Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP 57: Ross Noble (Part 2)

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

Unbelievably, Perfect Day returns for the hotly anticipated second half of Ross Noble's perfect day, a mere ten months after part one. Jess and Ross discuss sleepwalking, sandcastle engineering, the luxury of towels, banana boat trauma, spiders in the Adelaide Hills, the life-changing power of being in the moment and the erotic potential of Swarfega. Email us at [e-mail] New episodes probably won’t drop every Thursday, but follow us @perfectdaycast for updates on our future! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm Jessica Napit, and you are incredible. I apologize. I apologize. I'd like to kick off this episode with an apology. I'm as surprised as you that this episode is even going out. But it is. After all this time, part one, Ross Noble part one, 10 months ago. And here we are in June of 2026, ready for part two. I think that's fine. if you're listening to this then you're probably one of the people who sent me a lovely message you might even be one of the people who came up to me in person and said when are you going to put part two of Rosnoble out you know it was a it was an ellipsis wasn't it a 10 month ellipsis we left you on red as it were but here we are are we're

for a second series, you could call it that if two episodes counts as a second series. Because it's not a normal way of doing things, it's a little bit, we've broken the rules, but rules are made to be broken. And they also, but they do also exist to provide, you know, a framework and functionality. Something we're lacking a little bit here at Perfect AHQ at the moment. writing a TV show and that's my main priority. So I am sorry, but you'll get to see that. That'll be nice. And then eventually we'll pick Perfect Day back up when there's some time. Anyway, I am very glad to be presenting to you this hotly anticipated sequel and then a little charity spash if you remember we went up to Edinburgh and did a live show. So that's coming next.

But this is the second half of Ross Noble's perfect day. And it is a perfect day for Ross Noble, but it's also a perfect day for the towel industry. That's a spoiler. If you can't be bothered to go back and listen to the first half, just remember that we discovered that we may be related due to having the same face. And we also came up with the premise for a horror film. and a TV detective format, and we discuss Ross's stint on the ITV show, Shark, Celebrity Invested Waters, which is brilliant, by the way, and you should watch it.

In this episode, we discuss his use of child labour. Sandcastle techniques, Silla Black pops up, and Ross fundamentally changes my whole opinion on life. And perhaps for the first time on a podcast, people talk about Swarfaga. Ross is now on tour so if you've got a spare five hours just joking go and see him it's probably more like three and a half

this is Ross Noble's a perfect day okay let's let's start Ross Noble what's your perfect morning oh blinding oh I can't think now

I can't think of anything the day can be as long as it wants with this am I around yeah yeah yeah yeah It's elastic. It's elastic. Right. The first thing I would say is that this whole day, nobody wants anything from me, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? I'm with you. I don't have to answer any emails. I don't. I'm saying this like this is something that I dream of. This is how I live my life.

I'll ignore that. I don't want to do it. I don't have to. I have no commitments and I have no I don't have to do anything so I would wake up and I would like to have my bedroom

the beach is directly outside I want to hear the waves breaking on the beach that would be the thing now the other thing is as well all day long I would like there to be I know this sounds very

high volute but staff where there has been people there to do that side of things just changes everything. I wake up first, my wife's still asleep and I can't stress enough. She has had, she's had a great night's sleep, right? And that's not a euphemism. That is not, that is not. I didn't think it was.

No. I just want to make that quite clear. I'm not going tap, tap of the long nose. She's had a great night's sleep. Yeah. she's had a great night's sleep, right? That affects you, does it? I sleepwalk and I talk in my sleep.

And I also... Just like, I pull your doors then and make sure that you're not, you know, walking into the sea. Well, my wife, well, the answer, actually, never thought of that. That's the only reason we don't live by this.

That's the only reason I did that shark show. I thought I was doing a travel show. walked into the sea and get that on camera. I woke up. I woke up and there were loads of cameras there. Yeah, my ex-girlfriend, the first time that I stayed at her house,

she woke up and I was stark naked balancing on her chest of drawers. So there's a glorious sight to imagine, holding a full-length mirror. And I was, she was like, what the hell are you doing? I was like, get on the floor. Get on the floor. there's lasers coming through the window

and I thought I was rescuing her by deflecting the lasers back out through the window oh yeah so that you know that that sort of thing so like I say I'd quite like her to have

had a good night she hasn't had to rescue on top of any chests of drawers yeah and she's yeah she's woken up and gone oh this is really peaceful yeah so Yeah.

That would be how I'd like to start it. Then at that point, maybe somebody, somebody bring her a nice cup of tea. And we'll sit there, we'll chat for a bit. And then the kids will probably come in and we'll do, I like the connections, you know, the New York Times connections.

And also the Minute Cryptic. Do you ever play that? No, but I know about it because there's, that someone else had the same thing. Oh, who else? Reese James. Well, if the wife ever leaves me. That's a horror film.

Yeah, right there. I really like to in the minute cryptic with the kids. Yeah, and then are we ever leaving the house this morning, or is it? Yes, absolutely. So press the button again, breakfasts, breakfasts all set up, go out, have a nice breakfast. And then at that point, probably, kids are probably a bit sick of me at this point. wife probably wants a bit of peace and quiet so on the motorbike trials riding

oh that's yeah where the beach is there be some hills and go out there riding around hopping over some rocks do that for a bit then I come back and then at that point there'd be like a massive thing of modelers clay ooh

have you seen this no no not it's like it's like plaster seed, but you put it in the microwave and it goes liquid and you can mould it around. But then the colder it gets, it goes rock hard so you can sculpt into it. So I'd probably then spend a bit of time, probably with the kids doing some modelling. You can kill hours. What kind of things are you making? Are you quite artistic then?

I spent three months making a dragon. So what you can do is you make it in clay. and then you pour it in silicon and then you pour silicon into it and then you've got a rubber version of whatever you've made so like i made this this is a that's a magnet with the the face of emmon homes there is there so you can just sort of like oh my god yeah so i spent i spent three months deliberately the face of amon homes or is that just what emerged yeah no no that's what yeah i've got it i've got a jacket over there that's got 100 of these maggots with the face of Eam and Holmes, burying their way out of your skin.

So, yeah, so I spent three months making a sculpting this dragon, and then I set it in silicon, but I forgot to put the silicon spray that releases it from the mould. So three months sculpting was completely ruined. No! Yeah. I was going to say, you know how they say there are no mistakes in art? well.

Do that with the kids. In fact, all of the sets for my live shows, me and the kids, we build, like I come up with the idea that I want, and then we build them in Clay, we make little models, and then I get them to sculpt bits of it, and then I send them off to the guys that build the set,

and then they make them full size, the size of a theatre. So when I walk out on stage every night, and I've got these huge sets, they're basically, they originally started in our art room, just made the kids sticking them out. How extraordinary. That's so impressive.

I love it. So when I walk out on stage every night and I see this, you know, obviously I'm seeing big theater full of people, but as I walk out, I literally go, oh, this was on our kitchen table. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's... What an amazing to be in it like that is so extraordinary. I bet there's not a lot of comedians that design their own sets. True. And there's a lot of comedians

that don't bother with a set because one at all, yeah. It's fucking expensive. Then they've got to pack that down and take it to the next place. You're spending a lot of money.

Well, mine are all inflatable. So I have them, they're all sort of like, yeah. So yeah, but they're really, all them they're like, you know, back on the tube.

Back here, off I go. When I'm doing a gig near home, they then come along and then they see it and they get to run around it and whatnot. Look, I'm not saying I employ my children as child labour and they have to be part of the business. But you do a bit.

But you're chatting and you, you know, and it's it's sort of not you're not putting that pressure on to go, right, we are going to do this thing. You go, build whatever you like, you know, so the little and she might be making a squirrel and the big ones making flowers and

it's just, you know, no one it's like building a sandcastle, you know? I love, oh yeah, that's what we'd do. We'd go and build a sandcastle as well. We'd do that on the beach. Yeah. Talk me through your sandcastle. Do you have a sandcastle process?

Oh, got you. Is it? Yeah, come on then. Well, so what I do, this is probably my most showbiz of showbiz stories. I was building a sandcastle on a beach in France, and it was, so what I do is I dig,

I make a huge mound in the middle to start with. I mean, I do different designs all the time, but the BSS dig a big moat, like a big moat because it collapses, huge mound in the middle there, And then you've got your moat and then you can use that. You can tear that up and you can dig inside that for various different. You can make the battlements as ornate as you like.

And then we'll have a trench going in. I was in France and there was being a kids and we were building this massive sandcastle. A sandcastle so big that the guy with the ice cream thing had to go, I had to help him. He had to go into the sea to get around it. Anyway, so as we're there, this is purely, so there was Rod Stewart and his wife, right? No. Not like never met him before.

I'm not claiming it to be in any way. There he is, right? And Rod's got some very young kids and that. I did have at the time. His missus goes, it's all right if these kids join in with the Sandcastle, because it had attracted some attention from the local planning department. Anyway, so the kids join in, and then there's Rod Stewart, and he's just an old fella that wants to live his life and have a bit of sleep.

And she like nudged the moment, go on, Rod, join in. So the next thing you know, I'm there digging us, building the sandcastle with Rod Stewart. And he was right into it. He's going, hang on, this is falling down. and we were both digging like dogs, like a couple of puppies digging away. And we were...

The kids have gone at this point. Well, it's funny you should say that. I looked across and I went, have you noticed anything, Rod? And he went, oh, is it the... Is there another battlement falling down? I went, nah, his kids were off playing football and I two were picking up shells.

And it was literally me. It was me and a classic rocker building a side... Anyway, so we'd build a sand castle. That's proper. That's the proper show of your story. That is showbiz. Never met him before, never seen him since. You know, anyway.

But if you did see him again, he'd remember, I think. Oh, he'd have to. He'd go. Yeah. Or I would have to squat down, like in a full squat and start going like this with my hands. And he'd go, oh, I remember you. Oh, he's the sandcastle guy.

Oh, there he is. In the afternoon, we're scuba in. We go out on the boat. Oh, yeah. Nice big boat. Out you go. Me, a couple of friends, we're scuba diving off the back, right? So we're going down there.

Have a couple of dives, lovely. Come back up. Every time you come out of the water, there's somebody with a towel. Maybe it's a nice beverage. right? Well, there's your thank you very much. Lovely.

For the rest of the afternoon where maybe it's a bit of free diving, maybe a bit of... Pleativing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How long can you hold your breath for, Ross? Well, this is the weird thing.

I did, yeah, I did two and a half minutes in the pool. As soon as you get in the ocean, it's literally like you get, you go, but that's a weird thing. now, that's like my new thing. I'm getting proper lessons

and everything. I'm going to properly learn. Because if I can do two and a half minutes in the pool, that means I should be able to do two minutes, just swimming around without coming up. So I do a bit of that, but then we're talking

the jet skis, the banana, you know, the banana thing. Maybe a bit of wakeboarding. I've had it. That's, have you tried that? Some of that. You know those things that you hold on to and they've got a motor? And you pull you through the water? Oh, yeah.

All of that, all of that stuff. God, it's so extreme. It's not, you don't have to go fast. I'm too much of a wimp for or any of this stuff. Hang on. So none of what I've just said you would be interested in. My mum's friend broke her cheekbone falling off a banana boat. Kirsty Macaul

Kirstie McCall mean anything to you I just can't I get so I just I just feel like that's gonna I think I'm too

accident prone sorry no no I just I've just got this I just love the idea that you're like on some incredible island and some

and there's like a and he's got all the he's got all the jet skis and all that stuff and he's like, hey, you want a jet ski? And you're just like, tow words. Kirsty McCall. I'm just such a kill joy.

What about a paddleboard? Sure, I don't, I think I'm too gangly and don't have the core strength, but I'll give it a go. My husband took me, when we were living in California, my husband took me to have a surfing lesson once on my birthday day. and we now refer to that as the birthday drowning. Oh dear. And that sounds like, to me, that sounds like the sort of birthday of present.

He didn't fully think that through, did he? Well, he didn't know it was going to, he didn't know it was going to go end so badly. He didn't know that the surf instructor was going to have to pull me to shore, bring down my husband out of the water, and make us stand and hold hands, and pray to the gods of the ocean that I can do this,

that I can stand on the surfboard while he's holding it. That's all we were trying to do at this point. Normally, they just make you sign a waiver. I mean, it's a bit worrying, isn't it? If he just goes, we're going to have to hold on to. It got so bad that we had to pray. I just was, I couldn't, I was so, I was so,

I was so used to the Mediterranean, the lovely calm Mediterranean sea. Yeah, yeah. And then when I got in the Pacific, what a shock that there were waves. It didn't feel right to me that you could be sort of, you know, you might get up on the board and then you might fall off and then you just get a massive wave would just chuck you under. And then, so he was trying to teach me that you have to jump under the way. You have to just keep jumping. It's like, well, that's exhausting.

just constantly jumping under waves here. This is enjoyable. I'm just trying not to drown over and over and over again. Yeah. Yeah, well, this will, you know what we'll do? For some reason, you've now joined us on the holiday. I go, oh my God. I'm there.

I am there for the Sandcastle building with Rod Stewart. Who've you invited? I go, listen, we're right in a hospital. are a film together. She's insisted on being here. She's going to stay with you on the shore while we go banana. And look, all I'm saying is there are rumours that we are brother and sister.

So you know what it could be? It could be. Let's take it. This is the scenario for the film. You know when on surprise, surprise, when they used to reunite the, you know how they used to,

do you remember? Yeah. What do they used to do? So they... Surprise, surprise. What did they used to do? So, alright, Chuck, you haven't seen your brother for 25 years. He lives in Australia, doesn't he?

And it just be like, yeah, yeah. And then they'd just be like, go on, then get them out. And then they'd bring them out. They haven't seen each other for years. Because obviously, you know, back in the 80s, the idea of somebody like, there was no Zoom. There was no Zoom. There was no...

An international phone call would have been very expensive. It would have had to have been scheduled. No internet. You couldn't just go, oh, what's my long-lost brother doing now? You have to be a detective to find them, all of that. And still, I monetised it and turned it into a Saturday night entertainment bonanza. Imagine if she'd have found them and they'd been like, yeah, there was a reason I moved to Australia. Yeah.

I witnessed a murder. A witness a murder. And now you've shown my face on telly, Silla. And then... Surprise, surprise. As you see them running away from each stent gangsters. I was in witness protection. Thanks.

Surprise, surprise. She comes along singing like that, as they're trying to cover their face. Well, anyway, where are we? Then we're back. We're back. It's time for. a can of pan of his, right?

Oh, lovely. Yeah. But maybe on the beach. Lovely towels, fluffy towels. Get yourself, take your wet suit off, hand it to somebody. There's a lot of towels. There's a lot of towels and people. Listen,

take your clothes off and you need a towel. Because this is the thing, right? Look, to me, the height of luxury is towels you know if you can toweling

I know I actually know exactly what you mean you know what I'm saying in fact this is what I want I want to come out of the sea and I want to be handed you know those stripper pants that you get

you know the ones with Velcro yeah I want a pair of them so I slip them on right toweling toweling. So like, think of the fluffiest robe, you can imagine, right? But I want that in trousers.

Right. Trousers. But they've got the, they're like Velcro stripper pants. And then I've got a jacket, like a, but it's like a tuxedo, but towling. Put my arms out. Somebody puts that on me. So now I'm all dry. Well, I'm just wearing a, just wearing an outfit.

somebody goes hey guys they yeah with should we have another quick swim yeah jacket off boom stripper pants come up and somebody takes them lovely so we do that just taste that way

and then uh maybe after the can of years we uh maybe maybe still a bit of Lego maybe's a bit of you know but like there's a There's a show over here, Lego Masters, right?

Yeah, we have it in the UK. You know the brick pit where they have all the Lego stuff, right? One of those. So I'm not having to go through all the Lego like, oh, if I've got a to Tuzer, that's all just there. So we're all in, maybe friends as well. And we're all just, we might build something together. We might do individual things. Who are your mates who are you building Lego with?

These, like, comedian friends. Have you got, like, old, old school friends from, like, school? Absolutely not. No, no, no, no, no. You've been them off ages ago when you got famous. Oh, my God. Oh, not even, like, literally when I left school, I went, bye-bye now, bye-bye, see ya. I'm not one of these people who just hangs about with comedians.

Right. Do you, do you, my, it's funny because my wife, um, doesn't care for comedy she doesn't like which is why she married me on this perfect day this would be the point where

they've had the can of a bit of a relax up before dinner right that's the point on this particular day it gets dark even though it's a summertime vibe gets dark quite early in my perfect day

and so at that point I while everyone else is having a bit of a relax up I go out for a run and I go running in the mountains is one of my favourite things and it's a really hot day your long run through the mountains

just not fast just steady away just beautiful views lots of interesting tracks to run down one of my favourite things is to run as the sun's going down. I was doing it in, I was in Adelaide a couple of months back,

and I went out to the Adelaide Hills. I was running through the hills, and then you see this incredible sunset, and then it's dark, and then you've got your torch on, and now you're running in the darkness with a torch. And while I was doing that, I saw a diamond, like this sparkly diamond,

like on the pack. And I was bloody hell and I got close to it and it wasn't a diamond. It was the eyes of it. And it was like, you know how? Whoa. And I got down close and I saw this thing and it scuttled away like that. And then I kept running and I saw another one and I went, well, that's a spider. And they kept going and then I'll come around this corner and there was thousands of diamonds.

So there was just spiders, these little spiders. And as I was running, these diamonds were like moving out of the way. And it was like, no, no, no, no. But forget, like, was it beautiful? Or was it speaking? Well, it was. It was. It was.

It was Australia. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was one of the most amazing thing. Because when I turned my head, I could just see all these little sparkling eyes. And then like to say, you're running the, you know, you sort of running in the heat of the day. And then slowly. And, you know, when you get that. really soft light and then the light softened down and then dark and then it's just you

no one else for miles around head torch on and you're just running just on your own just like perfect like absolutely perfect wow ross you've really you've really changed my mind about something oh hello yeah oh let me see you thought i'm a lazy fat bloke No, I'm just talking to you, has made me realize that I've had a very black and white sense of what, you know, what I consider to be sort of scary and dangerous. And I have it in this like, well, that's bad. Like sharks and horror films and spiders would go into all of those categories for me. Right. And probably dangerous deep sea diving and.

That's like those things are dark and dangerous and scary, and I don't want to go anywhere near them. And you see them as beautiful and nuanced. You see the beauty in sharks and spiders. But not just that. Like I have this thing where, and this is, when I figured this out, this is what, you know,

some, you can read all those books about, you know, all these like self-held books, not that I have, but when I worked out that here's my thing, my whole thing is be in the moment, right? Be 100% just,

you know, don't worry about what's gone. Don't worry about what's going to happen. Just enjoy being in that moment. And if you're, if you're, like see your, say like with running, for example, right? Some people would think,

If you're like, you're running along and you're out of breath and you go, oh, this is, you could go, oh, this is horrible. Why am I doing this? Or, and it could be like anything. It's like if you do a gig and the, you know, and, you know, in the early days when the gigs would be like these chaos and people heckling and all this. So some people go, oh, my God, this is horrible. But if you, like, I look at it and go, not why am I doing this?

I go, I get to do this. you know what I mean? It's that thing if you go, I get to experience this thing. And I think as soon as you, it doesn't matter how shit things are. And you know, you can be there,

you know, you're out in the rain. Your car's broken down. But if you look at that and you just kind of go, well, you know what? You're in that. If you live in it,

then it's one of those who you sort of go, I get to be here. I've got a car. Like, yeah, it's broken down. But I know that sounds a bit. And now I'd like you to read, I'd like you to read a leaflet about Jesus. I think what you're saying is like all experiences is great experience.

Like it's for being, for being an experience in itself, whether it's a bit scary or testing or whatever. It's like, it's a privilege to experience and feel things. Yeah, because you feel. That's the thing. It's like some people go, oh, I don't, oh, I don't want to be sad. But you have to be sad in order to feel happy. It's one of those things where sadness isn't an end point. It's just, you have to feel it.

I'm not saying it's always good, but if you can kind of, yeah, anyway. You just sort of go through it, but I will take one of your leaflets, actually, yeah. if you would. I mean, it's spelt wrong. It's spelt wrong and it's got a picture of me naked holding a bass, but apart from that. And night has fallen. We're in tonight now. Night. But I come back. Then he's an outdoor shower. I run straight into the outdoor shower. Oh, I'm dripping wet. Your toweling pants, sir. More towels. Towel myself off, right? Lovely thick flannel, right? And then, and back just in time oh pre-dinner everyone everyone's around

big group of people dinner served we sit there we have a lovely dinner right beautiful right on the beach or whatever and then

we have a dessert right maybe even a dessert trolley and then yeah you know how trolley comes out so that anyway oh

only fingers so sticky, fingerball, another towel. And then we, and then we finish, we finish dinner, boom, we're having a game of werewolf. Okay, you know the game?

Werewolf, oh no, hang on, no, remind you'll have to remind me. Everyone sits around, you get dealt cards, you're in a village, and then some of you are villagers, some of you are werewolves. Yeah, and then you have to guess who's the werewolf, who's a villager, and it's a fun game to play. But when we play it, we've got, we've got like a soundboard, so we play like spooky music. And when the wolves kill, we press a button, and hear them kills, and when different characters, so when people got their eyes closed

in the night, everybody's hearing it. So it's like kind of, it's a game, but it's also kind of got a bit of a vibe of a radio play as well. And it'd be good to have somebody who was just there just to fire off the sound effect. Oh, you've got a technician? Yeah, yeah, normally I'd do myself. But yeah, now I've got a technician. I'm going to do this at some point. I haven't got around to it yet, but hoods so that you put your hood up.

So it's kind of towling, black toweling. And then it's, I tell you what, if there's any spillage, anyone spills a drink. Don't even worry about it. Oh, don't worry about it. People are starting to deliberately spill, just to test it. And then, so we just play where I will flake it, sort of late into the night. And then maybe a movie, maybe the whole family, just the four of us, sitting on the couch watching like an infomercial channel or some form of,

basically something, as a family, as a family, we like to sit around. Like imagine Gogglebox, but with a terrible family, a terrible family that would break all off-com rules. We like to watch things like, like infomercials are good because it'll be like,

if it's like an advert for like, or like religious programs, that sort of thing, that we can, we can sort of joyously take the piss out of. Right, right, right. So it's not going like, oh, let's belittle those people.

It's more like, I mean, those property shows are good. You know, we like to talk about, make up backstories for like, you know, you go, there's people that own this house here. They, you know, whatever it happens to be. Like, they've got like. I love that. I know exactly what you mean. Do you know what I mean?

I stuck behind a coach the other day. Me and my husband were, we were driving behind a coach and it was absolutely pouring down with rain. And there was like, we were driving over the moors. thought those poor kids, we were saying out loud, like those poor kids on that coach have come on some sort of like camping trip and it's absolutely chucking it down. And we were, in vet, like we were creating all of this story for these poor kids that were on a camping trip. And then the coach pulled over and it was an empty coach, just a driver in it.

Yeah, but then there were ghost kids. We've invented the whole story. Is anyone still listening to this? No, absolutely not. We're an hour two. We are, no, Ross, I am going to leave it there because you've got a life and Lucy's got to edit this. Oh, no, did I? Yes, sorry.

So, yeah, no, have we not got to it? No. No, we did do the night. We did do it. We did do it because we were, we played the were, we played the werewolf. Yeah, we've done loads. Yeah, we don't play the werewolf. And then we've gone to bed.

We've covered a lot. lot of ground. Yeah. I don't look. We'll close the door. I don't want to make this sordered. You know, there's probably other,

it's probably other thing. To people, as a rule, do people go into that sort of detail? Yeah, a couple of people have gone there. I'm surprised more people don't. It's a tricky subject,

isn't it? Sue Pollard's outfit from Heidi High and a bucket of swarthy. There you go. What Swarvega? What Swar Figa? Swar Figa is, it was like they used to have buckets of it in mechanics.

Like motor mechanics would have it. And it was for like cleaning the grease off your hands. Swarthed. Okay, yes. Have you got it? Oh my God. What does it? What does it?

What does the, Wikipedia. How is it just... The thing is, you won't believe this, but I've just Googled Swarfiger, and it says, it's called Swarfiger jizzer. No.

Is that where that killed? Really? It's called Swarfiger jizzer. And what's the, and what's the description? Degreaser. Five leaguer. And then...

And then... And then... And then... In brackets, Sue Pollard. The search says, okay, it says it is a gelatinous, fixotropic substance, dark green or orange in colour, which is used to clean grease, oil, printer, zinc. Why was Swarfiger banned?

Was it banned? Jesus Christ, what? Scyga was banned for being hazardous to skin, a cause of dermatitis and allergies. Well, no wonder the wife wasn't getting any sleep then. discontinued in the UK. What did you? What was...

What was... What was... What was Swafiga banned? Oh, for God's sake, I have to Google that now. I'm sorry, this is... This podcast has never been to end. When was Swarfiger banned? Swarfiger was not banned.

What? Oh, I don't know. I mean, what... All right. Well, you know what? It will have to leave it then. The good thing about this is people can listen to this and they can, if given them, they can look, it's always nice to present something.

People can go off, as they always say, do your own research. Yes, the podcast, you know, it's the podcast that keeps on giving this. Yeah, you, you know, as they always say, don't they, the fourth act, when you go to the player, go and see a play in three acts, the fourth act always takes place when they always. audience get us home, you know. Oh, well, like that. The whole fact of this podcast takes place after the

outdoor. It was probably an hour ago. Well, I see it as a great privilege for the listener to have had over two hours of Ross Noble. Well, it's been an absolute pleasure. I've enjoyed it a lot.

It's been a huge pleasure to meet you. You're such a living legend yourself and thank you so much for talking to me. You're already saying that because we're related. Surprise, surprise. You better go to bed. Go towel down. Bring out the swarfiger.

Well, there we go, there we bloody are then. Lovely to hear that after all this time, wasn't it? Imagine how many towels Rosses. nobles used in the interim in the 10 months that it's taken for us to get part two out. Well look, we'll be back next week for a special for Endo 1000, which we recorded in Edinburgh at the fringe last year with the lovely Scottish comedian Mary Elaine Robertson. And then what happens to perfect day after that? We'll find out, won't we?

We'll see how long it takes me to finish writing this series and then film it. this series that I'm making for the BBC at the moment, which is going to be a sitcom that I told you about. It's about midwives. It's called Push. It's very good. It's going to be very, very good. So we'll get that out of the way.

We've got to do one thing at a time, haven't we? You know, we've got to do morning, afternoon and night. The sort of work version. So that's me, wrapping up. Nearly forgot to do it then. From Yorkshire with love. I'm Jessica Appet, wishing you a perfect day.