Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP 56: Ross Noble (Part 1)

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

Ross Noble joins Jessica on the podcast this week for our first ever two-part episode. The duo go on tange after tange discussing Werner Herzog, shark bites, their own quite similar faces, horror films, and, they come up with numerous new TV formats.   We’re going on a short break but we will be back with Ross Noble’s part two very soon. Perfect Day is going LIVE - come and see us in Edinburgh on the 19th August, tickets are available here:  https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/perfect-day-live-with-jessica-knappett-and-endo1000-featuring-special-guest-tickets-1434649307699  Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast. And, why not get in touch? Email us at: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right then Hello And welcome back to Perfect Day Great news If you are wanting to listen to a very long episode of the same person Talking about their Perfect Day It's spread over two days Two episodes, I mean, on two days. We weren't talking for two days. Spread over two episodes

because that's what's about to happen. If you know anything of the comedy of Ross Noble, our incredible guest, then you will know that he is a tange merchant. He's an extraordinary improviser. All of his live stand-up comedy, which is incredible, is improvised. He does not disappoint. Today, with the subject matter, of course we're touching on Werner Herzog. Of course we're touching on shark bites. Of course we get to the end of this episode and have we even started the perfect day? I don't know, actually. We'll have to find out, won't we? We'll have to find out.

I knew this was going to happen. He was delightful. I just had such a great chat with Ross. Love the guy. And you can see him getting bitten by sharks currently on the ITV show. Shark. And he's very funny talking about that. We talk about all sorts.

Look, before we start, I do just need to tell you something. It's not great news, but it's not awful. It's all going to be fine. But this is the last episode for a bit. just because of a contractual situation we are changing platforms and it's not my choice I didn't want this to happen I did not consent to this but it's happening anyway so bear with us while we find a new home and we are going to find a new home and we're going to come back bigger better, harder, faster, stronger.

Hour after hour. Our work is never over. Shall we crack on? Also, I've got a little bit of news at the end. At the end of the, in the outro, I'll tell you something cool. And that's it for now. That's it for now. Let's crack on with Ross Noble's perfect day.

What a broom cupboard Oh yeah, yeah This is the part of the house where Basically all the stuff that I like This is the room that it's allowed in Oh So it's not a very big room by the look of it It really does look like a CBBC

I feel like I'm looking at a CBBC broom cupboard Oh yeah, no it's You know what I mean quite, it goes on that way, but I've just, this is the, this is just the bit in the corner that's nice. So for the listeners who are not watching the video, we started, we've started. Okay, brilliant. I love this.

I love the fact that the podcast now, from the second that you connect, you're being recorded. It's that thing of like, I'm sure if I was to be in the studio, this podcasts are going to start with somebody getting up in the morning, bugged, and you hear them driving to the studio, there was an argument with the wife, and then, like, they get out of the car, altercation with a traffic warden, and then, like, is a full hour. That's a great idea. It's highly illegal, but yeah, if you were to bug people, here's Morgan. He could do one, where he just bugs people's houses.

Oh, no, he didn't do it. Oh, that has been done. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just say he very much denies it. Pierce Morgan apparently never bugged anyone. I just want to make that quite clear. Everybody in the newspaper industry was bugging phones.

They were going into their voicemails. They were all over it. Pierce Morgan just weird that, in it? He rose above all that. He kept his side of the street clean. You can tell that just by the way he conducts himself. He's not a sheep, Pross. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. He's got his own rules, but in a good way. Yes, exactly. Or if he bends the rules, he bends them for good. You know? Yes. No, that's something that is very, very clear about, about Pierce Morgan. And legally, I want to make that quite clear.

Oh, of course, yes, there's a very clear. video element to this, isn't it? No. Well, not really. What happens is we just, we record the video and for posterity. Oh, okay. So this will be used later in the documentary of both yours and my life. I'd like to think that in memorandum, I would like this to be the clip that they play of literally

you just going, what is that shitty house you live in? Can I show you this? I didn't say that. If I just, if I put, can you see that there? There's a picture of me, uh, topless as a centaur. That's a beautiful thing, isn't it? There is, what a beautiful thing that is. It's a, it, there's a really eccentric collection of mad shit behind Ross that I'm sure.

There have been many arguments in your household about why these items can not, will not stand on shelves in yeah there's a lot of yeah I go oh that's a nice thing and my wife slash children

will say oh yeah that would be a lovely thing to have in your office are these things that you've collected so there's a sort of there's a flag behind you is it a flag it looks like a tapestry

it's that's a quilt is it a quilt? No it's a crochet. It's a crochet. Somebody made it. A lot of these stuff people have given me. Look, it's a crochet depicting various different things from my life in Korea. It's sort of like a coat of arms. That's, that's amazing. And I can see a motorbike. I don't know what you call it. It's not a uniform, is it? No, uniform. That's exactly, they do an inspection before every

They have a, they do, they have a, they have a, they go, present your uniforms. Yeah, that is a uniform there, uh, from a motorcycle. And then up there, what else have I got? Oh, I've got a small, I've got a small, a baby with a head of a pub. Um, that's nice. I've got, oh, this thing here, see that thing there? What's happening? What was that biscuit thing?

No, that, that, that, that. is a, that's a replica of a 1970s ice cream machine. In Star Wars, there's a bit where they're running from Cloud City, and there's a guy, an extra, and he had an ice cream

maker. They went, oh, take this, it looks space age. So he, this is true, and so he had this ice cream machine, and he's just running past in the background, and like, Star Wars fans saw that he had this ice cream machine, and they went, oh, that's

that's quite funny and they gave him a name and he became known as Wilrow Hood and every year there's a big Star Wars thing convention and people started turning up

with the original ice cream makers and they would do the running of Wilrow Hood so they dress as this this guy's in it for like two seconds he runs through the frame and so people dress up as him

with the original ice cream machines and then they run around and then when they made the Mandalorian they you know Werner Herzog the film director Herzog is in it acting and so they've made that

which is it's it looks the same as the ice cream machine but in the Mandalorian they turned it into a prop where Herzog is like he goes to now it gets to still and he presses it and the thing opens and so they've retrofitted that so that then became

a prop in the Star Wars universe so that's a replica of the prop but it's actually but it's actually a replica of an ice cream machine even though now it's a pop that's what that is also i love i love the mention of verna herzog because for some reason and i can't remember what show what show it was where he did this there was a documentary that me and my husband were watching and verna herksog just goes at the end of it he's describing something that really annoyed him and he just goes happy new year you are all losers and it wasn't it isn't new year in the in the show and so whenever anyone's being a loser in our house

we always quote Werner Hurtzog and go happy new year you're all losers you're all losers I love it when he got did you ever see that footage of when he got shot by an air rifle he got shot by an air of he was doing an interview in Hollywood Hills Mark Kermud was interviewing him and they were there and somebody got an air rifle out and shot him, like shot at them. It's brilliant.

Have a look on YouTube. Brilliant. So he shoots and it hits him and there's blood coming out of his arm. And Camus, just like, he's like, oh, my God, you've been shot. And Herzog literally goes, it is an insignificant bullet. Brilliant. carries on the interview just carries on

it is an insignificant bullet I spoke to somebody you know have you seen that film Rescue Dawn so he made this film Rescue Dawn

and it was all out in the out in the jungle and stuff but apparently some of it was just shot in a ditch by the side of the road him with a camera

so it's this thing of right he's got this reputation of being this kind of you know this filmmaker that goes to these and then some of it He just goes, Viverferman's stitch, and then off he goes.

So, well, welcome to the Herzog, hour. Yes, exactly. I wasn't expecting that. Yeah, sorry, sorry, I forgot. We've started, haven't we? Oh, very much so. Oh, very much so. Speaking of insignificant bullets,

that actually your description of Werner Herzog getting shot there, I'm going to segue. Go on. It reminded me very much of a certain Ross Noble. getting bitten by a shark. Oh, yeah. Yeah, got bit by a shark. Because you get bitten by a shark on,

if you haven't seen it, I watched it last night. Shark, Celebrity Invested Waters. It's called Shark, exclamation mark, celebrity invested waters. Yeah. Can I just, right, we're going to have to rewrite. You're going to have to bug me. You're going to have to go and listen back to the tapes

right from when I did that show. This, I just want to point this, because I know people that listen to this all around the world. That's the joy of the podcast, right? I cannot stress, this is a real show. Because it sounds like, and I'll be perfectly honest with you, you know what it's like you get these emails coming through and like, hey, would you be interested in this?

Would you be interested in that? And, you know, I'm sure you're the same as me. You go, no, I would not be interested. There's nothing about that. You know what I feel? And then I got, yeah, literally, I just get this email from my manager going, oh, they're doing a show where it's celebrity swimming with sharks. And I honestly thought it was a pissy.

I thought I was going, I literally thought television is eating its own tail. It's what I thought they've literally, they've run out of ideas. No, it's eating its own talent. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And then so I honestly thought that it was not a, and I went, I'm not, what's, because I thought it would just be a bunch of people off love island. I thought it was going to be like Love Island and with sharks around the outside. Oh, that's why you did it. Absolutely. Well, if you're in a committed relationship, you have to swim from the island to stop you being tempted by lasses with big lips.

so they're like that with their big faces coming towards you which ones are fish close your eyes that's what I thought it was going to be did start off and something goes on to you with its suckers

and you have to go hard is it octopus trout or lass you were the three categories bass or lass that's all that's oh my god why that's series too in fact in fact you know those um you know those things that they stand in on naked attraction those big perspex boxes it's one of them but they fill it up with water up to your neck and then blindfold you nude and then they lower they lower something in

and it flaps around and the and the woman that does it I don't know what her name is, but she chanced, bas or las, bas or las. And then you have 30 seconds. Your hands are tied to your side so you can't feel. And then you just go, is it bass? And then what happens is there's other seafood in there as well? And as the thing rises, all the water comes out the bottom. And all fish comes out the bottom of the, you know how they do on that naked attraction?

And then you're left there, it's covered in like bits of seaweed and that. and just shouting my final answer is bass bass and if it's a bass you get to take it home

they cook it up by a Michelin star chef and if it's and if it's a lass then you have to decide whether you want to go on a date with us yeah

you have to decide whether whether you're getting a Tesco divorce there and then and signing it on the and then you have to I think then it sort of merges with married at first sight. Then you have to actually marry her. Oh, yeah.

But what about the bass? You have to... Yeah, you have to marry the bass. If it's bass, you have to marry the bass. Oh, you think it's a mermaid. Like, they'll do one. You know how, like, it's sort of, you know, some of the, like, with the dating shows,

they'll have like a straight couple, they'll have like a lesbian couple, gay couple, well, what they'd have to do with that? They'd lower in, you think it's a mermaid, but it's actually a lass inside a bath. She's put her legs inside the bath. You go, she's a mermaid. And then on the date,

when you start smelling like this sort of horrible off fish, because I'm not really... That's when you know it's a lass. Yeah. Well, here's the thing, right? That's what I thought this show was going to be, exactly as you've predicted. And Kie for bringing it back to the original.

So, yes, so yeah, so anyway, it was, it's on now. You can watch it on the, all five episodes on the ITV player, where they take, if you had said to me, you will be swimming with giant tiger sharks, with Dougie from McFly, Seleney Henry, and Richard Riley, amongst others. I would have gone, that's not on my bingo card. But actually, when I looked at it, and it turned out it was really good people doing it.

And I thought, you know what? Yeah. I'll have a look at this. And then it turns out that it wasn't some kind of, hey, let's all compete to see who gets to put their foot into a shark's mouth. And it turns out, I'll be honest with you. When they said, it's three weeks in the Bahamas, I went, I'll stop you there. And so, yeah, so it starts with it. It's like Michael Key.

you know Michael Kane used to do that like there was a whole period in his career where he would look at a script and it would say exterior beach Bahamas and he'd go I'm doing it that's why there's a whole runner anyway but no it turns out it's had a conservation message to it and yeah you know and it's actually it's basically it's like the David Attenborough show but with dickets so that's why I'm going to do it actually is really it was a genuine I watched it with my seven-year-old and it was genuinely educational. It was a really good way to learn about sharks who you sort of just throw into one category of scary, horrible thing. And then you learn that actually some of them are endangered, they're not all of them are bad,

not all of them want to eat you. No, they're not, yeah, we're not on their venue. And also, I didn't realize, I know everyone worries about the rainforests, But most of our oxygen comes from the sea. I know that seems obvious now, but it's one of those things where the sharks sort of, they kind of regulate the fish, you know?

They sort of get rid of the city ones. They sort of all in. So they're really vital to the whole ecosystem. So actually, people just killing the right, left and center. And they're not really interested in eating humans. They only bite you because they haven't got, I know this might seem a revelation. they don't have hands

so when they investigate things they come up and they go I wonder what that is and they'll give you a bite now obviously we were in spoiler alert with these four meter long tiger sharks and they're I mean

it's like nothing you've ever seen in your life it's incredible if one of them has a little investigate they'll have your head off right but for the most part a shark won't actually attack they'll just go Oh, I wonder what that is. And I happened to be, I happened to be standing surrounded by a load of lemon sharks.

And there was one, it was pretty big. And it bumped my leg. And apparently, before they take a little nibble, they bump. And it bumped my leg. And I didn't move my leg. And then it went, oh, I wonder what that is. And it came in and it had a little nibble. And I'm not going to lie to you.

when I got bitten by that shock and on the one hand I could see some of the crew going well that's terrible that's a dangerous situation but I could see some of the producers were over their hands and we've got a bite

and surely the inner comedian going thank you for that anecdote that I'll be telling on my next tour oh my god yeah I'll be dying out on this spot for years

but then I thought do I want to be known as the shark guy you know it's that thing of fair you know

I'm just a bit worry that people are going to turn up on the next tour and they go go on then bring it out

and I'm going to have to get bitten by progressive yeah you're going to yeah it's an arm's race from that point

on what you're going to get and lie next oh come on come on up the road Joe Pasquale he's getting

mulled by a bear like but I loved it I'll be honest with you it's one of those things where it was such it was great fun to do and yeah

and it turns out it wasn't I'd like you see you can watch it with your kids there's very little stuff that I do that's like got a family vibe to it so no it's good

it is really it is really good and to be fair it's the sort of thing I would like yeah you get off with these things but you know

I think if you're scared of sharks and you go oh that could be helen george who is an actress and called the midwife scared of water scared terrified yeah but she wanted to face her fears she did she wanted to face her face and to be fair she was like she was incredible like yeah and and um lucy punch as well she's very courageous she really went for it that was very surprising because she's the um she's a Amanda in Motherland and Amandaland and quite a sort of well-to-do, very well put together, women that you wouldn't expect would want to necessarily get their hair wet, you know. Well, she was brilliant because what she would do is she would go into these like mad sort of just before,

because they would literally, there'd be like 30 sharks or, you know, splashing around. And she'd just go into these things that go, oh my God, right. And so if it comes out And she was just going to these things And then we'd get in the water And she'd just be like Hey The second she went in the water

She was And Rachel Riley as well Rachel had No fear whatsoever So Rachel and I were kind of It was a bit tricky Because we were constantly like They'd be going

This shock's really This can turn And like Rachel like going Let's do it Let's do it So Really Were you just not

I'm scared at all, because you are quite, you're really into sort of extreme motorcycling and stuff, aren't you? You're always like, you're quite an extreme sports guy. Is that what they're called? Are you saying that with derision? No. Well, I suppose so. I don't, I don't, it's not something, I don't go towards danger.

I'm not one of those people. What is it about? What is it about your sensibility that makes you go towards danger? I don't think, I think you're looking at it from the wrong way around. Okay, go on. I don't look at it and go, that's dangerous, so I want to do it. Because then otherwise you'd be like, if you're putting your cock in a blender and see, do you know what I mean? It's like, it's not the danger.

Sorry, that was a bad example. I do apologize. That's not. Oh, that's. I was just trying to think of the most dangerous thing off the top of my head. I don't think it's the same though. I mean, what are you trying to say? It is if you do it in the, it is if you do it in John Lewis.

But I suppose, I suppose, no, you are right. I suppose I think someone who elects to go and sit in a sea of sharks. Right. may as well say I might yeah I might put my cock in a blender today um no

your example not mine look all I'm saying is I cannot confirm or deny that was one of the allegations in the recent master chef scandal I don't know I made that off I probably would have been better if that had

have happened. Yeah, quite possibly actually, because you'll imagine that. There's been various allegations, one of which is that you put your cock in a blender. Or just that that's the punishment. Well, true, very true. No, it's not, no, it's not danger.

I think I, I crave excitement is what I, I think, Look, I've never had therapy as is quite blatantly obvious, but I have a sort of what would you call it? I love having adventures and I just like stuff that is

that is exciting and so yeah, so maybe it's that thing of, or maybe I've just got that thing of, you know, some people have quite a high you know, you need, you know, to get the adrenaline. Yeah, is it? Like, are you a dopamine fiend? Maybe.

That could. Maybe that's what it is. Yeah. You've obviously got a high threshold, like pain, whatever the sort of adrenaline equivalent of a pain threshold is. So maybe, but I don't know. Like a high tolerance for cortisol or whatever the stress hormone is. Something like that, yeah.

so yeah that's that's where it so yeah i didn't look at it and go i want to do something dangerous i just went yeah like with the sharks you just go how many people get to actually be like that close from a shark not many that'll i'll do that so so it's a privilege but so what else would you do would you go would you go to space? Oh, you know what? Probably not because there's something about

because so far there was, obviously there was the original astronauts and then there was a bit of a gap and then everyone since them that's gone in there, Twat. Katie Perry,

Jeff Bezos, Bayes off. Yeah, Gail King. It's just, I didn't, Lance, oh, the guy from Backstreet Boys, he went into space, and I've just realised what his name is, and this could completely ruin our new format. Lance Bass, that was his name, wasn't it? Oh, well, that's the final.

What, Bass or Lassad, they put Lance Bass in. And it's Lance Bass, and you get to marry Lance Bass. Or you get to eat him. He gets to be cooked by a vigilant star chef. fillet of lance don't mind if i do yeah so you don't want to be lumped in with the twats yeah i just think it's i think space and also those submarines you know there's something of i like i like james cameron said to me i'm going on one of because he's got a fancy he's got like a submarine hasn't he

I'm talking about James Cameron, the direct, the movie director. Yeah, the movie director. Right, yeah. Of Titanic and The Terminator. I was thinking about David Cameron. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was thinking is James, my head went to like, it's James Cameron, like, Ed Miller,

but is he like, is James Cameron like David Miliband's brother or something? I mean, it's, oh, God, so. David Cameron, the former, the former conservative leader at Prime Minister, has his own submersible Wouldn't surprise me Well that's true actually It's the sort of thing It's funny isn't it

How when you think about David Cameron All you think about is the pig You know I know That's it He spent He went to eaten Didn't he went to like

He worked his way up He did everything right And then the only thing That we remember Is him Yeah Using a pig as a pig as a blender.

Boris Johnson was in the Bulletin Club. Yeah. Johnson was a member. Did he do it as well? Or was it a specific... I don't move in those circles. And by that I mean

the laudity da, I don't mean the violating pig things. But was it like they went, okay, so for this initiation, your Plonker at a pig's mouth and then, right, that's your thing. And then the next person,

person, table tennis bat, balls slap with a table tennis bat, next person, I don't know, you know what I mean, is it, or was it the pig? But maybe like you, I mean, I'm not saying it's the same thing. I'll stop me there. I'll stop me right there. If you're, you said, maybe like you, no, whatever you're going to say, no. But yeah, sorry, I think you do pretty well in a hazing. If you have to. Do you think so? Yeah, I think you'd draw the line, I think you'd draw the line at a pig, but I think you'd, I think, you know, if you can sit and swim, you can sit in a sea of sharks. Again, that's series two.

It's going to be all of the, all of the disgrace TV stars. Making amends. Plonker in a pig, it's going to be called. It's a plonkers. That's a great idea. Why do you not, I think you've got a great song. side hustle in coming up with TV formats. Oh, some of the ones I've come up with.

Oh, my gosh. I thought it won the other day, right? And my wife said that it's sort of already been done. I thought about, I can't remember what the name was, but you take a couple, right? And the relationship's rocky, right? Rocky relationship. It's at Christmas time, right?

And then they have to go on a day. date, right, but then they go on a date from Christmas past with their ex, and then they also get matched up with somebody that could potentially be their future. And it's like a sort of a Scrooge-themed Christmas. Yeah, come up with them all the time. I bet you do. That's great. I think there was something called Date My Ex, but not Date My Ex, but not Date My Ex.

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A hilarious new comedy filled with drama, excitement, and a little bit of hatred, proving that marriage isn't always a bed of roses. See The Roses, only in theaters, August 29th. Book Club on Monday. Gym on Tuesday. Date night on Wednesday. Out on the town on Thursday. Quiet night in on Friday.

It's good to have a routine, and it's good for your eyes too, because with regular comprehensive eye exams at Specsavers, you'll know just how healthy they are. Visit Spexavers.cavers.cai to book your next eye exam, eye exams provided by independent optometrists. Oh, God, right, Ross, the other thing I just needed to quickly talk to you about before we actually start your perfect day is, do you have any recollection of? the fact that there was a bit of back many years ago I think it was a few years ago now between you and I on on the internet do you remember this yes I do and I feel absolutely terrible for you somebody tweeted has anyone ever noticed how much Jessica Appet and Ross Noble look alike oh that's not too that's not too bad wasn't it What, was it something else?

No, no, no, no. It was the fact that if it was, if somebody had contacted you and said, you look like Ross Noble, then that would have been that. No, I think, I think the way you worded it there, that they look alike. I think it's quite easy to, because that, because if it's like, if you look like me, that implies that I am the default setting and that you are, you see what I'm saying? I deliberately made myself look like you. Yeah.

But you're too remember that. Yeah. And the thing is that I get that so, I've got one of those faces that people, I just, unless this is just an internet thing, I think I've got one of those faces that people just like to say, I don't know, it's one of the most common comments I get is that you look like this. Do you know that you look like this person? Jill Scott, the footballer, I'll take.

Right. A lot of the time I'm like, is this why this person's talking to me? Do they think you're just like? Well, I used to get it a lot with, I used to get old people coming up to me in the street. Like, I don't mean a lot. Like, at least once a day, I would get, there was a whole period where all people would come up to me and just go, oh, we think you're marvellous. Oh, we love your shows.

And I go, oh, my God. They got on the scenery and they used to think that I was Alan Davies No, no, Neil Oliver from course Oh, Neil Oliver, yeah Yeah, yeah But then

Yeah, then I got a bit fat And that stopped So, yeah But it's one of those things Where I'm on my way Back down now So yeah, that'll probably That'll probably start again

And then I get weirdly when I was a kid and if I pull my hair back like that I've got a bit of I've got if you I haven't got big ears but my I do get there's a touch of the Prince Charles

is about me he's not Prince Charles anymore he's the king I forgot he got the old team got the promotion yeah and then that bit there and I'm not seeing that I look like him but I'm a bit obsessed but if if I go like that

viewers can't see this but if I tilt my head forward Just eyes. He's just showing eyes. Just, yeah. Imagine me, imagine me looking through your letter box. Uh, Nicholas Cage.

Oh. Yeah. Actually, yeah. Yeah. Touch of that. His hair's a lot. If my hair was to go and I was to, again, he's a very felt man. I think, you know, give me, give me three months and I'll be, I'll be back in the cage.

So, yeah. No, I do, I do remember that. Yeah. That was, and I've had it before where a woman came up to me and she said, which this, she goes, whoa, I don't mean to be rude, but you don't off look like that, Ross Noble. And you go, hang on, hang on, you don't mean to be rude. So you're implying that if I wasn't him, that would be, yeah. So, you've had that.

How you had that? When I was in the Inbetweeners movie, this guy, and there was lots of people who'd recognise me from that, this guy came up to me. These two guys came up to me, and one of them went, look at it. Come and look at her.

Come and look at her. It's that bird. It's that bird. It's that bird from the Inbetweeners movie. And I sort of, like, stood there smiling. And he went, don't be ridiculous. The bird from the Inbetweeners movie is, well, ming in.

Oh. Oh. No, but actually That is a That is, but it was so nearly a compliment No, no, but it is a compliment Because that's seeing what a brilliant actress you are Thank you Ross, well done

See what you've done there Fantastic save You've been in the movie I did sort of have my mouth hanging half open All the way through it And my head tilted back like this That was my main pose in the movie And I was gormless

Weirdly, when you did that I did go, oh yes, she does look like me. Yeah. So what? Like looking in the mirror. I'm ashamed to see. I have not seen the particular film. But was it many months ago.

But were you deliberately playing? It was a character who was somewhat drunk or? Simple. Well, yeah, I was trying to. I didn't have very many lines, so I was trying to sort of build out my part. And when I got the audition for it, the writer sort of said in the room, we don't really know what, like, we haven't really worked out a character. We just need someone to kind of do something.

Right, okay, yeah, that's good. Because four boys were going to match with four girls on the holiday, and they were like, we just need the, we just need you to bring something because you just basically in the moment, the part is a girl. And this happens quite a lot Does that pass the Bechdel test? I did a female version of the male character That's what I thought I did

Oh I see right And he's like a gormless So I thought well I'll just be We'll be peas in a pod Like you and me Ross Well I think I suggested At the time from what I remember I think I suggested that we played

Brother and sister Oh that's still a great idea we can't keep coming up with shows on this show, but what we have. Might be a push, though. Like, I think you're probably, you're a lot younger than me, though, aren't you? Are you allowed to see? I'm not going to ask. No, I'm okay.

I'm okay with saying my age. I'm 41, so I don't think I am that much. Oh, yeah, yeah, seven, seven years. Yeah. Yeah, we could get away with that. That's doable. So, brother and you're an actor, aren't you? You've been in the producer.

yes i've been in yes that's i've been in other things as well have you what else what else what else what's your like happiest acting memory like what's the thing that you loved being in i was in um well i was in young frankenstein the musical uh mel another melbrook's musical yeah and that was one of the greatest things i ever done in my entire life it was the everything about it from start to finish was was joyous they cast you know because basically deep down I'm a song and dance man you know so I I loved all that I loved singing and a dancing and I loved being in the show and I loved the fact that I got to work with Mel Brooks which was just you know like like literally you know of all the things you know like

when I was a kid I've always been like a massive comedy nerd and then you know to work with somebody like him who was who was literally well he is a liverage legend you know yeah yeah I love that and then and I was in a I was in a horror film I played a killer clown called Stitches the clown who went around killing killing teenage well basically he went to a kid's party gets killed by these kids by accident he falls

he tie his shoelaces together and he falls into a dishwasher and gets a knife

through his face and then comes back 10 years later as a sort of

a zombie ghost clown and then he comes back and he kills all the

kids using props from his original children's party clown show

so he pulls someone's guts out and blows him up makes him into a balloon

dog and pulls a rabbit out somebody's throat inflate somebody's head with a balloon pump till it explodes

Look, it's not Citizen Kane It's so It's not Citizen Kane It's so disturbing to me I have a real problem with horror Really? I just can't

Yeah I just don't I don't get it at all And maybe it's this is the part of my brain It's like I don't I suppose it's the same it's the same as the shark thing. I just can't.

There's no part of me that is like that'll be, it'll be, I am scared enough in my own body day to day. There is enough anxiety coursing through my veins that I don't need to bring any more of it into my life and I really can't like, I'm sorry to piss all over your,

the whole genre of film that you're obviously quite passionate about. and I'm literally starting. But I have a real, I just can't, I just can't, I cannot do it. I can't, I'm just like a little kid. I just get too scared. And I don't need those images. It sends my imagination into overdrive and I can't shake the images after I've seen

them. Part of the problem that's usually women in those things getting brutally murdered and tortured. Although weirdly there are some, you know, this thing of the trope of the final girl. You know this thing where in horror films it's like the final girl's like, you know, the film where everyone's being killed

and then she's the last one the last one standing and she kills, she gets him back. She's the one that survives out of, yeah. So there's quite a lot of, there's a great... Good for you, good for her. Have you heard of that? There's a sort of, there's

a genre or a trope of good for her, which is like, when a woman gets revenge on, I guess some promising young woman, for instance, would be a good for her movie. Now, that, I would say promising young woman is a horror film. Well, I actually love that film, so. It's brilliant. It's, that is one of the, yeah. Yeah, that's, that's an incredible film.

But also, it's funny. I suppose, yeah, that's actually, I take it, I take it all back. I think that, what do you think about, I think there's this idea that comedy is quite, comedy and horror are quite close in this, in, in a scare and some people would say that jokes are surprises. Yeah, absolutely.

And also I think really good horror stuff is, and that's why I enjoyed doing that one, was if you go to a horror movie, if you go like Fright Fest, or one of these kind of horror movie festivals and the thing with horror is it's like you can watch them on your own but really when they come alive

is when you're in a you're in a theatre full of people and you're all going through the experience together and a really brilliant horror film it's the same as a comedy gig because you are getting a visceral reaction from the there's a brilliant one we went to

fantastic fest and they have this thing where the audience watch the films and when certain tropes happen on the screen so like if, and this is developed over years, if somebody opens a door slowly

the whole room goes like that and then if the... That's so funny. And then like if somebody's like looking around a room and there's there could be something in there there might not be something in there

and as they're looking around the room the whole audience goes we should do a horror film we should play a good horror I tell you what because you're making me think of all the horror films that I did enjoy and I actually take it all back because one of my favourite cinema experiences was sitting and watching Get Out for the first time

there you go get out I always say get out, but it's get out. And it was so, the audience was so animated and engaged and noisy, and it was so funny and so terrifying. And actually, I think that's, I think you've hit, maybe that is what we should do. Right, well.

One hundred percent. Right. We'll do a horror film. Because there will be also, this is what I sometimes think about this. Like, there's loads of people like me who think they hate horror. so write a movie for the people who think they hate horror well also going back to promising young woman like look at saltburn saltburn's a horror film

yeah it is that's true so I suppose yeah you would think of yeah well it sort of defies defies well yeah you're right yeah it's yeah but because it's also a kind of a sort of It's a psychological thriller and a who done it and what, I mean,

but there's loads of kills in it. Anyway, Ross, Ross, there you go. So I've talked you into, so I've talked you around into not only liking horror films, but yeah, for some reason I think, oh, no, it's a bit, I was going to say, I said, I was thinking we should play, we should play cops in a northern town, but then that's too, that's too hot fuzz, isn't it? Wow, we could. There's a, there's, I mean, how do you feel about aliens?

Oh yeah, lovely. Oh yeah, I love her. I feel like, oh, actually. We could be a brother and sister Mulder and Scully. Yeah. And our parents have got some sort of, yeah, you know who'd be good as the, Oh, it's probably a granddad now. You know, Alan Armstrong?

Do you know him? Oh, yeah, I recognise him. Yeah, I think he would be a good, he'd be a good dad or granddad, I reckon. Oh, he's got an amazing face. He's in... Oh, because he looks like this. What is wrong with my face that people think they need to comment on what else, what I look like?

The other one I get, I used to get a lot, was Sid from I say. Wow. What is he's like a... What animal is he? He's a... He's a prehistoric sloth. Yeah, sloth, that's it, yeah. And his eyes are really far apart, and he's just got this massive grin, and he's got a... And I think it's the neck. But what is it about us that people think we look alike? Do you think it's our noses?

I think it is because your, my eyes are too close together. I've long said this. There's, yeah, to quote Stephen Wright, I'm almost the Cyclops. They're too close together. I think what it is with us is we've got eyebrows there, eyebrows. And I think also we've got thin, we've got thin noses. Thin, but is it fair to say prominent? Mine is. I don't, I'm not really looking. I mean, I think mine, mine's a lot

pointier than you'd think. I always try to be face on. I'm never, I don't allow anyone to catch me sideways. Whenever I agree to do anything. That's a sign of someone, that's a sign of someone with a prominent nose. Do you, me and my, I have a friend with a prominent nose and we, we made, we both made the, we made the, we both had the realisation together that we can see our noses out of the corner of our eye. I'll just turn to the side slightly so I can just get a, get a, whoa! No, no, no, come back into frame. No, no.

I think. Can you see your nose out of the corner of your eye, Ross? Because that's how you know you've got a big nose. never really thought about it. Can I see it? Yes, I'm aware of it, but mine's a lot point. I think it's mine pointier than yours. It's hard to. We're both turning witnesses. Right, I'll go side. Right. I'll go sign. Right. Now you go. We've got, I think we've both got a Roman nose. That's what my mom calls it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't make me feel better about it.

Yeah. All right. Yeah, anyway, I can see mine out of the... Anyway, look, Ross, I knew this would happen with you. I knew this would happen with you and it is fine. But we are 40 minutes into the interview and I haven't asked you the first question yet. Oh, bloody hell. Still, we've organised to make a film together

and we've got a Channel 4 late night dating show that we could produce. So it's been there. It's been an a Werner Herzog retrospective to organise. So it's not been, it's not been wasted time. I knew, I knew this would happen. It hasn't been a wasted time. Imagine you just went.

So you're perfect day. I just went, get up, read the paper, go back to sleep. That was it. It's going to have to be. It's going to have to be a quick one. You've got to get to bed. You're in Australia. I am.

Right. Okay, let's start. We honestly can rutter. through. It doesn't matter sometimes that sometimes the episodes are like just the format gets in the way. Rock Noble. What's your purpose? Like morning.

That feels like a good place to end it, doesn't it? Dot, dot, dot, dot to be continued when? Not quite sure. I am sorry we did none of the format there, but it doesn't matter because you're going to get that in the next episode, aren't you? My bad, it's not my fault. It's about five minutes talking about noses. An upwards of five minutes on Bass or Last, which by the way, I am absolutely pitching to Channel 4.

Speaking of commissioning, I have had a sitcom series commissioned. Go me, aren't I great? So that's something to look forward to for me and you. I won't go into details about it because they are the people who commissioned it. they want to do all the stuff, why they say the thing. But I'm telling you guys, because you're my friends. You're my best friends. Okay?

Don't know you, but you are. Actually, some of you are literally my best friends. Well, that was fun, wasn't it? That was a fun hour long intro. And we'll be back. At some point, in the not too distant future, once we found a new home. I can't emphasise enough that I didn't want this to have. happen but it is happening and um what we do is we accept the situation don't we by taking big deep breaths and telling yourself you're a big brave girl in the meantime watch ross on itv's shark and you can come

and see us for one day only at the edinburgh fringe on the 19th of august follow the link in the show notes buy a ticket from yorkshire with love i'm jessica nappit wishing you a How do you know if you're worrying too much. How can you mend a broken heart? Does peeking at school ruin you for life? I'm Susie Ruffel, a stand-up comedian and someone who has always experienced anxiety. And I've written a book. Am I having fun now? Considering some of life's big questions. Featuring bonus insights from the likes of Charlene Douglas, Sarah Pascoe, Elizabeth Day and Dolly Auditon. Am I Having Fun Now? Is out now in hardback, ebook and audio.