Pendejo Time - zoom raider

Episode Date: June 3, 2021

Winter storms 30 days of rain and more coming down the pipe god hates Texas but in times of trouble pendejos persevere out of spite out of a desire to see if one day we can do a live show in cleveland and or get a fucked up truck with 500000 miles on itSupport the Show.

oh man we're back dude we're like back in the sack back in the sack i think you said that the second episode or that sounds familiar i mean i don't maybe you said we've done the back in black thing like 15 75 times uh most definitely yeah well folks we're back back, and we're whack. We suck. We're, what the fuck? We, so you know, we're hitting a milestone, something that we should have done three months ago, where I'm having to set up an S-Corp so I don't get fucked. Yeah, he said, Jake said he's getting an S-Corp.

Good thing Ashley doesn't listen to him. Yeah, so we're becoming S-Corts. Yeah, me and Thomas are becoming S-Corts. It's $50 an hour for me. It's $200 an hour. Well, I was going to say, I feel like it would take a little less work for me to look like a woman, but way more work for you to look like a lady. What do you mean?

We're going to be escorts. There's male escorts. Yeah, but you know, fuck it. You don't have to pretend to be a woman. You can just be getting piped down. Or you can be laying it. You can be laying it down. Well, I mean, but if you pretend to be a woman, then it's not gay.

Anyway. I'm not going down that route. You're not tricking me. Anyway, yeah, we're big business guys now. Yeah. We're having our first IPO this week. I don't know how crypto works, but we should make a coin. Initial penis offering.

That one, you can have that one for free. Yeah, that's on the house. This is a freebie episode too. Anyway. That was just laughing at something on his phone. I've been getting back into looking at my phone lately.

Some crazy stuff on there. We should make a coin. What would the coin be? A penny. Guys stick with the classics. Yeah. This is our new cryptocurrency. It's called the US dollar.

I've got a new coin coming out. Yeah. It's called the nickel. What's it worth? nickel what's it worth uh 55 dollars wow i have no i i don't know people tried to explain it to me i just glaze over like during the headlights like a guy who i think knows a lot about it like some friends of mine who trade like who do crypto stuff i'm like can you explain it to me like just eli five like like i'm five like just fucking give me the rundown they're like all right man so there's like a chain and it's got blocks on it and there's uh different coins and uh you trade them and i'm like i stood that was not very detailed

yeah i actually know everything about the blockchain and i'm just i stood that was not very detailed yeah i actually know everything about the blockchain and i'm just tired of explaining it to everyone so i'm not going to explain it right now even though you know i know all about it and i just you know i'm not going to explain it um sometimes i think i know too much about blockchain you know because i helped create it Because I helped create it. A really snarky, crypto-libertarian guy doing a, doing a, like, it's not my job to educate you, like, woke, like, Twitter pandering.

Hello? Yeah, we both cut out. I think we were talking over each other. Yeah, we both cut out. I thought you just were ignoring me. No, I was in the middle of my thing. Turn your fucking camera off. You came back in and you were still talking. There it goes again.

God damn. And so, yeah, we were on two completely different. We were both powering through and just. Yeah, yeah. I just, whatever, man. Yeah, it is what it is. Yeah. I don't even really have to edit that out.

This is a free one. Yeah. You can get two conversations at once if you'd like. Yeah. We don't give a fuck. Fuck it. Yeah. See if you can, just turn your camera off.

See if it'll fucking. It's off. No, it's not. Oh, it's not? I've adjusted my balls like 17 times. I know. You're just sitting there playing with your fucking nut skin for like the last 10 minutes. Yeah, I thought the camera was off.

I was on audacity. You start like jacking off. Yeah. I'm like beating off in my own mouth. I'm like, yeah, dude, my camera's off. So for like a second, I was like, man, did that really shitty joke not land that's terrible how did that happen and that it was just not that the joke sucked which it did uh it was just you were not you could not listen to me technological issues uh i'm gonna start if

i don't think something you say is funny i'm just gonna go completely like radio silent for like a full minute yeah and just make you scramble to try and recover i think if that happens this podcast will be nothing but silence like a seven minute story of something that happened to me i barely remember nine years ago and then i try to make it into a bad joke and you're like and then I try to make it into a bad joke and you're like I'm scrolling on my phone so loud that like you can hear me touching the screen I'm just

going through you're like cracking it like I hear your thumb just like I'm like chewing I'm eating a hamburger in the background I hear your thumb just like... I'm like chewing... I'm eating a hamburger in the background. That's the cool thing about doing this remote is the technology is so good.

We have the same... We have two different conversations at the same time and sometimes it's not even that the things we say aren't interesting. It's just that I can hear thomas or he can't hear me kind of like now yep you cut out bad yeah just what i said when i say something you don't give a shit about you're like yeah the camera's off you're like yeah, you cut out for like 38 minutes. One of these days I'm going to actually have a solid story.

And I'm going to get like two and a half minutes into it and then just like take the trash out. And then I'll come back and be like, yeah, you cut out, sorry. And then I'll come back and be like, yeah, you cut out. Sorry. Just not. Not only are we dialing it in, but you're just like, the camera's off. You're gone for like, yeah, just 58 out of the 60 minutes that we do the show. Yeah, I didn't catch any of that.

Sorry. Dude, Zoom is so bad. There's a storm. Like the camera's on. It's daytime. It's a beautiful day. Sorry, man. I just, you know. i'm wearing like golf clothes yeah sorry yeah i think hurricane harvey's back um

you're like nowhere near houston at all it's been like nine years yeah it just came back. I can see it. I got back from Hurricane Harvey, man. Sorry. Yeah. Dude, I remember when that happened. I was working in Austin and I had gone back to Houston not to help at all with that. I went back like party with some friends after like a just like for a

week and i told my boss i was gonna go help such a piece of shit move dude i was like i'm gonna go volunteer i gotta help like my neighborhood went to shit and they were like oh your house okay and i'm like no man it's bad my house was my mom's house was totally fine but my friend was like having his like birthday and then like that weekend another friend was like having some party so from like thursday to sunday i was like and then monday too i was like yeah it's just really sad you know the water got in my mom lost everything nothing happened at all to to my mom's apartment i just wanted to like do molly and like listen to house music for five days to my mom's apartment. I just wanted to do Molly and listen to house music for five days.

Yeah, I was actually down there just kayaking. I love when hurricanes hit Houston because guys who have the slabs on the hydraulics, they just take pictures in five feet of water with the lifted kit on the Crown Vic or the fucking

Grand National. This city could get hit by a nuclear bomb and those dudes would be out just on the roads swinging down Westheimer or whatever. Yeah. We need to get slabs at some point.

Dude, I'm telling you, man. The money keeps rolling in, dude. I'm going to fuck the game up, I think. I'm going to fuck it up. Yeah. We could, you know, maybe eventually save up for a house or something. But I think instead I'm just going to get like three shitty Cadillacs and then like pay, you know, $1,500 a month in car insurance.

They have a million miles between three of them. Yeah. On the cars. Yeah. You're like, yeah, man, what'd you get? Oh, I got a DeVille. It's got 289,000 miles on it. What'd you get?

Grand National, it's like 484,000. It does not. It's been rotten in the driveway since I bought it. Yeah. I'm going to get one of those old, you know, Crown Vicks. It's worth like $2,500 and then put, you know, $45,000 into it. yeah i don't uh thomas... Yeah, we're back. We're back. Thomas's Wi-Fi is like a rock

with an antenna coming out. I just thought he was talking and telling a story. So the last 45 seconds of me laughing, I was laughing at nothing because I could not hear anything Thomas was saying. And Thomas apparently wasn't saying anything. He just heard me laughing over the microphone. And Jake was cutting in and out

and I assumed he had done one of those things where he talks for 20 minutes straight and everyone hates it which is fine but I was just waiting for him to finish up I was hoping that he would pop back in at some point and then it was probably 30 seconds

dead silence and then I just hear, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And I'm like, bro, I have not said one word. It's awesome that we're – technology is so great, dude. It's really fucking cool. great dude it's really fucking cool um but uh you know we didn't have to get rid of those 10 stellar minutes that started the show off yeah hurricane harvey uh you know um taxes yeah uh Dax's. Yeah. I guess it's about it. Being escorts.

Just classic stuff. Classic Pendejo time shit. Well, I think what I would like to do is I'm really surprised that you didn't say like kiss a guy. No, I actually thought I was saying kiss a boy.

I thought today I'm going to be nice and I'm not going to say that. I'm going to wait till later to say something like that. Well, you know what's funny is I thought you'd cut out again. So I was like I was going to come back, but it going to be like oh you mean kiss a guy but well after I had already you know said whatever I actually

was going to say yeah that you wanted to kiss a guy yeah you said that you were getting married to a boy

getting married is so much worse yeah you're marrying a boy so you can kiss him that's very very like a a pedophile who's also a christian yeah imagine that yeah that doesn't exist in the wild yeah i can't imagine that occurring yeah i can't imagine that occurring yeah that's never been sorry I have to wait to marriage but

you know we're gonna make an honest boy out of you yeah that's that ain't right start doing

blue collar comedy tags on the end of everything. Yeah. If you're at a wedding, and it's an old guy and a little boy, you just might be a redneck. If you met your husband at the daycare center, you might be a redneck. If you're a little boy and you're getting married to me,

you just might be a redneck. Redneck. Everyone's like, what? You're a fucksworthy. Why would you say that? You know, I don't write all my own jokes. I had a concussion some years back. How about this? Are you hotter than a fifth grader?

Oh my god. That is, uh, yeah. Yeah. That is, uh, just him just looking at people. Yep no behind a podium and he's like it's like no no no no no no no absolutely not no way nope no you're close uh no cigar uh nope no it's just a bunch of like models he's like nope yeah not even close nope

yeah just 10 out of 10 no secret absolute disgusting fucking what are you talking about no no no way you nasty fucking bitch no it's still like on you know like abc or whatever yeah it's a daytime primetime television it's right after america's funniest on videos yeah it's there's like 10 fifth graders and then like a bunch of like you know uh instagram body models and he's like look at these fucking pigs absolutely absolutely not would that be a dating show or would it still be trivia? It would be a type of dating show, but Jeff Foxworthy would be the only, you know, there wouldn't be a prize really.

You know, maybe some hush money in the future. The prize would be 25 to life in a federal prison. some hush money in the future. The prize would be 25 to life in a federal prison. Would the other contestants be fifth graders or would they be adults who look like little children? It would be like that Russian guy who looks like a baby, but he's like 19.

Hezbollah? There's like a dwarf on there and he's like, hold on a minute. Wait a second. He's like, spin around for me? Do it. Hold on. What the fuck? Fifth graders.

Hey, you can't fool me. It's Peter Dinklage. Yeah. He's like, you got me. Oh, Moza, get the fuck out of here. You sick bitch. I can't fool me. It's Peter Dinklage. Yeah. He's like, you got me. Oh, Moe's eye. Get the fuck out of here, you sick bitch. I can't fucking... This is a good, wholesome Christian show.

It ain't a place for disableds. Well, that would be... That would be silly. That would be very silly. That would be very silly. That would be a bad show, and I wouldn't watch it. Are you... Man, I wish that could have dragged on for another 40 minutes. Now we got to do the rest of the show.

Yeah, get another 40 minutes out of Are You Hotter Than a Fifth Grader. I was trying to do like a Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy, Larry the Pedophile Guy. Like, nothing was coming really, really working in the chamber. But, you know. that yeah you know what sometimes i'll be doing all the work and you just fall flat on your face that's okay you know sometimes i gotta do the heavy lifting yeah you know it can't all be it's not the jake show yeah it's not the tom show either i haven't had a bad riff yet but you know maybe one of these days you know you're more of a sniper i'm more of like a

shotgun tactic i just toss shit at the wall but you just you pick your shots you know yeah also i'm not really paying attention I won't you're giving me too much credit I'm on my phone 40 minutes out I put in the amount of work that I absolutely need to get to keep this

I'm sitting here like we're in text messages I'm like fuck this escorb shit it is not complicated it is the most amount of work I've had to do for this great blessing in my life. And I'm like, fuck, man. Let's just put it off until we owe the government $50,000. I really don't want to do this shit. It's very complicated.

It literally is not. It's about like using TurboTax. Yeah, I was halfway done with it before i asked felix like which he used before i fucked it up yeah yeah i wish we'd made the patreon in my name not that you're like completely dumb with that stuff you can say that i look like i've made it apparent that i that i have to go through this with a fine-toothed comb or we will owe the government $1 billion somehow. But I haven't had the type of problems. Anyway.

You're more of an ideas guy. And that's good. Yeah. Keep in mind, I used to work for the DMV. So I know how to balance a checkbook. Well, what's going to suck is I think we're going to be fine this year. I actually don't think we're going to have to go. Over $1,000 on crypto.

There's two tables to every coin. There's two tables to every coin. You texted me a while back and you're like, hey man, can you stop sending me Venmo money or Cash App money that says big balls in my ass 420? Because I'm going to have to show this to an IRS guy at some point. Yeah, it is what it is. Just some overworked twice-divorced guy. It's like, like okay so i see

a wire transaction from venmo for uh big dick cock gay sex orgy is that is that a accurate reflection i think it was only one it was like the first payment you sent where it was literally like big dick in the ass or something. And I was like, hey, man, right off the bat, can we not do this? Can we never do this again as long as we continue to work together? I mean, you could call it like almost anything. But I'm going to have to look an accountant in the eyes at some point. Yeah. Or an auditor yeah um I'm glad I never made much money from like music enough to pay taxes on it because a

lot of like people who book shows would just Venmo me for shit like that like you know pedophilia fund and I'm'm like, okay, great. If this was a career that I had, I would never be able to explain this to anybody. Yeah, it was like that whenever I was a firefighter. You were a firefighter? Yeah. Where at?

Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was a firefighter for 20 years out in Haltom City. What are the 55 rules of firefighting? See, firefighting, you got 17 rules. It goes along with the 17 elements of fire okay number one let's start with elements we've got first element water that's the first element of fire and it's the worst element because it'll put it out in a flash second element of fire

don't be in the middle of it. Isn't that a rule, not an element? It's one of the basic elements of fire. You got 10 rules, 13 elements. First rule, second element. Okay, so... First rule, second element. Okay. Do not pour gasoline directly into the water that you're going to use to put out the fire with because it's just going to water it down. Okay. And it's going to float.

That's rule number three and element number one. All right. gonna float that's rule number three and element number one all right it's also gonna number four and number two respectively get away from the fire right now don't touch it number five you can use the Dalmatians for their meat if you want. Who made these rules? Cruella DeVille. Oh, okay. I was going a different route with it.

Yeah, freaking Cruella DeVille. Yeah, the villain from 101 Dalmatians. Yeah, you guessed it. It's definitely that. Oh! Yeah. 101 Dalmatians? More like too many damn Dalmatians.

Yeah, more like, how do you keep up with all them dolls? Like, girl... Go get you some hobbies. Quit worrying about these skinny bits. Quit worrying about these damn dolls. Go get you some hobbies. Quit worrying about this skinny bitch. Quit worrying about these damn dogs. My girl. Get your chain-smoking ass out the house.

Cruella's at the nail salon. Just a normal day. Why are you always tracing around these damn dogs Fall Cruella Kind of named Cruella DeVille And the nail salon technician turns around No her Yeah yeah exactly

So So the DeVille family, how are you related to them, though? You got Cadillac DeVille, Cruella DeVille. Man, that's a good one. That's so good, man. What is he, a freaking, what is your sister a damn lincoln you're just doing an open mic at guantanamo bay what who who's the good guy grand marquee

what's his name gram mark Mark? Graham Marky? Graham Marky? Biz Marky? Who's with me, folks? What does he say? You? You got what I need? And he's talking about some darn dogs?

You're at gunpoint. Anyway, so Cruella DeVille, she's at the nail salon. A very cool type of, you know. Is she and all the other girls in there, they're kissing? Ew. Mm. I don't like stuff like that. I don't like that. If you did that for 34 more minutes.

Okay. Oh. Okay. Oh, that feels so good. Was that a boy's voice? Nope. As an adult woman, it just has a cold, I promise. Yeah. Anyway, rule number one. It just has a cold, I promise. Yeah. Anyway, rule number one.

This goes for any firefighter who's ever lived. You always check the truck before you leave. Why? Sometimes, well, you don't want to, when you're going from one job site to the next, you don't want to we're going from one job site to the next you don't want to take any fire with you mmm because I can just make the situation way worse it's an actual no okay sometimes I like to scope out places where there might be a fire pretty soon and i hate bringing fire along with me when i do that do you uh do you guys kiss at the station no and if we did like we're firefighters like we probably wouldn't tell anybody about that so so you do no no and we especially like wouldn't say

anything if we did okay so you are you know it's like it's like especially, like, wouldn't say anything if we did. Okay, so you... No, it's like a rule, like, that wouldn't happen, but if it did, like, nobody would even know about it, you know? Sorry for rushing the rules. I guess this is, like, rule 32 or something. No, it's like, you're not rushing anything because there's not even anything to say because there's, like, nothing going on. And it's like there's not even... I don't even know what I would even say because like what – you think I'm going to make something up because I'm not. And it's like, okay, so I'm going to lie. But no, I'm not because if I'm saying the truth, then I wouldn't even have to make anything up. Okay.

I think that's – I don't think there should be any suspicion left in your mind. Okay. Yeah, I think that's a, you know, I don't think there should be any suspicion left in your mind. Yeah. And we don't use the poles for anything bad either. We just use them to go up and down on. We don't spit on them. Nobody spits on them. Nobody spits on them and we don't let the dogs ride up and down on them either because that would be weird. What, so there's dogs in the firehouse?

No. And if we... I mean, if we... What would we have? We even have dogs around to pet them. To give them treats. No, we'd have them out there putting out fires. My dad just sent me a message

and he was like, back at the landscaping gig i i need to get out of here man i he sent me a picture he's crammed in the back seat of the guy's the boss's car like cram my dad's a big dude he's fat as fuck he's about like uh close to my height anyway he sends me a picture of the back seat that he's in. And it's just trash. Way worse than my car. But the best part about the picture was there's a car seat back there. And in the car seat is what looks like 15 to 20 empty Bud Light Tallboy cans.

He was like, this motherfucker's smoking and drinking and driving to the job site. And I was like, dude, get out of that car. I was like, also, why is it? He texted me this. I haven't got a chance to respond yet, but I want to ask him, is that his kid's car seat? You need to stop working. Please stop working for this man. I know that you've done and seen way worse, but if he's willing to put his own child in danger he's probably going

to murder you yeah start him young you know yeah you know how young do you start him uh really young in terms of working okay anything else yeah in terms of being cherished as my son or daughter. You have children? No. It'd be very funny if you were just hiding a kid from, like, you're just like, yeah, man, we need to, like, really push for the S-Corp and we need to get legit. Yeah. I don't know how much it would really benefit me to secretly have

a kid it wouldn't as a yeah it wouldn't at all like i just hear crying over mike one day and you're like oh that's nothing that's the cat like yeah in in the background of one of my stupid timer pictures on twitter you see like a tiny hand or like a binky or something yeah i don't have any kids um but if i do you know what it is what it is it is what it is you kill kids don't you what kill them you kill kids

no I thought you alright nevermind no you're probably thinking of somebody else like the Joker somebody messed up I'm actually really like

mentally and like socially like I'm really good at all that stuff and i don't even think about doing anything bad uh yeah yeah like if you talk to anybody who knows me like i'm really like i'm so normal sometimes like you know people get scared like rip you know because there's just nothing weird about me. And you can go as deep as my end of the psychology as you want, pal. You can read the whole book. I'm normal front to back, like the book of being a regular guy. Well, that's good, man.

Yeah. I'm not. Yeah, you're kind of psycho-twisted, you know, a jester in the king's court, as they say. Who says that? Uh, me. This is a phrase that I came up with when I made a little of last year, and I say it now. I have said it insultingly before, but only when I was so confident that i did not need it to land whatsoever um yeah dude you're kind of a jester in the king's court

can you imagine like saying that on a job site to someone i have before and it does there is no way to make that land it does not land i'm saying you have to be confident enough to where you don't need it to be land and you're just being a dick ah okay i see what you're saying i was but i can't i was just being annoying yeah somebody would just respond to that by calling you the n-word no probably not me because a lot of people respect me like too much i don't believe that at all no i'm like really really respected you're respected in the landscape and Arbor community? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, everybody thinks I'm a top dog. Does anyone that you work with, like, I know you said like one guy you know listens to the show, but like does anybody you work with like know about like the show? Yeah, everybody. Really? That's cool. Let's see. Yeah. Which is cool. Let's see.

Yeah. Which is cool. Nobody, I would never tell anybody I work with about this. Well, that's fine. You don't have real writers like me. That's true. Yeah, I work. That's 100% true.

I don't have writers. You don't have you don't have riders dude and that's why that's going to lead to your downfall in two months I'm like a solo dolo I'm like the last of the Mohicans you're like a solo cholo I mean yeah I'll take

is that a bad word I think we still have that one. I don't think it's been, I don't think it's a cancel. I don't mean, I don't even mean it in an edgy way. I think it's just a. A cool type of guy to be, genuinely. Yeah. There's.

At some point I started calling like super Mexican looking trucks Cholo wagons. Yeah. like super mexican looking trucks cholo wagons yeah and um i thought this was like i convinced myself this was a term that everyone uses for like a dodge with like a spoiler and chrome rims yeah and then i like looked up the term to show somebody and there were like zero results i was like oh yeah this never mind yeah just me i just i say that you're on urban dictionary like begging there to be yeah i was like yeah like yeah everybody's like uh in a in a truck conversation in that context, it is obvious what, yeah, no,

I knew immediately what you were talking about. Yeah. I'm like, it's a fucking cholo wagon, which is fine. When you say it with that level of disdain in your voice, it does sound racist. That you're like,

it's a fucking cholo wagon. It's a fucking cholo. Like when you say it like cholo wagon, like in that tone, that's cool. It's like a funny, but if you're like, God, this fucking cholo like when you say it like cholo wagon like in that tone that's cool it's like a funny but if you're like god damn fucking cholo wagons like that that's bordering on like something that you is despise at such a level that you can't like not hide it in your voice any longer i don't know if that's no i was just saying uh well certain trucks i really don't like it when they're made to look a certain way but if you get like a 98 chevy and you slam it and you put a tint

on it in chrome like i don't care that's fine you can do that you get a little truck and slam it i'm fine with that but if you get like an f-250 with a you know a six oh or whatever and you slam it that just looks stupid what i think is interesting is is it like the two types of guys who drive a lifted truck and b lowered truck are so radically different types of people but it's just trucks at different heights off the ground. Yeah. Like a guy who drives a 2004 lifted F-150 with the whole kit, the whole fucking nine yards, probably isn't too

fond of Mexicans. But take that same truck and drop it. You know, Cholo X. That is a Mexican. Yeah, so I mean, it's just... See, that becomes that is a mexican yeah so i mean it's just whether see that becomes not even a racial thing yeah it's just the lower a truck is the more mexican yes and and and thus you know it's on the ground i don't care who hops out he's a mexican the the great the greatest the greatest

philosophical problem of our time is the difference in truck culture versus lifted versus lowered. But it's just trucks at different heights off the ground. Yeah. Now, I think some like old sports cars are cool, like old foreign cars are cool lowered. And I also don't like huge lifts. Yeah, they get obnoxious, man. I don't want my truck to look like a monster truck. Yeah.

And I do like a lot of stock heights also. Like if you have like two step ladders, like you're getting into a fucking Peterbilt. Also, if you're 5'4", and have a 10 inch lift it's like bro come on that is so common you gotta throw a rope up on there and get a carabiner to pull yourself up

this is too far when I would be at the job site one of my favorite things in the world I would be sitting in the parking lot waiting for the shift to start at 5.45 in the morning before I walked into the lunch tent and then i would see a guy pull up in a like 10 12 inch lift big fuck off tires and i'm like all right i'm gonna place a bet with myself this guy is not over 5 8 and a fucking you know open door opens up and he fall like he has to

jump out like he it's a complete leap like The dude's maybe 5'4 at most. This is a very common thing you see in guys who have the obnoxious lift kits. Yeah. And then lowered truck guys. Lowered truck guys are like... Something that you see... Lowered truck drivers so fat

that it looks like their eyes are always closed. Yeah. Like just impossibly huge. I think it's stupid to have like a work truck and have it lowered too much. It's one of my little. Yeah. I've never actually seen. I've never seen one of those on a site.

It's usually they're lifted. Yeah. I've never seen i don't think i've ever seen a super lowered truck hauling a trailer like ever now i would love to see one yeah that would be i would love to see a gooseneck being hauled like a by like a 92 like chevy 1500 a gmc cyclone that's like half a centimeter off the ground yes it's just sparks flying yeah you're just going over like like rock trails fucking fly like flying fucking rocks in the air that would be badass i uh the the types of trucks the ones that they don't have to necessarily be lowered but they have the full mural on the back of like a big titted virgin mary praying in front of a

lagoon yeah dude those are so sick like they're airbrushed like they're the yeah the truck looks like a piece of shit it's falling the fuck apart but the tail the tailgate itself has this beautifully airbrushed like extremely gaudy like you know big titted nun like like praying in front of like a like an island lagoon and like there's eagles are like flying over it and shit there's like the twin towers maybe there if it's one of those types of guys there's this uh old caprice like kind of slab looking uh and it was it was on craigslist in dallas and it was only like seven grand or something i was like oh shit nice and then i clicked on it and it was like royal blue. And then the hood was like this guy's wife. And I was like, I can't.

I can't buy this. It would be so funny to have another guy's girlfriend. Yes. I buy it with the understanding that I'm going to get it covered up or something. And I just don't. And I just drive by their house every morning. What's funnier is getting your girlfriend or your wife airbrushed on your slab and then being in a position where you have to sell it and you still charge $7,000 for it. It's clearly like to get it completely covered up, but still, did you guys get a divorce?

Or when you get somebody's name tattooed on you like do you get it covered up like what what went wrong down the way yeah at that point you just buy a different hood for it yeah why sell the fucking thing i mean like unless you need the money it's funnier if they didn't split up he just needed the money yeah like you go to bite and you're like hey man i like to think that he had another car with the side piece on the hood but she doesn't know about that one like he keeps it covered in the garage just getting like a minivan and getting like your wife's tits tatted on it would be would be awesome yeah just airbrushed your kids hop in the side door and they have to slide their their mom's rack to the side i like the idea of a notorious philanderer like but being really

obsessed with like airbrushing the hood of his car with the women he did he has like nine fucking like like coupe devils and Ville's and Grand Nationals and Crown Victoria's and Lincoln's. Like going into debt to just airbrush each one of his baby mamas on the hood of his fucking cars. Yeah, Boozy's got like a whole taxi fleet. He's got a limousine

with like nine different women on it his interview uh with vlad he does so many but the one where like vlad tried to press him on so apparently like you know he said some like homophobic bullshit as boozies want to do and uh mamad he met muhammad he went on muhammad not muhammad ali i'm fucking stupid uh mike tyson's podcast and mike tyson's daughter is a lesbian and so uh mike tyson's daughter apparently like confronts boozy and was like so what's up with all this talk and and boozy's like, what do you mean? I don't agree with it. Like, he didn't hold back on her at all.

He was like, I don't think it's cool. And you're Mike Tyson's dog. But I just don't agree with it. So what? And like, dude, if I'm next to Mike Tyson, and he's like close enough to rock my shit and kill me in one punch i'm backpedaling all the way but respect to boozy for being like yeah what bitch i do not fuck with you at all also boozy absolutely looks like a lesbian yeah yeah he look yes yeah he he looks like he like he looks like he raises pitbulls yeah his it's funny that he like

not only is he up front about his homophobia and his transphobia just being like like not a good guy in that regard he also is very up front about the fact that he's a piece of shit like he just kind of is like you know a philandererer and just keeps setting up franchises and popping out kids with different women. He's like, I have these moral standards that are just terrible. And also I need to let you know that I just am fundamentally not a good kid. Yeah, like I have killed people. Yes, more than five at the very least. He got banned from planet fitness what for being like

like uh like so aggressively transphobic or whatever and they like i think they just because he posted workout videos there and stuff and so they just kicked him out or whatever. But he, somebody was like, man, Boozy had no business being in there anyway. And they posted some of the videos that Boozy had, like, posted of him working out, and he would just be on the machines doing whatever the fuck. Not working out at all, just sort of flailing around with his headphones on yes and the caption would be like getting that work in and it would be like him like on the like leg extension thing doing arm curls that would it would like his legs up in the air it was like it was like if if mikey miles was like actually someone to be afraid

of yeah by the way it rocks that he's like a pro israel guy like that is yeah that is just so my friend recently moved to like his neighborhood of new york and he just dms me or like tech we text every day and he's like dude if i see that motherfucker it's on site i hate him so much and i'm like why he's like he he's clearly like a deranged individual like there's something fundamentally wrong with that guy he's like no man i don't care i'm gonna stomp him the fuck out i hate him like jesus christ man like let the man cook he's just like a Zionist, horny, like harasses. He's awful. Like, I don't know. It really annoys me when guys are like that small. It's fine to be short.

But if you're that short, you have to also have, you have to have good posture first off, and you should also get fat in my opinion. Or like so yoked that your lats like you can't close your arms anymore. Yeah, but at the very least you've got to find a way to hit like $1.50. Yeah, yeah. I'm not asking for much. He weighs 122 pounds. Yeah, which is insane.

And he brags about benching 140 because it's more than his body weight. Yeah. I saw him bench pressing on Instagram last night. And for some reason, he doesn't lower the bar all the way down to his chest. He just does like a half. He lowers. He has it like six inches above his chest and then goes back up which i don't understand because that's not like easier to do no it's bad

for your shoulders man like he so he had like 140 on there or something like that and he did like six reps maybe but they were all like three quarters of a rep because he didn't put it on his chest yeah and if anyone gives him like advice on form or something he's like yeah i've been working out longer than you i know i've been working out a long time i know what i'm doing it's funny funny that sometimes I'll see people will screenshot, like make a collage, and they'll send them to me or chat I'm in or post them or whatever of like different Instagram models, like five different Instagram models,

and he's liked every single one of their posts. Like not one every few. It's like a collection of liked by Mikey Miles and 68,000 others. Here's the thing. I don't know what he does for a living. He's given no indication. I think he's on unemployment. That is awesome.

I hope that. I fucking hope that's true, dude. because a guy who works out and is an actor or a wannabe actor on the side and then spends his free time poorly lifting weights and harassing women on Instagram. It's like – To be fair, that's everyone who's subbed to our podcast. That's every listener we have. Yeah, that's a good 89% of the listener base. Just some guy in Ohio who spends all his unemployment

money on Kratom and then 70 podcasts. And then, you know, yeah. Gets drunk and then likes. He just goes through and likes. Gets drunk and finds our addresses and sends mail to our aunts.

Yeah. Likes, goes through and likes 50 different instagram models posts let's like a million posts into like it's rate limited the other day i was so one thing that mikey miles does is on leg press he locks his legs out on every rep no and every time he does this people are like like, dude, stop this right now. Like, why are you locking your legs out? And he's like, you know, everybody's different.

Everybody has 10 minutes to work for them. And this is what works for me. I've been working out a lot longer than these people who, you know, say that they know what's right for me. And I'm going to keep doing it like this. What does he have on the leg press like 215 i probably like 185 i don't think it's a lot but it's still like anything more than like 10 pounds it's like could snap your knees yeah dude that's like also like you might just pass the fuck out and have it drop on your shit and, like, break your fucking tail. Yeah.

Like, that's, like, one of the first things, like – dude, God bless him, man. No. I really don't. He's one of those guys where, like, for a long time – in fact, I was conflicted. I'm still kind of conflicted about whether or not he's doing like he kind of steered into the character misusing your influence

yeah I forget what the other part was remember it's from Kendrick Lamar no it's from Pimpa Butterfly uh yeah not ringing a bell No. It's from Pimple Butterfly. Yeah, not ringing a bell, man.

Are you fucking stupid? Yeah. Okay. It's fine. Take it back, I'm sorry. My bad, dude. It's funny to me that like... I uh I really want like

so when he posts those videos of him like shadowboxing and planet fitness and there's a bunch of people around Mikey I'm always like again like I think it's like a joke I thought but I guess he really is just like that like deranged you know or like he'll post a video on Instagram like a reel of him shooting like 15 free throws and missing every one of them like how do you do that like you got to at least make one like mathematically like you

yeah you have to at least make one and it'll be like a two and a half minute video of him shooting from like 10 feet from the goal and just airballing every single fucking one of them he's like 35 or something like that yeah he's and he old. He's like, man, sometimes I feel just like I'm a kid again, you know? I feel like I'm just a little kid. I'm like, I mean, no. No, you're just 5'3", man.

That's something that I don't like. Again, all those things can... Yeah. Okay, cut out. I'm glad it's happening again now. Yeah, yeah. It's right at 54 minutes.

I was saying that like all those things combined, the selfie bar, the basketball, the poor weightlifting technique. I saw a picture where he cut an avocado in half through the pit and he was like, dinner time. And I'm like like what the like what the fuck is that like it has to be a joke but like the more that i follow him and the more i see of him the more i'm like no he's being totally serious i think he leans into it to a certain extent yeah maybe but i hope so like that like that mind of jason guy yeah i i don't i don't know what's he works at a cricket in like brooklyn like a cricket wireless which is hilarious really yeah so some he he retweeted some girls found him and and they were like uh look who visited he was like look who visited

me work i forget the caption but something like that and he was out front of a quicker cricket wireless in a tight-fitting Cricket shirt, like sweating, like pouring fucking sweat. And I was like, this is so sick. This is the ideal guy. He honestly seems like he's loving life. On everything, he only follows just hot girls that follow him. He'll just go through and follow

him back yeah he just does his own little thing if you if his his memes are becoming more and more unintelligible and like back in the days when like writers like they're like over the course of their work you could see them go insane from like wet brain or depression like you just see him losing in his mind and like deep fried memes like they're becoming more and more just absolutely unhinged and unintelligible like they don't have there's no premise there's no setup there's no punchline there's just it's just like a fried picture of a blunt he poorly rolled and then it's like damn when she got her legs like that or it's like what are you what are you talking Like, it's a shitty backwoods, and he's like, when she come over to the house, and I'm like, what? Like, what are you talking about, dude?

Yeah, it's like, whenever she be saying, girls be saying their friends ain't nice. Yeah, neither are you. And it's a picture of, of like a roach that he killed yeah i like i don't again like you know you you want it to be a joke and maybe part of it is but most of it's clearly just desperation like there's just nothing going you ever see the meals that he makes mikey miles or uh jason no mikey miles meals are fucked up i've never seen jason's meals jason's like you can tell he's just like super fucked up when he makes it but it'll be like it'll be like a hot dog and like mac and cheese

where like the hot dogs cut up and then it'll have like rice and ground beef mixed up in that and then like some sauce he made and then like whole grilled mushrooms and or it'll be like just sardines like dumped into some ramen like a shitty shit meal yeah it's like yeah well but but he loves it he'll be like yeah cooked up something good for tonight i uh man somebody should maybe they shouldn't but you know like just to have like a documentary on those two guys like just a day-to-day in their lives i mean i guess they post all day so you kind of get a glimpse but mikey probably already thinks it's happening yeah that's a good point. He probably, yeah. When he does his like camera reads, they're rare these days.

They used to be more common. But he would put on a fedora and he would do like lines from Goodfellas. And this like meandering kind of head like shaky Italian, like it would dip in and out. He would be like like everybody gets pinched don't you know that you get pinched it's and it's like he put it's like three minutes long though and i would just sit there and like current like it hurt my spine to watch it but like shit like that is just makes me sad you know like it's not really all that funny to me. It's just like, god damn, this guy thinks that he's going to make it as an actor at, like, 37 years old.

Like, off Twitter clout where people mostly are just making fun of him, you know? Yeah, you know, it happens. Have you seen his cover of Moonlight? No. I'll send it to you. Fuck yeah, dude. It's so good, dude. Oh, he said he says everything no dude no yeah he drops them oh yeah that effortlessly that is so good he doesn't even think about it and he's got like his he's got like his new york yankees head on

like sideways i'm pretty sure no but it like it's a he cannot find hats that fit because his head is like smaller than most children's heads so it's like a youth small like a but what he does is he'll get a hat that's too big and then throw it in the dryer. Okay. And try and shrink it. Oh, my God. He'll wash a fitted cap. And then it'll look all bent and stuff.

And he's like, yeah, I tried to shrink it. It was a quarter inch too big. Got the wrong size. And then it'll still be sitting on him like a sombrero it's like bro why did you why are you buying fitted caps that don't fit

and they're fitted they have smaller sizes yeah you could go to the kids section I wonder if he's self conscious that's why he does it he's self conscious about having could go to the kids section i wonder if he's self-conscious that's why he does it he's self-conscious about having to go to the kids hat section so he just buys like an adult's hat and then just dries it until it's all fucked up looking at it it's like bent down the middle like a like the like a beam on a you know a house or whatever

where it splits off instead of being like curb, it's just a triangle hat. But yeah, I'll send you that Moonlight cover. It's really something. Yeah, please do. Well, folks, if you like this one, you should subscribe to the Patreon where the internet is just as good. If we hit,

I don't know, maybe $20,000 a month, I'll upgrade the internet to $5 more. It will be 1% better and won't be that we hit, I don't know, maybe 20 grand a month. I'll, I'll upgrade the internet. To Ethernet. It'll be 1% better and won't be that, it won't make much of a difference at all. Yeah.

Yeah. Ah, fuck. All right, folks. Thanks for tuning in. Peace.