Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP 36: Tolly T

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

Joining Jess this week is the fabulous and, as you’re about to find out, incredibly competitive Tolly T. Writer, presenter, co-host of the fantastic The Receipts podcast and a big fan of naps, Tolly takes us on a journey from Jamaica to her own personalised brand of the Olympics - the Tolly-mpics.  Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes every Thursday. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast. And, why not get in touch? Email us at [e-mail] A Keep It Light Media Production Sales and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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But we can't achieve this alone. We need your help. Together, let's carry the fire for a world free from the fear of cancer and give every cancer patient brighter tomorrows. Donate to the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation at CarryThefire.ca Music Alright then. Every so often you can hear my I, Kerry, always be my baby. Music Hello Perfect Dayers, I'm Jessica Knappett. And you are? Probably just a bit tired.

Welcome to Perfect Day. Before we start, please can you hit the follow button in your podcast app, if you haven't already. What it means is we climb up the charts and then people pay attention and listen and it means we can keep having really good guests on and everyone can be paid who works on this podcast and it will be better and better and better for you so please help if you like this podcast by pressing follow, begging over. Today's perfect guest is the amazing writer, presenter, podcaster, 50% of the incredible The Receipts podcast. If you haven't listened to that, have a listen already.

If you're here because you listen to The Receipts, hello and welcome to Perfect Day. Toli is amazing. She's very funny. I think possibly the only person that I've ever high-fived in solidarity of our iron deficiencies. She's incredibly competitive as you're going to find out. We cover spitting on people, we cover plucking chest hairs and that's before our perfect day has even begun. So shall we crack on? Let's get going. This is Tolly T's perfect day. I can't believe that people wake up and can just see. All right then. All right. I also like to listen to that the last episode,

All right. I also like to listen to the last episodes so I'm better than them. Oh yeah, well done. Did you listen to the last episode? No, I literally did this morning. I was just like, because I have to be better than them. Well, do you know what? I actually listened to the last episode of yours. Oh great.

I was crying. Wait, what one? The one. It was, why has my boyfriend got such dry lips? No, honestly. So this is Tolly. By the way, listeners, we're going straight in. Welcome Tolly to...

Hello. And I'm talking about talking to her about having just listened to the receipts. Tolly's amazing, amazing podcast. I don't think there's anything more joyful than listening to two best friends. Cackling. Absolutely, like wheezing with laughter, unable to, because on the show you read out readers' dilemmas. And there was just one particular dilemma. I mean, we, we, we, as if I was there. You were. I was crying listening, because you couldn't even get it

out. It was like a dilemma about some poor woman who was absolutely fuming with the fact that her boyfriend has very dry lips. All the time. The thing is the one-off is fine, but she was like, it's all the time. Yeah. And he didn't buy the best bit. She was like, we went to Tesco Express and told him to buy a Vaseline and he said it's too expensive.

And then she wouldn't buy it because she was broke from her holiday. It's so British. I was just like, yeah, this is perfect. But what's the advice? What would you tell her? Oh, okay. I loved that she was like, she just went in there and just like sloughed off. She bought an exfoliator. That was a lovely detail.

She was like, the recommended time was five minutes and she told him that he had to do it for 20. This poor lad's just like sloughing off his dry skin for 20 minutes, just red raw. I mean, I would be out with it. I'm not, I'm like such a blunt person, especially towards my husband. He knows. If he had revoltingly, now I'm really self-conscious. I keep rubbing my lips, I'm like, are they dry? Because should I be talking about this? Yeah. But I think that we'reconscious. I'm not saying, I keep rubbing my lips, I'm like, are they dry? Because should I be talking about this?

Yeah. Right, isn't that worth it? No, I definitely think like I'm quite a gross person sometimes. Right, okay. Like I can't. How gross are we talking? No, because I have a thing about this. Okay, let me tell you why.

So I used to work at Buzzfeed, right? Oh nice. Writing listicles and all of that. Did that for a good part of like two, three years of my life, right? And consistently there was a listicle that used to always go viral and it was like 17 grossest things of gross girls and some of the things people would say they did, that is fucking disgusting. Like things like, oh like playing with their little blood clots from their period. No! Oh no, I'm not that kind of person.

Okay, okay. I think I'm accidentally gross. Like the other day, my friend, we were writing a sitcom, a few of us, not a list, we were writing and everyone was saying like, imagine if my character had a thing where she like spit when she talked and I was like, I think I do spit a bit when I look actually I'm just like quiet and I think it's because I'm excited and I sort of like foam at the mouth and then as I was a few moments later I spat directly into the into my friend's mouth. What do you accidentally so what I mean is I think I'm accidentally gross I'm not deliberately gross. So if you were talking as you you're talking to me right now, a bit of spit goes like on my cheek.

What do you do? Do you just leave it there or do you just like tenderly wipe it away from me? I would just be like, I'm so sorry, that's so embarrassing. I've wiped it off on someone before to be like, I'm sorry, because I didn't know what to do with it. I just spat on you, so sorry. My dad told me the most embarrassing story once that he was in a lift with one of his colleagues and he thought that she had a hair on her shoulder and he pulled it and yanked it. And then the skin came with it.

Exact same things happened to me. I was at a friend's wedding, one of the bridesmaids had a V-neck dress on and she had a hair there, so I just thought it was a bit of hair. And as I pulled it off, the skin came with it and I just kind of like left it there and patted it. What was it about? I'm like, it. What did she do? Nothing. She wasn't, she just didn't say anything.

And also that was deserved punishment because she shouldn't say sorry to me because I did that. Why did I put it off her? I could have just left it. She must have felt it. She did, yeah. But she was like, oh no, that's my chest hair. She didn't even react, we just started talking as normal. Oh no, that's so bad. The thing is, that if you've had that moment, I think you have to talk about it. If that happened to me, I'd say, should we talk about this?

Should we just... Do you want some time out? Should we talk about the hair on my chest that you just pulled off or? You have to. Should we talk about the spit that's in your mouth from my mouth? That's disgusting. Because now it's marinated with my spit, so I can't even figure out who's is what now.

I'm going to try really hard not to spit on you. Not to spit on me, that would be great. I'd really appreciate it. Thank you. Don't get too excited so you don't spit in my mouth. I don't want to make promises I can't keep. What's your disgusting thing that you do? Am I disgusting? I think it's great that we've gone in with this, by the way. I can be disgusting.

I mean, I have been intrigued by periods in my younger days. Just kind of like, what is this that's coming out of my body? Really? Yeah, I like to look at things that come out of my body. Yeah, I think that's cool. So I'd like look in the toilet and be like, oh, interesting. But and then touch it and look at it. No, no, I'll look at a bogey as well.

Okay, I have this thing, right? Okay, now wear phones. Okay. Do you know when you have a cold sometimes and you wake up, it's like it's all like stuck around your nose. Like the bogey throughout the night, just dried up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love peeling it off. Oh, really? The crust. It's so good. Do you have those nails when you do it? Just like a bit of that. Oh my god. You've got very sharp talons today. Yes they are.

I always have red nails, it's my thing. Do you? No one knows it's my thing but me. You know that on a podcast. No, no one knows it's my thing but me. But I'm trying to make it my thing so I keep telling people it. Red nails is my thing. There's a lot of people who have your thing I'm afraid.

A lot of people have nails that they paint red. I so desperately want a thing. So I just say it. I know what you mean. I've been thinking about that recently, how I want a thing. Where were you leaning towards? What are the things? Well, I think I already have some things. OK.

Northern, big nose, tall. There was a comedian who came on, I think maybe it was Rosie Jones. Somebody who she said that Jimmy Carr had said to her, you need three things. And maybe it was Maisie Adams. Oh yeah, it was Maisie because she... Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. And so to be like, essentially a sort of standout, yeah, like cartoon of a comedian. Maybe it applies more to stand out. Maybe more comedy. As a trademark, I get it. Like a lot of famous people just have a thing. Yeah. They that they're famous.

And everyone knows that. Oh, yeah, they always do this. This person always does that. I mean, I guess red nails could be a thing. It's not if it's going to be on your face. It needs to be a thing on your face. I mean, no, not suggesting you know, now go on. Now you don't look at my face and pick what that thing should be. What do you think is the greatest flaw of my life?

You need some glasses. I wear glasses, over to you. But why are you not wearing them then? If I don't have contacts or glasses in, I can't see for shit. Oh, me neither. Like I can't see for shit. And at school for years, I tried to not wear it, but I had to accept my fate and be like, you need glasses. Yeah. I was that kid that was like, I don't want to wear them. What are we talking what's your

prescription? Oh no they're bad one eye is minus 50 one eye is minus 75 so you don't need to be that shocked. Not not 0.50 50. Oh maybe it's 0.50. Oh no that's not that's the same as me. Oh okay. It's bad but it's not. I can see things close by's not, that's the same as me. Oh, okay. It's bad, but it's not. I can see things close by. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But for anything distance, I can't make sure. Yeah, you can't drive without. I can't believe that people wake up and can just see.

But don't you find that like, they don't need- I know what you mean. No glasses, nothing. They just open their eyes and the world is- I know, I know. Is very limited to them, 2020. Should just open their eyes and the world is a very limited them. 2020. Should we talk about your perfect day?

I'll be able to see. I will wake up and see. Yes. Toli, what's your perfect morning? Okay. Genuinely, I will wake up and be able to see. Yes. Like I think that will be, okay, wait, where will I be? Right, I've thought about this. I will be somewhere hot and tropical and foreign, but somehow I would know it.

Oh, okay. So it wouldn't be new to me. Maybe like in another world I came here as a kid all my summers. Right, I see what you mean. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like a second home. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, it's like different to home, but I know it. I know where the shops are.

Like everybody knows me. I love that. I love and not in a dickish famous way, but in a like, when you walk in your local tailor and there's like, oh, it's your local tailor. When I say tailor, do you mean a dry cleaners? They do tailor in mine. I like to call it the local tailor. I thought you know, it is the dry cleaners that also has a tailor in there. But like, this is for alterations. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Perfect. So you you like a sense of community like people. Absolutely. Yeah. And he's like, he is a Turkish man.

And I come in and he says hello to me in Yoruba, which is an Iranian language is where I'm from, which I just think is so lovely. Oh my God. How do you say it? Eka'o, which is good morning. Oh. Yeah. And every time I go in, he just says hello to me. I don't even know who teaches him this, but it's so adorable. That's so nice.

Yeah. So that's what it would feel like. It would be a community. I'd walk past, I'd be like, good morning, whatever. I will say my best versions are when I'm on holiday and when I'm in love. Those are the best versions of me every other time apart from that I'm a dickhead. Where do we find you now? Not on holiday, presumably. Not on holiday.

Not a dickhead. In holiday. Not a dickhead. In love? Eh, not a dickhead. Not a dickhead. I think that's a really, it's just a fantastic and very subtle noise you just made that told us everything we need to know. Okay. Okay, so let's call this foreign land Jamaica.

Okay. It's exotic foreign land. I'll be in Jamaica, but I'd know it. And I will wake up. Have you ever been to Jamaica? No, but I really want to go. Yeah. Like so desperately.

And the thing is, there is no reason why I haven't gone. I just haven't gone. Yeah. But I really want to go. So we'll be in Jamaica. It'll be lovely. I think I'd wake up in one of those beds that have the like the full bed posters and like the like full poster bed. Yeah. Yes. And have the little like material

around them. So even though I can see it will be like a filtered of like mesh and cloudiness and beauty. Yeah I do. Yeah. Do you know Rihanna's song, California Kingred? No, I don't know if I do. That is the first time I've said that word correctly. California. Because normally I say can-a-foh-nia. Can-a-foh-nia. Can-a-foh-nia format.

Can-a-foh-nia, Kingred. And she's like under the duvet and it's all really beautiful and mystical, but that's the vibe I'm going for. So I'll wake up there and it would be a lovely, sunny morning. I would be with a man I loved. Yeah. And I will be wearing linen. That does sound like a threat weirdly. Don't you think there is something so luxurious about linen? Well yes and no is my answer to that because my mother wears a lot of linen.

Ah, okay. And so the day I start to wear linen, I remember going to, I went to a show that my mum wanted to take me to. It was like a stand-up show once. And I can't, I won't say who it was, but the lady was quite, you know, my mum's in her seventies. and I just turned to my mum and I went, it's just a sea of linen and beads because that is basically my mum is just like pure linen and bit and beat. You know that, you know the look. It's fantastic. Like I'm not dissing it but I can't do it yet. I think we can. I can't. I think there's something very rich bitch about linen. I know what you mean. I mean, it's a fantastic.

It's like relaxed, whatever material of clothing. Boho chic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Is it, so it's like a linen dress. Yeah, like it's just a... And it's maybe like backless. Yeah.

And because it's the perfect day, I've really worked on my back. So it's like... Oh, okay, so you've worked it out. Yeah, so it looks great in the dress and it's kind of like flowy. Yes. And then we'll wake up, I can see because I'll have 20-20 vision. We'll have breakfast. Can you see the sea?

Yes, we can even hear it. Oh my God. So look out the window, you can see the sea, you can hear it and the sea sound tracks our morning. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling,

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purchase financing for up to 60 months on the 2025 Escape plug-in hybrid. For details visit your Toronto area Ford store or ford.ca. This man you're with, it's not the person that you're with right now? It'll be like a husband. Like a husband. Yeah, yeah. So'll be like a husband. Like a husband. Yeah, yeah. So what qualities are we looking for in a husband on our perfect day? Kind. Yeah, were you avoiding saying fit? Is that why you're laughing? Oh no, no, no, no. Fit and rich. Why are you laughing when you say kind? Because it's such a single girl thing to say, I just want someone kind.

Someone who replies to my messages. It feels like the bottom of the barrel when you've given up everything else. I just want someone kind. No, he'll be fit. He'll be rich. He'll be kind. He will be funny, but not funnier than me. I would want to be the funny one.

That is absolutely like, no, I would absolutely have to be the funny one. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also I want him a bit like a nerdy into kind of like knows his things into tech. Yeah. And then what I bring to it is popular culture. Cause I just talk about shit that don't matter. Do you know what I mean? You just keep it going. Yeah. I just keep it going. The Kardashians. Right. Right. He doesn't, he doesn't mind. He doesn't have like some, he just has some jokes. Yeah. And that when we going to like, Kardashians. Right, right. He doesn't mind. He doesn't mind. He just has some jokes about him. And that when we go to parties, he's like, just in the corner chilling and I'm like in

the middle of having time of my life and he's like, ah, there goes the missus. There she is. There she is. The nerds are the, I really do think nerds are the way forward actually. I think a good looking nerd. A good looking but crucially grateful nerd. Yeah. Charismatic as well though, you want the test quite charming. Yeah, but you've got to have the most pizzazz in the situation. Absolutely. You're the funniest and the most charismatic. I only want people to see his good bits once they know him. Okay. I mean,

I want him to be some mystery. It seems like a nice guy. And then I do a dinner with him and I was like, what a lovely man. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Asks a lot of questions. Yeah, yeah. And listens. God, he sounds great actually. I'd really like to meet him. Same. Can't wait.

OK, so, handsome nerd and... Rich as well. Rich. You keep forgetting. Sorry, rich handsome nerd and you Jamaica having breakfast. What's for breakfast? So to see to my British Nigerian side, I would want a full spread of breakfast. So do you know when you watch the movies and there's a full spread and then they come along and take an apple and be like, oh god, I'm late for work and walk out.

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? You're taking the apple. So I want a spread like that. But I also wanted to include things that there is a dish that I love. It's an Nigerian dish called, it's just yam and egg. It's just yam. Oh, nice.

That has to be in there. And then some waffles, some pancakes, and also ingredients for full English. Basically everything that can be eaten for breakfast just on a spread. This yam and egg, is it like slices of yam? How is the yam prepared? It's like slices of yam that have been boiled and just eggs. Nice. Fried.

Yeah, fried eggs with a bit of like spicy sauce stew on it. Oh yeah. Absolutely brilliant. So that I have to be there. And then, do know, I said that you can hear the ocean every so often. You can hear Mariah Carey, Always Be My Baby, just interrupts the ocean. That's the soundtrack. Just constantly on a loop. You don't think you'll get annoyed. No, because in this world, I wouldn't be an annoyance. I wouldn't be

easily annoyed because it will just be so perfect perfect and the song will come out at the right moment It'll be the sea the sea the sea then And there'll be loads of food like foods I've never even seen before all different colors It's on a massive Island in the kitchen because I've always wanted an island in my kitchen. Oh right, so this is your home, this isn't a hotel. No, it's a home. Yeah, yeah, it's absolutely a home, a holiday home sort of vibe. Yeah, it was a home from home. I don't know who made the breakfast but it wasn't us.

Yeah, your private chef. Yeah, we're just rich enough just to wake up and the food's there. Yeah, yeah. That would happen. So that would be breakfast. Oh, that's absolutely, that's paradise, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And have you experienced anything even close to this?

Is any aspect of this a memory? No. So how do you think you know, do you know what I mean? Like, where do you think it's coming from? Because I feel like when I think of like a peaceful morning, it is this kind of like nothing's really happening but everything is set. Just like a nothingness. I'm not a morning person. I've tried all these stupid podcasts that tell you about like break up at 5am, just get it done. I cannot be that person.

I think that that's bullshit. The only people who should be getting up at 5am are parents and trained drivers. Those who have to, yeah, literally those who have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, it's madness to me that you would... It doesn't make any sense. Also, I think it actually is bollocks. I think really you should just get loads and loads of sleep if you want to be happy. And then they're like, oh, then go to bed at 8.30. I'm an adult. Like I said, 8.30 is

when anything good happens. Nobody... Who's telling you to go to bed at 8.30? So what's your normal morning then if you're not trying to get up at five o'clock in the morning? So realistically, I will wake up at like eight o'clock, but I won't get up unless I had to go anywhere. Like I'll just wake up at eight o'clock, kind of like lie there for a little while and then get to try to go to the gym by like 10 ish. Because what's great about being in the gym at 10 is like everyone that has got gainful employment is at work. Yeah. Or working from home or on Zoom.

It's just the jobless in there. It's just the jobless and people who just come to use the steam room so it's just really quiet and lovely. So then I'll just do that and... Are you a big, you a big worker out or a do you work? Oh, I don't know if I should speak in faith or speak in truth. No, no, I do like moving my body. So it's not a worker out. All right. I just really like proving that I'm strong. Nice. Yeah.

I have a thing about being strong. Great. So I'm like, I mainly go to the gym to be like, oh, I'm strong. Yeah. That's what that's my thing. I'd like to know that. Oh, I can physically lift things. I really want to the gym to be like, oh, I'm strong. I love that. Yeah, that's my thing. I'd like to know that I can physically lift things. I really wanna get strong this year. I think it's just really great.

I'm too sort of clumsy and accident prone. Oh, okay, yeah. I just wouldn't like to be more like that. Yeah, so that's why I go just be strong. I do, I'm lifting. Oh, sweet. I've got a PT, he used to be a gladiator. No. Genuinely. What was his gladiator name? Oh, I'll show you after. But like genuinely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like she's great. And she's. Oh, why did I say his? It's your sexist mind. Oh my God. Female. You feel like a woman and not strong enough to be gladiators. What does that say about you? I can't believe I just did that.

My unconscious bias is off the charts. That's bad. That's bad. But she is incredibly strong and a little bit scary and American as well. Great. So she has that like, that you can do it. Oh, you got this. Oh, you got this. Yeah, you got this. And she's like, sweat is, what did she say? It fucks me off so much.

She's like, sweat is fat leaving the body. I'm like, no, it's not. It's my body trying to cool down. Yeah. Stick to the facts. I had a PT who said sweat was fat crying. But also who is that worked for? Who have they said that to that they got that motivated by that? I don't want my fat to cry. I don't like that. I don't want my fat to cry. I don't like that.

I don't want my fat to cry. No, I don't like that. And it's not my fat crying, it's me. No, it's my body trying to calm. I'm crying. He's about to be tears. Okay, should we move on to your perfect afternoon? Yes, we should.

Okay, afternoon. Okay. Unless there was any more to add to your morning. No, no, no, I'm well fueled, probably sex. Oh yeah, all afternoon? No, no, no, no, no, no. You've added that to your your morning. No, no, no. I'm well fuelled. Probably sex. Oh, yeah. All afternoon. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, you've added that to your perfect morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Afternoon time now. With your nerdy, rich guy. Yeah, perfect. I'm really competitive in case you haven't sensed that. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. And I just like... By the way, you strolled in here and said you haven't sensed that. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. And I just like... By the way, you strolled in here and said, you listened to the last episode, not so you knew what was happening, but so that you could be better than.

Yeah. A little bit. So I'm very into games. Oh yeah. So what's the person in the last episode, to be fair, I'm very into like genuinely like playing games, physical games as well. Like gladiators. Yeah. And the thing is I'm not competitive because I necessarily can do things. For example,

I once told Dina Masha Smith that we should race. Hang on. Who is that? Just in case the listeners don't know. Dina Masha Smith is an Olympic athlete. Oh yeah. We should race. Just in case she is an Olympic athlete. Oh yeah. What kind of athlete is she? Emma Spinter.

Possibly the number one in the UK. Absolutely incredible. What was the scene? Genuine at dinner, I was like, well, we should just do this. Because my thing is that I can never lose. Because even if I did lose, it's dinner, I should say, of course I'm going to lose. Right. And then if I win, oh my God, sign me up to the Olympics right now.

What did she say when you... She just laughed at me and carried on eating. I bet she thought I was a stupid little girl. I mean, just carried on minding her business and just didn't mind me. But yes, so I would like to set up a whole like athletics day. So there is like, imagine the Olympics, but like the Tolympics. Now, me and my lover will have separate teams. Yeah. And whatever team wins in all of these games, whoever the winner is, is now the head of

our relationship. Oh, wow. This is the best thing that can possibly happen for you. You want someone else to be in charge of your relationship. What to settle all your fights. But you assume that I'm going to lose. Oh right, yeah, okay. Sorry.

So when you say that someone else is in charge of your relationship, what aspects of you? That's what I say goes. So if I'm like, we just decided that. Should it not just be you? Instead of a third party? No, no, so like my partner, me, we all have teams for these to Olympics. Yes. And then whoever backs up the most points now in our relationship, that's now the person

who is in like, and when I say in charge, I mean, I can wake up and be like, I think I want to move to Australia. And then because because you want the Olympics Olympics we're going to Australia you're going to Australia no compromising oh my god that's a hint of compromise okay tell me more about these games and how is it just you and him or are they all of our friends and family all yeah all of our friends and family here because i'm like i like people in communities so all of our friends and families and i think we both get to choose two official sports people to be in our team.

So I'll have like Dina and Usain Bolt, who can have whoever he wants. This is great. So basically sort of like sport relief is your dream day. Yeah, during the day. Jenny, it'll be like, cause think of the atmosphere. Like it's just, do you remember London 2012 Olympics? Yeah, I do. I went along. Yeah, it's great.

How brilliant. I didn't go along, but I was working nearby in Hackney. And the atmosphere. And the atmosphere from Stratford Station was just so good. So I want that atmosphere, that height of what everyone's really excited, just a really lovely buzz. And so what kind of sports are we seeing here? So we're seeing relay. It's called like sports day at school. Yeah, but athletics, that's summer sports.

Right, right, right. So we're seeing the relay, we are seeing, but not any of the shitty. You're not interested in that, it's not for fun. Come on guys, heading the game. We're seeing hurdles, we're seeing high jump, we're seeing, fun fact, I was a Discus Champion when I was in secondary school and then I got to year 10 and then the boy I liked was like, your arms are so big, like, like muscly. So I said, fuck Discus, I don't want muscly arms.

Oh no. But look at you now. Look at me now. Training with a gladiator. What are we looking at now? Training with a gladiator, baby. Making up a day. Look at you now. Look at me now. Training with a gladiator baby. What are we looking like now? Training with a gladiator baby. Making up a day. Look at us now fantasizing about discus. Fantasizing about discus.

Being in the Olympics. Yeah and things like that. And swimming. Not because I'm a great swimmer, so I was just doing swimming lessons. Oh really? Yeah, I don't know how to swim and I'm now on my third lesson. Whoa. So what's it like, Lyn, to swim as an adult?

It is amazing. I mean, I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer. I'm a swimmer so I was just doing swimmer lessons. Oh really? Yeah I don't know how to swim and I'm now on my third lesson. Whoa! So what's it like Lynne to swim as an adult? It is so weird because I think learning these things as an adult is that you overthink things. Yeah. So where was you just the kid and you just like give it a good go? I like freeze up for the first few like minutes before

doing it and also you're surrounded by like other people doing it at the same time. Yeah, just going ahead of you. Oh, no, no, I didn't mean that. But it's like a one on one. And it's like my head just can't figure out how to breathe. I know it sounds so stupid. No, but I'm just I can't figure out how to breathe in this. This doesn't make any sense to me. And then breathing and kicking my legs and doing that with my arms at the same time.

Are you doing front crawl? You're not learning breaststroke first? No, so apparently they have to teach you front crawl first because although breaststroke is easier to do, it's harder to learn. Really? Yeah. That's so interesting.

I'm rubbish at front crawl. Yeah, so I'm finding it really difficult, but I say that so, oh, this is great. So one of my lessons, he was like, swim, like swim the length. Yeah, you're gonna have to show me how to swim. So I've got to put my hands in the length. Oh, so you can do it like, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just not like, swim, swim the length. Yeah, you're gonna have to show me. So I've got to put my hands in the swimmer length. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just not like, you know. You're not confident. Yeah, so I swim the length and he's like, oh, guess how long that took you? Guess how long it took me? I don't know, like, how long does it take? Like two minutes, three minutes? No, took me 28 seconds, right?

What? So I was like, oh my God, that's well good. So I got home, so I was like, let me like research what the Olympic. Oh no, why do you, what are you doing? Why are you comparing yourself to an Olympian when you just learned to swim? And then-

Absolutely deluded. No, I genuinely am, because the Olympic time was like 25 seconds or something. And I was like, wait, what the hell? I'm like, you're three seconds off. Yeah, I'm like, what? Like I'm three lessons in and I'm three seconds off an Olympian. This is insane. Like, sign me up now, because clearly, well, so my swimming pool was only 20 meters.

You did a whip. Yes, it is 50. I was so convinced. Got it, got it, got it, got it. So that might be why. No, it's so funny. So you were just like, I've only got three seconds. I was just like, I couldn't apply it. I'm absolutely smashing it. Yeah, so I went at this. So then we're swimming in this as well and I'll be able to swim by then. Yes. So how long do you think you've got before you're going to be able to do it? So my aim is I've got ten lessons and I want to do open water by summer. Whoa!

Not like going in but like on holiday, be brave enough to like go in and just do it all. Yeah. Yeah. Because up till now, I guess it might have put you off going certain places on holiday, did it? Yeah. And like I still go but I'm just like I won't jump in the water, I'll be too scared or have to have a look life jacket on the whole time which ruins the outfit. Oh Man, yeah. Yeah Breaking news coming in from bet 365 where every nail biting overtime win breakaway pick six three-point shot underdog win buzzer beater shootout walk off and

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Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie.

Oh what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn. Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeez, Farmboy, and Longos online, which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. Voila, your groceries delivered just like that. You've had the tulimpics. Yes, and like major sports people will like be the judges and the coaches, because I am obsessed with sports people. Their dedication to things amazes me. Like how, what do you mean you started playing the sport

at seven and you're still doing it? And you're, I'll be well-bored by then, I'll be like over it. Yeah. But they're so dedicated to everything that they do that I'm really into that. I know. And I also fit, sometimes I think about like how amazing to have been in an Olympian full stop, but we only really pay attention to people. Like we pay attention to people who were in our teams, don't we, on our sides from our countries. And then

we sort of only really pay attention to like first place, second place, third place. But to have been like, Just to be there in the first place. Like actually, it's just incredible to have been there. But we don't really. Apart from that break dancer. Apart from the break dancer. That I just what was her name? We're talking about you talking about the New Zealand break dancer.

Was she Australian? She's Australian. And she was called. I can't wait for the documentary about how she's a scammer. Because she's so beautiful. I can't wait for the documentary about how she's a scammer. Because she's so beautiful. Because she's so beautiful.

Because she's so beautiful. Because she's so beautiful. Because she's so beautiful. Because she's so beautiful. Because she's so beautiful. Because she's so beautiful. talking about the New Zealand break dancer? Was she Australian? She was Australian and she was called... I can't wait for the documentary about how she's a scammer because she must be because it makes no sense. Do you know, I did a real deep dive into it at the time because I was like this cannot, it just, there's no way it can be real. And I think she's like, isn't she like an academic? I'm sure that she did a PhD in break. So like, she's like, it's something mad. Like she's theoretically. But that's like me doing your studies in comedy

and then being like, oh, I can do, well, you can't do a show. You just know comedy. I'm pretty sure you could do a show. No. Pull it off. I mean, the moves, if you have, obviously everyone's seen a clinic break.

Everyone wants to see it, yeah. But isn't she a great example of you can do all things? Yes, she is. Like, perfect example. She's a great example of just, if you set wants to see it. Yeah. But isn't she a great example of you can do all things? Yes, she is a great example of just if you set your mind to it. You can actually do it all. You can do whatever you want. So maybe we'll see you at the Olympics. Maybe swimming. I'll get to swimming meters and be like, oh man, it was still going in. Right, OK. Anything else? What else is going on in your perfect afternoon? So what else is happening here? We've got like kids and family running around.

Like, I like I really enjoy play. Like, I like being playful. I think that was a thing of just I think there's a thing about like black girls who are kind of adultified quite early because you kind of like have to look after yourself quite early, you kind of had to, or just being really aware of the like, oh, you're wearing the skirts, I close your legs, or like just how girls are just really pleased to be like sitting pretty. So I like the idea of being playful because I feel like I didn't really get to be that playful as a kid. So I just kind of had to like, okay, grow up now sort

of thing. Like behave yourself. Yeah, yeah. And just like be good. Yeah. So I like the idea of just being playful and like just being a little bit naughty and mischievous. Yeah, mischief. How do you find your mischief? I was talking to some people about this recently because I'm trying not to drink so much at the moment. And I realized that that's, I think it's my bit of mischief and I miss it because, and I'm so I'm fascinated by how people make mischief and I miss it because and I'm fascinated by how people make mischief without alcohol. So I say I'm almost trying to not drink as much. This is going to sound so stupid but like cheating at games. There is that. There is that. Dancing off beat on purpose. No!

I promise you. There is just something about it. I don't know if I could, my rhythm just didn't get. Just purposely dancing off beat. It's so good. But what, in what environment? In the club, because why not? Because this is like, I'm never going to see these people again. I don't give a heck. And just kind of like, because they left there thinking, I'm going to just see that girl.

But I know that's not the real me. I know I can dance, but just a little like off beatness. Oh my. Or do you need that kind of like white girl dance from the films that kind of like. Dirty dancing. Yeah, that part. That's how I dance all the time. Oh is it? Oh I love that. Can you show me?

No, I'm a very bad dancer, I think. I think I might be, yeah. Although I don't think I've, I haven't danced for a while. So I've started dancing alone again. What? Yeah, why don't you start dancing again? With my headphones on. Like the start of a movie when you try to get to know the character. You're like, oh, what a zany, kooky.

Oh, God, it's so, it's just repulsive. It makes you feel a little bit naughty. I was going to say, maybe a zany, kooky. Oh God, it's so, it's just repulsive. But it makes you feel a little bit naughty. I was going to say, maybe pretending to steal. Not, don't go all day with it. Don't fully commit to it. Yeah. But like, don't pay until the very last minute. Tell yourself you're going to, you're going to nick it.

Yeah. And then just eventually go. Yeah. Yeah. It's quite hard, it's genuinely difficult to make this chief? Yeah, I think so. How do you get as well? kind of working day or is everyday different? And do you have any kind of like creative routines? Every day is different. And I don't mean that in a way that people say it because it's like,

oh, my job is so great. Every day is different. It's just different because what I can be asked to do. It's not in this kind of like, oh, because that's just how my life is when I'm interviewing Will Smith and it's not, it's just like, oh, can I be asked? What I will do every single day that I do a to-do list, I love it. Oh, me too. Oh, yeah. I'll draw a little box next to it as well so I can tick it once it's done. And then sometimes I will wake up, do a bunch of things and then write that on the to-do list. I can tick it off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Love a to-do list. Absolutely. Number one thing in creativity, write a to-do list. I'll put emails, my to-do list. Yeah. So will I. I just, I love it so much. How do you organize yourself? Do you

have like planners? Do you journey? I've got planners. I literally think I'm in two planners and a notebook with me at the moment. Oh yeah. So what's the difference between you? Okay, so one is the to do list one. One is just one for like, because I like to think that on a normal day when I'm out and about ideas will just come to me. And I never want to lose them of course. So I have a pen and paper just to write these ideas down. Your creative music. Yes, you know. And then I've got one, which is A4.

Yeah. Okay, so fun fact, I can't write anything on the computer. I have to handwrite things first. Do you know, is this a millennial thing? Maybe it is. You're younger than me, but I feel the same way. I feel so much more comfortable when I've written it down. Yes, but I can't just go on the laptop and be like, I've put nothing in me. I have to write it down on paper first and then my dissertation, which is 10,000 words, I handwrite it and then I typed it up.

Oh, wow. No. Which takes like double the time, but I can't think. I literally can't do it. But I think that's because were you like at school, I didn't, I mean, we didn't have computers at school. It was all handwritten. Yeah, exactly. And you sort of do as your handwriting, your brain starts to catch up with your thoughts. Yeah. I guess the yeah, I think it's part of the process. I definitely have like when I'm writing sitcoms and stuff, I have like an analog. Oh, yeah. Post-its and stuff like put it all there's the there's the analog phase. And then we go digital. But we've got to get through the analog. Yeah, same. I don't have people do it. No, I don't. How do you think of ideas? Which is hell when I was working as a journalist,

because I had to handwrite everything first. And then type it up. You should have got your secretary to do it. But hey, it was listicles. It wasn't like, it wasn't anything that mind blowing. So it was fine. But yeah, I always have to, I always actually recommend people handwriting things. I think it just helps like put things away out of your head if that makes sense.

Yeah, oh my god, yeah. So, Tolly, I guess that's the afternoon. Yeah, that's the afternoon. In that case, we'll move on to the night. Okay, so before we get to the evening, I would have had a nap. Okay, yeah, yeah. I love a nap. Oh god, I love a nap too.

I love a nap. I think you've had a couple of naps, haven't you? Didn't you have a little nap in the morning? Yeah, yeah. You go back and see if you've had... Go again. Yeah, we'll go again. Absolutely.

We'll go again. I'm anemic. Okay. Are you announcing that? Is that an exclusive? Yeah, yeah. What exclusive? I am low in iron. So actually say that. Do you have to take Ferris Fumarate?

Yeah, I would have had another nap. And then, okay, so there's nothing I love more than getting ready to go out. Oh, sorry. Oh my, I prefer it to the night out. Yeah, I get you. But when you've got all the time in the world, you can have an everything shower. Oh fucking hell. I can't remember the last time I had one of those. Like just an ebb. Sometimes it gets so hot in there, you feel like you might faint, but it's all part of the excitement. Yeah. Like it's just music is blaring, shower is, and I would have the nicest shower as well. You know, those like beautiful showers. What are they called? Like rain for a year.

Yeah, absolutely. Me done in. Yeah. Yeah. And just doing everything. All coming off smooth like exfoliate, everything, moisturize, shower, every single step possible. Yeah. And just like just taking your sweet time. everything, moisturize, shower, every single step possible. And just like just taking your sweet time. Is anyone, because I like getting ready with people. Same, yeah. I don't want them in the bathroom. But you want the vibe of them.

I like getting my makeup. I like doing my makeup with other people. Yeah. So I want a bunch of like my best friends. We're all there getting ready. And ideally, just because it's the perfect day, we've all got makeup artists that we love. Ah, yes please.

And we're all dressed in really lovely robes. As makeup artists, that's our makeup. And having a little of our favorite drinks. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. It's all about that. Yeah. And the thing is,

and everybody has got really brilliant gossip. Like not like I'm talking, do you remember that girl we went to school with? She's now blah, blah, that kind of gossip. She's really let herself go. That comes with the seats and pictures. Injected. Because I like to put a face to a story. So, tell me the story, show me the girl, show me the boy, show me everything.

What have they been doing? You can't get it anywhere else. You can't actually listen to it. I mean, as much as we love podcasts, and I do think that, like, especially podcasts like yours are like the closest you get to that kind of thing. There is nothing, it has to be. In real life. It's just you guys and it affects you all in some way. And it has to be. And no one's hurt. It's not hurtful. Like it's just really good and juicy. It's layered. Like fiction couldn't...

No, what was the difference? They deserved it. They deserved it. Yeah. Especially when it's someone you hate. Oh my God. Someone got their comeuppance. Yeah. And it's the kind of... Because my god. Someone got their comeuppance. Yeah. And it's the kind of, it's my favourite kind of comeuppance. It's quite subtle. It's kind of like every time you go into Tesco, you've forgotten your club card, so you always

have to pay full price for things. That is a good one. You know, just those small life inconveniences without really living your day. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah, your washing machine. Yeah. Your clothes come out of your washing machine still a bit smelly. Every single time you just got the bit of water left in the washing machine, you don't know how to drain it. Yeah, I don't understand that. Yeah, I'm saying, but I hope that happens. But when that happens to me, I think what did I do?

Yeah, someone's done this. Yeah, that kind That kind of thing. Or like every time they try to park the parking space, it's just a bit too small. And they think they can make it and of course they don't. And they're scratching their car every day. And every light turns red. And do you have like a close group of, are these girl mates? Yeah, I've got a close group of girl mates. I've got like girl mates from different like times of my life but I've done a really good job if I say so myself of everyone being able to be together. Do you know sometimes you have that thing where you can't mix girl groups or like friendship groups. I've kind of like because every birthday I'm like no everyone just get to know each other so it's been quite nice now everyone

knows each other. Yeah do they think it's nice or? I hope so. Sometimes I mean they, do they carry on hanging out? How do you feel when they hang out without you? I like to be with children and be like I don't care but sometimes it really bothers me. Thought so. Thought so. Because like sometimes it's fair because it's like oh I wouldn't have liked that thing anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Like. But if it's dinner I would like dinner. Yeah no I loved it. Yeah I liked it. I loved dinner, why am I not invited? I hope you don't come to that. Oh sorry. But also fair, people can have their things, I would like dinner. Yeah, no, I love dinner. Yeah, I like to eat. I love dinner. Why am I not invited? I hope you don't come to that. Oh, sorry.

But also fair, people can have their things. I'm not that bothered. But you are. She says. The most competitive person in the world. People can have their things, whatever, whatever. But yeah, we're all getting ready and- And then you never go out.

Do you know what? Yeah. Because the night out is always a bit of a disappointment. Yeah, it is. So that bit where we should be clubbing or whatever, it just kind of lapses forward and we're back home. Oh, okay. So you have been, but you didn't have to actually go through the grotto.

Yeah, exactly. And then we're back home and everyone is just in the kitchen, just trying to eat the rest of the breakfast. Oh, wow. Because things are still left over. And they're just talking about you dancing off beat in the club. And we're just like cackling at the stupidest things that's happened all day.

And then my lover comes downstairs and it's like, oh, you're right girls, how was your night? And everyone boos him just because it's funny because we're drunk. Was that boo? And he finds it funny, takes it in stride. He's good like that. He's got a sense of humour. It's good but it's not as good as yours.

Yeah, of course. And then because he's so lovely, the girl's like, join us, but he knows I would hate that. So he'll be like, no, I don't want girls to have a good night. Oh, good boy. Yeah, because why are you here? Why is a man here? Why is there a man here? Do you have any bedtime, nighttime rituals, anything?

So I really like colouring. Before it was cool, I love colouring. I also listen to so much podcasts. Do you? I'm listening to one at the moment called Stalked. Brilliant. It's so good. Like, I love a podcast.

Mainly true crime. Oh, nice. Yeah. Really into true crime or like a deep dive into some kind of experimental blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I always listen to a podcast. More than I do music weirdly. Podcasting a bit of colouring. You can't really go wrong with that. How good is that? Yeah. Lovely. Piece of perfection. You'd recommend this week, Tolly. I guess you have already just recommended Storks. Storks is really good.

Yeah. It's not like, it's not like a smooth listener. You're not going to feel peaceful after listening to Storks. Oh, okay. I can't listen to it. Yeah, yeah. You are going to be a bit like, it's not nice. Okay. Like it's quite scary. Not scary. What are the other podcasts that you listen to on a regular basis that you can shout out?

Something that maybe our listeners might not have heard. The Harsh Reality, the story of Miriam Rivera. Oh yeah, I've heard that. Brilliant. Really, really good. The apology line is brilliant. Okay, I'll tell you about the apology line. So the apology line is, there is this guy who was like an artist, like French artistic

guy kind of thing, decides that he's going to bring a phone line where people can call in and just say things that they've done bad. Oh wow, like confession? Yes, just confessions, where some of them are like, you know, I stole this, I did this or whatever. And then this guy keeps going, leaving messages saying he's killing people. Oh my God. Is this a true story? Yeah, the artist gets like obsessed with him in

church to go find him and to see if he's like lying or not if he's saying the truth but the the the line is it's fascinating so you actually hear the real recordings from the line. Oh my god. It is absolutely fascinating because I'm also really like really into things people do when they think no one's watching because I think that's like the truest version of you. Yes. Like just when you think that there's nobody here. Like that video on Instagram of people farting. Oh what's that? The video I saw on Instagram of, it was a night camera.

You know, is it a night camera or what would the, a thermal lens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah and it's just, it's just people fart people, it's just like little pfft. It was absolutely pure George. Just people sort of like standing at a bus stop and then, and you can't see their faces or anything because it's like all like green and black. But you just see a little red coming out of their arse. What people do when they don't think they're being watched.

Yeah, I think that's who you are, ultimately. Yeah, that's what we're all doing. But the apology line is really- We're all picking our noses and spitting in people's mouths and farting when no one's looking. You are spitting in people's mouths. You are. You absolutely are. Thanks, Tolly.

Thank you for having me. Amazing. Thank you. Bye. Oh, that was incredible. Thank you so much, Tolly! Definitely up there with one of the most competitive days we've ever experienced. And if you haven't listened to Tolly's podcast, The Receipts, it's such a laugh. Please tune in. And thank you for all of your emails and reviews this week. I love reading them. Please keep

them coming. You can send me your perfect pieces of perfection if you like and maybe I'll read them out. I don't know if that's what you want to do. We could collaborate on this. I just love hearing from you. It's everydayaperfectday at gmail.com and you can like and subscribe and please follow us at perfect day cast for all your perfect day news and remember new episodes every thursday that's it have a lovely week from yorkshire with love i'm jessica nappett wishing you a perfect day