Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett - EP30: Huge Davies

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

In this week’s HUGE episode of Perfect Day, none other than Thorpe-Park-Benihana-Loving-Musical-Comedian Huge Davies joins Jess to share his very perfect (and a little weird) perfect day. If you thought you’d heard it all so far, you definitely haven’t! This perfect day has everything from a Greggs breakfast to mythical creatures, and all things in between.  Like and subscribe for brand-new episodes every Thursday. Follow us on Instagram @perfectdaycast. And, why not get in touch? Email us at [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music, and it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. TD Direct Investing offers live support. So whether you're a newbie or a seasoned pro, you can make your investing steps count. And if you're like me and think a TFSA stands for total

fund savings adventure, maybe reach out to TD Direct Investing. All right then. I've had everything on the menu at Costa and I'm proud of it. Hello Perfect Dayers, I'm Jessica Knappett and you are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world. Welcome to Perfect Day. This week, to share his Perfect Day, I'm joined by none other than the musical comedic talent that is Huge Davies. And things, admittedly, get a bit weird. Naturally, Nosferatu makes a healthy cameo, as does Lord of the Rings,

Thorpe Park and Benny Hanna. Now if you're wondering how all those things go together, so am I. But anything is possible in the land of Perfect Day and today is no exception. We have a lovely chat about what's been going on with Hugh, what he's up to right now, and his creative process and how his cool musical brain works when it comes to learning and teaching creative process and how his cool musical brain works when it comes to learning and teaching an instrument and there is a spoon involved. So take a seat, this is huge to your perfect day. It's you saying welcome, but when I came in it was almost like you'd never been here before.

Right. Well, that's just the general vibe that is created by myself and the team, just to put everyone slightly on edge. Yeah, sure. What we do is we sort of put you in a kind of a deficit. That is deliberate. Okay, cool. A deficit of fun, like slight stress.

Is it because I'm about to say a perfect day? You wanted to be taking me as far away from that concept as possible. Yeah, yeah. Sort of like a dopamine hit, you know, you probably do know about this. You have to sort of experience a bit of pain in order to experience pleasure and that's just where we're going with this. My perfect day starts off with uncomfortable podcast with Jessica Nappert.

So, Hugh, you're on tour at the moment. Yes, it's true. For your show, which is called album four number four. Yeah. My ancestors brackets dead. Thanks for saying that because not a lot of people don't say that. I think it's funnier that it's got a four in it. Of course it is. And what was most annoying is when it was programmed, the person programming it typed four. And then I was like, no, it's the number four. And they were like, but it's easier when you type it because you won't type the four in, you'll type the four in, so it'd be easier. And I said, never talk

to me like that fucking way ever again. Put the four in. I couldn't give a shit. Right. And they still looking at the- No, they didn't reply back. But loads of people came to the show, it was sold out. It's good though, yeah, people came. And... It's a good story, you really are the hero of that story actually, in the end. It's all got a twist actually. Because it starts off, you sound like a bit of a...

You sound like a bit of a dick, but by the end of it you've sold out your show. So it's actually good. By the end of it you fancy me. Is that the sort of general vibe of the show then? Yes, it starts, you come in sort of hating me, but as I sing songs to you from my ancestors that have been passed down to me, you start to fall in love with me.

Wow. Yeah. Do you want to tell us any more about the show? The, what are these ancestors? Where's this music come from? So it's actually not a comedy show. Oh, right. So it's based on my ancestors, all musicians throughout, you know, all the way back to caveman times.

Basically, we pass on songs. I don't know why you like it, it's not comedy. So you pass on songs and they've handed me the song book and I play songs from that to the audience to honor them. So it's like Moana? It is like Moana. If Moana's grandfather was Batman or I think some of my ancestors are all the characters

from Friends. Of course we've got... I'm sorry for your loss. It's okay. Oh yeah, sorry, it's fine. Got five more. Who else is my ancestors? ET. He's in there. It's a beautiful, a lot of a lot of tearing up. Prepare to tear up. It sounds really emotional. Yeah. Where are you playing anywhere up north do you know? Yeah everywhere. Because I don't, I only will only

come if it's within a 10 mile radius of my home. Okay, cool. I thought that you were gonna maybe live on Shetland Island or something. No, no, no. It's a small town in West Yorkshire. Okay, cool.

So if you're playing anywhere near Leeds, Bradford, Ilkley, Skipton, New York, I could maybe do York. Okay, cool. I'll see what I can do. I reside in New York quite often. My nieces do York okay cool I'll give it I'll see what I can do I reside in New York quite often my my nieces live there as you'll find out from oh okay you guess so maybe guess where I might be Segway well yeah on that note let's get going Huge what's your perfect morning? Bloody hell. All right. So first thing I do is I make my wife coffee in bed.

Are you married? No, she's not real, but it's good. It'd be good to meet her. Do you know what I mean? Perfect day would be to meet my wife, find out what she's like, her interests. What do you think she might be like? Um, Nostra Ata? I haven't seen it but... Big demon vampire scabby guy. That's my, that's my, that's what I want her to be. Right. Yeah. My perfect babe. Okay. So it does sound perfect. So you're waking up in bed with your perfect wife. Yeah. Get her a coffee if she wants.

I'm not gonna force her. If she wants a fellowship of the ring in bed. Watch that in bed. Oh, yeah. Yeah, perfect. So romantic. Yeah, just what she wants. That's what Nosratu the demon would like. Something to look back on. You know, I think it's from there, I think. And how does that compare to normal morning Hugh? Well, it's a bit similar. Wife isn't there. No. But fellowship is there. I've got I don't need you don't need wife.

You've got Legolas, Gimli Aragon, Mary Pippen, Sam Frodo and Gandalf and Boromir. No, of course you don't. I'm not I'm not a massive Lord of the Rings Fan so I can't really join. Okay. You're not my wife. No, no No, that's very clear. Um, so I'm interested in Your creative side, obviously you have to write your material. Oh, yeah, are you a morning person? You'll be gigging at night. So we're the sort of person that normally stays in bed. What's your morning normally like?

Well, I normally get up and I do write first thing I do. Do you? Yeah, every. Get it all out. Every morning, write with my housemate. Who's your housemate, are you allowed to say? Another comedian? I don't know if I can say see let me just look up if he's been cancelled So yeah, I live alone actually

Yeah, I had a by myself so I just write by myself downstairs my morning my morning pages Then you don't do morning pages, then... You don't do morning pages. Yeah, I do. I have a contract. What?

You have to sign a contract for morning pages. It's true, I know. You do. Yeah, yeah, it's true. You signed a contract with yourself. Well, yeah, now I have. Yeah, it's myself now. But yeah, I've sung it with myself.

And then I do that, and then I do my separate writing for like material. Do you actually do morning pages? I actually do morning pages, yeah. Loads of really great comedians I admire, no, I know they do morning pages. So I've started since I heard they do it. I can't tell if you're joking.

No. Because you've spent obviously the first 10 minutes of this podcast in another realm. So I don't know if that's a joke. I do Morning Pages every day. I mean, it's not part of my perfect day because I don't really want to have the... because it is like a routine routine like brushing your teeth. Morning pages for those who don't know and they have come up I think a couple of times are a way of kind of dumping your thoughts. Yeah. You just, it's a stream of consciousness. Yeah. It's supposed to like, it's a kind of cleansing way to start the day because all your, I think like if you wake up

and you have an anxiety about anything, you just get it on the page and then it's like, and then you also forced to like confront it and then you deal with it during the writing and then you're kind of good to start the day. But do you read it back? No, you're not allowed to. Well, there's one I used to do,

which was like what I did for my writing exercise. So I did the same thing again, but with, I like go to a sentence, you know, you're to like a sentence generator online. It just makes you give you a random sentence. You have to write on that for 700 words without stopping and whatever happens. Cause you just, it just sort of makes your brain go into it. You can't deviate from the sentence. It puts you in flow. Yeah, it's kind of a bit like having a conversation with yourself. If you're having a conversation with someone

and something comes up that you would never talk about, and that inspires something else, that's what you're doing to yourself, basically. You are unlocking bits of your brain that you wouldn't. For example, I had a sentence that was something like like there were no worms left at the fishing shop. And then I don't know how it got there, but I was, I was, and then I just got on my brain started to go towards like Kings or something like that or something like that. And then I was talking and then it just got me into a conversation about Kings and Queens in my head that I would never had that day

or with anyone but I just have that every day so like I have like it and then it's good for ideas. Wow you must generate so much material. It's all bad. It doesn't make any sense. You know what I thought recently? Well the King's thing was that I thought about Mambo number five and I was like they must have had Mambo number one. And then the one was like, how about Henry the eighth and his wives? Then I wrote the bit, performed it three times,

dead silence every single time. Oh my God, are you kidding? That's fine. But it's okay, I'll get another one tomorrow. You've obviously not found your audience, even though you've been doing this for so long. Had I been there. Yeah.

You did a lot, yeah. I'd long. Had I been there. Yeah. You'd have loved, yeah. I'd have absolutely. Yeah, sure. I'd have loved that. Maybe I'll try my number one again. A little bit of Katherine in my life. Little bit of Anne Cleves.

A little bit of Anne. By my side. Anne Boleyn by my side. Yeah, yeah. Little bit of Jane. Oh, she died. She's dead. Yeah, just a big she's dead.

I love a bit of Henry VIII. I find it fascinating that Henry VIII, a murderer. Okay, fine, sure. I mean, he was, he murdered his wives. He murdered his wives and we sort of celebrate him with this kind of like jolly chant in school Do you think he should be struck off the ruler with all the kings on it? I just I don't know what it's sort of I suppose It's what just what happens with when with the passage of time if you have six wives and you kill them

People are not gonna forget I think But if you're gonna have six wives don't kill two of them, but it's sort of like oh, what's he like? No, but if you're gonna have six wives don't kill two of them, but it's sort of like oh, what's he like? I sort of think that if you're if you're on to your sixth wife and you kill two of them, maybe marriage isn't for you Do you mean yeah stays maybe single go single try the artist way, you know Get on your morning pages Henry. I think if Henry the eighth had had gotten his morning pages, you might have not killed two of his wives. He might not have stopped at Greensleeves.

You know, we just, we don't know what we're getting from Henry with the artist's way. Henry's artist's date. So the other thing about, this fascinates me. So have you completed the artist's way all the way through the 12th? No, we've just started. We started in the new year, but I have been doing a version of the artist's way for like a while as a writing exercise. But it's not strictly the artist's way because it's quite confronting. I think I read somewhere that if you do the artist's way properly, it can be quite like a dark thing. you. When you, I was like, the last thing I need to wake up is me talking about my, but it's like my, the worst things I want

to talk about. But I think it's actually quite good because then you don't, you don't have to think about them for the rest of the day. But I do think it's a way of, it's a book by the way, for people who are interested. Yeah, read the book. It's by Julia Cameron. And it is, it's essentially a 12 step program like you get in the AA, but for getting you out of a creative block. It doesn't sound like you are creatively blocked. That's probably why you don't need it.

Well, I think it's, I wanted to do it. And my housemate who cut my cut name, wants to do it as well. And we thought we'd just do it together. So yeah, we're doing it every day. And also I think I'm the sort of person that would fall off the wagon, but we both have to do it every day. We do it at the exact same time every day.

We do it at nine o'clock every day. So yeah, it's a good way to start the day. Love that. Yeah. Okay. But that's not the start, that's not the end of the morning. No, no, but that's your normal morning. That's my normal morning. Let's go back to to start the day. Love that. Yeah. Okay. That's not the start, that's not the end of the morning. No, no, but that's your normal morning. That's my normal morning.

Let's go back to your perfect morning then. Well, this is a morning in which I don't need the artist way. This is somewhat, I've been so creative that every single day I write a new standup hour. I film a new television show every single day. There's no need. So that's your dream. I'm overburdened.

Your dream is that you're just, your creativity is so abundant. It's just pouring out of you. That's your perfect day. My perfect day is that I wake up and other people are watching the equivalent to the thing I've made that is Lord of the Rings. So it's like, oh we've got to wake up and we've got to watch, I don't know, a huge day of these, Ghost of Indonesia, whatever travel show I'll make. You know, that sort of thing I would do. That's the sort of peak of what I might be able to do is be going to Indonesia. And filming a travel log. I feel like that's attainable. Yeah, sure. I mean, yeah. I mean, it's very attainable, I think.

So yeah, hopefully. You're a bloke on telly. You should be able to get a travel log. Yeah, travel log in, yeah. Maybe take my mum. Who knows? Maybe I'll take my dad. Who knows? So anything else on your perfect morning or just... Yeah. So I go to football. Oh yeah. I play football.

Nice. And I would go to football. Specifically before I go to football, I stop off at the Gregg's and have a Gregg's breakfast before as I do before every football session. Really before? Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. You are crazy. It, I know, it's crazy.

What if that is actually a crazy thing to do, then you just go and throw up on the pitch? What are you eating? Sausage roll? Specifically, I'll have the two yum yums, and then I'll also have a sausage, bean and cheese melt before football. But also, I live not that close to it,

so I do get 45 minutes to like digest and get rid of it. It's mainly the start of the yum yums for energy. But then it's like, is it a crime to not get a sausage, bean and cheese melt? If you're having breakfast. Yeah, you're already there. It's breakfast time.

Like it's kind of, you should really have one. So that's what I do in that play football, which makes me feel really good. And it's- Is this the football, the comedians football? There's several. I've done, I do a few of them, but yeah. There was one on Tuesday, which is like the big wig one. Oh yeah.

And there's a one on Sunday with the people that have, that can't be on TV anymore. The canceled guys. The canceled guys. That's, I'm in that one too. Oh my God, really? Yeah, that's the one. I'd really love to know some people, but I guess we can't.

So I go there alone, not with my housemate. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Oh, good stuff.

So, no, no, it's very healthy. It's healthy, it's a healthy group. Um, afterwards we go for Costa, which is another big part of it. We have a coffee afterwards to negate any of the testosterone that's been accumulated during the game. It just brings you all right down, does it? Is it all lads? No, mostly it is.

There have been ladies that have come to the football, but because we call them ladies, they call them ladies. there have been ladies that have come to the football, but because we call them ladies. They've called them ladies. Um. Females. Females. You've got some good females coming.

Um, it's happened to everyone. I think, I think that it's, I think we get, I like it to be competitive because it's my only exercise of that week. Like I run a lot and I think sometimes it can get rough, but I quite like it because I don't have any other source of being rough any other time of the week. When you say rough, are you like punching each other and stuff or are you calling each other names? I'm talking about celebrations. Like we score the goal, I punch down,

I pick up the goalpost, I throw it against a wall. Set fire to it. Set fire to it. I think we think we look like Premier League players, but actually what's happening is just like people in their 30s trying to play football, embarrassing. Do you know what I mean? But ladies are welcome to the group,

but sometimes I think it gets rough. Yeah. And I don't want to be rough. So in your perfect morning. There's no women. Ha ha ha ha. Apart from your wife, obviously. Apart from my wife, obviously.

Is she watching? No, no, I don't want her there. No. Not, if it's Nosferatu, I don't want her there. No. If it's Nosferatu, I don't want him there either. So you've left your wife at Greg's. Left my wife at Greg's. She's taken me to the station like a boy. Like a little boy.

Dropped me off. Perfect. So after football, anything else? Well, we go to Costa. We go to Costa, we talk about our feelings. Do you? Yeah. That's about our feelings. Do you? Yeah. That's beautiful.

Yeah. I think we also I love Costa because the Costa we go to they know us so well. They know us our drinks off by heart. We come in, their faces light up. Oh my God. They say do you want your, a lot of people have mango, like the mango passion fruit drink. Absolutely revolting. That disgusts me. But they say how many? That's this week, because they know that,

so they do it in a big batch. Like it's a web of spoons and you've got like a, a big bucket of slop. It's just like cheers. Yeah, it is just like cheers. And then we have hot, I normally go for hot chocolate depending on the season, like seasonal hot chocolate

Terry chocolate orange Yeah, they do that sickly. Yeah, don't get that But I've had everything on the menu it at Costa when I'm proud of it should move on to perfect afternoon huge What's your perfect afternoon, please? So I meet up with my mistress. Oh my god. I don't have a mistress, obviously. No, but it's your perfect afternoon.

No, it's my perfect afternoon. So I meet up with my mistress. We go to Thought Park. Wow. Yeah. What's your mistress like? So obviously the opposite of my wife. Nosferatu.

Yeah, so probably closer to what I'd actually want for a wife then, if it's the opposite of Nosferatu. Come on then, let's have it. What's huge Davis' perfect woman? I've never thought about this. We had Brett Goldstein on and he drew a a picture you can do the same if you want. I Don't think you could draw what I want. Okay, well just describe it then What's the thing where you've got a body for a horse?

Right. Yeah sent or a sent a sent. Yeah, is it a minor tour a sent or sent or sent or I love that Okay, so a sentaur. Yeah, centaur. Okay. I like to get on the back of my wife and I want her to take me to Thorpe Park. Sorry, no, no, it's my mistress. It's my mistress, sorry. How is she gonna get on the rides with you?

I don't think a centaur's gonna be able to get on the, I don't know what any of the rides are called. It didn't say anything about her being on the rides. Oh, right, you just need her to watch, hold your cone. To take me again. Okay, this is the same thing. I want someone to take me to Greg's. Just clip-clop you in.

Clip-clop in. Maybe create a distraction at the front so I don't have to pay to get in. Yeah. I go in there with my nieces in the real situation and take my nieces to the park. I think they really like it. They've not been to a theme park before.

Oh. I think they really like it. How old are they? Seven and five. Oh've not been to a theme park before. I think they really like it. How old are they? Seven and five. Oh yeah. Yeah. Ideal. Yeah.

So you're a big roller coaster head. I'm a big roller coaster head. Is that what they're called? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roller, yeah, roller head. Roller head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coaster, coaster boy.

Coaster lad. Yeah. Big coaster lad. Yeah, I do love, I don't go there that often, obviously, because I'm 33, but I will, I do like it. I've been there on my birthday a few times. So this is your perfect afternoon. Just ragging around. You've got presumably some kind of all access pass. Or do you like the queues?

I don't like the queues actually. Yeah, so all that, I also don't want the atmosphere to be like creepy like it's an apocalypse. Do you know what I mean? Like it's an empty, you know, I want, part of it is the fun of going there and you see like a employee having a cigarette behind a Burger King, you know, that's good. You know, I like to see, cause I think when you're a child

and you go there, it's like a magic land. When you're old, you can see over the fence, you see people on their cigarette breaks, I like that. A bit of behind the scenes. Yeah, a bit of behind the scenes. How do you feel about carnival, you know, like fun fairs? Are you just like in on all the rides or are you, does it have to be a theme park?

I think Thorpe Park specifically I want, but I will be happy to... What's so great about thought park I have a lot of good memories there I remember once we had a school trip that the end of the year and then when I teach I didn't like Was for kind of forced to go on One of the rides and then I think you got like caught in the thing so he couldn't get out But they didn't have the time to get him out so he had to go around four times and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Oh my god that's amazing. It was absolutely incredible. He was like, I can't, he's like stop it, stop, he's like you can't stop, you just have to wait for the next start, you have to go around again. Better go around four times. He couldn't get off. Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine a teacher you didn't like having to force to do something and...

That's incredible. Was he puking? Was it the big one, whatever that one's called? It was the big one. It was like the big, I can't remember. I think it might be, that might be, I don't remember the ride, but it was like, we had a lot of loops and like he was just, I think he was doing it for sport. He was like, go on Mr. Crumb. And he, yeah, it was really funny. It was like, it's almost like he, we were laughing at him, but it's almost at that point that you can't even like blame the children because it is funny. Oh, yeah. You can't be

like, well, it's fine. It's like, this would be objectively funny. You can't really say stop laughing at me. I'm in distress. Even if you're feeling like the most distress. But also you're all staying there to laugh at him presumably. No, I'm not moving on. It's got to like the force around and you're still okay. There's nothing else to do. You have to stay with him legally. We're all underage, we're children. You have to stay and watch this man. It's basically like being forced to watch the best show of all time at Thorpe Park. You know, you were looking everywhere.

What kind of a dickhead was he? Cause it matters doesn't it, why someone say, I feel like it's sort of- Spoke slowly I think. You know, when you really draw out a class. But I sort of respect it now. What kind of teacher? What subject? He was a science teacher, taught us chemistry,

I think, chemistry or physics. But he would speak so slowly. I respect it now because it meant that I know now because I've taught before that he didn't know anything what he was talking about, so he just slowed down to- You've taught before? Yeah, I used to be a piano teacher. Really? Yeah.

Ah. Yeah. Oh, I forgot that I'm a morning, I also play piano in the morning. So I do like a bit, I like, I play some piano in the morning. I've got to miss that, I like, I, you know, I'll play some piano in the morning. I've got to miss that one out. What kind of piano will you be playing? What sort of music? Different kinds. I'll try and learn a bit of something every day. Classical? Yeah, yeah, classical or jazz. I like quite like, because I never really learned jazz when I was a

kid, so, because I was like quite classical, trained like piano guy. So I try and like because I never really learned jazz when I was a kid so because I was like quite classical trained like piano guy so I try and like a new something new every time yeah. Do you read music or do you play by ear? By ear yeah. Oh nice. Yeah yeah. So did you how did you learn? By sight reading but I didn't like I couldn't like it doesn't really work for me like I just had to do that but now like you can get more access to things

like on YouTube and online and videos. It's like you didn't have videos when you were a kid. All you had was the sheets, but now you get videos of people playing. And sometimes I don't even like watch the video. I like listen to it. And then I try and like get the, like learn it from listening to it.

Lovely. Yeah. So for a nice process. What a gift. Yeah. Gorgeous. Yeah. Is it a gift or is it an asian mum? Is it it's an asian mum, is it if you know you haven't got one I assume I don't have an age But I did have to do piano lessons. Oh really what how what ages?

I did well I did piano up till about age 11 and then I Learned a bit of guitar and then I realized that you could apply the same. And then when I realized you could just do chords and you could space out. So that's how I play it. But it's bad, but it's enough. That's fine. It's what you want to do. It's difficult because I like teaching adults more because you can ask the adult, like, what do you want from this and then you can get them towards that. But when you're a kid, you basically the options are like you do grades because your parents want you to do grades. But it's like if you asked a child what they wanted

to do, they'd say, they probably say and would practice more because they want to be able to play this pop song. Yeah, exactly. I want, I want, you know, to, but I want to play Coldplay. Then you'd be like, Oh, we'll work towards that. And then once you've done that, then that's because that's how I learned guitar as well. Like I wanted to play a song on the guitar. So I learned to play the song. And then I wanted to play. No one ever taught me. I just wanted to play the songs I wanted to play. But adults are quite good at being like, oh, I want to do grades or I want to play this specific song. And then I go, oh, the way to get there is we can do like scales and it will help like exercise your hands or whatever it just depends on the person. You do need to have like a basic foundation. Yeah you have a basic foundation but if it's like there's no point learning like all these like crazy

arpeggio scale things if you're just like I literally just my I want to I want to play Bad Day by Daniel Poulter it's like that's my dream I'm like well we don't probably need don't need to do like by Daniel Poulter. It's like, that's my dream. I'm like, well, we don't probably need, don't need to do like the chromatic scales. It's going to be fun. Yeah. I love that. Do you think that when you were teaching yourself piano and guitar, well mainly guitar, that you had to have a, like, did you become fixated on it? Like, did you become, cause I'm interested in whether people's brains, like there's a sort of necessary bit of like having to be obsessed in order to learn something and like the repetition of having to keep going. Like, do you think you became kind

of fixated by the idea of learning it and that's how you taught yourself? Well, I think I came fixated upon my mum not hitting me with a big wooden spoon. That drove me to a lot of the things I'm passionate about. Did she really? Fear of the big wooden spoon. Yeah. Yeah. She dropped. Back of the legs?

Or back of the fingers. Really? Yeah, back of the fingers. What, so she's sitting there while you're playing? Yeah, she hit me in the, you know, if I hit me in the back of the hand. If you got it wrong? No idea if I'm doing it right or not. No, it's not even musical. No idea. But she's got ears. Yeah, so it was a fear of fear. Really? No, I know I do, I do, this sounds like a toxic thing to say,

but I appreciate her being so like passionate about me practicing well because now it's my job. Like I can play, I like to write music for people and I perform music almost every day. That's so interesting because I think we're so soft on our kids now. But I think this, I think that she wasn't right to hit me, but also like, it wasn't like she hit me so hard that I like cry. It was more like it was more like it was it's just discipline. It's Asian discipline. But it's like I mean I would yeah it's difficult. She doesn't she didn't care. I once confronted her. I think it sounds a bit like she does care.

No no she doesn't care that people know. Oh, right, all right. I once confronted her, like, you know, my mum had some people around for dinner, and then I was like, you know, I was forced to make an appearance at some point, and then I think that she was telling this story about how I wanted to poo in the bath with my dad or something, but she tells the same story every dinner party, and I'm just like,

this is so dull. I was like, remember the time when you used to hit me with the fingers with a spoon when I didn't practice hard enough? She was like, she was only like five times. She didn't care. Five times? Yeah, only five times.

It wasn't that often, but it was like, yeah. Stayed in the moment, but do you think it was more than five times? Probably, yeah. Yeah. I should have another dinner party. I'll say to her. It's quite a lot to be admitting to actually, if it really was only five times. Because you'd say it was only once. If it was five times, you'd say it was only once.

Yeah, but I think piano practice, I probably needed a bit of discipline because I think I like new things. I mean, you're practicing piano every single day for like two hours for like, what, 16 years I did it? 15 years before I finished all my grades, I think. It's very repetitive and dull and it requires a lot of practice. For you to play classical music, it's a discipline basically. It's just hours of training your fingers to do it like muscle memory and to like even reach the things that you have to like do.

And yeah, I think it's dull if, it's quite a dull process sometimes. People feel like, it's weird sometimes you like learn a piece like my dream piece to learn was a piece called like Hungarian Rhapsody Number Two. But the time I finished it, I never wanted to play it ever again, because I'd practiced it. I never wanted to play it ever again. Cause I'd practiced it.

So I'd like played it so much. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it's a song from the, the Tom and Jerry episode where he's in the piano, where Jerry's living in the piano and Tom's playing the piano and he's disrupting him. But it's that piece, cause I was, I used to watch that a lot as a kid.

So it was my dream to play that song. But the time I finished it, I no longer wanted to play it. It's typical, isn't it? How long did it take you to learn it? Probably about half a year. Really? Longer, maybe like seven months. If you listen to the piece, it's almost like...

And you don't need to look at the music. No, I needed to... Could you sit down and play it now? I needed music for that because some of the notes are like, it's almost like it's impossible to hear. It's almost too fast to even know what's going on. Wow. But it's like I did finish it. I can't even play it anymore because I just never played it after.

And they're like if you don't play something for like five months you pretty much lose it. So I can't play anymore, which is mad isn't it? So we skipped back to the morning. Sorry, skipped back to the morning. And we were adding some piano into the morning. Sorry, skipped back to the morning. And we were adding some piano into the morning. Yeah. But perfect afternoon. Perfect afternoon. Yeah, so Thorpe Park with my nieces. There's a Benihanna in Thorpe Park, this Thorpe Park.

Benihanna is a restaurant. It's Teppanyaki restaurant. Teppanyaki. Teppanyaki. Teppanyaki. It's good for, I used to... Teppanyaki if you don't know is... It's when you go through the pins out of the back of a restaurant. With a fox. And you have sex with a fox.

Yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum, yum. It's like a griddle. It's like a big flat griddle and you sit around the griddle and then they cook in front of you. You order what you want. It's quite performative isn't it? It's great isn't it? It's good to see someone else just absolutely killing it whilst they're cooking. Yeah sometimes you get like an egg might be thrown up in the air and caught in a hat. But that's an egg in a shell by the way. That's not. That's an egg in a shell, by the way. That's not.

That's an egg in a shell. Yeah, not a fried egg. What am I remembering that wrong? Poached egg in the hat. Why do I think an egg might be caught in a chef's hat and then... They do that. They do that. So I shall remind you of some of the main features of Benihana.

The onion train. Sorry. Keep going. We've been to Benihana before. No, I've been to a Teppanyaki restaurant but not Benihana. They do an onion train. So basically, so if you think of an onion, they cut it into like what you can imagine like a slice and they they kind of unfurl the onion and stack it so it's like a pyramid and then the top bit of the pyramid has got a hole in it. They

put oil in that and they set that on fire and turn the lights out and they push it and it's like a train. It's like a volcano that's on fire they push it across the griddle. By the time they finish with it obviously it tastes disgusting. Awful, it's awful to taste. It looks amazing. Straight in the bin. That's what we call my uncle's mouth. Straight into my uncle's mouth. They also they do juggling the the top and pepper. They throw a prawn into your mouth, if you're lucky. I love that this is your favourite place

to eat in the world. Do you not think? I mean, yeah, it's fun. Do you like food? Like, do you- I love food, yeah. Yeah, and you're, and so it is about the taste as well, but for you, you do need a performance.

The food, the salad they do there was like the best salad I've ever had. They did like a ginger salad which is really nice and I really like that and they also everything is cooked really well. I think it tastes really good on the griddle but mainly there's a man in front of you trying to impress you and also at this point my niece she'd love it too like she'd love to have a prawn shocked in her mouth. She'd love it. She's like, you know, she'd probably try and get on the griddle. Cause she's looking like- That's a really good idea actually.

I think I need to take my kids to- Oh yeah, definitely. It's like incredible. As a kid, it was like my favorite. We go on special occasions. So like, I went there for like, when I got my grade eight, if I got like a new grade piano,

like we would go to Benihana. Yeah, yeah, it's so much fun. I go in like a little shirt or something. And then a bow tie maybe. Was I with a friend? No. I, Mum and Dad take me and bring a wooden spoon well yeah yeah with my girlfriend pre wife but yeah yeah it's great did you know so um just to pull you up on a little joke you made there did you not have any friends at school oh I had I had some all right sure but they weren't allowed to come to Benihana? No. Right. No. No.

That's the family time. Right, right, right. That's the special time between, that's the moment between me, my mum, my dad and a random chef will never ever meet again. Beautiful family time. So you, so yeah, you want to go to Benihana. The trouble is, is sometimes they get you a chef that's like, he's finding it in. He's been there, I imagine the turnover of Benihana is pretty quick. He's been there

what, five months? He's really seen the tail end of it. He's just come off the cruise ship. He's been doing this a long time. So sometimes he won't be giving it. Sometimes I'll maybe leave my mouth open as a sort of like a, oh, maybe put a prawn in. Sometimes they never put a prawn in. Yeah. Yeah, they don't, you know, they're no juggling kind of no, they sometimes have little jokes. There's like, there's a joke, you know,

comedians sometimes if you're at gigs, like sometimes there are like gigs you have to do over and over again. And then it's quite funny watching different comedians do it cause then they have to do the same over again. And then it's quite funny watching different comedians do it because then they have to do the same basic, basically the same joke every time. And you can sometimes see that with the teppanyaki. The dead eyes.

The dead eyes. Yeah. They'll just be like saying the same cracks every time. Sometimes they always, always they put the rice in the shape of a heart and they push it towards what they think of two people on a date or should be in love. That's so they'll do that. And then they're like, oh, a brother and sister. Yeah. And then they throw prawns in their face. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. What if do they miss sometimes? Yeah, they do miss. Yeah. That's all part of it. It's all part of it. Also part of the charm of it. You know, it's, I think if someone,

if someone throws a prawn at you, at your open mouth, whose fault is it that it doesn't go in? Is it your fault? I think it's their fault. Well, because if it's a perfect throw, you won't even need to really move. Yeah, it's called having a net. Unless you've moved, that's on them, I think.

No? I don't know, it depends. If the throw is, I feel like if the throw is bad, it's definitely their fault. Yeah. But I think you could always depends. If the throw is, I feel like if the throw is bad, it's definitely their fault. Yeah. But I think you could always blame someone on the throw. It's collaborative, I suppose, isn't it? Yeah. Hard to collaborate with a chef you're never going to meet ever again. Okay. So. And also, also two towers. What? The two towers. I'm watching the two towers during the meal. Oh, right.

Yeah. What's The Two Towers? Oh, that's The Lord of the Rings. That's the middle film. The Lord of the Rings, what the, oh my God, you love it. Yeah, so. How do you feel about the TV show?

Are you one of the haters? No, I'm not a hater. I think the first series was not great. I think they took on board a lot of the criticisms from the second season. And I think the second season is actually very good and I enjoyed. Okay. Should we move on to your perfect night? Yeah.

I feel like it might be Lord of the Rings related. So I go home, as I said, I live with my best friend. I come home to find her in bed with my wife. Yeah, but then obviously from that becomes a discussion about how important it is to our boundaries and what we mean to each other. And from that sparks a wider conversation about intimacy and ultimately friendship and connection which I would really like on my perfect day. Can you explain yourself please? What are you talking about?

I don't have to explain anything I'd say. This is my perfect day. Your perfect day is establishing- It's finding my pretend wife. Your pretend wife and be your real housemate. No, I pretend to. So your pretend... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Women can be cancelled too and play football. Very rarely. Both of those things are impossible. You think you might be the first?

A cancelled female footballer. So your male housemate. No, my female housemate. Your female housemate. Yeah, having an affair with my wife. So your fantasy female housemate. No, my actual housemate. Your actual female housemate is having an affair with your fantasy wife who isn't Nosferatu.

Yeah, no, no, he's Nosferatu. Right, okay. Remember the mistress is the real one. Yeah. That's the centaur. But the centaur's nowhere to be seen. Centaur's nowhere to be seen. Centaur's at Thorpe Hall waiting for me to be picked up.

Yeah. I've shown my, you know what, the way my niece saw a giraffe for the first time. Can you imagine her seeing a centaur for the first time? Her eyes would light up. Yeah, they really would. And then off you pop to Benny Hanna. Yeah. Just you and your niece and your centaur. And my centaur, yeah. Two nieces. Two nieces. So and you've had a lovely conversation about boundaries, did you say? Yeah, not with my nieces, with my...

No, with your new sort of semi-polyamorous set up. I know, I want it to be polyamorous. You don't want it to be? No, no, no. It brings a conversation about how we should respect each other's boundaries. Right. And it reinforces all the bonds. And does it

reinforce down which side? So you and your wife are now even more intimate and connected than you were before because of the... Because of the infidelity. Yeah, the infidelity. And then I maybe come clean about the centaur. She goes, the a state. She goes the garden being ripped to shreds. Yeah. Who's been in there? Clippity-clop. I've got something to tell you. Senti come in. Yeah. Head stoops through the door. Really difficult to get into the tiny house. It's interesting that this is your perfect day. Perfect day. Yeah. Have you ever felt like something really bad happened and then something, it was resolved and it was like, it was a great, it felt so good. Yeah, like the relief of, yeah,

I have had that actually recently. That's why I want. I want it disguised as like fun things during the day, but then it's like a crushing realization in the evening. Quickly, quickly taken care of and then we all respect each other. I think you just want to, you're trying to skip ahead

to make up sex, aren't you? Quite quickly. No, absolutely not. Oh really? Absolutely not. Okay. It's interesting that it's just the intimacy and connection that you want.

It's just a pure emotional, psychological. Well that's a good day, isn't it? Lovely intimate emotional connection, discussion of boundaries. Everyone's talked about their feelings. It's just that it's sort of like a bit like in Costa with all the lads, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's about Costa with the lads.

Oh, before we go home, I've had a nice gig. Okay. I've had a nice gig, specifically tour support for a big, for a comedian that I like being around. Okay, so what you've, you've just been doing a couple of those, haven't you? Well, I do tour support for a few people. Joe Lysat?

I do, Joe, yeah, you know what? I would, being Joe Lysat's tour support is probably as good as it gets, I'd say, in comedy. Yeah, I think, so I'm playing to people that I know, the amount of people that I have no right to be playing to. You know, like I don't, I shouldn't be playing to arenas of people. Not that I think I don't deserve it, it's just I don't have enough people that want to see me that could fill arenas like in the way that Joe Liza would. Is that a tough gig though? Because they're not, you know, they're not there to see you.

But I like a tough gig. Yeah. Tough gigs are good. Good. I like, I think it's funny that you, because I don't think many people when they go to see, like you book Joe Liza tickets, you're not imagining the first half of the show is a random person you've never seen before. I think it's quite funny to come out and then they're like, and they're like, like this countdown for Joe and then it's like, it's just the opposite of him. It's just like, just the straightest man you've ever seen wearing a keyboard. You know, just Asian guy. Like it's so far from what Joe talks about or is like on stage.

You know, he's so kind on stage, like he's kind off stage, but he's so kind on stage and like welcoming and so like charming. I'm better. I'm Nosferatu, you know, and just quite like a like a kind of like a demon that's doing musical comedy, which some people just cannot bear. I think it's really fun to go out and try and win that audience over. Like, because my job is to warm them up for Joe, so that they're ready for Joe, but it's also like, you know, it's hard when they don't, it's not really what they're ready for Joe. But it's also like, you know, it's hard when they don't, it's not really what they were expecting, but I like the challenge of it. And I think I always do a good job. And yeah, so I had the chat, I had the challenge of the gig, and then I also have the gig, which is like basically me playing to like, what is pretty much thousands

and thousands and thousands of people, which is like a crazy high. And then also, of course, like hanging out with Joe Lysa on tour is like, it's a what I experienced, like it's, yeah. Such a great guy. Great guy, great guy. I actually listened to his episode on the way here, because I always like listen to an episode. I actually listened to the two people

that I just brought, Phil Wang as well. And he was talking about the service station KFC. I was like, that's a lot of his tour as well. Yeah. I do like, I do actually remember. He actually got me onto KFC. Really? He thought he, I didn't really like it,

but I thought it was overrated. And he was like, he was having none of it. You haven't had enough KFC. Yeah. So he took me to a KFC. Like I was, I thought it was overrated. He was like, he was having none of it. You haven't had enough KFC. Yeah, so he took me to a KFC. I think I was dropping him off home and he was like, no, you're driving us to a KFC now. I'm gonna have KFC. So yeah, so on tour, like hanging out with comedians

in and around gigs, like comedians I like and comedians I'm friends with is like the perfect, it's like a really good evening. It's like post gig, pre gig, hanging out with friends. Beautiful. Yeah, nice. We've got one last question. Yeah. It's a bonus question. It's about Return of the King. Well, presumably yes. Yeah, what's the Return of the King in bed? Yeah, no, it's about, well, yeah, I mean, I think this probably is it then. You've answered the question before I've asked it,

but that's fine. Sure. What we're asking our guests now is, what is a piece of perfection that you'd recommend this week? Let me think about this. Oh, so this is a bit, so I got my housemate, this thing for Christmas, which is like a light.

I think it's for children, but it's a light and it projects the stars onto the ceiling, like the solar system onto the ceiling. Yeah. It's got like little slides that you can change the- No, so it's like on a setting, I think there's loads, I bought her one, it's loads of different kinds you can get on Amazon.

The one I got is like, it changes colors and it changes like, it's, I put it on, I was expecting literally nothing from this thing. It was just nothing. She said, because our ceiling in our room is like not painted properly. So I got her that, so she was like, I hate looking at the ceiling, so I got her that.

We put it on in the living room. We were looking at that for, I swear to God, an hour and a half. No music, we were just looking at it. It was incredible. And it might depend on the one you get. So I think I've got a good one. We've got, the one we've got is a NASA one.

Yeah. And you can swap in the hemispheres. Yeah. And it's also got a shooting star button. Wow. Okay, that's really cool I don't know if we don't have a shooting star button. Well, well, but yours is pretty good It's maybe we can find out the exact model and we can we can link it in the show notes I won't say what the price of it is because I want to I'm on my flatmate to know that I paid more like more for it Yeah, but it's a bit expensive, but like get one,

because it's affordable but expensive. Honestly, it's incredible. Would you say it's better than the actual sky? If you're living in London, yeah, sure. If you're living in London, 100%, it's better than the actual sky. Oh, what a sad reality that was. But a picture of the sky is better than sky?

Yeah. Yeah, picture of thing is better than thing, obviously. Huge, I think we've reached the end. Yeah, of the perfect day. And night. Yeah, has anyone asked you your perfect day? Not yet, no. You can't get me on that one, Hugh.

Okay, sorry, yeah, okay. One day, I't get me on that one. Okay, sorry. Yeah. Okay. One day I will have to I will have to answer that. Will that be the last episode? Yeah, yeah, because I will self-destruct. Who's asking you who's interviewing you then? Is it you with yourself? Or? No, maybe I'll have to. Yeah, I don't know. I have to think about that. Okay. Why are you putting your hat in the ring? Yeah. Why are you putting your hat in the ring? Yeah. Okay, well, see you there. Coming to a stadium near you.

Huge thank you so much. That was enlightening and a bit weird. It was, yeah, sure. No, it's great. Thanks so much for having me. Thanks for having me. Okay, bye. Bye. There you have it. That's Huge. And that was Huge. Thank you so much for coming along and sharing your perfect day, Huge. If you're listening, which you should do, I wish you

all the luck in the world finding your perfect wife. Maybe someone who doesn't so closely resemble Nosferatu. He's headed out on his tour, album 4, the number 4, My Ancestors, brackets dead, through Feb and March, so make sure you head out to see him, if you're lucky he might throw some prawns at you from the stage. Although I have heard if you don't catch them in your mouth you will be escorted from the venue. Brand new episodes every Thursday including Angela Scanlon, up next week, Angela Scandula. So Scandulous. So like and subscribe and follow us on our Perfect Day cast for all your perfect day

news. From Yorkshire with love, I'm Jessica Knappett, wishing you a perfect day.