Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP15: Harriet Kemsley

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

Harriet Kemsley joins Jess Knappett on the podcast this week to discuss her perfect day. The pair discuss public hangovers, snowboarding, family holidays, adult content, being newly single and everything that entails. To see the brilliant Harriet on tour, visit her website: https://harrietkemsley.com/home We release new episodes every Thursday - like, subscribe, leave us a review and follow us on @perfectdaycast for all your Perfect Day news. And, get in touch - email us at [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

E-O-M-E-C-T Alright then. A woman got her boob out. I felt like Mick Jagger. Hello Perfect Dayers. I'm Jessica Knappett and you are your choices. You are your choices. Welcome to Perfect Day. You're about to hear an absolute corker an episode again with comedian, podcaster, all-round great egg,

Harriet Kemsley, pronounced Kemsley. We've had a lovely, lovely chat and I don't mind telling you we talk about the juggle you know what i mean we talk about holidays with kids being newly single dishwasher woes what do we like lovely drinks ciggies and her new podcast, Single Ladies in Your Area. Let me flag now, Harriet is our first ever guest who has wanted to spend the whole of their perfect day with their child and not just pack them off to a miscellaneous safe place. So Harriet is officially the best person to have come on the podcast so far.

The best person ethically, morally. She's an upstanding human being. She's the most upstanding of the humans. She wins that award that we didn't know we were awarding, but we actually are. We start the podcast midway through a conversation because as we know I do what I want. We're talking about hootenannies in Brixton and we left it in because you need to know that we're still very fun. This is Harriet Kemsley pronounced Kemsley not Kemsley's perfect day. Enjoy! A woman asks me, she's so concerned, she asks me if I'm pregnant. I'm so embarrassed I said yes. Alright then. I left feeling so confident in a way that I haven't in my whole life.

So desired. If you need a little boost, I cannot recommend Hootenanny's enough. They are all 20 and you have to kind of dodge them a bit. I used to do a lot of picking up in Hootenanny. That was one of my spots when I worked in the Brixton area, yeah. But that was then. And I wonder how I would feel now going back there as a 40-year-old woman. Yeah, you have to block a lot of it out of your mind

about the kind of inappropriateness of it. And then you just have to go with it, yeah. So congratulations on your... Welcome, by the way it's a perfect day thank you and congratulations on your divorce thank you is this has it begun has begun if that's okay oh great yeah yeah yeah that's great the only reason I obviously know that is because you have launched a podcast called single ladies in your area which is literally about you being single so it's not as if that's not out there yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no anybody listening I do recommend who to nannies in Brixton if you need a little um if you need a little confidence boost we were just starting off with a little bit of who to nannies chat it's a great it's it's a it's a great club. I don't know if a great club is the right description.

It's still there for you at 1am. Yeah. That's the point, isn't it? It's a place you can go. That should be its tagline. Yeah. Who's nannies? We're still open for you.

We're still going, are so how is how is life Harriet life is good yeah we've been through quite a lot of change in the life I just like to mix it up every decade or so just just really keep myself on my toes so yeah just got a little divorce for the just for the fun of it really um but really. But it's all good. It's all for the right thing. And then, yeah, got a great little baby out of it. So, you know. A divorce baby.

I had her before the divorce, yeah. But, yeah, she's come out of it pretty good. So, yeah, it's all fine. And what's going on? So you've got a new pod. A new pod. And stand-up still goes. How do you do stand-up with a little one?

I don't know. Do you know? No, I don't. Because I think about it all the time. Yeah. I will say chaos. It's when me and Bobby, my child's's father met uh it was perfect because we both did stand up and so you'd both go out at night it was great and now we both go out at night and

there's a child there that someone has to care for um and so it's just it's just complete chaos and we have a rotor of babysitters we're lucky to have found these amazing babysitters we've got to keep like three or so of them on the go because it's constantly it's constantly changing and if anyone is sick everything falls apart my parents are really good so they take care of one weekend a month which is really helpful

oh wow that's great it's a big juggle and I can't juggle no that's the thing none of us can really well there are a handful of people who big juggle, I would say. And I can't juggle. No, that's the thing. None of us can, really. Well, there are a handful of people who can juggle, but they're quite annoying. That's the thing about jugglers.

And no one really wants to see the juggling. I mean, we will pay to see it, but no one's there to see the juggling. If somebody says, can I juggle for you? Your heart just sinks. I don't want somebody to be juggling and they says can i juggle for you your heart just sinks i don't i don't want somebody to be juggling they're staring you in the eyes i don't want that if someone says can i juggle for you i hope they can't juggle let's see you juggling

i love that if someone confidently goes you want to see me juggle? and just throws a ball into a window that's my dream actually that's usually what happens when people think they can juggle are you going to start doing that actually? no wait, no no wait I used to be able to do this just smashed eggs all over the floor that's my friends anyway

so we're here to talk about your perfect day oh lovely how nice I could do with the perfect day i know should we fantasize for a little bit yeah i can't i just i you know like every day is perfect when you have a toddler um not saying that it isn't um no that goes without saying yes of course but we're all saying it a lot aren't we yes yes so blessed yeah um right Harriet there is loads to talk about but I think we should just dive in are you ready I'm ready Harriet Kemsley Kelmsley people say Kelmsley a lot I don't know people say it a lot but there's not even

it doesn't make sense because it's not even like there's a film famous Kelmsley like do you know what I mean like it doesn't make sense as a concept it's kemsley but everybody says kelmsley and i don't even i just go with it because other people say kelmsley you mustn't blame yourself it's the others like i don't know where they're getting it from because there isn't even a silent it's no it's not like there's a silent l no i don't know how it's spelled it's not a silent l and but there's no famous kelmsley like i can imagine if you know L and but there's no famous Kelmsley like I can imagine if you know if there was like a Brad Kelmsley or something then you'd be like oh of course then you always think of Kelmsley but there's no Kelmsley like that doesn't exist as a

word but people still want to call me that rather than Kemsley that's so strange yeah and someone started it and now we're all doing it anyway Harriet Kemsley for the love of god please thank you please give me some respect at last what's your perfect morning I'm in bed yeah I'm in bed um and uh my daughter has woken up. There's two ways she wakes up. One is she screams, Mama! And the other is she goes like, Mama, Mama.

And it's the second one. It's very sweet. It's very lovely. And so she gets up, she gets into bed and then a hot man brings me a cup of tea in bed. I think it's my life goal is to find a partner that brings

you tea in bed without you having to like ask without you having to ask a few times and then it becoming a thing like it just becomes a thing where you're like i'll just make the tea myself um and so i would just like to be brought a cup of tea in bed is that too much to ask actually it's not much to ask is it but have you ever known it my dad does it for my mum and so I've grown up around it and so I think it's normal but it's not does your dad do it for your mum every day yeah yeah yeah and he lays out like her breakfast like he lays out like a bowl and a spoon it's like she lives like a queen pure devotion isn't that amazing it's beautiful yeah so your dad's bringing you a cup of tea and you're your mum so your dad but not my dad it's not your dad to be clear it's not your dad it's just like your dad somebody else who's a bit like your dad but not your dad brings you a cup of tea but he's hot

like your dad but not your dad i think what happened is i married the opposite of my dad and then now i'm like oh you know i just need to marry someone like my dad yes well but we is that healthy oh my god i do you know what i think because they say that men marry their mothers which yeah i don't i well i don't want to say anything bad about my mother-in-law but like there are definitely traits like for me i think um i won't say any more about that but my but my husband does share as well does share traits with my dad which is awful yeah but that's I guess so I guess it could be true the other way yeah that that women marry their dads yeah I'm just going to accept it at

this point I think um I you know I could do worse so the company I'm really glad that was by the way this is not a tangent proof podcast we've established that i think and i i think the listeners appreciate it we are all about the tangents they don't just want the facts in and out what's happening in the day get out of there no no okay great great um so tell me more about your perfect morning after your hot man's brought you a cup of tea so me and mabel and we're watching tv in bed um but she she's it turns out she's not into peppa pig i don't have to watch peppa pig for a thousandth time she's into the real housewives of beverly hills so we're in bed because she really wants to watch the real housewives of beverly hills um yeah have you tried that by the

way um no no have you tried that well I tried a little bit of well I was gonna say adult content I don't mean I just mean like non-age appropriate yeah and actually that you'll be surprised they can they it can last but should they no absolutely not but are they really taking it in yeah what age will they really take it in how much longer because when she was a baby obviously you can watch this stuff but then now you're like please try it and report back and I'm also interested in if there are any other listeners who do watch not adult content but you know what I mean programs with their kids anyway so Beverly Hills Housewives of Beverly Hills Housewives of Beverly

Hills we're having a lovely time me and her yeah she's two and a half but she's into it um and then I guess I must um I guess the thing is I do always want her with me like this is the thing like I always want her with me but I want her with me in a way where she's respecting what I say yeah she's respecting your creative process she respects me as a human um she's sitting down for long periods of time um she's speaking to me in a calm polite manner um she's remembering her own stuff so I don't have to bring it with me. So I would like her to come with me on the day, but maybe there's some kind of adult involved that is running around after her. Oh, right, yeah.

Or maybe she's just, she is somebody else. She's herself, I love her so much, but she's just behaving. She's just behaving like those little... She's sedated. She's heavily sed like those little... She's sedated. She's heavily sedated. She's on a lot of cowpaw. Yeah.

Right. So, where are we? We've made a decision. She's there. She's being taken care of. I want her with me, but she's just... She's just... On a perfect day, she's being taken care of I want her with me but she's just um she's just on like a perfect

day she's behaving perfectly and I'm not having to run around or um like pick her screaming off the floor um she's just like but she's there you know she's involved um and so we're gonna go I mean you gotta you gotta go for a little brunch I think a little brunch um maybe like um not bottomless brunch no no no no because you've got a three-year-old oh yes of course the three-year-old i forgot the three-year-old was there yes um but also i think it um i think the vibe can very quickly turn at a bottomless it turns badly i am i did a show um on a couple of weeks ago in newcastle and it was like the 4 p.m show so i thought it'd be really chilled but then i forgot bottomless brunch and people lost their goddamn minds.

A woman got her boob out. I felt like Mick Jagger. It was 4pm. She'd been having brunch since presumably. Since 12, they'd been drinking. She fell down the stairs, came into my show, within an hour got her boob out. Like, what a day. I mean, that sounds fantastic, to be honest.

Sounds like a woman after my own heart. I'm really big into... Boobs out. Boobs out and all dayers. Yes, yeah. I think it's actually a bit of a revelation. I think there's something about the time crunch of a bottomless brunch where you've just got to get it down.

You're in an hour and a half and people, it's not good for your personality. It's not good for your self-esteem. It's just you behave in a way that is... So this is a very elegant, demure brunch this is a very elegant oh it can never be elegant that's something even on a perfect day i couldn't achieve so it can't be elegant um but it's not bottomless it's bottom it's bottomed it's bottomed there's a big bottom on it yeah yeah there's an end crucially we need an end yes yes

yeah we're just like sipping and enjoying and um that like endless need to um just down alcohol is kind of gone is anyone else there i guess um i guess yeah my best friends and mabel's having a great time and with the on the apple juices um and uh she's coloring in you know um we're having um yeah having a nice brunch you know you said it's not a bottomless brunch do you mean like because you have you stopped drinking oh no no no but it's just on this occasion i think um i think i like like a i like so i'd like i like to taste drinks like i'm really into drinks so i would need quite a few different drinks really maybe yes but for this but i don't get hangovers i guess on this perfect day no i do i do on this perfect day yeah i um i recently had one of the worst hangovers in my life where um they're getting

bad now aren't they they they're really but they've always i get these 12 hour stints where i'll vomit for 12 hours oh god like i think i might have an allergy but i i ride through it quite a lot of allergies yes already so it's quite likely yeah i think it's quite likely yeah um but i just once i hit a certain point then then I'll like vomit. And I went with Sophie Willen. And she just can, she can just, like, it's like a superpower. I can imagine. I don't know her, but I just, I just, I get a sense from her that she can really put it away. She's amazing.

She came over. We had a bottle of Carver. And then she was like, oh, should we, should we deliver two more bottles? I would never, in my right mind, ever, I would be would be like that is the end but she's so positive and fun you're like of course let's get two more bottles we get she's like we don't have to drink it obviously we drink it obviously we've just delivered two more bottles of kava I the next day I vomit from 10 a.m until 10 p.m I have a toddler to take care of I take it to the park I vomit in theam until 10pm. I have a toddler to take care of. I take her to the park. I vomit in the park while holding her hand.

A woman asks me, she's so concerned, she asks me if I'm pregnant. I'm so embarrassed I said yes. And then she's just tweeting. Tweeting away. Harriet Kempsey seen in the park. Absolutely pregnant. Three bottles of Carved Amour my god that's so it's so awful I've done public public hangover bombs it's not it's not great

is it it just catches you unawares and I just I just want to it's my perfect day I want to be able to drink and enjoy it but I I have developed on this perfect day I guess I'm self-restraint okay congratulations on that it's not on any other day but as it's my perfect day I have that there yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so what on a normal day you've got these two ways that you may be woken up what's your working morning like do you have a do you work in the mornings I have to write in the morning because if I don't write in the mornings I won't write like the afternoon I get very sleepy and it's hard to I find it hard to like it's a big lunch I do too so how do you do it what do you walk around the house like do you need to be on the move do you sit down with a notepad what I am I don't know do you know can somebody tell me how to do it I don't know I know

it's so many years in so interesting to me because I think everyone does do it differently but you obviously do do it I must do it you must do it but no but you don't you genuinely don't know it just comes to you no no um I'm writing notes on my um on my phone all the time and then I'll force myself to sit down, ideally a few times a week in the morning. And then I'll write them up and then I'll try and think. And I think walking around is something that helps. Also, I think walking on a treadmill really helps I mean I don't do that I think there's something like my best stuff I've ever written has been when I've been driving a car and someone's been like asking me questions um because I think there's something about your um uh your when you're focusing on a task and so I'm trying to discover a task

that I could do, like ideally I'd have a task in the morning where I'm doing the task but your brain is wandering off and then you're thinking of the problem in your head as you're doing the task Oh my god, I once watched this programme about trying to get trying to get to the bottom of how people have those like lightning inspiration

you know those moments of like inspiration the lightbulb moments and they gave people this creative task where they had to get a brick and they had to say all the different ways that you could turn the brick into something else you'd be like oh I could use it for a house I could grind it down and turn it into sand I could do and you until you run out of things or you run out of time or whatever and it's like how many you can do so that's like the creative test and then they got they split everyone into three groups. And one group meditated.

And the other group built Lego things. And then the other group organised the Lego by colour. And then they redid the test. And guess which people had the best ideas, the most ideas afterwards? The ones who sorted the lego into colors this is it it's some it's like a menial task it's like something you're doing where you're just switched off and then you're just going through the motions and they found out that it's something to do with like your visual cortex has to shut down and then that's when you have ideas so you have to like be and i think that's

the driving thing that's the yeah it's that's it it's the driving people say in the shower as well is another one shower it's a whole thread on reddit yes i can't just be standing in the shower we can't just we can't just shower all day can we or can we maybe we can it's perfect have you tried sorting lego into colors no i have i will be honest i've never tried that i wonder about tidying up sometimes because i like to yes yes i think that that's there's something meditative about that i like to do that as well so maybe that's but i don't have ideas the problem is a lot of the time i think my brain is just completely blank there was a period and i was like very anxious and it would be like looped anxious thoughts and

it's really good it's not that anymore but nothing's happening up there I'm just trying to kick start it into yeah so I guess on my perfect day that would have like I would write something that because there is nothing better than that feeling when you've written something that's like you're like yes I can't wait to say this or try this out or like it like makes sense of something in your head like there's nothing that that is like a feeling I love and I'd love to have that on my perfect day so I guess I guess I'm driving or I'm sorting lego or something and like I am like maybe both maybe both at the same time and then I'm having I'm having an idea yes you have a wet you have a flash of inspiration yeah nice any more to add to the morning or should we move on to the afternoon um i think i would just round off the morning with a quick snowboard

oh yeah you're are you a big time snowboarder i really love snowboarding yeah i don't have many hobbies i'm very clumsy in real life but there's something about snowboarding that i just love i think it's your feet are strapped together there's something about the balance of it i can do it it's like you're flying it's the best how do you get into snowboard like is it was it a family thing yeah like my family loved skiing um and um like looking back it is crazy like you wouldn't wear helmets and you just they'd be like my dad would always be like see you at the bottom or whatever and it's like that it's so mad like that is a mad um way to behave uh with your children but um it's uh but now I don't know I just and I do I fall on my head quite a lot um

but um I've got a really good helmet actually I need to get a new one um but um but yeah I just love it there's just something like you just feel so alive and I think it's that it's that thing we're talking about where you're in that flow state and I think it's also maybe something that you have on stage and I also get it a little bit if I'm um if I'm cycling in London where like you're really in the moment because any moment you have to be yeah you really yeah you have to have your wits about you and a lot of the time I don't have my wits I think that's the thing I've lost my wits somewhere and so it's really good for me to be focused with my wits. So do you often go? So how do you, do you just, are you just always popping off?

Yeah, well, I didn't go much in my 20s because obviously it's, it's not like a cheap thing to do. Yeah. And then after COVID, I was like, I'm really going to try and go like every year because I just really love it. And like, I don't really have hobbies it's not like I'm um I'm doing any like pottery or um Lego I'm not in any football leagues or anything yeah you just you just feel so alive um that's your happy place yeah it's my happy place definitely yeah I just didn't know that about you I don't it's it's my happy place, definitely. I just didn't know that about you. It's just so surprising, isn't it, when you find out that people are snowboarders.

And you just wouldn't have them down as a snowboarder. After you snowboard, any more that you want to pack into your morning? I haven't taught Mabel yet, so maybe I'll give her a little snowboard lesson. It's time, isn't it? Yeah, I think she could I think it's time when can they start I think they probably

can start I think she can start now she's quite feisty I think she'd I think she'd be up for it but the problem is I'm not I wouldn't be a good teacher

because I don't have patience or like an ability to explain anything so I'd just be like I don't know you just go down like I don't know I don't know

what you're going to say go down see you at the bottom yeah it's from my dad I guess yeah no he was a teacher actually um so he must have been he must have been good um but um but yeah so um I would um yeah so I teach her but I would have the ability to teach and it would be quite short because um because I I am impatient um but I'd give her a little go and she'd she'd fall in love with it as well oh lovely, lovely. Shall we crack on with your afternoon?

Harriet, what's your perfect afternoon? I'd like a little dip in the sea, please. Oh, yes. What sea where? Is it the Med there's a lot of good seas aren't there so many good seas

I guess it probably is the Med the England one is the North Sea you don't want to dip in the North Sea I guess it's somewhere with a nice beach it really could be anywhere anywhere with a nice beach um it could it really could be anywhere anywhere with a nice beach where you can like float like um I'm not the best floater um and I can't go underwater because I get a nose infection um every time what do you do when you have a bath what do

you do you just not go swimming no I think it's something about my like under my like my ears being submerged in water and it like goes through like i don't know the science behind it but i think it goes into my brain or somewhere because i think it like fills up and then it does something and then i get a nasal infection um so crucially head above water please please. Yes, head above water. Flotation devices, left, right and centre. Arm bands, leg bands. And can you picture somewhere? I guess it's somewhere where you can, like, you know, when you kind of are lying and then you look back at the shore and there's those, like, beautiful, like, houses on the, like, on the hills.

Do you know what I mean? I guess it's maybe Italy or something. I don't know if I've even been there yet yes but you you see that as you're lying there and you think ah life is good blue sky yeah do you like the heat yeah I do like heat yeah yeah I like heat so yeah it's hot but the water's cool and. You're just switching off. It's really nice, actually. What else? Well, then I guess I come in from the water. At some point, I'll come in. Maybe it's time for another little sunbathe.

I do like a little sunbathe. I like to read a book and sunbathe like that's my um that's my natural state i guess that's why that's where i like to be and it's and so mabel would be there and she would have the ability to swim um and she's quite comfortable in water but obviously she can't go in on her own and so i'll go in with her now and again but then sometimes she'd go in, but I wouldn't have the constant fear where you have to watch them like constantly

or be like literally touching them because of your overwhelming anxiety if something's going wrong. And so that would all be gone. I'd just be sat there with a cocktail, reading a book and going, no, you have a lovely time, darling. You're fully supervised.

Yes. By, maybe there's just a whole team a whole team this is what i what that would make my life so much better if there was a team watching maybe at all times that i just knew she was safe that would be um that's what i need yeah relax how often do you get to have this experience that you're describing hmm um well not often has it happened I would say has it happened in the in the time that you've had Mabel yes um we went on um a family holiday in um May with my family which was really lovely and um there was two hours a day when she had um child care and it was it was it was insane um it was an insane two hours it was I would I lay down I would run to those I'm making most of these two hours um and it was so good it

was quite funny because um I booked the hotel because um my family um like they don't like my brother and sister don't have kids um and my my parents do um but they're us um and we're adults and so I booked this place that had like um it had like an adult area and a children's area and so I was like oh then now and again they can go and they can have um dinner in the adult area um and uh it turned out they really liked the adult area. And they were all staying in the adult area. And me and Mabel were in the children's area. And they were really sweet. And they would come and sit with me and Mabel as we had our dinner in the children's area.

And then they would all go and have a lovely meal together in the adult area. We could see them kind of across the way. So it's like parallel lives just that just taunting you yeah and uh it was so sweet because they took us on the holiday which was so lovely and but um yeah there were points when I thought it would be nice if we were allowed in the adults area because it did feel like we were both children oh my god and they'd be like but the salad is better in the adults area and you're like well i do i do get it yeah i do i do but it's nice there is something communal about when

you're all eating together and um not we have all coming holiday together in order to spend time together but no we'll just sit here in the kids area and have some microwave chicken nuggets again I find it quite hard though what those when you're like in a hotel and you have to eat by their restaurant by the restaurant hours in the hotel because my kids eat so early yeah and like their meals are like seven you know like 7am is late for breakfast and obviously none of the places are open yet do you ever get that yeah and then like and then it's you know you're sort of like queuing outside the cafe that opens at midday like I can't believe I'm in a queue for a chicken for a microwave chicken nugget so depressing this is not this is not what i had in mind when i was working my

ass off to pay for this holiday yeah i know yeah but anyway so you are you are basically on holiday and mabel's being taken care of but are you with who else might be there because it's your dream it's the dream scenario i guess everyone's there everyone's there everyone's there we're having a great time yes you got your friends there and then um um my family pop in and out but you know they've got their own meals um they've got to have in there oh yes I'm ending the day on holiday oh yeah lovely yeah that's great but I'm curious about because you said your natural state was that you are lying down sunbathing reading a book are you a relaxed woman uh no

the concept of the relaxed woman yes no what a lovely idea I don't know any um do you know any I don't know any I can't imagine it no but is it why why why can't we do it it's so weird because we do it a bit on holiday on holiday we can do it but it's because but then it is once you have kids it is it's even harder to reach that state because because when you lie down I don't know and this is what happens to me sometimes when I'm reading a book now I am getting I'm trying to get more disciplined about it but you just start thinking about all of I'll open a book and be like okay so this is my chance to for my brain to tell me all the things that I need to do instead of reading this book yeah because that's it there's that like especially if you're in the house you have to remember all that and then you're

like oh well I should have done I should be doing this I should be doing that whereas there is something about um Instagram where your brain just does switch off in a way that it can't with a book. Because I guess a book requires you to kind of go to a place and you're like, I can't go to that place right now because I'm in my home where I have to do all the things. But on your perfect day, we're going to the place. We're going to the place.

Work afternoon. are going to the we're going to the place we're going to the place work afternoon so on a working day do you you said that you you take the morning to write and then in the afternoon so do you take the afternoon off what a lovely idea um i do like to do a little bit of exercise that's new in my life um yeah i got really into um pilates reformer Oh, really? With all the machines? You do it lying down. Have you done it? I can't do them standing up. But if you're lying down, there's something about it where it just feels like a treat.

Because you're literally lying down and just moving your arms and legs. And it is like you're having a little rest. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, maybe I should try this. People keep telling me to try Pilates. It's not the one when you're on the mat because they make you move all over the place. Oh, no, thank you.

It's the one where you're, like, it's literally called a bed. And it's so good. Like, I've tried to go to aerobics and stuff. And everyone's, like, spinning around in circles around me. And I have to just, like, sit on the stool. Why do you have to sit on the stool? I get very dizzy. I have, like, a dizzy.

Oh, my God. You've been submerged. Yes. No, it's difficult for you, though, isn't it? No swimming. It is difficult for me. It is difficult for me out there. I can swim just as long as I keep my ears above the water.

So a little bit of Pilates in the afternoon. A little bit of Pilates, yeah. I don't know if I actually would want to do that on a perfect day because it is always a bit like, you know, whenever you have to do anything, it's like... But I guess the feeling afterwards is really good. And there's a few moments when you're just lying down where you're like, this is the best.

Oh, great. So I love the sound of this. So maybe you just have the afterglow of having been to a Pilates class, but you haven't actually. Or I've lied on the bed and they've just moved my body. That's the ideal, I guess, really, is that I'm just lying there and then they're just moving you. Great.

Okay, let's move on to your perfect evening slash night. Perfect night. I guess it's very much like the start of the day with the brunch it's like double brunch we've gone back to brunch but we've gone back for evening brunch it's the same kind of vibe I guess where you just want some like nice drinks I think nice drinks in a European square. Oh, yes. There's something about being in one of those squares that is just like, I have been like that. I've gone on a couple of holidays this year.

Some of them have been very quick. I went to Menorca. I could only manage to go for two days, but with some friends. And that was amazing because we like, and we went and we just sat in a square and just like ate this amazing, spanish food and just like drank and it was like just so fun just adults and then we went to um it was like completely dead but we went to this nightclub and we were just like all dance like it was just like absolute chaos amazing and complete chaos was this comedian friends yeah yeah we got a big gang. A big gang went out there. Big gang of girlies. Gang of girlies. Girlies, couple of the boys.

And yeah, that was really fun. And then I just went to Sicily for 24 hours for a friend's wedding, which was... Jet setter. Yeah, where it's like, I just, I always want to do the things. And now that, yeah, and then Mabel's with her father like some of the time. And so I'm like, let's get, let's get out there and do it you know but then it does it's not relaxing like the 20 there's moments in it which is so good so i went i went to sicily i like got the plane went to the beach for two hours sat in a square scoffed down a pizza went to the wedding um it was a friend's wedding

so yeah i flew out on my own because i had they were there for eight but then i had like tour shows on the friday and on the sunday and so I could just go on the Saturday and so it was worth it and it was so good but you know when your body hurts um at some point and so I guess it would be like trying to experience this stuff without your body hurting yeah yeah yeah so maybe just a bit more than 24 hours yes yeah but packed into one evening somehow but it's not like you've got anywhere to be you haven't got it's an evening but you haven't got to get on the plane that night to work that's it yeah and so many days you have the feeling of the next day of like oh god like i have a show whatever and i can't i can't have the 12 hour vomit um if i have a show and so that's that's gone that's not hanging over

me or oh i'm gonna have to get up with a toddler at 7 a.m um uh so that's that's gone you're just carefree no responsibilities and what do you like to do in the square do you like it because it's sort of a bit of people watching I love the people watching yeah I want to talk about the people

I also just want to sit and watch the people in an ideal world we'd have like a little cheeky cigarette in the square maybe. Just because it's a perfect day. But obviously if you don't smoke, you can't smoke. But yeah, if you go on holiday and you sit in a square. It's encouraged.

You should maybe have a little cigarette in a square. Are we talking like, I mean, again, this is obviously a terrible thing to do. Yes, we wouldn't do it. But we're talking like a little thin sort of like a foam. Oh my, oh, that would be classy. That would be classy. We would never recommend that. We wouldn't do it.

None of us would. We wouldn't do it ourselves, but we can imagine that that would be a nice time. Some people might. Yes. Maybe you have to borrow a lighter off a handsome Italian man. Oh, wow. A different one to the one who brought me D in bed. This one's nothing like my father.

But he will light a cigarette for you you see that's the thing look yes smoking is bad but is there anything more romantic sexier than having your ciggy lit for you i mean it depends who who's doing it sure it's slightly different outside some of the pubs in Bingley but in a romantic Italian square excuse moi that's French I'm thinking about it in Italian so

and then where are we going after our little square oh we gotta go out dancing and i think that's that is my favorite maybe now where somewhere is just like completely empty completely dead and then you just steamroll in and you just take over that dance floor everyone's losing their minds we're doing like the like dances you've never seen in your lives before like there must be no video footage no one should ever know what's happened on that dance floor um no cameras please this mustn't go any further everyone is just moving their body in joy that doesn't mean in rhythm um having having a lovely time what kind of music are you dancing to um something with a good something with a good beat

that's it like but not like not like i hate it when it's just like boom boom boom like that but like it's like a it's like like a fun like fun fun dancing songs yeah okay so but are we are we in the realm of pop are we is it nostalgia are we going back we're going back and forth we've got we've got the hits We've got the hits. We've got the hits from every time something goes on, everyone goes, that noise is coming out a lot. Yeah.

Oh, this does sound perfect. And all your best pals are there. Yeah. Shout out to anyone in particular. Yeah, Mabel's there. She's losing her mind. Mabel's there. But she's being heavily

supervised by the team so that her mum can get off her nut yeah just having a lovely time so so yeah perfect under normal sex do you have a night time or an evening ritual do you have a

bedtime do you have like things that you like you you have to do before bed or do or is night time really just for gigging um I put on the dishwasher I thank you thank god we're talking about it finally do you because I'm not allowed to put on the dishwasher in my house in the evening I put we put it we put it on we close it and then my husband sets a timer so it goes on at 3am to save energy and that's the that's the kind of that's the kind of um dictatorship i live in if i press that button i'm in the shit wait what i don't know what this means because f3am no one's using so it's cheaper it's cheaper but that must be that must be so minimal i know it is it is it's got to be but he's done it now he's doing it now he's created a system every morning 3am you wake up with the sound of pots and pans clanging

but it's worth it for that half a penny he absolutely hates it when i start like if i if I stuck the dishwasher then I'll leave the room and then I'll just hear the sound of it being redone but it's like yeah I just chuck I just I just chuck it in I chuck it in and every time I then sometimes I just do in the morning I just think I'll just keep that in there for another go deal with that later it never the second go never makes it better third go it's still once. Third go, it's still, once it's not cleaned, it's not cleaned and it just, sometimes I'll keep it in there for nearly a week and I'll be like, it will.

It bakes on. No, we're going again. We're going again. Come on. Come on, guys. You can do this. You've got this. It's only a bit of avocado.

It's only taken me two seconds just to put it under hot water just give it a little no just put it back in there give it another go double down um so yeah come on quite often i am i find it really hard to go to bed before midnight now because of because of just gigging for so many years um it's just really hard to kind of switch off before then that's your biological clock that's my yeah yeah you're in headliner mode now and that's that there's no coming down from it even if you're not gigging you're like well no I'm not so that's it I'm sleepy in the afternoons and then I like wake up at like seven or whatever so but so you're quite wound quite wound up till midnight then and then what then what are you doing till midnight?

What's keeping you up till midnight? I'm pottering. I'm pottering around. Sometimes it's like, even if I don't have a show, I'll put Mabel to bed and then it's like an hour and a half later and you've just cleaned the kitchen and picked up the toys. It's like madness. I don't even understand what's happening.

Me and my dog are pretty, we do have a routine I guess where we get into bed he'll have already got onto the bed at the bottom of the bed and then I'll get into bed and then I'll go come on and then he comes up the bed and I lift up the cupboards and then he gets under the cupboards he puts his head on the pillow

and then we just fall asleep spooning which is it is very cute is he still there in the morning? mean he's still there in the morning um often he's still there in the morning sometimes he'll um you'll take a little bit of space yeah um yeah i do need to find love at some point um but um i think you've found it i think you've absolutely smashed that lovely yeah train him to make you a cup of tea or get one of those machines yes can't you just get one of those um what are they called

there's a machine that makes tea in wallace and gromit do you know what i'm talking about lucy i think you saw that on wallace and gromit oh am i mixing up reality it puts your trousers on as well when you go down a slide i would like that actually oh how embarrassing bloody watson gromit getting in the way of my reality again um so yeah okay tell us yeah is that yeah what else what else happens in in the life of harriet at night i just like i just i want to know wouldn't you love to know what everyone's doing? I know, it is really fun, but I don't,

it just goes so quickly. I don't know what it is. It just disappears out of, like, I do like to watch, like, a little episode of, like, Trashy TV or something. Sometimes you've got to catch up with a bit of work and stuff. I do quite like to have, like, friends over if, like, Mabel's in, like, if I've got've got mabel that's quite nice but so you might have

people over and cook them a bit of dinner and yeah it's quite nice sometimes yeah yeah yeah have a little bit of wine have a bit of chat and um yeah it's quite nice um and i think it's nice because especially like now i'm living on my own it's nice like um if people come over to like cook for people because i'm never going to really like bother to make myself something really nice and um so um so that is really nice when people come over and do that um do you and Mabel sit down together and like have a little yeah I do I do generally like eat with her like that's what we eat together and then um we'll watch a few episodes of Super Kitties um we might have a little play. I can imagine that it's quite bonding.

Obviously, you've been through this thing, but now that it's just the two of you, when it's just the two of you, very bonding. It's a new... I just can imagine that it's changed the dynamic a bit and it is it's really lovely and it's like I'm like my best self now with her because there's not like the stress of like anything else and um so yeah it is um it is great and I think also because she doesn't have siblings it's like you kind of I was thinking about this yesterday like you kind of

like obviously you want to be like the parent role but also in a way you kind of need to be like the sister role a little bit where you get down and you play with them quite a lot because there's no one else to kind of play with her yeah and before you might have expected the other parent to do that yeah responsibilities on both of you so you don't feel yeah you have to do it yeah and so now there's no one else to shift that blame to it's only me it's literally me and so it's quite it's quite hard like something like to do kind of all the stuff but like she likes she really likes like we play monsters quite a lot um a lot of her um a lot of her toys yes so I mean yeah it's it's

really cute and then when she's with her dad you're you're do you feel free I mean obviously you must like miss him yeah it's like really new like he started this summer to take her um a couple of nights a week and um I haven't got to the point there's always a point when she goes that I'm just like I just feel so sad and it's like it's so because it's only two nights a week and he's been so good at um at it and I and but I just I don't know why it just makes me feel so sad um and that's what so I try and do things like often I have like gigs or whatever so yeah it's fine but I think coming home to like the house without her in it is like um just get all that sadness out on stage right yeah yeah yeah yeah use that that crowd kind of come

out have a good time use them to take it out on. Yeah, but then we go to bed and then I read her a story and we sing some songs and, yeah, we have a real, real laugh. And so are you doing more, have you got more stand-up? Are you doing a tour? Yes. So you don't want me to bring that up then? Let's plug those parts, baby. okay okay um so i have a podcast with um amy glad hill um friend of the show who we love and we both

um went through these breakups in our 30s and uh suddenly we're like oh my god like everything's changed like we're like we have to go on apps like what is app um and uh so we just we were like oh let's do a podcast about it and then we'll feel less alone um and so um and so yeah we started a podcast where we're trying to get out there and meet people and it's kind of like it's for like single people um to kind of learn what to do but also we are speaking to like relationship experts and it's like funny and silly and um yeah it's called single ladies in your area um yeah that's my podcast with amy and then i'm hosting um a show called desert island dicks which you are coming on which i'm very excited about um where it's like desert island discs and but it's the things you would hate to

be trapped with on an island and and so and that's uh that's very fun i'm doing soho theater at the end of november which i'm really looking forward to yeah great fun and tour and soho theater and you can get tickets you can buy harriet ke buy me, please. You can download her and buy her online. Yes. Right now. Did we finish your perfect night? Where are you going back to after the club? Oh, I think I'm going back to a hotel.

I really like staying in a hotel. So I think we're going back to a hotel. And then maybe the swimming pool is open all night. And then you go and splash in the pool, but not submerged. Not submerged. Because the nasal infection the next day. Yeah, very important. Lovely little float in the hotel pool.

And then quickly dry off the ears and back to bed. Quick to bed. Yeah. And maybe the man who lit your cigarette is waiting for you. Oh my God. This is pretty exciting. What a perfect day. Amazing.

There she goes. Eh? That was a good chat, wasn't it? What a great gal. Thanks so much to Harriet for coming to chat with us. I had a right laugh. And if you want to hear more from Harriet, go and listen to her two brilliant podcasts, why don't you? Go and see her on tour doing stand-up. We'll link to it in the show notes. Thanks once again for listening. I really do appreciate it. I love you all so much for

tuning in and leaving reviews. Thank you. It makes a big difference if you leave a review. I think it helps us go up the charts or something. I think it helps us with the algorithm. the charts or something. I think it helps us with the algorithm. Also, it helps with my ego. And I do read them. So thank you. Be careful. No, actually, generally, just thank you because they have been very nice. Anyway, we've got loads of brilliant episodes coming up, including the hilarious comedian Jesse Cave, the in-betweeners Joe Thomas, last year's Edinburgh Comedy winner Ahear Shah, and the sensational Jamila Jamil.

So like and subscribe and follow us on at Perfect Day cast for all your Perfect Day news. From Yorkshire with Love, I'm Jessica Knappett, wishing you a perfect day.