Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP22: 'Drifters' Christmas Special with Lydia Rose Bewley and Lauren O'Rourke

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

The Christmas Special you’ve all been waiting for is here! Jessica Knappet is joined by co-stars and Drifters alumni Lauren O’Rourke and Lydia Rose Bewley in a valiant effort to get to the bottom of their perfect Christmas days.  The trio deep-dive into their childhoods, the perils of lost luggage on trains and their funeral songs of choice. Oh, and they also talk about Christmas. The good, the bad and the perfect!  Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes every Thursday. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast. And, why not get in touch? Email us at [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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FanDuel makes betting on the NFL easier than ever before. So make the most of this football season and download FanDuel today. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling Palm, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. So she comes out, can't eat in there. It's fully booked. It's been booked up for three years. Yeah, yeah mum, it's the Princess Tower at Disney World! Hello Perfect Dayers, I'm Jessica Knappett and you are kicking back, hopefully, for the Christmas vacay. Unless you're an essential worker. In which case, thank you for your service. Or you work in a pub, in which case, thank you for your service. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... One Drifters Christmas Reunion Special.

Yeah, this perfect Christmas Day has... Pretty much everything anyone could ever want. And more. It has Scrooge. It has Curries with a side of stuffing. It has the Disney Princess Castle. And a once in a lifetime trip to Lapland. We discover the magic of Christmas, we talk, hit and runs in the state of Florida naturally.

And we personally appeal to each and every one of you listening to please return Lauren's missing suitcase full of Christmas tat. Think of the children. So pop your Christmas sweater on, settle in for a merry ride full of wonder with Lauren O'Rourke, Lydia Rose-Buehley and myself and let me tell you, if you too have eaten stilt and to the point of being hospitalised, then this episode is for you. This is the Drifters' perfect Christmas Day. Dad woke up in the middle of the night having a sp- Spore attack!

My poor dad was choking on too much Stilton spore coming up from his stomach All right then welcome Lydia Rose Beale and Lauren O'Rourke to a very merry Christmas day. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! I know, I'm always saying, perfect Christmas is a perfect Christmas day, not Christmas perfect day. Yeah, welcome to a perfect Christmas day. Can I sing? Yeah.

We wish you a perfect Christmas. We wish you a perfect Christmas. We wish you a perfect Christmas. And a happy new year. Which is also perfect. Lauren, before we came in, you were just telling us about the mishap that you've had. Yes. Last week I had my suitcase stolen or taken, I don't want to accuse anybody, off the train. Yeah, someone took my case and everything in it that I own, all the good stuff.

Where did you put the case? But also crucially full of Christmas presents that you'd bought from Primark for your children. Yeah I've never been to, I have been to Primark but I went in to the one in London because it just keeps on going and going and going and it was just tat tat tat tat. And you're just filling it up. Check check check check. You bought all of it. It's hard to spend 250 quid in Primark. You did it.

They are spoiled. She showed me what she bought. You've never seen tat like it. We're talking 7-Up lip balms. We're talking Grinch. Oh yeah. Grinch? Grinch what? But it's been stolen.

I even bought the stockings there. Gone. So I am absolutely amazed that this suitcase hasn't been returned. If I'd opened that suitcase and seen what Lauren O'Rourke had bought in Primark, you'd think my children have got a Christmas now. I'd be like... Some be desperate to stolen it. That's what's happened to you. They have won the TAT lottery. I was thinking, whoever owns this, just give it all back to her. This is hideous. In a way, guys, give it up, boast it all back.

Keep the Dyson hairdryer. Lauren, this is a Christmas... You're not a Dyson hairdryer. Yeah. I think this, now I know it's awful, but I think we should make a Christmas appeal. Yes. Sad face. A bit like we did with the pram on the last episode, which I would like to follow up by the way. But we'll make a Christmas appeal. And I'll do the sad music.

You do the sad music and Lauren, you do your Christmas appeal for you. So, okay. If you've got my novelty glasses, I've got a five-year-old. He's going to be absolutely devastated. And the Grinch onesies are not going to fit you. And the 7-Up lip balms will taste bitter. Although actually do try them out because they do taste like 7-Up and it's weird. But we need it all back. You've ruined my kids Christmas every day a perfect day at gmail.com Keep the hair pierce. Keep the hair dryer. I actually don't even dry my hair I just tend to go out with it soaking wet like a dog. Yeah, so the jokes on you. Yeah

I just need to say this to you now. Yeah, the very same thing has happened to me, but I feel like it's worse Not Christmas present worse, but... Oh, I see what you're doing here. I've had something happen and you're gonna raise it. No, okay, so you're the victim. I know, because I need to ask you something. Did you chase the suitcase? No. No, as in like, did you call? Did you call right to the end of line?

Yes, so I stood off and I went, my case isn't here and he said you'll have to stay until Wolverhampton. So I was like, great, I'm cas said you'll have to stay until Wolverhampton. So I was like, great, I'm caseless and now I'm in fucking Wolverhampton. Brilliant. This is perfect. Perfect day. So I'm caseless and I'm in Wolverhampton and the guy radios through to the ladies up, we found a case. Wasn't my case. That's annoying. Which means the other person's got your case.

So I actually do think it might have not been as sinister as a steal-in. It might have been, but for insurance purposes somebody stole that. It's a theft. It's a theft. It's a genuine mishap. Did it not cross your mind to take that case and see if that had any tap from Primark in it that you could wrap up and give to your children? Or, I don't know, something better, like a Rolex? They're not gonna... well you say this right

I haven't actually told you this part of the story right okay what actually happened on the train was I left the toilet and there was an Amiga bag right outside the toilet which is like where people get off. I was like, that's weird. So there was an Amiga bag. You know what Amiga is? No, I mean, it's a brand. It's a really expensive watches. Oh, what kind of bag? Like a handbag? A red paper bag, like someone's just bought. A Christmas present.

Yeah. So I picked it up because it's just lying on the floor. Okay. Right. Sat down with it. What? Opened it up to see like what's in there floor. I sat down with it. What opened it up to see like what's in there. If it was a watch, I wouldn't have if it was a watch, I wouldn't have taken it. I would have thought it was a phone. It was a candle. It was a candle and there was a letter inside. Thanks for your hard work. So someone's obviously been to a Christmas party, right? Did you take it? I didn't take it. It was just on

my desk on my table. I was like, well, I don't know whose this is. Oh, someone had put it on your table. I thought you said it was outside the box. No, it was outside the toilet. It was just on the floor. So how is it on your table? Because I picked it up and put it on my table. I'm going to have a look inside and be like, fuck me, has someone left a watch? I would have thought it was something sinister. But that's not my first thought. Okay, so what I'm saying is, well karma, okay.

I've stolen. I've stolen a bag. You stole, you didn't steal it. I didn't steal it. I picked it up and looked inside. This is so unbelievably closely connected to the last time you were on the podcast where you were talking about the buggy outside your house. That was Lydia. Yeah. Well your house. That's Lydia. Yeah. Well, I was looking at Lydia. Well, if you're bunk guys. You were talking about, we were having this exact conversation about when is it yours and when is it not. And have you now reneged on that? Because I think that you were saying if it's outside your drive it's fair deal for the tap man.

Lauren, you are now the tap man. No offence. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. I'm sorry, there's a paper bag outside a toilet. I'm going to look and see what's in. It's not a paper bag, it's a shopping bag with someone's shopping in it that you have taken. I haven't taken it. No one's around. It's just sitting there. So you have that Amiga candle in your house? Yeah, some of my mantelpiece. Oh you've got it! What I'm saying is I think someone saw me sitting down with an Amiga bag and thought where's her fucking suitcase because I'm taking it. It's karma basically. What I'm gonna say is if you find something on a train, trust me the train line doesn't want to know okay. No they don't. What did you lose Lydia? It's really awful.

I, 2008, my brother entrusted me with, no I'll just, I'll do it the other way around, so basically he entrusted me with something from a premiere that he had been given by a really expensive clothing brand. And he shouldn't have kept it, but he kept this suit from this really expensive clothing brand and the MAC from the really expensive clothing brand. And then I took it on a train. He told me to take it back to the farm and I did. And I put it in my little suitcase, but because I'm not used to carrying a suitcase, I walked... She lives at the farm, she means, that's why she lives. That's right.

That's what I meant. Took her back to the farm. Took her back to the farm. Oh no. And I walked onto the platform and went, hi dad. And I went, shit, shit. I got back on the train and it was gone. It was gone.

So somebody had stolen it. So to begin with, I felt terrible because I thought I had forgotten about it and walked off the train without it, but managed to go in and see that it was gone. It's probably Lauren. And then followed the train all the way to fucking Derby. And it wasn't... Oh, that's far from the farm.

Yeah. I just thought it's got to be there somewhere. Maybe I put it in the wrong... It was not there. It was gone. Somebody's stolen it. And I want to tell you it was worth £10,000. Like, coutured to his body. Should have handed it back after the premiere. He's your brother, right? It took me three years to tell him.

I would never trust you. Thank you. I don't get why your brother, your own brother, he should know you. He should be like, don't give Lydia £10,000 worth of clothes to travel on the train with. Yeah, I do think it's mad to ask anyone to look after something like that unless you really, really trust them and you know that they don't like lose stuff can I say almost all the time. Who was it? Burberry. Thank you. It was obvious it was a Mac. It was a motherfucking Burberry. Suit velvet black tailored to the point that it was like into the dip of the spine whoever knew they did that they tailor shit to the dip. All right, should we get on with the format? Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Christmas! Right, we actually have to do the jingles ourselves because I haven't got...

I thought I just did it for you. I haven't re-recorded it. No, we need to do perfect Christmas morning. Morn. We'll do perfect Christmas Mourn. Oh nice. Okay, you ready? Very decency. You ready? Three, two, one. Perfect Christmas Mourn. I'm going to start here, bro.

Is it disclaimer? Can I just say, I am going to do Perfect Morning, but I'm not going to talk about kids and my husband, sorry, because... No, that's... Is that right? You can talk about what... No, my Perfect Morning would be all of them, but... and all of that stuff, obviously. Yeah, that's you talk about talk about what my perfect morning would be all of them but and all of that stuff yeah let's just say that that that is what it would be we don't want to hear

that for the interest of a really cool as Jess said before you can do anything you can be anywhere the backstreet boys is what you said to me last time yeah which i'd love to happen so. Oh wow. In this perfect day, Christmas day. Okay, so it's your perfect Christmas morning and what you're saying is your children are not there. You're both committing to that, just to be clear. Don't put words in on that. No, no, I'm just, I'm asking you, I'm just, to clarify you I'm just I'm just to clarify

You you love your children. Yeah, that goes without saying it's just that on your perfect Christmas Morning, they don't exist. They are not there. Is that what we're saying? No, well, that's not what I'm saying Yeah, no, that's what Lauren's saying. No. No, no, I'm saying a given is it's just a given. Yeah, let's start Lauren A given is... It's just a given. Yeah, great. Let's start. Lauren, do you want to start? Lyds, who actually knows what a perfect morning is? No, I went first last time.

No, you didn't. What I'm going to guess is that Lauren's done absolutely no prep again whatsoever. She hasn't got a clue what she's going to say, whereas Lyds has actually thought about it. Is that right? You know what? I'm just going to be genuine. Okay, go on then. Let's have it.

I'm going to be off the cuff, like ordering from the menu. Okay, Lauren O'Rourke What's your perfect Christmas morning? Okay It's gonna be easy for me to tell you what it's not We've only got an hour but yeah My worst Christmas morning, okay, which will run in throughout the afternoon and evening if you want. Yeah, let's hear it. So my worst Christmas morning ever was we were in Florida, holiday of a lifetime.

How old were you? I was 11, my other brother was 14, my eldest brother was 16, and mom and dad. And we finally got to Florida right because I'd always wanted to go and when the lottery first came out I cried and I went we're never gonna get to go to Disneyland anyway what so people were winning the lottery and you cried because you wanted to go to Disneyland yeah cuz I just thought the first time the lottery ever happened I thought it was a given that we'd win oh I see didn't understand the concept that you don't win, you feel that way.

They made everyone feel that way. Everyone feel that it could be you. I was like, no, it will be me. They did. They did a great big launch. It wasn't me. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah.

So anyway. If you just work hard enough at being lucky. Yeah. Yeah, you're so right. Buy more. Buy more. I remember being at my nan's villa. I'm never going to go to Disneyland. Anyway, I was like, I'm going to go to Disneyland. I'm going to go to Disneyland. I'm going to go to Disneyland. I'm going to go to Disneyland. You're so right. Buy more, buy more.

I remember being at my nan's villa. I'm never gonna go to Disneyland. Anyway, that was when I was like seven, whatever. So 11, right, or 11, finally get there. And I'm a bit old really for Disneyland. You know, didn't want to tell my mom and dad, but I was like, I am over this now, but thanks. 11? But your brothers, your brothers are all for Disneyland.

Yeah, you're the youngest. Well, I don't know why I'm a, I don't know why I can't, I'm dressed as Mickey Mouse, but yeah, so my worst morning was, mom was like, tell you what we'll do, we'll have Christmas dinner at Disneyland. We were there for Christmas Day. Whoa. Paris? No, Florida. Sorry, Florida, sorry, you did say that, you did say that. Yeah. Come? No, Florida. Sorry, Florida.

Sorry, you did say that. You did say that. Come on, keep up. Come on. Birmingham people have aspirations too, Jess. I just thought it was called Disney World. Okay, Disney World. Is it?

No, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Anyway, so you're at Disneyland or World in Florida. In Florida, the real one. The big deal. And it's Christmas Day. Mom's like, tell you what we'll do, we'll have Christmas dinner at Disney World. Yeah, great.

Sure, great. She gets, we'll have it in there at the Princess Tower, right. So she goes in, I'll make a booking, it's Christmas Day morning. So she's, so it's not pre-booked? Oh no, no no. So she comes out, it's not pre-booked? Oh no. So she comes out, she's like, no, we can't eat in there. Oh, it's funny books. It's been booked up for three years.

I'm really worried about where this is going. It's been booked up for three years. I was like, yeah, yeah, mum, it's the Princess Tower at Disney World. Dad's like, can't you just go in and explain? Explain what? What are we explaining here? He's like, you know, we're from England and we really thought that we'd just... We've come all this way now. Yeah. He's like, no, I don't think it's going to work. So I was like, where are we going to eat then? Because the weird thing at Disney World is they shut all the restaurants, so it was just kind of handheld food so mum was like well we'll go out we'll leave here and we'll come back later

okay so that's part one of this story okay gets a lot worse. So you leave Disney World? We leave Disney World because in the morning so my perfect morning would be there's reservations there's reservations reservations are in place, I know where I'm eating. Do you know what that's such a great shout because it's also really nice to not have the stress of cooking yourself isn't it? Yeah. Or like hosting or anything it's great when you're going somewhere but I also think I mean if when I'm going somewhere, usually the people that I'm going to are my parents and they're stressed about it. Either you're going somewhere where they're stressed about hosting or you're hosting and

it's stressful. So to just take it out altogether, I mean, I am with your mum on that one. Have you ever taken it to the Disney Princess Tower? Sure. Sure. Well, it's been booked out for three and a half years. No, but ideally do have a reservation. Can't you just explain? So then what happened? Okay, so on your perfect morning there's reservations. Go back to the Disney story, then what happened?

You went out and then you came... I'll tell the second part in the evening. Okay. It turned into an evening event. Okay, right. So continue your perfect morning then. There's reservations. Yeah, my perfect morning is again, waking up with my own accord. No one there. Yeah, no.

No children, obviously. Totally on my own. Famously. Yeah, totally on my own. An event, I would say like one of the days of the year where children are it's like it is about the kids But but yours up, but yeah, but but it's just you okay, then I'm bringing them back in Just for the presence or You're not bothered or are you because you see I think I'd want to be a child again

You're right. I want that feeling of Santa having been. Do you know what I'd actually do? My perfect morning was I'd be a child and I'd go back down to the Christmas morning that I got a dog for Christmas. Oh my god! You got a dog? Did you open a box with a dog in it? No, I opened like some really shitty presents. I was like this, you know when you know halfway that this is a shit year. You're like, oh this is shit this year. That's a horrible feeling. No, it's horrible isn't it? But you're still, you're still aware.

Duff you. Duff you. Duff you. Cheers mum, thanks. Oh thanks. How old were you? Are you pleased? You want to be like, no you fucking idiot. How old were you? Do you think maybe 12 was it? She was trying to make up for when you were 11. Yeah, so yeah. No, this was before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is

before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before Disney World. So this is before be like, no, you fucking idiot. How old were you? Do you think maybe 12? Was she trying to make up for when you were 11? Yeah, so yeah, no, this was this was before Disney World. So this was about year six. So I knew

Santa didn't exist. Right. Sorry to all the listeners. But I knew he didn't exist. But I was doing that thing where you still kind of like make out he's there so that you yeah, you make out Santa's still real so that you can ask for everything you want. Lauren, he is fucking real. Have you got any more morning lit? Yeah, so I would come down and I would meet my dog. So what happened that morning was, oh, can you hear scratching? And I was, and I heard, oh my God, oh my God.

And I had spent so long being like, please get a dog. And my mum was like, no, because you won't walk it and you won't pick up its poo. I was like, I will, I will, I will. And then I hear woof woof. And it was a border collie and we called it Murphy. Instantly took a shit in the living room. Ah, yes.

Wee. Instantly didn't pick it up. So I would go back and meet my dog and I would pick up that poo. That's what I would do. I would go back and pick up that poo right so just to be clear your perfect morning is to pick up a perfect poo. I don't know how this happens. My perfect Christmas morning is picking up dog shit. I love it but you were child picking up dog poo. Why? Sorry can I just. Because my mom gave the dog away.

This was not where I was expecting it. Is that because you didn't pick up the shirt? I had it for a year and mum was like, you've got no interest in this dog. And what do we say? A dog is alive. You know when a mum's for life, not just for Christmas. Yeah, no, it was. Just for Christmas. So there's another campaign. No, the dog.

So she did return the dog, yes. Except this specific dog, which was just for Christmas. So I would go back and pick up the poo. Oh, Laura. And then, do you think that would, but then you'd pick up all the other poos after that? If I'd just done it that one time, I would have gotten into a habit of doing it. Wow, this is a real ghost of Christmas past, isn't it? Yeah, it is actually.

Oh my god, you're Scrooge. You should play Scrooge. Oh for fuck's sake. I will be the ghost of Christmas present by the one from the puppet. She meant it, she really meant that as a compliment. You really meant that. Yeah she did, she really meant that as a compliment. Yeah because it's my dream to be doing Scrooge the Christmas Carol, I'd love to do that. Lids. What's your perfect Christmas morning? My perfect Christmas morning and I haven't actually done my homework too much this time. I thought I'd be more off the cuff. Great! Here we go. Yeah this is brilliant. This is what we get. With my off the cuffness. Yep come on then let's have it.

What's your perfect Christmas morning? Are your children present or? Listen, to be honest, no they're not. Don't make me look bad now. But. Can I just say one thing? What? I get that Christmas and children is the most magical and I'm really enjoying the experience

of getting to live Christmas again through them. Okay. I am not. I'm finding it hell. Why? I'm finding it hell because my children, because they share year groups with older kids. Oh yeah, because there's not enough kids anymore. What? No, isn't this the thing? Because they've like merged year groups. I just thought it was money. No, no, no. This is happening everywhere. There's not, there's not. Yeah, because I can't find a school that doesn't do it.

There's low birth rate now and so all schools are merging year groups and it's really quite sinister and dystopic. Anyway. And another campaign. Anyway, this is, this is. Have children. Yep. But don't bring them to Christmas.

No, but they're not allowed on Christmas Day. So, not if it not allowed on Christmas Day. So, it'll fit a perfect Christmas Day. Father Christmas does exist. Yes, it does. So, yeah, I find it hard work because I will not, I'm not lying to my children, and if they ever listen to this in years to come, I love you guys so much, and mummy is not lying to you, because there is the spirit of Christmas, and that's the way that I said it as I said before but in my perfect day I do meet Father

Christmas. I do. I do meet Father Christmas and it's up in I suppose Lappland. That's where they say he is but I don't know if that's just commercial. Actually no. Do you remember Santa Claus movie from the 1980s? Tim Allen? No. God. Dudley Moore. Oh, Dudley Moore. Sorry, yeah. And then somewhere they forgot magic lollipops.

Tim Allen. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Yeah. So I'd meet Father Christmas, but then I would read in my letter. So every year at the grand old age of 39, every Christmas Eve, I write Father Christmas a letter. Still? Yeah, I do. It's like a journal and I have a collection of them in an old ginger biscuit music box. Oh my God, Lid. Yeah, and I keep them in this music box. What sort of things are you writing to Santa if you don't mind me asking us?

It's like Santa. Number one, it's like a manifestation thing. And I put the address, I put North Pole, Christmas Eve, and it's always at like two or three o'clock in the morning because we always do everything last minute. And then I look out the window and I imagine everything. I still do it. I just do it, I love it.

But like what, like things that you want to happen this year or? Yeah, yeah, things that's like a manifestation. It's a bit like New Year's resolutions. Yeah and then on Christmas morning I read the letter from last year. Oh. Apart from. Why? Because you just really want to like upset yourself. Yeah on occasion.

Let's do our ask for. Oh my god. Why are you thinking of our ask for? Honestly have you got because I've read my New Year's resolutions from 2018 today and it was so depressing because I haven't get it. I don't get it. Honestly, have you got, because I've read my New Year's resolutions from 2018 today and it was so depressing because I haven't achieved any of it. Do you write? Oh God, I need to write stuff down. No, but I stopped doing it after that.

I didn't, I thought I might have some from last year, just in my notes on my phone. And I was like, that is... What were they? Just like, it's all like work stuff. But it was, you know, make a, record that, film that pilot that I've just written, do that thing, do that, you know, act in something, you know. Just sort of quite depressing work goals that hadn't, haven't achieved. You're not only 2018.

Anyway, it doesn't matter, but I find it quite, I find that an upsetting read, but do you not? Because you've done it. No, what I love about it is I cannot, honestly, I cannot at all remember what I wrote in the letter from the year before. And it's always done on a Christmas card, like a different Christmas card. Do you read it out to people, just to yourself? No, and then I wag you to go in and piss me like, last year, last year I asked for a piano. No, I'd read it.

I'd read it to fucking Father Christmas. And I'd say, cheers, didn't get what I wanted, but here's the lovely wooden music box that sings, which is the thing I would have asked him for. So on my perfect day, I'd get a lovely wooden music box from Father Christmas, which is handmade by Dudley Moore. You've never got that wooden music box? No. You know why, right? Because you're writing letters and putting them in your tin, okay, and they're going to nobody. If you want the

music box, buy yourself. Lauren. Oh, Linz. That is really sweet though. You're such a magical thinker. Yeah, well. No, but it's so lovely. But it will be at like two or three o'clock in the morning on Christmas Eve and most years I'm like, oh, I just can't be fucked. I'm too tired, but I've got to send a letter to Father Christmas about my music box or I won't get it. I need to wax seal it. And then I just think about me the next year and I just think fuck, no, think about Lydia in 2024, do it. Because it's a lovely thing to do on Christmas Day, but on my perfect day, I'd read Father Christmas.

And he'd be there with like a greeny browny reddy suit on, because that's the original colour. That's the original obviously. And then I'd ride in his sleigh. And I'd be his Mrs Claus for the day. And... Sorry, is it? The reindeer with a sleigh? Do you mean that in a...

The way that you... Do you mean that in the way that you just sort of implied or... So I have a massive... I used to have a massive crush on Albert Finney. Do you know Albert Finney? I'm sure he plays through Swamp Creek. I should know who Albert Finney... I know I should know who. Big Fish?

Oh yeah, okay. Big Fish, he was the dad in Big Fish. He played Scrooge. Oh right, Stake of my Part now is it? And Albert Finney would be the father of Christmas because he's hot. And no, I would love to play Mrs. Claus to father Claus. He looks like Donald Trump.

No he doesn't. Look at that. Look at that picture. That's not fair. That's in his scrooge. Well, that's what you said. Hang on a minute. Look at him in Saturday night, Sunday morning or Friday night, Saturday morning. I can't remember the name of it. But so he would be Father Christmas.

This is what happens when it's off the cuff. So Albert Finney is Father Christmas and there's fricking Nat King Cole everywhere. We're in Lapland or the North Pole. Nat King Cole is actually there. I'm taking what you told me last time, which is anything can happen. So Nat King Cole isn't just on CD, he is actually fucking there. And then... I need to do this, I need to open a game.

Yeah, you do. And then I'm drinking copious amounts of Harvey's Bristol cream and I'm not getting pissed, I'm just getting merry. Yeah, because there is a difference. There is a difference. There is a difference. I'm a difference. There is a difference. I'm not chunky. What is the difference?

I've ruined projectile vomiting because of the Harvey's crystal cream. Is that happening to you? Yeah. And I'm Jan Buie. Yeah, that stuff is strong. But because you think it's Christmas, you think, oh, it's for Father Christmas. I was just down. You've seen a sherry glass.

They're fucking massive. So you're with Santa. I'm with Santa. And then. So you've written a letter to Santa. They're fucking massive. So you're with Santa. I'm with Santa. Sorry, so you've written a letter to Santa. You've asked for a music box. Real Santa in Lapland has given, with Nat King Cole on a sleigh. Not hammered, but you marry off Harvey's Bristol cream. This is like a mental exercise.

Well done. That's so good. But you just did, you literally just said everything. How did you do that? Everything that I said, I would not be able to do that. It's got listening. She's listening. So what, what about brekkie? I would have fucking shit tons of Stilton. Oh yeah. But did you know, my dad did this, you can overdose on Stilton. What do you mean? He ate my poor dad. Happy to rehab, Lydianne. Oh, I know. It's weird because there's loads of people in there that are in for like alcohol and drug abuse.

The nasty ones. Oh, They're the cheese addicts. The people, the returners, the people who they just can't get off the stuff. Stilton that is. Stilton. Yeah, that would be my dad and me. Moldy and ripe. I love it. I love it moldy and ripe and we get half a wheel from the actual place. So aggressive.

Did you hear that? I did. Yeah, well I saw it. Coulson Bassett. So we live close to that place. That's a place that Whole Foods sells like a tiny wedgeret for a lot of money. The beauties go there and get half a wheel. Here they are, the scumbags.

Come for their fix. We get half a wheel. We're closed tomorrow by the way, so you might need to stock up. Did you know you can get a Stilton spoon? We've got a Stilton spoon. We've got a Stilton spoon We actually do get a wheel of Stilton in our house Well, how long not just a whole one? But what does it but I but I'm imagining half is half of the wheel

Is it is it half down the middle or is it half? Thanks twice. Oh, no, it's a perfect circle. Yeah, you go in with a spoon You dig out and the thing is in the centre is all the mouldy mouldy, isn't it? So my dad went in with the spoon on a night, like a night, red wine. The whole thing? No, just too much Stilton, fruitcake, because that's the thing in our family, Stilton fruitcake, which is old fashioned, very digusting.

No, we do that, we do that. Try it on a mince pie, melted, it's great. And then dad woke up in the middle of the night having a seizure, a Stilton seizure. Straight. It's not funny because. No, it doesn't sound funny. Spore attack.

A spore attack obviously. My poor dad was choking on too much Stilton spore coming up from his stomach. Spore, spore. How do you think, but how did he know, Did he know at the time that there was spore? I was saying the fumes of it. I just think he ate a lot of mould because Jesus mould. When you say he was choking. He was like really, yeah, it was like coming up. What do you do?

Did he vomit? Did he call 111? No, he just had a, he really panicked. He couldn't breathe from it. What did he do? Did he bomb? Did he call 111? No, he just had him like, he really panicked. Like he couldn't like breathe from it. What did he do? Did he call an ambulance and say, I'm having a spore as well. I don't think we do that here. What does Scrooge say? Scrooge says, yeah, he blames the ghost of Marley on a bit of cheese. I've just been watching the Muppets Christmas Carol. I get it now because dad went mental on this cheese because it's mold. So yeah, you should turn the mold. So yeah, I'd eat loads of Stilton and not get a problem with it.

Uh, maybe on a croissant. And then I would have... Stilton croissant. Is that a thing? It is with me. Oh, yeah. No, this is... Cranberry. That's a great idea. Thank you. Thank you. Stilton on again. You're cutting the croissant in half and then putting Stilton inside it and then... Melting it. What are. Thank you. Stilton on again. Are you cutting the croissant in half and then putting Stilton inside it and then... Melting it. What are you doing?

I couldn't eat that. How are you doing that? Are you just spooning Stilton onto the croissant? Well there's never any delicacy with me. I just get a shit ton of Stilton, I spread it on and then maybe on occasion if there's no cranberry, which there probably wouldn't be, I'd put jam. It does sound perfect. It is actually, because you don't need any antacids.

I think we're doing the worst in each of it, because we just, we start positive and then it gets negative. What's negative? Maybe we're just negative people, Lauren. Oh, you know, that's life, isn't it? Sometimes, you know, you start thinking, this is delicious St Stilton and you end up having to call an ambulance. Jokey from the Mald. Okay, should we move on to perfect afternoon? Perfect Christmas afternoon!

Lauren, what's your perfect Christmas afternoon? So as I said earlier, I like reservations, so now it's like we're all meeting at the place. Yeah. And I would love it that everyone that you want is there. Everyone but without the politics. Nice. Do you get what I mean? So it'd be like you two would be there, like a funeral.

Oh, but you're alive. But I'm alive. So it's not someone being like, oh, I'll come, but can I bring my mom? You'd be like, no, because it's just my friends. Yeah, it's my funeral. Yeah. And now you think if you died now, the people that came to you, they'd never normally be brought together, all of those people in one room. But that's why people have like the before funeral party now.

Have you ever heard anyone go to one of those? I haven't but I would a hundred percent do it. Yeah I think I would too. I have started to stink lately. Oh my god. I don't know why we've got onto this actually. We're supposed to be talking about perfect Christmas. I'm talking about funerals!

But basically, okay, well I'm just saying that lately I have been I don't know I found myself DVD it's really bad but I'm gonna put it out there because I reckon other people do it too yeah listening to the song that would be at their funeral and crying Yes! And then you imagine everybody crying and then what they say about you. Oh my god. And then you're like a specter watching it. And I'm sitting here like, baby you're a firework. I was like, oh god, that will push people over the edge. Are you seriously choosing Katy Perry's Firework for your funeral music?

I've got a couple of... Are you committing to that now? I'm committing to Firework, yeah, it's gonna have to be, because it's such a banger and I think it's synonymous with Lauren, so... I love that song so much. Yeah, but the sad slow down version of my funeral song. Oh, God. Glenn Miller. I don't know you that one. No. Okay. Chattanooga choo choo. Do you know it? Pardon me. Do you know it? Pardon me, boy.

Obviously not. Thank you, Chad. No, I do not. You don't know it? That's what your funeral is. No. I'm just telling you now, I'm not going to cry at that. No, all right.

Back to you, boys. I wanted that one. That might get a tear. Or if it's... Track 29. That's not going to remote me in any way shape or form. Let's have Lauren O'Rourke's perfect Christmas afternoon. So it's everybody there.

Yeah. It's basically the people that would be at your funeral. Yeah. But so what sets that apart from the... Yeah, so what sort of politics are we talking that would get in the way? Because I feel like funeral people would just come, what I mean about Christmas is it's you wouldn't let's say you wouldn't be able to come because like you need to see Dan's family and you might see Tom's family like we cut out all of that bullshit. Do you think maybe it's your last Christmas? It's my last Christmas. It's my last Christmas So you are obliged

My perfect Christmas afternoon is it's my last ever Christmas and everybody I know without the baggage of their family that I don't know comes and we're all in. You know what I'm gonna make we go to a curry house. We go for a laid-back curry and it's everybody I know back curry and it's everybody I know without their shit. How long have you got left? And how many people? It's not too sad I've got to listen. You're not gonna get you're not gonna get you're not gonna make it to next Christmas. This is your perfect Christmas afternoon you're not you're not gonna make it. If anything I found out that morning. Oh my god. So I'm gonna have a curry. What are you ordering? Pathea. Always. What is that? Hot, spicy, sweet and sour. It's got all of it. It's got all of it

going on. So you're not bothered about a Christmas, like a Christmas dinner on Christmas Day? I'd have that and a side of my mum's stuffing. My mum makes her own. Pathea and stuffing? Yeah. I'd have a stuffing starter. I'm just gonna eat what I want. Stuffing starter. No, no, that's clear because you're having curry and stuffing. So, I've been stuffing for starter. My mum's homemade. Obviously, I'm dying so she's gonna be quite sad, but I'm gonna be like, Mum, don't, because I'm having a lovely time. quite sad but I'm gonna be like mom don't because I'm having a lovely time and then um Mum don't

Cos I'm having a lovely time Don't ruin it Don't cry mum I've got all my mates here Oh you're embarrassing yourself I'm embarrassing myself Um and then yeah I'd have a lovely patty She's just tucking into her patty and stuffing saying we'll never get to do this again Yeah, here my mum

Yeah Yeah she probably wouldn't This'll be the last time I get to eat this patia and stuffing. No, she'd probably... Patia? I don't know how to say it. So, presents? Giving or receiving? Either.

I'll receive them. Receiving banks. You know what I'd like to do, seeing as it's my last Christmas, I'd like to make up for all the times that I've been really shoddy. Okay, tell me about some of the times you've been shoddy. I went through a phase of writing like, I've booked you a trip to Amsterdam. But you hadn't. But I hadn't.

Oh my gosh. But I definitely, last year I bought tickets to the Birmingham tour of, what was was the reggae musical it's about Bob Marley oh right get upstand it yeah so that was my dad's Christmas present and you didn't like I printed it printed it out half I threw the prints and I wrote this is coming to Birmingham next March when the tickets are released we're going yeah he's still like, when's that, when's that Bob Marley thing coming to Birmingham? Didn't exist. I bought him something that didn't exist. So. So you never bought, you just never bought the tickets to that. You

never honoured that? Never honoured that. I've done that. I do love giving presents. So if, yeah, I mean, I feel like I would be really organised if I knew it was my last ever one. So I'd be like, right. What does Jess live? What's Lydia live? What would you get me and lids if it was your last ever Christmas? If it was my last ever Christmas as my parting gift a picture of me What kind of frame you wouldn't invite smoked oak smoked oak Smoked oak and you plush velvet and it says live love life. So that's it. Curry drinks, gave everyone a lovely gift. I've said no gifts for me. Your company's

enough. Everyone thinks I'm a legend. Yeah, this is great. And I just genuinely get to spend the entire day and no one's like, I've got to get the last train or I've got to get... I think that still would happen even on your own screen. Well, that's the sad fact, isn't it? Someone would still be like, I'm really sorry, but I've got tickets to a pantomime at 8. Can you imagine if it was your last... and you knew at some point you have to go. Like at some point you have to leave that night and go back to your hotel.

How would you say goodbye? That's what I think about these parties. How do you do that goodbye? Like, cause you just know, cause it's all been primed. That's what this whole thing is about. It's about saying an actual fucking goodbye. That's why it's so much better to not know. Yeah, I think I

would just go out singing Zombie by the Cranberries. And like Let's Face Facts I'd probably really pitch so I wouldn't remember the whole day. By the way she sings absolutely beautifully. You do. Because you sang that at my 40th. Do you know what? You don't remember do you? No I do remember that. If that was gonna happen to me and we were doing like my last Christmas and it was like the funeral and all the fireworks and stuff I think I'd say please don't cry because it's actually a twat. Let's all, I know it's my last Christmas but let's play a game of honesty okay. Well you all go around and say one thing that I've done where I've been a dickhead. So you get up and you say do you know what I know you're all crying but I once stole a candle off a train. Yeah. I once left my brother's ten

thousand pound Burberry Mac on a train. It took me three years to tell him that by the way. I feel like he's quite entitled. So he didn't notice it was missing? No. Oh well that's on him. When I told him I was a bit like, no hold on, because he was pissed about it. Three years later, get over it. No. Get over it. If you didn't know. That was missing. Also I feel so bad for you Liz that you sat on that for three years and then you decided eventually you were going to tell him. You know when you've got like a... And then he gave you a hard time about it. Yeah. You know when you've got like a bad smell following you, like I would like walk around and everything. No. You know you've got like a bad smell following you like I would like

My life would be good. No, I think oh that that secret. I must tell that's it. Have you got lots of those? Not so much anymore, but like that like when you've went you shame Smell haven't told him yet. Oh I do. Oh my god the time that my mom bought me a Chanel watch. Like imagine the white Range Rover version of a watch right. Like my mum knew it wasn't me. You're one buys you quite lavish presents. She does yeah. It's my Max Mara coat outside, that's from my mum. My mum bought me for my 30th a white Range Rover watch with blue, oh what's that blue stone? It was in my wedding ring. Sapphire, thank you, encrusted, like crumbled into it. It wasn't me. Even when mum gave it to me, mum gave it to me. What's that stored? Sapphire. Crumbled. Crumbled into it. Chanel. Like a Land Rover. Why? Sapphire's crumbled in. Land Rover of watches. Crumbled in Sapphire.

Anyway, gutted that I lost it. Mum handed it to me on the canal barge because I was really into Tim and Prue's canal journeys. Do you remember that program about 10 years ago? Yeah. Mum handed it to me and she even said, you won't like this. And I was like, well, oh mum, that's not, because it was so expensive. I was like, mum, it's not really me, is it? Anyway, years went on.

I kept trying to wear this watch and then I wore it on Oxford Street and mum said to me, don't ever wear it in public places because people try to steal it from your wrist. So I put it in my nappy bag and then I went to see my friend in Ealing and I left my nappy bag on the front seat of the car and then came back to the car I'd been broken into and I was like, your loss just stole my nappy bag.

And then like three or four months later. Whose car gets broken into nowadays as well? I know and you know what it wasn't even on the road. It's still broken into mine and just stole my coat. They just stole my coat. That happened to my dad in the 70s in London. Yeah but this is, but now, so they stole, they broke into your car and stole your nappy bag.

Yeah, and it was off the street, off street parking, but I didn't remember the watch because, you know, ADHD. And three or four minutes later, I'm feeding, I'm feeding my boy, it's two o'clock in the morning and it just drops into my head. That's what was so scary about it. It just dropped in and I went, the Chanel watch was in the nappy bag. Crumbled in softness. Sounds shit to be honest.

It sounds absolutely... It's on watch watch. I'm still waiting for it to come back to me. Is this another Christmas appeal? I'll do the music this time. If you were the man, I'm going to presume you're a man, sorry, who took my white Chanel Range Rover Crumble Sapphire watch from an orange nappy bag with a star on the front of it from Ealing. I want you to know that I'm coming after you and I will find you. All the details

are on watchwatch.com. thank you watch watch watch watch watch seriously yeah are you joking is that a thing watch watch.com well I call it watch watch I don't know what I was gonna do with the Amiga bag if it was a watch in there no you know you want but sorry Lids let's have your perfect Christmas afternoon please. My perfect Christmas afternoon. So okay so we're in New York, still haven't been. We're in New York. Still haven't been. Still haven't been. We're at Rockefeller again, seeing that flipping Christmas tree again and I'm going to that toy shop where they get those doves from Home Alone 2. You know the ones that are connected by the wings?

No? No. What? It's not familiar. I don't really know Home Alone 2. Home Alone 2 basically gets a toy from this toy man who feels a bit sad for him. So he gives him this Christmas decoration with two doves

and they're like intertwined and they detach. Oh. Yeah, and then he gives one of them to the bird lady who was played by a lady from Brad. But anyway, and so I'd get those. The pigeon lady. The pigeon lady, yeah. The pigeon lady.

He looks like Piers Morgan. She does look like Piers Morgan. Wow, I thought really. Have you not seen it? It's very good. No, he's sat to come out and deny that it is him. Oh my god, that's so funny. I did not know that.

Yeah, the absolute spit of hatred. So the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2 looks like Pierce Morgan and he's had two. Have you seen it? No. Carry on and I'll pull it up. So you buy the doves or you just go to that shop? I go to that shop, I can get the doves and everybody's the same as they are in the movie. And then I'll go back to Ashbrook Farm, which is where all the family are.

Not arguing. No arguments at all like everybody's full of festive spirit yeah in my family the boys still argue about who sits at the top of the table and that's not a joke. Really? Is it not just your dad? The head of the table yeah that's the worst spot I agree. The best spot's in the middle of the table. Pluck yourself in the middle. Be involved with both sides. And in mine, my momma's there, my grandma's there, everybody I love is there. It's lovely. There's a great big Christmas pud.

Do you like turkey and all that? I do. I like the bread sauce. My mum's amazing at all of this. I love Brussels sprouts. I absolutely freaking love Brussels sprouts. Do you have them with bacon? No, I don't. I think that's bullshit, actually. I don't understand. They don't need to dress up a sprout. A sprout is a sprout and it's nice without the bacon, Jamie Oliver. It's like a thing where people just start putting chestnuts and bacon with sprouts.

Delicious. Mm. sprouts. Delicious. Mm-hmm. Delicious. And panchetta. If you're going to just eat a sprout on its own, you might as well just chew on an iron tablet. I eat bowls of sprouts on their own. Oh, do you?

Oh, Jesus. You're talking about that fan smell hanging around you. Boiled. And there's nothing left. Just boiled. No butter or anything? No. No lids. You ask my friends who live at drama school, it's like a thing.

I'd have a glass bowl of Brussels sprouts reheated in the microwave. No salt, no nothing. No salt even? Little brains of iron. It's like a punishment. No! It's a joy. You just eat. So you just, so that's what you're doing then on Christmas Day? I'd have amazing sprouts on Christmas Day and then, um, oh, there'd be a sing-along and we're in Dickensland now. Maybe Little

Women, maybe Little Women, that wonderful bit in the nineties movie where they're all like around the piano. It's all very jolly. I love that. And it's like proper singing and there's no fucking phones. No phones. That would be my perfect afternoon. No phones. What is it that you hate about phones so much? I hate the way that people just use them. They just use them all the time. Thanks, Laura. Let's just put hers down. I was trying to find a picture of Piers and the gin bit. Oh like you're watching a film and they're like, oh I was just searching that person, I thought, don't, just watch the film. It's like, I think they create short attention spans.

So, we'll all be really present with each other and it's just really lovely and really old fashioned and there's crackers. Oh yeah. Yeah, crackers, but good crackers. Like crackers where you get like a tape measure and not just like... Oh yeah, that's a good, that's a good... Are we talking like luxury, like you know in their sort of silver...

heavy? No, I'm talking about like the kind my mum got when... Yeah, like the ta... Like luxury, luxury crackers. Yeah, so here there's like a tier system for crackers. Yeah. So my mum used to hand make them, which was just too much every year. That was too much.

That's so much. They banged. Did they go off? They banged and everything and inside was something like really precious. That's so much work. That's too much work. But then you got like the tier system where mum had one year, there were crackers that had like a Roman coin in them.

Yeah, so you'd bang it and like a Roman coin would drop out. And I still see these at the farm. Just like that was a lot. That was a lot. And nobody appreciated it. Oh, the fossil. Yeah, fossil. I mean, I can see why no one's appreciating the fossils.

Roman rain. So you want a tape measure in yours specifically? I want a tape measure and I want to tape measure the flips back. Yeah. Spacks back. And like one where you have to sort of, you're sort of scared of it. And then mulled wine, so much mulled wine, and a flicking massive Christmas pudding that like stays lit for ages.

And in my family, we all sing, we all want ages and in my family we all sing we all want some figgy pudding and we all want it but it always goes out so it would stay lit ah your Christmas is sounding really wholesome yeah it sounds really wholesome better than mine what about prezzy's lids? sprouts obviously boiled no butter or salt in this day as in every day so Day, we all have our traditions,

right? And I think people struggle to leave them. When I met my husband, his family like rip everything open in the morning. The beauty is no, no, no, no, no. Do you not? Right at the end of the day. Oh, really? Yeah.

So you got- What, like after lunch? Yeah, because lunch isn't lunch at our house. It's like at four. Ah. So we had the stockings in the morning, which used to be a pillowcase. Yes. Oh yeah, we used to have pillowcases. And then that went down to a sock.

Yeah. And then nothing. Nothing. Oh my god, the year it was nothing, I was 26. I was never a stocking was 26 and I came back. Never a stocking family. We always had a stocking. You never have the joy of a stocking. So you never had one? I didn't. Never had a stocking.

So you just have a pile or? Yeah, yeah, just had a pile. Were you, oh it's like this Christmas card picture, so you're under the tree opening all the presents in the morning. In the morning, yeah. Are they under the tree opening all the presents in the morning. In the morning, yeah. Are they under the tree or does your mum put them in? Under the tree. Yeah, and you just have to like, someone has to sort through it.

Yeah, I'm not into this. Do you like leaving them at the end of the bed? People do that, don't they? Yeah. No, we put, yeah, we put one or two in the kids' bedrooms so that if they wake up then they can just crack on. That's a good idea actually. That's not a wake-up That's a good idea actually.

Oh no, my mum still writes Father Christmas letters that go at the top of a stocking that goes at the end of the bed and you can hear it crunching at the end of your feet. So you will get that treatment this year? Listen, it's like, is there a right way of prerequisite for marrying my husband that I will get a stocking every single year? We love stockings. Should have done because will get her stocking every single year. But we love stockings, it's like a thing. Did you put it in the vows? Should have done because he didn't do it the other year.

Oh, Liz! And, well, that's another story. Shall we just move on to Christmas night? Yeah, night. Christmas night. Absolutely gorgeous. Lauren O'Rourke, what's your perfect Christmas night please? Okay, shall I finish the Disney World story? Yes. Okay, so this was my perfect Christmas night. Perfect Christmas night was, so we left Disney World to go and get food, right, in Florida before we'll find a restaurant and have Christmas dinner.

Christmas Day. Christmas Day, no reservations, mum thought she was booking the Princess Tower, that's not happened, so we're going to go out and we're going to find a restaurant. Everything in Florida on Christmas Day was closed. Why? We drove round, everywhere was closed. Oh, you mean outside of... Outside of Disney World. So it's lunchtime and you're all hungry. We're all starving, we all thought we were

going to sit down. You've had to leave Disney World because there's nowhere to eat. In our heads we were in the castle meeting Cinderella. Okay. Reality. What's actually happened? We were on the motorway in Florida. Is that open? Is that open? So after driving around for ages, we stopped and wrote McDonald's, a pizza from a petrol station and Taco Bell. Right. And that was the toaster.

Taco Bell though, that's not bad. No, no, it's all three. We all wanted different things. So it was like, right, everyone can have whatever they want. And my brother was like, I want a pizza. Someone might attack her bell. Did you have a McDonald's? I think I went, I think it was me who wanted the pizza, actually. They were great from this petrol station.

They were absolutely. You had a petrol station pizza? Yeah, but it was, In America it was different. In America it was different, yeah. It was extra. Anyway, it was so good. And my mom was like, do you know what?

It's worked out well, actually. I was like, yeah, it hasn't, but fine. So we go back to our- Let her have it. Yeah, let her have it. So we go back to the place and we play in the pool and stuff. On the night, we'll go back to Disney World

and we'll go and see the fireworks. I knew all of that. So we go back in, and my dad's driving back in, and this woman's like, sir, I'm sorry, we're full. Oh, no. We've already been in though. She's like, I know sir, but readmission, it's only if we're not full and we're full. So she's standing in front of my dad's car. Oh no. What did he do? He's like, I'm telling you, I'm coming in. And I'm in the back, oh god, this is the worst. Real drama. He's like, please move out the way of the car. It's like, sir, sir,

I am not moving, I'm asking you to reverse. He's like, I know I'm asking you to reverse. He's like, I'm asking you to move out the way of the car. Right, back and forth, back and forth. He drives into her. Are you joking? No, like four miles an hour. It was like four miles an hour. Right, and so she is like, she was probably, you know, very dramatic about it. The car did touch her was probably very dramatic about it. The car did touch her knees and she thought about it. It didn't knock her over. She thought about it and went, like, delayed. Fell to the floor, right, at which point my dad just put his foot down.

He was out of the way and just drove into the car park. Oh my god. So yes, we got to see the fireworks show. But your dad got arrested. Did we have to leave the next day and fly out early for Florida because they were worried? No you don't. Your dad was gonna get arrested.

Yeah, well of course, yeah. Has your dad ever re-entered the state of Florida since? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was immediately arrested on arrival. For everyone listening, it's like, oh my God. It was a hit and run. Yeah. But was immediately arrested on the right foot. For everyone listening it's like, oh my god. It was a hit and run? Yeah.

But for masquerade. No, I think it was an issue of we had readmission rights and we were denied. So is your perfect Christmas night that no one is involved in a hit and run? Let's not be involved in a hit and run. Let me have had lunch in the Princess Castle. Let me just watch the fireworks without my mum and dad being like... So like in a way that was the perfect Christmas on paper. Yeah. But there's a series of events that happened that made it not. And I need to clarify it was like probably two to three miles an hour. Lauren that's hilarious though. Imagine the side angle on that. He was just committed, wasn't he?

He was committed for me because he didn't give a shit about getting back into Disney World. And then it sounds like a bitch. Yeah, I mean he took it personally, which is like, yeah, sorry, we're a fault. No. No, no, no, no, because when we left, he didn't like the technicality of it. No, no, no, no, it's a bit too confusing. And also again, it's jobs jobsworthy, isn't it? Yeah, there's nothing more infuriating. It really gets my back up. Lids.

Perfect Christmas Night. Oh, Perfect Christmas Night, Scrooge'd. What? On telly. Oh, yeah, Scrooge'd with the D, yeah, yeah, the Bill Murray, every year. So I would still have that. I think when we're talking about Christmas, the tradition's day in Plagues Apart from Meeting the Real Father Christmas in Lapland or, oh, by the way, I was going to say he lives in another dimension. So you'd go to another dimension on that Christmas day. That's nice. So yeah, so maybe he's back and maybe, do you know what, my children are there and they

see him come down the frickin chimney and it's like see kids and Actually know him yeah my friend with me hanging out It would be really lovely and then Then I think do you know what I do? I time drop, hop, to Dickens. So you know Fuzzy Winks Christmas Ball? The Christmas Eve Ball? Does anybody else know that? No. So it's a great big like jolly like massive hoo-ha-kaylee. It's all like cockneyed up and okay so we're in... Is this in a Dickens book? Yeah, Scrooge, Christmas Carol. What is it called? Fuzzy what? Are you guys not hammering um the Christmas Carol at the moment?

No, I can't say I am. In all of its... No, no, no, no, I know, I know, but no. So at the moment I've seen Luke Evans, Michael Caine, Albert Finney, oh Sir Patrick Stewart, that's another one, that's, how many is that, that's four. So yeah, it's pretty much in my brain right now. So I'd be at Fuzzy Fuzzy, I might be saying the Muppets one there, Fuzzy Wink, a wig, Christmas Party, Full Garb, Full Dickens, Garb. You are of another time aren't you? You are, Lids.

I feel bad for you that you're here. No, it's fine. In 20... No, but in 2024. I know what you mean. Because you haven't got a modern brain. And you've got... Yeah.

Oh, in some ways I do have a modern brain. Yeah, it's really nice that long, actually. Yeah. What she means is you don't belong here. Get back in your own genre. Get back in your own generation. You know, it's... But you would be Victorian, wouldn't you?

In an ideal dream world, you are a period girl. Yeah, but come on, we are like completely... Take all the coal dust out of the Victorian era and all the black smog. Oh yeah, you'd be a aristocracy. I'm talking like the way that the BBC portrays, I don't know, Christmas carols. Yeah, a romantic Dickensian picturesque scene. Lots of like dancing. And again, there's no mobile phones.

So yeah, all of that. It's all like, it's all innocent, wholesome and just nice. I've just got one more question to ask you. Yeah. Do you have like any end of Christmas night traditions, anything you do before bed, like a nightcap or a little Christmassy thing or a little tradition that you have or would include before you go to beddy-byes and where and how are you going to bed and who with?

Before I go to bed on Christmas night I want to play a big game of Monopoly. Oh yeah. Yeah, big Monopoly and because I'm dying and I've got everyone there and there's quite a few of us, we need a few boards. But yeah, Monopoly is the best and it's three to four hours long. Yeah. Yeah. Do you buy up the whole of the green and blues?

I buy everything I land on. You bastard. And then I won't sell anything. Do you put the hotels on then? I just do everything. I do it all at once. And yeah, the key to Monopoly is if you get part lane in my favour, won't it? No, the key to Monopoly is buy up all the browns. Or buy all the shit train stations. The shit train stations. But big Monopoly and then I would have

karaoke. Always karaoke. Oh yeah., that's that's what a great Christmas perfect and lid I would drink sherry again. I drink loads of sherry and then we'd probably watch Snowman do the snowman in the evening. Oh, yeah. Yeah, something traditional like that and then Where are you falling asleep? Where am I falling asleep? Ask the farm again. I really don't think I'd change that much out. You're just sort of like in your childhood bedroom at your parents house. No, no, my husband says we're in that period. It's been an easy bedtime, let's just do this.

I'm gonna go back to this because it's been an easy bedtime. Really nice Christmas day, nobody's argued. And, oh, it's that lovely thing when you go downstairs in your PJs and you just sit on the sofas and everyone's just full. I'd keep all of that, I'd keep it, it's just lovely. Just like a lovely sort of dump of cosiness. The fire's working, chimney hasn't set alight, which normally happens,

and it's just super comfy, cosy. Lots of tea, cos we're all done with the alcohol. Great. OK. Can I change my answer? No. Cos we've got to wrap it up. But I've got one last question. Yeah. Cos we're doing this new thing now. A very quick Christmas, perfect Christmas recommendation from each of you.

It can be a book, it can be a film, it can be a song, it can be just a thing that you would like listeners to consume. EastEnders, circa 2009, where Richard Blackwood's in it with some flowers with a gun in it. Fantastic, fantastic recommendation. Lids? I think Michael Caine is the best group. Muppets, Christmas Carol. Muppets, Christmas Carol and EastEnders featuring Richard Blackwood. Christmas Day Edition.

What? Lydia Rose Buley, Lauren O'Rourke, that was Drifter's special Perfect Christmas Day. Woo! Thank you! Merry Christmas everybody! Merry Christmas! I hope you've enjoyed it.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Well, there we have it. Could you possibly think of a more perfect Christmas day? I mean, I could think of a few things, yeah. But, you know, reservations, sure. Copious amounts of stills and minus the fear of almost dying. A little bit

of time travel. And Michael Caine as Scrooge. If there's anything to take away from this, it's to appreciate every Christmas like it could be your last, and to not let anyone hold you back from a curry lunch and a bottle of Harvey's Bristol cream. And seriously, if anyone has Lauren's missing case and Lydia's crumbled Sapphire Range Rover Chanel watch, or indeed if they're missing an Amiga candle, then do get in touch. I'm feeling very merry now and I sure hope you are too. So thank you for listening and have a lovely Christmas if you're celebrating, if Christmas is tough for you, then you're not the only one. And everything's

going to be alright, it'll be over soon. Okay? Remember to like, subscribe, leave us a review. It does really help. And follow us on AdPerfectDaycast for all your perfect day news. From Yorkshire with love, I'm Jessica Knaappett, wishing you the merriest of holidays and a magical and perfect Christmas Day.