Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP13: Adam Buxton

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

The Podfather Adam Buxton joins Jessica Knappett to discuss his perfect day on this week’s extra special live record. The pair, who performed at the York Theatre Royal earlier this year, discuss sexy time, flying dreams, train journeys, night time digestive issues, stupid birds, favourite arguments and Adam judges Jess’ use of jingles.  New episodes every Thursday - like, subscribe, leave us a review and follow us on @perfectdaycast. And, get in touch, email us at [e-mail] A Keep It Light Media Production Sales and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All right then. And I sit there and squeeze out a series of absolutely tragic sounding wind events. Hello, perfect dayers. I'm Jessica Knappett and you need to look after your gut health. Welcome to an extra special live recording of Perfect Day with actor, comedian, writer and lord of the podcasts, the podfather, if you will,

the Adam, if you will, Adam Buxton. There's a lot going on in this episode. You'll notice we're not in a studio, very much not so. But, well, firstly, we're in an old haunted cupboard and then we're in a beautiful theatre full of nice laughing people. And then we're back in an old haunted cupboard, I think, again. There's not much to say other than Adam is, as you would imagine, a phenomenal guest. laughing people. And then we're back in an old haunted cupboard, I think, again. There's not much to say other than Adam is, as you would imagine, a phenomenal guest.

We get what might be our first ever mention of sexy time on the show. We talk about his family, weekends away with friends, flying dreams, nighttime digestive issues, stupid birds, and my overwhelming need to win an argument and confrontations. Plus, the king of jingles, Dr. Buckles, judges my own. This is Adam Buxton's Perfect Day. This is nice, this is nice, this is nice, this is nice, this is nice. all right then hello hello hello adam buxton hey jessica nappett you look hello beautiful may i say i love what you've done with your hair thank you um can we talk about the fact that we're in the world's scariest room we're backstage at the york theater royal or the royal theater york or the royal york theater i don't know

but here we are we're about to record your podcast and mine in one night. We're in a very frightening... We are beneath some stairs, I think. I don't know. We're in a ghost's bedroom. I mean, it can only be described as the set of a horror movie. This is an ancient theatre anyway, I think. It's been here since the 1700s.

Right. As have the ghosts which dwell in it. And this is a space quite high up in the theatre. There's a tiny window looking out over the auditorium. Is where probably olden actors. Shagged. Had some shagging fun probably did whatever drugs they needed to do to get in the

right frame of mind to smash some ache born or absolutely nail some check off so Adam Buxton how are you feeling about your live show tonight are you how are you feeling about your uh live show tonight you're enjoying do you are you enjoying your tour yeah i mean it's a bit of a shock because i haven't done

that much live stuff uh recently so so feeling a bit weedy like on days off thinking oh i'm tired and i want to lie down you know i mean do you have a little lie down no i try not to because once you start lying down you're never going to want to get up do you ever have a nap in the day well i mean i can ask you all this later on but are you a the sort of person that has a nap in the day no really yeah because i always associated it with dying what yeah i always just thought why am i gonna do that that's like dying going for a sleep in the day it feels like giving up and dying really i know i'm saying this i i'm i'm wrong have you never had a nap in the day not if i can help it i've had naps when i've come back from a foreign country and i'm really jet lagged yeah and but then i hate it i really

hate it it's one of the most it feels like being mad yeah being jet lagged is a kind of madness it's horrible it's kind of crawling through a soup of time and fog oh i love a little power nap do you well they're great for you only a few days ago i had what i thought was going to be a 15 to 20 minute power nap and i woke up two hours later in the middle of the day and i'm that could happen to you that's the thing i fear yeah and i might as well have died i can't do it i get tired with nerves as well. Apparently there's no more stressful job than doing a live podcast. I read it. I thought, surely there's got to be other jobs that are more stressful than that.

Surely. Apparently not. No. Well, should we go and find out? Yeah. Okay, let's do it. Please welcome Jessica Knappert. Hi, buckle.

Hello. Now, Jessica, you told me that you have your own podcast. Now, what are the rules? Does this have to be an imagined perfect day, or is this best bits of days I have really had? So it's whatever you want it to be. It can be fantasy, it can be memory, it can be whatever you want. It's just your perfect day, whatever that would be. And you've got jingles.

Yeah. Are you ready to be interviewed? Sure, let's do it. Okay. Do we need to say anything else? Adam Buxton, welcome on to the Perfect Day podcast. Cue jingle. to the Perfect Day podcast.

Cue jingle. P-E-R-F-E-C-T P-E-R-F-E-C-T Day. I mean, it's... All right, then. It's no... E-C-T. Day. I mean, it's... All right, then. It's no... I added one more podcast. So that's good.

No, it's not. Because, you know, I'm only saying that because I feel... I don't like it when my friends do podcasts. Okay. Especially if they're going to be better than mine or do better than mine. I doubt that. I think yours is going to be an absolute mine or do better than mine I doubt that I think yours is going to be an absolute smash well it might be, it might not be

it's okay if it's either isn't it you're going to be okay with it I'd be more okay if it wasn't and then I'd feel a bit less insecure but no listen I think it's going to be really good and I'm very honoured to be a guest let's do it

okay then But no, listen, I think it's going to be really good. And I'm very honoured to be a guest. Let's do it. Okay, then. How do you feel about being interviewed? Do you get interviewed very often? Occasionally. It varies. I got interviewed by a guy who does, like, an online advertising website. Louis Theroux? No.

I got interviewed by Louis. I always feel traumatised if it's kind of, the more high profile it is, the more traumatic it is. And yeah, I squirmed a little bit after the Louis one. I always feel as if maybe I'm indiscreet or... Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? That is just the feeling, though.

That's just the natural shame-over, isn't it? The shame-over. The shame-over of sharing. But do you get a crippling shame-over sometimes? Yeah, I do, but I'm trying to make my peace with it because I think hopefully people understand that you sometimes just say things in the moment. I mean, they don't understand that.

Have you been on social media recently? I don't know what. But I know that sometimes that's how you feel in the moment. I mean, they don't understand that. Have you been on social media recently? I don't know what. But I know that sometimes you just, that's how you feel in that moment and then it changes. And if you don't understand that, then that's on you. Yes. Also, I know that some people feel

that a podcast is kind of a safe space. You know what I mean? People seek it out. I'm sure there are some people who deliberately listen to podcasts in order to get irritated by them and then talk about how terrible they are on social media. But they can fuck off.

And it is a nice place where people can be somewhat unguarded, I think. Yeah. So let's have your perfect morning please, Adam. Cue jingle. I'm trying to remember. The perfect morning Cue jingle. I'm trying to remember. The perfect morning one. Yes, I'm trying to remember which button I put it on.

That's me doing that. Is that you being a cockerel? It's me being a cockerel. Very good. That's pretty good. We don't have cockerels where we are out in Norfolk. No. We have a little bird. I don't know the names of birds or trees, even though I've lived in the countryside now for over ten years. I think it might be a tit.

Can you describe it? Okay. And it taps at our window. Really? A tappy tit? Tappy tit. The best kind of tit. What, does it actually tap on the glass? Yep. Adam! Adam!

It doesn't say that. What does he say? So just, are you serious? You get like, that's sort of like a woodpecker. Like an actual tapping they're trying to get in. No, it's definitely not a woodpecker because we got a woodpecker on one of the trees nearby. Yeah, you know what a woodpecker is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he doesn't, I don't, I think they might be a bit thick, some of the birds. No disrespect to the bird community. They are mega and I love them. But they're dealing But they're operating with very small brains for some of them.

Even though they're doing better with their lives than I am in some ways. So is that how you wake up on a normal day? No. This is on a perfect day. Okay, so your perfect morning is you're woken up by a tapping tit. Yeah, which does happen. So my approach to this podcast is I'm kind of aggregating perfect moments,

moments that make me happy that have happened in my life. Very few of these are imagined. They are things. Yeah, memories that I particularly love. Okay, change your glasses. When it's a nice. Change your glasses. I'm just going...

I can't tell which is the best pair. Have you gone from near to far or far to near? I was thinking of going to near, but actually I like far better. I think you need some bifocals, don't you? I've tried bifocals, and it just means that I spend the whole day... going like that.

For listeners, I've just been craning my head extremely up and extremely down trying to find the correct focus in the fucking bifocals. Okay, sorry I brought it up. But yeah, I like to be woken on a nice morning. The window is open anyway. We like it cold in the room in Castle Buckles.

And I love the little bird tapping at the window. The sun is streaming through and I'm not feeling stressed. I don't look at BBC News. No. I have slept well. Yes. I have not spent an hour writhing in agony in the early hours because of the build-up of wind in my gut.

Oh mate. That has become a thing in the last five years. Really? Yes. What do you think is the cause of your, let's get into it, Have you done any of the Ks? Oh, what are the Ks? Kombucha. Kimchi. Ketamine. No. I'm munching some kombucha.

What is it? Kefir. Kefir. That's disgusting. I don't want kefir. I don. That's disgusting. I don't want kefir. I don't like dairy products. So kefir is sort of like sour milk sludge. It is off milk.

It's my worst nightmare. But kimchi I've been having a little bit. So you just get really bad trapped wind. Then what do you do to alleviate your trapped wind? Do you have to go for like a little walk? Yeah, I would go for a walk to the toilet and I sit there and squeeze out a series of absolutely tragic sounding wind events. In the night? In the night and in the morning and, you know, I'm sorry to say that part of the perfect morning for me would be my wife getting out of bed before I do.

And so that I can just lie in bed and just luxuriate in the... Just let them all out. In the sound carnival that ensues. Yeah. sound carnival that ensues. Roar! Brrr! Roar!

All coming from downstairs until the pain in my lower abdomen subsides. Thank God the window's open. That's all I can say. It's not noxious. I swear to you, it's not even noxious. That's the thing. It's just...

Anyway, so that doesn't happen on my perfect morning. No, that doesn't happen. So swear to you, it's not even noxious. That's the thing. It's just, it's, it's, oh. Anyway, so that doesn't happen on my perfect morning. No, that doesn't happen. So just to be clear, not that. Yeah. I've slept well. I've only got up once, probably, in the night. Only once. I had flying dreams. Flying dreams, yes. Oh, man. You love flying dreams. I love them. And you have them, do you have them often? I've been having them recently. Cool. I don't know if it's good or bad. I googled it and it's some people, there was a suggestion that you feel trapped in your life and you're going nowhere and you dream of escaping or some shit. Other people were saying it's more about feeling empowered. Yeah, I'd go with that one.

Yeah. Superpower, being a bird. Where are you flying to? Someone's window. Tap, tap, tap. Yeah, just sort of roof height. Yeah? Not much higher than that.

And I do it by paddling as if I'm swimming through the air. Oh, wow, yeah. And I'm really paddling hard. Peter Pan style. Yeah. Yeah. It's as if the air has become more dense in my immediate vicinity. Well, it has, hasn't it?

What you're dreaming about is wafting your own farts away. I think you're right. That hadn't occurred to me. What does it mean? I dream of escaping the immediate foul... Stench. Stench that's hanging around me like a cloud. Imagine rising above it to clean air. Yeah, that's exactly it. Anyway, but it's such a great feeling to escape the fart clouds and to be hovering

around in the air and to catch currents and to catch gusts sometimes other people's gusts, whatever sometimes I dream that the wind, the natural wind that is

fills my jacket or whatever. You know what I mean? And so I'm borne aloft just by my clothes flapping. A wind jacket. Well, you know those guys, the hamster people. Yeah. Who go flying down valleys and stuff.

Incredibly dangerous sport. Incredibly dangerous, yeah. The stats on that are like the fact that people still do that. It's insane, isn't it? I know. It's unbelievable. Any wind jacketers in the house? No. They're all dead. But do you guys know what I'm

you know what I'm talking about though, right? It's weird, isn't it? If you jump off a cliff. Yeah. Wearing only a jacket with a little bit of air in it. Keep it in the dreams. You might hurt yourself. Keep it in the Cliff. Yeah. Wearing only a jacket with a little bit of air in it. Keep it in the dreams. You might know yourself. Keep it in the dreams.

So you've had a lovely dream. Lovely dream. Then it's cold shower time, Jessica. Cold? Yeah. Are you a cold shower guy? You're a Wim Hofer. It's one of the things I've been doing to try and reset the old general health.

Because when I started doing it, I made all the monkey noises, you know. Yeah. Did you do... It's Wim Hof, isn't it? Wim Hof. He's one of the people that does it. Did you follow a program? No, no.

Just got in there and turned the cold tap on. And made some monkey noises. And just went... Oh, got it. And then I go, this is nice, this is nice, this is nice, this is nice, this is nice. But then I read, you're not supposed to do that. Part of it is all about controlling your breathing.

So you're not supposed to go, you're supposed to go. So that's the stage I'm at. I've progressed a little bit. Wow. And I do like it. And so you do this normally, but you're also doing this on your perfect day, crucially. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Because I feel like... I feel as if there has to be some work. It can't all be, like, total sensual abandon and pleasure and luxury, right? Pleasure, pure, like profound existential pleasure comes from mixing work and play. Yes. Whoa.

Cold and hot. Yin and yang. Yes. Plus and minus. Yes. Otherwise, if you overdose on the bad, that's bad, obviously. if you overdose on the bad, that's bad, obviously.

But if you overdose on the good, that's better, but still... That's fine and great, actually. Yeah. So you've had a cold shower. You're out. You're away. How are you spending your perfect morning? We're in Scotland.

Okay. I don't know if you've ever heard of Scotland. Ah, laddie. Oh. They don't mind, do they? No, they love that famously. So I thought there was a Scottish person in there. They're one of the last ones that don't mind people doing the accent.

Any Scottish people in? Yes. Do you mind? It's fine. It's fine. The Scottish have spoken. There you go. And I went to my friend Garth Jennings, long life, long friend of mine. He, his wife organized a birthday trip on his 50th to go and stay in a house in the Scottish Highlands. Oh, great. And there were some pals, close pals of ours. And it was the best time.

Like recently, in the last few years, one of the best times I've had. It was just like the mornings were the best because they had, there was a cook there. So the cook makes you breakfast. You can have what you want. And then it stretches on the whole experience of having breakfast pretty much until lunchtime. Oh, my God. Did you refer to the cook as cook?

Yeah. We didn't even say cook. We just went... What did you get? So what breakfast is cook whipping you up? Anything. A proper Scottish. Anything you want.

You can have fish. I mean, you could literally pretty much say anything. That's not what I thought you were going to say. Well, I just had eggs. I do like eggs. So I had some scrambles and went nuts. Didn't think about the gut. And then maybe, well, then maybe a brisk walk.

What's happening post-Brecky? Is it a long, leisurely? Long, leisurely. There's talking. There's catching up. Great. We haven't seen these people for years, some of them, you know? There's just, there's the stories about the good times.

There's the funny stories. There's the sad stories. There's the how are your kids doing stories. There's the, you know, what have you seen recently that's blown your mind? All the good stuff, man. We're getting through all this. And then when everyone has exchanged all the key info, then, yeah, long walk and more waffle on the walk. Walk waffle.

So is there any more to add to your perfect morning? Perfect morning? No, we should probably move on to the afternoon, shouldn't we? Okay. Cue jingle. Oh, yeah. That's the afternoon, is it? That's the afternoon,

because I couldn't really think of an animal that summed up the afternoon. So you've got a cockerel for the morning, you've got an owl for the morning. Dog? Dog what? Yeah, but not everyone has a dog. Everyone has a dog. Okay, well, for yours, we'll put you barking like a dog at the end. Hrr, hrr, hrr, hrr, hrr.

Yeah. What's your perfect afternoon Adam Buxton perfect afternoon well I don't mind a train journey oh nice maybe if we were in Scotland

we're coming back by train and it's a very very speedy train so it gets us back in only a couple of hours and this is on my perfect one yeah yeah yeah so it's not real not real

no are you in first class? yep in first class no I tell you what perfect morning I wouldn't be in first class I would be with all the other people

and we'd be having a wonderful chat about ordinary life, what their ordinary lives are like. And I'd be very, very interested to know. With your public? Yes. Is it?

Well, really, you really do that? Well, marvellous. Well, good for you. And I'd be there in ordinary class having this conversation with them. Do you ever talk to strangers on the train? Not very often. No. Do you keep your head down?

Keep my head down. Usually, if I talk to strangers, it's usually because I'm being told off. For? Well, one time I got told off because I unfolded my Brompton before we arrived at the station. Oh.

Oh. And the guy didn't like that. It was a totally empty train. A stranger told you off yeah well it was we were just about to get into cambridge and the carriage was empty but then i guess there were a load of other people down in the other carriages further back and they all walked through to the carriage i was in and suddenly it went from me standing with my unfolded Brompton at the doors without anyone around me to having a whole scrum of people waiting to get out at Cambridge, all eyeing my unfolded Brompton and then me with hate. And this one guy finally just looked, he sort of shook his head performatively. And I just said, are you all right?

Is there a problem? And he just looked at my bike and said, show him it doesn't fold up. Oh, wow. And I said, oh, it does. And he said, well, why don't you fold it up then? And I said, because we're coming into the station. If it's unfolded, it'll be that much quicker for me to take it off the train and let you all out, and it'll be fine.

And then he tutted at that. He didn't really engage with the logic of that because, in truth, on some level, he must have known that actually I wasn't going to hold him or anyone else up at all because I was going to get off just as quick as I would have done. And they were no closer to the door than they would have been otherwise. But he didn't want to engage with it and then he just carried on tutting a little bit

and so I carried on prodding at him. And I said, why do you have to make things worse? Wow. So you didn't say that. Yeah, I did. I said, why do you need to make this an issue? He just said, I don't see why you can't fold up your bike. I said, I just gave you an explanation.

Were you not happy with the explanation? Oh, my God. And he said, yeah, I suppose. He was gaslighting you. He was gaslighting you. He was gaslighting me. He was gaslighting you. I mean, it was all dickish of me. Since then, by the way, I absorbed the fact.

I understood, obviously, it is irritating. If you're in a rush, there's a guy with a big pig prompt and it's unfolded, fair enough. He's just about to get off and it's all up so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He needs to chill out, man. Everyone's just in, like, walk mode. I don't want any obstructions whatsoever.

So I make sure that I don't do that anymore. So he got his point across. But at the same time, I did think, like, there's got to be another way of doing it without being such a bellend. Well, yeah, I suppose, yeah. Anyway, this is a perfect afternoon. The perfect afternoon. Okay, perfect afternoon'n credu, ie. Felly, dyma'r hafyn cyffredin. Y hafyn cyffredin.

Iawn, y hafyn cyffredin. Y hafyn cyffredin. Rwy'n ar y tre. Bic neu beic? Bic. Rwy'n gael fy bike. Rwy'n caru fy bike. Mae'n gwneud bywyd yn ddiddorol. Ond mae fy mab hefyd gyda fi. A rydyn ni wedi cael sex yn y toaleta. Ar tre? Ie.

Nid. Efallai nid tre Brifysgol. On a train? Yep. No. Maybe not a British train. Those trains are the most... Are you absolutely sure? This is a perfect one, a nice clean one. OK, so it's a perfectly clean train toilet. And it's not one of those ones with the big cylindrical...

Yeah, the ones that can open while you're yeah which open randomly that happened to me this morning when i was on the train and i this morning when it happened um the door hadn't quite closed but my hand was poised to lock it as soon as it closed and i had i didn't have long before we got into the station so I wanted it to be a really smooth maneuver so as the door was closing I had my hand poised on the lock mechanism and I got the old chap out and began the micturation procedure

and then the door started sliding open again so that the whole carriage behind me could see. And then I turned round to expose myself to the carriage, effectively. And then I started laughing to myself because it was such a bad job that I had done of trying to close the door. But I didn't mind. There's worse things. So none of that happens with your wife in the toilet? No, no.

And then we move on to... So you're all full of post-coital... Yeah, it's great. Have you ever done that? ...excitement? Not on a train, no. No? Well, no, because they're disgusting.

No, but a nice one. Mind you, The LNER? Or the Transpennine Express? Are you kidding me? Actually, I got on the train, speaking of disgusting things, I got on the train the other day. It's important to know that I was wearing a black polo neck. Yeah.

And a business... I basically made the mistake of sort of locking eyes of making eye contact with this businessman because there was some people looking for their seats and we looked at each other and sort of did an eye roll and then he was like oh she fancies me and then he sat down

right next to me across the aisle and I was like oh for fucking what's my fault for making eye contact with a man and then I turned my whole body away. The woman behind me had this hacking cough and she was sneezing and sneezing and hacking like in the most

disgusting way that I couldn't help myself but look at him again. And we both rolled our eyes again. And then it was like, oh yeah. And it was revolting. And then he made a big point of putting hand sanitizer all over his hands. And he was looking at me going, putting hand sanitizer on every time she coughed. And I was like, oh, disgusting, disgusting. But then as we pulled into King's Cross, I felt a sneeze coming.

Roeddwn i'n teimlo'r llais yn dod. Ac doedd gen i ddim lle i gael ei ddod. Felly, fe wnes i llwyddo'n gyflym iawn i mewn i'r llawr o fy nghym. Mae'n iawn iawn. Ac yna roeddwn i'n gwybod, yn fy nghymrw polo gwbl, ac roedd yn edrych ar fi, bod pan fyddwn i wedi cymryd fy nghymrw i ffwrdd, my arm away, there was going to be snot on it. A big, stringy snot. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I just had to pull my snotty arm away. And I thought, this man's gone from thinking I fancy him, and we've got this connection, to thinking, what a disgusting, snotty bitch. Anyway, I've ruined it now. It's a shame that it didn't go well because sometimes in a perfect day, part of it would be to exchange a look with a stranger. Wow.

Because sometimes when I'm on the escalator in London on the tube someone will catch my eye or I'll just meet eyes with someone could be a guy could be a woman doesn't matter who it is but to to lock eyes and to have a meaningful glance at another person who is a stranger it really really makes my day. Really? Yeah. Don't you reckon? Yeah, yes, but as expressed, you have to be careful as a woman. As a woman, that's such a shame.

You can't really. Right, so where are we going next on your perfect afternoon? Oh, yes. I just got an email and it says I've been offered a part in a TV show being written by a brilliant young writer who has identified my potential to be a brilliant actor

if I'm given the right part. And I'm working with a director who can eliminate some of my worst face-pulling tendencies. Yes. Which have in the past stopped me from prospering in the acting world. And they are able to do this without crushing my spirit. In other words, it's just like the perfect acting job. And in my life, I've had that only a few times. And I would say that one of them was hot fuzz. It was a small part, but working with Edgar, he was

a good enough director to get what he wanted from me without having to endure some of my more terrible Jim Carrey tendencies. And also, perfect day. This is going to be a great job. It's going to work out fantastic.

It's going to run and run, this show that I'm in. And I'm going to be the best guy in it if if you were offered something tomorrow like is is that genuinely your dream right now like if you were offered a lovely tv show would you rather be doing that I'd like to do both yeah yeah yeah it would be fun like the dream is you do a show that, you know, like, you have a part that you only have to film for a month every year, and that's it. I was pitching a TV show the other day, and I mentioned you, genuinely, and the producer said,

can you get Adam Buxton to be in it? Oh. Honestly, that happened to me. Well, yes. The answer is yes I think you can get Adam Buxton to be so I think people are

excited to put you in TV shows maybe more than you realise my hope is that I might be entering a new phase of usefulness because I'm old do you know what I mean? So I might be transitioning out of the unsatisfactory

kind of late youth and early middle age. You're getting into swearing grandpa territory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, part of the afternoon, it's sunny, by the way. I like it sunny. And it's sunny and fresh every now and again while I'm

working, I'm doing a bit of work but every now and again I'll go outside and I'll pee outside oh how does it feel when you pee outside, why do you love it so much it's chill free is it sort of like a marking territory thing

maybe, on some level. I read Robbie Williams' book before I interviewed him, and he does the same thing. Yeah. And he said that when he did it, after a few weeks he noticed mushrooms growing in the spot where he weed. Whoa.

Special Robbie mushrooms. But imagine tripping on those. Shall we move on, Dr. Buckles? Oh, yes, yes. Next jingle. Next jingle. It's the owl. It's the owl. It's the owl.

What's your perfect night, Adam Buxton? Well, it's going to be family supper, first of all. And I will have cooked family supper, and I will be listening to music. My children are there. They are teenagers at the moment. And they will have been DJing while I'm... It's kind of like a scene from a Richard Curtis film.

And they're DJing, they're introducing me to all this mad stuff that I've never heard before. Or my eldest son, he listens to a lot of the same music that I do. So he's playing me stuff that I already like, but introducing me to deep cuts that I haven't heard. My daughter's putting me in touch with hip-hop that I've never experienced before. My horizons are being expanded.

In the next room, my son is playing the piano. My wife has a piano in her office. And he's pretty good at the piano. So is he DJing and playing the piano? Is he playing the piano along to the DJ beats? Yes. He's playing the piano. Is he playing the piano along to the DJ beats? Yes. He's playing ambient piano. Every now and again, we open the door and we can hear him.

Like, at the moment, he's learned Surf's Up by the Beach Boys. This real epic. And it's pretty good. Do you feel proud of your kids when they're being... Do you think, I did that? Oh, no, I never think I did that. I always think I didn't totally fuck them up. OK, so tell me more about your perfect night.

Perfect night. Well, it's all about the music, really. But it's the supper, though. Supper was like family supper we got into fairly late as a family. In fact, it was the beginning of 2020 that I finally made the edict. We have got to eat as a family. And for some reason, we never got it together to do that before then. And it always really bugged me because it seemed so obvious that you need that to have a bit of family cohesion.

And so we started doing it, thank goodness, and it really served us well in the lockdown. And it was good fun, and it's still like a happy family supper, because they're not all happy, of course. But a good one is, you can't beat it. And my son is on very amusing form at the moment because he's a teenager. He's 19. And he's kind of come out of his shell a little bit. He used to be fairly dour. Things started to go better on the best day of his life, which was when his GCSEs got cancelled in the lockdown.

Oh, yeah. I couldn't believe it. He just came downstairs. He was like, whoa. This is the best day of my life. And I really, I was pleased for him in a way. I mean, there have been negative consequences. He hasn't got any juices.

That's a whole other story. Also, his grasp on certain academic things is fairly shaky still. And the other day he said, yeah, so tomorrow I think, yeah, I think we should go to the pub as the crow flies. And we were like, oh, hang on, what? What was the phrase you used there?

It's like, how do you mean? At the end of the, we should go to the pub. Oh yeah, I just said like, you know, as the crow flies. It's like, how do you mean? At the end of the, we should go to the pub. Oh, yeah, I just said, like, you know, it's the crow flies. It's like, what do you think that means? He just thought it was a thing you can tag on to any old... Tag it on there as the crow flies. Yeah, I think... And why not?

Yeah, I like reggae as the crow flies. Like it means as it happens. Yeah. And then later he said, we were talking about my wife's dad, who's no longer with us, but he was, my wife's a lawyer. Her dad was also a high-powered lawyer.

And he was a judge in fact and there's even a big photo of him in his judge robes hanging in the very room where our son plays the piano so he is perfectly familiar with what his grandpa did you would think but then he was like oh yeah i just found out grandpa was a lawyer as well, wasn't he? And my wife was like, yes. And, you know, after he died, we had this obituary. There was an obituary written in the local paper for my grandpa, and it's hanging in our bathroom. And she said, you've seen Grandpa's obituary hanging in the bathroom?

He's like, obituary hanging in there in the bathroom he's like obituary and he hadn't heard the word before he's like what and I said obituary he's like grandpa had obituary oh I'd love to know what he thought. Did he elaborate? What did he think a bitchery was? I guess just a place with bitches. Yeah. But like a really big one. And Grandpa had one. He just never seemed like the type of person who would have a bittery but

but he had a bittery as the crow flies oh excellent any more to add to your night I feel like we need to we need to kind of wrap things up here but we can continue this privately and add more Jessica Knappett Adam Buxton Thank you so much We ran out of time a little bit there because we tried to do two podcasts in one night which in the end is quite a lot isn't it We tried to jam too much waffle in the pod hole

and people started gagging so we had to there was a little bit of rummaging towards the end wasn't there a few people were putting their coats on so was there anything that you didn't talk about well let's see i'm just going through my notes if it's a no it's fine because that means we can just go back to the hotel and get pissed yeah well let's do that anyway okay pee outside yes i mentioned that walk with rosie i love going for a walk with rosie and on my perfect day it would be one of those magical norfolk golden hours in the summertime from around about six and everything just looks so crazily magically beautiful it's almost like an ai generated landscape you know what i mean but more beautiful because it's actually real yeah um so i'll do that i'll be walking with dog legs maybe

i'll be listening to a good uplifting audio book not like a totally depressing one sometimes i have to prep for the podcast and i have to wade through some fairly downbeat material you do a lot of prep for your podcasts don't you sometimes think i don't want to get that person on because i have to read all their books yeah i definitely do think that yeah there's times when he's not coming on no there's times i'm not going to mention any names but there's people that shame as my producer has recommended so and so's up for it and you're like oh shit you have to read that fucking book it's like 800 pages oh no is it important to you that people like you? Oh, fucking hell.

Dropping that on me in the little under the stairs room. I mean, that's a big question, isn't it? Like, yes, it is. But I wish it wasn't. Yeah. I mean, that's the fundamental. That's a pretty that's going to take up most of the real estate in the average therapy session that i get involved with is why is it so important yeah and is there any way we can stop it well no because

a lot of it is just human connection and empathy and you want people to be yeah but why is it why is it so important like what to take it to the to feel so upset when it doesn't work to be so bent out of shape you know i'm exaggerating a little bit but there are times when you feel a connection hasn't been made and you hoped it would be or expected it would be with another person on the podcast are we talking yeah yeah i suppose so i suppose so yeah because it doesn't really happen in real life it tends to be a slower process getting making a connection with well you're quite argumentative aren't you is something we've been discovering tonight me do you think as a person well for instance the brompton bike

story i thought oh yes so you don't mind that that guy doesn't like you i don't know i don't i don't like i don't like that that guy doesn't like me. I would rather get on with people. But you wouldn't fold up your bike to make someone like you. No, there's a bloody-minded streak in me that does think, well, fuck off, you twat. But on the other hand, I would rather that encounter had concluded with us shaking hands, finding some common ground.

You know what I mean? Do you know what? You're all right yeah exactly i you know what i forgot to say was that i did say to him i'll fold it up from now on oh wow so you back down i didn't feel it was backing down it's very important because i felt that it was having the last word yeah we share this trait this is why i'm i'm intrigued by it because i love being right i love it so much i love it yeah i like it too because it doesn't happen very often i bet you're right more than i am i'm a fucking no i'm not i'm wrong about so much it hurts and so when i am right it's party time my husband taught me because we were talking earlier in your podcast about um arguments and things having arguments with with partners and

i did get i did learn a big lesson from my husband because he said to me once when we were in the middle of a massive argument he said why is it more important to you to be right than to be kind oh that is a deep cut oh god, God, it worked, though. There's no answer to that other than because I'm a cunt. Mm-hmm. But, and also... Is that what you said? I can't remember what I said.

If you'd been able to say that, you would have won. Adam Buxton. Was there anything else? I'm just checking my notes. We did go off on a tange as bloody purr. Yeah. I mentioned sex. I mentioned having sex in a toilet in a toilet on a train which i did once mad in france though not in why i didn't ask you that i don't know clean the toilets in france and the trains what some of them you cleaned the toilet down there are cleaner oh then have sex with it i didn't have sex with the toilet hasn't come to that never say never what so you you had sex on on a french toilet i shouldn't

be talking about this i don't know why i brought it up again it was bad that i brought it up in the first place but that's quite cool isn't it is that one of your happiest memories yes not a bad one it's pretty good yeah it's pretty rock and roll it makes you it makes you sound quite cool it's not typical i would say no i know it's not i can tell that about you but we we still we still uh did you want you once had sex in a place that wasn't a bed and that's your happiest memories it's up there no that is great you didn't you know i haven't had sex on a train or in a plane um no well adam thank you so much thank you jessica i love talking to you you're so great i love you i love talking to you thank you for being here thank you for letting me

talk on your in your space, on your stage. You're welcome. You were great. Goodbye. Take care. Bye. Love you. Bye. What a great guy. And thank you again to Adam Buckles for letting me steal half of his live show. That was incredibly generous. If you get the chance to go and see him live,

you absolutely must. Some very funny stuff about AI. And you get to see the master in action. I hope you enjoyed the episode. It's nice for you to all hear a list of all the places I haven't had sex, I think. And to hear about all the noises that come out of Adam's bum hole as the crow flies.

We have got some sensational guests coming up, including the one, the only Brett Goldstein. So like, subscribe and follow us on Instagram for all your perfect day news and hot goss. We're at Perfect Day Cast. From Yorkshire with Love, I'm Jessica Knappett wishing you a perfect day.