Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP 35: Luke McQueen

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

Joining Jess this week is none other than writer, actor, comedian and guest with the most honorable mentions so far - it’s Luke McQueen. We truly venture to tange city on our journey to the perfect day, but we do eventually get there. If you too greatly enjoy correcting people when they’re wrong and also wish you could smash your phone into bits - this perfect day is for you! We also get some valuable insight into the Brett-Goldstein-underwater situation and so much more… Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes every Thursday. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast. And, why not get in touch? Email us at [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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you can make your investing steps count. And if you're like me and think a TFSA stands for Total Fund Savings Adventure, maybe reach out to TD Direct Investing. Alright then. You think I'm not good at karaoke? I'm fantastic at it, but you'll never see me do it. Hello Perfect Dayers, I'm Jessica Knappett and you are… being very undude, dude. Welcome to Perfect Day, it's Thursday, which means, yeah, it's time for yet another Perfect Day. Today's destination, Tanj City, passengers, me, you and none other than… comedian, writer, actor and… guest with the most honourable mention so far, I think,

is Mr Luke McQueen. And in today's episode, we are completely devoid of ambition. Luke channels his inner Joe Thomas to be fair, I think with a slightly depressing afternoon, and he explains the whole Brett Goldstein underwater situation. We get a little bit of insider info. We've got some connections being made. I like it when guests come on who know other guests. I mean obviously of course they do because a lot of the people that come on my podcast are people I already know and like but they've got friends of friends of friends of friends and we hear it. We're all friends really aren't we? I mean we're all just one, we're all just one friend if you think about it. I mean if you re- you have to really think about it though. But really. Okay look, lock your phone away.

Or even better, smash it into pieces. Let's get into Luke McQueen's perfect day! I love being right. I love proving little wormy people wrong. Alright then. What I really like about this is I think you're the guest that's had the most honourable mentions before coming on the podcast. Really? Well this will test whether or not you've been listening. Who do you think mentioned you? I know Brett did. So listeners, if you don't know Luke McQueen, you will and you have been listening and you listen to the Brett Goldstein episode, you will know Luke McQueen as the man who helps to hold Brett Goldstein underwater. Well, I've got a different POV of

that day. What Brett does is it's incredible. Go on. I'm quite competitive. Well, there's two things actually. Are you? Yeah, no, I am, but not like if I lose, I'm sort of fine with it, but I don't see the point in sort of taking part unless you want to win. Try to win. Yeah. Is that just in anything, or is that in specifically the game of holding your breath underwater? Oh yeah, anything, including like I was playing dodgeball for a bit with some friends and we were so bad, like we would get destroyed every single, every single week. But I would still turn up and be like, we could win today. Right, right, right, right. And I believe that competitive or is that delusional?

Yeah, yeah. Well we did actually end up winning once. Okay. Because the other team did not have enough players. Right. Dodgeball is such an American sport to have as a hobby. Yeah I know I'm just always searching for things to do. Always searching. I really want to get into them. With a deeply existential tone. All the way, I'm always searching. Because I've always, you don't do anything.

So tell me about the POV. So my POV and Brett's, Yes. Like it is incredible what Brett's doing. So he obviously says, let's see how long we can go underwater without holding our breath. And I thought-

Without holding our breath. Oh, you know, what's he doing? Holding his breath underwater. To be clear, and Brett was really worried about this, do not try this at home, unless you've got someone like Luke McQueen standing by, although we're about to hear it from Luke McQueen's POV. Well, also, I have to say, before he did this,

we were running in the gym, and he said he could do a 5k in like 15 minutes. Mad. And I said there's no way. I said if you can do that you should be entering the Olympics. There's no way. For context, I would say an average 5k is like half an hour. A little bit. For me it takes me about 45 minutes.

I'm not joking. About 25 minutes is maybe, 28 minutes is probably average. 25 minutes I say is good, 22 minutes is like really nice, 15 is like you... 15 is you're sprinting it. Yeah. Yeah. And Brett is a physical specimen.

He's a physical beast. He's not necessarily fast. Oh. Well he's not. That's... He's not like, you know, he's not like a sprinter. No. Well I don't know.

I don't know. I've never tried to race him on my wrist. Well. But you have, clearly. We were in the gym together. So this is before the water breath thing. And yeah, I mean, basically sort of, he's getting his kilometres and his miles mixed up or something like that. But he's not doing this in 15 minutes. Okay.

So he's, so, so going into this, I know the guy's a liar, or at least he's got it, he's got it wrong. So going into the holding your holding your breath underwater experience, he's already said he can do a 5k in 15 minutes. Have you seen him try? Yeah, then we did it next to each other. And I said, great, you didn't do it. I can't remember what it was. It was something like he finished after 15 minutes and it was 2k or something. I can't remember exactly what happened, but he'd made a mistake.

Okay. So he's talking shit from the off. But not on purpose. He did actually believe that he was doing this. Yeah. He believes his own time is what you're saying. Okay. So yeah. So that was the context. And then he says to you... I can hold my breath for... Well, let's see if you can do it longest. Brett did it for so long. Like crazy. Three minutes, maybe two minutes. I can do it longest. Brett did it for so long. Yeah. Like crazy, three minutes, maybe two minutes.

I can't remember, but I remember going under with him, coming up and thinking, well, what I'll do is, you know, I'll wait 10 seconds and I'll go back under. And I basically I'll cheat and then I'll win because he's still underwater, so he can't see that I pop myself back up. So I wait 10 seconds, go back under. I come back up. He's still down there. He's not come up once this whole time.

And is he like at the bottom of the pool? Yeah. He switches his brain off he says. He says anything, like any sort of thinking is giving away energy. And obviously I'm down there sort of scheming how I'm going to beat him. So I'm just sort of using up so much energy. This is so different to the picture I had, which was of you like, basically you're the, you're the guy from the deepest breath. Have you seen, if you've seen that documentary about the people that are freedivers, you're like so concerned for Brett Goldstein's welfare and safety in this moment. Little did I know. I was trying to win.

Luke's scheming McQueen is just trying to cheat his way through a holding a breath competition. I think once I knew I absolutely couldn't win, there probably was a bit of that where he was sort of trying to beat his record and I was just sort of watching him. It is incredible. It sounds absolutely mad, but he loves it. He loves it. It's probably. It is incredible. It sounds absolutely mad. Yeah. But he loves it. He loves it. It's probably very good for you. And the other mention of course you get is from Lou Sanders, former flatmate of Lou Sanders. Yeah. Before she abandoned you and moved to Margate. I've just got back from Margate, been there for a week. All right, so you just still live at the house then do you? I know. It is tempting. It is nice. Are you invited? I could go back. Really?

Is the door open? The door's open. She's saying come and live with me and Margot. Oh my god that's absolutely adorable. Well we were living together and it was so nice and you didn't feel like you were living with a flatmate you just felt like you were living at home. Which is like a nice thing when you are living with a flatmate. You just felt like you were living at home, which is like a nice thing when you are living with a flatmate. Yeah. But also there was this feeling that if nothing changed, then it would be forever.

And that would be nice, but also bleak. Why is it bleak? I suppose at some point we'd both like to, you know, have normal relationships. But it is a normal relationship. Is it? You guys love each other and when you're in each other's company, it's home. That's what you said. Yeah.

That's like the best relationship you could possibly have, I think. Yeah. But maybe the problem is with both. You're not boning and she wants someone to... She wants someone to bone her. Yeah, that's the issue. That's the only issue, but you can get that elsewhere. And by the way, you know, once you're married it stops anyway. How does it? Oh, fine then. Yeah. Honestly, you're basically living the life of a married couple. So I don't know what the problem is. Well maybe me and Lou move into your place and your husband

I shouldn't do podcasts. This is awful. I think that's a great suggestion. Okay. I'll suggest it to him. It's his birthday at the weekend. Is it? I might give him that as a birthday present. What you were saying? What are you going to get him? So before we started I was saying I find it really hard to buy presents for men and particularly my husband and you said It's easy. I do think it's easy because we don't Generally speaking we don't really mind. I find it so stressful buying buying presents for girls So stressful. I it takes me ages Because I just I try and do something really thoughtful and the look on their face is when they open it but I've done things before where I've like made things. That's really nice. To be fair I had

one girlfriend years ago who was like and to be fair I think I was getting her rubbish gifts like she would she liked things like I don't know she liked cakes or something and I bought her something to make cakes. Oh, right, yeah. It's a domestic present. Well, it wasn't that, it was one of those things where you sort of, I remember it was like this weird machine where you put like pastry and it would make like 12 cookies or something. I don't know, I can't remember.

Like a child's, like a, it sounds to me like a, like a cookie maker that I bought for my seven year old for Christmas. Yeah, and she'd open half of it and then she'd slide it back and say, like a cookie maker for Christmas. And she'd open half of it and then she'd slide it back and say, I can't, I've not got anywhere to put it. And she was very sort of clear that it was a disaster. But you learn from that. Did you keep the receipt? That's always a good thing to say. To say to people when you receive their present, I think.

I say that every time. Have you kept the receipt? Oh, no, I don. I say that every time. Have you kept the receipt? Oh, no, I don't say that. I say, I've got the receipt in case you hate this. Right. Do you find it more stressful? Have you ever said that before? What?

Have you kept the receipt? No, I haven't. I don't think I have really. I just don't think it's worth it. I honestly think. So here's two things I absolutely believe should change. I think presence should just stop. Stop, stop, stop. If you want something just say, I'd quite like that. Okay, yeah, I'll see if I can get that for you. No problem. You know, also birthdays. Everyone should

just celebrate their birthday on the same day. We have one day a year where everyone does their birthdays. You go to a big party, go, oh, how old are you this year? Oh, I'm, you know, 30. It's so annoying. What are you talking about? I can't, it's so stressful, the whole thing. Having to celebrate your birthday. Well, you don't have to celebrate your birthday. You do. Unless it's a big birthday.

Well, then there's a pressure. I never celebrate my birthday. Well, don't then. It's fine. No one's asking you to. You don't have to. People do ask. And they say you've got a big one coming up. You need to do something. You've got a big one coming up. I've got a big one coming up. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm coming. You're coming. I forgot about that. Well there we go. I haven't forgotten. That'll be playing on my mind tonight. I'll be lying in bed going well everyone's gonna forget you'll just be there on your own. Oh no that's a horrible, I know that's just such a horrible feeling. And you think

you have to mark it. I don't regret having a birthday party, but in a way I do. Your birthday party was fantastic. It was a fantastic party, but it was stressful for me. Was it? A bit, yeah. It was, if I'm honest, it was a bit. Because there's just too many people to talk to and it's a bit like a wedding, but I was also grateful, but it was also nice. And I'm glad that I didn't do nothing. I'm glad that I did something and I didn't do nothing. Well, that's what everyone's been saying to me. Yeah. So I'm going to Naples. It's a bit sad. Yeah. What? I'm going to Naples and I'm having a party. Great! That is quite good isn't it? Faffanapoli. Are you Italian? You could be

actually. Allegedly. Are you? I can be. I can be all sorts of things. Luca McQueen! Yeah, I think that'd go Luciano. Such an Italian name. Well my surname's made up. Oh my god, I've got a made up surname too. Have you? Not Nappit, my other surname. My husband's surname that I've taken for other reasons. His is made up. But what's the, tell me about yours. I can't remember, I can't remember what it is. It's something mad this is why I'm probably not Italian, but my dad didn't really know his dad was and So he changed his surname and his original surname. I don't know. It was something mad

This is just like an episode of who do you think you are? Well, it is because they're going to watch your original surname? And I'd go, I don't know. And that'd be the end of the episode. Like, well we can't find anything out then. I don't know, sorry. Excuse me, that's my stomach rumbling. Is that being picked up on the microphone? I hope so.

It's so embarrassing when that happens. Are you hungry? No, I've had loads of pancakes. We're recording this on pancake day by the way. I've not done the pancakes yet. I woke up at my friend's house this morning. She came bursting into my bedroom said it's pancake day. What did you have on them? It's fucking pancake day. She made me loads of pancakes. Berries? Maple syrup and banana. Fantastic. What would your pancake topping be? Definitely maple syrup. I'd probably do the same. Maybe it's bacon and berries. Bacon and berries. Actually, that's a good shout.

I'd never have chocolate. I don't do the chocolate. Nutella. I think it's the only time when it's acceptable to eat nutella actually. So I would do it, but we didn't have nutella in the house this morning. But I would have gone nutella and bananas. Had I the choice. Too sickly for me. I'm very sort of classic lemon. Straight down the line. I just go lemon and sugar actually. Straight down the line lemon and sugar kind of guy. How do you feel about savory pancakes?

Yeah, don't mind them at all. Spinach, cheese. No, I used to have savory pancakes where I'd have minced like. A roast dinner on top of the pancakes. Bolognese. No roast dinner. Really, a Bolognese pancake?

Yeah, without the spaghetti, yeah. Gosh, you really are Italian, aren't you? Bolognese and cheese, yeah. What are you talking about? That's not a thing. What do you mean it's not a thing? Just a savoury pancake? Yeah, but who puts Bolognese sauce on their pancakes? Why wouldn't that work? Think about it. I'm not saying it doesn't work. I'm just saying you've invented that, haven't you?

No, I haven't. I haven't. There's a Dutch pancake house in Holborn and they do Bolognese pancakes. And of course they do. It's the first thing you'd think of. It's not the first thing you think of, is it? Yeah. What are you thinking of before that? What are you putting a cod on it? I'm putting a galette would be probably your spinach, your cheese, more like you're sort of thinking of your omelette. Yeah, right. Your mushrooms, maybe a bit of chorizo. Maybe you want some street cheese. You want Gruyere. I think you just have an omelette

though. I think you're just describing an omelette. I think you're describing pasta. You're describing a pasta sauce on top of the pancake, which is mad. No, it's not. It's fantastic. Well, in Naples, apparently, I can't get my head around this but apparently... It's so Italian, so Italian by the way. Yeah, apparently they deep fry the pizza, so it's pizza and batter. Oh like a calzone, is that deep? A calzone is deep fried, they just fold it. Yeah these guys are putting batter on their pizza. They're deep frying a pizza. Is that what you're gonna have for your 40th birthday? I'm gonna try it.

If it kills you. People might have thought it was my 30th. Sorry. Is that what you're gonna have for your 40th birthday? I'm gonna try it. If it kills you. People might have thought it was my 30th. Sorry. No. Well, I mean, yeah, because you've got a very youthful sounding voice and this is a podcast, is that what you mean? No, no, no.

No, you're all right. 40th's fine. It's all fine. Okay. But everyone should celebrate their birthday on the same day. That's the main takeaway. And I really believe that. Can we just, that's an absolutely horrible, horrible idea.

It's not horrible. You just said your birthday was stressful. It wouldn't have been stressful if everyone was like, the attention's on you. You can just, it's so much nicer. Join the high volume trend with YSL Love Shine Plumping Lip Oil Gloss. Formulated for maximised volume and 24-hour hydration, this gloss delivers a non-sticky, ultra-thin, glass-like additive texture in every shade, from bold berry reds and pinks to breathtaking nudes. Shine on with YSL Love Shine Plumping Lip Oil Gloss. Visit YSLBeauty.ca to elevate your lip game now. For a stand up comedian and performer. I don't like that sort of attention. I hate it.

That's why I don't like opening presents. That's why I don't like doing karaoke. You think I'm not good at karaoke? I'm fantastic at it, but you'll never see me do it. I've had enough attention. No, I do. I actually really do relate to that quite. Do you?

Yeah, I do. I do. Cause it's enough actually. Anyway we've entered TangeCity population at this point too. TangeCity? Yeah when we go on tangents. Oh right sorry. It's TangeCity. I thought I'd let that moment... We've gone on a tang, we're in TangeCity, what the fuck is she talking about? Don't listen to this podcast enough to know what TangeCity is. Do you say Tange City every time? No. No, I've just started it.

Yeah. I've just started it today. But we must get on with the perfect day format. Yes. Luke, are you ready? I'm ready. Please Luke McQueen, tell me me what is your perfect morning? I'm waking up in a hotel in Barcelona. Fucking hell. Barcelona, you can't not.

Do you love it? Have you been? I have a been. I lived there for three months. Did you? Filming? Anyway, but it's all about you. Talk to me about your, about why you love Barcelona so much. Well, I just think it's it's an unbelievable city with like culture and great history and they're very sort of, you know, passionate people. You've got a beach there. It food. Mountains. You've got the mountains. Beach. La Sram Blas. La Sram Blas.

They've got that church that they still haven't finished that they're continuing to build. Have they not finished it? I thought they'd got pretty close to that. Oh, they're very close, but they'll never finish it. You've got the architecture of Gareldi, left, right and centre. Gareldi, the gardens. You've got the football, of course. I just think it's the best place I've been

I think. I think it is an extraordinary city. Yeah, so and the food is pretty good as well because you've got the tapas, tapas is like, because I'm a slave to food. Are you? Yeah. Talk about it. If I've got like food in the fridge, I won't stop thinking about it. And like it will sometimes

dictate you know, if someone's like, oh, do you want to go here tonight? Can't really, I've got a pie in the fridge. Really? Do you cook a lot then? Yeah, yeah, I do. But I don't really, Lou was a vegan and Sam I live with now is a veggie. So it's quite annoying that because yeah, I can't really.

You can't cook meat around them. It's not that, it's more that cooking for one is like, it's not as interesting. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. No I get it. So but I do. But you're in Barcelona in a hotel. What is this hotel? Is it a posh hotel? Oh it's a fantastic hotel. I mean it's a spa hotel and it's got um. It's got wi-fi. It's got wi-fi. It's got a swing chair in the corner. Oh yeah. Yeah. A sex chair. No. What? I mean that's what that's what those are isn't it? No, no what this is. No this is more like I'm thinking okay let's change it. No, no you don't have to change it for my dirty mind. How would it be a sex chair? I just think that's what when they put swinging chair, when they put swings in

hotel rooms that's what they're for. Well I guess you could give it a go. But that's what, when they put swinging chairs, when they put swings in hotel rooms, that's what they're for. Well, I guess you could give it a go. But that's probably me. Sorry. Oh, what I thought about, I did think about filling my perfect day with sex, but then I thought, no, it's not appropriate. It's whatever you want it to be. Well, there's a sex chair. We're in a fancy hotel. So this chair is like, this swing, sorry, you know, like two ropes down a plank of wood

and you sit in it and as you swing there's sort of a little bit of water, like some sort of water built into the ground and as you swing your tootsies just sort of stroke the water. Wow, that is the most specific. Does this exist? Don't think so. Wow. And what are you... I've seen it over water, I've seen it over the ocean. Yeah. What are you looking out at? Oh, I don't know. That

sort of big church is probably there somewhere. Yeah. It's a Grand Família. That's a cathedral, shall we? Is it a cathedral? Of course it's a cathedral. I've been there twice. It's taken nearly 50 years to build. That's not your little little church is it? Well what am I looking at? I'm looking at, you know, well maybe I'm looking at the Nou Camp and there's a game going on and every time I sort of swing I still get a little look. Where's the swing come from? Have you got like a childhood memory of a swing or something? Why do you love swings so much? It's more that I love water and I like fun. It's more that I love water and I like fun. Oh yeah. Yeah.

And I like sex. No, this is not a sex chair. This is a very, very good fun chair. So I'm swinging on this chair and my tootsies are going in the water. I mean, such a lovely time. And a man comes in the room with an axe. Oh, Luke. No, wait for it.

And my phone's on this and I'm smiling at this man, not a problem. He smashes my phone in half. Oh yeah, very nice. Smashed my phone in half and I say, is that all of them then? And he goes, yep, you were the last one. They're all gone. They're all done. And I say, are people upset? Everyone's over the moon. Everyone's just getting on with it and everyone's really happy. Oh my god. They're gone. They're gone. It's 2001?

2001. 2002 maybe? I went to the Turner Museum a few days ago. Well, because it's in Margate where I was like looking after the cats. I went to the Turner and there there was this picture that blew my mind and this is what made me think of this. I mean, if I'm not a slave to food, I'm a slave to my phone and it's awful. I'm not even on anything. Like I'm on Instagram, but I don't even really look at it.

Sometimes I'm just staring at my phone, just looking at the, you know, screen saver. Yeah. What's your screen saver? It's a picture of Arsene Wenger. What do you mean? That's a picture of Arsene Wenger. What do you mean? That's a footballer isn't it? He's a football manager. Okay. I'm in the photo as well. I don't believe you. I mean it's funny but I don't believe you. You don't. No no no no. I believe you. Alright. I just don't believe you're only staring at the picture.

I don't. I'm not too bad but like there's a game on my phone that I've like, I play and it's like, what am I? I hate it. I'm a slave to it. What is it? Oh, it's called Matchmasters. You have to join four colors in a row and then I'm doing this stuff whilst Brett's training his training his body to not breathe for four minutes.

And news? Yeah, look at news. Chortle. Yeah. Honestly, I promise you, I don't even do a lot on it. I really don't. Like, it's this stupid game and WhatsApp a little bit and Instagram a bit, but really not much.

It's just the habit. It's just the habit. It's just constantly there. And it's not our fault. I'm convinced that nobody wants it. People would be a bit annoyed at first, especially the younger generation maybe, but after a couple of weeks I'm convinced everyone would go, oh my god that's so good. So this picture that I saw, this is what blew my mind. So it was an exhibition about sort of photographs taken during protests and stuff like that. Well, exactly that. And there was this one period where the youth didn't have any

work. I can't remember when it was, maybe the 80s. And there was this photograph and this amazing photograph where the photographers like this is how bored everybody was because there was no work. So this was the young people were doing so so bored and it was these young people and it was this building that I think was like abandoned one of them was standing in like a window ledge and underneath there was loads of mattresses like loads someone's about to jump on the mattress and there was another person behind queuing there was another person clinging onto a wall and just hanging there was another person behind queuing, there was another person clinging onto a wall and just hanging. There was another person at the front of the

picture. I don't know why he had a ventriloquist doll. I don't really understand why. But I remember thinking that's what people do when they're bored. Boredom is wonderful. Look at us now. When we're bored, it's just that. Looking at a picture of Arsene Wenger that you took three years ago. Yeah I really really strongly agree with you on this one. I just it's got to stop. Yeah they're gone. It's got to stop. I'm so happy I love this Axeman. Yeah we are slaves. We are slaves. I was really I've really been thinking about getting a Nokia thing. The problem is paying for stuff.

If I go out and I want to pay for parking, if I want to go and pay for anything, so okay, you have to start carrying your credit card around again. Yeah, it's not that big of a deal, is it? It's doable. It's doable. What I'm really trying to do is leave, when I'm in the house, leave my phone plugged in

in one spot so that it's like a house phone yeah that's that's nice and keep out the bedroom I did buy an alarm clock but I just I'm still because I love I like going to bed at night and wake up in the morning kind of my phone half an hour but it's so it's totally crap Sunday mornings I leave the house about three hours without my phone it's so nice I just go to the heath, get a coffee and a pastry, read my book and I haven't got my phone. I don't know what's, it's the best. But the problem is, we can't do it

unless everybody does it. That's the problem. But I do think I've got it in me at some point to get that axe and just going, I'm doing six months without this thing and just seeing what happens. I've got that in me. Oh, I love it.

I wanna do it too. Should we do it together? Yeah, I'll do it. Okay, would you? But we can't text each other to tell each other that we're doing it because we haven't got phones. Oh, I love it. I wanna do it too. Should we do it together? Yeah, I'll do it. Okay, would you? But we can't text each other to tell each other that we're doing it, because we haven't got phones. Oh, I'll find a phone.

Yeah, no, I honestly, I think I would do that. Really? I think I'd have to have some sort of burner for emergencies just to make myself feel safe. Yeah, that's the problem sometimes. Because there aren't as many phone booths and stuff. Phone booths. Yeah.

I don't know, I'd need some kind of, I'd need to know that I could. Well Simon Cowell hasn't got a phone, oh maybe he has now but Simon Cowell, he went years without one and he'd be like if someone wants me they'll get hold of me somehow, they'll phone someone near me. I mean I guess, you know, we can't all do that. But we kind of can. Yeah. Okay let's do it. Yeah. I would do it. Honestly I genuinely would do it. Yeah, I don't know what I'm missing out on. I really don't like, I know I get mess. You get messages from your friends. Of course. Let's do it. Let's do. I reckon you need to do more than you need to do longer than a month. Yeah.

I was thinking six months, six months. A lot. Okay. Six weeks and see how we feel. Yeah. Okay. Honestly. Should we do it? Yeah. Okay. The other thing is you can get these phone jails. Yeah Have you tried them? No, I just I think it's a bit Childish or something really? I just like if I'm not gonna use that I'm not gonna use it Just switch it off put it in a drawer. What's the difference? It's just buying another fucking thing isn't it buy another thing? Well, you can't be you can't get into it unless you actually because it's like an like a timer, right? So if you put six hours in you can't get to your phone. You actually literally can't get in. Do you know what this is so

pathetic actually. So this thing is like a see-through case and there's tiny little holes. So my flatmate has one so I tested that out and I didn't really know what it was doing but I put six hours in. I thought I was putting it to 6pm or something but I put six hours in. Fine. But there's these tiny little holes. So after about an hour I was just trying to like get into the tiny little holes to see if I had any messages and something was so pathetic. How pathetic is that? Well, it's not. It's just we've been our brains, we have been trained to become addicted to that absolutely deliberately.

I'm very happy to admit that I'm not strong enough for my phone. So I wake up in Barcelona, hotel in Barcelona, amazing hotel, really arty, really cool, all the facilities, no phones. So I've got about half an hour to make breakfast. I go to the toilet, empty my bowels, empty. Okay. I feel fantastic. Okay, yeah. Yeah, no, that is, do you know what?

Totally get you. Look, I'm here for the details. Yeah. These, you know, imagine someone describes their perfect day and then you go, no, that is, do you know what? Totally get you. I'm here for the details. Yeah. These, you know, imagine someone describes their perfect day and then you go, okay, that all sounds great, but when you constipated the whole time. Yeah. You've got to think of the details.

Yeah, you do, you absolutely do. And it's really good to get it out of the way early. Well. First thing. It won't be the first time I'm going to the toilet in this day. That's a hell. I head down for the breakfast. I get in the lift. I'm at the top floor, by the way. Fantastic. I've got the whole floor and I go in the lift and there's this sort of sort of wormy

looking man in there with me. Really annoying, just staring at me. I'm trying to not sort of like, I'm just thinking this guy wants to chat but just sort of look forward and just hope he doesn't say anything naturally starts talking what are you up to then? You all right? I'm going for breakfast. So he presses number two. I said well it's not number two is it? It's the ground floor and he said I come to this hotel every year it's number two. I say well it's not number two breakfast is on the ground floor and he said look trust me it's number two I've been to this hotel ground floor. And he said look, trust me, it's number two. I've been to this hotel so many times. I said I tell you what, you get our number two, I'll go to the ground floor, let's see

who gets breakfast first. So we get number two, he gets out of the lift, I go down to the ground floor, I walk straight into the breakfast restaurant. I get my food, I sit down, ten minutes later he walks in looking sheepish. Oh my god. And he says I'm so sorry, you were absolutely and I say not a problem I've just had all the beans. So that's your favourite thing is it? I love being right I love proving little wormy people wrong. So that's how I feel fantastic after that. Do you really?

Yeah. You really feel so... Powerful little jobsworths like why is he telling me I know where the breakfast is I've checked. this happened to you a lot what what's going on here what do you mean what's going on I like being I like proving little wormy people wrong that's in my perfect day absolutely incredible how fascinating proving little wormy people wrong who is this word I remember I was I was swimming once and you know swimming I was at a leisure center once and you know... You were swimming? I was at a leisure centre swimming and you know where they got the arrows saying which way you should swim?

Oh yeah. The lifeguard said to me, oh you're swimming the wrong way mate, you've got to swim that way. I was the only person in the pool. Swimming the right way. No, I was the only person in the pool. Oh that's mad. What's he doing?

But you do have to swim the right way though. But I'm the only one there. Just shut up. Yeah. But then what's going to happen if someone else gets in, he's going to have to correct, correct, course correct you. But then have a chat with me. I would say in that situation, Luke, you're the wormy guy and he's in the right. Are you serious? You're the worm. You're the worm. You'd rather be him than me in that scenario. But you in your scenario, you know, on your perfect morning, yeah, you're the lifeguard. You've course corrected the wormy man who was going to two.

It wasn't a great example. I got moved. I was sitting in a, in a train and the train guard had told me specifically that these two seats were free. Yeah. Train people at all for, by the way. They're the words. I was pregnant at the time and I was with my daughter who was probably two or three. So I was so relieved to have these seats. And then this quite elderly man came up and said, you're sitting in my seat. And I said, no, I'm not. These seats are free. And he, and he got his ticket and he showed me the ticket. And I was like, well, we're in these seats and he's on his own. And I stood up to show him my pregnant belly. And he took off his coat and he was wearing a dog collar. Like he was a

Vic. Oh, sorry. And I think he wanted to show to me that he was a man of the cloth, so I should move. That's insane. And I said, I'm pregnant and I have a young girl and there were loads of single seats. Do you think you could sit somewhere else? And he said, that's my seat. And then he just walked off and I was like, absolutely fuming with this guy. And then he came back and said, I got the wrong carriage. Wow. Wow. And I said, but you'd have moved me though, wouldn't you? Well, did you?

Yeah. Squared up to a vicar. Man of God. Said you'd have moved me, wouldn't you? And he said, no, I wouldn't. That's why I was coming to tell you. But I was, I was shaking with rage. I didn't enjoy that experience, but I just, it was reminding me because

it's sort of similar to correcting a worm. But you didn't enjoy him coming back and groveling. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy any of it. But I think it's, I think it's sort of similar to correcting a worm. But you didn't enjoy him coming back and groveling. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy any of it. But I think it's fantastic. That moment where he comes back and you just look and you've got victory in your eyes. Yeah, you did get the wrong carriage, didn't you? Yeah, go on, fuck off. Go on, fuck off, Vicar. Go do your god carriage. Go do your god carriage. So you're righteous. Mmm. Mmm.

Delicious. And what's for breakfast apart from righteousness? Yeah. So this is a slight flaw about being in Barcelona. I am going full English and it's really good stuff. Embarrassing. No, it's not. In Barcelona?

I am. In the hotel I'm doing it. Like fry ups, I don't really have them, but I think when you go on holiday you indulge. Yeah because it's all, it's already cooked. But this is good stuff. The sausages are really good. What's on the plate? A couple of sausages, some bacon, yeah, a couple of eggs poached, baked beans, toasties. Toasties? Toasties.

Okay. Mushrooms. Yeah. Orange juice, a cup of tea, loads of tomato sauce. That is lovely. Yeah. And you never do that. You go on holiday, you have to do it.

Yeah. Loads of butter on the toastie. And I'm empty, of course, so I can do all this. Yeah. Are you going to have to go again? Yeah. That's the afternoon. How you going to have to go again? Yeah. That's the afternoon. I just think the afternoon's starting.

Is that your perfect morning? Is there more after the breakfast? Yes, there is actually. As I've walked out of that lift, I'm 15. And in the hotel breakfast buffet, all my mates from when I'm 15 are there. Oh. Yeah. Because I think that was probably, roughly,

you know, the happiest time when you're just playing and no one's thinking about their future or they're just like, what can we do today that's fun? And what we probably would have done is we probably would have gone and played a game called Nets. What's Nets? Nets is- Like cricket?

No, so Nets is a football game where you're in a sort of a five-a-side pitch, so there's six of you, everyone's got a goal and it's sort of one touch and you've got ten lives and every time you concede a goal you lose a life and it's world-class. I'm sure it's great. I zoned out because I can't really follow instructions to do with sport. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's a good life. If someone's watching the the part and they say I want to play nets just rewind take those take those instructions in and you're gonna have a fantastic time playing nets. Is that a game that you and your mates invented? I don't know I've

never I've never heard anyone else play it actually you know whenever I brought it up no one knows what it is I don't know maybe we were quite inventive when we were little yeah we would come up with some some fun games. Is there anything else on your perfect morning you've had? You've woken up in a hotel in Barcelona. Yeah. You've swung on your swing. Yeah. You've had your phones destroyed. Oh God, that was fantastic. Which was wonderful by an Axeman. You've gone down a lift. You've corrected a worm. You've righteously eaten your full English breakfast. Yeah. You've righteously eaten your full English breakfast. You've played some nets as your 15 year old self.

That's a pretty jam packed morning. It's a really good morning. Are we ready to move on to the afternoon do you think? Yeah, yeah. Luke, what's your perfect afternoon? Lockdown. I loved lockdown. It was really good. No you didn't. Can I just say? Yes I did. No you didn't. Everyone's doing this, right?

Everyone is doing this now. It's absolute bullshit misremembering. What remembering is, you're remembering the good stuff because that's what our human brains do and I get it. You've forgotten the fear. You've forgotten the cold hard fear of not knowing whether this was ever going to pass. And now that you know that it has passed, you've just remembering the good bits. But at the time, we didn't know if it was ever going to end. We didn't know if we were going to die or not, you've forgotten that bit. I think you're absolutely right. I don't think,

weirdly, I don't think I ever thought I was gonna, I never thought I was gonna die. Obviously I worried for other people. I think you're absolutely right but in this scenario I know that lockdown's ending in the evening. Right. And also, so And also, I suppose that's my pitch to you. I wonder if one day a month there should be a lockdown. Oh yeah, well there probably will be in the future actually. Really? Yeah, I would have thought so. There'll be some, when we're in like full on AI cyber warfare,

there'll be loads of lockdowns. I think we're gonna have to get used to them. Also, a lot of the psychics, and you'll know this from being friends with Lou Sanders, a lot of the psychics say it's coming back in 2030. Are they? Yeah. Really?

So get your travel kit now. Lockdown. I don't think I made the most of it. Back indoors in 2030. Yeah. What I liked about it was the fact that you knew that everyone else was doing this. There was no fear of missing out. There was no sort of anxiety about like, am I making the most of my life? There was no sort of anxiety about like, am I making the most of my life? What should I be doing?

You know, it doesn't matter if you're Tom Cruise or, you know, that worm in the lift, like we're all just stuck. I think that for a day is quite relaxing. I totally, just all the pressure of having to achieve anything. Yeah. You can just be. Well, that's why I was 15 in the morning. My and this I've only just thought of this. My day so far is just taking

away any sort of ambition. Basically. God. Your podcast is sad. It's not helping. It's profound is what it is. Actually, what's very important to you, Luke, clearly is stripping away the anxiety created in your life by the pressure that you put on yourself to achieve. Well, ambition is miserable, but it's, you know, whatever it is, you know, what's better Well ambition is miserable but it's you know whether it's whether it's you know what's what's better not having not having it and being completely unaware your whole life. That you're a loser. Yeah. Or. Not a loser but like just someone who's just like what was the point of that but.

A loser. But also well with with with ambition like constant ambition, but you know, it's... Where are you? I've got constant ambition every day. I'm like, if I get to the end of the day and I'm like, that wasn't good enough, was it? That doesn't sound like ambition to me. That sounds like someone who just beats themselves up a lot. Yeah, but I mean, like you're beating yourself up because if you've not had a productive day. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. So, so the living hell of productivity, which is just this hell that

we all live in at the moment, um, is taken away from you for the, for the afternoon. Yeah. And you just do a big shit. Yeah. Yeah. Well, in the lockdown, I, but I didn't, I didn't really lose that in the lockdown. That's why I think I want to do it again as well, because I was like, oh, well, you know, nothing's changed, like, you know, because we can write and stuff. So just doing that sort of, but actually it would be nice just to have,

be like, no, don't do anything. Nothing at all. Just watch telly. What telly would you watch? I don't know, lockdown, I'll watch The Sopranos. Nice. Just sort of like a box set with a mate. Yeah. Don't do it, don't do that

enough. I'd weirdly don't do that enough. Do you do that? No, I don't watch it. I hardly watch any television. It's awful. I'm actually, I'm actually about to schedule some days where I just watch television. That's lovely. I work in television. Yeah. I write television. Yeah. And I barely get to watch it because I go to bed at 9pm. Really? But also do you sometimes have that anxiety of being like, well if I watch it I could be doing something else, I could be like, I don't know, writing or something. Yeah, yeah I do. Yeah, there's always something else you can be doing, yeah. So unless I like schedule it for myself, which is so tragic isn't it? I had to schedule TV time. But I really like it. Is there any more

to add to your perfect afternoon or are you just devoid of ambition and watching TV? Yeah, I've had some curried pasta and some minted lamb chops at some point, yeah. Oh, and I've emptied my bowels. Curried pasta? Bolognese on pancakes? Curry on pasta? Curries on pancakes? Curry on pasta? Curried pasta is a side dish. It's wonderful. It's basically like coronation chicken but you take out the chicken and it's pasta, essentially. I actually love coronation chicken. Yeah, you'd love this stuff. Marmalade, onions cooked in vinegar, curry powder, mayonnaise. Is this your invention?

I think it's my invention via Delia Smith's. Okay Delia. Via my mum. My mum does, my mum's, I mean I can never get it right really but my mum's carried pasta I mean. Has it got sultanas in it? No. Also whenever I tell my mum the recipe and I say there's marmalade and you fry onions in vinegar she sort of says no you don't but I don't know. I'm sure she told me that once so I don't really know what the recipe is. She keeps it a secret from me. Well, someone's gonna correct someone else, aren't they? Yes. And that little worm.

The little worm from the lift is back. It's either gonna be you or your mum. Well, I think it might be mum. I think you're fine. Yeah. But that with minted lamb chops, fantastic. So that's that. That's your afternoon. That's the afternoon.

Lockdown. Should we move on? Evening, I am main stage of Glastonbury and I'm playing, you know, I'm in a band and everybody knows this band and they know all our songs and I'm going to do 10 of them. Are you a musician? No. Can you sing? Just a bit. Yeah, because you mentioned because of the karaoke. What's your, I know you don't like performing karaoke, but what's like, what's your genre?

I used to love like 60s music growing up and like, so Elvis, in the, when I was a kid, I'd do karaoke before I got into like performing. So I'd always do it when I was a kid. I'd do like Chubby Checker, Chantilly Lace, come on everybody. Come on everybody, everybody, everybody, come on everybody. Yeah, what's the Jive Bunny? I do that sort of stuff. Elvis and like the Monkeys. Yeah, okay, nice. So you're in a band and the band is like a rock and roll band, guitars and drums and all of that. Yeah, maybe like glam rock or something. And,

yeah, I sort of, when I look at, when I look at people doing that, I do think that's probably the best, I think maybe it's the best thing you can experience in life outside of like, you know, sort of like more achievable things, I guess, like, I don't know, having a baby and stuff, but you know, like I think, yeah, bringing a hot, bringing a massive crowd together. Yeah. And they're all singing your songs. In unity listening to and singing along to. In a festival outside. A song you've written that you're now performing. Yeah. I think that's the pinnacle. I think you're right. Yeah. You have to be a huge band with a massive archive. I was just thinking about this the other day.

If you were a mediocre band with one or two hits, and the rest of your songs people don't really know, but people love those two hits. Just keep doing them. And you just have to keep doing those two hits. I think that's a bad place to be. Well, I actually saw a band like that recently. My friend of mine said,

Oh, do you want to come see my mate? He's supporting this band. I can't, I won't name who they are and I can't actually remember, but they definitely, I said, Oh yeah, I know one of their songs. And I did. And it was their one song.

And so they started, my mate's friend was brilliant. And then they started and we were like, this is crap. So we went to the pub next door and I think there was a big football game on and we were like, let's catch the end of the football and maybe we'll come back and wait for them to do a song. And then we come back in as they were doing their big hit. We literally walked in the door as they were doing it and we were like, oh fantastic, we

know this one. But honestly, it's the worst band I've ever seen, but they had this one song. You can't say, can you? No, I can't say, but it was just like, these guys are terrible. There's no charisma. There's nothing here. There's nothing here to enjoy.

When was the hit? 80s maybe. No, maybe 90s actually, maybe 90s. Back when you could just have one hit, I guess. I mean, I guess you could probably, I don't know what it's like now, but anyway, the point is you're in a massive glam rock band and you've got loads of hits.

Got loads of albums. Two really good albums. Using their minds. Yeah. I think that's the best. And the people in the band, your mates. If there was a, if you were in any band from real life, what would it be?

Choose a band. I don't see, I've not seen enough music. No, I was going to cheat and say Springsteen because I think that's the obvious choice. But I'm, I'm going to go, I'm going to go The Darkness actually. Oh, because I've seen them a couple of times. I love The Darkness. And I do think they're brilliant. And also it's really funny. I've seen them a couple of times.

That's, that's the dream crossover Comedy and music. Yeah, and they're real anthems. Yeah, they are So I think I'd go to the darkness. Yeah, also just a great Christmas hit as well. Mm-hmm Yeah, they're really good. So good people used to say I look like Justin Hawkins That's not true, but that's funny. Oh So good. People used to say I look like Justin Hawkins. Thank you so much. That's not true, but that's funny. Oh yeah, yeah. I think I'd be in the darkness actually. Really? Yeah.

Well I was thinking the other day, because I've just been really getting back into Queen. Queen, yeah. The anthems of my youth really. And I've been really enjoying that. And I was thinking actually I think I'd be in Queen. Yeah. Well I think it's anything like that. It's basically those guys that do really sort of camp anthems. So it's also Meatloaf and maybe ABBA. I'm comfortable saying that I think ABBA are maybe the greatest band ever. Really? So you've been to Voyage?

Nope. Because I've basically only thought this about six months ago but I do want to go to voyage. I still haven't been to voyage either. Do you want to say something slightly embarrassing as well? For some weird reason I just always thought it was pronounced voyage. Yeah. And I kept asking people if they wanted to go and see Abba voyage and they kept saying why are you calling it voyage? I was like because cause that's how it's, I don't know why. It's just, it's voyage. But apparently it's incredible. They're amazing. Yeah. They have, they've got, they've got a serious quantity of hits. Amazing. Yeah. And they've also got the emotional songs as well. It's a bit cheesy for me. Yeah. It's a bit, it's a bit squeaky

clean. No, it's not. It's perfectly, it's the perfect amount of cheese for you. Yeah. It's a bit squeaky clean. No it's not, it's perfectly, it's the perfect amount of cheese for you. Okay. Well we're going, we'll go and see Abba Voyage and we'll smash our phones up. Maybe that's what we do, that's what we do on the sixth week, on the final day. We go and see, in celebration. On the final day. And we're allowed to film it on our phones. Oh my god. I hate all that. I hate that. When you're at the football and someone's filming a corner, it's like they have cameras.

This is gonna be on telly. We are coming to the end of your perfect day Luke. Is that it? We've smashed up our phones again. Yeah. It's the end of the day. It's a good day. I've played Nets.

I've had lockdown. You've had a've had lockdown. Maybe regret the lockdown stuff. You just watched some telly though, didn't you? You had a great morning and then you watched some telly in the afternoon. And then I got ready for my gig. And you didn't have to worry about achieving anything. That was the main thing. Yeah, for a few hours. Had some curry past and some mint lamb. Yeah, it's quite nice. And I've got friends. There's people there. Yeah, it's lovely. The last question we ask is a bonus question. What's a piece of perfection

you'd recommend this week? Can I do two? Yep. David's dead. What? A lot of people would have seen David's dead. I don't know. David's dead. Does his wife know? Well, you know, you're sort of, you're quoting David's dead in a way.

In Celebrity Big Brother years ago. Have you ever seen this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is it? So what's the mix up? So David Bowie's wife is in Big Brother and she is told that David Bowie's died. But also in Celebrity Big Brother is David Guest and he's asleep. Fuck me.

This is so good. And she says to one person, look, don't tell anyone, but I've just found out that David's dead. And this person thinks she's talking about David Guest, who isn't, it can't be seen because he's sleeping. And she's quite rightly thinking, why is she telling me that I can't tell anybody else that one of the housemates has just died? thinking, why is she telling me that I can't tell anybody else that one of the housemates has just died? So it's, I do think it is perfection. And it's perfection, again, I would feel comfortable saying it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. And obviously we know that

it didn't, like the editor's done a job there. Right. But you sort of think fair enough. Yeah. The editor, fair enough. I'm gonna seek it out. If you've not watched David's Dead, it's amazing. I've heard about David's Dead. Have you never seen David's Dead? I don't think I've seen it, no. Oh, it's about 10 minutes. But I loved it, yeah.

It's the funniest thing I've ever seen, I think. My favorite clip from Celebrity Big Brother is Gemma Collins telling an American lady I don't know her name how important it is to make cups of tea for people. She goes, taste of tea for people. She goes, tea's really important to people. And she's going, it is? She's like, yeah, tea's really important to people. It's like giving someone a grand. And she's like,

what? And it's blowing her mind. I play it for my husband a lot so that he understands how important it is to make people cups of tea because he's American, he doesn't get it. Celebrity Big Brothers, like that is one of the greatest shows isn't it? Yeah. I mean they sort of, they ruined it obviously when people come to a wear. The problem is I can't sit around waiting for those moments of gold because the rest of it is off. Oh yeah, I wouldn't, I've not watched it for a long time but when it was good, when

it was good, that was good. I just wait for the clips to circulate. Of course we won't be doing this when we both lock our phones away permanently for six weeks. Was there another one? Davies Day. The only other one I'd say, recently I saw, I can't remember her name, but did you see the vicar that had Trump and Vant? And actually, and now it's sort of even more powerful

because of what's happened since. But fantastic. Because I sort of think when she did that, she's probably not checked with anyone. And she doesn't have to. Because no one would have, I don't think anyone would have asked. Yeah, but I don't even think she said to her mate,

I'm thinking about doing this. I think she's just gone in her head. This is absolutely the right thing to do. And you can't question it because it's in her house. It's her values. Everything she's saying is totally fair enough, but the audacity. She knows what Christianity is. The thing is that she's got faith on her side in that moment.

She's like, yeah, I know what I know, what I believe in, what I've been taught and why I do this yeah and I'm just gonna say it exactly and Trump has got the Christian vote because of the abortion stuff so when she's he can't even he can't he can't turn on her she's so powerful and she maybe maybe one of the most you know the only everyone's so scared of Trump rightly so but in that moment she just recognized her power and absolutely nailed it. I loved it. Very nice. Thank you so much, Luke McQueen. That was a real roller coaster. Yeah. I thoroughly enjoyed your perfect day. Thank you for having me. Thank you. And I'll see you at ABBA Voyage. Yeah. Well I said tange and tange is what you'll get. Absolutely lovely stuff. Thank you Luke

McQueen for coming along. I'll pay your request. I won't be getting you a birthday present and when you disappear for six weeks I will assume you've thrown your phone away and not just been kidnapped. See you at Hababoyage mate. Brand new episodes every Thursday. Like and subscribe. It really does help us if you follow us on At Perfect Daycast and leave us a review please. It really, really helps the algorithmer. And send us an email at everydayaperfectday.gmail.com if you want. I like the ones that I've been getting. I haven't responded to them all this week but I have read the nice ones and thank you. From Yorkshire with love, I'm Jessica Knappett, wishing you a perfect day. Oh, I'm dying today