Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP10: Nick Mohammed

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Telling us all about their perfect day this week is comedian and Ted Lasso superstar, Nick Mohammed. The pair discuss Nick’s hilarious comedy character Mr Swallow, brilliant TV and the commissioning process behind it, pub trips, a good old gossip and Nick reveals an insane story from his university days.  Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes every Thursday. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast A Keep It Light Media Production Sales and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

E-R-A-P-C-T E-R-A-P-C-T Alright then. I just had to keep going round and round in circles. That was the only way I could not fall off the stage. Hello and welcome. I'm Jessica Knappett and you are 60% water. No wonder you're thirsty.

Welcome to Perfect Day, the podcast where I ask my guests to tell me what would constitute their perfect morning, afternoon and night, please. And it's another super special episode with comedian, actor, writer and Ted Lasso superstar Nick Muhammad. Another Drifters alumni if you don't mind, if you came here for the Drifters special last week. Hope you enjoyed that. This conversation has less talk of prolapse, more talk of Nick's hilarious comedy character, Mr Swallow, his performance at the BAFTAs, roller skating, what constitutes brilliant television. Do delve into the nuts and bolts of getting TV shows commissioned. Sometimes I forget the mic's on and that can go either way. But therein lies the danger of listening to this podcast.

And I know that's why you love it. Look, this episode, what happened was we began with an unbroadcastable goss. We did, yeah, we did. So you might think, well, that's weird. They're diving in quite deep and serious real quick. We had to cut the beginning of the chat is what happened. You might think, well, that's weird. They're diving in quite deep and serious real quick. We had to cut the beginning of the chat is what happened. But if you're here to listen to Nick Muhammad's Perfect Day, then you are not going to be disappointed.

You're going to get through the bumpy starts. And on the other side, there'll be a frankly insane story from Nick's university days. So stay tuned. This is Nick Muhammad's Perfect Day. Enjoy! Why is he so hot? All right then. Okay, let us begin. And thank you so much for being here, by the way, and doing this. Oh, no, and I should say, it's a pleasure, Jess. It's long overdue. I mean, we've had a, let's be honest, we've had a good old matter before this,

and it's just nice to chat. It's just nice to have a catch-up, isn't it? I thought you were swigging a beer then, but it's just a posh water. No, it looks like a beer, but it's because I'm in Germany, and it's, I hope it's not alcoholic, because I'm filming, though, today. No, it's elderflower hope it's not alcoholic because i'm filming lately it's no it's it's elderflower it's an elderflower landlust holland and fish good i mean it's it's how the taste yeah you've no idea what's in that have you no no no it could be it could be white wine it's not it's elderflower for you neat oh it's exciting that you're filming the only time i miss filming is when i'm writing um also i don't know if you

feel like this sometimes when i've finished writing a script or doing a thing i'm like it's probably probably the ideal outcome is that nobody sees this in terms of like my my sort of confidence oh i'd so i'd just rather be paid as a writer who writes stuff but never gets made i'm sure lots of people have said that before as a writer there are two tv scripts you can write one that gets made and one that doesn't and you get and you do get paid for both how's your what's your pile what's your drawer looking? Have you got a lot of unmade stuff? Oh, a lot. Oh, I mean, the majority, surely.

I mean, but like the, my approach though, maybe this is because I'm, I mean, I would say positive, but maybe blindly optimistic is sort of more accurate. I assume if I start work on something, I'm already like in my head like yes brilliant oh great and I can see this and this and this and especially when I write stuff for Swallow I assume that I'm sort of storming the gig even though it's a completely fictional gig that just exists in my head and that's how I kind of write my story and then I inevitably have to kind of pull it all back to the reality of no there's no jokes in this it's just noises and

so do you ever i mean firstly i guess the thing is that no one's gatekeeping swallow you can always you'll you'll always be able to just do it which i love that and and only recently am i kind of re-engaging with having conversations to like tell people about Swallow? Partly because, and that's partly out of choice because it's always been my most sort of precious commodity. And I, you know, I can just do it live forever until I die, I guess. I mean, until he dies. Or he dies, yeah. Or the audience die.

You know, there's no audience for it anymore. But I will, I will I will continue doing it it's not like I feel like the end goal for Swallow is to get a tv show something that I want to kind of do forever but but um but it's funny because because obviously my experience in Mrs Swallow is so biased and and you you know, more recently, I guess, off the back of things like Ted Lasso and stuff, you know, there is an increased audience for me, but that doesn't necessarily mean for Swallow. So people come going, oh, lovely.

Yeah, we've seen him in Ted Lasso. And then they're like, what the hell's this? This isn't Ted Lasso. Why does he keep saying he's boiling? Why is he so hot? But there is that thing. It is a bit like starting again, because I remember even, God, you know, back in Edinburgh in 2010, Jesus, like when I think I first did the first full hour of Mr. Swallow. Even then, people are like, oh, God, is it this for an hour? And, you know, that's sort of the joke to a degree of swallow. You're just balancing that irritation and charm to get away with it.

But now that there's now a new audience for, I guess, my live work, but off the back of something else that I'm nothing to do with, apart from when I happened to get casted in it, it is that thing of you walk on stage and it's like, oh, wow, what a lovely big room. And it's like, oh, lovely big room and it's like oh no but they're not all on side oh my god they've not and it's and it's a fun challenge yeah it does make oh we've got to work for it you know and i like that i love there's got to be a

certain thrill to that to winning people over definitely i prefer those gigs more than i you know don't get me wrong of course it's nice to kind of go out to a crowd who kind of know the joke already or completely are on it from the start but it is nice to kind of, okay let's try and work the room a bit and like get everyone on board at the end. They're the most fulfilling gigs I think. And now I'm curious as to whether or not you're going to have performing in your perfect day but we'll find out nick muhammad what's your perfect morning perfect morning i don't know how often you get this answer and whether you'll be able to empathize with this just a really long line because since having I don't know what it is when I was when I was a kid

adults didn't like they took no pleasure in kind of lying in and I always found that so I'm like why are you getting up at like six seven like why or even like a line would be eight or no it's like what about lying into like 11 o'clock yeah but my wife if we were given the opportunity to my wife we would lie in until at least 10 11 o'clock and very much pre-kids did at the weekend but now we've got kids you know i mean we're just up all the time like awake all the time like the night before it like bleeds into the kind of pleasure of the night before because then it's like i can read a book or i can just watch finish watching this film because i know i'm not going to be exhausted because i get to learn i love it absolutely

love it it's so i mean i feel exactly the same way what an indulgence now are you asleep for the lion or are you awake but you just stay in bed and just kind of doze or is it is it like hard sleep till 10 11 i'd love i'd love to have work i'd love to let's say I've gone to bed at say midnight, the night before, let's say it's quite late. I would love to fully sleep for eight hours, like completely like just don't know, you know, what's going on, what day, until like 8am. And then be like, oh, I've survived the night. I don't know why that's, I don't know why I put myself

in a precarious situation. But anyway, it's 8am and then just turn over and have that lovely feeling of like, oh no, I get to lie in today. So not woken up by an alarm and then just turn over and sleep for at least another two hours. Yeah. Now, obviously, crucially, this isn't the whole morning. I'm not saying that I'm asleep until midday. I'm asleep until midday. Because I then like the idea of getting up at 10.

And then just to take the edge off the kind of, maybe the laziness, the perceived laziness of having that long a line, a jog for me. Really? A jog, not just to sort of wake you up and get everything sort of going again. An outdoors jog for like, so not going to a gym, but just going and running outside in a park or along the river or whatever and um and not for ages like 35 40 minutes oh that's a long time

just enough or is it is for me oh no that's good for me that's that's that's enough for me it feels like enough of a challenge to feel like oh god here we go but also not too insurmountable that i can i can summon up enough will to do it go for a jog but that is only to then justify the um the full english breath yes so it's sort of like a carbon offset sort of absolutely amazing and where are you are you are you at home are you where where is this where is this lie in taking place oh that's a good question well i think it'd be nice i don't know how there's an element of isn't is well it'd be nice for it to be at home but like there's no kind of chores to do there's nothing else like because i think the i guess the problem with if you're waking up at home and you're saying

oh i should get up because i've got to do that or i've got to see to the kids so i have to just very temporarily assume that the kids don't exist and the house is incredibly clean and tidy and there's nothing else to do this fantasy uh perfect day so i think that but then a hotel i mean you know a hotel's nice isn't it oh yeah a lovely lovely comfortable bed and someone else is going to tidy up fresh sort of white company linen so basically where you are now where i am now in in germany yeah basically right we've had a run and we're gonna to have a full English. Yes, please. In a greasy spoon cafe. I would like, I would like,

I'd like the setting to possibly be a bit nicer than the greasy spoon. I'm absolutely happy with the type of food that comes out of the greasy spoon. Like if I'm having a full English, I don't want it sort of dressed up in any, you know, I don't want it to be um sourdough yeah i don't want any and i just want like just like warburtons or kingsville yeah it has to be like heinz baked beans heinz beans not not kind of like spicy sort of refried but i don't want and even poached eggs feels sort of too decadent. I just do it normally. Are you describing, I think you might need to be in Yorkshire for this full English. Really?

I'd have some potatoes with it, like discs. Do you remember those? These? Discs. You don't get them in many places. Great. And are you eating this alone? Oh, no, no. That would be very sad. I mean mean unless i'm just plonked in front of the telly english is a good image yeah yeah what are you

watching if you're eating a full english in front of the telly on your perfect day nothing too traumatic i think that might be what would i watch around that time it'd have to be something oh what would i what the sun in my dragon's den okay it has to be some kind of constructed reality i think just because i think the four anything that's for overly formatted is quite good for eating because you don't you can look down and not miss any because you know that format off by heart you can easily tune back into it almost like something like master chef apprentice dragon's den made in chelsea anything like that's just quite do you watch these shows normally i watch all of those shows quite religiously yeah

i haven't quite with apprentice but i do like all those yeah yeah i'm a sucker for quite a lot of reality stuff like from partly from a character thing. I just love it. Absolutely love it. One of my favourites was, I don't even make it anymore. You remember Ibiza Weekender? Do you remember that? On ITV2.

You probably voiced that. No, it's exactly the sort of show that I should have voiced. But no, I've never seen it. But I know, well, no, I must have seen it. I know exactly what that show is. There's just some really fun character like like all that i mean just basically you know it's a fixed rig camera thing and like

the people who kind of come and go uh you know to a penny it depends on who they are but like it's the the holiday reps were always you know because they were effectively cast and they were always really funny and like decent people like nice real people he wanted to sort of spend time with and it was all about their relationships and stuff like that sounds great and i bet every episode ends in someone going to a&e right oh as a before weekender it used to yeah i think it got a bit better as we sort of like came through the 2000s. Yeah, yeah. Everyone realising that actually telly can't be that exploitative. I love First Dates. Yeah, First Dates is good.

Did you ever see The Hotel, which was on Channel 4? No. Particularly the second series of that, and it's on YouTube. I don't know if you can watch it on 480 anymore. But it's absolutely brilliant it's basically like a real life faulty towers it's this guy who's taken on this hotel in torquay

and and he he's a character he's called mark something in his own right and he has like his head of entertainment and he has his like his secretary sort of who kind of slags him off all the time like it's proper sitcoms set up and then they and then each and it's again it's fixed rig so then you just have all these coach loads of people sort of just coming and him just trying different and and sort of every week he's trying to revamp the hotel he's trying to sort of like draw more interest to the hotel and trying out these different things and inevitably they always fail and then he just starts again it's very easy to watch but the people are just warm and like the real like really real i love all that stuff don't you think sometimes when you watch like as as a writer It's very easy to watch, but the people are just warm and real, like really real.

I love all that stuff. Don't you think sometimes when you watch, like as a writer, sometimes I watch those shows and they make me a bit sad because I think I could never, I can't compete with this as a writer. Yeah. And I want to. Oh, I do feel that. I mean that, the hotel, I'd be like,

that's perfect for say Mr. Swallow. Like why can't Mr. Swallow be running a hotel? I mean, if you forget that Fawlty Towers existed as one of the best sitcoms. If Swallow was running a hotel, you could put this, that, that, and then it's done. And for me that, but then, yeah, you watch shows and you think, well, actually it's already perfect, isn't it?

I want to see Mr. Swallow. Not even parody it but why would you try and recreate something that is already inherently funny because of the reality of it but i also think you know obviously obviously it's been done so much with with like the office both of the offices and you know that that sort of mockumentary style just works so well with comedy doesn't it yeah and i don't know yeah oh completely i don't know whether i i just think you could probably put swallow in any mockumentary setting and it would be amazing i'd love to i'd love to i mean it is something that you know i'm actively

talking to like you know bbc and people about because i'd love to i don't know it's a funny old thing swallow because i think i think for some oh we shouldn't shouldn't do a deep dive into the commissioning process i guess i'm quite happy i think for some okay well i'm quite happy to. I think for some... Okay. Well, I'm always happy to. I feel like... Oh, no, it gets a bit too deep. But without sounding ungrateful or bitter or anything, of which I genuinely hope that I'm not because, you know, I love what I do and I'm very privileged to be doing something that I love doing for a living.

I feel like just occasionally as a person of colour, I don't want to ban my drum about it, but there is almost this expectation that, oh, well, why aren't you writing about that? And it's like, well, I've never written about that ever. And don't really intend to. Not because I think that there's any shaming and of course those stories need to be told

and there's some brilliant examples. Some of the best examples need to be told. And there's some brilliant examples. Some of the best examples of programming in the last five years have been identity shows, I guess. Yeah. If you were to sort of bracket them like that. But really, what does that mean? Like surely, and I think just occasionally I feel like, and I'm not talking about any particular broadcast

or anything, just like across the ball, it's so easy to sort of address issues of lack of representation whether it's race or gender or whatever and think oh well we just sort of give them their thing for their community as it were but it's like but surely the best example of equality is just like anyone can write about anything and be in it and there aren't any examples of those shows like if you are you know as a person of color you're encouraged to write about that so yeah um and i and i the reason why you just because of when we talk about swallow is that sometimes i sort of think i don't know if swallow is just like because it doesn't matter that he apparently he happens to

look like me swallow that's just not anything to do with what he's about like and it never ever has been and that's partly because it's based on you know impression an impression of my female english teacher when i was in gcse's at abbey grange and leeds you know that that it was her who was the she is who i am but i don't dress up as a woman for x and does they and i obviously look like me and just wear a woolly jumper i mean that's that's all it is but so it's but so i sometimes think that actually it's not as easy as sell yeah for like commission because they're like but who is he and why is he what's his struggle and you know and of course we live at a time when you know comedy drama is really at the forefront at the moment and, you know, very silly half hours are slightly looked down on a little bit to a degree.

Like I feel like, you know, well, wait, and then everything goes in waves and I'm not, and I genuinely mean this, it's not to a degrade those programs because I think, you know, there's a real place for comedy dramas and stuff and some of them are phenomenal, like phenomenal pieces of work and really important but equally you know it's nice to just have a laugh and and having a laugh is the main point of the piece of work not sort of yeah but it also is about grief or it's also about this and yeah etc and i and not that it is the same at all but i have definitely experienced that as a woman as a female writer which is even more which is even more mad that 50 of the population should face yeah just that that idea that like you you're you're really

you're encouraged to write about about the nature of being a woman how it feels to be a woman and tell rather than just writing about being an air traffic controller yeah which is what comedy should be really but we have definitely been going through a patch where we're sort of working through our trauma in comedy i guess like that there's definitely been a lot of that and it and there's nothing wrong with that i'd love to i love chatting about that it's so i do i wonder if it's interesting to other people oh sorry everyone if it's been really guys um we haven't even got it was there more to add for the morning i feel like the format's getting in the way of our chat um i think what else is

left to them well i don't think there's much time i've had my light until about 10 i would let's say i've taken an hour with the job you know we're getting changed and then showering and stuff i've then had my i guess what we would call the brunch your full english sort of brunch 11 sort of heading into sort of midday and and it's quite important that because now i'm obviously going to forego lunch but that then means that i can have a very nice meal why is it obvious that you're going to forget lunch because it's because we've got so close to lunch time you couldn't have a late lunch oh i think if i've had and i well i'm just imagining the sort of quantities i would consume around sort of 11 12 o'clock i'm just thinking i wouldn't i mean i just wouldn't i just in a realistic i wouldn't be hungry until at least five, six o'clock, I think.

I'd have like an ice cream or something at three. Oh, spoiler. Yes, spoiler. Yeah, I mean, that and that, I'm just thinking on my feet, I hadn't even planned that. We're off and away. Nickhammad what's your perfect afternoon there's nothing more that i like than just sort of and with some good friends as well just go and plonk myself down in like a pub and just sit and catch up oh That would just be, imagine, just imagine how, imagine having the time and the luxury to just sit,

that everyone's managed to arrive and everyone's all here, we're all fed and we're just like, we're now just sitting and catching up and having a little drink. And if it's the autumn next to like a fireside or... There's nothing, nothing beats a good pub and a friend sort of coming and going or is there like a gang of people that have been your solid mates i don't think people come in or going because then it feels a little bit um you know a bit and then it's the busyness of the and sort of the the admin of that kind of

always saying or when are you leaving, when you're arriving, that kind of thing. So they're not allowed to leave? They're not allowed to leave? No, no, you're coming and staying. And if you're not, yeah. It's my perfect day. I think it's sort of like, you know, six people or something like that.

So not enough such that, you know, the conversation's not going to kind of run dry it's not just like you're meeting with like one other company like oh well we've you know what else is that as well yeah or you know but enough people happened to you no it hasn't that's why i was like laughing thinking like a friend of mine you might listen to this you're like oh can we not meet as a four um but um but maybe sort of six you know and i don't know maybe there's like a piece of gossip within the friendship group or something that's like something has happened and it needs you love a gossip don't

you i love a good gossip just sort of just getting the low down getting everyone's different take on it knowing that i'm gonna then spread it far and I just absolutely I've just remembered how much you love a goss what is important let's get let's get into goss let's get into why we love goss either gossip but also the um I quite like planning an event like like knowing there's something coming up and that we've all kind of got together to sort of like talk about either talk about or debrief like i think i like i like there being like um we've okay let's sort of like let's get into like the nitty-gritty of it i like um i always i i always say that one of the things that i miss the most about

having since having kids and being old now is um the older the collective hangover just like kicking back with a group of housemates and dissecting the night before and everything that happened and yeah because i recently had a big birthday i keep banging on about it to everyone. Yes. But because I live in the North now and the birthday party was in London and I booked an Airbnb. So the next morning, and there was like quite a few of us,

the next morning we kind of all sat around sort of festering and having coffee and talk. And it was the best feeling. That's the best part, yeah. Just like, do you remember people just keep remembering things that happened and and having like flash little flash collective flashbacks yeah one of my absolute all favorite and I think it's absolutely fine to talk about this now but there was there was someone at the center of it who well I think it's fine but when

I was at Durham in my final year, I was quite actively involved in the orchestra. It's where Becca and I had met. Violin. And I was playing in two orchestras and I was conducting in every orchestra. So I was quite doing a lot of music stuff and I loved it and still love it, but naturally don't get to play as much. And we were a really quite close group, actually, of the orchestra

and it's called juos durham university orchestral society and um in that final water in the summer that like the one of the last week used to be called like juos week and it's sorry sorry to interrupt why are you not calling it juos i mean that is a much more musical term i don't know it was juouos orchestra. But it's J-U-O-S and you're pronouncing it Jouos. Yeah that is how it was pronounced certainly 20 years ago. Anyway continue. No but good good spot Jess. Good spot like I'm making it up. Hang on. I think you'll find it's actually pronounced Jouos. Jouos. Oh maybe it is now maybe i was just pronouncing it no it's definitely isn't it weird how nick always calls it duos why does he call it duos still

they're all meaning to have a little goss about that in the morning yeah well right rightly so sorry duos duos no and no anyway and i remember in my final year i'd made a lot of friends through it like over the years and stuff and it was like it was a really special time anyway there was this guy who had um he he wasn't part of the university he said that he taught at a school up in newcastle and um and but he played like bass clarinet or something so he'd been brought in for one particular piece that required like a bass clarinetist as well you just get brought in every now and again for well exactly yeah and you know you have occasionally those you know who play like a saxophone or something quite particular and it's only needed for certain pieces anyway he's sort of drafted in a call out had been like does anyone play he's like anyway he came in and he really really quickly

got on with everyone really charming like lovely guy anyway he was doing um uh yeah we go for drinks and stuff like that and he was like oh, oh, he's lovely, you know, and he was like really instantly kind of like part of the gang. And it was really lovely. And anyway, it turned out he was doing, it was around the time that I think the, I promise you there is a sort of a, this is relevant, this story to sort of what we're talking about. This isn't just a meandering. I wouldn't care if it was. The ravings of a madman um uh it was around

the time that the that laymiz had released the rights for schools to put it on anyway he was doing the school that he was teaching it was doing a production of laymiz and he needed an orchestra for it or like not an orchestra like a pit orchestra and so he was like is anyone up for staying another it was at the end of a school term so he was like is anyone up for staying another it was at the end of a school term so he's like is anyone up for saying like another week or two to rehearse and then do this show and it's a proper like paid and it was like paid properly i think it was like 100 pounds per show and we were like oh wow like yeah and we'd get to sort of like stay on for a bit longer and so there was like about you know 25 20 25 of us who've been asked to do all being paid a hundred pounds a show

yeah by it was like somebody who works in a school it was yeah well it's quite like a posh school yeah and also we were like and there will be a big party afterwards and we were like oh what a really nice way to kind of you know we thought we were saying goodbye at the end of this week but actually we're going to stay a bit longer and it'd be really nice anyway so it gets to like the day before we're about to start rehearsals and to just cut to be fair a very very long story short it turned out that he was just um a compulsive liar he made up the entire thing like the entire it was he didn't teach at the school he didn't nothing existed anything that we'd been led to believe didn't exist oh my god but sorry that would have just been my perfect what he did was he was creating his perfect day

yeah yeah well yeah in a way because he was like i'll get him to come on your podcast yes i haven't been in touch with him 20 odd years anyway but we were and it was and obviously it's quite sad because you know whatever his mental health you know and i'm not saying it to sort of oh isn't that funny that he was you know he constructed this reality but one of my in terms of gossip oh my god what a guest there is nothing better than being i remember so distinctly sat in the student union um kingsgate it was called in durham and like my friends phoning me and saying that you need to get down in and I'm like oh what like we just need we just need to be here to talk about it something big has happened and I was like oh what is this so we'd like and like just get here

and I remember like arriving there was so I can picture it so vividly picnic bench there's like five people already sat down I was like okay I'm gonna get a drink so I went to the where I got a drink I sat down and they just told me like okay so listen that guy and like we then just sat and just chatted about that i mean like it was a talk of the town because and as a student as well you've got nothing else to talk about it was just what a gift what a gift to a group of friends we dined out on that story one absolute gift what what i actually found really great about it was actually loads of people really showed their true colors there were some people like well i need that money because i spent this kind of thing and others were like oh god poor guy i mean like we should phone the police

or he should get help and actually everyone not everyone came out of it looking great but but as a piece of kind of like you're never gonna believe this It was such a great, so good. Yeah. So good. I don't know if you're allowed to play around with sort of how old you are and sort of fact like, you know, or whatever. So, but that,

yeah, it's that sense of, I guess it usually is if you're only 20, where there is, there is literally nothing else to be doing. And so it's, it's just that feeling of like, yeah, we can just absolutely, we've got the time to indulge this.

Yes. Because now when drama happens, it's a bit of a pain in the arse, isn't it? Oh, yeah. I don't really want drama now. No, no. I don't mind a nice juicy piece of gossip that genuinely is not like mean-spirited it's something it's something kind of like funny and something fun yeah yeah yeah but i don't really want drama also no drama there was just no time yeah no time for it and and would

try and bang it on the head before it became a drama i think that's the thing now yeah do you think now you would see it coming the guy being like yeah it's 200 quid to play in the school all 25 of you i remember well the irony was i remember a good friend um i remember like a year later, she was contacted by him on Facebook saying, oh, hey, I'm doing a production of Whistle Down the Wind and we're looking for war violence. And she was like, well, you can't just play exactly the same thing again. But what did he think was going to happen? When you all turned...

What did he... I don't know. I guess that's the condition is that it was never going to happen and he knew there must have been an end it's not that suddenly he could put on a production of lame is at a school he doesn't oh it's just i mean i have a lot of questions about this but yeah fire away if you want i guess we should well yeah okay so just a couple of things yeah this i mean in a way this is my favorite this is what we're doing it now aren't we so also because i would have liked to have been the person that knew nothing about it and just kept just was sitting here just figuring it all out with you

yeah so what how did you how did he get busted because ultimately so there was always a sense of of um that he we would never know where he lived like he would always if even if he was traveling back so it's like oh well i'll see you later i'm going this way or he never or he would occasionally be like oh i've missed my last train can i sleep on your floor kind there was always that element of oh okay but it was always you know and if you're a student as well you don't really pay you know that happens all the time that kind of stuff so you don't really pay as much attention to that but it was very much the the person whose floor he happened to be sort of sleeping on that night but then it was the morning of meant to be

what was meant to be the first rehearsal he he was he just he's like well he's just he's still on the floor in our student house and refusing to kind of move and he started crying and i've gathered you all here today to just say that this is not happening and it's a complete you know you know fallacy and this is before you know i should say it's not before mobile phones not that old but it's before like social media it's only before just before well yeah just before sort of like you know facebook really getting going yeah and so it but so so actually you know the the way we had to talk about it we had to meet up to talk about you know it wasn't like you could just sort of you know there was no whatsapp group yeah i wonder that's so that's a big change, isn't it?

Because there are so many changes that are technological now. I'm like, I can't, it's so hard to decipher what is an age change and what is a technological change. Yes. Nothing beats just sitting down with someone and having a real good chin work. I love all that. So just some time with friends. So basically that's the afternoon. The afternoon.

So let's press on. What's your perfect night? Perfect night is with my lovely wife, Beccacca and we're going to see something so it's usually theater or some kind of show there's something where we just sort of get kind of brilliantly overwhelmed by what we're seeing and that might just because it's something really good like i remember we went to see like cabaret with eddie redmayne and jesse're seeing and that might just because it's something really good like I remember we went to see like Cabaret with Eddie Redmayne and Jesse Buckley and that was just like a spectacle like we're seeing these like mega stars do this great musical and it was brilliant and it was like you know when you've kind of arranged for like babysitting or family to just

sort of like come and help and you just really really want to maximise that, you know, to then go and see something or do something that is just really like, ah, you know, just really gets you inspired. And then just a lovely meal and some drinks afterwards. Like that would be. Are you in London specifically, do you think? I think we are for that. I mean, I've been like, I wish a few weeks ago I was really lucky I got to go to New York for a few days to do press I had and I had a lovely night out there

I went to see a show there um and went actually a big of an it's a huge name drop with Jason Sudeikis and we just had a lovely night but it is the kind of night I'd do with Becca to be fair yeah we were at the BAFTA Film Awards relatively recently. Because, well, I was actually performing at that as Swallow. Oh, how did that go? As mad as that sounds. Oh, it was absolutely crackers. It was the most...

I mean, it was... I don't know if you've ever been to the film awards in particular. And not that I've been to many awards, to be honest. But, you know, I've been to telly ones, which are all quite relatively light-hearted to be fair you know but the film once i mean what really struck me was just how seriously people take it jesus i mean there's humorless utterly utterly humorless but now don't but then don't get me wrong it's it went well i've put it on my instagram like the clips there and it went out on

bbc or whatever and i planned it and you know worked heavily with the the producers and they they'd asked me to do it and you know at first it was going to be to do best original score and i was going to do my whole bit about oh amazing and then and i i'd written some new stuff and then but then it turned out that um that john williams bless it well that his I guess his um you know his his legal team uh BBC had slightly different uh like rights to do with like what music and so I guess he wasn't allowed well no no not not as bad as that but they were like oh you can't put words to his music despite me forging a career off the back of that. Oh my God, yeah. They're really strict about that. You're not allowed to.

Yeah. They're really, really strict. And so unless you get written permission from him, then you can't. So then they genuinely contacted his legal team to see if they'd get permission. Did you have to write down what the words were going to be? It's completely surreal.

I mean, can you imagine, Jess? Absolutely. I mean, I did that back in 2010. I mean, it's just crazy. The idea of him having to read it what dear John so yeah this one huge fan anyway yeah have you heard of me John um anyway so his legal team to be fair sent a very nice note back saying can you just do um the first so in case people haven't heard he's he's put words to the jurassic park theme tune that summarized the

plot of jurassic park and the chorus is like it said it's jurassic park it's a massive park what could possibly go wrong and etc anyway i'd written some more to different john williams themes and i'd written a whole bit anyway his legal team were like whilst we appreciate nick's a fan and we think he's funny oh my god uh we we cannot condone any parodies of John's work because it sets a precedent. And anyway, so then we were like thinking, well, how well, what other, what other reason can Mr. Swallow be there? Could he be like the warm up act? Could he be like, what is, you know, and they, you know, in the end it was like, oh, he's just, he's literally, he's like a motivational speaker, which is sort of going back to what he used to sort of be and he's just making some housekeeping and announcements but what i guess none of us had prepared for is the sort of the change the shift in tone because it

was only like a three four minute bit that i was doing and um oh i've forgotten who won best supporting actor divine um i've won it i've forgotten for the name of the film but it was a really important role and she made a really rousing and brilliant speech about representation and black women in cinema and everyone's like yeah this is great and then it was literally david tenner was like and no welcome mr swole and then i came out on roller skates and a sequined jacket going oh my god right so um yes thank you ryan guzzling thank you anyway so and it was just and you could see and like people were like what the hell is going on and then my god and for the genuinely for the first 30 45 seconds i honestly thought that i

had just committed career so and that this was and and that it was going to play to absolute silence. Can you see like Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence? I could see absolutely Christopher Nolan, all of them, all of them sat there watching. And because I'm Swallow, like you can't, like I can't suddenly change the character, like character can't change, like it has to be a hundred miles an hour, that character, otherwise it's sort of not, so I not gonna and rightly so the character's not gonna

i'm not gonna change the character so i just have to kind of sort of just sort of be like well yes i just have to keep going and hope that and then thank god after the first minute they then were like oh great we're into it and then the last few minutes was so much fun and like oh you know I'm still sure that they were bewildered but it would just but it and afterwards and Becca said and it was so sweet but I and I completely loved that I did it afterwards I was terrified sort of maybe for the first sort of hour after I did the thing oh god and then I saw the clip of it and I was like oh no it's actually think. And Becca said, it's like you played a joke on them and got away with it. And I think that sort of was true because actually it does take itself so seriously. I mean, there were literally things like, I was saying things like,

now if there's a fire, everybody, sorry, if there's a fire, can we all leave in high tour please? Now we're going to have to start with... And it was... And, like, people who've made these most amazing, amazing films about, like, the war and, like, you know, or, like, or making really important statements. And I'm just there spouting utter nonsense. Yeah, but too right you are, though. I just feel like you deserve to be there.

I'm so glad I did it. And I need to watch this. Sort of deserve. I've popped it on my Instagram. You can see the full clip. Oh, God, it sounds brilliant. Watch Nick Muhammad's Instagram video of him after Film Wars, please. Do you have any kind of warm-up pre-show ritual when you're preparing for swallow

is that anything have you got any sort of like quirky processes um that when so that last show that toured was all on roller skates so i was on skates for like an hour 10 minutes so i i would pop the roller skates on quite a lot did you know how to roller skate did you have to teach yourself to get no i sort of taught taught myself how to roller skate? Did you have to teach yourself to get? No, I sort of taught myself how to do it. And it needed to look clumsy, which it sort of was. Not always intentionally. But yeah, I kind of like, I enjoyed doing that.

I sort of felt like you just added it. It was, you know what? The decision was, because half of that show was material that I'd done, not done to death, but because it was a new audience for it off the back of Ted lasso but it was stuff that i'd done on the circuit for you know a good number of years and i thought you know i really looked at everything and revived everything and there was a good amount that was completely new for that tool but um i just thought i'm just going to put it on roller skates and see what happens to the material if i'm suddenly out of control again and actually it was just fun actually you just find your way

and you just find a slightly different way of performing it but where did you learn how to roller skate by the way do you have like a oh by doing it on stage no you just well so you didn't you didn't learn like around the back of your house or oh no oh no no I would just and also every stage was different and there was gaps in some stages as orchestra pits some were on a rake at Leeds City Varieties the rake is so steep that I just had to keep going round and round in circles that's the only way I could not fall off the stage my thighs at the end that is extraordinary I'd I mean I'd be so distracted by not for I mean I I fall over not on roller skates on stages so that is I mean honestly I only fell over once

and weirdly it was in New York oh my god and it looked and it looked quite planned because I always fell into like a push-up position

and um yeah it was very old but anyway but yeah no but I loved it and um I don't know if I'll do it again on skates

I just sort of felt it was a fun thing to do for that show but yeah oh Nick it's been such a pleasure yeah oh nick it's been such a pleasure talking to you such a treat jess thank you thank you coming on um it has been a perfect day it's been a perfect day i feel like i'm not talking about my lovely kids enough but

becca encompasses them and so you know i think you i definitely think you have it's they were dead it was i feel like i've talked about my perfect day sounds like a day off the first decision you've got to make are they there or not yeah and bless doesn't mean you don't love them they're they're there of course it doesn't mean that just because you wish they were just because your perfect day is spent without your children that you do or or asleep it's just ignoring them because i'm asleep my love for you is not in doubt it's just that I'd rather be asleep than interact yeah

than any kind of interaction have a lovely day Nick thank you so much well there we have it. That was the brilliant, the lovely Nick Muhammad. And I can't stop thinking about that orchestra story. It really is just a great bit of goss. I just love a goss.

Something to just keep replaying in your mind, isn't it? So make sure to go and watch nick's performance as mr swallow at the bafters and while you're there how about you like subscribe and leave us a nice review will you why don't you we'reders. It's a cracking episode. And coming up, we hear the perfect days also of Sir Adam Buxton, Master Kyle Smith-Bino, and the toast of the literary world, yes literary, and the art world, and the comedy and television world, Joe Lysette.

Thanks for listening, pals and chums. From Yorkshire with Love, I'm Jessica Knappett, wishing you a perfect day. Oh, I'm tired of saying