean that sounds good to me I mean Hey shut up

Shut up guy I thought you were gonna Come in here and kill me Shut up and put your Fucking stupid dick in my mouth You caught me fucking your wife And you want me to have sex With your butt?

This world's gone crazy. Uh, I... Yeah, yeah, nowadays, um, uh, yeah, if you got somebody fucking your wife, you go, excuse me, what are your pronouns? Sir, can you get out of my wife's pussy,

please? Um, I don't want to misgender you, but could you? Could you get your penis? Could they get their dick out of my wife? Could you, sir? I'm sorry. You let another... You really?

You cheated on me with another person? You let another guy... Sorry, I'm sorry. Oh my God, you let another individual... You never let another individual put their penis into your body? Into your space? Into your private space.

You let it into our shared space. My lived experience is to having another partner insert their penis into my wife's sacred zone. My genderless wife. My partner. I'm gay. Anyway. Going down on your non-binary wife.

Oh, what's this? Oh, that's fine. Yeah, you know. Oh, okay. Been together three years. Anyway, guys, we've got something crazy coming up. it jake is going to um do the next podcast but yeah and we're gonna cover yeah yeah yeah we're gonna cover me in slime

also um and also i know you guys have been asking us to do an ad. I think we get to do it next week, so we're pretty excited about that, and I can't wait. I know you guys love when we have ads on the show, and we have listened. We have listened to your requests. I don't know if we should... Should we plug the...

Is that... We can... All right, we can wait. All right, yeah, we'll figure it out. Go to patreon.com slash pendejo time and toss us a couple fucking dollar dineros because one dollar gets you access to Discord. If you just want to be a little

and you don't got enough goddamn money cheese to dedicate your life to becoming a real fucking pendejo, that's fine. You can have Discord access, but no bonus episodes. Got a little bit of extra cheese, right? The cash is flowing in. The cheddar's looking good. It's melted. It's good. It's's gouda go ahead and toss five dollars a month to get you access to a whole goddamn backlog of premium episodes plus a different one every fucking week plus the discord access from the tier uh and then you're gonna want to if you have even more money i mean goddamn if

the milk is coming from the cows and the fucking goat is making food, then goddamn give us $10 a month because that'll get you access to a motherfucking bonus episode and a bonus video episode every motherfucking month, as well as all of the previous fucking features of the lower tiers. Check out the YouTube Day of Time Worldwide. We do a free video episode for y'all motherfuckers as well to enjoy. Anyone can watch those. They're on YouTube.

Oh, yeah, the shirts. So we will have shirts. They will be up on our Shopify. I will post those on the Patreon, and I will also post them online everywhere for your enjoyment um on twitter and on instagram as well as in the patreon uh they will be up tomorrow maybe saturday i'm a lone ass wolf and i've been a busy motherfucker and they're really hard to package because i fucked onto them but um they're pretty cool it's the middle of high life logo it says killer guy

life no pain without beers for real cool ass motherfuckers. If you missed out on the Pandejo time, Modelo bootleg, a sweater, you can get a goddamn, a different one. That is a different design that I made. All right,

bye. All right, guys, I think that might be a wrap. Okay. Let's bring it in guys. Group hug right now. Group podcast hug.

Yeah. Yes, this feels awesome. Okay, cool.