Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP 58: Marjolein Robertson live show in Edinburgh

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

The lovely Marjolein Robertson joins Jess for a very special, extra-long, live episode recorded at the Edinburgh Fringe in August 2025, in collaboration with Endo1000. Jess and Marjolein discuss a whole variety of perfect day things, including: menstrual health, Shetland life, puffins, the Northern Lights and why talking about endometriosis matters.  Please follow and support the brilliant Endo1000, the endometriosis project, at endo1000.com. Like and subscribe, or follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast for any future Perfect Day news. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello Perfect Dayers we're back and then we're going again but we're back and this time it's for charity our guest this week is the sensational marie lane Robertson she's a comedian she's a storyteller she's a shetlander she's a fringe survivor and it turns out one of the most committed bird impressionists we've ever had on the podcast we recorded this episode live last august at the Edinburgh fringe in collaboration with the charity Endo-1000, which is an endometriosis research project. And we talk a bit about that, and it's a matter close to Mary Lane's heart as well. She tackles the subject matter of women's pain and women's health, adenomyosis, and endometriosis.

So we talk a bit about that because it's a matter quite close to my heart, because I know so many people who have this very common. but currently incurable disease. One in ten women have endometriosis and there's currently no cure, but the amazing people at Endo 1000 who I speak to quite a lot really believe there is a cure and one of the first steps to that is data and gathering research and that's something that they're doing. So if you're affected by endometriosis or you know someone who is, which you will do. Yeah, check out Endo 1000. They're doing amazing stuff. So let's spread the word because it's so important that we fund research into endometriosis and women's health. So this is my fun way of directing

traffic towards Endo 1000 by talking to the incredible Mary Lane Robertson about puffins, among other things. and Northern Lights and Mario Kart and a kitchen full of people who may or may not have let themselves into your house. This is Mary Elaine Robertson's perfect day. This is Mary Elaine Robertson. This is Mary Elaine Robertson.

I'm going to be interviewing her, asking her perfect day. We break it down by morning, afternoon, and that's right night. And if you've listened to the podcast, know that we tend to just go off on long tangents. We ramble. It's a chat. And then sometimes I remember to ask the three basic questions of the format. So, Mary Lane, hi. Thank you for being here and joining us on Perfect Day. How is your fringe going? Marilane is a comedian and is doing a fringe show at the moment. Tell us how your fringe is going.

It's good. She's got the glazed look of someone who's two weeks into a month's long run. The show clicked for me this Saturday, which yes, was 16 shows in. Look at that. I'm like, there we are. But it's that way when at the start of the month, I was like, how, how is this, how will I get through this? And now we're at the last week with every passing day I'm sad. I'm like, oh, no, that was the last Monday.

Oh, this is the last Tuesday. And then it makes me kind of sad. I actually relate to that. It's sort of like having kids. Like when you have kids, they stop being one. Yeah, like, oh, they're not one anymore. And then they stop being two and so on and so on. It could become quite a long description, couldn't it?

So it's kind of a bittersweet thing going on for you at the moment. Yeah, and I think it's funny because this is the end of a trilogy of Shores that I've done. Yeah. If you've got to run, March. even though your name is pronounced, your name is spelled Marge Elaine. Yeah. But your name is pronounced Marry Elaine. Yeah.

But you called your first show Marge just to confuse, just to fuck with everyone. Yeah. What I've done is I've created for me my least favorite nickname of all time. So, yeah. And then that, but when I did that, I don't know if anyone knew what I was up to. Right. That I was just spelling my name. It took me three years till I had to spell my name.

If I challenged any of you to spell it. So weird because it's Dutch. Oh, right. You don't know whether to laugh there, do you? It's okay, I'm half Dutch, and I like to see these things. So you mummsted? Yes. And you spent some time in Amsterdam, didn't you?

But we can talk about that later. Yeah. So your first show, Marge, what was that about? That was with the mind, and I wanted to look at this bad relationship I'd been in, and I wanted to explore it. And it was quite a dark story. But what I found when I was trying to tell, to audiences was I could use a metaphor

of a folktale of a similar story to carry the weight and brevity of it. So then I realized that when I was doing this trilogy of minds, then body and the soul, it'd be really nice to take a folklore from Shetland or Scotland and incorporate that to carry the weight of the piece will jokes lighten it and let me have ownership

of what I'm talking about. And also make me be able to say it's stand about the French. You know it's like 60% storytelling. Did you come into stand-up via storytelling and tell us a bit about the sort of the relationship between the Shetlands and folk tales and storytelling and it's sort of part of the fabric? Yeah, yeah, very much. I love folklore and there's so much rich folklore everywhere. And I just love it because we grew up with it. We grew up with it as well where stories were still used and still are told to kind of keep you safe. So there's like the creature the trow

which is like like a version of the Norwegian troll but like everything in Shetland like the pony or dog or people everything's tiny so it's like three foot in height and it comes out at night and it's this magical troll like creature but the idea with children

as you say to the children in the bairns don't go out too far into the hill at night because the troughs will get you which is just like common sense to not go wandering by the lochs and the streams at night and come home and also to get them in the house, you know, to watch the news. But I just...

But yes, it was nice. And I always grew up with these stories. And I was always fascinated by them. But the show I'm doing this year, Lane is kind of about the spirit. And by that, I mean, it's more about life's journey so far. And it's about how I got into stand-up and storytelling as a career. I think I've heard you talking about this before. You got into it because you were in Amsterdam and there was the...

You got robbed. just a terrible time. Don't go to my mother's homeland. But you do. You might become a stander. So don't go to my mother's home. Yeah, it was, I moved there, and I never really moved anywhere,

apart from coming to Edinburgh to do uni here. In Edinburgh, uni, then moving to Amsterdam was the first time, I moved somewhere as an adult by myself, and just a series of unfortunate events got kicked out of the flats, got fired from my job, was so I had no flat

well this is the bit in the show being picked out of you flat and fired Mary Lane I was well okay the flat was on me because don't find a flat on gum tree yeah now and also it was like why does that man sleep on a cooch outside my bedroom door

it's almost as if I'm in his bed I was in his bed and he's illegally on benefits and subletting his room that was on me. I should have put the clues together. What point did you realize? When he threw all my belongings and black bags into the hallway when I was out the flat and I had returned home

and he was like, don't come back and I'm getting inspected. Right. So it's pretty full on. So now you can see why I use folktales in my show to just carry those moments. And the job, well, in this show I have a really dumb, quick, one-liner joke about why I lost my job because the real reason is because I'm such a good thing.

good person. So you were too good at your job? I found out that this employer at this restaurant was hiring people all from out with the Netherlands and using it as an excuse to underpay us half of minimum wage. So I demanded

we all get at least minimum wage and then he was like, you'll never get another shift again, told the others that I was bad so they wouldn't talk to me. And I had to go and lock myself in his office with him and demand him to give me my money, which is the bravest thing I've ever done.

And I recorded it on a dictaphone, and boy, I'd like, that would be a fun friend show. Just me not being able to do the math, so I still got underpaid. You should be paying me 13, 14. Oh, no. I think you should have... I still probably...

I can't stop just telling boat tales for a living. I know, my maths is so bad. Mine's terrible to do. Oh, no. Mary Lane, let's, shall we get going? Because I'm conscious of the time we're going to keep it tight,

we are going to keep it tight. Mary Lane. What's your perfect morning? Oh. Perfect morning. Love lane. That's me. I actually do that.

I could have done it live. I can do that. Go on then. I'm very good at some bird noises and not others. She's really, really good. That's one way you've got. Have you got other animals?

Yeah, well, the thing is, people are like, oh, your voice is bad because you're drinking lots. I'm not, the other night outside assembly club bar, demonstrating to people all the bird noises I can make. So I've got the Arctic term. Does anyone know what an Arctic term? There's a nod. Like a...

He's a sympathy in this audience. He knows what an Arctic tone sounds like. Right, let's learn the Arctic term. Because if you don't... don't know you'll think this is made up, but if you do know, you're like, oh, it's coming for me. Oh, yeah, that just sounds like a sea eagle. That's a single. Spot on, spot on from the back. I learned to do that bird sound, because in Shetland, if you hear that on a beach, you're about to be dive-bombed.

So I like to watch down beaches behind people. And just do it, and you watch them go, woof, and hit the sand. Excellent. Anymore for any more? Just like the crow and raid Like Oh That is wonderful Hey

Nice That is wonderful What I was trying to What's the one that That sounds a bit like an owl at night It's not an owl But it's I mean I'm not going to do it

Can you do an owl I don't know Because we don't really get them In Shell unless they've been blown there By mistake Do you take requests Do you take requests from the audience? on birds.

You can, but you're just only going to be disappointed. So I don't want to give a request to Mary Lane for a bird sound. Come on, let's really feel... Pigeon's good. What? Oh, that's a clue, and it's like, oh.

I can't do it. Is that a pigeon? We don't get them watching Shem. Is that a dove? Or is a pigeon just that one on the street? Like, hello? Gives us bread. But I'm so like, remember, like, we're not going to get distracted.

Okay, perfect morning. Let's go. Let's have it. I'm alive. I wake up. Oh, ready for another day. And I would like to wake up in bed with my partner. Yeah.

Like a stranger. Do you have a partner or is a specific? Yes, you do. Yeah. I'll see. It's someone. Sometimes it's fictional. Yeah, I know.

Oh, it's really on. Yeah. But I, I, my partner is. musician so we really picked two jobs where we're just away from each other the entire time and but so it'd be nice to wake up beside him that would be nice yeah and where are you we're at his and devon i've started off at his nice i like it it's really nice i like it because i moved to london for comedy and within one week saturned with a man in devon and my english geography is so bad i was like that soon's close live.

Yeah, so it's zone 29. Oh no. But yeah, so it's nice, but then I just keep going. I'm to the big city to gig and then my agent Lily about, do you want to do this gig? And I'm like, I'm going to feel the sheep. There's

there, there's sheep everywhere. There's plants, there's trees. You don't get trees in Shetland. It's very exciting. Oh, nice. So you're in Devon, with your partner and then what what happens in your perfect morning what's going on what's going on

she's gone she's turned out she's forgotten or she's panicking we have a nice little cuddle and then I wasn't yeah

I just realized and then I was like and then we because she did go to a place see there's been like really weak

to the fringe I've not seen them in forever yeah and yeah and then we have My favorite thing is I might like a little hot cup of cacao and then sit outside the house and drink it and look at sheep. Oh, so pure, as the internet likes to say. It's like, yeah, I've had a big old messy cuddle.

Okay, great. Just balance it out. Yeah, I have a coffee and then we'll just sit out and take in the morning sun, which I just really like to do. It's like a nice, awesome start in nature. Yes. I mean, nature, it must be hard for you growing up in Shetland and now, is it on Shetland, should I be saying, in the Shetland Islands.

Oh, just Shetland. Just Shetland. Shetland. Yeah, so we don't say Shetland Islands, we say Shetland. Yeah, because Shetland comes through old name, Shatland, which means land of the sort. So you don't need to have an S at the end. And then it's like, yeah, and then,

but it's older name is Insecat, which means like, island of cats. Really? What is the sort? The sword. The sword. Oh, sword. Yeah, come.

What? Ignosal something. Sword sounds. It turns out. Yeah, so the old north name from Viking times is land of the sword. And that's Hjelph land, which got changed to Zetland, which is now just Shetland. Yeah. Nice.

Okay. Well, what else happens in your perfect morning? What happens next? What happens next? We have time to do a little bit of a puzzle. Yes, we do. I love a puzzle. He loves a puzzle. I love a puzzle.

Nice. And that's why you're all like a daytime recording of a podcast in the fringe. Yeah, we're puzzlers. I love to do a little bit of a puzzle, but I was like, because also I've listened to Harriet's episode, and I get that, because puzzling is the kind of like just calm your brain doing. It's too easy to go and look at your phone. What I've lied to you is, by this point,

I've already scaled through in scrum reels for an hour, but I'm pretending I haven't done that. Also perfect day. Yeah. And then you just sit and you do a puzzle, which is a calming but fun thing to do and just kind of get your brain into gear for just

the day. But what kind of puzzling are we talking about here? Like a pictorial jigsaw. Are you talking about jigsaw? Yes. Oh, what other puzzles are? A crossword puzzle. A sidocou puzzle, but you don't like math. She's like really enough. Sidori is the only

numbers. I am. We're on a family wordle group chat. Oh, are you? It's very cute. It's very difficult to talk about wordle though. I don't mean on a podcast. I mean, probably, yeah, it shouldn't spend too much time talking about it.

But I mean, all you can really do is say, have you done wordel today? Because if they say no, then that's it. Conversation over. I also think it's bad because I know on this family group chat of wordal. So, I mean, what is it?

What the conversation possibly be? You have to all be saying, we've done it, we've done it, we've done it, we've done it, I've done it, I've done it, I've done it, I've done it, I've done it, I've done it, I've done it, I've done it, I've done it for so long, I know what everyone's starting word is. So I can't even look at it. So I just like, put mine in and then that's it. It's basically just a collection of screenshots on people's wordels. I love to know people's starting words. Would you spend a little bit more time on Wordil than we will? My partner is the best one.

What is what is it? I think as a musician, his one is audio. Audio? So many vowels. You're all like, remember. Like a hum of respect. Yeah. What's yours?

I like to put ridiculous ones. Change them up. Yeah, and right now I think I'm on chomp, which is such a bad one. Honestly, don't. I never get a single letter, right? Or sometimes I do how I'm feeling during the fringe. When? It's bleak.

Happy. Yeah. Okay, so it's a terrible stack of what. That's too, please. What a waste. Crane, if you're interested. Oh, great thing. You do, you.

Yeah, Crane. Crane work sometimes, party sometimes. Sometimes they use crete. Great, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, more morning, more morning. Well, my favourite thing to do is we'll go somewhere to get a coffee and then I'll go from a little walk and drink my coffee

and litter pick on my way home. Now, have you realised... Yeah. Can you have a manic pixie drinker? What do you mean you litter pick on your way home? Well, do you realize, it's kind of sad because I wish people didn't litter, but if I see it, I like to pick it up and then when I... Yeah, but I think it's in Shetland.

We have a tradition called the Vore Redup. And that translates to the spring clean. And it's like, if for a while is Europe's largest voluntary, let her picket. And you're like, in a small island, I'm like, yes, in the small island where all the shotgun shells from North America wash upon our beaches. There is so much to pick up. So we go along the beaches for shotgun shells and along the roadsides for empty tenants cans. And we just like all schools, community groups, individuals, local communities, churches, you just, over the period of about 10 days in April, it's the spring. clean of our island and then

an organisation comes and collects all the rubbish and takes it away. That is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Yeah. And you actually really enjoy doing that to the point where you actually want to do that on your perfect day. I mean, you know, in a perfect world there would be any

litter. I never thought about that. But do you like the feeling that it gives you of doing a good deed? Is that important to you? I just can't leave it there. Yeah. And also sometimes, sometimes there are still crisp in the packet. No.

No. You don't. You don't. No. What usually happens is you get hit by like green slime water and you're like, that's not my perfect day. Sorry. And then you got the old gulls swooping in.

I mean, that's got to be, that's a dangerous, that's a dangerous thing to be doing, lifting up packet of grips. Oh, in my perfect day, I have to say, there are no seagulls. I'm getting rid of seagulls. someone's vigorously nodding. I love birds.

I love animals, but the seagulls, this is going to sound really inappropriate and brexity, but they should stay at the beach. I don't, when seagulls come inland,

it makes me nervous about what the tide's doing. It's too high. It's come in land too far. Sorry. It's turning back to where they came from. Okay, so then what happens? We've done a puzzle.

We've done a litter pit. I've forgotten to get dressed. You're not even about this. This is all happening. Naked. We're naked, puzzling. We're naked. Let's take care of it.

I get dressed. And do you know what? On my perfect day, it is 24 hours after ovulation. I don't need any pads nor tampons. Oh. But my skin is still glowing and I'm not yet too, Luteo. I'm not too grumpy. Oh, no, that hasn't kicked in.

Yeah. It's so good to get into the specifics. I'm only really just starting to learn about this. Defeasers. Yeah. because I started reading wild power. Oh, I thought. It tells you to write down every day

and record your mood and everything. And then I was like, oh, it actually does. I mean, I knew that I was up and down. But I didn't realize there was a proper, like, circular pattern. I just haven't ever paid attention to that. I don't think I properly understood it till I did the show Oh last year, which was about my mental health. And about having an endomyosis.

Forgot what I had. having a dynomyosis because I was looking into it and writing the show and just watching lots of reels to learn it and yeah because it's funny because there's you start with your periods what's that one called menstruation and then you start with the old period and then you get to the follicular phase where you're building up and you're all like kind of that and it's the kind of like the upward arrow yeah it's the towards the ovulation where things are on the up yeah being good you can be like you can do anything and then and then ovulation is like bam Bam, bam, I can, I'm a superwoman.

It is, but it's also when I'm a menace to society and she'd be like, yeah. Like, if men are scared when you're on your period, they should be really scared when you're ovulating. She's like, well, you'll do. So, so true. It's bad. And then you go luteal, which is when your body is like, what's the point? Because you know the period's coming. And then it's just like your body just slips inside.

What's interesting is my friend is a PT and does athletics and weightlifting. And it's almost like when it comes to getting personal bests, athletics during modulation, so you've been faster chasing after men. And but menstruation, because there's, like, I think the higher levels of testosterone, personal best, lifting. Oh, really? That's so cool. That's so interesting to know. And there's a study of one. Well, that kind of a lot of women's medical research is a study of highosinicum.

Yeah, that is sort of the problem. So you have adenomyosis, which is, is it fair to say, even less known about that than endometriosis? I used to do a joke with my friends. So we do it now. Give me cheer if you've heard of endometrosis. And this room. Give me sure if, yeah, I know that's a, you should have all shared. Give me sure if you've heard of adenomyosis.

Okay, it doesn't like... It's a shame. I'm annoyed that they're knowledgeable. But yeah, I guess adenomyosis is like usually the uncooler cousin. You can have both. I'm not lucky. But I just say, so I have the dynomyosis. And what is it?

Well, do you know, I find that it had it, and it was a lot longer until someone explained what was even going on in my body. But essentially what happens is, when the lining is being built up, and it doesn't happen every time, and it can happen to anyone who has a period at any point, but when the lining is being stitched on to, like,

the wall of the uterus, it can overzealously stitch through the wall and into the muscle. Oh, my God. So to shed your lining, you don't just, like, have this small kind of little contractions, which are still painful. I'm not trying to downplay cramps, but your muscles must tear open to shed the lining,

and then you can have interior bleeding and can hemorrhage from the inside. Oh, my God. Well, I bet anyone, he's hungover is regretting drinking last night you went to the wrong. Is this why someone didn't someone pass out? I had ten fainters

and twenty walkouts in my show. Four walkouts were just at the word hysterectomy though. Seriously? Four men, I said hysterectomy and I think it was the notion they just left is walked out. But why he said in my show after that, I don't think I can say it on a daytime hard cast, but I were like, go on site.

I just made a joke that after four men walked out in the line hysterically. I was like, they're thinking, no, don't take away the fernie. I was thinking that. I was thinking that I, because I don't have endometriosis, but I do get really heavy periods and I have to buy tranaxemic acid. That's what they give you if you have adenomyosis. Oh, really? And that was invented, that they discovered that that worked for periods. It was actually invented for state. And then they found that it actually really works for periods too. So I had to buy trancemaic acid.

I also have to buy iron because of the, you know. And surely you don't have it done away with this. Buy something going on. But I thought I had to buy that and obviously buy a period products as well. And I was paying for it in Boots. It was like over £30. But that's, you know, just to have a period. And I was like saying to the moment, it's expensive having a period.

She went, yeah. And then she said, the annoying thing is, look how much the Viagra is. It's a fucking tenor. Yeah. It was a tenant, and you know what that tells you? What's more important in society? Bonus. But what they need to know is,

if they don't prioritise women's health, soon, there will be nowhere to put the bonus. Birth rates are declining in America for the first town. Oh, I wonder why. Could it be because they've taken away contraception? Yeah. It's really interesting, but yeah, that's wild. But periods are not men.

to be extremely painful. You're not meant to be really heavy. You're not meant to be depleted in iron. Yeah. Maybe I diagnose thee. No, thanks actually. No, I did. I was hoping I had it because it would really help some of my profile

as an endometriosis brand amoeuvre. But they said that I wasn't experiencing enough pain to have endometriosis. They told me that about adenomyosis at one point. And I thought that when you, I just taught when you gave your, sheets over where they read them and I didn't like to say but like I at nights when it's bad I can't sleep even on like double painkillers which maybe I'm not meant to do then I'm like I can't sleep because it's so painful but I genuinely think less stress helps me overall to not have such bad symptoms right so my day are my perfect day not stress yeah I don't know I don't know that's that's good to know okay so shall we Are we, should we move on to the perfect afternoon?

Yeah, but yeah, yeah. Okay, let's go. Lucy. Oh yeah. Okay. Just cute. Larry Lane. Some birds for you there.

What's your perfect afternoon? I blinked and I'm in Shetland. Yay. I magically got there. I don't know how and I'm not going to question it. But yeah, I just, I can't spend. Too much time in my perfect day in England. That's a little bit.

Okay. Okay. And I don't. I love with Devon. It's. We're not offended it. Explain yourself. Well, I...

Do you know what it is? It's like having two feet and two worlds I really love. So it's like I really love spending time in Dev and I love very paters. I'm taking my partner with me. I'm not left in mind. He's in Shetland too now. He's like, what's going on? I'm like, shh, shh, shh, it's fine.

But yeah, I just really, I kind of wanted the best of both worlds. I wanted the Hannah Montana the situation. Right. Yeah, does Hannah Montana, is she something by day? Yeah, so, okay, one of the best TV shows of all time, end movie. Miley Cyrus plays a teenage pop star, but she still wants a normal life of the sweet Montana girl she truly is. So Miley Stewart is her real character where she's like a Montpelin girl

But she puts on a blonde wake And then is an international superstar called Hannah Montana But I just want that so I can be in Devon in the morning In the afternoon I just want to go home and have some cans Some canned innings Like beers, yeah

That's what I'm at least you What's your tinny of choice McEwins? Mackewins Is that like an ale? Yes You know McEwn Hall. It's named after, I believe, the founder of McEwenzae.

Really? Yeah. It's like a nice, dark, full-body drink. And believe this, when I tell you, they've never once sponsored me. And I've done so much for them, just off my own back. Well, today might be the day. You just don't know. This episode could be interrupted right now when we eventually play it. And then there's a perfect day to have an advert for, for um bequehires so um we're in we're we're we're in shetland what so what happens next it's one of those fine summer days where you can hear the skylapse who's in the hill i say it look back

next a puppet a tweet tweet that wasn't one of you strongest what right they do they do they're soon like i have a skylight wouldn't understand my show there's in the fringe it's just but sound it's Burlescape. And the Skylarke is such a beautiful song that I'm lying under I'm lying under the blankets, people walk into the venue. Like, you walk around me, it's just, it's an arts festival.

And the Skylarke is such a beautiful song that when you listen to, go home and listen to it on YouTube, it's such a beautiful song that it sounds made up, like it sounds like someone's made up an idealistic bird song in a Disney film, but that's how beautiful and melodic their music is

and how it changes over its tune that's so beautiful so I'm just in the hills amongst the head they're listening to that is there like any noise pollution

where you're from there is the faint rumble of a car you hear coming from two miles away so you're ready to like put your clothes back on and get in the house I'm naked again I love being it in the hills naked and you can do that in Shetland.

That's amazing. I think I live in the wrong place. Talk to me more about it. What else happens on your perfect afternoon? Well, I love to go just for a big walk-up by the burns and the streams, like into the land that I described as being trowie, like where it feels magical because it feels so wild, it feels like it's still the domain of a creature from so long ago we don't have the stories

written doing. I like that kind of idea. And you just go up into the hills and you see... One of my favourite things to do is to climb a hill to the point where you realise you look Dune and you're watching the Ravens fly from above. Like you're looking Dune on the Ravens. Whoa.

I love that. I like when you get to that point in the hill and you're like, oh, they're going past me below me and I get to see them from this other perspective. Like I'm up here with them. You're painting such a vivid image. It's so beautiful. And also, you really fucking love birds, don't you? So many birds.

This is the most bird-heavy podcast. I didn't mean to do this, but yeah, because I used to work at this lighthouse gift shop. It was like this tourist site in Shetland, and it was one of my favorite jobs ever, and I used to do it in the summer, and it was a summer contract, and they're the nicest people,

because they gave me every August off to come down to the fringe, which was their busiest month. But it was a light use, so it was a historic site, the lighthouse and our history there. But it was also a nature site because the RSPB are based in Shetland.

So there's like puffins and gillymots and shags and bongs, and bongs, he's great skewers. Also in Shetland, we have different names for all the birds. So I just got to spend every day, I'd crawl over a bit of the wall that you shouldn't,

and I'd sit just, and the birds would just fly by me and I'd eat my little sandwich. Do you own a pair of binoculars? Yes. and I but you know I can do the puffin noise do you know what puffin's like they have the strength

they sound like they're judging you they're like oh that's so great working at the lighthouse was really funny because you got so many it was mainly well actually it's a mix of like shettenders come in to appreciate the birds and the heritage and I love that

and also lots of tourists and it's really exciting to see everyone come in and talk to them but the thing about birders is I like birds, but I wouldn't call myself a birder because birders are like the most gated community. Really?

Well they're just like, that's not a proper telescope and that's not real camouflage. They're all kind of like making the puffin noise. They're like really, there's a lot, don't get me wrong, there's lots of birders I'm friends with. Not all birders. Do they call themself birders? Do they call themselves birders?

Twitchers or something, isn't it? Twitchers? Do we have any twitchers in? Any birders? I'm not going to hate you. Are there athologist? You're pointing at somewhere else. There's one over there. What do you call yourself? A birder? A birder. A birder. She does call yourself a bird. Don't get me wrong. Lots of birders are lovely, but sometimes you'll meet someone who, like for example, I knew the birds on the site because I sat that site every day.

I remember this one person showed me a photo of a wee tear, and a wee tear is a great little bird. It's called a wee-tier because when its tail lifts up, you see it's rear and it's white. But it's called wheat-eer because in the olden days it's called a white arse. And then the Victorians were like, that will never do. So you get like a wheat-ear. Right, rare. Yeah. But a man showed me this.

It's like, what's that? And I was like, a wee-tier. And you're like, oh! At this altitude? I know. So there's another day when it's. a lady came in and a lady was like I think I've seen a new breed

of puffin and I was like what's that actually I think I've discovered a new breed of puffin on your cliffs I've seen one can you tell me what it was and I was like what do you mean there's a there's a smaller puffin and I was like what we just have North Atlantic puffins here and she was like no no I saw

a smaller puffin and I was like could have been the baby the puffling which is the cutest baby name and she was like I know what a puffling looks like And I was like, okay. She's like, it's further down the cliff, but it was definitely smaller. I was like, the gillymot? And she's like, I know what a gillymot is. That's nothing like a puffin. And because she was really fierce with me. I was like, oh my God, I wish I wasn't here.

And then she, I was like, well, do you have a picture? She's like, yes, I have a picture. And she showed me her digital camera, instant access to what she'd seen in the past. And she showed, she me the screen. Thanks for explaining. What happens when you show someone a photograph? Instant access. I've never heard it describe like that. Instant access to what's happened in the past. Is that how people explain it to each other in Shetland? Wait till we tell you about television. But I know, witchcraft. So she showed me the photo on her camera. She's like, look. She's like, this puffin. which is much higher up on the cliff, is larger. And this, which is definitely also puffin,

which is further down the cliff and further away, is smaller. Oh, no, she didn't... But she'd been so mean to me every time I tried to suggest what I thought it might have been. I just had to look at and go, could it be perspective? And she just walked.

away. But I was like, that's incredible. I thought that only happened in like fathered head. I was like that's... So you don't want to cross the burders? No, so on this day, no offence. No offense.

There's not a single border in those hills. Just me. Or my partner, I forgot. He's a bit. Lovely. Anything else? Perfect afternoon before we move on.

Well, what I would like in the perfect afternoon is to then head back to the house. And then this might not soon like the perfect thing, but this is very shetland. There's already people in my house. They just turned up without me, and they've started having a drown playing the tune. So the parties just started.

It's just begun without me, so I don't even lift a finger. They've already, like, opened the rum, and they've already put snacks on the table. And that happens. There's not unusual to be in my house and walk through my house and find someone already at my kitchen table.

is that because you leave your house unlocked or is that because you've got a lot of friends who have keys to your house? Well do you want, I've got two different doors to my house and I only have a key for one. And I only have one key for one. And I know when they get there like there's three keys for both doors and at this point, I don't know because my family all swear that they have one key between them. So at this point I don't think it's my house. but will I'm not in Shetton because also like housing is really hard especially in small islands I really

abhor this whole like Airbnb when it could be a home and it's a holiday who's at ruins communities so well I'm not in Shetton because I'm doing comedy I'm just friends are just using my house as their house but if you listen to this and you are from the the air discount scheme

I am still in Shetland full time that goes for the council tax people I think that's illegal. How, I mean, it's not very commutable, is it, Shetland, to London? I picked the strangest job for wanting to live at home. Yeah.

I mean, how often do you get back? Because that's a long old trip, isn't it? Can you fly to Shetland? You can fly. Like, there used to be a direct flight between London and Shetland where he stopped off in, like, Dundee. And I was like, that's great. And I moved to London. and they stop the flight.

But you can fly from London and make your way up in legs or from Exeter, or you just have to go up to Aberdeem and get the boat, which takes anywhere from 12 to 14, if the weather's bad, can be 20 hours. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's why I'm like, I open my eyes and I'm in Shetland. I took out to travel for a reason. I can't afford it. It's expensive to get home.

It's really expensive, so I usually go home two or three times a year. More if I can. Right. So on your perfect afternoon, is this, are we slipping into the evening now? Do we need another sting? Yes, because I feel like what's going to happen is the season is about to change.

My perfect day is a mixture of summer and winter. Oh, okay. It is very Hannah Montana. Yeah, anything is possible. If you put your mind to it. But yeah, so I am, yeah, So I like, because I love an afternoon when you just crack into a can and you're just like, I don't need to drive anywhere, which is great because to get into anywhere from my house, you have to drive.

So it's like. So all your friends are there, all your Shetland friends, or they're magically friends from other places that have appeared for the drown. Oh, I just thought it was like the folk in a walkable distance from my house. Right. And have you got a good gang there? Yeah, it's really nice. And the people have stayed. Yes.

And I don't, I don't mean this. like a joke, we are, we're all related. But not my boyfriend, he's fresh. So like, he's there too. So my partner's there, Jack, and then just like friends and who are cousins and family, and we're just having a few drinks in the kitchen, yeah. And how do they feel about you having left town?

Well, to be honest, one of my pals who's there actually lives South New as well, but for good job, it's one of those things because like it's funny doing this job because doing stand-up and you're saying oh please come to my show you have to say please come to my show look at this review and you have to kind of try and sell yourself and I hate that aspect of it I hate it so much I just like to be like well come if you want and I'm sorry for what you're about to see that's what I'd like to say because I just I think modesty modesty is like the most wonderful things so I got really scared leaving and doing this job and then having to be like, look at this review,

or this show did well last year, so coming to this show. And what's really nice is going home and doing this job, which I love, but feels ridiculous, because it is ridiculous, because we just say silly things. And then folk at home are like, we're happy and we're pleased to see how you're getting on.

And that, to me, is like, that's the nicest thing to hear is feedback. Yeah, it's really nice, because I feel like I've gone and done the silly job. And also, it's nice to hear because I've chosen to leave home, which is where I want to be. So to have a connection to home or fuck at home

or keeping an eye on it feels really, it feels like I'm still part of the community. But it feels like you're so connected to your homeland though. Because you talk about it so much and it's such a big part of your identity on stage and everything, isn't it? How can they be offended

and bringing that story out to the world? I mean, there are some jokes I've had to delete in the past. But yeah, no, I think that's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, well, should we move on to perfect night then? Because I can't wait.

Yes. The owl for night signifies the death of the day. Okay. Shetland summer's beautiful because we have, like, the summer dim. It never gets dark. Really? Oh, wow. Yeah.

Yeah, we're so far north. It's so north, aren't you, yeah. Like the sun retreats beneath the hill. But before the sky can turn black as night, it's back again already. there's still a light in the sky. You can drive without headlights, which you should not do. You have to be like really like looking at the road.

So I didn't, I didn't, I haven't done that. So I love that and also I love it because the bird song continues through the night and then you get this eerie mist that like creeps in from the sea and from the lochs and they meet one another in the valleys. But I have chosen to fast forward into the world. winter for this section.

Okay. Because there is something inherently still ingrained in me, and the fringe has really reinforced this, which is that the vor, the spring and the summer are for working. It's for lambing, it's for getting peats, fuel for the winter, it's for planting, it's for, like, clipping, like, the sheep taking the wool off, it's for getting them ready for the sails. And in Burschows.

Well, yeah, exactly. Now that I'm not in Shetland, it's still, like, August is the peak work. the same is September as the harvest. So it's funny, I've kept in tune weirdly with the Shetton pattern of life in this different world where spring and summer is gearing up working relentlessly. Because in Shetland, the time for weddings

and sociable nights and to relax is the winter because it's dark so you just come together, you've gathered your food for the year. And even now, I mean, at winter, apart from feeding the animals, and I suppose office jobs, but winter is still, the time we have all the Viking festivals, we have the parties, lots of concerts and lots of night suits. Wow, really? So it's all, it's like the most sociable, because that's the least

sociable time for me. That's when I just want to hibernate. You see now people tend to get married in the summer. Traditionally, everything happened in the winter because there was less work to do. And of course, like the way life is now with office jobs and working on, like, there's like contract work and stuff. Work continues. used to the winter nowadays. But if by the old croffing standards you really kind of battened up the hatches and that was the time to tell stories and visit

but that visiting culture is still really rich. Like in winter and because it gets dark about half two, three and it stays dark till ten in the morning, what can be one little drink in the afternoon

ends up being like, I'll go to work today because I started an hour ago and I'm still half cut. Yeah, so a night just goes on. Say, summer and winter, funny, because in summer the night goes on and on because it doesn't get dark. And in the blink of an eye, it's light again.

Winter, the night's go on and on because there's no sunrise. So you just go right through it. And when you say the visiting culture of visiting and telling stories, so what does that look like then? You kind of get, is it sort of like a ritualized thing? Is there a formality to it?

Well, yeah, because everyone's, since I was younger, Dad would have the drink bag. You know you get those, like, co-op bags of sections for drink bottles? So you go to all the neighbour's houses and you have, like, a dark rum, a whiskey, a port, a vodka, maybe something fancy like a Malibu.

And also a gin. And you go, clink, clink, click. And you take this little clinky bag to your neighbour's hoosers. So you walk from who-to-hoose, and you go, like, hi-eye, and you come in, you set this bag to you, and you crack open the drinks and pour them. And the people in the hoose come, hopefully, have soft drinks. otherwise it is a wild night, no mixers, and then they put food on the table.

And yeah, you just like, oh, we'll go up to them, and we've not visited them yet. And over Christmas and New Year's, just over that whole period, it's just going from hoose to hoose. And sometimes in costume, which we call geisen or skeckling, which is where you wear a costume, and this is still done to this day, not as much, but I love it. And you go to someone's who's completely in fancy dress, and they don't know who you. are but you must take a geyser in. Oh, that's like mumming. Oh, is that an Ireland?

No, I think that's like an old English and that's where mum's the word comes from. Is that what my... I just got got the mum's knew all the secrets. Yeah, and the mumming thing, it sounds exactly the same. So you can't, either you don't speak at all. Yeah.

And they have to guess who you are, Oh, you knock on the nail like that. which is so creepy but yeah and then you take so what would you dress up have you have you done it have you been a guy's weirdly enough when we were guys we just always wear like an old person's mask and just dress like an old

traditional shet and person of like a big head scarf and big skirts and you put on big like gloves you'd wear you turn the croft you disguise every part of yourself and you go in and the idea is when a geyser comes you take them into the house you give them drinking food but you have to like

either drink a straw through their mask or every time they hold up their drink, you turn off the light. And then you turn it back on again. And they do not reveal themselves to you until you have guessed correctly who it is. Oh, I love this. If you don't guess, you never know? And one of the old beliefs was that the Norse gods

would disguise themselves to come to human celebrations. so it would be the most offensive thing to turn a god away. So you take them... So you might not know that you've had a god in your house. It could be Odin. So you take Odin in and you feed and you drink. You give them feed and drink. But the thing is, geysers go to weddings.

Geysers go to parties. My mom and dad's wedding had a bunch of geysers in costume coming in just join in with the dancing. Wow. Yeah. Are we actually guising? Are we guising on your perfect night? Some guy...

Oh, do you know what? That's actually fun. I wasn't going to leave my house because... already been in Devon. But yeah, we should get dressed up and we go, so I'm walking over the hills. We'll go and guys to my friend's house because they have a Nintendo Switch

we can all play. So we'll go to the Air House. And they've always got food on the go. So we go to the Air House. And we've left mine, we've walked over the hill. And I made it winter noon. We often do this. It's one of those wintry nights

when there's a little bit of snow, but it's frosty enough that we sledge in to their house because we do that like sometimes in the way. winter. But also, didn't mention this before, but the Northern Lights are out. Oh, yes, please.

They have been a lot in Channing. It's nice. And there's me and my cousin, whenever we drink together, they always come out. And it's funny because he's off and often shift, I'm off and down here. And for the last like three years, whenever we've had drinks at my house, the Northern Lights have come out.

It's been beautiful. And you're inside, I mean, you're inside, but you can see them just We just go out and stand in the dark of the night. But it's freezing. It's not too bad. I mean, you can even get them when it's quite warm. I've seen them in August once.

But the thing about it is, we're kind of spoiled for choice. I literally have a video on my phone of me walking through my house. And I go and I look outside and I walk through and two of my pals are on the couch drinking. And I'm like, the Northern Lights are out. Come and see. And they're like, seen it. We are so comfy. And I was like, well, if you go outside, you can also have a story.

smoke and they're like, okay. But yeah, it's really fun. So we're walking over the hill with the northern lights up in the sky. No need for torches, because there's just enough light from the moon. And because the snow's out, then it's kind of silvery glow that you can just find her way. And you're all kind of giggling and trying to creep up on the house as geysers. When you say you have a dram, is that a musical thing? Oh, a dram. A dram is a drink. A drum is a drink.

Thank you. Sometimes, because this is another thing, in Shetland we've got different words for everything, but sometimes in Scotland, you all make it more complicated because you call it a Kaley. In Shetland, we call it a dance. And you play an instrument, don't you?

Yeah, so in winter as well, like we're family will get together, like my brother-in-law and my cousin and another cousin, and we'll all just have fiddles and accordions and guitars and caon and just have a tune together. and that's my favorite thing to do and my favorite thing is

when you have a tune is so casual you'll be sitting around and you'll have a speak and then you'll play a tune then you'll have a speak then you'll play Mario Cat then you'll have a tune

and sometimes we'll get so into the tunes we'll be playing tunes in the corner of the room but people are speaking in the other corner of the room but like shut up like it's just so part of the night that it just happens organically along with it

it sounds like paradise Caroline we are oh and my boyfriend is also there and he's playing the band John mustn't forget. I can't forget him. We are getting to the point where we might need to wrap it up so I was wondering

if you, seeing as you brought your fiddle, how'd you feel? I've never had longer nails so we'll give it to go. Would you guys like to hear Marilyn play a little bit? I mean, we're in the most gorgeous room for it.

Yeah, it's really nice. The acoustics in here are so amazing. So let's just have a sound scape of what it might be like at Mary Elaine's tune. Did you say? Yeah, just a tune. Well, yeah. I feel like I was going to, I was like, I'll make lots of jokes today,

and I've just got really into just reliving the night that can't exist of summer and winter all in one. She must as well, actually, if you're honest, that's any Scottish night. It's like all seasons. So, um, my shoulder rest fell off, so I can't be bothered to put it on again. I can play do it. Please don't judge me. I left my tuner. This is not a joke. In Devon.

That's what I call my boyfriend. Can't tune my own fiddle. So let's see if I can do this. This is the tune called Frank 70th, Dununder. And I wrote it for my dad when he turned 70. Dununder. We are a literal people. So I thought I'd play this one because I don't think there's any copyright issues. And also, I'm not lying. In Shetland, everyone plays the fiddle in you, just pass it from person to person.

And this is not me being modest, it's me being honest. I am bottom in the barrel of playing abilities. So I like to pick the tune I've written. So Shettoners hearing this aren't like, she's doing it wrong. You've sort of lowered our expectations. Thank you so much everybody for coming out today and enjoy the rest of your fringe. Give it up for Mary Lane. To Mary Lane Robertson. What a great chat. Love her. Check her out. Check out her dates.

See when she's gigging. Go and see her. What a pleasure. And thank you for listening to this very brief two part episode, two episode series. what is happening with perfect day I think it's safe to say we won't be making any more perfect day for the time being you might have noticed that we haven't been making perfect day and we will continue probably not to make perfect day until I get my TV show out of the way and making a sitcom for BBC One called Push it's about midwives it's very funny it's got some fantastic people in it it's going to be out next year perfect day I love so much but it takes up a lot of time it takes more time than you would think and so does writing a sitcom so at the moment I can't do both because of my brain and the way

it works also a little bit because I live in Yorkshire and it makes it hard to go to London all the time and interview people in person which is the way I like to do it it's just better in person so I'm an all or nothing kind of gal and at the moment I'm afraid it's nothing but I would like to say thank you to you for listening and I'm sorry that there's no more because it was good wasn't it

but there are a few other podcasts you can listen to I guess a few other comedy interview podcasts that you can choose from so you'll be all right. Thank you to the Endo 1000 Project. They are at Endo 1000 Project.

Check them out. They're doing amazing work for women's health. And thank you to them for making this episode possible. And maybe or maybe not for the last time. From Yorkshire with love, I'm Jessica Nappet, wishing you a perfect day.